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00:00:27,970 --> 00:00:30,130
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

2
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:31,495
Wheyyy!

3
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Hello and welcome to QI.

4
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Tonight's show will be
a nebulous nosebag of non sequiturs.

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Nestled in next to me,
we have three types of non sequitur.

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Affirming the consequent,
Miles Jupp.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Denying the antecedent,
Deirdre O'Kane.

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00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,574
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

10
00:00:57,410 --> 00:01:00,850
The fallacy of the
undistributed middle, Phill Jupitus.

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00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:03,136
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And getting in a frightful muddle,
Alan Davies.

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Hello.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And for their buzzers,
we've got four non-secateurs

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00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:21,238
because one of the researchers
can't spell.

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Miles goes...

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SCISSORS SNIP CRISPLY

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Deirdre goes...

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SCISSOR BLADES SCRAPE TOGETHER

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..on for quite a long time.
Very bad hairdresser, that is.

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Slightly rusty. Phill goes...

22
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KNIFE CHOPPING VEGETABLES

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And Alan goes...

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'Cut!'

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One of my dreams... I've done
a lot of things in show business.

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I've always wanted to be in
Midsomer Murders, as a victim.

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So the camera would pan round
a rose bush, and I'd be lying there,

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with a trug,
and a pair of secateurs.

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We should make this happen! Yes!

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Let's start with a nun-sequitur.

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How do you get urine off a nun?

33
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Yes. I don't think that
nuns pee at all.

34
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Oh!

35
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I know a lot about nuns.

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Do you? Why's that?
Because I was educated by them,

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and it was in a boarding school,
so I actually lived with them.

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Right. And they never weed?

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Never. I never saw one of them
enter or leave a bathroom.

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The thing is, they've got those
very long frocks on, haven't they?

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Very long frocks,
and they might have

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some kind of divine catheter
or something, but they don't...

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You don't see them
coming out of a bathroom.

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The Divine Catheter
are a great group, aren't they?

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Everybody at home playing QI bingo,
that's "Divine catheter."

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In the 18th century,
women who wore the long frocks,

47
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they used to have
the equivalent of a gravy boat

48
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on a sort of ribbon
for long church services.

49
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They actually had one of those
things we were all just imagining?

50
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Yes, they did. Yes, they did.

51
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A gravy boat on a ribbon.

52
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Is this urine in the picture,
or is that just something...

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"The gravy boat's fallen off!"

54
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"Help me!"

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That's
"The gravy boat's fallen off."

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Is it necessary
to get urine off nuns?

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It was necessary. It was the 1960s.

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Oh, it was a condiment,
wasn't it, nun wee?

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A condiment?!

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"Have you got a slightly bigger
bottle of nun wee?"

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Was it to test... Pregnancy tests?

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It is to do with pregnancy. OK. So,
women who go through the menopause,

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their urine contains
very high levels of hormones

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that can be used to make medications
to increase female fertility,

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something the Roman Catholic Church
are very much in favour of.

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Hence the horny menopausal women.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

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That's another good group.

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The Horny Menopausal Women.

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I love that band. What a gig!

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1960, there was a medical student
called Bruno Lunenfeld

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00:04:10,491 --> 00:04:13,010
and he was looking for a source of
menopausal women

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who would be happy to give up
their urine.

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So, this is one of those stories
where chance takes a moment in life.

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He met the Pope's nephew by chance.

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And he's talking about,
"Where the heck am I going to find

76
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"a whole lot of menopausal women

77
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"who don't mind about giving up
their urine

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"who are going to help
with fertility drugs?"

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And it was the Vatican, and he said,

80
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"I was lucky enough to have a unique
connection to an important authority

81
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"with access to a huge supply
of postmenopausal urine."

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See, they've got their bag,
their colostomy bags.

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They're disguised as handbags,
haven't they?

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Boldly worn on the outside.
Hiding in plain sight.

85
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Well, here's the thing
that might interest you.

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Did you know that
in the United States

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it's now possible to rent a nun?

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No, but I'd say that might be
becoming a thing world over,

89
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because there's bound to be
a shortage.

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Well, we're busy. We're all
very busy. We're very busy.

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We haven't got time to pray
every day,

92
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so the Salesian Sisters
of St John Bosco,

93
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they run
an Adopt A Sister programme.

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You have to give about $500
for the sister's retirement needs,

95
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and then she will pray for you
every day, saving you the bother.

96
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Will she do light admin as well?

97
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Obviously, do the pray,
do the pray, but also,

98
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if you could give the study
a once over, that sort of thing.

99
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Do the laundry.
They're great at the laundry.

100
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Do you think there's a thing about

101
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Iots of women living in
close cloisters like that?

102
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Because in 1844 there was
an extraordinary experience,

103
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when a French nun began
to meow like a cat, OK,

104
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and soon,
the other nuns joined in...

105
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..and eventually, every nun in
the convent

106
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was meowing for hours on end,

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and they couldn't stop.

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And do you know how they stopped,
in the end?

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Got a dog.

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APPLAUSE

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A group of soldiers turned up
and threatened to beat them

112
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with iron rods. Really?!

113
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Yup. Pack it in!

114
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Nothing like that!

115
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My favourite thing about nuns
is the Robert Browning poem

116
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called Pippa Passes.
It was written in 1841, and it goes,

117
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"Owls and bats,
Cowls and twats,

118
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"Monks and nuns,
in a cloister's moods,

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"Adjourn to the oak-stump pantry!"

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And it's funny because
he was under the misapprehension

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that twat meant a nun's hat.

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Bit of a tight fit.

123
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"Am I wearing it back to front?"

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"Have you got a bigger one?"

125
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He said he got the word
from a 1660 satirical poem

126
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called Vanity of Vanities,

127
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"They talked of his
having a Cardinal's Hat,

128
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"They'd send him as soon
an Old Nun's Twat".

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He thought...that must mean hat.

130
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Bless him. Bless.

131
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Now, this is the non sequiturs show,
and that's why, Alan,

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00:07:01,890 --> 00:07:03,949
we're now going to hit you
with a hammer.

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Bring on the nerd!

134
00:07:07,890 --> 00:07:10,256
APPLAUSE

135
00:07:15,580 --> 00:07:17,650
Steve is our resident nerd
for tonight,

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00:07:17,650 --> 00:07:22,210
he's from the science-cum-comedy
group Festival of the Spoken Nerd,

137
00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:24,501
and he is going to hit Alan
with a hammer.

138
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So, the first thing is to wrap
your hand in this orange goo.

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If you put your hand like that
for me, I'm just going to wrap it.

140
00:07:30,361 --> 00:07:31,931
I'm very trusting, aren't I? Yeah!

141
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Do you notice I'm not doing it?

142
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Yes, I had noticed that.

143
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If you just gently press it
with your finger.

144
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Very soft. You wouldn't think that
could afford any kind of protection

145
00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:44,052
against the hammer. No.

146
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This is the point where I say
don't try this at home, OK?

147
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:52,371
DEIDRE: Are you feeling
anything there?

148
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:54,251
How is it? Is there any pain
or anything?

149
00:07:54,251 --> 00:07:55,616
A little bit.

150
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,680
What is it, Steve,
is it silly putty or something?

151
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,880
It's not silly putty.

152
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,460
So, don't try this at home
with silly putty,

153
00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:06,770
cos you will break your fingers.
What is it, then?

154
00:08:06,770 --> 00:08:08,860
This is called D3o,
it's sort of a smart material.

155
00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:11,530
It's a non- Newtonian fluid.

156
00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:13,170
A non- Newtonian fluid? Yes.

157
00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:15,760
OK, so you're going to have to start
with what is a Newtonian fluid?

158
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,890
So, a Newtonian fluid is...

159
00:08:17,890 --> 00:08:19,221
Are you like this with your lover?

160
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Do not answer that question, Steve.

161
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:27,760
So, Newton came up
with some equations

162
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,850
that describe how normal liquids
and gases behave,

163
00:08:30,850 --> 00:08:33,440
but this doesn't behave
like Newton described.

164
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:37,180
It behaves as a normal liquid
most of the time,

165
00:08:37,180 --> 00:08:38,501
but if you strike it,

166
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:40,810
then the molecules lock together,

167
00:08:40,810 --> 00:08:44,220
and momentarily form a solid
that protects your fingers.

168
00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:46,760
You could make
your own non- Newtonian at home?

169
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,020
You can. What would you do?

170
00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:50,050
Cornflour and water,
if you mix that together.

171
00:08:50,050 --> 00:08:51,810
Which is called? Oobleck.

172
00:08:51,810 --> 00:08:54,251
OK, so oobleck,
after the gooey green rain

173
00:08:54,251 --> 00:08:56,730
in Dr Seuss's
Bartholomew And The Oobleck.

174
00:08:56,730 --> 00:08:58,371
So, we have made some.

175
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,580
Now, we're going to try and do this
as a demonstration.

176
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I have to just manipulate...

177
00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,050
This is a condom.

178
00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:06,948
I say that because somebody
had to explain it to me earlier.

179
00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:13,410
She was walking around with it
on her head for ages.

180
00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:17,508
You should have been here
when she tried to make a giraffe.

181
00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:22,040
So, in here is a raw egg
in its shell,

182
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,760
and we've got two condoms.

183
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,501
One which has just got water
and a raw egg,

184
00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:29,160
and I'm going to try and drop this
from a great height.

185
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,377
Just...

186
00:09:34,131 --> 00:09:36,121
OK. Are we ready?

187
00:09:36,121 --> 00:09:38,021
Greater! Greater height.

188
00:09:39,381 --> 00:09:41,170
OK, so this one is just water,

189
00:09:41,170 --> 00:09:44,010
and I'm going to drop it into
the QI frying pan. Am I ready?

190
00:09:44,010 --> 00:09:45,241
Here we go.

191
00:09:45,241 --> 00:09:47,251
Whoa, that's broken.

192
00:09:47,251 --> 00:09:49,381
That was very pleasing.
A very pleasing result.

193
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,060
So, now, this is the theory.

194
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,480
CHUCKLING: OK.

195
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,131
The theory is that
this one should survive.

196
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,371
And there we go.
The egg is fully intact. ALL: Oooh!

197
00:09:59,371 --> 00:10:01,692
Fantastic.
APPLAUSE

198
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,890
Steve!

199
00:10:04,890 --> 00:10:06,380
CHEERING AND WHISTLING

200
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:11,530
But seriously,
don't hit anybody at home

201
00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:13,450
because you've made
a bit of cornflour.

202
00:10:13,450 --> 00:10:15,660
That was amazing.
That's not a good idea.

203
00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:18,890
Now, would you want to be pulled off
by a Newark man?

204
00:10:18,890 --> 00:10:20,860
Yes.

205
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:22,220
You would. You would.

206
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,880
Newark in the Midlands,
or Newark, New Jersey?

207
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,210
Newark, New Jersey.
Noo-wark, as they say. Ah, OK.

208
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,980
What they say in Manhattan is,

209
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:31,251
"The good news is there's light at
the end of the tunnel,

210
00:10:31,251 --> 00:10:33,128
"the bad news is the light's coming
from Newark.

211
00:10:34,381 --> 00:10:36,610
Very, very unfair.
Very unfair, it's a charming place.

212
00:10:36,610 --> 00:10:38,410
So good they named it once.

213
00:10:38,410 --> 00:10:39,741
Yes. Just Newark. That's it.

214
00:10:41,131 --> 00:10:44,371
I can tell you,
he was the Newark steam man.

215
00:10:44,371 --> 00:10:46,570
So, is this something to do
with the train, your train,

216
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:48,530
he pulls you off of your carriages?

217
00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,670
In a yard? We're talking 1868.

218
00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:52,490
Two fantastic American inventors,

219
00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:55,027
one called Zadoc P Dederick.

220
00:10:56,251 --> 00:10:59,459
There's a name. He was going to come
up with something at some point.

221
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,131
And Isaac Grass. And they invented
the Newark steam man.

222
00:11:03,131 --> 00:11:06,020
He was intended to replace horses
in pulling carriages,

223
00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:09,810
so what you did was you opened his
jacket and you put coal in his chest

224
00:11:09,810 --> 00:11:13,450
and then his top hat worked as
a chimney. Ah. Brilliant.

225
00:11:13,450 --> 00:11:16,020
Oh, if only Abe Lincoln
had been wearing one of them

226
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:17,260
in the Ford Theatre.

227
00:11:18,371 --> 00:11:20,980
Unfortunately, they were never able
to make them cheaply enough

228
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,300
to produce on a large scale.

229
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,850
It did absolutely capture
the public imagination.

230
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,490
There were loads and loads of
similar ones.

231
00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:30,100
Do you like them?
I think they're great. Oh, wow.

232
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,730
This is another prototype
by Frank Reade Junior.

233
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:36,261
Lots of people tried. There was
a Canadian called George Moore,

234
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:38,400
and he designed one in 1893.

235
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,050
It was 6-foot tall,
steam powered, it was an android.

236
00:11:41,050 --> 00:11:44,611
It could walk 5mph, and ejected
the steam from his cigar.

237
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:48,180
Journalists called him the Iron Man.

238
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,690
Sadly he was made of tin,
but that's journalists for you.

239
00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:53,820
Did he have little wheels
on his feet? This one had spurs.

240
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:55,330
If you look at the bottom
of his feet,

241
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:57,170
he's got little spurs
to give him traction.

242
00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:59,740
This one didn't work so well because
he had to be attached to a pole

243
00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:01,617
and basically he just walked round
in circles.

244
00:12:02,690 --> 00:12:04,330
He'd trip over things, wouldn't he?

245
00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:08,050
Surely? Do you think horses felt in
any way threatened by these things?

246
00:12:09,490 --> 00:12:10,810
"Have you seen what they're doing?

247
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,141
"They put a hat on a chimney."

248
00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:16,690
I like the idea that the horses
were running a closed shop.

249
00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:18,740
Yeah. "Listen, we pull the stuff."

250
00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:21,311
That's their way of getting around
the unions, essentially.

251
00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:26,460
Yes, an equine society, I like that.

252
00:12:26,460 --> 00:12:28,610
Deirdre, a better use of
steam power, so...

253
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,660
Causing more pleasure...

254
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:33,480
for women in particular.

255
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,121
Are you talking about some kind of
steam-powered vibrator?

256
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:38,180
I am! Yes.

257
00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:39,852
Not an iron. Ohhh!

258
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,210
Ooh!

259
00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:47,940
That photograph does look like there
was an iron taken to her there.

260
00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:50,340
If not flattened, you'd certainly
take the crease out of it.

261
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,621
APPLAUSE

262
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,460
In 1869, OK,

263
00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:02,840
the very first steam-powered...
ALAN LAUGHING

264
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,100
Did it have a whistle on it?

265
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,340
HE WHISTLES

266
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,460
I can hear Queen Victoria now.

267
00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:10,496
"Summon Mr Brunel."

268
00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:13,975
"I'd like a word."

269
00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:18,420
Women did go and have this done
in doctors' surgeries. They did.

270
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:20,410
I don't know how anyone
would have found it exciting

271
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:24,560
because there was a coal-fired
boiler and a turbine, OK?

272
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,020
It was called the manipulator.

273
00:13:26,020 --> 00:13:29,131
The manipulator! It was a respected
medical instrument until the 1920s,

274
00:13:29,131 --> 00:13:32,050
and certainly there was no end of
women trying to get an appointment.

275
00:13:32,050 --> 00:13:33,570
Right.

276
00:13:33,570 --> 00:13:34,787
Queueing round the block.

277
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:40,330
People are weird about
the whole genital thing.

278
00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:42,290
So, in 2016 there was a study,

279
00:13:42,290 --> 00:13:45,210
and they found that
humans get aroused

280
00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:49,300
even when touching
the naughty bits of androids. OK?

281
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,495
So there was a... Their phones?!

282
00:13:53,570 --> 00:13:56,391
APPLAUSE

283
00:13:57,660 --> 00:13:59,100
DEIDRE: When they're on vibrate...

284
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,170
Ah! There we go.

285
00:14:01,170 --> 00:14:03,890
No, so, robots. So, there was a
French robot called Nao

286
00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:06,460
and it was programmed...
There it is.

287
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:09,251
It was programmed to tell people
to touch its body parts,

288
00:14:09,251 --> 00:14:13,420
and while they did this, scientists
measured their skin conductance,

289
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,340
and when people touched
what the study called

290
00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:18,490
the "inaccessible regions"...

291
00:14:19,930 --> 00:14:22,740
So, the buttocks of the robot,

292
00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:23,920
the genitalia...

293
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,205
Weirdly, also the eyeballs...

294
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:30,900
People became more aroused than when
they touched the hands and feet.

295
00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:34,300
That's the after shot, isn't it?
That robot is spent. Yes.

296
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:35,770
Absolutely spent. Yes.

297
00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:37,704
All he can take
is a cigarette, now. That's it.

298
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:41,460
Now for something
completely different.

299
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:43,460
If a woodpecker would peck wood,

300
00:14:43,460 --> 00:14:45,131
how much wood
would a woodpecker peck

301
00:14:45,131 --> 00:14:46,610
before its eyes popped out?

302
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,050
Does that happen?

303
00:14:49,050 --> 00:14:53,100
Well, they hammer their heads into
trees 20 times per second.

304
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,410
So, 15mph.

305
00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:57,020
You'd think there would be
burst blood vessels, damaged nerves,

306
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:58,100
torn retinas...

307
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,131
Why does it not...

308
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:02,060
They can't remember anything,
that's one of the things.

309
00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:04,062
Every time they strike the wood,
they do this.

310
00:15:05,261 --> 00:15:06,410
Kind of.

311
00:15:06,410 --> 00:15:08,610
They have something called
a nictitating membrane,

312
00:15:08,610 --> 00:15:10,700
or a translucent third eyelid.

313
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,180
It is honestly like
the seatbelt for the eyes,

314
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,540
holding the eyes in place
to make sure that nothing happens,

315
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,900
and lots of creatures have them,

316
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:19,020
and they serve
all kinds of purposes.

317
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:21,261
So, if you are a bird,
and you are flying,

318
00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:23,131
they are kind of like
flying goggles,

319
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,410
and they keep the debris
out of bird's eyes,

320
00:15:25,410 --> 00:15:27,700
and also keep them from drying out
when they're hunting.

321
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:29,740
Underwater goggles.
So, there's a shot of a...

322
00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:31,830
It's a Kingfisher, I think,
diving down, there.

323
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:33,900
They're transparent,
the nictitating membranes,

324
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:37,340
so they can still see underwater,
but it stops them getting damaged.

325
00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:38,850
The aardvark... I love this!

326
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,780
..closes them when it's eating

327
00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:42,577
so that the termites
don't bite their eyes.

328
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,930
Polar bear uses them as sunglasses.

329
00:15:45,930 --> 00:15:48,490
And sharks, you wouldn't think a
shark needs protection,

330
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:51,190
but it uses them to prevent
the prey from poking it in the eye

331
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:52,330
when it's thrashing about.

332
00:15:52,330 --> 00:15:55,290
Anyway, nictitating membranes, they
are the norm in mammals and birds,

333
00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:58,210
but giraffes don't have them. Why
might giraffes might not need them?

334
00:15:58,210 --> 00:16:00,381
Well... There's your answer.

335
00:16:00,381 --> 00:16:02,340
The tongue! They can lick their...

336
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:04,410
Their really long tongue!
Clean their own eyeball.

337
00:16:04,410 --> 00:16:06,610
AUDIENCE GROANS
Oh, what's that silly noise?

338
00:16:06,610 --> 00:16:07,930
You'd love to be able to do that.

339
00:16:07,930 --> 00:16:09,820
Can you imagine?

340
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:11,412
That and worse, I expect. Yeah.

341
00:16:13,131 --> 00:16:16,020
But humans have
vestigial nictitating membranes.

342
00:16:16,020 --> 00:16:18,890
Where do you think they are? Down
there in the corner by the nose.

343
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:21,060
Squidgy bit in the corner.
It is that corner bit,

344
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,131
that little tiny lump.
That's the leftover bit.

345
00:16:23,131 --> 00:16:26,134
But you can't pull it out, it's not
like a sleeping bag scrunched up?

346
00:16:28,980 --> 00:16:31,574
Does it not deploy like an air bag
at times of extreme stress?

347
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:35,220
You despair and hit your own
forehead, and they come out...

348
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:37,860
Suddenly just got like two pink
doughnuts in front of your face.

349
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:39,180
Is that eyelid thing true?

350
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:41,490
If you didn't shut your eyes
when you sneezed or something,

351
00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:43,580
it would... Well, it's
an old wives' tale, isn't it,

352
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:46,060
that sleeping with your eyes open
can make your eyeballs pop out.

353
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:47,381
Do you think that's true?

354
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,780
Yes.

355
00:16:48,780 --> 00:16:50,111
Well, you'd be wrong. Oh.

356
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:52,700
The eye socket,
that is made of bone,

357
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,980
so it's not connected in any way
to the nasal passages,

358
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:57,860
and there are no muscles behind the
eyes that contract when you sneeze,

359
00:16:57,860 --> 00:16:59,860
so there is no mechanism involved in
a sneeze

360
00:16:59,860 --> 00:17:01,391
that could have the effect claimed,

361
00:17:01,391 --> 00:17:02,900
plus, which I think is the clincher,

362
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:05,107
you've never met anybody
to whom that actually happened.

363
00:17:06,820 --> 00:17:09,261
I remember times at the playground
when, you know,

364
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:11,770
a rumour like that would spread
around the entire school. Yeah.

365
00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:15,011
And some point later in the day,
someone will start the old...

366
00:17:15,011 --> 00:17:17,050
HE QUAVERS BEFORE A SNEEZE

367
00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:18,381
And then you'll see them go...

368
00:17:18,381 --> 00:17:19,575
HE SNEEZES POINTEDLY

369
00:17:24,540 --> 00:17:26,490
There's actually only one
primate known to have

370
00:17:26,490 --> 00:17:30,290
a functioning nictitating membrane,
and it's the Calabar angwantibo,

371
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:31,940
or they're better known as pottos,

372
00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:34,180
and they live in
the west African rainforest.

373
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:37,110
And what they do, the female signals
that it's ready to mate

374
00:17:37,110 --> 00:17:40,410
by suspending herself
upside down from a branch. Ah, yes.

375
00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:43,060
We've all been on those
kind of dates, that have ended up...

376
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:46,640
Swinging out of the chandelier. I do
a little bit of that. Exactly, yeah.

377
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,180
And the male joins her, and they
both copulate face-to-face

378
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:50,930
swinging upside down. Cool.

379
00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:52,690
And when they are confronted
by a predator,

380
00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:54,890
what they do is they roll into
a little ball,

381
00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:57,820
but they keep their mouth open
under the armpit,

382
00:17:57,820 --> 00:18:00,210
and if the attacker persists,
they bite it and won't let go,

383
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:02,060
so all you see is a little
ball of fur

384
00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:04,930
and a little mouth underneath
the armpit having a go.

385
00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:06,500
Aren't they sweet?

386
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,540
Yeah, but I'm slightly put off
by that story. Oh, yeah.

387
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:11,100
You're cute, aren't you?

388
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,021
SPLAT

389
00:18:18,550 --> 00:18:19,900
What am I talking about?

390
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:23,860
It begins with N,
feels like a snake when wet,

391
00:18:23,860 --> 00:18:27,700
and caused women to riot
in the streets?

392
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:28,541
Nonald Trump.

393
00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:32,340
It is not Nonald Trump.

394
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:34,580
Go post-World War II.

395
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,410
There was a problem with getting
a supply in the Second World War.

396
00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:40,740
Nylon. Nylon.
Nylons! Absolutely right.

397
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:43,930
Up until 1942 it had been used
exclusively to make stockings,

398
00:18:43,930 --> 00:18:46,570
and then was redirected to the war
effort, so it was used to make...

399
00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:49,060
Parachutes! Parachutes, exactly,
aeroplane tyres,

400
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:51,630
tow ropes, fuel tanks,
machinegun parts, hammocks,

401
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,340
mosquito nets, all sorts of things.

402
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:57,141
So, when the war ended, women were
so excited...

403
00:18:57,141 --> 00:18:58,347
This is so shallow!

404
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:05,210
..at the return of nylons that it
generated the Nylon Riots

405
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:08,141
of 1945 and 1946.

406
00:19:08,141 --> 00:19:11,980
In Pittsburgh,
40,000 women queued for 16 blocks

407
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:14,420
to fight over 13,000 pairs.

408
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:18,136
In Chicago, police were called to
break up a mob of 1,200 women

409
00:19:18,136 --> 00:19:20,166
clamouring for nylons outside
the shop,

410
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:22,296
and apparently
there were frequent fistfights.

411
00:19:22,296 --> 00:19:23,886
There was a headline at the time...

412
00:19:23,886 --> 00:19:26,821
US NEWSREADER VOICE:
"Women risk life and limb
in bitter battle over nylons."

413
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,025
Brentford Nylons!

414
00:19:31,326 --> 00:19:33,016
Do they still exist,
Brentford Nylons?

415
00:19:33,016 --> 00:19:35,779
I certainly hope so but I doubt it.
Do you remember nylon sheets?

416
00:19:35,779 --> 00:19:37,940
You used to get into bed
and slide out the other side. Yes!

417
00:19:39,459 --> 00:19:40,790
On fire, usually.

418
00:19:42,929 --> 00:19:45,779
What I like about those nylons,
though, is that there's no tights,

419
00:19:45,779 --> 00:19:48,010
it's all stockings. Oh, yes,
they're all stocking tops.

420
00:19:48,010 --> 00:19:50,010
Quite nice.
That was the thing at the time.

421
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:51,709
It was all about being quite sexy,

422
00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:54,189
as opposed to
warm with the tights up to here.

423
00:19:54,189 --> 00:19:57,289
Yes, when I was in school we had to
wear two pairs of underpants.

424
00:19:57,289 --> 00:19:59,819
You had to wear one pair
underneath your tights,

425
00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:01,859
and then another pair over the top.

426
00:20:01,859 --> 00:20:04,969
I don't really, to this day,
really know why. That's because...

427
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:06,619
I'll tell you why. Yeah?

428
00:20:06,619 --> 00:20:08,010
That's because in the convent,

429
00:20:08,010 --> 00:20:09,979
the nuns thought
if you wore patent shoes

430
00:20:09,979 --> 00:20:12,829
people could see your underwear
reflected in the shoe.

431
00:20:12,829 --> 00:20:14,023
So...

432
00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:18,260
So you wore a pair on the outside
for double protection. Wow!

433
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,478
There's nobody getting in, anyway.
No, that's...

434
00:20:21,699 --> 00:20:24,270
Just safer, isn't it? That's why
ovens used to have two doors.

435
00:20:30,369 --> 00:20:33,219
Anybody know what the first thing
that nylon was used to make?

436
00:20:33,219 --> 00:20:35,339
Hats. Scarves. Gloves.
Gramophone records. Socks.

437
00:20:35,339 --> 00:20:37,179
It was toothbrushes.
Toothbrushes.

438
00:20:37,179 --> 00:20:39,209
Because before then
it was horsehair.

439
00:20:39,209 --> 00:20:41,723
"Looking for a sexy dentist?"

440
00:20:46,059 --> 00:20:48,089
But when it was made into stockings,

441
00:20:48,089 --> 00:20:49,819
there were all sorts of
terrible rumours.

442
00:20:49,819 --> 00:20:52,130
People said that they feel
like snakes when they're wet.

443
00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:55,289
People were told that
nylon gives you cancer of the legs.

444
00:20:55,289 --> 00:20:58,339
That was one of the things.
That it melts in hot water.

445
00:20:58,339 --> 00:21:00,859
That if you walked past
a car exhaust while wearing them

446
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:02,929
the fumes would strip them
from your legs.

447
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,830
Yes, but what did papers other than
the Daily Mail about nylons?

448
00:21:07,949 --> 00:21:10,859
I read a story about
a woman who wore her nylon tights

449
00:21:10,859 --> 00:21:13,369
to protect herself from sunburn,

450
00:21:13,369 --> 00:21:16,189
while she was on the beach,
and the sun was very, very hot,

451
00:21:16,189 --> 00:21:19,100
and they melted into her skin
and gave her third degree burns.

452
00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:20,300
Wow!

453
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:21,653
That is an awful story.

454
00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:28,290
Hello,
and welcome to Alan's Den Of Horror.

455
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,440
This week,
we're going to the Bahamas.

456
00:21:34,430 --> 00:21:35,580
It was actually...

457
00:21:35,580 --> 00:21:36,911
It was in Blackpool!

458
00:21:39,190 --> 00:21:40,634
APPLAUSE

459
00:21:42,190 --> 00:21:44,780
Well, in the early days, when nylon
was not so well manufactured,

460
00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,580
then there would have been
something in it.

461
00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:47,820
I think now it's perfectly OK.

462
00:21:47,820 --> 00:21:49,820
Now, could you please
do an impression of

463
00:21:49,820 --> 00:21:51,390
a trout faking an orgasm?

464
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:56,373
Oh, Deirdre's off.

465
00:21:58,580 --> 00:22:00,700
It looks like you had
a really bad face-lift.

466
00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:03,450
Well, I was trying to be a
sarcastic trout. A sarcastic trout.

467
00:22:03,450 --> 00:22:06,066
It'll be the gills, it would be
like... A trout faking an orgasm.

468
00:22:12,860 --> 00:22:14,384
Is that it? Yeah, I'm done.

469
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:18,990
Yeah, no, yeah, yeah,
the river moved for me as well.

470
00:22:18,990 --> 00:22:20,190
Anybody else want to show...

471
00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:22,261
You do a fine line
in animal impersonations.

472
00:22:22,261 --> 00:22:25,220
Well, I'm not sure. I feel like
I'd have to move my tail.

473
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:26,630
I'm sure the tail...

474
00:22:28,450 --> 00:22:30,213
I don't believe
anybody is stopping you.

475
00:22:44,870 --> 00:22:46,303
If you've just tuned in...

476
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:50,660
..that was Alan being a trout
faking an orgasm.

477
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:52,740
The mouth open,
and the tail wiggling.

478
00:22:52,740 --> 00:22:54,310
APPLAUSE

479
00:22:58,090 --> 00:23:01,141
So here's the thing.
Female trouts do fake orgasms, OK?

480
00:23:01,141 --> 00:23:04,060
When two trout prepare to...spawn,

481
00:23:04,060 --> 00:23:05,510
they quiver rather violently

482
00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:08,031
before releasing
egg and sperm respectively.

483
00:23:08,031 --> 00:23:10,550
So they did a study on this, 2001,

484
00:23:10,550 --> 00:23:14,450
and they found that 69 out of 117
pairings, so it is quite a lot...

485
00:23:14,450 --> 00:23:16,630
Ironically. Yes, ironically, 69.

486
00:23:16,630 --> 00:23:18,940
..females did not release her eggs

487
00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:21,141
despite going through
the quivering motions,

488
00:23:21,141 --> 00:23:24,170
and tricking the mate
into releasing his sperm.

489
00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:25,550
So, why would she do this?

490
00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:28,439
It allows her to save herself
for a better trout. The one.

491
00:23:29,740 --> 00:23:33,290
It also allows multiple males
to deposit sperm on her

492
00:23:33,290 --> 00:23:36,060
before she releases the eggs.
So, you know when you open a trout,

493
00:23:36,060 --> 00:23:40,271
you can see if they've got eggs in,
you know she was a faker.

494
00:23:40,271 --> 00:23:41,660
But also what I like about it,

495
00:23:41,660 --> 00:23:44,350
there's got to be a thing of trout
etiquette, she's just going,

496
00:23:44,350 --> 00:23:47,271
"No offence, honestly, you tried,"
she says to the boy. "But...

497
00:23:47,271 --> 00:23:49,021
"Yeah, that wasn't quite
up to scratch."

498
00:23:49,021 --> 00:23:51,460
You don't think of trout being
choosy, do you, but they must be.

499
00:23:51,460 --> 00:23:53,189
Yeah. I didn't know they could talk.

500
00:23:58,141 --> 00:23:59,420
So as this is non sequiturs,

501
00:23:59,420 --> 00:24:01,170
this doesn't lead me to wonder,

502
00:24:01,170 --> 00:24:04,719
why was Squirrel Nutkin
such a lying bastard?

503
00:24:07,170 --> 00:24:09,820
I should know this cos I've
been to the Beatrix Potter Museum.

504
00:24:09,820 --> 00:24:12,180
Have you? Where is it,
the Lake District somewhere? Yes.

505
00:24:12,180 --> 00:24:13,780
It's quite good.

506
00:24:13,780 --> 00:24:16,385
If you like Beatrix Potter,
it's amazing. Yeah!

507
00:24:18,630 --> 00:24:20,730
So we've been talking about lying,
faking orgasms.

508
00:24:20,730 --> 00:24:23,780
It's to do with colour, is it?
DEIDRE: Is it because he was ginger?

509
00:24:23,780 --> 00:24:26,380
Well, Squirrel Nutkin as you rightly
point out was a red squirrel,

510
00:24:26,380 --> 00:24:29,420
but most other squirrels
tend to pretend that

511
00:24:29,420 --> 00:24:33,550
they've buried their food
to trick potential thieves.

512
00:24:33,550 --> 00:24:36,060
They dig a hole, they pretend to
put a nut inside and cover it up,

513
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:39,090
all the time, the nut is
actually still in their mouth.

514
00:24:39,090 --> 00:24:40,810
And then they also re-cache,

515
00:24:40,810 --> 00:24:43,580
so they bury nuts and then
they return to them soon afterwards,

516
00:24:43,580 --> 00:24:45,450
dig them up and bury them
somewhere else.

517
00:24:45,450 --> 00:24:48,420
They sometimes do this five times
with the same stash.

518
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:52,990
But they did a study in 2008, almost
a quarter of all squirrel burials,

519
00:24:52,990 --> 00:24:55,743
that's of food at some sites,
not of each other...

520
00:24:58,510 --> 00:25:01,308
..were faked. It's too late,
you said squirrel burials so now...

521
00:25:02,710 --> 00:25:05,235
They're gorgeous but they're like...

522
00:25:06,990 --> 00:25:09,902
They're mainly unmarked, but you do
see little headstones occasionally.

523
00:25:12,710 --> 00:25:16,740
But here is the thing, there's been
a debate since at least 1884,

524
00:25:16,740 --> 00:25:20,940
and it rages on, whether squirrels
remember where they hide their nuts

525
00:25:20,940 --> 00:25:22,990
or whether they just hide
as many as they can

526
00:25:22,990 --> 00:25:24,719
and then return to a likely place.

527
00:25:25,790 --> 00:25:27,712
Define "rages."

528
00:25:29,110 --> 00:25:30,509
Well, there have been studies...

529
00:25:31,940 --> 00:25:33,180
..since 1881.

530
00:25:33,180 --> 00:25:35,860
There was one in 1991,
a study done at Princeton.

531
00:25:35,860 --> 00:25:38,141
Two...

532
00:25:38,141 --> 00:25:40,060
So, they don't have a conclusion.

533
00:25:40,060 --> 00:25:42,597
No. The thing is, it rages on.

534
00:25:45,141 --> 00:25:46,278
It rages on.

535
00:25:47,271 --> 00:25:49,540
Anybody know what
kinds of nuts squirrels eat?

536
00:25:49,540 --> 00:25:52,031
Do they like the caramelised ones
you get on trolleys on...?

537
00:25:53,940 --> 00:25:56,636
they love a mini pretzel as well,
they love a mini pretzel.

538
00:25:57,980 --> 00:26:01,021
A snack selection.
Yeah, Bombay mix, they like.

539
00:26:01,021 --> 00:26:03,180
It is true, anything
they can get hold of, is the truth.

540
00:26:03,180 --> 00:26:04,901
Acorns, if oak trees are nearby,

541
00:26:04,901 --> 00:26:07,590
walnuts, pecans,
macadamia nuts, almonds.

542
00:26:07,590 --> 00:26:10,366
Anybody know where the bulk
of the world's almonds come from?

543
00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,361
Kent.

544
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,000
The Garden of England.

545
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,310
No, it's California.

546
00:26:16,310 --> 00:26:18,790
80% of the world's almonds
come from California.

547
00:26:18,790 --> 00:26:20,950
It uses a tremendous amount
of water.

548
00:26:20,950 --> 00:26:24,390
Enough to supply 75% of the state's
human population

549
00:26:24,390 --> 00:26:26,090
just to make the almonds.

550
00:26:26,090 --> 00:26:30,100
So, 1.1 gallons of water
to grow a single almond.

551
00:26:30,100 --> 00:26:31,630
What? What? I know. It's incredible.

552
00:26:31,630 --> 00:26:34,070
Would they not be better sending
that water to Las Vegas,

553
00:26:34,070 --> 00:26:35,170
which is about to dry up?

554
00:26:35,170 --> 00:26:37,350
Yes, there are serious issues
about it.

555
00:26:37,350 --> 00:26:39,070
Forget the almonds, maybe. Well...

556
00:26:39,070 --> 00:26:40,950
I don't know if the
beekeepers would say so,

557
00:26:40,950 --> 00:26:45,260
because you need
1.7 million colonies of honeybees

558
00:26:45,260 --> 00:26:46,630
to pollinate them all,

559
00:26:46,630 --> 00:26:51,180
so that is 80 billion bees
to pollinate the almond trees,

560
00:26:51,180 --> 00:26:54,430
and so beekeepers,
they make money by renting out bees

561
00:26:54,430 --> 00:26:56,141
to pollinate the trees
in California,

562
00:26:56,141 --> 00:26:57,430
and I can tell you the cost.

563
00:26:57,430 --> 00:27:01,070
It's one cent to rent one bee for
a month. So...

564
00:27:02,510 --> 00:27:03,795
I can rent a nun...

565
00:27:06,950 --> 00:27:08,360
..and a bee. Yeah.

566
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,510
The bee is better value
at the one cent, I'd say.

567
00:27:12,590 --> 00:27:15,740
And a steam powered manipulator if
you know the right guy to go to.

568
00:27:15,740 --> 00:27:17,901
Well...I don't want to distract
my nun.

569
00:27:19,820 --> 00:27:22,021
There was a fantastic story
about a squirrel in 2015.

570
00:27:22,021 --> 00:27:26,530
A squirrel got locked into the bar
of Honeybourne Railway Club

571
00:27:26,530 --> 00:27:28,737
in Worcestershire for the day, OK?

572
00:27:30,891 --> 00:27:32,260
It got drunk,

573
00:27:32,260 --> 00:27:35,252
and caused £300 worth of damage.

574
00:27:37,070 --> 00:27:39,011
So the club secretary,
a guy called Sam Boulter,

575
00:27:39,011 --> 00:27:41,000
he said that all he could find
was broken glass

576
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,550
and bottles knocked off shelves.

577
00:27:42,550 --> 00:27:44,070
There was beer all over the floor,

578
00:27:44,070 --> 00:27:46,440
there was money and straws scattered
everywhere,

579
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,600
and he found the culprit
hiding behind a box of crisps

580
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,830
Iooking, he said, "unsteady...

581
00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:55,241
"..and worse for wear."

582
00:27:57,180 --> 00:28:00,360
And now it's time for a game of
Pin The Tail On The Numbat.

583
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,740
So you've got a card
with a numbat on it

584
00:28:02,740 --> 00:28:04,390
and a tail and the other team,

585
00:28:04,390 --> 00:28:06,870
you can just watch, so you could
have a cup of tea if you like. Oh!

586
00:28:06,870 --> 00:28:08,750
So you've got some tea things.
Oh, lovely.

587
00:28:08,750 --> 00:28:10,950
However, you're going to
have to be blindfolded.

588
00:28:10,950 --> 00:28:13,820
This is QI so this is the blindfold
that you're going to wear.

589
00:28:13,820 --> 00:28:16,151
Who do you want to do the pinning?

590
00:28:16,151 --> 00:28:18,031
OK, so... These are weird.

591
00:28:18,031 --> 00:28:21,720
But Phill is going to wear that
as his blindfold.

592
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,790
These particular goggles mean that
the person wearing them

593
00:28:24,790 --> 00:28:27,540
sees the world upside down.

594
00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,940
Oh, weird. OK? So, if...

595
00:28:29,940 --> 00:28:31,316
Oh, my goodness.

596
00:28:33,350 --> 00:28:34,620
If you want to have...

597
00:28:34,620 --> 00:28:36,838
Oh, I haven't been like this since
my 18th birthday.

598
00:28:38,310 --> 00:28:40,830
If you want to have some idea
at home what that is like,

599
00:28:40,830 --> 00:28:42,980
we can flip the picture
on the monitors.

600
00:28:42,980 --> 00:28:45,031
That is what Alan
is currently seeing.

601
00:28:45,031 --> 00:28:46,580
And he is just going to give it
a go.

602
00:28:46,580 --> 00:28:48,110
I can't see the thing.

603
00:28:48,110 --> 00:28:50,620
Where is it? So...
DEIRDRE: Wrong side of the board.

604
00:28:50,620 --> 00:28:52,740
There it is. There.

605
00:28:52,740 --> 00:28:54,230
Oh, I can't... Oh!

606
00:28:55,970 --> 00:28:57,460
There's the zebra crossing.

607
00:28:57,460 --> 00:28:59,587
Does it make you feel unwell, Alan?
Yeah, it does.

608
00:29:01,021 --> 00:29:03,785
Hang on. Oh, this is really awful.

609
00:29:05,151 --> 00:29:07,381
Hang on,
I think I've got it now. OK.

610
00:29:10,891 --> 00:29:12,893
I'll go the other way. This is hard.

611
00:29:15,070 --> 00:29:17,460
I'm going to put it there.
Well done.

612
00:29:17,460 --> 00:29:19,610
APPLAUSE

613
00:29:22,110 --> 00:29:24,310
Right, Phill, pour a cup of tea
for Deirdre, please.

614
00:29:24,310 --> 00:29:25,754
I've never wanted you more.

615
00:29:27,790 --> 00:29:29,080
Later, my darling.

616
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:30,750
You look like a...

617
00:29:30,750 --> 00:29:32,240
mammal that hangs upside-down.

618
00:29:35,031 --> 00:29:37,795
APPLAUSE

619
00:29:39,230 --> 00:29:41,390
Phill is going to pour us
a cup of tea...

620
00:29:41,390 --> 00:29:42,345
YES, I AM!

621
00:29:43,510 --> 00:29:46,740
I'll just sit back so as not to get
the third degree burns.

622
00:29:46,740 --> 00:29:47,870
Yeah!

623
00:29:47,870 --> 00:29:50,225
Sugar, upside-down Irish lady?

624
00:29:51,510 --> 00:29:53,478
Just the tea. Oh, good.

625
00:29:54,510 --> 00:29:55,980
It's really weird.

626
00:29:55,980 --> 00:29:58,028
Oh, Nelly Furtado.

627
00:29:59,901 --> 00:30:01,901
Oh!

628
00:30:01,901 --> 00:30:03,031
Mummy

629
00:30:03,031 --> 00:30:05,329
So that's it upside down.

630
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,550
To the left, to the left,
to the left, to the left.

631
00:30:08,550 --> 00:30:10,188
I don't know, don't talk to me!

632
00:30:18,980 --> 00:30:20,083
Yes.

633
00:30:21,390 --> 00:30:22,660
What does it feel like, Phill?

634
00:30:22,660 --> 00:30:24,275
Glastonbury 2000.

635
00:30:25,901 --> 00:30:27,801
APPLAUSE

636
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,830
Oh, oh, oh...

637
00:30:34,830 --> 00:30:36,800
Are you getting used to it?

638
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,038
Well done. Just... Go for it.
Yes! Yes.

639
00:30:40,038 --> 00:30:41,908
Yes. Yes!

640
00:30:41,908 --> 00:30:44,298
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

641
00:30:44,298 --> 00:30:45,549
Fantastic.

642
00:30:48,628 --> 00:30:50,068
So, here's the thing.

643
00:30:50,068 --> 00:30:52,418
What is extraordinary, in a sense,

644
00:30:52,418 --> 00:30:54,548
the goggles are actually correcting
your vision,

645
00:30:54,548 --> 00:30:57,618
because your eyeballs, of course,
deliver upside-down images

646
00:30:57,618 --> 00:31:00,398
to your retinas which then
are inverted by the brain.

647
00:31:00,398 --> 00:31:04,748
So upside-down glasses
actually show you the image

648
00:31:04,748 --> 00:31:07,068
as it originally is
when it hits your retina.

649
00:31:07,068 --> 00:31:08,672
That was...just...

650
00:31:09,668 --> 00:31:10,760
Can I buy these?

651
00:31:12,788 --> 00:31:14,631
I imagine you could probably
have those.

652
00:31:16,298 --> 00:31:18,926
Don't wear them
when you're driving, will you?

653
00:31:20,838 --> 00:31:23,148
If you wore them for
a sustained period of time,

654
00:31:23,148 --> 00:31:25,038
the brain would adjust
to the new vision.

655
00:31:25,038 --> 00:31:26,758
You just would learn to function
with it.

656
00:31:26,758 --> 00:31:28,268
It would take you a couple of weeks.

657
00:31:28,268 --> 00:31:30,119
And then it would take you
a full day

658
00:31:30,119 --> 00:31:31,989
when you took them off to readjust.

659
00:31:31,989 --> 00:31:34,658
And there's some thought
that new-born babies,

660
00:31:34,658 --> 00:31:37,418
it's possible they see the world
upside down for a very short period

661
00:31:37,418 --> 00:31:40,788
before their brain learns to
flip the image in the retinas.

662
00:31:40,788 --> 00:31:42,938
I mean, we do know for certain
that babies see things

663
00:31:42,938 --> 00:31:44,558
in much more detail than we do,

664
00:31:44,558 --> 00:31:47,478
so a baby that is less than
six months old can recognise

665
00:31:47,478 --> 00:31:50,218
different monkeys
just by their faces alone.

666
00:31:50,218 --> 00:31:53,018
And as we get older, we can only
do that with human faces,

667
00:31:53,018 --> 00:31:54,658
it's called perceptual narrowing.

668
00:31:54,658 --> 00:31:56,298
We lose that gift quite early on.

669
00:31:56,298 --> 00:31:59,698
They also have the capacity
to learn four million languages
or something, don't they?

670
00:31:59,698 --> 00:32:01,472
Yeah. But they just don't bother.

671
00:32:03,268 --> 00:32:05,839
They can't be arsed. Eventually
they can barely speak English.

672
00:32:07,218 --> 00:32:09,658
I like the idea of playing
Pin The Tail On A Numbat, though.

673
00:32:09,658 --> 00:32:11,948
Anyone know where they are?
Where do they live? Numbats?

674
00:32:11,948 --> 00:32:15,068
Australia? Australia.
Small Australian marsupial.

675
00:32:15,068 --> 00:32:19,018
They eat 20,000 termites a day.

676
00:32:19,018 --> 00:32:21,308
They're generally rather quiet
but if they are disturbed,

677
00:32:21,308 --> 00:32:22,479
they make a tutting noise.

678
00:32:24,228 --> 00:32:26,138
"What did you do that for, Craig?"

679
00:32:26,138 --> 00:32:28,197
"I'm trying to sleep off
my termites."

680
00:32:29,869 --> 00:32:32,188
But they sleep for as much as
15 hours a day.

681
00:32:32,188 --> 00:32:35,008
They have the most ingenious way
of protecting their burrow.

682
00:32:35,008 --> 00:32:38,338
They climb in headfirst
and then they reverse out,

683
00:32:38,338 --> 00:32:39,828
they've got rather a tough bottom

684
00:32:39,828 --> 00:32:41,910
and they reverse out
till it wedges the entrance shut.

685
00:32:43,468 --> 00:32:44,548
Yes.

686
00:32:46,908 --> 00:32:48,990
It prevents MOST predators
wanting to come in.

687
00:32:50,628 --> 00:32:53,478
And they've evolved so much that
as they reverse out of their burrow,

688
00:32:53,478 --> 00:32:56,438
they go...
LORRY BEEPING

689
00:32:56,438 --> 00:33:00,158
"Numbat reversing.
Numbat reversing."

690
00:33:02,278 --> 00:33:04,838
Right, let's put
your props away, please.

691
00:33:04,838 --> 00:33:06,788
Goodbye, numbat!

692
00:33:06,788 --> 00:33:08,278
Go down into your hole.

693
00:33:10,068 --> 00:33:12,138
Now, for a question
on nutritional networking.

694
00:33:12,138 --> 00:33:14,718
What's the first rule of fat club?

695
00:33:14,718 --> 00:33:16,288
Well...

696
00:33:18,119 --> 00:33:19,518
..I'm not allowed to say.

697
00:33:20,638 --> 00:33:22,668
Don't talk about fat club?

698
00:33:22,668 --> 00:33:25,068
SIREN WAILS

699
00:33:25,068 --> 00:33:27,558
CHEERING

700
00:33:27,558 --> 00:33:28,718
APPLAUSE

701
00:33:30,548 --> 00:33:32,298
Do we think it's a real thing,
fat club?

702
00:33:32,298 --> 00:33:34,748
What do you reckon, Deirdre?
There probably is a fat club.

703
00:33:34,748 --> 00:33:36,388
Well, there were, is the thing.

704
00:33:36,388 --> 00:33:39,068
They existed all over
the United States in the late 1800s

705
00:33:39,068 --> 00:33:40,788
and the early 1900s.

706
00:33:40,788 --> 00:33:41,834
My brothers!

707
00:33:43,418 --> 00:33:45,488
To be a member,
you had to be at least 200lb.

708
00:33:45,488 --> 00:33:48,278
So that's, what is that? 14st...
Lightweight.

709
00:33:48,278 --> 00:33:50,828
14st 3. And if you weren't
heavy enough to attend,

710
00:33:50,828 --> 00:33:52,548
you were not allowed to come in.

711
00:33:52,548 --> 00:33:54,638
14st 4.

712
00:33:54,638 --> 00:33:57,298
What's that? 200lb.

713
00:33:57,298 --> 00:33:59,938
Yeah, you're right. If you're
on 14st 4 and you go to the loo,

714
00:33:59,938 --> 00:34:01,314
you might come out at 14st 3.

715
00:34:02,869 --> 00:34:04,068
It was really popular.

716
00:34:04,068 --> 00:34:09,148
The New England fat men's club
had 10,000 members at its peak.

717
00:34:09,148 --> 00:34:12,148
The meetings involved
really huge meals,

718
00:34:12,148 --> 00:34:15,356
followed by physical activity
such as leapfrog.

719
00:34:19,188 --> 00:34:21,315
And then we all gather round
the defibrillator.

720
00:34:23,119 --> 00:34:24,199
"My turn!"

721
00:34:25,348 --> 00:34:28,428
Britain had them and if you didn't
weigh enough, in Britain,

722
00:34:28,428 --> 00:34:30,018
you had to pay a fine to charity.

723
00:34:30,018 --> 00:34:32,588
We've still got them,
they're called schools.

724
00:34:32,588 --> 00:34:34,658
GROANING AND SHOCKED LAUGHTER

725
00:34:36,348 --> 00:34:37,908
Satire, come on!

726
00:34:37,908 --> 00:34:40,428
And the French had them,
they were Les Cent Kilos.

727
00:34:40,428 --> 00:34:42,838
100 kilos is 220lbs,

728
00:34:42,838 --> 00:34:45,718
so it was slightly more demanding
entry requirement.

729
00:34:45,718 --> 00:34:48,348
Did people join them for fun,
or was it sort of a status thing?

730
00:34:48,348 --> 00:34:50,938
It was thought that if you were
wealthy enough to be that fat,

731
00:34:50,938 --> 00:34:52,838
then you were
an important businessperson,

732
00:34:52,838 --> 00:34:55,558
so when they had
the presidential race in 1908,

733
00:34:55,558 --> 00:34:58,158
between William Taft
and William Bryan,

734
00:34:58,158 --> 00:34:59,308
they were both obese,

735
00:34:59,308 --> 00:35:01,798
and in fact there was a Chicago
senator at the time who thought

736
00:35:01,798 --> 00:35:03,999
there should be a law that you had
to weigh at least 200lbs

737
00:35:03,999 --> 00:35:05,308
to hold political office,

738
00:35:05,308 --> 00:35:07,838
and the idea was that it was a big
country, it needed a big president,

739
00:35:07,838 --> 00:35:09,788
is what they said, so...

740
00:35:09,788 --> 00:35:12,138
You could buy lots of things
for obese people at the time.

741
00:35:12,138 --> 00:35:14,018
You could buy
a spring-loaded roller-skate,

742
00:35:14,018 --> 00:35:16,999
and the boost provided by the spring
depended on the weight on it.

743
00:35:16,999 --> 00:35:20,838
So a 150lb person
could get moving at 6mph,

744
00:35:20,838 --> 00:35:22,938
but a 200lb person
would reach 10mph.

745
00:35:22,938 --> 00:35:24,929
The fatter you were,
the faster you would go.

746
00:35:26,068 --> 00:35:28,108
And if you were under 100lb,
the skates just...

747
00:35:28,108 --> 00:35:30,749
Nothing. Nothing happening. Do you
not feel that this is just a way of

748
00:35:30,749 --> 00:35:32,285
exterminating the fat?

749
00:35:33,638 --> 00:35:35,754
If you weighed 300lb,
you went at 70mph...

750
00:35:36,918 --> 00:35:38,510
..into an oncoming train.

751
00:35:39,798 --> 00:35:42,218
There's an extraordinary thing
about food.

752
00:35:42,218 --> 00:35:44,148
There was a study in 2015.

753
00:35:44,148 --> 00:35:47,198
They found that men eat twice
as much

754
00:35:47,198 --> 00:35:49,708
when they are in the company of
women. How weird.

755
00:35:49,708 --> 00:35:50,989
Do you think it's true?

756
00:35:50,989 --> 00:35:53,298
Why is he eating so much?
He doesn't want to talk to her.

757
00:35:53,298 --> 00:35:54,378
Is that what it is?

758
00:35:55,718 --> 00:35:57,358
You see those, don't you?

759
00:35:57,358 --> 00:35:59,588
It's disconcerting when you're at
a table

760
00:35:59,588 --> 00:36:02,238
and you really think, "that couple
next to us haven't spoken yet."

761
00:36:02,238 --> 00:36:03,788
My wife's very attuned to it.

762
00:36:03,788 --> 00:36:06,018
If we sit next to one
of those couples that don't talk,

763
00:36:06,018 --> 00:36:07,638
it ruins our meal.

764
00:36:07,638 --> 00:36:09,924
"Will you say something, please?
My wife wants to listen."

765
00:36:11,838 --> 00:36:14,148
I love it when you hear a single
sentence then you don't hear

766
00:36:14,148 --> 00:36:17,228
the rest of the story. You think,
"What the hell was that bit?" Yeah.

767
00:36:17,228 --> 00:36:20,078
So I was in a restaurant and I just
overheard the one thing

768
00:36:20,078 --> 00:36:21,798
from this other table and it said,

769
00:36:21,798 --> 00:36:25,029
"Well, we sold the foot spa when
Barbara had to give up waitressing."

770
00:36:29,098 --> 00:36:30,668
It's irresistible, isn't it?

771
00:36:30,668 --> 00:36:33,798
What's happened? Well,
the running costs of a foot spa,

772
00:36:33,798 --> 00:36:35,869
I mean you've got to be able to
afford it, don't you?

773
00:36:35,869 --> 00:36:38,110
But also,
HAVING to give up waitressing.

774
00:36:40,869 --> 00:36:42,558
Because she was in,
for instance, prison.

775
00:36:42,558 --> 00:36:44,310
Yes. I'll never know!

776
00:36:45,958 --> 00:36:49,228
The first rule of fat club
is that you have to be fat.

777
00:36:49,228 --> 00:36:51,568
And now, the bit of
the non sequiturs show

778
00:36:51,568 --> 00:36:52,918
where nothing follows.

779
00:36:52,918 --> 00:36:55,739
General ignorance.
Fingers on buzzers, please.

780
00:36:55,739 --> 00:36:58,674
Who's in charge in a pack of wolves?

781
00:37:00,388 --> 00:37:01,628
Miles? The one in the hat.

782
00:37:06,228 --> 00:37:07,718
Is there not one?

783
00:37:07,718 --> 00:37:10,828
Yeah. They used to think that a pack
of wolves had an alpha male,

784
00:37:10,828 --> 00:37:13,148
who's won through a contest
or a rivalry or something.

785
00:37:13,148 --> 00:37:15,598
In reality, most wolf packs
are just families,

786
00:37:15,598 --> 00:37:17,869
and the leaders of those families
are the parents.

787
00:37:17,869 --> 00:37:21,198
The concept of the alpha male was
popularised by a wildlife biologist

788
00:37:21,198 --> 00:37:22,628
called David Mech in the 1960s.

789
00:37:22,628 --> 00:37:24,788
He has spent the rest of his career

790
00:37:24,788 --> 00:37:26,801
trying to convince people
he was wrong.

791
00:37:29,038 --> 00:37:31,308
Yeah. It was based on a study of
captive wolves

792
00:37:31,308 --> 00:37:34,438
where normal behaviour
goes completely out of the window.

793
00:37:34,438 --> 00:37:37,358
Why isn't the caribou
anti-wolf strategy

794
00:37:37,358 --> 00:37:40,038
working as well as it might?

795
00:37:40,038 --> 00:37:41,828
So, they've got
an anti-wolf strategy,

796
00:37:41,828 --> 00:37:43,628
cos wolves will take their young.

797
00:37:43,628 --> 00:37:44,749
Is it changing climate?

798
00:37:44,749 --> 00:37:47,668
Well, the caribou is the North
American version of the reindeer.

799
00:37:47,668 --> 00:37:50,068
Uh-huh. So, they thought, oh,
there's loads of wolves here,

800
00:37:50,068 --> 00:37:52,638
we're going to move, and they moved
to a different part of the world

801
00:37:52,638 --> 00:37:53,668
where...

802
00:37:53,668 --> 00:37:54,708
"Caribou gone."

803
00:37:54,708 --> 00:37:56,005
..black bear live. Ah.

804
00:37:57,308 --> 00:37:58,358
Oh, dear.

805
00:37:58,358 --> 00:38:00,318
Yeah. They've avoided the wolves,

806
00:38:00,318 --> 00:38:02,928
and are losing even more
of their young to the black bears.

807
00:38:02,928 --> 00:38:04,228
To bears? Yeah.

808
00:38:04,228 --> 00:38:06,389
Let's go and live
in this tiger enclosure.

809
00:38:08,158 --> 00:38:10,240
That'll get rid of those midges,
won't it?

810
00:38:11,828 --> 00:38:14,828
There's no such thing as the alpha
male, there's just mum and dad.

811
00:38:14,828 --> 00:38:18,739
Do an impression of a gun
with a silencer being fired.

812
00:38:18,739 --> 00:38:19,831
Pfff.

813
00:38:22,668 --> 00:38:26,108
SIREN WAILS

814
00:38:26,108 --> 00:38:27,917
APPLAUSE

815
00:38:32,178 --> 00:38:33,598
Phill?

816
00:38:33,598 --> 00:38:34,644
(Bang.)

817
00:38:36,228 --> 00:38:37,668
Er... No.

818
00:38:37,668 --> 00:38:39,428
They cannot eliminate
the sound of a gun.

819
00:38:39,428 --> 00:38:41,458
They don't even call them silencers
these days.

820
00:38:41,458 --> 00:38:44,728
They're called moderators in the UK,
suppressors in the United States.

821
00:38:44,728 --> 00:38:46,798
They can easily be heard
if used in public,

822
00:38:46,798 --> 00:38:49,558
so criminals never bother
with the silencer.

823
00:38:49,558 --> 00:38:52,278
So they were very cocky when
they came up with the name silencer,

824
00:38:52,278 --> 00:38:53,398
weren't they? Well...

825
00:38:53,398 --> 00:38:57,009
It was invented by a man called
Hiram Percy Maxim in 1902,

826
00:38:57,009 --> 00:38:59,478
and he was the son of the man
who invented the machinegun.

827
00:38:59,478 --> 00:39:00,588
Oh.

828
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:03,028
Hiram Stevens Maxim.
He was an American,

829
00:39:03,028 --> 00:39:05,438
but he came over to Britain
and did lots of his inventions

830
00:39:05,438 --> 00:39:08,708
in West Norwood in Surrey
in a garage

831
00:39:08,708 --> 00:39:10,668
which belonged
to my great-grandfather.

832
00:39:10,668 --> 00:39:13,879
Field John Jackson Trickett...
Excellent.

833
00:39:13,879 --> 00:39:15,798
And he and Sir Hiram
worked together,

834
00:39:15,798 --> 00:39:18,228
and what I love is when they
were working on the machinegun,

835
00:39:18,228 --> 00:39:20,749
if they wanted to test,
they wanted to warn the neighbours,

836
00:39:20,749 --> 00:39:22,876
they used to put an ad
in the local paper to say...

837
00:39:24,108 --> 00:39:25,718
.."We're going to test the gun."

838
00:39:25,718 --> 00:39:27,668
And Maxim also created
peaceful things.

839
00:39:27,668 --> 00:39:29,718
He created
the captive flying machine,

840
00:39:29,718 --> 00:39:32,588
which is an amusement ride
you can still ride in Blackpool.

841
00:39:32,588 --> 00:39:33,759
The nuns would have loved it.

842
00:39:34,869 --> 00:39:37,028
And that was built by
my grandfather Field Trickett.

843
00:39:37,028 --> 00:39:38,308
And it's still going today.

844
00:39:38,308 --> 00:39:40,390
What did Tommy Cooper wear
on his head?

845
00:39:41,538 --> 00:39:42,989
Let me...
CHOPPING

846
00:39:42,989 --> 00:39:44,798
Thank you. A fez.

847
00:39:44,798 --> 00:39:46,749
SIREN WAILS

848
00:39:46,749 --> 00:39:48,888
APPLAUSE

849
00:39:50,798 --> 00:39:54,148
No, a fez comes from Turkey,
his came from Egypt.

850
00:39:54,148 --> 00:39:56,718
It's called a tarboosh.
And they're slightly different.

851
00:39:56,718 --> 00:39:58,678
A fez is a little bit shorter
than a tarboosh.

852
00:39:58,678 --> 00:40:00,078
It's a bit wider at the base...

853
00:40:00,078 --> 00:40:02,296
It can affect your gait.
It can affect your...!

854
00:40:07,188 --> 00:40:08,883
They are very, very heavy hats.

855
00:40:12,228 --> 00:40:13,798
Always bend at the knee.

856
00:40:14,948 --> 00:40:17,278
Apparently, Cooper was entertaining
the troops in Cairo

857
00:40:17,278 --> 00:40:19,548
and he'd forgotten his helmet
that he always wore onstage,

858
00:40:19,548 --> 00:40:21,118
so he swiped it off a waiter's head.

859
00:40:21,118 --> 00:40:23,228
And, this is a lovely story,
later in life,

860
00:40:23,228 --> 00:40:25,468
he tried one on in a Cairo market

861
00:40:25,468 --> 00:40:28,388
and the seller, who didn't recognise
him, said, "Just like that."

862
00:40:28,388 --> 00:40:30,588
And Cooper said,
"Why did you say that?"

863
00:40:30,588 --> 00:40:33,009
And the seller said,
"Because every single English person

864
00:40:33,009 --> 00:40:34,249
"who ever comes here..."

865
00:40:37,749 --> 00:40:38,999
"..tries one and says that,

866
00:40:38,999 --> 00:40:41,081
"and you're the very first person
who hasn't said it."

867
00:40:42,308 --> 00:40:44,879
Strictly speaking, of course,
it shouldn't even be called a hat,

868
00:40:44,879 --> 00:40:48,388
it's actually a cap because a hat
has a rim, and a cap has no rim. Oh!

869
00:40:48,388 --> 00:40:50,238
Now, to finish off, a spelling test.

870
00:40:50,238 --> 00:40:51,869
You'll see a series of true facts
on the screen

871
00:40:51,869 --> 00:40:54,288
and I want you to buzz in
as quickly as you can

872
00:40:54,288 --> 00:40:56,718
to tell me which
is the correct spelling, A or B.

873
00:40:56,718 --> 00:40:57,798
So let's have a look.

874
00:41:02,078 --> 00:41:04,438
Which one is correct? A is correct.

875
00:41:04,438 --> 00:41:05,898
A is correct, very, very good.

876
00:41:05,898 --> 00:41:07,183
OK, next one.

877
00:41:13,148 --> 00:41:14,828
"Cut! "
Yes. A.

878
00:41:14,828 --> 00:41:16,648
A is correct. Very, very good.

879
00:41:16,648 --> 00:41:18,639
And let's look at the next one.

880
00:41:24,598 --> 00:41:27,238
Yes? B. You think B is true?

881
00:41:27,238 --> 00:41:28,728
SIREN WAILS

882
00:41:28,728 --> 00:41:29,843
No, nobody died.

883
00:41:30,798 --> 00:41:32,468
No. A horse died, didn't he?

884
00:41:32,468 --> 00:41:36,798
Nobody died, but somebody was dyed,
is the truth of it.

885
00:41:36,798 --> 00:41:39,248
So it's often claimed that an extra
was trampled underfoot

886
00:41:39,248 --> 00:41:41,188
in the Charlton Heston film,
not true.

887
00:41:41,188 --> 00:41:44,438
But a man was dyed,
D-Y-E-D on the set.

888
00:41:44,438 --> 00:41:48,268
They had a pond and the water was
too brown and murky,

889
00:41:48,268 --> 00:41:50,458
so they put loads of blue dye in it.

890
00:41:50,458 --> 00:41:53,256
And during one of the battle scenes,
an extra fell in and...

891
00:41:54,879 --> 00:41:56,733
..was dyed blue.

892
00:41:58,078 --> 00:42:00,438
And generously, MGM kept him
on the payroll

893
00:42:00,438 --> 00:42:02,554
until he returned
to his normal colour.

894
00:42:10,869 --> 00:42:12,598
And that brings me to the scores.

895
00:42:12,598 --> 00:42:14,808
Oh, well. It's rather magnificent.
In first place,

896
00:42:14,808 --> 00:42:17,358
with an astonishing two points,

897
00:42:17,358 --> 00:42:18,718
it's Miles!

898
00:42:18,718 --> 00:42:20,549
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

899
00:42:23,879 --> 00:42:27,358
In second place with
a very creditable minus 2, Alan.

900
00:42:27,358 --> 00:42:29,158
Oh, thank you.

901
00:42:29,158 --> 00:42:30,398
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

902
00:42:32,198 --> 00:42:34,718
With minus 5
in third place, it's Phill.

903
00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:36,561
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

904
00:42:39,629 --> 00:42:42,158
Deirdre, the nuns would be proud.

905
00:42:42,158 --> 00:42:43,918
Minus 16!

906
00:42:43,918 --> 00:42:45,818
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

907
00:42:53,009 --> 00:42:56,308
It only remains for me to thank
Deirdre, Phill, Miles and Alan

908
00:42:56,308 --> 00:42:59,088
and I leave you with this
from the Sunday Correspondent.

909
00:42:59,088 --> 00:43:01,879
Jack Rains,
a candidate for governor of Texas,

910
00:43:01,879 --> 00:43:04,918
has come up with
his own ten-point educational plan

911
00:43:04,918 --> 00:43:07,958
to combat innumeracy
and illiteracy in the US.

912
00:43:07,958 --> 00:43:09,548
When someone pointed out

913
00:43:09,548 --> 00:43:12,798
that his plan actually
only contained nine points,

914
00:43:12,798 --> 00:43:15,828
Mr Rains replied,
"You just pointed your finger

915
00:43:15,828 --> 00:43:18,958
"and emphasised the problem
we're trying to resolve."

916
00:43:18,958 --> 00:43:20,118
Goodnight.

917
00:43:20,118 --> 00:43:22,632
APPLAUSE