1 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,040 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,960 Good evening, good evening. 3 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,160 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, 4 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:38,840 and welcome to QI and to an evening of levity. 5 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:43,000 Let's see who's got the "light" stuff - 6 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,040 the light-fantastic Sue Perkins... 7 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:49,720 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,720 ..the light-footed Josh Widdicombe... 9 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:54,760 CHEERING 10 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,800 ..the lightly-armed Frank Skinner... 11 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,000 CHEERING 12 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,880 ..and the light's on but nobody's home, Alan Davies. 13 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,640 APPLAUSE 14 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,400 So, light up your lamps, 15 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:17,200 and the Latin L, which is of course 50 in Roman numerals, if you can 16 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,800 tell me what they have in common, 17 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,760 all these little buzzer noises. 18 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,240 Sue goes... 19 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,320 OWL HOOTS 20 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,680 Josh goes... 21 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,120 BEARD CLIPPERS BUZZ 22 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,880 Frank goes... 23 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,440 CLOTH RIPS 24 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,200 And Alan goes... 25 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,000 PIG SQUEALS 26 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,000 Any thoughts? 27 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,920 They're all noises made by Jeremy Clarkson during the intimate act. 28 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,240 LAUGHTER 29 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:51,200 We've kept you two apart whenever we've done a show, for good reasons. 30 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,120 Yeah. Yeah, so you've got an owl. 31 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,720 He howls like an owl. "He squeal like a pig." 32 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,320 And it definitely, definitely ends... 33 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,000 RIPPING 34 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,800 That's the final rip to the trouser. 35 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,640 APPLAUSE 36 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,080 It's hard not to say that you've probably... 37 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,080 That's when Richard Hammond pops out. 38 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,440 - Oh! - Oh! I must say! 39 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,480 That's the final rip of stonewashed denim, isn't it, that noise? 40 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,600 Would it help if I said it was L for law. 41 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,080 - Law with a W, not an O-R-E. - No. 42 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:31,080 Jewish law, which was known as, for eating? 43 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,240 For...kosher. 44 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:37,000 - Kosher, yes. And I said levity was our theme, levit... - Leviticus. 45 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,600 - Leviticus. Leviticus! - Oh! So shellfish and... 46 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,360 - Well, we didn't hear any shellfish, did we? - No, we didn't. - No. 47 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,120 - Unless, I wasn't sure about Josh's. - But we heard an owl. - Yeah. 48 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,200 A beard being shaved, the rending of cloth and a pig. 49 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,240 Ah, and a pig. So they're all things prohibited by... 50 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,320 - Anything to do with a pig is forbidden. - Brian Blessed! 51 00:02:55,320 --> 00:03:00,160 - AS BRIAN BLESSED: - No, Brian Blessed is not kosher, no. 52 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:04,000 No! Oh, dear, dear. 53 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,480 So that's what they have in common. All your buzzers are forbidden by Jewish law. 54 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,720 - That's very awkward, because I'm Jewish, so... - Also... 55 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,680 - I can't take part in this for the rest of the show. - No. 56 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,360 - No, I understand. - Also, if I were to go round and 57 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,080 say, "Josh, can have sex with you?" 58 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:22,240 - just on the top of my head, that would also be... - Sex on the top of your head? 59 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,080 - On the top of his head? - That's not the bit I had an issue with. No. 60 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,360 - That would be an over-protected thing. - I've never heard of kosher sex. 61 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,280 - That would be an abomination, according to Leviticus. - It would indeed, Stephen. 62 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,560 So, they're all things forbidden in the Book of Leviticus - you mustn't 63 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,840 eat an owl, trim your beard, 64 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,520 tear your clothes or have anything to do with a pig. Sorry. 65 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,320 No, what does it mean "nothing to do with it"? 66 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,360 What if he comes up to you, you just have to go... 67 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:46,880 You have to shun him, Josh. 68 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,960 - Blank him. - Blank him. I know... Sorry, mate, not interested! 69 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,280 - I just blanked him. - Snub. - Like a chugger in the street. 70 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:57,120 - Snub that pig. - Pretend you're on your phone, sorry. - Yeah, blank him. 71 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:01,160 Now, one of our questions tonight is likely lavatorial. 72 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:05,040 See if you can flush it out by going for a Spend-A-Penny bonus. 73 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,200 All you have to do is brandish your baton and buzz your buzzer. 74 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,520 And there are lots of points for it, lots. 75 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:17,000 It's really worth risking that the answer might be something 76 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,440 lavatorial. 77 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,560 But first here's a lark. You each have a balloon, as I do. 78 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,360 And what I want you to do is, oooh, is a levitation trick. 79 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,920 It's all to do with static electricity, 80 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,440 as you might have guessed. 81 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:37,560 Well, the idea is to... Oh, that's already, whoa, that's... 82 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,120 Oh, oh, no, that doesn't. Oh, no! 83 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,680 Yes! Yes! 84 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,400 - Wow! - Yes, oh! 85 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,120 Alan got it. 86 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,640 You charge up the plastic and the balloon, 87 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,560 but you have to charge both of them. 88 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,520 Well, yes, you can use your hair. 89 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,640 If anybody's hair can do this, it's Alan's. 90 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,520 I take that as a slight. 91 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,720 I can't get it off now. 92 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,280 I know, that's as well, as it sticks to your fingers, you have to just... 93 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,400 - Oh, and now, oh, not quite. - Yes! Yes! 94 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,680 Oh, brilliant! 95 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,280 Aargh! 96 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,920 Patrick McGoohan in The Prisoner there, very good. 97 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,200 It's that sort of fatal thing they get in Star Trek 98 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,680 when they didn't have any money. 99 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,960 Ooh, put some music on, and they go, "Arrgh!" 100 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:29,880 Someone in a red top. 101 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,520 Thank you, Alan. We can show you now... 102 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,880 Zara, one of our runners, who turned out to be 103 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,880 rather a master of this art, or a mistress, whichever you prefer. 104 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,320 Here she is. 105 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,480 - No! - Yeah. - That's weird. 106 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,200 Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! 107 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,040 - Is that not just the draught from the balloon? - Yeah... 108 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,840 Well, it looks a bit like it, but actually, 109 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,480 if you try that without having charged them, it won't do that. 110 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,120 How's her head staying up? 111 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,120 LAUGHTER 112 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,520 There's somebody fanning her from below! 113 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,280 It's the Black Theatre of Prague. 114 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,280 The fact is, yes, scientifically, you should be able to do it 115 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,960 repeatably and predictably, but it's quite hard. 116 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,240 But I promise you this, I will show you, before this evening is 117 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,840 over, a levitation effect that will blow your socks off. 118 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,080 Not literally, but will really impress you. 119 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,320 That's going to come. 120 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,360 Meanwhile, what's the funny thing about lightning? 121 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,920 - Oh. - The funny thing about it? 122 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,760 Well, given that it is a natural phenomenon that mankind 123 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,520 has been aware of for all the time that we've been on the planet. 124 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:29,080 - It makes you laugh. - We're still captivated, freaked-out and surprised by it... 125 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:33,040 - We're captivated, and surprised and don't understand it. - Oh! 126 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,320 - No. - We can't explain it. - We know a little bit about it. 127 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,600 - Oh, we do... - We know that thunderbolt and lightning 128 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,880 - is very, very frightening. - Very, very frightening! 129 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,680 - It's white, it's forked. - Yes. - Or sheet. 130 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,840 - It's electric. - "Or sheet," you say? No, not "or sheet". 131 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,080 Sheet lightning is the same as forked lightning, it's just hidden by a cloud. 132 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,600 Oh, so it's an illuminated cloud that gives that band of... 133 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,840 - Yeah, it's just basically... Exactly. - OK. 134 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:59,080 But one of the myths about it is that it will always strike 135 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,680 what part of a building? 136 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,920 - Highest. - The highest point, and that's not true. 137 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,400 We've got a photograph to show you how untrue that is, of it 138 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,400 hitting Grant's Tomb there. There's a branch of it hitting the top, 139 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,760 but the huge part of the fork there is hitting two thirds of the way up. 140 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,040 Half of lightning goes up from the ground, 141 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,400 and at about 300 feet up they meet each other. 142 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,200 - I know, it's weird. Yes, so... - What? Lightning goes upwards? 143 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,440 - Oh, yes, absolutely. - Wrong. 144 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,880 No! 145 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,360 90% of strikes on the Empire State Building, 146 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,680 for example, are ascending strikes, rather than descending strikes. 147 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,640 I know it seems astonishing, but photography allows us to see 148 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,640 this phenomenon of it coming up from the ground 149 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,480 and meeting with the sky forks, as it were. 150 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,200 - Wow. - "Sky Fawkes". - "Sky Fawkes". - Weird. 151 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,600 My dad used to, whenever there was lightning, we had to open 152 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:47,520 the knife drawer and put a tea towel over the knives and forks, to 153 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,080 avoid it coming through the window and striking, and turn the TV off. 154 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,440 It's the only time the TV was ever turned off, 155 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,600 it was quite a big thing. 156 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,400 The drawer is closed, is that not doing it? 157 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,640 He'd open the drawer to cover it with the tea towel. 158 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,520 - No, there's something about the tea towel. - Individually cover? 159 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,120 You know, tea towels have got that earthing quality. 160 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,680 - JOSH: - Did you not have anything else that was metal? 161 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,160 - Just the knives and forks. - The taps. 162 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,040 No, I think that's all we had. That was it. 163 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,880 And can I say we had no piercings in our family. 164 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,280 How can lightning be beautiful? 165 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,480 Can you picture a beauty that comes from lightning? 166 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,960 I mean, obviously, there's something stark and amazing 167 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,600 about photographs of lightning, which is not un-beautiful, 168 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,720 but actually, the effect of lightning can be staggeringly beautiful. 169 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,640 - Oh! - It's called a Lichtenberg figure, 170 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,880 after a very remarkable scientist called Lichtenberg, 171 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:39,120 and he noticed, when people had been struck by lightning, 172 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,920 there was a very remarkable... 173 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:45,920 - Pattern. - Yeah. And he... I don't know if you can see it here. 174 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,480 You can see pictures of it there. There, I'm holding one. 175 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,560 That's...this is artificially produced, 176 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,560 and it's like a beautiful fern-y kind of thing. 177 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,120 But you'd get that level of detail, 178 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,720 - would you, on the skin? - Absolutely. 179 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,280 We'll show it on the human skin. There. 180 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:03,560 - ..nipples, as well. - I mean, it's not... - LAUGHTER 181 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,960 It's not a price worth paying, though, for that, is it? 182 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,840 It looks like a tattoo where there's a plant on the side of his face. 183 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,040 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 184 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,720 Round the back, there's a massive pot. 185 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,880 LAUGHTER Does that remain like that? 186 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,640 Let's just say one wouldn't throw it out of bed. 187 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,000 LAUGHTER 188 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,840 That would be cruel if you'd been struck by lightning! 189 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:27,000 Let's all just say that. Yeah, so... 190 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,440 From lightning to lighthouses. 191 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,680 How many men does it take to crew in a lighthouse? 192 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,840 - "Crew in"? - Work it? - Yes. Crew in. 193 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,320 - JOSH: - Oh! - Yeah, go on? 194 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:37,960 It's zero these days. 195 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,600 You're right, these days it is zero. 196 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,080 But we're talking about the past. How many used it to be 197 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,240 - before they were automated? - ALAN: - One. 198 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,320 - Well, no... - Two. - The fact is, 199 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:50,160 there always used to be two, in the early days of the lighthouses, 200 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,600 until something rather unfortunate happened off the coast of Pembrokeshire, 201 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,360 where Thomas Howell and Thomas Griffith, 202 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,360 who you would never guess were actually Welsh, 203 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:01,680 and they were a two-man team in 1801, 204 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,200 and they were known to quarrel. 205 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,800 And unfortunately, Griffith fell ill and died, 206 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,560 and Howell was rather worried, 207 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,000 because he thought people might imagine he killed him, 208 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,400 so he wanted to preserve the body, so he made a sort of wooden coffin 209 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,480 and lashed it to the outside of the lighthouse, 210 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:22,240 and unfortunately, a storm arose and smashed this coffin, 211 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:26,000 and so the hand of Griffith started waving, 212 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,880 - as if beckoning Howell... - And ships started thinking, 213 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,400 "Oh, that person's calling us over there!" 214 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,440 LAUGHTER 215 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,000 By the time, weeks later, he was relieved of his duty, 216 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,120 he'd gone almost insane. People didn't recognise him, 217 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,520 he was described as just about demented. 218 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:46,600 Because he'd just wanted to keep the body to prove he hadn't killed him. 219 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,520 So he went mad because he was frightened because the corpse was... 220 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,920 - flailing around? - He was frightened people would say, 221 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,560 "Oh, well, we all know you had rows with him and you killed him," 222 00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,720 so he wanted to keep the body as fresh as possible 223 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,560 to show it hadn't been poisoned or beaten. 224 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,800 But, of course, by lashing him to the lighthouse... 225 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,880 - I think that makes him look more guilty. - I know! 226 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,600 - It's most unfortunate. - He killed him. 227 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,160 - Yeah. - But people believed him. 228 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,920 It's kind of quite a niche scenario that you've gone... 229 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,640 "Well, in case that happens again, 230 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,800 "we should get another person in," surely? 231 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,760 - I know! It doesn't make sense. - They're all sitting round... 232 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,440 "I'm only here in case one of you two kills each other!" 233 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,600 Someone to go, "Don't lash him to the side, his arm will do that! 234 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,000 "We've seen it before!" 235 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,080 "Sorry, I DID kill him in the night." "Oh, you idiot..." 236 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,320 It does seem potty, I grant you. 237 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,120 Who's the most famous person who kept a lighthouse? 238 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,360 What about Grace Darling? 239 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:36,640 THAT'S the one we're after. 240 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,880 Though I think her dad was the lighthouse keeper. 241 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,680 Her dad was the lighthouse keeper. 242 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,960 And there was a shipwreck and she rode bravely out... 243 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,360 And there she is in Ladybird book fashion, doing exactly that, 244 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,040 looking utterly transcendent and beautiful and lovely. 245 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,880 She's completely dry. Just... 246 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,280 LAUGHTER 247 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,240 Just thinking, "Is that an arm...?" 248 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,880 It was in 1838, and a stormy night off the coast of... 249 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,160 which part of Britain did she come from, do you know? 250 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,840 Scotland? 251 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:03,880 A bit further down. 252 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,480 England. 253 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,680 - Wasn't it Cornwall? - No, it wasn't Cornwall. 254 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,280 It was Northumberland, or the Northumbrian coast. 255 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,680 She was awarded the Gold Medal of the Royal Humane Society, 256 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,920 and she was sent £50 by Queen Victoria, 257 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:20,240 and poems were written about her by William Wordsworth, 258 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,200 Algernon Swinburne, and even more excitingly, William McGonagall. 259 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,000 Which is fantastic. 260 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,720 And she had crowds of tourists flocking to see her. 261 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,400 She was the celebrity of her age. Rescued nine survivors 262 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,680 from a shipwreck off the Northumbrian coast, 263 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,320 which was what made her a hero, or heroine. 264 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,520 Well, there you are. They had three men in every lighthouse 265 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,240 in case one of them died and gave the other the willies. 266 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,080 What's the most famous lighthouse...? 267 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,960 LAUGHTER 268 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,960 It's legal now. It's fine, it's legal. 269 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,440 What is the most famous lighthouse in the world? 270 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,560 Oh, I don't know, the one on the Needles is quite famous. 271 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,280 The Needles is quite famous, yes. 272 00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,840 I mean, there was one that was the... 273 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,680 one of the Seven Wonders of the World. 274 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:05,840 Oh, which is in Spain, is it not? Or, is that Hercules's Tower or something, there's a... 275 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,000 It's something Hercules. 276 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:11,200 Faros, Faros, it's the Alexandrian lighthouse. 277 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,200 I love the way you looked at me as though I got that right, 278 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,160 whilst telling me that every aspect of it was wrong. 279 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,880 - You were, you know... - I loved that, it made me feel good about myself. 280 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:24,200 - You were wrestling the puppy knowledge with great affection. - Yeah. 281 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,440 Actually all those lighthouses, the Eddystone, the Kenilworth, 282 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,640 might be known by quite a section of the population, 283 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,120 but this one, everyone knows the name of this one. 284 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:35,600 What they probably don't know is that it was originally a lighthouse. 285 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,240 - Empire State Building. - Not the Empire State Building. 286 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,040 - Statue of Liberty. - Yes! The Statue of Liberty, well done. 287 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,360 - Oh, of course. - Absolutely right. There it is. 288 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,360 It was visible from 24 miles out to sea. 289 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,520 It was a gift to America from...? 290 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,160 France. 291 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,760 From the French, yes. And originally what colour was it? 292 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,040 - Orange. - Was it? 293 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,400 Not red and white like, oh, like that! 294 00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,720 Well, it was always intended to go green, because it's copper colour. 295 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,560 - That's the gayest lighthouse I've ever seen. - It's copper colour. 296 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:07,280 You're absolutely right, Alan, it has a thin sheet of copper leaf, as it were, over it. 297 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,480 - So it can go that... - Originally it shone copperly, but like all copper does... 298 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,040 - Oxidizes. - Yeah. - Gets verdigris. 299 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:16,640 And so you get copper carbonate and verdigris is the name for it, exactly. 300 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:20,200 You see those domes and things, that green colour that is Lady Liberty. 301 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:25,240 And there's her torch. And in 1986 was the centenary, 302 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,720 and they decided to give her a bit of a makeover. 303 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:31,080 And actually, the one bit that didn't need the makeover 304 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,600 was the copper skin, except in the torch. 305 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:38,400 And it needed a special technique called repousse or repoussage, 306 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,760 and no American craftsman could be found who could do it, 307 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,280 so a French team came over. 308 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,880 And Americans, we think of them as very...you know, capitalist, 309 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,760 - as America is a capitalist county, obviously... - And fat. - And fat! 310 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,240 It's also very unionised, 311 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,880 and the American labourers were totally antagonistic. 312 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:56,920 Da Teamsters? 313 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,560 They gave the French... yeah, they were like Teamsters. 314 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,320 They gave the French workers the complete cold shoulder. 315 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,200 The French workers wore uniforms, 316 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,480 and every lunchtime, set up a long table with a tablecloth 317 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,480 and had wine and fantastic food... 318 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:13,080 and the Americans sat alone eating burgers and other things 319 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,560 and letting their stomachs push out further and further. 320 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,000 And the French used this wonderful technique of little hammers. 321 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,920 "Marteaux", you know? And someone from the French team said, 322 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,400 - FRENCH ACCENT: - "We did everything by hand. The Americans couldn't believe 323 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,320 "that the best way to rivet is with hammers. 324 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,600 "It's cheaper, faster and better, 325 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,160 "but they will always try to find some machine." 326 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,760 And that is absolutely... You go ice fishing with Americans, 327 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,400 they have these... you know, extraordinary motor augers 328 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,880 - that drill a hole. - Oh, yeah, like in Fargo. - Exactly. 329 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:45,760 - Yeah. In the Titanic museum in Belfast... - Mmm. 330 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,360 ..which is quite good. 331 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,000 LAUGHTER 332 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,280 They'll be using that on all their promotion. 333 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,680 "Quite good" - Alan Davies. 334 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,680 - IRISH ACCENT: - You'd better do a bit better, there, Belfast, now. 335 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,360 Not good enough, really, for Alan! 336 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,400 LAUGHTER 337 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:03,040 I think that's one of his best ones. You go there and they've got 338 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,960 the reconstruction of the building of it, and that's the best bit. 339 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,680 - Yeah. - And lots and lots of the rivets were done by hand. 340 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,760 - Yes, they were. - And you'd got hundreds of riveters, 341 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,440 and they would do an incredible number of rivets in an hour, 342 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:18,400 and in awful conditions. Very cramped, hot...and so... 343 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,960 It's really quite absorbing. Riveting, I meant(!) 344 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,400 LAUGHTER 345 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,720 I was at the airport in Belfast, 346 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:30,120 and I bought the journal of the Titanic Society - 347 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,120 a sort of photocopy, but quite a fat thing. 348 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,160 And I read it. It's about, I suppose, a hundred pages, 349 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,280 and lots of stuff about the captain and the way it was put together - 350 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,280 not one reference in the entire book to the fact that it sank. 351 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,640 LAUGHTER 352 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,920 I love it when people are positive! 353 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,160 LAUGHTER 354 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:54,880 With the Titanic Society, their ship is always half-empty of water. 355 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,320 LAUGHTER 356 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,280 There's a wonderful Thomas Hardy poem 357 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,640 called The Convergence Of The Twain, 358 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,840 and it takes the point of view of the iceberg and the Titanic, 359 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,400 and the two converge. 360 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,040 And what's rather wonderful is, each verse is the shape of the Titanic. 361 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,840 It has two or three words at the top, then a long line, 362 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,200 then a shorter line, and a shorter line, 363 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,000 so each verse is boat-shaped. 364 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,800 He should have done it so it wasn't just that, but it animated. 365 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,440 - LAUGHTER - I know! - The iceberg coming at it. 366 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,520 Yeah! Like a flicker book. 367 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,840 Was it Bill Tidy who did the most fantastic cartoon of all time? 368 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,520 - And it was a queue of people... - Oh, I love this one, yeah. 369 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:39,520 .."information about Titanic", and people are queuing up 370 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:43,120 to find out about survivors, women in shawls, and at the back, 371 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:46,160 there's two polar bears standing, calling, 372 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,120 "Any news about the iceberg?" 373 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,640 LAUGHTER 374 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,240 - I love that! So great. - Perfect. But I've always thought that 375 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,440 had I been on the Titanic when it hit that iceberg, 376 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,400 even though you know you're going to perish, 377 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,520 seeing, like, 40 penguins fall over is probably about as funny... 378 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,400 - LAUGHTER - I think the possibility of seeing penguins in the North Pole, 379 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:12,280 or the northern reaches of the planet, is pretty remote. 380 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,720 - But there are... - They come from Antarctica. 381 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,120 Oh, damn that global warming! 382 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:22,000 You might have seen a Fox's Glacier Mint, probably. 383 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,600 - JOSH: - What did happen to the iceberg? 384 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,640 - Now gone, broken up... - It moved on with its life. 385 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,080 - Did it? - Yeah. - It didn't face any punishment, or...? 386 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,960 Now, it would be followed around by the press! 387 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,200 LAUGHTER 388 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,920 Raking over its life, you know? 389 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,600 "Who is this bastard iceberg? 390 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,440 "He's always been a bastard. He's foreign..." 391 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,360 LAUGHTER 392 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,880 "Other foreign icebergs we hate who've ruined our good stuff..." 393 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,840 Nigel Farage, exactly, is... 394 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,920 You don't want an iceberg moving in next door to you, do you? 395 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:59,680 APPLAUSE 396 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,880 Anyway, the Statue of Liberty used to be a lighthouse 397 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,640 and in those days it was brown. 398 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,040 Now for some light relief. 399 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:11,480 What's the most interesting thing you can do with a sausage? 400 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,200 Well, she's used hers for a hairpiece. 401 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,720 - She's coiled that round. - A lovely little... Yeah. 402 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,960 - What's the most interesting thing? - It's got to be something to do... 403 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,880 - With the loo. - It's got to be. - Yes. 404 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,400 I'm going to give you the points, because there is a way, 405 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,320 which is very lavatorial, in which you can improve a sausage, 406 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,680 which is quite interesting and very surprising. 407 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:32,960 What, poo in it? 408 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,640 - Yes. - Oh... - Come on! - Really? 409 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,600 Baby faeces in a sausage will improve a sausage. Now... 410 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,760 Oh, no, and I've been throwing them away! 411 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,520 - Bear with me here. - You need to get some casings and eat that. - Yeah. 412 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,960 Bear with me here. 413 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:50,760 According to a study in the journal Meat Science - 414 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,760 M-E-A-T Science - 415 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:57,040 you make sausages healthier by adding bacteria 416 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,880 extracted from babies' faeces. 417 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:02,280 Now, the point is, many sausages, pepperoni... 418 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,800 What are they doing in laboratories, for God's sake?! 419 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,720 What they try and do is improve things for us to make us healthy. 420 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,680 And pepperoni and salami are made with bacterial fermentation. 421 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,440 And the best way you can do that is to use what are known as 422 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,960 pro-biotic bacteria, ie, bacteria that are said to be good for you. 423 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:23,200 And, oddly enough, this Catalonian team 424 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,480 decided that one of the best types would be baby faeces, 425 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,560 because, by definition, they would have 426 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,080 passed through the human system and passed out again, 427 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,080 and because baby faeces are easy to obtain - 428 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,600 in fact, the study used nappies 429 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,680 provided by mother and baby support groups. 430 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:37,920 Still don't make it right. 431 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,920 Professional tasters confirmed that sausages tasted the same... 432 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,360 - Oh! - Who does that for a living?! 433 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,040 - I know. - Did they know what they...? 434 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,040 They tasted the same, you wouldn't notice. 435 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,120 That's a rough day down the Jobcentre, that is. 436 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:51,880 They are lower in both fat and salt and therefore healthier. 437 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,640 But it's poo, Stephen! 438 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,320 It's literally poo! 439 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,760 It gives a new meaning to potty mouth, doesn't it? 440 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,880 But it does mean that Alan gets his Spend-A-Penny bonus, 441 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,040 - which is very good news. - Shut the front door. 442 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,360 APPLAUSE 443 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,760 Though, in fact, that was a supplementary question, 444 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,320 because the original question 445 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,480 involved the use of sausages in history. 446 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,840 Sausages...such that a country... We showed you a photograph 447 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,720 that shows a country that is really fond of sausages... 448 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,520 - Germany? - Yes. 449 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,240 It's so useful with the sausages, for Germany, at a particular 450 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,960 time in history, that people were banned from eating them 451 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,960 and they were banned in Poland, in Austria, 452 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,200 in northern France, and... 453 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,240 Were they using them as part of the war effort? 454 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,480 Yes, World War I. 455 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:39,200 The Germans had a very impressive weapon, which terrorised London. 456 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,920 GERMAN ACCENT: The Bratwurst lasso. 457 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,760 Which can take a human head off at 100 paces. 458 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,960 - The Zeppelin. - The Zeppelin, is exactly right. 459 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,200 The Graf Zeppelin, the Count Zeppelin invented this dirigible. 460 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,560 Are you saying that's one enormous sausage? 461 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,880 Well... 462 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,760 They flew and they dropped baby excrement over London. 463 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,920 What made it lighter than air? 464 00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,440 - Helium. - Helium. 465 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:00,880 - Not helium, no. - Hydrogen. 466 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,120 Hydrogen, that's why they were so dangerous, 467 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,160 because hydrogen is very combustible. 468 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:06,640 And they would go over London 469 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,960 and the chappie at the bottom in the little gondola 470 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,240 - would drop a bomb... - You make it sound really lovely. 471 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,200 "The little chappie would go over London..." 472 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,040 But the thing is, the hydrogen would easily leak from the patches, 473 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,040 and they found that sausage skins would go over the joins, 474 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,160 and they would latch onto each other, a bit like Velcro, 475 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,920 they would stick to each other and they'd seal the whole thing 476 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,120 so the hydrogen wouldn't leak. Well, now... 477 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,840 God, more bad news for pigs! 478 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,600 LAUGHTER 479 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,600 It was cattle rather than pigs, it was beef sausages. 480 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,320 So they would just fly like an apocalyptic cow balloon 481 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,720 - over the top of London and just drop... - Yeah. 482 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,640 And bullets would go through and they wouldn't be enough 483 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,800 to bring it down, and it took two years for the British to learn 484 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,920 how to use incendiary bullets to cause the hydrogen to blow up. 485 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,040 Were they ever struck by lightning? 486 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,960 Yes, three Zeppelins were downed by lightning. 487 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,440 - Yeah, how about that? - That's brilliant. 488 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,440 It shows that God was on our side. 489 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:04,320 A quarter of a million cows they used, per Zeppelin - 490 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:05,760 that's pretty impressive. 491 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,480 So a quarter of a million cows went into the making of a Zeppelin? 492 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,480 Per Zeppelin, yeah. Which is why they had to 493 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,320 stop the Germans, the Austrians, the Poles 494 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,200 and those in Northern France at the time 495 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,680 from getting their sausages. 496 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,560 What a shame they didn't do a big cow's face on the front of it. 497 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,680 Oh, that would have been brilliant, wouldn't it? 498 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,720 They just don't have those artistic flourishes, the Germans, do they? 499 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:27,240 - Everything's very functional. - That was my problem with the Nazis(!) 500 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,560 We spoke earlier about lightning and the Empire Strike... 501 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,200 - er, Empire State Building. - Empire Strikes Back! 502 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,040 Confusing me and driving me... The Empire State Building. 503 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,720 What's the connection between the Empire State Building 504 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,160 and big dirigible balloons? 505 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,600 - It was a mooring place. - Yes, a mooring place. 506 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,960 They originally thought they'd be able to land passengers on the top. 507 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,960 - I've seen that picture. - Wow. That... 508 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,640 One of these did actually moor itself, in 40mph winds, 509 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,760 - for a few minutes. - What they needed to do, 510 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,320 they needed to rub the top of it with a towel... 511 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,400 LAUGHTER 512 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,760 - Somebody rubbing the airship. - That would have done it. 513 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,560 And what is the mast for? Do you know what the mast is...? 514 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,520 The mast was only there to be taller than the Chrysler Building. 515 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:09,680 You're absolutely right. 516 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,800 The Chrysler Building, they didn't know... 517 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,600 APPLAUSE 518 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,240 Were they built at the same sort of time, and competing? 519 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,840 Yeah, the Chrysler Building was going to be the taller one, 520 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,600 and they took the mast up the inside of the Empire State Building 521 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,080 and stuck it on the top at the end. 522 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,360 The Chrysler Building, I think we can all agree, is more beautiful, 523 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,720 although they're both quite marvellously decorated. 524 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,200 - They are. - But the Chrysler Building is stunning. 525 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,280 Well, there we are. The linings in German airships 526 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,400 caused a sausage shortage in World War I. 527 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:42,080 What was the charge for the world's first charity single? 528 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,680 Oh, it's not going to be Band Aid, is it? 529 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,360 - Is the clue in charge? - Yes, it certainly is. 530 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,360 The Charge of the Light Brigade? 531 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:50,960 Well done, you. 532 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:54,640 Absolutely. So that's the beginning of the puzzle opened up. 533 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,560 So, how can the Charge of the Light Brigade 534 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,120 have anything to do with a charity single? 535 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,840 You can't really release... They didn't release a single. 536 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,600 Well, not a single, as it wasn't called a single in those days. 537 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,400 Tennyson, there are cylinder recordings of Alfred Lord Tennyson. 538 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,080 - Indeed. Yeah. - So maybe he read 539 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,240 - the Charge of the Light Brigade onto cylinder. - He may have done. 540 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,800 His voice, "I am Alfred Tennyson," you do hear that, absolutely. 541 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,960 He did live into the age of the phonograph, as it was then called. 542 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,600 But this is actually slightly more touching, in a way. 543 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:26,960 There was actually a bugler who recorded the Charge, 544 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,160 which is a particular call on the bugle, 545 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:34,840 and he was himself a survivor of the Charge of the Light Brigade, 546 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,240 and I'll give you all the full details of it. 547 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,920 He plays the charge that he blew on the day, 548 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,960 on a bugle that was used at Balaclava, 549 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,960 which had also previously been used at Waterloo. 550 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,440 - It's a heck of a historic bugle. - That's a pedigree, yeah. 551 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,560 It was recorded as a charity single to raise money 552 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,160 for veterans of the Charge who had fallen on hard times. 553 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,320 And we can play it... 554 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,760 That's the last thing they want to hear, though, isn't it? 555 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:59,080 - They'd be terrified. - Oh, my God! 556 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,560 But we can hear it now. 557 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:08,400 SCRATCHY RECORDING OF BUGLE PLAYING 558 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:14,920 There you are. 559 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,120 That was Martin Landfried, who was a bugler 560 00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:21,760 and he made that recording in 1890, and the Light Brigade was 1854. 561 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,360 Incredible quality. 562 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:25,360 It's not bad quality, really, is it? 563 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:26,920 And that was to help all veterans? 564 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,560 Or just specifically veterans of that particular failed...? 565 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,160 - Specifically the veterans of the Charge, yeah. - Yeah. 566 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,720 So the call we hear brought the line from a canter to an all-out gallop, 567 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:40,480 but almost all of what we would call a charge was actually a trot. 568 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,720 So the whole thing was called an advance until the last 200 yards, 569 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,680 when the Charge was sounded, and then, bang! 570 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,520 But at Balaclava, they did more galloping 571 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,440 than they would at a normal British charge, 572 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,200 which was one thing that made it so hopelessly extraordinary. 573 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,920 Half a league, which is 1½ miles, cos a league is three miles. 574 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,200 So "Half a league, half a league, half a league onward 575 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,320 "Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred." 576 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,560 Is that why they failed, because they sort of peaked? 577 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,880 Well, they failed because they simply rode into guns. 578 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,360 - Yeah. - It was insane. 579 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:10,160 The fact is, the Charge of the Light Brigade was pretty disastrous. 580 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,640 But it did cause the first charity single. 581 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,680 So, bugler Martin Landfried lifted 582 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:18,080 the spirits of the Light Brigade at Balaclava. 583 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,560 How did Chicago get completely screwed up? 584 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,200 They put Catherine Zeta-Jones in it. 585 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,640 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 586 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,320 You are a naughty girl. 587 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,800 - I love that film, it's brilliant. - Didn't she get an Oscar? 588 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,640 - Yeah, she won an Oscar. - I'm joking, she was really good. 589 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,160 - I liked it. - It was a cheap shot. 590 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,040 The sort of Bob Fosse-style choreography. 591 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,760 - They boarded it up with screws. - Sort of. 592 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,440 - Is it literally screwed up? - It was. 593 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,920 - Is it to do with Prohibition? - Because it's the Windy City? 594 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,160 Not because it's windy, no. 595 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,840 Or Barack Obama. It's always prohibition or Barack Obama. 596 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,120 - No, it was before either. - Valentine's Day Massacre. 597 00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:54,280 It's always Prohibition or Barack Obama or Valentine's Day Massacre. 598 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,640 - Before any of those things. - So it's, what, Victorian? 599 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,840 Literally the founding of Chicago. 600 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,320 It was a huge stop off on Lake...? 601 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:02,760 Michigan. 602 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,120 Michigan, Lake Michigan. 603 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,200 And, unfortunately, it was built on a swamp, 604 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:11,000 and typhus and typhoid were absolutely ravaging the population. 605 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,640 So they decided, with good old American know-how 606 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:17,200 and sort of optimism, they would jack the city up, 607 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,040 they would screw it up with screw jacks, as they're called. 608 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,360 And there you can see the grey bit all along the bottom, 609 00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,520 because they literally were screwing it up, 610 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:25,960 while people were living in it. 611 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,040 There was the Tremont Hotel, for example, 612 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,120 which covered a whole acre, which they screwed up, there it is. 613 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:33,720 They screwed it up and they didn't even close the hotel 614 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,840 while it was being lifted up off the ground. 615 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,280 And underneath, in the space, the crawl space, you might say, 616 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,440 they put sewage and fresh water and so on, 617 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,840 and it was a resounding success. And Chicago became... 618 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,200 So there wasn't someone who went to bed in that hotel 619 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,800 and woke up and went, "What the hell has gone on?" 620 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,960 - "I'm on a different floor!" - Yeah! 621 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,560 And, also, the river was full of sewage, 622 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,520 it flowed into the clean Michigan, and so with an ingenious 623 00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,160 system of locks they made it reverse in the other direction. 624 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,160 And once a year they dye the river, 625 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,920 which goes beautifully like a Venetian canal, 626 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,280 they dye it green. Why would they do that? 627 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:08,480 - Paddy's Day. - Indeed. 628 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,520 Cos there are lots of Irish and they have the bagpipes and so on. 629 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,400 And it's a beautiful city, I love it. 630 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,200 That is actually for real, we haven't done that with Photoshop. 631 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,160 - Really? - Yeah. That is how it looks. 632 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:19,600 So what dye, what...? 633 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,040 Green dye. 634 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,840 LAUGHTER 635 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,440 APPLAUSE 636 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,320 I'm sorry, I can't do better than that. 637 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,320 - I'll accept that. No, no. - I wish I could help. 638 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,880 Probably named viridian or something, emerald. 639 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:32,920 The towns and cities further down the river 640 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,040 get St Patrick's Day on the wrong day. 641 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,200 LAUGHTER 642 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,920 Yes, the entire city of Chicago was jacked ten feet in the air 643 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,280 to make room for the plumbing. 644 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,200 Now let's lighten the mood with a little light General Ignorance. 645 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,320 Fingers lightly on your buzzers, please. 646 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,040 Name one of the rules in a walking race. 647 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:50,560 You're not allowed to run, are you? 648 00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:53,960 Well, you certainly can't run, but how do you judge that? 649 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,960 Isn't it that some part of your foot 650 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,000 has to be in contact with the ground? 651 00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,280 Oooh... 652 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:00,440 KLAXON BLARES 653 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:02,240 There you are, you see. 654 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,760 Are those shorts strictly legal, though? 655 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,960 - No. - Oh, hello! - There's a little bit of swinging. 656 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,600 - Oh, God, you can really see it! - Just cover that with your hand. 657 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,520 - Oh, dear. - Oh, that's really... 658 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,560 - Please make that stop. - Oh! Wahey! 659 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,360 Please make that stop. 660 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,440 - Oh, that's so wrong. - Oh, dear. 661 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,640 Ah, he's getting nearer! Oh! 662 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:22,000 Look at the feet! 663 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,240 God, no, no! 664 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,600 - Look at the feet! - God, no! 665 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,960 I feel like we've gone back to the sausage round. 666 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:29,360 It's gone, it's gone. 667 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,520 Look at the feet, don't look at the trunks. 668 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,360 That isn't a tip to one of the rules we should know, is it? 669 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,520 - No pants. - Yeah. Swinging basket. 670 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,280 Keep the junk in the trunk, I think is one of the rules. 671 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,920 No, the fact is, I will read you the rule if you want to know it. 672 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,760 - It's the... - Why are penises so funny? 673 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,920 From the International Association of Athletics Federations, 674 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,360 the rule book says, "Race walking," as it's called, 675 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,320 "is a progression of steps so taken that the walker makes contact with 676 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,800 "the ground so that no visible to the human eye 677 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,640 "loss of contact occurs." 678 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,560 All Olympic walkers, when you slow them down on TV, have moments, 679 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,800 a few milliseconds, sometimes, when both feet are off the ground, 680 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,480 but it's not visible to the human eye. 681 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,560 But, of course, nowadays you can freeze frame 682 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,600 just about anything incredibly accurately, 683 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,840 so Olympic Games broadcasters and Olympic judges 684 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,280 get absolutely bombarded with calls from people 685 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,480 furious cos they've seen both feet off the ground 686 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,960 and they're convinced that must be against the rules. 687 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,040 - But, actually, it isn't. - How do you get into it? That's... - I know. 688 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,440 Because it looks so silly, the bottom swinging... 689 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,840 We've all... I know people that are fast walkers, 690 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,960 but you never go... "You should go for this." 691 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,800 - No, I know. - But it's that action with the elbows 692 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:34,560 - that I find really weird. - It's very hard to talk about it without... 693 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,160 It's like when you go on a spiral staircase and you do that. 694 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,080 I'm feeling my bum going now. 695 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,160 I've actually picked several stitches out of this upholstery. 696 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,960 Have you seen that video, the two women finishing, 697 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,800 trying to finish the walking race? I'm not sure if it's the Olympics. 698 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,320 - And they end up crawling. - Oh, no. 699 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,760 - It is absolutely... - Because they're so exhausted? 700 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,520 They're so exhausted. 701 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,480 Both their legs have gone... Never seen legs go like jelly. 702 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,080 My legs went to jelly. I did this thing with Bear Grylls 703 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,600 where I had to do this rappel down a sheer face. 704 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,720 I have never been so terrified in my entire life. 705 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:08,880 - I got there, I... - Sorry, you rappelled down Bear Grylls' face? 706 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,760 - LAUGHTER - Kind of(!) If you like. 707 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,040 He chose the face. 708 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:14,920 LAUGHTER 709 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,640 And then your legs went to jelly. 710 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,280 LAUGHTER 711 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,040 The really frightening thing was, he took me to the edge 712 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,680 and then there was 45 minutes of... 713 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,080 Sorry, Bear Grylls took you to the edge... 714 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:27,400 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 715 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,440 APPLAUSE 716 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:34,440 And then what? Then there was a tantalising 45 minutes... 717 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,400 I mean, that's a wait. That is a wait. 718 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,600 - That's high-tensile, that is. - I'm so sorry. 719 00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,080 - The real thing! - Yeah. 720 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:41,800 Sometimes I don't know what comes out. 721 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:43,480 To be on the cusp for 45 minutes... 722 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:47,640 There was 45 minutes of true talking about safety things 723 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,760 and about the sound people hiding themselves in nooks and crannies 724 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,240 so that a helicopter shot could go round... 725 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:54,400 Top drawer porn. 726 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,120 LAUGHTER 727 00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,960 You don't get many aerial shots, do you? 728 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,680 You won't get that on Redtube. 729 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,480 So once I'd got down this sheer face, I found my legs had - 730 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:10,320 exactly the same - just gave way. I couldn't stand. 731 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,720 So I had to arse-luge all my way down this slope... 732 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:14,640 LAUGHTER 733 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,480 And it ripped the entire outer layer of trousering. 734 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,600 Did it sound like this? RIPPING CLOTH 735 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:22,520 - Yes, it did! - Hang on... 736 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:24,560 PIG SQUEALS 737 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,360 LAUGHTER 738 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,400 He is terrible. Anyway. 739 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:30,400 Race walking is often seen as a comical event 740 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,360 and someone once described it as like having 741 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,760 a competition to see who can whisper the loudest. 742 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,480 Now, here's the crew of the International Space Station. 743 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:39,920 Why are they weightless? 744 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,000 - Oh... - Yes? 745 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:47,280 - Because they're in zero gravity. - Oh, dear! 746 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,240 - A common misapprehension. - Yeah. 747 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:53,480 No, that's not it at all. 748 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,320 There's a huge amount of gravity, they're very close to the Earth. 749 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,880 - The moon is... - Oh, so they weren't in flight at that point? 750 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:00,720 No, they were orbiting the Earth. 751 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,960 But they're in free-fall, a bit like sky divers. 752 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,680 And, fortunately, unlike sky divers, 753 00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,080 they're also travelling sideways at the same time. 754 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,240 If they weren't, they would crash into the earth. 755 00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:12,120 So there's certainly not zero gravity, there's a lot of gravity. 756 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,200 The Space Station, and the astronauts in free-fall inside it, 757 00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:18,640 is plummeting towards the Earth but, because of its curvature, 758 00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,720 the ground is falling away from them at the same speed 759 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:23,120 as they're falling towards it. 760 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,000 To put it another way, the Space Station is constantly falling, 761 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,960 but its tremendous horizontal speed means that it always falls 762 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,160 over the horizon. 763 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,320 They love karaoke, don't they? They love that. 764 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:34,600 But it's not that there is no gravity acting on them. 765 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,120 There's a huge amount of gravity acting on the spacecraft, 766 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:38,640 or it would just be lost in space. 767 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,480 So, you didn't do so well on that, so maybe you'll do better on this. 768 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,480 Why do spacecraft get hot on re-entry? 769 00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,160 Why do they get hot? 770 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,320 - Friction? - Oh, darling Sue, thank you. 771 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,800 - Yeah, you're welcome. - We hoped for that. 772 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:55,160 Yeah. Well, you came to the right place if you wanted idiot. 773 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:58,080 No! You're not idiotic, most of us would have said friction. 774 00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,960 It's not friction, actually. It's what's called a bow shock. 775 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,560 It's the pressure on the air in front of it, 776 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,520 like a bow wave of a ship, and the faster you go 777 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:11,040 the hotter it becomes, because of this enormous pressure on the air. 778 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,960 And there are other examples of that sort of effect, 779 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:15,840 like a sonic boom, for example, 780 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:19,400 when you're going faster, which is also a sort of bow shock. 781 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,680 Everything I know about space is entirely taken 782 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,440 from Sandra Bullock's performance in Gravity. 783 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,320 Everything I know about space comes from reading The Right Stuff, 784 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:31,200 and I know that if you get it wrong, when you re-enter, 785 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,800 - you can skip off the atmosphere. - Oh, absolutely. 786 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:34,880 No, what, like a stone? 787 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,320 Yeah, then you'll just never come back. 788 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,640 - Then you just keep going. - Yeah. - Yeah. 789 00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:43,240 Well, the fact is, spacecraft heat up on re-entry 790 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:45,560 because of the bow shock, not the friction. 791 00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:46,880 What do beavers eat? 792 00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:49,400 Good beaver shot. 793 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,840 - LAUGHTER - Yes, Josh. 794 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,840 Erm...wood. 795 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,760 ..is the right answer. We were hoping you might say fish. 796 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:02,000 They are, in fact, completely vegan. They just eat wood and plants 797 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,960 and algae, seaweed, things like that. 798 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,360 Absolute nightmare at a dinner party. 799 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,840 - The wood course. - So they dam the river just for breeding purposes? 800 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,040 They dam the river for breeding, exactly. For creating a lodge. 801 00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,720 I've seen one. I've stood on one. 802 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:16,120 You stood on one? 803 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,760 - Oh, you can. They're really solid. - Oh! 804 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,680 Did you deliberately stand on it? 805 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,440 - Yeah, well, it... - You can. You're invited to. - Is it like surfing? 806 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,360 - It's like a tourist thing. - They don't mind. They don't seem to mind. 807 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:27,800 You can get from the bank onto it, 808 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,920 and it's this great construction of logs and branches. 809 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,440 Oh, I thought you stood on a beaver! You didn't stand on... 810 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:37,080 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 811 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:38,880 I thought you were beaver-surfing! 812 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,960 We've all got the internet, after all! 813 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:47,960 Beaver-surfing is quite different. 814 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,560 I'll tell you a very interesting beaver fact, though. 815 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,200 If you take a beaver out of its natural environment, 816 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:54,360 which is by a river, 817 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:57,080 and put it in the middle of a forest far from a river, 818 00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:00,680 and turn on a tape recorder which has the sound of a gurgling river, 819 00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:02,200 it will build a dam. 820 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,000 It doesn't need to see or feel the water. 821 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,360 Unfortunately, in Scotland and places like that where 822 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:10,280 there have been attempts to try and reintroduce the beaver, 823 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,200 people wrongly think they eat fish 824 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,000 and that they'll threaten the salmon or trout or whatever, 825 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,800 but, of course, they don't eat fish. 826 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:18,880 - They just destroy forests! - Well, yeah! 827 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,560 Well, they have a nibble, anyway. 828 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,800 And, finally, who fancies a quantum-locking levitation lark? 829 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,960 And to help me tonight we have Professor Andrew Boothroyd 830 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:30,120 of the Physics Department of Oxford University. 831 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,480 Hello, Andrew! 832 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,600 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 833 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:38,400 So, here we go, this is going to go over my head, so I'm going to duck. 834 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,480 Ta-da! There it is. 835 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:44,080 An exciting tray and what looks like a bit of sort of Scalextric 836 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,840 and let's just line it up there. 837 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,480 We've got a little bucket here, what's in this bucket, Andrew? 838 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:50,120 That's a bucket of liquid nitrogen. 839 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,520 Liquid nitrogen which, as you know, is extremely cold, 840 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,120 and I'm going to dip a rose into it, just to show how cold it is. 841 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,680 I'd better put these gloves on first. Health and safety. 842 00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,880 Heston Blumenthal's making a rose dish! 843 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:05,960 Oh, and these. All safety. Safety, safety, safety. 844 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:09,000 - Yeah, as long as you're safe, that's the main thing! - Yeah, quite. 845 00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:10,200 Here we go. 846 00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:13,400 So, I'm going to dip a rose into this, you might have had this... 847 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:14,880 Ooh! Bubbles away. 848 00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:19,320 It's really cold now. 849 00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:21,680 And it might even shatter. 850 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,240 Oh! 851 00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:26,240 Look at that, like glass. 852 00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:29,280 - Shall I not touch the bit that's landed on me?! - No, that's fine. 853 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:30,800 LAUGHTER 854 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:32,200 Is it burning into your skin? 855 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:33,680 It shatters like glass. 856 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:37,320 I've got a little wart on my finger, is this a chance to burn it off? 857 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,120 - You might get a little cryo... - And the rest of your hand. 858 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,320 It would be a great way of dumping someone on Valentine's Day. 859 00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:45,800 LAUGHTER 860 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,680 So, what have we got here, Andrew? 861 00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:53,400 We've got here a piece of ordinary-looking black ceramic, 862 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,040 which, when we cool it down to very low temperatures, 863 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,080 acquires a very extraordinary property. 864 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,680 - OK. - So if you'd just like to cool it down with liquid nitrogen. 865 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,200 - I shall baste it with liquid nitrogen. - Oh, my word. 866 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,400 - There we are. - And we have a second one over here. 867 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,680 - Oh, right. - Do that one, too. - I'll cool that, as well. 868 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,120 This is like the beginning of every pop video in the '80s. 869 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,200 Tell me what's particular about this? 870 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,840 It loses all its resistance, its electrical resistance, 871 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,360 - and becomes what's known as a superconductor. - Ah, yes. 872 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:22,800 That's one thing. 873 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,240 And the other thing is that it acquires the property 874 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:28,200 that it can bend magnetic field lines 875 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,840 in such a way that it will always try 876 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:35,280 to resist any motion, even if that means hovering above the ground. 877 00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,240 All right. So let's pick it up 878 00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:38,520 and pop it... 879 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:39,680 Whoops! 880 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:42,720 There it goes. 881 00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,600 - Whoa! - Oh, wow! - Cool. 882 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,240 - Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it? - Literally. 883 00:39:47,240 --> 00:39:51,280 That makes no effect and you can just give it a tip... 884 00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,320 SUE: Oh, that's very strange. 885 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:54,680 Yeah. There we are. 886 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,800 And as it warms up it'll slowly sink. 887 00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,600 - Oh, wow. - There you go. 888 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:02,440 Is this what you do most days at the Oxford University? 889 00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,400 Almost every day. 890 00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:05,840 It's not a bad old job. 891 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,280 So this one here, 892 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:08,880 is very exciting. 893 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:12,000 And now it's nice and slidey. 894 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:13,880 But look at this. 895 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,080 - Cool. - And what's happening there? 896 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,080 - It's the magnetic field, isn't it? - That's correct. - It's interrupted 897 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,760 - by this superconductivity. - But it's not like a normal magnet, 898 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,200 cos a normal magnet would repel when it's up that way 899 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:27,600 and then it would just fall off. 900 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,120 So this is both repelling and attracting at the same time. 901 00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,080 I'm going to give it one more little go 902 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,320 and then we can try it on the track. 903 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,080 I thought you were going to say, "And then we can try it on Alan." 904 00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:39,200 - LAUGHTER - That would not be nice. 905 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,760 - No! - Upside down in a bucket of nitrogen. 906 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,560 There we go. Pop it there. 907 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,160 - Oh, wow! - Fantastic. 908 00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,880 - Round it goes. - That's cool. - That's amazing. - Isn't it good? 909 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,160 - FRANK: - Can someone pass the Sellotape? 910 00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:55,440 - It's like a steam train. - And it's like a steam train, 911 00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:56,840 it can go the other way. 912 00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,920 - We can put the wrong type of leaf on the track. - LAUGHTER 913 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,800 And is this going to get us to Mars? That's the main question. 914 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,240 Well, what do you think, Andrew? 915 00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:08,640 Are there any practical applications we can think of? 916 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,760 You could use it as a piece of transport like that, 917 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,680 but it's expensive because of the cost of cooling the nitrogen. 918 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:14,920 So it's not efficient. 919 00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,160 But if we could find a superconductor 920 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,440 that worked at room temperature, then it would be viable. 921 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,520 - Right. - SUE: - Are you working on that? 922 00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,600 - We are, yes indeed, yes, I am. - I trust you. 923 00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:25,920 - JOSH: - I bet they're not! 924 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:29,360 They're just playing with this all the time, that's what I'd be doing. 925 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:30,760 I know, isn't it gorgeous? 926 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,280 So you'd think it would almost be like a maglev train. 927 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,720 That's what it would be like. 928 00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:36,760 - Oh, there we go again. I love that. - Oh, I love it. 929 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,600 And this, of course, can go on here, as well. 930 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,640 - Oh! - Oh! Oh! Oh! 931 00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,000 Argh! Ahhh! 932 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,280 Don't be too scared. It's all right. 933 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,160 LAUGHTER 934 00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,320 What a pussy! 935 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:51,440 Sorry! 936 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,520 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 937 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:57,000 - That's my favourite one. - Boing! 938 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,680 Oh, it's coming round, it's coming round, it's coming round! 939 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:03,040 Unfortunately, this one is less insulated and it'll probably get... 940 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:05,280 - Oh, that's stopped it. - It's doing pretty well. 941 00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:08,040 - It is, isn't it? - Oh, my God, that's coming for me. Oh, no. 942 00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,320 Cool. 943 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:11,920 Oh, there you go. Bless its heart. 944 00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:15,320 That would be like the best Christmas present in the world. 945 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:16,800 What is the magnet made of? 946 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,640 It's rather exciting names - boron and...? 947 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,680 The magnet is made of neodymium, iron and boron 948 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,120 - and that's what the track is made of. - Neodymium? 949 00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,360 - Neodymium and iron and boron. - Wonderful. 950 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,680 The superconductor is made of gadolinium, barium, 951 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:28,840 copper and oxygen. 952 00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:31,400 SUE: But you can just use sticky-backed plastic... 953 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,160 LAUGHTER 954 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:34,840 ..and a Fairy Liquid bottle. 955 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:38,760 Well, there you have the miracle that is quantum levitation. 956 00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:41,640 - Thanks to Andrew Boothroyd. - SUE: Amazing, Andrew, amazing. 957 00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,400 - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Thank you, Andrew. Thank you so much. 958 00:42:50,720 --> 00:42:53,760 For once I can say what could be cooler than that? 959 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,080 That's all the levity we've got time for, 960 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:57,760 so let's have a look at the scores. 961 00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,080 It's very exciting. 962 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:03,280 I'm afraid, bringing up the rear with minus 14 is Sue Perkins. 963 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,880 APPLAUSE 964 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,880 With minus seven, in third place, is Frank Skinner. 965 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,560 APPLAUSE 966 00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:20,560 Well, in a brilliant second is Josh Widdicombe, with five. 967 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:22,120 APPLAUSE 968 00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:28,560 - Be still, my pulsing member, in first place... - LAUGHTER 969 00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,240 ..with 11 points, is Alan Davies! 970 00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:35,560 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 971 00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:40,120 Well, thanks for watching and good night 972 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:41,960 from Sue, Frank, Josh, Alan and me. 973 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:45,360 We leave you to ponder upon the last words of the French satirist, 974 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,880 Francois Rabelais, in 1553. 975 00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,720 These were his dying words - 976 00:43:49,720 --> 00:43:53,520 "I have nothing, I owe much, the rest I leave to the poor." 977 00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,280 Good night and thank you. 978 00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:57,920 APPLAUSE