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Good evening and welcome to QI.

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Tonight we are heading Overseas,

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and helping me to oversee
proceedings

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are the Maharaja of Mirth,
Bill Bailey.

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The Sultana of Swing, Desiree Burch.

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The Grand Vizier of Gags,
Colin Lane.

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And on his "gap yahh", Alan Davies.

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Right, let's OVERSEA their buzzers.
Bill goes:

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♪ Over the hills and far away... ♪

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That's lovely. Desiree goes:

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♪ It's a long way to Tipperary... ♪

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Colin goes:

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♪ I come from a land down under... ♪

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Alan goes:

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♪ Show me the way to go home

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♪ I'm tired
and I wanna go to bed... ♪

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That's like the ultimate drunk song,
isn't it, that?

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Yeah. Now, which Australian icon
is regularly smeared in olive oil?

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♪ Go home... ♪
Oh, Alan was in.

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Colin Lane.

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And it's not a good look.

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So, I need an Australian icon
regularly smeared in olive oil.

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Well, would it be an animal
of some kind?

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A beast, a thing?

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No, it's not an animal.
Sydney Harbour Bridge is...

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OK, you're getting close. Ooh.

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Opera House? Yes, the Opera House
is absolutely the right answer.

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Why did you say that?
It's 200 metres

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from the Sydney Harbour bridge.
Yeah, exactly.

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And you said that was close
when he said...

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So there was a Greek migrant
who arrived in Sydney in 1964,

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Steve Tsoukalas, and he loved
the building immediately.

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It was being built, he decided
he wanted to work there.

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He is still working there,
he's the longest-serving employee,

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and he was inspired by
his own Greek heritage.

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So he said, "Olive oil for
the Greeks means a lot of things",

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"the Greeks used olive oil in the
Olympic Games to rub on the body."

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"Olive oil protects from the sun."

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And he decided that the building
needed to be rubbed in olive oil.

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The fact is, it doesn't protect it
from the sun, at all,

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but it stops the railings
and the door frames

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and the windows
from getting rusty. Ah.

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He's still working there
more than 50 years later.

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And does it not deter people
from clambering on it,

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I'd imagine, as well? Because you'd
slide off because of the olive oil.

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I love the design of it, I think
the design of it is extraordinary.

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Apparently the Danish architect,
Jorn Utzon...

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He got the idea
when he was peeling an orange.

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It's the segments of an orange,
and then the 14 shells,

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if you put them together,
would make a perfect sphere.

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What I love about it is his design
was recovered from a reject pile.

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It was a competition and he got
£5,000 for winning the competition.

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There are lots of different ways of
cleaning buildings.

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York Minster found covering the
building in a paint made from olive oil

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can also help to protect
it from rain damage.

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So one of the components
of olive oil is an acid

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that reacts with limestone surfaces,

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and it creates a barrier and stops
water getting into the stone.

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So actually it is a wonderful thing,
olive oil.

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It's a panacea, for buildings.

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I remember, we had this neighbour
once, who hated squirrels,

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and he painted all the trees
with anti-climb paint.

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And... Which was, obviously I don't
know whether that's cruel or what,

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I don't know, but it was hilarious
to watch. Quite funny, yeah.

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The cat would chase the squirrel,
and the squirrel would go,

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"Hey, I'm out of here!"

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There are other things you
can do with...

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I don't think I can say this - other
things you can do with olive oil!

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Cover opera houses.

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Yes. Well, in Turkey, oil wrestling
is the national sport.

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They have an annual world series,
it's called the Kirkpinar.

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40 Springs. It's the oldest

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continuing sporting event
in the world.

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There are 13 weight categories,
from Best Beginner,

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all the way up to Chief Wrestler,
and taking in Big Medium,

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Small Medium Big
and Small And Sweet.

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Which I like.

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You are allowed to put your hand
down your opponent's trousers.

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Hmm, there you go. But it is
explicitly against the rules

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to grab your opponent's testicles
or invade his rectum.

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That was going to be the one,
right there.

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Just, ooh! You can, if you want,
you can put a squirrel down there.

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And that's... Yes.

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This looks like an instructional
video of a pickpocket.

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It's like, do's and don't's.

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Do aim for the pocket.

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Yes.

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The one on the right
really looks compliant.

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He's saying, "You can invade it
if you like."

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"I won't say a word!"

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"It's not an invasion
if I invite you in there."

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Right, moving on, um...

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What did the Romans think
the Britons had ever done for them?

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I'm going to give you a clue,
it begins with O.

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Orienteering. They just went
in straight lines,

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whereas we could go from
point to point over all terrain.

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Via a youth hostel. Yes. Yes.

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They've got nothing to eat. Octopus.

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Orally.

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Ovaltine!

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Oysters. Oysters.

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When they came to Britain,
they fell in love with our oysters.

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The first century BC
Roman historian, Sallust, he said,

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"Poor Britons, there is some good
in them after all."

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"They have produced an oyster."

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So, do you like oysters?
I love oysters.

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Yes. Yeah, they're fantastic.
I think they are just delicious.

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I'll tell you what is nice. Yeah.
Fish paste.

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Innit, though?
Fish paste on toast.

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Oh, it is, yeah.
Can you still get that? Yeah.

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Yeah, you can get that.

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And Salisbury Cathedral
is covered in it.

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It stops the pigeons from landing.

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I just made that up, I don't know,
it could be true, I don't know.

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It sounds plausible.

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They used to transport the oysters
from here all the way

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over the Alps in carts
filled with snow and ice.

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The wealthier Romans used to have
salt water tanks in their gardens,

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so they could keep them fresh
for parties and that sort of thing.

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Oysters aside, I have to say,

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the Romans viewed the British
as uncultured and backwards.

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They mocked their abundance of
tattoos and lack of clothing.

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Nothing's changed.
Nothing's changed. No!

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The second century historian,
Herodian, he reported the reason

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they didn't wear clothes
was to show off their tattoos.

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Oysters have been popular in
this country for a long time.

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There's a horrible story of
William Thackeray.

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He tried one the size of a dinner
plate when he was in New York,

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in 1852, and he described it,

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"Like swallowing a live baby."

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In the 19th century, London was
plagued by a man called Dando,

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the celebrated oyster glutton.

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This man was constantly sent to
prison for overeating oysters

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and not paying the bill. And
he became a sort of folk hero.

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And every time he left prison,

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he went back out and immediately
started eating oysters again,

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not paying for them,
and then back in again.

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There's a wonderful story about him
leaving Brixton prison,

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still in the prison garb,
he eats 13 dozen oysters,

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and washes it down
with five bottles of ginger beer,

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because he was, "troubled with wind
in the stomach."

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You'd think he'd eat a quieter food
if he'd been thrown in jail.

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It's all that slurping.
Eat marshmallows.

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Yes, something. Yeah. Yeah.

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He once ate 240 oysters
in one sitting.

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I know, that is really...

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Audible gasps! Yes. So, anyway.

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On the screen we have some anagrams
of country names.

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I want you to see how many
you can work out.

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And you've got just a few seconds.

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Write them down, please.

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What are we working out, sorry? What
countries these are anagrams of.

153
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Well, I've got the first two.

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After that I'm in trouble.

155
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OK. Who got all four?

156
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♪ Down under... ♪

157
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Oh, Colin.

158
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"I did." I did is wrong?
Yes, it is wrong.

159
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It's not possible to get all four,
how many did you get?

160
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Only the two.

161
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Just two? Yeah. Colin, what did
you think they were, darling?

162
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Well, Wales. Yes.

163
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France. Yes.

164
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Angola. Ah, there you go.

165
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And Kazakhstan.

166
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Yeah, it would be Kazakhstan,
except there is an extra E.

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So the fourth one is not possible.

168
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Here is the thing.

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It's not good that
you thought you'd got all four,

170
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because what they now know is that
you are more likely to act immorally

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if you spend time abroad.

172
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Yes, I just thought that
I was right, but I wasn't.

173
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So I didn't actually purposely lie.

174
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No, no. So they did a study of this.

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They got people to solve anagrams,
and what they've discovered is,

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that people who spend time abroad

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are more likely to say that they've
done something correctly.

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00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,080
48% of people who spent a year in a
foreign country cheated on the test,

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00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,840
compared with 30% of the others.

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The idea is that your moral compass
loses some of its precision.

181
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The further from your home country?

182
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Yeah. So a fifth of people admitted to stealing
while they've been in a foreign country.

183
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,720
So, what you're saying
is that you go abroad,

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00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,800
you live abroad for a bit, and
you sort of, kind of, almost have

185
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,120
a bit of licence to
re-invent yourself a little bit,

186
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,240
- and become a different person...
- Be a bit naughty.

187
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,120
..who would do things
you'd not normally do?

188
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,000
Yeah. So 20% of people admitted to
urinating in public when abroad,

189
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,640
but wouldn't dream of doing it.

190
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,120
Oh. Although, the first time
I came over to Europe,

191
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,720
everyone was pissing everywhere.

192
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,720
Out along the streets, it was like,
this is the way of the Europeans.

193
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,640
Everyone... Oh. Whereabouts in
Britain were you at this point?

194
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:11,000
So, lots of people do that.
5% of people who did the survey,

195
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,000
drinking too much has led to
a naked escapade in public,

196
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,480
but only when abroad.

197
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,280
I've never, have you had
a naked escapade abroad?

198
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,120
I don't know why
I'm looking at you, Bill.

199
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,280
Um, no, well, no.
Well, all right, well...

200
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,920
Yeah, I have. Yeah.

201
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,400
I got locked out of a room once.

202
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,960
The thing I don't understand,
Expedia, a travel company,

203
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,760
they did a survey in 2002,
and the British were voted

204
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,560
the worst tourists in the world.

205
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,600
Yeah!

206
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:44,280
Champions! Number one!
In your face, Europe!

207
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,600
Well, because Europe,

208
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,280
your liquor laws make everything
close at midnight,

209
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,600
and then you go to these places
where you can drink until 4am.

210
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,640
You don't know how to pace
or control yourselves.

211
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,320
No, that's true. It's like,
"Lads! Lads! Lads!" Everywhere.

212
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,640
And people are like, really,
it's OK, you can...

213
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,480
There's more to drink tomorrow,
stop for now.

214
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,480
Guess who's the best tourists
in the world?

215
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,480
No, darling,
it's not the Australians.

216
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,560
Japanese?
Japanese, yeah, absolutely.

217
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,920
The most polite, quietest, cleanest,
least likely to complain.

218
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,040
Yeah. And by the way, as far as
alcohol is concerned, Australia,

219
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,520
we never touch the stuff.

220
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,680
They never touch your shitty lager,
that's for sure.

221
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,520
Well, we... we don't touch it either,

222
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,720
that's why we sent it all over here.

223
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,720
My favourite story about people
getting drunk abroad

224
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:38,840
happened in 2012, with two Welsh
holiday-makers.

225
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:42,040
They drank a litre and a half
of vodka, right?

226
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,640
So this is like two wine bottles,
basically, of vodka.

227
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,200
Bloody hell. They were in Queensland
and they woke up to find

228
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:51,920
they were sharing their apartment
with a fairy penguin called Dirk

229
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,960
they had obtained by breaking into
SeaWorld the night before.

230
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,240
They're the smallest species of
penguin, about 13 inches high.

231
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,560
They had apparently also swum with
the dolphins

232
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:04,000
and let off a fire extinguisher
in the shark pool.

233
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:09,680
They then tried to care for
the penguin by giving it a shower.

234
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,000
I feel like this is a plot
to a Hollywood film,

235
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,400
like, they've had the best vacation
they'll never remember.

236
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,560
No. Yes, you're absolutely right.

237
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,680
And then they tried to put it
in a canal,

238
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:24,520
because they didn't know
what to do with it.

239
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,760
What a night. Yeah, seriously.

240
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,880
Top night out. Yeah. Once you've
put out a shark that's on fire...

241
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,400
But can you imagine waking up drunk
and there's a penguin right there?

242
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,240
How did they find out
it was called Dirk?

243
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,080
I think SeaWorld said, "Where
the hell is Dirk?" Oh, OK.

244
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,840
Dirk's always out
with the Welsh lads. Yeah.

245
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,480
Now, we all know who was overpaid,
oversexed and over here.

246
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,920
But who was overpaid, undersexed
and over there?

247
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,440
Well, these are GIs we're
talking about. OK, GIs. Yeah.

248
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,920
But you're saying there was an
equivalent? Yes. Oh, OK, undersexed.

249
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,960
Oh, all the women
who were left behind waiting,

250
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,960
although they weren't overpaid,
were they? No. Well, it depends.

251
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,400
So, during the Second World War,

252
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,800
the wives of the American servicemen
who'd been sent to fight abroad,

253
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,960
they got an allotment.
It was known as an allotment,

254
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,840
and it was 50 a month
for their husband's tour.

255
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:22,560
And if the husband died in battle,
they got 10,000 life insurance.

256
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,920
Some of the women thought,
"That's a marvellous idea."

257
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,480
So they married as many men
as they could.

258
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,880
So they were bigamists.

259
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,960
They were known as Allotment Annies.

260
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,480
There's a fabulous story about
one of them, Elvira Taylor,

261
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,960
she was 17 years old,
and she had married two men,

262
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,040
and she was caught out by the most
unbelievably unlucky coincidence.

263
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,480
There were two American sailors
in a pub, this is not them,

264
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,400
this is just us showing
two American sailors.

265
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,520
And they both showed a photograph
of their wife...

266
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,400
..to the other, and it turns out she
was in fact married to both of them,

267
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,040
as well as four other sailors.

268
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,720
Oh, hashtag role models.

269
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:04,520
In fact, the practice was considered so widespread
that warnings against possible bigamists

270
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,200
were printed in every civil
notice of every single marriage.

271
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,440
There was even a film, Allotment
Wives, released about them.

272
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,400
Hundreds of women were convicted
after the war

273
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,080
of having been Allotment Annies.

274
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,800
Wow. Allotment Annies. I know,
it's a great phrase, isn't it?

275
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,480
It is, yeah. OK.

276
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:23,280
Who am I talking about? A great
beauty, pouty lips, long legs,

277
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,680
good posture, firm ears, and spits
in your face when you annoy them?

278
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,760
Camel. It is a camel, indeed.

279
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,400
Yeah. Pouty lips?

280
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,680
Pouty lips, yes.
There you are, look,

281
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,720
they have naturally pouty lips.

282
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,400
Every year the government
of which country,

283
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,280
it's the only one in the world
begins with O?

284
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,520
Oman. Oman,
runs a camel beauty contest.

285
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,800
So I've got the guidelines
for a beautiful camel.

286
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,760
"Well-proportioned body and face."

287
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,800
Essential.
Essential. "A long gharib."

288
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,840
Anybody know what the gharib is?

289
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,320
Gharib. The penis.

290
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,760
Is it their neck thing?

291
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:02,000
It is the area between the hump and
the neck, is the gharib.

292
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,880
Oh, OK. "Long body,
firm ears, pouty lips."

293
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,600
"Broad cheeks, big whiskers,
a long, straight neck,"

294
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,280
"long straight legs
and fur shimmer."

295
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,440
A shiny coat, I guess.

296
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,960
Yeah. And the most important thing
is it's got to be large.

297
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,360
There are no hybrid breeds, no
fur dying, colouring, tattooing,

298
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,760
that kind of thing. The natural look
is what they want.

299
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,920
But there are other animal
beauty contests,

300
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,040
and one of them is held here
in the UK.

301
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,920
It's an annual
tarantula beauty contest.

302
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,680
So we are going to have a look to
see how beautiful tarantulas are.

303
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,760
Please welcome zoologist, Mark Amey.

304
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,560
Thank you, Mark.
Now, here is the thing,

305
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:47,360
is that we don't in any way want to
upset the tarantulas, obviously.

306
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,040
Don't open the lid, don't
open the lid. Don't open the lid.

307
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:53,480
So only one person
is going to handle.

308
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,560
This is Rosie, the tarantula.

309
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,680
And Bill's volunteered,
haven't you, Bill?

310
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,080
- Yes, I have.
- Ah, yes, ah, yeah.

311
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,600
And what is this one? That's
a Mexican redknee tarantula.

312
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,520
Right. And this one is
a Chilean rose tarantula.

313
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,920
She is called Rosie, isn't she?

314
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,880
Yeah. OK. How dangerous are they?

315
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,720
I mean,
some people are afraid of them.

316
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,040
Their venom is very mild.

317
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,520
Right. So it's equivalent to a...

318
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,440
Completely natural.
Venom is mild?

319
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,880
It's similar to bees' and wasps'
stings.

320
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,360
So it's a neurotoxin, but
it's a low-level neurotoxin.

321
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,160
Oh, that's all right, then.
But tell me about the...

322
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,480
a nettle sting that they can
give off from their abdomen,

323
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,400
is that right?
Yeah, it's called urticating.

324
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,960
And those hairs are like
little javelin spears

325
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,640
that go in an upward direction,
and they're all barbed.

326
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,720
So when they hit something like eyes
or skin, they stick in.

327
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,560
It comes from the Latin for nettle,
so it feels like a nettle sting?

328
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,920
Is that the sensation? Yeah.

329
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,360
Oh. And do they mind being handled?

330
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,640
No, this one's quite used to it
and quite enjoys it.

331
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,960
Have you known Rosie from,
I don't, from...?

332
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,800
I've had her for over 20 years,
but that...

333
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,480
I don't know how long they'll live.

334
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,280
She could live another 20 years?
Yeah. It's very sweet. But the boys,

335
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,600
the boys reach sexual maturity
and then what?

336
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,240
Then they're pretty doomed. Right.

337
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,440
They stop feeding
and their whole purpose in life

338
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,680
is to try and find females.

339
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,360
Yes. And then they'll
usually die of starvation.

340
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:12,360
If not, the last female that
they mate with generally kills him.

341
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:14,840
Well, I think they're both super.
Thank you so much, Mark,

342
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,120
for bringing them in
and thank you to Rosie.

343
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,120
Thank you very much.

344
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,640
Now, why would you keep your brother
in a cage?

345
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,560
If he was a bit like my brother,

346
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,840
who used to like to pin me down
and dribble into my mouth...

347
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,000
Ah, yeah.

348
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,280
Oh! Ugh. It's a funny relationship
with brothers, isn't it?

349
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,120
So, my brother and I, we used to
play this game at night.

350
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,400
We'd turn out the lights and
roll up a pair of socks

351
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,160
and throw them, and if you hit
each other, then you got a point.

352
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,240
And I always won.
And that is because

353
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,280
he had a luminous dial on his watch.

354
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,600
And I never told him, right,

355
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,960
until his 50th birthday.

356
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,000
And he's still cross about it!

357
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,080
I had a big brother who used to
bully me,

358
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,560
and I had a little brother as well.

359
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,920
And he was one day in the bathroom,
and he was nude,

360
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:14,160
came out of the bathroom and just
went, "I am a robot, I am a robot."

361
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,560
We thought that was pretty funny.
And then he turned around

362
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,520
and he had a battery
sticking out of his bum.

363
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,800
Actually, we're going right back
to Ottoman times.

364
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,680
So, as the Ottoman Empire expanded,

365
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,240
it was decreed that when a Sultan
ascended to the throne,

366
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,600
he should kill all his brothers, to prevent
sibling rivalry and that kind of thing.

367
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,320
And then this guy pitched up,
Sultan Ahmed I.

368
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,520
1603, and he said,
"I don't want to kill my brothers,"

369
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,040
he's a nice guy, so he made this
very special pavilion

370
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,640
and it was called The Cage. And
they were cut off from the world,

371
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,880
all his brothers, they were
accompanied by eunuchs,

372
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,880
and concubines
past child-bearing age,

373
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,600
so they couldn't have any progeny
to mess up with the thing.

374
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,360
And they spent all their time
doing macrame.

375
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,040
Ah, how lovely.

376
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,200
I know. In the shape of a noose.

377
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,840
Yeah. And then if a Sultan died
without a son,

378
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,000
one of the brothers would be taken
from the cage and made Sultan.

379
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,000
Right, so is this a way of
protecting the line, the lineage?

380
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,400
Yeah. Right. It is exactly that.

381
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,280
But the one who came from
the cage,

382
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,560
that wasn't just whoever's the
oldest, there was terrible fighting.

383
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,080
1622, Sultan Osman II died by,

384
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,640
"compression of the testicles
at the hands of an assassin,

385
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,880
"Pehlivan the Oil Wrestler." Ah!

386
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,760
They had quite a lot of
strange rules.

387
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,880
One of my favourites, if a grand
Vizier of the Ottoman Empire was

388
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:34,000
sentenced to death, he could have
the sentence commuted to banishment

389
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,560
if he beat the head gardener,
who was also the chief executioner,

390
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,520
in a race around the royal palace.

391
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,520
So the Vizier would be summoned by
the gardener,

392
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,400
and he would be handed
a cup of sherbet.

393
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,920
If it was white, it was all fine,
if it was red, it meant death.

394
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,280
And he had to run 300 yards from the
palace to a place

395
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,160
called the Fish Market Gate,

396
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,360
and if he survived,
then he could carry on living.

397
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,360
And this carried on quite well
into the 19th century.

398
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,480
It's such an interesting
period of history.

399
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,920
So 1517, they had one of their most
famous victories

400
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,880
over the Mamluks of Egypt.

401
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,800
And it's largely
down to the fact that

402
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,520
the Mamluks considered guns
beneath their dignity.

403
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,120
Huh. They refused to use them,
and that's how they were...

404
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,520
Idiots. Yeah, exactly.

405
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,080
Totally wiped out.

406
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,120
Yeah. Now we arrive at
the slippery individual

407
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,720
that we call General Ignorance.
Fingers on buzzers, please.

408
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,840
Where are most of
the world's obelisks?

409
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,480
♪ Go home... ♪

410
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,840
Alan? London.

411
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:33,000
No. Oh, come on, we've got one.

412
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,680
We've got one!

413
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:35,880
♪ Down under... ♪

414
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,440
Tasmania. I want that to be true.

415
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,360
But no, they are in Rome.

416
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:44,480
There are twice as many obelisks
in Rome as there are in Egypt.

417
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,280
So 13 in Rome, six in Egypt.

418
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,520
They were nicked by... Oh, five of
the ones in Rome are home-grown,

419
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,280
but the rest were taken from Egypt.

420
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,480
And the Egyptians call them tekhenu.

421
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,120
We call them obelisks because
Herodotus, the Greek traveller,

422
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:59,040
was the first one to write about
them, so we get the Greek name.

423
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,240
So you said Britain has one.

424
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,360
What is the name of the one
that we have? I don't know.

425
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,880
There it is.
It's Cleopatra's Needle, right?

426
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,080
Yes! The American gets the point!

427
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,720
Of course, as soon as
you say it, of course!

428
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:19,960
Yes! Now, name an endangered mammal
that eats bamboo.

429
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,920
Panda! Panda.

430
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,600
Panda! He-e-ey!

431
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,680
Glad you said it! Yeah.
Not so, why?

432
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,080
- Bill, any idea?
- Well, they're not that endangered.

433
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,120
- They are no longer endangered.
- No.  - Oh, they're all over the place.

434
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,920
- They're vulnerable. - You can't go
in any shopping centre in London

435
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,160
without them
taking up all the seats.

436
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,000
Yeah. Elephants eat bamboo,
is there a right answer?

437
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,560
There is, but it isn't panda,

438
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,920
because they are no longer
designated as endangered.

439
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,680
- Tree sloths.
- It's a golden bamboo...

440
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,640
- Eater.
- Lemur.

441
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,560
- There, look, how cute is that?
- Look at his little face!

442
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,920
- Look, cute!
- And then a bird of prey!

443
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,760
Argh!

444
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,640
"There's only the two of us
left now!"

445
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,400
"Phone the World Wildlife Fund.
Stop eating the bamboo!"

446
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,440
"That's why they're upset."

447
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,920
"We're making the same mistakes
again and again and again!"

448
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,800
"We need to adapt to new habitats!"

449
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,880
"Shut up, I'm eating all the bamboo
before the bird comes back."

450
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,640
I love bamboo, I bloody love it!

451
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,480
You can do so much with it.

452
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,600
You can grill it, you can fry it.
You can chop it up and it's good.

453
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,440
You can make scaffolding out of it,
for building a lemur house.

454
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,320
It's a very flexible plant,
everyone knows that!

455
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,440
You can make a xylophone out of it,
for God's sake!

456
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,480
There's loads of it,
why are we dying out?!

457
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,800
We should be thriving.

458
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,440
We're not having enough sex.

459
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,320
No.

460
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,840
It doesn't really look like bamboo.

461
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,800
It looks like he's crimping
the end of a joint.

462
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,560
"Yeah, let's crimp it, here we are,
that's that."

463
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,360
"Right, OK, come on, everyone."

464
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,000
The Camberwell Carrot.

465
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,600
Yeah!

466
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,160
That's why they're dying out,
they're just not doing anything.

467
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,720
Best job ever, I think, in 2014,

468
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,320
China's Giant Panda Protection and
Research Centre

469
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,600
started recruiting panda nannies.

470
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,720
Awww! Oh, my.

471
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,160
Oh, my gosh. You get paid the
equivalent of £28,000 a year.

472
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,280
You get free meals,
travel, accommodation.

473
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,320
And you get to hug pandas all day.

474
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,560
What are any of us doing
with our lives?

475
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,400
Some basic knowledge of pandas
is required,

476
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,640
as well as the ability
to take pictures.

477
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,480
The work has only one mission,

478
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,680
spending 365 days with the pandas

479
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,760
and sharing in their joys
and sorrows.

480
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,880
Aw. I don't think they have any joy
or sorrow though, do they?

481
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,040
Yeah, what are panda sorrows?
They're just pandas, aren't they?

482
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:50,880
I like the little one in the middle.

483
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,240
"I may be small,
but I'll take any of you."

484
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:54,760
"I can take on any of you."

485
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,280
He's a tough one.
They're about to drop that one.

486
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,960
And ready... Go!

487
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,040
Argh! It would just be the
softest crash in the world, though.

488
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,480
This one, this is my favourite.

489
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,200
Yeah, this one. That's the best.
"Show business!"

490
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,080
♪ There's no business like... ♪

491
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,120
A panda with jazz hands, you don't
see that very often, do you?

492
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,800
Now, how many hills was
Rome built on?

493
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,240
Seven. Seven!

494
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,680
Six, six, five.

495
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,120
- Five. Four, three. Eight.
- Seven and a half.

496
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,520
Eight. Eight!
Oh, no, you've done it again!

497
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,640
It's always been known as seven, but
it seems to be a misunderstanding.

498
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,160
They used to have a big festival
called the Septimontium,

499
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,560
which means seven hills,
they celebrated the whole thing.

500
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,840
But actually, when you look at the
ancient list of the hills involved

501
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,520
that they are celebrating,
there are eight.

502
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,920
And Mary Beard,
who's a wonderful classicist,

503
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,640
says, "Something has got confused
there somewhere along the line."

504
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,360
There's about 75 cities in the world that
claim to have been built on seven hills.

505
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:01,320
There are two Romes, two Athens.

506
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,360
There's a Seven Hills in Ohio,
which is rather aptly named.

507
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:06,600
About a quarter of
Europe's capital cities claim to be.

508
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,440
Bath, where I grew up,
that's supposed to be based on Rome.

509
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,920
Right. The seven hills, but,
you know. I don't know.

510
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:13,760
Lisbon's very hilly.

511
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:15,280
What's that?

512
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,000
They have a funicular railway.

513
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,200
It's like the worst
Trip Adviser review.

514
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:24,360
No, no, on the contrary,
it's a very good tip about Lisbon.

515
00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:28,560
It's very hilly, it's what you need
to know more than anything else.

516
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,080
"They said it was hilly on
Trip Adviser."

517
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,760
You need to be warned about it,
you're absolutely right.

518
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,600
Edinburgh's hilly. Yeah.

519
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,840
OK, let's stop doing places
that are hilly.

520
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,200
Dublin's not very hilly.

521
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,800
No. OK, moving on from hilly.
Holland!

522
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,800
Holland's completely flat,
no hills at all.

523
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,240
Amsterdam, no, barely an incline.

524
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,400
Nothing at all. No, there's no crime
in Holland or Belgium.

525
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:55,040
You can see people coming from miles
off. Because you can see everyone!

526
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,160
Do you know, I can imagine you
in a home, somehow.

527
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,080
Will you come and see me?

528
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,200
Yeah, no.

529
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,040
I'll bring you some mashed banana.

530
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,960
Argentina, that's really hilly.

531
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,360
Shut up!

532
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,160
I'll be in the next bed.

533
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,920
"What was that, Alan?"

534
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,560
Vancouver, but it's not a capital,
doesn't count.

535
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,680
Yeah. Fiji, is that hilly? Shut up!

536
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,400
Do you think this is sharp enough
to kill somebody?

537
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,360
Yeah, if you have enough intention
behind it.

538
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,360
Yeah. Oslo.

539
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,360
Oslo's hilly. That's true.

540
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,920
They've got a funicular railway
and don't deny it.

541
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,040
That's right.

542
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,400
OK!

543
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,400
On the subject of Rome...

544
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,200
Yes.

545
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,560
THAT is hilly, it's famous for it.

546
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,480
- They thought it was seven, but it turns out it's eight.
- Eight, we know that.

547
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,400
Does this qualify
as entertainment?

548
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,000
No.

549
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,560
The seven hills...

550
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,040
..the seven hills of Rome
are actually eight.

551
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,560
There are many other places
in the world that are also hilly

552
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,760
and I can't be arsed
to tell you about them.

553
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,240
When I am in the company of men
in a group like this,

554
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,440
I feel happy about my life choices.
And so...

555
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,800
And so, our international odyssey
is over,

556
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,920
and it's time to work out
what it's cost us.

557
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,120
Let's have a look at the scores.

558
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,520
In last place, we have, with...

559
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,920
Ah, this is magnificent.
Minus 57, it's Alan.

560
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,240
A very creditable minus 3, Bill.

561
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:49,200
Considering it was her very first
show, she got a full 3 points, Desiree.

562
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,920
Colin, 16 points,
you are the winner.

563
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:09,320
♪ Australians, oh, let us rejoice

564
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,280
♪ For we are young and free... ♪

565
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,920
No, you're not... Colin...

566
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:19,720
♪ Neighbours, everybody needs
good neighbours... ♪

567
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,640
And the suburb where they make
Neighbours is quite hilly.

568
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,560
Quite hilly.

569
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,920
The winner takes home
this week's objectionable object,

570
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,080
and it is this lovely
souvenir spider.

571
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,320
Awwww!

572
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,800
There you go. Aww!
There you go. Wow.

573
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,640
It only remains for me to thank
Desiree, Bill, Colin and Alan.

574
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,560
And to end this Overseas show,

575
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,240
I leave you with this story
about travel.

576
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:50,720
Muhammad Ali was on a flight

577
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,520
when a hostess asked him to put on
his seat belt.

578
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,320
"Superman don't need no seat belt,"
said Ali.

579
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:59,400
To which she replied,
"Superman don't need no plane."

580
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,480
Thank you, goodnight.