1 00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:34,146 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening. 2 00:00:34,146 --> 00:00:37,026 Welcome to QI, which, tonight, 3 00:00:37,026 --> 00:00:40,506 is a menagerie of animals beginning with M. 4 00:00:40,506 --> 00:00:42,426 Let's meet our man children. 5 00:00:42,426 --> 00:00:46,146 The mammalian Romesh Ranganathan... 6 00:00:51,066 --> 00:00:53,686 ..the marsupial Bill Bailey... 7 00:00:56,876 --> 00:00:59,547 ..the microscopic Sue Perkins... 8 00:01:02,466 --> 00:01:05,426 ..and the missing mink Alan Davies. 9 00:01:10,256 --> 00:01:13,746 So, let's hear it for the monkeys, please. Sue goes... 10 00:01:16,426 --> 00:01:18,296 Stop, stop. 11 00:01:18,296 --> 00:01:20,816 ..Romesh goes... 12 00:01:22,056 --> 00:01:23,156 ..Bill goes... 13 00:01:25,976 --> 00:01:28,866 Which, you do, actually, don't you? I do, yeah. 14 00:01:28,866 --> 00:01:30,547 ..and Alan goes... 15 00:01:30,547 --> 00:01:32,696 # Hey hey, we're the Monkees 16 00:01:32,696 --> 00:01:35,616 ♪ People say we monkey around... ♪ 17 00:01:35,616 --> 00:01:37,176 So, it's a menagerie. 18 00:01:37,176 --> 00:01:38,986 Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager 19 00:01:38,986 --> 00:01:40,547 managing an imaginary menagerie. 20 00:01:40,547 --> 00:01:43,156 Very good, well done. Thank you very much. 21 00:01:43,156 --> 00:01:45,056 What's...? What...? What just happened? 22 00:01:46,266 --> 00:01:48,436 We're imagining an imaginary menagerie manager 23 00:01:48,436 --> 00:01:50,976 managing an imaginary menagerie. Boom! Wow. 24 00:01:50,976 --> 00:01:55,026 That certainly is impressive. 25 00:01:57,336 --> 00:01:59,896 It's a menagerie. Animal collections. 26 00:01:59,896 --> 00:02:02,166 That monkey's really staring you out, Stephen. 27 00:02:03,797 --> 00:02:05,516 All right. Now, do an impression, 28 00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:07,906 if you can, of a moose on the pull. 29 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,186 A moose on the pull? OK. 30 00:02:13,746 --> 00:02:17,306 Very good. Probably. That will enter into it. When it goes... 31 00:02:17,306 --> 00:02:18,787 "Are you a parking ticket 32 00:02:18,787 --> 00:02:21,537 "cos you got fine written all over you-ooh?" 33 00:02:25,476 --> 00:02:28,436 Is that a genuine pick-up line? I love it. I think it might be. 34 00:02:28,436 --> 00:02:31,346 "Fine" written all over you. I'm not actually sure what... 35 00:02:31,346 --> 00:02:33,976 It's not really the sound. It's actually a physical...maybe. 36 00:02:33,976 --> 00:02:35,866 It's a physical impression. Did you do that? 37 00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:37,797 A male moose would do that...? 38 00:02:37,797 --> 00:02:39,456 Does it go up...? 39 00:02:39,456 --> 00:02:41,797 Does it go up on its rear legs and... Eh? 40 00:02:43,466 --> 00:02:47,976 Eh? See anything you like, moose lady? 41 00:02:49,797 --> 00:02:52,616 Or moose gentleman. 42 00:02:52,616 --> 00:02:55,797 So, what order of mammals is a moose? 43 00:02:55,797 --> 00:02:57,386 It's an elk, isn't it? Or a deer? 44 00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:01,026 Well, an elk is simply the European name for what Americans call a moose. 45 00:03:01,026 --> 00:03:03,116 I've seen one. I've seen one. 46 00:03:05,116 --> 00:03:07,316 I went to Canada and I was staying in a cabin... Yeah? 47 00:03:07,316 --> 00:03:09,866 ..and I woke up in the morning, and I looked out the window, 48 00:03:09,866 --> 00:03:12,826 and it was right outside the window. They're almost entirely silent. 49 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,336 Yes. They're so stealthy, you wouldn't think... 50 00:03:15,336 --> 00:03:17,787 I mean, they're huge - they're like a horse... Oh, right. 51 00:03:17,787 --> 00:03:20,466 ..but they hardly make any sound at all, and they creep about. 52 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,826 Frankly, they're unnerving. They're surreptitious. 53 00:03:22,826 --> 00:03:25,026 Surreptitious. I'm amazed it makes any noise... 54 00:03:25,026 --> 00:03:27,706 Would be more like this, then? Would be more like sort of...? 55 00:03:27,706 --> 00:03:30,026 Don't look. Look away. Pretend you're a moose 56 00:03:30,026 --> 00:03:33,626 at a disco or something. 57 00:03:33,626 --> 00:03:38,106 Fancy a bunk-up? 58 00:03:38,106 --> 00:03:41,166 Is it something like that? 59 00:03:43,797 --> 00:03:45,706 "Fancy a bunk-up?" 60 00:03:45,706 --> 00:03:48,396 It's a moose. He said, "Fancy a bunk-up?" 61 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:50,906 You haven't chatted anyone up since the '70s, have you? 62 00:03:52,547 --> 00:03:54,346 I sort of feel sorry for animals... 63 00:03:54,346 --> 00:03:57,677 Like, well, moose...because they haven't got... How do you...? 64 00:03:57,677 --> 00:04:00,056 If you're going on the pull, as a moose, 65 00:04:00,056 --> 00:04:02,056 how do you stick out from the herd? 66 00:04:02,056 --> 00:04:04,346 If you're a human and you're struggling on the pull, 67 00:04:04,346 --> 00:04:07,346 you can get, like, a snazzy haircut or, like, a cool jacket. 68 00:04:07,346 --> 00:04:09,386 Do you know what I mean? 69 00:04:09,386 --> 00:04:11,336 So, the moose does something else. 70 00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:14,256 Ah! It goes on Tinder, is that right? 71 00:04:17,976 --> 00:04:20,896 There's an equivalent of tundra... Tinder. 72 00:04:20,896 --> 00:04:24,276 Is there? Tundra Tinder, I like it. Tindra. 73 00:04:24,276 --> 00:04:26,266 What are they, as an order of mammal? 74 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,266 They are... Deer. Deer, they are deer. 75 00:04:28,266 --> 00:04:29,906 What the deer's mating season? 76 00:04:29,906 --> 00:04:33,056 The males called it... Rut. They rut. 77 00:04:33,056 --> 00:04:35,906 One of the things they do in their rut, the males, 78 00:04:35,906 --> 00:04:38,026 is they dig a hole... 79 00:04:38,026 --> 00:04:41,677 It's the equivalent of wearing a smart jacket. OK. 80 00:04:41,677 --> 00:04:44,836 ..and they urinate into the hole, 81 00:04:44,836 --> 00:04:48,106 and then they pull all the... 82 00:04:48,106 --> 00:04:50,547 pissy mud, let's call it... Sexy times. Yup. 83 00:04:50,547 --> 00:04:52,826 ..all around their legs and all around their bodies. 84 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,836 They cover themselves in urine-soaked mud. Dirty. 85 00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:58,996 And they go a little distance from the hole and they sit down. 86 00:04:58,996 --> 00:05:00,427 They wait for the female to come - 87 00:05:00,427 --> 00:05:02,196 who, as a female would, would go, 88 00:05:02,196 --> 00:05:04,136 "I like the smell of this." 89 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:07,427 It's muddy and it's... Pissy!..slightly pissy. 90 00:05:07,427 --> 00:05:09,056 Just a little touch of piss. 91 00:05:09,056 --> 00:05:12,476 And they get in there and cover themselves in that mixture 92 00:05:12,476 --> 00:05:15,356 and then mating happens. And then he says, "Fancy a bunk up?" 93 00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,776 Yeah. 94 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:20,906 But before that, they've got to go through the other rutting procedure, 95 00:05:20,906 --> 00:05:23,986 which is why they've got antlers, and that's fighting with other males. 96 00:05:23,986 --> 00:05:27,266 So, after they've fought with the males and won, 97 00:05:27,266 --> 00:05:30,116 then they have the honour of pissing in the mud. 98 00:05:30,116 --> 00:05:33,706 Is that their prize? It's nature's way of telling them... 99 00:05:33,706 --> 00:05:36,626 I would just take a dive if I was in that situation. 100 00:05:36,626 --> 00:05:39,746 If that's the reward, you know, mate, I don't fancy pissy mud today. 101 00:05:39,746 --> 00:05:41,616 I'm just going to go down. 102 00:05:41,616 --> 00:05:44,706 Are there any female moose that aren't necessarily drawn in 103 00:05:44,706 --> 00:05:46,786 by the toxic, heady brew of urine, 104 00:05:46,786 --> 00:05:49,836 mud and some slightly wonky antlers? 105 00:05:49,836 --> 00:05:52,346 If there are, unfortunately they'll probably die out 106 00:05:52,346 --> 00:05:56,150 because the only ones that mate are the ones that go in for this, 107 00:05:56,150 --> 00:05:59,219 and they pass on their genes. What does it smell like? 108 00:05:59,219 --> 00:06:01,769 As bad as it sounds, I fear. 109 00:06:01,769 --> 00:06:04,410 Are you moose-curious now? 110 00:06:06,929 --> 00:06:08,619 I am moose-curious. 111 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:12,689 I want to smell your mud...moosey boy. 112 00:06:12,689 --> 00:06:18,579 Then you can get extra points if you can do what a moose can do, 113 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:22,049 and that's have each eye moving independently of the other. 114 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,969 No, I can't do that. I actually thought 115 00:06:23,969 --> 00:06:26,410 you were going to say, "Urinate in a muddy hole." 116 00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:29,809 I can do that. I don't know if you can see, but... 117 00:06:29,809 --> 00:06:31,538 Iike that, you go... 118 00:06:34,609 --> 00:06:37,669 What's your mud pissing like? 119 00:06:38,759 --> 00:06:40,479 Am I doing it? 120 00:06:40,479 --> 00:06:43,929 You don't want to do it. What's the plural of moose? 121 00:06:43,929 --> 00:06:47,400 Moose. Mooses. Moose, yeah, although it's actually a Cree word, 122 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,729 a Cree Indian word, 123 00:06:48,729 --> 00:06:52,609 and the real plural should be "moosuch", which is rather good. 124 00:06:52,609 --> 00:06:54,049 One moose, two "moosuch". 125 00:06:54,049 --> 00:06:55,739 Sounds quite Yiddish. 126 00:06:55,739 --> 00:06:59,299 Moosuch! Moosuch! I like it, good word. 127 00:06:59,299 --> 00:07:03,329 Anyway, to impress the females, a moose on the pull 128 00:07:03,329 --> 00:07:05,219 really has to splash out a bit. 129 00:07:05,219 --> 00:07:07,819 The moose is the world's largest deer, 130 00:07:07,819 --> 00:07:11,979 but how might a tiger help an old deer get home? 131 00:07:11,979 --> 00:07:17,329 Do they organise licensed minicabs for free after midnight? 132 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:21,299 This is a set-up, isn't it? It is, we don't mean an old dear like that. 133 00:07:21,299 --> 00:07:23,410 It's not actually an old lady. 134 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:26,609 And we can't mention... If we say zebra crossing, then there's 135 00:07:26,609 --> 00:07:31,689 going to be attraction going off... You are far smarter than we are. 136 00:07:33,449 --> 00:07:36,259 I fooled the klaxon, finally! 137 00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:38,945 Yes! 138 00:07:43,169 --> 00:07:45,479 It's a dream, isn't it? It is a dream. 139 00:07:45,479 --> 00:07:50,049 So, it's the word "deer" and the letter M. We've had moose. A musk. 140 00:07:50,049 --> 00:07:52,169 It may not... Even you... 141 00:07:52,169 --> 00:07:55,739 Muntjac...a fine zoologist, you may not have heard of this. 142 00:07:55,739 --> 00:07:57,699 No, muntjac is not it. 143 00:07:57,699 --> 00:08:02,341 It's Chinese deer that for 1,200 years... It's Chinese, dear. 144 00:08:03,849 --> 00:08:05,379 Chinese. 145 00:08:05,379 --> 00:08:08,610 Eh? He said it's Chinese, dear. Chinese, OK. 146 00:08:11,169 --> 00:08:13,660 Is it Wednesday? No, Chinese. 147 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,332 Oh, I like lager. 148 00:08:17,489 --> 00:08:19,759 He'll have chow mein, he likes it. 149 00:08:22,759 --> 00:08:25,199 I like lager. Do I like lager? 150 00:08:25,199 --> 00:08:27,770 Yes, dear. Thank you. 151 00:08:29,119 --> 00:08:33,769 It's been extinct for 1,200 years. In the wild it's been extinct. 152 00:08:33,769 --> 00:08:36,899 Oh, right. But it was saved actually by the Europeans, 153 00:08:36,899 --> 00:08:38,819 particularly the British. Mink. 154 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:42,540 I was saying things that begin with M. 155 00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:44,769 Is it a Chinese word? 156 00:08:44,769 --> 00:08:47,977 Well, it probably originally was. Mao Zedong deer. 157 00:08:50,699 --> 00:08:53,459 A good try. A bloody good effort. 158 00:08:53,459 --> 00:08:57,619 Do you know...? It tells the other deer to really think about their failings. 159 00:08:59,489 --> 00:09:02,660 It's milu. Milu is a type of deer. 160 00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:06,979 1,200 years ago, it was made extinct in the wild. 161 00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:11,849 Because the Chinese the antlers were an aphrodisiac. 162 00:09:11,849 --> 00:09:13,969 Oh, course they did! Here we go. 163 00:09:13,969 --> 00:09:16,949 This poor deer was indeed rendered virtually extinct. 164 00:09:16,949 --> 00:09:20,769 A few European travellers smuggled some out of China, 165 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,739 including the 11th Duke of Bedford, 166 00:09:22,739 --> 00:09:25,410 who put them in a park in Woburn Abbey, 167 00:09:25,410 --> 00:09:28,329 and they've more or less thrived. Or is it throve? 168 00:09:28,329 --> 00:09:31,660 And...by the time you got to 1985, 169 00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:35,189 it was decided that maybe they should be reintroduced to China. 170 00:09:35,189 --> 00:09:37,779 Oh, dear! 171 00:09:37,779 --> 00:09:40,769 The primary problem was they didn't know which part of China 172 00:09:40,769 --> 00:09:43,619 they came from, there was no record. No, of course not. 173 00:09:43,619 --> 00:09:47,849 Well, it's very diverse as well, Chinese habitat. Hugely diverse. 174 00:09:47,849 --> 00:09:50,819 So you've got to get it right. And they knew that the milu 175 00:09:50,819 --> 00:09:55,309 Iiked squashy, marshy places, they swam very well. 176 00:09:55,309 --> 00:09:59,169 And they had wide feet. And it suggested a marshy environment. 177 00:09:59,169 --> 00:10:02,939 And then they thought, well, maybe we should see which animals 178 00:10:02,939 --> 00:10:05,499 they have a little atavistic memory of. 179 00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:07,909 And they played sound tapes to them, 180 00:10:07,909 --> 00:10:10,779 of different animals, a whole list of them - 181 00:10:10,779 --> 00:10:14,699 crows, dogs, tigers, leopards, wolves, bears and lions. 182 00:10:14,699 --> 00:10:20,029 And the one they responded to the strongest was the sound of the tiger. 183 00:10:20,029 --> 00:10:23,179 So, they found an area of China where there were tiger fossils, 184 00:10:23,179 --> 00:10:27,139 because amazingly there are virtually no tigers left alive in China 185 00:10:27,139 --> 00:10:29,540 because their penises are aphrodisiac. 186 00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:33,129 Yes. That's right, but you have to kill them first. 187 00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:38,099 And they found the fossils and a marshy place and they put them there. 188 00:10:38,099 --> 00:10:39,379 Who was responsible? 189 00:10:39,379 --> 00:10:41,689 Is this the Chinese government responsible for this? 190 00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:44,459 I think it was a cooperative thing between Woburn Abbey and China 191 00:10:44,459 --> 00:10:46,129 to bring them back. 192 00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:51,410 Because their record on animal welfare is a little bit shaky. 193 00:10:51,410 --> 00:10:54,569 So I'm amazed that it's going through. 194 00:10:54,569 --> 00:10:57,979 Now, you were a maths teacher, weren't you? I was, yeah. 195 00:10:57,979 --> 00:10:59,919 You'll love this. 196 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:03,129 OK, could you divide 355 by 113? 197 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,699 I can't. 198 00:11:06,259 --> 00:11:08,699 Is that the question you're asking? We relied on you. 199 00:11:08,699 --> 00:11:11,179 No, it's actually a Chinese number called milu, same word. 200 00:11:11,179 --> 00:11:13,339 Probably pitched utterly differently. 201 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:16,410 And it's the Chinese version of pi. What we call pi. 202 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:19,699 It's not quite as accurate to as many places. 203 00:11:19,699 --> 00:11:21,899 It's easily remembered, actually. 204 00:11:21,899 --> 00:11:24,459 You say how would you remember 355 divided by 113. 205 00:11:24,459 --> 00:11:26,410 If you take the 113 and put it in front, 206 00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:30,969 you've got the first three odd numbers in pairs - 113355. 207 00:11:30,969 --> 00:11:34,029 And the answer, as you see, is pi. 208 00:11:34,029 --> 00:11:37,129 It proves it because it's in chalk. It does, doesn't it? 209 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:39,029 Did you use chalk as a teacher? 210 00:11:39,029 --> 00:11:42,339 No, actually. We had these interactive whiteboards. 211 00:11:42,339 --> 00:11:44,209 You're so young! 212 00:11:44,209 --> 00:11:46,029 It's so exciting, kids can come up 213 00:11:46,029 --> 00:11:49,779 and press the buttons on the screen, but it takes so long to plan that. 214 00:11:49,779 --> 00:11:51,849 So I switched off all the functionality 215 00:11:51,849 --> 00:11:54,290 and just use it as a regular whiteboard. 216 00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:57,699 I remember when I was at school, you'd get the whiteboard rubber 217 00:11:57,699 --> 00:11:59,749 thrown at you, like a discipline tool. 218 00:11:59,749 --> 00:12:02,129 My teachers liked the blackboard rubber 219 00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:04,819 because they could throw it at you and draw blood. 220 00:12:04,819 --> 00:12:08,489 Land it on the desk in front of you so you get covered in chalk dust. 221 00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:10,499 It's rather unfashionable now, apparently, 222 00:12:10,499 --> 00:12:12,259 violence towards children. 223 00:12:12,259 --> 00:12:14,705 You say it's unfashionable - it's illegal. 224 00:12:15,779 --> 00:12:17,859 Health and safety gone mad. 225 00:12:17,859 --> 00:12:20,929 You say that, we had a situation where there was 226 00:12:20,929 --> 00:12:24,259 a kid in one of my classes being very difficult, so we called 227 00:12:24,259 --> 00:12:27,049 their parents in and said, "Listen, your kid's out of line. 228 00:12:27,049 --> 00:12:29,420 "I think you've done a bad job of bringing him up." 229 00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:31,290 No, we didn't say that... 230 00:12:31,290 --> 00:12:33,129 You internalise that. 231 00:12:33,129 --> 00:12:37,219 And then he said, "Can't you just hit him?" 232 00:12:37,219 --> 00:12:40,499 And I said, "Well, we're not allowed to do that." 233 00:12:40,499 --> 00:12:43,339 And then he said, "What if I gave you a letter..." 234 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:47,849 "..that said you were allowed to hit him?" 235 00:12:47,849 --> 00:12:50,769 Would it work with the European Court of Human Rights? 236 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:52,769 "I've got this." 237 00:12:52,769 --> 00:12:54,420 It's in crayon. 238 00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:57,249 I've got a free pass. Well, there you are. 239 00:12:57,249 --> 00:13:00,389 We don't really know what the milu's milieu was, 240 00:13:00,389 --> 00:13:02,550 but we think it involved tigers. 241 00:13:02,550 --> 00:13:06,259 Where would you find the world's most dangerous moustache? 242 00:13:06,259 --> 00:13:08,779 Oh, look at Selleck there. 243 00:13:08,779 --> 00:13:13,139 Aren't they all dangerous? The reason I'm saying this is because 244 00:13:13,139 --> 00:13:17,649 I've been told that beards and moustaches are a haven for... 245 00:13:17,649 --> 00:13:20,209 They carry bacteria...disease and bacteria and stuff. 246 00:13:20,209 --> 00:13:23,849 I've started shampooing mine. I use an elderberry shampoo now. 247 00:13:23,849 --> 00:13:27,179 Elderberry? Yeah, and then I...I... 248 00:13:28,619 --> 00:13:33,389 And then I use a mango and vanilla oil. Oh, lovely. Post shower. 249 00:13:33,389 --> 00:13:37,496 Do you get a lot of fruit-eating birds collecting round here? 250 00:13:38,769 --> 00:13:41,619 Is it a beard or moustache you're saying is dangerous? 251 00:13:41,619 --> 00:13:43,139 I wasn't saying, it was Romesh. 252 00:13:43,139 --> 00:13:46,339 But at the start it was - is a moustache dangerous? 253 00:13:46,339 --> 00:13:48,550 Sorry, that's the question! 254 00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:52,134 Oh, good lord! 255 00:13:55,259 --> 00:13:56,659 Is it...is it...? 256 00:13:56,659 --> 00:14:01,459 Can I just point out that this bit of Hitler's moustache, is that...? 257 00:14:01,459 --> 00:14:03,579 That's a shadow. 258 00:14:03,579 --> 00:14:06,859 Did he cut a bit off there or is that a shadow? 259 00:14:06,859 --> 00:14:09,139 That's what tipped him over the edge. It was, yes. 260 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:12,550 He was shaving and... So, we're criticising Hitler now, are we? 261 00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:14,149 Yes. 262 00:14:14,149 --> 00:14:17,859 The more I hear about him, the less I like him. 263 00:14:17,859 --> 00:14:19,979 Of course, we're in a menagerie world here 264 00:14:19,979 --> 00:14:23,189 so this moustache is not belonging to a human being. 265 00:14:23,189 --> 00:14:24,300 A shark. Is it a horse? 266 00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,499 A moustache on a shark, that's dangerous. 267 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,139 Is it the moustached lizard? 268 00:14:28,139 --> 00:14:30,579 No. Is it the Terry-Thomas gecko? 269 00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:32,300 Komodo dragon. 270 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:34,779 You could go dragon. It's not a dragon, it's not an iguana. 271 00:14:34,779 --> 00:14:36,579 It's actually... The KOMODO dragon. 272 00:14:36,579 --> 00:14:37,849 Ba-doing, ba-doing! 273 00:14:37,849 --> 00:14:39,420 A gecko. A leaping lizard. 274 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,829 The Selleck frog. 275 00:14:41,829 --> 00:14:43,489 Amphibious. 276 00:14:43,489 --> 00:14:45,619 The trampolining, amphibious... Frog! 277 00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:46,899 Other one. Toad! 278 00:14:46,899 --> 00:14:48,579 Is the right answer. It's a toad?! 279 00:14:48,579 --> 00:14:50,569 It's a toad. It's the moustachioed toad. 280 00:14:50,569 --> 00:14:52,540 Moustachioed toad. The Emei. 281 00:14:52,540 --> 00:14:54,699 Wow. Look at that, that is seriously dangerous. 282 00:14:54,699 --> 00:14:56,709 Look how he's gelled it up. 283 00:14:59,259 --> 00:15:01,779 Those studs... Again, we're back in the rutting world. 284 00:15:01,779 --> 00:15:03,939 Oh, God, look at that. ..tear into fellow males 285 00:15:03,939 --> 00:15:05,729 so that you can get the right mate. 286 00:15:05,729 --> 00:15:09,430 And then give the worst snog of all time. 287 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:14,659 Well, it lives in China. Of course it does. Not for long. 288 00:15:14,659 --> 00:15:17,779 And in the mating season... 289 00:15:17,779 --> 00:15:20,179 The moustache has medicinal properties? 290 00:15:20,179 --> 00:15:24,619 And in the mating season, it builds up its forearms... Oh, yeah? Right. 291 00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:27,259 ..partly for combat, but also for mating - 292 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,649 for the grasping the female. 293 00:15:29,649 --> 00:15:33,829 And then it grows this moustache and then they fight a male rival 294 00:15:33,829 --> 00:15:37,509 at the bottom of the river stream over a particular female - 295 00:15:37,509 --> 00:15:40,829 and they aim for each other's stomachs to rip at them. 296 00:15:40,829 --> 00:15:43,300 Really, it's nasty business. 297 00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:46,779 90% of toads involved in this kind of combat are injured, 298 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,139 so it's a really pretty... 299 00:15:48,139 --> 00:15:51,420 God, it make you grateful to be a human, doesn't it, sometimes? 300 00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:53,649 Yeah. Really? That's your life? 301 00:15:53,649 --> 00:15:56,619 Underwater stomach ripping? 302 00:15:56,619 --> 00:16:00,259 Being intestinally jarred by someone's weird, pointy moustache. 303 00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:02,269 Not for me. When they then get the female, 304 00:16:02,269 --> 00:16:04,369 they fertilise the eggs the female has laid, 305 00:16:04,369 --> 00:16:07,099 they get a little rock and they have to stay on the rock 306 00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:09,310 or another male might challenge them for the rock 307 00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:12,300 and fertilise the spare eggs and then, when they are hatched... 308 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:14,430 It sheds its horns. ..it sheds its moustache... 309 00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:16,739 Its love horns. ..and goes around clean-shaven. 310 00:16:16,739 --> 00:16:18,189 Oh, wow. 311 00:16:18,189 --> 00:16:21,009 Wow. The Emei. E-M-E-I. 312 00:16:21,009 --> 00:16:22,659 Emei. Yeah. 313 00:16:22,659 --> 00:16:24,779 But there are other moustachioed animals, 314 00:16:24,779 --> 00:16:27,859 some of them quite extraordinary. There's the Leucauge mariana 315 00:16:27,859 --> 00:16:32,219 female spider, prefers to mate with a male with hairy front. 316 00:16:32,219 --> 00:16:34,550 A hairy front! 317 00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:38,269 With a moustache, exactly. Nobody wants hairy mandibles. 318 00:16:38,269 --> 00:16:40,059 A whiskered front, exactly. 319 00:16:40,059 --> 00:16:43,420 If a male tickles a female with its little whiskers, 320 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:49,339 it is more likely to continue mating and to produce a genital plug. 321 00:16:49,339 --> 00:16:52,089 Oh! A genital plug? A genital plug. 322 00:16:52,089 --> 00:16:55,449 Is that something... An advert for your genitals? 323 00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:58,569 I could keep my genitals a plug, they're pretty good. 324 00:16:58,569 --> 00:17:01,019 Let's all Google that now. 325 00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:04,379 "You're here to plug your genitals, come on." 326 00:17:04,379 --> 00:17:08,579 Just see what comes up if you put "genital plug" into a search engine. 327 00:17:08,579 --> 00:17:12,779 A genital plug is when the female, after mating, then produces 328 00:17:12,779 --> 00:17:17,829 this bung at the end of its entrance to stop other males from mating, 329 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:21,420 so that it guarantees the successful male will pass on its genes. 330 00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:24,269 Is it nature's chastity belt? Kind of, yes. 331 00:17:24,269 --> 00:17:27,459 Afterwards, a male spider that tries to mount her and mate 332 00:17:27,459 --> 00:17:30,179 will find it's rebuffed by the genital plug. 333 00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:33,099 Oh, nothing hurts more than a plug! Exactly. 334 00:17:33,099 --> 00:17:36,499 As you know, the whole aim of a male is to pass on its genes. 335 00:17:36,499 --> 00:17:39,459 That's what it's all about. Not with a genital plug, it won't. 336 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,699 No, exactly. Now available from Tesco. 337 00:17:42,699 --> 00:17:46,839 Because scientists are interesting creatures, arachnologists, 338 00:17:46,839 --> 00:17:50,349 I suppose, they tested to see how useful these hairs were on the male 339 00:17:50,349 --> 00:17:51,919 by shaving some of the males 340 00:17:51,919 --> 00:17:55,385 and the shaved males aroused less interest in the females. 341 00:17:55,385 --> 00:17:57,625 Who's funding this research? 342 00:17:59,005 --> 00:18:00,526 You are! 343 00:18:00,526 --> 00:18:05,213 This must be Lottery winners who are going, "Yeah, shave a spider. 344 00:18:07,125 --> 00:18:09,435 "Brilliant. That was brilliant." 345 00:18:09,435 --> 00:18:11,975 Surely, on an evolutionary level, 346 00:18:11,975 --> 00:18:15,905 surely the lady spider would want to get as many men as possible. 347 00:18:15,905 --> 00:18:20,725 What the female wants to do is to attract the strongest, bravest, 348 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,565 biggest of the species. Yes. 349 00:18:22,565 --> 00:18:25,286 Because the eggs can only be fertilised once. 350 00:18:25,286 --> 00:18:29,005 But you'd want the spider that goes, "Bung? That's nothing to me!" 351 00:18:29,005 --> 00:18:32,005 That's true, actually, that's probably true. 352 00:18:37,845 --> 00:18:41,045 No, no, no. I think it's probably more like... 353 00:18:43,565 --> 00:18:48,005 A little pucker. I know. Exactly, but not straight out. 354 00:18:48,005 --> 00:18:50,286 In a few million years, that will happen. 355 00:18:50,286 --> 00:18:52,255 That the male spiders will evolve... 356 00:18:52,255 --> 00:18:54,485 She can't wait that long with a bung in her. 357 00:18:54,485 --> 00:18:58,255 "I'm sorry, love, I've got a plug in, I'm sorry." 358 00:18:58,255 --> 00:19:01,255 A Glade plug-in. 359 00:19:01,255 --> 00:19:02,845 A Glade plug-in! 360 00:19:02,845 --> 00:19:06,144 Well, you won't get... That's where they got the name from. 361 00:19:07,445 --> 00:19:09,995 There's another spider with a moustache, 362 00:19:09,995 --> 00:19:11,775 and that's the brown huntsman. 363 00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:14,775 It has a luminous white moustache, or yellowy white. 364 00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:19,445 Which is... Ginger. What do you think its purpose is? 365 00:19:19,445 --> 00:19:22,565 Is it a draught excluder? Arachnid hatch. 366 00:19:22,565 --> 00:19:25,166 Well, there are two things animals have to do. 367 00:19:25,166 --> 00:19:28,335 Sex and eat. Food. Eat. This one is food. 368 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:31,335 Does it attract things? Moths, because it's luminous. 369 00:19:31,335 --> 00:19:32,845 Oh, I see, right. 370 00:19:32,845 --> 00:19:35,565 So, the moth sees that little luminous moustache 371 00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,725 and ignores the hideousness... 372 00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:41,135 ..of the rest of that creature. 373 00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:43,975 It looks like the worst thing I've ever seen in my life, 374 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,715 "but, oh, it's glowing! 375 00:19:45,715 --> 00:19:47,935 Well, it is night, you see. 376 00:19:47,935 --> 00:19:52,335 Ah. So, by the time the moth is close up, it's too late. Grrr! 377 00:19:52,335 --> 00:19:54,685 But it's a horrible last few seconds for that moth. 378 00:19:54,685 --> 00:19:57,449 It's the realisation, "Oh, shit!" 379 00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:02,005 Now, we all know there are perfectly good reasons 380 00:20:02,005 --> 00:20:03,925 for shaving a toad or a spider, 381 00:20:03,925 --> 00:20:06,645 but why would you want to shave the monkey? 382 00:20:09,895 --> 00:20:11,765 Do you know it? 383 00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:14,365 To find out if it was the Antichrist. 384 00:20:16,045 --> 00:20:19,375 Have the 666 or related number, according to... 385 00:20:19,375 --> 00:20:22,855 Is it some sort of, like, monkey stag do? 386 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:26,935 Well... He goes to sleep and they shave him completely. 387 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,775 And then he'll wake up and go, "Ha-ha-ha " It's not that. 388 00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:33,525 It's like this with extreme slowness and laziness... 389 00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:36,055 Sloth. Are you a lazy monkey? 390 00:20:36,055 --> 00:20:37,365 I would be languid... 391 00:20:37,365 --> 00:20:39,575 A langur. A langur. 392 00:20:39,575 --> 00:20:42,565 Oh, hello. Where do you find langur monkeys? 393 00:20:42,565 --> 00:20:45,525 That one in the middle does not look lazy. 394 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:49,705 Psychotic? Yes. 395 00:20:49,705 --> 00:20:52,495 The word is langur. Oh, OK. That's what they're called. 396 00:20:52,495 --> 00:20:54,695 Do they like Madagascar? Do they go there? 397 00:20:54,695 --> 00:20:57,445 I don't think so. It's all lemurs, I think. They're India. 398 00:20:57,445 --> 00:21:00,286 There's a lot of them. Such a lot that there's a real problem. 399 00:21:00,286 --> 00:21:02,795 They're considered an infestation 400 00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:06,935 and so Indian authorities decided they would try something, 401 00:21:06,935 --> 00:21:08,855 which is... 402 00:21:08,855 --> 00:21:12,775 You shave the leader of a particular troop of langurs... Yes. 403 00:21:12,775 --> 00:21:14,215 ..the alpha male... Yeah. 404 00:21:14,215 --> 00:21:19,416 ..and rather than him being expelled and another male taking his place, 405 00:21:19,416 --> 00:21:21,445 the group disbands. Oh. 406 00:21:21,445 --> 00:21:24,406 And that sort of solves the problem of the infestation 407 00:21:24,406 --> 00:21:27,215 because they're a damn nuisance. Pests, they're considered. 408 00:21:27,215 --> 00:21:30,416 I mean... In their own place, the jungle... 409 00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:32,455 They can be quite scary. ..fantastic. 410 00:21:32,455 --> 00:21:34,215 Amazing, leaping through trees. 411 00:21:34,215 --> 00:21:37,176 Once they get habituated to humans, they pull your hair, they bite... 412 00:21:37,176 --> 00:21:40,085 I've got a howler monkey bite here that still aggravates me. 413 00:21:40,085 --> 00:21:42,055 "Oh, poor Stephen." 414 00:21:42,055 --> 00:21:45,205 Were you trying to shave it? 415 00:21:45,205 --> 00:21:47,296 For your own wicked purposes? 416 00:21:50,525 --> 00:21:53,426 Just horrible. I like a smooth monkey myself. 417 00:21:53,426 --> 00:21:56,296 Take it away, take it away, this monkey's too hairy! 418 00:21:56,296 --> 00:21:59,345 Oh, yes, bring him to me. I will shave him. 419 00:21:59,345 --> 00:22:00,625 No, um... 420 00:22:00,625 --> 00:22:02,855 Oh! 421 00:22:04,095 --> 00:22:08,685 In 2001, several large langurs were employed by the Indian government. 422 00:22:08,685 --> 00:22:11,565 They were paid, in the form of bananas, 423 00:22:11,565 --> 00:22:14,015 and they basically had to police the defence centre 424 00:22:14,015 --> 00:22:17,655 where rhesus macaques were stealing food and paperwork, 425 00:22:17,655 --> 00:22:20,296 they were pulling women's saris off... Paperwork? Yes. 426 00:22:20,296 --> 00:22:23,805 Very anti-bureaucracy monkeys. It was the Ministry of Defence complex. 427 00:22:23,805 --> 00:22:25,445 And so...they were small. 428 00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:28,245 So they got the big langurs to police them, essentially, 429 00:22:28,245 --> 00:22:31,515 and they did. They pushed them out to the post office. 430 00:22:33,335 --> 00:22:35,245 And they've worked there ever since. 431 00:22:35,245 --> 00:22:37,365 Doing paperwork. 432 00:22:37,365 --> 00:22:40,416 The thing is, the baboons in Cape Town, 433 00:22:40,416 --> 00:22:43,055 they have to have monitors because they're protected, 434 00:22:43,055 --> 00:22:46,245 so they can't actually take them out and put them on a perch. 435 00:22:46,245 --> 00:22:48,166 No, it's illegal to kill them. 436 00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:51,015 It's like killing a cow, they are sacred... 437 00:22:51,015 --> 00:22:52,885 in the Hindu religion. 438 00:22:52,885 --> 00:22:56,085 The God, Lord Hanuman, apparently, is the monkey god. 439 00:22:56,085 --> 00:22:59,005 But they're a damn nuisance, so it's very difficult to know what to do 440 00:22:59,005 --> 00:23:01,375 but shaving seems a good answer. Well, there you are! 441 00:23:01,375 --> 00:23:05,220 What's quite interesting about this macaque, while on the subject? 442 00:23:06,416 --> 00:23:11,655 Oh, this is the one that took the picture of itself, is it? 443 00:23:11,655 --> 00:23:13,605 Yes, the selfie macaque. 444 00:23:13,605 --> 00:23:16,645 The macaque selfie, yes. Well done, absolutely right. 445 00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:18,885 This is a macaque type of monkey in Indonesia 446 00:23:18,885 --> 00:23:20,725 that a British photographer took. 447 00:23:20,725 --> 00:23:23,485 Or he did, or did he? That's the question. 448 00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:25,985 Ah, so who owns the copyright of the photo? 449 00:23:25,985 --> 00:23:30,975 That's the question. The US court decided... I'm glad it went that far. 450 00:23:30,975 --> 00:23:34,335 I mean, that surely is a vindication of every legal system. 451 00:23:34,335 --> 00:23:37,055 It's a British photographer, David Slater his name is. 452 00:23:37,055 --> 00:23:39,775 But the Copyright Office said that to be copyrightable, 453 00:23:39,775 --> 00:23:41,845 a work must owe its origin to a human being. 454 00:23:41,845 --> 00:23:43,935 And they've decided this wouldn't. 455 00:23:43,935 --> 00:23:46,296 But of course it does owe its origin to him 456 00:23:46,296 --> 00:23:49,615 because he set a camera up on a tripod, got the exposure correct, 457 00:23:49,615 --> 00:23:54,705 and it so happened that the macaque pressed the button. 458 00:23:54,705 --> 00:23:57,945 But to say that therefore he doesn't have copyright over that picture 459 00:23:57,945 --> 00:24:01,176 seems a bit extraordinary... So every time they use that photo, 460 00:24:01,176 --> 00:24:03,565 they were suggesting he consults the macaque? 461 00:24:03,565 --> 00:24:06,135 Well, it's supposedly uncopyrightable 462 00:24:06,135 --> 00:24:09,215 because copyright law only applies to humans. 463 00:24:09,215 --> 00:24:13,365 But that's human technology, so that's that guy's phone or camera, 464 00:24:13,365 --> 00:24:17,525 so surely he should have the copyright. This is our feeling too. 465 00:24:17,525 --> 00:24:20,605 Which is why we have chosen to pay him for the rights 466 00:24:20,605 --> 00:24:23,735 to the photograph, as you normally do on television. 467 00:24:23,735 --> 00:24:25,416 If something's copyright, you pay... 468 00:24:25,416 --> 00:24:28,565 So, someone said, "We're not paying you, you didn't take it."? 469 00:24:28,565 --> 00:24:32,145 Some have said that and he's annoyed about it. He did a good pose, though. 470 00:24:32,145 --> 00:24:34,426 He did, a terrific pose. 471 00:24:34,426 --> 00:24:37,745 The chap on the right's about to actually take the camera 472 00:24:37,745 --> 00:24:39,735 and that will end it all. 473 00:24:39,735 --> 00:24:43,535 Anyway, how do you titillate this ocelot? 474 00:24:43,535 --> 00:24:45,705 Aww! AUDI ENCE: Aww! 475 00:24:45,705 --> 00:24:47,525 Oh, you can't, surely... Do you? 476 00:24:47,525 --> 00:24:49,525 It's probably vicious, though, isn't it? 477 00:24:49,525 --> 00:24:51,965 I mean, these things will have your arm off, won't they? 478 00:24:51,965 --> 00:24:54,005 Well done for not saying the famous thing of 479 00:24:54,005 --> 00:24:56,145 "How do you titillate an ocelot?" Which is to...? 480 00:24:56,145 --> 00:25:00,135 Oscillate its tit a lot. 481 00:25:00,135 --> 00:25:01,655 You don't do that. 482 00:25:01,655 --> 00:25:03,245 This is tree ocelot, 483 00:25:03,245 --> 00:25:05,705 which actually is better known by another name 484 00:25:05,705 --> 00:25:07,885 which begins with our themed letter. 485 00:25:07,885 --> 00:25:09,365 There it is. Beautiful animal. 486 00:25:09,365 --> 00:25:11,055 Oh. Oh. I've played with one... 487 00:25:11,055 --> 00:25:13,885 A kitten one. ..they're absolutely extraordinary. 488 00:25:13,885 --> 00:25:16,855 They're called Margays. Margays. 489 00:25:16,855 --> 00:25:18,495 Margay. M-A- R-G-A-Y. Margay. 490 00:25:18,495 --> 00:25:19,895 Margay. 491 00:25:19,895 --> 00:25:22,855 And they are a tree ocelot because, as you can see from that photo, 492 00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:25,785 they are tree-dwelling. Have you shaved it, Stephen? 493 00:25:27,535 --> 00:25:30,935 They are almost unique amongst the cat family in that, 494 00:25:30,935 --> 00:25:34,375 not only can they climb trees headfirst... 495 00:25:34,375 --> 00:25:35,935 They can fell them with axes. 496 00:25:38,225 --> 00:25:40,085 They can descend trees headfirst - 497 00:25:40,085 --> 00:25:42,705 which no other cat, except the cloud leopard, can do. 498 00:25:42,705 --> 00:25:44,805 God, look at that. There they are. He's rappelling. 499 00:25:44,805 --> 00:25:47,225 He's rappelling down... He is, isn't he? Look at that. 500 00:25:47,225 --> 00:25:50,375 And they do this by revolving their ankles 180 degrees. 501 00:25:50,375 --> 00:25:52,735 It's astonishing. Oh, that is fantastic. 502 00:25:52,735 --> 00:25:55,495 They really are extraordinary and so poised in balance, 503 00:25:55,495 --> 00:25:57,505 but there are not many tree-living cats. 504 00:25:57,505 --> 00:25:59,445 Are their ankles...? Margays? Yep. 505 00:25:59,445 --> 00:26:01,775 And the fact that other cats can't is the reason... 506 00:26:01,775 --> 00:26:04,055 The cat stuck in the tree business. 507 00:26:04,055 --> 00:26:05,885 They are stunning. 508 00:26:05,885 --> 00:26:08,685 They live in central and southern America. 509 00:26:08,685 --> 00:26:10,095 They can imitate... 510 00:26:10,095 --> 00:26:12,605 The really rare thing about them, no other cat can do this, 511 00:26:12,605 --> 00:26:14,645 they can imitate... Paul Daniels. 512 00:26:15,955 --> 00:26:18,815 They can imitate... All the characters from Coronation Street. 513 00:26:18,815 --> 00:26:20,505 They can imitate Bruce Forsyth. 514 00:26:22,695 --> 00:26:25,015 They imitate the calls of wild monkeys. 515 00:26:25,015 --> 00:26:26,585 Jimmy Carr laughing. 516 00:26:28,145 --> 00:26:30,685 The pied tamarin is the famous one there. 517 00:26:30,685 --> 00:26:32,885 Look at that. What is that... 518 00:26:32,885 --> 00:26:36,296 head...submerged in fur? 519 00:26:36,296 --> 00:26:38,306 That's a really cute body 520 00:26:38,306 --> 00:26:41,965 attached to the most hideous head I've ever seen. 521 00:26:41,965 --> 00:26:44,135 Is that another selfie? 522 00:26:44,135 --> 00:26:47,855 That's a selfie stick that it's holding. 523 00:26:47,855 --> 00:26:51,436 It's a pied tamarin. I don't think it usually looks quite as... 524 00:26:51,436 --> 00:26:53,426 Well, odd as that. 525 00:26:53,426 --> 00:26:56,145 A small little... Like a tree monkey? Yep, exactly. 526 00:26:56,145 --> 00:27:00,895 Yeah. Cats get stuck in trees because they can't get down again 527 00:27:00,895 --> 00:27:04,025 or they lose confidence. They make such a fuss about it, don't they? 528 00:27:04,025 --> 00:27:06,166 Miaow! Miaow! 529 00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:08,575 Get down, you twat, you did it yourself! 530 00:27:08,575 --> 00:27:10,865 I throw things at them. 531 00:27:10,865 --> 00:27:15,222 When they fall through the branches, scrabbling away, hilarious! 532 00:27:16,416 --> 00:27:19,325 And when they eventually hit the ground, they'll style it out 533 00:27:19,325 --> 00:27:22,455 as though they meant to do that. "I wanted to get down, actually." 534 00:27:22,455 --> 00:27:25,015 In our beloved capital city alone, 535 00:27:25,015 --> 00:27:27,855 the fire brigade has a lot of trouble. 536 00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:31,775 In 2012, they were rescuing a treed animal every 14 hours. 537 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:34,085 A waste of public funds. 538 00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:37,585 Pretty much, isn't it? They should do it with a big stick, just jab 'em. 539 00:27:37,585 --> 00:27:40,455 A lasso. Half of them are cats, but they've also had 540 00:27:40,455 --> 00:27:43,325 a chimpanzee trapped in a chimney in Tower Hamlets. 541 00:27:43,325 --> 00:27:47,965 A puppy with its head stuck in an exercise machine in Hillingdon. 542 00:27:47,965 --> 00:27:50,138 A puppy's got to work out. 543 00:27:51,575 --> 00:27:55,255 A kitten with its head stuck in a bongo drum in a flat. 544 00:27:55,255 --> 00:27:57,018 Jazzy! 545 00:27:59,046 --> 00:28:02,815 I'd love to see that. I would love to see that. A beatnik kitten. 546 00:28:02,815 --> 00:28:04,735 Miaow! Miaow! 547 00:28:04,735 --> 00:28:07,750 "You've got to get it out, it's cruel." "No, not for a bit." 548 00:28:11,785 --> 00:28:14,535 Anyway, now, for a question about migration, 549 00:28:14,535 --> 00:28:16,455 I'm going to ask you all to take out a map 550 00:28:16,455 --> 00:28:18,225 that you should find beneath your desks. 551 00:28:18,225 --> 00:28:19,865 Oh, yeah. There you are. 552 00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:22,745 And you've got some drawing to do on the map. 553 00:28:22,745 --> 00:28:27,375 I want you to draw the extraordinary annual migration 554 00:28:27,375 --> 00:28:29,785 of the North American blue grouse 555 00:28:29,785 --> 00:28:34,945 as accurately as you can. Right. North America. OK, so anywhere...? 556 00:28:34,945 --> 00:28:37,015 Not Alaska, then? Is it Alaska? Could be Alaska? 557 00:28:37,015 --> 00:28:39,735 The point is that I don't tell you until... 558 00:28:39,735 --> 00:28:42,505 I've got a feeling... 559 00:28:42,505 --> 00:28:45,575 that they want to get to another bit of North America, 560 00:28:45,575 --> 00:28:48,505 but they go the wrong way... 561 00:28:48,505 --> 00:28:51,015 ..and they end up going all the way around the world 562 00:28:51,015 --> 00:28:53,655 and landing on the other kind of... OK, there you go. 563 00:28:53,655 --> 00:28:55,056 Florida for the sun 564 00:28:55,056 --> 00:28:57,665 and then to the Carnival in Rio 565 00:28:57,665 --> 00:28:59,535 and then to Sydney... 566 00:28:59,535 --> 00:29:01,225 By way of Cape Town, is it? 567 00:29:01,225 --> 00:29:03,335 So they go to all the Mardi Gras? 568 00:29:03,335 --> 00:29:06,065 Well, they go to all the Mardi Gras. They're just mad for it. 569 00:29:07,505 --> 00:29:09,335 And then up here, where there's, like, 570 00:29:09,335 --> 00:29:11,505 a cheese-rolling in Britain, they like that. 571 00:29:12,975 --> 00:29:14,695 And then they're just knackered. 572 00:29:14,695 --> 00:29:16,775 and the ones that are still alive, back home. 573 00:29:16,775 --> 00:29:18,815 It's a fantastic route. 574 00:29:18,815 --> 00:29:20,465 I just think that sort of 575 00:29:20,465 --> 00:29:24,385 they go... just on a trip round South America 576 00:29:24,385 --> 00:29:27,176 just to have a look - might as well make a day of it. 577 00:29:27,176 --> 00:29:29,745 I reckon they go about a mile to the next village. Yeah. 578 00:29:29,745 --> 00:29:32,405 Well, I think what happens is they start off 579 00:29:32,405 --> 00:29:35,575 and they overshoot, and they end up going completely round, 580 00:29:35,575 --> 00:29:37,615 not hitting any landmass at all, and they think, 581 00:29:37,615 --> 00:29:40,295 "We'll give it one more go," and they end up in Colchester. 582 00:29:40,295 --> 00:29:44,137 They've no idea, but, for millennia they've ended up in Colchester. 583 00:29:44,137 --> 00:29:47,017 And yours... Show the ladies and gentlemen. 584 00:29:59,168 --> 00:30:00,687 Oh, dear. 585 00:30:00,687 --> 00:30:03,147 Well, wouldn't it be funny if you were right? 586 00:30:03,147 --> 00:30:04,587 You're trying not to smile. 587 00:30:04,587 --> 00:30:06,897 You're trying not to. I don't want to look at it. 588 00:30:06,897 --> 00:30:09,607 You like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. 589 00:30:09,607 --> 00:30:12,087 "Do I like these? I don't like these." 590 00:30:12,087 --> 00:30:15,457 It's funny. I don't like it. 591 00:30:15,457 --> 00:30:17,217 OK... I don't like it! 592 00:30:17,217 --> 00:30:19,317 Stop that. OK. 593 00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:21,447 Incredibly, 594 00:30:21,447 --> 00:30:24,217 closest to the truth was Alan. 595 00:30:29,727 --> 00:30:31,527 Hold on. 596 00:30:31,527 --> 00:30:34,487 Not...in your drawing 597 00:30:34,487 --> 00:30:37,327 but in the remark you... My first idea that they leave America, 598 00:30:37,327 --> 00:30:39,367 go round the world and land in America again? 599 00:30:39,367 --> 00:30:42,247 No. In the remark you just made to Bill. What? 600 00:30:42,247 --> 00:30:43,727 "I reckon they just..." 601 00:30:43,727 --> 00:30:45,857 Go about a mile to the next village. 602 00:30:45,857 --> 00:30:47,327 Yes! 603 00:30:47,327 --> 00:30:49,097 It's even less than that. 604 00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:52,657 Its extraordinary migration is 300 yards. 605 00:30:58,897 --> 00:31:01,377 My kind of bird. 606 00:31:01,377 --> 00:31:04,097 I love the thought of them packing their cases... 607 00:31:04,097 --> 00:31:06,887 Leaving a note for the milkman. Are we nearly there yet? 608 00:31:06,887 --> 00:31:09,017 "Unplug the telly!" 609 00:31:09,017 --> 00:31:11,687 Every spring, it goes down to its breeding grounds 610 00:31:11,687 --> 00:31:14,807 and then, in the autumn, it schleps all the way back up the hill again. 611 00:31:14,807 --> 00:31:17,537 That's... Does it take a long time? 612 00:31:17,537 --> 00:31:20,607 On foot, by the way. Not even flying. 613 00:31:20,607 --> 00:31:23,767 I mean, they are massive, aren't they? Based on those footprints. 614 00:31:25,247 --> 00:31:27,247 Enormous. Yes. 615 00:31:27,247 --> 00:31:31,857 The name for the insatiable urge to migrate is Zugunruhe. 616 00:31:31,857 --> 00:31:34,737 It's German for movement and restlessness. 617 00:31:34,737 --> 00:31:38,087 Zugunruhe! 618 00:31:38,087 --> 00:31:42,257 But anyway, where does a marsh warbler go for singing lessons? 619 00:31:42,257 --> 00:31:46,687 A marsh warbler...? Marsh warbler. Do they copy other birds' songs? 620 00:31:46,687 --> 00:31:48,447 Is it one of those? 621 00:31:48,447 --> 00:31:51,607 Take a lot of points. Come on, points. 622 00:31:51,607 --> 00:31:55,020 You're absolutely right. 623 00:31:57,777 --> 00:31:59,097 Mimicry. 624 00:31:59,097 --> 00:32:03,017 Usually, you think a bird learns its musical repertoire from its parents 625 00:32:03,017 --> 00:32:05,087 and almost all birds do. 626 00:32:05,087 --> 00:32:06,377 The marsh warbler doesn't, 627 00:32:06,377 --> 00:32:09,247 because its parents stop singing before it hatches. 628 00:32:09,247 --> 00:32:12,857 It's got 31 European and 45 African species 629 00:32:12,857 --> 00:32:14,667 in their repertoire. 630 00:32:14,667 --> 00:32:17,587 So, they sound like all the birds of Africa and Europe to us. 631 00:32:17,587 --> 00:32:19,657 And they can switch from one to another...? 632 00:32:19,657 --> 00:32:23,168 Yeah, because they're just imitating all the different ones around them. 633 00:32:23,168 --> 00:32:26,017 Do they have the own distinctive one, or is just a composite? 634 00:32:26,017 --> 00:32:29,217 No. You can never tell it's a marsh warbler by listening. 635 00:32:29,217 --> 00:32:30,837 We can hear one. 636 00:32:34,317 --> 00:32:38,017 We might have a bird expert in saying, "Ah, it is imitating the..." 637 00:32:38,017 --> 00:32:41,687 If you got a marsh warbler in and you just played it... 638 00:32:41,687 --> 00:32:44,577 Taylor Swift or something, would it start...? 639 00:32:45,657 --> 00:32:47,577 Because that's your go-to thing, is it? 640 00:32:47,577 --> 00:32:50,257 I've got a marsh warbler, I want to see what this can do. 641 00:32:50,257 --> 00:32:53,247 Let's get some Taylor Swift... 642 00:32:53,247 --> 00:32:56,487 Swift, oddly enough, great birdies. 643 00:32:56,487 --> 00:32:58,477 Taylor Swallow. 644 00:33:02,967 --> 00:33:07,097 No, you're going into dangerous territory there. 645 00:33:07,097 --> 00:33:08,847 Dear, oh, dear. 646 00:33:08,847 --> 00:33:10,947 That's excellent. 647 00:33:10,947 --> 00:33:12,657 "Taylor Swallow." 648 00:33:14,527 --> 00:33:17,767 I'm going to play you a bird song right now... 649 00:33:17,767 --> 00:33:20,298 I had a dream about that the other night. 650 00:33:22,827 --> 00:33:25,377 No need. I'm going to play you a bird song. 651 00:33:25,377 --> 00:33:26,897 No need for that. 652 00:33:26,897 --> 00:33:29,537 What's this? 653 00:33:31,817 --> 00:33:34,817 "Help me. Help me! 654 00:33:34,817 --> 00:33:36,937 "He's shaving me again." 655 00:33:38,247 --> 00:33:41,097 So, we've got it over there. "You can't park here." 656 00:33:41,097 --> 00:33:42,947 That quite close, "Can't park." 657 00:33:42,947 --> 00:33:45,017 Illegal item in the bagging area. Morepork! 658 00:33:45,017 --> 00:33:47,767 Got it. Morepork! Morepork. Morepork. 659 00:33:47,767 --> 00:33:49,337 There it is on the left. 660 00:33:49,337 --> 00:33:52,767 It's also a Tasmanian owl but it's called a morepork. 661 00:33:52,767 --> 00:33:56,097 I thought you had just translated what that meant. Yeah. 662 00:33:57,487 --> 00:34:00,667 He said, "More pork." Correct. He's asking for more pork. 663 00:34:00,667 --> 00:34:03,537 He's asking for more pork. Yes. 664 00:34:03,537 --> 00:34:05,667 And we've heard the marsh warbler. 665 00:34:05,667 --> 00:34:08,537 The monotonous lark is so-called cos it's monotonous. 666 00:34:08,537 --> 00:34:10,417 A monotonous lark. 667 00:34:10,417 --> 00:34:12,617 "Come on, we're going on a monotonous lark." 668 00:34:12,617 --> 00:34:16,567 "We're going on a narrow-boat holiday in Norfolk." 669 00:34:18,097 --> 00:34:20,847 THAT is a monotonous lark. 670 00:34:20,847 --> 00:34:22,607 I went on one of those. 671 00:34:22,607 --> 00:34:25,897 "Oh, that'll will be fun. Let's go on a narrow-boat holiday," 672 00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:28,407 and everyone was taking turns doing the engine. 673 00:34:28,407 --> 00:34:30,048 Cut to a couple of miles later, 674 00:34:30,048 --> 00:34:33,567 everyone downstairs drinking wine. Me upstairs... 675 00:34:35,687 --> 00:34:38,178 ..for three days. 676 00:34:38,178 --> 00:34:39,947 Three days like that... 677 00:34:42,298 --> 00:34:43,967 "Do you want a glass of wine, Bill?" 678 00:34:43,967 --> 00:34:46,048 "No, no, I'm fine up here. I'll be fine." 679 00:34:46,048 --> 00:34:48,744 Worst weekend of my life. 680 00:34:50,017 --> 00:34:53,487 I just want you to know that nothing involving Norfolk is ever monotonous. 681 00:34:54,767 --> 00:34:56,617 The marabou stork... Oh, yeah. 682 00:34:56,617 --> 00:34:59,207 ..is often given the label, 683 00:34:59,207 --> 00:35:01,298 "the ugliest bird in the animal kingdom..." 684 00:35:01,298 --> 00:35:04,298 That's not fair. OK, name an uglier one. 685 00:35:04,298 --> 00:35:07,137 All right. Don't make me say it. 686 00:35:07,137 --> 00:35:10,537 No! 687 00:35:10,537 --> 00:35:13,048 Edwina Currie. Oh! 688 00:35:13,048 --> 00:35:15,178 Avian... 689 00:35:15,178 --> 00:35:17,487 One of the reasons it's considered so ugly is... 690 00:35:19,247 --> 00:35:23,697 Edwina Currie, really? I wouldn't have gone straight there. 691 00:35:23,697 --> 00:35:27,827 It was a good choice, wasn't it? I went through a couple. It was safer. 692 00:35:27,827 --> 00:35:29,308 It was like you had it... 693 00:35:29,308 --> 00:35:31,458 "Don't make me say it - Edwina Currie." 694 00:35:32,567 --> 00:35:35,097 And I DIDN'T make you say that. 695 00:35:35,097 --> 00:35:38,178 The reason the marabou stork is considered so ugly, perhaps, 696 00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:41,257 is not just its appearance. It's because of its behaviour. 697 00:35:41,257 --> 00:35:42,897 It's peevish. 698 00:35:42,897 --> 00:35:45,667 Well, it squirts its excrement onto its legs, 699 00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:47,497 such that... They are black, 700 00:35:47,497 --> 00:35:50,377 but they become white because they get dried on, caked on... 701 00:35:50,377 --> 00:35:52,537 That's laziness, isn't it? 702 00:35:52,537 --> 00:35:55,777 If Montgomery Burns, from The Simpsons, was a bird... 703 00:35:55,777 --> 00:35:58,497 That would be! You're right. That would be it, yeah. 704 00:35:58,497 --> 00:36:00,617 It dumps on its own leg... 705 00:36:00,617 --> 00:36:02,377 Poo on my legs, excellent. 706 00:36:04,487 --> 00:36:06,747 They'll eat just about any creature, living or dead, 707 00:36:06,747 --> 00:36:08,537 along with faeces, scraps, carrion, 708 00:36:08,537 --> 00:36:11,197 human rubbish including shoes and pieces of metal. 709 00:36:11,197 --> 00:36:13,087 They're pretty dodgy creatures. 710 00:36:14,417 --> 00:36:16,977 Marsh warblers just make it up as they go along. 711 00:36:18,387 --> 00:36:20,178 Now for a question about metamor... 712 00:36:22,017 --> 00:36:23,827 What happened while I was reading...? 713 00:36:23,827 --> 00:36:27,127 I had my back turned to you and I was looking at the blackboard. 714 00:36:27,127 --> 00:36:28,747 Honestly, sir. Nothing, sir. 715 00:36:28,747 --> 00:36:32,178 No, sir, Davies showed me a picture of a penis, sir. 716 00:36:34,387 --> 00:36:36,417 He showed me that, sir. Sir, sir. 717 00:36:36,417 --> 00:36:39,467 That is not a penis. Sir, sir, look at Bailey's drawing of a penis, sir. 718 00:36:39,467 --> 00:36:40,817 I never drew a thing, sir. 719 00:36:40,817 --> 00:36:43,537 What's wrong with his penis if he draws one like that, sir?! 720 00:36:43,537 --> 00:36:44,928 He drew a penis on the world. 721 00:36:44,928 --> 00:36:47,327 He drew a penis on the world! 722 00:36:47,327 --> 00:36:49,747 That's got... That's illegal, isn't it? 723 00:36:50,977 --> 00:36:52,097 Oh, Lord. 724 00:36:54,847 --> 00:36:58,107 Now it's time to stumble blindly into the morass of General Ignorance. 725 00:36:58,107 --> 00:36:59,617 Fingers on buzzers. All right. 726 00:36:59,617 --> 00:37:02,667 Where does a mosquito go to concentrate? 727 00:37:02,667 --> 00:37:05,497 Yes, Bill. 728 00:37:05,497 --> 00:37:07,928 A blood bank. 729 00:37:07,928 --> 00:37:10,297 Very good. 730 00:37:10,297 --> 00:37:15,132 Library. Library? Oh, no, Sue! 731 00:37:17,497 --> 00:37:20,287 Of course, the word "concentrate" can mean different things 732 00:37:20,287 --> 00:37:21,928 and we mean a concentrate... 733 00:37:21,928 --> 00:37:24,737 Where's the greatest concentration... Oh, I see. 734 00:37:24,737 --> 00:37:26,037 ..of mozzies? Where? 735 00:37:26,037 --> 00:37:28,027 A marsh. Near rivers and things. 736 00:37:28,027 --> 00:37:31,487 Yeah, well... Swamps. Where? 737 00:37:31,487 --> 00:37:34,097 Africa? 738 00:37:34,097 --> 00:37:35,189 Not Africa. 739 00:37:38,097 --> 00:37:40,127 Scotland. Mediterranean. 740 00:37:40,127 --> 00:37:41,697 Loads of midges in Scotland. 741 00:37:41,697 --> 00:37:43,337 Midges, yes, but these are mosquitoes. 742 00:37:43,337 --> 00:37:45,017 Specifically mosquitoes. Portugal. 743 00:37:45,017 --> 00:37:47,188 It's that quantity, you don't get that in Africa, 744 00:37:47,188 --> 00:37:49,347 you don't get that in... Where's that?..Panama, 745 00:37:49,347 --> 00:37:51,027 you don't get that in south-east Asia. 746 00:37:51,027 --> 00:37:52,497 You get that only in the Arctic. 747 00:37:52,497 --> 00:37:54,617 Oh. The Arctic. Oh. 748 00:37:54,617 --> 00:37:56,387 In Alaska and Manitoba. 749 00:37:56,387 --> 00:37:59,107 Where there's virtually nothing alive with no blood anywhere. 750 00:37:59,107 --> 00:38:01,107 I've never seen... I've been to Alaska lots 751 00:38:01,107 --> 00:38:02,497 and never seen a mosquito. 752 00:38:02,497 --> 00:38:04,387 Well, you have to be there at... The right time. 753 00:38:04,387 --> 00:38:05,928 Or wrong time, really, yeah. 754 00:38:05,928 --> 00:38:07,687 There's the beauty that is Alaska, 755 00:38:07,687 --> 00:38:09,337 and the standing pools of water 756 00:38:09,337 --> 00:38:11,188 are perfect for mosquito breeding. 757 00:38:11,188 --> 00:38:14,337 Yes, the densest concentrations of mosquitoes in the world 758 00:38:14,337 --> 00:38:15,897 are in the Arctic. 759 00:38:15,897 --> 00:38:18,097 Including all the animals, 760 00:38:18,097 --> 00:38:21,257 on average, how many legs does an animal have? 761 00:38:21,257 --> 00:38:23,567 What's the average number of legs that animals have? 762 00:38:23,567 --> 00:38:25,617 Oh, you... That's tough... All living things. 763 00:38:25,617 --> 00:38:27,547 ..because you've got to balance... Three! 764 00:38:27,547 --> 00:38:29,707 ..a millipede... 765 00:38:31,617 --> 00:38:34,647 My guess is that most numbers will be in the system. 766 00:38:44,058 --> 00:38:48,297 I mean, there are billions of things like ants, aren't there? 767 00:38:48,297 --> 00:38:50,928 There are. Insects. Gigantic. They have six. 768 00:38:50,928 --> 00:38:52,537 That must bump the average right up. 769 00:38:52,537 --> 00:38:54,938 There are huge numbers of mites and they all have eight. 770 00:38:54,938 --> 00:38:57,007 And then you've got millipedes and centipedes. 771 00:38:57,007 --> 00:38:59,007 But lots of them have none. Worms have got none. 772 00:38:59,007 --> 00:39:01,897 Stick with that thought. So, worms have got no legs. Slugs have none. 773 00:39:01,897 --> 00:39:03,297 One! One leg! 774 00:39:03,297 --> 00:39:05,567 That's it. That the closest we've got. 775 00:39:05,567 --> 00:39:07,497 I'm afraid it's not... 776 00:39:07,497 --> 00:39:10,048 Is it no legs? 777 00:39:10,048 --> 00:39:12,487 Well, it's... 0.01 is the average. 778 00:39:12,487 --> 00:39:14,007 Because there's that many worms. 779 00:39:14,007 --> 00:39:15,928 Because... Is this cos of fish? 780 00:39:15,928 --> 00:39:19,007 No, it's because of nematodes. 781 00:39:19,007 --> 00:39:20,337 Oh. 782 00:39:20,337 --> 00:39:21,737 Yeah, they're a sort of worm. 783 00:39:21,737 --> 00:39:23,178 There are ten to the power of 22, 784 00:39:23,178 --> 00:39:24,697 which is a vast number, on Earth. 785 00:39:24,697 --> 00:39:25,967 What is that?! 786 00:39:25,967 --> 00:39:27,777 100 times more than there are mites 787 00:39:27,777 --> 00:39:30,257 and 1,000 times more than there are insects. 788 00:39:30,257 --> 00:39:32,847 There's a parasitic nematode that lives in the human eye... 789 00:39:32,847 --> 00:39:34,327 Oh! My God. 790 00:39:34,327 --> 00:39:36,747 ..and it can grow to seven centimetres long, 791 00:39:36,747 --> 00:39:38,147 which is... What?!..serious. 792 00:39:38,147 --> 00:39:40,777 Wahey! 793 00:39:40,777 --> 00:39:42,497 No, we don't want to see that. Come on. 794 00:39:42,497 --> 00:39:44,857 How can you tell if you've got a nematode in your eye? 795 00:39:44,857 --> 00:39:46,497 Would you feel it wriggling around? 796 00:39:46,497 --> 00:39:49,627 Would it be wiggling...? Would you see it moving, for example? 797 00:39:49,627 --> 00:39:53,577 You'd hear it talking. If it's like that, a friend would see it. 798 00:39:53,577 --> 00:39:56,377 A friend would say, "Oh, just a sec till I get the corner of my hanky, 799 00:39:56,377 --> 00:39:58,277 "you've got an... enormous worm in your eye!" 800 00:40:05,257 --> 00:40:10,547 Yes. Hypocrite. First cast out the nematode in your eye. Yes. 801 00:40:10,547 --> 00:40:13,467 Judge not that you be not judged. 802 00:40:13,467 --> 00:40:15,567 Yes, so many animals are completely legless 803 00:40:15,567 --> 00:40:18,007 that the overall average is about 100th of a leg each. 804 00:40:18,007 --> 00:40:20,207 Finally, a question about macropods. 805 00:40:20,207 --> 00:40:23,058 How many legs does a kangaroo have? 806 00:40:23,058 --> 00:40:24,847 Oh, don't say any numbers. 807 00:40:24,847 --> 00:40:26,467 Don't say any numbers. 808 00:40:29,657 --> 00:40:32,178 Do you know my favourite bit in Toy Story? 809 00:40:32,178 --> 00:40:35,697 Go on. It's the dinosaur that's got little arms, right? Yeah. 810 00:40:35,697 --> 00:40:37,347 And he doesn't want to see something - 811 00:40:37,347 --> 00:40:39,417 something terrible is happening - and he goes, 812 00:40:39,417 --> 00:40:40,987 "Somebody cover my eyes!" 813 00:40:44,817 --> 00:40:46,907 That is a brilliant moment. 814 00:40:46,907 --> 00:40:49,107 I love that bit. 815 00:40:49,107 --> 00:40:52,058 Two. Two. 816 00:40:55,417 --> 00:40:57,867 It won't be nought or four either. 817 00:40:57,867 --> 00:41:00,297 "How many legs...?" 818 00:41:00,297 --> 00:41:02,227 How many LEGS has it got? 819 00:41:05,707 --> 00:41:07,737 Well, you won't like this answer, but... 820 00:41:07,737 --> 00:41:10,777 Simon Fraser University in Burnaby, Canada, 821 00:41:10,777 --> 00:41:13,257 corralled red kangaroos through a chamber 822 00:41:13,257 --> 00:41:15,467 which measured the downward forces. 823 00:41:15,467 --> 00:41:18,350 They discovered that kangaroos put their front legs on the ground 824 00:41:18,350 --> 00:41:20,043 and move their back legs forwards 825 00:41:20,043 --> 00:41:22,832 at the same time as they push their tail onto the floor 826 00:41:22,832 --> 00:41:24,923 and use it to propel themselves forward. 827 00:41:24,923 --> 00:41:27,192 The team found that the amount of force from the tail 828 00:41:27,192 --> 00:41:29,822 was as great as that from the other four limbs combined... 829 00:41:29,822 --> 00:41:32,402 So it's five?..making it effectively a fifth leg, 830 00:41:32,402 --> 00:41:34,902 so not just a fifth leg, but the most important of the five. 831 00:41:34,902 --> 00:41:36,173 Yeah. 832 00:41:36,173 --> 00:41:37,822 It's a tail, though, isn't it? 833 00:41:37,822 --> 00:41:40,822 It is a tail, but it's a kind of limb. 834 00:41:40,822 --> 00:41:42,682 Well, if you'd said limbs... 835 00:41:42,682 --> 00:41:44,642 ♪ Hey hey, we're the Monkees. ♪ 836 00:41:44,642 --> 00:41:46,902 Yes, sir? Five. 837 00:41:48,282 --> 00:41:50,842 No, no, you can't have that. No, he can't. He can't. 838 00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:52,812 He can't have that. 839 00:41:52,812 --> 00:41:55,202 Absolutely not. 840 00:41:55,202 --> 00:41:58,452 Minus 5 for rank standing impertinence. 841 00:41:58,452 --> 00:42:01,432 The point is, you could cut off - not that you should, obviously - 842 00:42:01,432 --> 00:42:03,482 a kangaroo's forearms or arms 843 00:42:03,482 --> 00:42:05,173 and it could get around perfectly happily 844 00:42:05,173 --> 00:42:07,242 and you could cut off one of its rear legs and even 845 00:42:07,242 --> 00:42:08,923 it could still hop and get around - 846 00:42:08,923 --> 00:42:10,812 but if you cut off its tail, it couldn't... 847 00:42:10,812 --> 00:42:13,322 You'd be a sadistic bastard. 848 00:42:13,322 --> 00:42:15,482 Which scientist conducted that experiment? 849 00:42:16,802 --> 00:42:19,252 Kangaroos have almost five legs above average, 850 00:42:19,252 --> 00:42:22,933 which brings me to, miraculously, the scores. 851 00:42:22,933 --> 00:42:24,923 Oh, no. Oh, dear. 852 00:42:24,923 --> 00:42:26,442 Oh, my good night. 853 00:42:26,442 --> 00:42:31,082 Well, nobody managed to push through into a positive number, I'm afraid. 854 00:42:31,082 --> 00:42:33,923 But our least successful on minus 28... 855 00:42:33,923 --> 00:42:35,122 Aww. 856 00:42:35,122 --> 00:42:38,612 I know why, and it's... Oh, Sue Perkins. 857 00:42:38,612 --> 00:42:41,072 "I know why." 858 00:42:46,082 --> 00:42:48,852 In third place, on minus 8, is Romesh. 859 00:42:48,852 --> 00:42:51,692 Oh, yes! 860 00:42:54,532 --> 00:42:57,532 And please don't fall off these dizzy heights. 861 00:42:57,532 --> 00:43:00,442 Alan Davies on minus 3. 862 00:43:00,442 --> 00:43:03,842 Pretty pleased with that. 863 00:43:03,842 --> 00:43:08,282 And our super soaraway winner on minus 1 is Bill Bailey. 864 00:43:17,256 --> 00:43:20,996 So, it's goodnight from Romesh, Sue, Bill, Alan and me. 865 00:43:20,996 --> 00:43:23,746 You have been magnificent, and I want you to stay that way. 866 00:43:23,746 --> 00:43:25,456 Many thanks, and goodnight.