1 00:00:27,910 --> 00:00:30,710 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:30,710 --> 00:00:32,520 How lovely! 3 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,124 Very nice! Lovely! 4 00:00:35,550 --> 00:00:37,320 Thank you very much. 5 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,600 Good evening and welcome to QI, 6 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,390 where tonight we are nurturing nature, 7 00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,960 and our guests are a natural selection. 8 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,996 A natural woman, Cariad Lloyd. 9 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,159 A natural gas, Ross Noble. 10 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:01,080 A natural resource, David Baddiel. 11 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:07,161 And a natural disaster, Alan Davies. 12 00:01:13,450 --> 00:01:16,760 And we have a natural selection of buzzers. 13 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,241 Cariad goes... 14 00:01:18,241 --> 00:01:19,440 CICADAS CHIRP 15 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,600 Oh, that's rather pretty, isn't it? Ross goes... 16 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,431 DUCK QUACKS 17 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,630 I went out with somebody like that once. 18 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:29,991 David goes... 19 00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:31,960 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 20 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,880 Wow. Alan goes... 21 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,929 MONKEY YELPS 22 00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:43,440 YELPING CONTINUES 23 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,190 SHOTS FIRE AND YELPING CEASES 24 00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:46,885 LAUGHTER 25 00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:55,600 I don't know if that means you can ever press it again. 26 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,920 I'm afraid to in case another one dies. I know! 27 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:03,520 Question one concerns the most natural noise in the world. 28 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,070 Why do bees hum? 29 00:02:06,070 --> 00:02:08,070 People hum, 30 00:02:08,070 --> 00:02:10,430 I've noticed this, when people are a bit embarrassed. 31 00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:12,890 Oh, right. Because they don't know what to say, 32 00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:15,165 and I wondered if bees did it. Yeah, so, no. 33 00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:18,630 Is it something to do with pollen? 34 00:02:18,630 --> 00:02:20,600 Yes. So it's about finding pollen? 35 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,111 It is to do with pollen. 36 00:02:22,111 --> 00:02:23,960 Is it sending out a vibration? 37 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,830 Absolutely right, absolutely right, that there are bees... 38 00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:28,970 It looked like people were going to applaud, there, 39 00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:31,070 but they weren't sure if they wanted to applaud. 40 00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:32,440 Some bees, not all bees, 41 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,050 Iiterally shake pollen out of flowers 42 00:02:35,050 --> 00:02:37,080 by humming very loudly at them. 43 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,600 Do they? Isn't it astonishing? They hold on to the flower and they beat 44 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,800 their wing muscles phenomenally fast and those rapid muscle contractions 45 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,550 produce forces up to 30G, 46 00:02:46,550 --> 00:02:50,600 so that is about three times what you would get from a fighter jet 47 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,840 making a tight turn. I mean, it's absolutely astonishing. 48 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,638 It's also the reason why they banned sex toys from Kew Gardens. 49 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,076 Because... It's true... 50 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,350 Is that actually in the rule book? "No sex toys"? 51 00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:10,920 That's certainly why I got thrown out! 52 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,630 They got confiscated. Exactly. 53 00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:15,231 HE IMITATES BUZZING 54 00:03:15,231 --> 00:03:17,260 "What are you doing?! We need that pollen." 55 00:03:17,260 --> 00:03:19,160 "I'm sorry, I can't turn it off!" 56 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,200 How big was the sex toy? 57 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,840 That was like a fishing rod! 58 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,430 I don't want to know. She's a very lucky woman, my wife. 59 00:03:27,430 --> 00:03:29,550 But it is incredible, 60 00:03:29,550 --> 00:03:33,310 that thing you can see on their leg there is called a corbicula, 61 00:03:33,310 --> 00:03:36,160 and it is the little basket that they keep the pollen in. 62 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,600 Scientists, they did research, and the best bit of the bee 63 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,670 is its knees. Oh, right. 64 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,406 Shortly followed by the testicles of a dog. 65 00:03:54,121 --> 00:03:56,600 All in science, all in science. No, I'm glad you brought it up. 66 00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,350 There is a bee that, when it goes near, it creates, like, electricity. 67 00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:01,910 So, this is an extraordinary thing - 68 00:04:01,910 --> 00:04:04,390 it can also harness electrostatic forces, 69 00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:06,991 so when a bee flies through the air, the friction that it causes, 70 00:04:06,991 --> 00:04:09,241 it causes their bodies to build up a positive charge. 71 00:04:09,241 --> 00:04:11,560 This is incredible - when they get close to the flower, 72 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,600 which usually carries a negative charge, 73 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,991 the grains of pollen literally jump from the plant to the insect. 74 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:21,200 They learn to distinguish the different electrical fields around 75 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,150 different flowers so they can tell 76 00:04:23,150 --> 00:04:25,280 which plants have nearly been depleted of pollen, 77 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:28,330 and they don't bother with those. Do they work for npower? 78 00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:30,280 ROSS: You said SOME bees. Yeah. 79 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:33,040 Some are electric, some acoustic bees? Yes. 80 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,931 There's a wasp in the background going, "Judas!" 81 00:04:38,890 --> 00:04:41,880 And they don't hum, they go... HE HUMS 82 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,541 I'm good in the library... 83 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,480 DAVID: That does sound like... 84 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,530 Dylan obviously sounds like a bee, doesn't he? 85 00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,200 ROSS: Yeah. He does. 86 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,089 And that's why, a lot of his gigs, pollen all over him. 87 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:56,840 HE SINGS 88 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,890 He's got terrible hay fever. 89 00:04:58,890 --> 00:05:01,270 What's extraordinary - there's a recent study 90 00:05:01,270 --> 00:05:04,200 at the Jiangxi Agricultural University in Nanchang in China, 91 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,270 and they attached radio frequency identification tags 92 00:05:07,270 --> 00:05:11,001 to 300 honeybees - look at that! Wow! 93 00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:13,080 That... Seriously, that's dedication, isn't it? 94 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,080 What, so they can control them with a... 95 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:18,072 They turn them into drones... No. DAVID: What, like an Xbox? 96 00:05:19,251 --> 00:05:21,350 No. They wanted to see how much foraging they did, 97 00:05:21,350 --> 00:05:23,480 and what they discovered, which is extraordinary, 98 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,640 is that they forage in anticipation of a rainy day, 99 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,840 and the weird thing is that they don't actually need 100 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,070 to save for a rainy day. 101 00:05:29,070 --> 00:05:30,121 But they do it anyway 102 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,910 They're just really practical. Fantastically practical! 103 00:05:32,910 --> 00:05:35,430 "I know I don't need to, but you never know!" 104 00:05:35,430 --> 00:05:38,150 Those tiny little helmets they've got on... Yes. 105 00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:40,131 They're little radio identification tags. 106 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:43,360 So they're like the badges that people wear at conferences. Yes. 107 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,360 Has anybody ever heard bees having sex? 108 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:51,047 Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was one of the worst porn films I ever saw. 109 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,961 There it is, in fact. They got kicked out of Kew Gardens for that. 110 00:05:57,270 --> 00:06:00,270 The extraordinary thing is that it makes an audible sound. 111 00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:03,871 It's a very female-centred society - the women do all the work. 112 00:06:03,871 --> 00:06:05,871 I know, Cariad, no change there. 113 00:06:05,871 --> 00:06:08,520 No change. And the drones, the boys - 114 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,360 their sole job is to mate with the queen, and hardly any of them get 115 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,410 a chance to do so, but if you manage to mate with the queen, 116 00:06:14,410 --> 00:06:18,920 once you have done so, your phallus ejaculates from your body, 117 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,640 the whole thing tears off with an audible pop. 118 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,050 CARIAD LAUGHS 119 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,872 "I've finished!" 120 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,044 I think most blokes would think that's worth it. 121 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:35,190 Well, it actually plugs up the vagina. 122 00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:37,970 That's the whole point - it stops the semen coming back out again. 123 00:06:37,970 --> 00:06:40,200 So all of the drones want to mate with the queen, 124 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,550 but only a very few of them are able to do so. 125 00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:45,871 It's like Beyonce and Jay Z, so many want Queen B - 126 00:06:45,871 --> 00:06:49,970 she chooses one, who lets her down, then she steals his phallus, 127 00:06:49,970 --> 00:06:51,858 and makes an album about it. 128 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:01,510 She has sex with multiple drones, and then... 129 00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:03,353 Beyonce?! Not Beyonce! 130 00:07:04,871 --> 00:07:07,430 What does she do with all the spare, er...? 131 00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:09,360 The spare? 132 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,790 They get ejected eventually - she gets rid of them. 133 00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:13,280 That must be intimidating - 134 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,999 you go in to see the queen, and they're all on a shelf. 135 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,441 It's not a shelf! It's a dartboard! 136 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,340 "Don't open the door!" Boom! 137 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,320 The bee that's just had sex with her, 138 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,920 he walks out, and there's a big long queue, and then his cock just hits 139 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,720 him on the back of the head. 140 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,200 "Take that with you!" 141 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,710 "Oh, sorry." 142 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,710 But how long do you think they have sex for? 143 00:07:42,710 --> 00:07:45,080 I'm thinking if you know that was going to happen, 144 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,854 you'd be making it last as long... 145 00:07:48,290 --> 00:07:50,640 It's anywhere between ten and 80 minutes. 146 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,590 OK. And sometimes while they're flying, 147 00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:54,360 which must be... That must be, you know... 148 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,794 Is that like the Mile High Club for bees? 149 00:07:57,850 --> 00:08:01,330 "Woohoo! This is better than I imagined... Oh, no!" 150 00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:03,002 "No!" 151 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,960 Now, describe nature's Top Gear. 152 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,790 Nature's drugs? 153 00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:17,560 Oh, is that a thing? Drugs? Gear, you know, your gear, man. 154 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,360 Don't... 155 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,737 "I've got some top gear for ya." 156 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,720 OK, it's not gear in the sense of drugs. 157 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,080 What other kind of gears are there? 158 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,410 In a car. The cogs of something? Yes, yes, yes. 159 00:08:36,410 --> 00:08:38,080 Nature is full of tremendous wonders, 160 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,720 and nothing I think more wonderful 161 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,200 than the immature planthopper, or a nymph and gears. 162 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,640 Now, you can't really tell, cos it's a massive picture, 163 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,600 but they're only three millimetres long... 164 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,480 I'm really glad that's a massive picture. 165 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,530 They tend on the whole to move very slowly, cos they don't want to 166 00:08:52,530 --> 00:08:54,570 attract attention, which is really sweet, 167 00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:58,490 but they are able to jump up to one metre from a standing start. 168 00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:00,960 So, that is 300 times their own body length. 169 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,410 Imagine if it was me, 170 00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:05,920 I would be able to jump, from a standing start, a third of a mile. 171 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,440 I'd love to see that. 172 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,080 And now, the thing is, if you jump that far, 173 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,410 and you don't get your timing spot on, 174 00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,640 you spiral out of control, so they have little, tiny, 175 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,950 tiny gears, that enable them to synchronise their legs 176 00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:21,840 within 30 millionths of a second. 177 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:26,070 You can see here, the top of each hind leg has a circular set 178 00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:29,680 of minute teeth, and just before takeoff, the insect's thighs, 179 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,050 they squeeze together. 180 00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:34,210 You can see they're kind of ratcheting up, 181 00:09:34,210 --> 00:09:37,150 causing the teeth to mesh like gears, and the legs are then locked 182 00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:40,560 together, and then they can thrust off like that in perfect unison. 183 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:41,991 That's amazing! 184 00:09:41,991 --> 00:09:45,121 It's amazing, but it looked like CCTV of it, 185 00:09:45,121 --> 00:09:47,590 so I wonder if it had committed a crime. 186 00:09:47,590 --> 00:09:50,001 "Seen fleeing the scene!" 187 00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:53,270 In 2011 in Papua New Guinea, they found a weevil 188 00:09:53,270 --> 00:09:56,200 whose legs are screwed into the body, and... 189 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,370 That's such a phallus sticking out. It is, isn't it? 190 00:09:59,370 --> 00:10:01,884 I'm really struggling with everything else on the screen. 191 00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:05,280 You could take the front legs off while it was sleeping, 192 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,372 put it on the back... 193 00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:09,932 Interchangeable - "I want that one." 194 00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:12,974 Yes, but... 195 00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:17,131 ..why do you think they might do this? It takes its legs off? 196 00:10:17,131 --> 00:10:19,210 No, it doesn't take them off... It tightens them. 197 00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:22,011 It tightens them, so it can pull along the length of the leg 198 00:10:22,011 --> 00:10:23,730 in order to make it rotate in its socket. 199 00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:26,290 So they can rotate the back legs 130 degrees, 200 00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:27,490 and get a better grip. Wow! 201 00:10:27,490 --> 00:10:30,370 Or they can rotate the front 90 degrees and get a better grip. 202 00:10:30,370 --> 00:10:33,131 Why haven't we evolved to do that? Because you'd get drunk, 203 00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:35,450 you'd put your legs on wrong, and you'd go, 204 00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:37,691 "I'm off!" Oof! And you'd shoot off that way. 205 00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,090 Now, nobody will be surprised to hear 206 00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:43,720 that cows emit a lot of methane, 207 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,736 so, what would you use to ensure your cow meets emissions standards? 208 00:10:49,141 --> 00:10:51,210 Is this about cows farting? 209 00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:53,210 Well, it doesn't come out just one end, does it? 210 00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:55,960 Farts don't come out of just one end? No, the methane. 211 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,080 Oh, are they burping as well? They do. 212 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,410 I know how they feel. It's difficult being a gassy lady. 213 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,131 Are you a gassy person? I'm SO gassy. Are you? Yeah, it's insane. 214 00:11:03,131 --> 00:11:05,410 Are you responsible for global warming? Is it you? 215 00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:06,920 In an area of North London, yes. 216 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,570 That's me - soz. I don't know why that is 217 00:11:09,570 --> 00:11:11,320 that some people are and some aren't. 218 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,570 In my entire life - this is a very odd thing to admit - 219 00:11:13,570 --> 00:11:15,210 I have never farted. 220 00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:16,723 What?! What?! 221 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:20,320 Seriously. That is a very bold claim. 222 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,290 I know! So what you mean is, you haven't let rip? 223 00:11:23,290 --> 00:11:26,726 No! So... Have you found yourself ever rising off a seat? 224 00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:33,044 Perhaps you just have incredibly taut buttocks. 225 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,162 I'm happy to take that claim, yes. 226 00:11:38,570 --> 00:11:40,220 Only dogs can hear them. 227 00:11:40,220 --> 00:11:45,891 Oh! They're just on a different frequency from everybody else's. 228 00:11:45,891 --> 00:11:48,883 It's no wonder our dog goes mad every now and then. 229 00:11:50,011 --> 00:11:53,139 Is the dog down there going, "Blame it on Sandi"? 230 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,240 Come on, now, what are we going to do? 231 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:59,131 We need... So, a badly tuned car belches out all sorts of pollutants. 232 00:11:59,131 --> 00:12:01,930 What do we do? Is it something to do with what you're feeding them? 233 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,570 Er, no, it's an actual device. 234 00:12:03,570 --> 00:12:05,320 A catalytic converter? 235 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:09,570 It is - a catalytic converter for cows. 236 00:12:09,570 --> 00:12:12,780 These particular catalytic converters go in the nose 237 00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:14,490 of the cow, so they go like that. 238 00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:17,011 That's a scientific drawing right there! 239 00:12:17,011 --> 00:12:18,290 Very technical. 240 00:12:18,290 --> 00:12:21,650 Is that a gin and tonic going into its nose? 241 00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:25,220 It doesn't have to be cows - it can be sheep or goats or whatever, 242 00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:29,730 and the apparatus is retained in the nostril by one or more springs or 243 00:12:29,730 --> 00:12:33,960 other mechanical devices, and configured to ignite in the presence 244 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,720 of methane gas. 245 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,450 Incredible, cos then it would be like a sort of a cow-dragon. 246 00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:39,860 Yeah. 247 00:12:41,370 --> 00:12:43,960 And then late at night, if you were lost in the hills... 248 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,290 Yeah...warm milk. 249 00:12:45,290 --> 00:12:48,881 Ah, here's the thing. You don't need to get lost, because it can also be 250 00:12:48,881 --> 00:12:51,167 fitted with a GPS tracker. 251 00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:55,001 Is it actually succeeding, this, 252 00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:57,290 in stopping the methane emissions from cows? 253 00:12:57,290 --> 00:13:00,240 Not yet. It's a brand-new notion as to how to do it. 254 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,520 Something that is succeeding is fistulating cows. 255 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,080 What, they've got holes in? Yeah, they've got holes in them. 256 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:09,570 I've seen this. When you look in, all it is is grass, 257 00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:12,770 Iike a big hopper full of grass, honestly, it is, 258 00:13:12,770 --> 00:13:17,450 and I've seen a documentary where, a doctor or a vet, I suppose... 259 00:13:17,450 --> 00:13:18,881 I'd hope so. 260 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:21,450 ..put his arm in, rummaging around and showing you the... 261 00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,370 It's really weird and the cow's just standing looking, it looked fine. 262 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,580 They don't seem to be the slightest bit bothered by it. 263 00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:29,240 It is a sort of rubber cannula, it unscrews, a bit like a petrol cap, 264 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,040 and you're quite right, you can put your hand right inside the cow. 265 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,400 Why might you want to do that? 266 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,690 Because he's got a very busy day, and you want to have 267 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:38,040 a business meeting with James Herriot. 268 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,810 He's got his hand up the cow's bum, and he goes... 269 00:13:41,810 --> 00:13:44,324 You shake his hand. ..put it in, shake the hand... 270 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,891 DAVID: You've sorted that deal with James Herriot. 271 00:13:48,891 --> 00:13:51,570 That's it. So it just vents? It vents the cow? 272 00:13:51,570 --> 00:13:54,530 No, you actually want to get to the stomach contents. 273 00:13:54,530 --> 00:13:57,450 Why might you want to do that? There's something in there that...? 274 00:13:57,450 --> 00:13:58,930 Yeah, so, basically, 275 00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:01,610 you may have a sick cow, and the cow that is fistulated 276 00:14:01,610 --> 00:14:03,210 is perfectly healthy. 277 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,570 You want to get some of the bacteria from the stomach 278 00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:09,860 of the healthy cow, and give it directly to the other cow. 279 00:14:09,860 --> 00:14:12,240 It is a cunning plan. It IS a cunning plan. 280 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,440 You also can check exactly what the nutrients that the cow was eating, 281 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,530 how they're breaking down in the stomach. 282 00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:20,450 Doesn't it...? It doesn't bother them in the slightest. 283 00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:21,960 Are you sure? Absolutely. 284 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,170 Honestly, it's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. 285 00:14:24,170 --> 00:14:27,751 It would bother ME, I think, if I had one of those here. 286 00:14:27,751 --> 00:14:31,120 Which is a shame, because we were going to do... 287 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,160 an experiment. 288 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,761 ROSS: Yeah, but come on, that would be a hell of a party piece, 289 00:14:34,761 --> 00:14:37,001 though, wouldn't it? What? If you had it in your head? 290 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,240 No, no, just, you know, "Baddiel's here, come on, 291 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,730 "let's see what he's had for dinner." 292 00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,650 DAVID: And then if you were a bit peaky, 293 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,730 someone would reach inside, and give my bacteria to Ross Noble. 294 00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:49,160 That's what would happen. It would be a strange thing. 295 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,500 ROSS: Yeah, like, say you had the last French fancy... 296 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,970 DAVID: You can't just have it if you wanted my food! 297 00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:56,080 That's not how it works. You have to be ill. 298 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,960 ROSS: So I'm... "Oh! I need a French fancy!" 299 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,320 "Gat Baddiel - he's polished off the lot!" 300 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:03,440 Then you came round... 301 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,011 DAVID: I hate to tell you this, Ross - 302 00:15:05,011 --> 00:15:07,680 you can't die of needing to eat French fancies. 303 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:11,571 ROSS: Right. Well, if you go to any Parisian hospital... 304 00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,401 ..and find somebody who is fancy-deficient... 305 00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:18,040 Yeah, you could be saving lives. 306 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,800 You've understood that the French fancy direct from his stomach 307 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,440 is not going to look as attractive as when he first ate it? 308 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,011 That's the thing about Mr Kipling - 309 00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:28,250 he makes such exceedingly good cakes... 310 00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:31,011 whatever form they're in. Yeah. 311 00:15:31,011 --> 00:15:33,720 Have a look at these, and tell me what's going on here. 312 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,960 Different cow, different look. 313 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,370 He's saying, "I wanted it to be a zebra." And so... 314 00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:40,690 "I've done my best." 315 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,330 What do you reckon? He's painted it for some reason. Yeah. 316 00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:44,940 Why might you paint a cow? 317 00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:46,050 To disguise it? 318 00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:48,130 In fact, quite the opposite - it's World War II, 319 00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:51,210 and it was farmers trying to stop people running over their cows 320 00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:53,330 during the blackout. Oh! 321 00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:55,650 They painted them white. Why didn't they just write... 322 00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:57,254 "COW"? 323 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,050 No, no, because then, if it was behind a bush, 324 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,620 it would say, "OW." 325 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,881 DAVID: "Ow, I'm being fistulated." 326 00:16:08,881 --> 00:16:11,380 Or, "STOP," you know? That would be... 327 00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,320 Wouldn't it be funnier to write "PIG," 328 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,584 then people would stop and go, "That's never a pig!" 329 00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:19,570 But surely that would draw the attention of the Luftwaffe, 330 00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:20,810 wouldn't it? 331 00:16:20,810 --> 00:16:22,970 DAVID: Yeah, but if the Luftwaffe just bomb cows, 332 00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:24,450 that's not such a big problem. 333 00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,610 No, by the end of the first month of the war, 334 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,810 1,130 human road deaths had been attributed to the blackout, 335 00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:32,011 so it was really a serious issue, and people were... 336 00:16:32,011 --> 00:16:33,220 Always knocking into cows? 337 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:37,080 I don't know - no bovine casualties were listed. Oh, OK. 338 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,320 So, if you want to do your bit to save the planet, 339 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,881 invest in a pair of cattle-ytic converters. 340 00:16:41,881 --> 00:16:44,600 AUDIENCE GROANS 341 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,011 Oh, all right! 342 00:16:46,011 --> 00:16:48,047 Not sure about that. 343 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:54,130 What's the point of licking your own eyeballs? 344 00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:56,250 Oh, quite a lot of animals lick their eyeballs. 345 00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:59,650 Lizards do that. They do. Why do they? For moisture. For moisture. 346 00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:02,490 So, this is the palmato gecko, lives in the Namib Desert, 347 00:17:02,490 --> 00:17:05,170 so kind of Namibia, Angola, South Africa, that area. 348 00:17:05,170 --> 00:17:07,330 It's one of the driest places on Earth, 349 00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:09,610 so it needs to use all its ingenuity to get moisture, 350 00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:12,120 so it gets a little bit of moisture from its diet of insects, 351 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:16,620 but it perches on a sand dune, and it waits for the early morning fog 352 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:19,891 to condense as water droplets on its absolutely massive eyes, 353 00:17:19,891 --> 00:17:22,200 and then it licks it off with its very long tongue. Wow! 354 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,300 That is very clever. They also don't have eyelids, so licking also helps 355 00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:28,250 to keep their eyes clean. I mean, to be fair, I have been to that desert. 356 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:29,891 I rode a motorbike across that desert. 357 00:17:29,891 --> 00:17:32,410 DAVID: I've been there, too. ROSS: Have you? DAVID: Yeah. 358 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:33,741 Fight, fight, fight! 359 00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:36,898 Lick your eyes, lick your eyes! 360 00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:40,610 It's amazing, it's an incredible place. 361 00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:42,300 Yes, extraordinary and incredible. 362 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,850 The Namib Desert - extremely arid - 363 00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:46,050 they only get a few millimetres of rain every year, 364 00:17:46,050 --> 00:17:48,400 so the fog that rolls in from the sea in the morning 365 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,250 is incredibly important, and there's a wonderful little creature 366 00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:53,040 called the fogstand beetle, 367 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:56,021 and it doesn't use its eyes, but it uses its rear end, 368 00:17:56,021 --> 00:17:59,090 so what it does is it... Oh!..props itself up at an angle of 45 degrees, 369 00:17:59,090 --> 00:18:02,410 and the water condenses onto its hard wing cases, 370 00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:04,530 and then it rolls down into its mouth. 371 00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:05,610 That's horrible. 372 00:18:06,970 --> 00:18:10,330 If I came across you, standing with your head on the ground... Yeah... 373 00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:12,946 ..Ietting your arse-water roll down to... 374 00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:17,200 Arse-water? It's not coming out of its arse! 375 00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:19,771 We know where it's travelled. 376 00:18:19,771 --> 00:18:21,716 It's come down its undercarriage. 377 00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,451 Have a look at this Welwitschia plant. 378 00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:27,691 Its ability to survive is absolutely astonishing, 379 00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:28,931 and it is testified by... 380 00:18:28,931 --> 00:18:30,571 Not doing too well there by the look of it. 381 00:18:30,571 --> 00:18:34,291 The thing is, some of the individual plants are about 2,000 years old. 382 00:18:34,291 --> 00:18:35,381 Wow! 383 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,821 So the roots are buried about 30 metres below the ground, 384 00:18:37,821 --> 00:18:39,022 searching for moisture, 385 00:18:39,022 --> 00:18:41,892 and it also absorbs water through its pores, its stomata, 386 00:18:41,892 --> 00:18:43,561 on its huge, frayed leaves. 387 00:18:43,561 --> 00:18:46,772 Oh, God, imagine if you went away and asked a friend to look after it, 388 00:18:46,772 --> 00:18:48,811 and it didn't survive. It died! 389 00:18:48,811 --> 00:18:50,971 "It's 2,000 years old!" 390 00:18:50,971 --> 00:18:53,371 "Sorry, I was busy." "I left the window open." 391 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,022 Quick supplementary question - 392 00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:58,211 what do they call a ship of the desert in Namibia? 393 00:18:58,211 --> 00:18:59,491 You mean a camel? 394 00:18:59,491 --> 00:19:01,140 KLAXON BLARES 395 00:19:03,931 --> 00:19:05,611 How stupid of me. 396 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,091 The question was "in Namibia." 397 00:19:08,091 --> 00:19:11,121 Is it not camel, it's the other one? What's the other one? Dramadon? 398 00:19:11,121 --> 00:19:13,171 Dromedary? A Dromadon's from Star Wars. 399 00:19:13,171 --> 00:19:16,371 Hey! There is nothing wrong with something from Star Wars. 400 00:19:16,371 --> 00:19:17,651 There are different kinds - 401 00:19:17,651 --> 00:19:20,012 there are Bactrian camels, and there are dromedaries. 402 00:19:20,012 --> 00:19:22,012 Do you know how you can remember which is which? 403 00:19:22,012 --> 00:19:24,041 No. Cos one's got two humps and one's got one. 404 00:19:24,041 --> 00:19:26,091 The dromedary begins with a D, which is one hump, 405 00:19:26,091 --> 00:19:28,481 and the Bactrian begins with B, which is two humps, 406 00:19:28,481 --> 00:19:31,841 so that's how you can remember, and it's completely the wrong answer. 407 00:19:31,841 --> 00:19:34,321 Is it a Toyota pick-up, or something like that? 408 00:19:34,321 --> 00:19:36,291 It's nearer that. It's an actual ship. 409 00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:39,171 It's an actual ship. Oh! I know this, there's a coastline... 410 00:19:39,171 --> 00:19:40,611 Don't click your fingers at me! 411 00:19:40,611 --> 00:19:42,971 Sorry! I wasn't clicking them AT you. 412 00:19:42,971 --> 00:19:46,411 Suddenly I've turned into a waiter with no English! 413 00:19:46,411 --> 00:19:49,281 ROSS: Skeleton Coast. DAVID: Yeah, the Skeleton Coast in Namibia. 414 00:19:49,281 --> 00:19:52,331 ROSS: Skeleton. DAVID: Yeah, stop saying skeleton! 415 00:19:52,331 --> 00:19:54,841 Guys, you should have your own programme about Namibia, 416 00:19:54,841 --> 00:19:56,762 where you can fight about how much you love... 417 00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,461 This is sort of extraordinary, 418 00:19:58,461 --> 00:20:00,661 to see a ship right in the desert like that. 419 00:20:00,661 --> 00:20:02,561 That's the so-called Skeleton Coast. 420 00:20:02,561 --> 00:20:05,971 It's long been a menace to shipping, and carcasses of hundreds of vessels 421 00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,892 Iitter the coast, but you also get silting and encroachment 422 00:20:08,892 --> 00:20:13,411 of the desert, so you sometimes get ships as much as 500 metres inland. 423 00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:15,381 There are ghost towns as well in Namibia, 424 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:18,541 that are completely covered in sand, but you can go and stay there. 425 00:20:18,541 --> 00:20:20,381 Yeah, a bit like Tatooine. 426 00:20:20,381 --> 00:20:23,612 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 427 00:20:26,022 --> 00:20:29,131 Star Wars. ROSS: Star Wars. Star Wars reference. Star Wars. 428 00:20:29,131 --> 00:20:30,382 OK, Star Wars. OK. 429 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:32,698 Moving on. 430 00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:37,841 What does the world's fussiest eater eat? 431 00:20:37,841 --> 00:20:40,321 Is the world's fussiest eater not a human being? 432 00:20:40,321 --> 00:20:41,411 Correct. 433 00:20:41,411 --> 00:20:45,201 Is it something that is so fussy, it just doesn't eat, and then dies? 434 00:20:45,201 --> 00:20:47,091 No, it is very specific. 435 00:20:47,091 --> 00:20:49,661 It only likes one thing on the menu. 436 00:20:49,661 --> 00:20:52,041 Is it bees' penises? 437 00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:55,852 Well, you're not far off the area that we need to be looking to. 438 00:20:57,371 --> 00:20:59,251 It's so deeply unpleasant, 439 00:20:59,251 --> 00:21:03,381 there are few parasites who have cornered a market so decisively. 440 00:21:03,381 --> 00:21:04,921 It's a little leech. 441 00:21:04,921 --> 00:21:06,892 It rarely sees the light of day, 442 00:21:06,892 --> 00:21:09,651 because it lives up a hippopotamus's bottom. 443 00:21:09,651 --> 00:21:11,095 That is where it lives. 444 00:21:13,811 --> 00:21:17,321 It's called the Placobdelloides jaegerskioeldi. 445 00:21:17,321 --> 00:21:19,961 Here's the thing, hippos have incredibly tough skin, right? 446 00:21:19,961 --> 00:21:23,561 So, if the leech is looking for a blood meal off the hippo, 447 00:21:23,561 --> 00:21:26,281 it really has to go to the rectal region, because that's where 448 00:21:26,281 --> 00:21:28,281 the blood vessels are - the skin is vascular. 449 00:21:28,281 --> 00:21:31,131 Where the best restaurants are. Seriously, best place to hang out. 450 00:21:31,131 --> 00:21:33,331 It is literally a pain in the arse, this leech. 451 00:21:33,331 --> 00:21:36,051 So it's a big, gaping hole, like that, and it's like... 452 00:21:36,051 --> 00:21:37,281 HE GURGLES 453 00:21:37,281 --> 00:21:38,731 Much like the sarlacc pit. 454 00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:40,858 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 455 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:47,411 Here's the thing - has anybody ever seen a hippo being excused? 456 00:21:47,411 --> 00:21:48,541 No, I've not seen that. 457 00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:51,291 Well, it's the most extraordinary thing, because they are noted 458 00:21:51,291 --> 00:21:53,341 for the violence of their bowel movements, OK? 459 00:21:53,341 --> 00:21:55,971 So, they fire out an absolute explosion of slurry. 460 00:21:55,971 --> 00:21:57,757 I know how they feel, guys. 461 00:22:00,501 --> 00:22:02,571 A hippo is incredibly... 462 00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:05,011 We went to a zoo in Spain, and they had a hippo, 463 00:22:05,011 --> 00:22:07,101 and they are incredibly heavy. 464 00:22:07,101 --> 00:22:09,131 Yeah. They weigh 3,000 kilograms. 465 00:22:09,131 --> 00:22:10,981 What were you doing at this zoo? 466 00:22:10,981 --> 00:22:12,653 What do you mean? "Come on!" 467 00:22:14,181 --> 00:22:15,531 I wasn't carrying it! 468 00:22:15,531 --> 00:22:18,284 It's got a little plaque - you can read all about it. 469 00:22:20,411 --> 00:22:22,741 I thought you were going, "Come on, kids!" 470 00:22:22,741 --> 00:22:24,731 "There's no-one here - we'll get another one!" 471 00:22:24,731 --> 00:22:27,450 They're incredibly heavy, but they're incredibly dangerous. 472 00:22:27,450 --> 00:22:30,060 They weigh the same as 150 people. Yeah. I made that number up. 473 00:22:30,060 --> 00:22:32,810 Oh, sorry. He was just saying it wasn't 150 people. 474 00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:34,812 I just made that up. It might be about 50. 475 00:22:37,140 --> 00:22:40,420 I was trying to get attention, that was... Yes. 476 00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:43,020 Why are the bowel movements so violent? I'm interested. 477 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:44,611 Well, OK. So, it is extraordinary. 478 00:22:44,611 --> 00:22:47,455 What's amazing is that the leech is able to hold on while... 479 00:22:48,731 --> 00:22:50,170 It has a fantastic grip. 480 00:22:50,170 --> 00:22:52,170 It's got a pair of suckers, front and rear, 481 00:22:52,170 --> 00:22:53,861 which provide incredible anchorage. 482 00:22:53,861 --> 00:22:57,090 So, while this poo is spraying everywhere... 483 00:22:57,090 --> 00:22:59,700 And we don't know the reason, but there's a really nice story, 484 00:22:59,700 --> 00:23:02,290 which I like, which is the San people, which is the wonderful 485 00:23:02,290 --> 00:23:05,305 hunter-gatherers of southern Africa... The Sand People, you say? 486 00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:08,336 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 487 00:23:10,420 --> 00:23:12,490 Oh, yeah! Yeah, you've got to be careful, 488 00:23:12,490 --> 00:23:14,890 cos they're a lot more aggressive than the Jawas. 489 00:23:14,890 --> 00:23:18,060 Yeah. You can get them mixed up easily, but those Sand People - 490 00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:19,240 don't trust them. 491 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,140 It's like I've moved into a parallel universe. 492 00:23:22,140 --> 00:23:25,290 The thing about the Sand People is, they always travel in single file. 493 00:23:25,290 --> 00:23:26,650 Do they? 494 00:23:26,650 --> 00:23:29,175 IMITATING ALEC GUINNESS: Beware of the Sand People. 495 00:23:30,290 --> 00:23:31,240 What...? 496 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,370 Yes, Ross, is it something helpful? 497 00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:34,735 Yeah, it is. It is. 498 00:23:35,731 --> 00:23:37,490 I have a slight confession. 499 00:23:37,490 --> 00:23:39,430 Yes? Right. 500 00:23:39,430 --> 00:23:41,500 I recently... 501 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:43,731 whilst bored in a hotel room... Yeah. 502 00:23:43,731 --> 00:23:45,460 ..er... No! 503 00:23:47,580 --> 00:23:53,180 If you go online and type in, "Hippos pooing", there are... 504 00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:55,660 Sorry, I'm just going to stop you there. Why would you do that? 505 00:23:55,660 --> 00:23:56,861 Just, I was... 506 00:23:56,861 --> 00:23:59,330 Start with dogs. 507 00:23:59,330 --> 00:24:01,460 Work your way up. Bears. 508 00:24:01,460 --> 00:24:02,620 In the woods. 509 00:24:05,731 --> 00:24:08,861 And there are huge amounts of videos 510 00:24:08,861 --> 00:24:11,741 of people filming hippos at zoos... Yes. 511 00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:14,175 ..who, the tail goes up, and they go... 512 00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:16,530 It's unbelievable. 513 00:24:16,530 --> 00:24:19,181 People... I don't know how it... It just sort of... 514 00:24:20,170 --> 00:24:21,170 No! 515 00:24:21,170 --> 00:24:22,535 But that's the thing... 516 00:24:25,250 --> 00:24:26,615 You've got a leech. 517 00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:28,695 Urgh... 518 00:24:30,580 --> 00:24:32,890 There's a reason that the hunter-gatherer people 519 00:24:32,890 --> 00:24:36,810 of South Africa, the San people, which I really, really like... 520 00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:39,570 So, when the Creator assigned each animal its place in nature, 521 00:24:39,570 --> 00:24:41,731 the hippos really wanted to live in the water, 522 00:24:41,731 --> 00:24:44,290 but it was feared that they might eat all the fish, 523 00:24:44,290 --> 00:24:46,861 so they were finally allowed to live in the water on the condition 524 00:24:46,861 --> 00:24:49,960 that they would eat grass instead of fish, and would fling their dung, 525 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:53,010 so that it could be checked and inspected for fish bones, 526 00:24:53,010 --> 00:24:54,450 and that is the reason. 527 00:24:54,450 --> 00:24:55,540 Isn't that sweet? 528 00:24:55,540 --> 00:24:57,508 Is this scientific research? 529 00:24:58,330 --> 00:24:59,900 Yes. Yes. It is. OK. 530 00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,420 Leeches aren't the only animals 531 00:25:01,420 --> 00:25:03,260 having trouble penetrating tough skin - 532 00:25:03,260 --> 00:25:05,300 vultures are consummate scavengers. 533 00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:07,460 Their beaks are designed for ripping and tearing, 534 00:25:07,460 --> 00:25:10,970 and they can't get into the carcass, so a lion has to open it first. 535 00:25:10,970 --> 00:25:14,340 If that doesn't happen, they have to find a soft entry point 536 00:25:14,340 --> 00:25:18,580 and they thrust their heads into eye sockets and nostrils, 537 00:25:18,580 --> 00:25:21,300 and here is a fantastic description from National Geographic. 538 00:25:21,300 --> 00:25:25,940 "A Ruppell vulture is eight inches into the wildebeest's anus 539 00:25:25,940 --> 00:25:29,810 "before another bird wrenches it away, then slithers its own head, 540 00:25:29,810 --> 00:25:33,155 "like an arm into an evening glove, up the intestinal tract." 541 00:25:34,460 --> 00:25:35,940 Got very lyrical there. 542 00:25:35,940 --> 00:25:39,140 It is. "It's dirty work sticking your head up someone else's bottom, 543 00:25:39,140 --> 00:25:41,330 "but the vulture's sparsely-feathered head and neck 544 00:25:41,330 --> 00:25:44,050 "are just what is needed to keep gore, guts and faecal matter 545 00:25:44,050 --> 00:25:47,417 "from clinging after a deep carcass dive." 546 00:25:49,140 --> 00:25:53,900 So, the world's fussiest eater won't eat anything but hippo's arse. 547 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:56,250 In fact, they've taken the little leeches into the lab 548 00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:58,820 and offered them other things to eat, and they refuse. 549 00:25:58,820 --> 00:26:03,150 They only want... Does it eat hippo poo or hippo arse? 550 00:26:03,150 --> 00:26:05,050 They're leeches, so it wants the actual... 551 00:26:05,050 --> 00:26:06,810 So it's not interested in the dung at all? 552 00:26:06,810 --> 00:26:09,050 No, it doesn't want the dung. It just hears it coming. 553 00:26:09,050 --> 00:26:10,301 Yeah. Whaaa! 554 00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:22,220 It's like living in a wind tunnel for them. 555 00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:26,330 Now, what is this plucky little bird up to? 556 00:26:26,330 --> 00:26:29,050 Ah! Cleaning the teeth, cleaning the teeth, surely. 557 00:26:29,050 --> 00:26:31,460 KLAXON BLARES 558 00:26:31,460 --> 00:26:32,734 Oh! 559 00:26:33,820 --> 00:26:35,890 So, all we can say about this particular bird 560 00:26:35,890 --> 00:26:37,770 is the word "Photoshop." 561 00:26:37,770 --> 00:26:38,970 Oh! 562 00:26:38,970 --> 00:26:43,010 It is a digital reconstruction, as the copyright owner readily admits. 563 00:26:43,010 --> 00:26:45,660 It's the so-called story of the crocodile bird. 564 00:26:45,660 --> 00:26:47,890 It goes back to Herodotus writing in the 5th century BC, 565 00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:50,090 but it has never happened. 566 00:26:50,090 --> 00:26:51,150 Herodotus wrote, 567 00:26:51,150 --> 00:26:53,460 "When the crocodile comes ashore and opens its mouth, 568 00:26:53,460 --> 00:26:56,040 "the trochilus flies into its mouth and eats the leeches. 569 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,970 "The crocodile is pleased by this service, 570 00:26:57,970 --> 00:26:59,650 "and takes care not to hurt the trochilus," 571 00:26:59,650 --> 00:27:01,810 which is usually identified as the Egyptian plover. 572 00:27:01,810 --> 00:27:04,370 You'd think it was perfect, the bird and the teeth... 573 00:27:04,370 --> 00:27:06,330 He was making it all up, though, wasn't he? 574 00:27:06,330 --> 00:27:08,690 He made that up, indeed, and indeed, this photo is made up. 575 00:27:08,690 --> 00:27:10,010 That whole story is made up. 576 00:27:10,010 --> 00:27:12,810 There's no reliable evidence whatsoever that this ever happens. 577 00:27:12,810 --> 00:27:15,300 Mainly because crocodiles regularly shed their teeth - 578 00:27:15,300 --> 00:27:17,170 they have no need for them to be cleaned. 579 00:27:17,170 --> 00:27:19,380 They just get new ones. Why would he make that up? 580 00:27:19,380 --> 00:27:22,090 ROSS: Cos it... Wasn't it furry ants? Didn't he... 581 00:27:22,090 --> 00:27:23,370 Did he talk about furry ants? 582 00:27:23,370 --> 00:27:26,690 I'm sure he said that there was, like, massive furry ants. 583 00:27:26,690 --> 00:27:28,540 CARIAD LAUGHS 584 00:27:28,540 --> 00:27:30,510 Stop looking at me like I'm insane! 585 00:27:30,510 --> 00:27:32,890 No, I love that. It's like... 586 00:27:32,890 --> 00:27:34,660 "Stop looking at me like I'm insane"? 587 00:27:34,660 --> 00:27:37,629 No, but... How often do you say that every day? 588 00:27:38,940 --> 00:27:40,271 You know my wife. 589 00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:42,970 The thing is, all of history is littered 590 00:27:42,970 --> 00:27:45,330 with people saying things for sure that they weren't. 591 00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:48,220 DAVID: Yeah, but I don't understand with Herodotus and the bird 592 00:27:48,220 --> 00:27:50,690 and the crocodile - he stood to gain nothing from that lie. 593 00:27:50,690 --> 00:27:53,410 Yeah, but it's a great story - there's a notion of symbiosis. 594 00:27:53,410 --> 00:27:55,741 The vicious crocodile and the tiny little bird, 595 00:27:55,741 --> 00:27:58,611 and this wonderful image of the two of them working together. 596 00:27:58,611 --> 00:28:01,180 He was in the pub and everyone was like, "Go on, Herodotus!" 597 00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,530 Yeah, "Tell us a story!" 598 00:28:02,530 --> 00:28:04,611 "Tell us that one about the bird and the crocodile 599 00:28:04,611 --> 00:28:07,102 "that makes us feel like we can all get on no matter our size!" 600 00:28:08,220 --> 00:28:11,380 There are birds who DO provide cleaning services. 601 00:28:11,380 --> 00:28:13,410 Or is it sharks get cleaned by fish? 602 00:28:13,410 --> 00:28:17,040 Well, the cleaner wrasse fish provides cleaning services 603 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,530 to other fish, and they set up a sort of cleaning station, 604 00:28:19,530 --> 00:28:21,890 and they do this little dance to attract... 605 00:28:21,890 --> 00:28:23,690 So that's a massive Moray eel, 606 00:28:23,690 --> 00:28:27,380 and then it cleans the teeth and the gills of the client - 607 00:28:27,380 --> 00:28:29,170 I'm sure you can call it the client - 608 00:28:29,170 --> 00:28:31,500 and they get a good valeting in return for, you know, 609 00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:32,680 scraps for the fish. 610 00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:36,170 If you go scuba diving and you meet a Napoleon wrasse, you can give it 611 00:28:36,170 --> 00:28:39,510 a hard-boiled egg, and all the shell comes out of its gills. 612 00:28:39,510 --> 00:28:40,611 Wow! Right! 613 00:28:40,611 --> 00:28:42,420 It's quite a sight. Yeah. Wow! 614 00:28:46,220 --> 00:28:49,100 So it... Don't you wonder who discovered that? 615 00:28:49,100 --> 00:28:52,741 "I know - I'm going to go diving with a boiled egg." 616 00:28:52,741 --> 00:28:55,050 I think it was Humpty Dumpty. 617 00:28:56,810 --> 00:28:59,810 He fell off the pier, and he went, "I'm not having that again. 618 00:28:59,810 --> 00:29:02,930 "The job that the king's horses have done's rubbish, and this is..." 619 00:29:02,930 --> 00:29:04,530 And then he's fallen in the water... 620 00:29:04,530 --> 00:29:07,499 I don't know if you give it a Creme Egg you get all tinfoil... 621 00:29:08,940 --> 00:29:11,693 A Kinder egg, a toy comes out! 622 00:29:13,731 --> 00:29:17,502 Warthogs - Ugandan warthogs - they are groomed by mongoose. 623 00:29:17,502 --> 00:29:20,852 Oh, look at that! Aww! Oh, you see, the warthog's my favourite. 624 00:29:20,852 --> 00:29:24,012 It's licking its arsehole, it's licking its arsehole! 625 00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:25,263 Oh! 626 00:29:27,783 --> 00:29:29,932 Oh, it just keeled over in pleasure. 627 00:29:29,932 --> 00:29:30,942 "Oh-ho-ho!" 628 00:29:30,942 --> 00:29:33,992 This is what Ross's special videos were. 629 00:29:33,992 --> 00:29:35,742 Look at them! Aww! 630 00:29:35,742 --> 00:29:36,902 So cute. 631 00:29:36,902 --> 00:29:40,543 So, years and years ago, in 1975 - in fact, 1975 to 1977 - 632 00:29:40,543 --> 00:29:42,302 there was a golf course in Zimbabwe 633 00:29:42,302 --> 00:29:43,913 called the Elephant Hills Golf Course, 634 00:29:43,913 --> 00:29:46,502 and I had the good fortune to play there just the one time, 635 00:29:46,502 --> 00:29:51,072 but they had special rules to deal with warthog-related matters 636 00:29:51,072 --> 00:29:54,712 to do with golf, and the rule was, if you hit a warthog - 637 00:29:54,712 --> 00:29:57,092 and they were everywhere - I'm going to read it out... 638 00:29:57,092 --> 00:30:00,422 "It does not entitle the player to replay the shot, 639 00:30:00,422 --> 00:30:04,102 "except when the ball strikes the upright tail, in which case 640 00:30:04,102 --> 00:30:07,663 "it shall be deemed to have struck a miniature moving flagpole." 641 00:30:10,062 --> 00:30:11,302 So, anyway. 642 00:30:11,302 --> 00:30:13,502 The nilgai lives in northern India. 643 00:30:13,502 --> 00:30:15,632 "Nilgai" means "blue bull." 644 00:30:15,632 --> 00:30:19,172 Its scientific name is Boselaphus tragocamelus, 645 00:30:19,172 --> 00:30:21,272 which means ox-deer-goat-camel. 646 00:30:21,272 --> 00:30:23,902 It used to be called the nilgor, meaning "blue horse," 647 00:30:23,902 --> 00:30:25,252 so which is it? 648 00:30:25,252 --> 00:30:28,252 Is it a bull, an ox, a deer, a goat, a camel, or a horse? 649 00:30:28,252 --> 00:30:30,022 Is that it? That is it. 650 00:30:30,022 --> 00:30:32,222 It doesn't look like an ox. It's an antelope, isn't it? 651 00:30:32,222 --> 00:30:33,462 It is, absolutely. 652 00:30:33,462 --> 00:30:36,352 It is possibly the most misnamed animal in the bestiary, 653 00:30:36,352 --> 00:30:38,452 because it is actually an antelope. 654 00:30:38,452 --> 00:30:41,302 The scientific name Boselaphus tragocamelus was first used 655 00:30:41,302 --> 00:30:44,382 by an English zoologist called Philip Sclater in 1833. 656 00:30:44,382 --> 00:30:46,222 He was actually a trained ornithologist, 657 00:30:46,222 --> 00:30:48,422 so it's no wonder he didn't entirely... 658 00:30:48,422 --> 00:30:50,892 "It's not my remit, guys." 659 00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:52,342 Other than zoological misnomers, 660 00:30:52,342 --> 00:30:54,712 what can you tell me about the nine-eyed eel? 661 00:30:54,712 --> 00:30:56,432 Does it have no eyes? 662 00:30:56,432 --> 00:30:58,663 No, it's got eyes. It's got eyes! 663 00:30:58,663 --> 00:31:00,452 Is it more than one eel? 664 00:31:00,452 --> 00:31:03,653 Er, no. Is it that those aren't the eyes - it's markings on its body? 665 00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:07,066 That is absolutely right, yes. Ah, brilliant! Clever. 666 00:31:08,812 --> 00:31:11,898 It is actually a two-eyed Scottish lamprey... 667 00:31:11,898 --> 00:31:14,778 What a lovely mouth it's got! Hideous, isn't it? 668 00:31:14,778 --> 00:31:17,948 So, it's got seven gills on each side, and two eyes, 669 00:31:17,948 --> 00:31:20,208 and one nostril, so strictly speaking, 670 00:31:20,208 --> 00:31:22,619 I suppose you could call it 17-eyed, it should have been, 671 00:31:22,619 --> 00:31:24,128 but the mistake was the gills. 672 00:31:24,128 --> 00:31:25,818 Lamprey used to be much-eaten. 673 00:31:25,818 --> 00:31:28,818 The Queen was sent a lamprey pie by the people of Gloucester every year. 674 00:31:28,818 --> 00:31:31,848 It's a parasite, and what it's doing there is it's digging a little hole 675 00:31:31,848 --> 00:31:34,489 into the side of a fish, and then it has an anticoagulant, 676 00:31:34,489 --> 00:31:36,848 so that the blood will continue to flow... Oh! 677 00:31:36,848 --> 00:31:39,688 ..and then it eats off the fish, but apparently they're delicious. 678 00:31:39,688 --> 00:31:41,898 King Henry I died of a surfeit of lampreys. 679 00:31:41,898 --> 00:31:44,098 That'd be quite easy to avoid, I would have thought. 680 00:31:44,098 --> 00:31:46,968 If the doctors had spotted it early, it's quite easy to cure that. 681 00:31:46,968 --> 00:31:48,968 But you can't say to a king, "You've had enough." 682 00:31:48,968 --> 00:31:51,128 "I'm starting to feel unwell!" 683 00:31:51,128 --> 00:31:54,700 If you find a dead one, if you blow on it, can you play it like a flute? 684 00:31:56,328 --> 00:31:59,098 DAVID: Why does it have to be dead? ROSS: Because it's a parasite. 685 00:31:59,098 --> 00:32:01,749 If you try to play that like a flute you'd probably go... 686 00:32:03,178 --> 00:32:06,388 Now, can you describe a bearded tit? 687 00:32:06,388 --> 00:32:08,913 If anyone says "David Baddiel," I'm leaving. 688 00:32:10,218 --> 00:32:12,425 Well, once you get past 30, it does happen. 689 00:32:18,218 --> 00:32:20,128 We don't always talk about it. 690 00:32:20,128 --> 00:32:21,629 No woman should be without tweezers. 691 00:32:21,629 --> 00:32:22,698 No. 692 00:32:22,698 --> 00:32:25,058 Or the skill of plaiting. 693 00:32:25,058 --> 00:32:28,619 That's true. Give the children something to hang on to. Exactly. 694 00:32:28,619 --> 00:32:31,538 Save on a sports bra. Tie them together around the back. Bosh. 695 00:32:31,538 --> 00:32:32,675 Off. 696 00:32:34,898 --> 00:32:36,948 I sometimes feel, when I speak to you, Ross, 697 00:32:36,948 --> 00:32:38,859 that I haven't thought things through. 698 00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:42,538 All I'm saying is, "You're welcome." 699 00:32:42,538 --> 00:32:44,418 Thank you. 700 00:32:44,418 --> 00:32:46,698 There are many, many tits in the woods, aren't there? 701 00:32:46,698 --> 00:32:48,978 There are, my darling. Yes. Is this not one of them? 702 00:32:48,978 --> 00:32:52,538 No, it's not a tit at all, and indeed, it hasn't got a beard. 703 00:32:52,538 --> 00:32:54,848 It has, in fact, got a rather fine... 704 00:32:54,848 --> 00:32:57,578 what I can only describe as a Fu Manchu moustache. 705 00:32:58,668 --> 00:33:01,418 It's not even closely related to - can I call them "true tits"? 706 00:33:01,418 --> 00:33:02,858 You can. I'm going to. 707 00:33:02,858 --> 00:33:05,818 It's more accurately called the bearded reedling. 708 00:33:05,818 --> 00:33:08,218 It's actually a unique songbird, 709 00:33:08,218 --> 00:33:12,458 and no other living species seems to be particularly closely related. 710 00:33:12,458 --> 00:33:14,258 I wonder if the person who invented 711 00:33:14,258 --> 00:33:16,978 the word for birds that are called tits... Yeah. 712 00:33:16,978 --> 00:33:19,739 ..how upset they would be to know that now no-one 713 00:33:19,739 --> 00:33:21,768 says them without sniggering. 714 00:33:21,768 --> 00:33:24,271 Unless when he did it, he was like, "Tits!" 715 00:33:26,538 --> 00:33:29,978 He's the same bloke that, when he had chickens, he went, "Cock!" 716 00:33:29,978 --> 00:33:31,568 Yes! 717 00:33:31,568 --> 00:33:32,626 Come on! 718 00:33:33,898 --> 00:33:35,900 I don't know how you boys get there so quickly. 719 00:33:38,258 --> 00:33:40,067 APPLAUSE 720 00:33:43,848 --> 00:33:46,555 So much focus on something so undependable. Now... 721 00:33:47,768 --> 00:33:49,474 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 722 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,746 Oh, yes, there's been a regime change! 723 00:34:02,208 --> 00:34:04,187 Are you saying your tits are undependable? 724 00:34:05,328 --> 00:34:07,108 Seriously, it is a weird thing, isn't it? 725 00:34:07,108 --> 00:34:08,338 Boys are constantly fiddling 726 00:34:08,338 --> 00:34:10,388 because your bits are not in the right place. 727 00:34:10,388 --> 00:34:13,629 You never see a woman going, "Ooh, how's that got up there?" 728 00:34:13,629 --> 00:34:15,698 You see it all the time. 729 00:34:15,698 --> 00:34:17,347 My Gran...Iike that. 730 00:34:21,188 --> 00:34:23,108 DAVID: Your gran used to do that? 731 00:34:23,108 --> 00:34:24,860 Was your gran Les Dawson? 732 00:34:27,418 --> 00:34:30,388 So, who eats royal excrement? 733 00:34:30,388 --> 00:34:32,468 Is it bees again - is it because of royal jelly? 734 00:34:32,468 --> 00:34:34,978 No, they are the only mammals to live in colonies 735 00:34:34,978 --> 00:34:36,388 with a single queen. 736 00:34:36,388 --> 00:34:37,753 The royal family? 737 00:34:39,788 --> 00:34:43,138 No - in fact, they are naked mole-rats. 738 00:34:43,138 --> 00:34:46,499 They are known as sand puppies. Oh, yeah, I've seen these before. 739 00:34:46,499 --> 00:34:48,706 That's Boris Johnson in the morning. 740 00:34:49,858 --> 00:34:51,338 APPLAUSE 741 00:34:51,338 --> 00:34:52,418 "One eyelash! 742 00:34:52,418 --> 00:34:54,898 "One eyelash, and a long one - that's all I need! 743 00:34:58,128 --> 00:35:00,198 "I want it straight up. Straight up! 744 00:35:02,338 --> 00:35:04,624 "And can you get these teeth in my mouth?" 745 00:35:06,928 --> 00:35:08,568 The teeth are unbelievable. 746 00:35:08,568 --> 00:35:10,058 They protrude in order to dig, 747 00:35:10,058 --> 00:35:12,619 and they're able to seal their lips behind the teeth, 748 00:35:12,619 --> 00:35:15,028 so they don't get dirt in their mouths when they're digging. 749 00:35:15,028 --> 00:35:16,898 They live in a colony with a queen. 750 00:35:16,898 --> 00:35:19,258 All the other colony members are infertile, 751 00:35:19,258 --> 00:35:23,568 but they eat the pregnant queen's hormone-rich faeces, 752 00:35:23,568 --> 00:35:26,538 and that gives the subordinate rats a boost of oestrogen, 753 00:35:26,538 --> 00:35:29,038 and that makes them more attentive to the needs of the young. 754 00:35:29,038 --> 00:35:30,908 But they're not the only ones who eat dung. 755 00:35:30,908 --> 00:35:33,418 Baby elephants eat the dung of their mothers, and indeed, 756 00:35:33,418 --> 00:35:34,509 other members of the herd, 757 00:35:34,509 --> 00:35:36,749 because the bacteria is actually very good for them. 758 00:35:36,749 --> 00:35:39,582 So, in their vegetable diet... Are they doing that right there? 759 00:35:40,868 --> 00:35:42,388 But it happens to humans, as well. 760 00:35:42,388 --> 00:35:43,988 You know when you take antibiotics, 761 00:35:43,988 --> 00:35:46,028 you should replace the good bacteria in your... 762 00:35:46,028 --> 00:35:47,398 Aww... 763 00:35:47,398 --> 00:35:48,948 How cute is that? 764 00:35:48,948 --> 00:35:51,118 We sometimes get the bacteria in our gut depleted. 765 00:35:51,118 --> 00:35:53,108 There's a thing called a poo pill, isn't there? 766 00:35:53,108 --> 00:35:55,499 There IS a poo pill. There's also a faecal transplant. 767 00:35:55,499 --> 00:35:59,028 Oh, yes, I've heard of that. Cos some people's guts have more bacteria than others. 768 00:35:59,028 --> 00:36:03,828 Yeah, and they've been doing it since the fourth century in China. It's known as yellow soup. Oh...! 769 00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:06,422 So if you see that on the menu, don't order it. 770 00:36:07,468 --> 00:36:10,108 Which naturally brings us to the matter of general ignorance. 771 00:36:10,108 --> 00:36:12,058 Fingers on buzzers, please. 772 00:36:12,058 --> 00:36:14,218 So, a nice, easy one to start with. 773 00:36:14,218 --> 00:36:16,658 Which animal can jump the highest? 774 00:36:16,658 --> 00:36:17,978 Yes? Flea. 775 00:36:17,978 --> 00:36:19,288 KLAXON BLARES 776 00:36:19,288 --> 00:36:20,505 Oh! 777 00:36:26,148 --> 00:36:27,908 It's not the flea. 778 00:36:27,908 --> 00:36:29,548 It's the kangaroo. 779 00:36:29,548 --> 00:36:30,548 Uh-oh. 780 00:36:30,548 --> 00:36:32,068 KLAXON BLARES 781 00:36:32,068 --> 00:36:34,898 No. The record, in fact, for a red kangaroo is ten feet 782 00:36:34,898 --> 00:36:37,138 over a pile of timber, so we're looking for something 783 00:36:37,138 --> 00:36:39,938 that can jump higher than that. 784 00:36:39,938 --> 00:36:40,908 Yes, Cariad? 785 00:36:40,908 --> 00:36:43,698 That one we learnt about earlier that has cogs for legs. 786 00:36:43,698 --> 00:36:45,208 The planthopper? Yeah. No. 787 00:36:45,208 --> 00:36:46,468 Again, no. 788 00:36:46,468 --> 00:36:48,578 KLAXON BLARES 789 00:36:48,578 --> 00:36:50,619 Anybody... Any more for any more? 790 00:36:50,619 --> 00:36:52,371 A monkey with a jet pack. 791 00:36:53,698 --> 00:36:56,578 DAVID: Could be any animal with a jet pack, to be honest. 792 00:36:56,578 --> 00:37:00,138 ROSS: No, because you need to have the straps over the... 793 00:37:00,138 --> 00:37:01,469 The monkey's got to hold on. 794 00:37:02,938 --> 00:37:05,898 If you put a jet pack on a horse, it's standing like that. 795 00:37:05,898 --> 00:37:07,559 It's just going to shoot straight... 796 00:37:09,548 --> 00:37:11,058 DAVID: He's prancing. 797 00:37:11,058 --> 00:37:13,698 Its side. You could put it on its side. That's two jet packs. 798 00:37:13,698 --> 00:37:17,384 We sometimes do experiments on this show, and why that hasn't come up... 799 00:37:18,838 --> 00:37:21,558 It's not that. It's not that. It's not even on land. 800 00:37:21,558 --> 00:37:22,828 Dolphin? Flying fish. 801 00:37:22,828 --> 00:37:25,759 No, it's the shortfin mako shark. 802 00:37:25,759 --> 00:37:29,268 It can jump 20 feet clear of the water. 803 00:37:29,268 --> 00:37:31,268 That's terrifying. Isn't that unbelievable? 804 00:37:31,268 --> 00:37:32,868 Then pluck something out of the sky? 805 00:37:32,868 --> 00:37:34,870 Yeah. A monkey on a jet pack. 806 00:37:36,348 --> 00:37:38,828 More than a dolphin, even? 807 00:37:38,828 --> 00:37:41,578 Yeah, it's one of the fastest swimming fish as well in the world. 808 00:37:41,578 --> 00:37:44,428 35km an hour. 22mph. 809 00:37:44,428 --> 00:37:46,509 But it is the highest jumper. 810 00:37:46,509 --> 00:37:49,068 Wasn't flea right, relative to the flea's size, though? 811 00:37:49,068 --> 00:37:50,708 Ah, but that wasn't the question. 812 00:37:50,708 --> 00:37:52,708 Which animal can jump the highest? 813 00:37:52,708 --> 00:37:54,379 Not in relation to its body size. 814 00:37:54,379 --> 00:37:56,348 Oh, you're so strict! I know. 815 00:37:56,348 --> 00:37:58,145 I like it, though. I know you do! 816 00:38:00,548 --> 00:38:03,298 Fleas can jump vertically to a height of about seven inches, 817 00:38:03,298 --> 00:38:05,868 which I suppose, for a flea, is a fantastic amount. 818 00:38:05,868 --> 00:38:07,828 Froghoppers, which is also a tiny little bug - 819 00:38:07,828 --> 00:38:10,629 they can jump four times further than fleas, and they're heavier, 820 00:38:10,629 --> 00:38:12,068 as well, so a bit more impressive. 821 00:38:12,068 --> 00:38:14,509 A tarantula can jump three feet. 822 00:38:14,509 --> 00:38:16,058 SILENCE 823 00:38:16,058 --> 00:38:18,148 LAUGHTER 824 00:38:18,148 --> 00:38:20,068 We all paused to be frightened of that. 825 00:38:20,068 --> 00:38:22,418 I'm scared to believe it in case it's like the hippo fact, 826 00:38:22,418 --> 00:38:23,938 and you're just making it up again. 827 00:38:23,938 --> 00:38:26,468 The myth, of course, is that elephants are the only mammals 828 00:38:26,468 --> 00:38:29,058 that can't jump, but it's not the case - there are many others. 829 00:38:29,058 --> 00:38:31,663 White men? White men, yeah! White Men Can't Jump. 830 00:38:33,138 --> 00:38:36,658 Hippos, rhinos, burrowing animals such as moles, and so on. 831 00:38:36,658 --> 00:38:40,188 What do wolves howl at? 832 00:38:40,188 --> 00:38:41,658 Not the... Oh, no. 833 00:38:41,658 --> 00:38:46,728 Yes? Women walking past not wearing enough, because they're very sexist. 834 00:38:46,728 --> 00:38:49,468 I like that, and I want it to be correct. But it's not. It's not. 835 00:38:49,468 --> 00:38:52,148 That's what's always got me about the idea of the wolf whistle, 836 00:38:52,148 --> 00:38:54,138 cos wolves can't actually whistle. 837 00:38:54,138 --> 00:38:55,499 So, like, strictly speaking, 838 00:38:55,499 --> 00:38:58,068 if you're a builder on a building site and a woman walks past, 839 00:38:58,068 --> 00:38:59,558 you should go, "Phrrrrp!" 840 00:39:02,428 --> 00:39:03,868 But what are they howling at? 841 00:39:03,868 --> 00:39:06,629 DAVID: Are they howling at other wolves? The moon. The moon? 842 00:39:06,629 --> 00:39:08,788 KLAXON BLARES No. Other wolves. 843 00:39:08,788 --> 00:39:11,098 It is other wolves. They're very intelligent animals 844 00:39:11,098 --> 00:39:13,858 with very strong family ties and complicated social relations, 845 00:39:13,858 --> 00:39:15,499 and they howl in order to communicate. 846 00:39:15,499 --> 00:39:18,088 It so happens they sometimes howl when the moon is out. 847 00:39:18,088 --> 00:39:20,268 Would you like to hear a mouse howling at the moon? 848 00:39:20,268 --> 00:39:22,108 Yes, please! Here we go. 849 00:39:22,108 --> 00:39:24,148 VERY HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAK 850 00:39:24,148 --> 00:39:26,998 DAVID: Is that your mic feeding back? 851 00:39:26,998 --> 00:39:28,858 Isn't that the sweetest thing? 852 00:39:28,858 --> 00:39:30,358 That is brilliant. 853 00:39:30,358 --> 00:39:32,509 That is the southern grasshopper mouse 854 00:39:32,509 --> 00:39:34,558 of southwestern USA and Mexico. 855 00:39:34,558 --> 00:39:37,278 It's also known as the wolf mouse, because it has a reputation 856 00:39:37,278 --> 00:39:39,788 of howling at the moon. I love these little creatures. 857 00:39:39,788 --> 00:39:41,788 They're extremely aggressive hunters. 858 00:39:41,788 --> 00:39:43,838 They catch and kill all sorts of prey, 859 00:39:43,838 --> 00:39:46,348 and they have a resistance to poison. 860 00:39:46,348 --> 00:39:49,548 They can actually catch and kill and eat a scorpion 861 00:39:49,548 --> 00:39:52,142 while it's repeatedly stabbing it in the face. 862 00:39:53,708 --> 00:39:56,228 I think they're astonishing. I like little and aggressive. 863 00:39:56,228 --> 00:39:58,093 I have no trouble with that at all. 864 00:39:59,658 --> 00:40:01,637 How many Earths does the moon have? 865 00:40:04,828 --> 00:40:05,795 Yes? 866 00:40:06,738 --> 00:40:08,058 One. 867 00:40:08,058 --> 00:40:10,595 KLAXON BLARES 868 00:40:12,499 --> 00:40:14,018 So, there's a staple question, 869 00:40:14,018 --> 00:40:15,548 "How many moons does the Earth have?" 870 00:40:15,548 --> 00:40:17,578 At various times, you'll get different answers - 871 00:40:17,578 --> 00:40:18,738 two, several, one, more. 872 00:40:18,738 --> 00:40:21,908 They're all arguable answers, but this is turning the question on its head - 873 00:40:21,908 --> 00:40:24,418 how many Earths does the moon have? 874 00:40:24,418 --> 00:40:27,103 Now, if you asked me about the ice planet Hoth... 875 00:40:29,138 --> 00:40:31,338 We'd be in there. We'd be in there straightaway. 876 00:40:31,338 --> 00:40:32,838 DAVID: It's more than one, then? 877 00:40:32,838 --> 00:40:35,018 Well, it depends on what theory you believe in. 878 00:40:35,018 --> 00:40:38,298 So, the most widely accepted theory of how our moon was formed 879 00:40:38,298 --> 00:40:41,448 is the Big Splat, OK? So, that proposes that it was created... 880 00:40:41,448 --> 00:40:42,631 By a hippo? 881 00:40:44,708 --> 00:40:47,499 ..about four and a half billion years ago, there was a collision 882 00:40:47,499 --> 00:40:51,268 between the Earth and another Mars-sized planet known as Thea. 883 00:40:51,268 --> 00:40:54,629 And we've always assumed that the thing was a glancing blow, right, 884 00:40:54,629 --> 00:40:57,658 and Thea would have spun off into space and left a large debris from 885 00:40:57,658 --> 00:40:59,138 the collision, and that is our moon. 886 00:40:59,138 --> 00:41:01,188 There's a more recent development of this idea, 887 00:41:01,188 --> 00:41:03,548 which is that the collision was head-on, in which case, 888 00:41:03,548 --> 00:41:07,148 the Earth is a fusion of two planets, 889 00:41:07,148 --> 00:41:10,548 and it would mean that the moon, in fact, has two Earths. 890 00:41:10,548 --> 00:41:12,348 If that is the thing that we believe. 891 00:41:12,348 --> 00:41:15,268 Speaking of the moon, did you know that the original video recording 892 00:41:15,268 --> 00:41:18,578 of the first moon landing on 20th July 1969 no longer exists? 893 00:41:18,578 --> 00:41:19,629 Did you know this? 894 00:41:19,629 --> 00:41:24,379 In 2006, NASA admitted they couldn't find the original videos, 895 00:41:24,379 --> 00:41:27,098 and it turned out the tapes had been erased and reused 896 00:41:27,098 --> 00:41:28,816 in the '80s to save money. 897 00:41:29,868 --> 00:41:32,379 Luckily enough, there were some good archive copies found. 898 00:41:32,379 --> 00:41:36,308 Does anybody know where I was on 20th July 1969? 899 00:41:36,308 --> 00:41:37,718 Denmark? I don't know. 900 00:41:37,718 --> 00:41:39,231 Were you faking the footage? 901 00:41:40,379 --> 00:41:41,748 I was 11 years old. 902 00:41:41,748 --> 00:41:43,818 Were you there, in America? I was... On the moon? 903 00:41:43,818 --> 00:41:45,468 I was in... 904 00:41:45,468 --> 00:41:49,348 I was in Mission Control in Houston. Yeah! You were? I was. 905 00:41:49,348 --> 00:41:52,068 My dad was a foreign correspondent, and that's why I was there, 906 00:41:52,068 --> 00:41:54,178 and I said to this woman, "Are you all right?" 907 00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:55,788 She said, "I'm kinda nervous - 908 00:41:55,788 --> 00:41:58,098 "my boss is about to step out onto the moon." 909 00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:00,948 And I said, "Oh, don't worry, I'll hold your hand." Erm... 910 00:42:00,948 --> 00:42:03,098 So, when Neil Armstrong stepped out onto the moon, 911 00:42:03,098 --> 00:42:04,629 I was holding his secretary's hand. 912 00:42:04,629 --> 00:42:06,268 Aww! Wow! 913 00:42:06,268 --> 00:42:08,395 APPLAUSE There you go. 914 00:42:13,558 --> 00:42:16,641 Sandi, you're like Earth's real-life Princess Leia. 915 00:42:18,858 --> 00:42:20,228 Cos you were watching it there. 916 00:42:20,228 --> 00:42:22,778 Is that a good thing? Yes! That's definitely a good thing. 917 00:42:22,778 --> 00:42:24,998 Is that why you've had your hair done like her? Yes! 918 00:42:24,998 --> 00:42:27,148 According to the latest version of the Big Splat, 919 00:42:27,148 --> 00:42:29,268 the Earth may be a fusion of two planets, 920 00:42:29,268 --> 00:42:32,168 which brings us to a nice, natural ending. 921 00:42:32,168 --> 00:42:34,818 Let's have a look at the scores. 922 00:42:34,818 --> 00:42:37,708 In last place, with minus 23, it's Alan. 923 00:42:37,708 --> 00:42:39,005 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 924 00:42:42,348 --> 00:42:45,348 In third place, with minus 16, it is David. 925 00:42:45,348 --> 00:42:46,588 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 926 00:42:49,788 --> 00:42:52,278 In second place, with minus five, it's Cariad. 927 00:42:52,278 --> 00:42:53,552 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 928 00:42:56,868 --> 00:42:59,158 And tonight's winner, with minus four, it's Ross. 929 00:42:59,158 --> 00:43:00,284 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 930 00:43:09,278 --> 00:43:11,639 So, it only remains for me to thank Cariad, David, 931 00:43:11,639 --> 00:43:14,998 Ross and Alan, and as we seem to have wandered onto the moon, 932 00:43:14,998 --> 00:43:18,828 I leave you with this tale from the News of the World long ago. 933 00:43:18,828 --> 00:43:21,898 "A Guinness heiress yesterday protested that a busload 934 00:43:21,898 --> 00:43:23,818 "of cheeky airmen mooned at her 935 00:43:23,818 --> 00:43:27,298 "when she visited the Greenham Common Peace Women. 936 00:43:27,298 --> 00:43:29,078 "'I don't know if they were American, 937 00:43:29,078 --> 00:43:30,718 "'because I only saw their buttocks,' 938 00:43:30,718 --> 00:43:33,438 "said novelist Lady Caroline Lowell, 51." 939 00:43:33,438 --> 00:43:34,379 Good night. 940 00:43:34,379 --> 00:43:37,359 APPLAUSE