1 00:00:14,070 --> 00:00:17,779 Hi, guys. Joe Wicks back for lockdown number two. 2 00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:20,579 Now, just because we've been through all this before, 3 00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:21,940 doesn't mean we have to slack off. 4 00:00:21,964 --> 00:00:24,579 Staying positive and exercising for mental health 5 00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,579 is even more important. 6 00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:29,579 So, let's stay positive, positive, positive. 7 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,580 Star jumps, press-ups... 8 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,439 - Mind if I join you, kid? - Hm? 9 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,439 Hey, didn't you use to be the flu? 10 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,639 I am still am, baby. 11 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:47,439 Boy, hasn't been the same since my press agent died on me. 12 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,439 You look down in the dumps. 13 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,439 They've got a vaccine against me. 14 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:55,439 - 90% effective. - That's the business, kid. 15 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,439 One minute you're grabbing the headlines 16 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,439 hosted by presidents and prime ministers, 17 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,439 next thing, you're a seasonal infection 18 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,714 people treat with nasal spray. 19 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,439 Oh, wow! Hey, that hurts! 20 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,439 Anyway, I heard you killed with the mink. 21 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,439 Mink? It's a Beverly Hills rat! 22 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,439 Still, it beats bats and pangolins. 23 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:18,119 God, I hate the taste of pangolins. Eurgh! 24 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:22,439 Hey, respect your roots. You don't hear me dumping on ducks. 25 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,479 Well, what am I supposed to do now? 26 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:28,439 Relax. You think Chickenpox is worried? 27 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:29,639 He's throwing kids' parties. 28 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:33,119 And his Uncle Shingles is huge with the cruise ship crowd. 29 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:38,439 Yeah. Maybe I just gotta mutate with the times. 30 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:42,439 - That's the spirit. Shots? - Shots? 31 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,439 I'm joking, kid. Loosen up. 32 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:50,439 A toast to the anti-vaxxers, cos there ain't no cure for stupid. 33 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,440 - Do you mind if I get the barman? - Go for it. 34 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,330 This could take a while. 35 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,439 New James Bond auditions, Black Baby Yoda, take one. 36 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,799 Bond, my name is. 37 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,279 You've got the part. 38 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,244 ♪ California dreaming... ♪ 39 00:02:19,429 --> 00:02:22,589 Harry, it came, it finally came. 40 00:02:22,590 --> 00:02:25,589 It's an invy to a fancy formal event. 41 00:02:25,590 --> 00:02:28,589 The Obama Foundation Awards Gala. 42 00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:32,789 Oh, is this one of them socks and shoes things? 43 00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:34,789 The important thing is, Michelle will be there. 44 00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:37,789 She's turning her book Becoming into a big-budget movie. 45 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:41,789 This is my chance to convince her I'd be perfect to play the lead. 46 00:02:41,790 --> 00:02:44,789 When they go low, we go high! 47 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:49,309 Fantastic. I will be-coming to watch that movie! 48 00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:51,789 Hang on. 49 00:02:51,790 --> 00:02:54,642 - This invitation is for LeBron James. - Duh! 50 00:02:54,677 --> 00:02:56,789 I've been rifling through his mailbox every day 51 00:02:56,790 --> 00:02:59,789 - so I could grab it before he does. - Brilliant. 52 00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:01,789 I'd do anything to land a role in that movie. 53 00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,629 - Even read the book? - Not "anything" anything. 54 00:03:05,790 --> 00:03:07,790 Oh! 55 00:03:12,781 --> 00:03:15,649 God I miss home. Any word from sweet lady Earth, 56 00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:18,289 the World Wide Wench? 57 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:21,449 With the votes finally tallied and the lawsuits just beginning, 58 00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:22,450 we can confirm that 59 00:03:22,451 --> 00:03:25,449 the next President of the United States is 60 00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:26,850 Joe Biden! 61 00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:30,449 Piece of shit. 62 00:03:30,450 --> 00:03:31,450 Joe Biden won? 63 00:03:31,451 --> 00:03:35,449 So what's the big catastrophe that sent us scurrying across space 64 00:03:35,450 --> 00:03:37,449 like schoolboys scared of a firecracker? 65 00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:39,449 I really don't get it. 66 00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:42,449 Why did my future self warn me to leave Earth? 67 00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:45,449 So after I shot him head first into the wall and knocked him out, 68 00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:48,449 I whispered into his ear, "Mars needs your genius." 69 00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:50,449 His colossal ego did the rest. 70 00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:52,809 OK, OK, so let me understand. 71 00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:57,449 Elon Musk, our greatest entrepreneur is trapped on Mars forever. 72 00:03:57,450 --> 00:03:58,450 Not just Elon. 73 00:03:58,451 --> 00:04:00,450 Also Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson. 74 00:04:07,450 --> 00:04:09,449 I am bloody well miffed. 75 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:12,809 One of you wibbling weasels leaked my lockdown plan. 76 00:04:12,810 --> 00:04:15,449 I tell you something in secret, a second later it's on the news. 77 00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:20,449 "Breaking news... Boris annoyed at wibbling weasels." 78 00:04:20,450 --> 00:04:22,449 Right, that settles it. 79 00:04:22,450 --> 00:04:25,449 Dom, find out who is our leakius maximus. 80 00:04:25,450 --> 00:04:28,570 It'll be my pleasure. Let's start with you, Sunak. 81 00:04:28,594 --> 00:04:31,449 Wait! Here's ten million quid 82 00:04:31,450 --> 00:04:34,969 for one of your mates in the form of a public sector contract. 83 00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:38,449 I have no mates... until the time of the swarming. 84 00:04:38,450 --> 00:04:40,809 I will see what is in your brain with my mind scan 85 00:04:40,810 --> 00:04:43,449 I learned in the torture domes of Epsilon Five. 86 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,336 I mean Russia... I mean Durham! 87 00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:48,449 Hey! Watch the hair. 88 00:04:52,450 --> 00:04:55,450 Rishi, Rishi, Rishi. Rishi, Rishi, Rishi. 89 00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:58,449 Unbridled ego. 90 00:04:58,450 --> 00:05:00,592 Definite leaker. 91 00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:09,450 I'm sorry about the R number, Mr Cuddles. 92 00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:18,130 Weakness equals leakness. 93 00:05:23,450 --> 00:05:25,449 Hm, my mind meld fuse blew. 94 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,449 There must be something really horrible inside this one. 95 00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:30,721 It's not illegal if you just think it. 96 00:05:30,756 --> 00:05:34,450 - Well, Domo, who's our rat? - All of them, obviously. 97 00:05:34,451 --> 00:05:38,450 Hand over your phones and everything else in your pockets. 98 00:05:44,450 --> 00:05:47,129 "That freak Cummings has to go by Christmas." 99 00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:48,530 Who leaked that? 100 00:05:49,136 --> 00:05:52,389 Oh, come on, it could have been anyone. 101 00:05:53,650 --> 00:05:57,449 My elusive cellphone has found its way off the dinner table 102 00:05:57,450 --> 00:05:59,449 and is lost somewhere on the floor. 103 00:05:59,450 --> 00:06:01,449 Still, if we take care, 104 00:06:01,450 --> 00:06:04,449 there is still time to recover the phone without damage. 105 00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:07,130 Oh, fucking shit! 106 00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:12,129 LeBron, I can't believe you never got your invitation. 107 00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:15,449 I personally licked the stamp. Double licked it. 108 00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:17,449 Dropped through the slot, the whole shebang. 109 00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:20,050 Never got it. I'm only here because I was walking 110 00:06:20,051 --> 00:06:21,649 by and saw my name on the marquee. 111 00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:23,449 Damn Post Office. 112 00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:26,449 I should have shut that whole operation down when I was in charge. 113 00:06:26,450 --> 00:06:29,289 He still angry your book sold better than his? 114 00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:32,449 Trust me, that's a whole chapter for my next book. 115 00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:36,449 Blimey, Megs, you're a dead ringer for Michelle Obama. 116 00:06:36,450 --> 00:06:38,649 When everyone sees how perfectly I channel her, 117 00:06:38,650 --> 00:06:41,449 - they'll totally give me the role. - Hang on. 118 00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:43,449 I have to direct your movie. 119 00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:45,449 No-one understands the Black experience like me. 120 00:06:46,451 --> 00:06:50,449 I got it all mapped out, an homage to '70s Indonesian kick-boxing. 121 00:06:50,450 --> 00:06:53,129 Two guys talk about Count Chocula for 20 minutes. 122 00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:54,449 Mitch McConnell gets ice-picked. 123 00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:57,449 Do you know who'd be great to play Michelle? 124 00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,450 - Meghan Markle. - I do love resuscitating 125 00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:02,809 has-beens' careers, but I'm not a fucking magician. 126 00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:05,449 Boris Johnson, talk us through that performance. 127 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:08,449 I think we were always going to concede. Rashford was 128 00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:11,449 devastating on the left and in the centre and on the right. 129 00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:12,890 I told the boys they should be proud 130 00:07:12,914 --> 00:07:15,289 of holding the line as long as they did 131 00:07:15,290 --> 00:07:17,449 and on another day, we'd have got something, especially 132 00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,809 against your Labours, SNPs and Lib Dems. 133 00:07:19,810 --> 00:07:21,944 - And what about the own goal? - Which one? 134 00:07:21,979 --> 00:07:25,449 Good point. What was the mood like on the back benches? 135 00:07:25,450 --> 00:07:27,449 Well. Foaming with right-wing populism. 136 00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:31,129 What about funding extra sports facilities for disadvantaged kids? 137 00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:33,449 Absolutely not. Out of the question. 138 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:37,449 - I didn't quite catch that. - Ah, Rashford. Yo, my man. 139 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:40,450 I said how does two billion quid sound? 140 00:07:44,450 --> 00:07:48,449 Er, hello. Joe Biden here for my teeth clean. 141 00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:49,850 Step forward. 142 00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:57,449 Welcome to the Chamber of the Chosen. 143 00:07:57,450 --> 00:08:00,449 Hey, thanks. Where do I rinse and spit? 144 00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:03,449 That appointment was merely a ruse to lure you here. 145 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,449 We are the Illuminati. 146 00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:07,449 You have achieved great power, Joseph Biden. 147 00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:11,449 Now, you are eligible to join our elite order. 148 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:13,449 I'm already in a lot of clubs, 149 00:08:13,450 --> 00:08:16,449 the Automobile Club, the Haircut Club at Scissors. 150 00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:19,449 We control currencies, manipulate markets, 151 00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:21,449 communicate with the dead. 152 00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:24,649 Yeah, but I'm one punch hole away from a free haircut. 153 00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:26,449 Oh, goodbye yellow brick road. 154 00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:28,449 Membership in our sacred order 155 00:08:28,450 --> 00:08:31,449 does not preclude your quaint haircut arrangement. 156 00:08:31,450 --> 00:08:35,449 Just saying I'm hearing a lot of sizzle but no steak. 157 00:08:35,450 --> 00:08:39,185 I see we must give you a demonstration of our power. 158 00:08:39,220 --> 00:08:40,964 Behold. 159 00:08:45,450 --> 00:08:48,449 A free breakfast buffet? I'm in. 160 00:08:48,450 --> 00:08:51,049 Great, great. Technically it's free... 161 00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:54,489 - with the entrance fee. - Here it comes, the catch. 162 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:57,449 The good news is that if you recruit two members, 163 00:08:57,450 --> 00:08:59,449 you get a share of their entrance fees. 164 00:08:59,450 --> 00:09:03,449 And if they recruit two members, you get a quarter of that. 165 00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:07,449 So this thing's not so much a conspiracy as a pyramid scheme. 166 00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:09,490 Well, it is the logo, it's not like we're hiding it. 167 00:09:09,514 --> 00:09:11,449 Look. Why do you rich, famous people 168 00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:14,449 need all these robes and skulls and sex rituals? 169 00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:16,449 We didn't say anything about sex rituals. 170 00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:19,129 Fresh ideas, let him speak. 171 00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:20,730 What's the point of a secret organisation 172 00:09:20,754 --> 00:09:22,449 that everybody knows about 173 00:09:22,450 --> 00:09:24,449 and you can't get anything you don't already have? 174 00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:28,449 - And no sex rituals. - I'm not saying no. 175 00:09:28,450 --> 00:09:30,450 I'm just saying I've got dirty teeth. 176 00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:34,449 Fine! Take a seat, love. 177 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:37,449 Ah-ha! 178 00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:39,449 Well, this is very exciting. 179 00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:42,449 But why do you want to be our new housekeeper, Idris? 180 00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:44,649 The government said I had to retrain, so I did. 181 00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:47,449 Basic level domestic management. 182 00:09:47,450 --> 00:09:51,450 - So, any specialist skills? - I can smoulder. 183 00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:54,969 Jolly good, then. 184 00:09:58,970 --> 00:10:00,809 What's wrong with this patient? 185 00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:03,449 Healer Gwyneth, he has shock, inflammation, 186 00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:05,449 and extreme pain where his appendix is. 187 00:10:05,450 --> 00:10:06,450 Ow! 188 00:10:06,451 --> 00:10:09,449 The problem is obvious, he's stressed out by modern living. 189 00:10:09,450 --> 00:10:13,129 Two jars of manuka honey vinegar and a cork yoga mat stat! 190 00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:14,530 I feel more relaxed already. 191 00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:19,449 Healer Gwyneth, please help. 192 00:10:19,450 --> 00:10:22,449 Let me guess, you have a disquieted aura? 193 00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:24,449 No, I've cut off my hand. 194 00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:26,449 And you need to remember where you put it. 195 00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,809 Oh. I've got it, CBD-infused cucumber water. 196 00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:34,969 About our therapies, $200 for a pelvic exercise pillow? 197 00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:37,449 If they're not overpriced, people won't believe in them. 198 00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:40,319 Do you understand nothing about medicine? 199 00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:45,369 You're killing yourself for this hospital, Gwyneth. 200 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,649 - Brad! - Your eucalyptus infusium saved me 201 00:10:47,650 --> 00:10:49,489 from career-destroying self-doubt. 202 00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:51,719 Now I want to save you. Run away 203 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:55,899 - with me before it's too late. - I... I... 204 00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,699 Healer Gwyneth! 205 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,699 - Gunshot wound. - I'm sorry, it's too late. 206 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:04,699 You'll have to use traditional Western medicine. 207 00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:07,699 Please no, anything but that. 208 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,700 Well, there is an experimental treatment. 209 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,740 You did it. You're incredible. 210 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,820 ...commitment to the young people of our communities... 211 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,059 Hey, girl! 212 00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:22,699 Bet you think you're looking in a mirror. 213 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,699 Hello, Meghan. Aren't you kind of old for cosplay? 214 00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:27,699 Oh, no, this is serious business. 215 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:31,539 When I heard about your movie, I had this brilliant idea, 216 00:11:31,540 --> 00:11:35,699 - I should play you! - And what's the brilliant part? 217 00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:37,699 If you're worried about the age difference, don't, 218 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:41,539 they can age me up with tons of rubber and glue. 219 00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:43,219 I'll sit in that makeup chair all day. 220 00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:45,699 Look, I'm about to give an award to LeBron James, 221 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:49,699 - we can talk about this later. - Absolutely, absolutely. 222 00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,699 When and where can we talk about this later? 223 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:56,699 How about when "pigs fly" and where, "out of my ass." 224 00:11:56,700 --> 00:12:00,699 Location of my ass. 225 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:03,699 - Ready to start, Billie? - No, I hate this. Life sucks. 226 00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:06,699 Everyone's an asshole. Why are men such dicks? 227 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:09,820 - I'm bored, I wanna die. - And we're done, another hit. 228 00:12:09,844 --> 00:12:12,699 ♪ No, I hate this ♪ 229 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,059 ♪ Life sucks ♪ 230 00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:16,699 ♪ Everyone's an asshole ♪ 231 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:17,740 ♪ Why are men such dicks ♪ 232 00:12:17,764 --> 00:12:20,499 ♪ I wanna die. ♪ 233 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:24,219 Tiger Woods, yes, woo-hoo! 234 00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:26,059 Come on, I'm playing golf with Tiger Woods. 235 00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:27,539 Tiger Woods, everyone. 236 00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:30,539 I'm so excited. Unbelievable. Yes! 237 00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:32,539 Thanks, James. 238 00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:34,539 Three years ago, I thought my career was over. 239 00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:37,539 Look at me now. It's really exciting. 240 00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:40,475 Oh, it's been amazing, mate. Amazing! 241 00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:43,539 Yeah, conquered my addictions, and more importantly, 242 00:12:43,540 --> 00:12:45,539 my anger management issues. 243 00:12:45,540 --> 00:12:47,585 Tiger Woods to tee off. 244 00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,539 Yes, Tiger! 245 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,539 This man beat his anger management issues. 246 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:55,539 And that's going left. Uh-oh, Tiger's in the water hazard. 247 00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:58,700 - Oh, shoot. - Tiger, it's gone in the pool. 248 00:12:58,724 --> 00:13:02,539 So we could play golf pool karaoke! 249 00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:04,539 ♪ Look at the stars ♪ 250 00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:07,539 ♪ Look how they shine... ♪ It's Coldplay, Tiger, join in. 251 00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:10,539 - I have to take my tee shot again. - What an absolute ledge! 252 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,540 Only you can do that. 253 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:16,539 Look at that swing. Incredible! 254 00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:17,540 Fore! 255 00:13:17,541 --> 00:13:19,539 And Tiger's hit a goose in the water. 256 00:13:19,540 --> 00:13:22,540 He's killed a protected Canada goose. 257 00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:28,539 - Please don't talk when I'm swinging. - Whoops-a-daisy! 258 00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:31,539 - You're not angry or anything? - No. I'm calm. 259 00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:34,540 Anger is the demon. Anger is the demon. 260 00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:38,539 Tiger Woods, everybody! 261 00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:39,820 He missed the ball completely. 262 00:13:39,844 --> 00:13:42,539 Ah! Shut up! 263 00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:44,539 - Ow! - Shut up, you goddamn 264 00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:47,579 loud-mouthed, limey asshole! 265 00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:50,539 Tiger is beating me up. 266 00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:51,540 What an honour. 267 00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:54,539 Officer, that black man attacked that white man. 268 00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:57,580 - Hm, that's a tricky one. - The white man is James Corden. 269 00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,539 Oh, now it's easy. Excuse me, Mr Woods. 270 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:04,539 Agh! American cops, best in the world! 271 00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:07,330 Argh! Am I right? 272 00:14:07,540 --> 00:14:11,539 ♪ C'est Govey en Paris C'est Govey en Paris. ♪ 273 00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:13,539 I'm back in gay Paris, 274 00:14:13,540 --> 00:14:16,540 city of romance and unrequited Brexit deals. 275 00:14:19,540 --> 00:14:21,579 Emmanuel! Emmanuel! 276 00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:24,539 Oh, Govey, I didn't expect you. 277 00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:27,539 I've thought it over and 278 00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:31,219 I'm finally ready for you tonight. 279 00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:33,539 Let's shaft the fishing community. 280 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:37,539 - And each other. - Actually, Govey, things have become, 281 00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:40,448 as you would say, "hashtag complicated." 282 00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:44,539 Joe Biden. Are you from the BBC? 283 00:14:44,540 --> 00:14:47,539 - I'm Irish. - I want a relationship with no boundaries 284 00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:52,540 and so does Joe, and I would do anything to keep Joe happy. 285 00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:56,539 - Er, no, no. - Mon ami. 286 00:14:56,540 --> 00:14:57,940 Whoa, Mr Licky. 287 00:14:58,540 --> 00:15:02,539 - Your crepes suzettes. - Oh, like pancakes a horse sat on. 288 00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:06,219 So, is this the end of Govey in Paris? 289 00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:08,540 - Again? - I'm riding with Biden. 290 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:10,539 There's no drama with him. 291 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:14,540 He's setting fire to the pancakes. Old Joe's got this. 292 00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:23,370 What can I say, Govey? He makes me laugh. 293 00:15:23,405 --> 00:15:26,611 ♪ C'est Govey en Paris... ♪ 294 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,389 What's good, cow? Universe treating you OK? 295 00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:38,389 You didn't touch your tofu. 296 00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:45,389 Well, howdy! You must be the Mr West that done bought this ranch. 297 00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:48,389 What is she? 6,000 acres? Hooey! 298 00:15:48,390 --> 00:15:51,389 Yeah, but I don't think in terms of size, you know? 299 00:15:51,390 --> 00:15:55,749 It's about ideas, ideas per square inch. 300 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:57,909 There's one, there's another one. 301 00:15:57,910 --> 00:16:00,389 - You had one on your neck. - Thank you. 302 00:16:00,390 --> 00:16:02,389 So, what are you breeding here? 303 00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:06,909 - Angus? Hereford? Longhorn? - Shoehorn. 304 00:16:06,910 --> 00:16:11,069 Oh, I get it. You're gonna turn their hides into shoe leather 305 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,389 for some fancy ten-dollar sneakers. 306 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,390 Na, too slow. 307 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:17,389 I got my scientists to just breed livestock 308 00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:19,389 to grow sneakers instead of feet. 309 00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,988 That's my new Yeezy Boost 875. 310 00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:25,389 Size ten-and-a-half, almost done. 311 00:16:25,390 --> 00:16:28,389 Clip those off and boom, ready to go. 312 00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:31,429 Holy crickets! You got giraffes too? 313 00:16:31,430 --> 00:16:33,749 Yeah, that's high-tops. 314 00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:38,389 I didn't know giraffes could scream. 315 00:16:38,390 --> 00:16:40,389 I like you. When I'm next president, 316 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:43,229 you can be secretary of pants and accessories. 317 00:16:43,230 --> 00:16:46,389 I appreciate it. I just got one question now, 318 00:16:46,390 --> 00:16:50,389 them steers mind terribly when you cut off their feet? 319 00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:53,389 Na, they love it. We stick 'em on skateboards. 320 00:16:58,390 --> 00:17:01,389 David, I've had a brilliant idea. 321 00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:04,069 A new musical of the live-action Lion King. 322 00:17:04,070 --> 00:17:06,389 But there's already a stage production. 323 00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:07,749 Oh. That was of the cartoon. 324 00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:10,229 This would be of the live-action film. 325 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,548 - Right, how would it be different? - Well, I suppose, 326 00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:14,909 the main difference is there would be real lions on stage. 327 00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:18,389 But how would you stop them going into the audience and eating them? 328 00:17:18,390 --> 00:17:20,229 Why can't you ever bring me solutions? 329 00:17:20,230 --> 00:17:21,630 All you ever bring me is problems. 330 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,888 Elton, I'm sorry. I'll make it happen. 331 00:17:27,070 --> 00:17:28,389 Hmph! 332 00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:32,389 Well. That's the first opening night 333 00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:35,219 the critics have been savaged by the cast. 334 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:38,799 Shut up, David! You've ruined my dream... again. 335 00:17:43,998 --> 00:17:48,389 Once upon a time, there was a town called Hamelin. 336 00:17:48,390 --> 00:17:51,389 People, we all know we have a rodent problem, 337 00:17:51,390 --> 00:17:53,389 but I propose we deal with it humanely. 338 00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:57,069 After all, rats have rights too. 339 00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:02,389 I'd like to introduce you to the Pied Piper. 340 00:18:02,390 --> 00:18:05,069 He's going to lure the rats away without harm 341 00:18:05,070 --> 00:18:09,389 - using a penny whistle. - Hi, guys. Loving the vibe. 342 00:18:09,390 --> 00:18:13,389 This is crazy. There's only one sure way to deal with rats... 343 00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:15,389 get some shotguns and shoot them. 344 00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:18,390 No, we're going with Rupert and his penny whistle. 345 00:18:21,590 --> 00:18:23,589 Our children! 346 00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:27,030 The Pied Piper took our children! 347 00:18:27,390 --> 00:18:31,069 If you got a rat problem, go for the guy with the gun. 348 00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:35,390 The National Rifle Association... the voice of reason! 349 00:18:41,390 --> 00:18:44,389 Now, over here I'm excavating 350 00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:48,389 my thousand-foot wide meditation crater. 351 00:18:48,390 --> 00:18:50,389 Gonna have aromatherapy, sonic waves, 352 00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,749 and most important, the parabolic surface 353 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:56,389 will project my thoughts and ideas into the universe. 354 00:18:56,390 --> 00:19:00,389 Well, saddle my chicken, you're an independent thinker. 355 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:04,389 That's Wyoming speak for rich folks what's gone ding-dong. 356 00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:06,807 Not so fast, partner. 357 00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:10,727 You the sheriff round these parts? 358 00:19:11,390 --> 00:19:13,909 No, I'm from the Environmental Protection Agency 359 00:19:13,910 --> 00:19:17,258 - in Washington DC. - A Federale! 360 00:19:17,293 --> 00:19:20,389 Mr West, you haven't filed the requisite paperwork 361 00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,389 to commence construction on this so-called 362 00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:25,389 "cosmic thought vibration projector." 363 00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:27,579 I didn't come to Wyoming to listen 364 00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:29,769 to some jackbooted federal agent. 365 00:19:30,390 --> 00:19:32,389 Nice jackboots, by the way. 366 00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:34,389 Thanks, that means something coming from you. 367 00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:37,389 Look, it's purely a formality. 368 00:19:37,390 --> 00:19:39,910 Just sign this form saying you won't harm any bison or antelope. 369 00:19:39,934 --> 00:19:42,229 I'm gonna cut their feet off. Is that OK? 370 00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:43,389 That's fine. 371 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,389 One small signature and I'm on my way. 372 00:19:45,390 --> 00:19:48,630 Sorry, can't do it. ♪ Can't see my way through it ♪ 373 00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:51,389 ♪ Now that I'm a westerner living on a... a... ♪ 374 00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:54,116 - What do you call it? - A ranch. 375 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,389 Damn! I was hoping it would rhyme with westerner. 376 00:19:56,390 --> 00:19:59,429 Anyway, I gotta stand up for my conservative principles, 377 00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:03,891 building a solar-powered, nudist, vegan meditation crater. 378 00:20:03,926 --> 00:20:06,389 And no liberal Washington EPA's gonna shut me down. 379 00:20:06,390 --> 00:20:10,389 Get the fuck off my land! Namaste. 380 00:20:10,390 --> 00:20:12,429 You're asking for big trouble, hombre. 381 00:20:12,430 --> 00:20:15,389 If it's a showdown you want, 382 00:20:15,390 --> 00:20:17,389 it's a throw-down you got. Bessie! 383 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:20,389 - Roll him off the ranch. - Er... 384 00:20:20,390 --> 00:20:23,968 Wait, wait! 385 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,389 Well, Michelle Obama blew you off 386 00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:29,389 and I had to listen to Quentin Tarantino. 387 00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:32,390 - It's been a shit night! - I'm not giving up. 388 00:20:32,391 --> 00:20:34,389 I want you to distract Michelle Obama 389 00:20:34,390 --> 00:20:36,938 so I can present that award to LeBron. 390 00:20:36,973 --> 00:20:40,389 Then, when everyone's fooled, I reveal it's me, 391 00:20:40,390 --> 00:20:43,390 - they'll hand me that role on a plate! - Brilliant! 392 00:20:43,391 --> 00:20:45,389 But how do I distract Michelle? 393 00:20:45,390 --> 00:20:48,909 I don't know, with witty conversation... or something. 394 00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:53,390 Or something. Hm. 395 00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:04,389 Don't worry, Michelle, we're trying to save your movie. 396 00:21:04,390 --> 00:21:07,376 Hi, everyone, what a great day. 397 00:21:07,411 --> 00:21:09,909 Joe Biden won thanks to my endorsement, 398 00:21:09,910 --> 00:21:12,909 I've got a glass of my delicious Whatamana tequila 399 00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:16,389 and I'm gonna show you a really fun pandemic activity 400 00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:20,033 everyone is doing. T-shirt tie-dying. 401 00:21:20,068 --> 00:21:22,889 Let me guess. You thought of a new way to push 402 00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:25,653 - your lame-ass clothing line. - Kevin, please. 403 00:21:25,688 --> 00:21:27,589 I'm just trying to share something fun. 404 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:30,389 Now, start by scrunching up a T-shirt. 405 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:33,749 You're gonna want to use a new The Rock brand tee. 406 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,229 I knew it! 407 00:21:35,230 --> 00:21:38,590 Kevin, let me show you just how fun tie-dying is. 408 00:21:40,070 --> 00:21:41,470 Don't you scrunch me! 409 00:21:42,750 --> 00:21:45,229 Well, I am pretty. 410 00:21:45,230 --> 00:21:49,389 And so, LeBron, please accept this plaque of gratitude. 411 00:21:50,391 --> 00:21:52,389 Stop applauding this man. 412 00:21:52,390 --> 00:21:56,389 Harry? Oh, I have got to move. 413 00:21:56,390 --> 00:21:58,069 This woman is not Michelle Obama. 414 00:21:58,070 --> 00:21:59,389 You have just witnessed 415 00:21:59,390 --> 00:22:02,389 the acting performance of a lifetime 416 00:22:02,390 --> 00:22:04,909 by my wife, Meghan Markle! 417 00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:06,589 Even I was fooled! 418 00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:08,389 Give us a kiss, love. 419 00:22:08,390 --> 00:22:11,389 - You were fantastic. - Get off me! 420 00:22:11,390 --> 00:22:15,390 - Wait, you're not Megs. Who are you? - Security. Open fire. 421 00:22:19,390 --> 00:22:22,389 - I have my ending. - Harry, you bagged me! 422 00:22:22,390 --> 00:22:24,389 Bloody hell, that was you! 423 00:22:24,390 --> 00:22:28,389 Either I'm an idiot or you're the greatest actress of all time. 424 00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:31,069 Oh, Hairbrains, that is the sweetest thing you've ever said. 425 00:22:31,070 --> 00:22:34,749 - I honestly mean it, Meghan... - Sorry to interrupt, 426 00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:38,390 could I possibly have my humanitarian award? 427 00:22:44,070 --> 00:22:45,470 Argh!