1 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,839 Hello and welcome to QI, tonight... 2 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,559 ..we are setting sail. 3 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:43,119 I do all me own effects. 4 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,203 Tonight, we are setting sail for the open 5 00:00:46,204 --> 00:00:48,479 oceans, so without further ado, 6 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,199 let's meet our crew. 7 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,759 Floundering about, it's David Mitchell! 8 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,959 Just for the "halibut", Aisling Bea! 9 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,239 All over the "plaice", Joe Lycett! 10 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,879 And never mind the "pollocks", 11 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,199 it's Alan Davies! 12 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,839 Right, let's hear their call signs. 13 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,079 David goes... 14 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,319 Aisling goes... 15 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:37,760 Tune! 16 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,039 Joe goes... 17 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,759 ..and Alan goes... 18 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,480 We were all so happy! 19 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,039 Agh! 20 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,999 Right, we start off with how many oceans are there on Earth? 21 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,719 - Oh... No... - Six! 22 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:09,879 I can count them. 23 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,599 First time on the show. 24 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,159 Straight into that trap. Any more? 25 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:19,839 - Five. - Five! 26 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,399 One! 27 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,039 One is the correct answer. 28 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,479 - Well, they're all joined, aren't they? - That is the reason! Indeed. 29 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,719 According to America's National Oceanic 30 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,839 and Atmospheric Administration, there's only one ocean. 31 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:37,079 It's the World Ocean and it covers 71% of the world's surface. 32 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:39,039 So, to make it a bit more convenient, 33 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,839 they divide it into four smaller oceans - the Pacific, the Atlantic, 34 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,039 the Indian and the Arctic. 35 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:48,439 And the US Board on Geographic Names recognises the Southern, 36 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,679 that's the Antarctic Ocean as a fifth, 37 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,039 but the International Hydrographic Organisation 38 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,599 has not yet approved it, 39 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,039 and I imagine there's going to be a fight. 40 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,039 Largest ocean in the solar system, anybody? 41 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,999 In the solar system? 42 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:04,822 What do we reckon? 43 00:03:04,823 --> 00:03:06,919 It's not going to be an ocean with water in it. 44 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,719 Well, that is the thing that we do not know. 45 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,119 It's one of the moons. 46 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,759 Is it the one...? 47 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:13,799 Eucalyptus? 48 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,679 - What's it called? - Titan. It's bound to be Titan. 49 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,919 - That's the only moon. - Euripides? - Europa. - Europa. 50 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:23,199 I'm going to give you an extra point for that, because, yeah, very good. 51 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,479 Absolutely. 52 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,359 It's Jupiter's moon, Europa. 53 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,799 The Hubble Telescope has detected a water plume 54 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,359 which is 20 times higher than Mount Everest. 55 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:38,239 So, possibly there is three times as much water on Europa 56 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,159 as there is in the World Ocean. 57 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,119 - If it's water. - If... It's hard to say. 58 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,919 - We don't know what... It could be custard. - Yes! - Famously. 59 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,279 Jupiter custard. 60 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:50,999 If it's custard, where were the eggs sourced? 61 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,479 Are you worrying about the organic nature of Jupiter? 62 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,839 No, I wouldn't mind if it's sort of powdered custard, 63 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,439 but either way, you've got to think, 64 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,479 where's the vanilla come from? The eggs? 65 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,079 You've got to think about it scientifically. 66 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,079 That's one of the things that means it probably isn't custard. 67 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,159 - Yes. - That's why they've jumped to water. 68 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,359 I'm examining it properly. 69 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:16,160 Please don't let this be caught by you, this system that David employs. 70 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,399 I like powdered custard. 71 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,880 Well, you heard it here first. 72 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,560 How has this happened to me? 73 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,999 So, the etymology of ocean? Anybody know where it comes from? 74 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,319 - Billy, it's named after Billy. - Billy! 75 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:38,639 It's great Oceanus, the great river or sea surrounding... 76 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,999 Well, the only known land masses at the time, 77 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,919 Eurasia and Africa and the river was personified by Oceanus, 78 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,959 son of Uranus for the Earth and Gaia from the sky. 79 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,999 A big muscular fella, wasn't he? 80 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,639 - He looks like he owns like a Shoreditch coffee bar. 81 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,599 "Oh, my God, we've got every sort of coffee you could imagine." 82 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,120 "We've got the stuff made by weasels, we've got..." 83 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,399 And he was married to his sister! 84 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,600 Listen, don't knock it till you've tried it! 85 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,559 How many kids do you think they had? He and his sister Tethys. 86 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,399 Three kids, six heads. 87 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,559 6,000. 88 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,959 6,000. 3,000 boy river gods and... 89 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,159 Were they all like tadpoles? 90 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,039 Yeah, 3,000 girl sea nymphs. 91 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,760 There's no picture of her cos she just couldn't sit still. 92 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,319 There's just one ocean on Earth 93 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,119 and that's why it's called the ocean. 94 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,680 I call it the sea. 95 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,959 I think the ocean is a bit of an Americanism. 96 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,360 I think we should have waited till Series S. 97 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:02,560 Right, moving on, what's the scariest thing about this? 98 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:10,959 Isn't that incredible? 99 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,999 What is the most scary thing about it? 100 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,279 The teeth. 101 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,839 The fact that they can't go backwards. 102 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,720 I'm sorry, that takes them a bit long to type! 103 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,093 What's scary is subjective, really, isn't it? 104 00:06:45,094 --> 00:06:46,159 What is the scariest? 105 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,199 Well, our perception of sharks 106 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,759 is apparently shaped by footage in nature documentaries, 107 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,079 which tends to be accompanied by ominous music. 108 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,239 So the thing that really scares you in it is ominous music. 109 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,639 So, they did a study at the University of California, 110 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,999 and they showed three clips of sharks to participants. 111 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,599 So, the one that we've just seen, with the ominous music, 112 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:06,840 here's one with silence. 113 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,799 "Hello, my friend!" 114 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,440 Oh... 115 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:26,799 Ahhhhhhhhh... 116 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,040 - ♪ Ahhhhh-h-h-h-h! ♪ - Have a look at this. 117 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,079 Do you know what, there's a whole show for you, Alan, 118 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,200 in just doing fish impersonations. 119 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,439 We had the trout faking her orgasm last series. 120 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,839 They've done that. 121 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,359 Different orgasm, same trout. 122 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,599 Can you do shark that has a orgasm? 123 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,999 Ahh... Ah, oh! 124 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,839 Mildly surprised! 125 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,159 Because they don't know they're going to have an orgasm, 126 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,039 they haven't learned about orgasms 127 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,199 or experimented with themselves, I imagine. 128 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,399 Then, when they have an orgasm the first time, 129 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,679 it must be very alarming. 130 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,759 My worry is watching you do them 131 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,119 that you haven't seen someone have one before. 132 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,799 Ohhh-oh! 133 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,240 Ohhh-oh! Oh-oh! 134 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,799 It's not accurate for the second or the third time, 135 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,039 then they're much more, ahhhhh... 136 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,239 Ah... 137 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,400 Aaaah... 138 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,479 Is everything OK at home, Alan? 139 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,119 Anyway! 140 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,479 Let's have a look at the same clip with uplifting music. 141 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,599 But here's the thing, they aren't actually that dangerous. 142 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,079 And the thought is that the ominous nature of documentaries 143 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,919 leads the public to have a distrust of sharks and that, in turn, 144 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,799 harms their conservation funding. 145 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:25,679 The truth is sharks kill, worldwide, about six people a year, 146 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:29,159 and the same number are killed by livestock in Britain alone. 147 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:33,039 So, a cow more likely to do you in than a shark. 148 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,199 Ants, they kill 30 people a year. 149 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,399 - Jellyfish... - What, how? 150 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,639 Luring them across the road. 151 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,199 Which do you think is the most dangerous out of all those animals, 152 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,319 in terms of human deaths? 153 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,639 Well, I know hippos are real psychos. 154 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,079 Yeah, it is the hippo. Absolutely, they kill... 155 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,559 Psychos! 156 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,559 "That hippo's a psycho, man!" 157 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,079 2,900 people a year are killed by hippos. 158 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:02,920 Really? 159 00:10:02,921 --> 00:10:05,439 Compare that to six people killed by sharks. 160 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,919 You are 1,000 times more likely to drown in the sea 161 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:11,239 than you are to be bitten by a shark even in an area with sharks. 162 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,559 You know that wonderful tune written by John Williams, 163 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:14,759 the two-note theme to Jaws? 164 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,759 He described it as "grinding away at you just as a shark would do" 165 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,239 "instinctual, relentless and unstoppable." 166 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,919 Benchley actually has a shark named after him. 167 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,159 Etmopterus benchleyi. 168 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,999 It's not exactly a killer, it's about 30-50cm long, 169 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,879 also known as ninja lantern shark. 170 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,639 It's fairly recently discovered, 171 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,679 it lives off the coast of Central America. 172 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,639 We don't have one obviously in the studio. 173 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,839 But I have a life-size cut-out. It looks like that. It's rather sweet. 174 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,479 That's the size it is in real life? 175 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,759 That's the size of the one that Peter Benchley, who wrote Jaws, 176 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:48,199 - has got named after him. - That is pathetic. - Yeah? 177 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,599 This is a shark. 178 00:10:58,720 --> 00:10:59,540 Rar! 179 00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:01,999 But see, you couldn't help yourself but do the music, 180 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,919 you immediately went... 181 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,959 So he looks really nice and friendly there. 182 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,279 He looks rather sweet. 183 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,359 It's got a lot of things on the side that says you shouldn't do. 184 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,359 But it doesn't say don't swim with actual sharks. 185 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,079 That is not the smallest shark, though, 186 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,439 the one named after Benchley. 187 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,359 The dwarf lantern shark is the smallest, 188 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,759 and it grows to only about 15 centimetres. 189 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,039 Aw! 190 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,320 I'd say, you know, a couple of those on a pizza, a bit of tomato. 191 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,759 Their stomach organs emit light 192 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,239 to camouflage them from creatures below, so it makes them 193 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,719 blend into the sunlight that streams from the light above. 194 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,959 My favourite shark that I've ever seen was Joe Lycett 195 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,239 in a swimming pool in Canada. 196 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,559 We were doing a gig there together and you have, you know, 197 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,639 - your little, like... - Oh, yeah. - Your shark that he does in the pool. 198 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,839 And... But you don't see Joe coming. 199 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,639 And then he goes... ♪ Der-da! Der-da! Der-da... ♪ 200 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,399 I Love You Baby. 201 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,439 There was a gay Jaws, as well, that I did, 202 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,319 which was ♪ Der-da! Der-da! Der-da... ♪ 203 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,039 Oooh! 204 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,799 Scared of me? 205 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,119 Shut up! 206 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:16,479 Did you know that female sharks can reproduce without male contact? 207 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:17,800 Finally! 208 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,486 Living the dream. 209 00:12:20,487 --> 00:12:23,079 It is almost impossible to sneak up on a shark, 210 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,479 and that's because they have eyes on the side of their head. 211 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:29,399 They can see behind them just as well as they can see in front. 212 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,799 I'm very... 213 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:37,279 So, they've got two blind spots. 214 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,959 One directly in front of them, and one behind. 215 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,559 I'm interested that someone has worked out 216 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:46,519 how difficult it is to sneak up on a shark. 217 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,999 That would involve someone seeing a shark and thinking, 218 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,199 "I tell you what, I'm going to sneak up on it." 219 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,800 "I'm going to give that shark the fright of its life." 220 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:58,650 Who... 221 00:12:58,651 --> 00:13:01,079 "Do you know, it's really difficult to sneak up on them!" 222 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,839 The kid's going... ♪ Der-da! Der-da! Der-da... ♪ 223 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,639 Who would like to see a shark which can bite chunks 224 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,439 out of a submarine? Who would like to see? 225 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:09,279 Yeah. Yes, please. 226 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,199 OK, I don't even... Alan, can you lift that up, darling? 227 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,119 It's very heavy. Here we have... 228 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,119 So butch. 229 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,119 I shat that out earlier. 230 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,278 There it is, I don't know if you can... if 231 00:13:29,279 --> 00:13:30,800 you can see it that well. 232 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,999 You're going to be so sorry, because the expert who's brought that in 233 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,519 is about to speak to us, and you're going to be mortified. 234 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,879 It is about 18 inches long and... 235 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,959 In fact, we have a number of things. 236 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,399 Please welcome Chris Bird from Southampton University, 237 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,159 and Ali Hood of the Shark Trust. Who are sitting just over there. 238 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,199 Chris, let's start with the one in the jar. 239 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,719 Is it true it could bite a chunk out of a submarine? 240 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,999 Yeah, there's certainly historical evidence 241 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,839 of them biting through the rubber coverings of submarines 242 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,199 and cables on undersea cameras and things like that. 243 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,959 - So what is this one called? - That's the cookie cutter shark. 244 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,039 - And why's it called that? - It leaves these really distinctive 245 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:21,199 kind of cookie-cutter bite marks on its prey. 246 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,999 So, it usually eats whales and big fish. 247 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,479 And it will suck onto the side of them, bore out a cookie cutter hole, 248 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,799 and then swim off. 249 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:34,999 And sometimes it confuses submarines and cameras and cables for... 250 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,199 - Right... - ..their prey. - And could it hurt a person? 251 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,239 There's been one case of a person being eaten 252 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,399 whilst they were swimming at night between two islands. 253 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,239 Now, Ali, let me just talk about this, 254 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,879 because I have sometimes found these on a beach. 255 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,239 Tell me what it is. Is this a UK...? 256 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,079 Yes, yes, we have oviparous - egg-laying - 257 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,319 - sharks and skates in the UK. - So what is this? This is a...? 258 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,010 That's... 259 00:14:56,011 --> 00:14:58,079 That one is the egg case of a flapper skate. 260 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,199 It's found up in Scotland, around the north of Ireland. 261 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,159 And that's one of the largest skates globally. 262 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,359 It grows to two to three metres across its wingspan. 263 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,039 Some people call them mermaids' purses, but it's sharks' eggs, 264 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:08,600 isn't it? 265 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,279 Yeah, shark and skate and ray eggs, yeah. 266 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,599 And when you find them they're all empty, is that right? 267 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,959 Generally, they're empty. If they're not, you'll know, 268 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,999 - cos they'll be quite stinky. - And this one here? 269 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,999 The smaller species you have there are skate. 270 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,559 Or we call them rays. 271 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:21,999 If they've got curly tendrils... 272 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,359 - Yes... - ..those are cat shark egg cases, 273 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,959 so we have three egg-laying sharks in British waters. 274 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,639 And people could just find these on the beach for themselves? 275 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:30,450 Yeah. 276 00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,879 OK. Ali and Chris, thank you so very much. How wonderful. 277 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,239 Would you like me to put my shark away? 278 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,439 Yes, please, darling. Sorry, Alan. 279 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,279 Goodbye, old friend. 280 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,039 Right, what's the biggest thing in the ocean 281 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,759 that you've never heard of? 282 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:52,919 Oh. 283 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,599 Well, I mean, we've never heard of it, 284 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,119 so it's difficult for us to name. 285 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,119 Yes. That is true. 286 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,999 - Yeah, so... - Shall we have a stab at it? 287 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,639 - Yes. - The sherdobleh. 288 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,759 That's what I was going to say. 289 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,679 ♪ Row your boat... ♪ Blue whale. 290 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:14,279 I mean, they're astonishing, up to 98 feet, 170 tonnes, 291 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,479 but I want one you've never heard of. 292 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,119 ♪ Row your boat... ♪ 293 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,879 Red whale. 294 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,599 It's called the ocean sunfish. 295 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,199 The common mola. 296 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,719 It is essentially a giant head covered in mucus. 297 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,479 Oh, God! 298 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,279 We've all been there! 299 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,959 They spend most of their time sunbathing 300 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,199 on the surface of the ocean. 301 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,279 One of these adults can literally weigh a tonne. 302 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:48,719 And they grow to be 60 million times heavier than their larvae, 303 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,479 so that would be like a human baby becoming an adult 304 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,359 the size of six Titanics. 305 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,839 Apparently, they're just not aggressive in any way. 306 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,919 There's only one human death attributed to a mola, 307 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,039 and that is a man who was accidentally flattened 308 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,240 by one leaping. 309 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,719 What size are they, then? 310 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,879 About six by eight foot, but really it's like having a car come at you. 311 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,999 - It's like a sort of Cadillac. - Whoa! God, they are big. - Yeah. 312 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,999 Where would you find one? 313 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,159 They like it warm, darling. 314 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,399 You're not going to find it round the British coast. 315 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,799 They're very strong swimmers 316 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,559 and they can dive down to a fantastic depth of 2,600 metres. 317 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:27,079 And the females produce as many as 300 million eggs at a time, but... 318 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,519 only two survive. 319 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,719 Aww. 320 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,199 Yeah. I don't know... 321 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,599 We feel bad, we're invested now in the mola. 322 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,360 It looks like it's not finished. 323 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:40,639 They've sort of gone like, 324 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,360 "Just squeeze it in at the bottom. There, that'll be fine." 325 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,800 It's like the Good Lord went, "Er, it'll do." 326 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,400 - Unfinished sculpture of a fish. - Yeah. 327 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:57,519 Now, as an editor, what suggestions would you make to improve Moby Dick? 328 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,519 ♪ The sea... ♪ 329 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,679 Yes? 330 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,559 I think it should have, 331 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,239 like a feminist remake 332 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,839 and it should be called Moby Fanny. 333 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,239 Do you want to give me any plot points at all? 334 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,239 She still eats a man whole, um... 335 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,839 The publisher who it was sent to, Peter J Bentley, 336 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:29,279 rejected Herman Melville's Moby Dick because he didn't like the whale. 337 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,879 This is what he wrote. 338 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:35,399 "First, we must ask, does it have to be a whale?" 339 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:39,119 "While this is a rather delightful, if somewhat esoteric plot device," 340 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,919 "we recommend an antagonist with a more popular visage" 341 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,839 "among the younger readers. For instance," 342 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,719 "could not the captain be struggling" 343 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,359 "with a depravity towards young, perhaps voluptuous, maidens?" 344 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,679 Partly inspired by a real whale called Mocha Dick, 345 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,119 a whale that was fantastically fussy about his coffee. 346 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,670 Well, Starbuck's a character in it, isn't he? 347 00:19:06,671 --> 00:19:07,679 Yes, absolutely. 348 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,039 So, it was a real whale, an albino sperm whale 349 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,599 who swam alongside whaling boats 350 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,559 and if the boats tried to attack Mocha Dick, 351 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:14,919 he would then destroy them. 352 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,679 In fact, when he was killed in 1839, 353 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,439 they found 19 harpoons in his side. 354 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,879 It was a legendary whale. 355 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,719 Poor old Herman Melville, 356 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:27,919 3,715 copies of Moby Dick sold in his lifetime, and just 556.37, 357 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,919 he died virtually unknown. 358 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,599 And then in 2014, the Guardian named Moby Dick 359 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,199 the 17th greatest novel of all time. 360 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,399 So for an extra point, buzz in, 361 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,560 who knows the first line of Moby Dick? 362 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,599 "Call me Ishmael." 363 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,559 "Call me Ishmael," absolutely right. 364 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,719 "Some years ago, never mind how long precisely," 365 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,519 "having little or no money in my purse" 366 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,679 "and nothing particular to interest me on shore," 367 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,599 "I thought I would sail about a little" 368 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,359 "and see the watery part of the world." 369 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,159 According to American Book Review, 370 00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,719 that is the number-one best sentence in the world. 371 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,319 I'm going to read out number two, and I will give a bonus point 372 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,719 to anybody who interrupts to tell me where it's from. 373 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,599 "It's a truth universally acknowledged" 374 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,079 "that a single man in possession of a good fortune..." 375 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,439 It's Jane Austen, isn't it? Pride And Prejudice? 376 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,759 Pride And Prejudice, you're absolutely right, yes. 377 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,199 "..must be in want of a wife." 378 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,719 Have you got anything lower down, 379 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,679 like Harry Potter-ish that I can buzz in for? 380 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,199 Is the third one, "If it's custard..." 381 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,559 Now, what kind of bag were all British lifeboats 382 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,279 required to carry until 1998? 383 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,919 A ha-a-andba-a-a-ag. 384 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,719 Sick bag. 385 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,080 - A bag for life? - A bag for life! 386 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,439 - See? - That's very good... - See what I did there? 387 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,079 - It's a lifeboat, it's a bag for life. - That's very good. 388 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,239 Is it one of those wet bags that keeps things dry? 389 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,399 Well, it certainly has liquid in it. 390 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,110 Ooh... 391 00:21:00,111 --> 00:21:02,239 So, what kind of liquid might you take with you...? 392 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,520 Custard. 393 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,559 - A bag of custard. - A bag of custard. 394 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,679 It's oil. They were known as wave-quelling bags, 395 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,039 so oil was commonly used to calm troubled waters. 396 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,719 I'm sure you've heard the expression. 397 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,359 It was kept in canvas bag, which was attached to the anchor, 398 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,879 and it worked by reducing the wave height and the sea spray, 399 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,439 and lifeboats were required to carry oil bags until 1998. 400 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,679 How much oil would you need to put in the water to stop a wave? 401 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,239 It's really a small amount. 402 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,719 So a single tablespoon of oil dropped onto a lake 403 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,399 - can calm half an acre of water. - No, no, that's... 404 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,679 What happens is it spreads out and forms a layer, 405 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,399 which is one molecule thick, and that is enough to prevent 406 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,759 the wind from whipping up the waves onto the surface. 407 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,639 This is something that has been known about since Pliny the Elder, 408 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,319 and he wrote, "Everything is soothed by oil," and this is the reason why 409 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,199 divers send out small quantities of it from their mouths, 410 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,639 because it smoothes every part which is rough. 411 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,519 Oh, my God. Like a salad dressing amount. 412 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,039 How are you making your salad?! 413 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,599 - I was giving it a bit of... - She's tossing it, darling. 414 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,879 It's amazing, the amount of oil slicks there've been 415 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:08,199 in the last half a century, 416 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,920 it's amazing there's ever any rough weather at sea. 417 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,039 Nobody ever sees the positive side of an oil slick. 418 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,399 Genuinely, though, in an oil slick area, 419 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,039 would there then be no waves for ages? 420 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,599 It would genuinely calm the waters, 421 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,239 and one of the reasons why we know this, 422 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,159 the person who did so many experiments on this, 423 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,719 is the great American statesman Benjamin Franklin. 424 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,039 He saw two ships from a flotilla, 425 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,879 and they had smooth waters in their wake while the other ships didn't. 426 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,159 And he asked why, and he was told that those ships had jettisoned 427 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,759 their kitchen grease and that therefore gave them 428 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,399 the easier passage. And he checked this out. And what's lovely, 429 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,119 he did experiments on a place in London, 430 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,679 and there's a place called Mount Pond, on Clapham Common, 431 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,919 and that is, in fact, where he did his experiments, 432 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,319 and the pond is still there today. 433 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,639 It stinks of chip fat. 434 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:57,599 And now, steady your stomachs and hold on to the handrail, 435 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,519 it's time for General Ignorance. 436 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,359 Complete this sentence. 437 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,919 There are plenty more fish in the... 438 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,079 ♪ How deep...? ♪ 439 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,359 Sea. 440 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,639 You don't learn, do you? 441 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,359 - ♪ Row your boat... ♪ - Yes. 442 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:14,720 Sky. 443 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,679 Only 20% of the world's fish species actually live in the sea, 444 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,679 - where do the rest live? - In the rivers. 445 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,759 Rivers. Rivers and lakes, absolutely right. 446 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,919 Amazon, Congo, Mekong, all those kind of river basins, 447 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,959 particularly diverse and fish species, 448 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,759 so one site in the Amazon basin, Cantao State Park, 449 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,719 contains more freshwater fish species than the whole of Europe. 450 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,279 - That's a lot of fish! - It is a lot of fish. 451 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,679 I think that's the premise for mentioning it. 452 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,879 Hang on! Do you see how he's understood the show?! 453 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:52,480 David? The next time you come on, that chair's very comfy. 454 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:55,759 Possible... 455 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,199 Of course, we have polluted our rivers 456 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:02,439 and many of them don't sustain large fish populations. 457 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:03,599 Yeah. 458 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:04,719 Um... 459 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,039 You talked about fish coming from the sky. 460 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,359 So, in Utah, it used to be that remote lakes 461 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:13,119 were once stocked by walking miles and miles with milk cans 462 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,679 full of fish, and today, 463 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:19,759 they're dropped from planes 150 foot above the lakes, 464 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,719 and it's called aerial restocking. Ted Hallows, 465 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,199 who's a hatchery manager from Kamas County in Utah, says, 466 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,920 "Most of the fish make it to the water safely." 467 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,759 And each one of those fish has got a JustGiving page. 468 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:42,959 Now, when do spring tides occur in the southern hemisphere? 469 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,559 - Ooh. - Now, is it... Now... 470 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,079 - Ah. - Yeah, yeah? 471 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,159 Oh... 472 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:49,520 ♪ The sea... ♪ 473 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,479 - Is it... - Yes. 474 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:57,279 ..the opposite to us here in the northern hemisphere, so... 475 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,119 - What are you going to say? - I am going to go, Sandi, with. 476 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:02,759 Augus-s-s-s... 477 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,359 September... 478 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,919 Are you saying autumn? 479 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,519 You're not giving me a clue. 480 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,479 - OK. Autumn, yeah. - No. 481 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,279 - Darn. - Anybody else? 482 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,919 - Spring. - Hey! 483 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,719 Spring tides have got nothing to do with spring at all. 484 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,559 It is the high tide that follows a new or a full moon, 485 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,919 so it is the time when there is the most difference 486 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,559 between high and low tides. 487 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,759 So, basically, it occurs twice a month, all year round. 488 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,039 It just comes from an earlier meaning of spring, 489 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,399 which means to rise up suddenly, that's all it is. 490 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,559 But tide actually has a Norse origin, so in Denmark, 491 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:42,439 the word for time is "tid", T-I-D, and that's where we get tide from. 492 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,599 So, tide and time actually means the same thing. 493 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,239 It's like Eastertide, isn't it, doesn't refer to the tide. 494 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,119 That means Easter-time. 495 00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:51,129 Yuletide, it's the same. It's about time, isn't it? 496 00:25:51,130 --> 00:25:51,799 Yeah. 497 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,879 Now, without leaving your seat, 498 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,839 please somebody do an impression of an Olympic diver. 499 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,199 "Hello, it's me, Tom Daley." 500 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,079 Do I get the point, or...? 501 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,159 Yeah, I liked that, you can have an extra point, that's very good. 502 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,479 - What do you mean? - Uh, well, what do they look like? 503 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,199 They go, they dive... 504 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,760 KLAXON BLARES No. 505 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,799 No, they lock their hands together, like this. 506 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,559 And enter with the palms entering the water first, 507 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,399 because it creates less splash. 508 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,679 So they're trying to make a cavity in the water 509 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,679 wide enough for the body to go through, so if you look there, 510 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,719 - when they impact... - I'm looking, I'm looking. 511 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,420 It is an odd angle to see somebody at, isn't it? 512 00:26:40,421 --> 00:26:41,479 Not particularly. 513 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,720 Do you watch dangling men? 514 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,080 "If you wouldn't mind putting your ankles up there?" 515 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,039 I went to see Olympic diving. 516 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,520 - Was it good? - Well, the thing about it is... 517 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,720 ..once you've seen one, you really have seen them all. 518 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,959 One by one, they go up the top and whoop, splash! 519 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,319 Right, final question in our ocean show, 520 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,919 so we go to the greatest ocean of all. 521 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,960 How many lungs does Billy Ocean have? 522 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,479 I'm going to go one. 523 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:27,719 Three! 524 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,879 He has three. He has an extra pulmonary node 525 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,279 between his two regular lungs. 526 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:32,839 And some people attribute the fact 527 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,759 that he's got this extra lung capacity 528 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,519 as to why he's had such a long career. 529 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,799 I think it's cos he's one of the nicest men you will ever, ever meet. 530 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,279 Now, as we head back in to harbour, 531 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:42,959 let's take a quick look at the score. 532 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,239 All at sea, in last place, 533 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,159 with -51, it's Alan! 534 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:56,439 In third place with -37, David! 535 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,679 In second, with -17, Aisling! 536 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:10,559 And tonight's winner, with -15, it's Joe! 537 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,239 Tonight's objectionable object, 538 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:27,399 this lovely sausage dog drink dispenser, goes to Joe. 539 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:31,119 - Congratulations. - I love that. - There you go. - Look at that! 540 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:35,280 Fantastic! It only remains for me to thank Aisling, David, Joe and Alan. 541 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,759 Now that we've all disembarked safely, 542 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,039 we hope you enjoyed your voyage aboard the QI2, 543 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,759 and we'll leave you with this. 544 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,719 During the early days of the Iraq war, 545 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,639 Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon stated in Parliament 546 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,919 that the port of Umm Qasr was like the city of Southampton. 547 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,839 "He's either never been to Umm Qasr or he's never been to Southampton," 548 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,199 said one soldier. "There's no beer, no prostitutes", 549 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:57,599 "and people are shooting at us." 550 00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,919 "It's actually more like Portsmouth!" 551 00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:01,520 Thank you very much, goodnight!