1 00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:33,730 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:33,730 --> 00:00:37,820 Hello, and welcome to a show dedicated to the naked truth. 3 00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,980 Joining me, and full of naked ambition, 4 00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:41,810 are tonight's skinny dippers. 5 00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:43,660 In the buff, Richard Osman! 6 00:00:43,660 --> 00:00:44,786 APPLAUSE Hi. 7 00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:49,860 In the altogether, Lee Mack! 8 00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:52,610 APPLAUSE Hello. 9 00:00:52,610 --> 00:00:55,511 In her birthday suit, Lolly Adefope! 10 00:00:55,511 --> 00:00:57,456 APPLAUSE 11 00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:01,300 And indescribable Alan Davies! 12 00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:03,336 APPLAUSE 13 00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:09,501 Right, let's hear their buzzers. 14 00:01:09,501 --> 00:01:11,170 Lolly goes... 15 00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:12,899 MUSIC: The Stripper 16 00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:17,570 Richard goes... 17 00:01:17,570 --> 00:01:21,381 MUSIC: The Stripper 18 00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:24,501 Lee goes... 19 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,810 MUSIC: The Stripper 20 00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:32,010 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:33,614 MUSIC ENDS 22 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:38,690 TRICKLING 23 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,309 What the... 24 00:01:49,180 --> 00:01:50,890 Well, I need to go now. Don't you? 25 00:01:50,890 --> 00:01:53,290 Yeah. So, Alan, we're going to start with you. 26 00:01:53,290 --> 00:01:55,451 Oh, OK. Are you normal or weird? 27 00:01:57,860 --> 00:02:00,300 I think I'm normal, Sandi. 28 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:02,650 KLAXON 29 00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:04,780 All right, weird. Feel bad. 30 00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:06,430 Yes, you are weird. 31 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:07,740 Anybody here normal? 32 00:02:07,740 --> 00:02:10,100 I would say, uh, I'll go weird. 33 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:12,820 Yes. Normal, do you feel normal, Lolly? 34 00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:14,660 I feel very much at home here. 35 00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:18,050 OK. You must have a strange house, but there we are. 36 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,940 What about you, Richard? Normal? 37 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,620 I'm going to go out on a crazy limb. 38 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,590 Yeah. And say maybe I'm a little bit weird. 39 00:02:23,590 --> 00:02:25,620 Yes. The fact is, nobody is normal. 40 00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:28,890 So, say you took an average of every single person here in this room, 41 00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:33,050 and we took height and shoe size and collar size and all those things, 42 00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:36,030 you won't find anybody who's average in all respects. 43 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,230 It just doesn't exist. 44 00:02:37,230 --> 00:02:39,261 And it's called the jaggedness principle. 45 00:02:39,261 --> 00:02:42,150 And it really matters. In the 1940s, the US Air Force, they thought, 46 00:02:42,150 --> 00:02:44,870 "I know what we'll do. We'll design a cockpit that fits absolutely 47 00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:47,820 "everybody." OK? The cockpit has yet to be designed... 48 00:02:47,820 --> 00:02:51,230 Yes, that is.....that will fit my proportions. 49 00:02:51,230 --> 00:02:52,740 In what way? 50 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,050 Oh, in a plane? In a plane. 51 00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:55,665 Oh, I'm sorry! 52 00:02:58,251 --> 00:03:00,860 How embarrassing, I thought you were talking about... 53 00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:02,970 Yes, I try so hard with you boys. 54 00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:06,150 So they took the measurements of over 4,000 pilots and they designed 55 00:03:06,150 --> 00:03:10,020 this cockpit seat based on these ten different body measurements. 56 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:13,020 And it didn't fit a single pilot. 57 00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:15,580 Because there isn't any such thing as normal, 58 00:03:15,580 --> 00:03:19,501 and in the end they had to develop the adjustable seat for aeroplanes, 59 00:03:19,501 --> 00:03:21,740 because of the jaggedness principle. 60 00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:24,391 So, take me and Richard. Richard, you come here, just for a moment. 61 00:03:24,391 --> 00:03:27,501 Oh, goodness. So, if you wanted to do... 62 00:03:27,501 --> 00:03:29,947 Where's the sun?! Where's the sun?! 63 00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:37,690 If there was a jacket to be had for the average quiz show presenter... 64 00:03:37,690 --> 00:03:42,381 Can I just say, I'm very proud of Sandi and her time at the school... 65 00:03:42,381 --> 00:03:47,239 and I'm so pleased that she's won the grammar prize, well done. 66 00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:52,131 You do know that people watching won't know who's - 67 00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:55,180 and I don't use the word lightly - abnormally heighted? 68 00:03:55,180 --> 00:03:57,060 It could be that you're 25 foot. 69 00:03:57,060 --> 00:04:01,020 We need some proportions. I'm five foot nine, to give an indication. 70 00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:04,501 I used to work with the brilliant Humphrey Lyttelton, 71 00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:08,050 and Humphrey was exactly the same height as me when he was kneeling. 72 00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:10,621 I bet I am. Shall we try that? Yeah. 73 00:04:11,950 --> 00:04:14,225 OK. Right, here we go. 74 00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,121 Oh, just about. 75 00:04:17,121 --> 00:04:20,613 APPLAUSE 76 00:04:23,610 --> 00:04:26,870 Play you at netball any day. 77 00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:29,900 So, trying to find an average person's unbelievably difficult. 78 00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:33,091 The Australian Bureau of Statistics used the national census to try and 79 00:04:33,091 --> 00:04:34,372 find an average Australian. 80 00:04:34,372 --> 00:04:37,041 So here's what they announced. She was a 37-year-old woman. 81 00:04:37,041 --> 00:04:39,801 She had a son and daughter, he was six and she was nine. 82 00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:41,451 The woman is five foot four and 11st. 83 00:04:41,451 --> 00:04:44,041 She's got a three-bedroom house with about £200,000 left 84 00:04:44,041 --> 00:04:46,931 on the mortgage. Her family came originally from the UK. 85 00:04:46,931 --> 00:04:48,801 That is the average Australian. 86 00:04:48,801 --> 00:04:52,961 And then they couldn't find a single person in the entire country who 87 00:04:52,961 --> 00:04:54,721 matched it. I think it's me. 88 00:04:54,721 --> 00:04:56,681 Are you five foot four? Yeah. 89 00:04:56,681 --> 00:04:58,330 Are you Australian? 90 00:04:59,861 --> 00:05:02,531 So close! 91 00:05:02,531 --> 00:05:04,411 OK, try this one, all right? 92 00:05:04,411 --> 00:05:06,101 So this is a 2014 dating site. 93 00:05:06,101 --> 00:05:07,691 They surveyed 2,000 London men. 94 00:05:07,691 --> 00:05:10,301 So the ideal London woman, here's what she looks like. 95 00:05:10,301 --> 00:05:11,861 Five foot six. 96 00:05:11,861 --> 00:05:14,252 Five foot four. Five foot four, OK. 97 00:05:14,252 --> 00:05:16,661 9st. 34C bust, drinks white wine, 98 00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:18,731 has no tattoos and supports Tottenham. 99 00:05:18,731 --> 00:05:20,691 Oh! 100 00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:22,931 No wonder she's single. 101 00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:25,401 Yeah, well... I've got more on her. 102 00:05:25,401 --> 00:05:27,971 I've got more. Brown hair. 103 00:05:27,971 --> 00:05:31,661 Brown hair. She drove an Audi TT, she was either a nurse or a teacher. 104 00:05:31,661 --> 00:05:33,372 She liked roast dinners. 105 00:05:33,372 --> 00:05:36,681 She had an exotic foreign accent. 106 00:05:36,681 --> 00:05:38,291 She loved Dirty Dancing, the movie, 107 00:05:38,291 --> 00:05:40,841 and the top television show was Friends. 108 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,980 Oh, she sounds like an idiot. She does! 109 00:05:44,101 --> 00:05:46,521 That's what a man's really looking for in a woman, 110 00:05:46,521 --> 00:05:49,242 somebody who likes Dirty Dancing. They're so rare to find. 111 00:05:49,242 --> 00:05:52,161 I know. I don't think I have any of those... 112 00:05:52,161 --> 00:05:54,481 Don't have.....qualities. You've got brown hair. 113 00:05:54,481 --> 00:05:55,766 It's kind of black. OK. 114 00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:59,331 So, if you're not normal, you could be weird. 115 00:05:59,331 --> 00:06:01,731 In fact, we are all at the table weird. 116 00:06:01,731 --> 00:06:05,252 It stands for Western educated from industrialised rich democratic 117 00:06:05,252 --> 00:06:07,941 countries. So why might that be a problem? 118 00:06:07,941 --> 00:06:10,771 That be an issue? The problem is because they're missing the C off 119 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,331 the end of WEIRD. Yeah, countries. 120 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:14,451 Oh, I see. So the acronym works pretty well. 121 00:06:14,451 --> 00:06:18,372 Doesn't really scan though, does it? No. WEIRDC. 122 00:06:18,372 --> 00:06:20,971 The problem is that whenever we do sociological research or 123 00:06:20,971 --> 00:06:24,101 psychological research, 96% of the people who participate 124 00:06:24,101 --> 00:06:26,661 in these kind of studies, they're usually students, are weird. 125 00:06:26,661 --> 00:06:30,411 Even though that only represents 12% of the world's population. 126 00:06:30,411 --> 00:06:32,491 Surely NORMAL could be an acronym for something? 127 00:06:32,491 --> 00:06:33,771 Yes. Yes, what could it be? 128 00:06:33,771 --> 00:06:36,341 It ends in "Arsenal loving," I know that. 129 00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:38,101 I'm just trying... 130 00:06:38,101 --> 00:06:40,691 Yeah, C's for something else there, isn't it? 131 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,592 LAUGHTER 132 00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:50,821 Nordic men, Arsenal loving. Yeah, like John Jensen. 133 00:06:50,821 --> 00:06:54,681 Johnny Jensen! Aah! Is he a Danish footballer? He was, yeah. 134 00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:57,731 I used to work in a bookmakers, and John Jensen used to come in, 135 00:06:57,731 --> 00:07:00,331 put bets on, and he put 50 quid once and it won about 400 quid 136 00:07:00,331 --> 00:07:02,331 and he never collected it. 137 00:07:02,331 --> 00:07:04,891 Wow. If John Jensen's at home watching this, he'll be like, 138 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:08,091 "This is unbelievable. They are literally just talking about me." 139 00:07:08,091 --> 00:07:11,041 You're not allowed to tell people that they've got a bet that won, 140 00:07:11,041 --> 00:07:13,201 because they might have accidentally put that bet on 141 00:07:13,201 --> 00:07:14,821 and meant something else. 142 00:07:14,821 --> 00:07:18,531 He could be sitting at home going... SHE SPEAKS DANISH 143 00:07:18,531 --> 00:07:21,841 Yeah, John Jensen. Was he the Swedish Chef or something? 144 00:07:23,451 --> 00:07:25,651 He scored in the final of the European Championships, 145 00:07:25,651 --> 00:07:29,382 when Denmark won the tournament in 1992. 146 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:33,132 Stunning goal against Germany, Arsenal signed him 147 00:07:33,132 --> 00:07:35,578 and he didn't score again for three years. 148 00:07:36,971 --> 00:07:39,691 I was only two then. Yeah. 149 00:07:39,691 --> 00:07:42,296 OK, I'm going to just cry for a minute. 150 00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:48,841 Are you a football fan? COYS, COYS, COYS is all I know. What is that? 151 00:07:48,841 --> 00:07:50,091 Come on, you Spurs. 152 00:07:50,091 --> 00:07:54,531 RICHARD: Suddenly, the perfect woman hoves into view... 153 00:07:54,531 --> 00:07:56,971 She likes white wine. I know a football joke. 154 00:07:56,971 --> 00:08:00,321 Oh, I bet Ozil might have asthma now, 155 00:08:00,321 --> 00:08:03,481 because of all the dust on Arsenal's trophy cabinet. 156 00:08:03,481 --> 00:08:04,539 Oh! 157 00:08:06,341 --> 00:08:08,051 I might not know anything about football, 158 00:08:08,051 --> 00:08:10,053 but I think you've caused a frisson. 159 00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:14,051 That's the noise of a frisson, isn't it? 160 00:08:14,051 --> 00:08:17,771 John Jensen's throwing stuff at the telly right now. 161 00:08:17,771 --> 00:08:21,611 He can't afford a telly, he left his money at the bookmakers. 162 00:08:21,611 --> 00:08:24,051 He's not watching the telly now, he's round at William Hill's, 163 00:08:24,051 --> 00:08:25,382 banging on the window. 164 00:08:26,491 --> 00:08:31,011 Anyway, none of us is normal, but we might just be weird. 165 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,051 Now, let's look at some naked apes. 166 00:08:33,051 --> 00:08:36,817 What did the Neanderthal take with him when he went clubbing? 167 00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:42,101 Are you meaning a club to club things with? 168 00:08:42,101 --> 00:08:44,217 KLAXON 169 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:49,541 Over the years, I thought I'd get better at this. 170 00:08:51,341 --> 00:08:53,671 We've all been hoping, Alan. 171 00:08:53,671 --> 00:08:56,211 Given that Alan got a klaxon for saying clubs... 172 00:08:56,211 --> 00:08:58,311 Yes...I'm guessing he didn't use clubs. 173 00:08:58,311 --> 00:09:00,031 Very good. Or she. No, he or she did not use... 174 00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:01,771 See, that's how to do it. 175 00:09:01,771 --> 00:09:03,741 They lived above the tree line. 176 00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:06,101 They lived in the desert. There weren't any trees. 177 00:09:06,101 --> 00:09:07,921 Otherwise you'd use a branch! 178 00:09:07,921 --> 00:09:09,701 Yeah, but they had spears and arrows 179 00:09:09,701 --> 00:09:11,611 which had presumably got wooden shafts. 180 00:09:11,611 --> 00:09:13,971 They couldn't get near enough to club anything. 181 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:16,331 It was too dangerous. For all we know, they didn't have clubs. 182 00:09:16,331 --> 00:09:20,331 I mean, the main thing about it is that we've never, ever seen anything 183 00:09:20,331 --> 00:09:23,281 shaped remotely like a club. No artefact anywhere. 184 00:09:23,281 --> 00:09:25,252 I base all my knowledge of Neanderthal men 185 00:09:25,252 --> 00:09:26,971 from the Wacky Races. 186 00:09:26,971 --> 00:09:29,851 The Flintstones, obviously, which is incredibly accurate. 187 00:09:29,851 --> 00:09:31,641 All those people living with dinosaurs. 188 00:09:31,641 --> 00:09:33,291 Running in the cars. Yeah, exactly! 189 00:09:33,291 --> 00:09:34,741 To be fair, we've got Wacky Races, 190 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,981 we've got Flintstones and we've got Captain Caveman. 191 00:09:36,981 --> 00:09:38,741 So that's three separate bits of evidence 192 00:09:38,741 --> 00:09:40,701 that suggests they did have clubs. Yeah. 193 00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:43,252 Unless they're all making it up. Yeah. 194 00:09:43,252 --> 00:09:45,651 So they didn't take clubs but they took cameras? 195 00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:46,931 Yes. 196 00:09:46,931 --> 00:09:49,541 That's one of the earliest photographs. 197 00:09:49,541 --> 00:09:51,901 That's incredible. They couldn't say cheese, though, 198 00:09:51,901 --> 00:09:54,461 because they didn't have cheese. Cheese? 199 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,851 For the photograph. Oh, I see. 200 00:09:56,851 --> 00:09:58,971 I wonder what they said. 201 00:09:58,971 --> 00:10:02,331 Bison's quite good. "Bison." 202 00:10:02,331 --> 00:10:05,741 To be fair, you are just saying "bison" and then smiling. 203 00:10:05,741 --> 00:10:09,931 Bison. Yeah. You could say anything, couldn't you? 204 00:10:09,931 --> 00:10:11,216 Stick of rock. 205 00:10:13,132 --> 00:10:14,291 But we've never ever... 206 00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:17,331 There's never been a painting, there's never been an artefact... 207 00:10:17,331 --> 00:10:19,411 To be fair, most wooden artefacts will rot. 208 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:22,021 So you'd get paintings of spears and we get spearheads that you find, 209 00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,891 but you don't actually get the wooden... 210 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,691 You don't get the wooden pole, right? Yeah. 211 00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,701 So they might have had clubs that rotted away. 212 00:10:27,701 --> 00:10:30,411 I understand that you don't want to go too near an animal with a club. 213 00:10:30,411 --> 00:10:32,901 But if you're fighting neighbouring tribes... 214 00:10:32,901 --> 00:10:34,821 Probably you would just pick up a stick. 215 00:10:34,821 --> 00:10:37,101 But a stick is a club. Well, it's not shaped like a club, 216 00:10:37,101 --> 00:10:39,181 that's the point. When is a club a stick? 217 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:40,978 Yeah. When you cover it in chocolate. 218 00:10:43,011 --> 00:10:45,341 There's the makings of a double act here. 219 00:10:45,341 --> 00:10:48,331 What they do find a lot of in Neanderthal sites is bones, though, 220 00:10:48,331 --> 00:10:51,372 so they might have done that thing like from Tales of the Unexpected 221 00:10:51,372 --> 00:10:54,580 where they got a frozen leg of lamb and used that as a club, 222 00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:55,811 and then ate the evidence. 223 00:10:55,811 --> 00:10:58,359 The freezer was also an early invention... 224 00:11:00,102 --> 00:11:01,861 I'm sorry, Lolly. 225 00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,651 I apologise. No, I'm really learning a lot. 226 00:11:03,651 --> 00:11:05,171 You're learning? That's good. 227 00:11:05,171 --> 00:11:08,571 Because I feel like knowledge is draining from me as we speak. 228 00:11:08,571 --> 00:11:11,581 Now a question about the bare necessities of life, such as shelter. 229 00:11:11,581 --> 00:11:12,980 So who lived here? 230 00:11:14,342 --> 00:11:16,531 Massive bats. Massive...? No, I said massive. 231 00:11:16,531 --> 00:11:17,861 OK. And what did you say? 232 00:11:17,861 --> 00:11:19,741 And I said "not bats". 233 00:11:19,741 --> 00:11:23,421 Not bats, OK. So between us the answer is massive not bats. 234 00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:26,212 It's a type of not bat, the massive not bat. 235 00:11:26,212 --> 00:11:29,342 We could go through a long list of things that didn't live there. 236 00:11:29,342 --> 00:11:31,469 Oh, er...John Jensen. 237 00:11:33,907 --> 00:11:36,467 And he's still playing, or not still playing? No. 238 00:11:36,467 --> 00:11:39,008 He probably has a kickabout with his kids in the garden, you know. 239 00:11:39,008 --> 00:11:40,862 I know he's not betting any more. 240 00:11:42,507 --> 00:11:45,057 Anyway, these caves, I can tell you they're in Brazil... 241 00:11:45,057 --> 00:11:47,138 Brazilians. 242 00:11:47,138 --> 00:11:48,777 Is not correct. 243 00:11:48,777 --> 00:11:52,126 They sometimes went as deep as 70 feet, they had multiple chambers. 244 00:11:52,126 --> 00:11:55,407 Is it some sort of massive animal? 245 00:11:55,407 --> 00:11:57,258 Yes. Is it termites? 246 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,607 No, but that would be huge, wouldn't they? 247 00:11:59,607 --> 00:12:01,487 That would be massive. An army of termites. 248 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:03,407 Yeah, like a load of termites going, "Go!" 249 00:12:03,407 --> 00:12:04,998 And then making a massive tunnel. 250 00:12:04,998 --> 00:12:07,287 I love that. Little tiny hard hats, running. 251 00:12:07,287 --> 00:12:10,977 They'd build like a little cart, and then they all ride down it together. 252 00:12:10,977 --> 00:12:12,617 Whee! 253 00:12:12,617 --> 00:12:15,697 Suddenly my answer not anywhere near as interesting, if I'm honest. 254 00:12:15,697 --> 00:12:17,128 Is it a burrowing mammal? 255 00:12:17,128 --> 00:12:20,727 It is. It's a giant ground sloth. 256 00:12:20,727 --> 00:12:24,128 They lived from about 2.8 million years ago to about 10,000 years ago, 257 00:12:24,128 --> 00:12:26,817 and some of them were as big as an adult elephant. 258 00:12:26,817 --> 00:12:29,367 The largest species, the megatherium, 259 00:12:29,367 --> 00:12:31,177 weighed up to four tonnes 260 00:12:31,177 --> 00:12:33,647 and it was 20 foot long from nose to tail. 261 00:12:33,647 --> 00:12:36,927 So they still have some living relatives today, which is the tree sloths. 262 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:38,627 The difference in scale, I mean... 263 00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,847 Say imagine me and Richard. 264 00:12:39,847 --> 00:12:43,647 To be comparably larger, Richard would need to be about 50 foot tall. 265 00:12:43,647 --> 00:12:47,977 So I'd need to be three foot taller than I currently am? Yes. 266 00:12:47,977 --> 00:12:50,457 What's the largest burrowing animal today? 267 00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:53,051 Oh, that would be the giant "not bat". 268 00:12:54,697 --> 00:12:56,537 Badgers are quite big. 269 00:12:56,537 --> 00:12:58,537 Wombats, do they go under? 270 00:12:58,537 --> 00:13:02,287 Giant badger? I like the question, "Do wombats go under?" 271 00:13:02,287 --> 00:13:04,767 Is it wombat? No, it's not a wombat. 272 00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,337 Two bats. Two bats! 273 00:13:08,647 --> 00:13:10,777 I'm going to go with Lolly. It's not bats, OK? 274 00:13:10,777 --> 00:13:11,887 It's not bats. 275 00:13:11,887 --> 00:13:13,567 Is it humans? 276 00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:15,487 No, it's the polar bear. The polar bear burrows? 277 00:13:15,487 --> 00:13:18,687 Yeah, they dig... Hang on, Alan, I don't think humans burrow either. 278 00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:20,567 You said humans! We made the Channel Tunnel. 279 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:21,977 Well, they made the Chunnel, yes. 280 00:13:21,977 --> 00:13:23,897 Actually, I think you should win that. 281 00:13:23,897 --> 00:13:26,287 That's very good. But it's not the largest animal, is it? 282 00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:27,847 The polar bear, they dig a maternity den 283 00:13:27,847 --> 00:13:29,487 either in the snow, or in the earth. 284 00:13:29,487 --> 00:13:31,927 So they are the largest burrowing animal. 285 00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:34,128 Speaking of caves, anybody been to Nottingham? 286 00:13:34,128 --> 00:13:35,717 I've been to Nottingham, yeah. 287 00:13:35,717 --> 00:13:37,357 Hey. Whoa, so have I, mate. Come on. 288 00:13:37,357 --> 00:13:39,897 LOLLY: I actually went to university really near Nottingham. 289 00:13:39,897 --> 00:13:42,697 Did you? So let's all chill out, actually. This is a small world! 290 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,187 Alan? Yeah, I've been there. 291 00:13:44,187 --> 00:13:46,347 No way! Alan's been as well, Sandi. 292 00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:49,268 I made my professional debut at Nottingham Playhouse. 293 00:13:49,268 --> 00:13:51,367 Did you? I did. 294 00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:54,187 Anyway, the city centre was once known as Tiggua Cobaucc, 295 00:13:54,187 --> 00:13:55,847 which means "the place of caves". 296 00:13:55,847 --> 00:13:58,827 So from as early as the 11th century, people lived in caves in Nottingham. 297 00:13:58,827 --> 00:14:01,647 Under the Nottingham Inclosure Act of 1845, 298 00:14:01,647 --> 00:14:05,537 it is still illegal to rent out a cave to anybody in Nottingham. 299 00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:08,727 They were trying to stop unscrupulous landlords renting them out 300 00:14:08,727 --> 00:14:11,287 to the poor. I'd quite like to live in a cave, though. 301 00:14:11,287 --> 00:14:12,857 Don't you think it would be fine? 302 00:14:12,857 --> 00:14:14,707 Um, no. 303 00:14:14,707 --> 00:14:15,897 No? Oh. 304 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,737 What's your reservation? 305 00:14:17,737 --> 00:14:19,375 Wi-Fi. 306 00:14:22,547 --> 00:14:24,617 If you had a good hub? 307 00:14:24,617 --> 00:14:28,897 That picture on the right, at the back, is that a downstairs toilet? 308 00:14:28,897 --> 00:14:32,258 It does look awfully like some kind of font, doesn't it? 309 00:14:32,258 --> 00:14:34,863 Or like a sundial, but...no light. 310 00:14:36,727 --> 00:14:39,817 The world's worst sundial. 311 00:14:39,817 --> 00:14:42,607 The classic underground sundial. 312 00:14:42,607 --> 00:14:45,360 "Where do we put the sundial?" "In the basement." 313 00:14:47,008 --> 00:14:49,727 Do you know what the original name for Nottingham is? 314 00:14:49,727 --> 00:14:52,437 Is it Ingham? It's got Nottingham in it. 315 00:14:52,437 --> 00:14:55,727 No, but it's not just Ingham and then they changed it to "Not-Ingham"? 316 00:14:55,727 --> 00:14:58,077 No. Nottinghampton. 317 00:14:58,077 --> 00:15:00,937 Nottingham is the shortened version of its original name. 318 00:15:00,937 --> 00:15:03,457 Snottingham? Exactly right. 319 00:15:03,457 --> 00:15:08,097 Come on! It was ruled by a Saxon chief named Snot. 320 00:15:08,097 --> 00:15:11,647 And it was literally "the homestead of Snot's people." 321 00:15:11,647 --> 00:15:15,367 It was Snottingham and then, I don't know why they dropped the S, because 322 00:15:15,367 --> 00:15:18,657 I think it's perfectly charming. I think they should put it back. 323 00:15:18,657 --> 00:15:21,577 Now, your ancestors could make fire using things that they found. 324 00:15:21,577 --> 00:15:26,207 You have something on a tray and I will give you 20 points to anybody 325 00:15:26,207 --> 00:15:30,087 who can start a fire with the things you have got there. 326 00:15:30,087 --> 00:15:33,207 Can I use my lighter that I've got in my pocket? 327 00:15:33,207 --> 00:15:35,687 Just going to get out my fire blanket. 328 00:15:35,687 --> 00:15:39,437 Oh, now, look, can't you put that in the lemon, won't that work? 329 00:15:39,437 --> 00:15:42,767 Supposedly doesn't. Can't you get a charge out of citrus fruit? 330 00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:44,769 You can. Am I about to? 331 00:15:45,927 --> 00:15:48,725 Not enough to upset yourself, I don't think. 332 00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:55,050 Meanwhile, I'm going to use this to look for a match. 333 00:15:58,367 --> 00:16:00,617 Does it matter if we open that? Would that help? 334 00:16:00,617 --> 00:16:04,377 You don't want to open it, but you can actually use a can of soda. 335 00:16:04,377 --> 00:16:06,577 Is that what it is, just a can of fizzy pop? 336 00:16:06,577 --> 00:16:09,497 It is a can of fizzy pop, yeah. What would you use two sticks for? 337 00:16:09,497 --> 00:16:12,697 You don't necessarily have to do it. Well, rubbing together, isn't it? 338 00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:14,697 Yeah. You're supposed to go like that. 339 00:16:14,697 --> 00:16:17,727 You need to sharpen it into a point and then rub it the quickest way. 340 00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,058 That's not going to work, is it? 341 00:16:20,417 --> 00:16:23,337 Be here all day doing this. Be freezing cold, with someone in the dark 342 00:16:23,337 --> 00:16:26,167 going, "Where are the caves, for crying out loud?!" 343 00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:30,058 "Can't go in them." "Why?!" "I can't see this sundial without light. 344 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,697 Ow! Ow! Ow! 345 00:16:33,697 --> 00:16:36,447 I'm going to show you a very quick way that you could make it... 346 00:16:36,447 --> 00:16:37,857 Please don't try this. 347 00:16:37,857 --> 00:16:40,417 Is there any reason why we don't get the safety stuff? 348 00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,847 Because you're not actually going to be able to do it, that's why. 349 00:16:43,847 --> 00:16:45,057 Oh! 350 00:16:45,057 --> 00:16:47,987 So what you do is you take a nine-volt battery 351 00:16:47,987 --> 00:16:49,707 and some steel wool, 352 00:16:49,707 --> 00:16:53,177 you place it on here like this... Oh, wow. 353 00:16:53,177 --> 00:16:54,417 Whoa! 354 00:16:55,497 --> 00:16:57,217 And there you are. So cool. 355 00:16:57,217 --> 00:17:00,018 That's all you have to do. And then you would add some kindling. 356 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:02,168 I have to get my fire blanket out. 357 00:17:04,737 --> 00:17:06,018 There we go. 358 00:17:06,018 --> 00:17:08,777 I think you just got it there. Do you think it'll be all right? 359 00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,176 APPLAUSE 360 00:17:15,937 --> 00:17:19,627 So you can do it with these? If you look at the base of your tin, 361 00:17:19,627 --> 00:17:22,138 you can see that it is a concave shape. 362 00:17:22,138 --> 00:17:25,696 If you polished that, you would be able to reflect enough sunlight 363 00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:27,736 in order to be able to make fire. 364 00:17:27,736 --> 00:17:30,007 And, in fact, we can demonstrate this in the studio, 365 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:32,896 but obviously we're going to need experts so we have with us 366 00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:36,017 our friends from the Festival of the Spoken Nerd. 367 00:17:36,017 --> 00:17:37,986 The science comedy phenomenon, 368 00:17:37,986 --> 00:17:40,696 they tour all over the UK and have brought one of their experiments 369 00:17:40,696 --> 00:17:44,286 from their show - please welcome, Matt, Steve and Helen, the nurse. 370 00:17:44,286 --> 00:17:46,937 APPLAUSE 371 00:17:50,976 --> 00:17:53,416 I was right, wasn't I, that the tin of pop is a kind of...? 372 00:17:53,416 --> 00:17:57,806 Yes, it's almost the right shape to focus light in. 373 00:17:57,806 --> 00:18:00,856 This is a natural paraboloid which is the perfect shape, 374 00:18:00,856 --> 00:18:03,616 so we can use this to set fire to something. 375 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,345 Don't just point it at me. 376 00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:09,366 Alan, your hair does look a bit like... 377 00:18:09,366 --> 00:18:13,086 You could go up in seconds! Put a nine-bulb battery on my head. 378 00:18:13,086 --> 00:18:17,506 We've got a graphic here of the two dishes we've set up and if you cut 379 00:18:17,506 --> 00:18:21,426 one in half, so we can swivel one around, and if you unpeel it, it's 380 00:18:21,426 --> 00:18:24,176 just a parabola, and the amazing thing about a parabola 381 00:18:24,176 --> 00:18:27,216 is that any line which comes directly down, 382 00:18:27,216 --> 00:18:30,376 parallel with the axes, will go through exactly the same spot, 383 00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:33,626 the focal point. And the same thing works in reverse so if something 384 00:18:33,626 --> 00:18:36,696 emits from the focal point it'll be sent out as a parallel... 385 00:18:36,696 --> 00:18:39,887 That's how the Death Star works, isn't it? 386 00:18:39,887 --> 00:18:41,656 That's essentially the cleverest thing 387 00:18:41,656 --> 00:18:43,988 that's ever been said near you, Lee, isn't it? 388 00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:48,456 We're going to give this a go but, please, can you put your 389 00:18:48,456 --> 00:18:51,296 sunglasses on? Because these are going to protect us, aren't they?! 390 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,656 So about 200 years ago, 391 00:18:52,656 --> 00:18:56,056 this was a party trick where they would put a super hot cannonball 392 00:18:56,056 --> 00:18:58,806 at one focal point and gunpowder at the other. 393 00:18:58,806 --> 00:19:00,566 We thought we wouldn't try that. 394 00:19:00,566 --> 00:19:02,696 We asked, and apparently we're not allowed 395 00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:04,106 because it's no longer the past. 396 00:19:05,696 --> 00:19:09,216 But they have let us bring a heat lamp, 397 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,626 and nitrocellulose, so that's flash cotton. 398 00:19:11,626 --> 00:19:14,246 This will be the past one day, you know. 399 00:19:14,246 --> 00:19:16,246 Not on Dave. 400 00:19:16,246 --> 00:19:18,339 APPLAUSE 401 00:19:20,936 --> 00:19:23,576 OK. Are we ready? Yeah. 402 00:19:23,576 --> 00:19:26,147 LEE: Don't worry, it's not right in my eye! 403 00:19:30,656 --> 00:19:33,066 ALL: Oh! 404 00:19:33,066 --> 00:19:34,715 APPLAUSE 405 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:40,073 Fantastic. Fantastic, guys, thank you so much. 406 00:19:45,856 --> 00:19:48,066 Let's pop our trays away. 407 00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:51,496 It's easier to start a fire now we've all got Tinder on our phones. 408 00:19:51,496 --> 00:19:53,706 GROANING 409 00:19:53,706 --> 00:19:56,231 We don't ALL have Tinder on our phones. 410 00:19:57,506 --> 00:19:59,303 Yeah, some of us are Grindr people. 411 00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:05,936 Right. What are the bare necessities of life today? 412 00:20:05,936 --> 00:20:10,066 So, you said that you needed... Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi. 413 00:20:10,066 --> 00:20:12,336 You consider that to be a necessity? 414 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:16,147 Wi-Fi and...a good book. 415 00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:18,346 ALL: Aww. 416 00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:20,446 Were you just trying to look good there? 417 00:20:20,446 --> 00:20:23,096 Yeah. So, top five most essential things for British people. 418 00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,064 Knowing when the bins go out. 419 00:20:26,296 --> 00:20:28,576 Especially when there's been a bank holiday. 420 00:20:28,576 --> 00:20:30,656 And somebody breaks ranks and puts their bins out 421 00:20:30,656 --> 00:20:32,137 and everyone goes, "Oh, should I? 422 00:20:32,137 --> 00:20:35,017 "It was a bank holiday, but what if they know something I don't know?" 423 00:20:35,017 --> 00:20:37,066 Suddenly everyone's bins are out. 424 00:20:37,066 --> 00:20:39,586 I like get up early and put the wrong coloured bin out, 425 00:20:39,586 --> 00:20:41,338 and see if everyone copies. 426 00:20:42,506 --> 00:20:45,017 And when they've all gone to work, swap it round again. 427 00:20:45,017 --> 00:20:47,706 It is a weird sort of British obsession. 428 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,656 I remember when I first came to live in Britain, I was 14 years old, 429 00:20:50,656 --> 00:20:53,226 and people talked about putting cream or jam on their scone first, 430 00:20:53,226 --> 00:20:55,615 and I realised that they...cared. 431 00:20:58,736 --> 00:21:01,536 What an example of first world problems. I know! 432 00:21:01,536 --> 00:21:04,096 You know when you get it, it's a "scoan", and when you've eaten it, 433 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,666 it "sconn". 434 00:21:05,666 --> 00:21:07,907 LAUGHTER AND GROANS 435 00:21:12,536 --> 00:21:14,786 You got the "ohhh". 436 00:21:14,786 --> 00:21:16,137 John Jensen chuckling away - 437 00:21:16,137 --> 00:21:19,152 "I wasn't sure about this programme at first, but..." 438 00:21:20,866 --> 00:21:24,506 So you are right, Lolly - an internet connection is the very first thing 439 00:21:24,506 --> 00:21:27,137 people decided was most important. What's next? 440 00:21:27,137 --> 00:21:31,017 Mobile phone. Mobile phone came in at 19. 441 00:21:31,017 --> 00:21:33,906 Mobile phone charger. Mobile phone charger? 442 00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:38,966 I think you'll find a plug socket becomes increasingly important. 443 00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:42,096 By that theory, we've got to say computer, if Wi- Fi's important. 444 00:21:42,096 --> 00:21:45,106 TV, actually, is the second one. What are they using the Wi- Fi for? 445 00:21:45,106 --> 00:21:46,706 It's just nice to know that you've got Wi- Fi, 446 00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:49,176 in case you do need it. 447 00:21:49,176 --> 00:21:51,786 Also, the people who answered this question would have been weird. 448 00:21:51,786 --> 00:21:54,976 So is food and water and shelter not on the list? 449 00:21:54,976 --> 00:21:58,786 Not at all. It goes internet connection, TV, 450 00:21:58,786 --> 00:22:01,226 a cuddle is third... ALL: Aww! 451 00:22:01,226 --> 00:22:05,492 ..a trustworthy best friend is number four... And a club. 452 00:22:07,491 --> 00:22:10,051 Number five, the thing you'd want when you come back from a club, 453 00:22:10,051 --> 00:22:12,181 a daily shower was number five. 454 00:22:12,181 --> 00:22:13,466 Daily?! 455 00:22:16,281 --> 00:22:17,498 Shower?! 456 00:22:19,251 --> 00:22:20,451 A cup of tea at number seven, 457 00:22:20,451 --> 00:22:22,586 having somebody say "I love you" number eight. 458 00:22:22,586 --> 00:22:24,907 What, after a cup of tea? After a cup of tea. 459 00:22:26,226 --> 00:22:28,936 I have to say, coffee, wine, chocolate and a night on the sofa 460 00:22:28,936 --> 00:22:30,426 all beat owning a phone. 461 00:22:30,426 --> 00:22:33,586 But how are you going to tell anyone you had such a nice time 462 00:22:33,586 --> 00:22:35,096 if you don't have a phone? 463 00:22:35,096 --> 00:22:38,256 What's the point of doing it if you're not going to show off? 464 00:22:38,256 --> 00:22:39,326 Are you serious, Lolly, 465 00:22:39,326 --> 00:22:41,897 that you can't have a good time without telling somebody? 466 00:22:41,897 --> 00:22:44,695 Why would you do it otherwise, if you can't...? 467 00:22:47,216 --> 00:22:49,546 So do you get this thing, separation anxiety, 468 00:22:49,546 --> 00:22:51,666 if you're separated from your telephone? 469 00:22:51,666 --> 00:22:53,866 Yeah. If I'm on, like, a tall bridge, 470 00:22:53,866 --> 00:22:57,506 the person I'm with will be scared cos they might fall in to the water, 471 00:22:57,506 --> 00:23:00,946 and I'll just be concerned I'm going to drop my phone in the water. 472 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,976 You see how things have changed? 473 00:23:02,976 --> 00:23:06,306 Some years ago when I had my first mobile phone I was visiting an elderly friend 474 00:23:06,306 --> 00:23:08,966 and the phone rang, and she said, "Who was that?" I said, "My agent." 475 00:23:08,966 --> 00:23:11,184 And she said, "Oh! How did she know you were here?" 476 00:23:13,326 --> 00:23:15,326 I did that thing with my phone the other day, 477 00:23:15,326 --> 00:23:18,336 you know when you leave the house you look for your phone, 478 00:23:18,336 --> 00:23:21,426 I was like, where have I put it? It's not in the kitchen, 479 00:23:21,426 --> 00:23:24,226 checking in jackets, and literally ten minutes later, 480 00:23:24,226 --> 00:23:25,897 I realised it was in my hand. 481 00:23:25,897 --> 00:23:29,056 Have you done the thing where you can't find your phone 482 00:23:29,056 --> 00:23:31,186 so you ring it, and then you realise 483 00:23:31,186 --> 00:23:33,176 you're ringing it from the phone...? 484 00:23:33,176 --> 00:23:34,507 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 485 00:23:37,826 --> 00:23:40,966 And it doesn't help, because it's engaged. 486 00:23:40,966 --> 00:23:43,536 There was a study done in California State University. 487 00:23:43,536 --> 00:23:45,166 They got half the students who took part 488 00:23:45,166 --> 00:23:47,456 to turn off their phone and put it away out of sight, 489 00:23:47,456 --> 00:23:50,216 and the other half actually had their phones taken away 490 00:23:50,216 --> 00:23:53,456 and measure the levels of anxiety every ten minutes. 491 00:23:53,456 --> 00:23:55,226 People who used the phone very little, 492 00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,696 there was hardly any increase, 493 00:23:56,696 --> 00:23:58,746 but people who were heavy users of the telephone, 494 00:23:58,746 --> 00:24:01,791 it went up every ten minutes for the whole hour 495 00:24:01,791 --> 00:24:04,403 until they became unbelievably anxious. 496 00:24:04,403 --> 00:24:06,894 And apparently some people call it FOMO - do you know about FOMO? 497 00:24:06,894 --> 00:24:10,043 Fear Of Missing Out. Fear Of Missing Out. And FOBO - 498 00:24:10,043 --> 00:24:11,643 do you know FOBO? Fear Of... 499 00:24:11,643 --> 00:24:14,803 Bogging off. 500 00:24:14,803 --> 00:24:15,963 Fear Of Being Offline. 501 00:24:15,963 --> 00:24:18,134 But I don't know whether it's to do with the telephone 502 00:24:18,134 --> 00:24:21,403 or people just aren't any good any more at just having nothing to do. 503 00:24:21,403 --> 00:24:24,043 So they did this extraordinary study in 2014 - 504 00:24:24,043 --> 00:24:27,323 a guy called Timothy Wilson at the University of Virginia - 505 00:24:27,323 --> 00:24:30,443 and he put people in an empty room 506 00:24:30,443 --> 00:24:32,803 and they didn't have anything at all in there 507 00:24:32,803 --> 00:24:35,853 apart from a device that was attached to their ankle 508 00:24:35,853 --> 00:24:38,043 with which they could decide 509 00:24:38,043 --> 00:24:40,216 to give themselves an electric shock. 510 00:24:42,963 --> 00:24:45,363 18 out of 42 of the people who did it - 511 00:24:45,363 --> 00:24:47,673 I have to say more men than women - 512 00:24:47,673 --> 00:24:51,004 chose to give themselves at least one... LAUGHTER 513 00:24:51,004 --> 00:24:53,563 Is that because the women didn't know how to operate it? 514 00:24:53,563 --> 00:24:56,243 ALL: Ooh! 515 00:24:56,243 --> 00:24:57,754 Just asking. 516 00:24:57,754 --> 00:25:00,655 You do know there's been a regime change, don't you? 517 00:25:02,853 --> 00:25:05,093 And now a question about naked ambition. 518 00:25:05,093 --> 00:25:10,293 Do you know what this man does faster than anyone in the world? 519 00:25:10,293 --> 00:25:11,963 It's actually amazing. 520 00:25:11,963 --> 00:25:16,223 Hair growing? Oh, yeah, hair growing, because I want to see that. 521 00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:18,764 What's the thing that we talk about, it's always impressive, 522 00:25:18,764 --> 00:25:21,134 you go, wow, he's the fastest in the world at that? 523 00:25:21,134 --> 00:25:22,323 Running. Running, yes. 524 00:25:22,323 --> 00:25:24,963 He's not faster than Usain Bolt, you're not going to say that? 525 00:25:24,963 --> 00:25:29,884 In a way. He ran the mile faster than the current world flat record. 526 00:25:29,884 --> 00:25:31,033 So downhill runner? 527 00:25:31,033 --> 00:25:32,603 He's a downhill runner. 528 00:25:32,603 --> 00:25:36,653 He's a British athlete, and when he was a 16-year-old schoolboy, 529 00:25:36,653 --> 00:25:39,293 he ran the fastest mile ever. 530 00:25:39,293 --> 00:25:43,493 In 1996, the Meltham Maniac Mile, 531 00:25:43,493 --> 00:25:46,853 so it's one mile down a fantastically steep hill 532 00:25:46,853 --> 00:25:51,293 just outside Huddersfield. The course drops 400 feet... 533 00:25:51,293 --> 00:25:53,884 It has since been banned, this race. 534 00:25:53,884 --> 00:25:56,213 For health and safety reasons. 535 00:25:56,213 --> 00:25:58,733 But he completed it in three minutes and 24 seconds. 536 00:25:58,733 --> 00:26:00,853 Do you have to keep running? You can't stop. 537 00:26:00,853 --> 00:26:02,403 You can't roll? No, you can't roll. 538 00:26:02,403 --> 00:26:06,043 This is the most British race, I think, of all time because it says 539 00:26:06,043 --> 00:26:09,456 that the course started at the cattle grid by Tinker Lane. 540 00:26:11,223 --> 00:26:13,813 Did they stop it after a terrible injury, 541 00:26:13,813 --> 00:26:15,973 or just because something COULD happen there? 542 00:26:15,973 --> 00:26:18,413 We can find out because Craig Wheeler, 543 00:26:18,413 --> 00:26:21,213 fastest man over a mile, is in the audience. 544 00:26:21,213 --> 00:26:23,022 APPLAUSE 545 00:26:28,083 --> 00:26:30,523 Can you go to the top of the steps and run down? 546 00:26:30,523 --> 00:26:35,573 So, Craig, why did they stop it? No idea, obviously this day and age, 547 00:26:35,573 --> 00:26:38,723 health and safety in anything. And they ran it the other way as well, 548 00:26:38,723 --> 00:26:42,243 in the opposite direction, didn't they? It was called the murder mile. 549 00:26:42,243 --> 00:26:44,523 That's the one. We've got a VT actually, Craig, of you, 550 00:26:44,523 --> 00:26:47,213 I don't know if you can talk us through it, but was there 551 00:26:47,213 --> 00:26:50,123 any moment when you were running that you actually thought you were 552 00:26:50,123 --> 00:26:53,243 just going to do what Lolly suggested and roll down? 553 00:26:53,243 --> 00:26:56,483 Most of the race I thought I was going to go flat on my face. 554 00:26:56,483 --> 00:27:00,963 LEE: Did we actually see him stop then or does he just carry on? 555 00:27:00,963 --> 00:27:02,806 "I can't stop!" 556 00:27:06,653 --> 00:27:09,943 20 seconds faster than the world record for the flat mile. 557 00:27:09,943 --> 00:27:11,843 Was it Record Breakers that you were doing? 558 00:27:11,843 --> 00:27:15,653 Yes. I went back the following year to try to break the record with 559 00:27:15,653 --> 00:27:18,653 Record Breakers and I fell two seconds short. 560 00:27:18,653 --> 00:27:22,123 Which is still the second fastest time ever. 561 00:27:23,973 --> 00:27:25,373 So you're first and second? 562 00:27:25,373 --> 00:27:27,024 Yes. There's a proper champion. 563 00:27:27,024 --> 00:27:29,743 That was Craig Wheeler, the fastest man ever. 564 00:27:31,253 --> 00:27:34,933 Now, would you like to see a very small lady completely naked? 565 00:27:34,933 --> 00:27:36,764 What's the difference between completely... 566 00:27:38,683 --> 00:27:40,573 In that case, definitely yes. 567 00:27:40,573 --> 00:27:43,163 What's the difference between completely naked and naked? 568 00:27:43,163 --> 00:27:46,813 I think a chiffon scarf doesn't count as completely naked. 569 00:27:46,813 --> 00:27:48,764 Or white socks. That turns me on. 570 00:27:48,764 --> 00:27:51,014 Naked, pair of white socks, and very small. 571 00:27:51,014 --> 00:27:54,053 Is that the offer? Yeah. Do you want to have a look? 572 00:27:54,053 --> 00:27:56,163 "Do you want to have a look"! This show's gone downhill 573 00:27:56,163 --> 00:27:57,664 quicker than that bloke. 574 00:27:59,894 --> 00:28:01,407 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 575 00:28:03,894 --> 00:28:04,933 Have a look at this. 576 00:28:04,933 --> 00:28:07,533 It's incredible. Look at that. 577 00:28:07,533 --> 00:28:10,293 So this is a sculpture created by the South African artist 578 00:28:10,293 --> 00:28:16,413 Jonty Hurwitz and this woman is roughly 100 microns tall. 579 00:28:16,413 --> 00:28:19,483 So she is far too small to be seen with the naked eye and she is 580 00:28:19,483 --> 00:28:23,463 in fact depicted standing in the eye of a needle. 581 00:28:23,463 --> 00:28:26,463 Oh, come on! How did he do it? It's science. 582 00:28:26,463 --> 00:28:29,453 Can I just say, you just said the words "It's science" like there's 583 00:28:29,453 --> 00:28:32,024 no way I'm going to understand it. LAUGHTER 584 00:28:32,024 --> 00:28:35,403 I was trying to lead you in gently, but you went. 585 00:28:35,403 --> 00:28:37,774 She sort of did a surfer on an eyelash and is the culmination 586 00:28:37,774 --> 00:28:39,493 of lots and lots of development of science, 587 00:28:39,493 --> 00:28:41,303 because you need multi-photon lithography, 588 00:28:41,303 --> 00:28:43,303 a kind of laser printing, you need photogrammetry, 589 00:28:43,303 --> 00:28:46,613 taking measurements with photographs and they are called nano sculptures. 590 00:28:46,613 --> 00:28:50,774 Yeah, and of course, the first thing they do is do a naked woman. Yes. 591 00:28:50,774 --> 00:28:54,093 But if you think about how small this is - so a nano means one billion, 592 00:28:54,093 --> 00:28:56,894 so a nanometre is one billionth of a metre. 593 00:28:56,894 --> 00:29:00,443 That is about the length that a fingernail grows in a second. 594 00:29:00,443 --> 00:29:02,203 There's a lovely quote from Hurwitz. 595 00:29:02,203 --> 00:29:04,973 He says, "The nano works that I present to you here represent more 596 00:29:04,973 --> 00:29:06,403 "than just a feature of science. 597 00:29:06,403 --> 00:29:09,183 "They represent the moment of history that we ourselves are able to 598 00:29:09,183 --> 00:29:12,623 "create a full human form on the same scale as the sperm that 599 00:29:12,623 --> 00:29:14,943 "creates us in order to facilitate the creation." 600 00:29:14,943 --> 00:29:17,053 Well, I must say, as a blurb for a show... 601 00:29:17,053 --> 00:29:19,413 Yeah. That is... LAUGHTER 602 00:29:19,413 --> 00:29:22,213 Too long. It's too long. Too long. 603 00:29:22,213 --> 00:29:25,563 Be great if he tried to carve that under the statue, wouldn't it? 604 00:29:25,563 --> 00:29:27,933 Hard enough doing the nipples, I can't do all that. 605 00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:30,133 He's not modest, is he, he's really not. 606 00:29:30,133 --> 00:29:31,533 What, that that I just did? 607 00:29:31,533 --> 00:29:35,093 Yeah, it's just the dawn of a new humanity, nothing complicated. 608 00:29:35,093 --> 00:29:37,563 Also, we've only got his word for it he did it. 609 00:29:37,563 --> 00:29:40,173 Are you saying it doesn't exist? Well, all you've got to do is stick 610 00:29:40,173 --> 00:29:42,373 a picture of a naked woman on the bottom of a microscope. 611 00:29:42,373 --> 00:29:45,963 Right. Hugo, oh, look at that. Oh, that's a naked woman. Amazing. 612 00:29:45,963 --> 00:29:48,533 I mean, you know what you're like when you've lost your phone, 613 00:29:48,533 --> 00:29:49,921 imagine misplacing that as well. 614 00:29:50,933 --> 00:29:53,093 On the day of the exhibition. 615 00:29:53,093 --> 00:29:55,553 You've got the thing ready and somebody loses 616 00:29:55,553 --> 00:29:58,133 a button just before the exhibition. 617 00:29:58,133 --> 00:30:01,483 "Anybody got a needle? Oh..." Oh, dear. 618 00:30:01,483 --> 00:30:02,823 Yes. 619 00:30:02,823 --> 00:30:06,259 Now, what's the best thing anyone's ever done in the nude? 620 00:30:07,563 --> 00:30:09,133 Running downhill? 621 00:30:09,133 --> 00:30:11,933 That would hurt, wouldn't it? If you were a woman, 622 00:30:11,933 --> 00:30:13,764 it could take your eye out. 623 00:30:13,764 --> 00:30:16,028 If you're me it could take your eye out. 624 00:30:19,253 --> 00:30:21,933 So one day you're able to sit as comfortably as you are, Lee. 625 00:30:21,933 --> 00:30:25,024 Someone discovered something? 626 00:30:25,024 --> 00:30:28,053 Was Alexander Fleming in the nude when he discovered penicillin? 627 00:30:28,053 --> 00:30:30,253 It's something that's absolutely extraordinary, 628 00:30:30,253 --> 00:30:33,043 it was mostly done in the nude. It is, if I'm frank with you, 629 00:30:33,043 --> 00:30:34,663 it's for the purposes of this question. 630 00:30:34,663 --> 00:30:36,603 They did it for the purposes of this question? 631 00:30:36,603 --> 00:30:38,733 Well, the answer is for the purposes of this question. 632 00:30:38,733 --> 00:30:41,333 It's World War II was won in the nude, 633 00:30:41,333 --> 00:30:45,823 so who might have been in the nude winning World War II? 634 00:30:45,823 --> 00:30:47,263 Adolf Hitler? 635 00:30:47,263 --> 00:30:49,293 And on the other side? 636 00:30:49,293 --> 00:30:53,183 Coronation Street. On the less grumpy side? 637 00:30:53,183 --> 00:30:54,894 Are you talking about our very own Winston? 638 00:30:54,894 --> 00:30:58,543 Winston Churchill, yes. I don't think Winston would be called less grumpy. 639 00:30:58,543 --> 00:31:01,764 I thought Hitler was actually quite upbeat even though he was 640 00:31:01,764 --> 00:31:05,733 obviously a terrible guy. You can say what you like about him, 641 00:31:05,733 --> 00:31:09,483 at least he was always starting the day with a smile on his lips. 642 00:31:09,483 --> 00:31:12,413 He would wake people up and go, "Do you know what, 643 00:31:12,413 --> 00:31:14,813 "this morning I was thinking, Poland's lovely." 644 00:31:18,923 --> 00:31:21,391 He's got two tiny women, one on each finger. 645 00:31:22,894 --> 00:31:26,053 "Talk, my pretties, talk." 646 00:31:26,053 --> 00:31:28,133 It looks like he's just thrown a dart, actually. 647 00:31:28,133 --> 00:31:30,413 Like he's got a dart board at the end of the bath. 648 00:31:30,413 --> 00:31:33,393 That's like you're perfect... Having a dartboard at the end of your bath... 649 00:31:33,393 --> 00:31:36,463 That would be great, wouldn't it? Imagine how clean you would be. 650 00:31:36,463 --> 00:31:39,103 That would be fantastic. Then you would have one of those targets in 651 00:31:39,103 --> 00:31:43,333 a rifle range where you wind it up and get them out again and then wind it back. 652 00:31:43,333 --> 00:31:46,413 Is it a boy thing? Can you imagine having a dartboard at 653 00:31:46,413 --> 00:31:48,213 the end of your bath? Yeah, definitely. 654 00:31:48,213 --> 00:31:50,123 Love it. Just me, then. 655 00:31:50,123 --> 00:31:53,043 You had something to do with dartboards. 656 00:31:53,043 --> 00:31:55,693 Something that he invented whilst in the bath? 657 00:31:55,693 --> 00:31:57,743 He loved to be naked. 658 00:31:57,743 --> 00:32:01,093 In fact, he so often received people while he was in the bath that his 659 00:32:01,093 --> 00:32:04,383 ministers and staff officers were nicknamed "companions of the bath". 660 00:32:04,383 --> 00:32:05,862 Oh, that old chestnut. 661 00:32:07,423 --> 00:32:09,061 That's when he got out. 662 00:32:17,463 --> 00:32:20,613 Chief Usher at the White House, a man called J B West, 663 00:32:20,613 --> 00:32:22,693 and he wrote about Churchill, "In his room, 664 00:32:22,693 --> 00:32:26,173 "Mr Churchill wore no clothes at all most of the time during the day." 665 00:32:26,173 --> 00:32:29,413 And there's a story that when Churchill was staying at the White House, 666 00:32:29,413 --> 00:32:32,123 President Franklin Roosevelt called on him in his rooms, 667 00:32:32,123 --> 00:32:34,493 and Churchill was nude, and Roosevelt said, "I'm sorry," 668 00:32:34,493 --> 00:32:37,173 and Churchill said, "The Prime Minister of Great Britain has 669 00:32:37,173 --> 00:32:40,743 "nothing to conceal from the President of the United States"! 670 00:32:40,743 --> 00:32:44,904 And the President later told his secretary that, "You know, Grace, 671 00:32:44,904 --> 00:32:47,774 "he's pink and white all over." 672 00:32:47,774 --> 00:32:50,573 What colour was he expecting, just out of interest? 673 00:32:50,573 --> 00:32:54,403 I think he wasn't expecting to know any colour, is the truth of it. 674 00:32:54,403 --> 00:32:57,253 Other famous nudists, Enid Blyton was a famous nudist. 675 00:32:57,253 --> 00:33:01,973 Oh. Apparently she liked to play naked tennis with her friends. 676 00:33:01,973 --> 00:33:04,093 She didn't write that in any of the books. 677 00:33:04,093 --> 00:33:06,493 No, she didn't. Benjamin Franklin regularly took 678 00:33:06,493 --> 00:33:07,933 what he called "air baths". 679 00:33:07,933 --> 00:33:10,213 DH Lawrence once said he found inspiration by climbing 680 00:33:10,213 --> 00:33:12,654 naked in mulberry trees. 681 00:33:12,654 --> 00:33:15,543 And that's the US president John Quincy Adams 682 00:33:15,543 --> 00:33:18,813 who regularly skinny-dipped in the Potomac River. 683 00:33:18,813 --> 00:33:21,363 And apparently, once a tramp stole his clothes and he had to ask 684 00:33:21,363 --> 00:33:25,053 a passer-by to go to the White House and get him some more. 685 00:33:25,053 --> 00:33:27,813 Every now and then, you see in the supermarket in the summer, 686 00:33:27,813 --> 00:33:30,363 you see a man who's topless, don't you? Do you mind that? 687 00:33:30,363 --> 00:33:32,283 It's one of those things where it's like, 688 00:33:32,283 --> 00:33:34,213 you do your thing but for me, repulsive. 689 00:33:34,213 --> 00:33:35,573 Just don't do it. 690 00:33:35,573 --> 00:33:38,263 RICHARD: The way to avoid that that is simply to go to Waitrose. 691 00:33:38,263 --> 00:33:41,699 APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER 692 00:33:44,774 --> 00:33:47,923 I've never understood that, it is... Actually, I'm the opposite, 693 00:33:47,923 --> 00:33:50,413 I think it's completely fine to be absolutely naked in Lidl. 694 00:33:50,413 --> 00:33:54,213 APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 695 00:33:54,213 --> 00:33:56,215 "Unexpected item in bagging area." 696 00:33:59,644 --> 00:34:02,363 You pay an extra 5p for that, I'm not doing that. 697 00:34:02,363 --> 00:34:04,093 But until 1938 in America, 698 00:34:04,093 --> 00:34:06,363 it was illegal for a man to be topless in public, 699 00:34:06,363 --> 00:34:08,693 and that included on the beach. 700 00:34:08,693 --> 00:34:12,133 So, 1985, 42 topless men were arrested on 701 00:34:12,133 --> 00:34:15,413 a beach in Atlantic City and the people responsible for the 702 00:34:15,413 --> 00:34:18,576 arrests declared, "We'll have no gorillas on our beaches." 703 00:34:19,784 --> 00:34:22,933 And they used to monitor women's bathing suits as well, so in the 1920s, 704 00:34:22,933 --> 00:34:26,733 there were special deputy sheriffs sworn in on some beaches in New York. 705 00:34:26,733 --> 00:34:28,823 They were all women, they were called sheriffettes, 706 00:34:28,823 --> 00:34:32,133 and their job was to measure the distance between the bottom of 707 00:34:32,133 --> 00:34:34,263 a woman's swimsuit and her knees. 708 00:34:34,263 --> 00:34:36,463 And, actually, when I was at boarding school, 709 00:34:36,463 --> 00:34:38,933 at the beginning of every year, you had to put your skirt on, 710 00:34:38,933 --> 00:34:41,283 and then you had to kneel in front of Matron, 711 00:34:41,283 --> 00:34:45,103 and the top of your hem had to touch the floor, and if it didn't, 712 00:34:45,103 --> 00:34:46,723 you had to go and get a new skirt. 713 00:34:46,723 --> 00:34:48,020 Or a bigger pen. 714 00:34:49,213 --> 00:34:53,173 Bigger pen? Just get a bigger pen, and then you can have a shorter skirt. 715 00:34:53,173 --> 00:34:54,894 Bigger pen, you see, so it reached the... 716 00:34:54,894 --> 00:34:57,170 It was "hem", it was "hem", Lee. 717 00:34:57,170 --> 00:35:00,140 There's the problem. Oh, I thought you said pen! Hem. I wondered why 718 00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:03,150 everyone was looking at me, going, "What are you talking about?" 719 00:35:03,150 --> 00:35:06,010 I love that Lee has such confidence if he's thinking, 720 00:35:06,010 --> 00:35:08,010 there is no way that joke didn't work. 721 00:35:08,010 --> 00:35:10,250 Yeah, must be a technical error on that, 722 00:35:10,250 --> 00:35:13,090 because this is gold, this stuff! 723 00:35:13,090 --> 00:35:15,300 Oh, a hem! 724 00:35:15,300 --> 00:35:16,900 Yeah. 725 00:35:16,900 --> 00:35:18,890 Now, while we are in that area, 726 00:35:18,890 --> 00:35:21,734 what can't you do to a naked Osman in Kyrgyzstan? 727 00:35:25,330 --> 00:35:27,330 I genuinely turned round, then, 728 00:35:27,330 --> 00:35:31,010 because I thought Alan's head was blocking something else... 729 00:35:31,010 --> 00:35:34,502 I thought you were going to say, "I remember that horse", then! 730 00:35:36,370 --> 00:35:39,220 Two wonderful weeks with her! 731 00:35:39,220 --> 00:35:41,420 She looks exhausted. 732 00:35:41,420 --> 00:35:43,660 I will just say, if you're going to pull out, it was cold. 733 00:35:43,660 --> 00:35:46,260 It was colder than it looks, I'll tell you that. 734 00:35:46,260 --> 00:35:49,330 Did you say in what country? In Kyrgyzstan. 735 00:35:49,330 --> 00:35:51,300 Osman is a name across all the "-stan"s. 736 00:35:51,300 --> 00:35:54,580 Where does it come from, Osman? Well, the Ottoman Empire, really. 737 00:35:54,580 --> 00:35:56,170 So it comes from Turkey. Right. 738 00:35:56,170 --> 00:35:58,330 But the whole of the Middle East is full of Osmans. 739 00:35:58,330 --> 00:36:00,741 If I ever grow abroad and they see my credit card, 740 00:36:00,741 --> 00:36:03,601 they laugh their heads off that I'm an Osman. 741 00:36:03,601 --> 00:36:06,100 The fact that a very tall, very white guy is called Osman... 742 00:36:06,100 --> 00:36:08,260 Is called Osman. They think is the funniest thing. 743 00:36:08,260 --> 00:36:11,300 OK, so it's not a person, I can tell you, a naked Osman. 744 00:36:11,300 --> 00:36:15,260 Kill it, eat it. You can't eat it any more, but you used to be able to. 745 00:36:15,260 --> 00:36:17,930 It's in the water. Catch it. 746 00:36:17,930 --> 00:36:19,611 It's a trout-like fish. 747 00:36:19,611 --> 00:36:23,530 It used to be the most populous fish in Lake Issyk- Kul in north-east 748 00:36:23,530 --> 00:36:25,731 Kyrgyzstan. And it's called an osman? 749 00:36:25,731 --> 00:36:28,861 It's called a naked osman. Oh, a naked osman. Why is it called the naked osman? 750 00:36:28,861 --> 00:36:30,780 Something to do with the way it looks. 751 00:36:30,780 --> 00:36:33,101 Whoa, whoa, come on! 752 00:36:34,611 --> 00:36:37,530 But it's been overfished, so by 1986 was almost wiped out. 753 00:36:37,530 --> 00:36:39,890 There has been a total ban, you'll be very pleased to know, 754 00:36:39,890 --> 00:36:43,170 you can no longer catch a naked osman in Kyrgyzstan. 755 00:36:43,170 --> 00:36:47,731 That is terrific news, although if you do want to catch a naked osman... No, forget it... 756 00:36:47,731 --> 00:36:50,061 It's a fantastic lake, Lake Issyk- Kul, 757 00:36:50,061 --> 00:36:52,501 it's the second largest mountain lake in the world, 758 00:36:52,501 --> 00:36:54,091 obviously after Titicaca. 759 00:36:54,091 --> 00:36:56,782 And what is extraordinary about it is that it is endorheic, 760 00:36:56,782 --> 00:36:59,451 and that means it has got no outlets other than evaporation, 761 00:36:59,451 --> 00:37:01,731 so it's much deeper now than it was in medieval times. 762 00:37:01,731 --> 00:37:05,721 It used to be a fantastically popular stopping route on the Silk Road, 763 00:37:05,721 --> 00:37:07,782 and there is, as far as we know, 764 00:37:07,782 --> 00:37:11,181 a 2,500-year-old city at the bottom of the lake. 765 00:37:11,181 --> 00:37:14,091 Oh, wow. Cool. So they've found all sorts of archaeological finds 766 00:37:14,091 --> 00:37:16,811 round there. All of which brings us to the place that isn't wearing a 767 00:37:16,811 --> 00:37:19,221 stitch of general knowledge, it's General Ignorance, 768 00:37:19,221 --> 00:37:21,181 so fingers on buzzers, please. 769 00:37:21,181 --> 00:37:23,866 First of all, how many shades of grey are there? 770 00:37:27,261 --> 00:37:29,211 MUSIC: The Stripper 771 00:37:29,211 --> 00:37:30,655 One. 772 00:37:31,941 --> 00:37:33,909 Is not right. 773 00:37:35,451 --> 00:37:37,430 Is it 49.9? 774 00:37:41,371 --> 00:37:44,101 Unlimited? No, well... 775 00:37:45,381 --> 00:37:47,349 Limited. 776 00:37:53,061 --> 00:37:56,652 For a very weird moment, I felt like Gypsy Rose Lee. 777 00:37:56,652 --> 00:37:58,902 Compelled to take my clothes off. 778 00:37:58,902 --> 00:38:02,912 The Pantone colour chart lists 104 shades of grey. 779 00:38:02,912 --> 00:38:08,161 There are 71 of white, and there are 110 of naked or nude, ie, 780 00:38:08,161 --> 00:38:11,061 skin-coloured, but that one is really weird, 781 00:38:11,061 --> 00:38:13,782 because you can buy nude tights, you can buy naked shoes, 782 00:38:13,782 --> 00:38:17,011 naked sticking plasters, but they all presume that somebody's white. 783 00:38:17,011 --> 00:38:19,551 All of those colours. I used to get that when I used to go in, 784 00:38:19,551 --> 00:38:21,621 and I'd ask for like a nude lip gloss, 785 00:38:21,621 --> 00:38:25,782 and they'd give me a chalk white lip gloss! 786 00:38:25,782 --> 00:38:30,051 There are 104 shades of grey, which is quite frankly plenty. 787 00:38:30,051 --> 00:38:34,465 When you are fishing, which fish should you throw back into the water? 788 00:38:35,662 --> 00:38:37,181 Yes, Lee? 789 00:38:37,181 --> 00:38:39,941 The ones that are slightly undersized? 790 00:38:39,941 --> 00:38:41,385 KLAXON 791 00:38:43,551 --> 00:38:47,181 Oh, no, I didn't say that. There's a big difference between small and an slightly undersized. 792 00:38:47,181 --> 00:38:49,092 I have to use that line all the time. 793 00:38:50,811 --> 00:38:53,532 It would be awful, wouldn't it, in the bedroom if you said, 794 00:38:53,532 --> 00:38:56,695 that is not small, that slightly undersized, and that sound came in! 795 00:38:58,171 --> 00:39:01,701 What it is, is that we now think the reverse of what we used to think. 796 00:39:01,701 --> 00:39:04,301 We used to throw back the small ones, to give them a chance to grow. 797 00:39:04,301 --> 00:39:07,631 In fact, the population of larger older fish is much more stable. 798 00:39:07,631 --> 00:39:09,261 If there is a lack of food, for instance, 799 00:39:09,261 --> 00:39:11,981 then a few big fish will eat less and they will survive. 800 00:39:11,981 --> 00:39:14,811 And the older fish are also going to provide stability to the population 801 00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:17,522 because they are going to provide more and better quality offspring. 802 00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:19,621 So it is actually the reverse of what we used to think. 803 00:39:19,621 --> 00:39:22,226 I cannot believe fishing just got more boring. 804 00:39:23,941 --> 00:39:25,071 So, anyway... 805 00:39:25,071 --> 00:39:28,652 Now, name an extinct animal with teeth like sabres. 806 00:39:28,652 --> 00:39:30,741 MUSIC: The Stripper 807 00:39:30,741 --> 00:39:32,891 Is it the sword-toothed cat? 808 00:39:36,811 --> 00:39:40,171 Is it the rapier-toothed panther? 809 00:39:40,171 --> 00:39:43,351 Any more for any more? Is it the sabre-toothed tiger? 810 00:39:43,351 --> 00:39:46,861 KLAXON 811 00:39:46,861 --> 00:39:49,381 It isn't that, why isn't it that? 812 00:39:49,381 --> 00:39:52,091 Because they didn't actually have teeth like sabres? 813 00:39:52,091 --> 00:39:54,151 Because no such animal ever existed. 814 00:39:54,151 --> 00:39:56,662 That's what I said. That's exactly right. 815 00:39:56,662 --> 00:39:58,301 No wonder it's extinct. 816 00:39:58,301 --> 00:40:01,711 There's never been a sabre-tooth tiger or a lion. 817 00:40:01,711 --> 00:40:04,532 Never been a lion? Sabre-toothed lion. 818 00:40:04,532 --> 00:40:07,261 Oh, I see, I thought you said there'd never been a lion, full stop. 819 00:40:07,261 --> 00:40:09,291 I thought, have I just been falling for this? 820 00:40:09,291 --> 00:40:10,861 It's a man in a costume at the zoo? 821 00:40:10,861 --> 00:40:13,581 Yeah, it's a lion with the hem of his skirt, no... 822 00:40:13,581 --> 00:40:15,936 Pen, what's he doing with a pen? 823 00:40:17,652 --> 00:40:20,451 There's never been a sabre-toothed tiger or a lion. 824 00:40:20,451 --> 00:40:23,741 Sabre-toothed cats are not closely related to either tigers or lions, 825 00:40:23,741 --> 00:40:26,371 in fact, they weren't even cats, strictly speaking. 826 00:40:26,371 --> 00:40:28,021 They were kind of stocky and bear-like. 827 00:40:28,021 --> 00:40:31,011 It looks like a sloth. It does look in the sloth area, doesn't it? 828 00:40:31,011 --> 00:40:34,931 And they ranged in size from the large pet cat to one the size of the 829 00:40:34,931 --> 00:40:37,891 horse that you took on your holidays. 830 00:40:37,891 --> 00:40:39,825 When you say "took"... 831 00:40:41,421 --> 00:40:43,991 To a thing. Yeah. 832 00:40:43,991 --> 00:40:46,171 There was a sabre-toothed trout, 833 00:40:46,171 --> 00:40:48,741 that there was, six and a half feet long. 834 00:40:48,741 --> 00:40:51,451 Wow. Shut the front door. 835 00:40:51,451 --> 00:40:55,101 Yes. But there's no such thing as a sabre-toothed tiger and there never 836 00:40:55,101 --> 00:40:58,091 has been. What is this noise? 837 00:40:58,091 --> 00:41:00,503 GROWLING 838 00:41:05,171 --> 00:41:08,220 Yes. Is it Winston Churchill taking a meeting? 839 00:41:10,371 --> 00:41:14,652 That's his bath when they heard about the invasion of Poland! 840 00:41:14,652 --> 00:41:17,991 "Me, nervous? No, I'm not nervous." 841 00:41:17,991 --> 00:41:21,061 It is the noise of the small intestine 842 00:41:21,061 --> 00:41:24,662 cleaning itself in preparation for food. 843 00:41:24,662 --> 00:41:28,251 The noise is called bor-boring... borro-borrow...bub... 844 00:41:28,251 --> 00:41:31,821 The noise is called borborygmus, borborygmus. 845 00:41:31,821 --> 00:41:34,181 What's it called? It's your tummy rumbling. 846 00:41:34,181 --> 00:41:36,591 And it's one of the few physiological processes that we can 847 00:41:36,591 --> 00:41:38,251 hear with the naked ear. 848 00:41:38,251 --> 00:41:40,731 Is that the one where, when you're with your wife, 849 00:41:40,731 --> 00:41:42,532 and you don't know who's done the noise? 850 00:41:42,532 --> 00:41:43,731 Yeah. That's true, isn't it? 851 00:41:43,731 --> 00:41:46,341 If you're close to somebody and someone's tummy rumbles, 852 00:41:46,341 --> 00:41:48,196 it's impossible to work out whose. Yeah. 853 00:41:48,196 --> 00:41:51,607 You would think if it was inside you, you'd be able to work it out, right, Lee? Yeah. 854 00:41:51,607 --> 00:41:54,168 But you want to say that next time, "I believe that was you, 855 00:41:54,168 --> 00:41:55,928 "that borborygmus." 856 00:41:55,928 --> 00:41:59,529 I mean, you can't read it, so I'm not going to be able to say it, am I? 857 00:41:59,529 --> 00:42:02,529 Finally, I'll give you 100 points if you can pat your head while 858 00:42:02,529 --> 00:42:05,058 rubbing your stomach. Anybody? 859 00:42:05,058 --> 00:42:06,488 Pat your head... And rub your stomach. 860 00:42:06,488 --> 00:42:08,088 And rub your stomach. 861 00:42:08,088 --> 00:42:10,168 KLAXON 862 00:42:10,168 --> 00:42:11,779 Not there, not there. 863 00:42:11,779 --> 00:42:13,968 I didn't do it, Sandi. You didn't do it, give it a go. 864 00:42:13,968 --> 00:42:16,728 Look at you, teacher's pet, "I didn't do it, can I have the points?" 865 00:42:16,728 --> 00:42:19,488 Only cos you couldn't reach, it's quite high up, isn't it? 866 00:42:19,488 --> 00:42:22,008 No, listen, currently I'm one point up on everybody. 867 00:42:22,008 --> 00:42:25,808 Have you worked it out? No, but if I don't do anything at all, 868 00:42:25,808 --> 00:42:28,568 I make up a point on everybody, because you all did it wrong. 869 00:42:28,568 --> 00:42:30,728 Why did they do it wrong, Richard? 870 00:42:30,728 --> 00:42:32,649 Because the stomach was in the wrong place. 871 00:42:32,649 --> 00:42:34,241 And where is it? I don't know. 872 00:42:35,878 --> 00:42:39,529 It's much higher up than most people realise. Here. 873 00:42:39,529 --> 00:42:41,598 No. 874 00:42:41,598 --> 00:42:44,048 It's just under your pecs, really. 875 00:42:44,048 --> 00:42:45,848 So it's not down here, it's up here. 876 00:42:45,848 --> 00:42:48,238 And did you know, this is the most extraordinary thing, 877 00:42:48,238 --> 00:42:50,639 the stomach lining blushes when you blush. 878 00:42:50,639 --> 00:42:52,425 I don't think I can blush. 879 00:42:55,368 --> 00:42:57,779 That will be all that naked foundation you're wearing! 880 00:42:57,779 --> 00:43:01,928 I tell you what, it's a challenge for us though, isn't it, if you can't? 881 00:43:01,928 --> 00:43:05,208 I bet Lee could make you blush. 882 00:43:05,208 --> 00:43:07,649 I like a challenge. 883 00:43:07,649 --> 00:43:10,649 So, to the scores, well, Richard was exactly right, 884 00:43:10,649 --> 00:43:13,488 with a magnificent one point, this week's winner, in first place, 885 00:43:13,488 --> 00:43:14,818 it's Richard! 886 00:43:14,818 --> 00:43:17,238 APPLAUSE Thank you. Thank you. 887 00:43:17,238 --> 00:43:21,878 Second place, with a fantastic debut of -8, Lolly! 888 00:43:21,878 --> 00:43:24,051 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 889 00:43:25,448 --> 00:43:29,649 In third place with -20, it's Lee! 890 00:43:29,649 --> 00:43:33,659 Thank you. I'm happy with that. 891 00:43:33,659 --> 00:43:38,928 And with -35, it's Alan! 892 00:43:38,928 --> 00:43:41,067 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 893 00:43:47,649 --> 00:43:49,568 My thanks to Lolly, Lee, Richard and Alan, 894 00:43:49,568 --> 00:43:53,649 and I leave you with this Neolithic newspaper nugget from The Sun, 895 00:43:53,649 --> 00:43:56,808 "This woman walked very close to me and it was obvious that underneath 896 00:43:56,808 --> 00:43:59,678 "her clothing she wore little or nothing." 897 00:43:59,678 --> 00:44:01,327 Goodnight!