1 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:28,440 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:29,480 Well... 3 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:30,560 APPLAUSE CONTINUES 4 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:36,000 Well, it's lawks, tally-ho and welcome to an episode 5 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,240 that is all about horses and hunting. 6 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,080 Our four horsemen shooting from the hips are... 7 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,360 a handsome thoroughbred, Jimmy Carr... 8 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,880 APPLAUSE 9 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,120 ..A magnificent stallion, Dara O Briain... 10 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:53,040 APPLAUSE 11 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,800 ..A well-bred filly, Clare Balding... 12 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,120 APPLAUSE 13 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:03,240 ..And a My Little Pony, Alan Davies. 14 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:08,520 APPLAUSE 15 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,040 And their buzzers are all horsey too. Jimmy goes... 16 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,720 HORSE SNORTS 17 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:15,760 Dara goes... 18 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,440 HORSE NEIGHS 19 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:18,480 Clare goes... 20 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,800 HORSE GALLOPS 21 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,240 And Alan goes... 22 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,640 DONKEY BRAYS 23 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:30,720 Well, let the horseplay commence. How did the horses of New York City 24 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,920 kill 20,000 people, in the year 1900? 25 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,440 Were they contagious? 26 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,840 They were not themselves contagious. 27 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,280 Did they poo out something contagious? 28 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,320 Well, yes. Manure, of course. 29 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,320 Well, manure isn't in and of itself contagious. 30 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:49,080 - That's why I was... - My mum used to run out in the street 31 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:53,000 and scrape it up into... my dad's hat. No, into a bag! 32 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,920 LAUGHTER 33 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,960 Horse manure's actually, as manure goes, I think, 34 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,800 rather less offensive than... 35 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,000 - It is, isn't it? - Something like dog poo really, really smells, 36 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,600 but horse, actually, I think, smells quite nice. 37 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,720 - So you're saying... Have we got favourite poos now? - Yes! 38 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:12,120 I had no idea this was going to be the game. This show's changed. 39 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,160 LAUGHTER 40 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:16,360 - "Dog poo? Horrible. Horse poo?" - Lovely! 41 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,400 LAUGHTER 42 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,760 When I first went to school, I was told that I smelled of horse poo. 43 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,280 - Oh, really? So you grew up amongst horses. - I did. 44 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:27,480 And, as you know, they do indeed produce excreta and... 45 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:32,240 London and other places, taxis and buses were all pulled by horses. 46 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,440 And there were, in London alone, 47 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,960 50,000 horses just in the public transport system. 48 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,920 And each one of those produces an enormous amount of poo. 49 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:47,440 New York City - 2.5 million pounds of it, every day. 50 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,600 It was becoming an epidemic problem. 51 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,760 Not only was there that problem, they were also dying. 52 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:57,840 About 41 a day, on average, died while working in the streets 53 00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,880 and they preferred to leave them to putrefy, 54 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,080 cos they were easier to carve up and destroy, 55 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,120 so what we're talking about is huge quantities of manure. 56 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:10,440 I mean absolutely epic, gigantic quantities, which were vectors for all kinds of diseases. 57 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:15,840 Someone told me a fact about early cinema. You know the classic comedy thing of tripping on a banana peel? 58 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,680 The reference was tripping over on horse manure, 59 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,000 but when they made movies, they wanted to show people falling over 60 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,160 cos it's a funny thing to see in the street. 61 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,760 People hurting themselves, obviously hilarious. 62 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,560 But they felt like horse manure kind of cheapened 63 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,760 the kind of cinema cos this was art, 64 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:36,560 so the banana peel became a go-to, but everyone understood it at this time. 65 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:40,040 It was a banana peel, but that was in place of horse manure. 66 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,200 I've always wondered 67 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,280 - because no-one has ever fallen on a banana peel. - Exactly. 68 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,200 No-one's ever slid on a banana peel. 69 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,840 Presumably the only person... 70 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,880 - LAUGHTER You're kidding me! The one person. - That is a commitment to comedy! 71 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,800 - Well done. - Was this in comedy school or once you'd graduated? 72 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,720 That was in Chapel Market in Islington. 73 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:02,200 It was a fruit-and-veg market. I did actually tread on a banana 74 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,360 and you really go! I mean, they are incredible. 75 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,560 - LAUGHTER - I stayed... 76 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,080 I didn't go right on my bum, but I did go, "Whoo!" 77 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,840 I looked down and there's a banana! 78 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,960 Did you do the "Whoa-oa-oa-oa" thing? 79 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:18,560 If somebody had been looking down an alley, would you have gone past in the kind of 80 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,600 "Whoa-oa-oa!" kind of way? 81 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,920 Was someone carrying a pane of glass at the time? 82 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,240 - And a ladder. - To me, to you. 83 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:31,280 So horses were obviously the major forms of transport in the major cities in the West. 84 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,560 Where did they bring the poo to, did somebody roll it into the corner? 85 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:38,760 The problem was, in the early 19th century, it was extremely valuable as a fertiliser. 86 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,200 Didn't they call it black gold? 87 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,520 It had been, but by the time you get to 1900, 88 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:47,560 there's so much of it that it's like any commodity in economics, it's virtually valueless. 89 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,360 You can grind it down, when it's dry, into a powder. 90 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,080 A very fine powder, indeed. 91 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,400 And William Herschel, the astronomer, 92 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,880 he used it for his speculum, the curved, polished mirror. 93 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,200 In the making of the mould for it, he used ground-up horse manure. 94 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,600 So it did have some uses. But, basically, by the time we're talking about, 95 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,520 traffic was much more dangerous than cars, with horses, because 96 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:14,040 horses themselves can bolt and drag people off with them and trample them. 97 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,160 The noise in the city was unbelievable. 98 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,000 The iron hooves on the cobbles was almost unbearable. 99 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,640 You could never have a conversation on the street. 100 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,640 And this poo that was transmitting typhus and typhoid and cholera 101 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,440 and goodness knows what else, all kinds of unpleasant things. 102 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:31,600 And what it is that the motor car - seems peculiar to us - 103 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:37,760 was an environmental saviour. It made the traffic safer, better, less smelly, 104 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,120 faster. It was just like the answer to the city's prayers. 105 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,200 Did Jeremy Clarkson put you up to this? 106 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:47,200 - LAUGHTER - It has that kind of ring about it. "The Saviour of New York City". 107 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,360 We do know that the car, of course, does have its drawbacks, 108 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:54,440 but it's a lot less dangerous. It's about seven times more dangerous 109 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:58,320 to have horses in the city than the car, just statistically speaking. 110 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:05,760 People have pointed out, of course, that traffic now is about as fast as it was in the days of the horse. 111 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,400 But they fail to point out that, of course, there's a lot more of it. 112 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,880 So, in fact, modern transportation is certainly more efficient. 113 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:17,240 So, before the First World War, the big environmental issue of the day was horse manure, 114 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,720 which filled up the streets as fast as it could be cleared away. 115 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:24,240 What are the advantages and disadvantages of guide horses for the blind? 116 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,640 I'm going to say the obvious one 117 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,880 is the fact that they could give you a lift. 118 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:34,200 - LAUGHTER - If you've got a guide dog, you've got to walk with it. 119 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,120 If you've got a guide horse, you'd be crazy not to climb on. 120 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,960 - That's not how they're used, but they do exist. - "Take me to the shops." 121 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:45,160 - You are aware they exist though? - I wasn't. - I can't imagine it. 122 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:50,360 You didn't know? They use these miniature horses as guide horses. 123 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:54,880 But, hang on, is the blind person walking a Shetland pony? 124 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,320 Smaller even than a Shetland pony. 125 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,640 OK, an even smaller one. But the blind person must be aware 126 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,760 of the people whispering, "Oh, God, somebody's nicked their dog." 127 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,480 LAUGHTER 128 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:10,440 - You can see how small they are. - Oh, it's a Falabella then, it's even smaller... 129 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,000 Exactly. It's very, very small. 130 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,040 And there are many bigger dogs than that. 131 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:19,520 - Anyway, what are the advantages of a horse rather than a dog? - Well, the poo's much nicer, isn't it? 132 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,200 - It's cooler. - It's cooler? - It's cooler. 133 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:26,040 You've got a Falabella pony, for God's sake, you've got a tiny, miniature pony. 134 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,400 Bragging rights, you mean. 135 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:31,320 - It could carry your shopping on its back. - Shopping on its back is another one. 136 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,720 Pull a little trolley, as well. They're a hardy pulling animal. 137 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:39,320 Some people, not many, are allergic to dogs. I would say that more people are allergic to horses. 138 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:43,280 - I would have thought. - If you're allergic to dogs, you may not be allergic to horses. 139 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,280 It might not go and shag the leg of every passer-by. 140 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,160 If it does, though, it would be more of a problem. 141 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:53,880 - They do have very good memories, as well, horses. - Do they? - Yeah, they do. 142 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,600 It's usually a panicky memory. 143 00:07:55,600 --> 00:08:00,000 It's connected with something that was genuinely painful and distressing for them 144 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,840 and they never forget it. It can be the smallest thing. 145 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:07,400 So they would remember the way to the shops if they were particularly frightened 146 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:12,120 by the way to the shops some time ago, and you could just go "AH!" and the horse would go? 147 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:16,720 That would indeed be a disadvantage. They are flight animals, rather than pack animals. They can spook. 148 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:22,560 - But it means they're not aggressive, so they wouldn't chase anything - cats, rabbits. - No, exactly. 149 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,320 When they come round on the second lap at Aintree 150 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,920 and they come to Becher's Brook, do they go, "Oh, I remember this one, 151 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,600 - "it's a long way down on the other side." - They're not going to do that one. 152 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,880 Quite often if they scare themselves... 153 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:39,120 The third fence in the Grand National is the first big frightening one, big open ditch, 154 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:42,840 and if they scare themselves over that, game over. You won't get round. 155 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:48,080 Often if you take a horse back to Aintree and it frightened first time it was there, no way! 156 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,160 And is it any memory of Aintree? 157 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,400 If they hear a Scouse accent, do they get slightly more nervous? 158 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,720 LAUGHTER 159 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,040 If they're watching Hollyoaks do they begin to fret and...? 160 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:03,800 CLARE: When they see girls in short dresses, they go, "Oh, my God, I've been here before!" 161 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,720 The poor horses are scared, but the poor blind people 162 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,520 - being dragged along behind them. - That would be bad. 163 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,200 - LAUGHTER - But the, erm... 164 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:17,040 Another advantage, and it's a big one, is simply the relationship you have with your animal is longer. 165 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:21,560 - They live, what, 30 years? - 20 or 30 years, as opposed to a dog, 8 to 12 years. 166 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:26,360 So that's a very strong advantage. Another one is simply their stamina is greater than dogs. 167 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,600 But can you house-train a horse like a dog? 168 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:30,880 Oddly enough, you can. 169 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,760 - Not as well as a dog. - The occasional accident? 170 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,680 The disadvantage is that restaurants tend to have a policy of "no horses", 171 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:41,160 or at least they don't have a positive "yes to horses" policy. 172 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,600 And also, if you go into a bar or somewhere, a dog is welcome, 173 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,880 the dog can curl up and go to sleep, or go under the table. 174 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:55,680 The horse will be on the machine, smoking a fag. Chatting up other horses. Terrible in bars. 175 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,800 "I've just got to do the black now..." 176 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:58,840 LAUGHTER 177 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,560 "You go home, I'm going to stay." 178 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:04,360 LAUGHTER 179 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,200 They are slightly less able to blend into the background. 180 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,440 And horses sleeping... Do you know, how often do horses sleep? 181 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:16,040 They tend to sleep during the day and they would never sleep soundly like a dog does. 182 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,520 How many hours do they sleep? 183 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:21,880 I'd say... They sleep in fits and starts, so maybe five minutes of every hour? 184 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:26,840 - Do you know what I mean? - If there's a race on, that's a disaster! - It is. 185 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,840 - Halfway round, "I'll tell you what..." - "Fancy a kip?" 186 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:33,480 "What time does it start? 3.15? I'm no good for that." 187 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:38,560 - LAUGHTER - Yes, it's about 3 hours in 24, they sleep. 188 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:42,880 They tend to sleep standing up because obviously they would have been preyed upon 189 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,640 and so they have to be ready for flight at any second. 190 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,960 And they are rubbish at getting up, aren't they? 191 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,840 - When they've been lying down, yeah. - Whoa! 192 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:56,720 Particularly if they get too close to the wall. They get stuck and they call it getting cast. 193 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,280 DARA: They get stuck like a video-game character? 194 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,840 Like one of these... Occasionally in a badly written video game, 195 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,560 - you can find yourself trapped in a corner and you can't get... - Oh, yes. 196 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:14,280 Dara hasn't played video games since the '80s! 197 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,160 LAUGHTER 198 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:20,480 Yeah, very good and what can't horses do, that almost every other mammal can? 199 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:24,000 - I don't think they can vomit. - Exactly right, take some points. 200 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,200 - That's why they get that weird thing where they...die. - Colic. 201 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,320 No-one quite knows why they can't. 202 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,560 It seems an evolutionary mistake, but they just can't vomit. 203 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,720 Can't get the old hoof down the throat? 204 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,280 LAUGHTER 205 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,320 - What is the hoof, exactly? - Why is the what? - The hoof. 206 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,080 It's like one thumb, 207 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,120 like a big thumb with a gnarly-looking nail on it. 208 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,880 and thousands of years ago, someone's looked at that and went, 209 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,160 "That looks a bit sore. Maybe if we nail a bit of metal to it...?" 210 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,160 LAUGHTER Dogs really like eating the bits. 211 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,240 When the farrier shaves off bits of the hoof, the dogs actually love to eat that. 212 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,720 - Really... Really nice. - Dogs'll eat anything. 213 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,840 - Well, yes. - Dogs'll be up the other end going for the manure. 214 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,880 - They would and they do. - Talking of dogs, 215 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,960 how does it work when a blind person with a guide dog wants to cross the road? 216 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:19,480 Does the dog say when it's clear and make the decision to cross the road? 217 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,800 - I hope so. - You hope so? Well, oddly enough, it doesn't. 218 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,320 - It's the blind person who makes the decision. - And the dog keeps stopping him. 219 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,680 The dog has the ability. 220 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:31,360 It's trained what's called selective disobedience or intelligent disobedience. 221 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:36,800 The dog will overrule if it must, but otherwise it's down to the master or mistress to initiate it. 222 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,600 And it's all done through the feeling of the harness, 223 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:43,040 so, when the dog gets to the other end, it puts its paws up on the kerb, 224 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:47,960 which alters the angle of the harness and the blind person feels that and knows where the kerb is. 225 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,320 My uncle, Harry, takes in guide dogs. 226 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,800 So when they fail the guide dog test, when they're not quite good enough, 227 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:58,080 - he has one. - That's rather wonderful. - So he sort of takes them in. 228 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,160 He was showing me one of his dogs, which was a magnificent creature. 229 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:05,240 What it would do, just to show how good it was, he would send it out to pee and it would come in 230 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:09,520 and he'd send it out again and you'd see its little face going, "I've got to force one out. 231 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,880 "I can't come in till I've done a little wee." 232 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,800 And how long have humans been using dogs for blind people specifically? 233 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,680 - Do you know when it started? - 1806? - I reckon it's going to be Roman. 234 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,440 - You're absolutely right. - It's always Roman, innit? 235 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:26,240 Have you not seen this show before? It's always Roman. 236 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,840 There's a first or second century AD mural at the Herculaneum 237 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,720 which shows quite clearly that it was in use then. 238 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:38,920 The proper school, the first school for seeing eye dogs, as the Americans call guide dogs, 239 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,960 when would we imagine and why? 240 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,920 18... No, maybe it was after the First World War. 241 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:47,160 - Very good. - A lot of blindness. - Cos the gas and things caused a lot of blindness. 242 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:51,360 - It was actually the Germans who had the first one, in World War One. - They had the top dogs for it. 243 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,440 In Britain, it started to take off in the '30s 244 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:57,240 but members of the public hated it and it caused a lot of fuss. Why, do you think? 245 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,200 - Were they using German Shepherd dogs? - No, it wasn't that. 246 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:04,920 Good point. There was a lot of anti-German feeling. No, they thought it was cruel to the dog. 247 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:10,520 And they would berate the trainers and users. "You can't do that to a dog!" It was just bizarre. 248 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,960 They seemed to have that rather British view 249 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:17,520 that anything you do with an animal that isn't normal must, therefore, be cruel. 250 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:21,720 And yet they'd been racing horses since 17-whatever and that was just fine(!) 251 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,240 Do you remember what happened with Blue Peter? 252 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:28,720 - Collecting milk bottle tops. - It was milk bottle tops, in the days of milk bottles. 253 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:34,520 - Happy days. - And it was 22 million milk bottle tops to train one dog. 254 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,120 - And the children of Britain... - ..Trained one dog. 255 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,160 LAUGHTER 256 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:43,680 - Still, it made a happy blind person. - It was really well-trained, though. 257 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,280 He was sick of milk, though, at the end of it. 258 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:51,680 Good. Well done, everybody. Miniature horses can be trained as guides for the blind, 259 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:56,120 though they have significant disadvantages and you're probably better off with a dog. 260 00:14:56,120 --> 00:15:00,080 How would you use one of these to calm a horse down? 261 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,560 Oh. Is this...? Oh... 262 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,360 Calm it down?! 263 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,840 What I'm thinking of is not going to calm it down! 264 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,880 Have these been used? Cos if they are what I think they are, I don't think I want to touch it. 265 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,520 - Scrupulously cleaned. - Something over its nose? 266 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,120 - Over its snout? - It's that big. 267 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,560 - On the tail? - You fire an arrow at the horse? 268 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:30,640 Well, the points have gone to Alan. Alan has identified where it goes. 269 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,640 - Not the full number of points. - CLARE'S BUZZER 270 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,280 - Yes, Clare? - It's a twitch. - It's a twitch, she knows. 271 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,640 Of course she knows, she's Clare Balding! 272 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,760 LAUGHTER 273 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:47,640 - I couldn't let Alan get any more of it. I thought, "I'll give him a go", and he was nearly right! - They are. 274 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:50,320 Imagine you have to give medication... 275 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,520 This is like... Here, I'll do... 276 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,040 "twing-ning-ning!" 277 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,240 This isn't calming me. 278 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,000 Is this Whose Line Is It Anyway from ten years ago? 279 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,800 Imagine you're giving a horse medication or something. 280 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:09,120 They're very nervous animals and they don't like being fiddled around with any more than anyone else 281 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,760 but the trouble is, when they're uncomfortable, 282 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,960 they can hurt themselves as much as they can hurt a vet or anyone attending them, 283 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:22,080 because they strike out. So you need to calm a horse down and there's a very magical thing about horses. 284 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,680 Most peculiar. And what is it, Clare? 285 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,720 If you take their top lip, and you can do it with your hands 286 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,520 or a bit of rope - this, to me, looks a little severe... 287 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:34,320 - There it is. - And you basically take their top lip and they won't move. 288 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,280 - They just go into a state of almost trance-like... - Yeah. 289 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:43,360 And it's a bit like the old rabbits in the headlight freeze. It makes them go completely... 290 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:47,080 - And then you can... - Yeah, like that. - You can administer... - He's gone. 291 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,200 Alan is a horse. 292 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,240 Give me the drugs now, give me the drugs. 293 00:16:55,240 --> 00:17:00,280 - You don't need them now. - Actually, with some you can take their ear and it has the same effect. 294 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:04,320 How did they find that out?! Must have been a lot of experimentation. 295 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:08,280 "I suppose we'll try the... That went badly, let's try the lip now." 296 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,280 LAUGHTER 297 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,680 It was thought originally that it was a distraction, 298 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:17,880 that if you did that, it couldn't concentrate on something else happening to it, 299 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:22,840 but it was discovered that it released endorphins. It just gets blissed out. 300 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,960 It's rather nice to know, cos it looks... 301 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,520 - LAUGHTER - It looks a bit cruel. 302 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,400 - I'm fine, I'm fine. - Oh, good. 303 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:36,800 But they're not the only animals. Bovines also have this thing 304 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:41,240 and we bred a breed of dog to bring down bulls 305 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:45,640 by jumping up at them and grabbing them by the lip and it would pull them down 306 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,720 - and we called them... - Bull mastiff? 307 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,880 - Bulldogs, actually. - Oh, bulldogs! 308 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,480 You know, "Oh no, oh yes," Churchill. 309 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,760 - LAUGHTER - Not gone so well in that picture! 310 00:17:55,760 --> 00:18:00,640 - That one, they're being trained. - I thought it would be. I imagine that's why 311 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,800 he went into insurance, to be honest, a safer field for him to be in. 312 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,280 I daresay bull mastiffs were probably trained to do it as well. 313 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:12,080 - How do you persuade the dog to do that for the first time? - Just put a bit of biscuit on there. 314 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,760 DARA: You rest the biscuit on the lip. 315 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,080 How you get it onto the lip is you need a dog. 316 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:20,560 You breed it so quickly, you breed in these characteristics. 317 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:24,960 Some of the breeds were only yesterday, virtually. In 100 years, you can get 318 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:29,280 a completely new kind of dog, which does weird things like go for the upper lip of a bull. 319 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,800 Weird. There's another thing 320 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:35,080 you may like to know. That's when you calm a horse down, 321 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,520 but, sometimes, you might want to get a horse more active. 322 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,760 For example, if you're a horse dealer 323 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:45,720 and you've got a knackered old nag, you might want them to look coltish and spring-like. 324 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,160 How do you do the opposite, then? How do you...? 325 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,440 What, just hit 'em in the nads? 326 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,120 A little bit further back, even. 327 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,960 - We're talking bottoms. - Really? 328 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,600 - Yes, but what in the bottom? That's the key. - Well, anything really! 329 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,840 LAUGHTER 330 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,960 - Ice cube. - Ice cube? That would be good. 331 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,600 - The favourite thing... - Or a popsicle! 332 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,080 Sounds like there might be a story there, Alan! 333 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,280 - LAUGHTER - Goes back to the hot summer of '76. 334 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,600 LAUGHTER 335 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,320 DARA: "We're almost out of popsicles...again!" 336 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,120 CLARE: What were the milk ones called? I loved the milk ones. 337 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,200 You know, the milk lolly, you know the one I mean. 338 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,440 But for purely normal consumption, Clare. 339 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,360 LAUGHTER 340 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:34,400 In the normal way? Clare, Clare, in the normal way, you like them? 341 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,040 - Yes. - Yes, good. Just checking. 342 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,920 I really don't think flavour is a major issue 343 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,120 when you're talking about the ones to shove up your arse. 344 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,680 I'll tell you what is an issue - the Calippo. 345 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:45,720 LAUGHTER 346 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:49,840 It's thick in the wrong way. It comes out thick and then goes thin. 347 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,800 It depends which way you start your Calippo. You novice! 348 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,800 LAUGHTER 349 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,880 Let's... It's disappointing to discover that, in fact, 350 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:03,600 it's nothing to do with any kind of ice-cream confection whatsoever. 351 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,440 But we are in the right channel, the right passage. 352 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,600 - And it is a foodstuff. - Ginger? 353 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,720 - Ginger is the right answer. - Oh, I didn't know that, I guessed. 354 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,920 - I just thought it was a bit hot. - You pop ginger up the bottom 355 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,840 and they spring about and look lively and it takes 10 years off 'em. 356 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:25,160 It's a really good episode of How To Look 10 Years Younger... 357 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,000 Yes, exactly! 358 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,120 - That woman with the glasses, I don't like her... - Ginger snaps. 359 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:39,000 - No, no, don't eat him. - Someone up there likes a ginger snap! 360 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,560 "I love ginger snaps!" 361 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,880 Is it legal in horse-racing? 362 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:49,160 If you were at the Derby or whatever, or the Grand National, 363 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,640 - could you just throw some ginger... - I think that would count as nobbling. 364 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:57,760 - I don't know if it's on the banned list. - Really? - I don't know, I'll have to check it. - Please do. 365 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:02,360 - What about Calippos? - Calippos probably have... - A ginger Calippo, that's going to change... 366 00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,080 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 367 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,880 So, yes, you can calm a horse down by grabbing hold of its upper lip 368 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:13,640 then rev it up again by sticking a bit of ginger up its rectum, which is nice. 369 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,560 Which of these men here... Two men you see, three, in fact. 370 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:21,760 Which one just held up a stagecoach, used bad language in front of a lady, 371 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,880 drinks whisky and chases people from right to left? 372 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,720 The one with the black hat. 373 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,080 Is the right answer. 374 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,960 So what is the history of this? Why, do you think? 375 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,520 I don't know, just... 376 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:36,000 Is that it then? Black hats are bad guys and white hats are good guys? 377 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,160 And unshaven and there's a direction they cross the street... 378 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:44,480 - I just remember being a kid and every Saturday night, usually, there'd be a Western on BBC. - Yeah. 379 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:48,880 My dad would helpfully point out, "That's the bad guy there, the one going..." 380 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,160 In the '50s it was eight out of ten of the top ten programmes 381 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,440 on primetime national American television 382 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,320 were Westerns. The only two that weren't were comedies. 383 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,120 - It's just extraordinary. It ruled. - It carried on. 384 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:04,360 We grew up with Alias Smith And Jones and Champion The Wonder Horse. 385 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:08,280 It was a bit of a letdown, Champion The Wonder Horse - a great title sequence. 386 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,080 # Champion the wonder horse! # 387 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:17,240 - Again, it's a horse, but... - If it cut to Champion bringing a blind person shopping, that would be 388 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:20,160 - a significantly better show. - He never did much more than 389 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,840 - knock a door down by kicking it. - Yeah. - That was sort of his shtick. 390 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,160 If they'd known, put one of these on his top lip and he's useless. 391 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,880 LAUGHTER 392 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,400 "Come on, Champion!" 393 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,080 - LAUGHTER - But it's really practical, 394 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:37,400 partly because you've got a small black-and-white television, with not necessarily 395 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,560 the high-res that we expect in our digital age 396 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,480 and so you can just see the black hat and the white hat 397 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:45,520 and you know - there's lots of chases - 398 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:49,240 who's riding after whom. You instantly know the goodie from the baddie. 399 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:54,440 Also, the right-to-left business is quite crucial, 400 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,400 the baddie goes this way, which in screen terms is right to left, 401 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,920 and the goodie goes left to right, 402 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:05,200 which means his gun is favoured, 403 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,760 is facing the camera. Well, this is useless 404 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,800 for anybody under the age of 50 who has no idea what we're talking about. 405 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:16,000 - Peculiar elderly nostalgia show on... - Why aren't any of these...? 406 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:20,280 Surely of all the plethora of channels, there could just be one Western channel, 407 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,880 just with these old programmes going on all day. 408 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:28,480 Casey Jones I'd like to have on, Champion The Wonder Horse, Alias Smith And Jones. Just on a loop. 409 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,480 You could have a channel called Alan. 410 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,520 There's Dave, why not Alan? 411 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,160 - It's perfect! - Yeah, that's a much better channel. 412 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,680 Just all the things you like. 413 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:40,920 And it wouldn't have bloody QI on all the bloody time. 414 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,320 LAUGHTER 415 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:47,840 Horse operas, Westerns are sometimes called, but do you know what insiders call them in Hollywood? 416 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,320 Oaters. Horses eating oats, I guess. They're known as oaters. 417 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,160 So, yes, horse operas 418 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:57,080 come and go. They may be simple, but at least you know where you stand. 419 00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,520 So, name and shame America's most wasteful hunters. 420 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,720 - HORSE SNORTS - Is it Buffalo Bill, 421 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:08,040 cos he killed the bison, did he, but they wiped them out? 422 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,400 Almost wiped them out, yes. 423 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,080 From being the most populous herd species of its kind in America - 424 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:18,280 70 million of these - they went down to almost zero. I mean, it was horrific, 425 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,720 what they did, in terms of extermination, not just of the bison, 426 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,680 but there was, I'm afraid, a very strong element to the policy of killing them all, 427 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:29,160 that they were therefore also controlling the Indian population 428 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:35,320 because they were getting rid of their main source of food, so it was a kind of ethnic cleansing. 429 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,800 - Did they think that or was that just a...? - Mmm. Yeah. - Really?! 430 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:44,200 Some of the things they did, they distributed smallpox-infected blankets to the Lakota Sioux people. 431 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:49,520 But, in a sense, having portrayed the American Indian as the victim, which it obviously was, 432 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,360 of our aggression or the European aggression, 433 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:56,000 you could also say they were the most wasteful killers of bison 434 00:24:56,000 --> 00:25:00,320 because for thousands of years the way they killed bison was really quite bizarre. 435 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,040 Do you know how they did it? 436 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,600 We're trained to think of them as at one with nature 437 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,000 - and perfect people who... - Didn't they...? 438 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:11,040 - Didn't they get them to run off things? - They would get a whole herd to stampede 439 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,760 over a cliff and you can see two angles of it there. 440 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,600 That must have... I know that's a horribly cruel and terrible way to go 441 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,840 if you are a bison, but that must have been a magnificent sight. 442 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,280 An extraordinary sight, but incredibly wasteful because it was 443 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,560 more than they could eat and they'd just take what they could. 444 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:32,280 Sometimes they only wanted the tongue or the hump, which they valued very highly. 445 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:37,760 So, in a sense, you could argue that some of the Plains Indians were the most wasteful, although then 446 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,600 we made them better killers of bison, or at least less wasteful, 447 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:44,000 because we brought something over to America, 448 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,320 - which they found very nice. - Cows? - Was it guns? 449 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:47,360 Horses. 450 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:51,880 - What, they ate horses? - No, they rode them and then hunted from horseback. 451 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:56,240 And they were able to hunt individual bison rather than use this mass extermination. 452 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,360 - Were there not any horses knocking around America before? - No. 453 00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:03,880 That's quite a pair of trousers they're both wearing. I can't help noticing, that's... 454 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,880 CLARE: The things you can do with hide! 455 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,320 You could finish off your trousers, is what you could do with hide! 456 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:13,400 It does look like they're on their way to a club after hours. 457 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,960 Yes, it's a... Anyway, very interesting! 458 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:19,440 - LAUGHTER - Em, so, very nice. No, lovely. 459 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,000 No, it is actually lovely. 460 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,920 So, er, yeah, American hunters may have killed 70 million bison in 15 years, 461 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:28,200 but the Indians made a pretty good start 5,000 years before that. 462 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,920 What is this sound? 463 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,360 GUTTURAL GROWLING 464 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,080 I'm going to say it's that bear. 465 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,400 KLAXON 466 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:43,480 What?! In the conventions of TV, if you show a picture of something...the noise over the top. 467 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,800 We showed a black bear and as you know, black bears don't roar. 468 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,480 Oh, no, of course. 469 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,240 So it can't have been that bear making that noise. 470 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:56,760 It's probably a wolf or a lion which is what Hollywood, and documentary makers to their eternal shame, 471 00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:02,280 sometimes will put on. You see them open their mouth and you expect a roar and it makes it convincing. 472 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,600 But they don't roar. They barely growl. 473 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,000 ALAN SQUEAKS 474 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,720 - Yeah, that kind of noise, probably. - That won't do at all. 475 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:14,720 I don't think I find it less frightening, it's relatively frightening anyway 476 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,920 but I would be perplexed. That would stop me in my running away. 477 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,240 If the bear went... HE MOUTHS 478 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,480 - You'd wait to see what it had to say. - A bear miming?! 479 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,560 Many of their defenders would say they are pretty harmless. 480 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:34,400 There's a hunting season for black bear in America, that's the species. 481 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:38,120 They don't really attack people. Not like grizzlies which can be tricky. 482 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:43,440 Though they can climb trees and they say you know the difference between a black bear and a brown bear, 483 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:47,840 it's not always the colour, if you climb a tree. The black bear will climb after you, 484 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:52,280 if it's a grizzly, it will pull the tree down and then eat you that way. 485 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,160 So you'll know which one has eaten you. 486 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:58,520 The other way of stopping them attacking you is just put a pane of glass in front of them. 487 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:02,880 That's miming! We were talking about their mime skills... 488 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:06,040 Have you got a bear walking against the wind? 489 00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:10,600 They don't eat us. They eat fruit. 490 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:14,640 They really love insect larvae, grubs and ants and all kinds of stuff like that. 491 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,880 - It is lovely, though, isn't it? - Yes! Oh, fabulous, absolutely. 492 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:23,200 Their strength is not in order to wrestle us or fight us, and their claws, 493 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:27,600 it's to upturn stones and bark to get at these woodlice and things. 494 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,680 It is a comedy motif, how do you get away from a bear? 495 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,680 - I think we've all done routines at some stage... - The zigzags. 496 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:36,560 Zigzagging, or you run downhill and then stop suddenly 497 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,160 - and it will roll past you. - Yes. 498 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,600 As Craig Campbell says, "Yeah, but now you've embarrassed the bear." 499 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,520 - LAUGHTER - It's always that thing. 500 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:50,360 Someone told you either run uphill or downhill and when it happens, you can't remember which 501 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,800 - and it rather matters to remember at the time. - Just get in your car! 502 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,240 What are you playing at?! 503 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,800 - LAUGHTER - You're right! 504 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:01,680 There you are. Black bears don't actually roar so their vocal parts 505 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,480 in films are usually given to lions and wolves. 506 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,520 Now we'd all like to set up a successful Internet business, 507 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,040 so how might hunting work on the Internet? 508 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,960 LAUGHTER 509 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,560 Always look ahead, Jimmy. Always look ahead. Why were you looking there? 510 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,920 DARA: Are you commenting on his horsemanship? 511 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,040 Clare, that's not him on the horse. 512 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:30,680 - Oh, don't say that! - Have you seen any doctored photographs? There are quite a number on the Internet. 513 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:35,320 - Internet hunting, does this ring a bell? - Are we bargain hunting, eBay? 514 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:39,480 In 34 states in America, Internet hunting has been declared illegal, 515 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,280 but what is it that they're declaring illegal? 516 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,080 S-Sorry, Internet hunting? 517 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,600 So have they got a gun set up somewhere...? 518 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,520 - Not really?! - Like a webcam? - Like a webcam 519 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,120 and a gun and you can control the gun with... 520 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,400 You pay your money and you control the gun with your mouse. 521 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,440 Like Golden Shot sort of thing, like that, 522 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,680 and an elk or a moose or some thing or person 523 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,880 moves into... 524 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,720 In the sights, press the mouse... 525 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,880 - "Or person?" - ..or the space bar 526 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:12,200 - and there's your shot. - Presumably there could be a homicide? 527 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:17,840 Yes, cos the fact is, it's illegal in 34 states and yet it doesn't exist. 528 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:22,000 They've legislated against something that actually doesn't exist. 529 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,640 - This man... - He's got that all wrong, straightaway! 530 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,520 LAUGHTER 531 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,120 - AMERICAN ACCENT: - "Get off my land!" 532 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:33,000 Er, the gun is not in your hand. 533 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:38,040 This is a Texan called John Lockwood and in 2004 he had the idea of it and set up a site 534 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:43,360 and it was instantly ruled illegal, before it had even happened or anything had... And as I say, 535 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,360 it was a huge campaign by the anti-hunting lobby in America 536 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:50,240 and the amazing thing is that the pro-hunting lobby supported them 537 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:54,800 because they were seen to be all liberal and "Yeah and it's, ooh, awful and wicked." 538 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,280 But it just doesn't exist. 539 00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,560 And in California, they've made Internet fishing illegal, 540 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:03,600 which also doesn't exist. 541 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,640 What, just...? It was a rod and...? LAUGHTER 542 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,880 Presumably you remotely control from a webcam, the idea of fishing. 543 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:14,160 And more fun cos you can do something useful while the rod just... 544 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:17,280 Yes, yes. Anyway, there you are. Hunting on the Internet 545 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:21,080 isn't possible, but it hasn't stopped most American states banning it. 546 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,360 One million British horses were sent to the First World War front. 547 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,400 What happened to the ones that survived? 548 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:30,880 They settled in the South of France and opened a caravan park. 549 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,320 They couldn't learn the language, ended up moving back. 550 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:38,240 - What they didn't do is move back. - Did the French eat them? 551 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:42,840 Lots of people ate them. They were turned into food or rendered into products. 552 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,400 The point is one million horses is a heck of a lot, 553 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,280 but almost none made it back home. 554 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:52,040 - Some did cos in War Horse, he did. - Yes. - He came back. - Really? 555 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,800 - He did come back. - One million horses? 556 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,480 - Went to the First World War? - From Britain, yeah. - That's extraordinary. 557 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,680 If you think about the logistics of getting one million horses across the Channel, 558 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,560 - they're not all David Walliams. - Exactly. 559 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:11,000 According to Michael Morpurgo, who wrote that book, War Horse, 560 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:15,040 8-10 million horses died in the First World War. 561 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,120 They didn't have a nice time of it even if they did survive. 562 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:21,320 They thought they'd be diseased when they came back as well. 563 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,960 So they just didn't want them. It was a very sad chapter 564 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,040 - in our story. - Yes. 565 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,160 It's a bummer, isn't it? I've silenced you. 566 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:33,120 It's like when they play the Black Beauty music, I just start crying. 567 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:37,240 You know the bit where Ginger dies? It's really, really sad. 568 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:38,960 You know why they call him Ginger! 569 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,720 I would have that music at my funeral, definitely. Black Beauty music. 570 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,720 - It's a deal. I'll arrange it. - Thanks. - We'll make sure it happens. 571 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,360 How fast is that coffin going to be moving? 572 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,480 At quite a lick, by the sounds of things! 573 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,440 One of the most popular ones to have now with the coffin going is the Countdown theme. 574 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,160 Do-do-do-do-do-do-BOONG! Like that. 575 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:06,160 It is bizarre the way people go crazy for horses though. 576 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:10,840 I remember in primary school, a really weird thing which stuck in my head. 577 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:14,920 There was a little girl in our primary school class, we were six years old, 578 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,000 and she was just in floods of tears, bawling her eyes out, 579 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,560 we went, "What's the matter?" 580 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,360 And she went, "I just love horses so much." 581 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,920 Ohh! Is that how you were? 582 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,520 I don't see why that's strange. 583 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:33,520 You know, sometimes they ask you to write things for, you know, your first love. 584 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,160 Genuinely, my first love was Frank and he was a pony. 585 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:40,600 He wasn't very handsome. He had brown ears and a spotty neck and really bad sweet itch, 586 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:44,080 so his mane just kind of stood up in sections and my mother always said 587 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:48,000 if you could love Frank, everything in the world would always be beautiful 588 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,480 - cos you thought he was beautiful and I did. - That's so touching! 589 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,160 He was lovely, he understood me. 590 00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,560 He DID understand me. 591 00:33:55,560 --> 00:34:00,040 Why little girls? Little boys don't care about ponies. 592 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:05,240 I know families who move for the sake of having more space so they can maybe get a horse. 593 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,200 CLARE: We're emotionally mature a little earlier. 594 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,200 - Yeah. - About 50 years earlier. 595 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,560 I would never move for a child's hobby. 596 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,480 "But Dad, I like ponies." "Yeah, well, I like this house. 597 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:24,840 "When you pay for the mortgage, you can stick a pony in every room." 598 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,360 "Thanks, Dad(!) 599 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,520 "All right, I'm only asking, God!" 600 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,560 I'm not your dad, all right? 601 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:35,040 All right. Thank you. 602 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,440 So, the fact is very few horses, sadly, made it home from the front. 603 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:42,720 If they weren't killed in action, they were likely to be fed to prisoners or turned into fertiliser. 604 00:34:42,720 --> 00:34:45,800 What are these horses thinking? Picture is behind you there. 605 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,080 From left to right. 606 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:52,440 - What is it we're after here? - The one on the right's thinking, "Clare Balding." 607 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,120 "She loves me!" 608 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:58,400 Yeah, the one in the middle's going, "I'll be Frank!" 609 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:02,560 - It's something to do with the ears, is it? - It's the ears. 610 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,800 The language and moods of the horse are often interpreted by its ears. 611 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:09,560 Are you...what's your sense on the one on the left, then? 612 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,920 The one on the left is very alert and has seen something that's slightly startled it...woo! 613 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,920 - That's straight up, a kind of...yeah. - Slightly startled. 614 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:21,440 The one in the middle is eager, keen, wanting to go forward, sees something it likes. 615 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,720 - You can do the position... - Fantastic. Thank you so much. 616 00:35:24,720 --> 00:35:28,640 So, that'll be...I'm a bit alarmed. 617 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:29,800 - Right. - That, I'm... 618 00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,560 DARA: Before we're accused... 619 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,560 The only woman on the panel is the one wearing the bunny ears. 620 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:40,280 Can Jimmy wear the ears? Just for... 621 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:42,960 He doesn't know the horse ear language whereas you do. 622 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,400 I'm not sure about sideways, actually. 623 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,880 - Sideways, we have written down... - Flat back is very scared or very angry. 624 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,840 That could mean it's moving at quite a pace. 625 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:57,080 - Wind tunnel, horse in a wind tunnel. - Or going under a door. 626 00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,520 - Or going in a door. - It's amazing. If you watch racing, 627 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:03,440 you watch how many horses prick their ears as they get to the winning post. 628 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,800 - Yeah. - They think if they get the ears over quickly, 629 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:09,520 - it'll be... - They'll break the tape. 630 00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:14,360 Apparently, flopping sideways means knackered or "I surrender," to another horse or person. 631 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:18,760 - Then there's flicking... - Yeah, and one back and one forward. 632 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:22,840 - What does that mean? What does flicking mean? - Left, left! 633 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,720 Panic, supposedly. 634 00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:29,600 Panic. Then back, you mentioned, is angry, aggressive, upset... 635 00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:33,160 - Is this ALL horses? - Yes. - The universal language of horses? 636 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:36,320 - Putting their ears back is a bad sign. - I think I've broken this now. 637 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:41,080 - You have! - Violence, there. - Permanently sad. 638 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:45,120 - You look very sweet. - Just permanently confused. 639 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,200 Drooping sideways, one down, one up, the way you are there, 640 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,680 it could be that you're on drugs, apparently. 641 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,120 I can absolutely assure you that I'm not. 642 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,280 - Doped with depressants or stimulants... - One up, one down? 643 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,440 No, whether it's completely rigid or flat down. 644 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,920 Rigid would be stimulants, I think. 645 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:10,520 Horses do use a lot of body language. They talk with their ears. 646 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,840 Now we plunge head-long into the dung heap of General Ignorance 647 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:17,720 to see who comes up smelling of roses. Put your fingers on the buzzers. 648 00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:20,520 What colour is this horse? 649 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:21,600 Grey. 650 00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,720 KLAXON 651 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,480 - Yeah? - White. - It's white. 652 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:34,640 It's a white horse. You said grey because almost all white horses 653 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:38,000 - are, in fact, known as greys to people. - And they're born very dark. 654 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,000 All those horses that you see at the Spanish Riding School 655 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:45,960 - that become beautiful and white, I've been to see them as foals... - Lipizzaners. - Yeah. 656 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:50,760 - ..they're born almost jet black. - Are they? - They go grey and if you ever get the chance... 657 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:55,040 You must know that. You must have seen Crimson Tide with Gene Hackman 658 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,400 - and Denzel Washington... - Oh, yes... 659 00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,560 It's a whole thing, a big a-ha-ha-ha! 660 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,880 Does Denzel Washington go white? 661 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:06,120 The thing is, "But they're born black! Da-da-da!" 662 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:10,120 - It's a big twist. - So, yes, white horses. 663 00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,280 If it's a Thoroughbred grey, what do you know about it? 664 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:14,720 It's a bit snobby. 665 00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:18,400 A bit self-important. Thoroughbreds... 666 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:22,960 - All Thoroughbred greys are descended from one grey. - Jesus. 667 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,080 LAUGHTER 668 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:27,600 No. No. 669 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:32,000 It was a wild stab in the dark. If it had come off, my God, you would have got points. 670 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:37,640 It would have been so impressive. But unfortunately, it wasn't the answer on this occasion. 671 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,280 Alcock, is the answer. Alcock Arabian. 672 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:44,080 All Thoroughbred horses around the world are descended from... 673 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:45,280 Three. 674 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:46,640 Three. Can you name them? 675 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,840 Darley Arabian, Godolphin Arabian and the Byerley Turk? 676 00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:53,560 - Absolutely right, you must have points for that. - Yes, that's correct. 677 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:58,600 - Thank you. - Three Arab stallions came over in the late 17th century 678 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,280 and they are the origins of all Thoroughbred horses in racing. 679 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,760 - What's the deal with horse names? It's... - You'll have to explain. 680 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:09,520 Well, with racehorses you get to name your own horse 681 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:13,800 - and you can't have a name... - They're never called Dave the horse. "We called it Possum 682 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:19,080 - "cos we like possums in our house." - As long as there hasn't been another Possum, you can have Possum. 683 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:22,320 - There's a data... - Go back 150 years and they are much simpler names. 684 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,440 They have to get more complicated because they have to be new. 685 00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,960 Did Robbie Fowler name his horse Some Horse? 686 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:31,040 - And then he had one called Another Horse. - Oh, good! 687 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:32,680 - Hooray! - That's brilliant. 688 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:36,680 COMMENTATING: "And now there's Another Horse and there's Some Horse..." 689 00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,720 Presumably Sarah Jessica Parker has a horse named after her? 690 00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:42,040 - LAUGHTER - Just cos she looks quite equine. 691 00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:47,520 You would have to ask her permission. If you name it directly after a person, you need their permission. 692 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:48,680 - Ah! - Oh! 693 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,560 So, horsey people call most white horses grey. 694 00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:56,560 But the ones in our picture, well, that one was an honest-to-goodness white horse. 695 00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,440 How many horsepower do you get from one horse? 696 00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,840 - Shall I? I'll take the bullet. - Yeah. 697 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,280 I'd say about one. 698 00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,160 - KLAXON - How could it not be? Really?! 699 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,680 Back to the history of the horsepower. 700 00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:12,880 - Do you know who's responsible...? - Watts? 701 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:18,160 It was Watts, yeah. He invented, or at least perfected, the really efficient first versions of... 702 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:22,720 steam engines. Basically, he would take a third of the efficiency saving 703 00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:27,280 that anyone who bought one of his machines would make over horses. 704 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:31,480 He had to demonstrate its ability to work in relation to a horse, 705 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:35,640 but in order to be generous, he erred on the side of generosity, 706 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:39,320 so horses can actually do slightly less than a horsepower. 707 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:43,600 It's really 794 watts, is what it is. 708 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,720 Now a story of horror and hostility. 709 00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:48,720 A shoal of piranhas meets a dolphin. What happens next? 710 00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:50,720 Does the dolphin eat the piranhas? 711 00:40:50,720 --> 00:40:53,720 Yes! You're learning. That's good. 712 00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:56,640 I only said that cos it was the opposite of what I thought. 713 00:40:56,640 --> 00:41:01,800 The fact is, the whole idea that piranhas are these aggressive, flesh-eating creatures 714 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,720 is pretty nonsensical, actually. 715 00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:08,440 It really goes back to Teddy Roosevelt, it seems, that's maybe one of the first times 716 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,040 that people who'd never travelled to South America, he'd been there 717 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:16,000 and they'd put on a display for him and he rather exaggerated this idea. 718 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,680 He'd said if you put your arm in the water, it'd be stripped to the bone. 719 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:23,440 The fact is, they just don't do that. They're frightened of humans. 720 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:26,160 If you're swimming with piranhas, they'll go away. 721 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:29,560 They scavenge on dead things, mostly. Contrary to their reputation, 722 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,360 piranhas are scavengers, not predators. 723 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:35,760 They're actually eaten by dolphins, not the other way round. 724 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:40,240 So, what weapon did 19th-century whalers use to kill whales? 725 00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:43,160 Are you looking for a harpoon? 726 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:44,560 KLAXON 727 00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:47,400 OK, not a harpoon. 728 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,240 No, the harpoon is used for... 729 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:51,280 Dragging it in. 730 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:52,720 It's tiring it out, really. 731 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:56,920 You fire or they threw a harpoon, with rope attached, 732 00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:01,040 it's barbed so it would stick in to the flesh of the beast 733 00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,520 and then what was called a Nantucket Sleighride would take place, 734 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,280 where this whale would drag the whaling boat, 735 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,400 which was quite small, as you can see, and eventually, 736 00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:13,800 the whale would tire out. You just keep on and you don't let go. 737 00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,120 Then when it's tired out, 738 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:16,720 lances finish it off. 739 00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:21,360 - It was a pretty extraordinary industry. - There's a lot of it still going on, isn't there? 740 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:24,960 I fear there is. Most nations are signatories of a ban on whaling... 741 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,760 - That's all changing... - Notably, Norway and Japan are not. 742 00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:33,040 Japan say it's all for research - researching the perfect whale sandwich. 743 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,320 - Yes. - And they won't stop until they've got it! 744 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,880 Mmm, delicious. 745 00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:42,120 So, yes, 19th-century whalers used lances to kill whales, 746 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:47,040 harpoons were used to catch them before they were killed, which brings us to our final scores. 747 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:50,040 Oh, my goodness! An interesting one today. 748 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:53,800 Falling at the first fence, I'm sorry to say, 749 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:57,560 with minus 13 in fourth place, it's Jimmy Carr! 750 00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:01,280 APPLAUSE 751 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:06,920 And a very relieved Alan Davies has only made a slight foal of himself, 752 00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:08,520 on minus six. 753 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,000 APPLAUSE 754 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:15,560 And just beaten in the final furlong, with four points, 755 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:16,760 Dara O Briain. 756 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,720 APPLAUSE 757 00:43:19,720 --> 00:43:24,280 Oh, who would believe it? It's maiden stakes for her, her first race, 758 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,680 and she's galloping away as a winner, five points, Clare Balding! 759 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,120 APPLAUSE 760 00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:40,200 It's good night from Clare, Jimmy, Dara and Alan and I leave you with this thought from Rita Mae Brown. 761 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:45,000 "If the world was truly a rational place, it would be men who rode side-saddle." 762 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:46,800 Thank you and good night. 763 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,640 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 764 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,680 Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net