1 00:00:24,220 --> 00:00:26,260 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:30,580 --> 00:00:33,180 Gooooooood evening. 3 00:00:33,180 --> 00:00:37,340 Good evening, good evening and welcome to QI where, tonight, 4 00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:41,940 it's a battle of the sexes as QI looks at girls and boys and gender. 5 00:00:41,940 --> 00:00:44,100 Let's hear it... For the girls! 6 00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,140 CHEERING 7 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:54,660 And huddled under the glass ceiling we have sugar and spice, Ronni Ancona. 8 00:00:54,660 --> 00:00:56,700 CHEERING 9 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:01,700 and all things nice, Sandi Toksvig. 10 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,980 CHEERING 11 00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:08,140 But what about a big hand for the boys. 12 00:01:08,140 --> 00:01:10,940 CHEERING 13 00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:13,660 Slugs and snails, Jack Dee. 14 00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:15,700 CHEERING 15 00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:20,180 And a puppy dog's tail, Alan Davis. 16 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,260 CHEERING 17 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,660 Vive, of course, la difference. 18 00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:30,820 Let's here our gender-specific buzzers. Sandi goes... 19 00:01:30,820 --> 00:01:32,860 OPERATIC SINGING 20 00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:35,100 Ronni goes... 21 00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,140 HARP PLAYS 22 00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:39,620 Jack goes... 23 00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:41,660 WOLF WHISTLE 24 00:01:42,660 --> 00:01:44,060 And Alan goes... 25 00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,540 'ALLO, DARLIN'. 26 00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:47,460 AUDIENCE LAUGH 27 00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:50,700 Well, tonight we are on the lookout for outrageous sexism, 28 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,900 so if any of you spot an example of it, you can pull me up short 29 00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:57,780 by using your buzzer or ask one of the boys to do it for you, if you'd like. 30 00:01:57,780 --> 00:01:58,820 HARP PLAYS 31 00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:02,340 Yes, that's an example. You've started. You get points for that. 32 00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:05,660 And, if you're right, you also might get a cuddle. 33 00:02:05,660 --> 00:02:07,020 OPERATIC SINGING 34 00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:09,060 Boys, obviously. All right. 35 00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:14,020 Damn, that was an example, too. Anyway, seconds out, round one. 36 00:02:14,020 --> 00:02:18,420 Who was traditionally dressed in pink and called a girl? 37 00:02:18,420 --> 00:02:19,620 Was it Gok Wan? 38 00:02:19,620 --> 00:02:21,660 LAUGHTER 39 00:02:21,660 --> 00:02:23,300 No, not Gok Wan. 40 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,340 Is it Liberace? A person from history? 41 00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:27,580 No, traditionally a whole class of people. 42 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:28,940 A whole class of people? 43 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:32,660 Are the lower classes always dressed in pink so you can spot them? 44 00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,540 I don't mean class in that sense. 45 00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:37,660 A group of people who were dressed in pink and called a girl. 46 00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:41,620 A girl as in a girl describing a group of people? 47 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:45,460 No. But babies. Which babies would you dress in pink? Female babies. 48 00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:47,780 Though boys used to be. Boys were. 49 00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:49,380 Until the 20th century, 50 00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:53,420 the colours were pink for a baby boy and blue for a baby girl. 51 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:55,940 How could they be wrong for so long? 52 00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:58,580 Or maybe we took a wrong turn. 53 00:02:58,580 --> 00:03:01,860 But I'll give you an example of Dressmaker Magazine from 1900. 54 00:03:01,860 --> 00:03:04,660 "The preferred colour to dress young boys is in pink. 55 00:03:04,660 --> 00:03:09,380 "A blue is reserved for girls as it is presumed paler and the more dainty of the two colours. 56 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,260 "And pink is thought to be stronger." 57 00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:15,260 And as late as 1927 there was a report about Princess Astrid of Belgium 58 00:03:15,260 --> 00:03:18,700 who had been caught out when she gave birth to a girl because, 59 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:23,220 "the cradle had been optimistically outfitted in pink", the colour for boys. 60 00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:30,620 Isn't that strange when, now, every shop has a whole pink corner devoted to girls? When did this happen? 61 00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:34,180 When did we turn around the other way? Well, that's what I'm saying. 62 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:36,900 In 1927 they were still talking about pink for boys. 63 00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:40,140 Was it really? Is it something to do with blue being considered 64 00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,860 quite serene and it's the colour of the Virgin Mary? 65 00:03:42,860 --> 00:03:47,620 I think that's all part of it. They just thought blue was a natural, pale and female colour. 66 00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:49,900 But even more extraordinary is the word 'girl'. 67 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,780 Right up until mid-15th century... 68 00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:54,300 Boys were called girls? Yes. They were? 69 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,420 LAUGHTER 70 00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:59,420 Well, all children... You're having to rethink everything, aren't you? 71 00:03:59,420 --> 00:04:02,500 Yes. This is the most extraordinary episode yet. 72 00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:05,620 All children were called girls. 73 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:10,220 Come on, girls. Boy children were called knave girls and, 74 00:04:10,220 --> 00:04:12,980 this is even more confusing for us today, 75 00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:16,180 girl children were called gay girls. Yes. 76 00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:19,860 So you have... I have no problem with that whatsoever. 77 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:23,180 Gay girls and knave girls. I like pink, see? Pink. 78 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,420 Pink to make the boys wink. 79 00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:27,420 And I think that's right. 80 00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:30,420 I've known boys that have been complete winkers. 81 00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:33,020 It's a marvellous thing, pink. 82 00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:36,980 WOLF WHISTLE Sorry...bit sexist, wasn't it? 83 00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:40,420 Yeah. Jack, I've only just started. 84 00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:43,820 Uh-oh. This is the beginning, my dear. 85 00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:47,820 I'm gonna come down on you like a... ton of bricks, every time. 86 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:51,100 You wouldn't be the first boy in my life that's done so. 87 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,260 LAUGHTER 88 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,100 They can get a man on the Moon but they can't get one on Sandi. 89 00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,060 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 90 00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:08,380 The word boy was only lately applied to a male child. 91 00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:10,700 Before, it just meant 'servant'. 92 00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:14,380 So you would say, "Boy!" meaning waiter or servant. 93 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,660 Oh, what the hell went wrong? 94 00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:18,820 It's a very strange thing, isn't it? 95 00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:24,020 Things do change. And the colour pink, everything has to have a pink version; mobile phones... 96 00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:27,660 But is there anything to do with the fact that red used to be the colour for men? 97 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:30,860 It was a strong Christian colour. So I wonder if pink is like a sibling. 98 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:34,140 I think it is a mixture of that, yes, that pink was considered 99 00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:36,500 strong and reddish and male and, as you said, 100 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,940 blue, the colour of the Virgin Mary and so on. 101 00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:41,820 I read somewhere that monkeys are attracted to pink. 102 00:05:41,820 --> 00:05:43,620 The females are attracted to pink 103 00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:46,540 because the infant primates have little pink faces. 104 00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:52,260 Oh, that's very good. Did you read that or just see it on a children's television programme? 105 00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:55,780 It's certainly true that, if you dress a baby in pink, mothers, 106 00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:58,660 when picking them up, if it's not their own child, 107 00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:01,460 will tend to have a pink-dressed baby facing them 108 00:06:01,460 --> 00:06:04,900 when they hug it and a blue-dressed baby facing outwards. 109 00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:06,980 Thrown out the window. 110 00:06:06,980 --> 00:06:10,820 Or just facing outwards. 111 00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:15,020 All that information you've got, Stephen, and you're so unlikely to use it. 112 00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:19,140 I saw a thing that said they'd tried an experiment with chimps, I think. 113 00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:22,460 And they gave them dolls and trucks or engines to play with 114 00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:26,020 and the boy ones all wanted to play with the trucks and engines 115 00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:29,420 and the girl ones played with the dolls. How weird's that? 116 00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:32,500 That is odd. It is very strange. I've got two daughters and a son. 117 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:35,020 My son's the last one and, when he was born, I thought, 118 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,220 "There are going to be no guns whatsoever." 119 00:06:37,220 --> 00:06:40,300 So we had no horrible toys and, honestly, he was about two, 120 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,700 and a toilet roll immediately became a machine gun. It is the most... 121 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:46,020 You can't fight it, can you? No. And he likes blue. 122 00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:48,020 Not with toilet rolls, no. 123 00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:51,700 Depends on the war. Don't hope out for much hope. 124 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:55,540 But pink, do you know what the traje de luces is? 125 00:06:55,540 --> 00:07:00,260 The what? The traje de luces. I thought you'd been unwell. 126 00:07:00,260 --> 00:07:03,580 The suit of lights. A South American thing, is it? No. 127 00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:06,180 It's a thing a matador wears that is often pink. 128 00:07:06,180 --> 00:07:08,260 The matador's suit, the suit of light 129 00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,140 And the lining of his cape is pink. 130 00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:11,460 AUDIENCE GROAN 131 00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:15,340 That's a painful moment. Something's going to be pink in a minute. 132 00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:17,380 LAUGHTER 133 00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:20,860 Tear me a new one. 134 00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:23,260 AUDIENCE: OOOH! 135 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:26,740 Yes, pink is a strange colour, too, because it doesn't exist 136 00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:29,700 on the spectrum, so it's an extra-spectral colour. 137 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:32,660 Aren't girls more inclined towards the red end of the spectrum? 138 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,860 I think that's true. Berries, foraging. 139 00:07:34,860 --> 00:07:39,180 Yes, having a little look on the savannah and boys running off towards the blue sky. 140 00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:40,660 Is that not some reason why? 141 00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,980 Yes, I've heard something similar. Foraging for lipsticks. 142 00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:45,580 On trees in primal times. 143 00:07:45,580 --> 00:07:47,940 Do you know that they've done studies 144 00:07:47,940 --> 00:07:50,140 of the hunter-gatherer societies 145 00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:53,020 and 9/10's of the food is provided by the women 146 00:07:53,020 --> 00:07:55,100 and 1/10 is provided by the men? 147 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:58,020 So the women go, "Oh, we'll get some berries." 148 00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:01,980 And the men come back, "Honestly, that bison was this close." 149 00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:04,340 "Yeah, yeah, have your berry dinner." 150 00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:05,860 Well, we saw one, so... 151 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,860 It sort of counts. 152 00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:09,420 We'll get him. 153 00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:11,260 You got any berries? 154 00:08:12,420 --> 00:08:15,660 Well, the truth is that pink used to be the colour for boys 155 00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:17,980 and boys used to be called girls anyway. 156 00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:22,260 So, with all this confusion, what's the best way to get a girl? 157 00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:24,340 'ALLO DARLIN'! Usually works. 158 00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:27,140 LAUGHTER 159 00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:36,180 V.G. V.G. If you need any more than that, they're not interested. 160 00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,740 Is it to do with swimming badges? 161 00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:42,380 Swimming badges? Swimming badges. 162 00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:44,500 Yes, well, you know how some people can swim 163 00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:47,780 and they are fantastically fast but they haven't got a lot of stamina 164 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:50,340 and then some people can swim and they're not very fast 165 00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:52,140 but they've got fantastic stamina. 166 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:55,740 And boy sperm are the ones who... boy sperm swim fantastically fast 167 00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:59,460 but they die pretty quickly and girl sperm take an awfully long time... 168 00:08:59,460 --> 00:09:02,140 Can I just... There's a flaw in your argument. 169 00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:04,020 Girl sperm - we don't have sperm at all. 170 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,700 I was listening and I... 171 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:13,540 Yes, there are lots of theories about it. Do you know any others? 172 00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:15,420 Is it something to do with diet? 173 00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:17,220 Diet is the current one, yes. 174 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:19,540 For example, calories. 175 00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:25,460 If you had a higher calorie intake before being impregnated, 176 00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:27,740 out of 100, 56 had boys. 177 00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:31,180 So you don't want to have cream cakes just before? 178 00:09:31,180 --> 00:09:32,540 If you want a girl, no. 179 00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:36,460 Also, women who ate at least one ball of breakfast cereal a day 180 00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:40,540 were 87 per cent more likely to have boys than those who ate no more 181 00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:42,980 than one bowl a week, which is quite... 182 00:09:42,980 --> 00:09:46,460 Oh, darling, that's tosh! That's put out by Kellogg's. 183 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,620 What do they know? 184 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:50,220 It does look rather extraordinary. Ridiculous! 185 00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:54,900 Women who had boys ate about 400 calories more daily than those who had girls on average. 186 00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:58,300 But those people who had Coco Pops had chimpanzees. I don't... 187 00:09:58,300 --> 00:09:59,940 LAUGHTER 188 00:09:59,940 --> 00:10:01,340 A very bizarre one. 189 00:10:01,340 --> 00:10:05,180 I do not know whom this would benefit commercially. 190 00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,380 Women infected with hepatitis B virus 191 00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:10,060 are 1.5 times more likely to give birth to a male. 192 00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:11,820 It's not a good reason to get it. 193 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:14,140 No. We're certainly not encouraging it. 194 00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:17,380 But there is one certain way, which is embryo selection, 195 00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:20,860 which in America and Thailand, in particular, is very popular. 196 00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:23,620 It costs about US18,000. 197 00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:27,980 Wow. A friend of ours had a baby in Thailand - an English couple. 198 00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:30,340 And the Thai women said to her, 199 00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:34,940 "If you look lovely when you're pregnant, you have girl. 200 00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:38,220 "If you look tired and ugly, dress badly, you will have boy." 201 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:42,340 She said, "What do you think I'm going to have?" "Boy." 202 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,860 That's outrageous! And she did. 203 00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:51,420 Oh, my God, it works! They are a different species, boys and girls. 204 00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:56,140 I was walking along the High Street with my two girls and my son, 205 00:10:56,140 --> 00:10:58,540 and my son suddenly went "Hah!" 206 00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:02,420 for no reason. And the girls and I turned to him and went, "What?!" 207 00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:05,900 There was probably a secret agent round the corner. 208 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:07,740 I don't know. Is that puzzling? 209 00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:10,380 Ronni and I were talking about how wonderful boys are 210 00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:13,180 cos they live in this very clear world about themselves. 211 00:11:13,180 --> 00:11:16,380 When my son was about six, he had a friend over and his friend said, 212 00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:18,220 "What's it like having two mummies?" 213 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:22,460 He said, "It's marvellous. If one of them's poorly, you've still got one to do for you." 214 00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:28,420 Excellent child! 215 00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:30,460 Excellent child. I like. 216 00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:35,580 "Do for you"! They're gloriously self-centred, aren't they? 217 00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:38,820 There are other theories. Aristotle thought the diet of the mother 218 00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:41,860 and the sexual position used at conception made a difference. 219 00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:43,940 He was half right, it seems, with the diet. 220 00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:47,780 Anaxagoras thought boys and girls come out of testicles. 221 00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:51,740 So you would tie off the testicle you didn't want the gender. 222 00:11:51,740 --> 00:11:57,140 They're just making it up as they go along. Based on nothing at all. 223 00:11:57,140 --> 00:12:00,900 The Talmud suggests aligning the bed north-south before sex 224 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:02,260 and then you get a boy. 225 00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:07,220 Why don't they just all wait and see? That's the best way, you're right. 226 00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:11,180 The French thought wearing boots to bed might help having a boy. 227 00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:14,260 What have the boots got to do with it? I've no idea. 228 00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:15,900 It does seem most strange. 229 00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:20,620 Nowadays, you'll find that if you've got the football on during, you'll have a boy. 230 00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:23,940 Oh, yes. That works. That would, wouldn't it? Yeah. Definitely. 231 00:12:23,940 --> 00:12:28,140 If you've got the football on, you'll be lucky to be having sex at all. 232 00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:29,940 LAUGHTER 233 00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:34,860 That's a woman who's lost the will to live. 234 00:12:34,860 --> 00:12:38,900 You'd be surprised how easy it is to get the football on without it being noticed. 235 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:46,140 You don't always need the sound on... 236 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,500 if you know who's playing. If you're working... 237 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,540 LAUGHTER 238 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:57,820 If you're working the remote while you're doing the business... 239 00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:01,620 We've all heard the rustle of a magazine from the other end some time. 240 00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:04,940 Oh, dear. 241 00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:07,460 "Are you reading a magazine?" "No, no, no." 242 00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,300 LAUGHING 243 00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:15,340 Anyway, sex selection is a tricky business. 244 00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:18,260 French folklore suggests wearing your boots in bed, 245 00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:21,620 but modern research suggests it's much more to do with diet. 246 00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:24,980 Why don't we have more women as guests on QI, you may well ask? 247 00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:26,460 I know this. 248 00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:30,060 Oh, sorry. No, no, after you. 249 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:34,500 Is it because women are just not funny? Ohh! 250 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:38,460 IN DEEP SOUTH ACCENT: Now, that's right. But we're good at other things. 251 00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:41,220 We're good at raising kittens and knitting cakes. 252 00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:42,460 I've heard this a lot. 253 00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:46,460 I've heard that women aren't funny and I think there's a truth in this. 254 00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:50,420 I think that there is a scientific, possibly, relationship between 255 00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:52,740 a sense of humour and the male sex organ. 256 00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:56,220 People are always laughing at mine. Well, there you are, you see! 257 00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:58,660 LAUGHTER 258 00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:02,260 Is this to do with the fact that people always say 259 00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:06,500 there aren't as many female comedians as there are men? 260 00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:08,260 Because you know what? 261 00:14:08,260 --> 00:14:10,180 There are loads of female comedians. 262 00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:12,260 It's just that we don't see them, 263 00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:17,540 because they're systematically rounded up and kept in a pen just outside Harwich. 264 00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:22,940 Harwich? Yes, Harwich. But you can go and see them and adopt them online. 265 00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:28,100 You can go and visit them, and you can feed them lines, and you might get a joke back sometimes. 266 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:33,020 And then sometimes some of them escape and they disguise themselves as male comedians. 267 00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:36,100 But you can always tell which ones are the male comedians 268 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,900 - the ones with the beards. Just like Life Of Brian. 269 00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,500 Bill Bailey. Nearly a woman. 270 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:46,260 But you know, it's really rare to be allowed to sit next to a female comedian. 271 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:50,260 Are they worried that our cycles will suddenly synchronise or something? 272 00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:52,060 I'm in disguise. I'm Rory Bremner. 273 00:14:52,060 --> 00:14:53,100 WOLF WHISTLE 274 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,980 Is it cos once you get them started they don't shut up? 275 00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:58,180 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 276 00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,820 Whoa. 277 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,900 What do we do about it?! I say! 278 00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:14,940 But recent studies appear to have shown an interesting thing, 279 00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:20,540 which is that women laugh more but they laugh less at women. 280 00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,980 Women laugh more at men. 281 00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:25,580 Audiences generally laugh more at men. 282 00:15:25,580 --> 00:15:28,180 But women themselves do more laughing. 283 00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:32,780 I don't know. I suppose men are more willing to make prats of themselves. 284 00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:37,100 Yes. The really, truly great female comedians do make prats of themselves. 285 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,900 Lucille Ball, people like that. 286 00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:43,500 And there's a strange division that girls have either got to be fey and look slightly stupid 287 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:47,420 or they can be, like myself, not terribly attractive, wear a pink jacket... 288 00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:50,780 Now stop it. There's an interesting thing if you think about... 289 00:15:50,780 --> 00:15:52,780 Goldie Hawn, for example. Played ditzy 290 00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:56,180 and is one of the most successful Hollywood producers of all time. 291 00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:58,620 Yes, very smart but played stupid. 292 00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:02,460 But, just as Sandi says, as a woman, they want to categorise you more. 293 00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:03,980 Yes. What is she doing here? 294 00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:07,540 Is she doing the fat, man-hater thing? Is she doing the fey...? 295 00:16:07,540 --> 00:16:11,340 In the early days of modern stand-up in the '80s, 296 00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:14,620 almost all female comedians, the subject was being a woman. 297 00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:17,820 Whereas male comedians, their subject was not being a man. 298 00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:21,220 In other words, women were treating themselves as if there were 299 00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:24,300 a minority when, in fact, they're 51% of the population. 300 00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:26,500 Women don't have the history in comedy. 301 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,860 In the era of the great silent comics, 302 00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:32,980 we were all being tied to railway tracks while they were all being... 303 00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:34,020 Happy days. 304 00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:36,620 LAUGHTER 305 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:41,060 I think it was Germaine Greer who said, "There are only two things 306 00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:45,820 "that women don't do as well as men, and that's design dresses and cook." 307 00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:48,540 Which is kind of an amusing thing. 308 00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,780 Actually, almost all the great chefs are men 309 00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:52,660 and all the great couturiers are men, 310 00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:55,020 and yet one thing we used to think about women is, 311 00:16:55,020 --> 00:16:57,740 "Put them in the kitchen and make them design dresses." 312 00:16:57,740 --> 00:17:00,900 According to the American study, if we had more women on the show, 313 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:04,540 the panel would laugh more but the audience would laugh less, perversely. 314 00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:08,740 Where and when would you find the most violent women in history? 315 00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:11,660 Basildon? 316 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:14,020 Basildon. 317 00:17:14,020 --> 00:17:17,780 I was going to say first day of the sales. 318 00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:19,540 Well, there've been lots. 319 00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:22,980 There's a wonderful woman called Princess Khutulun, 320 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:27,620 who was the niece of Kublai Khan, the great Mongol leader. 321 00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:30,820 And Marco Polo says she was the fiercest of all the warriors. 322 00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:34,020 Niece of Kublai Khan, and he reckoned she should get married, 323 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,620 so she said, "Fair enough. I like being a soldier, 324 00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:39,780 "but I will wrestle any man who wants to marry me and if he wins, 325 00:17:39,780 --> 00:17:42,860 "he can marry me and if he loses, he has to give me 100 horses." 326 00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:46,620 And she ended up unmarried with 10,000 horses. 327 00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:51,100 And much do we love her. Wow! But, I mean, Amazons and... 328 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:55,180 Yes, and the Amazons were a mythical race of warrior women. 329 00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:59,060 Xena the Warrior Princess. Yes. 330 00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:04,940 She was tough. She may have been madey-uppy, though, Alan, I hate to say. 331 00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:07,700 That was a documentary. 332 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:11,100 I'm not going to be the one to destroy your... 333 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:15,220 Doesn't Gaddafi have Amazons? He calls them Amazons... 334 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,900 We're in the right continent. 335 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,220 It's Benin. Benin? Yeah. 336 00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:20,940 Hardest women in the world? Yeah. 337 00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:22,780 It was called Dahomey before, 338 00:18:22,780 --> 00:18:26,620 and the army of Dahomey in the 19th century protected the king, 339 00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:29,500 and they were extraordinary. There they are. 340 00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,700 They were very extraordinary women. 341 00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:35,700 They had to be nominal wives of the king, although they were celibate. 342 00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:39,980 D'you not think they look like the wild card on Britain's Got Talent? 343 00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,220 They were chosen for their aggression. 344 00:18:43,220 --> 00:18:46,180 The husband could actually nominate his wife if his wife was a nag, 345 00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:47,660 which seems rather unpleasant. 346 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:52,140 But they carried a type of switchblade that was capable of cutting a man in two. Eugh! 347 00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:55,060 Oddly enough, some people saw their plight as tragic, that they had 348 00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:57,860 to surrender their womanhood, turn into men and despise women. 349 00:18:57,860 --> 00:19:01,060 Others said they were venerated. When they walked through the streets, 350 00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:04,740 they were accompanied by slave girls ringing a bell, and men had to avert their eyes. 351 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:09,140 That might be a better life. It's like the eunuchs. Eunuchs... 352 00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:11,260 You speak for yourself, Alan. 353 00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:15,220 Don't you sometimes wish? 354 00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:19,740 I quite like the idea of the slave girl walking ahead of me and ringing a bell. 355 00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:24,100 Recent statistics have been rather astonishing. 356 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,580 Female violent crime in this country has risen 357 00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:29,620 over the last three years by 25% Is that to do with alcohol? 358 00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:37,540 Well, yes, probably. Because drunk women have 50% more testosterone coursing about their blood. 359 00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:39,420 They're drinking the wrong thing! 360 00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:42,340 LAUGHTER 361 00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:46,300 Alcohol causes the stimulation and production of female... 362 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:50,740 Women have testosterone, just as men have, you know, lady things. 363 00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,780 Oestrogen and so forth. Lady things! 364 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:54,540 Nipples. 365 00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:57,300 Nipples, yeah, we have nipples. 366 00:19:57,300 --> 00:20:00,380 The basic human form is female, isn't it? 367 00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:03,860 You start out with two Xs and then you get one broken one. 368 00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:08,100 That's your basic model. Basic model is female. 369 00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:10,020 If you want any of the extras... 370 00:20:10,020 --> 00:20:11,740 Add-ons. Add-ons. 371 00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:14,380 Sunroof. It's gonna cost you. 372 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,340 Leather steering wheel, whatever... 373 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:20,500 Yeah, let's talk about cars for a minute. We got there in the end. 374 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,660 But that's right. 375 00:20:24,660 --> 00:20:28,100 2% fall for boy violent crime 376 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:32,500 and a 25% rise in girl violent crime. 377 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,140 So, there are boys all over Britain going, 378 00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:37,620 "Leave it, it's not worth it!" Exactly. 379 00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:40,660 "You know what she's like. She starts..." 380 00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:43,340 Girl bullying is not nice, is it? No. 381 00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:46,820 If you wanted to be, you are very good at mental torture, 382 00:20:46,820 --> 00:20:47,900 it has to be said. 383 00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,940 Especially now with the mobile phone. 384 00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:52,580 They just keep texting you until you break down. 385 00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:55,740 In the classroom, suddenly girls go... 386 00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:57,860 "What's happening?" "Texted me." 387 00:20:57,860 --> 00:20:59,940 I arrived in this country at the age of 14. 388 00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:02,380 I'd been thrown out of school in the United States 389 00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:04,740 and I arrived with a very thick New York accent. 390 00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:07,940 I was sent to boarding school and for six weeks nobody spoke to me. 391 00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:12,780 Jeez! Six weeks. I know. It's like a therapy for me, this programme. 392 00:21:12,780 --> 00:21:15,060 I thought, "I have to change my accent," 393 00:21:15,060 --> 00:21:20,140 and then one night we were watching Brief Encounter with Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson. 394 00:21:20,140 --> 00:21:22,500 I thought, "I'm going to speak like that," 395 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:26,180 and that's why I sound like I'm trapped in a black-and-white film. 396 00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:28,900 But it was all to do with bullying. 397 00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:32,060 You had your own fair share of bullying at school, Stephen. 398 00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:33,780 Yeah, well, sort of. 399 00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:37,580 But I found a very useful one was, if you were physically bullied, 400 00:21:37,580 --> 00:21:40,820 was to say, "No, no, no, don't, you'll give me an erection." 401 00:21:40,820 --> 00:21:42,580 LAUGHTER 402 00:21:42,580 --> 00:21:44,740 It worked incredibly well. 403 00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:49,660 That is brilliant. 404 00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:51,260 Really, really useful. 405 00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:53,020 You could try it. 406 00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:56,020 I won't take responsibility. 407 00:21:56,020 --> 00:22:01,860 Yes, the fighting women of Dahomey were the bodyguard of the 19th-century kings of Benin. 408 00:22:01,860 --> 00:22:06,020 Henpecked husbands used to volunteer their wives for the job. 409 00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:07,580 Now we're off to China. 410 00:22:07,580 --> 00:22:10,140 What does "Nushu" mean to Chinese women? 411 00:22:10,140 --> 00:22:12,060 Well, nun shu is writing. 412 00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:14,740 Is it something to do with writing? It is. 413 00:22:14,740 --> 00:22:17,140 Nushu is a very particular kind of writing. 414 00:22:17,140 --> 00:22:19,740 It's from Jiangyong County in Hunan province. 415 00:22:19,740 --> 00:22:22,220 It was invented entirely by women for women. 416 00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:25,700 Lady writing? It's lady writing. Only ladies can understand it. 417 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:29,140 Women were not educated formally at all. 418 00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:32,140 Over centuries, they developed a secret code, 419 00:22:32,140 --> 00:22:36,580 which was actually a phonetic writing, unlike Chinese characters. 420 00:22:36,580 --> 00:22:39,940 They uncovered all these books, How To Poison Your Man. 421 00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:43,820 Well, kind of. When one of them married, they would be given a book 422 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,940 by these secret female friendship groups 423 00:22:45,940 --> 00:22:49,140 and they would each write in the book and leave a lot of blank pages 424 00:22:49,140 --> 00:22:51,860 so that they could write their secret thoughts down. 425 00:22:51,860 --> 00:22:54,540 The men could never read it, only other women would. 426 00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:57,500 Very sly, isn't it? That's like our culture, really. 427 00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,660 There's loads of words that women know 428 00:22:59,660 --> 00:23:02,300 that men don't have a clue about, like "sorry". 429 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,620 I... "Fidelity". 430 00:23:05,620 --> 00:23:07,780 Ohh! "Responsibility". 431 00:23:07,780 --> 00:23:10,980 "Commitment". We have a secret language in this country. 432 00:23:10,980 --> 00:23:13,460 It's called an instruction manual. Ah, yes. 433 00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:16,500 If you want to hide something on your computer from a man, 434 00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,740 put it in a folder marked "instructions" 435 00:23:18,740 --> 00:23:20,140 and he will never open it. 436 00:23:20,140 --> 00:23:21,780 It's like a secret language. 437 00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:23,420 APPLAUSE 438 00:23:23,420 --> 00:23:25,060 'ALLO DARLIN'! Sexist! 439 00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:27,940 Sexist, you're right. So, points against. 440 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:30,780 They would send them, because they couldn't take them 441 00:23:30,780 --> 00:23:33,500 to their women friends very often, for what reason? 442 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:37,660 Horrible gruesome reason. Because of their feet. Their bound feet. 443 00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:39,660 Yes, tell me about foot binding. 444 00:23:39,660 --> 00:23:44,140 Were they called lotus flowers? When they were very young. 445 00:23:44,140 --> 00:23:48,620 Five years old. They used to break all the bones in the foot, 446 00:23:48,620 --> 00:23:53,940 and they would bend it right round underneath the foot... 447 00:23:53,940 --> 00:23:55,700 Three inches was the idea. 448 00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:59,820 They'd be like little... They'd become stumps like a hooves. 449 00:23:59,820 --> 00:24:03,340 They'd be jammed into this, and many of them would rot, 450 00:24:03,340 --> 00:24:06,780 die of gangrene. This went on for almost 1,000 years. 451 00:24:06,780 --> 00:24:10,420 How ironic to come up with a writing system called Nu Shu. 452 00:24:13,460 --> 00:24:15,500 It was a bit. 453 00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:17,740 APPLAUSE 454 00:24:17,740 --> 00:24:22,540 It was a bit grim. They would write in tapestry, messages to each other. 455 00:24:22,540 --> 00:24:27,220 That's right. The Bayeux Tapestry is actually not about the Battle of Hastings at all. 456 00:24:27,220 --> 00:24:28,700 It's a complex soup recipe. 457 00:24:30,940 --> 00:24:34,500 There are other separate languages, aren't there? 458 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:39,580 In Africa... I'm trying to think whether it's the Bantu or the Zigua people. 459 00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:40,900 When women go to... 460 00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:43,860 Say you and I got married, Stephen. Yes. 461 00:24:43,860 --> 00:24:46,740 The contingency is a remote one. 462 00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:50,660 I would no longer be allowed to use any syllable that was in your name. 463 00:24:50,660 --> 00:24:53,860 It's the language of respect that women have to use. Wow. 464 00:24:53,860 --> 00:24:56,500 So, say I wanted a stevedore over for a fry-up. 465 00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:59,340 Hey! 466 00:24:59,340 --> 00:25:02,140 You couldn't say... Just to please you. 467 00:25:02,140 --> 00:25:04,700 You'd have to say "edore" and "up". 468 00:25:04,700 --> 00:25:05,780 You couldn't say... 469 00:25:05,780 --> 00:25:08,380 I'd have to say a docker coming over for breakfast. 470 00:25:08,380 --> 00:25:11,180 I couldn't use any of the syllables that are in your... 471 00:25:11,180 --> 00:25:13,780 Is that how Ronnie Barker got started? 472 00:25:13,780 --> 00:25:17,420 Of course, there was Pig Latin as a secret language, 473 00:25:17,420 --> 00:25:21,020 where you take the first syllable and put it at the end 474 00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:22,660 with an "ay" on the end. 475 00:25:22,660 --> 00:25:26,940 Yes, I remember. So "quite interesting" would be whitekay... 476 00:25:26,940 --> 00:25:28,820 Itequay interestingay. 477 00:25:28,820 --> 00:25:31,060 Yes, exactly. Esyay. 478 00:25:31,060 --> 00:25:34,260 Yes. Oh, you scholar! 479 00:25:34,260 --> 00:25:37,180 LAUGHTER 480 00:25:37,180 --> 00:25:39,780 Plenty more where that came from. 481 00:25:39,780 --> 00:25:41,220 LAUGHTER 482 00:25:41,220 --> 00:25:46,900 The Germans have something called Loffelsprache, which I think is something like "spoon speak". 483 00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:49,900 And the French have Louchebem. And there's Pileshki. 484 00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:51,820 And the Japanese have Ba Bi Bu Be Bo, 485 00:25:51,820 --> 00:25:54,220 which is their amusing nonsense language. 486 00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:57,700 But those are nonsense languages where you apply a very simple rule 487 00:25:57,700 --> 00:25:59,660 and it sounds very quickly nonsense. 488 00:25:59,660 --> 00:26:01,860 There's a very camp sort of High Church one 489 00:26:01,860 --> 00:26:05,580 where they call Holy Communion haggers commagers and that sort of thing. 490 00:26:05,580 --> 00:26:07,420 And they go, "Ooh, Jessica Christ!" 491 00:26:07,420 --> 00:26:09,100 LAUGHTER 492 00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:13,980 Teenagers sound the same in every language, I have noticed. Teenagers? 493 00:26:13,980 --> 00:26:15,820 Yeah. You could say "uegh". 494 00:26:15,820 --> 00:26:19,620 In any language, that means "yes". "Uegh," "Oui". 495 00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:22,420 "Would you like some more croissant?" 496 00:26:22,420 --> 00:26:24,780 "Ouegh." Uegh. 497 00:26:24,780 --> 00:26:28,780 It's always the same. If you ever you say to a teenager, "Look at me," 498 00:26:28,780 --> 00:26:32,660 they can look everywhere else apart from at your face. 499 00:26:35,900 --> 00:26:39,380 And then when they do eventually concede to look at you they go... 500 00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:42,100 LAUGHTER 501 00:26:44,420 --> 00:26:45,900 That's very true indeed. 502 00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:49,980 Anyway, the women of Jiangyong had a secret language all of their own. 503 00:26:49,980 --> 00:26:51,500 And talking of secrets, 504 00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:55,220 what does your granny have in common with a killer whale? 505 00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:56,340 HARP PLAYS 506 00:26:56,340 --> 00:26:57,420 Yes, Ronni. 507 00:26:57,420 --> 00:27:02,620 They've both got stomachs full of plastic bags that they've eaten by mistake. 508 00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:13,380 My granny is actually being hunted by the Japanese for research purposes at this very moment. 509 00:27:13,380 --> 00:27:15,260 Did they base Free Willy on her? 510 00:27:15,260 --> 00:27:19,300 The thing is, the Japanese always use the excuse of hunting whales 511 00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:20,860 - they say it's research. 512 00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:24,660 What else do they need to know about a whale? 513 00:27:24,660 --> 00:27:28,500 Can't they get another book out? Or watch a David Attenborough programme? 514 00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:32,060 What they mean is, "We want to research how it tastes in a sandwich." 515 00:27:32,060 --> 00:27:34,300 If it's my Scandinavian granny, 516 00:27:34,300 --> 00:27:37,420 it would be the ability to take a single herring 517 00:27:37,420 --> 00:27:39,820 and stretch it into a meal for four. 518 00:27:39,820 --> 00:27:43,660 Oddly enough, you made reference to some particular stage that women 519 00:27:43,660 --> 00:27:48,220 go through which grannies tend to have gone through. The menopause. 520 00:27:48,220 --> 00:27:51,460 Flushes and things. Flushes. The menopause. 521 00:27:51,460 --> 00:27:54,780 Orca in the menopause? Well, oddly enough... 522 00:27:54,780 --> 00:27:58,060 Is that why she's jumping out the water? "Ooh, it's hot in there." 523 00:27:58,060 --> 00:28:00,860 LAUGHTER 524 00:28:00,860 --> 00:28:04,140 Killer whales are the only animals other than human beings 525 00:28:04,140 --> 00:28:07,380 that have this enormous gap between menopause and death. 526 00:28:07,380 --> 00:28:11,700 In other words, they have a menopause and then a very active and useful and happy life. 527 00:28:11,700 --> 00:28:15,380 They're also matrilineal, so the granny would presumably be in charge. 528 00:28:15,380 --> 00:28:21,660 Yes, and it's thought that it's because - you mentioned this when you talked about hunter-gatherers - 529 00:28:21,660 --> 00:28:24,620 and that it was the women who provided the nutrition. 530 00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:27,500 And it seems that it was often the elder women 531 00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:30,140 who gathered the berries and nutrition, 532 00:28:30,140 --> 00:28:33,140 and so it seems to be a slow human survival thing 533 00:28:33,140 --> 00:28:37,060 that older women are the ones who actually, the grandmothers, 534 00:28:37,060 --> 00:28:40,380 keep the family going and therefore their own genes. 535 00:28:40,380 --> 00:28:42,500 Grannies can be vicious. 536 00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:45,420 The killer whale in captivity can kill its handler 537 00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:47,980 and my granny got thrown out of three care homes. 538 00:28:47,980 --> 00:28:50,180 Wow! What for? I was so proud of her. 539 00:28:50,180 --> 00:28:52,620 Bad behaviour. Couldn't have been prouder. 540 00:28:52,620 --> 00:28:55,660 They kept ringing up and saying, "We need another word." 541 00:28:55,660 --> 00:28:58,140 "Oh, Granny, not again. Try and be pleasant." 542 00:28:58,140 --> 00:29:00,500 It is interesting. When you see a big family, 543 00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:04,380 you see the grandmother and the children and in the middle, the poor mother, 544 00:29:04,380 --> 00:29:07,020 and the grandmother and the children are so alike. 545 00:29:07,020 --> 00:29:09,980 The grandmothers are being childish and bossy and greedy 546 00:29:09,980 --> 00:29:13,180 and the children are being childish and bossy and greedy 547 00:29:13,180 --> 00:29:15,780 and we've got this terrible period in between 548 00:29:15,780 --> 00:29:19,220 when we're not allowed to be either a child or a grandmother. 549 00:29:19,220 --> 00:29:22,540 My mother grew up in Maidstone in Kent during the Battle of Britain 550 00:29:22,540 --> 00:29:26,580 and their entire street of terraced houses was bombed, apart from their house. 551 00:29:26,580 --> 00:29:31,180 I said to my mother, "Why not your house?" She said, "Oh, Granny wouldn't have allowed it." 552 00:29:33,220 --> 00:29:34,940 Excellent. 553 00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:39,980 Maybe then, I think we might all agree what Britain needs is more grannies. 554 00:29:39,980 --> 00:29:41,700 Britain's Got Grannies. 555 00:29:41,700 --> 00:29:44,580 Yeah, Britain's Got Grannies. 556 00:29:44,580 --> 00:29:48,420 Do you not think it would be great if only grandmothers could join the Army? 557 00:29:48,420 --> 00:29:51,180 Do you not think it would be the most fabulous thing? 558 00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:54,300 Because, for a start, if you're going to invade somewhere, 559 00:29:54,300 --> 00:29:57,140 it would take a really long time to organise the coach. 560 00:29:57,140 --> 00:30:00,500 And then you'd finally get there and everybody would need a wee. 561 00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:03,140 All the kit would be all crocheted, wouldn't it? 562 00:30:03,140 --> 00:30:06,860 And then you'd show pictures to the people you've arrived to invade. 563 00:30:06,860 --> 00:30:08,940 You'd say, "Oh, look at my children." 564 00:30:08,940 --> 00:30:13,460 And then you'd think, "Well, let's have a cup of tea while we've stopped. And a bit of a tidy." 565 00:30:13,460 --> 00:30:17,540 by which time your appetite for fighting would have been diminished, I would have thought. 566 00:30:17,540 --> 00:30:20,340 They'd fiddle around with the gun. "Oh, it's not working. Oh!" 567 00:30:20,340 --> 00:30:22,180 And there'd constantly be a draught. 568 00:30:22,180 --> 00:30:26,620 "Oh!" They get so angry at draughts. 569 00:30:26,620 --> 00:30:28,500 "Oh! Ooh!" 570 00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:30,700 LAUGHTER 571 00:30:34,820 --> 00:30:37,460 That's the answer to the world's problems, darling. 572 00:30:37,460 --> 00:30:38,500 Armies of grannies. 573 00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:42,100 Anyway, human females are the only mammals, apart from killer whales, 574 00:30:42,100 --> 00:30:45,100 known to pass through menopause. But what's going on here? 575 00:30:45,100 --> 00:30:47,420 Oh... 576 00:30:47,420 --> 00:30:48,700 WOLF WHISTLE 577 00:30:48,700 --> 00:30:51,820 Yay. Is it half hen, half cock? 578 00:30:51,820 --> 00:30:53,340 It is exactly half cock, yeah. 579 00:30:53,340 --> 00:30:56,540 It is exactly that. It is half hen, half cock. 580 00:30:56,540 --> 00:30:59,660 Is it a freakish accident? It is a freakish accident. 581 00:30:59,660 --> 00:31:00,740 Or done by design? 582 00:31:00,740 --> 00:31:03,700 No, it's not done by any kind of scientist. It's a rare... 583 00:31:03,700 --> 00:31:07,660 I literally guessed that because of the theme of the programme. 584 00:31:07,660 --> 00:31:12,220 There, you see? Using your male intelligence, for once. 585 00:31:12,220 --> 00:31:14,300 Thank you. Oh, I feel so foolish now. 586 00:31:14,300 --> 00:31:18,580 It's called bilateral gynandromorphic hermaphroditism. 587 00:31:18,580 --> 00:31:20,940 I was going to say that. Yeah. 588 00:31:20,940 --> 00:31:22,860 We are dealing with chromosomes again. 589 00:31:22,860 --> 00:31:28,900 All cells on one side of the animal, male, all cells on the right, female. Doesn't happen in humans. 590 00:31:28,900 --> 00:31:32,740 I don't know how that would work. Quite good fun, though, wouldn't it? 591 00:31:32,740 --> 00:31:36,420 It would be fun, yes. If you were at a party, you could stand that way. 592 00:31:39,180 --> 00:31:44,100 Should I wipe my bottom with my lady hand or my man hand? 593 00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:45,620 Gently or roughly? 594 00:31:47,340 --> 00:31:50,380 But a clown fish, did you ever see the film Finding Nemo? 595 00:31:50,380 --> 00:31:53,780 Yes. They're fierce. 596 00:31:53,780 --> 00:31:57,380 I know a bit about them. They have a relationship with that anemone. 597 00:31:57,380 --> 00:31:59,980 That anemone is normally poisonous to other fish 598 00:31:59,980 --> 00:32:03,180 but they are immune to it and they have their babies in there. 599 00:32:03,180 --> 00:32:05,900 And if you try to get near them, they come at you. 600 00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:07,740 They're quite fierce. They are. 601 00:32:07,740 --> 00:32:11,340 Do you know about their gender assignations? Is it variable? 602 00:32:11,340 --> 00:32:14,220 It's up to them. It is sort of up to them, yes. 603 00:32:14,220 --> 00:32:17,620 What happens is you have one female and one dominant male 604 00:32:17,620 --> 00:32:19,580 and the rest are all rather weakly 605 00:32:19,580 --> 00:32:22,100 and not very fit or sexually active males. 606 00:32:22,100 --> 00:32:26,940 And if the female dies, the active male then becomes female 607 00:32:26,940 --> 00:32:31,300 and one of the weakling males becomes the alpha male. 608 00:32:31,300 --> 00:32:33,540 I like it. It's sort of really weird. 609 00:32:33,540 --> 00:32:36,860 Isn't that extraordinary? They are very unusual like that. 610 00:32:36,860 --> 00:32:41,780 Rather splendid. So the story of Finding Nemo and his father would have been very different. 611 00:32:41,780 --> 00:32:45,140 His father would have been his mother by the time he'd got to him. 612 00:32:45,140 --> 00:32:48,460 The whole thing would have been very odd. "Where've you been?" 613 00:32:48,460 --> 00:32:50,260 "Huh?" LAUGHTER 614 00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:55,220 Do you think these animals know that's what's going to happen to them or is it just instinct? 615 00:32:55,220 --> 00:32:57,380 Do they actually... Does he know? 616 00:32:57,380 --> 00:33:00,060 "I hope you don't die because, if you die, 617 00:33:00,060 --> 00:33:03,300 "then I have to have it off with all the other blokes. 618 00:33:03,300 --> 00:33:04,780 "And I'm not into that." 619 00:33:04,780 --> 00:33:09,860 They wake up one morning and go, "Oh no, what's happened to me? 620 00:33:09,860 --> 00:33:13,340 "I've changed." The change. It is a very strange thought. 621 00:33:13,340 --> 00:33:19,420 Yes, bilateral gynandromorphic hermaphrodites are male on one side and female on the other. 622 00:33:19,420 --> 00:33:21,180 If you think that's bizarre, 623 00:33:21,180 --> 00:33:24,460 what should you do if you meet a nun with hairy hands? 624 00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:27,540 I would assume it's a man on the run. Yes. 625 00:33:27,540 --> 00:33:29,420 Disguised as a nun. 626 00:33:29,420 --> 00:33:32,260 In the 1940s there was a big scare about hairy nuns. 627 00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:34,820 It's something to do with the Second World War. Yeah. 628 00:33:34,820 --> 00:33:36,900 Urban myth now. It's an urban myth. 629 00:33:36,900 --> 00:33:41,140 They thought that Nazis would parachute in... Dressed as... 630 00:33:41,140 --> 00:33:42,860 Yes, basically. Now, look out. 631 00:33:42,860 --> 00:33:46,180 We're expecting them to come as nuns. Beware of nuns. 632 00:33:46,180 --> 00:33:49,220 If you see a nun, check the hands. 633 00:33:49,220 --> 00:33:50,580 Basically, that's right. 634 00:33:50,580 --> 00:33:53,220 People going up to nuns and going, "Halt!" Exactly. 635 00:33:53,220 --> 00:33:58,100 They were told they could be spotted on buses, tubes and trains from the south coast to the Scottish islands. 636 00:33:58,100 --> 00:34:01,340 They were said to be given away when they reached out a hand to pay their fare 637 00:34:01,340 --> 00:34:04,020 or when they had dropped something and stretched to pick it up, 638 00:34:04,020 --> 00:34:06,580 thus revealing the hairiness of their hands and forearms. 639 00:34:06,580 --> 00:34:09,660 In some cases, they may have had Hitler's face tattooed on their arms. 640 00:34:09,660 --> 00:34:11,660 Would they not have covered that up? 641 00:34:11,660 --> 00:34:13,820 You would have thought, wouldn't you? 642 00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:16,700 If she's driving a tank, that's a giveaway. 643 00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:18,140 LAUGHTER 644 00:34:18,140 --> 00:34:21,620 Do you get women with hairy hands? Hairy everything else. Oh, yes. 645 00:34:21,620 --> 00:34:22,820 Really? Well I'm sure. 646 00:34:22,820 --> 00:34:25,940 I don't know any but there must be ladies with hairy hands. 647 00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:28,900 Because the moustaches, as you say, are common enough. 648 00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:30,460 And hairy legs, obviously. 649 00:34:30,460 --> 00:34:33,020 But you're right, back of hand I've not seen. 650 00:34:33,020 --> 00:34:34,860 Have you ever grown a moustache? 651 00:34:34,860 --> 00:34:37,380 I tried to for a thing. Didn't work? 652 00:34:37,380 --> 00:34:42,020 Didn't take? I didn't really like it. Did you try it under glass? 653 00:34:42,020 --> 00:34:47,180 Then I found... I had to do a part recently and they said, "We need a couple of weeks' growth." 654 00:34:47,180 --> 00:34:49,100 And it started to go grey. 655 00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:51,540 That is deeply upsetting, yes. 656 00:34:51,540 --> 00:34:53,260 I was quite unhappy about that. 657 00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:56,700 And then my wife told me that, you have already got a grey pube. 658 00:34:56,700 --> 00:34:58,780 LAUGHTER 659 00:34:58,780 --> 00:35:01,940 I said, "Have I?" She said, "Yes, you have." 660 00:35:01,940 --> 00:35:03,660 Or was that someone else? 661 00:35:03,660 --> 00:35:05,740 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 662 00:35:10,460 --> 00:35:14,460 Good point, it's a fair point well made. I will check properly later. 663 00:35:14,460 --> 00:35:18,780 But there were other things to test if someone was German. Do you know what these might have been? 664 00:35:18,780 --> 00:35:22,780 Say, if they spoke very good English but you wanted to check whether they were German. 665 00:35:22,780 --> 00:35:26,100 There were English words, particular words that are pronounced oddly. 666 00:35:26,100 --> 00:35:29,500 Words of surnames, here are some, for example. What is the top one? 667 00:35:29,500 --> 00:35:33,900 Fanshawe. Fanshawe. Did you know that was pronounced Fanshawe? 668 00:35:33,900 --> 00:35:37,700 No, I didn't know that at all. Chumley. Chumley, the second one. 669 00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:40,540 Barkly. Mannering as in Captain Mainwaring. 670 00:35:40,540 --> 00:35:43,540 The bottom is Belvoir, is it? The bottom is beaver. 671 00:35:43,540 --> 00:35:49,220 The Vale of Belvoir. I am going to have that if I ever became a Dame or anything. 672 00:35:49,220 --> 00:35:52,140 Dame... and I will say, "No, it's pronounced Beaver." 673 00:35:55,340 --> 00:35:58,300 You could say that about Toksvig. 674 00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:01,380 It's pronounced Beaver. 675 00:36:01,380 --> 00:36:05,180 There was a member of this aristocratic family here, 676 00:36:05,180 --> 00:36:09,260 Tollemache, spelt T-O-L-L-E-M-A-C-H-E. Tollemache. 677 00:36:09,260 --> 00:36:14,020 There was the Tollemache-Tollemache family, double-barrelled, same name. 678 00:36:14,020 --> 00:36:17,260 But, each half was pronounced differently. 679 00:36:17,260 --> 00:36:21,260 So it was pronounced "Toolmake-Tollmash." 680 00:36:21,260 --> 00:36:22,740 The Tollemache-Tollemaches, 681 00:36:22,740 --> 00:36:25,900 they had the longest name in the British Army, one of their number. 682 00:36:25,900 --> 00:36:28,020 Leone Sextus Denys Oswolf Fraudatifilius 683 00:36:28,020 --> 00:36:31,660 Tollemache-Tollemache de Orellana Plantagenet Tollemache-Tollemache. 684 00:36:31,660 --> 00:36:36,780 But his elder brother, right, Lyulph Ydwallo Odin Nestor Egbert 685 00:36:36,780 --> 00:36:39,780 Lyonel Toedmag Hugh Erchenwyne Saxon 686 00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:45,500 Esa Cromwell Orma Nevill Dysart Plantagenet Tollemache-Tollemache. 687 00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:49,740 That was his name. The initials spelt out Lyonel the Second. 688 00:36:49,740 --> 00:36:51,220 So, yes, during World War Two, 689 00:36:51,220 --> 00:36:54,820 it was feared that the German paratroopers would be disguised as nuns. 690 00:36:54,820 --> 00:36:59,860 Now, to break down the walls of mutual misunderstanding with a look at general ignorance. 691 00:36:59,860 --> 00:37:02,900 So, dainty fingers and great big mitts on buzzers, if you please. 692 00:37:02,900 --> 00:37:04,700 You are sitting in a dimly-lit bar, 693 00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:07,020 girls and boys with a saucy little poppet. 694 00:37:07,020 --> 00:37:09,860 How can you be sure she's not a bloke? 695 00:37:10,980 --> 00:37:13,140 'ALLO, DARLIN'! 696 00:37:13,140 --> 00:37:17,940 You ask her a question. If she asks you a question back, it's a woman. 697 00:37:18,940 --> 00:37:23,820 No, as in, if you say to a bloke, "Do you know where the post office is?" He will say, "It's down there." 698 00:37:23,820 --> 00:37:28,380 If you say to a woman, "Do you know where the post office is?" She'll say, "Do you want to buy a stamp?" 699 00:37:28,380 --> 00:37:32,860 Trying to be helpful but asking you a question. That's true. 700 00:37:32,860 --> 00:37:37,180 Boys sit with their legs apart, don't they, on bar stools? There are things like that. 701 00:37:37,180 --> 00:37:39,460 We were wondering whether you might say Adam's apple 702 00:37:39,460 --> 00:37:42,420 and we would have forfeited you because women do have Adam's apples. 703 00:37:42,420 --> 00:37:44,980 You probably know you have an Adam's apple. It's not as big. 704 00:37:44,980 --> 00:37:47,260 But on some women it can be quite pronounced. 705 00:37:47,260 --> 00:37:50,420 There's a woman, a girl, a lady person 706 00:37:50,420 --> 00:37:53,260 with quite an Adam's apple there. 707 00:37:53,260 --> 00:37:55,540 It's called a prominentia laryngea, 708 00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:59,020 that the medical name for it and it's around the larynx. 709 00:37:59,020 --> 00:38:02,580 So that's what you look at if you think someone's in drag? 710 00:38:02,580 --> 00:38:04,580 But it's no proof, is the point. 711 00:38:04,580 --> 00:38:07,900 Basically, a good lady boy can imitate almost anything female 712 00:38:07,900 --> 00:38:11,740 in terms of how they hold their legs and, you know, everything like that. 713 00:38:11,740 --> 00:38:15,980 Not hands or feet. Well, some women, as you say, have large hands and large feet. 714 00:38:15,980 --> 00:38:20,100 A dainty lady boy can easily fool and often has. 715 00:38:20,100 --> 00:38:21,940 LAUGHTER 716 00:38:21,940 --> 00:38:23,460 As you know to your cost. 717 00:38:23,460 --> 00:38:25,540 An expensive night, that one! 718 00:38:26,820 --> 00:38:31,020 Moving on, the truth is that without undressing them or testing their DNA, 719 00:38:31,020 --> 00:38:34,340 you can't be sure what sex someone is so be careful out there. 720 00:38:34,340 --> 00:38:37,020 Why are men better than women at reading maps? 721 00:38:38,740 --> 00:38:40,260 WOLF WHISTLE 722 00:38:40,260 --> 00:38:44,180 They're not, I would say. They are not better. 723 00:38:46,940 --> 00:38:49,020 Oddly enough. I was so trying... 724 00:38:49,020 --> 00:38:52,260 Your one attempt to be decent backfired horribly. 725 00:38:52,260 --> 00:38:56,940 Is it to do with the brain, spatial awareness. Testosterone. 726 00:38:56,940 --> 00:39:02,900 Isn't it? It's to do with the grey matter and white matter in the brain. 727 00:39:02,900 --> 00:39:06,660 MRI equipment has shown, oddly enough, that in a test group 728 00:39:06,660 --> 00:39:13,060 of men and women with average IQ scores amongst the two genders roughly equal. Don't be absurd! Hey! 729 00:39:13,060 --> 00:39:15,740 LAUGHTER 730 00:39:15,740 --> 00:39:17,660 How on earth are they finding... 731 00:39:17,660 --> 00:39:19,860 When given intelligence tests, 732 00:39:19,860 --> 00:39:23,020 men use 6.5 times more grey matter than women. 733 00:39:23,020 --> 00:39:25,220 Women used nine times as much white matter. 734 00:39:25,220 --> 00:39:28,820 Grey matter is central to processing information and plays a vital role 735 00:39:28,820 --> 00:39:32,660 in aiding skills such as mathematics, map reading, intellectual thought. 736 00:39:32,660 --> 00:39:36,900 White matter connects the brain's processing centres central to emotional thinking, 737 00:39:36,900 --> 00:39:39,820 use of language, the ability to do more than one thing at once. 738 00:39:39,820 --> 00:39:42,740 I know they're all cliches, you know, words, emotional thinking, 739 00:39:42,740 --> 00:39:44,700 multi-tasking, women are better at, 740 00:39:44,700 --> 00:39:48,260 but it does seem that the evidence indicates that this is the case. 741 00:39:48,260 --> 00:39:49,340 I'm so sorry. 742 00:39:49,340 --> 00:39:54,980 Is it the white matter that makes you think it's OK to wind the window down and ask the way? 743 00:39:54,980 --> 00:39:59,780 Yes, because that's also the superiority in language, which seems to be a female thing. 744 00:39:59,780 --> 00:40:03,860 You prefer to ask, where a man would prefer to look at visual cues, spatial cues. 745 00:40:03,860 --> 00:40:07,420 The only reason I don't ask is because you always get the idiot, don't you? 746 00:40:07,420 --> 00:40:11,420 When you stop and ask, "Do you know the way to Tesco?" 747 00:40:11,420 --> 00:40:12,780 "Uuuuhhhh..." 748 00:40:12,780 --> 00:40:17,140 And they say, "In two miles you come to a bridge, a mile before that turn left." 749 00:40:17,140 --> 00:40:19,100 LAUGHTER 750 00:40:19,100 --> 00:40:22,620 I once stopped in Ireland, I stopped an elderly man. 751 00:40:22,620 --> 00:40:25,060 I was lost and asked him the way and I said, 752 00:40:25,060 --> 00:40:27,420 I can't remember the names of the places, 753 00:40:27,420 --> 00:40:29,740 I said, "Do you know the way to Duncannon?" 754 00:40:29,740 --> 00:40:33,700 And he said, "Did you not want to go to Castlereagh?" 755 00:40:33,700 --> 00:40:35,580 "No, I want to go to Duncannon." 756 00:40:35,580 --> 00:40:38,740 He said, "It's a pity because I know the way to Castlereagh." 757 00:40:38,740 --> 00:40:40,740 LAUGHTER 758 00:40:40,740 --> 00:40:42,780 That is very Eccles, isn't it? Superb. 759 00:40:42,780 --> 00:40:46,100 It does seem that men are better than spatial awareness problems 760 00:40:46,100 --> 00:40:48,500 and women are better at vocabulary problems. 761 00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:52,540 And finally, one last fanfare to unfairness. 762 00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:57,020 What is unfair about the prize money at Wimbledon? 763 00:40:57,020 --> 00:40:58,140 WOLF WHISTLE 764 00:40:58,140 --> 00:41:01,940 They only give it to you if you are really, really good at tennis. 765 00:41:03,100 --> 00:41:04,660 APPLAUSE 766 00:41:08,420 --> 00:41:12,460 Very damnably unfair. Nothing. Not any more. 767 00:41:12,460 --> 00:41:14,100 CLAXON SOUNDS 768 00:41:14,100 --> 00:41:17,020 No, it's very unfair. Is it still unfair? 769 00:41:17,020 --> 00:41:20,300 Women get more money for playing than men. 770 00:41:20,300 --> 00:41:24,220 Per set, you mean. Yes, the men play a lot more tennis and get less money, 771 00:41:24,220 --> 00:41:31,460 When it started in 1884, the ladies' champion won a 20 guinea silver flower basket. Aah! 772 00:41:31,460 --> 00:41:34,300 While the men got a 30 guinea gold trophy. 773 00:41:34,300 --> 00:41:41,900 By 2006, 625,000 for Amelie Mauresmo who played 142 games, 774 00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:45,620 versus just £30,000 more for Roger Federer who played 202 games. 775 00:41:45,620 --> 00:41:48,460 The best women were earning more than the best men 776 00:41:48,460 --> 00:41:51,700 because they are shorter matches allowed them to compete 777 00:41:51,700 --> 00:41:54,620 in both doubles tournaments as well as the singles. 778 00:41:54,620 --> 00:41:56,460 The rate per game told the story. 779 00:41:56,460 --> 00:42:02,500 2005, the final eight women earned an average of £1,432 per game 780 00:42:02,500 --> 00:42:04,780 against the men's 993. 781 00:42:04,780 --> 00:42:07,780 How much do they win now if they win. It is equal for first prize. 782 00:42:07,780 --> 00:42:10,660 The women's champion gets the same prize as the men's champion 783 00:42:10,660 --> 00:42:12,860 but the men's champion plays a lot more tennis. 784 00:42:12,860 --> 00:42:16,060 But, to be fair, the women have got to come off and make the tea as well. 785 00:42:16,060 --> 00:42:18,420 You women get more from sponsorship, oddly enough. 786 00:42:18,420 --> 00:42:21,460 And also, half a million, that's not that much when you think 787 00:42:21,460 --> 00:42:23,660 50% will go to tax, 15% will go to their agent 788 00:42:23,660 --> 00:42:26,660 then they've got to buy all their balls and they've got to buy 789 00:42:26,660 --> 00:42:29,980 the sticky stuff to wrap round the racket, that's very expensive. 790 00:42:29,980 --> 00:42:33,420 So do the men. They've also got to get a travel card to zone six. 791 00:42:33,420 --> 00:42:36,300 They're left with about £1.50 after all that. 792 00:42:36,300 --> 00:42:40,260 Anyway, now that male and female tennis players get the same prize money, 793 00:42:40,260 --> 00:42:44,620 it is arguably unfair to men who work harder and longer for less money over all. 794 00:42:44,620 --> 00:42:49,180 Which brings us to the end of our hard work and the gleanings of our genders. 795 00:42:49,180 --> 00:42:50,340 Oh, my goodness me. 796 00:42:50,340 --> 00:42:53,340 Let's discover who's wearing the trousers here. 797 00:42:53,340 --> 00:42:59,460 Well, my heavens, the winners are the ladies team with, between them, plus eight. 798 00:42:59,460 --> 00:43:01,700 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 799 00:43:04,900 --> 00:43:08,380 It breaks down as three for Ronni and five for Sandi. 800 00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:12,940 But the boys, I'm afraid have come last with minus five. 801 00:43:12,940 --> 00:43:15,140 APPLAUSE 802 00:43:21,580 --> 00:43:23,380 That's all from this edition of QI, 803 00:43:23,380 --> 00:43:26,220 so it's good night from Ronni, Sandi, Jack, Alan and me. 804 00:43:26,220 --> 00:43:30,020 Hopefully the real winner tonight has been mutual understanding and respect. 805 00:43:30,020 --> 00:43:34,060 I leave you with this thought from Canadian feminist Charlotte Whitton. 806 00:43:34,060 --> 00:43:38,420 "Whatever women do, they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. 807 00:43:38,420 --> 00:43:40,820 "Luckily, that isn't difficult." Goodnight. 808 00:43:40,820 --> 00:43:42,900 APPLAUSE