1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:09,048 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:31,020 --> 00:00:33,821 GOOD evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, 3 00:00:33,821 --> 00:00:36,941 good evening, good evening and welcome to QI, 4 00:00:36,941 --> 00:00:40,220 where this week I shall be messing with your minds. 5 00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:43,020 Joining me on the psychiatrist's couch, 6 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:45,740 we have the open-minded Sarah Millican. 7 00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:48,664 APPLAUSE 8 00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:52,180 The sharp-minded Josh Widdicombe. 9 00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:54,421 APPLAUSE 10 00:00:56,310 --> 00:00:58,720 The broad-minded Tommy Tiernan. 11 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,950 APPLAUSE 12 00:01:02,071 --> 00:01:04,580 And... 13 00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:06,890 Oh, never mind, it's Alan Davies. 14 00:01:06,890 --> 00:01:09,870 APPLAUSE 15 00:01:12,470 --> 00:01:15,540 So, let's be mindful of their buzzers. 16 00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:16,880 Sarah goes... 17 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:21,750 MUSIC: Always On My Mind by Elvis Presley 18 00:01:21,750 --> 00:01:23,530 Josh goes... 19 00:01:23,530 --> 00:01:27,034 MUSIC: Got My Mind Set On You by George Harrison 20 00:01:29,230 --> 00:01:31,260 Tommy goes... 21 00:01:31,260 --> 00:01:34,730 MUSIC: Making Your Mind Up by Bucks Fizz 22 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:37,970 And Alan goes... 23 00:01:37,970 --> 00:01:43,200 TRAIN RATTLES 'Mind the gap. Mind the gap.' 24 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,330 LAUGHTER 25 00:01:45,330 --> 00:01:46,456 Good. 26 00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:51,760 So, it's time to get down to minding our own business. 27 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,971 Alan, we've been working together now for 13 years, 28 00:01:54,971 --> 00:01:56,680 playing together, I like to think of it. 29 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,200 But of course. Quite wrongly. 30 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,828 And we get on like a, like a mouse on fire. 31 00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:03,980 Was it love at first sight? 32 00:02:03,980 --> 00:02:05,450 Oh, yeah, absolutely, Stephen. 33 00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:07,771 KLAXON Oh! 34 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,050 That's such a shame. 35 00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:12,841 No. No, it wasn't. 36 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,951 Well, it's about the mind and another capacity of the mind, 37 00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:19,180 one of its most important capacities, that begins with M. 38 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,880 Memory. Memory is right, yeah. Absolutely. 39 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,600 Can we really remember things? 40 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,820 13 years ago, emotional states, 41 00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:27,560 do we remember them accurately? 42 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,610 Things like falling in love at first sight. 43 00:02:30,610 --> 00:02:36,280 But isn't there a difference between fact and truth? 44 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,280 Right. So... JOSH: 13 years of QI saps us. 45 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,971 That's good... Keep going, we like this. 46 00:02:40,971 --> 00:02:43,150 This could really help me on this show, you know. 47 00:02:43,150 --> 00:02:46,880 So, I would remember stuff from my childhood that my father says 48 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,350 didn't happen, but there's truth in the memory. 49 00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:54,040 Yes. I have a memory, he would suggest that it never happened, 50 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,951 of him holding me by the ankles over the side of a ship. 51 00:02:57,951 --> 00:03:00,340 LAUGHTER 52 00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:03,420 And he says he... 53 00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:05,731 So, he thinks that's a false memory syndrome event. 54 00:03:05,731 --> 00:03:10,851 He questions it, but I know that the feeling of being held by the ankles 55 00:03:10,851 --> 00:03:15,920 over the side of a ship by my father speaks a truth of my childhood. 56 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,330 Right. That the facts may not support. 57 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:21,610 It doesn't mean... Is your dad...? It's very profound and correct. 58 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,650 So there's truth in the feeling of the memory, 59 00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,550 so the feeling is nothing to do with facts. 60 00:03:25,550 --> 00:03:27,420 You wouldn't fail a lie detector test 61 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:29,920 if you explained that memory to a polygraph. 62 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:33,320 Much to my father's chagrin. Right. 63 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,841 I think I've got the opposite, 64 00:03:34,841 --> 00:03:38,240 cos I think my first memory is something that I've been told 65 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:43,060 so many times happened, that I don't think I do remember it. 66 00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:46,170 I did... Yes, so that's the opposite of what happened to Tommy. 67 00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:49,410 You've had yours reinforced by your family. Yeah. Yeah. 68 00:03:49,410 --> 00:03:52,800 Does that make you worry that you might be a robot? 69 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,630 And like they've just been, 70 00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:57,250 all these memories have just been uploaded. 71 00:03:57,250 --> 00:03:58,690 Well, we're all a bit like that. 72 00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:01,610 Certainly in terms of falling in love at first sight, there was 73 00:04:01,610 --> 00:04:05,400 a survey of 10,000 people in long-term relationships 74 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,390 and half of the men in that survey 75 00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:10,340 said they fell in love at first sight. 76 00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:13,390 A quarter of the women said they fell in love at first sight. 77 00:04:13,390 --> 00:04:15,270 So a lot of men were fooling themselves. 78 00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:18,040 No, what that is, though, I think that's just the law of averages, 79 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:22,670 because say like you're a single man, I think when I've been single, 80 00:04:22,670 --> 00:04:26,170 I fall in love with women 20 to 30 times a day. 81 00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:27,770 LAUGHTER 82 00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:29,770 I think... So, the law of averages, 83 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,851 eventually the one I get together with, 84 00:04:31,851 --> 00:04:34,570 she'll be one of the 400,000 I fell in love with. 85 00:04:34,570 --> 00:04:38,180 There is a sense in which many people would say 86 00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:42,910 that despite this view of women's sentimental literature 87 00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:46,570 and the rest of it, men are far more sentimental than women. 88 00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:49,390 Women are practical and less sentimental 89 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,831 and they probably have a clearer... Because women... 90 00:04:51,831 --> 00:04:53,910 LAUGHTER 91 00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:57,607 There, see. Why has he got it facing away from him though?! 92 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:00,490 That's so rude! 93 00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:03,141 On the other side of the wallet, it's a picture of Stephen. 94 00:05:04,870 --> 00:05:06,240 Bound to be. 95 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,190 APPLAUSE 96 00:05:09,190 --> 00:05:10,971 Oh, dear. 97 00:05:10,971 --> 00:05:13,450 He's looking at the back of your head. 98 00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:14,841 Yeah, maybe that's what it is. 99 00:05:14,841 --> 00:05:17,540 That's rather, you see there he's all dreamy-eyed 100 00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:20,180 and maybe you're clear-eyed. Well, women are more practical 101 00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:22,250 because they've got more shit to get done. 102 00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:24,570 Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. 103 00:05:24,570 --> 00:05:27,290 Do you know that story about the journalist who interviewed 104 00:05:27,290 --> 00:05:30,050 a busy sort of woman and said they were doing this 105 00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:33,470 survey about who makes the important decisions in your household. 106 00:05:33,470 --> 00:05:36,900 She said, "Oh, my husband makes all the important decisions, I make all 107 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:40,190 "the trivial decisions, like what the children should wear and what they 108 00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:43,420 "should eat and how much we should spend on our household budget, and 109 00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:47,550 "where we should go on holiday and what sort of car we should drive. 110 00:05:47,550 --> 00:05:51,370 "But my husband makes all the important decisions, like whether 111 00:05:51,370 --> 00:05:54,589 "there should be a United Nations presence in Bosnia for example." 112 00:05:56,731 --> 00:06:01,711 That sort of sums up basically men fantasising about political things, 113 00:06:01,711 --> 00:06:04,430 where women get on with the real business of life, maybe. 114 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:07,330 I don't think I fell in love at first sight. You didn't? 115 00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:10,030 I don't think so. I don't think, that makes it sound... 116 00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:11,429 I've never been so hurt in my life. 117 00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:15,150 There are other memory tricks. 118 00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:18,400 Can you remember what you were doing when the World Trade Center was hit? 119 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,600 Yes. I was one of the first people in England to find out 120 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,961 because I was watching lunchtime Neighbours. 121 00:06:23,961 --> 00:06:26,110 LAUGHTER 122 00:06:26,110 --> 00:06:27,870 One of the four people to find out then. 123 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:30,841 And they interrupted, it was at the end of lunchtime Neighbours. 124 00:06:30,841 --> 00:06:34,040 They crossed straight to New York. So, you saw the first plane go in? 125 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,990 Yeah. Well, first, I saw Lou close up the pub. Yeah! 126 00:06:36,990 --> 00:06:39,629 LAUGHTER 127 00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:47,040 A friend of mine was living in New York when it happened, 128 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,600 And slept through it. Wow. Wow. Wow. 129 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,870 He'd been out drinking the night before. 130 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:56,060 This friend of yours, was he Irish? Irish, yes. Yes. 131 00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:57,860 LAUGHTER 132 00:06:57,860 --> 00:06:59,910 "Bloody hell, what's going on?" 133 00:06:59,910 --> 00:07:02,770 "Where the fuck is everybody?" 134 00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:04,140 "What a night!" 135 00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:05,971 JOSH: What a night! 136 00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:10,920 Well, a lot of people will tell you that they saw the first plane 137 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,150 go in to the tower on 9/11 and then the second 138 00:07:13,150 --> 00:07:14,750 and then them both falling. 139 00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:18,150 What they can't have seen is the first plane going in. 140 00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:20,510 That was only shown on television on the second day. 141 00:07:20,510 --> 00:07:22,510 Because it would have been very suspicious 142 00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:25,750 if they'd cut to New York before that plane hit the tower. 143 00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:27,500 LAUGHTER 144 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,430 Josh, that's exactly what the conspiracy theorists think 145 00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:32,330 because George W Bush said, you know, 146 00:07:32,330 --> 00:07:35,320 "Seeing that plane go in to the first tower, my heart sank." 147 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:36,680 Everyone said, "Ah, he saw it, 148 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,500 "that means he must have had a secret camera watching it, 149 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,220 "that means he must have planned it," 150 00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:44,290 but, in fact, it just means he had a faulty memory like many people. 151 00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:47,550 Cos he was reading a book about my first goat, was it? To children. 152 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,410 To children, yeah, not just to himself. 153 00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:53,230 LAUGHTER 154 00:07:53,230 --> 00:07:55,230 Well, similar to your memories, 155 00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:59,861 they have found that research has convinced 70% of participants 156 00:07:59,861 --> 00:08:03,870 that they had committed crimes, including theft and assault, 157 00:08:03,870 --> 00:08:06,961 during their adolescence, even though none of them had. 158 00:08:06,961 --> 00:08:09,711 They just talked to them about it and they said, 159 00:08:09,711 --> 00:08:12,581 "According to your parents, you did this," and social pressure, 160 00:08:12,581 --> 00:08:15,780 most people are able to retrieve memories of things they've done. 161 00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:18,870 "You stole a car when you were... Don't you remember?" 162 00:08:18,870 --> 00:08:21,080 And they kind of go, "Oh, yeah. 163 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,150 "Yes, yes, I did, that's right." 164 00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:28,390 When my father can't sleep, he says he lies in bed 165 00:08:28,390 --> 00:08:32,770 and tries to remember things he's never remembered before. 166 00:08:33,841 --> 00:08:35,870 Wow! 167 00:08:35,870 --> 00:08:38,190 That's very, that's profound. 168 00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:39,670 It's amazing. 169 00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:42,430 Yes, well, we'll do an experiment actually with memory 170 00:08:42,430 --> 00:08:44,400 a little later on. 171 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,120 So there we are. I can't remember what kind of point 172 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,760 I was trying to make there. 173 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,760 But fortunately, neither can you. 174 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:54,480 Now for something that should seriously mess with your mind, 175 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:58,350 how much would you pay for a machine that can print money? 176 00:08:58,350 --> 00:09:00,510 TOMMY'S BUZZER 177 00:09:00,510 --> 00:09:07,240 Nothing, because the person you bought it from wouldn't need cash. 178 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,870 Oh, clever. Very good. Clever. 179 00:09:08,870 --> 00:09:11,580 Well, I'm going to put it up for offers, because I've got 180 00:09:11,580 --> 00:09:15,530 a machine which I hope you will see is able to print money. 181 00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:19,721 What I've got is a piece of paper, 182 00:09:19,721 --> 00:09:21,410 which is the right size. 183 00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:24,160 And my printer, which is pretty accurate. 184 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,851 At least if I print it well. Ah, very good. 185 00:09:26,851 --> 00:09:29,090 Well, there it is. 186 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,470 Oooh. There you go. 187 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:33,430 Blimey! What do you think? Eh? 188 00:09:33,430 --> 00:09:35,220 APPLAUSE 189 00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:38,040 There you are. 190 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,400 So, how much would you pay for that machine? 191 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,280 I'd pay a tenner, because... 192 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,230 LAUGHTER 193 00:09:45,230 --> 00:09:48,990 And then I'd go out onto the South Bank and make loads of money. 194 00:09:48,990 --> 00:09:50,870 We'll keep that. 195 00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:53,970 We'll keep that, we'll keep that ten and maybe we'll see 196 00:09:53,970 --> 00:09:56,020 if we can make more money later on. 197 00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:58,590 But, this idea of making money, of course goes 198 00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:01,100 deep, deep, deep into human nature, 199 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,120 and there was a man called Victor Lustig, 200 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:06,080 who was one of the great conmen of the time who, unlike me, 201 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,150 cheated and built a machine that actually didn't print money at all, 202 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,680 whereas mine, as you can see, genuinely does. 203 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:15,680 He, in his lifetime, sold the Eiffel Tower - 204 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,510 twice - so he was pretty good. 205 00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:22,721 But he also built a machine for creating $100 bills 206 00:10:22,721 --> 00:10:25,640 and then he would sell the machine for $30,000. 207 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,245 It was very successful, he went to prison. 208 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:32,150 I was given a rose underneath the Eiffel Tower once. 209 00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:34,010 Just handed a rose. You were given a rose? 210 00:10:34,010 --> 00:10:35,940 Yeah, it was so lovely and I didn't think 211 00:10:35,940 --> 00:10:38,970 I looked especially nice that day but maybe I did. I am sure you did. 212 00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:43,460 And then the same man ran after my husband for 15 Euros. 213 00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:45,132 LAUGHTER 214 00:10:46,970 --> 00:10:51,690 I think if you had a machine that made money... 215 00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:55,420 As I do...as you do... Yes...I think it would drive you demented 216 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:58,180 and I think you'd probably knock great craic out of it 217 00:10:58,180 --> 00:11:02,110 for about a year and then you'd do anything to get rid of it. 218 00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:04,530 Would you make the money at home or would you just keep 219 00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,828 the machine in your handbag? 220 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,800 It would be a curse cos you'd never leave the machine. 221 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,080 You wouldn't be able to leave the machine. 222 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,570 Yes, I make about 2,000 or 3,000 every morning 223 00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:17,800 and if I need more, I will come back. 224 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,080 Are you talking about voice-over work? 225 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,960 LAUGHTER 226 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,410 Damn! 227 00:11:23,410 --> 00:11:25,082 APPLAUSE 228 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:31,270 So, yeah, you probably weren't completely convinced 229 00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:34,130 by my moneymaking machine. but tell me this, 230 00:11:34,130 --> 00:11:38,160 which do you find most convincing - the IKEA Effect, 231 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,160 the Rhyme As Reason Effect 232 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,841 or the Frequency Illusion? 233 00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:46,240 Is the I KEA Effect just arrows on the floor? 234 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,370 Is that what that is? 235 00:11:47,370 --> 00:11:49,570 Just not being able to get out of anywhere ever. 236 00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:50,851 That, if you can... 237 00:11:50,851 --> 00:11:52,728 Is that prison? Is that prison? 238 00:11:53,770 --> 00:11:55,362 Prison with tea lights. 239 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,721 It may be better understood by saying things like 240 00:11:59,721 --> 00:12:05,550 if you make crab apple jelly, say, or jam - in my case, apricot jam, 241 00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:08,711 I made last year, it's just the best apricot jam there ever was. 242 00:12:08,711 --> 00:12:10,360 I knew this, it's a fact. 243 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,080 It's the best apricot jam anyone's ever tasted. 244 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,360 But I'm told that it's part of the IKEA Effect. In other words, 245 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:20,080 if you've made it yourself from your own ingredients, you just think it's 246 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,240 better than anything else that you can buy in a shop or anything else. 247 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,290 Is that why people are really smug about their babies? Yes. 248 00:12:26,290 --> 00:12:27,950 LAUGHTER 249 00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:29,800 Basically, they are an IKEA Effect. 250 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,507 APPLAUSE 251 00:12:34,810 --> 00:12:37,520 Do you ever have any equivalent of that effect? 252 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,670 I am fierce fond of a decent bowel movement. 253 00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:43,161 LAUGHTER 254 00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:46,200 "Fierce fond"! 255 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,792 I like that. 256 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,673 I will often call my wife and children in and... 257 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,592 "Look what Daddy made. 258 00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:58,793 "Even while I was reading!" 259 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,880 JOSH: That is preferable to if you're a fan of someone else's 260 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,210 though, isn't it? 261 00:13:04,210 --> 00:13:06,940 I'm huge fan of Alan Davies's bowel movements. 262 00:13:09,130 --> 00:13:11,030 That's very unlikely. 263 00:13:11,030 --> 00:13:14,010 I think things like you're going through the forest 264 00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:16,570 and you see a hole up a tree and you throw a stone at it 265 00:13:16,570 --> 00:13:19,320 and the first one, your stone goes straight in the hole. 266 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,680 There's never any one around. 267 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,570 There's never any one to watch you, that's true. That's very satis... 268 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,800 Squirrel comes out going... 269 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,930 Well, let's move on to the second in our list, then, which is 270 00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:31,280 the Rhyme As Reason Effect. 271 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,160 What do you think that can be about? 272 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,670 Is that like, "No pain, no gain"? 273 00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:40,120 Yes. Or, "Treat them mean, keep them keen" would be another. 274 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,370 Yes. Oh, like, there's loads of alcohol ones, 275 00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:44,880 isn't there, like, "If you drink wine you'll be fine" and... 276 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,210 Oh, yeah, yeah. "Beer, you'll be queer." 277 00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:49,010 Only shots, yeah. 278 00:13:49,010 --> 00:13:50,960 But that did work, didn't it, Stephen? 279 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,721 It did, yeah, yeah. It worked on me. 280 00:13:52,721 --> 00:13:55,440 "Only shots, you'll get the trots", that sort of thing. Yeah. 281 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,800 Yeah, all the boozy ones. 282 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,601 Yeah, isn't there one with grape and grain? Yeah. 283 00:13:59,601 --> 00:14:01,490 Never the twain with... No. 284 00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:04,120 LAUGHING:..with the grape and grain. 285 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:08,410 They do seem to work, in as much as, if you suggest a kind of rhyming 286 00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:13,650 piece of advice to someone, and to another group of people you put the 287 00:14:13,650 --> 00:14:17,530 same sentiment that doesn't rhyme, they'll believe the rhyming one. 288 00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:20,570 So, for example, they gave "wealth makes health," 289 00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:23,800 to a group of people, and almost all of them agreed with it. 290 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,120 They then said, "Financial success improves medical outcomes." 291 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,440 Catchy. It's catchy. 292 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,520 And they didn't agree at all, despite it meaning the same thing. 293 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,481 So it shows there is a strange quality that a rhyming phrase has. 294 00:14:35,481 --> 00:14:36,960 It's easier to remember as well, 295 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,591 so you might want to pass it on to somebody else. That's right. 296 00:14:39,591 --> 00:14:40,800 If it rhymes. 297 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,670 And it seems just to have some sort of authority or imprimatur, 298 00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:46,640 that an ordinary phrase doesn't. It's also the Keats heuristic - 299 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,280 because it's beautiful, it must be true. 300 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,890 Beauty is truth and truth beauty, is the idea. 301 00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:54,450 You may remember OJ Simpson's defence lawyer, 302 00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:57,020 Johnnie Cochran, do you remember him? 303 00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:59,120 Oh, it doesn't fit. If the glove doesn't fit... 304 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,880 If the glove doesn't fit... ..you must... Acquit. Acquit. 305 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,200 That's it, yeah. 306 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,320 That seems to be one of the things that got OJ... 307 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,760 That's quite specific as well, 308 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,170 you can't use that, like, every day, can you? 309 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:12,721 It's not going to come up a lot, that one, is it? 310 00:15:12,721 --> 00:15:15,290 No. It worked on the day, though. 311 00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:18,640 You've got to be in it... To win it. ..to win it. Yes. 312 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,280 Points mean prizes. 313 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,570 No, I'm not very good at this, am I? Hang on. 314 00:15:22,570 --> 00:15:23,940 LAUGHTER 315 00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:26,120 An apple a day, of course, the doctor away. 316 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,410 Red light in the sky, shepherd's pie. No, that's not... 317 00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:30,370 LAUGHTER 318 00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:33,737 Red sky at night, shepherds' delight. Yes. 319 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,570 The Frequency Illusion, does that mean anything to you? 320 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:40,650 No. 321 00:15:40,650 --> 00:15:42,090 No reason why it should. 322 00:15:42,090 --> 00:15:44,810 When I used the word "heuristic", it may be that you didn't know 323 00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,530 the word, but it's quite likely that in a couple of days you might 324 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,530 see it in a magazine or hear someone else using it on the radio or 325 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:53,110 TV and you go, "That's weird, I only just heard that word 326 00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:56,520 "for the first time two days ago, and now it keeps cropping up everywhere." 327 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,570 Have you ever had that experience? Yeah. I was talking to Richard Osman 328 00:15:59,570 --> 00:16:02,580 about this, cos he was complaining about people saying there's always 329 00:16:02,580 --> 00:16:04,400 tennis questions on Pointless. Oh, yes. 330 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,680 And the moment you think 331 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,770 that there's tennis questions on Pointless, 332 00:16:07,770 --> 00:16:09,010 if you see one, you think, 333 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:12,170 "Well, that completely reinforces everything." Yes, that's right. 334 00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:16,450 All these things are called a sort of cognitive bias, they push 335 00:16:16,450 --> 00:16:20,120 you into a way of thinking, some different ways of thinking. 336 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:23,220 So, you can tell the most appalling lie, 337 00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,330 if it rhymes or it's featured on QI. 338 00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:30,970 What did the amnesiac say when the doctor asked him his name? 339 00:16:30,970 --> 00:16:33,170 TOMMY'S BUZZER 340 00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:35,481 I don't know the answer to that question. 341 00:16:35,481 --> 00:16:37,960 Oh! KLAXON 342 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,300 No, no, I was telling you that... 343 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,731 That you didn't know the... Very clever. Right... 344 00:16:42,731 --> 00:16:45,040 Very clever, give him his points back. 345 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,290 He didn't know the answer to the question. 346 00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:48,690 Did he just say his name, 347 00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:51,481 because it was written on the inside label of his knickers? 348 00:16:51,481 --> 00:16:55,450 That would be the contortionist amnesiac. 349 00:16:55,450 --> 00:16:56,690 Yeah. 350 00:16:56,690 --> 00:17:00,130 There's the guy that... They said, "What's your name?" and he 351 00:17:00,130 --> 00:17:03,300 asked for a pen and paper, and he drew a piano and they brought him 352 00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:06,200 a piano and he wouldn't speak to them, but he'd just play the piano. 353 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,570 Do you remember this guy? I do. 354 00:17:07,570 --> 00:17:10,450 Yeah, and then it turned out, I think, that he was a con artist. 355 00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:12,800 Yeah, he was. He didn't have amnesia at all. 356 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,370 Because, if you have amnesia, you don't forget your name 357 00:17:15,370 --> 00:17:17,380 and you don't forget your past life. 358 00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:19,210 What you're not capable of doing 359 00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:21,320 is remembering new things that happen to you. 360 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,650 That's the point. You've just ruined loads of films. 361 00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:25,840 I know, you're absolutely right. 362 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,840 It's films in particular that relish this idea that you 363 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,680 might have a trauma and you lose all memory of who you are 364 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,250 and you become a fresh, new, empty person. 365 00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:38,120 And very often as well a second clump on the head 366 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,840 will bring your memory back. 367 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,170 And all this is utterly unknown to medical science. 368 00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:46,050 It's completely made up. A very rudimentary psychiatric hospital in 369 00:17:46,050 --> 00:17:48,741 the west of Ireland would use that as a technique. 370 00:17:48,741 --> 00:17:51,100 LAUGHTER A clump on the back of the head. 371 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,040 If it was a thump on the head that got you sick, 372 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:56,100 it'll be a thump on the head that'll make you better. 373 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:59,940 There's another kind of cognitive impairment which is to do with 374 00:17:59,940 --> 00:18:03,010 the fact that if you take a photograph of something, 375 00:18:03,010 --> 00:18:06,200 you don't remember nearly as well as if you look at it. 376 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:11,040 Do you know, they should announce that before every concert and say... 377 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:16,040 I think anyone who takes a photo at a concert needs to be thrown out. 378 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,250 Out of the country. 379 00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:19,250 LAUGHTER 380 00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:20,741 It does my head in. 381 00:18:20,741 --> 00:18:22,300 It is very peculiar. 382 00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,530 Especially, as you say, knowing as we do, 383 00:18:24,530 --> 00:18:27,020 that you'll remember it better if you just look. 384 00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:30,410 And also in that situation, you can just get a postcard in the shop. 385 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,980 Yes, exactly! 386 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,840 Interestingly, on the other hand, 387 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,890 if you zoom in on an object in a museum or something like that, 388 00:18:37,890 --> 00:18:41,920 you remember both the area you zoomed in on and the object itself 389 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,731 because, there, you're concentrating on the thing rather than just 390 00:18:44,731 --> 00:18:48,090 framing it, so that's a strange mental thing. 391 00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:52,410 Yeah, we're back in Memory Lane and now it's time for our memory test. 392 00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:55,380 All right, I want the audience and you four, 393 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:59,660 if you'd be kind enough, to listen to and remember these words. 394 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:04,330 Bed. Rest. Awake. 395 00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:07,970 Tired. Dream. Wake. 396 00:19:07,970 --> 00:19:12,130 Snooze. Blanket. Doze. 397 00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:13,491 Slumber. 398 00:19:13,491 --> 00:19:15,770 Snore. Nap. 399 00:19:15,770 --> 00:19:17,920 Peace. Yawn. 400 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,611 Drowsy. 401 00:19:19,611 --> 00:19:22,180 All right? 402 00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:24,731 Remember those words, if you'd be so kind. 403 00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:27,130 Good. Well, I think we've earned ourselves 404 00:19:27,130 --> 00:19:30,370 another money-making moment, yes? Go on. Excellent. 405 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,920 Because I've got another machine. Well, it's not a machine 406 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:37,560 in this case, it's just an ordinary blotter and a piece of paper. 407 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,520 This is a, see, there you are. 408 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,450 It's all pretty straightforward. 409 00:19:42,450 --> 00:19:46,601 The blotter is to blot out all the excess ink as we try 410 00:19:46,601 --> 00:19:50,020 and print out this, we try and print it out, there we go. 411 00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:53,380 Oh, let's have a go. Oh. 412 00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:56,970 Oh, yes, that's worked. Now that is good. That's good. That is so good. 413 00:19:56,970 --> 00:20:00,050 APPLAUSE 414 00:20:00,050 --> 00:20:03,530 There you are. More money for us. 415 00:20:03,530 --> 00:20:04,850 Isn't that pleasing? 416 00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:07,210 Are you going to show us how they work later on? 417 00:20:07,210 --> 00:20:08,900 Of course! Good. 418 00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,253 Before I kill you. 419 00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:14,020 I don't mind. I don't mind. No. Oh, you don't mind, good, no. 420 00:20:14,020 --> 00:20:16,050 It's just... If you do any... What a way to go, 421 00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:17,560 that's a trade-off I'll take. 422 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:22,330 Now for some multiple choice, listen carefully. True or false? 423 00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:26,539 True or false questions are more likely to be true than false. 424 00:20:33,390 --> 00:20:35,330 I'm going to... I need an answer. 425 00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:37,380 JOSH'S BUZZER 426 00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:39,250 Oh, I love George Harrison. 427 00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:42,060 I'm going to go...true. 428 00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:43,770 Is the right answer. Oh! 429 00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:46,000 APPLAUSE 430 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,695 Very good. Yeah. 431 00:20:49,650 --> 00:20:51,560 50/50 ball, as they say. 432 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,930 And you did well, that's right. Yeah, it's... 433 00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:57,890 But there isn't a vault or a bank where all the true or false 434 00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,090 questions in the world were ever asked 435 00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:04,850 and somebody decides to count which are more true or more false. 436 00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:09,010 That's like saying, when you're given directions, is the first 437 00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:12,260 direction more often likely to be turn left or turn right? 438 00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:13,690 Depends where you're going. 439 00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:15,840 Left. Yes. 440 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,460 But you can analyse a huge bank of questions, which is what was done. 441 00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:21,860 American exam questions, in this instance. 442 00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:26,180 And they found that it was 56% of them the answer was true, 443 00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:28,410 and 44% the answer was false. Right. 444 00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:31,010 And it seems the reason is that the examiners, of course, 445 00:21:31,010 --> 00:21:33,900 have to think of the questions all the time, and it's a lot 446 00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:37,100 easier to think of a true question than it is to think of a false one. 447 00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:42,010 When I did my GCSEs, they said as a tip, 448 00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:44,570 if you're doing a multiple choice, A, B, C, D, 449 00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:49,930 and you don't know the answer, go B or C, because the lazy examiners 450 00:21:49,930 --> 00:21:54,741 are more likely to put the answer in the middle than on the edge. 451 00:21:54,741 --> 00:21:57,491 Would have been better if they just taught us the answers. 452 00:21:57,491 --> 00:22:00,210 Yes, I was going to say. Just important to... 453 00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:03,780 Don't worry about learning about science, just go C. 454 00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,110 All right, I'll give you another chance then, OK. 455 00:22:06,110 --> 00:22:13,491 If question one is true in an exam, what is question two likely to be? 456 00:22:13,491 --> 00:22:14,780 True. 457 00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:17,010 Oh! KLAXON 458 00:22:17,010 --> 00:22:20,140 No, true, false, true, false is more prevalent. 459 00:22:20,140 --> 00:22:21,460 Oh, that's so boring, though. 460 00:22:21,460 --> 00:22:23,770 It's not absolutely guaranteed, of course, 461 00:22:23,770 --> 00:22:26,170 but the chance the next answer will be different 462 00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:28,980 from the present one is 63%, though, so it's quite a high amount. 463 00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:31,180 So if question two the answer was true, 464 00:22:31,180 --> 00:22:34,180 question three, 63% that it will be false. 465 00:22:34,180 --> 00:22:37,290 The way therefore to optimise your scores, if you're doing a true 466 00:22:37,290 --> 00:22:42,640 or false, is to answer all the ones you know the answer to, obviously. 467 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,347 Then the ones next to them, put the opposite. 468 00:22:46,831 --> 00:22:49,711 And then all the rest that are left over put true. 469 00:22:49,711 --> 00:22:52,311 And then you've got your best chance of a good score. 470 00:22:52,311 --> 00:22:55,401 Oh, that's, I like it. Yeah. Or just revise more. 471 00:22:55,401 --> 00:22:57,161 Or just revise more. 472 00:22:57,161 --> 00:23:00,041 Yeah, you are everything that is wrong with British education. 473 00:23:00,041 --> 00:23:02,751 LAUGHTER 474 00:23:02,751 --> 00:23:05,993 Now, I'd like you to watch this film and tell me what happens. 475 00:23:08,081 --> 00:23:10,671 When am I going to have to repeat all these words 476 00:23:10,671 --> 00:23:12,321 that you made us remember? 477 00:23:12,321 --> 00:23:13,331 LAUGHTER 478 00:23:13,331 --> 00:23:14,561 Keep thinking of them. 479 00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:17,401 Now, what's been happening while you've been watching? 480 00:23:17,401 --> 00:23:19,289 Oh, it's blinking. 481 00:23:21,171 --> 00:23:23,366 Oh, look, there's a different person! 482 00:23:24,506 --> 00:23:26,235 Oh, the dog's still there. 483 00:23:29,076 --> 00:23:30,716 It's a woman. Well, there we are. 484 00:23:30,716 --> 00:23:32,786 Now, so what have you seen? 485 00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:34,356 That thing's just appeared. 486 00:23:34,356 --> 00:23:36,226 What thing's that? On the purple. 487 00:23:36,226 --> 00:23:37,916 What's that brown thing? 488 00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:40,684 The brown thing on the purple. In the centre there? 489 00:23:40,684 --> 00:23:42,804 Yeah. Has that been there all the time? 490 00:23:42,804 --> 00:23:45,475 Yeah, no, it's always been there, yeah, I said that. 491 00:23:45,475 --> 00:23:46,984 LAUGHTER 492 00:23:46,984 --> 00:23:48,595 Tell me what you're sure you've seen. 493 00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:51,834 Well, there was a girl with an umbrella and then it turned into a person with a dog. 494 00:23:51,834 --> 00:23:56,204 Indeterminate. The man with the dog turned into a woman with a dog. 495 00:23:56,204 --> 00:23:58,485 Right. Is that right? Well, we'll see. 496 00:23:58,485 --> 00:24:00,764 Let's have a look, this time without the blinks 497 00:24:00,764 --> 00:24:03,044 and there's rather a lot you've missed. 498 00:24:03,044 --> 00:24:05,804 Oh! King of Thai noodle comes up. JOSH: I was wondering that... 499 00:24:05,804 --> 00:24:08,964 Oh, no, it's still there. Yeah, the lighting, Thai noodle. 500 00:24:08,964 --> 00:24:11,434 No way! No, shut up! 501 00:24:11,434 --> 00:24:14,554 TOMMY: I didn't see that at all. JOSH: Stephen Fry! 502 00:24:14,554 --> 00:24:19,754 How can you do this to us? Isn't it amazing? Wow! 503 00:24:19,754 --> 00:24:22,624 I spent my whole time looking at the person. 504 00:24:22,624 --> 00:24:25,525 That's what humans do. The tree turned up. 505 00:24:26,914 --> 00:24:30,244 Have you seen that video, there's a study they did in America and 506 00:24:30,244 --> 00:24:33,844 you have, there's these people passing basketballs back and forwards... 507 00:24:33,844 --> 00:24:37,194 Yes...and you have to count how many... How many passes. 508 00:24:37,194 --> 00:24:40,564 ..and they missed that a guy dressed in huge ape suit comes along 509 00:24:40,564 --> 00:24:43,634 and does that. Waving at the camera! 510 00:24:43,634 --> 00:24:46,514 It is extraordinary. It's a famous experiment and a brilliant one. 511 00:24:46,514 --> 00:24:48,264 That's absolutely right, Josh. 512 00:24:48,264 --> 00:24:51,414 This was a short film shown at the Royal Institution Christmas Lecture 513 00:24:51,414 --> 00:24:54,334 by Professor Bruce Hood, who is a great friend of QI 514 00:24:54,334 --> 00:24:57,564 and he has given us that film and that kind of blindness, 515 00:24:57,564 --> 00:24:59,194 as it were, to changes in the scene 516 00:24:59,194 --> 00:25:03,475 and to things that happen is very common and is a problem for 517 00:25:03,475 --> 00:25:08,495 witnesses and so on, but it's also every day it might happen to us. 518 00:25:08,495 --> 00:25:10,844 If you look into a mirror 519 00:25:10,844 --> 00:25:14,204 and you look at your right eye in the mirror and then you look 520 00:25:14,204 --> 00:25:18,404 at your left eye, you never see your eyes move, but they do. 521 00:25:18,404 --> 00:25:20,475 Why don't you see it? 522 00:25:20,475 --> 00:25:23,684 The reason is the brain shuts down your vision for that moment 523 00:25:23,684 --> 00:25:26,914 so you are functionally blind at just that incredibly small moment. 524 00:25:26,914 --> 00:25:28,124 That's weird. 525 00:25:28,124 --> 00:25:30,974 But we don't question the fact that we don't see our eyes move. 526 00:25:30,974 --> 00:25:33,365 We sort of don't expect to because we're used not to. 527 00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:36,204 We're used to not seeing our eyes move but anybody watching us 528 00:25:36,204 --> 00:25:38,174 would see our eyes moving cos they are. 529 00:25:38,174 --> 00:25:41,254 Do you ever do that thing where you look at your eyes in the mirror 530 00:25:41,254 --> 00:25:43,324 and then you like move your head around 531 00:25:43,324 --> 00:25:45,784 and it just looks like your eyes are staying in the same place. 532 00:25:45,784 --> 00:25:48,204 Yes, it's very extraordinary, isn't it? Hours of fun. 533 00:25:48,204 --> 00:25:50,124 LAUGHTER 534 00:25:50,124 --> 00:25:53,124 I didn't have many toys when I was growing up. 535 00:25:53,124 --> 00:25:56,044 But that's enough, you own body is a wonderful toy. Oh, I wish I... 536 00:25:56,044 --> 00:25:57,854 LAUGHTER 537 00:25:57,854 --> 00:25:59,924 APPLAUSE 538 00:25:59,924 --> 00:26:01,972 Oh, sorry! 539 00:26:03,684 --> 00:26:08,204 It's called saccadic masking, this form of blindness 540 00:26:08,204 --> 00:26:12,485 and it can add up to 30 to 45 minutes a day in most humans. 541 00:26:12,485 --> 00:26:15,334 It means we're temporarily blind for 2% of our lives. 542 00:26:15,334 --> 00:26:18,714 How many people are looking in the mirror for that length of time everyday? 543 00:26:18,714 --> 00:26:20,605 No, it's not only looking into the mirror. 544 00:26:20,605 --> 00:26:22,355 There are other moments. 545 00:26:22,355 --> 00:26:25,224 Just 45 minutes, just watching myself... 546 00:26:25,224 --> 00:26:26,930 get older. 547 00:26:28,334 --> 00:26:31,644 Inattentional blindness stops you from noticing things 548 00:26:31,644 --> 00:26:33,644 that are right in front of your eyes. 549 00:26:33,644 --> 00:26:37,334 So, pay attention now, it's time for another magical money-making moment. 550 00:26:37,334 --> 00:26:38,404 Oh. 551 00:26:38,404 --> 00:26:41,564 Yes. I've got a proper, proper printing press here. 552 00:26:41,564 --> 00:26:44,044 It's very, it's a rather exciting one, 553 00:26:44,044 --> 00:26:47,114 and as you can see, it's got all the bells and whistles. 554 00:26:47,114 --> 00:26:49,694 And it's even got a little calibration here. 555 00:26:49,694 --> 00:26:51,894 I'm going to, let's, can you see it's on ten, I'm going 556 00:26:51,894 --> 00:26:55,044 to move it up to 20. Because I've got a 20-sized one here. 557 00:26:55,044 --> 00:26:56,694 This may, I hope this works. 558 00:26:56,694 --> 00:26:58,694 It takes a long time to fill it with ink, 559 00:26:58,694 --> 00:27:01,054 so if it doesn't work, I'm not going to do it twice. 560 00:27:01,054 --> 00:27:03,365 Oh, yes, that works. Oh, good, there you are. 561 00:27:03,365 --> 00:27:05,572 Oh, wow. There you are. APPLAUSE 562 00:27:06,764 --> 00:27:08,564 Oh, there we go. 563 00:27:08,564 --> 00:27:12,365 Stephen, hold on, one of the options is 100. 564 00:27:12,365 --> 00:27:14,694 I just want to see what one of them looks like. 565 00:27:14,694 --> 00:27:15,661 OK. OK. 566 00:27:17,414 --> 00:27:19,485 Oh, oh, there we go. 567 00:27:19,485 --> 00:27:23,434 And, oh... Oh, it's a 50. It should be 100. 568 00:27:23,434 --> 00:27:25,974 Oh, it is 100. There you are! 569 00:27:25,974 --> 00:27:27,485 That's good. 570 00:27:27,485 --> 00:27:29,334 APPLAUSE 571 00:27:29,334 --> 00:27:31,514 There we are. 572 00:27:31,514 --> 00:27:35,514 So, yeah, we've made a, made a proper amount of money today. 573 00:27:35,514 --> 00:27:38,334 Just shows, with a little application 574 00:27:38,334 --> 00:27:41,804 and a little skill, you can make money pretty easily. 575 00:27:41,804 --> 00:27:43,214 That's amazing. Yes. 576 00:27:43,214 --> 00:27:46,124 But I feel guilty about it, so I'll probably give it away, 577 00:27:46,124 --> 00:27:48,124 to a bookmaker. 578 00:27:48,124 --> 00:27:50,424 LAUGHTER 579 00:27:50,424 --> 00:27:55,764 Now, how much sleep does a paradoxical insomniac get? 580 00:27:55,764 --> 00:27:57,844 TOMMY'S BUZZER 581 00:27:57,844 --> 00:27:59,854 Paradoxical, lots? 582 00:27:59,854 --> 00:28:02,084 Well, yes. He does. 583 00:28:03,345 --> 00:28:05,754 More than he thinks. Yes. 584 00:28:05,754 --> 00:28:09,827 It's like a paradoxical kleptomaniac who leaves things in shops. 585 00:28:12,674 --> 00:28:14,475 What a wonderful thing to be. 586 00:28:14,475 --> 00:28:16,595 APPLAUSE 587 00:28:16,595 --> 00:28:20,634 Oh, look, he's left a DVD on the teabags again. 588 00:28:21,974 --> 00:28:25,754 Yeah, it's a very rare condition, but essentially your body sleeps 589 00:28:25,754 --> 00:28:29,444 very happily and all the scientific equipment that goes onto the 590 00:28:29,444 --> 00:28:33,164 brain to check that you're sleeping shows that you are sleeping, 591 00:28:33,164 --> 00:28:37,094 but you're awake, and you remember where you are and what's going on. 592 00:28:37,094 --> 00:28:38,534 But you're refreshed. 593 00:28:38,534 --> 00:28:41,404 Are you doing stuff, like are you driving a bus or something? No. 594 00:28:41,404 --> 00:28:44,064 No, absolutely not. No, they're definitely asleep in bed. 595 00:28:44,064 --> 00:28:46,144 So which one of those two is it? 596 00:28:46,144 --> 00:28:49,485 They are aware of their surroundings during the night, 597 00:28:49,485 --> 00:28:52,375 as if they were awake, but they quite clearly weren't. 598 00:28:52,375 --> 00:28:55,044 Every brain scan shows they are asleep. Is this now an advantage? 599 00:28:55,044 --> 00:28:56,605 No. It's weird, yes. 600 00:28:56,605 --> 00:28:59,834 It's called properly "sleep state misperception". 601 00:28:59,834 --> 00:29:01,494 There's also an opposite condition, 602 00:29:01,494 --> 00:29:04,514 negative sleep state misperception, in which you think 603 00:29:04,514 --> 00:29:06,964 you've been sleeping for much longer than you have. 604 00:29:06,964 --> 00:29:09,044 You're convinced you've slept for eight hours... 605 00:29:09,044 --> 00:29:11,624 When you wake up when you're beard is wet and you go, 606 00:29:11,624 --> 00:29:14,215 "How the hell!" And you go back to sleep. 607 00:29:14,215 --> 00:29:16,974 LAUGHTER 608 00:29:16,974 --> 00:29:21,834 So are these people, do they...? Sorry, I don't really understand 609 00:29:21,834 --> 00:29:25,274 and I think you're lying, but anyway. 610 00:29:25,274 --> 00:29:27,424 Are these people the sort of people, do they say, 611 00:29:27,424 --> 00:29:29,984 "I've had a good night's sleep," or, "I haven't slept a wink"? 612 00:29:29,984 --> 00:29:31,884 How do they feel? They feel refreshed? 613 00:29:31,884 --> 00:29:35,064 They feel refreshed, they feel fine. How do they know they haven't slept? 614 00:29:35,064 --> 00:29:38,114 Cos they've been awake all the time. They've slept, haven't they? 615 00:29:38,114 --> 00:29:40,225 In their mind, they've been awake all the time. 616 00:29:40,225 --> 00:29:45,954 Is this when you have to be awake at ten to five, 617 00:29:45,954 --> 00:29:49,114 no matter what happens, you have to be awake at ten to five, 618 00:29:49,114 --> 00:29:52,394 and miraculously you are awake at ten to five. 619 00:29:52,394 --> 00:29:53,954 That's an alarm clock, love. 620 00:29:53,954 --> 00:29:56,424 LAUGHTER 621 00:29:56,424 --> 00:29:58,274 No, I have that too, I do definitely. Yeah. 622 00:29:58,274 --> 00:30:01,475 It's extraordinary. So is that the same kind of... It works very well. 623 00:30:01,475 --> 00:30:03,554 At school, when we... if we were going on a, you know, 624 00:30:03,554 --> 00:30:07,204 a little dawn raid, or something like that, you'd, they'd say... 625 00:30:07,204 --> 00:30:08,355 Sorry? 626 00:30:08,355 --> 00:30:11,684 Well, you know, to do a raid on the kitchens and steal jelly 627 00:30:11,684 --> 00:30:13,734 and things, you know. So... 628 00:30:13,734 --> 00:30:16,514 I forgot you grew up in an Enid Blyton novel. 629 00:30:16,514 --> 00:30:19,314 LAUGHTER 630 00:30:19,314 --> 00:30:21,965 To get your catapult back from the teacher. 631 00:30:23,914 --> 00:30:26,394 You would do this onto the pillow, you would go, 632 00:30:26,394 --> 00:30:28,375 "One, two, three, four," 633 00:30:28,375 --> 00:30:30,485 Iike that, and you'd wake up at four in the morning. 634 00:30:30,485 --> 00:30:32,194 And it always seemed to work. No. 635 00:30:32,194 --> 00:30:34,834 Honestly, I can't remember a time when it didn't. That is bullshit! 636 00:30:34,834 --> 00:30:36,784 No... OK. 637 00:30:36,784 --> 00:30:38,674 I totally agree. 638 00:30:38,674 --> 00:30:42,504 It's maybe a false memory I've got, but it's a very clear one. 639 00:30:42,504 --> 00:30:45,124 If it's so true, I want you to 640 00:30:45,124 --> 00:30:48,355 give us your phone and alarm clock 641 00:30:48,355 --> 00:30:50,554 and never use it again to wake yourself up. 642 00:30:50,554 --> 00:30:53,355 And just use the head hitting. 643 00:30:53,355 --> 00:30:55,644 It all changes when you get an enlarged prostate. 644 00:30:55,644 --> 00:30:58,226 LAUGHTER 645 00:31:03,684 --> 00:31:07,848 And do you have to hit it four times on the pillow? 646 00:31:09,324 --> 00:31:11,634 This is something that Blyton didn't cover much. 647 00:31:11,634 --> 00:31:15,194 She didn't, did she? Not lashings of enlarged prostates, no. 648 00:31:15,194 --> 00:31:16,634 Oh, dear. 649 00:31:16,634 --> 00:31:20,594 Anyway, how well you sleep is really all in your mind. 650 00:31:20,594 --> 00:31:24,934 Now, how would you swear like a pre-pubescent supercomputer? 651 00:31:24,934 --> 00:31:26,944 Bum, bum, wee. 652 00:31:26,944 --> 00:31:28,684 Bum, bum, wee. And poo. 653 00:31:28,684 --> 00:31:31,434 Pretty close. They're the main, they're the main ones? 654 00:31:31,434 --> 00:31:32,764 The big three. 655 00:31:32,764 --> 00:31:35,924 It's a supercomputer, we've called it pre-pubescent 656 00:31:35,924 --> 00:31:39,954 because it's about 11 years old now. And... 657 00:31:39,954 --> 00:31:41,304 And it swears? 658 00:31:41,304 --> 00:31:42,554 Well, it's called Watson 659 00:31:42,554 --> 00:31:45,754 and it is one of the smartest supercomputers around. 660 00:31:45,754 --> 00:31:49,584 It was first trained to win at the American quiz game Jeopardy, 661 00:31:49,584 --> 00:31:52,654 which you may have seen if you've ever been in the United States, 662 00:31:52,654 --> 00:31:53,764 it's on every single day. 663 00:31:53,764 --> 00:31:55,894 They give an answer and you say the question. 664 00:31:55,894 --> 00:31:58,154 Exactly. So this actor played Jonathan Creek. 665 00:31:58,154 --> 00:32:01,044 The answer is, on Jeopardy, Who is Alan Davies? 666 00:32:01,044 --> 00:32:04,064 Yes. It's been going for 40 years or something on American TV. 667 00:32:04,064 --> 00:32:06,964 Does the supercomputer do proper swearing or swearing like 668 00:32:06,964 --> 00:32:09,764 "mother funster," or... Melon farmer! Yeah, exactly. Yeah. 669 00:32:09,764 --> 00:32:11,924 What they did was, they fed it an online dictionary 670 00:32:11,924 --> 00:32:14,514 and I think you can guess which one it was, if it was swearing. 671 00:32:14,514 --> 00:32:16,074 Urban Dictionary. 672 00:32:16,074 --> 00:32:19,245 Urban Dictionary, yes, which is a rather naughty dictionary. It is. 673 00:32:19,245 --> 00:32:20,934 It has bad M words. 674 00:32:20,934 --> 00:32:23,834 I don't know what, I really, what's motorboat? 675 00:32:23,834 --> 00:32:25,154 Am I, am I the only...? 676 00:32:25,154 --> 00:32:27,914 Oh, OK. I've got this one, 677 00:32:27,914 --> 00:32:30,144 I've got this one! APPLAUSE 678 00:32:30,144 --> 00:32:32,255 I'm not going to do it, it's where you 679 00:32:32,255 --> 00:32:34,854 put your head in between there and then do that... 680 00:32:34,854 --> 00:32:38,454 Oh, yes, that's right. "Brrr." It's rather sweet, that, isn't it? 681 00:32:38,454 --> 00:32:39,694 Rather sweet?! Well... 682 00:32:39,694 --> 00:32:41,434 LAUGHTER 683 00:32:41,434 --> 00:32:42,764 Well, I don't know. 684 00:32:42,764 --> 00:32:46,235 Nicer than minger, or muffin top? Milkshake. 685 00:32:46,235 --> 00:32:47,588 Where's your man cave? 686 00:32:49,564 --> 00:32:52,144 That's not... Oh, no, is that, have I got a man... No? 687 00:32:52,144 --> 00:32:53,414 LAUGHTER 688 00:32:53,414 --> 00:32:56,704 No. Is that what...? Is it like a den where you... 689 00:32:56,704 --> 00:32:57,944 Oh. 690 00:32:57,944 --> 00:32:59,304 LAUGHS 691 00:32:59,304 --> 00:33:01,674 That sounded like you'd suddenly got a catchphrase, 692 00:33:01,674 --> 00:33:02,971 where's your man cave? 693 00:33:04,355 --> 00:33:06,504 It's Sarah "Where's Your Man Cave" Millican. 694 00:33:06,504 --> 00:33:08,554 It's Sarah Millican, Where's Your Man Cave! 695 00:33:08,554 --> 00:33:11,495 TOMMY: Sarah, you definitely have one man cave, the question is, 696 00:33:11,495 --> 00:33:13,204 do you have two? 697 00:33:13,204 --> 00:33:14,454 Ah, yes. 698 00:33:14,454 --> 00:33:17,874 LAUGHTER 699 00:33:17,874 --> 00:33:19,125 No? 700 00:33:20,514 --> 00:33:22,714 Was that the right answer? I don't know. 701 00:33:22,714 --> 00:33:24,636 I'm still recovering from motorboat. 702 00:33:27,174 --> 00:33:31,424 So, that's Urban Dictionary and it was popped into Watson, 703 00:33:31,424 --> 00:33:36,034 this IBM computer and unfortunately, he learnt too much from it 704 00:33:36,034 --> 00:33:39,564 and so when they were testing it, before it went on Jeopardy, 705 00:33:39,564 --> 00:33:43,074 it was just saying "bullshit" to every question that you posed 706 00:33:43,074 --> 00:33:46,434 to it, like a stroppy pre-pubescent, basically. 707 00:33:46,434 --> 00:33:47,634 It's now... 708 00:33:47,634 --> 00:33:50,485 The question he asked was never, "Where's your man cave?" 709 00:33:50,485 --> 00:33:51,724 No, it never was. 710 00:33:51,724 --> 00:33:54,674 We just gave you some Ms just because it's the M series, 711 00:33:54,674 --> 00:33:56,204 but there are plenty of others. 712 00:33:56,204 --> 00:33:58,974 Are they all like new words, because milkshake's been around 713 00:33:58,974 --> 00:34:02,124 for a long time, but has it got a new meaning that I need to learn? 714 00:34:02,124 --> 00:34:03,574 Yeah. You're young. 715 00:34:03,574 --> 00:34:06,204 Um, well... What is it? 716 00:34:06,204 --> 00:34:09,674 Well, Kelis sung, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," 717 00:34:09,674 --> 00:34:13,144 didn't she? Yes, because she had like a van that sold milkshakes. 718 00:34:15,024 --> 00:34:17,974 If that's what you want to think she meant, that's what she meant. 719 00:34:17,974 --> 00:34:20,294 My dormitory at school had a milkshake club, 720 00:34:20,294 --> 00:34:21,784 but we won't go into that. 721 00:34:24,904 --> 00:34:27,144 It wasn't all like Enid Blyton, then, was it? 722 00:34:27,144 --> 00:34:28,543 No, no. 723 00:34:30,614 --> 00:34:32,534 Ooooh, where were we? 724 00:34:32,534 --> 00:34:33,734 Oh, yes. 725 00:34:33,734 --> 00:34:36,814 Where is the, would you imagine, most powerful computer in the world? 726 00:34:36,814 --> 00:34:39,444 NASA. It's not NASA, not the Pentagon. 727 00:34:39,444 --> 00:34:41,664 Not in America, in fact. Beijing. 728 00:34:41,664 --> 00:34:43,614 Well, yes, China is the answer. 729 00:34:43,614 --> 00:34:46,184 There it is. Huge. Look at that. 730 00:34:46,184 --> 00:34:49,505 It's pretty impressive. It is called Tianhe, which means Milky Way. 731 00:34:49,505 --> 00:34:51,574 Didn't you used to play that at school? 732 00:34:51,574 --> 00:34:55,974 LAUGHTER 733 00:34:55,974 --> 00:34:58,054 Sorry! I'll stop now. 734 00:34:58,054 --> 00:35:01,904 Oh, dear. It can run 100,000 times as many calculations 735 00:35:01,904 --> 00:35:05,734 per second as there are stars in the galaxy. 736 00:35:05,734 --> 00:35:07,864 Cor, blimey. 737 00:35:07,864 --> 00:35:12,744 All computers, including that, are very slow still when it comes to what? 738 00:35:12,744 --> 00:35:18,984 The fastest supercomputers can mimic one second of human brain activity 739 00:35:18,984 --> 00:35:21,054 in about 40 minutes. 740 00:35:21,054 --> 00:35:23,594 So they're rubbish at Snap, for instance. 741 00:35:23,594 --> 00:35:25,184 LAUGHTER 742 00:35:25,184 --> 00:35:27,614 So we still, for the moment at least, 743 00:35:27,614 --> 00:35:31,094 we still are the fastest processor on the planet. 744 00:35:31,094 --> 00:35:34,385 I spent an entire summer trying to teach a cat how to play Snap. 745 00:35:34,385 --> 00:35:35,694 Really? 746 00:35:35,694 --> 00:35:38,515 Yeah. We had this cat who every now and again would just go... 747 00:35:38,515 --> 00:35:41,063 LAUGHTER 748 00:35:43,154 --> 00:35:46,664 So we thought we would take it to the fair and if we could... 749 00:35:46,664 --> 00:35:48,515 LAUGHTER 750 00:35:48,515 --> 00:35:50,904 If we could train it to play Snap, that would make a fortune. 751 00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:56,464 Well, they used to have at fairs, pigs that spelled out words. 752 00:35:56,464 --> 00:35:59,344 You would go to the fair with your learned pig 753 00:35:59,344 --> 00:36:03,764 and you'd have alphabet cards in a huge circle with the pig inside. 754 00:36:03,764 --> 00:36:05,334 Was it mostly just "help"? 755 00:36:05,334 --> 00:36:07,684 No, you'd ask a member of the public 756 00:36:07,684 --> 00:36:10,584 and they'd have to pay tuppence or whatever, to shout a word, 757 00:36:10,584 --> 00:36:13,674 and they'd shout a word like "barnyard" or something, 758 00:36:13,674 --> 00:36:17,135 and pig would go up to the B and then up to the A 759 00:36:17,135 --> 00:36:19,874 and then up to the R, etc, and spell out the word. 760 00:36:19,874 --> 00:36:21,414 Like a pig Ouija board. 761 00:36:21,414 --> 00:36:22,774 Kind of, yeah. 762 00:36:22,774 --> 00:36:25,464 And, of course, pigs can't read, it was a trick 763 00:36:25,464 --> 00:36:27,135 but it was a very good one, 764 00:36:27,135 --> 00:36:29,094 it was simply looking at its owner over there 765 00:36:29,094 --> 00:36:32,584 and he's going like that for B or whatever and that for A, 766 00:36:32,584 --> 00:36:34,064 and it worked beautifully. 767 00:36:34,064 --> 00:36:36,824 It's all in Ricky Jay's excellent book, Learned Pigs. 768 00:36:36,824 --> 00:36:39,224 But, yeah, where were we? 769 00:36:39,224 --> 00:36:41,024 Oh, yes, Watson, the supercomputer 770 00:36:41,024 --> 00:36:44,814 got in trouble because he couldn't stop fucking swearing. 771 00:36:44,814 --> 00:36:48,704 And so we glide from the canyons of our minds into the clueless 772 00:36:48,704 --> 00:36:50,424 depths of General Ignorance. 773 00:36:50,424 --> 00:36:52,544 Fingers on buzzers, if you would. 774 00:36:52,544 --> 00:36:55,904 Why did the camel get the hump? And where? 775 00:36:55,904 --> 00:36:57,454 On their back. In the desert. 776 00:36:57,454 --> 00:36:59,385 What's it for? 777 00:36:59,385 --> 00:37:01,984 It's, oh, it's, I know... 778 00:37:01,984 --> 00:37:04,334 Isn't it for food and water? 779 00:37:04,334 --> 00:37:06,054 KLAXON 780 00:37:06,054 --> 00:37:07,944 I knew it! 781 00:37:07,944 --> 00:37:09,414 I thought it was as well. 782 00:37:09,414 --> 00:37:11,334 Why didn't you say? 783 00:37:11,334 --> 00:37:13,416 Because I wanted that to happen to you. 784 00:37:14,754 --> 00:37:17,524 The surprising thing, perhaps, 785 00:37:17,524 --> 00:37:21,294 is that it evolved not in the deserts, not in the hot countries, 786 00:37:21,294 --> 00:37:24,395 but in the Arctic, that's where it began, 787 00:37:24,395 --> 00:37:27,474 Iike the Bactrians there that you see that still live in cold conditions. 788 00:37:27,474 --> 00:37:31,934 And the hump seems to have developed for fat storage and for warmth. 789 00:37:31,934 --> 00:37:34,414 I thought it was for tourists so that they didn't fall off. 790 00:37:35,674 --> 00:37:38,974 You sit between them, don't you? You do, you do. Yes. 791 00:37:38,974 --> 00:37:42,344 Canadian scientists found fossilised fragments of camel leg bone 792 00:37:42,344 --> 00:37:45,834 in Canada, which were 3.5 million years old 793 00:37:45,834 --> 00:37:48,265 and the DNA matched the modern camel. 794 00:37:48,265 --> 00:37:52,135 So, the camel originally got its hump to survive the cold. 795 00:37:52,135 --> 00:37:56,902 In a war between the grass and the grass-eaters, who's winning? 796 00:37:58,964 --> 00:38:01,484 LAUGHTER 797 00:38:01,484 --> 00:38:03,704 JOSH'S BUZZER 798 00:38:03,704 --> 00:38:06,344 The grass. KLAXON 799 00:38:06,344 --> 00:38:08,834 Eaters. KLAXON 800 00:38:08,834 --> 00:38:10,756 LAUGHTER 801 00:38:12,684 --> 00:38:14,574 Can we get the grass-eaters? 802 00:38:14,574 --> 00:38:16,781 KLAXON Thank you. 803 00:38:19,054 --> 00:38:20,864 I haven't finished yet! 804 00:38:20,864 --> 00:38:23,234 Grass-eaters is not the right answer. 805 00:38:23,234 --> 00:38:26,204 Oh, you don't get away with that. 806 00:38:26,204 --> 00:38:30,184 Evolution is an interspecies arms race to some extent 807 00:38:30,184 --> 00:38:34,784 and very often plants do create stratagems to avoid being eaten. 808 00:38:34,784 --> 00:38:38,104 They become poisonous, they become thickly thorned and prickly 809 00:38:38,104 --> 00:38:41,334 but it seems that grass doesn't try and stop 810 00:38:41,334 --> 00:38:43,674 itself from being eaten, and the thing about grass is, 811 00:38:43,674 --> 00:38:47,464 unlike most plants, its centre of being is at the bottom, 812 00:38:47,464 --> 00:38:50,385 so you can have the top of the blade as much as you like. 813 00:38:50,385 --> 00:38:52,504 95% of it can be eaten like that 814 00:38:52,504 --> 00:38:54,754 and it's perfectly happy just to regrow 815 00:38:54,754 --> 00:38:58,674 so it actually does quite well because it's helped by being kept cropped. 816 00:38:58,674 --> 00:39:01,314 Yeah, in the war between the grass and the grass-eaters, 817 00:39:01,314 --> 00:39:02,304 everyone's a winner. 818 00:39:02,304 --> 00:39:06,684 Do mushrooms prefer to grow in the light or in the dark? 819 00:39:06,684 --> 00:39:09,235 SARAH'S BUZZER 820 00:39:09,235 --> 00:39:11,924 Well, the thing's going to go off if I say in the dark, 821 00:39:11,924 --> 00:39:13,385 so I'm going to say in the light. 822 00:39:13,385 --> 00:39:15,273 KLAXON Oh, bugger! 823 00:39:17,934 --> 00:39:20,424 The answer is they don't prefer either. 824 00:39:20,424 --> 00:39:23,034 They grow just as well in dark, half light. 825 00:39:23,034 --> 00:39:26,265 They rarely express a preference. What would you like? 826 00:39:26,265 --> 00:39:29,164 Would you like the light on, or shall I leave it? 827 00:39:29,164 --> 00:39:31,934 Maybe a little bedtime story, be tucked in. 828 00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:34,654 But going by how much they thrive, it clearly doesn't make any 829 00:39:34,654 --> 00:39:37,764 difference, so why is it traditional to grow them in the dark? 830 00:39:37,764 --> 00:39:40,034 Because it's a dirty secret? 831 00:39:40,034 --> 00:39:41,884 Like if you have them in your house, 832 00:39:41,884 --> 00:39:43,804 it's not something you tell everybody. 833 00:39:43,804 --> 00:39:46,045 I've got mushrooms in the back bedroom. 834 00:39:47,964 --> 00:39:50,684 It's simply cheaper. We don't have to turn the light on. 835 00:39:50,684 --> 00:39:53,255 So you just shove them in a cellar or a dark room, 836 00:39:53,255 --> 00:39:55,294 somewhere you've got and they'll grow. 837 00:39:55,294 --> 00:39:56,654 It's that simple. Oh. 838 00:39:56,654 --> 00:39:59,174 Not very exciting, but quite interesting. 839 00:39:59,174 --> 00:40:04,094 Magic mushrooms, double M, they have psychotropic, 840 00:40:04,094 --> 00:40:07,294 or at least hallucinogenic qualities, I believe, don't they? 841 00:40:07,294 --> 00:40:09,884 Good Lord! Is anybody else seeing that? 842 00:40:09,884 --> 00:40:11,203 That's horrible. 843 00:40:12,814 --> 00:40:14,375 But they have a disadvantage, 844 00:40:14,375 --> 00:40:16,664 which is that you get a terrible tummy ache, 845 00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:21,375 and what did people do in order to obviate this disadvantage? 846 00:40:21,375 --> 00:40:24,094 I'm afraid... They'd make themselves sick, would they? 847 00:40:24,094 --> 00:40:25,934 Well, no, what they did is, 848 00:40:25,934 --> 00:40:28,974 they'd give the mushrooms to the village idiot. 849 00:40:28,974 --> 00:40:32,764 And he'd then have a pee and they'd drink the pee, which had all the... 850 00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:35,684 No!..had all the psycho-active properties. Wow. 851 00:40:35,684 --> 00:40:37,604 Who is the idiot in that scenario? 852 00:40:37,604 --> 00:40:39,454 I don't know. No. 853 00:40:39,454 --> 00:40:41,255 It is very unfortunate. 854 00:40:41,255 --> 00:40:45,524 Are we the only creatures who are affected by eating magic mushrooms? 855 00:40:45,524 --> 00:40:49,814 Like, if a cow went into a field full of magic mushrooms, and ate 856 00:40:49,814 --> 00:40:53,534 them all, will it have some moments of insight 857 00:40:53,534 --> 00:40:57,204 that it would be impossible to share with us, 858 00:40:57,204 --> 00:40:59,204 the whole town would gather round him there. 859 00:40:59,204 --> 00:41:01,884 Moooo! 860 00:41:01,884 --> 00:41:03,564 "I don't get it, I don't get it." 861 00:41:03,564 --> 00:41:04,770 Moo! 862 00:41:06,014 --> 00:41:08,255 And there was a... Are you trying to tell us something? 863 00:41:08,255 --> 00:41:12,214 There was a theory that Jesus Christ... 864 00:41:13,844 --> 00:41:16,574 ..was a magic mushroom. 865 00:41:16,574 --> 00:41:18,484 He actually was a mushroom? 866 00:41:18,484 --> 00:41:21,844 I mightn't have remembered this entirely correctly, but... 867 00:41:21,844 --> 00:41:23,534 LAUGHTER 868 00:41:23,534 --> 00:41:26,284 Does your dad deny this story? 869 00:41:26,284 --> 00:41:32,094 There's a thing called the Amanita muscaria, which is the, 870 00:41:32,094 --> 00:41:37,914 it's the notion of using mushrooms as a means to transcendence. 871 00:41:37,914 --> 00:41:40,524 Right. And I don't know the rest of the story. 872 00:41:40,524 --> 00:41:45,494 Oh! You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. 873 00:41:45,494 --> 00:41:49,054 Yes, mushrooms are grown in the dark to save electricity. 874 00:41:49,054 --> 00:41:52,744 So, with that, we stagger dazed and confused into the most 875 00:41:52,744 --> 00:41:58,044 mind-numbing and mind-bending subject of all, the QI scores. 876 00:41:58,044 --> 00:42:01,084 Oh, how interesting they are. My goodness me. 877 00:42:01,084 --> 00:42:04,744 In fourth place, with a very respectable -22, 878 00:42:04,744 --> 00:42:06,494 is Josh Widdicombe. 879 00:42:06,494 --> 00:42:08,654 APPLAUSE 880 00:42:08,654 --> 00:42:14,024 In third place, with a splendid -18 is Sarah Millican. 881 00:42:14,024 --> 00:42:17,175 APPLAUSE 882 00:42:19,527 --> 00:42:22,037 He's achieved heights that may require oxygen, 883 00:42:22,037 --> 00:42:24,087 on -6, it's Alan Davies. 884 00:42:24,087 --> 00:42:27,170 Thank you very much. APPLAUSE 885 00:42:28,997 --> 00:42:32,118 What a debut, Tommy Tiernan on 2! 886 00:42:32,118 --> 00:42:33,892 Plus 2! 887 00:42:35,047 --> 00:42:38,528 MUSIC PLAYS 888 00:42:40,047 --> 00:42:42,277 Thanks to Sarah, Josh, Tommy and Alan. 889 00:42:42,277 --> 00:42:44,167 Oh, I nearly forgot our memory test. 890 00:42:44,167 --> 00:42:48,087 Oh, how ironic. Can we turn the cameras onto the audience? 891 00:42:48,087 --> 00:42:53,617 Let's see by a show of hands which words you remembered me saying. 892 00:42:53,617 --> 00:42:55,278 Who remembered the word bed? 893 00:42:56,757 --> 00:42:58,807 Oh, most of you, that's pretty good. 894 00:42:58,807 --> 00:43:00,297 Snooze? 895 00:43:01,767 --> 00:43:03,998 Pretty good. 896 00:43:03,998 --> 00:43:05,056 Sleep? 897 00:43:06,527 --> 00:43:09,178 KLAXON Oh, audience. 898 00:43:11,238 --> 00:43:12,757 No, I didn't say sleep, 899 00:43:12,757 --> 00:43:15,837 I said words so closely connected to it that it was easy to force 900 00:43:15,837 --> 00:43:18,907 yourself into the memory of thinking that I did say it. 901 00:43:18,907 --> 00:43:22,118 So you all encountered a sort of false memory planting there. 902 00:43:22,118 --> 00:43:23,447 If you don't believe me, 903 00:43:23,447 --> 00:43:26,047 you'll just have to watch the show all over again, won't you? 904 00:43:26,047 --> 00:43:29,998 So, from me, from all of us, thank you and goodnight. 905 00:43:29,998 --> 00:43:32,637 APPLAUSE