1 00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:04,119 Football is so much better now that fans are back in stadiums. 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,959 Yeah, it reminds you what football is really about, man. 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:11,399 Oi, Foden, fuck off back to the hair salon, you peroxide prick! 4 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:13,200 Dye your hair with this! 5 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,439 It's my piss! 6 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,879 Their passion is so inspiring. 7 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,879 - Ey! Oi! - You're wasting food! 8 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,519 Can't wait to play away from home. 9 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:30,119 ♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪ 10 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,479 ♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪ 11 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:36,159 ♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪ 12 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,999 ♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪ 13 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,640 ♪ Oh-ah ah-ah-ah-ah! ♪ 14 00:00:44,079 --> 00:00:47,109 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ MY-SUBS.com ~ 15 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,639 Righty-o, chaps! New parliamentary term starts today. 16 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,000 Let's get cracking. 17 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,919 There. Bubble done. Now, next on the agenda. 18 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,479 We need to reform social care for the elderly. 19 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,839 "Care"? What does that mean? Is it a place? 20 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,919 Do you mean "Care-os"? 21 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,919 I think it's near Mykonos. Not that I've just been there. 22 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,079 Look, the elderly have worked hard, they deserve dignity, 23 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,359 and, most important, they vote Tory. 24 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,119 So, let's give the grannies, oh, 12 billion quid? 25 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,320 How are we gonna pay for that? 26 00:01:20,344 --> 00:01:22,119 Well, how did we pay for all the COVID stuff? 27 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,599 - Don't really know. - Was it clapping? 28 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,879 This time, I'm putting my foot down. 29 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,679 We're going to pay for this with a tax rise! 30 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:34,479 - But let's call it something else. - National Insurance? 31 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,639 I was thinking something more like "Kindness, by Rishi". 32 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,657 - Sounds like a perfume. - It's that too. 33 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,719 Oh! Liquid kindness! 34 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,639 I'm meltin'! 35 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,399 Hold on, Rishi. Who exactly is gonna pay this tax? 36 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,319 Everybody. It's only £200 per taxpayer. 37 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,679 - Just a bottle of Chateau Lafitte. - What?! 38 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,679 Look, we can't tax us, it's stupid to tax old people, 39 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,119 and we can't go near billionaires. 40 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:08,039 They're job creators... for us, after we get out of here. 41 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,559 - Fair enough. - Hmm, hmm. 42 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,919 What about taxin'... the young? 43 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:17,279 - The sweet, delicious young. - Perfect! They don't vote for us. 44 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,119 And if they don't like it, what are they gonna do? Cancel us? 45 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,799 Throw our statues in the river? 46 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,999 - That's true! - Hear, hear! 47 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,879 Stop right there! 48 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,319 - Unh! - Gove! Don't tell me you're still clubbing. 49 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,359 Unh, unh, unh! I speak for the young. 50 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,999 They have hopes, dreams, phat beats, huge bumps of ket. 51 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,279 Mm-mm-mm-mm. They're honest, decent... 52 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,559 they accepted me when I was lonely, bereft of love... 53 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:45,079 Oh, man, I'm coming down! 54 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,359 - You all right, Govey? - Perfectly fine, Prime Minister. 55 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,479 Fuck the young. They're lazy and their music's crap. 56 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,159 Excellent! Then onto item number three on the agenda. 57 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,399 More bubbles! 58 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,120 Bubbles! Yay! 59 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,919 Mr President, I must speak out for my sisters! 60 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:09,279 A barbaric, archaic regime just rolled in 61 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,879 and took away decades of women's rights. 62 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,239 You can't move for armed militants 63 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:18,279 reciting holy passages and shooting guns in the air! 64 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,919 There are women trying to get on planes to get out of there 65 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,319 before it's too late! 66 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:28,079 I told you, Afghanistan is not my problem any more. 67 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,879 Who said Afghanistan? 68 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,519 I'm talking about the Texan Abortion Bill. 69 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:38,320 Oh. Got it. But that's not my problem either. Kamala! 70 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,119 Which camera am I looking at? 71 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,239 Oh. Sure, cool. 72 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,239 I had no idea I would catch on like this. 73 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,880 He had a knack of working everyone into a fever. 74 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,399 Take as long as you like, babycakes. Num-num-num-num-num! 75 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,959 Corony was tremendous. He came to all of my rallies. 76 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,319 Corony! 77 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,720 I took a leap, and it paid off. 78 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,319 I was a young microbe back then, 79 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,599 playing to small crowds in wet markets. 80 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,799 Oh, sure, those wet markets were a breeding ground for talent, 81 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,839 but it was all swine-flu this, and bird-flu that. 82 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,399 No-one had done bat to human! 83 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,199 Suddenly, I was on the move! I was catching! 84 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,039 Yeah, I was on tour. 85 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,599 First Italy, then I hit the cruise ship circuit. 86 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,839 The oldies loved me. 87 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:43,320 I was everywhere. Me, a little microbe from Wuhan! 88 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,920 To be a good lawyer, you've just gotta follow a few simple rules. 89 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,879 Never let them see you sweat. 90 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,839 Keep your hands out of your pants. Don't butt-dial your phone. 91 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,159 Know the difference between a five-star hotel 92 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,679 and a gardening centre. 93 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:07,600 Assume the camera's always rolling and every mic is hot. 94 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,119 What the fuck? Are we still rolling? 95 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,559 Oh, shit. 96 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:19,039 I'm Rudy Giuliani and this is my masterclass. 97 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,279 I was a hit in Europe and Asia, 98 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:31,439 but I was nervous about breaking into America. 99 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:35,279 But, boy, the Yanks couldn't get enough of me. 100 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:39,239 I got a personal tour in Trump's motorcade... 101 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,239 You're a great virus. A lot of people are saying that, by the way. 102 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,599 ..and a meet-and-greet with his staff. 103 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,719 I'm the biggest guy in town, 104 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,199 but that dude knocked me for six. 105 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,560 Hey! 106 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,279 He was really into me too. Why don't I get an interview? 107 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:58,319 - Why can I never do this shit alone? - Argh! 108 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,679 The thing about being a global pandemic, 109 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,319 there are a lot of haters. 110 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:09,279 He wasn't authentic like me. He was manufactured! 111 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,559 Made in a lab. 112 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,679 I was down with the pigs. 113 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,759 I ain't gonna lie, there were a lot of drugs around. 114 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:20,080 Cheers, fellas! To my very good health! 115 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:26,079 Whoa, did you spike that bleach, Corony? 116 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:30,679 I was partying pretty hard. Maybe too hard. 117 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:34,480 Then... the drugs started to catch up with me. 118 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,719 I thought it was the end. 119 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,719 I had to reinvent myself. 120 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,159 Then it hit me... variants! 121 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,839 I started to travel again. 122 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,119 Brazil... 123 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:47,479 South Africa... 124 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:48,799 Kent. 125 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,799 You ain't seen the back of me yet. 126 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:55,439 I've still got a couple of surprises up my sleeve. 127 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,560 See you on my never-ending farewell tour! 128 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:12,279 'The dolphin, high-strung ballerina of the deep. 129 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,479 'One of nature's most beautiful sights...' 130 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,319 200 years of David Attenborough, 131 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,199 and guess what animal has never been on once. 132 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,759 Naked mole rats. 133 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,799 Why don't you ever film us, you velvet-voiced [BLEEP]?! 134 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,719 Oh, no, it's always, 135 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,079 "Graceful lions, majestic whales." 136 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,519 You know what's majestic? 137 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,879 The wrinkles on this scrotum with teeth. 138 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,879 We know why people watch nature shows. 139 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,879 - To see animals have sex. - We love to do it on camera! 140 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,799 Oh, yeah, come on, honey! 141 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:52,039 Yeah, yeah, oh, oh! 142 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:55,399 Film this, you whispering eco- [BLEEP] 143 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,359 Welcome, all. 144 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,079 I declare this meeting of the Santa Barbara Neighbourhood Council 145 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,559 - officially... ♪ ..o-pen! ♪ - Oh! 146 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,619 That's going to cost you, Ellen! 147 00:08:25,620 --> 00:08:29,199 - I only have 500 pairs like these. - Why are you even here? 148 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,399 You don't own a house in Santa Barbara any more. 149 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,999 I'm still angry about the tree you planted in front of my view. 150 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,959 I flew all the way from Majorca to have it torn down. 151 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,399 I flew a jetpack a thousand miles to get here today 152 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,759 and my ass is still smoking. I don't regret any of it. 153 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,199 Today, we have a petition 154 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,399 from the newest residents of Santa Barbara... 155 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,999 Meghan and Harry. 156 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,879 Wow, look at all this Hollywood royalty! 157 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,439 It's so funny. I'm Hollywood royalty and I'm real royalty. 158 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:56,919 I'm a double royal! 159 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,879 And I'm the cheese on that double McRoyale! 160 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,559 Oh, great, they're not gonna be exhausting at all. 161 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:08,839 Harry, Meghan, you've applied to bypass neighbourhood rules. 162 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,039 Mm-hm. Our house has a chicken coop. 163 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,639 We ask permission to double its size and add four more chickens. 164 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,759 That is a hell of a lot of eggs, man. 165 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,239 What are you doing with all those eggs? 166 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:22,839 - Yoni eggs are wonderful. - There's a new record. 167 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,679 It only took her three minutes to get us thinking about her vagina. 168 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:28,199 We want to show people how easy it is 169 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,639 to live an Earth-friendly, locally-sourced lifestyle. 170 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:31,999 In a $30 million mansion. 171 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,359 And we're not gonna impress people with four damn chickens. 172 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,039 Hey, princess, the rest of us actually achieved something 173 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,799 to earn a house in Santa Barbara. 174 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,359 What entitles you to a bigger chicken coop? 175 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:46,519 - We've got a Netflix deal. - Yeah. We use those for toilet paper. 176 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,919 Everyone on this council is a celebrity of stature. 177 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,720 Damn straight! 178 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,520 Ah! 179 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:10,039 Mr President, we have found a way to hack into the US power grid. 180 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,359 Millions of businesses will be plunged into darkness 181 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,000 and all air traffic will be grounded. 182 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:21,039 - Will anyone be poisoned? - Well... no. 183 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,719 But this is 21st century, 184 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:28,119 a world governed by sophisticated computer technology. 185 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,480 The damage will be immense. 186 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,759 I like it when people get poisoned. 187 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,439 I like it when their faces turn blue. 188 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:41,479 - Think of the leverage it will give us. - Very well, I sanction it. 189 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,959 To celebrate, vodka! 190 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,759 Thank you, Mr President! Ey! 191 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,879 Russia. 192 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:54,759 Combining evil old traditions with terrible new ones. 193 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,199 Wait, your face didn't turn blue. 194 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,799 A thousand apologies. Gah! 195 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,199 I don't see how we can approve Harry and Meghan's request. 196 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,119 Harry has to look after the chickens, 197 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,799 Meghan has to look after Harry. 198 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,039 Is this a situation that benefits from more chickens? 199 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,839 Speaking as a chicken, I don't think so. 200 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,559 - Request denied, Teethface. - You're so mean! 201 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:24,479 No, I'm not, I'm lovable. Look, I'm dancing. 202 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,399 Lovable, so lovable. 203 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,619 Wait, I have read a buttload of local property waiver 204 00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:32,839 requests in my time, but this screams something deeper. 205 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,319 Harry, Meghan, share. 206 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,519 Yes, share. I'm nice, like Oprah! 207 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,799 We don't care about the damn waiver approval. 208 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,999 My dad rejected me, my family kicked me out. 209 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,639 We just want any kind of approval. 210 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:50,519 From the people that matter most... other celebrities. 211 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:03,199 Acceptance by us, the only thing that really matters. 212 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,479 My brave ginger lad, and his plucky bride. 213 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,079 Chicken waiver approved! 214 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,319 It's so emotional! 215 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,000 My egg! 216 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:21,959 I caught the vagina plug! 217 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:25,319 - It's the greatest day of my life. - Attaboy! 218 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,759 - Hi, I'm Bjorn. - I'm Agnetha! 219 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,919 - I'm Anni-Frid! - I'm frightened. 220 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,599 - Are we in space? - No, Benny, we're ABBA! 221 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,759 We're back with a new album and a new concert tour. 222 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,239 Why? Because we want to do something fun 223 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,479 while we still have some of our youthful energy! 224 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,679 Er... I think I need changing. 225 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:55,039 Can you imagine being at a real live ABBA concert? 226 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,319 We won't actually be there, of course. 227 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:01,279 We'll be at home, counting our ♪ Money, money, money. ♪ 228 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,319 Instead, you can watch our computer-generated avatars, 229 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:09,079 or as we like to call them... Abbatars! 230 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,479 Why is that funny? I'm scared. 231 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,159 We'll be performing a whole album of new songs, 232 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,999 along with the old ones 233 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,199 you actually want to hear! 234 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,559 These suits capture our motions, 235 00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:30,159 so it's just like watching us dance. 236 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,759 That hurt. S.O.S. 237 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,479 So don't miss ABBA live! 238 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,359 Bjorn, I found my finger. 239 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,799 - Oh! - Ah, that's good. 240 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,719 Well done, Benny. 241 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,279 With properly funded social care for our elder citizens, 242 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,279 this tragedy could have been avoided. 243 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:56,000 Please support a 1.25% increase in National Insurance. 244 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:06,679 Sometimes you accidentally dig your way into a hole, 245 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:11,039 but with dignity, decorum, and a dash of panache 246 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:14,080 you can dig your way out. 247 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:20,879 Because we're all flawed and people want to forgive. 248 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,580 Argh! 249 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,399 I'm Prince Andrew, 250 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,860 and this is my master... Argh! 251 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,759 I'm so happy to be back in the Manchester. 252 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,959 I love this town. The culture, the food. 253 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,239 And you're not just coming here to make a load of money 254 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,239 - at the end of your career? - Ridiculous. 255 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,959 I am dedicated to the winning. Excuse me. 256 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,640 My first match is coming up, and I have much preparation to do. 257 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,559 So, Ronaldo, half an hour to kick-off. 258 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,199 What happened to you? 259 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,239 What?! I'm proper mad for it. 260 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,959 I go to the chipp-eh. It was sound. 261 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,959 I told you, I love the Manchester. Let's play. 262 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,879 You've spent the last 48 hours just eating chips?! 263 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,759 Have I, bollocks. 264 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,639 I also eating meat pie and bread rolls. 265 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,879 Jumbo sausage with batter scratchings, garnish. 266 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:23,359 All drowned in gravy, thick and rich as goat's blood. 267 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,279 I'm made up. 268 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:30,079 Anyway, I'm match fit and ready to give my all. 269 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:33,359 Come out of there, you big bastard! 270 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,319 So, Ronaldo there, fighting with the gravy for his chips. 271 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,799 Evenly-matched at the moment, but all to play for. 272 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,559 And it's out! A remarkable pump from Ronaldo. 273 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:45,080 All over the plate! What a meal he's made of that. 274 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,240 Come on, Grogu, you're not a baby any more. 275 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:05,639 You can text your friends after you finish your frog eggs. 276 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,159 I don't eat frog eggs. 277 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,440 Vegan, told you I am, duh! 278 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,439 - Now, Grogu... - Hate that stupid name, I do. 279 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,480 Call me Trey, you will! 280 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,759 Denise, I think you're really special. 281 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,599 And Grogu, I mean Trey, will come around, give him time. 282 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:32,079 Marry whatever skank you like. My real dad, you're not! 283 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,580 I can't do this. 284 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,439 Uh... Dad? 285 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,919 I'm stuck. 286 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,719 You had sex with my helmet?! 287 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,039 This is definitely not The Way. 288 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,960 I didn't even know you had junk. 289 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,799 All right, I think I got an answer for climate change. 290 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,039 But first, I gotta pee. 291 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:19,799 At my age, that could take a while, so I'm invoking the 25th Amendment. 292 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,999 That means while I'm tinkling, you're acting President. 293 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,604 No worry, take your time. 294 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,159 ♪ President ♪ 295 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,359 ♪ Every time that Joe goes pee ♪ 296 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,119 ♪ I realise I'm one heartbeat away ♪ 297 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,079 ♪ President ♪ 298 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,079 ♪ Don't want him to die ♪ 299 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:47,239 ♪ But if he did Well, I guess that I would be OK ♪ 300 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,439 ♪ Maybe he could fall And hit his head ♪ 301 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:54,719 ♪ Or choke on a piece of bread ♪ 302 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:59,680 ♪ Or have a total attack Of the heart... ♪ 303 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,039 Am I a bad person to fantasise 304 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,919 about succeeding over the dead body of a decent man? 305 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:10,200 There are worse things to wish for. 306 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,559 ♪ I'd be King ♪ 307 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:18,839 ♪ Of course I would be heartbroken If my dear old mum suddenly died ♪ 308 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,559 ♪ But I'd be King, for example ♪ 309 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,519 ♪ If she slipped On Yorkshire pudding ♪ 310 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,319 ♪ Or committed suicide ♪ 311 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,639 ♪ Wishful thinking's Not a felony ♪ 312 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,439 ♪ Just think of all the things That we could do ♪ 313 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,679 ♪ Sign an Executive Order or three ♪ 314 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,079 ♪ Flush the corgis down the loo ♪ 315 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:42,839 ♪ Of course we don't want them To expire ♪ 316 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,919 ♪ But since they won't retire ♪ 317 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:51,820 ♪ How about a total attack Of the heart...? ♪ 318 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:55,439 Do I hear a duet that needs a third? 319 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,319 - No, James Corden! - Attention-hungry pig. 320 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,439 ♪ Late Show host If Stephen Colbert dies, ♪ 321 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,839 ♪ His job on The Late Show Will have to go to me... ♪ 322 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,359 TV doesn't work that way! 323 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:08,519 ♪ Late Show host I would turn the show ♪ 324 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:12,239 ♪ Into a musical hour Of Carpool Karaoke ♪ 325 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,799 ♪ We are all good folks ♪ 326 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,559 ♪ We are all good folks ♪ 327 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:20,439 ♪ Even though we hope Even though we hope ♪ 328 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,719 ♪ For a total attack Of the heart. ♪ 329 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,080 That's the flush of reality. 330 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:30,919 Oh, ouch! 331 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,579 Ah, come on, I'm back! Let's just rip up that 332 00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:42,279 transfer of power and you're back to number two. 333 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,039 Whoa! Ooh! 334 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,559 Whoo! 335 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,239 Little slip-a-magoo fixed the crick in my neck. 336 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,319 Take a look at the screen and you should be able to see baby. 337 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,279 Oh, hello! 338 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,239 Oh, gosh, only me. Hello! 339 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,439 What are you doing inside a uterus? 340 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,159 I'm Olivia Colman, I'm in everything. 341 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,359 That's true, actually. 342 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:16,199 Absolutely everywhere. Hello! 343 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,000 Oh-ho... 344 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,719 Hi, guys! Amazing! 345 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,159 - Lockdown is over! - Joe Wicks! 346 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,439 - I loved your YouTube workouts! - Cheers! 347 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,439 How about an actual in-person workout? 348 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,839 Oh. I'd love to, 349 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,719 but the pubs are back open, so, you know... 350 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,839 But what about all the changes we were gonna make? 351 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,279 Positive workouts, positive fitness, positive mental health! 352 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,879 Yeah, but as I say, the pubs are back open. 353 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:48,479 Down in one! Down in one! Down in one! 354 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,239 High knees. 355 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,439 Burpees. 356 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:53,960 Positive. 357 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,519 - Hi, guys. - Marcus Rashford! 358 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,079 Oh, I loved what you did during lockdown with the free school meals. 359 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,599 Cheers. Actually, I'm looking for volunteers for my community kitchen? 360 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,079 I don't suppose any of you would? 361 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,959 Oh, we'd love to, Marcus, but the pubs are back open. 362 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,639 But remember how we were saying we'd look out for our neighbours 363 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,119 and make the world a better place? 364 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:17,839 - Yeah, but the pubs are back open, so... - Yah. 365 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,199 Community. 366 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,599 Foodbanks. 367 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,239 - Literacy. - ♪ Roll out the barrel! ♪ 368 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:28,359 - ♪ Let's have a barrel of fun! ♪ - Yoo-hoo! 369 00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:31,359 I can't find any volunteers for my community kitchen. 370 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,959 And I can't get anyone to come down my gym class. 371 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,319 - Well, that's because the pubs are back open! - Whey! 372 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,479 - What are we gonna do about it? - Dunno. Have a pint? 373 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,399 No! We've gotta stay positive! 374 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,679 Come on, guys! Star jumps! 375 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,239 Let's get those pulse rates up! 376 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,959 High knees! Burpees, burpees, burpees! 377 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,319 Positive, positive, positive! 378 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,639 I did it for the good of Great Britain and the Commonwealth. 379 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,519 Yeah, well, the pubs are open. 380 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,639 All right, legends, it's shots o'clock. 381 00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:05,919 ♪ My old man said follow the van ♪ 382 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,560 ♪ And don't dilly-dally on the way. ♪ 383 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,319 How would you like to be Education Secretary?