1 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,559 Good evening! 2 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,760 And welcome to QI. 3 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,094 Tonight, we are completely 4 00:00:39,095 --> 00:00:40,927 all over the place, a feast of O's, 5 00:00:40,928 --> 00:00:43,087 with scrambled ovi. 6 00:00:43,088 --> 00:00:44,455 Your ovations, please, 7 00:00:44,456 --> 00:00:46,567 for the overlooked Bill Bailey... 8 00:00:52,568 --> 00:00:54,967 ..the overexcited Jan Ravens... 9 00:00:58,968 --> 00:01:01,287 ..the overwhelming Grayson Perry... 10 00:01:05,488 --> 00:01:08,247 ..and all over the shop, Alan Davies. 11 00:01:14,368 --> 00:01:17,567 Let's get their buzzers over with. Bill goes... 12 00:01:20,968 --> 00:01:22,687 Jan goes... 13 00:01:28,808 --> 00:01:31,607 Well, I like that one. That one's good. Grayson goes... 14 00:01:39,448 --> 00:01:41,367 I didn't know how to tell you, Grayson. 15 00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:42,487 - I just... - Yeah. 16 00:01:42,488 --> 00:01:44,447 And Alan goes... 17 00:01:44,448 --> 00:01:46,167 They think it's all over. 18 00:01:46,168 --> 00:01:47,967 It is now! 19 00:01:53,568 --> 00:01:55,127 It's finally one you like. 20 00:01:55,128 --> 00:01:56,487 Ah, I love that! 21 00:01:56,488 --> 00:02:00,407 So my first question is about ova, spelled O-V-A. 22 00:02:00,408 --> 00:02:04,447 You can't learn to ski jump without breaking legs, 23 00:02:04,448 --> 00:02:07,967 and you can't make an omelette without... 24 00:02:07,968 --> 00:02:09,807 Breaking eggs. 25 00:02:09,808 --> 00:02:13,727 Yay! And we're off and running. 26 00:02:13,728 --> 00:02:16,287 But you're going to show us how you can. 27 00:02:16,288 --> 00:02:18,687 You can make an omelette without breaking eggs. 28 00:02:18,688 --> 00:02:21,487 In Japan, it's called a golden egg, as we shall demonstrate. 29 00:02:21,488 --> 00:02:23,367 What you need to do is... 30 00:02:23,368 --> 00:02:25,167 - Get a chicken. - An egg. 31 00:02:25,168 --> 00:02:26,647 It's in a pair of tights. 32 00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:29,087 It's in a stocking, so I'm going to pass this to you. 33 00:02:29,088 --> 00:02:31,207 And what you need to do is you need 34 00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:33,207 to basically to break the membrane 35 00:02:33,208 --> 00:02:34,648 that is round the egg yolk, 36 00:02:34,649 --> 00:02:36,727 that is called the vitelline membrane. 37 00:02:36,728 --> 00:02:38,844 It's protein fibres. And what you 38 00:02:38,845 --> 00:02:40,647 do is, you spin it like this, 39 00:02:40,648 --> 00:02:43,207 and you're trying to shake the egg and, actually, 40 00:02:43,208 --> 00:02:45,687 it's one of the good things, when you let go, it does that. 41 00:02:45,688 --> 00:02:48,007 I've got a very expensive suit on at this point. 42 00:02:48,008 --> 00:02:50,138 Ah, OK. Just spin it gently, would be the thing, yeah. 43 00:02:50,139 --> 00:02:51,139 Yeah. 44 00:02:53,128 --> 00:02:55,207 I don't think we've ever had anybody 45 00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:58,527 who's worn expensive clothing on this show before. 46 00:02:58,528 --> 00:03:02,287 Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 47 00:03:02,288 --> 00:03:05,007 Just a really cheap children's toy, isn't it? 48 00:03:05,008 --> 00:03:06,408 - Have you broken yours? - Yeah. 49 00:03:08,808 --> 00:03:10,287 And you spin it 50 00:03:10,288 --> 00:03:13,227 - and you mix up the egg inside the shell... - Right. 51 00:03:13,239 --> 00:03:14,849 It's actually quite tough to do. 52 00:03:14,850 --> 00:03:17,871 "I cannae make it go any further, Jim!" 53 00:03:18,568 --> 00:03:21,487 And then you boil it, and it will, when you remove the shell, 54 00:03:21,488 --> 00:03:23,687 it will reveal that it is an omelette. 55 00:03:23,688 --> 00:03:24,989 I mean, some people would say 56 00:03:24,990 --> 00:03:26,647 it's more of a scrambled egg than an 57 00:03:26,648 --> 00:03:28,647 omelette. But Escoffier's definition - 58 00:03:28,648 --> 00:03:30,647 "In a few words, what is an omelette?" 59 00:03:30,648 --> 00:03:31,892 "It's really a special type 60 00:03:31,893 --> 00:03:33,687 of scrambled egg enclosed in a coating 61 00:03:33,688 --> 00:03:36,687 or envelope of coagulated egg, and nothing else." 62 00:03:36,688 --> 00:03:38,607 So our version ought to qualify. 63 00:03:38,608 --> 00:03:40,607 That's what a man looks like... 64 00:03:40,608 --> 00:03:42,208 - It's a bloke, innit? - In tights. 65 00:03:43,448 --> 00:03:45,047 Actually, we could ask Grayson. 66 00:03:45,048 --> 00:03:48,047 This is what a man looks like in tights? 67 00:03:48,048 --> 00:03:49,687 Grayson, I'm so sorry. 68 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,968 I'll tell you, if my skirt was any shorter... 69 00:03:54,208 --> 00:03:56,607 Let's have a look at the below-the-desk cam. 70 00:03:56,608 --> 00:03:58,528 Oh, look. 71 00:04:02,848 --> 00:04:04,487 OK. I have a question for you all. 72 00:04:04,488 --> 00:04:06,207 - OK. - Here is a bottle... 73 00:04:06,208 --> 00:04:06,808 Right. 74 00:04:06,809 --> 00:04:08,607 ..with an egg in it. How did it get in the bottle? 75 00:04:08,608 --> 00:04:10,341 It's one of those tricks you read 76 00:04:10,342 --> 00:04:11,767 about in old encyclopaedias, 77 00:04:11,768 --> 00:04:14,407 - isn't it? - Yes. - Yes. - And what do you think it is? 78 00:04:14,408 --> 00:04:16,807 So you can't plunge that in a pan of boiling water 79 00:04:16,808 --> 00:04:18,887 and then somehow extricate the shell. 80 00:04:18,888 --> 00:04:21,607 So if I have another bottle, you can see that the egg... 81 00:04:21,608 --> 00:04:23,167 Oh, I know how you do it. 82 00:04:23,168 --> 00:04:24,827 You take all the air out of the bottle 83 00:04:24,828 --> 00:04:25,847 and it sucks the egg in. 84 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:28,487 So the way you do that is you're going to light... 85 00:04:28,488 --> 00:04:30,207 Let me show you. 86 00:04:30,208 --> 00:04:32,367 Do you want me to play some music or something? 87 00:04:32,368 --> 00:04:34,127 Can you light that, darling? 88 00:04:43,048 --> 00:04:45,527 Oh, well, it's doing it. 89 00:04:45,528 --> 00:04:48,008 It's like trying to get into your jeans, isn't it? 90 00:04:49,928 --> 00:04:51,367 Hey! 91 00:04:57,808 --> 00:04:59,247 That is what happens when you get 92 00:04:59,248 --> 00:05:02,048 Eric Pickles and you try and get him out of an aeroplane. 93 00:05:04,448 --> 00:05:06,887 We've overbooked the flight, you're going to have to... 94 00:05:06,888 --> 00:05:08,487 Actually, no, you can stay. 95 00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:10,728 You go up to 30,000 feet and open the door. 96 00:05:12,608 --> 00:05:15,047 I've got one more trick. So this is a little bit hit and miss. 97 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:15,828 Go on. 98 00:05:15,829 --> 00:05:18,167 But I will do my best. When it works, it's absolutely fantastic. 99 00:05:18,168 --> 00:05:19,607 What is this? 100 00:05:19,608 --> 00:05:22,287 - Oh. I have to be more... - Can you hit it the other way? 101 00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:23,848 I've got to... No. 102 00:05:26,288 --> 00:05:27,887 - Go on. - Does it work? 103 00:05:27,888 --> 00:05:29,487 Yay! 104 00:05:35,048 --> 00:05:37,447 OK. Moving from eggs to bacon. 105 00:05:37,448 --> 00:05:40,567 What did pigs finally manage to do in the 1930s? 106 00:05:40,568 --> 00:05:41,928 - Uh... - Fly. 107 00:05:47,568 --> 00:05:49,007 - No. - No? 108 00:05:49,008 --> 00:05:51,527 Become self-aware. 109 00:05:51,528 --> 00:05:53,447 Uncurl their tails. 110 00:05:53,448 --> 00:05:55,767 Become a metaphor for socialism. 111 00:05:55,768 --> 00:05:58,367 - Yeah. - According to the OED, pigs 112 00:05:58,368 --> 00:06:02,687 oinked for the first time in 1933. 113 00:06:02,688 --> 00:06:04,447 Before that, they just grunted. 114 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:06,607 Well, a few... Yeah, exactly. 115 00:06:06,608 --> 00:06:08,647 A few went... You do all kinds of impressions... 116 00:06:08,648 --> 00:06:10,247 I do. I do animals, everything, yeah. 117 00:06:10,248 --> 00:06:12,527 But it doesn't actually sound like oink, that, does it? 118 00:06:12,528 --> 00:06:14,607 No, there's... There are other things. 119 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,527 "Rout", they went, apparently, in 1650. 120 00:06:16,528 --> 00:06:18,687 One went "wick" in the 18th century. 121 00:06:18,688 --> 00:06:21,207 But the practice of oinking is an American practice. 122 00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:23,847 The Washington Post, 6th June 1933, 123 00:06:23,848 --> 00:06:25,927 mentions a small white pig oinking 124 00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:28,647 its disapproval of the effete city folks. 125 00:06:28,648 --> 00:06:29,670 So they didn't oink 126 00:06:29,671 --> 00:06:31,767 until the Washington Post decided that 127 00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:33,647 was the thing that they had to do. Oink. 128 00:06:33,648 --> 00:06:34,218 Right. 129 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:35,927 In Denmark, they say "oof oof". 130 00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:38,807 French swine go "groin groin", apparently. 131 00:06:38,808 --> 00:06:39,724 That's more like it. 132 00:06:39,725 --> 00:06:41,887 I wonder if that affects how we view the animal, 133 00:06:41,888 --> 00:06:43,607 because "oof oof" sounds quite positive, 134 00:06:43,608 --> 00:06:45,231 even though, you know, in Denmark, 135 00:06:45,232 --> 00:06:46,527 they probably kill more pigs 136 00:06:46,528 --> 00:06:49,327 per capita than in any other country in the world. 137 00:06:49,328 --> 00:06:50,968 And we have no problem with that. 138 00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:54,767 The very first pig to fly in fact 139 00:06:54,768 --> 00:06:57,247 came 24 years before the onset of oinking. 140 00:06:57,248 --> 00:06:59,247 4th November 1909. 141 00:06:59,248 --> 00:07:03,367 An English aviation pioneer called JTC Moore-Brabazon, 142 00:07:03,368 --> 00:07:05,247 he thought for a laugh he would 143 00:07:05,248 --> 00:07:07,887 attach a wastepaper basket to a biplane, 144 00:07:07,888 --> 00:07:09,370 and he took it on a 3.5-mile 145 00:07:09,371 --> 00:07:11,167 flight over the Kent countryside. 146 00:07:11,168 --> 00:07:14,287 And he had to wait 100 years for YouTube to be invented. 147 00:07:14,288 --> 00:07:15,647 Yes, I know. 148 00:07:15,648 --> 00:07:17,687 He went on to be the Minister of Transport, 149 00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,767 but he clearly liked a bit of a flight. 150 00:07:19,768 --> 00:07:22,327 "When pigs fly" is known as an adynaton. 151 00:07:22,328 --> 00:07:24,967 It's a figure of speech in the form of hyperbole, 152 00:07:24,968 --> 00:07:27,447 and they have wonderful examples in other countries. 153 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:30,247 The middle one is France - "when hens grow teeth". 154 00:07:30,248 --> 00:07:30,808 Yes. 155 00:07:30,809 --> 00:07:32,487 The one on the right is Hebrew - 156 00:07:32,488 --> 00:07:35,447 "when hair grows on the palm of my hand". 157 00:07:35,448 --> 00:07:37,287 My favourite is the Russian one - 158 00:07:37,288 --> 00:07:39,968 "when the crawfish whistles on the mountain". 159 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,328 And we say "when the Lib Dems reform". 160 00:07:49,808 --> 00:07:53,407 Now, what makes the FBI say OMG? 161 00:07:53,408 --> 00:07:57,407 Well, it's not going to be, "Oh, my God," is it? 162 00:07:57,408 --> 00:07:58,767 So it's got to be something else. 163 00:07:58,768 --> 00:08:00,287 It's to do with outlaws. 164 00:08:00,288 --> 00:08:01,767 - Outlaw, ooh. - Outlaw? 165 00:08:01,768 --> 00:08:03,608 Moving gradually. 166 00:08:05,048 --> 00:08:06,798 Moving fast, it would be, in fact. 167 00:08:06,799 --> 00:08:08,247 It's outlaw motorcycle gangs. 168 00:08:08,248 --> 00:08:09,927 - Oh! - They're known as OMGs 169 00:08:09,928 --> 00:08:12,807 - to law enforcement. - We got a OMG! - Hell's Angels. - Hell's Angels indeed. 170 00:08:12,808 --> 00:08:13,488 Oh, fab. 171 00:08:13,489 --> 00:08:15,527 And do you know the term one-percenter? Do you know...? 172 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,127 They're the people with all the money. 173 00:08:17,128 --> 00:08:18,967 Yeah, so the Occupy movement and so on, 174 00:08:18,968 --> 00:08:21,087 they talk about the top 1% who control the wealth. 175 00:08:21,088 --> 00:08:23,487 Because, you know, I've had motorcycles all my life, 176 00:08:23,488 --> 00:08:24,887 and that used to be a badge I quite 177 00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:26,210 often saw on those collections 178 00:08:26,211 --> 00:08:27,927 on denim waistcoats that people had... 179 00:08:27,928 --> 00:08:30,527 Yeah, so what it was was that full badge members 180 00:08:30,528 --> 00:08:32,043 wear the 1% to show their outsider 181 00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:33,167 status because there was a 182 00:08:33,168 --> 00:08:35,647 claim by the American Motorcycle Association 183 00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,007 that 99% of their members 184 00:08:37,008 --> 00:08:39,167 were God-fearing and family orientated. 185 00:08:39,168 --> 00:08:40,567 And so the 1% wanted to make damn 186 00:08:40,568 --> 00:08:42,407 sure that everybody knew that they were 187 00:08:42,408 --> 00:08:45,207 the bad guys. OK, while we're on the subject of Hell's Angels, 188 00:08:45,208 --> 00:08:46,688 we're now going to play... 189 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:51,058 What a game! 190 00:08:51,059 --> 00:08:52,887 Can you pick that board up there, darling? 191 00:08:52,888 --> 00:08:54,647 - Certainly. - So what I want you to do... 192 00:08:54,648 --> 00:08:56,487 We have written on it for you, Alan, 193 00:08:56,488 --> 00:08:58,007 - Hell's Angels. - Hell's Angels. 194 00:08:58,008 --> 00:09:00,287 I want you to put the apostrophe in the correct place. 195 00:09:00,288 --> 00:09:02,927 OK. Is it going to be angels belonging to Hell? 196 00:09:02,928 --> 00:09:04,367 That's it, isn't it? No? 197 00:09:06,208 --> 00:09:07,967 - No. - Oh, you flippin'... 198 00:09:07,968 --> 00:09:09,567 It was bound to happen, wasn't it? 199 00:09:09,568 --> 00:09:11,127 - I hadn't even done it. - I know. 200 00:09:11,128 --> 00:09:12,927 You were so keen. 201 00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:15,287 After the S, up there, then? 202 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,727 Try that. Yeah, go on. 203 00:09:16,728 --> 00:09:18,368 Go, go for it. 204 00:09:26,688 --> 00:09:28,367 No, it's a trick. 205 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,087 - There isn't one. - There isn't one? 206 00:09:30,088 --> 00:09:31,767 There isn't one. They don't want one. 207 00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:33,127 Oh, they don't want one! 208 00:09:33,128 --> 00:09:35,127 No, and who's going to argue with them, frankly? 209 00:09:35,128 --> 00:09:36,767 - I've gone off them. - Until recently, 210 00:09:36,768 --> 00:09:39,287 they had a note in the FAQs of their official website. 211 00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:42,087 "Should the Hells in Hells Angels have an apostrophe" 212 00:09:42,088 --> 00:09:43,970 "and be Hell's Angels? That would be" 213 00:09:43,971 --> 00:09:45,647 "true if there were only one hell," 214 00:09:45,648 --> 00:09:47,327 "but life and history has taught us" 215 00:09:47,328 --> 00:09:49,687 "that there are many versions and forms of hell." 216 00:09:49,688 --> 00:09:50,756 Then people still carried 217 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,207 on criticising them and saying it 218 00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:54,327 should be Hells' - with an apostrophe after the S. 219 00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:56,687 And so it's since been amended, and it now says, 220 00:09:56,688 --> 00:09:59,007 "Missing apostrophe in Hells Angels - yes," 221 00:09:59,008 --> 00:10:00,509 "we know that there is an apostrophe" 222 00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:01,927 missing, but it is you who miss it. 223 00:10:01,928 --> 00:10:03,808 "We don't." 224 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:06,967 You know, that's the kind of 225 00:10:06,968 --> 00:10:09,047 punctuation-based rebellion that we need. 226 00:10:09,048 --> 00:10:11,367 Every time I put on my leather jacket, I think, 227 00:10:11,368 --> 00:10:14,647 "Yeah, to hell with punctuation!" 228 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:17,447 Sticking it to the man, one apostrophe at a time. 229 00:10:17,448 --> 00:10:20,368 Yeah! Us and the market stall traders. 230 00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:24,527 Setting a poor grammatical example, that's the way we roll. 231 00:10:24,528 --> 00:10:25,018 Yeah. 232 00:10:25,019 --> 00:10:26,487 Hell's Angels, founded in 1948, 233 00:10:26,488 --> 00:10:28,687 some of the gangs that amalgamated together, 234 00:10:28,688 --> 00:10:30,421 one of them was called the Pissed 235 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,848 Off Bastards of Bloomington. 236 00:10:34,128 --> 00:10:36,167 Maybe too difficult to get on a jacket. 237 00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,487 - That's a lot of studs. - I think that's really good. 238 00:10:38,488 --> 00:10:41,087 Anybody know where the name Hell's Angels comes from? 239 00:10:41,088 --> 00:10:41,744 The origin? 240 00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:43,607 Is it Paradise Lost or something? 241 00:10:43,608 --> 00:10:45,887 It's a film, actually, by Howard Hughes. 242 00:10:45,888 --> 00:10:49,647 - Apostrophe, apostrophe! - Apostrophe! - Apostrophe! 243 00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:51,927 So the American air squadrons in World War II, 244 00:10:51,928 --> 00:10:52,897 which is probably where 245 00:10:52,898 --> 00:10:54,327 the motorcycle gangs got it from, 246 00:10:54,328 --> 00:10:56,767 but the pilots got it from the Howard Hughes film. 247 00:10:56,768 --> 00:10:57,518 All right. 248 00:10:57,519 --> 00:10:59,767 Hell's Angels are fierce in the defence of their trademark. 249 00:10:59,768 --> 00:11:02,247 They've sued Disney and Toys R Us and so on. 250 00:11:02,248 --> 00:11:05,287 You can't wear... Back patches in general are frowned upon. 251 00:11:05,288 --> 00:11:06,647 If you're a motorcycle dude, 252 00:11:06,648 --> 00:11:07,899 if you're wearing a back patch 253 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,607 and it's not an official registered one, 254 00:11:09,608 --> 00:11:11,127 you can get into trouble. 255 00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:12,607 - Can you? - Yeah. 256 00:11:12,608 --> 00:11:15,967 When I was young, the Coggeshall Bastards were the local one. 257 00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,087 And they were so tough that they 258 00:11:18,088 --> 00:11:19,427 eschewed the leather jacket 259 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:21,607 because they thought that was a bit effete. 260 00:11:21,608 --> 00:11:22,448 Oh. 261 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,968 So they wore pac-a-macs and Wellingtons on their bikes. 262 00:11:26,488 --> 00:11:28,687 That was the myth, they were so hard they didn't... 263 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,007 Their skin didn't need leather protection. 264 00:11:31,008 --> 00:11:32,048 Nah. 265 00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:35,167 I love the idea of the sound of a pac-a-mac rustling in the wind. 266 00:11:35,168 --> 00:11:37,287 You can get good slogans. 267 00:11:37,288 --> 00:11:38,668 I was at the motorcycle show once 268 00:11:38,669 --> 00:11:40,087 and there was a T-shirt and it said 269 00:11:40,088 --> 00:11:42,808 on the back, "If you can read this, the bitch fell off." 270 00:11:48,768 --> 00:11:50,647 Right, moving on. 271 00:11:50,648 --> 00:11:53,727 Um, can you name a female outlaw? 272 00:11:53,728 --> 00:11:55,727 Well, not Jesse James. 273 00:11:55,728 --> 00:11:56,218 No. 274 00:11:56,219 --> 00:11:57,688 Bonnie out of Bonnie and Clyde. 275 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,127 Strictly streaking, there is no such 276 00:12:04,128 --> 00:12:06,687 thing as a female outlaw in British law. 277 00:12:06,688 --> 00:12:08,207 Outlawry is when an individual 278 00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:09,888 was placed outside the protection 279 00:12:09,889 --> 00:12:10,447 of the law, 280 00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:11,796 and females denied protection 281 00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,607 of the law were called something else. 282 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,208 They were called waived women. 283 00:12:16,288 --> 00:12:17,727 Isn't that awful? 284 00:12:17,728 --> 00:12:20,047 So their right to any petition was said to be waived, 285 00:12:20,048 --> 00:12:22,167 so left out or not regarded. 286 00:12:22,168 --> 00:12:25,327 Can you name a male outlaw of the Wild West? 287 00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:27,127 - Of the Wild West, oof. - Yeah. 288 00:12:27,128 --> 00:12:28,847 Billy the whatsit. 289 00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:30,688 - Billy the whatsit? - Billy the Kid? 290 00:12:33,848 --> 00:12:35,647 The Sundance Kid? 291 00:12:35,648 --> 00:12:37,048 Yeah, what's her name? 292 00:12:41,248 --> 00:12:42,688 Butch Cassidy. 293 00:12:45,528 --> 00:12:47,527 We can go on and on. Uh, so, again, 294 00:12:47,528 --> 00:12:50,247 there were no outlaws as such in the old West. Male or female. 295 00:12:50,248 --> 00:12:51,807 Oh, you amaze me. 296 00:12:51,808 --> 00:12:54,167 So in the original meaning, 297 00:12:54,168 --> 00:12:56,727 an outlaw is merely somebody who's been put outside the law, 298 00:12:56,728 --> 00:12:58,367 so denied its protections. 299 00:13:00,448 --> 00:13:02,848 Yeah, that's a fantastic film, isn't it? 300 00:13:04,568 --> 00:13:07,047 So these were... So none of them were outlaws. 301 00:13:07,048 --> 00:13:09,727 In order to be an outlaw, you had to be set outside... 302 00:13:11,768 --> 00:13:14,127 Are trying to hum the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven? 303 00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:15,605 - Yeah. - Yes. - That's not the theme 304 00:13:15,606 --> 00:13:16,847 tune to The Magnificent Seven. 305 00:13:19,288 --> 00:13:21,728 - No, that's Bonanza. - Oh, that's Bonanza! 306 00:13:23,848 --> 00:13:25,967 - Oh, I liked Bonanza. - I thought Bonanza was... 307 00:13:28,088 --> 00:13:29,928 Yeah, yeah, I think that was right. 308 00:13:29,929 --> 00:13:30,847 I think we need... 309 00:13:30,848 --> 00:13:32,847 I demand that... 310 00:13:32,848 --> 00:13:36,247 - That's the Muppets! - Someone google it. 311 00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:38,328 Does anybody know the bloody theme tune? 312 00:13:45,768 --> 00:13:47,088 Come on, everyone! 313 00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:51,128 Everybody, join in! 314 00:14:10,128 --> 00:14:13,527 Now, back over to O-V-A, ova now. 315 00:14:13,528 --> 00:14:16,127 What is the secret ingredient 316 00:14:16,128 --> 00:14:17,848 of virgin boy eggs? 317 00:14:19,288 --> 00:14:21,087 Oh.... 318 00:14:21,088 --> 00:14:23,487 Yeah, it's... Oh, I promise you, it's... 319 00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,388 Acne. 320 00:14:24,389 --> 00:14:27,087 Like taking it out with a syringe and sticking it in the egg? 321 00:14:27,088 --> 00:14:28,887 Boy eggs. A pustule. 322 00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,927 Done, it'll be like a Walnut Whip. 323 00:14:33,368 --> 00:14:36,287 You see, I thought what I've got on the card is disgusting, 324 00:14:36,288 --> 00:14:39,008 but it's possible you've topped it. I think that... 325 00:14:40,288 --> 00:14:42,567 It's a Chinese dish called tongzidan. 326 00:14:42,568 --> 00:14:43,148 What? 327 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,887 And it is literally virgin boy eggs. 328 00:14:44,888 --> 00:14:49,647 They prepared by boiling hens' eggs in the urine of young boys. 329 00:14:49,648 --> 00:14:51,967 - Ugh! - Now, come on, 330 00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:53,767 it's a springtime delicacy in the 331 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,847 city of Dongyang in Zhejiang province. 332 00:14:55,848 --> 00:14:57,647 - You're making this up now. - No, no. 333 00:14:57,648 --> 00:14:58,901 So they soak them in the urine 334 00:14:58,902 --> 00:15:00,487 and then they bring them to the boil, 335 00:15:00,488 --> 00:15:02,081 and then they're simmered for a day 336 00:15:02,082 --> 00:15:03,407 with fresh urine, a few herbs, 337 00:15:03,408 --> 00:15:06,847 and at the end of the process, they apparently look like that. 338 00:15:06,848 --> 00:15:09,247 The urine is from boys under the age of ten, 339 00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:10,923 and what they do is they collect 340 00:15:10,924 --> 00:15:12,647 it in a bucket in primary schools. 341 00:15:12,648 --> 00:15:15,687 And each of the eggs are sold at... 342 00:15:15,688 --> 00:15:17,487 It's about 20p apiece. 343 00:15:17,488 --> 00:15:19,243 According to one Dongyang resident, 344 00:15:19,244 --> 00:15:20,607 they taste a bit like urine, 345 00:15:20,608 --> 00:15:21,968 but not too much. 346 00:15:27,048 --> 00:15:28,647 - Yeah. - There are people who do drink 347 00:15:28,648 --> 00:15:30,767 their own urine for medical benefits, 348 00:15:30,768 --> 00:15:33,047 - don't they? - There are, yes. 349 00:15:33,048 --> 00:15:35,008 That is a horrible picture. 350 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,494 Apparently it tastes slightly sweet 351 00:15:38,495 --> 00:15:40,047 but salty. A bit like a margarita, 352 00:15:40,048 --> 00:15:41,407 - I imagine. - Yes. - And... 353 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,647 Does he normally have it in one of those glasses? 354 00:15:43,648 --> 00:15:46,087 With salt round the rim. 355 00:15:46,088 --> 00:15:49,767 Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no. 356 00:15:49,768 --> 00:15:52,128 You're saying salt round the rim, and then... 357 00:15:54,408 --> 00:15:56,796 Tastes a bit like urine, not too much. 358 00:15:56,797 --> 00:15:57,727 Not too much. 359 00:15:57,728 --> 00:15:59,831 There was a Mexican boxing champion 360 00:15:59,832 --> 00:16:01,407 called Juan Manuel Marquez, 361 00:16:01,408 --> 00:16:03,026 and he rather famously showcased 362 00:16:03,027 --> 00:16:04,887 the practice of drinking his own urine 363 00:16:04,888 --> 00:16:09,087 ahead of a fight in 2009, with Floyd Mayweather Jr. 364 00:16:09,088 --> 00:16:10,967 But he lost. 365 00:16:10,968 --> 00:16:13,687 Not a disgrace. Everyone loses to Floyd Mayweather Jr. 366 00:16:13,688 --> 00:16:15,927 I don't think it would do you any harm 367 00:16:15,928 --> 00:16:17,508 because, fundamentally, the toxins 368 00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,087 leave your body through the faeces, 369 00:16:19,088 --> 00:16:19,578 so... 370 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,047 Can only do you harm if it's off. 371 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:21,568 Yes. 372 00:16:21,569 --> 00:16:23,128 You've got to have it fresh and warm. 373 00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:26,167 But if you drank some, and then you 374 00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:28,047 urinated it out and then drink that, 375 00:16:28,048 --> 00:16:30,447 and then urinated that out and kept on going... 376 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,440 Yeah, you probably... 377 00:16:31,441 --> 00:16:33,207 ..how many sort of goes before you... 378 00:16:33,208 --> 00:16:35,207 Before it's completely nothing at all? 379 00:16:35,208 --> 00:16:38,087 Before it's just a cube coming out, I guess. 380 00:16:38,088 --> 00:16:42,167 Urine stock cube to use in your... 381 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,732 You go to the Chinese supermarket 382 00:16:44,733 --> 00:16:46,767 for a small boys' wee cube. 383 00:16:46,768 --> 00:16:48,407 "You got the, uh..." 384 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,087 "I haven't got a bucket of boys' wee..." 385 00:16:50,088 --> 00:16:52,127 "I haven't got time to go to the primary school." 386 00:16:52,128 --> 00:16:54,607 "Can you give me some urine stock cubes?" 387 00:16:54,608 --> 00:16:57,407 I spent time with the Mundari people of South Sudan, 388 00:16:57,408 --> 00:16:59,207 and they used the urine of their 389 00:16:59,208 --> 00:17:01,687 incredibly prized cattle to dye their 390 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,367 naturally black hair orange, so during the morning ablutions - 391 00:17:04,368 --> 00:17:06,967 that's what's happening there - the men lower their heads into 392 00:17:06,968 --> 00:17:09,367 the urine stream of a tethered cow, and they use the ash - 393 00:17:09,368 --> 00:17:10,887 you can see his body is white there - 394 00:17:10,888 --> 00:17:13,207 from burned cow dung smeared all over the face and body, 395 00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,768 but it acts as a natural antiseptic 396 00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:15,807 and it stops mosquitoes. 397 00:17:15,808 --> 00:17:18,047 It's a mosquito repellent. If he stays there too long, 398 00:17:18,048 --> 00:17:19,408 he'll get a pat on the head. 399 00:17:24,208 --> 00:17:27,448 Wow. Oh now, now, the audience are rebelling again. 400 00:17:28,968 --> 00:17:31,607 Some are going, "No, that was good." 401 00:17:31,608 --> 00:17:32,511 No, no. Yeah, no. 402 00:17:32,512 --> 00:17:34,648 Don't encourage him. Don't encourage him. 403 00:17:37,088 --> 00:17:40,767 For whom was it all over because of its ova? 404 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,127 Was it Edwina Currie? 405 00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:45,007 Oh. Did she not have some egg... 406 00:17:45,008 --> 00:17:46,714 - She had an egg-based 407 00:17:46,715 --> 00:17:48,087 scandal, didn't she, Edwina? 408 00:17:48,088 --> 00:17:49,687 Yes, she's actually morphed into 409 00:17:49,688 --> 00:17:51,688 Hyacinth Bouquet as I sit here, but... 410 00:17:54,128 --> 00:17:56,527 She is from the same neck of the woods. 411 00:17:56,528 --> 00:17:58,741 Didn't she have an affair with John Major? 412 00:17:58,742 --> 00:17:59,527 She did, yes. 413 00:17:59,528 --> 00:18:01,097 They said you could tell by the CURRY 414 00:18:01,098 --> 00:18:02,127 stains on his underpants. 415 00:18:02,128 --> 00:18:03,728 Hey! 416 00:18:05,288 --> 00:18:07,528 Oh, now, you miss the pat on the head joke now. 417 00:18:10,848 --> 00:18:12,527 Sorry, I just got a call here. 418 00:18:12,528 --> 00:18:14,408 1982 want their jokes back. 419 00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:21,487 OK, for whom was it all over because of its ova? 420 00:18:21,488 --> 00:18:23,647 We are in a Bill Bailey area of information. 421 00:18:23,648 --> 00:18:25,207 A bird. It'll be a bird, Bill. 422 00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:27,527 - A bird? - Yes. - Was it stealing eggs, was it? 423 00:18:27,528 --> 00:18:29,271 Well, yes, I suppose, there's a bit 424 00:18:29,272 --> 00:18:30,287 of stealing involved. 425 00:18:30,288 --> 00:18:31,687 Let me show you. 426 00:18:31,688 --> 00:18:33,247 - So I've got... - Oh, my Lord! 427 00:18:33,248 --> 00:18:35,087 ..some eggs here. 428 00:18:35,088 --> 00:18:37,367 - Oh. - So this one is an ostrich egg. 429 00:18:37,368 --> 00:18:39,607 - Isn't that amazing? - Yes. 430 00:18:39,608 --> 00:18:40,788 Wow. 431 00:18:40,789 --> 00:18:44,327 This is roughly the size of the egg that I am talking about. 432 00:18:44,328 --> 00:18:45,567 Now, you can't have a real one 433 00:18:45,568 --> 00:18:47,567 because they're worth an absolute fortune. 434 00:18:47,568 --> 00:18:48,199 So this is... 435 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,007 Is this a prehistoric egg of some kind? 436 00:18:50,008 --> 00:18:51,807 It is the elephant bird. 437 00:18:51,808 --> 00:18:53,807 - The elephant bird. - The elephant bird. 438 00:18:53,808 --> 00:18:55,167 And this is a Heston Blumenthal 439 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,167 chocolate egg that is roughly the same... 440 00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:57,648 Wow. 441 00:18:57,649 --> 00:18:59,087 I know. And it's got something in it. 442 00:18:59,088 --> 00:19:01,047 I don't know if we should open it and have a look. 443 00:19:01,048 --> 00:19:02,767 Does anybody want to...? 444 00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:03,568 Oh, please, go on. 445 00:19:03,569 --> 00:19:05,807 So what happened is, humans stole the eggs for food, 446 00:19:05,808 --> 00:19:07,288 - Bill. - Yes. 447 00:19:09,368 --> 00:19:11,207 Whoa! 448 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:11,718 Wow. 449 00:19:11,719 --> 00:19:13,247 Do you know about the elephant bird? 450 00:19:13,248 --> 00:19:15,007 They were around until the 17th century. 451 00:19:15,008 --> 00:19:17,287 They were flightless, they were about 10ft tall. 452 00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:17,758 Oh, right. 453 00:19:17,759 --> 00:19:19,167 They weighed about half a tonne, 454 00:19:19,168 --> 00:19:21,127 and they lived on the island of Madagascar. 455 00:19:21,128 --> 00:19:23,607 They had a ferocious kick, so you wouldn't have been able to 456 00:19:23,608 --> 00:19:26,047 get near them, human beings. I mean, imagine such a big bird. 457 00:19:26,048 --> 00:19:27,628 But the eggs of the elephant bird 458 00:19:27,629 --> 00:19:28,927 were 100 times the size of a 459 00:19:28,928 --> 00:19:31,527 chicken's egg, so it could have fed a family for several days. 460 00:19:31,528 --> 00:19:33,567 So you couldn't attack the bird to eat it, 461 00:19:33,568 --> 00:19:35,647 but you could probably get hold of the eggs, 462 00:19:35,648 --> 00:19:36,919 and so many eggs were taken 463 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,847 that eventually the bird became entirely 464 00:19:38,848 --> 00:19:40,371 extinct. And we still find fragments 465 00:19:40,372 --> 00:19:41,727 of the shell of the elephant bird 466 00:19:41,728 --> 00:19:43,847 near where we know human beings lit fires. 467 00:19:43,848 --> 00:19:46,487 David Attenborough, didn't he reassemble one? 468 00:19:46,488 --> 00:19:48,367 From pieces he found on the beach? 469 00:19:48,368 --> 00:19:50,687 Yes, he did, because they're incredibly valuable. 470 00:19:50,688 --> 00:19:51,850 The last one that was sold 471 00:19:51,851 --> 00:19:53,367 at Christie's, which was in 2013, 472 00:19:53,368 --> 00:19:55,487 sold for £66,000. 473 00:19:55,488 --> 00:19:57,164 And also, when they are found now, 474 00:19:57,165 --> 00:19:58,887 the Malagasy government claims them, 475 00:19:58,888 --> 00:20:00,413 and so any ones in private ownership 476 00:20:00,414 --> 00:20:01,607 or in museums or whatever are 477 00:20:01,608 --> 00:20:04,167 incredibly rare. So that's why we've got the chocolate one. 478 00:20:04,168 --> 00:20:04,758 Yes. 479 00:20:04,759 --> 00:20:06,527 What a shame it died out, isn't it? 480 00:20:06,528 --> 00:20:08,847 Yeah. Now, here's a simple question. 481 00:20:08,848 --> 00:20:12,287 Who spends all day fossicking in the mullock? 482 00:20:12,288 --> 00:20:14,127 - Yes, Alan? - I do. 483 00:20:14,128 --> 00:20:15,168 You do? 484 00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:19,247 I feel like I'm doing that right now, after I've eaten that egg. 485 00:20:19,248 --> 00:20:20,808 It sounds like you are sort of looking 486 00:20:20,809 --> 00:20:21,887 in the washing basket for a 487 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,543 clean pair of pants, the cleanest 488 00:20:23,544 --> 00:20:24,807 pair of pants, doesn't it? 489 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:27,327 Well, you are looking... You are looking through dirt. 490 00:20:27,328 --> 00:20:28,807 Is it between tides? 491 00:20:28,808 --> 00:20:30,407 - Scavenging and... - Scavenging. 492 00:20:30,408 --> 00:20:32,167 - Beachcombing. - Beachcombing, yes. 493 00:20:32,168 --> 00:20:33,950 So "fossick" is possibly from the Cornish 494 00:20:33,951 --> 00:20:34,967 meaning "to search out", 495 00:20:34,968 --> 00:20:37,807 and "mullock" is Middle English for "dust" or "rubbish". 496 00:20:37,808 --> 00:20:39,807 It's the business of grubbing around, 497 00:20:39,808 --> 00:20:41,527 that's the fossicking, in the spoil, 498 00:20:41,528 --> 00:20:43,863 the mullock, of numerous mounds left 499 00:20:43,864 --> 00:20:46,007 by opal miners around Coober Pedy. 500 00:20:46,008 --> 00:20:48,207 - Coober Pedy! - They call it "noodling". 501 00:20:48,208 --> 00:20:49,423 It's a small town in the vast 502 00:20:49,424 --> 00:20:50,887 desert outback of South Australia. 503 00:20:50,888 --> 00:20:53,807 - Yes. - Have you been there? - I've been there. - And they have underground 504 00:20:53,808 --> 00:20:56,647 - hotels... - Did you fossick? - I did fossick briefly, yes, 505 00:20:56,648 --> 00:20:58,128 in the minibar. 506 00:21:02,208 --> 00:21:04,327 What is this, the "what" capital of the world? 507 00:21:04,328 --> 00:21:05,927 The opal capital of the world. 508 00:21:05,928 --> 00:21:07,307 The opal capital of the world. 509 00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:09,007 Provides about three-quarters of the 510 00:21:09,008 --> 00:21:09,828 world's opals. 511 00:21:09,829 --> 00:21:12,287 Otherwise known as Vauxhall, in this country. 512 00:21:12,288 --> 00:21:15,887 It gets so hot in the summer, they have to live underground. 513 00:21:15,888 --> 00:21:18,767 And I met a bloke there who went there when he was 20, 514 00:21:18,768 --> 00:21:21,607 and he was digging around... Just... You can... 515 00:21:21,608 --> 00:21:24,207 - Noodling. - Noodling away. 516 00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:28,207 And the bloke next to him found a 7 million opal. 517 00:21:28,208 --> 00:21:30,247 And that's it, he never left! 518 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,407 He was still there, after all this time. 519 00:21:32,408 --> 00:21:34,287 Well, you can buy a permit for less than £40. 520 00:21:34,288 --> 00:21:34,987 Yeah. You could. 521 00:21:34,988 --> 00:21:36,927 So it is possible you could make your fortune. 522 00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,767 You talked about those underground places - 523 00:21:38,768 --> 00:21:41,207 cos it's all sandstone, they built these astonishing... 524 00:21:41,208 --> 00:21:43,727 - I stayed there! - Did you? - Yeah. - Astonishing buildings. 525 00:21:43,728 --> 00:21:45,847 Serbian Orthodox underground church! 526 00:21:45,848 --> 00:21:47,607 It is. Half the town's residents... 527 00:21:47,608 --> 00:21:50,567 There's 3,500 people live there. Half of them live underground. 528 00:21:50,568 --> 00:21:52,207 And, in fact, the name Coober Pedy is 529 00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:54,727 an Anglicised version of the aboriginal "kupa piti", 530 00:21:54,728 --> 00:21:56,448 which means "white man in a hole". 531 00:22:00,888 --> 00:22:03,087 Do you play golf at all, Bill? 532 00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:03,798 I do, yes. 533 00:22:03,799 --> 00:22:05,927 Cos one of the top ten extraordinary golf courses in the 534 00:22:05,928 --> 00:22:06,658 world... 535 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:08,847 I didn't play there, but it looked extraordinary. 536 00:22:08,848 --> 00:22:10,607 It's a unique golf course. 537 00:22:10,608 --> 00:22:12,007 There is no grass. 538 00:22:12,008 --> 00:22:12,608 That's right. 539 00:22:12,609 --> 00:22:14,407 So you get given a little tiny turf of grass, 540 00:22:14,408 --> 00:22:16,807 - anybody who plays golf. - It's all bunker! 541 00:22:16,808 --> 00:22:18,327 It's all crushed rock. 542 00:22:18,328 --> 00:22:20,647 And the greens are made of sand mixed with sump oil, 543 00:22:20,648 --> 00:22:22,367 so that the sand doesn't blow away. 544 00:22:22,368 --> 00:22:25,407 And to avoid the daytime sun, which can be incredibly hot, 545 00:22:25,408 --> 00:22:28,007 they often play at night, and they use these... 546 00:22:28,008 --> 00:22:29,807 - These eggs! - Yes. 547 00:22:29,808 --> 00:22:31,847 ..these glow-in-the-dark balls... 548 00:22:31,848 --> 00:22:33,604 Can we just turn the lights out and see 549 00:22:33,605 --> 00:22:35,007 if these will actually function? 550 00:22:35,008 --> 00:22:37,047 I'm going to see if I can... 551 00:22:37,048 --> 00:22:39,367 So there's a glow in the dark... 552 00:22:39,368 --> 00:22:41,447 Sandi's shirt, as well! 553 00:22:41,448 --> 00:22:42,158 Wow. 554 00:22:42,159 --> 00:22:44,287 Did you know it's the only golf course in the world that has 555 00:22:44,288 --> 00:22:46,447 reciprocal rights with the Royal and Ancient? 556 00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:48,167 It's an extraordinary place. 557 00:22:48,168 --> 00:22:50,287 People do... I mean, there's mining, that's it. 558 00:22:50,288 --> 00:22:52,207 - It's all there is. - But look at that... 559 00:22:52,208 --> 00:22:53,706 It's funny in Australia, though, 560 00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:55,247 cos it's all kind of "no worries", 561 00:22:55,248 --> 00:22:57,087 you know, and, "Yeah, great, no worries." 562 00:22:57,088 --> 00:22:59,367 And you kind of think, "Oh, that's great, they're such a" 563 00:22:59,368 --> 00:23:01,247 "happy-go-lucky, lovely people." 564 00:23:01,248 --> 00:23:02,847 And by about a week in you're thinking, 565 00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:04,887 "Can we actually worry about something now?!" 566 00:23:04,888 --> 00:23:06,567 No, it's all just, "Great, no worries." 567 00:23:06,568 --> 00:23:08,095 There's a great expression they have 568 00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:09,167 there which is "too easy". 569 00:23:09,168 --> 00:23:10,927 You ask them, "Can I get a beer, mate?" 570 00:23:10,928 --> 00:23:12,207 "Too easy." You know. 571 00:23:12,208 --> 00:23:14,847 It's a lovely thing. It's like, "Too easy, mate. Don't worry." 572 00:23:14,848 --> 00:23:16,727 And it gets annoying after a while. 573 00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:18,108 I was in the hotel, and this bloke 574 00:23:18,109 --> 00:23:19,447 phoned me up and said, "Mr Bailey, 575 00:23:19,448 --> 00:23:21,407 "there's a package for you." I went, "OK." 576 00:23:21,408 --> 00:23:23,207 He goes, "Do you want me to bring it up?" 577 00:23:23,208 --> 00:23:25,367 I went, "OK," and then he went, "Too easy." 578 00:23:25,368 --> 00:23:27,448 "All right, then. Well, fly it up, then!" 579 00:23:29,648 --> 00:23:31,767 "Make it more difficult!" 580 00:23:31,768 --> 00:23:34,167 I expect there's Australians at this very minute 581 00:23:34,168 --> 00:23:36,447 on a panel show going, "They always ask, 'How are you?'" 582 00:23:36,448 --> 00:23:39,327 "but they don't want to find out!" 583 00:23:39,328 --> 00:23:40,767 And if you're in LA, 584 00:23:40,768 --> 00:23:42,245 you go down to breakfast, 585 00:23:42,246 --> 00:23:44,607 and the waiter says to you, "Hey there", 586 00:23:44,608 --> 00:23:47,567 "how's your day been so far?!" 587 00:23:47,568 --> 00:23:49,527 You think, "I'm just coming down to breakfast." 588 00:23:49,528 --> 00:23:51,407 "Nothing much has happened so far." 589 00:23:51,408 --> 00:23:52,168 Nothing. 590 00:23:52,169 --> 00:23:54,448 "I've drunk me own urine, and now I want some eggs." 591 00:23:56,968 --> 00:24:00,607 "Can you boil them in a bucket of boys' piss?" 592 00:24:00,608 --> 00:24:02,927 I once had a waitress in Los Angeles... 593 00:24:02,928 --> 00:24:04,208 Did you, now?! 594 00:24:11,048 --> 00:24:13,128 I didn't mean for that to get out. OK... 595 00:24:18,848 --> 00:24:21,167 Now it's time to go straight over to general ignorance, 596 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,167 fingers poised over buzzers, please. 597 00:24:23,168 --> 00:24:25,807 What happens if you put a frog in cold water 598 00:24:25,808 --> 00:24:28,287 and then heat it up to boiling point? 599 00:24:29,888 --> 00:24:31,447 Yes, Bill? 600 00:24:31,448 --> 00:24:32,967 It turns... 601 00:24:32,968 --> 00:24:34,168 ..inside out. 602 00:24:35,928 --> 00:24:37,167 No... 603 00:24:38,928 --> 00:24:41,298 It gets a little bit warm and it jumps out. 604 00:24:41,299 --> 00:24:42,327 It does jump out. 605 00:24:42,328 --> 00:24:45,007 The myth is that the frog will stay in the hot water. 606 00:24:45,008 --> 00:24:47,327 It's often used as a sort of political parable - 607 00:24:47,328 --> 00:24:48,881 Al Gore used it in The Inconvenient 608 00:24:48,882 --> 00:24:50,087 Truth, about climate change. 609 00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:52,607 The idea that because it happens so slowly, you don't notice, 610 00:24:52,608 --> 00:24:54,367 and then eventually you're going to die. 611 00:24:54,368 --> 00:24:57,487 - But frogs are not that stupid. - No. - They are just not that stupid. 612 00:24:57,488 --> 00:24:59,007 Put it the other way round, 613 00:24:59,008 --> 00:25:00,728 so if you put a reptile in a warm 614 00:25:00,729 --> 00:25:02,447 tank and you gradually reduced the 615 00:25:02,448 --> 00:25:05,487 temperature, it might very well allow itself to freeze to death. 616 00:25:05,488 --> 00:25:07,375 Cos it's cold-blooded, it would respond 617 00:25:07,376 --> 00:25:08,647 to the dropping temperature 618 00:25:08,648 --> 00:25:10,727 by shutting down its systems, basically. 619 00:25:10,728 --> 00:25:13,007 It would go to sleep, and then it would freeze in its... 620 00:25:13,008 --> 00:25:14,647 He's a jolly chap on the left there. 621 00:25:14,648 --> 00:25:15,808 He's fab, isn't he? 622 00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:18,568 Ba-da-bing-ba-da-boo! 623 00:25:22,408 --> 00:25:25,128 And lastly, it ain't over until... 624 00:25:26,848 --> 00:25:28,048 The fat lady sings. 625 00:25:31,528 --> 00:25:33,407 - Yup. - Why do we say that? 626 00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:35,807 Opera, is it, and the fat lady comes on and sings, 627 00:25:35,808 --> 00:25:38,087 and then when she's done, that it's over? 628 00:25:38,088 --> 00:25:38,968 Is it that? 629 00:25:38,969 --> 00:25:41,607 The usual explanation is that it is Brunnhilde in Wagner's 630 00:25:41,608 --> 00:25:43,247 - Ring Cycle. - The Ring Cycle. 631 00:25:43,248 --> 00:25:45,007 - Look at those bosoms! - Yeah. 632 00:25:45,008 --> 00:25:47,167 Requires a substantial soprano. 633 00:25:47,168 --> 00:25:49,567 Madonna's gone to seed, hasn't she?! 634 00:25:49,568 --> 00:25:51,528 ♪ Like a virgin... 635 00:25:53,768 --> 00:25:56,408 ♪ Touched for the very first time... ♪ 636 00:25:59,488 --> 00:26:01,607 OK, that's it, get out! 637 00:26:01,608 --> 00:26:03,407 She sings one of the longest 638 00:26:03,408 --> 00:26:05,887 operatic arias in history at the end, 639 00:26:05,888 --> 00:26:07,261 but her aria is not quite 640 00:26:07,262 --> 00:26:09,127 the final sung part of the opera. 641 00:26:09,128 --> 00:26:12,047 The last words go to the villain of the piece, Hagen. 642 00:26:12,048 --> 00:26:14,296 He's an evil, scheming, Burgundian 643 00:26:14,297 --> 00:26:16,607 warrior who sings "zuruck vom Ring", 644 00:26:16,608 --> 00:26:18,007 "get away from the ring", as he's 645 00:26:18,008 --> 00:26:19,888 dragged by the Rhinemaidens to the river. 646 00:26:24,728 --> 00:26:28,088 ♪ Zuruck vom Ring... ♪ 647 00:26:31,288 --> 00:26:34,127 I bet the queue at the loo is already forming, 648 00:26:34,128 --> 00:26:35,687 as those bars are played! 649 00:26:35,688 --> 00:26:37,028 Do you know that wonderful story 650 00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:38,367 about the end of Puccini's Tosca? 651 00:26:38,368 --> 00:26:39,783 There's a marvellous moment when 652 00:26:39,784 --> 00:26:41,367 the soprano's supposed to leap to her 653 00:26:41,368 --> 00:26:43,187 death off the walls, and Eva Turner, 654 00:26:43,188 --> 00:26:44,807 who was a famous British soprano, 655 00:26:44,808 --> 00:26:47,047 was doing this at the Lyric Opera in Chicago, 656 00:26:47,048 --> 00:26:48,734 and she complained that the mattress 657 00:26:48,735 --> 00:26:50,327 she was supposed to fall on was not 658 00:26:50,328 --> 00:26:51,967 really springing enough, so they 659 00:26:51,968 --> 00:26:53,928 replaced it with a trampoline, and... 660 00:26:55,568 --> 00:26:57,128 ..she reappeared three times! 661 00:27:01,488 --> 00:27:04,167 There's an American saying, "It ain't over till it's over," 662 00:27:04,168 --> 00:27:06,327 which is a sort of variant on the fat lady singing, 663 00:27:06,328 --> 00:27:08,447 and it's usually attributed to Yogi Berra, 664 00:27:08,448 --> 00:27:10,807 who was the much-loved catcher of the New York Yankees, 665 00:27:10,808 --> 00:27:11,768 but he was celebrated 666 00:27:11,769 --> 00:27:13,367 for his wonderful turns of phrase. 667 00:27:13,368 --> 00:27:15,162 He said things like, "It's deja" 668 00:27:15,163 --> 00:27:17,127 vu all over again," which I like. 669 00:27:17,128 --> 00:27:19,487 "The future ain't what it used to be." 670 00:27:19,488 --> 00:27:22,287 And the most famous thing he's supposed to have said is, 671 00:27:22,288 --> 00:27:24,007 "It ain't over till it's over." 672 00:27:24,008 --> 00:27:26,527 But now it really is all over, barring the scores. 673 00:27:26,528 --> 00:27:28,072 Now, here's the thing, OK? Because 674 00:27:28,073 --> 00:27:29,527 Jan and I have been friends for a 675 00:27:29,528 --> 00:27:31,504 really long time, and I know that Jan 676 00:27:31,505 --> 00:27:33,168 can do an impersonation of me... 677 00:27:35,248 --> 00:27:38,767 I've got a blonde wig, 678 00:27:38,768 --> 00:27:41,047 and I'm going to give you my glasses... 679 00:27:41,048 --> 00:27:43,207 - OK. - Can I be you, and you be me? 680 00:27:43,208 --> 00:27:45,207 - OK. - OK, marvellous. 681 00:27:45,208 --> 00:27:46,647 This is a marvellous thing. 682 00:27:46,648 --> 00:27:47,967 - OK. - OK. 683 00:27:47,968 --> 00:27:50,327 So I'm going to shift myself over, next to Grayson... 684 00:27:50,328 --> 00:27:51,727 - OK. Right, so... - Yeah. 685 00:27:51,728 --> 00:27:53,288 ...Curiously, all you have 686 00:27:53,289 --> 00:27:54,847 to do with Sandi is remember the tune 687 00:27:54,848 --> 00:27:56,448 goes up and down a lot, and, er... 688 00:27:57,928 --> 00:27:59,727 So that brings us to the scores. 689 00:27:59,728 --> 00:28:02,327 All over the place, it's Alan with minus 77 points. 690 00:28:02,328 --> 00:28:05,007 Slightly overwhelmed, Bill with minus 7 points. 691 00:28:05,008 --> 00:28:06,807 Over a barrel, Grayson, with plus 3 points, 692 00:28:06,808 --> 00:28:09,248 but, OMG, this week's winner... 693 00:28:10,888 --> 00:28:14,167 Well, it's JANDI, with five points! 694 00:28:22,168 --> 00:28:25,127 So it's thanks from Grayson, Jandi, Bill, Alan and me, 695 00:28:25,128 --> 00:28:27,647 and I leave you with this piece of advice from WC Fields - 696 00:28:27,648 --> 00:28:29,343 "Start every day off with a smile, 697 00:28:29,344 --> 00:28:30,407 and get it over with." 698 00:28:30,408 --> 00:28:31,808 Good night.