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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,199
That completes
tonight's COVID briefing.

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00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:03,839
I will now take questions on video.

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00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:05,559
First up, Nicki Minaj.

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00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:08,359
Er, I've got a question
for your science ass.

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00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,119
My cousin's friend's testicles

6
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:13,159
did blow up the size of Trinidad
from the vaccine.

7
00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,479
Yes, boo.

8
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:18,679
Also, if you belch, fart and sneeze
at the same time, you die.

9
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,879
My manager's dog said it did that.
Right, Barbz?

10
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:25,199
And if you eat a booger,
you get pregnant with a booger baby.

11
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:27,559
That's real.
And they have feelings.

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00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,919
What's that, booger baby?
You don't want the vaccine?

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Don't worry, I'm doing research

14
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,199
and I'm gonna
get to the bottom of this.

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O-K-K-K-K-K-K.

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Still, better than taking
questions from The Daily Mail.

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00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:44,439
♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪

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00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,039
♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪

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♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪

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♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪

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♪ Oh-ah ah-ah-ah-ah! ♪

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Every year,
the leaders of the G20,

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00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,639
 the world s biggest economies,

24
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,439
 come together
to settle their differences.

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At stake, the lives and
livelihoods of humanity.  Boring!

26
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,519
So the G20 leaders have
asked us here at Love Island

27
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 to shake things up!

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We ve brought them to this
two-and-a-half-star resort

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 on the rocky side of Ibiza,

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00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,239
 where they ll ensure
global financial stability,

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 form trade alliances,
and most importantly, find love!

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Jacinda and I are a natural alliance.

33
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We already sent
Trudeau and Erdogan home.

34
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,399
They totally botched the

35
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,679
"Pass The Carrot With
Your Arse" challenge.

36
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,639
But Putin and Merkel
are forging bilateral agreements

37
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like wombats in a billabong.

38
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Who wants to get annihilated
by doing vodka-Molly shots?

39
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Shouldn't we grapple
with the problem

40
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,079
of dual hemisphere deflation?

41
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How about you deal with your dual
hemisphere deflation, am I right?

42
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Ugh! This is a European beach.
Grow up!

43
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Hey, Putin! That's my flag
you're towelling off with!

44
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Sorry. Already used it
to dry my crotch.

45
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Huh!

46
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I did not come here to make friends.

47
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,039
Well, I'm desperate to make friends,

48
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,480
and all I get
is a face full of dick towel!

49
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,919
Scotland's health system's
at crisis point.

50
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,919
Nobody in Scotland
can get an ambulance.

51
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What am I going to do?

52
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,439
Have you tried blaming
England, First Minister?

53
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Of course I have, you wee fud!

54
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But the NHS is fully devolved.

55
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,879
People are starting to realise
this is my fault.

56
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,480
I have to call in the British Army!

57
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I'll drive your damn ambulances.

58
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- That's great, Tom, but why?
- Because when I was in the Navy,

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I had to get justice
for a murdered private...

60
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William T Santiago.

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To honour his memory, any job that
he would have done, I have to do.

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And even though he was
a United States Marine

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based at Guantanamo Bay,

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I know he'd be right here
driving ambulances in Glasgow.

65
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- You're on.
- Great. But I'll need someone to help me

66
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- navigate the Scottish roads.
- Alex Salmond.

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Goddammit,
I'm trying to help people,

68
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but you keep taking us
the wrong way!

69
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It's not the destination
that matters, it's the journey.

70
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,119
Dude, did you eat the map?
Tell me the truth!

71
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Did you eat the map?

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You can't handle the truth.

73
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So you admit it!
I rest my case.

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Whoa!

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I'm sorry, Santiago!

76
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I've got a text!

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"Islanders, you have to negotiate

78
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,439
"a 3% reduction
in global carbon emissions

79
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,839
"while passing a raw squid
from mouth to mouth."

80
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This would've been
easier if you hadn't left the EU.

81
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That's negative two points
for the squid slip!

82
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Vegemite!

83
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,719
 The bison calf is dead,
and the vulture feasts on its eyes.

84
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:09,359
 Cold, indifferent nature
cares nothing for a mother's tears.

85
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,719
Another Werner BLEEP Herzog
animal documentary.

86
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Lighten up, you miserable bastard!
Nature can be BLEEP funny.

87
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Funny? How? All we ever do
is eat or get eaten.

88
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Funny how? Funny this!

89
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,319
- Vern, that's disgusting!
- Sorry, honey.

90
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,256
- Fooled you!
- Oof, Jesus! Whoa! Wow!

91
00:04:31,291 --> 00:04:33,159
 What, have you been
eating dung beetles again?

92
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,639
Hey, Herzog, film this,
you gloomy Teutonic BLEEP!

93
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,439
Vern? Vern?

94
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:44,679
Oh, shit.

95
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:49,910
 Across the earth
blows the cold wind of death.

96
00:04:49,945 --> 00:04:51,440
He has a point.

97
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,399
The Love Island Summit
is supposed to build community.

98
00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:01,039
Who knew getting people drunk
in the sun just causes drama?

99
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,439
You won't commit
to copyright protection,

100
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,199
your performance in the lap-dance
challenge made me weep.

101
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,999
I have to question if you're here
for the right reasons!

102
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I'm not into communal activities
unless enforced by the state.

103
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I've got a text!

104
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,000
"Tonight, we vote on...

105
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,613
- "..sanctions."
- Oh, fuck!

106
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- Fuck!
- I'm not here.

107
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We all voted on sanctions,
and it's time to read the results.

108
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And the vote is...

109
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..sanctions on Russia!

110
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Damn it!

111
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I need to upgrade
my vote-rigging software.

112
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,759
I've got a text!

113
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It's yet another big twist.

114
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A new Islander
is joining us right now.

115
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Ooh, I hope it's hot twins!

116
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- Howdy!
- Oh, God!

117
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That is the exact opposite
of hot twins.

118
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All right, America's here.

119
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I'm declaring a new alliance.
Australia, the UK, and the US.

120
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♪AwkusMaximus.
Take that, bat breath.

121
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Ooh, I'm so scared.

122
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,999
Mr American Big Mac
and his two chicken nuggets.

123
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Hey, Australia is getting
nuclear submarines,

124
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for which the UK is providing
precision-engineered biscuits.

125
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You were supposed to buy
French submarines,

126
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powered by
fine Bordeaux diesel fuel!

127
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Right, but the instruction manual
was in bloody French!

128
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Your loss.

129
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,370
- Periscope up!
- Oh!

130
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,919
Guys, you know I'm loving
your chanting very much,

131
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but at the Liverpools we are wanting
to make the chanting less offensive.

132
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What's the point in that?

133
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,359
Well, you get to support
the Liverpools,

134
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,399
but also not make other people
feel so bad.

135
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,759
Let's try it, ja?
Ha-ha!

136
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The referee's a wanker!

137
00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:02,879
But masturbation is a healthy part
of the human experience!

138
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,319
Right, guys! Ha-ha!
Boom!

139
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,759
You're shit and you know you are!

140
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,639
Which shows an impressive degree
of insight and modesty!

141
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You fat bastard!
You fat bastard!

142
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,599
All body shapes are valid!
In or out of wedlock!

143
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- Shut up, you wanker!
- Ow!

144
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Feedback. Wow! fantastic!

145
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Ha-ha!

146
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Good evening.

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Britain's carbon dioxide,
or CO2, supplies are falling,

148
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putting our food supplies at risk.

149
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,059
There are many reasons,
but I've been told by

150
00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:40,319
the government that
none of them are Brexit.

151
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Luckily, we all produce CO2
when we talk,

152
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in a process called "out-gassing".

153
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We have developed
a device to harness this.

154
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I will now demonstrate
with the help of the Prime Minister.

155
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,999
Mr Johnson,
tell us about Winston Churchill.

156
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Ah, yes! Winston Churchill,

157
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,799
perhaps the greatest Prime Minister
this country has ever had.

158
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A colossus,
bestriding the world stage.

159
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,119
We've already produced enough
hot gas

160
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,559
to carbonate 15 barrels of beer.

161
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,319
...packing.
Indefatigable, unshakeable.

162
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,719
He is, without doubt...

163
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,519
The pressure's too high!

164
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,719
Deploy the
emergency-braking question!

165
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,759
How many children do you have?

166
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,759
The bulldog spirit
of the indomitable British.

167
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:24,119
It's not working!

168
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,359
Take cover!

169
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,639
I have nothing to offer
but blood, sweat and gas.

170
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:51,599
Madame Vice President,
I'm proud of the work

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00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,839
we two have done
for the Black community.

172
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It's hard to believe
that in our lifetime

173
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,519
we've made Juneteenth
a federal holiday!

174
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,279
No-one was asking for it,
but we got it done.

175
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,319
Still, it does seem
more of a symbolic gesture.

176
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,479
Yes, a gesture of progress!

177
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,079
A progressive gesture of symbolism.

178
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,759
You know what would be
a real progressive step?

179
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,719
Actual reparations.

180
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,959
- I feel you, sister.
- We're not sisters.

181
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,639
I hear you, girlfriend.

182
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:26,759
Well, reparations are politically
risky and an uphill battle,

183
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,639
but I will make something happen!

184
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,039
Mr Lin-Manuel Miranda,

185
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:37,199
I want you to write a song
celebrating reparations.

186
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,639
Wow, it's really gonna happen!

187
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:43,319
Yes, the uplifting hope of starting
the conversation about reparations

188
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:46,439
is going to happen,
thanks to your song.

189
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,959
It'll be like that
Imagine video from the pandemic!

190
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,719
That was widely hated...
but widely viewed!

191
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:57,199
- I'll call the song Raparations.
- I would never have thought of that.

192
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,799
Of course, the man who invented
hip-hop is a genius.

193
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,439
I'm already in the flow.
Gimme a beat.

194
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,919
♪ Nancy Pelosi
You're gonna toast me ♪

195
00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:12,159
♪ Cos this song will be
Closely associated ♪

196
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,679
♪ With not being hated. ♪

197
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,520
Don't worry, I'm working on it.

198
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:25,599
In the end, the only alliance
that survived was Jacinda and me.

199
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,079
Not surprising,
since we are basically one country.

200
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,221
- And how's that working out?
- Bloody awful.

201
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,176
We're in a war over
who invented the Pavlova dessert.

202
00:10:34,203 --> 00:10:36,599
Plus, everyone keeps confusing
our accents.

203
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,799
Which is crazy,
because they're totally different.

204
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,450
Wait, did I say that?

205
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,599
Branding is all about
creating an experience.

206
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,640
And I will teach you
how to sell that.

207
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,679
As you enjoy a bottle
of my delicious Whatamana tequila...

208
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:57,000
Go out and buy it, I can wait.

209
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,479
I'm Dwayne Johnson.

210
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:04,040
And you're paying me
to sell you tequila.

211
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,239
Lin-Manuel,

212
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:13,639
what's our three-minute hip-hop
song about reparations like?

213
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,439
Like a four-hour musical.

214
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,239
I play Alexander Hamilton's
great-grandson,

215
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,259
a time-travelling space immigrant

216
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,279
who serves justice to the oppressed.

217
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,519
Check out my space wig.

218
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,498
♪ Yo, I'm Devon Hamilton, you see ♪

219
00:11:27,571 --> 00:11:29,719
♪ It's t-t-2093 ♪

220
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,199
♪ Gonna heal a broken nation
With a raparation ♪

221
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,319
♪ Conversation
A conversation that is serious ♪

222
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,639
♪ Make you delirious
You hearing this? ♪

223
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,559
♪ I'm Devon Hamilton
And I also play the flute. ♪

224
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,719
Great! But does it fully represent
the Black community?

225
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,999
Why don't you ask my co-star,
Ariana Grande?

226
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,239
Wow! She sounds and looks so Black.

227
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,320
♪ It's tan from a can! ♪

228
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,919
So your plan to advance reparations
is Hamilton II: In Space?

229
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,679
It's a joyous celebration
of our cultural diversity,

230
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,239
with an edgy sci-fi twist!

231
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,999
And the Democratic Party
gets a piece of the box office.

232
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,599
So everybody gets money except
for the Black people who need it.

233
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,759
♪ And all the rich liberals
Feel as good as can be ♪

234
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:29,039
♪ Getting paid, but watch the play
To show solidarity. ♪

235
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,399
Phoebe, I got your new rewrite.

236
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,839
- Good, isn't it?
- Mm. Got a couple of concerns.

237
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,919
It starts off
in Moneypenny's office.

238
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,399
Bit of flirty banter.

239
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,719
But when Bond goes in to see M,
we stay with Moneypenny,

240
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,519
who turns to camera and says...

241
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,119
"He shagged me up the arse."

242
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:55,639
- Yes?
- Well, normally, it's more innuendo.

243
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,039
Bond might say,

244
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,559
- "I once took her up the Orinoco."
- Oh.

245
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,559
Er... What if I change it to
"He came on my tits"?

246
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,919
Meanwhile, we're missing all
the explanation about the mission.

247
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,499
The mission's not the real story.

248
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:11,399
- The relationships are.
- Well... I suppose you are the genius.

249
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,599
Oh, sod it.

250
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,399
I mean, in Die Another Day,
he had an invisible car.

251
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:24,079
Why don't we raise the stakes,
Mr Scary-Finger?

252
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:27,280
As you wish, Mr Bond.

253
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,160
Why is it so bloody hard
to find a good vibrator?

254
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:35,679
I had to see you!

255
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,359
Because you want
to shag me up the arse?

256
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:41,199
You're so damaged and posh,
and you're so clumsy.

257
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,359
Argh! Ooh!

258
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,839
My old flatmate accidentally
killed herself, you see.

259
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,440
I wonder if Mr Scary-Finger
knows anything about that.

260
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,559
Ooh, I'd like him
to shag me up the arse!

261
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,039
What are you implying, Mr Bond?

262
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,599
Only that this is no time to die!

263
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,039
Mmm! Oh!

264
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,199
Are you sure it's going to work?

265
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,679
Bound to. I'm getting
ten grand a day for this.

266
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,119
Fair point.

267
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,479
Hi, I'm Bill. I'm recently single.

268
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,079
I'm into cookies,
enterprise software

269
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:31,519
and giving my fortune away
to anybody but my ex-wife.

270
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,719
<i>And how do you like to have fun?</i>

271
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:37,119
I write my name in Wingdings!

272
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,399
Here at Emmanuel Macron's
restaurant

273
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,279
everyone is on their first date.

274
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,599
Welcome, sir. I think we
have ze perfect lady for you.

275
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,559
Hi, I'm Liz Windsor.
What am I looking for?

276
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,519
Well, I'm fresh out of
a long-term relationship,

277
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,039
so definitely nothing serious.

278
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,159
And no more cousins.

279
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,439
<i>Is there anything
you're worried about?</i>

280
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,479
Hmm. Is the sceptre too much?

281
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,639
So, do you have any children?

282
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,799
- Yes.
- Same! Do you want any more?

283
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,319
Christ, no.
I barely want the ones I have.

284
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,479
Are yours waiting for you to die?

285
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,679
- Yeah!
- I feel ya.

286
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,919
Ooh la la!
Connection?

287
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,479
I don't know.
I mean, sure, he's got his own hips,

288
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:27,920
but I suppose one was
rather hoping for Zac Efron.

289
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,479
I'm just trying to
make the world better, you know?

290
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:38,159
But seems like whatever I do,
someone's got a problem with me.

291
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,399
That's why I never do anything.

292
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:45,039
Say...
you ever visit Pornhub?

293
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,719
Yeah, I mean,
obviously she's a cougar.

294
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:51,359
But there's something
about that sceptre...

295
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,039
Yeah, I think
there is an attraction.

296
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,319
He only went to the toilet twice
during dinner.

297
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,479
He's an LA six.

298
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,599
Windsor nine,
if you know what I mean.

299
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,079
Say, you know
about computers, right?

300
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:09,959
Hypothetically,
would you be able to erase

301
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,199
somebody's son's internet history?

302
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,639
Are you inviting me home for coffee?

303
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,159
So, would you like
to see each other again?

304
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,879
Well, I had fun.

305
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,719
You seem like a genuine guy.
No webbed hands or feet.

306
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,319
I'm up for seeing where this goes.
You?

307
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,079
Absolutely.

308
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,759
I mean, you played it
totally emotionless,

309
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,639
but what can I say?

310
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,559
I'd like to show you
the Tower of London.

311
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,285
- Stop it!
- No, you stop it!

312
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,919
Don't stop it.

313
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,159
Two billionaires found love.

314
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,759
And the rest of us
are left to clean up ze mess.

315
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,079
Oh! Leftover pudding.

316
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:02,679
Mr President,

317
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,359
the results of the Russian
presidential election are in.

318
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:10,439
A thousand apologies, but...
you lost.

319
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,839
What?! How?! Who could
have possibly beaten me?

320
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,519
Oh, ha! Only me!

321
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,759
- Wha...?
- Olivia Colman.

322
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,924
Won the Emmy, now your election!

323
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:23,760
- Gosh, I win everything!
- She's right, you know.

324
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,000
Oh, gosh, oopsie!

325
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,960
Stop! Thief!
He's nicking my scooter!

326
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,919
Did someone call for The Foxman?

327
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,359
- The who?
- The Foxman.

328
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,319
By day, I'm Keir Starmer,

329
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,119
a politician limited by
the irrelevance of the Labour Party.

330
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,119
But by night,
in the guise of Foxman,

331
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,815
I tackle injustice wherever I see it.

332
00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,959
Within the prescribed legal and
regulatory framework, obviously.

333
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,439
So you're a superhero
with no utility belt,

334
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,399
no ninja stars and no actual powers?

335
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,119
True. But I do have
a very complicated backstory.

336
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,079
- In that case, I'm off.
- Do something!

337
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,799
There's a crime
staring you right in the face!

338
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,359
There is indeed.

339
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:14,639
Your helmet does not comply
with safety regulation EN1078,

340
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,519
which clearly states that
there should be no occultation

341
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,999
in the field of vision,
horizontally,

342
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,519
by a minimum of 105 degrees

343
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,559
from the longitudinal
vertical median plane.

344
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,759
- What the...?
- All right, bab.

345
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,639
Show some fucking leadership.

346
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,599
Aren't you Jess Phillips,
the annoying, outspoken feminist

347
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,479
who wants to drag Labour
more to the centre?

348
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,759
No, I'm Viral!

349
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,519
The annoying, outspoken
feminist superhero

350
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,239
who wants to make Labour
more electable.

351
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,279
Superhero, eh?
What's your backstory?

352
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:51,159
Oh, fuck. Another Labour man
banging on about the past.

353
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,719
"Oh, old things!"

354
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,919
Stand back and let
the young generation sort this out!

355
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,439
Great idea.

356
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,639
Let's convene a citizens' assembly
of under 17...

357
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,159
Convene my big Labour vag.

358
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,279
You cut my scooter in half!

359
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,879
Ah! An egalitarian solution.

360
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,759
Redistribute resources equally.

361
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,759
No, destroy the bloody
thing, because an adult man

362
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,759
should not be on a scooter like a baby.

363
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,719
You wanna suck some fucking milk
from my big Labour tits?

364
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,959
Not really.
You seem quite angry.

365
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,559
Yeah, cos of the bloody patriarchy!

366
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:35,200
Now bugger off!
I'm going to tweet about this!

367
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,279
I'm going... Viral!

368
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:44,839
Your methods differ from mine,

369
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,719
and your language is a bit
Wetherspoons-at-closing-time,

370
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,639
but we fight for the same cause.

371
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,919
Perhaps the centre and the left
can join forces.

372
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:57,319
And stop internal fighting?
I'd never go viral again, duck.

373
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,599
Right, I'm off on my scooter.

374
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:04,704
- A scooter?! But you said...
- It's fine when I do it, you fuck.

375
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:10,519
- Successful evening, sir?
- I learned a valuable lesson.

376
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,639
If I'm gonna save this nation
from the forces of darkness,

377
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,639
I'm gonna have to talk about
my genitals and swear a lot more.

378
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,239
- Indeed. Shall we go home?
- Yes.

379
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,839
You big hairy twat.

380
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,639
Emma Raducanu,

381
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:33,239
congratulations on your
tip-top teenage tennis triumph.

382
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,799
And look at how much prize money
they gave you.

383
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,639
Yeah, I'm waiting for my nanny
and a chimney sweep.

384
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,799
They're going to help me
invest it wisely.

385
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,919
Well, there's nothing wiser
than investing in your country.

386
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,119
♪ I'm the handsome Chancellor
Who you can trust ♪

387
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,599
♪ Under me
The country won't go bust ♪

388
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,639
♪ When it comes to fiscal management ♪

389
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,479
♪ We're level and we're sane ♪

390
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,320
♪ We won't pour your money
Down the drain ♪

391
00:21:03,861 --> 00:21:07,599
♪ We'll buy dodgy PPE from our mates ♪

392
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,439
♪ Waste several billion
On Track and Trace ♪

393
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:15,279
♪ Not to mention
A pointless high-speed train ♪

394
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,079
♪ But we won't pour your money
Down a drain ♪

395
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:22,399
♪ But you're ruining the country
You're taxing all and sundry ♪

396
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,479
♪ I'm young, but I've got a brain ♪

397
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,359
♪ And you will pour my money
Down the ♪

398
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:32,031
♪ Will pour my money down the
Will pour my money down the drain. ♪

399
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,079
- Oh, just give it here!
- No way!

400
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,639
Let go! Let go of it!

401
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,120
Ow! Argh!

402
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,719
Excuse me, sir.

403
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,999
I've got tuppence.
Where do I feed the pigeons?

404
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,360
Tuppence?

405
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:51,680
Buggeration!