1 00:00:01,829 --> 00:00:08,849 This programme contains strong language 2 00:00:21,219 --> 00:00:23,949 APPLAUSE 3 00:00:31,529 --> 00:00:34,100 Ja. Thank you. 4 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,779 Good evening and welcome to QI, where, tonight, 5 00:00:36,779 --> 00:00:39,019 all I have to say is night-night. 6 00:00:39,019 --> 00:00:40,379 END CREDIT MUSIC 7 00:00:40,379 --> 00:00:41,909 LAUGHTER 8 00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:47,549 Sorry... Too quick. That's the title of the show. Can't get the staff. 9 00:00:47,549 --> 00:00:50,829 Right. Tonight is indeed the night 10 00:00:50,829 --> 00:00:53,980 and joining me to hold hands in the dark are, a night to remember, 11 00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:55,584 it's Holly Walsh. 12 00:00:59,909 --> 00:01:02,582 A night on the town, David Mitchell. 13 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,995 A night on the tiles, Noel Fielding. 14 00:01:13,189 --> 00:01:14,659 And... 15 00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:18,550 night after night after night, Alan Davies. 16 00:01:25,379 --> 00:01:28,499 And their midnight buzzers buzz like this. Holly. 17 00:01:28,499 --> 00:01:30,308 OWL HOOTS 18 00:01:32,279 --> 00:01:33,789 David goes... 19 00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,791 WOLF HOWLS 20 00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:40,119 Noel goes... 21 00:01:40,119 --> 00:01:43,589 HEAVY DOOR CREAKS OPEN 22 00:01:48,459 --> 00:01:49,926 And Alan goes... 23 00:01:51,299 --> 00:01:56,219 MAN SNORES HEAVILY 24 00:01:56,219 --> 00:01:58,009 Have you finished? 25 00:01:58,009 --> 00:02:01,911 What is the most mysterious thing you do in bed? 26 00:02:04,019 --> 00:02:05,740 LAUGHTER 27 00:02:05,740 --> 00:02:10,189 You regrow, you regenerate your body parts, don't you? OK, but... 28 00:02:10,189 --> 00:02:11,668 LAUGHTER 29 00:02:13,179 --> 00:02:16,189 That's what I call it anyway! "What are you doing in there?!" 30 00:02:16,189 --> 00:02:18,316 "I'm regenerating!" 31 00:02:20,819 --> 00:02:22,449 Do you mean bits that are broken, 32 00:02:22,449 --> 00:02:24,509 you mend them? Is that what you mean? 33 00:02:24,509 --> 00:02:27,059 Don't you grow a new liver every seven years, or something? 34 00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:31,069 There's no bit of you that is actually the age that you are. 35 00:02:31,069 --> 00:02:34,069 No, I think it's every ten years, you're a totally new person. 36 00:02:34,069 --> 00:02:35,709 You're totally new bones, everything. 37 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:37,099 No, you don't grow gums back. 38 00:02:37,099 --> 00:02:39,429 Gums recede and they don't come back. 39 00:02:39,429 --> 00:02:42,512 You can't go, "Oh, I think I'm going to grow my gums long this year." 40 00:02:44,579 --> 00:02:47,509 It's probably quite good that the gums don't keep growing and 41 00:02:47,509 --> 00:02:51,582 growing and growing, though. Imagine having to get them trimmed. 42 00:02:53,019 --> 00:02:55,465 That's going to be an extremely bloody... 43 00:02:56,819 --> 00:02:59,367 NOEL: "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a gum-dresser." 44 00:03:01,189 --> 00:03:05,149 Have to get head to toe in plastic, it's like CSI. 45 00:03:05,149 --> 00:03:09,299 When someone comes in for a long overdue gum trimming. 46 00:03:09,299 --> 00:03:10,389 AUDIENCE: Ugh...! 47 00:03:10,389 --> 00:03:13,369 You've got to show them the back of their gums. 48 00:03:13,369 --> 00:03:17,189 So, the most mysterious thing that we do in bed, all of us? Dreaming? 49 00:03:17,189 --> 00:03:21,179 It's also related to the most mysterious thing. I sleep talk. 50 00:03:21,179 --> 00:03:23,179 Do you? What do you say? Anything of interest? 51 00:03:23,179 --> 00:03:25,909 I think the most memorable thing I said was I sat up in bed 52 00:03:25,909 --> 00:03:29,069 and I said, "brilliant.com/awesome!" 53 00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:33,149 And then I went straight back to sleep again. 54 00:03:33,149 --> 00:03:36,779 Have you put brilliant.com/awesome into the internet 55 00:03:36,779 --> 00:03:38,099 and seen what comes up? 56 00:03:38,099 --> 00:03:39,669 Maybe it's a picture of you. 57 00:03:41,819 --> 00:03:45,379 NOEL: Sleeping. A hidden camera in Holly's bedroom. 58 00:03:45,379 --> 00:03:47,719 So, the most mysterious thing that we do. 59 00:03:47,719 --> 00:03:50,379 It involves dreaming, it involves sorting the body out. 60 00:03:50,379 --> 00:03:52,269 What is the all-encompassing thing that we do 61 00:03:52,269 --> 00:03:54,279 and we don't really know why we do it? Breathing? 62 00:03:54,279 --> 00:03:57,389 It's sleeping. Sleeping. We have no idea, 63 00:03:57,389 --> 00:04:00,099 it is the most mysterious thing that we do in bed... So obvious. 64 00:04:00,099 --> 00:04:01,870 We just don't know why we do it. 65 00:04:01,870 --> 00:04:04,579 Why would you end the day unconscious and basically paralysed 66 00:04:04,579 --> 00:04:07,179 and leave yourself available to attack by predators unless 67 00:04:07,179 --> 00:04:11,219 there is some fantastic evolutionary benefit that outweighs the risk? 68 00:04:11,219 --> 00:04:13,019 The fact is, we just don't know. 69 00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:15,919 People have thought it was to do with energy conservation, 70 00:04:15,919 --> 00:04:19,109 which is ridiculous because you actually don't save much energy. 71 00:04:19,109 --> 00:04:20,539 Really? No, not when you sleep, no. 72 00:04:20,539 --> 00:04:23,279 How many days can you go without sleep for before you die? 73 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:26,269 If you stay awake for 17 hours, it's the same as having 74 00:04:26,269 --> 00:04:29,299 two glasses of wine in terms of how it would affect your performance. 75 00:04:29,299 --> 00:04:30,823 Red wine or white wine? 76 00:04:31,909 --> 00:04:34,669 If it's white wine, then I'll just start crying. Oh, would you? 77 00:04:34,669 --> 00:04:36,279 Are you a bad drunk? 78 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:39,279 Yeah, I've never once drunk more than two glasses of white wine 79 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,021 and not used the phrase, "Why don't you just dump me, then?" 80 00:04:43,539 --> 00:04:46,190 Even to people who you're not in a relationship with. 81 00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:50,509 No, you save about 110 calories each night, 82 00:04:50,509 --> 00:04:53,299 so a two-finger Kit Kat is 107, it's not a lot, is it? 83 00:04:53,299 --> 00:04:55,779 That's the only energy saving? That's the only energy saving. 84 00:04:55,779 --> 00:04:58,669 So, when you wake up in the morning, you can have a two-fingered Kit Kat. 85 00:04:58,669 --> 00:05:02,469 Help yourself! Gratis. Totally wipes it all out, frankly. 86 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:06,007 It's a classy breakfast. Yes! "Morning, everyone." 87 00:05:08,549 --> 00:05:10,029 So, the theory that I like best, 88 00:05:10,029 --> 00:05:12,949 there have been some scientists at the University of Rochester 89 00:05:12,949 --> 00:05:14,109 Medical Centre in New York, 90 00:05:14,109 --> 00:05:16,179 and they think it's when our brains are cleaned. 91 00:05:16,179 --> 00:05:17,899 And that maybe that's what's happening to us, 92 00:05:17,899 --> 00:05:19,429 is that we are clearing the brain out. 93 00:05:19,429 --> 00:05:21,740 There's a professor, Maiken Nedergaard. 94 00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:24,429 I have instituted random Scandinavian facts, 95 00:05:24,429 --> 00:05:26,429 which I call the randi-Scandis. 96 00:05:26,429 --> 00:05:29,349 She's a neuroscientist, she's a woman and she's Danish. 97 00:05:29,349 --> 00:05:31,439 This is a fantastic person to quote, and she says, 98 00:05:31,439 --> 00:05:33,419 "You can think of it like having a house party. 99 00:05:33,419 --> 00:05:35,929 "You can either entertain the guests or clean up the house, 100 00:05:35,929 --> 00:05:37,889 "but you can't really do both at the same time." 101 00:05:37,889 --> 00:05:40,129 That's the theory. But how much you sleep depends on 102 00:05:40,129 --> 00:05:42,379 your own circadian rhythms. I don't sleep very much. 103 00:05:42,379 --> 00:05:45,079 Anybody here a good sleeper? I've got a five-month-old baby, 104 00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:47,619 so I only sleep in hour-and-a-half chunks at the moment. 105 00:05:47,619 --> 00:05:49,489 So, have you just come for a break just tonight? 106 00:05:49,489 --> 00:05:52,459 This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. 107 00:05:52,459 --> 00:05:54,529 Genuinely, I went to the dentist the other day 108 00:05:54,529 --> 00:05:55,829 and I had to have a filling. 109 00:05:55,829 --> 00:05:58,109 And I lay back, and I was like, "I think this is the closest 110 00:05:58,109 --> 00:06:00,809 "to having a relaxing time that I've had for five months." 111 00:06:00,809 --> 00:06:02,519 It was so nice. 112 00:06:02,519 --> 00:06:04,055 NOEL: Did he trim your gums? 113 00:06:05,459 --> 00:06:07,469 Are you a good sleeper, Noel? Do you sleep well? 114 00:06:07,469 --> 00:06:08,750 Yeah, I can sleep a lot, yeah. 115 00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:11,639 Apparently, what you should do to find out how much you need to sleep 116 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,219 is you should spend a week not having an alarm clock at all 117 00:06:14,219 --> 00:06:16,489 and you should let your body just wake up when it needs to, 118 00:06:16,489 --> 00:06:17,549 and log how many hours. 119 00:06:17,549 --> 00:06:19,819 And if you need six hours, and you need to get up at 7am, 120 00:06:19,819 --> 00:06:21,329 then you know what time to go to bed. 121 00:06:21,329 --> 00:06:24,579 Yes, but, Sandi, you need a wee at five... 122 00:06:24,579 --> 00:06:25,716 no matter what. 123 00:06:29,029 --> 00:06:30,469 Yes, it's very annoying. 124 00:06:30,469 --> 00:06:34,169 And it's not like you particularly have that much wee to do. 125 00:06:34,169 --> 00:06:37,519 You get there and you think, "Why have you woken me up for that? 126 00:06:37,519 --> 00:06:40,399 "I would rather have just left that in the bed. 127 00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:41,752 "I could have dealt with that..." 128 00:06:43,109 --> 00:06:44,709 "..in the morning!" 129 00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:48,829 Also, sometimes, the middle of the night wee, you can start thinking 130 00:06:48,829 --> 00:06:53,357 about something stressful, or get frightened by noises in the house. 131 00:06:54,669 --> 00:06:57,449 It's best just to stay asleep till it gets light. 132 00:06:57,449 --> 00:07:00,249 I think, really, the solution is some sort of an apparatus 133 00:07:00,249 --> 00:07:02,126 where you can sleep on the loo. 134 00:07:04,109 --> 00:07:05,369 My father was in hospital 135 00:07:05,369 --> 00:07:07,730 and he had a catheter fitted for a couple of weeks, 136 00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:11,720 and he said he'd never slept so well for about 50 years. 137 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,159 The best thing that had ever happened to him. 138 00:07:14,159 --> 00:07:16,189 HOLLY: It's like when you go and stay in a hotel. 139 00:07:16,189 --> 00:07:18,669 They say never use the kettle because people pee in it. 140 00:07:18,669 --> 00:07:23,379 No! The kettle? No! You see, I don't want to know those things! 141 00:07:24,959 --> 00:07:27,325 How far away is the bathroom? 142 00:07:29,139 --> 00:07:32,189 I always think that must be a man who pees in that kettle. 143 00:07:32,189 --> 00:07:34,339 NOEL: I can say, on behalf of men all over the country, 144 00:07:34,339 --> 00:07:36,620 we do not piss in kettles. 145 00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:38,159 LAUGHTER 146 00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:39,672 APPLAUSE 147 00:07:43,309 --> 00:07:45,880 You've got to take the lid off, you've got to unplug it... 148 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,079 Those lids are spiteful. It's way too much effort. 149 00:07:48,079 --> 00:07:51,196 I'm not making it up, it's a well-known fact. 150 00:07:53,079 --> 00:07:55,029 I don't come on QI and talk bullshit. 151 00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:56,799 I'm straight up with the facts. 152 00:07:56,799 --> 00:07:59,829 NOEL: So, when you go to a hotel room and there's water already 153 00:07:59,829 --> 00:08:02,669 in the kettle, that's a bit suspect. I always get rid of that. 154 00:08:02,669 --> 00:08:05,029 To be honest, boiled piss is probably... 155 00:08:05,029 --> 00:08:08,469 It might change the flavour of the tea, but it's not... 156 00:08:08,469 --> 00:08:10,164 it's not a bacterial threat, is it? 157 00:08:11,799 --> 00:08:14,469 Another thing. Never eat the chocolate on the pillow. 158 00:08:14,469 --> 00:08:15,913 Oh, where's that been?! 159 00:08:18,389 --> 00:08:20,549 Anyway, moving on. 160 00:08:20,549 --> 00:08:23,669 Describe the night of the horrified sheep. 161 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:27,349 So, it was an actual thing that happened, November 3rd, 1888 162 00:08:27,349 --> 00:08:30,679 and something happened that spooked all sheep over 163 00:08:30,679 --> 00:08:34,109 a 200 square mile area in Oxfordshire. 164 00:08:34,109 --> 00:08:36,909 Tens of thousands of sheep panicked, they jumped fences, 165 00:08:36,909 --> 00:08:38,669 they ran for their lives. Earthquake. 166 00:08:38,669 --> 00:08:41,309 Well, that was one of the theories of the time, that there might 167 00:08:41,309 --> 00:08:44,029 have been a small earthquake or something dropped from the sky, 168 00:08:44,029 --> 00:08:48,229 but probably what happened is just one sheep panicked. 169 00:08:48,229 --> 00:08:50,189 LAUGHTER 170 00:08:50,189 --> 00:08:52,709 It's possible it was very dark, the sheep just went, 171 00:08:52,709 --> 00:08:55,630 "Where's my friends? Where's my friends?" 172 00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:56,959 Had he just gone "Baaa!" 173 00:08:56,959 --> 00:08:59,029 And then all the other sheep must've been going, 174 00:08:59,029 --> 00:09:00,166 "Sh! Sh! 175 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,559 "He'll think he's on his own!" 176 00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:07,909 Then, when he panicked, they all went, "Oh, my God! 177 00:09:07,909 --> 00:09:09,709 "What have we done?!" 178 00:09:09,709 --> 00:09:12,109 Do you think if a sheep can't get to sleep, 179 00:09:12,109 --> 00:09:13,838 do you think he counts his friends? 180 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,909 I wonder what the reason was that we decided to count them 181 00:09:17,909 --> 00:09:19,880 in the first place at night. 182 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,449 Well, it must be really boring to count sheep. 183 00:09:22,449 --> 00:09:27,159 Yeah, it sends you off, yes. Well, I think you've nailed it. Thanks. 184 00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:30,679 The thing is about counting sheep, they look quite similar, 185 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:33,109 so you're never sure if it's the same one coming past. 186 00:09:33,109 --> 00:09:35,349 Could just be one sheep on a loop. 187 00:09:35,349 --> 00:09:37,199 And they take turns. 188 00:09:37,199 --> 00:09:39,529 HOLLY: I tell you what I'd love to count. Kittens. 189 00:09:39,529 --> 00:09:42,709 Ah. Imagine if 70,000 kittens ran past you. 190 00:09:42,709 --> 00:09:46,239 That would just be the most adorable thing that ever happened to anyone. 191 00:09:46,239 --> 00:09:49,149 See, I really struggle with this. I'm more of a dog person. 192 00:09:49,149 --> 00:09:50,319 Puppies! 193 00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:53,999 Probably why the kittens are all running, away from a dog, I think. 194 00:09:53,999 --> 00:09:56,829 I always think that cats, you know when people say, like, 195 00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:58,799 "An old woman died in her flat 196 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,799 "and she was eaten by her cats," I mean... 197 00:10:00,799 --> 00:10:02,278 What kind of world do you live in?! 198 00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:06,349 Peeing in kettles and old women...? Three days. 199 00:10:06,349 --> 00:10:09,979 Three days and your cat will eat your face. Yeah. 200 00:10:09,979 --> 00:10:13,319 Because it will have loosened up enough for it to get purchase. 201 00:10:13,319 --> 00:10:15,039 AUDIENCE: Ugh! 202 00:10:15,039 --> 00:10:17,969 NOEL: What sort of show is this? 203 00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:20,609 They never say that, do they? About, you know, 204 00:10:20,609 --> 00:10:23,829 an aged meat on a menu, you know with a 20-day-aged beef, 205 00:10:23,829 --> 00:10:25,249 they never use the phrase, 206 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:28,616 "It will have loosened up enough to get purchase." 207 00:10:29,979 --> 00:10:31,659 Of course, the thing that the cats don't like, 208 00:10:31,659 --> 00:10:34,019 they don't like orange peel. Did you know this? Yeah. 209 00:10:34,019 --> 00:10:37,819 And spiders don't like conkers. Yes. HOLLY: What? 210 00:10:37,819 --> 00:10:39,449 What, the game? They don't like the game? 211 00:10:39,449 --> 00:10:42,304 Because they get their legs caught between them. 212 00:10:43,529 --> 00:10:45,969 "I've got seven now!" 213 00:10:45,969 --> 00:10:48,819 If you don't like spiders, put loads of conkers in your house 214 00:10:48,819 --> 00:10:51,579 and there'll be fewer spiders but still some spiders. 215 00:10:51,579 --> 00:10:55,529 So the best plan is to get over the fears of spiders, really. 216 00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:58,225 But then there'll be, like, loads of eight-year-olds. 217 00:11:00,219 --> 00:11:01,529 Hiding in corners. 218 00:11:01,529 --> 00:11:04,909 Yeah, what you lose in spiders, you gain in schoolchildren with conkers. 219 00:11:04,909 --> 00:11:06,549 Eight-year-olds don't like bullies, 220 00:11:06,549 --> 00:11:09,349 so just keep some bullies in the house. 221 00:11:09,349 --> 00:11:12,519 It's getting quite busy in the house, though, isn't it? 222 00:11:12,519 --> 00:11:15,669 NOEL: Bullies, how are we going to get rid of them? 223 00:11:15,669 --> 00:11:16,829 HOLLY: Parental love. 224 00:11:16,829 --> 00:11:18,649 So, we need more parents... 225 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,979 And a school counsellor. HOLLY: Yeah. 24 hour. 226 00:11:23,979 --> 00:11:26,504 NOEL: And some tenderised face meat... 227 00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:30,689 Have a look at this. Here is a night to remember. 228 00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:32,969 This is the 9th of November, 1874. 229 00:11:32,969 --> 00:11:36,049 The New York Herald front page article reported... 230 00:11:36,049 --> 00:11:38,979 AMERICAN ACCENT:.."The wild animals broken loose from Central Park! 231 00:11:38,979 --> 00:11:40,589 "Terrible scenes of mutilation!" 232 00:11:40,589 --> 00:11:44,709 The article described 49 deaths and 200 injuries. 233 00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:46,339 There's some excellent details in it. 234 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,789 It included a sighting of a lion in a church and, my favourite, 235 00:11:49,789 --> 00:11:51,552 a rhinoceros in a sewer. 236 00:11:53,159 --> 00:11:55,239 How did they get out of the sewer? 237 00:11:55,239 --> 00:11:59,760 Never mind that. How did it get in there? A manhole cover. 238 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,409 It must have fallen in. 239 00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:03,479 But it wasn't until the very last paragraph 240 00:12:03,479 --> 00:12:05,529 that the article concluded, of course, 241 00:12:05,529 --> 00:12:08,979 "The entire story given above is a pure fabrication. 242 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,389 "Not one word of it is true, 243 00:12:10,389 --> 00:12:12,610 "not a single act or incident described has taken place. 244 00:12:12,610 --> 00:12:14,809 "It's a huge hoax, a wild romance." 245 00:12:14,809 --> 00:12:17,479 And then it went on to ask, which was the reason for the headline, 246 00:12:17,479 --> 00:12:20,849 "What would we do in New York if this happened?" 247 00:12:20,849 --> 00:12:24,279 It's one of the most notorious and, indeed, accidental media hoaxes. 248 00:12:24,279 --> 00:12:27,329 But, in fact, it caused complete panic on the streets. 249 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:31,399 Is that a huge risk? I mean, in zoos? Well, yes. 250 00:12:31,399 --> 00:12:35,149 You'd think maybe it's something we don't need to worry about 251 00:12:35,149 --> 00:12:38,269 if you've got enough cages. But in February 2016, 252 00:12:38,269 --> 00:12:40,880 the Ueno Zoo in Tokyo did their annual test to see 253 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,009 what they would do if an animal escapes 254 00:12:43,009 --> 00:12:46,249 and what they did was they got the 27-year-old gorilla keeper 255 00:12:46,249 --> 00:12:49,979 called Yumi Tamura to dress up as a zebra. 256 00:12:49,979 --> 00:12:51,909 LAUGHTER 257 00:12:51,909 --> 00:12:53,274 There she is. 258 00:12:55,679 --> 00:13:00,469 And there they all are dealing with it. So, yes... 259 00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:02,608 LAUGHTER 260 00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:10,750 Very fine death. Now, here's my favourite moment. 261 00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:13,469 Checking to see if animal is dead. Wow. 262 00:13:13,469 --> 00:13:17,144 The famous poke them with a stick. 263 00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:20,630 So you feel safe, don't you? 264 00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,839 If you're in Tokyo and an animal escapes. 265 00:13:22,839 --> 00:13:24,549 I went to London Zoo recently 266 00:13:24,549 --> 00:13:27,269 and in the tiger enclosure there's a platform there 267 00:13:27,269 --> 00:13:31,189 and you can get up to sort of eye-level and look at this thing. 268 00:13:31,189 --> 00:13:33,839 And we're standing there with the kids 269 00:13:33,839 --> 00:13:35,909 and a woman came in with her little boy 270 00:13:35,909 --> 00:13:39,049 and she goes, "Look at it. Lazy." 271 00:13:39,989 --> 00:13:42,833 "Like Daddy." LAUGHTER 272 00:13:46,229 --> 00:13:49,419 Then just wheeled him away. 273 00:13:49,419 --> 00:13:53,630 My wife goes, "Drip, drip, drip." 274 00:13:53,630 --> 00:13:56,630 I remember taking my son to London Zoo and he must have been 275 00:13:56,630 --> 00:13:59,399 about three years old and I thought it was so exciting for him. 276 00:13:59,399 --> 00:14:02,139 I was showing him the elephants and I was showing him the rhinos, 277 00:14:02,139 --> 00:14:03,989 and they were doing some renovations. 278 00:14:03,989 --> 00:14:06,709 And the only time he took his dummy out of his mouth, 279 00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:09,189 sat up in his buggy and went, "Look, Mum. A digger!" 280 00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:10,759 LAUGHTER 281 00:14:12,469 --> 00:14:15,829 No-one knows why tens of thousands of sheep went crazy in Oxfordshire 282 00:14:15,829 --> 00:14:18,189 on the night of November 3rd, 1888. 283 00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:21,429 They may have been surprised by the fact that it got dark, 284 00:14:21,429 --> 00:14:23,630 or by the news that, earlier in the day, 285 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,989 Preston North End beat Notts County 7-0. 286 00:14:25,989 --> 00:14:28,344 I'm really trying with the football thing, just so you know. 287 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,189 Doing my best. 288 00:14:31,189 --> 00:14:33,109 We'll never know. 289 00:14:33,109 --> 00:14:36,640 OK, how would a night witch travel? 290 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:37,679 Broomstick. 291 00:14:37,679 --> 00:14:39,283 KLAXON 292 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:42,909 Er...no. 293 00:14:42,909 --> 00:14:45,446 I just get an Uber, generally. 294 00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:49,405 It actually doesn't look unlike you. 295 00:14:53,839 --> 00:14:58,399 I think I might have met that witch in Camden. 296 00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:03,189 So we are heading backwards in time to the Second World War. 297 00:15:03,189 --> 00:15:05,760 Is the Night Witch something military? 298 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,630 It is military. Is it a code thing? A plane or something? 299 00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:11,349 Is it a Soviet thing? Yes, it is a Soviet thing. 300 00:15:11,349 --> 00:15:15,119 It is the 588th Night Bomber Regiment from the Soviet Union 301 00:15:15,119 --> 00:15:18,839 and it was an all-female unit, from the mechanics to the pilots, 302 00:15:18,839 --> 00:15:20,859 and they were known as the Night Witches. 303 00:15:20,859 --> 00:15:22,099 What's incredible about them - 304 00:15:22,099 --> 00:15:23,819 Iots of the men didn't want them to fight, 305 00:15:23,819 --> 00:15:25,349 so they were all given men's uniforms, 306 00:15:25,349 --> 00:15:27,269 they were all made to cut their hair very short 307 00:15:27,269 --> 00:15:29,069 and they were given rubbish aeroplanes. 308 00:15:29,069 --> 00:15:31,389 So those aeroplanes you can see on the side there, 309 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,399 they're called Polikarpov Po-2 planes 310 00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,559 and they're basically made of plywood and canvas. 311 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:38,640 They were just for training or for crop-dusting and that kind of thing, 312 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:39,999 so they had weight restrictions. 313 00:15:39,999 --> 00:15:41,760 It meant they had to fly close to the ground, 314 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,349 it meant they couldn't take parachutes. 315 00:15:43,349 --> 00:15:46,229 And there was sort of a whooshing noise, because they flew so low 316 00:15:46,229 --> 00:15:48,989 and the Germans said it sounded like a broomstick overhead, 317 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:52,149 so they called them the Nachthexen, the Night Witches. 318 00:15:52,149 --> 00:15:54,789 Amazing, actually. Of course, we had them in the UK as well. 319 00:15:54,789 --> 00:15:57,069 Not in quite the same way. They weren't in combat. 320 00:15:57,069 --> 00:15:59,359 I had the great privilege of meeting Joy Lofthouse, 321 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:02,479 who was 92 when I met her, and there she is. 322 00:16:02,479 --> 00:16:04,510 She was part of the Air Transport Auxiliary. 323 00:16:04,510 --> 00:16:08,269 We had 168 female pilots in World War II. 324 00:16:08,269 --> 00:16:11,479 And Joy, amongst other aeroplanes, used to deliver Spitfires. 325 00:16:11,479 --> 00:16:13,231 She looks good for 92. She does. 326 00:16:15,199 --> 00:16:18,479 She does. Witches don't age. 327 00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:20,401 I'm 1,000. 328 00:16:22,510 --> 00:16:24,999 But Night Witches is a great name, isn't it? It is. 329 00:16:24,999 --> 00:16:27,740 Night Witches, it's terrifying. Made me think about The Night Watch, 330 00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:29,989 you know that wonderful painting by Rembrandt. 331 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:33,039 They did some restoration work on it and it was just dark varnish 332 00:16:33,039 --> 00:16:35,789 and they had to rename it The Day Watch because it's actually, 333 00:16:35,789 --> 00:16:38,587 it turns out, much brighter. Is that in the museum in Amsterdam? 334 00:16:38,587 --> 00:16:40,221 It's in the Rijksmuseum. 335 00:16:40,221 --> 00:16:42,921 And there's a bit of it that was missing or something. 336 00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:45,071 I think they rehung it and they couldn't fit it in, 337 00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:48,341 so they had to cut a bit off. SHE GASPS 338 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,581 And they put it in a room and it wouldn't fit, so they cut... 339 00:16:50,581 --> 00:16:51,981 I mean, now, it's worth millions. 340 00:16:51,981 --> 00:16:54,391 "It doesn't fit, we'll just have to take the end off. 341 00:16:54,391 --> 00:16:57,271 "That bloke on the end doesn't look important." 342 00:16:57,271 --> 00:17:00,191 Where is it? Did they throw it away or did they keep it? 343 00:17:00,191 --> 00:17:01,271 I think they kept it. 344 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:04,861 To make one very long, thin painting for somewhere else. 345 00:17:04,861 --> 00:17:06,391 For a hall. Yes, exactly. 346 00:17:06,391 --> 00:17:10,121 Coming up the stairs, it would look nice. Or in the bathroom. Yeah. 347 00:17:10,121 --> 00:17:12,391 So the whole thing about keeping an eye at night. 348 00:17:12,391 --> 00:17:14,351 We used to have night watchmen in the UK. 349 00:17:14,351 --> 00:17:17,151 In fact, walking around town at night, 350 00:17:17,151 --> 00:17:21,632 night walking was illegal from 1285 to 1827 and they used to 351 00:17:21,632 --> 00:17:23,561 employ night watchmen to go around the streets. 352 00:17:23,561 --> 00:17:28,111 You weren't allowed to go around. Until 1827? Until 1827, yeah. 353 00:17:28,111 --> 00:17:30,271 500 years, you weren't allowed to go out at night? 354 00:17:30,271 --> 00:17:32,551 Well, in some places, we still have night watchmen. 355 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,622 So the oldest town in Denmark, which is called Ribe, 356 00:17:34,622 --> 00:17:38,111 we still have night watchmen and you can hear them at night. 357 00:17:38,111 --> 00:17:41,291 They have a song that they sing and every hour has a different verse, 358 00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:43,141 so you can tell what time of night it is. 359 00:17:43,141 --> 00:17:46,431 Also keeps you awake, so it's a bit irritating. 360 00:17:46,431 --> 00:17:50,161 I went to boarding school and we had night watchmen at the school. 361 00:17:50,161 --> 00:17:52,581 Did you? Yes. It was a mixed boarding school, 362 00:17:52,581 --> 00:17:55,351 to make sure that no-one was going to other people's dormitories. Ah. 363 00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:56,841 I was at a single sex school. 364 00:17:56,841 --> 00:17:59,591 We didn't have a night watchman and they should have. 365 00:17:59,591 --> 00:18:01,798 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 366 00:18:05,271 --> 00:18:08,591 The Night Witches were the Germans' worst nightmare, 367 00:18:08,591 --> 00:18:12,661 so my question is - what's your worst nightmare? 368 00:18:12,661 --> 00:18:14,481 I don't have nightmares. 369 00:18:14,481 --> 00:18:18,471 I just occasionally have dreams that are quite stressful. Oh, like what? 370 00:18:18,471 --> 00:18:22,351 Increasingly, they involve having to do my A levels again. 371 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:26,271 For some reason, I've been busted back to the sixth form 372 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:29,041 and I have to do my A levels again. And I keep saying, 373 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,632 "This is ridiculous! I've been to university. 374 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:33,732 "Why am I having to do my A levels again?" 375 00:18:33,732 --> 00:18:35,291 But I do have to do them again 376 00:18:35,291 --> 00:18:40,422 and I wake up all stressed by it... NOEL: And have to go to the toilet. 377 00:18:42,841 --> 00:18:45,831 It's quite nice because I reflect, as I go to the toilet, 378 00:18:45,831 --> 00:18:49,211 that I don't have to do my A levels again. It's good news. 379 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,851 Are you a nightmare person, Alan? 380 00:18:50,851 --> 00:18:53,671 No, but I wish I had a dream recorder. 381 00:18:53,671 --> 00:18:56,111 That's boring, though, when people tell you their dreams. 382 00:18:56,111 --> 00:18:58,071 They're so boring. Not other people's dreams. 383 00:18:58,071 --> 00:19:01,131 I don't want other people's dreams! My own dreams are amazing. 384 00:19:02,531 --> 00:19:04,752 People always go, "Oh, my hands were made of coleslaw, 385 00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:07,632 "and then you were in it, and you had really big..." 386 00:19:07,632 --> 00:19:09,741 And you're, like, "This is so boring!" 387 00:19:09,741 --> 00:19:11,111 Have you ever been...? 388 00:19:11,111 --> 00:19:12,861 When you hear someone describe their dream 389 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:15,671 and they mention someone's in it, do you sit there, 390 00:19:15,671 --> 00:19:17,791 rather hoping that you're going to crop up? 391 00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:19,831 But you don't always, and you sort of go, 392 00:19:19,831 --> 00:19:22,831 "I've not invaded this person's consciousness enough." 393 00:19:22,831 --> 00:19:24,841 Sometimes I have dreams where 394 00:19:24,841 --> 00:19:27,841 I need to fight someone and I have no strength. 395 00:19:27,841 --> 00:19:30,431 And I'm supposed to get somewhere and I can never get there. 396 00:19:30,431 --> 00:19:35,481 And I'm impressed by all the various obstacles I can put in my own way 397 00:19:35,481 --> 00:19:37,431 that I invent in the night. 398 00:19:37,431 --> 00:19:40,121 Those are the most common sort of ones. The thing about being chased, 399 00:19:40,121 --> 00:19:41,791 not being able to get to the toilet in time, 400 00:19:41,791 --> 00:19:45,205 being exposed publically naked is a very big thing, 401 00:19:45,205 --> 00:19:48,275 and how you respond to that. So if it doesn't bother you, 402 00:19:48,275 --> 00:19:51,135 that suggests you are secure in real life. If you're embarrassed, 403 00:19:51,135 --> 00:19:53,366 it suggests you are uncomfortable about something. 404 00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:55,715 If you don't notice that you're naked, I think you have 405 00:19:55,715 --> 00:19:58,025 a lack of self-awareness is what it would probably be. 406 00:19:58,025 --> 00:20:00,465 Do you sleep on your left or right side? 407 00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:03,005 Cos that may have some impact on whether you dream or not. 408 00:20:03,005 --> 00:20:05,145 Do most people have one side? 409 00:20:05,145 --> 00:20:06,975 Are you a tosser and turner? 410 00:20:06,975 --> 00:20:08,435 Yeah, I think so. 411 00:20:08,435 --> 00:20:11,825 Oh, my God, this is a dream and you're going to wake up 412 00:20:11,825 --> 00:20:15,485 and go to the toilet in a minute. We're all in your dream! 413 00:20:15,485 --> 00:20:18,075 So, what did you say? Left or right? Right. 414 00:20:18,075 --> 00:20:20,905 That fits with the study that they did in 2004. 415 00:20:20,905 --> 00:20:23,435 You're more likely to have disturbing dreams if you sleep 416 00:20:23,435 --> 00:20:26,445 on your left-hand side, than if you sleep on your right-hand side. 417 00:20:26,445 --> 00:20:30,075 So, I'm good. You toss and turn? It could be either way. 418 00:20:30,075 --> 00:20:33,025 I didn't realise now I'm making a choice. 419 00:20:33,025 --> 00:20:34,195 Yes! 420 00:20:34,195 --> 00:20:37,005 Am I just going for rest, or adventure? 421 00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:38,848 LAUGHTER 422 00:20:44,445 --> 00:20:46,616 What side does your wife sleep on? 423 00:20:46,616 --> 00:20:48,665 I'm not aware of her having a preference 424 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:51,915 for one side or the other. So, you have one side of the bed, right? 425 00:20:51,915 --> 00:20:54,998 Yeah, yeah. Surely, see... NOEL: "Yeah, I'm not an idiot." 426 00:20:57,646 --> 00:21:00,575 So, my husband makes me sleep facing away from him 427 00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:02,304 cos I breathe too loudly. 428 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,435 NOEL: That's quite weird, isn't it? 429 00:21:05,435 --> 00:21:07,965 HOLLY: Like those two in the picture. 430 00:21:07,965 --> 00:21:10,285 When I got married, another thing I found out, 431 00:21:10,285 --> 00:21:13,475 that it wasn't usual to put your underwear and your socks on 432 00:21:13,475 --> 00:21:15,526 before you put any of your clothes on. 433 00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:18,315 What, are you supposed to put them on afterwards? No, no... 434 00:21:18,315 --> 00:21:19,942 Did you marry a superhero? 435 00:21:21,646 --> 00:21:24,795 I get my underwear on and then I put my socks on. Right. 436 00:21:24,795 --> 00:21:27,235 And then I put my outerwear on. OK. And what's wrong with that? 437 00:21:27,235 --> 00:21:29,925 Well, apparently, it's weird to put your socks on before you put 438 00:21:29,925 --> 00:21:31,675 your trousers and your top on. 439 00:21:31,675 --> 00:21:34,285 I think your husband is telling you that things 440 00:21:34,285 --> 00:21:36,389 he does are things that everyone does. 441 00:21:37,925 --> 00:21:40,646 It's perfectly reasonable to put your socks on 442 00:21:40,646 --> 00:21:42,565 before your trousers or shirt. 443 00:21:42,565 --> 00:21:45,675 It's also perfectly reasonable to breathe while you're asleep. 444 00:21:45,675 --> 00:21:47,757 LAUGHTER 445 00:21:50,365 --> 00:21:53,675 The problem in your house is he keeps pissing in the kettle. 446 00:21:56,315 --> 00:22:00,005 There's a story from 1821 in Paris of a nocturnal apparition. 447 00:22:00,005 --> 00:22:02,165 So this guy awoke to see a creature in his room 448 00:22:02,165 --> 00:22:03,555 and he thought it was the devil. 449 00:22:03,555 --> 00:22:07,475 So he called for his servant and then he immediately died of fright, 450 00:22:07,475 --> 00:22:10,165 and the servant chased away the apparition, 451 00:22:10,165 --> 00:22:13,675 and it rather fits in with the whole zoo thing, because it turned out 452 00:22:13,675 --> 00:22:16,565 it was a large ape escaped from a nearby menagerie 453 00:22:16,565 --> 00:22:19,165 that had climbed down the chimney. Wow. I know! 454 00:22:19,165 --> 00:22:22,726 So sometimes it's not a bad dream, it is a thing that has escaped. 455 00:22:25,365 --> 00:22:26,475 Anyway... 456 00:22:26,475 --> 00:22:29,569 what is the worst thing you can do on a bed of nails? 457 00:22:30,885 --> 00:22:33,516 Fall from a great height. I would say so. 458 00:22:33,516 --> 00:22:34,885 I'd say an orgy. 459 00:22:34,885 --> 00:22:36,534 LAUGHTER 460 00:22:37,675 --> 00:22:41,085 I'd say to get nailed on some nails would be a terrible thing. 461 00:22:41,085 --> 00:22:42,155 Well, here's the thing. 462 00:22:42,155 --> 00:22:44,955 So, I think you could have an orgy if you were fantastically 463 00:22:44,955 --> 00:22:47,275 careful about how you got on and off. 464 00:22:47,275 --> 00:22:49,805 Are we talking about the nails or the people? 465 00:22:49,805 --> 00:22:51,805 LAUGHTER 466 00:22:51,805 --> 00:22:54,925 It's about the even distribution of weight across the nails. 467 00:22:54,925 --> 00:22:56,355 I did do this. Did you? 468 00:22:56,355 --> 00:22:59,365 I went on a bed of nails with a contortionist. 469 00:22:59,365 --> 00:23:00,825 What a night that was. 470 00:23:00,825 --> 00:23:02,925 LAUGHTER 471 00:23:02,925 --> 00:23:04,324 I filmed it. 472 00:23:06,315 --> 00:23:07,445 And he showed me how to lie down. 473 00:23:07,445 --> 00:23:10,485 It's all right if you're lying down, but he said, "Be very, very careful, 474 00:23:10,485 --> 00:23:12,835 "because your instinct when you get up is to put your weight 475 00:23:12,835 --> 00:23:14,605 "on your hands." Oh! Yeah. 476 00:23:14,605 --> 00:23:16,300 And then that really hurts a lot. 477 00:23:17,365 --> 00:23:20,526 When I was at school, one afternoon, for some reason, some 478 00:23:20,526 --> 00:23:23,115 circus-skills people came round 479 00:23:23,115 --> 00:23:25,725 and tried to teach us all circus skills. 480 00:23:25,725 --> 00:23:28,762 I love the heavy note of disapproval in your voice. 481 00:23:30,646 --> 00:23:31,840 "Waste of bloody time!" 482 00:23:33,115 --> 00:23:34,526 I was seven. 483 00:23:34,526 --> 00:23:36,445 You learn circus skills later. 484 00:23:36,445 --> 00:23:37,810 What I needed was maths. 485 00:23:40,165 --> 00:23:42,925 They came round and tried to teach us how to juggle, 486 00:23:42,925 --> 00:23:44,035 we couldn't juggle. 487 00:23:44,035 --> 00:23:45,755 Tried to put clown make-up on, 488 00:23:45,755 --> 00:23:47,646 some of us had an allergic reaction, 489 00:23:47,646 --> 00:23:50,965 you know. One of the things was a bed of nails. 490 00:23:50,965 --> 00:23:52,795 They taught us how to lie on a bed of nails 491 00:23:52,795 --> 00:23:55,015 and the way you lie on a bed of nails is 492 00:23:55,015 --> 00:23:56,375 you just lie on it and it's fine. 493 00:23:56,375 --> 00:23:58,725 But it's about getting on and off. You're absolutely right. 494 00:23:58,725 --> 00:24:00,445 So, let's have a look and test this out. 495 00:24:00,445 --> 00:24:03,085 You've got a very small bed of nails underneath the desk there. 496 00:24:03,085 --> 00:24:04,475 If you bring it out. 497 00:24:04,475 --> 00:24:06,090 I'm not going on, on the bottom. 498 00:24:07,685 --> 00:24:09,380 Noel, if you would take a seat. 499 00:24:11,656 --> 00:24:12,885 Take a balloon. 500 00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:15,165 Take a balloon and place the balloon on the bed of nails. 501 00:24:15,165 --> 00:24:16,955 Now, apply the pressure evenly. 502 00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:18,536 It's actually... Clearly this is a condom. 503 00:24:20,805 --> 00:24:24,355 See, that's your big problem with having an orgy on a bed of nails. 504 00:24:24,355 --> 00:24:26,345 If you press down on the wood evenly, 505 00:24:26,345 --> 00:24:29,496 it can withstand it for quite a long time. 506 00:24:29,496 --> 00:24:31,955 Can I put some real weight on it? Go on. Burst it. Burst it. 507 00:24:31,955 --> 00:24:33,809 Go on, then, let's have a go. AUDIENCE GASPS 508 00:24:36,666 --> 00:24:39,066 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 509 00:24:43,275 --> 00:24:45,245 You've done a lot. I'll try again. Fantastic. 510 00:24:45,245 --> 00:24:47,685 Oh. 511 00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:49,475 A fantastic amount of pressure. 512 00:24:49,475 --> 00:24:51,807 Great, I've got condom up my nose. 513 00:24:53,626 --> 00:24:55,309 Again. 514 00:24:56,915 --> 00:24:59,526 Put your beds of nails away. 515 00:24:59,526 --> 00:25:00,695 Let's have a quick look. 516 00:25:00,695 --> 00:25:02,735 We've got some video here of a woman. 517 00:25:02,735 --> 00:25:04,406 Now, look how she gets on. 518 00:25:04,406 --> 00:25:07,375 OK, now watch. This is actually slightly terrifying. 519 00:25:07,375 --> 00:25:10,255 So, she lies on the bed of nails and then... Oh, no. 520 00:25:10,255 --> 00:25:14,205 ..an anvil left over from the Roadrunner cartoons... 521 00:25:14,205 --> 00:25:15,455 AUDIENCE GASPS 522 00:25:15,455 --> 00:25:17,485 No! Her boobs! 523 00:25:17,485 --> 00:25:19,565 I know. I know. 524 00:25:19,565 --> 00:25:23,516 Anvil in the boobs is worse than some nails in the back. Yeah. 525 00:25:23,516 --> 00:25:24,636 And rather pleasingly, 526 00:25:24,636 --> 00:25:28,045 couple of spots which have been nicely popped there. 527 00:25:28,045 --> 00:25:30,095 Maybe that's going to be the new pampering. 528 00:25:30,095 --> 00:25:31,815 What, lying on a bed of nails? 529 00:25:31,815 --> 00:25:34,015 Turns out, that's really good for the skin. 530 00:25:34,015 --> 00:25:38,465 You just get on the nails, anvil, couple of guys with some hammers. 531 00:25:38,465 --> 00:25:41,725 Yeah. Anyway, beds of nails aren't too painful to sleep on, 532 00:25:41,725 --> 00:25:43,815 so long as you climb on carefully. 533 00:25:43,815 --> 00:25:45,999 How can you tell if a fish is asleep? 534 00:25:47,065 --> 00:25:49,181 LAUGHTER 535 00:25:50,605 --> 00:25:54,035 That is not asleep. That is just breakfast. 536 00:25:54,035 --> 00:25:57,685 He's still got his eyes open. Well, that is the problem, isn't it? 537 00:25:57,685 --> 00:25:59,526 HOLLY: I think I know the answer to this. Yes? 538 00:25:59,526 --> 00:26:03,155 It bobs on the top of the surface... Then it's dead. 539 00:26:03,155 --> 00:26:06,555 ..no, your parents put you to bed early and then in the morning, 540 00:26:06,555 --> 00:26:09,547 it's fine, but it's just a different shape and colour. 541 00:26:11,365 --> 00:26:13,735 I've heard that, with goldfish, when they bob on the surface, 542 00:26:13,735 --> 00:26:15,325 it's often they're not dead. 543 00:26:15,325 --> 00:26:17,475 Yeah, they sometimes get air caught inside them 544 00:26:17,475 --> 00:26:18,815 and they can recover from that. 545 00:26:18,815 --> 00:26:22,175 And so many viable goldfish have been, you know, 546 00:26:22,175 --> 00:26:23,885 flushed down the loo as a result. 547 00:26:23,885 --> 00:26:26,103 And they're in the sewers now with a rhino. 548 00:26:28,035 --> 00:26:29,625 Does the fish stop eating? 549 00:26:29,625 --> 00:26:32,105 No, so it's sort of the reverse of them swimming on the top. 550 00:26:32,105 --> 00:26:34,545 If we had a tank of fish, you'd see them hovering near the bottom. 551 00:26:34,545 --> 00:26:37,725 They go into a sort of trancelike state and if you then fed them, 552 00:26:37,725 --> 00:26:40,375 it would take them noticeably longer to respond. 553 00:26:40,375 --> 00:26:43,256 And dolphins and whales, they sleep by something called logging. 554 00:26:43,256 --> 00:26:46,685 They shut down half their brain along with the opposite eye. 555 00:26:46,685 --> 00:26:49,835 And the alert side is watching for predators and obstacles and so on. 556 00:26:49,835 --> 00:26:52,276 And then after about two hours, the sides reverse. 557 00:26:52,276 --> 00:26:56,965 So their brains get cleaned like 50-50. Bit by bit. Yes. 558 00:26:56,965 --> 00:27:00,025 It's weird we haven't evolved to do that because you'd think 559 00:27:00,025 --> 00:27:03,266 we'd have survived better if we didn't totally close down. 560 00:27:03,266 --> 00:27:06,286 Well, the even weirder thing is that some animals hibernate, 561 00:27:06,286 --> 00:27:08,615 but they have to wake up in order to go to sleep. 562 00:27:08,615 --> 00:27:11,925 And if they don't wake up, they'd actually end up sleep-deprived, 563 00:27:11,925 --> 00:27:13,266 so they wake up to go to sleep. 564 00:27:13,266 --> 00:27:15,875 So it's a different sort of sleep? It's a totally different thing. 565 00:27:15,875 --> 00:27:18,506 And then there are ones that just go in to torpor to avoid the heat, 566 00:27:18,506 --> 00:27:20,925 that's a different thing, that's not the same as hibernation. 567 00:27:20,925 --> 00:27:23,175 Things like the water-holding frog, 568 00:27:23,175 --> 00:27:26,795 the western swamp tortoise, which is actually a turtle, 569 00:27:26,795 --> 00:27:30,335 and the African lungfish. So they go into a torpor to avoid the heat, 570 00:27:30,335 --> 00:27:33,715 aestivation. It's just a short-term drop in temperature. 571 00:27:33,715 --> 00:27:38,585 Now, where's the best place to sleep on the job? 572 00:27:38,585 --> 00:27:40,845 I used to sleep in the boot of my car when I was at work. 573 00:27:40,845 --> 00:27:42,175 Did you? 574 00:27:42,175 --> 00:27:46,095 In the university holidays, I worked for a textbook company 575 00:27:46,095 --> 00:27:49,625 and I could do what they needed me to do in about an hour. 576 00:27:49,625 --> 00:27:52,516 Right. I'd just go out and I'd lie down in the back of my car, 577 00:27:52,516 --> 00:27:55,155 and I started taking a duvet in. 578 00:27:55,155 --> 00:27:57,595 A boot duvet. I called it a boovet. 579 00:27:57,595 --> 00:27:58,825 LAUGHTER 580 00:27:58,825 --> 00:28:01,465 I did get asked to leave after my boss saw me 581 00:28:01,465 --> 00:28:02,745 climbing out the back of my car. 582 00:28:02,745 --> 00:28:03,895 During working hours? Yes. 583 00:28:03,895 --> 00:28:06,225 Yes, I can see that that would have been a very bad thing. 584 00:28:06,225 --> 00:28:07,665 Where I'd clearly been asleep. 585 00:28:07,665 --> 00:28:11,105 NOEL: I had a job in a bakery and I lasted four hours. 586 00:28:11,105 --> 00:28:12,225 What did you do wrong? 587 00:28:12,225 --> 00:28:14,516 Well, the boss popped out and when he came back, 588 00:28:14,516 --> 00:28:17,665 I was lying on the floor eating eclairs without using my hands. 589 00:28:17,665 --> 00:28:18,745 I was just going, 590 00:28:18,745 --> 00:28:20,394 "A-rar-a-rar-ar!" 591 00:28:21,805 --> 00:28:23,989 I looked up and went, "I'll go." 592 00:28:25,315 --> 00:28:27,755 And then he didn't pay me and my mum marched down there and went, 593 00:28:27,755 --> 00:28:29,325 "He did do four hours." 594 00:28:30,516 --> 00:28:34,875 "He did do four hours and then you can deduct the cost of the eclairs." 595 00:28:34,875 --> 00:28:35,955 So, that's not the answer. 596 00:28:35,955 --> 00:28:38,185 What is the best place to sleep on the job? 597 00:28:38,185 --> 00:28:40,396 Oh, is it British Leyland in the 1970s? 598 00:28:40,396 --> 00:28:42,065 Oh, was that a popular thing? 599 00:28:42,065 --> 00:28:45,035 I believe that in the Cowley works in Oxford, 600 00:28:45,035 --> 00:28:49,115 they had a dormitory that was discovered by the management 601 00:28:49,115 --> 00:28:51,396 where they had found, like, beds and duvets. 602 00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:55,173 Very much like the back of your car, but on the industrial scale. 603 00:28:56,315 --> 00:28:57,915 We're talking further away. 604 00:28:57,915 --> 00:28:59,675 We're talking... Space. 605 00:28:59,675 --> 00:29:01,765 Space. We are indeed talking space. 606 00:29:01,765 --> 00:29:04,345 Neuroscientists at Oxford University have been studying 607 00:29:04,345 --> 00:29:07,035 hibernation and they've been studying hibernation of the 608 00:29:07,035 --> 00:29:10,305 Madagascan fat-tailed dwarf lemur. 609 00:29:10,305 --> 00:29:12,335 That's a name that won't leave the lemur alone. 610 00:29:12,335 --> 00:29:13,705 No. It's just... 611 00:29:13,705 --> 00:29:15,536 Look at your fat tail, you dwarf! 612 00:29:19,795 --> 00:29:22,795 And they are trying to unlock the secret of suspended animation. 613 00:29:22,795 --> 00:29:26,025 And NASA have spent a huge amount of money, because astronauts 614 00:29:26,025 --> 00:29:28,256 sleeping their way to the stars would use 615 00:29:28,256 --> 00:29:30,985 Iess water, less food, oxygen, avoid boredom. 616 00:29:30,985 --> 00:29:33,355 Their hair would grow though, wouldn't it? Yes. 617 00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:35,705 Their hair would grow. Here's the weird thing. 618 00:29:35,705 --> 00:29:39,475 The genes for hibernation already exist in the human body 619 00:29:39,475 --> 00:29:41,454 and, ironically, they're dormant. 620 00:29:42,495 --> 00:29:44,985 Of course. It's something we have forgotten how to do. 621 00:29:44,985 --> 00:29:46,745 The secret of suspended animation. 622 00:29:46,745 --> 00:29:49,555 So, it would protect, for example, the health of astronauts. 623 00:29:49,555 --> 00:29:52,035 They currently have to exercise six hours a day. 624 00:29:52,035 --> 00:29:55,675 Otherwise their muscles and their bones and everything atrophies. 625 00:29:55,675 --> 00:29:57,805 And some animals can hibernate for six months 626 00:29:57,805 --> 00:30:00,855 without suffering osteoporosis, or any muscle wastage whatsoever. 627 00:30:00,855 --> 00:30:04,095 Apparently, lots of astronauts sleep on the launchpad 628 00:30:04,095 --> 00:30:06,175 because there's nothing to do. 629 00:30:06,175 --> 00:30:08,755 Marsha Ivins, and that is her there, 630 00:30:08,755 --> 00:30:12,325 completed five missions for NASA and she said astronauts just take a nap. 631 00:30:12,325 --> 00:30:14,805 "You're strapped in like a sack of potatoes while the system 632 00:30:14,805 --> 00:30:16,675 "goes through thousands of prelaunch checks 633 00:30:16,675 --> 00:30:19,315 "and occasionally you have to wake up and say, 'Roger,' 634 00:30:19,315 --> 00:30:22,035 "or, 'Loud and clear,' but basically you just sleep." 635 00:30:22,035 --> 00:30:25,655 Anyway, sleeping in space could help us reach towards the stars. 636 00:30:25,655 --> 00:30:29,065 What's the most dangerous thing beginning with N 637 00:30:29,065 --> 00:30:31,575 that you could be stuck in a lift with? 638 00:30:31,575 --> 00:30:33,055 Nigel Farage. 639 00:30:33,055 --> 00:30:34,265 KLAXON 640 00:30:34,265 --> 00:30:36,324 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 641 00:30:42,355 --> 00:30:46,255 No. Not correct. 642 00:30:46,255 --> 00:30:49,365 NOEL: Nitrogen. Yes. It is liquid nitrogen. 643 00:30:49,365 --> 00:30:51,215 I've no idea how that happened. 644 00:30:51,215 --> 00:30:52,751 APPLAUSE 645 00:30:54,875 --> 00:30:56,146 Liquid nitrogen explains it, 646 00:30:56,146 --> 00:30:58,725 because I'm pretty sure I've been in a lift with some nitrogen 647 00:30:58,725 --> 00:30:59,855 and lived to tell the tale. 648 00:30:59,855 --> 00:31:01,695 No, liquid nitrogen, it would need to be. 649 00:31:01,695 --> 00:31:04,375 I like the idea, though, of you in a lift with liquid nitrogen. 650 00:31:04,375 --> 00:31:07,146 When it opened, it would be like Stars in Their Eyes. 651 00:31:07,146 --> 00:31:09,445 You'd come out as whoever you liked. Yes, I suppose so, 652 00:31:09,445 --> 00:31:12,625 except you wouldn't come out, is the thing. 653 00:31:12,625 --> 00:31:15,445 It can push the oxygen out of a lift and kill you. 654 00:31:15,445 --> 00:31:18,276 So, if it is carried in a lift, it has to travel on its own. 655 00:31:18,276 --> 00:31:20,925 Basically, what has to happen is somebody has to put it in 656 00:31:20,925 --> 00:31:23,625 and then carefully press the button and shut the doors, and it goes up 657 00:31:23,625 --> 00:31:25,195 to the next floor, or down or wherever, 658 00:31:25,195 --> 00:31:26,595 and somebody has to wait for it. 659 00:31:26,595 --> 00:31:30,281 Why is so much liquid nitrogen needed on so many high floors? 660 00:31:33,296 --> 00:31:34,985 You can make ice cream out of it. 661 00:31:34,985 --> 00:31:37,635 I'm saying, make it on the ground floor. Yeah. 662 00:31:37,635 --> 00:31:41,315 Well, the cafe at Terminal 2 that Heston Blumenthal has at Heathrow, 663 00:31:41,315 --> 00:31:43,185 it has to go in a special security entrance 664 00:31:43,185 --> 00:31:45,055 and be brought into the lift by itself. 665 00:31:45,055 --> 00:31:48,765 Oh, he's caused so much trouble just for his poxy ice cream. 666 00:31:48,765 --> 00:31:51,315 It does actually make better ice cream, because it's smaller 667 00:31:51,315 --> 00:31:54,156 ice crystals so it's smoother, but do you know when it was invented, 668 00:31:54,156 --> 00:31:56,325 the idea of making ice cream with liquid nitrogen? 669 00:31:56,325 --> 00:31:57,765 1420s or something, wasn't it? 670 00:31:57,765 --> 00:32:00,643 Yes. I love the idea of that. 1420s. "What shall we do now?" 671 00:32:02,685 --> 00:32:04,195 1890. 1890. 672 00:32:04,195 --> 00:32:06,865 There was a cookbook called Fancy Ices written by a Mrs Marshall 673 00:32:06,865 --> 00:32:08,835 and she used liquid nitrogen. 674 00:32:08,835 --> 00:32:12,095 Now, what does the EU have against nightingales? 675 00:32:12,095 --> 00:32:14,995 Is it the noise they make? Yes, it is the noise they make. 676 00:32:14,995 --> 00:32:16,345 Why might it be? 677 00:32:16,345 --> 00:32:18,555 It's too loud. It's too loud, it breaks... 678 00:32:18,555 --> 00:32:19,995 They're breaking regulations. 679 00:32:19,995 --> 00:32:21,475 Yes, they are. 680 00:32:21,475 --> 00:32:24,995 They're breaking EU health and safety rules. 681 00:32:24,995 --> 00:32:27,435 There we are, you can have a listen. 682 00:32:27,435 --> 00:32:28,315 They're too loud. 683 00:32:28,315 --> 00:32:29,605 Ah! Argh! 684 00:32:29,605 --> 00:32:31,482 It's quite piercing, isn't it? 685 00:32:32,915 --> 00:32:36,075 That's a male nightingale marking his territory there 686 00:32:36,075 --> 00:32:41,195 and he can sing at 95 decibels, which is the same as a chainsaw. 687 00:32:41,195 --> 00:32:44,045 And our health and safety rules for the EU say you shouldn't be 688 00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:45,605 exposed to anything over 87. 689 00:32:45,605 --> 00:32:48,795 But the weird thing is, they've done some research in Berlin 690 00:32:48,795 --> 00:32:51,035 and they have found that birds are now raising the volume 691 00:32:51,035 --> 00:32:53,605 by 14 decibels to drown out the city sounds. 692 00:32:53,605 --> 00:32:55,065 They are having to. Are they really? 693 00:32:55,065 --> 00:32:58,675 Yep. I've heard that. In the cities, all the birds are louder. 694 00:32:58,675 --> 00:33:00,765 Noisy city birds. Yeah, yeah. 695 00:33:00,765 --> 00:33:03,518 And they go out to the country, "HELLO, EVERYONE! 696 00:33:05,515 --> 00:33:08,245 "GOT ANY GOOD WORMS OR SPIDERS? 697 00:33:08,245 --> 00:33:12,276 "I'VE EATEN NOTHING BUT OLD BURGERS ALL WEEK." 698 00:33:12,276 --> 00:33:15,306 I must say, I've never heard a nightingale song before and 699 00:33:15,306 --> 00:33:19,635 I'm afraid to say I expected more. 700 00:33:19,635 --> 00:33:23,075 I thought a nightingale song was, like, incredibly beautiful 701 00:33:23,075 --> 00:33:25,625 and that was kind of a bit... Irritating at best. 702 00:33:25,625 --> 00:33:27,895 A bit pleasant, but also a bit irritating. 703 00:33:27,895 --> 00:33:29,915 Isn't there a Vera Lynn song about it? 704 00:33:29,915 --> 00:33:32,965 Nightingale In Berkeley Square, absolutely right. 705 00:33:32,965 --> 00:33:35,995 Indeed, the BBC's very first outside broadcast, in 1924, 706 00:33:35,995 --> 00:33:38,176 that was a cellist called Beatrice Harrison and it was 707 00:33:38,176 --> 00:33:40,535 a duet with Beatrice Harrison and a nightingale. 708 00:33:40,535 --> 00:33:42,925 And she had noticed that nearby nightingales were joining in 709 00:33:42,925 --> 00:33:45,795 whenever she was practising and so she approached John Reith 710 00:33:45,795 --> 00:33:47,715 and he was rather dubious about the idea. 711 00:33:47,715 --> 00:33:51,435 But in fact it was broadcast and one million people listened to her 712 00:33:51,435 --> 00:33:53,425 playing along with a nightingale. 713 00:33:53,425 --> 00:33:55,435 Now, night draws on. 714 00:33:55,435 --> 00:33:57,435 Would anyone like a nightcap? 715 00:33:57,435 --> 00:33:58,845 Yes. 716 00:33:58,845 --> 00:34:00,278 KLAXON 717 00:34:03,245 --> 00:34:07,225 At this point, I would like to ask whether the word "No" 718 00:34:07,225 --> 00:34:09,396 is also attached to a buzzer? 719 00:34:09,396 --> 00:34:12,595 And, therefore, precisely how we could fucking win? 720 00:34:12,595 --> 00:34:14,654 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 721 00:34:20,156 --> 00:34:22,795 No, you don't want a nightcap, is the answer. 722 00:34:22,795 --> 00:34:24,795 Is it a deadly mushroom or something? 723 00:34:24,795 --> 00:34:27,205 Well, it's from around the turn of the 19th century. 724 00:34:27,205 --> 00:34:30,075 Condemned prisoners... The judge's black hat? Is that a nightcap? 725 00:34:30,075 --> 00:34:31,365 No, it's your own nightcap. 726 00:34:31,365 --> 00:34:34,156 Say you were a condemned prisoner in Tyburn and Newgate, 727 00:34:34,156 --> 00:34:36,205 you'd bring your nightcap to the execution 728 00:34:36,205 --> 00:34:37,635 and, after having your prayers, 729 00:34:37,635 --> 00:34:40,685 the hangman would pull it down over your face in place of a hood. 730 00:34:40,685 --> 00:34:44,715 So your nightcap would become... Not this one because it's quite tight. 731 00:34:44,715 --> 00:34:48,065 That's a tremendous incentive to forget your nightcap, isn't it? 732 00:34:48,065 --> 00:34:51,505 "I'm so sorry, I don't think this can go ahead." "I feel an idiot!" 733 00:34:51,505 --> 00:34:54,205 So, the nightcap as a drink, the notion of capping off the evening, 734 00:34:54,205 --> 00:34:55,406 that's a different use of it. 735 00:34:55,406 --> 00:34:58,075 That kind of nightcap you might very well want, but the idea that 736 00:34:58,075 --> 00:35:00,765 you had a nightcap as a condemned person, that you don't want. 737 00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,235 Although, in America, it just means 738 00:35:02,235 --> 00:35:04,156 the second game of a double-header in baseball. 739 00:35:04,156 --> 00:35:06,125 It's known as the nightcap. 740 00:35:06,125 --> 00:35:10,915 Now, we step into the dark and stormy night of General Ignorance. 741 00:35:12,045 --> 00:35:14,865 Fingers on buzzers. Where is this cheese from? 742 00:35:14,865 --> 00:35:17,475 I'll give you a clue, it begins with S. 743 00:35:17,475 --> 00:35:20,585 MAN SNORES HEAVILY Alan. 744 00:35:20,585 --> 00:35:22,286 Shropshire. 745 00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:23,799 KLAXON 746 00:35:26,835 --> 00:35:29,035 I don't know what made you think of it. 747 00:35:29,035 --> 00:35:30,365 Sometimes, you know... 748 00:35:30,365 --> 00:35:33,365 Sometimes you say the obvious one and then you go, "Yes." 749 00:35:33,365 --> 00:35:34,575 No. Never to me. 750 00:35:34,575 --> 00:35:36,995 No, it doesn't come from Shropshire. Anything else? 751 00:35:36,995 --> 00:35:38,875 Begins with an S, does not come from Shropshire. 752 00:35:38,875 --> 00:35:41,286 Spain, Sussex, Surrey, Scotland. 753 00:35:41,286 --> 00:35:44,335 Scotland. It comes from Scotland. It absolutely does. 754 00:35:44,335 --> 00:35:47,785 And it was originally called Inverness-shire Blue or Blue Stuart. 755 00:35:47,785 --> 00:35:50,955 And I don't know why they thought if they renamed it Shropshire, 756 00:35:50,955 --> 00:35:53,235 people would be more likely to buy it. 757 00:35:53,235 --> 00:35:56,225 It was a PR job. So, is it is quite a recent invention? 758 00:35:56,225 --> 00:35:58,895 It's a fairly recent cheese, yeah. Rather like Stinking Bishop. 759 00:35:58,895 --> 00:36:02,416 Oh, yeah, that's like a made-up olde worlde thing, isn't it? Yeah. 760 00:36:02,416 --> 00:36:05,805 It's a... 1973 it was invented. Like Hobnobs. They're quite recent. 761 00:36:05,805 --> 00:36:07,315 Are they? Yeah, the Hobnobs. 762 00:36:07,315 --> 00:36:09,286 Oh, that's an old biscuit, I'll have a Hobnob. 763 00:36:09,286 --> 00:36:11,205 It's about something like 1981. 764 00:36:11,205 --> 00:36:12,406 LAUGHER 765 00:36:12,406 --> 00:36:15,156 I resent the Hobnobs' quick entry into sort of... 766 00:36:15,156 --> 00:36:17,795 It's a quick biscuit to refer to in a joke. 767 00:36:17,795 --> 00:36:19,675 You go, "Oh, a Hobnob," or whatever. 768 00:36:19,675 --> 00:36:21,365 No, Hobnob. You're new. 769 00:36:21,365 --> 00:36:23,485 LAUGHTER 770 00:36:23,485 --> 00:36:27,195 Leave the biscuit references to the rich tea and the digestive. 771 00:36:27,195 --> 00:36:29,288 They've genuinely... They've done the time. 772 00:36:30,725 --> 00:36:32,835 It's like a bloody ploughman's lunch. 773 00:36:32,835 --> 00:36:35,325 Ad executive's inventions. 774 00:36:35,325 --> 00:36:38,565 And tonight's show was sponsored by Hobnobs... 775 00:36:38,565 --> 00:36:41,005 to whom we can only apologise. 776 00:36:41,005 --> 00:36:43,885 Stinking Bishop is actually named after the perry, 777 00:36:43,885 --> 00:36:45,885 so the pear drink it's steeped in. 778 00:36:45,885 --> 00:36:48,435 The pear itself was bred by a man called Mr Bishop 779 00:36:48,435 --> 00:36:51,875 and he was so bad-tempered, he was known as Stinking Bishop. 780 00:36:51,875 --> 00:36:53,955 So bad-tempered that once, 781 00:36:53,955 --> 00:36:57,595 his kettle failed to boil as fast as he wanted it to, 782 00:36:57,595 --> 00:37:00,645 so he shot it. LAUGHTER 783 00:37:00,645 --> 00:37:02,442 And then he pissed in it. 784 00:37:05,205 --> 00:37:09,036 Does anybody know the price of the most expensive cheese in the world? 785 00:37:09,036 --> 00:37:10,435 It's called pule. 786 00:37:10,435 --> 00:37:12,495 1,000 euros. 787 00:37:12,495 --> 00:37:16,445 You're not far off. It is £700 a pound. 788 00:37:16,445 --> 00:37:18,955 HOLLY: What's so special about it? It's made from donkey milk. 789 00:37:18,955 --> 00:37:22,845 I don't know if you've ever tried to milk a donkey, but... 790 00:37:22,845 --> 00:37:25,765 It kicks in the face a lot. 791 00:37:25,765 --> 00:37:28,325 You have to dress as an ice hockey goalkeeper. 792 00:37:29,885 --> 00:37:33,125 25 litres of donkey milk to make one kilo of cheese - of the pule. 793 00:37:33,125 --> 00:37:37,235 Is it very delicious? I've never had it. It's rather crumbly, apparently, 794 00:37:37,235 --> 00:37:39,315 and meant to be a delicacy. It would be at that price. 795 00:37:39,315 --> 00:37:40,795 You wouldn't want to have a lot. 796 00:37:40,795 --> 00:37:42,925 You wouldn't want to think, "Oh, I'm tired," 797 00:37:42,925 --> 00:37:45,395 just open the fridge, cracker... Melt it on toast. Yes. 798 00:37:45,395 --> 00:37:49,795 I bought a rather nice lump of some sort of fancy cheddar 799 00:37:49,795 --> 00:37:52,955 and it was in a waxy dome, you know. 800 00:37:52,955 --> 00:37:55,805 Babybel. Not a Babybel... 801 00:37:55,805 --> 00:37:58,365 LAUGHTER 802 00:37:58,365 --> 00:38:00,595 ..I'll have you know. 803 00:38:00,595 --> 00:38:06,205 It could have been a very old Babybel. Like a pre-war Babybel. 804 00:38:06,205 --> 00:38:09,235 Anyway... Cost quite a lot. 805 00:38:09,235 --> 00:38:12,166 I thought, "I'm going to enjoy that." And then when I came home, 806 00:38:12,166 --> 00:38:15,965 my wife had grated it on the kids' jacket potatoes. 807 00:38:15,965 --> 00:38:17,775 She couldn't understand my indignation. 808 00:38:17,775 --> 00:38:20,036 You sound ridiculous when you're in the kitchen going, 809 00:38:20,036 --> 00:38:22,855 "That's a very expensive cheese!" 810 00:38:22,855 --> 00:38:26,395 LAUGHTER 811 00:38:26,395 --> 00:38:31,965 And she said, "It's a Babybel." Yeah. 812 00:38:31,965 --> 00:38:34,725 Now, it's a beautiful morning, look, there's a rainbow. 813 00:38:34,725 --> 00:38:36,317 What colours can you see? 814 00:38:38,645 --> 00:38:40,955 # Red and yellow 815 00:38:40,955 --> 00:38:42,502 # And... # 816 00:38:45,685 --> 00:38:47,795 You're being very cautious. Purple and blue? 817 00:38:47,795 --> 00:38:49,166 Something, purple and blue? 818 00:38:49,166 --> 00:38:50,815 KLAXON 819 00:38:52,755 --> 00:38:56,435 Orange? Not if it's early or late in the day. 820 00:38:56,435 --> 00:38:59,005 You will only see red, orange and yellow in rainbows 821 00:38:59,005 --> 00:39:01,445 and that is because when the sun is low in the sky, 822 00:39:01,445 --> 00:39:04,895 the light has to pass through much more of the Earth's atmosphere 823 00:39:04,895 --> 00:39:07,315 and only the red wavelengths will make it. 824 00:39:07,315 --> 00:39:10,755 Has anybody ever seen an upside-down rainbow? 825 00:39:10,755 --> 00:39:13,645 I don't think so. HOLLY: Have we all seen one? 826 00:39:13,645 --> 00:39:15,935 Well, it is a thing. You can see them in the sky. 827 00:39:15,935 --> 00:39:19,205 They're called circumzenithal or Bravais' arcs. 828 00:39:19,205 --> 00:39:21,725 So, a rainbow is formed when light refracts through raindrops, 829 00:39:21,725 --> 00:39:22,755 we all know that. 830 00:39:22,755 --> 00:39:25,495 But the upside-down ones are made by light refracting through 831 00:39:25,495 --> 00:39:27,845 ice crystals in the clouds. Isn't it beautiful? Cool. 832 00:39:27,845 --> 00:39:29,935 It is seriously cool. 833 00:39:29,935 --> 00:39:34,215 Now, when is Sunday and how long does it last? 834 00:39:34,215 --> 00:39:36,495 Oh, I'm not getting into that one, someone else can do that. 835 00:39:36,495 --> 00:39:37,885 Anybody else to buzz? 836 00:39:37,885 --> 00:39:40,115 WOLF HOWLS Yes, David. 837 00:39:40,115 --> 00:39:43,725 Between Saturday and Monday and 24 hours. 838 00:39:43,725 --> 00:39:45,932 Oh, dear. KLAXON 839 00:39:52,935 --> 00:39:54,375 No, is the answer. 840 00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:56,205 So, it is not Sunday. It is sun day. 841 00:39:56,205 --> 00:39:58,495 And it is... Is it the summer solstice? 842 00:39:58,495 --> 00:40:00,205 It is the one day in the year. 843 00:40:00,205 --> 00:40:03,605 Where might they be so thrilled to see the sun? 844 00:40:03,605 --> 00:40:05,375 Oh, is it somewhere in Scotland? 845 00:40:05,375 --> 00:40:07,765 LAUGHTER 846 00:40:07,765 --> 00:40:10,176 Slightly further north. 847 00:40:10,176 --> 00:40:13,015 Oh, is it when the sun appears at the end of the Arctic winter 848 00:40:13,015 --> 00:40:14,605 or something like that? Yeah, it is. 849 00:40:14,605 --> 00:40:17,865 It's in a place called Uummannaq in north-western Greenland. 850 00:40:17,865 --> 00:40:19,255 It takes place on 4th February 851 00:40:19,255 --> 00:40:21,375 and it's when the sun first appears after winter, 852 00:40:21,375 --> 00:40:23,375 and it lasts for six minutes. 853 00:40:23,375 --> 00:40:24,965 But it is so exciting... 854 00:40:24,965 --> 00:40:27,126 Farming's going well there, isn't it? 855 00:40:29,685 --> 00:40:31,965 Think of their garden. 856 00:40:31,965 --> 00:40:34,046 Come on, Titchmarsh, show us your stuff. 857 00:40:34,046 --> 00:40:36,492 It looks like where the Thunderbirds live. 858 00:40:38,245 --> 00:40:41,166 "Why do we live here?" "I don't know." 859 00:40:41,166 --> 00:40:42,805 And they celebrate that day. 860 00:40:42,805 --> 00:40:46,085 The schoolchildren take the day off and they have hot chocolate 861 00:40:46,085 --> 00:40:47,046 and doughnuts and so on 862 00:40:47,046 --> 00:40:49,725 and they organise sites that everybody can see the sun. 863 00:40:49,725 --> 00:40:52,655 I bet you they still get their tops off when it comes out, like here. 864 00:40:52,655 --> 00:40:53,735 Do you think? 865 00:40:53,735 --> 00:40:56,176 I think just loads of middle-aged men go out 866 00:40:56,176 --> 00:40:57,765 just in their boxer shorts, 867 00:40:57,765 --> 00:40:59,375 just to get a bit of a tan. 868 00:40:59,375 --> 00:41:01,855 Where does that happen? In Lewisham. 869 00:41:01,855 --> 00:41:03,971 Every park in the UK. 870 00:41:05,405 --> 00:41:07,535 Speaking on behalf of middle-aged men, 871 00:41:07,535 --> 00:41:10,056 there's no way we would strip down to our boxes in any park. 872 00:41:10,056 --> 00:41:12,575 You two are really making a lot of statements on behalf of 873 00:41:12,575 --> 00:41:14,665 all men this evening. 874 00:41:14,665 --> 00:41:16,805 Yeah, as are you, kettle pisser. 875 00:41:16,805 --> 00:41:18,022 LAUGHTER 876 00:41:20,525 --> 00:41:23,255 From someone who sleeps in the boot of her own car. 877 00:41:26,935 --> 00:41:29,415 Did anybody ever go to that fantastic exhibition in the 878 00:41:29,415 --> 00:41:31,535 Turbine Hall at the Tate called the Weather Project, 879 00:41:31,535 --> 00:41:34,405 where they just had a large sun? I did. Did you see it? 880 00:41:34,405 --> 00:41:35,765 Yeah. It was amazing. 881 00:41:35,765 --> 00:41:38,535 I went to an exhibition at the Tate and it was on pop art and 882 00:41:38,535 --> 00:41:41,176 there was a room that was set aside from everyone else, because it 883 00:41:41,176 --> 00:41:44,775 was very explicit by this artist called Jeff Koons who does 884 00:41:44,775 --> 00:41:47,845 basically high art, but pornography. 885 00:41:47,845 --> 00:41:50,695 And this middle-class woman and her two kids came up and the guy 886 00:41:50,695 --> 00:41:52,176 on the door stopped them and said, 887 00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:54,835 "This is for over 18s only, you can't come in." And the woman said, 888 00:41:54,835 --> 00:41:57,535 "I'll go in and have a look and I'll come back out and tell you what I saw." 889 00:41:57,535 --> 00:41:59,325 So she went into the room and she came back out 890 00:41:59,325 --> 00:42:02,125 a split-second later, completely ashen-faced. 891 00:42:02,125 --> 00:42:04,365 And I heard her lean down to these two kids and she said, 892 00:42:04,365 --> 00:42:06,895 "What happens between a man and a woman is a beautiful thing. 893 00:42:06,895 --> 00:42:10,535 "What I saw in that room is of no help to anyone." 894 00:42:13,895 --> 00:42:16,466 That's what you said after the circus skills workshop. 895 00:42:18,745 --> 00:42:21,176 I'm trying to get my head around long division. 896 00:42:21,176 --> 00:42:22,746 I don't need this bullshit. 897 00:42:24,415 --> 00:42:26,485 Don't try and tempt me with Hobnobs. 898 00:42:28,095 --> 00:42:30,211 Take your unicycle and go. 899 00:42:33,375 --> 00:42:36,405 Anyway, let's have a look at the scores. 900 00:42:36,405 --> 00:42:40,525 And the winner with a full three points, 901 00:42:40,525 --> 00:42:41,492 it's Holly! 902 00:42:47,415 --> 00:42:50,066 Second place, with -8, it's Noel. 903 00:42:54,775 --> 00:42:57,130 In third place with -10, Alan. 904 00:43:01,835 --> 00:43:04,245 David, it's a magnificent loss, can I say? 905 00:43:04,245 --> 00:43:07,464 -37, in last place, it's David Mitchell. 906 00:43:16,325 --> 00:43:18,855 So, it's thanks to Holly, David, Noel and Alan. 907 00:43:18,855 --> 00:43:20,926 That's all from this quite interesting night, 908 00:43:20,926 --> 00:43:25,535 apart from this Neolithic newspaper nugget from the Western Daily Press. 909 00:43:25,535 --> 00:43:28,845 A student who woke up after a drunken night out with the words 910 00:43:28,845 --> 00:43:31,735 "Barry is a twat" tattooed on his arm 911 00:43:31,735 --> 00:43:34,260 says he has no idea who Barry is. 912 00:43:35,325 --> 00:43:37,054 Night-night.