1 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,760 Well, hello! 2 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:39,000 Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome to QI, 3 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:43,000 where we bring you a television first - a quiz show with no answers. 4 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,520 Yes, tonight we depart from the certainties of 5 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:49,920 everyday life to explore the realm of hypothetical questions. 6 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,400 Or do we?! 7 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:57,160 It's a job for only the very finest minds, by which I mean the potential Johnny Vegas... 8 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 9 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,200 ..the possible Sandi Toksvig... 10 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,600 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 11 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,840 ..and the increasingly-unlikely Alan Davies. 12 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:12,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:20,160 Now, tonight is the 99th recording of QI, and to celebrate, we have with us 14 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,520 the man who thought it all up in the first place. 15 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:27,920 He can dish it out, but let's see if he can take it. Mr John Lloyd! 16 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,960 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 17 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:36,040 They all have appropriately-quizzical buzzers. Sandi goes... 18 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,520 - 'Erm.' - ..Johnny goes... 19 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:44,000 - 'Hmm.' - ..John goes... 20 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,040 - 'Ooh, erm.' - ..and Alan goes... 21 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,640 'Oh, sir, sir! I know! Me, sir!' 22 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:56,480 Oh, as if! And let's open our minds now to the possibilities of question one. 23 00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:02,280 What's the best way to weigh your own head? 24 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,560 Any thoughts? 25 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,080 Well, cut it off, obviously, would be the most accurate way. 26 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,520 Yes, then someone else could weigh it, but you couldn't, you see? 27 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,080 KLAXON BLARES 28 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,720 - That would be the problem. You wouldn't... - You introduced us, and you normally introduce me last. 29 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:25,160 - Yeah. - It slightly caught me out, and I was applauding myself. - Oh! 30 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:32,320 "Alan Davies!" I was applauding myself insincerely! 31 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,880 That's what Soviet leaders do, isn't it? Or chimpanzees. 32 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:40,240 - One or the other. - One or the other. 33 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:44,160 Why would you want to weigh your own head? It's a boys' thing. 34 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,080 Imagine a woman married to a scientist, she's wormed the dog 35 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:51,240 and fed the children and got everything sorted and her husband gets home and says, 36 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,040 "Good news, dear - I've weighed my own head." 37 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,720 It may not seem the most useful thing to do, but it employs 38 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,960 interesting scientific ideas on which we all depend. 39 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:05,240 Is it that thing...? David Frost used to tell that joke for years and years. 40 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:10,600 Do you want to lose 12lbs of unsightly fat? 41 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,480 Cut off your head. 42 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,720 - Is that his joke? - He used to tell that a lot, yeah. 43 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,640 What is one of the most famous ancient moments of scientific discovery? 44 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:25,400 - Is it Archimedes in the bath? - Archimedes in the bath. What did Archimedes do, and why did he...? 45 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,360 Just put your head in a bucket? 46 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,400 - Oh, right. Is that right? - I have no idea. 47 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,960 - Join in! - I was going to weigh meself - 48 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,760 go to the swimming baths, right, 49 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:38,560 and bob, and then get people to feed me until I sank. 50 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,760 Then come back out and weigh meself again, yeah? 51 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,280 It sounds much more scientific! 52 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:50,760 So by displacement of the water, you can tell? 53 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,200 Yeah, take a bucket of water, and you drop your head in, 54 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:59,680 and because water and the density of your head are about the same, you get a very close approximation 55 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,400 by the water that you displace. 56 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,560 - You could put apples in to make it fun. - You could bob for apples, yes. 57 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,640 And what did your head weigh when you tried this? 58 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,080 What would you say is the average weight? 59 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:15,280 The University of Sydney has a department where they weigh heads quite a lot, 60 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,600 - and they have a pretty good average. - By dunking them in buckets? 61 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,800 - They don't actually dunk them in buckets. - Is it 12lbs? 62 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:27,480 - It's four and a half to five kilos, which is...? - That's 2.2 kilos, something like that. 63 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,920 - Not far... Yeah, 2.2... - It's about 12lbs. 64 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,400 Yeah, about 12lbs. Well done. 65 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,480 I'll give you the point for 12lbs, John. 66 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,320 - I think I've negotiated some points! - Yeah! 67 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,320 Surely you should give those points to David Frost! 68 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:45,200 - If only he hadn't cut his head off! - What if you get an air pocket in your ears? 69 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,120 - A pocket? - You know, the air pockets. 70 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,680 Yes. But the air cavities are cancelled out... 71 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,920 Take your fingers out - you won't hear the answer. 72 00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,560 APPLAUSE 73 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:03,240 The bones. You have bones that are denser than water and air pockets that are lighter than water. 74 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:08,960 And together, it does seem that the head averages about water, so it's a good displacement test. 75 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:14,080 But there is a modern piece of technology that can do it to frightening degrees of accuracy. 76 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:18,560 - Bound to be a laser or something like that. - No, it's a CAT scan, a CT, 77 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:23,760 and they can tell the density of every little tiniest part of the brain and the skull 78 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:29,040 - and all the rest of it and tot it all up. - My dad's got heavy eyes. - Has he now? 79 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,400 Yeah. 80 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,920 - You've weighed his eyes? - No, we've not weighed 'em, but he's very fearful of leaning forward. 81 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,680 Is he?! 82 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:42,840 Honestly, he doesn't like leaning forward because he thinks they're going to come out. 83 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:46,080 Are they on springs, like those things you can buy? 84 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:50,480 No! We got rid of Novelty Dad! 85 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,080 - This is Mental Dad! - Right! 86 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:57,520 My grandfather had two glass eyes, and yet he could see. 87 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:03,280 So what happened was sad, he lost one eye - he wasn't careless, he was ill - 88 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:06,640 and he had a glass eye made which was exactly like 89 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,480 his other perfectly-working blue Scandinavian eye, 90 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:14,280 and then he had one made that was bloodshot, and it was known as Grandpa's party eye. 91 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,360 He kept it on the mantelpiece. When he was going out, 92 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:21,040 he'd take out the false one and he'd put in the bloodshot one 93 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:26,640 - and he'd say, "I'm going out now and I shan't be back till they match." - Oh, that's brilliant! 94 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:32,120 - Absolutely brilliant! Fantastic! - APPLAUSE 95 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:35,360 I thought he had two glass eyes like that! 96 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:41,320 Did he have a hole at the back where somebody put their hand? Was your granddad Nookie Bear? 97 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,800 On the subject of heads, do you know anything about Sir Francis Drake? 98 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,400 I don't mean Sir Francis Drake. 99 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,840 But as I've mentioned him, do you know anything about him? 100 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,080 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 101 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,360 - Something to do with bowling. - Yeah, that's right. Yeah. 102 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,720 He was in the Navy! 103 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,120 Let's move on from Francis Drake! Thanks! 104 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,920 What do you know about Sir Walter Raleigh? 105 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,960 He invented the bicycle. 106 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,120 His wife carried his head around after he died. 107 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,960 - Excellently correct. - In a velvet bag. 108 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:19,080 - In a velvet bag. - A red velvet bag, yes. Sir Walter was executed... 109 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:24,320 I see why John had to invent a show for this kind of information he carries around with him! 110 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,800 Much as Lady Raleigh carried around the head. 111 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,680 - It was on Buzzcocks last week. - Was it?! 112 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:38,920 - What sort of a bag? Was it a sealed bag, like a cool box? - I don't know. People did keep heads. 113 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,440 There was an Archbishop of Canterbury who was killed 114 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:47,000 in the Peasants' Revolt and they've still got his head in the church in Sudbury where... There it is. 115 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,040 The flesh has rotted off, but it's been there continuously since he was killed... 116 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:56,520 - As it rots away, you empty the bag out and rinse it and pop it back in? - Nature helps. 117 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,800 The flies and the maggots eat it all up, and the bacteria. 118 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:04,160 I bet it was years before anybody wanted to sit next to her at dinner. 119 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,280 I'm sure that's true. 120 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:09,280 People going, "Oh, she's not going to bring the head, is she?" 121 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:14,240 Very fine. Don't know how we got there but, like many of 122 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,200 the questions in tonight's show, there's no one correct answer. 123 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:21,120 But dunking your head in a bucket might be a good start. 124 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:25,680 And if that hasn't got you scratching your head, when might you engage in paradoxical undressing? 125 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,840 It's a known thing, paradoxical undressing. It's a phrase that is used. 126 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:35,960 - It's not made up by us. - You're undressing but you're actually dressing? 127 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,320 No. It's not really paradoxical. 128 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,720 - Is it physics? Something physics or mathematics? - No. 129 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,480 - Is it counter-intuitive undressing? - That's much more what it is. 130 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,560 So taking your clothes off if Jeremy Clarkson asks you would be...? 131 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,680 - Meow! - Would be silly. - It's taking your clothes when 132 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:56,640 taking your clothes off looks like the worst-possible idea you could have. 133 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,200 Is it some effect of hypothermia? 134 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,640 It's exactly what it is. 135 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,440 It may be mental, it may be physical. It's not quite understood. 136 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,320 Oh, that is very unpleasant! 137 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,680 Yeah, it is! 138 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,280 Can we go back to the previous picture?! 139 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:17,360 Yeah, it's one of the peculiar side effects of hypothermia, when you're actually dying of cold, 140 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:22,640 almost the last thing you do, very commonly - not always - is take all your clothes off. 141 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:27,400 People think it may be a delusional thing, but it is also part of the fact that 142 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:33,600 your blood vessels near your skin tend to just give up and open, and it may be that people feel very hot. 143 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,280 Because you never survive once you've got to that stage, 144 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:41,080 you can't ask someone why they did it, but it is a common thing to do. 145 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:45,200 I went in freezing water once, and I screamed a lot and swam about, 146 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:50,200 and then I got out and I was completely shocking, livid pink and felt hot. 147 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,320 Perhaps seconds from death, then. 148 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:56,000 Maybe you were! Maybe you're one of the few who survived it. 149 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:03,160 - Yeah. - Well, what sort of temperature do you think would start you on the road to hypothermia? 150 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:08,320 - Body temperature - I don't mean outside temperature. - What's the temperature in here?! 151 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,600 Really, I'd say pretty quickly. 152 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:14,960 I don't think it would have to drop much. Maybe four or five degrees below normal body temperature? 153 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,640 Basically, that's right. 35 degrees Celsius. 154 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,560 Once your body temperature starts to get below that. 155 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:24,920 And, interestingly, in the coldest cities in the world, hypothermia is very rare. 156 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:28,120 It's more common where it doesn't get very cold at all. 157 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:31,960 There's a very remarkable Briton called Lewis Pugh. 158 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:37,200 Have you heard of Lewis Pugh? He's a man who's able to control his own body temperature. 159 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,800 He does endurance cold swimming. 160 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:42,560 He's the only person known to science who can do what he can do. 161 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:46,560 He can swim in cold conditions unlike anybody else, 162 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:50,440 and he is able to raise his body temperature at will. 163 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,240 It's completely startling. 164 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,400 - He's a superhero. - He can stop himself shivering. 165 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:58,120 He's really an incredible figure, and we contacted him. 166 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,120 And he said that he thought... 167 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,720 He said he's not coming in here cos it's freezing! 168 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:08,240 He said he thought he could do this because he had trained himself over years 169 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,760 to do these endurance swims in incredibly-cold waters, 170 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,520 and then his body, as it were, saw it coming and prepared for it. 171 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,280 - That was his only explanation. - Cold water has a bad effect on a boy. 172 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:22,920 - I bet he doesn't fill his swimming trunks when he gets out. - There may be that! 173 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,480 Actually, this is not that unusual. 174 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,640 We went on this yoga thing recently. 175 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,640 - Mmm? - And the yoga teacher was saying that 176 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:36,080 these sadhus in India can do this body-raising thing. 177 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,320 And in fact, they did some scientific experiments in the States, 178 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:43,120 where they shipped in these guys, you know, little wiry guys with turbans on, 179 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:48,200 and they put wet towels on them. And they'd turn up their own body temperature and they would 180 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,960 literally steam the towels dry in a few minutes. Extraordinary. 181 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,560 - Can you hire these people? - Yeah! 182 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:58,120 What an act. They'd get on Britain's Got Talent. 183 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:03,760 That would be really good! "What are you going to do?" "I'm going to dry this wet towel." 184 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:12,200 You could do patterns on wet towels with your hands. It's art! 185 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:17,160 I thought if you were going into cold, you needed to lower 186 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,120 your body temperature so it wasn't such a shock. 187 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:24,680 You have a cold drink in a cold place, a hot drink in a hot place. 188 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:28,280 - Yes, it does seem likely, but... - Are the SAS just wrong about that? 189 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:34,000 Well, maybe. But maybe for the extremes that he goes under, it's more important for him to stay warm. 190 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,600 But when people do that sauna thing 191 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,640 and jump into the snow, why don't they get hypothermia? 192 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,120 They're not in it long enough, I think. 193 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,440 Also, they're pissed, usually. 194 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,720 - Cos they're Scandiwegian. - Scandiwegian. 195 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,800 We can't resist a drink, I'm afraid. 196 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:53,840 Very true. Anyway, paradoxically, the last thing people do 197 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:59,320 when they're freezing to death is take their clothes off. But how can I tell if I am actually dead? 198 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,200 - Well... - How can one tell if a person is actually dead? 199 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,360 A roomful of people are cheering. 200 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,840 The 20-year-old malt is being broken out. 201 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:20,240 - We would weep at your death. - You can feel someone putting a pen in my hand and just going... 202 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:21,280 Rewriting my will. 203 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:27,080 - You mean the vital signs don't count? Is that what's going to set the ringer off? - No. 204 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,800 It's a moot point. There's the difference between legal death and medical death. 205 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,520 There's also... It's quite recent. 206 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:40,600 In the 1830s in France, there were about 30 different symptoms, if you can call them that, 207 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,040 that people thought were determining symptoms of death. 208 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,240 But nobody could be sure, so they held a prize - 209 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:50,000 quite a big prize, over 1,000 francs - 210 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:55,160 for the person who could come up with the best way of determining if a person was dead. 211 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,640 They're watching EastEnders without reaching to turn it off. 212 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:03,200 Unfortunately, it just pre-dated the first episode of EastEnders, 1830... 213 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:08,800 The prize wasn't given till 1848, and even when it was awarded, most of the medical establishment 214 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,200 refused to believe the winner, who was a young medical chap. 215 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,360 The Victorians used to use a trembling scarab. 216 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,880 It looked like a little scarab, with legs on, 217 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:22,720 and they put it on the head of somebody and watch to see if it moved. If it didn't, that was... 218 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:26,760 There were things like that. These were some of the ideas that didn't win. 219 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:31,840 Sticking a thermometer into the stomach to see if the patient was cool enough to be dead. 220 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,640 Attaching pincers to the nipples. 221 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,280 - Oh! - Yep. 222 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:41,560 Scalding the patient's arm with boiling water to see if a blister appeared. 223 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,120 Did they try all of these on one person?! 224 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,440 "Agh! Oh!" 225 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,560 They didn't know... 226 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,040 "He's alive! Burn him!" 227 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,320 They didn't know about comas, so they knew that people could 228 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,800 sometimes appear dead and not respond to pain, 229 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,520 so they knew that just pain wasn't enough. 230 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,560 So that was the blister-forming. Putting leeches on a corpse's bottom, apparently, one way. 231 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:09,000 This just sounds like a typical day of my mum getting me up for school. 232 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:17,920 Sticking a long needle into the heart with a flag on the end, and they knew that if the flag waved... 233 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,720 It's such a sweet method! 234 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,720 - That's lovely! - I'm talking about the 1830s. 235 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:28,640 - No, it's not so long ago, really. - Could you just put a mirror there? 236 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:33,200 The most-common method that had been used is to put a mirror in front of the... 237 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,680 And if it misted up... 238 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:39,840 You can't always hear the breath. But there was a device that had been invented 239 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:44,360 in the 1840s that caused this young fellow who won the prize... 240 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,480 He suggested the use of this device. 241 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:50,080 - Stethoscope? - A stethoscope. To listen to see if the heart beat. 242 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:53,280 It seems so obvious to us, but lots of brilliant people... 243 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:58,120 It never occurred to them that the sound of the heart might be the determining factor. 244 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,400 Hans Christian Andersen used to 245 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:04,200 sleep with a sign next to his bed that said, "I'm not dead - I'm asleep." 246 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:09,160 And there were coffins with bells inside that people could ring in case they woke up. 247 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,280 They were terrified of being buried alive. 248 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:15,760 - Rather than a bell, they should just give them a saw and a spade. - Yes! 249 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,760 You're a cruel man, but fair, Alan Davies. 250 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,440 While you're ringing away down there, you could be... 251 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,400 There were special hospitals. 252 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:30,920 Would you go out the top or the side? I'd do the side. It'd fall in otherwise. 253 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:35,320 That's how a coffin lid is attached, you think the logical thing is to push up. 254 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:39,280 Saw at the side and then kind of go up sort of gradually. 255 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,720 - Don't go straight up. - You've thought this through, Alan. 256 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:47,640 I might also say, "Oh, bugger - I chose cremation." That's the other one. 257 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,760 "How do I reassemble these ashes?" 258 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:57,360 That is why Vikings put them in a boat and set fire to it. Doubly sure. "Off you go." 259 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,840 There's an actual word for it, the fear of being buried alive. 260 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:06,320 Because the 18th-century clown Grimaldi had a pathological fear of being buried alive, 261 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,960 and he specified that when he died, they should cut off his head 262 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:13,840 to be sure that he wouldn't have to ring the bell in the coffin. 263 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:18,240 - He wasn't just weighing it? - You put it in the bucket...! 264 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:23,400 A very Edgar Allan Poe-type thing, isn't it? Though being walled up alive is the classic fear. 265 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,720 So in Germany, in particular, where they were most afraid of this, 266 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,480 late in the 18th and early in the 19th century, 267 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,200 they actually had warm mortuaries to encourage putrefaction. 268 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:38,440 So the smell said that, "He's definitely dead, cos, whoa! That is very smelly." 269 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,560 But it's not as obvious as we might think. 270 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:46,360 - So if you had really bad personal hygiene but you weren't actually dead? - Yes. You could be... 271 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,520 - That would be a problem. - "He stinks, he must be dead!" - Yeah! 272 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,400 "He's walking around, he's talking." "He's dead." 273 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,560 But the fear of death is thanatophobia, of course. 274 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,840 But fear of being buried alive is taphophobia. T-A-P-H-O-phobia. 275 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,800 Now it's time for a round of quickfire hypotheticals. 276 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,080 Quickfire hypotheticals! 277 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:15,000 Mmm! So, all you have to do is 278 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,080 tell me the first thing that comes into your head, basically. 279 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,720 It's a quickfire hypothetical question. 280 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,400 Let's say you've found a fallen tree in the forest, right? 281 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:29,200 - Obviously, it fell down before you arrived, but did it make a sound as it fell? - 'Ooh, erm!' 282 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,880 - No. - KLAXON BLARES 283 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,920 Well, no-one's going to say yes, are they?! 284 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:41,360 Do you know where this question comes from, as it were? 285 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,680 - It's a famous... - Bishop Berkeley. - Bishop Berkeley, yeah. 286 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,440 - Philosophical question, isn't it? - That if there's no-one to hear a sound, 287 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:51,560 is there a sound? It depends so much what you mean by sound, doesn't it? 288 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:55,320 Well, there isn't, because sound is the vibration of the ear drum. 289 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,600 There is no sound if no-one hears it. 290 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:03,040 It depends, because part of the definition of sound is that there has to be a recipient for it. 291 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:07,120 There's the thing that makes the noise, its transmission and its reception. 292 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:10,080 - Yeah. - But if there's no reception, maybe the noise doesn't exist. 293 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:16,080 Other things are still vibrating, and whether that vibration counts as a sound or not is a moot point. 294 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,040 Sound is what happens in the ear. 295 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,520 - There isn't sound if there's no-one to hear it. - A moot point. 296 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:25,240 If there's the speed of sound and it's what happens in the ear, 297 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,800 how do you get that speed between that and your ear? 298 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,840 No, I'm... 299 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,040 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 300 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:40,120 Maybe by the time that tree's fallen and you've got there, that sound's halfway round the world 301 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:44,560 and making someone else very nervous. "Agh!" 302 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,240 Stephen, are you sure about this? 303 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,440 Well, no-one is sure. That is the point. 304 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,680 That's why it's a hypothetical. No-one knows. 305 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:55,160 To a semanticist or neurologist, they may say that sound is that, but to a physicist, 306 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,760 they would say the propagation of sound waves is sound. 307 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:02,800 Whether or not there is an ear to vibrate, it is a sound wave... 308 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:07,560 - I disagree that they are sound waves... - You may disagree, but that's... You're welcome to. 309 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:13,760 They only become a sound wave when there's an ear to receive it. 310 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:17,720 Do you remember we talked...? The thing that really astonished me. 311 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:22,600 Do you know that light's invisible? It's the most extraordinary thing. If you're in a dark vacuum... 312 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,000 if you shoot a beam of light across the eyeballs, like that, you can't see it. 313 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,560 - Because you can only see what light hits. - Yeah, but what about sound? 314 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,560 But people said that's a stupid answer 315 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:37,160 because the definition of light is something that goes into your eye and is then received. 316 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,800 - Until it does that, it's not light. - Mmm. 317 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,240 But we have all kinds of things. 318 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,320 Are you saying that it's not sound if it registers on a recording device 319 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,680 that is left there without a human there? 320 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,000 That it's bending the needle? 321 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:56,320 Does the machine not hear? Is it not a sound wave that is actually causing the machine to register? 322 00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:00,960 - Yeah, but in Bishop Berkeley's... - I talked about you, not about Bishop Berkeley! 323 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:05,280 The point is, it's not as simple as just to say yes or no. 324 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,800 - JOHNNY: - Go on, Stephen! Go on! 325 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,160 You've got him! 326 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,040 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 327 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:17,440 Good question. We would unfairly have forfeited someone who said yes, as much as somebody who said no. 328 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,640 You said there was no right answer. 329 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:25,440 That's why it's a good question. There is no right answer. So your yes, and your no are both... 330 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,680 - Whatever I said would have been...? - Afraid so. 331 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:34,280 What if the tree fell down and there was no-one there to see it fall? It should still be upright. 332 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,520 Very true. 333 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,240 That's my only conclusion! 334 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:38,920 You're right. 335 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,040 - Yeah, yeah. - Anyway, Alan, are you keeping well? 336 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:46,400 Yeah! But that tree fell over and there was a hell of a bang! 337 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:50,920 Yeah. It's a quickfire hypothetical, don't forget, so we move on. 338 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:55,520 - OK, all right. You're talking to an... - I can't do quickfire! - Yes, you can, darling. 339 00:21:55,520 --> 00:22:00,440 If a quickfire hypothetical round takes a really long time, is it still a quickfire? 340 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,520 Good point! We'll find out! 341 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:04,160 APPLAUSE 342 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,920 Very good point. You're talking to an alien in a distant galaxy by radio. 343 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,360 How could you explain which is right and which is left? 344 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,480 Breaker, breaker. 345 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:18,520 That would do it, would it? Just by saying, "Breaker, breaker," he would know...? 346 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:23,400 Well, it would depend what height mast they had, but yeah, he should... 347 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:31,760 - There's got to be alien truckers! - It's a fair point. 348 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:36,600 I'd tell 'em what's left and right and if he's got a Smokey on his ass. 349 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,200 Right, right. 350 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,200 Wouldn't it be a very boring conversation, 351 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:45,000 because the nearest galaxy's, what, four light years away? 352 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,680 I think we'd have to use the word hypothetical. 353 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:52,800 - So it's a hypothetical conversation. - Hypothetically, are we looking at any common reference point? 354 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,320 That is the point. You can't... 355 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:58,440 "Can you see Mars? We're on the right of Mars." 356 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,840 "Can you see this spot on Jupiter?" 357 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,080 Yes, you'd have to have something to reference. 358 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,160 You can't... Semantically, there is no explanation for left or right 359 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,880 without reference to a physical world that someone can identify. 360 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,000 You can't explain it just by language. 361 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,040 That is the point of the question. 362 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,560 If they visited in a ship, you could give them a temporary tattoo. 363 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:24,560 Yes, you could do that, which is why we framed the question so specifically, saying that... 364 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,200 - Or talking on a radio. - ..temporary tattoos were out. 365 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:31,560 - Ah, sorry. I'm just a problem solver by nature! - No, it's good! 366 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:37,000 And anyway, they might not have... Cos we always draw them in that shape with two eyes. 367 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,280 What if they've got four eyes and eight arms? 368 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:45,560 - Exactly, they may not be symmetrical in any way. - They might have other dimensions and all sorts. - Yeah. 369 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,280 They might have 19 versions of left. Imagine that on a sat nav! 370 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,680 - "Left...ish!" - "Not that one!" 371 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,480 - "That one!" - "L...eft!" 372 00:23:56,480 --> 00:24:00,480 - Why do we always draw them like that? - I've no idea. - Seems so strange. 373 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:05,040 - They might just have one eye. - Certainly, the ones that probed me looked nothing like that. 374 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:10,000 Do you have a mnemonic for when you forget which is left or right temporarily? 375 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,000 Do you do that? 376 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,680 I walk into traffic. 377 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,320 - Sorts it out straightaway! - Yeah! 378 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:22,480 - Why, do you have a problem? - No, I don't, but if I have to think... 379 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:26,800 I remember the thumb I used to suck when I was a very small child, 380 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,560 - that that's my right hand. - Like a therapy session, this. 381 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,480 There's a wonderful story about a famous ocean-liner captain. 382 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:38,480 He had a little box that he kept in his pocket, and every time they came into port, 383 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,320 he'd open up the box, look and put it away. 384 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,000 And after many, many years' service, he finally died. 385 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,960 His second in command said, "I must look inside." 386 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:51,240 And he opened up the box and it said, "Port, left. Starboard, right." 387 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,800 - That's brilliant. - You want to get that right, though, don't you?! 388 00:24:55,800 --> 00:25:00,360 Yes, that's the point, though. You can't really find out. So, our next hypothetical. 389 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:04,040 Take someone who has been blind from birth, right, 390 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:08,080 and let him or her handle a sphere and a cube. 391 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:15,000 And then, there's a new operation that amazingly comes and restores their sight and you show them 392 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:19,680 the sphere and the cube. Will they be able to tell which is which just by looking? 393 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:24,640 - Do you think it's the first thing they'd want to do? - No, that's why it's hypothetical. 394 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,120 But it has been done. It is really interesting... 395 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:29,560 I think the answer is, no, they can't. 396 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:34,680 - The information that their eyes tell them is meaningless junk for quite a while. - Exactly right. 397 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,200 One's tactile and one's sensory, it would be different. 398 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:41,640 That's right. But to us, it seems so obvious that perhaps we overlook 399 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:46,080 how used we are to relating the feel of a corner to the look of it. 400 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,280 This is cutting-edge neuroscience, isn't it? 401 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,600 - Yes. - There was a case recently where somebody had been blind for, I don't know, 402 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,080 years and years and years, and they restored his sight, 403 00:25:56,080 --> 00:26:00,400 and he was able to see his own children for the first time in years. 404 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,640 And he literally didn't recognise them. It was like fuzzy lines. 405 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:08,080 It took two weeks or something for him to realise, to assemble the information... 406 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,760 When they took the beards and the hats off. 407 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,480 Sorry, I couldn't resist it! 408 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,440 It was a once-in-a-lifetime chance! 409 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,760 Have you done the reverse thing, going to the restaurant where it's completely dark? 410 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,400 I went to one in Berlin called the Nocti, where it's absolutely blind. 411 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,880 - Have you been? - No, but I mean to go. 412 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,520 - It's blind people who serve you. - Yes, that's right. 413 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:31,840 They walk around with great ease. Does it make a difference to how you eat? 414 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,080 - Does it taste different? - Yes, it does. That's really the point. 415 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:36,840 They talk you through the food. 416 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:41,840 You feel it and you smell it and you use all these other things that you usually forget 417 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:47,200 to use cos you're looking at people and you just look down and see how well-arranged it is. 418 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,760 But instead, it's quite animal. The weird thing is going to the loo. 419 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:55,440 This waiter takes you by the hand and kind of threads you through the tables. 420 00:26:55,440 --> 00:27:00,200 You go into a passageway, he closes a door into the restaurant, so that stays dark, 421 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,600 and he opens the other door towards where the loos are. 422 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:08,040 He doesn't actually take the old chap out or anything like that. 423 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,320 Unless you tip him very well. 424 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,040 Unless you tip him very well! 425 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:17,680 You can go to Little Chef and you're served by people with complete indifference. 426 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:21,200 It's an amazing sort of experience. 427 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,480 - Not since Heston Blumenthal took over! - Surely not! 428 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,880 So, that's quite right. Absolutely spot on. 429 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,560 Now, a lorry load of birds are being weighed on a weigh bridge. 430 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:36,600 At some moment, all the birds simultaneously rise off their perches and flap in the air. 431 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,040 - So they're all alive? - Oh, yeah. They're all alive. 432 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:44,000 - Does the lorry weigh less? - Yes. - When they rise up in the air? - Yes. - No. 433 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,760 Got a yes and a no. 434 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:49,800 - They're not in contact with the actual thing? - No. - So it would weigh less. 435 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,160 - Is it sealed, the lorry? - It's a closed... 436 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,960 It's got a tailgate, it's locked up, they're inside, you can't see them. 437 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,280 - But wouldn't there be pressure from the air? - Yeah. 438 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,640 It weighs the same, and it's got something to do... 439 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:06,880 It's something similar to if you weigh yourself and then you do a number two 440 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:10,280 and weigh yourself, you don't lose the weight of the number two. 441 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:11,880 Ah. 442 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,520 Now, there we're in a slightly different territory. 443 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:19,000 If you will crap on the scales...! 444 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,760 You're right. The answer is not to poo on the scales! 445 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:33,640 - No, no! - Leave the scales, do the number two, come back to the scales! 446 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:37,920 - Of course you do! - The money I've wasted on enemas. - No, I know! 447 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:42,520 No, it doesn't. It weighs the same, and I can't remember the reason why. 448 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,320 So they all lift off at exactly the same time? 449 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:50,200 The fact is, it's the bird/lorry system... 450 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,760 I know it's weird, but... 451 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:54,920 - Is it to do with it being sealed? - Yeah. 452 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,080 If you're carrying a bowling ball and you're on the scales 453 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,640 - and you throw the ball in the air... - Yeah. 454 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,320 - It will kill you, even though...! - Because it's sealed... 455 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:08,320 - And the air's moving, exactly. - ..you and the air have created that weight, so wherever the birds put 456 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,440 themselves within there, it still weighs the same. 457 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,880 You're absolutely right. I mean, you can sort of test it. 458 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,560 Don't pass it off that easily! 459 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:19,920 But interestingly, if it's a open-top lorry and they're all sitting on the perch 460 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:24,600 and they jump up, and they jump slightly higher and then they're actually out of the system, 461 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:28,680 they're no longer part of the lorry/bird system, then it would be lighter. 462 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,080 Well done, everybody. 463 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,120 Perhaps now it's time to move on from our hypotheticals. 464 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,200 That was very quick(!) 465 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:42,600 So, hypothetical problems are of course the curse of the practical man, but how do curses work? 466 00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:46,400 Well, someone curses you and you think you've been cursed, 467 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,240 so you change your behaviour and bring about your downfall. 468 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,760 That's kind of more or less precisely right. 469 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:56,120 - It's a negative version of what effect? - The placebo effect. - Yes, it is indeed. 470 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,880 - I'm on the wrong show - I should be on Mastermind! - You should! 471 00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:03,160 - Are you saying it only works if you believe it? - Yes. 472 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,920 It's like a placebo. It is actually called the nocebo effect. 473 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:11,000 N-O-C-E-B-O, as in noxious, as in harm. 474 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:12,960 I will harm, "nocebo" in Latin. 475 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:17,320 So if I made a voodoo doll of Johnny and I stuck pins in it, it wouldn't work unless I sent him 476 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:21,720 - a sort of picture on his phone to show I'd done it? - Yes, and he believed, of course, that... 477 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:25,160 - The point is, you have to believe it. - You have to get a good likeness. 478 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,640 Otherwise Peter Kay would be rolling round in pain somewhere. 479 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,160 That would never do. Now, other curses. 480 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:37,760 - Do you know what the 27 Club is? There's a curse, supposedly. - No. 481 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,880 - Is it something to do with nearing your 30th birthday? - Yes, it is. 482 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:46,320 It's a particular age, 27, that seems to resonate in popular cultural history. 483 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:50,400 - Oh... - Is it people who died at 27? - Yes. Can you name some who died at 27? 484 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,960 James Dean or someone like that? 485 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,400 Oh, is it older than that? 486 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,240 Jim Morrison. 487 00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:02,680 - Yeah, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin. - Woah! 488 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:04,800 - Yeah. More. - Sid Vicious. - Kurt Cobain. - Brian Jones. 489 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:09,800 And Brian Jones in fact, yes. Robert Johnson of Crossroads fame. 490 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,560 - All 27, really? - They're all aged 27. 491 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:16,160 Old enough to develop enough of an intolerance to something to keep doing too much of it. 492 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,200 And young enough to be stupid enough to keep doing too much of it. 493 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,440 - Probably right. - It's the late 20s. It's a very hazardous age. - Clearly. 494 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,960 Do you know about the curse of the ninth? What would that be? 495 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:27,760 They all died on the ninth? 496 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,880 - No. - This is getting ridiculous. 497 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,040 - Was that a Roman legion? - Not a Roman legion. 498 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,280 The Eagle of the Ninth, not that. No, it's symphonies. 499 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,120 Oh! Oh, yes. You're not supposed to write more than nine. 500 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:43,120 - Well, it's not that you're not supposed to, but it's a... - Beethoven wrote nine and then popped off. 501 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,160 You finish a ninth and you die while writing the tenth. 502 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:51,200 It happened to Dvorak, Beethoven and Bruckner and Schubert. 503 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,520 - What an unusual serial killer that was. - That's the curse of the ninth. 504 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,080 If only they'd had CSI Vienna. 505 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,160 The nocebo effect is the placebo effect's evil cousin. 506 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:10,120 Now, hypothetically, what would happen if Schrodinger put a Siamese cat in the fridge? 507 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:14,760 - In the fridge? - Yeah. - Well, he wouldn't know if it was alive or dead. 508 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,560 Oh, good! You're referring to Schrodinger's cat, which is... 509 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,120 - Yeah, I've learnt about this on Horizon. - Very good. 510 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:24,000 You don't know, until you open the door, whether the cat is alive... 511 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:28,280 That is the sort of quantum paradox of Schrodinger's cat, yes. 512 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:33,040 - You put a Siamese cat in the fridge? - Yeah. - What is the question? 513 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,680 What would happen to the cat? 514 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:37,880 It would get cold. What would happen to the fridge? 515 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,000 They'd be less milk left, probably. 516 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:41,960 It would eat all the tuna melt. 517 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,040 All the tuna melt would go, yes. 518 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,760 But something quite extraordinary would happen. 519 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:49,320 It would turn into an ordinary cat. 520 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:52,680 - Well, almost! Almost. - It would turn into a dog. - No, no. 521 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,520 - Nor is it that remarkable. - In seconds. 522 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:57,960 Meow! Woof! 523 00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:02,280 Let's have a look at a Siamese cat and see what's particular about it. 524 00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,000 White body, black face. Ah! 525 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,440 So it goes to a black body and a white face. 526 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:12,360 It's got a white body and a black tail and black ears and black mouth and black socks. 527 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,040 In other words, black extremities. 528 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,160 What is particular about the extremities of any mammal? 529 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:21,080 - They get cold... - So if you put the whole animal in a fridge? 530 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:24,320 - It goes black. - It goes black, Johnny. 531 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:25,920 That's death, though, isn't it? 532 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,840 - There. That's what happens. - Oh! 533 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,720 It's fur has this peculiar colourant 534 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:36,640 that keeps it pale in warm blood heat, but only a small difference 535 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,400 in temperature down and it will lose the white or gain the black, 536 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:44,560 - whichever way you prefer to look at it. - When you take it out, does it go pale again? 537 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:48,600 - Yes, back to its normal colour. - It would be worth trying just for the lark, wouldn't it? 538 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,760 I don't like cats very much. 539 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,640 - Oh! - Oh, I'm sorry. So many cats, so few recipes. I just think... 540 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,640 I just think it sounds like fun. 541 00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:02,000 You can also try it on a Himalayan rabbit. 542 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:06,200 - They have the same issue. - But please don't try it at home. - Please don't. No, no. 543 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:09,080 Do you know about buttered cat? 544 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:13,280 - There's a recipe, straightaway! - Delicious. - Buttered cat syndrome. 545 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:18,000 Oh, you put butter on their paws to stop them going home when you've moved house. 546 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,040 There is that, but this is a kind of paradox, because there are two laws. 547 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:25,320 - One is that if you have a piece of buttered toast and you drop it, what happens? - It falls butter-side down. 548 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:29,400 - And if you drop a cat, what happens to the cat? - It falls butter-side up! 549 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,200 No, no. 550 00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:36,360 - It lands on its feet. - So if you were to put a piece of toast with the butter up and attach it to a cat... 551 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:42,520 - Ah...! - Right? What would happen is the cat would drop and it would have to revolve forever. 552 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:48,680 Because the laws would compete and it would be in total balance. 553 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,880 Would it work with margarine? 554 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:55,440 I don't know. I think that law doesn't state that margarine falls downwards. 555 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,320 Well, what about I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? 556 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,360 What if it was margarine but the cat believed it was butter? 557 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,480 Ah! The placebo effect. Exactly. 558 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,960 Brilliant, brilliant! You've all got the point. 559 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:16,960 What if cats discovered this and started to migrate? 560 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:20,240 Where would they go? 561 00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,360 I don't know! 562 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:26,240 It's just a cat with a piece of toast. I not going to dictate... 563 00:35:26,240 --> 00:35:29,360 Let's just keep it from them. So, yeah, yeah, 564 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,960 the point is, if you put a Siamese cat in a fridge for long enough... 565 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,400 and actually it would have to be quite a long time, probably weeks... 566 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:37,880 it would go black. And you absolutely mustn't. 567 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,600 But after that voyage through a land where there are no wrong answers, 568 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:46,320 we come at last to one where there is rarely a right one, the realm of general ignorance. 569 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,360 So put your fingers on your buzzers and tell me... 570 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,440 You're on death row, all right? 571 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,160 What can you tell me about your last meal? 572 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:54,640 'Hmm.' 573 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,440 It's three courses. 574 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:01,360 - Three courses? - Yeah, and it's absolutely whatever you want. 575 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:02,920 Mm, no. 576 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,320 KLAXON AND BELL 577 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,560 Not necessarily the case at all, you can order whatever you want. 578 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,680 You can only have what they've got in the kitchen. 579 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:14,200 You know where there's a death row in England. 580 00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,920 - Tell. - It's at the Lord's pavilion. 581 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,480 The seating in the pavilion is unreserved, so you have to get 582 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:24,520 there early in the morning for the Australian Tests, for example. 583 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:30,360 But nowadays, a lot of the MCC members are living to a very old age 584 00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:34,200 and they can't get there at six. So the oldest... 585 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,080 I think there's about 18 seats or something in the row. 586 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:41,760 They have a seat, the oldest X number of members. 587 00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,920 That's called death row 588 00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,280 by the stewards. 589 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:51,360 You can't even choose what you're going to have for your last supper? 590 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:55,560 In different states it varies, but in some states there's a 20 budget. 591 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:59,160 In Florida, it's a 40 budget. Sometimes they're really mean. 592 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:02,880 There was a figure called Philip Workman who asked for a large 593 00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:06,600 vegetarian pizza to be given to a homeless person as his last dinner, 594 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,360 and the prison officials refused. 595 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:12,000 And after this guy was executed, 596 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:17,600 all kinds of homeless shelters all over Tennessee, the state where it happened, were sent 597 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:21,440 these vegetarian pizzas for homeless people by just ordinary Americans 598 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,840 who wanted to honour his last wishes, which is rather touching. 599 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:29,920 - That's lovely. But wouldn't it be awful if you were about to die and you got a very limited menu? - I know. 600 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:35,960 And huge portions are pared down. There was one inmate who requested 24 tacos and he only got four. 601 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:39,640 - Oh, it's just..! - Isn't it mean? You're not allowed to smoke, 602 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,760 - even if you want to... - It's hardly worth being there! - It almost isn't! 603 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,760 It almost isn't. And some of them get very mournful about this. 604 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:48,600 A fellow called Thomas Grasso. 605 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:55,080 His last words in 1995 were, "Please tell the media I did not get my Spaghetti-Os. I got spaghetti. 606 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,040 "I want the press to know this." 607 00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,000 It's very forlorn, isn't it? 608 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,640 Do they say to you, "Did you have anything from the mini-bar last night?" 609 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:07,560 - They probably do. - The last question. - I'd want a Kinder egg. 610 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,200 A Kinder egg, yes! 611 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:13,560 I'd want some chocolate, a toy and a surprise. 612 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:17,600 - What's not to like? - Just to distract you from death. - You so would. 613 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:24,160 Anyway, in the USA, most states place strict restrictions on inmates' special meals, 614 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,720 as they're called. In some states it isn't even their final meal. 615 00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:30,600 They actually have it two weeks or so before they're executed. 616 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:34,680 So stop me when you know what I'm talking about now. 617 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,040 It's an insectivorous mammal. 618 00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,320 It's found all round the world. 619 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:43,360 It's active at night. It's almost totally blind. 620 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,680 - A bat. - A bat? 621 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:50,720 KLAXON AND BELL 622 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,520 - No. You were so right until the last part. - It's not blind, then? - No. 623 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,720 - Anteater, would you say? - No, not an anteater, no. 624 00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:03,240 - A mole. - It's insectivorous, so it could eat ants. - Is it a mole? 625 00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:05,840 - A mole is the right answer. - I said mole! 626 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,600 - Oh, did you? I'm sorry. Did he say mole, ladies and gentlemen? - Yes! 627 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,560 No, because sound is just a thing and it didn't travel... 628 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,120 Yeah, if you didn't hear me say mole, then I didn't say mole. 629 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,680 You need the points I suspect, Alan, after the bat thing. 630 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:28,080 No, there are about 1,100 different species of bat and none of them is sightless. Not one is blind. 631 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,160 Is the mole completely sightless, then? 632 00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,920 It can just about distinguish between light and dark, but essentially it's blind. 633 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,800 - It can tell if the telly's on or off. - Yes, if you like. It's a lot... 634 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:39,760 Yeah, it can't tell if it's on standby. 635 00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,520 - How many moles do you think there are in Ireland? - None. 636 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:47,280 - You're right, there are none. They don't... - They were very pally with the snakes. - Well, they... 637 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,200 Glaciation and the separation of Ireland from the rest of the place, 638 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,920 - they never got back because it was then an island. - They could tunnel. 639 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,040 Like snakes... They could tunnel! 640 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:58,040 - If any animal could tunnel, it would be a mole. - Oh, sweet. Look. 641 00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:02,320 You say sweet, but almost certainly all photographs of moles 642 00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:06,800 that are taken are of dead moles because they fluff them up. 643 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:10,280 - That's terrible. - And you can't tell cos their eyes are always little black slits. 644 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:14,680 It's like all those greetings card pictures of a cat on a deck chair or a cat hitting a mouse with a spoon. 645 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,640 - They're all dead. - Yeah. 646 00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:21,440 I fear so. Yes, moles are as blind as a proverbial bat. Bats, perversely, aren't. 647 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:24,160 And, finally, the ultimate hypothetical question. 648 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,840 Which came first, the chicken or the egg? 649 00:40:29,240 --> 00:40:32,080 - Er, chicken. - No! 650 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:33,960 KLAXON AND BELL 651 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,200 - The egg. - The egg is the right answer, yes. 652 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,600 There's that old joke about the chicken and egg have just made love 653 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,280 and they're lying there having a post-coital cigarette. 654 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,160 The chicken says to the egg, "Well, that answers that old question." 655 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:56,200 As the great scientist JBS Haldane said, "Anyone who can ask 656 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,440 "that question obviously hasn't understood evolution." 657 00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:02,400 Because a chicken evolved from reptiles that laid eggs themselves. 658 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:06,040 So those eggs were always coming well before there was a chicken, there were eggs. 659 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,120 So it did indeed come first, the egg. 660 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:13,080 Um, what's unique about chickens? Well, there are quite a few things 661 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:16,240 that are unique about them, but the most obvious thing, looking at that? 662 00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:18,680 What does it have that no other bird has? 663 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:22,680 Combs. No other animal has those strange combs on the head. 664 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,480 Thought to be something to do with temperature regulation. 665 00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,520 They cool themselves down with the regulation of blood flow. 666 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:32,800 What's the longest recorded flight by a chicken in time terms, not distance? 667 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,800 - 13 seconds, isn't it, something like that? - Is it? - Yes... 668 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:40,600 - Yes, it is 13 seconds. - Is it really?! 669 00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:45,560 APPLAUSE AND CHEERS 670 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:54,080 I don't claim that's true, but that is one of the oldest internet pieces of trivia I know, 671 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:59,000 apart from a duck's quack does not echo and no-one knows why. 672 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,640 - Which we know isn't true. - No, we know that isn't true. 673 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:05,080 So, anyway, birds evolved from egg-laying reptiles, 674 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:08,520 so there were definitely eggs before there were chickens. 675 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,600 So we emerge older but not much wiser 676 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:15,480 at the end of the only quiz show to offer no answers, just more questions. 677 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:19,560 But had there been answers, let's see who would, hypothetically, have won. 678 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:23,760 And our theoretical winner tonight, with two points, is Sandi Toksvig! 679 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,360 APPLAUSE AND CHEERS 680 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,920 Notionally in second place 681 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,800 is elf-master general, John Lloyd, with minus one! 682 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,960 APPLAUSE AND CHEERS 683 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:44,440 On paper, in third place, with an extremely creditable minus seven, Johnny Vegas! 684 00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,040 APPLAUSE AND CHEERS 685 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:53,280 Finally, proving that it's all academic and a dream, with minus 27, Alan Davies! 686 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,360 APPLAUSE AND CHEERS 687 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:03,400 So that's all from this hypothetical edition of QI. 688 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,640 Or is it? ..Yes, it is. 689 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:08,520 So it's good night from Sandi, Johnny, John, Alan and me. 690 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,040 Good night. 691 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,880 APPLAUSE AND CHEERS 692 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,040 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd. 693 00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:27,160 E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net