1 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,600 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 2 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,920 Gooooood evening! 3 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,280 Good evening, good evening. Welcome to QI. 4 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:44,280 This week, we'll be recycling some old rubbish 5 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,240 as we're going green! 6 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,520 Joining me tonight on our "solar" panel, 7 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,760 we have the sustainable Bill Bailey! 8 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,280 The recyclable Danny Baker! 9 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,480 The impossible Jeremy Clarkson! 10 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,160 And the 'ickle vegetable, Alan Davies. 11 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:19,920 And in the interests of reducing our carbon footprint, 12 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:24,120 - we've switched off the electric buzzers and given our panel... - ALAN CLAPS 13 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:29,280 Yes! ..a selection of fully renewable wind and calorie-powered woodland whistles 14 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,600 to attract my attention. Bill goes... 15 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,440 MELODIC TUNE 16 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,480 Excellent. Thank you. 17 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,280 Very good. Very good. Danny goes... 18 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,640 CUCKOO CALL 19 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,240 Thank you very much. 20 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,000 Jeremy? 21 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,480 SHRILL MONOTONE BLAST 22 00:01:55,480 --> 00:02:00,360 - It's abandon ship! - You'll get a constable in no time! 23 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,600 - And Alan goes... - DUCK QUACK 24 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,400 - APPLAUSE - Of course! So... 25 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,040 Stand by to offset your emissions 26 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:16,560 as we venture into Question One. Tonight's easy starter. What colour 27 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:19,080 - was Frankenstein? - CUCKOO! 28 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:21,880 Green. 29 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,120 Oh! 30 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,280 Frankenstein was a baron in a novel, who was a scientist who made a monster. 31 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,400 Yes, and the monster's name? 32 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,480 - The monster's name. - The monster has a name in the book. 33 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,720 - Tell us! - Adam. 34 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,600 Adam. Of course he's called Adam. He's like the first man. 35 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:44,000 What colour, obviously, was Frankenstein's monster? 36 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,000 Green. No - purple! 37 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,760 - No, he wasn't. - I assumed a grey colour, but I only saw him in black and white! 38 00:02:55,760 --> 00:03:00,040 - I don't know what colour he was. - She didn't write a black-and-white book. 39 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,880 Except the print was black and the paper white! She used coloured words 40 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:09,760 - and she did describe, Mary Shelley, who wrote the novel... - Puce. - ..in 1818... - Jaundiced yellow. 41 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:14,760 Yellow is the answer. "His yellow skin scarcely covered the work of muscles and arteries beneath. 42 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:18,640 "His hair was of a lustrous black, his teeth of a pearly whiteness." 43 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:22,680 - "Scarcely covered." There were gaps? - Yes, a dead body brought to life. 44 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,400 It was hanging. 45 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,440 Like the mummy. When the mummy in the movie gets... 46 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:31,760 - Bits come off. Imhotep! Imhotep! - Imhotep! 47 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,200 - Imhotep! - Imhotep! - Imhotep! 48 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,560 Yellow skin, apparently. 49 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:43,440 Amazing, Mary Shelley's novel sold how many copies, do you think? 50 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,720 - 1,200. - No, just 500, it was not considered a success. 51 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:51,240 One thing made it a success a few years after it was published. Theatre. 52 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,920 People realised it would make exciting theatre. 53 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:58,000 TP Kruk played the monster, made him famous, he was the Boris Karloff of his day. 54 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:02,880 Over the next four years, 14 separate production in London, Bristol and other cities took place, 55 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,520 and then the book just took off and became so famous 56 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:09,840 that by the time cinema was invented it was one of the earliest subjects for cinema. 57 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:14,680 - And then when colour cinema came out, for some reason he got a bit green in the face. - Round the gills. 58 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:18,400 But when the Incredible Hulk was created, what colour was he? 59 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,840 - Green. - He was green when he was the Hulk, he was not originally. 60 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:26,280 - Wasn't he a purply colour? - No, he was grey, oddly enough. 61 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,400 Stan Lee created it and his monster wasn't green when he first appeared in '62, 62 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,080 he was grey cos he wanted him not to suggest any ethnicity, 63 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,280 but green doesn't suggest any ethnicity! 64 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,480 Is it Japanese or Korean or something, 65 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,040 the director of the movies, what's his name? 66 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,280 - The Hulk movie? - Yeah. 67 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:47,200 Ang Lee. He did all the movements, did you know that? 68 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,040 No, I didn't know that. 69 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,880 They CGI'd the Hulk in, so every time he goes, "Argh!" 70 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,800 - He put on one of these suits... - Oh, like at the circus, yeah. 71 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,360 And then they had him doing lots of Hulk stuff, 72 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,520 but he wasn't really very Hulk-like, he's about 5'4", quite narrow-hipped. 73 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:08,040 - Yeah. - So when the Hulk leapt out the building, he kind of went, "Heeey!" 74 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,200 LAUGHTER 75 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:16,640 When the Hulk comes out, if you go, "Ah-so!" It really, really works. 76 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,400 And he jumps, and he kind of goes, "Hee-ow!" 77 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,200 In the first three Superman comics he can't fly. How lame is that?! 78 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,360 - He ran to his destinations. - Did he? - Yeah! 79 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,520 - Superman did? - Superman couldn't fly in the initial comics. 80 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,080 He became flying after a while when they realised 81 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,440 him waiting for traffic lights to change is all a bit pedestrian. 82 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,280 - Then he began flying after that. - Goodness. 83 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:41,640 - Along with Beppo the superdog and the superhorse... - Yes. 84 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,680 And Supertramp. 85 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:48,920 - And Supertramp! - It couldn't have been a cost thing in the comic, could it? - No! 86 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,480 Cos in Star Trek they had to invent beamings. They couldn't afford 87 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,880 - to land the shuttle on the planet every week. - Oh, is that why? - Yeah. 88 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,800 Cos otherwise they'd have to have their model going wobbling down on cotton... 89 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,240 Sorry, Jeremy, you're saying it's a model? What do you mean? 90 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:04,480 LAUGHTER 91 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:10,960 - Oh, dear. Energised, isn't it? - You know who made Star Trek? Lucille Ball. I Love Lucy. 92 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,440 - Well, it was her studio, yeah. - But even so. 93 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,520 And Mission:Impossible, too. 94 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,640 Lucille Ball met her husband on the set of RKO. What a great story. 95 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,960 Five years later they bought the studio. 96 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:25,120 Chucked out the name RKO, called it Desilu, made Star Trek. Lucille Ball. 97 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,080 And therefore invented teleporting. 98 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:32,200 So Lucille Ball invented teleporting, as we've just discovered. 99 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,120 Frankenstein's monster was yellow, in the book, anyway. 100 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:39,360 Where is the best place to mine gold in the UK? 101 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,520 - Who got there first? - Underground. - Underground! 102 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,600 LAUGHTER 103 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:51,280 - You'd think, wouldn't you? - Can't be anywhere else! - You'd think underground. 104 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,600 But that's not the answer. 105 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,280 - Probably the dentist. - An interesting thought. 106 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,160 Jimmy Savile's toilet. 107 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,520 That's where he keeps it, stuffed up under the rim! 108 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,160 You get... From a tonne of... 109 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,800 From a tonne of... 110 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,880 "Eh, up, now then. Where's my rings?" 111 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:21,000 All his furniture's got drawers in it. 112 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,840 "Now, where did I put that thing?" 113 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,400 - That's only jealousy. - Sorry I said it. 114 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,400 For a tonne of mineable ore, you get five grams of gold. 115 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:38,840 Whereas a tonne of what I'm thinking of will yield 150 grams. 116 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:41,480 - Dead bodies? - No. - No. 117 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,080 Mobile phones. 118 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:47,480 Mobile phones, of which we throw away 1.5 million a year. 119 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,920 So much gold can be got from them that in Japan in particular 120 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:54,120 where there's not much natural resources of any kind, 121 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,880 they have cornered the market in eco-recycling. 122 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:02,320 Mobile phones is a big one. They get it from sewage plants as well. 123 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,440 Tiny specks of it from industrial effluent. 124 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:10,320 Used in so many processes and little bits of it can be recovered. 125 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,120 - Isn't that amazing? - It is. 126 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:16,120 From a tonne of mobile phones you may get 150 grams of gold, 127 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,040 but how much copper? 128 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:22,880 - 300. - 100 kilograms! - 100 kilograms of copper! I raise you! 129 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:30,200 - That's pretty good, isn't it? - Yeah. - And three kilograms of silver! - Is there anything in a mobile phone 130 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:34,360 that isn't a precious metal? Mine's mostly plastic! 131 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:38,080 It seems that way, but inside, look, there's a lot going on. 132 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:42,160 - Is there a bit of fondant, right in the middle? - There is. 133 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,480 - Fondant. - Just in the middle. 134 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:48,880 Isn't it that if you got all the gold in the world, it would form a cube the size of that screen? 135 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:53,000 A bit bigger than that. I believe it's 55 feet, side to side. 136 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,600 All the gold ever mined. 137 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,560 Yes. A cube of 55 by 55 by 55. 138 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:01,640 - And the coffee. Gold Blend. - Not counting Gold Blend there. 139 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,000 We'll break the bad news to you later. 140 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,720 In all of human history 141 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,880 the amount of gold that has been gotten out of the land 142 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:16,720 amounts to 3.3 billion ounces. 143 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,720 Which is a heck of a lot. 144 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:23,560 But in the oceans, they reckon there's 25 billion ounces. 145 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:27,560 - In the...? - In the sea water. - BILL GROANS 146 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,400 - It's like ten parts per trillion. - Disgusting. 147 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:35,000 - Isn't it? - That's something a Bond villain should be getting on to. 148 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,520 "I am stealing the oceans, Mr Bond. 149 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:41,320 "All of them, and there is nothing you can do about it." 150 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,320 - BILL: - "I have the biggest sieve in the world." 151 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:50,840 Of the 1.5 million phones that are thrown away each year in the UK, 152 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,640 most of them go to China, to a place called Guiyu - 153 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,320 the largest electronic waste site on Earth. 154 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,720 - There are an estimated 150,000 e-waste workers - - Wow! 155 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,040 there they are. Some of them - 156 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,520 earning an average of 1.50 a day. Which is like, what, 157 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,560 10.50 a week, if they work seven days a week? 158 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:12,560 More than 80% of local children suffer from lead poisoning. 159 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:16,440 So, it's nice to recycle, but that's clearly not the way to do it. 160 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:22,200 - But they are very useful, mobile phones, aren't they? That's what we mustn't forget. - They are. 161 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,360 This is obviously very bad, but there is an upside. 162 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,680 - You wouldn't know. You haven't got one. - No, I haven't. - But... 163 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,200 - He hasn't got a mobile telephone. - Really? 164 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,080 - No. I know, it's extraordinary. - Have you ever had one? 165 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:38,000 No. I can't think of anything worse than being contactable all the time. 166 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,960 The easiest way is to have a mobile phone and no friends. That's what I do. 167 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,520 APPLAUSE 168 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,520 I find that very easy to believe. 169 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,760 - It just shows the price we pay, though. - We do. 170 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:56,000 - It's pretty astonishing. - I've got no conscience about it. - Have you got a computer? - Have I...? 171 00:10:56,000 --> 00:11:00,640 - No, have YOU got a computer? - Yes. - Well, look, there's computers there. - Not mine! 172 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,240 Not mine! 173 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:09,480 Now, cars... Something you know about. Catalytic converters. All new cars have them. 174 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:14,440 - What do they give the atmosphere? - Carbon dioxide in huge quantities. 175 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:20,040 Yes, they're not green in that sense. But also they give off so much of this element 176 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:24,000 that quite soon we may be able to harvest it from the roads. 177 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,040 - It's dust that comes out of the exhaust. - Platinum. 178 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:31,800 Platinum is right. UK roads are now 100 times richer in platinum 179 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,480 than they were before the catalytic converter. 180 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:39,640 People think it would be worth harvesting the platinum. How would they do that? It's weird. 181 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,680 - Hoover? - No, they use... - Mice! 182 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,400 - It is biological. - Yes. 183 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,360 - Not mice. Much, much smaller. - Insects. 184 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,840 Even smaller. 185 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,200 Bacteria. 186 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,480 Bacteria is the right answer, yes. E. coli. 187 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:58,680 - E. coli?! On the roadside? - It's not the dangerous E. coli. It refines the dust. 188 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,840 This particular lady I'm about to tell you about 189 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,680 was in the same business as her mother and grandfather before her. 190 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,720 You have to stop me 191 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,360 when you know what it is they sold as a business. 192 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,120 I'll give you some clues. 193 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,080 We all want more of it. 194 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,080 Some of us keep it better than others. 195 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,040 - It's invisible. - CUCKOO! 196 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,680 - Time. - Yes, it's the right answer. 197 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:27,120 - They invented time?! - They sold it! 198 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:32,080 - I remember what William Hartnell looked like. - No, they sold it. 199 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:36,640 - They sold it? - How would you sell time? Make a living? - What period? 200 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,760 They started in the 19th century and went up to 1940. 201 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:44,120 - Four generations. - Time shares. You get a flat in Malta for two weeks. 202 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:48,160 - No. - Is it something to do with Bristol being 11 minutes behind London? 203 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:52,120 It's not exactly, but it's to do with the fact that in the 19th century 204 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,280 it became more important to keep time. 205 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,360 There was only one clock, 206 00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:01,600 the Greenwich clock that keeps the official GMT, Greenwich Mean Time, 207 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:06,440 and this woman would go with her very fine pocket watch 208 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,960 and go, once a week, and put the time right. Then wander round London 209 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,560 and people would pay to look at her watch! 210 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:19,040 She made money giving people the time. Businessmen had a subscription to her business. 211 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,840 It sounds very much like a scam! Some sort of euphemism! 212 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:26,520 "What is going on here?" "He's just looking at my watch, Officer." 213 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,840 - "In this dark alley?" - You'd think, wouldn't you? 214 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:35,080 - People would stop her to look at her watch? - Ruth Belville. - "Her watch." 215 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:39,000 A John Arnold pocket chronometer. Number 485786. 216 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:43,040 - They cornered the market from 1836 to 1940. - Only three of them did it? 217 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:47,760 - One person at a time. You'd be lucky to find them! - That's the thing. 218 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,360 You could buy an annual subscription. They'd go and visit them 219 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:55,320 - just as a sandwich company goes round to a firm. - Like an alarm clock? 220 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,680 They'd go round with the clock and say it's now exactly this. 221 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:04,800 - The firm would set all their watches by it. - Why did they decide on an hour? 222 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,480 What was that? 223 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,720 Why an hour? Why not just half an hour and make that an hour? 224 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:15,360 - Because 24 is divisible in so many different ways. - It's very factorisable. 225 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,120 - Divisible by two, three, four, six, eight. - So is ten. 226 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,160 No, ten is only divisible by one, two, five and itself. 227 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,840 Only on one dimension! 228 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:28,120 If you go into another dimension, you can have anything you want! 229 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,440 - Unfortunately we weren't in another dimension. - Oh! 230 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:36,240 - Sorry! - Oh! - Sorry, but why was it important to divide 24 by eight? 231 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,440 Yeah. 232 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,120 - No, to have as divisible a system as possible. - Why wasn't it 100? 233 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,120 Have 100. Make it all up to ten. 234 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,200 If you want, you can have a plan to decimalise time. 235 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,160 I'm going to make my own. 236 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,280 I'm going to cross two of these off! 237 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,680 - Let's do it. - I'm with you on that one. - Let's have a vote. 238 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,480 I'm going to get rid of three... Three and eight. 239 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,640 ALL TALK AT ONCE 240 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:05,320 You can't do one to ten, cos then we'll never have elevenses ever again! 241 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,360 - We'll leave that in. - We can do nineses. - Nineses?! 242 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:13,080 - What is your system? How many hours are in your day? - 20. - 20 hours. 243 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,920 To make it nice and simple, we'll call it a "horare" or something. 244 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,880 - Or a "hoor". - A whore? 245 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,880 - SCOTTISH ACCENT: - A whore! A whore! - Splendid. 246 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,720 Time is a whore, I think. 247 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,880 20 strumpets! 248 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,480 - Aye! - There are a number of objections. I'm not the one to make them. 249 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:36,200 - Originally it was 12 hours because the Babylonians... - What do they know? 250 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,680 They had a base-12 counting system. 251 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:42,640 - The French did try decimal time after their revolution. - Did they? 252 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,200 - Yeah. - You see! - It didn't work. - Why did it not work? - I don't know. 253 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:50,080 Maybe because the rest of the world just didn't like the idea. 254 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:54,760 Is it not like Betamax and VHS? They all went with 24, but the French should have gone with 20. 255 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:59,120 - When were the French ever worried about what the rest of the world thought? - Absolutely. 256 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:03,120 We have ten fingers and ten toes. 257 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:08,360 You could count off the bits, the sections of time, using one of your digits. 258 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,000 What a way to tell the time. "What time is it?" 259 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,800 One, two... Three-and-a-half. 260 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:18,240 - Two minutes past four. What would that be, then? About six? - About six, yeah. 261 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:24,640 Good luck. There could be a good line in merchandisable metric clocks. 262 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,160 - Yes. - The Bill Bailey QI metric clock. 263 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,360 - Metric clock. Fine, that'll do me. - Anyway, 264 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,720 we've just done an hour on that topic! 265 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,560 By whose system? 266 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,600 I think you'll find it's an hour and a bit. 267 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,160 There's only one thing. Time to move on! 268 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:48,080 The Belvilles gave people a good time by selling them a look at their watch. 269 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:52,400 The Belvilles never went to this place, but what time is it at the South Pole? 270 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,520 - It's no time at all, isn't it? - It's every time. 271 00:16:55,520 --> 00:17:00,320 - It's every time? It's no time? - It's the penguin Public Enemy tribute band! 272 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,120 Yes, because all the time zones, 273 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:13,160 obviously, which are like that way, meet at the South Pole, don't they? 274 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,080 - Yes, they do. - And it's not true about the compass. 275 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,880 If you're at the magnetic North Pole - nobody knows quite where it is - 276 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,560 but I wanted the compass to do that thing where it can't find South 277 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,880 - or anywhere, but it doesn't. - How boring! 278 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:30,120 - It is boring, yeah. - Is there a red-and-white striped barber's pole there? 279 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:33,040 There's nothing. Nor a shaft of light. Nothing. 280 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:37,520 - Maybe it works at the South Pole. - It's a lot chillier. It's always noon or always midnight. 281 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:42,200 - Why do we have to have north, south, east, west? - Oh, hello! Hello! 282 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,400 He's drunk with power! 283 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,800 EVIL CACKLE 284 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:53,680 All the time zones converge at the poles, but the default time in Antarctica is GMT. 285 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,160 That's what they use. But now, 286 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,520 time to eat up your greens now. 287 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:03,600 According to the Vegetarian Society, why are people who don't eat meat called vegetarians? 288 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,360 So we can identify them as fools and mad men! I don't know. 289 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,640 - Where does the word come from? - Presumably the word "vegetable". 290 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,000 That's not why they're called vegetarians. 291 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,760 What, when people who only eat vegetables... 292 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,280 - That's not why they're called it. - Is it a star sign? 293 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,040 Very good! 294 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,040 - No, it's... - Saggyhairyass! 295 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,760 Say that again. 296 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:37,160 - Saggyhairyass. - Thank you. - It's my favourite star sign. 297 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:41,040 - Are they named after dinosaurs? No, they're not. - No. 298 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,480 Herbivores. 299 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:46,360 An "-arian" is an enthusiast or a practiser of "vege-". 300 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,240 - I know why. - Yes? 301 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,720 Because if you said you had a herbivore coming to dinner, 302 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,320 the children would be frightened. 303 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:59,400 So they've called themselves vegetarians to make themselves seem normal and not pallid. 304 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,760 I know what you mean. But the surprising point to most people 305 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,920 is that the original word from which "vegetarian" comes 306 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,680 according to the Vegetarian Society, is not the word "vegetable". 307 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,640 - It's nothing to do with vegetable. - We're talking about the root word. 308 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,000 Oddly enough! It's really bizarre, 309 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:21,200 I grant you. It's the word vegetus, which is nothing to do with vegetation. 310 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,120 It's a Latin word meaning "whole, sound, fresh or lively". 311 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:29,520 I don't call them vegetables. I have a different system of naming them. 312 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:30,800 Yes! 313 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:40,840 The official UK Vegetarian Society, VSUK, the oldest vegetarian society in the world, 314 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,240 they say that's the origin of it, vegetus, not vegetable. 315 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,560 Name some famous vegetarians for me. 316 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,440 - JEREMY: - Hitler. - Oh, dear! 317 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:55,640 - He wasn't a vegetarian? - I don't think so. - He is in my mind! 318 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,360 Napoleon. Robert Mugabe. 319 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,160 I don't think so. 320 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:06,040 - My tortoise died the other day... - Oh! - ..and I honestly considered having its leg on some toast. 321 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:10,320 I thought, "I wonder what it tastes like?" Some people don't think like that. 322 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:15,280 I know. We had a tortoise once, and it had bad arthritis in its leg. 323 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:19,560 They said, "We can operate and replace it with a wheel." 324 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,640 - Fabulous. - They do that. They do that, don't they? - Castors. 325 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,560 - They can go in all directions. - Did you do that? 326 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:30,880 - We thought about taking all its legs off and putting wheels on all of them. - No! 327 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:34,160 And a little engine on the shell. 328 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,000 You could send it down the shops! 329 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,040 - JEREMY: - With an aerial on a spring! 330 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,880 What a great idea! 331 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,440 But you couldn't. I bet someone would object if you motorised a tortoise. 332 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,560 Really?! 333 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:52,640 The RSPCA! 334 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:57,040 - You could have lorries, like trailers... - Political correctness gone mad(!) 335 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:02,000 - You can't even mutilate a tortoise any more! - I'm not suggesting you mutilate it. 336 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,960 You had a tortoise? 337 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,440 It could keep its legs. It could keep its legs. 338 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,160 I'm thinking of like a bigfoot truck in America. 339 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,800 Big wheels that could be detached so it could be a tortoise and eat weeds 340 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,560 - and then... - The legs go up. 341 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,320 ..when you wanted, you could send it to the shops. 342 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,240 - A transformer tortoise. - Yes! 343 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:25,960 - Nothing wrong with that. - The big ones in the Galapagos Islands. - They're terrific. 344 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:29,600 They could bring substantial pieces of furniture back. 345 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,760 - You could put wings on them. They could take off. - Yeah. 346 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,280 The tortoise's tum. 347 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,440 Brum! Brum! Brum! 348 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,280 Anyway, that's good. Good talk. Mad, but good. 349 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,960 The Vegetarian Society claims "vegetarian" comes from the word vegetus. 350 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:51,000 Everyone else thinks it's because they eat vegetables. But why are vegans called vegans? 351 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,640 - From the planet Vegus? - That seems to be the suggestion there. 352 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,400 - BILL: - From the root "vague". 353 00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:01,360 "What do you eat?" "I don't know." 354 00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:04,080 They're probably the least vague eaters there are. 355 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,120 Hardcore. 356 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:09,680 - Vegans are allowed what? - Vegans are different from vegetarians. - How? 357 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:13,160 - Vegans don't eat eggs or cheese. - BILL: - It's dairy, isn't it? 358 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,520 Anything dairy. Anything from an animal, yeah. 359 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:22,440 - Look at Peter Tatchell at the end. There's the advert! - These are vegans. Can you recognise them? 360 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,040 - DANNY: - Thom Yorke. - Bob Marley. 361 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,800 That's not Bob Marley! What are you talking about?! 362 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:30,600 No, it's Benjamin Zephaniah, the poet. And on the left, the pneumatic lady? 363 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:35,040 - Pamela Anderson. - Is she a vegan? - She's a vegan, yes. And Peter Tatchell, yeah. 364 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:39,360 - Are they all vegans? - Yeah. - They're not a healthy-looking bunch. 365 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,960 Her breasts are made of plant matter. 366 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,320 Otherwise you can't feed your children, I mean... 367 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,520 They're stuffed with pulses and beans. 368 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,600 - BILL: - How do you know that? Pulses? 369 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,720 Well, they must be if she's a vegan. 370 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,480 They can't be made out of leather, can they? 371 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:59,600 I don't think they actually remove their own flesh from their body and replace it with plant material. 372 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,640 They're allowed to have their own flesh. 373 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,720 You can have a couple of cows' udders strapped on... 374 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:09,240 But anyway, how did the word arise? What's it from? What's its origin? 375 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,720 Is it an anagram? Is it a mnemonic of some sort? 376 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:16,240 Not a mnemonic, no. It's actually the first three letters of "vegetarian" 377 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:21,800 and the last two of "vegetarian". Cos the beginning and end of "vegetarian" is "vegan". 378 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,080 If vegans knew that, they'd stop calling each other vegan. 379 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,000 - Marc Bolan did that, of course, with Bob Dylan's name. - Yes. 380 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,280 Marc Bolan, Bob Dylan - he just cut it up. 381 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,320 - And he was a vegetarian. - Was he? 382 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,000 Yes, he was. He took cocaine, but he was a vegetarian. 383 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:41,240 - Which comes from a vegetable. - It's a plant. - Yes. - It comes from a leaf. - And he's normal, so there! 384 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:45,240 That was the worst ever time that a hero's death was broken to me. 385 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,200 My dad told me. I was a huge T. Rex fan, a massive fan, 386 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,520 and the night he died, tragically, over in Barnes, 387 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,880 I went to bed early and I was woken up the next morning by my dad, 388 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,440 who didn't have a lot of time for your pop stars, 389 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,760 but equally, he was a fairly straightforward fellow. 390 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:04,320 I don't think he knew how much he hurt me when he came in with my cup of tea the next morning. 391 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,200 "Here's your tea. Oh..." 392 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,960 I'm like, "What? What?" "Who's that bloke you like?" 393 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,240 "Who?" "The one with the stars on his face." 394 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,160 "Marc Bolan." "Yeah, gone, dead." 395 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,760 That was how I heard of the passing of Marc Bolan. 396 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,960 - BILL: - It's like how my neighbour broke the news of our cat dying to me. 397 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,520 It was so insensitive. He was trying to be friendly and he said, 398 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:31,680 "Is your cat the one with the coloured collar?" I went, "Yeah." 399 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,720 He goes, "Oh, I think it's dead. I think it got hit by a car." 400 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:38,560 I went, "Oh, why do you think that?" He goes, "Well, it's completely flat." 401 00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:43,520 All right, good, well done. 402 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:47,000 So, it was woodwork teacher Donald Watson 403 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,000 who coined the word "vegan" in 1944. 404 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:54,040 Now, all four of you are obviously babe magnets. But what's a cow magnet? 405 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,000 A bull with a big horn? Sorry! 406 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,960 - Very good. - A hedge. 407 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:05,800 - A hedge? - A hedge. Cows gravitate towards hedges. 408 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:09,040 - Do they? - I've got a mate who's afraid of cows. 409 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:14,280 - A lot of people are, quite rightly. - He's really afraid of them. He says they can rear up. 410 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:18,880 I said, "They can't rear up!" I said, "You're being ridiculous!" 411 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:23,480 He goes rambling. I said there's no attacks of cows on people. 412 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,280 - I've seen a bull rear up on a cow. - One day I saw him, 413 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:31,520 he said, "I've got something to show you!" He'd got a clipping out of the Metro, a free paper, 414 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,600 and a man had been knocked over and assaulted by cows. 415 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:40,360 - They do! - He was an off-duty policeman and he'd phoned the police helicopter to rescue him! 416 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:44,400 They sent it straight out. It landed in the field and scared them off. 417 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:48,480 He was lying there with broken bones and he was in terrible pain. 418 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,880 They gang up on you. This happened to me in a field in Norfolk. 419 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:56,800 - Were you being herded by cows? - They tried to mount my Land Rover. 420 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:03,400 I've got a black Land Rover and there were 50 or 60 around, 421 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:07,640 - all over it. I thought the top might come in. Terrifying! - BILL: - You're thinking of lions! 422 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,680 No, no. I'm thinking of cows. 423 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,080 I'm thinking cows, Bill. These cows surrounded the car. 424 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:20,320 I tried everything. When I say everything, I put on show tunes and opened the sun roof! 425 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:24,200 - Show tunes? - A Londoner tries to clear some cows. 426 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:29,200 The farmer's chewing straw going, "He'll put some music on in a minute!" 427 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,800 I'll tell you what it was. 428 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,480 - It was Defying Gravity by Wicked. - "Let's try some heavy metal." 429 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:39,640 - It was Defying Gravity by Wicked. - No, they respond to Galvanize by The Chemical Brothers. 430 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,520 - Yeah? - That's what you should have played. - Whatever, I couldn't do it. 431 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:47,480 My wife said, "Get out of the car." I said, "The cows won't let me!" 432 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,160 - BILL: - I know the answer. Danny Baker is the cow magnet. 433 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,600 Very good! I can't deny it. 434 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,160 SPEECH DROWNED BY APPLAUSE 435 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,080 But here is the real cow magnet. 436 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,640 Pass it on to Jeremy. Everyone can have a look. 437 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,080 How would that work? It is a cow magnet. 438 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,720 Made in Denmark. 439 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,840 It's just a magnet, Stephen. 440 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:13,000 It basically is a magnet but this is a cow magnet. 441 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,520 - Is it cows with bells round their necks? - Is it to do with the fact it's made in Denmark? 442 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,520 - Not particularly, no. - Is it a cow as we know it or... 443 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,600 No, no, it's a real cow. 444 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,040 - Bill... - That was weird! 445 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,360 We'll have to call you Buffalo Bill! 446 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:40,720 - Bovine Buffalo Bill. - HE MOOS 447 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,480 No, this goes inside the cow. 448 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,520 - Ah! - That goes in the cow? 449 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,560 - Not the way you're thinking. - Only one way, surely! 450 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:57,560 Is it when you want the cow to come to the milking shed, 451 00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:01,120 if you turn on the magnet in the milking shed and that's in it, 452 00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:02,760 the cows would come. 453 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:06,840 - What about the abattoir? - Not the abattoir. It is simply that 454 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:11,720 a cow in the course of its daily grazings will often pick up metal in fields. 455 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,960 Bits of wire in tyres that are used to weigh down tarpaulins on silage pits. 456 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,960 - Barbed wire and things. - Gold. 457 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:21,680 They can cause inflammation in the stomach. Gold, yes! 458 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,800 So a magnet is put into their stomach and it attracts all the metal they eat 459 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,400 and eventually the gastric juices cause the metal to dissolve. 460 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:34,360 - Funnily enough, Bill mentioned something about them being attracted towards hedges. - Yes. 461 00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:39,080 But someone thought, "I wonder if cows have a sense of magnetism themselves. 462 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,640 "How can we tell if cows face one particular way or if they're aware of it?" 463 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:48,120 They used that old standby Google Earth. This was an academic from a German university 464 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,800 and he studied 8,510 cows. 465 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:56,560 He found they tended to face north or south, a fact that's eluded mankind for thousands of years. 466 00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:00,360 Only Google Earth would allow you to see that. "They're all looking that way." 467 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:05,360 - Only when the satellite was flying over. - True, but over a large patch of Earth. 468 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:09,720 - What do you think they're looking at? - Who knows? - The satellite. - They must be looking at something. 469 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:15,280 - They were looking north or south, not east or west. - Or "narth" or "thwest". 470 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,320 Ah, new ones! 471 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,160 Let's press on. We should. 472 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,800 Cow magnets sit inside cows' stomachs to attract bits of metal. 473 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:27,360 All right, let's be brutally honest, what do you think the Green Revolution has achieved? 474 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,280 Um... THEY SIGH 475 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:36,040 - Many, many things. - It's done wonders for the expensive light bulb business. 476 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,320 It depends what you mean by the "Green Revolution". 477 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:43,480 You're probably thinking of the general fact that people are trying to be eco-friendly, 478 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:48,680 - but there was something that was called the Green Revolution. - Is it in Africa or Asia? 479 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,320 All over the world, actually. There's a man 480 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:55,840 who you probably haven't heard of. His name didn't trip off my tongue - Norman Borlaug. 481 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:59,160 It's probably cos he's never been on Britain's Got Talent, 482 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:02,880 but he won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1970 and in the citation 483 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:07,960 it was said, "Dr Borlaug has saved more lives than any other person who has ever lived." 484 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:11,160 - Oh! Has he done something about the tsetse fly? - A billion people. 485 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,160 - So more than Fleming? - A billion people, they think. - He saved a billion? 486 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:18,680 - A billion people are alive because of him. - Clean water or something? - No, a new type of wheat. 487 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:22,960 It simply tripled India's supply of wheat. India, suddenly, in a short time - 488 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,920 ten, 15, 20 years - became capable of sustaining itself. 489 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,320 When I was young, there was enormous starvation in India and Bangladesh. 490 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:34,120 - That's why you weren't allowed to not finish your tea. - Yeah, absolutely. 491 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,800 I was forever posting my mashed potato I hadn't eaten off to Biafra. 492 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,440 Your parents would always say, "Biafrans could eat that," 493 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:46,320 and I'd think, "They're right. I don't want it," and I was only little, so I'd post it off. 494 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,080 - Yeah. - So he invented wheat which has saved a million lives... 495 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:54,160 - A billion. - ..or means that a billion people are alive now that wouldn't otherwise...? 496 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:59,040 A billion people are alive who would otherwise not be and would have died of starvation. 497 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:03,600 It's hardier and higher-yielding, basically. This was christened the Green Revolution. 498 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:08,640 Of course, there are downsides. It's a monoculture, this wheat. It's spread everywhere. 499 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:12,360 Although enormous numbers of lives have been saved, it has been a big threat 500 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:18,080 to biodiversity, obviously, and the reliance on pesticides and things is not all good, 501 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,960 but it is pretty astonishing, isn't it? 502 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,200 How do you get wheat to mate? 503 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,200 Pollination? 504 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,200 Well, how does that happen? 505 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,240 - BILL: - Well, you turn down the lights... 506 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,960 Ask the barley to leave the room. 507 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,840 SPEECH DROWNED BY LAUGHTER 508 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,440 Anyway, Dr Norman Borlaug is the father of the Green Revolution 509 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,800 and may have saved as many as a billion lives, 510 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,440 but has never been on Celebrity Big Brother, so we've no idea who he is. 511 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,760 But from little green shoots, to little green men, gentlemen. 512 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:54,240 Imagine you've just received a signal from outer space. What's the first thing to do? 513 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,440 Phone Sky News immediately so they can get a camera crew round. 514 00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,920 No, that's not the first thing to do. 515 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:02,080 Don't tell anyone, keep it to yourself? 516 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:06,840 - There is SETI. Have you heard of SETI? - The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. 517 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:09,640 - Very good! Points for Bill. - How do you think we found him? 518 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:14,400 - APPLAUSE - Indeed. 519 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,040 - SETI... - GERMAN ACCENT: Here's our finest example! 520 00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,120 We never will get a message from outer space. Is that the answer? 521 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:28,640 - No... - Why shouldn't you phone Sky News? - Because there's a declaration of principles concerning activities 522 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,520 following the detection of extraterrestrial intelligence that SETI have put out. 523 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:37,720 - One, check it's real. Important. - OK. - Two, 524 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:41,880 tell all the signatories to the declaration and your national authorities. 525 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,320 - Not the press. - Oh, right. 526 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:48,320 You then tell astronomers, online or via a central bureau or something or other, 527 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:52,240 and then the discoverer has the privilege of making the first public announcement. 528 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,680 - That's the fourth step. - By the time I'm about to make the announcement 529 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,320 the authorities that I've previously contacted 530 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:02,600 have put me in a dark basement somewhere under the MI6 building for life! 531 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,800 - Probing or whatever they do. - This gentleman's from America. 532 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,480 US ACCENT: What exactly did you hear, sir? 533 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,040 There are reply protocols as well. That's to say, 534 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,160 if you get the message, how do you reply? 535 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:18,240 No-one should reply without checking with everyone else first. 536 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:22,280 - "Fine, thanks." - How do they do that? 537 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:25,440 The United Nations should finally decide if we reply. 538 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:29,960 We should reply on behalf of all humanity, not one country or corporation or company. 539 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:34,200 The message should be published before transmission. Plans should be put in place 540 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:39,160 to create an institution to manage the conversation as replies might be a long time in coming - centuries. 541 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,560 And somebody recommends the alien contact Max Clifford. 542 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:48,800 - It's such a very, very long way to the nearest place that it's... - That's the point. 543 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,760 You could spend as long as you liked planning all this. There's no need to rush. 544 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:56,120 - Who's made these rules? - SETI - the search for an extraterrestrial. 545 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,560 They've got plenty of time on their hands. Let's be honest. 546 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:04,240 What we know from cinema is that there's a kind of beardy, techy guy doing this 547 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:08,360 in the place where there's the computer screens and the stuff and he's like that, 548 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:12,000 and he's usually got a takeaway coffee and suddenly something goes... 549 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,840 - HE BLEEPS - ..and he goes like that. 550 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,680 "Oh, my God, oh, my God! I gotta..." Like that. Then the film starts. 551 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,200 - Then he gets up and treads on his own indoor golf set. - Exactly. 552 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:25,280 Blows the dust off his telephone and calls the authorities. 553 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:29,880 - What's wrong with being a bit beardy? You know... - Nothing wrong. 554 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:33,960 - Take it up with Hollywood casting. - Would the Americans call the Bangladeshis 555 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,120 if they heard it there? Cos that says 556 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:39,040 if Alan hears it when he's going shopping one day, 557 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:40,920 he's got to call SETI in New Mexico 558 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:46,200 - but I'll bet you... - No, it says check it's real and tell the signatories to the declaration. 559 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,440 Let's just assume for a moment Bangladesh is one of the signatories. 560 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:54,240 I bet you the Americans wouldn't call up the Bangladeshis and say, "We've heard from outer space." 561 00:34:54,240 --> 00:34:57,200 - They'd deal with it all by themselves. 562 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:01,320 Why was Lord Hardwicke's Marriage Act so good for the Scottish tourist industry? 563 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:05,040 - Something to do with kilts? - Something to do with Gretna Green. 564 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,640 Green is our word. Gretna Green. Yes. 565 00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,760 - Where's Gretna Green? - Just inside Scotland. 566 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,520 - It's where you elope to to get married. - It's just over the border. 567 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:19,160 Up until 1753, in Britain, you didn't need your parents' permission to marry. 568 00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,000 There were only three conditions to be satisfied. 569 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,040 You couldn't already be married. 570 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,720 The girl had to be 12 or over. 571 00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:30,360 The boy had to be 14 or over. They mustn't be brother and sister. 572 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,920 - And that was it. You didn't even need witnesses. - No? 573 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:39,520 You'd just get married. But after 1753 because of inheritance and various legal wrangles, 574 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,400 because it was so hard to prove people were married, 575 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,000 the Hardwicke Act came in. But it didn't apply in Scotland. 576 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:51,080 So couples would elope. The nearest place on the main road to Edinburgh was Gretna Green. 577 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:56,520 In Gretna Green, as in England before this, you didn't have to be a priest or a mayor. 578 00:35:56,520 --> 00:36:00,400 And these blacksmiths, they were called anvil weddings, 579 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,680 blacksmiths would perform thousands. 580 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,960 5,000 weddings a year are performed in Gretna Green still. 581 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:11,360 - People think it romantic to go. - Knock up a couple of rings while they're doing it. 582 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:17,040 - So, continuing our green theme now... - Why are you wasting electricity? - Sorry? 583 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:20,840 Why do you have two screens on? Why not turn that one off? 584 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,440 Then Bill can come and sit next to me on my knee. 585 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,760 Which is what I've been hoping for all along. 586 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,680 You on for that? Go on! Move! 587 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,400 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 588 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,400 Come on, Bill. 589 00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:40,080 - I'd better come by you, then. - Oh, it's you now! 590 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,280 There you go. 591 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:45,080 I'm still far away from him! 592 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,720 Like when you go to a restaurant and you want to sit next to someone 593 00:36:48,720 --> 00:36:50,960 and end up at the other end of the table! 594 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,480 You can gaze at him across... 595 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,040 I love you - pass it on. 596 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,760 I love pooh. Pass it on. 597 00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,320 You do kung fu. Pass it on. 598 00:37:05,720 --> 00:37:08,840 - Paid three and fourpence for going to a dance. - Very good. 599 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,760 Excellent work. This is rather good. 600 00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:16,800 - We're saving... - Saving power. - That whole screen now is off. Good thought. 601 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,360 - People say you're an enemy of environmentalism. - Rubbish! 602 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,840 - You have no idea! - We could take this further. 603 00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,240 You at home - turn off your sets! 604 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,440 Steady on here! OK. 605 00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:33,360 Let's have a musical clue for this next question. 606 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,360 MUSIC: Colonel Bogey's March 607 00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:39,720 - Colonel Bogey's March. - Yes. Colonel Bogey's March. 608 00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:44,400 Why, the question is, did Colonel Bogey go one over par in 1925? 609 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:49,440 - A bogey is one over par, in golf. - The extraordinary thing was, in Britain, 610 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:55,800 the way you set your par was to imagine the perfect player you were playing against 611 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:59,360 who got an exactly perfect score without dropping any shots. 612 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:05,280 And he was called Mr Bogey. So that meant par, not one over par. It meant par, bizarrely. 613 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:10,640 In the United Services Golf Club, they didn't want a Mr Bogey, so they called him Colonel Bogey. 614 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:15,960 So you imagined you were playing Colonel Bogey. So Colonel Bogey gets four on this hole. 615 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,840 And I got five. So you're one over. 616 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,280 But if you got four too, that was Bogey - par. 617 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:24,880 But America, who had newer courses because they'd only taken to the game more lately, 618 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:30,240 they used the word par and when they played on British ones they found ours were easier, 619 00:38:30,240 --> 00:38:34,080 - so if they made a British one, one over was Bogey. - Easier here? - Complicated. 620 00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:37,920 I literally have no idea what you're talking about. 621 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:43,480 - I know it sounds complicated. - In America they played on large courses, 18 holes. 622 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:47,880 - Here, you had to get it past the windmill... - APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 623 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:52,880 But essentially bogey meant par until we joined in with the Americans in 1925 624 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,480 and we agreed to use Bogey to mean one over. 625 00:38:55,480 --> 00:39:01,720 All of which brings us rolling off the green and into the bunker of general ignorance. 626 00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:04,520 - Have you got your instruments still? - Yes. 627 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:08,720 You're on a tropical beach. You've got a screwdriver in one hand, a rusty nail in the other. 628 00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:14,040 A crowd of huge male mosquitoes descends on you. What are they after? 629 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:17,400 - Yes, Bill? - Drinks, I was going to say. - Ah, sugar. 630 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:19,320 - Ah. - Sugar. 631 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:23,120 - They're not after anything. Only females bite you. - That is true. 632 00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:26,560 That is a fact. That's correct. They're not after your blood. 633 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:32,000 - They're after the... - Orange juice. - Orange juice. - In the screwdriver. - Yes. - Points! 634 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,160 - JEREMY: - Why is there...? 635 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:37,800 Orange juice. The males sip juice. They don't use blood at all. 636 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:41,720 The blood is for the female when they're in egg. It helps the eggs develop. 637 00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:45,200 Female mosquitoes are attracted by moisture, 638 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,240 lactic acid, carbon dioxide, body heat and movement. 639 00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:52,040 - For the cocktails. What's a Manhattan? - Red Bull and egg nog. 640 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,440 Oh, dear! 641 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,880 - JEREMY: - I want that. - No, it's whiskey, vermouth and bitters. 642 00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,480 - Cuba libre? - Cuba libre. - Cuba Libre. - Oh, that's rum and Coke. 643 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,840 - That will make you pregnant. - Daiquiri? 644 00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,080 - Daiquiri. - It's the bar where it was invented. - Where? What? 645 00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,080 - Floridita in Havana. - Very good. 646 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:14,840 I can't remember what's in it but I can tell you it's fantastic. 647 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,600 I could play the piano, I thought, afterwards! 648 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,640 Very good. Rum, lime juice and sugar. 649 00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:25,000 It wasn't even a piano, it was a table! 650 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,920 - Margarita. - Margarita. - Salt. - Salt round the edge. - Gin. 651 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:34,280 It's very unfair to taunt us with these drinks when we're here without so much as water! 652 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,600 Do any of us drink cocktails? Does anyone outside of... 653 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,960 ALAN: Only at half past ten, or half two in your time! 654 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:45,920 A banana Daiquiri for breakfast is one of the greatest luxuries a man can have. 655 00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,880 Sex on the Beach? 656 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,800 A banana Daiquiri? 657 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,440 Anyone know what's in Sex on the Beach? 658 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:57,640 - Vodka, peach schnapps, orange and cranberry juice. - I like peach schnapps. 659 00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,200 And a little bit of crab sweat. 660 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:03,680 - Anyway... - Get things going. 661 00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:07,600 It's the lady mosquitoes who bite. The men sip fruit juice and nectar. 662 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:12,560 - What harm can a wind turbine do? - Kill birds. - Yeah. - Kill birds? 663 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:22,360 The Royal Society for the Prevention of Birds recently announced 664 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,120 that they can't kill birds. 665 00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:25,840 Oh, you spotted that? Good. 666 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,960 - But they do harm another flying creature. - Bats? 667 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:33,440 - Superman? - Superman? No. Bats. - JEREMY: - And goats. 668 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,760 The goats that hang on to them? 669 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,880 A man in Taiwan reported recently 670 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,960 that he lost 400 goats cos they could no longer sleep. 671 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:51,000 - Have you ever heard one? They make an unbelievable racket. - Is that why they attract bats? - No. 672 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:55,440 They don't get hit by the blades. It's the drop in pressure that is caused. 673 00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:59,080 They have, as mammals, like humans, soft lungs 674 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,200 unlike birds who have harder lungs. 675 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,120 The capillaries burst in their lungs and they die, 676 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,160 just by the pressure change near the turbines. Nasty. 677 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:10,560 Which brings us to the scores. Oh, my heavens! 678 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,960 - Really? - Yes, now look at this. Oh, dear me, Lord! 679 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:17,200 In first place, with minus five, 680 00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,080 is Bill Bailey! 681 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,200 So close. So close. 682 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,400 Doing really well with minus seven is Alan Davies! 683 00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:36,280 The man who usually soars into the lead on our show 684 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:40,840 and gets enormous numbers of points, is in third place with minus 13, Danny Baker! 685 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:50,720 I'm sorry to say, way off the pace with minus 27, Jeremy Clarkson! 686 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,000 That's all from this edition of eco QI, 687 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:05,000 our special one-screen edition for your pleasure and entertainment. 688 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,320 Good night from Danny, Jeremy, Bill, Alan and me. 689 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:10,560 This thought from American comedian A. Whitney Brown - 690 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,120 "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. 691 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,520 "I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." 692 00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:16,760 Good night! 693 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,640 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 694 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:37,680 E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk