1 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,080 Goooood...evening! 3 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,120 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening! 4 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,960 And welcome to QI, the quiz show that glows in the dark. 5 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,560 Tonight, we're peering through the gloom 6 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:46,160 at subjects of illumination and invisibility. 7 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:49,120 Joining me under the covers with a torch, a packet of crisps 8 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,800 and the latest edition of The Gentleman's Magazine, 9 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:55,600 we have the enlightened Jack Dee! APPLAUSE 10 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,880 The illuminating Chris Addison! APPLAUSE 11 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:08,200 The incandescent Rich Hall! APPLAUSE 12 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:15,800 And that bright spark, Alan Davies! CHEERING 13 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,600 Now, should any of you wish to draw attention to your brilliance, 14 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,920 you can light up my life in this manner... 15 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:30,200 Jack goes... LIGHTSABER WHIRRS 16 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:34,000 Chris goes... FIREWORKS EXPLODE 17 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,800 Rich goes... LIGHTNING 18 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,480 And Alan goes... SWITCH CLICKS 19 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,080 'Oh...' 20 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,680 BOOM! 21 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:49,680 Good. Now, each of you should have a set of cards. 22 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,480 During the course of the game, I want you to see if you can find out 23 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,120 what these international symbols stand for. 24 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,720 You can decide for yourself. 25 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:03,480 You can write underneath each... On top, beside. 26 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,240 They are all recognised international symbols 27 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,200 for some very real... 28 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,280 That's Lady Gaga! 29 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,440 You've already made your mind up. 30 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,120 You've also got a question-marked joker card. 31 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:21,200 One of the questions I ask tonight 32 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,720 has the answer "nobody knows". 33 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,840 If you can guess... FANFARE 34 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,080 - 'Nobody knows!' - There you are. LAUGHTER 35 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,040 - That caught you by surprise. - Yes. 36 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,520 If you guess which question it is to which there's an answer nobody knows, 37 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,080 you'll get extra points. 38 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:41,240 Now, in 1879, the Blackpool Illuminations began. 39 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:46,160 They were visited by up to 100,000 people from all over Britain 40 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,920 and were so bright that they were described as "artificial sunshine". 41 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:54,520 My question simply is, how many lamps did they use? 42 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,960 I love that the people of Blackpool consider this to be like sunshine. 43 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,920 - Are you saying we don't know? We do know. - Ahh! 44 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,480 - We know precisely how many they used. - Damn! 45 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,440 - Hang on. 1879? - Yes. 46 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:11,920 So, this is before the invention of the bulb? 47 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:16,920 Well done! Certainly before the invention of the filament bulb by Thomas Alva Edison, yes. 48 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:22,920 He didn't have the idea for the bulb, he had an idea for something else. He went, "Bing! Oh!" 49 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:27,440 - "Hey!" - That's very good! - "I'll do that instead!" - Yes! 50 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,200 - But it, isn't it? - It wasn't light bulbs as we know them. 51 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,200 They were carbon arc lamps. 52 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:37,120 They were still used by the film industry up until the 1980s. 53 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,160 100,000 people visited. 54 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,280 How many lamps did they use to draw that many people? 55 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:46,720 - 12. - 12 lamps! You're damn close. It's eight. 56 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,200 - Is it?! - Yes! That's what's so extraordinary! 57 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,160 Eight, at a distance of 370 yards apart, 58 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:56,880 it was still astonishing enough, no-one had ever seen anything like it, to draw crowds. 59 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,440 Back then, there wasn't much to do, was there? 60 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:03,240 Everything else was gaslight, which this was a different sort of light, 61 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,560 and this was a white, bright daylight sort of light. 62 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,440 What did moths do before then? 63 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,200 I don't know what moths... Moths... I mean, how...? 64 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,040 Why don't moths come out during the day if they're so fond of the bloody light? 65 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,280 - I mean, really! - They could just sit still and go, 66 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:21,280 "Wow! This is amazing!" 67 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,200 It's very peculiar! 68 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,800 You know, Edison electrocuted an elephant. 69 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,880 - He did. - My favourite fact of all time. 70 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,000 Do you know why? 71 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,600 It was a death sentence, it was an execution. 72 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,600 - I think you might know this cos you saw it on QI! - Yes! - Really? 73 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:41,320 The problem with joining you people so late is you've covered basically all human knowledge! 74 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,560 While you were saying it, I thought, "This rings a bell." 75 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,920 - Maybe that's how I know it. - "I heard this before." 76 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:51,320 You are absolutely right. There is film of it, which you can see. It's a very tragic sight. 77 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,920 - Elephant snuff movies?! - Yeah, I'm afraid it's true. - Wow! - It's very sad. 78 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,920 But Blackpool were keen to attract people and it worked, 79 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:02,040 as you probably know as a lad from the northwest. 80 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,880 In fact, from all over Britain people, every September, 81 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,200 go just as the season is ending, 82 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,440 the Illuminations go up and they attract millions of people. 83 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,440 Of course, fabulous celebrities come to turn on... 84 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,280 Can you name some of the...? 85 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,040 - I think Jayne Mansfield did it. - Very good, Chris! 86 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:23,440 - Way, way back. - There she is. Jayne Mansfield came. - Whoo-hoo! 87 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,600 Then the lads from Top Gear, so they've maintained the quality(!) 88 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:30,080 The bloke on the left can't believe it! 89 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,440 - That's the mayor, I think. - "This is terrific!" 90 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:36,200 - Even the mayoress is delighted! - She is rather! 91 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,720 But other people have opened. Red Rum. 92 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:44,880 They made a special pedal so that when he trod on it, it turned on. That was in 1977. 93 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,720 And then they electrocuted him. 94 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:52,000 Michael Ball in 1997 and in 2006, Dale Winton. 95 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,000 They should've electrocuted him! 96 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,200 I think they've peaked! Where can they go from there? 97 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,600 - Dale's definitely peaked. - They've reached the top. 98 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,600 - It cost them £50,000 worth of electricity... - To get Dale Winton? 99 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,600 No! Of electricity to run the Illuminations. 100 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,840 Not any more. They use low-energy light bulbs. 101 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:14,920 There's no point going for the first 15 minutes of the Illuminations. 102 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:19,800 You have to wait for it to warm up. "Three, two, one...!" "Oh." 103 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:24,000 "Come back in 15 minutes. They'll be lovely." 104 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,960 Costs over £2.4 million to stage, 105 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:29,880 but apparently brings 275 million to the economy. 106 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,360 Because so many people come to watch. 107 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,560 - But it's free, innit? - I know, but they buy fish and chips, they... 108 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,080 £275 million-worth of fish and chips?! 109 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,080 It brings 3.5 million people 110 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,600 and they don't have to spend more than £7 111 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,600 for that to be the amount of money that they brought in. 112 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,920 The original Blackpool Illuminations consisted of eight bulbs. 113 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,200 Today, they're six miles long and use 200 miles of wire and a million bulbs. 114 00:06:55,200 --> 00:07:00,000 Now, if you can dispel the shadows on this one for me, I'd be very grateful. 115 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,040 Why did Mexican revolutionary Pancho Villa 116 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,840 have to wait for the light? 117 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,720 There he is, Pancho Villa. 118 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,920 He had to wait till the banks were open before he could rob them. 119 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:16,720 - Well, Pancho Villa was part of a war in Mexico. - He was. He was a great... 120 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,360 Quite a tremendous stature but now reduced to a... 121 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:24,240 chain of tawdry Mexican restaurants, where suburban bimbos go 122 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,640 and drink margaritas for 2 a pitcher and... 123 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,680 - That's it. - ..weep into their guacamole. 124 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,880 This is why you didn't get that gig in advertising. 125 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,120 Yeah. 126 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:37,200 There was a three-part war, the government of Mexico against two revolutionaries - 127 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,920 Pancho Villa and... 128 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,280 - Is it Zapata? - Zapata, yes. 129 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,440 "Shoe," I think, in Mexican, isn't it? 130 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,440 - Yes. - Yeah, in Spanish. - Whereas Pancho Villa means... 131 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,080 - "House of Pancho." - Yes, I suppose. 132 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,680 He wasn't called Pancho Villa, was he? 133 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:55,360 He took his name from his grandad, the best name I've ever heard. 134 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,400 - Which is... - Aston. - "Aston Villa"? 135 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,000 Perfect! 136 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,080 It was Jesus. 137 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:03,440 Jesus Villa, which just sounds like the Pope's holiday home. 138 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:04,600 "We go to..." 139 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,440 - "Jesus Villa." - Jesus Villa, yeah. 140 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:11,320 It so happened that the American public were rather fascinated by this Mexican war, 141 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:16,720 and different American film companies paid 142 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:21,480 the different sides for the rights to film their battles. 143 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:26,280 And Pancho Villa got 20% of the box office of the Mutual Film Company, 144 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:31,680 who were on his side, as it were, but he had to wait till the cameras were set up and the light was right 145 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,560 before he could begin the battle. 146 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,800 AND they made him dress up in a general's uniform. 147 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,800 Usually, he went casual. 148 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,040 But they made him dress up in a general's uniform to look like that. 149 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,720 - So just before they charged, did they get make-up and everything? - Yeah! 150 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,320 Well, it wasn't quite that bad, 151 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:51,120 but it was an extraordinary, bizarre war, run for American studios. 152 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,160 And the strange thing is that, actually, 153 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,920 the reality wasn't that exciting. 154 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,520 And they would re-enact it back in America 155 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,640 to make it look more bloody and dramatic. 156 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,640 But they would use the footage of him, pointing in his uniform. 157 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:04,680 He... He... 158 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:09,640 Lots of the Mexican revolutionaries sort of operated as bandits, as well, didn't they? 159 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,080 They were sort of political armies AND... 160 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,840 But they were bandits to raise money for their armies, 161 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,800 and he held up a train. 162 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:22,680 And he took 122 silver ingots AND a bank employee - 163 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:26,200 a Wells Fargo bank employee - hostage, and then 164 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:30,600 forced Wells Fargo to help him sell the ingots with the hostage. 165 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,160 - It's fantastically clever. - Very good. 166 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,440 Can't cope with two intelligent, interesting people on this show. 167 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,680 - It's good, isn't it? - Yeah, it's very hard. 168 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,960 He didn't just say 120, it was 122. I like that. 169 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,160 - Well, it sticks with you. - Scholarly of you. Very impressive. 170 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,880 We said on QI... We told you what Pancho Villa's last words were. 171 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,960 I don't know if you remember. Alan, you were definitely there. 172 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,200 "Turn the lights out"? 173 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,120 "Ouch"? 174 00:09:56,120 --> 00:10:00,680 No. "Don't let it end like this. Let me at least say something." 175 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,680 - It was apparently... - "Hang on, I've got it." 176 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:08,000 We've since discovered that this may be a myth 177 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,320 as his car was hit by 40 bullets and he himself by nine dum-dum bullets 178 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,920 so he was probably killed instantly and said nothing. 179 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:18,240 But I like the idea of someone being disappointed that they didn't have any last words to say. 180 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,920 - Maybe it was "Reverse." - "Don't park here!" 181 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,680 - "Tell them I said something," was his supposed last words. - "Cut!" 182 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:26,920 Yeah. 183 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:33,760 Can you tell me the war where the first film footage was ever used? 184 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,760 If you run past the Bayeux Tapestry really fast... 185 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,760 - It kind of looks... - It's not one of our better-known wars. 186 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:45,240 It's the Greco-Turkey War of 1897. 187 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:49,920 And there was a British film cameraman called Villiers who took the footage and then got home 188 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,920 and was really annoyed to find that someone else had re-enacted 189 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,040 the battles in England and they were playing in the newsreels. 190 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,120 Re-enactment? 191 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,560 Yes, the whole things was that newsreel was so new 192 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:04,360 that people were incredibly excited 193 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:09,320 and they didn't really know how reality looked far away in battles. 194 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:13,360 And if you lived in London or Bradford or wherever it might be 195 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,040 and went to a newsreel place, you believed what you saw. 196 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,920 And so in the naval battles of the Spanish-American war, 197 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:23,360 there was a guy who cut out battleships and pasted them 198 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:27,440 on bits of wood and put them in a tank of water just an inch thick 199 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,080 and had little bits of gunpowder that he lit 200 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,000 - and had an office boy blow cigar smoke. - Michael Benting! 201 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,280 And it played to packed houses. 202 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:41,400 People thought they were watching a real naval battle. 203 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,480 - They just re-enacted them back home? - Yes. 204 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,320 They just took it on faith in those days, early on. 205 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,120 And to be fair, to some extent, even today, 206 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:55,000 most journalists who work in war zones will tell you they kind of sex up their video footage. 207 00:11:55,000 --> 00:12:00,440 They do a lot of "whhooooaaa" with the camera just simply to catch our interest. 208 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,480 I often wonder whether people who report at flower shows, 209 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:08,000 whether they are just slightly cowardly war correspondents, 210 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:12,320 working their way up, but they're just working with the gentle stuff first. 211 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,760 - Yes, start with the azaleas. - Something not too scary. 212 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,600 They say that the number one rule of battle photographers 213 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,720 is you always run toward the gunshot when everyone else is running away from it. 214 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:26,280 Which I think, you know, weeds out a lot of people right away. 215 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,320 "I'm going to shoot weddings." 216 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:37,040 The earliest we can date back this idea of faking war photography to make it more interesting, 217 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,920 to give it human interest, is in the 1857-58 Indian uprising, 218 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:49,480 where a massacre was photographed and the photographer bestrewed it with human bones. 219 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,960 Those were added by the photographer. 220 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:56,280 - Did he carry them in a bag? - Satchel? - I don't know where he got them. I suspect he dug them up. 221 00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:00,240 But you can see, literally, skulls and femurs and ribcages. 222 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,520 I mean, it certainly tells the story of some death going on, 223 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:04,840 but it was a fake. 224 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:09,840 That guy did my wedding photography. I wasn't pleased with that either. 225 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:14,800 He was old, too, wasn't he? Let's be honest. Very, very old. 226 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,960 What is this man about to do? 227 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,200 LAUGHTER 228 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,880 It's to do with our theme, one of our "I" words. 229 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,760 - Invisible. - Yes. 230 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,000 I mean, if I said, "They're going to turn invisible" 231 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,000 you'd imagine they're going to disappear completely. 232 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:39,040 Nonetheless, it is technology that is on the way to invisibility. 233 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,760 It certainly creates a transparent coat, as you will see. 234 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:50,400 - Oh! - That's not a post effect. 235 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:54,920 That is happening in real time and is being filmed. 236 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,520 And that's the coat and that's it being filmed. 237 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,600 - There are two cameras, aren't there? - Yes. What's happening? 238 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:05,440 - Superimposing the front camera onto the picture on the back camera. - That's the technique. 239 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,680 It has interesting applications that are beginning to be developed, 240 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:13,800 allowing pilots to see through the floors of their planes, for example. 241 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,840 Why, to scare the shit out of them?! 242 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:19,880 "Ugh! Got to keep my mind on my job! Holy shit! Keep looking up!" 243 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,920 That could be the reason! 244 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,040 It's quite a good effect, isn't it? 245 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:30,280 He's called Professor Susumu Tachi and the cloak is made of a material called retro-reflectum. 246 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:34,640 As Jack rightly spotted, it projects an image onto itself of what is behind the wearer. 247 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:39,920 The computer generates the image projected, so the viewer, effectively, sees through. 248 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:45,080 - That would really screw them up at airports. - Wouldn't that be odd?! - Going through security! 249 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:49,960 It'd be great for talking to boring people. You could look at what's going on behind them. 250 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:54,240 Cloaking technology, as we know, is at its... It's at an early stage. 251 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,920 - The Romulans have it, I believe. - Harry Potter. 252 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,600 Ron Weasley's car can go invisible, his dad's Ford Anglia. 253 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,120 - Yes. - It can go invisible. - That's true. 254 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,640 - But that does wear the battery out. - Yes! Exactly. 255 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,080 - And Harry has an invisibility cloak. - Invisibility cloak! 256 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:15,680 There are interesting technologies that make things invisible, which have limitations. 257 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,920 One is, it's only infrared. 258 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,320 Or one is on objects which are so small, 259 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:24,040 they are already invisible to the naked eye! 260 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:28,480 "You see that thing you can't see? Ta-da! I just made it invisible!" 261 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,520 That doesn't work, does it? 262 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,880 Interesting, of course, in nature, 263 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:36,600 they've got round this problem, not exactly of invisibility but... 264 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,360 Well, there is camouflage. 265 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,920 - Chameleons can change... - I saw an octopus 266 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,960 - and it appears to change the colour of its skin and just looks like a rock. - Yes! 267 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,000 It's amazing to watch. 268 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,160 Other cephalopods, notably the Hawaiian bobtail squid, 269 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,040 like your octopus, can camouflage itself. 270 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:58,600 But the one thing that might give you away if you camouflage yourself is your shadow. 271 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,720 This clever chap can even make his shadow invisible. 272 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:07,880 - He's got iridescence that he can use to light behind him. - Yes! 273 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,840 You're very quick-minded! 274 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,640 He ingests bioluminescent food that goes into his stomach 275 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,040 and his stomach controls, by the use of oxygen, 276 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,880 how much the bioluminescent food in his stomach shines, 277 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:24,240 and it shines out and casts a light over his shadow, thus dispelling it. 278 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,920 It's a lot of bother to go to, isn't it? 279 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,200 It's a magnificent piece of evolution, really. 280 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,280 - Jim Lovell, who was a... - The astronaut. - Apollo 13. 281 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,560 All his instruments died - he was a naval pilot. 282 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,840 He was at sea in complete blackness, I think there was no moon that particular night. 283 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,600 How could he find his aircraft carrier? 284 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:49,320 And he could just see this very faint phosphorus wake 285 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,040 of the aircraft carrier, which was over the horizon. 286 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:57,440 So he followed it and, eventually, he got to the aircraft carrier and landed on it. 287 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:01,080 There is a lot of luminescent life at sea. It's quite beautiful. 288 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:05,240 It was a very rare occurrence. That luminescence happened every so often. 289 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:09,000 When it happened to Lovell, it was a coincidence. 290 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,200 It wouldn't always have happened. 291 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,560 - So a doubly lucky man. - Very lucky. - Surviving 13, as well. 292 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,640 - So, you knew the story already? - I did. The moon is my thing. 293 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,560 I'd forgotten that! You're very much a moon chap. 294 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,200 Extra points all the way to Chris Addison. 295 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:27,600 - We're beginning to get a little bit humiliated by him! - Yeah, I might as well... 296 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:31,040 Chris, do you know what these mean? 297 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,200 I think I've got a guess! 298 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:37,240 During the Indonesian Confrontation, as it was called, in the early '60s, 299 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:42,680 the British Army were very puzzled as to how the Indonesians could travel in the darkest forest 300 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,480 and they'd all stay together in single file. 301 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,280 They would tuck a rotting leaf into the back of their hats 302 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:54,040 and it gave off just enough phosphorescence for them to see the person ahead 303 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,120 and they could stay in absolute line. 304 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,520 - Is that any rotting... - I don't think it's any rotting thing. 305 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,960 I think they knew which leaves to pick. 306 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,680 What do these people do for a living? 307 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,640 This thing's going to go off, isn't it? Ninja. 308 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,200 ALARM WAILS 309 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,400 - Are they not ninjas? - No, they're not ninjas. 310 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:19,520 The darkest clothes ninjas have ever worn have been blue, possibly at night. 311 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,160 But ninjas never wear black. The reason - 312 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,280 Why? It's so slimming! 313 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,600 I always thought ninjas might be fat and that's why they... 314 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:32,200 - Yes, they want to look better. - "Is that better for me?" - It's a sort of odd thing. 315 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,320 There is a tradition in Kabuki Theatre 316 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,920 that if anything is black, you can't see it. 317 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,600 So people can move furniture around, 318 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,560 because they're wearing black, they are stagehands. 319 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,240 And then, as a rather wonderful surprise in Kabuki, 320 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,440 they might have a stagehand suddenly kill someone! 321 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,680 They'd be a ninja, because ninjas were the secret assassins! 322 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:57,600 And so this pop association appeared 323 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,600 that ninjas wore black, but they never did. 324 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:04,880 They didn't fight, though, did they, ninjas. They would run away a lot. 325 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,880 - Yes, well... - It was all distraction techniques, 326 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,920 was how they used to overcome their foes. 327 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:16,440 They would throw talcum powder, or whatever, and whilst you're distracted with the lovely skin, 328 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,960 they'd run away going, "Moisturise!" 329 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:23,560 Or they would throw cards and then run. They didn't want to engage. 330 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,120 Yes, they were the exact opposite of the samurai. 331 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:30,760 Samurai were all about honourable man-on-man sword fighting 332 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:36,960 and ninjas were about, as you said, scouting, spying, deceiving. 333 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,840 All kinds of different little tricks of one kind or another. 334 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:45,480 Those things you mentioned were part of their repertoire. But what they never did was wear black. 335 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:52,240 Staying with Japan for a moment. Tell me something quite interesting about the original geishas. 336 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,280 - They were all men. - Yes! 337 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,160 Oh, God. LAUGHTER 338 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:58,640 Absolutely right! 339 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,000 APPLAUSE Bravo! 340 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,880 Until 1751, all geishas were men. 341 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,680 Originally, geishas were almost like court jesters. 342 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:12,440 They were not courtesans, as they're considered to be now. 343 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,680 It took about 100 years before it was an even number, 344 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:20,280 and then female geishas overtook and now they're all female. 345 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,520 How about an ingenious interlude? 346 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,360 Have a look at this glass tank behind me 347 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:30,200 and tell me how many balls there are in there. 348 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,400 One... 349 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,680 - Two, three. - Well done, Alan. - Four. - So far, so good. 350 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,080 Yep, five. Yep. 351 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,320 Five. 352 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,800 This is the worst episode of the National Lottery ever! 353 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,480 So, how many are in there, would you say? 354 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,480 - Five? - Five. - It looked like five, didn't it? 355 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,640 ALARM WAILS 356 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:55,120 But you might be rather surprised to know 357 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,160 - that there are actually over 1,000 in there. - Fail. Fail. 358 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:02,200 We can show you a better view of how many there are. 359 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,480 - ALL: Ahh! - They're all invisible. 360 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:09,720 In fact, we have an example of precisely these kinds of... 361 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,960 - There they are. - They're gooey. - They're weird. They're called hydrogel beads. 362 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,800 - I can see them. - We've deliberately allowed them to be visible. 363 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:23,120 - But in large glass tanks, they wouldn't be visible. - If I push it underwater, it goes invisible. 364 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:27,880 - They have the same refractive index as water. - Light can pass through at the same angle. 365 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,480 So they appear to be invisible in water. 366 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,600 I can't see it! LAUGHTER 367 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:38,000 - Quick, a hairdryer! - It's gone down the set. 368 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,760 You're going to start floating away! 369 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,800 - Is there a use for them? - I've got a glass there... 370 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,240 - Are they worth £500 each? - Are they edible? 371 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:53,440 - I wouldn't want to take responsibility, but I don't think they'll do you any harm. - Try one. 372 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,120 What are they used for? 373 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,360 - They have a commercial use - - I broke it! 374 00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:59,680 - Oh, no. Is it burst? - It burst. 375 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:04,000 - It's sort of gone into pieces. - It's rather strange material. 376 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:08,920 - Can you guess their commercial use? - Packing things. - No. Flower arranging is one. 377 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:13,120 Is it for packing goldfish? LAUGHTER 378 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:15,840 Why aren't they making battleships out of it? 379 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,480 - All kinds of new uses may be found. - Make a submarine! 380 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,000 - This feels gorgeous. - It's quite good, isn't it? 381 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,040 It's quite addictive. 382 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,640 There's something quite gorgeous about that. 383 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:33,720 - I might have a play around with that later. - Yep! You might! 384 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,280 Another use is the manufacture of... LAUGHTER 385 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,240 - Behave! - You're disgusting. 386 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,040 Another use... LAUGHTER 387 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,600 Jack's going to put his willy in it. 388 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,760 - Oh, dear! - I've already put it in that one. 389 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:55,800 It's weird because when he put it in, you couldn't see it! 390 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:59,080 - Ohh! - That's the refractive index - 391 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,960 Give me time to think of a comeback! 392 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,520 The other use, apart from flower arranging, 393 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,000 is the manufacture of contact lenses. 394 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:12,160 You'd really freak people out if you put them in your eyes! 395 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:17,000 - Yes. Not necessarily in the round... - Marty Feldman's contact lenses! 396 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,440 - Any of these coming up in any of this? - Not yet, no! 397 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:26,440 Nearly all the light in the world, of course, comes from our sun. 398 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:30,840 In which month is the sun closest to the Earth? 399 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,000 It must be July. 400 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,200 ALARM WAILS 401 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,600 - No. - Isn't it the same distance from the Earth all the time? 402 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,440 No, because it's an elliptical orbit. 403 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:47,480 January, February, March, April, May, June. 404 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,680 Yes, you were right first time - January. 405 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,640 Yes, people make the mistake that summer is somehow the time 406 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,640 - when the Earth is closest to the sun. - (AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) That is summer, mate. 407 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,600 It's not when the Earth is closest to the sun. 408 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,120 It happens to be in January in the southern hemisphere, their summer, 409 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:08,920 but in the northern hemisphere, the sun is closer to us in January than it is in July. 410 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:13,960 The tilt of the axis, when the maximum amount of sunlight is on and you have the longer days, 411 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:18,640 that's what makes the seasons, not the closeness of the sun to the Earth. 412 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,760 What is interesting are the Tropics. 413 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:25,520 The first person to reason the Tropics were not hotter because they're nearer the sun 414 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:32,280 but because a smaller area is lit by an equal amount of light compared to other latitudes was George Best. 415 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:36,440 It was! Absolutely true, it was George Best who worked that out. 416 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:40,680 You've lost it now. You've lost it, you'll have to hand this over to someone else. 417 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:45,040 It was George Best, who was killed two years later in a dual in 1584. 418 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,720 - He was an Elizabethan scientist. - Another George Best. 419 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:52,760 Just for a second, didn't you think the Northern Irish hero might have... 420 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,760 You come up with interesting stuff when you drink that much! 421 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,360 You do! He might have come up with that. Nice thought. 422 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:01,840 IRISH ACCENT: "Do you know what I reckon?" 423 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:08,040 My next question is this - why can't blindfolded people walk in a straight line? 424 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,760 They can't see where they're going. 425 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,680 Next question. 426 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,680 - Because... - I'm afraid the chance has passed. 427 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,760 The fact is, nobody knows! THEY GROAN 428 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:28,600 There you go. Although it is a recognised phenomenon and people have theories, 429 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,200 nobody's really quite sure why it should be 430 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:35,640 that one's ability to walk in an absolutely straight line is completely compromised. 431 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:41,400 Even in short distances, people don't just go off straight, they actually curve. 432 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:46,240 It was discovered by a fella who saw it in amoebas and thought, "I wonder if it's true of humans?" 433 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,200 Who's blindfolded amoebas? 434 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,920 - How do you do it? They're so small! - How do you do such a thing? 435 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,240 "Come here, you bastard! It's gone again." 436 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,480 He was called Asa Schaeffer. 437 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,040 He asked a friend of his, who he blindfolded, 438 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:05,280 he instructed him to walk in a straight line across a field and he plotted his track, 439 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,400 which was a clockwise spiral until the man happened to stumble into a tree. 440 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,440 But it was a complete spiral. This is what people do. 441 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:17,680 We've covered this before, but more research has been done and we have a little film. 442 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,800 Someone made a cartoon. We didn't. We don't have the budget. 443 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,680 This is what he told him to do, walk in a straight line. 444 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,320 - Is that how he walks? - Apparently. 445 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,920 - He was practicing to be a zombie. - This is exactly it. 446 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:35,200 He was convinced he was going straight. Spiral, spiral, spiral, till he hit the stump. 447 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:40,360 And that is how we will all do it. We will swear, "I'm going straight!" 448 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,600 We hold our hands up, as if that helps, 449 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:46,600 and for some reason, we need a visual cue, a mountain or the sun, 450 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,400 but nobody knows why that should be. 451 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,040 - Could it be, and I'm being quite serious... - Yes. 452 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,040 Well, as you'll see, it's not funny what I'm about to say. 453 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:58,160 Could it be a preservation thing, er, 454 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,920 so that we have an inbuilt device 455 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,520 that makes us go in a huge circle, and we can't see where we're going, 456 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,640 so you always get back to where you know where you are? 457 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,360 - I think I've cracked it. - That's a very good point! 458 00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,640 I like it! APPLAUSE 459 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,800 - I mean, it's... - Can we make a bonfire, please? 460 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,240 It's as convincing as anybody else's theorem. 461 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,120 Further proof that the world is flat! 462 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:28,080 - Maybe that's what it is. - Preservation device to stop you walking off the edge. - Now... 463 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:32,560 let's try an experiment. I would like you all - 464 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,960 and when I say all, I mean everyone - to close their eyes. 465 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,600 Audience included. Close your eyes, 466 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:43,840 and all you have to do, with your eyes closed, is point north east. 467 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:49,200 - What? - Just point north east. - North east? - Yes, in a north east direction. 468 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:50,600 Everyone do it. OK. 469 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:56,480 KLAXON BLARES 470 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,360 I hadn't moved! I'm not pointing! 471 00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:03,000 - You were pointing down for some reason! - I was scratching my leg! 472 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,600 It's almost directly behind me. Closest was definitely Chris there. 473 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,720 < Don't tell me Chris gets points for that! 474 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,880 Unless you happen to belong 475 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:18,000 to a very rare, unfortunately diminishing, Aboriginal tribe in Australia, 476 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,280 we do not have an instinctive and automatic understanding 477 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,840 of north and south wherever we are, at whatever time. 478 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,640 And it's linguistic. This particular tribe, in their language, 479 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,520 they have no word for left and right. 480 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:36,360 From the earliest age, their children will be told, "The salt's at your south-east elbow." 481 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:39,720 Everything is in absolute relation to north and south... 482 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,800 They don't eat with salt cellars! 483 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,000 Well, whatever! 484 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,480 LAUGHTER 485 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:48,760 The point is they always know, 486 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:54,760 wherever they are, whether inside outside, instantly, north south, whether it's dark or light. 487 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:59,320 And they use it in all senses of directions, including their own bodies. 488 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,200 If you flew these people to the other hemisphere, 489 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:06,840 - would they think it was the other way? Like water going down a plug. - I don't know. 490 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:12,040 They're called the Pormpuraaw People and their language is called Kuuk Thaayorre. 491 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:16,160 Unfortunately, it's a dying language, as so many of these Aboriginal languages are. 492 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:20,240 Around the world, over 100 languages a year become extinct. 493 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:25,120 Our prepositions that we tend to use in terms of space, 494 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:28,320 we also tend to use in terms of time. 495 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,600 We have this idea that the future is forward. 496 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:36,160 But the Imara Indians in South America think that the past is ahead and the future is behind. 497 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,720 That must make bill paying a lot easier. 498 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:42,000 It's just a different way of looking at things. 499 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,160 They're thinking the future is behind, is the unknown. 500 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,920 We don't know what the future is, it's behind us. 501 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,440 These things are stuck in our language so much, 502 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,560 we assume they're natural and right, 503 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:56,240 so when we come across another culture that thinks in another way, 504 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,360 it gives us great pause, cos these aren't necessarily natural and right. 505 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,040 - I still think they are right. - Do you? - Yes. I won't be swayed. - Fair enough. 506 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:09,160 - When they say, "Back in the day," they mean something that hasn't happened yet. - Yes! 507 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,800 How can you look forward to stuff if it's all behind you? 508 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,760 They would find you just as weird. 509 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,720 Now you're being rude. 510 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:20,840 It's time to admit I had a sip of water 511 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:22,560 and I did swallow one of those balls. 512 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,920 You won't see it when it comes out. 513 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,400 Now, what happened when Colonel William Rankin 514 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:34,120 got stuck for 30 minutes in one of these? 515 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,520 Ohh! 516 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,480 Oh, it was a puzzle and he had to try and solve it. 517 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,480 You haven't got one of those. 518 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:45,320 But that is an example. You've got international symbols. 519 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,320 - Is it a diving bell? - It's not. 520 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,840 - It is an international... - It's an expired parking meter. 521 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:56,840 - Any other thoughts? - Kaiser's helmet? - An igloo with a loft conversion? 522 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,480 These are all good answers. 523 00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:03,960 When I say it's the tallest structure that we know on the planet... 524 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,600 - Manmade? - No. 525 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,320 - Is it beneath the ocean? - No. 526 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,920 It's in the other direction. 527 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,720 - It's in the sky? - Yes. 528 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,600 - A cloud. - Yes! It's a particular kind of cloud. 529 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,080 That kind of a cloud, 530 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,720 - if that was its symbol. - A fluffy cloud. 531 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:29,320 It's a Cumulonimbus. It's an anvil-shaped. 532 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,760 - He was stuck in there for half an hour? - He was, yes. 533 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:35,760 He was a US pilot and he ejected. 534 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:41,160 - He'd opened his chute, then? - Yes, but it was half an hour inside this thing, being buffeted about. 535 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,880 So, how tall was the pole this sign was on? 536 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:46,880 LAUGHTER 537 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:55,000 You may've missed the point, Jack! 538 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:59,640 They get up to about 23,000 metres high, which is fantastically high. 539 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,360 He was buffeted about in it. He did survive. His eyes and ears were bleeding. 540 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:07,000 He was pelted with hail. He was in a terrible state! 541 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:13,200 But he's the only person to have fallen through one of these structures and survived. 542 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,360 Anyway, listen, while we're with clouds, 543 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,680 what use to a pilot is a morning glory? 544 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,560 - Ah, now... - If your joystick fails...! 545 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,520 LAUGHTER 546 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,960 Oh, dear! He's smiling, isn't he? 547 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,720 I think it was the co-pilot's joystick! 548 00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:36,480 That's why they always sound so relaxed. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. 549 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,320 "Welcome on board." 550 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:43,200 - Aside from the possibility... - It'll be something to do with the sunlight coming over the horizon. 551 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:48,840 It's an annual event that takes place in Northern Queensland, Australia, called the Morning Glory. 552 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,600 It's a remarkable cloud system. It's really amazing. 553 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,880 We've got a picture of it. 554 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,960 It can be up to 600 miles long - as long as the United Kingdom. 555 00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:02,000 Look at that. It's over Burketown, which has a population of 178. 556 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:06,920 But lots of people come. The reason is, if you're a gliding pilot, 557 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,400 you get the ride of your life. 558 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,600 It can go at 35 miles an hour, 559 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:15,280 and inside, it's the most exciting thing you can experience. 560 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:19,520 Then you bump into a bloke with a parachute. "Get off!" 561 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:23,840 - His eyes are bleeding! "Help me!" - < "Didn't you see the sign?" 562 00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,960 APPLAUSE 563 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,880 - Oh, dear! - And that's the only place where a cloud like that forms? 564 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,240 Yes. It's the mother of them all. 565 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,200 Apparently, soaring along it is the greatest experience. 566 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,560 Indian Granny Clouds... 567 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:42,040 - What can you tell me about them? - Did it win...? 568 00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:43,520 LAUGHTER 569 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,840 Did Indian Granny Cloud win the 2:30 at Kempton Park? 570 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,040 The, er... 571 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,000 Is it a fart in a restaurant? 572 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,320 LAUGHTER 573 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:57,320 - I'm so disappointed in you! - When an old lady does a pump in a curry house! 574 00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:01,520 Do they go up in the sky and can't remember what they went up for? 575 00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:03,680 Now... LAUGHTER 576 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,920 Think of cloud in the 21st century. 577 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,320 What other use has "cloud" been put to as a word? 578 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,760 - It's a computer thing. - The internet. 579 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,600 This is a scheme whereby grannies in England, 580 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,920 using Skype or similar technology, 581 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:24,160 teach and educate and inform and enlighten children in India all the way from England. 582 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,320 - It was started by Professor Sugata Mitra. - "How To Make Jam". 583 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,760 "How To Make Jam", possibly! 584 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:35,120 - They tutor Indian classes where they're short of teachers. It's an enormous success. - Why grannies? 585 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:39,240 They've got time on their hands and because they care! 586 00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:41,560 "Drop one, purl one." 587 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,080 Imagine the exports of Werther's Originals to India! 588 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:48,480 They're all listening to Michael Ball records! 589 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:54,040 What we're looking at, with your symbols, 590 00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:59,720 are part of what is known as the International Cloud Atlas. 591 00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:03,560 - And can you tell me what they are? - Do they represent countries? 592 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,880 - No, they represent... - On an atlas. - No, no! 593 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,360 - God! - I don't really listen enough, do I? 594 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,200 They represent types... 595 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:17,040 I bet you're a teacher! "He reminds me of all my kids!" 596 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,800 They represent a type of cloud. 597 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,720 - It looks like simpleton snap. - It does! I know. 598 00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:27,960 - What did you think they were? - I had this one. - Had you written anything on them? 599 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:31,600 I thought they were things to help traumatise children. 600 00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:33,360 "Tell me what you think." 601 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:39,600 - I have "Elderly Use Handbrake". - Yes! "Elderly Use Handbrake". 602 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,800 - That's my handbrake! - Very good. 603 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:45,080 "You call that pregnant? THIS is pregnant!" 604 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,280 Very good! 605 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:53,520 That's actually ET being quite rude. LAUGHTER 606 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:59,480 - You don't know what it means, but it's rude! - Absolutely! 607 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,160 Well, there you are, the International Cloud Atlas. 608 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,200 - There were three forms, the cumulus... - The stratocumulus. 609 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,600 - The stratus. - Nimbus. - And the cirrus, the fluffy one. 610 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,360 And then there are all the mixtures of those in between - 611 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,120 the altocumulus, the stratocumulus, and so on. 612 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:19,240 It's that time when we grope our way towards general ignorance at the end of the tunnel. 613 00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:24,760 Fingers on buzzers, please. Name the largest black body in the solar system. 614 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,160 Oprah Winfrey. > 615 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,520 Whoa! Ohh! Ohh, Rich! 616 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,680 Ohh! Ohh! 617 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:38,280 LAUGHTER 618 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,520 - Within the solar system. - Black hole? ALARM WAILS 619 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:45,360 If there was a black hole in the solar system, we'd be in real trouble. 620 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:50,320 We would. I don't know any other black things in the solar system. 621 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,480 - The strange thing is, it's the sun. - I see. 622 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:57,120 A black body, in cosmology, is something that doesn't reflect, 623 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,200 and the sun only radiates, 624 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:03,040 so it is the blackest body in the solar system. 625 00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:06,760 - That's cheating. - It seems to be a little bit of a cheat question, 626 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:09,840 but had you known the answer, it wouldn't have been. 627 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:14,320 If you were to shine a light on the sun, which would be pointless, I accept that... 628 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,080 It wouldn't reflect off it. 629 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:20,720 In the solar system, there is no other body so unreflective. 630 00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:25,600 - The moon is nothing but reflective. It gives off nothing, but reflects all the light. - The same as us. 631 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,120 But the sun reflects nothing. 632 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:32,240 How long does light from the centre of the sun take to reach the Earth? 633 00:37:32,240 --> 00:37:35,600 EXPLOSIONS Yes? 634 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,800 Now, I know this. 635 00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:40,040 LAUGHTER Right! 636 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:44,920 It might not be the centre, it sounds like a trick, but the light from the sun takes eight minutes. 637 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:48,440 Mm... ALARM WAILS 638 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,840 Ahh! Oh, dear. 639 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:56,640 The thing is, it actually takes 100,000 years 640 00:37:56,640 --> 00:38:00,600 to get from the centre of the sun to the surface... 641 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,240 to the surface of the sun. 642 00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:05,400 Eight minutes! 643 00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:09,120 But he was absolutely right. From the surface of the sun... 644 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,040 to the Earth takes eight minutes. 645 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:16,400 - I added that qualifier! - You did. You were right. 646 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,960 It's 8 minutes 26 seconds, roughly. 647 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:24,480 The photons have an enormous amount of work to do right in the middle of this gigantic system. 648 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:28,400 How many Earths could you fit in the sun, were you able to do so? 649 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,200 Four. 650 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:35,160 - Easily! - Easily, yes, you could. 651 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:38,760 That's quite true! I can't deny that. 652 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:40,440 400,000. 653 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,480 - The maximum number is 1.3 million. - 3 million Earths! 654 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,800 It's responsible for 99.8% 655 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,280 - of the mass of the solar system. - Really? 656 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:52,680 - That's extraordinary! - It is. There's a lot of it. 657 00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,320 What happens to alcohol when you bring it to the boil? 658 00:38:55,320 --> 00:39:00,960 - Ah, you boil it off, don't you, Chef? - Yes, you do. You waste it. 659 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,920 ALARM WAILS - Whoa! - That's his. 660 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,840 It's nothing to do with me. I didn't touch it! 661 00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:12,840 There's this idea that it all evaporates and so on. In fact, it takes a very long time, 662 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,640 three hours, at least, before you get rid of it. 663 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,720 Flambeing only gets rid of... If you like a crepe suzette, 664 00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:23,440 if you light the brandy, that only gets rid of a quarter of the alcohol. 665 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,680 So the idea that you're burning it off... 666 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:30,800 It's not particularly important, unless you're drinking carefully so that you're under the limit, 667 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:35,040 then you have a crepe suzette and drive and are surprised that you're over the limit. 668 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:36,960 We've all been there! 669 00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:40,200 The same goes to a Christmas pud when you put the brandy on, 670 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,680 - give it to the kids and say, "There won't be alcohol." - Exactly! 671 00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:47,520 - That's right. - And a 20p piece that might choke them to death! 672 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:53,320 - Could you get done for eat-driving? - Yes, if you had enough of it! 673 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,400 Eat-driving! It's a heck of a thought! 674 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,000 Interestingly, if you add alcohol to a recipe 675 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:02,800 and you don't heat it at all, just leave it uncovered overnight, 676 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,640 it will get rid of more alcohol than by flambeing it. 677 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,800 30% of it will go just by natural evaporation. 678 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:12,120 If you leave a glass of wine out at night, the alcohol will evaporate? 679 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:15,760 - Some of it. - Or someone will come down and drink it. 680 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:19,960 LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH "..it's gone." 681 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:23,480 How much alcohol are they allowed to drink on US navy ships? 682 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,720 - A tot of rum. - A tot of rum per man? 683 00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:30,360 No. All US navy ships have been dry since 1914. No alcohol at all. 684 00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:36,600 - The French riot police are...having a riot over not being able to drink at lunchtime. - Are they?! 685 00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:41,480 Yeah, they have been told. They've always been allowed to have... 686 00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:46,800 FRENCH ACCENT: ..just ze beer or some wine at lunchtime, it's not really drinking. Does not count. 687 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,480 And they've always been allowed to do it and they still do it 688 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,480 and now the government's said, "We don't think it's such a good idea 689 00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,320 "that you should sit in your van drinking beer." 690 00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:00,320 There was a photograph taken of all these riot police... 691 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,160 "Where is ze riot?" 692 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:11,520 There you go. How many eyes does a no-eyed, big-eyed wolf spider have? 693 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:15,480 EXPLOSIONS > Yeah? 694 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,120 Eight. ALARM WAILS 695 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:27,520 - None. - Yes! After all... - A no-eyed, big-eyed wolf spider! 696 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:33,600 All big-eyed wolf spiders do have eight eyes, except the no-eyed, big-eyed... 697 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:41,040 I feel genuinely really stupid because you gave me the answer in the question. 698 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:45,280 - It's the worst one to have... - It's a member of the same order of eight-eyed spiders 699 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:49,200 but it's evolved to live in a cave with no light and so it's lost all its eyes. 700 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,600 There it is. A rather grim-looking creature. 701 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:58,440 - These are in Kauai in Hawaii. - Kauai. - And they're getting very, very rare. 702 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,680 The little things have no eyes at all. 703 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,440 Bet they can walk in a straight line, though. 704 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,600 And so from the caliginous shadows of general ignorance, 705 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,960 we emerge into the unforgiving light of the scores. 706 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,560 My goodness me, aren't they interesting? 707 00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:15,760 Well, tonight's indisputable illuminatus, 708 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:19,120 with three whole points, is Rich Hall! 709 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,440 APPLAUSE 710 00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:27,640 Burning brightly in second place with minus one, Jack Dee! 711 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:30,400 APPLAUSE 712 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,760 Despite his stunning knowledge in so many areas, 713 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,360 he did fall into a few of our little Heffalump traps, 714 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:42,400 so in third place, guttering and spluttering a little on minus nine, 715 00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:45,760 Chris Addison! APPLAUSE 716 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:49,360 But cast forever into outer darkness, 717 00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:52,600 with minus 45, Alan Davies! 718 00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:55,320 CHEERING 719 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:03,000 That's all for this frankly brilliant edition of QI. 720 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:06,960 It's lights out and good night from Chris, Rich, Jack, Alan and me. 721 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,960 I leave you with this from Steven Wright: "Light travels faster than sound 722 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:14,960 "and isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?" 723 00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:18,160 Good night. APPLAUSE 724 00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:25,080 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 725 00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:28,120 E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net