1 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,320 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:38,600 Gu-u-u-u...ten Abend! 3 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:44,120 Guten Abend, guten Abend, guten Abend and willkommen to QI. 4 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,320 Tonight we're dallying in Deutschland, 5 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,400 and joining me on the panel we have the Germanic Rob Brydon. 6 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,120 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 7 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,960 Joined by the Teutonic Sean Lock. 8 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,040 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 9 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,920 The Wagnerian Jo Brand. 10 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,360 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 11 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,200 And the Gerry-built Alan Davies. 12 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,640 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 13 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:19,280 And tonight, to attract my attention with an achtung, the panel have 14 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,120 the very latest in precision-engineered buzzers. Rob goes... 15 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,240 THE GERMAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS 16 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,240 Sean goes... 17 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,240 OOMPAH BAND MUSIC 18 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,520 Jo goes... 19 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,280 MUSIC: "The Ride of the Valkyries" by Wagner 20 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,360 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,040 SONG: # Don't let's be beastly to the Germans... # 22 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,240 And I should warn you that I will be cracking down very hard, 23 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,440 panellistas, on any mention of the war. 24 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,640 Don't mention the war. 25 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,720 You have been war-ned. 26 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,720 Now, how upset are the Germans about the 1966 World Cup? 27 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,600 Well, very, I would say. 28 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,080 BUZZER Ooh! 29 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:39,760 You see. 30 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,520 Well, they would be, surely, I would have thought, a proud nation like the Germans. 31 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:48,240 They were upset at the time but I said, how upset ARE they? 32 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:52,200 They barely remember it. If you asked the average German who won the World Cup in 1966... 33 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,760 Yes, they're pretending. No. Because the fact is... 34 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:58,840 "The World Cup? No, I don't remember." No, because we care about it, they don't. 35 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:02,280 They care about their scores against Holland. That's their big thing. 36 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:06,400 They really honestly, if you asked the average German, they just... '66? 37 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,960 They really don't know. "Oh, did you? Well done." International... For us it was like everything. 38 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:16,400 Wow! We won. But they, in 1974, beat the Dutch, and that to them was the one they really, really care about. 39 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:21,160 But they surely, the Dutch have never provided a great deal of opposition to them. 40 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:26,000 Generally in history, they've just walked into Holland whenever they fancied it. Oh, in that sense. 41 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:31,040 Any time they want, they just go into Holland, like, spin the windmills... 42 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,120 BUZZER I haven't mentioned it yet! 43 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,040 I didn't say it! Come on! 44 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,480 APPLAUSE 45 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,560 I was talking about... 46 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:44,320 I was talking about the great, er, geschmerzschliff, er... 47 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,720 in 1762 where they just walked into Holland. 48 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,120 But they can just enter, oh, I'll mention the war... 49 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,480 You have to! 50 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,600 Surely they're denying their true rivalry, which would be with us. 51 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,000 Why? That they are in denial. 52 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,920 We may think that, but it's up to them to decide. 53 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:04,320 I mean, you can't force a German... Well, they're wrong. ..to care about whether they beat us or not. 54 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,360 Well, they bloody well should! Yes! 55 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,320 I'm sure you're very upset by it, but I mean, they just don't care that much. 56 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:13,560 And there are other things, like the sun-lounge hogging with the towel. Yes. 57 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,880 Is that something you've actually experienced? Yes. 58 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,160 There's some pictures. 59 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:21,200 These are some of Alan's holiday photos that he's brought with him. 60 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,800 It turns out that a German lawyer called Ralf Hoecker actually did a study, 61 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:30,040 and he confirms that we think it but Germans are blissfully unaware of their reputation in this case. 62 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,440 No. But a study... They don't care, is the right description of it. 63 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:36,600 They don't know that's what we think of them. But, Halifax travel insurance... 64 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,440 They think it's common sense to go down before breakfast, 65 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:44,320 basically at dawn, and take all the beds around the pool. 66 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,040 It turns out Halifax Travel Insurance in 2009 confirmed with a study 67 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,000 that Germans are the most likely to reserve sun loungers with towels. 68 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,640 And which nation do you think is the second most likely to? 69 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,040 The Dutch? The British. The British! LAUGHTER 70 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,360 Very close. Who turn up ten minutes later going, "Oh, God!" Exactly! 71 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:03,800 While the French and Italians and Portuguese are having breakfast and not really caring. 72 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,320 Well, and also, they're in their own countries. OK, well, that's true. 73 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,040 Enjoying the lovely food and the weather. 74 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,440 APPLAUSE 75 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,720 That is highly true. Highly true. 76 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,280 I had a run-in with some Germans on holiday once. 77 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:23,480 I'm sad to say, because I like Germans on the whole. 78 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:29,040 And I had to walk through the hotel past a group of Germans who didn't realise I understood German, 79 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:34,400 and as I went past, one of them said, "Ha, there goes the sad, fat English..." 80 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:42,080 er, something rude. And so I railed at them in my pidgin German, which made them laugh even more. 81 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:46,480 And then the next morning I had to walk past them on my way round 82 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,720 the pool, because obviously they'd sat down in all the nice chairs. 83 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,480 And I went past with my head held high like that, 84 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,480 sat down on a deckchair, went through it. 85 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,360 Oh, no! Jo! 86 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,720 LAUGHTER 87 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,000 And they pointed and laughed. They had sabotaged it. 88 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,480 It's like they left the one chair. 89 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:08,560 They'd already weakened it, perforated it in some way. 90 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,200 Ja. Ze English fat... 91 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,920 Oh, ho ho! No, no, that's very good. 92 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,080 I remember that. The other stereotype we have with Germans, of course, 93 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,800 is they're efficient and they think that of themselves as well. 94 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:25,400 But they anticipate that we think of them as lederhosen-wearing beer drinkers, 95 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,680 but what do they think of us? 96 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,920 What are the six major thoughts that Germans have about the British? 97 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,080 That we're probably a bit smelly? Beery? 98 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,280 Untidy, they would say. Untidy? Scruffy? They think of us as untidy. 99 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:41,760 Violent? Well, that we come in mobs, certainly. ROB: Yes. 100 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,000 That we're obsessed with royalty, apparently. 101 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,920 They think we're all obsessed with royalty. That we drink tea all the time, 102 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,960 that we're rather reserved and we can't cook. 103 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,240 So they've been over then. Yes, they've visited. 104 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,440 A pretty accurate summation, I fear. 105 00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,280 If not, they've certainly read our newspapers. 106 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,400 There you are. The fact is, we may think of the Germans 107 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,680 as our great rivals on the football field, but they're more interested in caning the Dutch. 108 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:10,120 But why did the Germans confiscate the Dutchmen's trousers? 109 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,480 What? The Dutch...? 110 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,200 Is there some special Dutch trouser? Am I missing some Dutch trouser thing? 111 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:19,040 When was the World Cup held in Germany? '74 and 2006. 112 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:26,280 2006. Now, and in 2006, a group of Dutch fans, in fact hundreds of thousands of Dutch fans, 113 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:30,640 thought it would be rather charming to buy some orange lederhosen that were provided for them, 114 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:35,280 which had two big pockets they could put beer in, and they had a lion's tail. 115 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:40,480 They were called "leeuwenhosen" in Dutch, which means lion trouser, lion pants. There they are. 116 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:44,760 Big pockets for their beer. They look like they work for easyJet. They do, don't they? 117 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,440 They do. It's the same colour. 118 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,400 The colour of Holland, they're orange. House of Nassau. 119 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:54,120 But these were confiscated en masse to such an extent that all the Dutch fans 120 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:58,480 that came to the first Dutch game, against the Cote d'Ivoire - the Ivory Coast - 121 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,760 had them taken away, so they had to watch in their underpants. 122 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,280 Why? 123 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,680 So, that's my question. Why? 124 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:10,560 Why, Alan? They could be used as a catapult. 125 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:14,680 No, I'm afraid it's a more... They probably thought, it's not going to be a very good match. 126 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,840 We want shots of loads of people in their pants during the game. 127 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,920 But they manufactured... Did they have some kind of logo on them? 128 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:24,960 Well, they do, you can see. What does it say? Oh, it's because of the sponsorship. 129 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:30,440 I fear it's true, that the official FIFA beer was not Bavaria and therefore it wasn't allowed. 130 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,400 And this happens a lot, I'm afraid. 131 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,200 At Wimbledon it's happened. 132 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:39,960 Some woman had her yoghurt taken away from her because it wasn't the official yoghurt of Wimbledon! 133 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,680 That's outrageous! Just horrible. Pathetic. It's Britishly pathetic. 134 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:45,440 And it's outrageous as well. 135 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,520 I'll take your yoghurt... 136 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:52,640 The Bavaria beer company, that scam was a complete waste of trousers. 137 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,840 It was a waste of trousers. "We've got a brilliant idea. Oh..." 138 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,560 No, exactly. 139 00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,320 They should have got them to tattoo, "Bavarian beer", 140 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:04,640 on their foreheads and then they'd have had to laser them before they go into the game. 141 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,560 I think they'll... Bzzt. Bzzt. 142 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,240 And these people with just burnt foreheads watching the game. 143 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,720 That would have been good. I'd have liked that. 144 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,480 You know when Premiership footballers get booked 145 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,760 if they take their shirts off when they score a goal. 146 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,320 It's because that's the time you see the sponsor, isn't it? 147 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:23,360 When they've scored a goal, you see the sponsor on the shirt. 148 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:27,840 That's why FIFA made it a bookable offence to take off your shirt when you've scored a goal. 149 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,080 That's when you get all the coverage. Oh, right. 150 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,680 You know, The Beano, you know. 151 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:36,160 The Beano are going, "Christ, we've paid hundreds of millions to sponsor Man United 152 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,480 "and Ronaldo takes his shirt off". 153 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:43,480 All you're seeing is some nipples. Yes. So what does lederhosen mean? 154 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,760 Leather trousers? Leather pants, leather trousers, absolutely. 155 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:49,800 It's one of those rather typical things where the upper classes decided to ape the peasantry 156 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:54,280 in the 18th century and had these incredibly expensive wedding and country feasts 157 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,720 in which they pretended to be... rather like, you know Marie Antoinette 158 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,560 with her silver milk churns pretending to be a milkmaid. 159 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:06,080 Now, the socks that that man in the middle is wearing are very long socks and, just out of interest for you, 160 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,880 that's something that I've turned to recently. 161 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,240 I now favour the longer sock. 162 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,800 Do you? Could you take me through your reasoning? 163 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,760 Yes, I can. Well, I'll show you. The gentleman's sock. The half-hose. It's called the half-hose. 164 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:23,080 Now, Jo, you as a lady, you're going to think this sock 165 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,720 is going to stop a lot sooner than it does. 166 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,480 So, watch this. Look at that. 167 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,840 Surely, surely we've reached the peak? Oh, my goodness me! 168 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,760 Surely we've peaked? No, surely? 169 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,000 Oh, my word! 170 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,760 Surely! He's wearing tights. 171 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,520 Ah! 172 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,080 APPLAUSE 173 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:45,560 Can I say, not so much for Jo, but Stephen, Alan and Sean. 174 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:49,360 I urge you to give it a go. 175 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,440 Because it gives you a feeling of security. 176 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,640 LAUGHTER 177 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,960 They do make you look like a knobhead. LAUGHTER 178 00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,000 Sorry. 179 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,240 Rob... One of the problems men have... They do. 180 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,000 There's a problem men have, Jo... Stephen, Stephen... 181 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:08,360 We wear away the hair on our shins by tight, short socks, don't we? 182 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,600 Is that one of the things you're... No, sorry, can I just say. 183 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,200 By just carrying on the conversation, 184 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,160 you imply that you agree with what Jo has said. 185 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:19,560 What was going through my mind is, how difficult it would ever be 186 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,680 for a man to say that to a woman. I thought, no, I won't go there. 187 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:27,640 That we allow women to be rude to us and that's fine if they want to. 188 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,280 Could you come down on one side or the other? JO: Or on yours, yes. 189 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:35,000 It's true, but it's just as true that women make themselves look ridiculous occasionally, too. 190 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,360 It doesn't make you look cool, put it that way. 191 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:40,840 Nobody's going to go, "I'm going to get a pair of those." 192 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:46,360 Well, at the risk of turning this into Ready Steady Cook, why don't we let the audience decide? 193 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,240 LAUGHTER 194 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,880 All those who think Rob is really onto something 195 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,400 with the gentlemen's half hose, as I believe they are technically called, 196 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:59,720 the long sock, the Brydon long sock, could you please shout out, "Long sock!" 197 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,880 AUDIENCE: LONG SOCK! 198 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,680 Oh, it's not good! It's not good. I fear without having to ask... 199 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,200 There's no need to carry on. No, OK. 200 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 201 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,160 There's a class of ethnic immigrant now long-established in America 202 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:23,120 known as Pennsylvania Dutch. Where do you think they originally came from? 203 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,200 Germany. 204 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,160 Yes, the Rhineland and Switzerland. I double bluffed you. 205 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,200 Exactly, very good. But why would they be called Dutch? 206 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,280 Because the Americans couldn't be bothered? 207 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:39,720 No, because they rightly recognised the word Dutch and Deutsch are the same word. Deutsch is Dutch. 208 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:43,400 It was partly because what we now call the Dutch Dutch, 209 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,280 the Hollanders, were at war with Britain many times and, 210 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,640 indeed, of course, invaded... You mentioned the war. 211 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:52,680 "At war with," not, "The war." You did! 212 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,640 LAUGHTER 213 00:15:55,720 --> 00:16:01,920 It's a minefield! Oh, my lord! 214 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,360 APPLAUSE 215 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:09,600 Could I just say, Jo, bit of a knobhead. 216 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,840 LAUGHTER 217 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,920 What's the most repeated TV show of all time? 218 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,760 Top Gear. 219 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,520 It is, isn't it? It is. 220 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,800 There's not a time of day when it is not possible to watch Top Gear. 221 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,520 It's true, it is on con... 222 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,720 And it's always a different one. Ah. But this one is one programme. 223 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,640 Oh, one show that... One show that's the most repeated show. 224 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,200 It's a German show. It's a British comedian, two British comedians... 225 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,920 The Duchess. Sorry? It's called the Duchess, or something like that? 226 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,240 I think you know what I'm referring to here. 227 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,200 The Waiter, or Lady Somebody? 228 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,800 It's a British comic being a waiter to a posh... 229 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,320 It's called Dinner For One... That's right. 230 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:03,800 And it's shown on every channel in Germany on December 31st, 231 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,160 every year, and has been since 1972. 232 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,600 Ooh, and I know who's in it as well. Yes? Freddie Frinton. 233 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:16,960 Freddie Frinton, you're right, plays a butler who has to serve a Christmas dinner for his mistress, 234 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,880 played by May Ward, who's rather mad and old, 235 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:25,240 and pretend that there are other people there, and he pours drinks for them and get drunk himself. 236 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,200 You can see a bit of it, here you are. 237 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,280 All right, it's broad humour, but it was... 238 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:53,400 It's all very well in its own way, but what's going on with it every single channel, every single year? 239 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:58,200 It's become a cult. It's unavoidable in Germany. They've parties for it. It's just a tradition. 240 00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,880 It was a sketch done in 1920. 241 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:01,480 They used to do it in the halls, 242 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,800 and all round the other places like that. 243 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,040 A German TV presenter saw it in 1963 and thought it was amusing 244 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,560 and said, "Come and do it on German television." 245 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:14,680 They did it on German television once, and they did it again to record it. In 1972, they showed it. 246 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,800 They've showed it ever since. It's become so popular. 247 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:22,320 I think, to give Germans credit, they laugh as much ironically at it as we would if we saw it. 248 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:26,240 It's just one of those things that happens to have become an extraordinary tradition. 249 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:53,400 I'm quite glad we have got The Great Escape over here. 250 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:54,760 That's our tradition. 251 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,080 Not on every channel. Not on every channel, I agree. 252 00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,320 It's pretty extreme. 253 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:03,840 It's almost impossible to avoid Dinner For One with Freddy Frinton. 254 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,280 What's bound to happen eventually when you get into an argument on the internet? 255 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,720 You'd go away at some point and have a word with yourself, and go, 256 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,160 "Why am I wasting my life?" 257 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:37,120 Yes. There's plenty of people I could have an argument with outside. 258 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:42,400 It's one of the most dispiriting views of the world, an internet message board. 259 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:47,640 When you see what some people will write, and how worked up they'll get about it. 260 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:51,200 "Well you ngh-ing ngh-huh, it just shows that you're a ngh-ing ngh, 261 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,560 "and all the other nghs have been ngh-ing with their own ngh, 262 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:58,960 "for the last ngh. Why don't you ngh ngh ngh ngh ngh?" 263 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,840 Sounds like they've got a problem with their keyboard. 264 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,040 LAUGHTER 265 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:12,120 There's a thing called Godwin's rule. 266 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:16,720 Do you know this? It's called Godwin's rule of Nazi analogies. 267 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,040 It's basically says that as an online discussion grows longer, 268 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:24,040 the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. 269 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:27,280 It actually happened. 270 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,080 Eventually, someone will say, 271 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:34,200 "That's what Hitler did", or "That's what the Nazis did", or "That argument..." See what I mean? 272 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:40,120 There's a sort of unwritten rule that the moment that happens, that thread is over, that ends it, 273 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:44,800 and that the person who uses that pathetic analogy is deemed to have lost the argument. 274 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:49,240 Imagine if you're having an internet discussion about the founding of the Nazi party? 275 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,440 Well, that obviously would be an exception. 276 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,360 You start it off and they go, "Right, that's it, it's over." 277 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,040 I'm just trying to get a nice discussion going. 278 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,800 I think that would be allowed. And who's this Godwin? 279 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,760 He's general councillor for the Wikimedia Foundation, 280 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,640 but it's a very, very apt and intelligent observation. 281 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,280 Any argument deteriorates to that point, you might as well end it. 282 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,280 It's nearly always inappropriate. 283 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,800 People will say, "Hitler liked that, therefore it's bad." 284 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,360 "Hitler didn't like that, therefore it's good." 285 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,080 Hitler, for example, was massively opposed to fox-hunting. 286 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:23,840 He thought it was cruel and terrible, so he banned it. 287 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:28,040 "Therefore, it must be right..." but that's just a mad argument. 288 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,960 Oh, my God, look at his socks! 289 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,160 Hey! 290 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:34,920 Whoa! 291 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,440 APPLAUSE 292 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,200 I've lost the argument. 293 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:42,960 But, you see, he's brought in Hitler. Hitler's socks are bad. 294 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,440 I have a feeling that, in the broader picture, 295 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,400 I've come off the worst out of this. 296 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:52,480 Reductio Ad Hitlerum, it's called. Are you saying he looks like a knobhead? 297 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,560 So you're saying Hitler looks like knobhead now, are you? 298 00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:59,440 He looks like he's turning round to someone saying, 299 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:01,560 "Look, I'm ready, are you?" 300 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,600 You've been hours getting dressed. Let's just go out. 301 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,440 Say what you like about him, great socks. 302 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:13,800 Fine, fine socks. 303 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,880 Godwin's law states that as an online discussion grows longer, 304 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:20,600 the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. 305 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,520 How would you use a Monopoly set to escape from a prison camp? 306 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,480 I could see how you might use a Buckaroo. 307 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,560 LAUGHTER 308 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,160 Just fly over the fence. 309 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,680 You'd probably just keep ending up on barbed-wire. 310 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,040 Try it with the bucket. 311 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,800 Is it the old covering up the hole with it, like in Shawshank? 312 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,560 No. There was a man whose nickname was Clutty, Clutty Hutton. 313 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,360 Who, in Britain, bought a box of Monopoly boards, 314 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:55,640 and turned them into escape kits that he then set up through MI9, with these pretend charities. 315 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,240 So you get a get out of jail free card? 316 00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,880 LAUGHTER 317 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,360 That's a very good idea. It was. 318 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:15,280 Hidden IN the Monopoly board were incredibly useful things. 319 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,240 Like a small dog, a tiny hat, 320 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,480 and a little ship. 321 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:25,560 There would be real money interspersed with the Monopoly money. There would be maps on silk. 322 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,640 They tried it on paper, it's too bulky and rustly. 323 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,880 On parachute silk, you get an enormous amount of detail on tiny... 324 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:37,280 That's an example of his earlier work, putting a compass in a military tunic button. 325 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,680 The Germans got wise to this. They'd unscrew the buttons and they'd see it. 326 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:44,960 Then they reversed the thread so when the Germans unscrewed it, they in fact tightened the button. 327 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:49,120 Then they got wise to that, so then they used razor blades, which were magnetised at one end, 328 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,240 so when they were attached to something metal they'd spin round, 329 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:56,040 the G of Gillette would point north, which was very good. They were well-disguised. 330 00:32:56,040 --> 00:33:01,680 They said, "Now, look, we've put the normal thread on, old Kraut, he's unscrewing it. 331 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:07,240 "What we've done is, we've put it the other way, so when he's unscrewing it, he's actually tightening it. 332 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:11,840 "Now we've gone a step further. We've done one here, you can't get the top off." 333 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,520 "Isn't there a flaw in that, Sir?" 334 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,520 "No, don't complicate it! Don't complicate it, Perkins! 335 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:21,240 "No one is going to see this bloody compass, that's for sure. 336 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:26,480 "Give it a try, you won't get it off. In many ways, it's become what I call, a button." 337 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,040 LAUGHTER 338 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:34,240 If I was a German camp commandant, I'd have made them all wear duffle coats. 339 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:41,280 If it was me, if I was in charge, I'd have started shipping out giant Jengas. 340 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:45,720 Would you? Then you just build them up. You know the Jengas you get in pub gardens? 341 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,600 Massive one, just hop over the fence. 342 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,240 Brilliant. If only you'd been in charge then. 343 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:55,360 Or snakes and ladders, but with actual ladders. 344 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,960 LAUGHTER 345 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,400 And real snakes! Yeah. 346 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,560 Scare the Germans. Scare the Germans. 347 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,440 Good, British snakes who didn't like the look of the German soldiers 348 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,560 and would go up to them and go, "Sss!" 349 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,920 What about if they gave them toy tanks, but really big ones 350 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:16,800 and then they could just drive straight out and turn around. And go, "Take this, Gerry!" 351 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,520 Boom! Boom! 352 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:23,240 What if they were to send the prisoners of war very long socks 353 00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:28,440 and concealed inside the socks, are big files to file down the bars. 354 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:31,640 They sent them blankets, which when wettened, gave the outline 355 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:33,720 of a great coat which they could cut out, 356 00:34:33,720 --> 00:34:36,680 it was like a tailor's template to make a greatcoat with. 357 00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,960 And pens with hidden sacks of dye in, to make them different colours. 358 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:44,920 And playing cards that when you threw them in water, they peeled aside to have money in them. 359 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:46,640 Some really clever stuff. 360 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:50,720 I can't believe the Germans gave them their post after a while. 361 00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:54,280 Well, they had to hide the fact that they got all that. 362 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:58,800 Monopoly boards were amongst the ordinary items which were sent to help escaping prisoners. 363 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:03,880 But now it's time to navigate our way through the hostile territory of General Von Ignorance. 364 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,880 So, fingers on buzzers, if you please. 365 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,800 Who wrote Brideshead Revisited? 366 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:11,520 It was Evelyn Waugh. 367 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:15,720 LAUGHTER 368 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:22,720 Sorry. Yes. Of course he did, Evelyn Waugh wrote Brideshead. 369 00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:26,560 Of course he did. I was checking whether or not you'd remembered not to mention wars. 370 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:28,920 It's not pronounced like that, is it. It's Evelyn Woff. 371 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:33,160 If only it were. Firstly, what breed of dog is this in fact? 372 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,480 A German shepherd. 373 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,040 Is the right answer. You avoided saying Alsatian. 374 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,240 They used to be called Alsatians until... 375 00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:44,760 They became German Shepherds. 376 00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:47,640 Until 1977. It was a First World War thing, 377 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:52,560 this whole business of not liking anything with the word German in it. 378 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,200 Is that why it was stopped? Really? 379 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:58,720 It was that reason. Anything with the name German in it was taboo for a long time. 380 00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:00,600 They were called Alsatian wolfhounds. 381 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,720 And then the wolfhound was dropped and they were called Alsatians. 382 00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:05,840 We used to have one. Did you? Nice? Friendly? 383 00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:09,280 Yeah, it was lovely. But it did kill next door's dog. Ah! 384 00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,160 Whoops! Oops! 385 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,920 When it happened did you say, "Well, he's never done that before." 386 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,720 You had to go to court, didn't you, over all that? Yeah. 387 00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:24,040 And then you had to go to prison, didn't you? 388 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:27,520 And then I sent you some Monopoly, and... 389 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:30,320 Happy days. 390 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,120 The term Alsatian was coined in 1918. 391 00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:38,320 But the Schaeferhund officially reverted to being a German shepherd in 1977. 392 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:43,040 A trip to the Munich Oktoberfest might be nice. When would be the best time to go? 393 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:44,840 September. Yes. 394 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:49,760 It's not October. It occasionally leaks into October, depending on the way the months are. 395 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:54,360 You'd definitely leak if you drank all of that beer. You certainly would. 396 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:58,160 It is possibly the world's largest regular festival or fair. 397 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,600 Over six million people cram into it. 398 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,720 I didn't like it, actually. I spent one night there. 399 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:07,080 Two nights there. Everyone was so drunk, it was idiotic. 400 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:12,640 Just these huge, long tents full of pissed up Australians. Who I love! 401 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,840 I went to the World Cup in '98, in France. 402 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,320 And in Bordeaux, they had built, in a similar size to that, 403 00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,880 in the middle of the town square they put temporary bars up. 404 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,200 And then Scotland played Norway and the Scots arrived. 405 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:33,640 And they drank more beer in the weekend than they normally drink in Bordeaux in a year. 406 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,560 Every single one of these bars served only lager. 407 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,800 There were no food stalls at all and no toilets. 408 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:46,520 Oh! It was unbelievable. But it was one of the best nights of my life. 409 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:51,400 Then one of them went to me, "Alan!" Shouted right across the bar, "Alan! 410 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,600 "Alan... Alan... 411 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,680 "Partridge! Partridge!" 412 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,840 Then he started going, "Aha!" 413 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,360 "Aha!" 414 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:11,920 Every time I saw him for the rest of the night, "Aha!" 415 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,360 It was very funny. 416 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:24,240 Yeah, it's a huge, huge event. They drink 6,940,600 litres of beer. 417 00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:28,440 Horrifying, isn't it? Most of the Oktoberfest takes place in September. 418 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,680 It knocks into a cocked hat the idea that Germans don't know have had a good time. 419 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,640 Now, a musical question. What's wrong with this? 420 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,480 # Cream-coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels 421 00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:41,680 # Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles. # 422 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:45,120 Schnitzel with noodles? Yes, schnitzel with noodles. 423 00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,880 Schnitzel is almost never served with noodles. 424 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,120 It might be occasionally now, simply because of the song. 425 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,240 But it basically rhymes with strudels, let's be honest. 426 00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:57,320 That's why. Could have had it with a poodle, then. Yes. 427 00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,840 You've ruined the film for a lot of people. 428 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:03,960 I hope not. I mustn't tell my kids that. 429 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:07,320 No, please don't. It's a wonderful song. Who wrote the lyrics? 430 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,400 It was Rodgers and... Hammerstein? 431 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:13,040 The lyrics were therefore Oscar Hammerstein the Second, yes. 432 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:14,560 How does the film end? 433 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,440 There it is. They sing Farewell. They get over the border into... 434 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,000 Where did they get to? 435 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,040 Supposedly into Switzerland. 436 00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:28,640 Actually, they wind up in Bavaria, quite near Hitler's private house. 437 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:33,640 Hitler's sitting down to have supper and this family singing about goat herds arrives. 438 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:38,200 It's all very odd. But there's the border. There's Salzburg, there's Bavaria. 439 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,680 In fact, what the family did do, you're right, 440 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:44,400 they walked the 100 kilometres all the way down to where Innsbruck is, 441 00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,400 towards the Italian border. That's the way they did it. 442 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,680 The Italian border was conveniently open. 443 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:54,600 They very luckily got there the day before the Italian border was closed. It was very fortunate. 444 00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,560 It's a little bit of artistic licence. But it's worth it, 445 00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:01,040 of course, for one of the great masterpieces of modern "culture". 446 00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:27,200 Good. Resistance has proved futile. For us, the game is over. 447 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:31,360 All that remains is for the scores to be meted out. 448 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:35,200 And, yes, in first place, our fluent German speaker. 449 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:41,280 Ah, und ein magnificent, ein ausgezeichnet minus sechs... Jo Brand! 450 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:43,400 CHEERING 451 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:51,080 Auf Platz zwei, mit minus sieben, Rob Brydon. 452 00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,160 CHEERING 453 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:57,680 Is that good or bad? I don't know. Minus seven. Minus seven. 454 00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:03,040 Aber auf Platz drei, mit minus sechsunddreissig, Alan Davies! 455 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:04,200 Thank you. 456 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:06,000 CHEERING 457 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,240 Minus 36? 458 00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:13,840 Auf dem letzten Platz, Gott in Himmel... LAUGHTER 459 00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:17,280 MIMICS MACHINE GUN 460 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:20,080 Minus sechsundsiebzig, Sean Lock. 461 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:21,200 Thank you. 462 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,000 CHEERING 463 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:35,680 As I am sure you know, that is minus 76. Possibly a record. 464 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:42,480 So, it's auf Wiedersehen und gute Nacht von dieser QI Ausgabe, und von Rob, Sean, Jo, Alan und mir. 465 00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:47,080 I leave you a story about the Bloomsbury Group writer Lytton Strachey, 466 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:50,400 who was... How shall I put it? A confirmed bachelor. 467 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,120 And also a conscientious objector and a pacifist. 468 00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,960 And he appeared before the conscientious objection board 469 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:59,160 and they were obviously going to quiz him on whether or not 470 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,960 he truly was or just a coward trying to get out of serving. 471 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,200 They said, "Mr Strachey, are you married?" 472 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,000 "No", he said. They said, "Well, do you have a sister?" 473 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,880 He said, "Yes, I do have a sister." 474 00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:13,800 They said, "Well, suppose a German soldier came and tried to rape her. What would you do?" 475 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:19,320 He said, "In that case, I would endeavour to place myself between them." Good night. 476 00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,560 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE