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APPLAUSE
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WHISTLING
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Goo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ood
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evening, good evening, good evening,
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and welcome to QI, where tonight
we're looking at G for Gravity,
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assisted by our weighty contestants
and of course my OWN gravitas.
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Distorting space-time for us
tonight, we have four massive stars.
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A gigantic pulsar, Rich Hall!
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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A huge red giant, Bill Bailey!
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APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING
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A colossal supernova,
Barry Humphries!
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APPLAUSE, CHEERING AND WHISTLING
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And a hypothetical black hole,
Alan Davies!
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APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING
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And tonight, their buzzers
are all weighty. Rich goes...
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OBJECT PLUMMETS TO EARTH...
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Aw, man...
..AND LANDS WITH A CLANG
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Weighty, you see?
And Barry's goes...
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SOLDIERS' FEET CLUMP...
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'Wait for it... Wait for it!'
FEET STAND TO ATTENTION
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And Bill goes...
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SPEAK-YOUR-WEIGHT MACHINE:
'Your weight is 12 stone...
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'two pounds, four ounces.'
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You wish(!)
LAUGHTER
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Sorry!
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How dare you. Sorry...
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Oh... The new cockiness
of the recently svelte. No, no.
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And Alan goes...
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BOING!
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'Yaaaaaargh...'
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I do, actually.
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So, let's...
LAUGHTER
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..let's drop right in.
My first question is,
how can you get from here
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to ANYWHERE on Earth
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in exactly 42 minutes
and 12 seconds?
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SOLDIERS' FEET CLUMP
'Wait for it!'
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I meant to say,
I like that tie very much.
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LAUGHTER
Why, thank you!
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And coming from a man
with your colour sense,
that makes me so happy.
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I was hoping I wouldn't
be overdressed tonight.
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42 minutes and 12 seconds.
You can get to anywhere.
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Through the Earth.
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Ooh. Ah... Develop.
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LAUGHTER
Develop that thought.
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It's a theoretical rather than
practical... All right. Burrow then.
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Burrowing... Yup.
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..through the Earth, directly.
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You'd have to be more vigorous
than that.
LAUGHTER
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Well, that's just getting the...
That's just getting
the first soil off.
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All right!
LAUGHTER
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You've got to start somewhere. You
wouldn't start like that, would you?
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Well, what speed would you
have to go, to do it in 42 minutes?
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At the speed
that is determined by...
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Gravity.
Gravity, by maximum velocity.
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The idea is that if you were
to tunnel, straight through...
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You mean, if there was a tube
and you jumped down it,
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it would take you 42 minutes
to come out the other side? Exactly.
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But would you drop... I'd like it
if you dropped out the other end.
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Yeah, you would accelerate
all the way to the middle...
and DECELERATE out.
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So you'd JUST make it.
You'd be in Australia.
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Ah! That's the point...
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I was going to say. Yeah.
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But actually you could do the tunnel
from London to Moscow. That's why
I said to ANYWHERE from here.
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Gravity operates at all angles.
It doesn't just operate
from the north to south, as it were.
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Would you...? You could...
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So from London to Paris
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would be the same length of time...
Yeah.
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It would have to be the same time.
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If I dug a tunnel, I could get
from here to there in 12 seconds.
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Yeah. There, you're right.
The other 42 minutes is just...
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waitin' for your luggage.
LAUGHTER
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But the Antipodes thing's
interesting.
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An antipode is an exact opposite
point on the Earth, they don't
have to be north-south.
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There are antipodes are from one
part of the EQUATOR to another...
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I thought we were New Zealand.
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Well, the interesting thing is
we're nowhere-LAND,
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and there was a contest
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to make an Earth sandwich.
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For someone to put
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a piece of bread
on one part of the Earth...
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LAUGHTER
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..and the others would put
the piece of bread
on the exact antipode...
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There are not many choices. New
Zealand was one piece of bread...
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Iceland. Not Iceland...
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Little further south. Tewkesbury.
Spain.
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Spain is the right answer!
Thank you.
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Ah. Brilliant, very good.
LAUGHTER
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But there was immediate controversy
because they used baguettes...
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LAUGHTER
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..and so no-one was sure if they
were oriented in the same direction.
It might have been a cross shape -
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you can't have a sandwich
with baguettes crossing, can you?
But anyway...
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How do you get to be involved
in these competitions?
LAUGHTER
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I fear the answer is
you have to be Canadian.
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They were Canadian brothers
called Jonathan and Duncan.
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But, anyway, they could have chosen
Indonesia to... Oh. Erm... America.
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You're going sideways rather than...
South America, it's Colombia.
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But one of the most interesting ones
from a practical point of view,
if you're a religionist,
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would be the antipode of Mecca.
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The exact opposite of Mecca
is a tiny little atoll
in the South Pacific...
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BILL: Christmas Island.
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Tematangi Atoll. It's also known as
Captain Bligh's Atoll.
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That's actually a photograph,
amazingly. It's actually got
a huge lagoon in it.
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And if you were a Muslim,
you could face any direction there
and you'd be facing Mecca.
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Because it's the antipode.
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We were talking about
the gravity train, weren't we?
The idea of going through...
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Is it feasible, then?
Has Richard Branson already
figured out some way of...?
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It's not feasible on Earth.
On the Moon it might be, because
the Moon has no molten core.
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Though, oddly enough,
it would be 53 minutes.
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Which moon are we talking about?
Ah! Mmm. There's a sore point.
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LAUGHTER
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Just our usual, friendly moon.
The one we look at.
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Oddly enough, that would be
53 minutes to get through.
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What?! Why would it take longer
to get through the moon...
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The gravity is so feeble. Yeah.
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Yeah. And just, really...
What's the point of it, really?
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LAUGHTER
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Ehhh... The antipodes are not
that exciting, really.
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"I'm on the moon and
I'm on the other side..."
Just as boring as... Exactly.
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What, though, is interesting
is who do you think worked out
the 42 minutes and 12 seconds?
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Patrick Moore.
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No. Um... QI researcher.
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LAUGHTER
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I know. Alan Titchmarsh.
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Keeps digging the garden, er...
LAUGHTER
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Charlie Dimmock.
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Where are they now, eh?
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Down there. Oh!
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What's amazing is that it was
a series of letters between
Isaac Newton and Robert Hook
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in the 17th century.
They worked out the exact
mathematics and it's not changed,
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it's still as true as it was then.
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You know the film, Brazil, where
they put things in tubes and never
know where they go?
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Put it in a tube and it
pops out in the antipodes...
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You're too young,
young scampy grace, to remember
the change machines in shops.
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Ah! You remember those?
You're a scampy grace.
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It was wonderful. What was
the one in...Gamages, was it?
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That's right. You gave the money -
real money, no credit cards...
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That's it.
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..and a very nice girl,
in black, with BO, she'd...
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LAUGHTER
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She took the money
and wrapped it in the docket,
it was called a docket...
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Oh, yeah. And she put it
in a cylinder...
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Looked like a milkshake.
..it was immediately sucked into
some other part of the store.
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It was a vacuum,
a sort of "wh-doop!"
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So you put the fiver in there,
put the docket in which said
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you've bought something
worth £3 7s 6d,
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and there's the five pounds,
and it would go...
POP!
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..or that "shhloop!" noise,
as you say, and they'd
wait there and chat...
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They were subject to abuse,
those machines. Were they?
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LAUGHTER
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Perhaps it wasn't BO after all.
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AUDIENCE GROANS AND LAUGHS
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Just aren't enough tubes, are there?
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Are there not enough
tubes in the world?
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Things that work mechanically are
kind of larky and fun.
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Yeah, and they'd suck
that big sucking sound.
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I would like to know the force
that an airline toilet...
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LAUGHTER
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It's frightening.
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I had to cover my ears.
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If you mis-timed it,
your intestines would go
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straight down and shoot out...!
LAUGHTER
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If you're sitting on it,
and you've sealed round the rim...
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You would lose your guts.
You can lose your innards. Yup.
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I've heard of that happening. Wow.
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There's a guy where I live in
Montana, cos we have prairie dogs,
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and prairie dogs are like, that big.
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They're cute, like a cross
between a meerkat and a squirrel.
But they dig tunnels,
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and if you don't want to shoot them
with a .22 this guy will come around
and suck them out,
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with a grain elevator.
On the back of a truck.
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A big Howitzer kind of nozzle, and
he knows how many are in the tunnel,
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he'll go, "There's four
in that tunnel,"
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and he turns this thing on and
it goes "thp, thp, thp, thp."
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The most amazing sound in the world.
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Then they come through and they
have this '80s blow-dry look,
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they've just been sucked through
at, like, 80 miles per hour,
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they're like miniature werewolves...
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And I said to him... So they don't
get shredded? Not shredded.
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It's not like Steve Buscemi
in Fargo? No. But they are
looking at you
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like you owe them an explanation.
LAUGHTER
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APPLAUSE
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I said to the guy, I said to the guy,
"Doesn't this give them
brain damage?"
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And he went, "Yeah, of course."
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But it doesn't kill them,
that's the humane alternative.
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I said, "What do you do with them?"
He said, "I take them across
the river and let them go
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"and then I wait three, four days
and work THAT side of the river."
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00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,240
To return to the original question,
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if you drive a tunnel straight
through the Earth,
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a gravity train would take you
where you want to be
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in exactly 42 minutes
and 12 seconds.
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Aristotle, as I'm sure you all know,
thought that heavier objects
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fell faster than lighter objects.
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And it seems an intuitive
and correct idea.
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00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:27,240
But Galileo worked out that they
didn't. How did he do that?
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00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,360
BUZZER:
'Wait for it!'
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He dropped two cannonballs off
the Leaning Tower Of Pisa.
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Ah! Well, did he?
KLAXON
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I'm sorry, my love. The reality is
that he worked out
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that this was the case
from his head.
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00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,400
He then did some experiments with
ramps and things that proved it
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00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,840
to be true. What's heavier, a ton
of gold or a ton of feathers?
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00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:57,400
Exactly, that kind of thing.
But he's saying is half a ton...
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BILL: What's that?
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00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,800
Half a ton of gold...
Gold and feathers?
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00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,640
It sounds like an Elton John
party request.
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00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,600
Of course, the answer is that
one of them IS heavier,
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00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,720
because gold is measured
in troy weight,
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rather than avoirdupois,
they're different.
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So a ton of gold is different
to a ton of feathers.
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Sorry!
LAUGHTER
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00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,360
..I believe. I'm sorry.
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What Galileo said was that half a
ton of coal falls at the same speed
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as a ton of coal. That's the point.
Falls at the same speed.
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00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,920
If you let go at the same time,
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00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,280
they'll both hit the ground
at the same time.
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00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,680
How do you get a ton of coal
in the air? Indeed.
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00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,440
Galileo's reasoning was thusly wise.
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00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:38,840
He said that if you had a heavy
object and you believed Aristotle,
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it falls fast
and the lighter one slow.
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So, suppose you attach the light one
to the heavy one.
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Well, the heavy one falls faster
than the light one
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00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,840
so it would make the light one
fall faster.
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00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,120
Or the light one would hold
the heavy one up
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cos it's going slower.
So by attaching them together,
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you would make it go both faster
and slower. That's impossible.
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00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:05,120
The only explanation is that they
both travel at the same speed.
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He then proved it. On Apollo 15,
Scott, the astronaut,
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00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,440
thought he'd try and see if Galileo
was right
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00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,520
and we have a clip of him doing it.
230
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,560
I'll drop the two of them here
and hopefully
231
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,560
they'll hit the ground
at the same time.
232
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:26,200
How about that? Mr Galileo was
correct in his findings.
233
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,480
Isn't that cool?
234
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,800
Astronaut David Scott
proving Galileo right with
a hammer and a feather.
235
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,880
But Galileo established it
by the power of his own thought.
236
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,040
Newton worked out the laws of
gravitation and published them
237
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,360
in 1687, which was just 100 years
before les freres Montgolfier,
238
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,880
the brothers Montgolfier,
astounded the world with
the first balloon ascents.
239
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:50,520
It was only one year after that
that dashing Old Etonian
George Biggin
240
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,480
and Letitia Sage were
in a hydrogen balloon
241
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,720
and they took off from Southwark
and I want to know
242
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,280
how far did George Biggin go?
243
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,040
Not to Biggin Hill, surely?
244
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,520
BUZZER:
'Wait for it!'
245
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,000
All the way.
246
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,360
Eh-h! Oddly enough,
that may be the right answer.
247
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,560
It was one of the most extraordinary
things you could imagine.
248
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,880
A balloon ascent was
an astonishing sight.
249
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,240
150,000 people turned out
to see the first one.
250
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,280
The Italian who brought ballooning
to England
251
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:23,640
was called Lunardi. He put these
two people in and thought it
was probably too many,
252
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,720
so he jumped out just as it was
taking off and left this couple
253
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,840
on their own, these complete
first-time balloonists.
254
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,480
Were they tethered?
255
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,960
No. They took off... Did they just
keep going then?
256
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,120
It became one of the sensations
of the age because...
257
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:41,960
The Mile-High Club...
They were the first members
of the Mile-High Club.
258
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:47,680
They were seen, as they were going
over Piccadilly, she was seen
on all-fours.
259
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:53,440
Was it a glass-bottom balloon then?!
260
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:57,960
She claimed later she was fastening
up the opening of the balloon...
261
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:02,080
Yeah, that old chestnut!
"Me, officer? No, officer.
262
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,280
"Opening in the balloon, officer."
Sandbags...
263
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,600
They got as far as 14 miles,
as far as Harrow,
264
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,000
shouting down using a speaking
trumpet to people below,
265
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,440
who must have been rather
astonished. Slack-jawed yokels
266
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,160
from the village of Finchley.
267
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,760
"Work, you idle buggers!"
268
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,800
There became a great scandal
about it and it became
the issue of the age,
269
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,360
whether or not you could do it.
270
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,920
One of the most remarkable
social records of that age
271
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:34,200
is the wager books. The betting
books of the great London clubs,
272
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,320
particularly Brooks's and White's.
273
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,400
People used to bet on anything.
The books still exist
in their handwriting.
274
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,880
There is one here. Lord Cholmondeley
has given two guineas to Lord Derby
275
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,720
to receive 500 guineas
276
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:53,640
whenever his Lordship "plays
hospitals" with a woman in a balloon
1,000 yards from the Earth.
277
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:58,840
For "plays hospitals with" I think
you can insert your own...word.
278
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,520
So, there you have it. Did he pay up
then? Is that in the book?
279
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:16,360
We don't... "1,000 yards!"
"Oh, you were only 900 yards."
280
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,600
It's true, they had no way of
measuring.
281
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:24,120
What did they use for an altimeter?
They dropped things and saw how long
it took to hit the floor? No.
282
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:28,160
Barometers existed.
There was different pressure
at different levels.
283
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:32,880
It was quite accurate.
A barometer was quite
a hefty piece of kit, was it?
284
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:37,880
Yeah, you'd have to hang it up and
tap it with the stem of your pipe.
285
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:42,000
As with flight, as soon as
a new technology like this emerges,
286
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,800
as we saw with aeroplanes later,
287
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:48,440
there are various targets, you want
to be the first person to do this...
288
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,920
We've seen the first person to
"play hospitals" onboard a balloon,
289
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,800
but one of the great things is
to cross the... Channel?
290
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:58,400
..Channel, exactly.
With aeroplanes... M25?
291
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,520
Not the M25!
292
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:03,640
The Channel was an extraordinary
business. There was a Frenchman,
293
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,520
called Blanchard,
and his American backer.
294
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,720
But they hated each other
and they loved their own countries.
295
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,360
So, the Frenchman... Can you imagine
a Frenchman not playing fair?
296
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,200
Hard to imagine(!)
Try and picture it.
297
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,600
He carried lead weights on a belt,
this Blanchard,
298
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:24,200
so that he could claim to
the American, "There's only room
for one of us, unfortunately.
299
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,280
"I will have to
do this record alone!"
300
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,440
The American saw the weight
and made him take off his ballast
301
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,880
and then they accidentally dropped
each other's national flags
302
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:37,240
out of the balloon.
And then the balloon started
to drop over the Channel too early
303
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:43,040
and so they threw out their food,
their instruments, all...
Obviously, the sand bags.
304
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,960
Then they took their jacket off,
305
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:50,040
they took their trousers off,
then they peed and pooed
out of the basket.
306
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,640
They're approaching cliffs and
they're dropping, so they have a poo
307
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,800
and they just get over it,
like that!
308
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,200
They land in the trees
and the record is made.
309
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:02,840
It's not a very dignified way
to break a record, with your
trousers round your ankles.
310
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:07,000
No. "We've nearly done it!
The press are here to meet us."
311
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,800
"Oh, dear."
312
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,440
One last push.
313
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,120
AUDIENCE GROAN
314
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,680
Anyway, that's Mr Biggin
and Mrs Sage.
315
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,840
They went, as Barry correctly said,
all the way,
316
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:25,840
from St George's Fields to Harrow.
We won't have any truck with gossip
here on QI.
317
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:29,800
So, what do you say to
a gossypiboma?
318
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,080
BUZZER:
'Wait for it!'
319
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,560
Mind your own business.
320
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,440
KLAXON
Ohhh.
321
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:44,760
We predicted that, I'm afraid.
You've got a nice score building up,
Barry. It's good.
322
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,440
Gossypiboma.
323
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:51,840
Bo..bo.. Boma? Is it a creature?
I know what it is. Do you?
324
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,440
It's something a surgeon
leaves behind inside you
after an operation.
325
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,600
Oh, Barry, that is brilliant,
that is the right answer.
326
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,000
APPLAUSE
327
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,200
That's exactly what it is.
It's cotton or lint or sponge...
328
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,560
Or a mobile phone...
Or indeed a mobile phone.
329
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,320
It comes from the Latin for cotton,
gossypi, like a piece of cotton.
330
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,680
Cotton wool is the most basic one.
In America, 1,500 cases a year
331
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:26,040
of things being left inside...
Really?! That's cos a lot of people
eat fridge magnets in America.
332
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,200
Cos they look like cookies
or chocolate.
333
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:34,000
When they try and open 'em,
all the tools just...
334
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,240
..shoot off the tray and...
335
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,080
It's a damn good theory...
336
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:42,640
And they stick to the sides
of mobile homes.
337
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:47,160
54% of foreign bodies are left
in the abdomen or pelvis,
338
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:52,440
22% in the vagina, 7.5 % in
the chest, 17% in other places,
339
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,600
like the spinal canal,
brain and face.
340
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,600
Do you think they do it for a bet?
341
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,440
What, the surgeons?
342
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,640
Yeah. Then they get more work,
don't they? Getting it out again.
343
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,400
They probably get sued, though,
I would imagine.
344
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,400
There was one chap who had
a six-inch metal surgical clamp
345
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:12,160
taken out and they realised he'd
already had an operation to
take out a clamp.
346
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:17,800
He'd had two left in him and when
they took the one out, they never
thought to look for another one.
347
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,640
Extraordinary behaviour.
Train set...
348
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:24,880
What would you imagine
were the main risk factors?
Why is it likely to happen?
349
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:29,280
There is a protocol whereby you
count all the equipment,
so why would it happen?
350
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:34,400
They do good work and they think,
I want someone to recognise my work,
351
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,680
so I'll leave my forceps in here.
352
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,400
Apparently... People will go, oh,
this is the work of Dr Bonner.
353
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,240
This is clearly a Bonner.
354
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,920
The reason they give is emergency
operations that have not been
planned,
355
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,200
and unplanned changes
in the operation.
356
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,200
And patients with higher
body mass index.
357
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,440
Fat people. They lose their stuff...
358
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,200
They put it down and...
359
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:56,760
It's sucked in, I don't know?
360
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,360
"There's a nurse in there!"
361
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,440
"Thank God you're here!"
362
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,520
This is where we need Hugh Laurie
on the show.
363
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,800
He would explain, exactly.
He would explain...
364
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,440
if the script was put in front
of him. He's a gibbering
idiot without it.
365
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,520
No! He isn't!
366
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,960
APPLAUSE
367
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,240
No, no, no.
368
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,240
There are specific words, the most
common is gossypiboma,
369
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,720
which comes from the fact that it's
cotton, the Latin gossypium
370
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:31,920
is cotton. But if it's
a surgical instrument, it's called
a "foreign-body granuloma".
371
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:36,200
Oh. Yes. The cheek of the surgeons
is that they call it retaining,
372
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,880
as if somehow
it's the patient's fault.
373
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:44,280
"The patient retained this object
while unconscious on the slab.
374
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,080
"Nothing to do with us."
375
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,120
"His pancreas grabbed it."
376
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,400
"He wouldn't give it back. We had
no choice but to leave it there."
377
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,120
There you are. Anyway...
378
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,760
I'm disturbed by this picture,
it's really disturbing me.
379
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:02,360
It's like backstage at a puppet
theatre. "Glove puppets, quickly!"
380
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,840
It's a lady with invisible breasts.
381
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,160
LAUGHTER
382
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,480
We like the thought of it.
Well, anyway,
383
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,880
a gossypiboma is a piece of cotton
left inside you by a surgeon.
384
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:19,240
What's the use of an underwater
weighing machine?
385
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,320
BUZZER:
'12 stone, 4 ounces.'
386
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,000
There you are!
387
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:29,280
I weigh a bit less underwater.
Speak your weight.
388
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,960
Why do you have an underwater
weighing machine?
389
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,480
Whales?
Whales' weighing station. Oh!
390
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,440
KLAXON
391
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,600
He said the "whale weigh" station.
392
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,280
This is fabulous, you're thinking...
393
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:47,280
I just hope I get the worst marks
because losing is the new winning.
394
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,840
I have to say, you're bidding fair.
395
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:56,960
Don't they weigh your mass body fat
by floating you in a tub...?
396
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,840
Yeah. And what is a body mass
index, do you remember?
397
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:05,160
Your height divided by your
weight... Your weight divided
by your height, squared.
398
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,960
More or less. But it's very faulty.
399
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:13,120
If you were very muscular, the BMI
would argue that you were overweight
400
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,200
and obese and far too fat
and you could be immensely fit.
401
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,480
Also, if you're a marathon runner
and you have that slow twitch
muscle as they're called,
402
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:24,960
then you'd be starving
and considered malnutrited
or whatever the word is.
403
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,200
So when they want to make really,
really accurate measurements
404
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:33,040
of body mass index, they go
underwater. It's considered the gold
standard for body fat measurement.
405
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,720
What percentage fat should you be
under not to be obese? Chubby.
406
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,200
20? Under 20. Brilliant.
How did you know that?
407
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,120
20. No, you're fine!
408
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,360
No, that's just a baggy thing.
409
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,120
LAUGHTER
410
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:49,240
With women, should women have more
or less body fat? More.
411
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,760
More, yes. They can be th... 300.
412
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,200
LAUGHTER
413
00:22:55,280 --> 00:23:00,240
30%. 30%... I saw one in Budgens the
other day that was definitely 300.
414
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:05,240
All she had in her basket was
a massive, massive bar of chocolate.
415
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,920
Really serious expression
on her face.
416
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,960
When I'm in Norfolk, there's nothing
I like better than
417
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,320
having a good old bicycle ride
round the Broads. That's not true.
418
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,520
You and I do it together.
419
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,840
LAUGHTER
420
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,640
Such larks we have, don't we? Forgot
me hat again, don't believe it.
421
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,680
Home in time for lemonade and buns.
422
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,640
Isn't it funny, the faster I get,
the more I stay stable,
423
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,640
but if I go very slowly,
I wobble and fall off? I wonder why.
424
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:36,400
He said, "I know, Stephen,
let's make that a question
on the next QI."
425
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:41,920
So that's what I'm doing.
Why, when you slow down, do
you become less stable on a bike?
426
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:46,520
What is the physics of that?
I have a better question.
Why do you have a Hitler haircut?
427
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:52,360
Why is Alan wearing a hairnet?
You need to put a little
moustache under that nose.
428
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,880
That would be frightening.
429
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,200
Yeah. I dressed as Hitler once.
I did a school play,
430
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:01,120
I played Arturo Ui, The Resistible
Rise Of Arturo Ui.
431
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:05,720
I was Ui and I actually dyed my hair
black, cut it in the Hitler style,
432
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,480
for the authenticity of the role,
not cos I'm a Nazi!
433
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,800
And my mum said, "Oh, now,
that DOES look nice."
434
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,440
LAUGHTER
435
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,040
"You look very smart."
436
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,840
I looked like Hitler!
437
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:25,280
Mum couldn't see any fault in that.
"Well, you look very smart.
You should keep it like that."
438
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,720
Oh, mothers! Why do we wobble?
439
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:33,280
I wobble because I'm scared to death
when I'm on a bike. I wobble
440
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,400
even when I'm going very fast.
What kind of bike is it?
441
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,040
Is it a penny farthing,
by any chance?
442
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,240
LAUGHTER
443
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:44,560
It's whatever I can find in the
street and hasn't got a lock on it.
444
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,760
You bastard, was it you, then?
445
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,680
That happened in Cambridge,
it was sad.
446
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:54,960
They tried this nice, noble idea
that they would have city bikes
with a special number on
447
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:59,640
and you saw one leaning on
a lamppost, you got on it and you
bicycle to wherever you want to be
448
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,840
and left it outside and there were
common exchange bicycles.
449
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:07,440
The perfect socialist dream, the
Utopian ideal of free bicycles...
450
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:12,280
Two days, I think it lasted,
before... A truck arrived
from Oxford. Yeah!
451
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:18,880
The odd thing about it, bicycles are
a pretty ancient invention by modern
transport standards,
452
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,840
but it was only in 1970 that the
physics of them was understood.
453
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:27,240
Is it there's more force working
on you if you're going slowly?
454
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:32,960
So you're being pulled from other
sides... People thought it was
gyroscopic pull,
455
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,320
or a centrifugal one, in some way.
456
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,760
But it was demonstrated by a fellow
called David Jones in 1970
457
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,000
that in fact it's not that,
it's torque.
458
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:45,560
The other thing,
it's called the caster effect,
like a supermarket trolley.
459
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:50,800
The fact that the back wheel is
a trailing wheel, it self-centres,
it rights the whole thing,
460
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,280
as it trails along. I always get
the trolley with the stiff wheel.
461
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:59,760
They're horrible. Ugh! Airports
and supermarkets, I always get
that trolley.
462
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,440
Get that, yeah...
463
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,080
I veer into old ladies with it.
464
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,160
Crash into displays.
465
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,760
I do that and blame it on the wheel.
466
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,440
"Pfft! Oh! Sorry. Bad wheel."
467
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:20,040
So, here's a thing. If you want to
go left, you turn the handlebars of
your bike slightly to the right.
468
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,360
Motorcyclists know this as a rule,
but...
469
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:28,160
Counter-steering. Counter-steering,
exactly. It's very quick,
it's done automatically,
470
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,800
people don't know they're doing it.
That's why kerbs are so difficult.
471
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:36,520
If you're close to a kerb, in order
to steer away from the kerb, you
have to steer into it first.
472
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:41,720
Otherwise you fall over. It's weird.
It's an automatic thing people do.
There's a way of testing it.
473
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,640
You're coasting along, take your
left hand off... OK?
474
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,000
And you push the handlebars
with your right.
475
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,120
With this, you can only force
the handlebars left, obviously.
476
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,760
But you go right.
477
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,600
So the reason why bicycles are
stabler when they go fast
478
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,480
is nothing to do with gyroscopes,
it's all to do with torque
and castering.
479
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,720
When you're cycling,
the more revolutions, the better.
480
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,520
So imagine the red dawn has come
upon us, gentlemen,
481
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,440
and we've overcome the hated
oppressors and we're happy
482
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:13,240
and we've got guns and we shoot
straight up in the air as you do.
483
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,440
Whee! Yee-ha! Is this a good idea?
484
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,920
I dunno, I've often thought
where do those bullets go?
485
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,840
They come down and hit people right
on the top of the head.
486
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,080
Does that often happen? Yes.
Unfortunately it does.
487
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:28,520
What goes up must come down.
488
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:32,080
It won't happen to the guy who
shoots, cos when it gets to the top
489
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:36,040
the smallest amount of wind will...
It will go about a mile away.
490
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,520
Not a mile, but they did an
experiment on a floating platform
491
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:43,360
where they fired 500 straight
up in the air. Only four landed
on the platform.
492
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:47,120
The rest splashed... Four dead...
I think they covered themselves...
493
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,560
496 splashed.
494
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,360
A typical 7.62mm round
fired vertically would reach
a height of...
495
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:55,640
What do you think? Half a mile?
496
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,640
Longer. 2.5km nearly.
497
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,320
Straight into the couple shagging
in the balloon.
498
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,440
LAUGHTER
499
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,440
Of course, of course!
500
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:09,080
STEPHEN LAUGHS
501
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,520
Talk about coming full circle!
502
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:15,760
So it would take some 17 seconds,
then another 40 seconds or so
503
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,600
to return to the ground at a speed
of about 70 metres per second.
504
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,680
So this gigantic thing would
penetrate and smash the skull,
505
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,000
very, very dangerous cranial
injuries.
506
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,440
You won't believe this. I sort of
don't believe it myself
507
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,440
and yet I know it's true.
It's counter-intuitive.
508
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,520
In this hand here,
I've got a bullet.
509
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,120
In this hand level with it,
I've got a gun.
510
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:42,400
I fire the gun and let go
at the same time. Which bullet
hits the ground first?
511
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,320
The one that you dropped.
512
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,800
That one? Yeah. No. They both hit
the ground at exactly the same time.
513
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,000
Bollocks. I know!
514
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,400
LAUGHTER
515
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:55,880
I knew you'd say that.
They both have exactly
the same force acting on them.
516
00:28:55,880 --> 00:29:00,360
Gravity. Yes, but the momentum would
defy gravity, wouldn't it?
517
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:05,520
It would just describe a different
thing. The speed of the bullet?
518
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,440
It could go 2km, that bullet.
519
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,320
But incredibly fast.
520
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,480
And then hits the ground...
521
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,600
It would have to do it
at the speed of light.
522
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,600
Has this information
come from Wikipedia?
523
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,640
Are there any scientists here
who will back me up on this?
524
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,720
MALE VOICE: Yes.
See? Some yeses.
525
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,800
Or any assassins?
526
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,920
It does seem incredible,
but it is true.
527
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:33,640
You drop a bullet, at what height?
528
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,480
Well, you're standing.
Your height. You're standing.
529
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:41,160
And you fire a bullet.
That bullet from the gun
will go into the ground.
530
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:45,600
Both at the same level. There are
things that could stop it. If
the bullet went 5 miles per second,
531
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,560
it would leave the atmosphere
and never fall to Earth.
532
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:49,760
If it went far enough,
533
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,280
the curvature of the Earth would
mean it had further to fall.
534
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,920
But assuming the gun doesn't have
that range,
535
00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:00,480
what I'm saying is true. Is there
any practical application?
536
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:06,080
Well, there's enormous practical
applications in the laws of physics
537
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:07,800
that say this must be the case.
538
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,800
I suppose there's
a double assassination.
539
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,240
You kill a person and an ant.
540
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:19,320
Yeah, there's a source of personal
pride to the assassin.
541
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,720
It would be. The offing of some
insects at the same time.
542
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,960
So, if you're going to stop a
bullet, the very worst way to do it
543
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,320
is with the top of your head.
Nonetheless, viva la revolucion.
544
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,280
Let's say we've now entered the city
which we've secured,
545
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,760
we've rounded up all the investment
bankers, but a small group of them
546
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,120
have holed up at the Welcome Break
motorway service station
547
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:44,720
at Scratchwood, which is
the first one if you go north
out of London on the M1.
548
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:49,080
But we, the revolutionary cadre,
the compadres, OK?
549
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:52,680
We are in the City of London
but we have to stop them.
550
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:57,000
We've closed down all
telecommunications,
so we can't give instructions
551
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,960
to other members of our brigade, we
have to stop them from where we are,
in the City of London
552
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:06,720
and they're in Scratchwood.
How's that going to happen? Eh?
Fire something at them.
553
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,120
A Ginsters pasty.
554
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:17,480
Um, this is just a bizarre fact.
Without knowing it,
555
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:22,280
they've chosen the one place to get
to where you can get to them
with a gun that exists,
556
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,080
here, now, today, not far from this
studio. We're on the river.
557
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,160
These weapons are on the river
and they are pointed...
558
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,040
HMS Belfast? HMS Belfast
is the answer.
559
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:35,200
She's a World War II ship
and it has guns.
560
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,440
It's the only one with these guns
working.
561
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:43,200
And they are pointed at Scratchwood.
If you go onboard, as a tourist,
which you can,
562
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:47,080
there's a sign saying they're
pointed at Scratchwood Services.
563
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:51,560
I'd love to fire them.
I would SO love to fire them.
564
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,160
Come on!
565
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,240
Weird, you may know this...
566
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,600
It's just a weird World War II ship
story as well.
567
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,840
This is a US ship, it was known as
the luckiest ship in the US Navy
568
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:06,240
in the 1940s, cos it was the only
ship that was utterly unscarred
at Pearl Harbor.
569
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,120
It was called the USS Phoenix.
It was sunk in 1982.
570
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:13,320
But it had changed its name.
Do you know what to? HMS Belfast.
571
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:18,160
It was named after a person
of military rank. It had been
sold to another country
572
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:22,440
and named after General... Pinochet.
Bel... Grano. General Belgrano.
573
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:29,120
It was sunk by the British.
It remains the only warship ever
sunk by a nuclear submarine.
574
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:34,200
It was sunk with most hands lost.
Over 300 people. Over 300 people.
575
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:38,200
That was known as the luckiest ship
in the US Navy.
Extraordinary history.
576
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:42,360
You almost want to make a movie,
it's just bizarre.
Well, I never knew that.
577
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:47,840
So, HMS Belfast may be docked in
the City of London, but its guns are
trained on Scratchwood Services.
578
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,680
So it looks like those bankers
ARE for the high jump,
579
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:55,480
and talking of the high jump,
why did Fosbury flop?
580
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,640
Gravity.
581
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:01,040
Why did he choose to flop?
That's the Fosbury Flop, why?
582
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,680
People previously would jump
forwards over the bar
583
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:05,080
and land in a sandpit.
584
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,760
He jumped backwards over it
and landed on a big dirigible.
585
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,280
These are the previous ones.
586
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,160
..In 1968, old Fosbury appeared
with this new move
587
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,640
and he won the Olympic gold and now
every high jumper does it.
588
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,800
No-one will ever go back to any
other way of doing it.
589
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,000
There's a reason why it's so
efficient, why it works so well...
590
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:32,120
In the other ones, you have to get
all of yourself at that height
591
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:37,560
at the same moment, whereas he kind
of took himself a bit at a time.
592
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:41,040
You're right, it's where your centre
of gravity is.
593
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:44,360
And on the Fosbury Flop, your centre
of gravity is actually under
594
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,360
the bar. And on the other ones,
595
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:50,400
it's where... That dotted line there
indicates the centre of gravity.
596
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:55,120
She's just realised there's no...
thing to land on.
597
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,800
Well, that's the other thing...
"Ahhh!"
598
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:05,400
The other thing about the Fosbury
Flop is it did require a move from
sand to rubber cushiony things.
599
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:10,280
Yeah. If you do the scissors one,
that sort of stepping one,
600
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,240
your centre of gravity
passes 30cm OVER the bar.
601
00:34:13,240 --> 00:34:17,800
So, having a lower centre
of gravity, you get extra height
in exchange for no extra effort.
602
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,000
And also these records stay
for a long time.
603
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,800
The male one was set in '93 and the
female in '87 and they still stand.
604
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,200
So it looks as if we're reaching
the limit of how high...
605
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:32,000
Gravity's getting stronger.
That could easily... Hmm?!
606
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,440
And long jumps too, they stay
for a long time, don't they?
607
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:39,440
Who held their world long jump
record from 1935 to 1960?
608
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:42,760
Not Jesse Owens? It was Jesse Owens.
609
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:48,440
You're wrong by saying
"Not Jesse Owens."
You get a point for that.
610
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,280
Is there
a limbo competition like...?
611
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:55,720
It would be a good idea...
Olympic limbo. Should be.
612
00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:59,240
I love limbo. Are you allowed to
flatten your nipples?
613
00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,360
Snip them off?
614
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:02,720
With "duct" tape?
615
00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:04,040
AUDIENCE GROAN
616
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,800
Tape them down. I lost...
a limbo-dancing competition.
617
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,200
I thought you were going to say
you lost a nipple! Lost a nipple...
618
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:14,080
I lost a nipple... It was a razor
blade! We were playing in prison.
619
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:18,440
Russian limbo. Ahhhh!
620
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:20,600
You lost a limbo competition?
621
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:21,760
I lost...
622
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:26,520
You amaze me. Someone got lower than
you? Somebody...imagine that!
623
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,640
Someone more limber than me.
624
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:32,880
Oh, good gracious. It was actually
Lionel Blair.
625
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,600
Obviously a dream. He won. No!
626
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:41,000
It wasn't! "Me and Lionel Blair were
having a limbo competition...
627
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:46,320
"One of my nipples fell off."
I'd had a bit of blue cheese
before I went to bed.
628
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:51,120
It was for charity. It was a
charitable limbo-dancing competition,
629
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,160
it was me, Sinitta and Lionel Blair.
630
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:56,080
LAUGHTER
631
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,160
Surely Sinitta cleaned up?
You'd think, wouldn't you?
632
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:05,160
Sinitta, Lionel, me... No. I was
third, Sinitta, but Lionel...
633
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:10,960
But he's a dancer to his fingertips.
He's limber. He's also about 70!
But he's limber!
634
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:12,600
Anyway! So...
635
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:18,000
The revolutionary thing about Dick
Fosbury's flop was that the centre
of gravity was under the bar,
636
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:22,560
an innovation which means current
world records are likely to
stand forever.
637
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:28,760
And so to a matter of the upmost
gravity. The deadweight of general
ignorance. Fingers on buzzers.
638
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,880
Hallelujah, it's raining wine.
639
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:35,200
How big would a cloud need to be
in order to dispense for me
640
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,240
my recommended daily limit of wine?
641
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:42,040
BUZZER:
'12 stone, 4 ounces.'
642
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,360
LAUGHTER
643
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:46,320
Does not compute!
644
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,920
That's your answer, is it? Yes. OK.
645
00:36:55,920 --> 00:37:01,600
All right, the size of a car. Oddly
enough, you're strangely using
the same metaphor that we are.
646
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,320
We're using a form of transport.
647
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,920
A VW Beetle. Bus, train... Bus is the
right answer. The size of a bus.
648
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:11,160
A wine cloud would weep
the same amount, 250ml,
649
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:15,200
which is your recommended daily
allowance of wine.
650
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:20,240
This recommended daily allowance
business is very interesting.
651
00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:24,440
In Britain, it's 21 units, whatever
that means, a week, I think.
652
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,160
In Poland, it's 12½ units.
653
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:32,440
A tiny amount. But in Canada,
it's 23¾, in America 24½,
654
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,320
South Africa and Denmark, 31½
and guess where it's 35, Barry?
655
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,200
Australia!
656
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:41,000
Australia, Australia fair. Yeah.
657
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:48,440
But, our limit is 21.
There's a study that found that
if you drank between 21 and 30,
658
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:53,720
you would belong to a group of
people that had the lowest mortality
rate in Britain.
659
00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:58,840
So, in other words, we're
being recommended to drink
too little alcohol for our health.
660
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:02,600
In fact, it's been worked out, you'd
have to drink 63 units a week,
661
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:07,440
or a bottle of wine a day,
to face the same death risk
as a teetotaller.
662
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:13,240
I think you'll find that most people
are actually making that up
themselves, instinctively.
663
00:38:13,240 --> 00:38:19,560
Well, the odd thing is, the guy who
came up with it has admitted they
made the number up.
664
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,200
He said, "We had to say something,
so we said that."
665
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,520
But is the assumption not that there
are other lifestyle factors
666
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:29,360
associated with the sort of person
who likes a bit of wine?
667
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:32,600
Having an accident is the main
problem. But, nonetheless,
668
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:37,720
statistically and actuarially,
you are likely to live longer
if you drink between 21 and 30.
669
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:40,320
If you're a social animal,
you're less stressed.
670
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:44,840
The physical effects of alcohol
may actually be beneficial
in those amounts.
671
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:49,280
Anyway, if clouds were made of wine,
you would limit yourself to about
a bus-full a day.
672
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:53,200
An easy one. How many bullets are
there in a gunslinger's revolver?
673
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:54,600
Seven. Five.
674
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,280
BUZZER:
'12 stone, 4 ounces.'
675
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,320
Six.
676
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,000
KLAXON
677
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,520
They're called six guns.
678
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:07,520
There's 6 chambers. Don't they have
six in and one in the spout?
679
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,800
No, it's quite the other way round.
Five. You're right. Why five?
680
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:12,760
Gravity.
681
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,440
SCATTERED APPLAUSE
682
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,440
I used to know this,
but I've forgotten.
683
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:22,840
It's safety. Wyatt Earp,
who could be regarded
as something of an expert,
684
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:26,040
said, "I've often been asked
why five shots without reloading
685
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:29,960
"were all the top-notch gun fighter
ever fired with, when his guns
were chambered for six?
686
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:35,360
"The answer is safety." The hammer
rested on the empty chamber, so you
couldn't discharge by mistake.
687
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:39,080
There was no safety catch. There,
of course, the great Clint Eastwood.
688
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,160
I did a thing in America once
and there was an armourer,
689
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:48,680
the guy who gives you the gun, takes
it away, keeps you safe and gives
you blanks, or whatever.
690
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:54,000
He told me a fact. He'd been
doing it since the '30s,
working on Westerns.
691
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,200
Only two actors he ever worked with,
and he worked with them all,
692
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:03,200
didn't blink when they fired a gun.
This is a shot of Clint proving
that he was one of them.
693
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:07,160
The gun's going off and his eyes are
open, as much as they ever were.
694
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:08,880
He was one, he never blinked.
695
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,520
John Wayne blinked, Anthony Quinn,
Gary Cooper...
696
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:12,680
BUZZER:
'Boing!'
697
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,920
Who was the other? Kenneth Williams.
698
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,680
LAUGHTER
699
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:18,840
Carry On Cowboy!
700
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:19,960
Yeah.
701
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,400
STEPHEN IMPERSONATES KENNETH WILLIAMS
702
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:32,480
The idea that those butch American
armourers called Rusty and Randy
had heard of Kenneth Williams!
703
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,800
"It was your own guy,
Kenneth God-damn Williams."
704
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,520
It was actually... Westworld
is probably... Yul Brynner.
705
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:42,200
Yul Brynner. Yeah.
Yul Brynner never blunk.
706
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:45,880
So, anyway, the answer is they have
five bullets, not six.
707
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,360
So, to gravy.
708
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,480
You know when you're cooking a steak
and all that red juice flows out?
709
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,760
What is it? Blood. Blood.
710
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,600
Blood?
KLAXON
711
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,640
Oddly enough, it isn't. You'd think
it was, wouldn't you?
712
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:03,320
But it's not. It's
another proteinous substance.
Not haemoglobin, but myoglobin.
713
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:06,360
It's the thing that's used to
operate the muscles
714
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,480
but it isn't actually the blood
that's coming out there.
715
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:13,120
It's not anything to do with blood
then? No, it's called myoglobin.
716
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:15,880
It's related. Is it artificial
colouring?
717
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:19,280
Nor is it artificial, it's real.
It has two distinct functions.
718
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:23,720
When muscles are used for short,
fast bursts of energy, glucose
from the blood provides the fuel.
719
00:41:23,720 --> 00:41:28,080
For sustained activity, myoglobin
is used to oxidise the fat and
that provides the energy.
720
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:33,360
I didn't realise this programme was
so educational.
721
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:34,520
That's our promise.
722
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,360
A lot of it's lies.
723
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:43,240
What, the bullets? I know it
seems...but absolutely...
724
00:41:43,240 --> 00:41:45,920
I'm going to test that out tonight.
725
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,120
So, there it is, you can
put it in the gravy.
726
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:52,920
If you put "it" in "gravy,"
you get... Gravity.
727
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,320
Gravity, exactly. So we go from
gravity trains to the gravy train,
728
00:41:56,320 --> 00:42:01,120
the circle is complete.
So it's time for the scores,
ladies and gentlemen.
729
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:06,600
Oh, I say, this is really
interesting. We have a tie for
the lead, ladies and gentlemen.
730
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,840
Rich and Alan are +3!
731
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:10,800
APPLAUSE
732
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:21,840
In... In third place, with -8,
Bill Bailey!
733
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:24,160
APPLAUSE
734
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:28,680
How can I be -8?
735
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:34,760
But...failing to defy gravity the
way Rich and Alan did and sinking
like a stone, I fear,
736
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:40,480
however, what a welcome and gorgeous
pebble, what a shining, lustrous,
gorgeous stone,
737
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:43,600
at -36, Barry Humphries!
738
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:45,840
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
739
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:57,480
That's your lot from QI. My thanks
to Barry, Rich, Bill, Alan.
740
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,520
I leave you with one last
interesting thing about gravity.
741
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:03,440
In the early days of television,
it was widely believed
742
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,680
that television sets weighed more
when they were switched on.
743
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:11,640
The main reason for this belief
apparently came from reading the
manufacturer's instructions,
744
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:16,960
which warned people always to switch
off their sets before attempting
to move them.
745
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:18,560
Good night.
746
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,560
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
747
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,600
Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net