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Good evening. The producers
of Spitting Image have invited me
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to clarify some recent statements
made by the Met Police.
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Now, before I get started,
they've asked me to take off my hat
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and hold my head right about here.
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Oh!
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Ah! Fair point.
But Cressida Dick's not resigning.
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Ooh!
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♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪
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♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪
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♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪
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♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪
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- ♪ Oh-ah ♪
- ♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah! ♪
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Right. This week is my big speech
to the Tory conference.
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I know I can please the crowd
classic Bozza style,
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but this year, I really want
to dig into the issues.
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Let me run it past you
and get your honest opinion.
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Bring it on, boss!
Make love to my ears.
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"Hello, Manchester."
Pause for applause.
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Yes!
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The centrepiece of our programme
is "levelling up".
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Good. Finally, the details of what
"levellin' up" actually means.
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Look! I've got big knockers!
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Ha-ha!
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Oh, if these were real,
I'd never leave the house.
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That will definitely play in the Shires,
but what about the economy?
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Oh, I've got that.
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We shall turbocharge the economy,
no strings attached.
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- Very good. Excellent.
- Oh! Yes.
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But exactly how will we...?
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Argh! My eyes!
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Strings!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
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Ooh-ooh! Hoo-hee-ha-ha!
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Ah, God bless the man
who invented that.
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And, of course, we shall
safeguard supplies of British food.
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Crivens.
Here comes the pie in the face.
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Wrong. Brick!
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Ooh!
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- Oh!
- Yada-yada-yada...
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..and then I get my cock out.
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You can't win over
the entire Tory Party
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with an hour of prop comedy
and knob gags!
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God, politics is easy.
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OK, guys, we're here
to talk about our next campaign.
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Getting knocked out
of the World Cup?
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No, our next campaign
to effect profound social change.
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That's why we got into football, right?
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Sound. Also, the hot women
that we totally respect.
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We at FIFA
support your progressive values.
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Right, who has some ideas?
Apart from Marcus.
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- Stop human rights abuses?
- Great idea!
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But maybe we can leave this
until after the Qatar World Cup?
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A campaign against junk food
that causes obesity?
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Excellent!
We'll definitely consider that
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when the sponsorship deals are up
in 2070.
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We should stop taking money
from gambling companies.
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They're ruining society.
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- Yeah, that's right, they are.
- Yes!
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I had a grand on you to say that.
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- What about air pollution?
- Perfect celebrity cause.
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Everyone's against it,
and no-one expects us
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to have any ideas
about how to solve it.
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- Yeah, yeah.
- That's right, yeah.
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Let's hop on the Learjet
and go buy Lamborghinis!
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Wahey!
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- Fantastic!
- Great!
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Yay!
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Mr President, we're never gonna
get anything through Congress
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if we can't find
a reasonable Republican.
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The infrastructure bill
has collapsed,
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budget reconciliation
is irreconcilable,
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and gun control is shot to hell.
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Plus I forgot my Netflix login.
A lot of problems.
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You know, I need my booster shot.
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It's not a vaccine.
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It's a blend of holy water
and chocolate syrup.
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Yeah! Bless my soul.
I feel like presidentin' all night.
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Yowww!
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We'll let you work.
Pull the cord if you need us.
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Think, Joe.
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Where can I find
a reasonable Republican?
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Perhaps one was here all along!
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- Who are you?
- Mayor Cheeseburger.
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I was Donald Trump's
favourite secret advisor.
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Figures he'd like a talking burger.
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Hey! I'm also a mayor...
of Burgertown!
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A Republican stronghold!
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And this is my colleague
from Idaho...
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Reverend French Fries.
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Praise the Lord
and pass the ketchup!
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Hey, you two are diner folk,
just like me.
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That's right!
We're all regular Joes,
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not Washington Beltway insiders.
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We're ready to compromise
on everything... except flavour.
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I bet we can work out a deal.
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Ow! Hey, man,
that's my frontal lobe!
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My God! We thought
we could work with you,
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but you're just
another liberal brain-eater!
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- No, no, no, wait!
- We'll never make a deal.
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Wake up!
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Wake up!
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Wake up! Wake up!
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Whoa. What the heck?
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So it was all a dream...
But I learned an important lesson...
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no compromise is possible as long as
we keep eating each other's brains.
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Uh, maybe no more booster shots
for you.
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Hey, guys. It's Chrissy Teigen.
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Ten years ago, I did something bad,
and I need to apologise.
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I tweeted something very cruel
to a teenager.
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I am so sorry.
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But that's not who I am now.
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You know, I-I've evolved
into a kind, thoughtful...
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Did someone just thumbs-down me?
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Who the hell do you think you are?!
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I hope you fall into a river
and go missing for days
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and your husband thinks you're
dead and remarries someone
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right on your empty grave!
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And here's what happened
to your skull!
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Breaks my heart,
but we're gonna have
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- to cull these pigs.
- We've got no choice.
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With no truck drivers
to take 'em to t'market,
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we have to destroy them.
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- I'll take your damn pigs to market!
- Tom Cruise? But why?
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Because I once had a farm
with a little pig called Babe.
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He was so special...
he wanted to herd sheep,
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but I didn't believe in him.
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I let him down.
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And if I deliver your pigs,
I can make amends!
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Wasn't that the movie Babe?
And you wasn't even in that.
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Damn it. I need redemption!!
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OK, OK. The truck's over there.
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Listen to me.
I lied to those farmers.
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I'm going to set you free.
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They won't make you
into honey-roast ham,
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or... pork sausages
with pepper and nutmeg...
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or a delicious bacon sandwich
with vine-ripe tomatoes
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and aioli mayonnaise.
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Mm! Boy, this pig is delicious!
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Wait... I didn't get my redemption!
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I'm sorry, Babe!
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Hey, guys. Chrissy again.
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I have to apologise
for my previous apology.
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Uh, I told @cutie-kitty92
that she should fall in a river.
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I am so sorry.
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And I apologise to all the fans
of my cookware line
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that was pulled
from Macy's and Target
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because of my previous apology.
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It's such a bummer,
cos these pans are lightweight,
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durable, non-stick...
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Oh! My pan sticks,
says @angeleyes.215?
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You know what this pan
would do to your skull?!
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Huh. Right.
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I've done knitting...
2 million views,
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I've done cupcakes...
5 million views,
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and I've pimped my shopping trolley...
10 million views!
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But what next for my YouTube
channel, Inside Tom Daley?
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Lance?
Lance! I need some help here!
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You never wanna make content
with me.
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I'm busy with this screenplay
about the life
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of a gay World War Two bomber pilot
who obliterated Dresden
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and went on to invent
the Post-it note!
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Well, that's really inspiring,
but it's not content!
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What?
We made content the other day!
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That doesn't count.
Your mind wasn't on it.
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We used to make content
five times a day!
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Tom, content isn't everything.
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I want our relationship
to be more than that.
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The last time we made content,
it was last thing on a Sunday night,
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it only lasted five minutes, and
you struggled to get it uploaded.
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Is that all I am to you?
A content provider?
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Course not.
I love all the... typing you do.
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I'm always polishing your Oscar.
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I just think content's more exciting
when it's spontaneous.
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We could make content now!
That would be spontaneous!
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I can't be spontaneous
just like that!
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Ugh. Well, if you're not gonna
make content with me,
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maybe I need to find someone
who will.
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Don't be like that, honey.
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I promise, I'll make content
with you later.
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Thanks.
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- Fancy a shag?
- Yeah! Let's spice it up.
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- I'll put a shirt on.
- And I'll wear that sexy little
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number you got me for my birthday.
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Mm!
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You guys. Wow.
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I am so filled with shame
for my behaviour
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that I wanna crawl into a hole.
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People are saying
I'm just trolling them,
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but I swear,
I'm a deeply flawed human,
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but I'm not a troll.
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What?
I do not have troll ears.
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They've been surgically trimmed
to help hold back my hair.
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Mm!
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00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,479
Hello, Chrissy.
It's me, Mark Zuckerberg.
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00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,879
Oh! Let me guess... you're
banning me for hate speech!
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00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,519
No. We at Facebook-Instagram
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00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,439
neither condemn nor condone
anything.
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00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,479
However, you've exceeded
your apology count.
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OK, I admit... I'm a troll.
I was always a troll.
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00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,639
I live under a bridge,
and I eat goats,
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and the only thing I'm sorry for
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is that I didn't start eating
goats sooner!
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More goats!
Bring me goats!
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00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,839
What the fuck is going on here, son?
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I'm just deciding
my favourite type of rice.
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I've got it down to pilau,
long-grain and white.
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Do what? I've got the record
company all right up my April.
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00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,319
Show me what you been working on!
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- It's my masterpiece, Dad.
- Great.
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00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,319
Will it have some
white-boy rapping on it?
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It's a C-111 form!
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00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,919
It allows planning permission
for a one-storey,
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00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,519
non-residential development
on a Grade II-listed building.
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00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,559
That's not gonna get played
at weddings!
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00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:10,799
No, but it will stop my neighbour
Tony from blocking my new gazebo.
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00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,359
I'm turning my little village estate
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00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,799
into a gazebo heaven!
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00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:18,639
You're supposed to be a pop star!
You've lost focus.
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00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,942
No, I'm totally focused.
Look!
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00:10:21,977 --> 00:10:24,679
I've also found
this 17th-century covenant
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which will stop my
other neighbour... Mary...
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00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,519
from extending her garden
into my patio!
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You're mentally and musically unstable.
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I'm gonna have to Britney Spears you
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00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,599
and get one of
them "conservatorships".
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00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,719
Is that like a conservatory?
I could put my pot plants in it.
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00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,559
No, son! It's where I take
charge of your affairs.
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No more late nights on the
planning department website.
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No more sneaking out
to measure boundaries.
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00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,399
At least you're still
smoking pot, though.
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00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,479
No, I quit.
I just like the plants.
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00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,799
God damn it!
What kind of pop star are you?
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00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,239
- Don't you understand, Dad?
- No, I don't!
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I don't really want approval
from the planning department.
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00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,199
I want it... from you.
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00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,039
- And the planning department.
- What?
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00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,459
Ever since I saw you put up
a prefab garden shed without
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00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:09,879
instructions, even though
there were two screws missing,
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00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,519
I've just wanted to be you.
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00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,999
Well, that's very nice of you
to say, son.
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00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,599
But you've got two screws missing,
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00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,919
and I'm still taking charge
of your bank accounts!
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00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,909
I feel gutted.
I feel used.
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00:11:20,944 --> 00:11:23,919
- I feel let down.
- Great lyrics!
244
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,540
Put some Irish fiddle on it
and whack it on Spotify.
245
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,199
Hello, is that Britney's dad?
246
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,319
It only bloody worked!
247
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,719
♪ I feel gutted ♪
248
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,079
♪ I feel used ♪
249
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,439
♪ I feel let down and abused ♪
250
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:46,079
♪ Where's my gazebo ♪
251
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:50,439
♪ Of love? ♪
252
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,399
The Pandora papers have revealed
253
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,239
that your biggest Tory donors
may be mired in corruption.
254
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,956
Do you plan to continue
taking dirty cash
255
00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:00,479
- from dodgy donors?
- Absolutely not.
256
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,559
All our donors
are stringently scrutinised
257
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,959
by an ethics and integrity panel
that is beyond reproach.
258
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,639
And this committee doesn't
just rubber-stamp everything?
259
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,216
Sometimes,
they're very hard to convince.
260
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,919
I rest my case.
Next question.
261
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,939
Cristiano, after the final whistle,
262
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:39,959
you stormed down the tunnel,
263
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,719
pouting, and shaking your head
like a little baby.
264
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,173
Are you sulking because
you started on the bench?
265
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,295
No. Ronaldo is not sulking about stupid
266
00:12:47,296 --> 00:12:49,359
manager not starting
best player in the world.
267
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,799
- So you're not upset?
- No. I am mature grown-up.
268
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,359
Now I take ball home
and tell my mum on you!
269
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,559
- Greta.
- Malala.
270
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:13,279
"Mother Earth"?
Isn't that a bit Earth supremacist?
271
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,679
Yeah, I'm from the Mars Society,
272
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,919
and this kind of micro-aggression
isn't helping my anxiety issues.
273
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:24,399
You're so lucky
you only signed up five people.
274
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,079
Trying to keep track of all my
members is going to be a nightmare.
275
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,239
- The point is to get my message out.
- That might be easier
276
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,640
if you hadn't put
an extra apostrophe in "students".
277
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,999
I didn't have you down
as a grammar Nazi.
278
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,079
Did you hear that, everyone?
Greta just called me a Nazi.
279
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,679
No! I didn't!
280
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,559
She called me, Malala,
281
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:47,519
the girl who was shot
by the Taliban, a Nazi!
282
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:51,867
That is not true!
A-And do you know who is in my club?
283
00:13:51,902 --> 00:13:54,199
- Harry Styles!
- Pfft!
284
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,479
I don't believe you.
You're not cool enough.
285
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:57,839
Not like me and Fintan.
286
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:01,639
It is true!
I don't care how cool Fintan is.
287
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,919
Boris, dear...
288
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,679
you know what this flat needs?
289
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:18,079
Wallpaper.
Very expensive wallpaper.
290
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:22,999
But, Carrie, my darling,
I am somewhat strapped for cash.
291
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:28,439
Chunky goblin,
do not dare to question my will.
292
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,879
You will do my bidding,
293
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,759
for I am Terror
and you are my plaything.
294
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:38,679
- Yes, dear.
- Say the words. Say them!
295
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:43,239
By the power of sexual intercourse
with someone 20 years my junior,
296
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,639
- I will do thy bidding!
- Good boy.
297
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,159
- Go get the wallpaper.
- Yes, dear.
298
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,079
No more breast-feeding!
299
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:57,519
It stretches the boobs.
300
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,759
Honestly,
it's such a mind-blowing honour
301
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:04,439
to be the youngest artist
to ever headline Glastonbury.
302
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,559
Why am I not picked
to play at festival?
303
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,719
Ronaldo should be first name on list!
304
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,880
I am taking guitar 'ome!
Goodbye, assholes!
305
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,879
There. I've tightened up
the loose nut on your stand.
306
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,959
Health and safety
could have done you for that.
307
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,279
Thought that was all gonna change
when we left the EU,
308
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,399
- but there we are.
- Oh, Lee, I lied to Malala
309
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,559
and said Harry Styles
has joined my club.
310
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,639
That's what she does to you!
Now I'm going to look like a fool.
311
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,239
- Oh, this looks cool!
- Harry!
312
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,639
- You find it interesting?
- Abso-fabulously!
313
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,319
- Do you want to be part of it?
- Tota-rotally.
314
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:44,359
Malala, come and see!
Harry Styles is in my club.
315
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,439
Really?
316
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:49,439
No, I was talking about these
fab tools. They're so manly.
317
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,279
- I'd love to be part of this.
- Oh, Greta...
318
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,919
Come on, Harry.
Let's go to my party.
319
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,459
Actually, I'd rather go to the pub
320
00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:59,199
- with Lee and talk about tools.
- What?!
321
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,919
Come on, Lee. I'm buying.
Bring your wrenchy thing.
322
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,199
Righto, mate.
323
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:07,124
But we've got drugs!
Fintan's bringing Ventolin!
324
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:13,039
Why I am not picked for James
Bond movie? I am perfect man.
325
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,359
Good fitness. I always win!
326
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,959
Now, Ronaldo, don't you think
you're behaving a little childishly?
327
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,919
You are right, Daniel Craig.
You see into my 'eart.
328
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,799
I have been acting
like foolish baby. No more.
329
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,079
Good lad.
330
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,799
Argh! My arm! Referee!
331
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:32,359
Oh, Ronaldo.
This is... no time to dive.
332
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:36,166
Come on, Ref. You gonna
let him get away with that?!
333
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:42,279
Pretty soon, there's bound to be
an opening on the Supreme Court.
334
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,239
And I gotta move it left.
Way left.
335
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,799
They'll go so left, it'll be
tucked between my butt-cheeks.
336
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,799
I'll explain that to you later, sir.
337
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,439
Great, man.
I want a legal scholar the kids'll like.
338
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,039
Someone with pizzazz, razzmatazz.
339
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,159
If you're looking to upgrade
the court's class and sass,
340
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,560
there's only one way
to find the perfect nominee.
341
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,679
♪ RuPaul's Judge Race
start your engines ♪
342
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,519
♪ RuPaul's Judge Race. ♪
343
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,039
Our first contestant comes to us
344
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,399
from the Third Circuit
Court of Appeals.
345
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:16,200
Will her ensemble be appealing,
or will it get her disbarred?
346
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,919
I'm serving you Babylonian style,
347
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,319
from the original lawmaker,
King Hammurabi.
348
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,959
Eye for an eye,
tooth for a tooth, bitch.
349
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,239
And do not touch
my beard extensions.
350
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,759
Old-school justice!
351
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,199
Republicans'll love her.
But she's a no-sale to Dems.
352
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,959
Are those papyrus scrolls real?
Because that would freak me out.
353
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,079
Our next lawyer is known
for her legendary oral...
354
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,319
- arguments!
- I'll explain that one later.
355
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,479
I got that one.
I've been on trains.
356
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,519
I'm dishing Good Shepherd
of the Constitution.
357
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,759
You expect a nomination for that?
358
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,319
Don't count your sheep,
Little Ho Peep.
359
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,919
But also, she's an expert
on the Commerce Clause.
360
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,319
Next up, a real twist.
361
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:08,879
She tips the scales of justice
with fierce, fishy realness.
362
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,399
Come through, bio queen.
363
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,439
Ooh, honey,
they say justice is blind.
364
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,759
And your outfit proves it.
365
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,439
You shouldn't rush to judgement,
366
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:21,079
because I'm no believer
in judicial restraint.
367
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,279
It's a Ru-veal!
368
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,719
I'm gagging for it.
369
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:28,118
I think this queen may reign supreme.
370
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,559
Help! Secret Service!
A dog's got me!
371
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:43,399
- My motion was denied. I was tricked.
- Overruled.
372
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,799
I will not stand
for contempt of court.
373
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,679
You're dis-mizzed.
374
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,039
I swore I wasn't going to cry,
but... I'll allow it.
375
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,880
It's time for our final contestants...
376
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,439
...to lip-sync for your life...
377
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,519
time appointment
to the Supreme Court.
378
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:11,233
Cue Samuel Alito's opinion
in the case of Collins v Yelland.
379
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:15,399
♪ Because the Federal Housing
Finance Agency, FHFA ♪
380
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,879
♪ Did not exceed its authority ♪
381
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,959
♪ Under the Housing And
Economic Recovery Act of 2008 ♪
382
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,359
♪ As a conservator
Of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac ♪
383
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,619
- ♪ The anti-injunction... ♪
- Hang on, stop the opinion.
384
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,479
I know who our nominee should be.
385
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,799
He, she, they...
386
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:33,439
- You have been here all along.
- Me?
387
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:37,119
You've had to make the hardest and
most important decisions for years.
388
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:40,199
Which fella looks like a dame?
389
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:44,160
I sentence us all
to a life of eleganza.
390
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,399
♪ RuPaul's Judge Race ♪
391
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:51,879
♪ May the best justice
best justice win! ♪
392
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,039
It was exciting in places,
393
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,559
and you could sense the audience
responding to that,
394
00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:00,203
but if I'm honest, it was overlong,
complicated and very hard to follow.
395
00:20:00,238 --> 00:20:02,039
So you didn't like the Bond film?
396
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,719
What? No, I was talking
about my speech
397
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,159
at the Labour Party conference.
398
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,560
As for the film,
I felt a lot of the issues really
399
00:20:07,561 --> 00:20:08,880
spoke to our national character...
400
00:20:08,904 --> 00:20:10,719
patriotic and yet outward-looking,
401
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,799
- not afraid to ask difficult...
- Oh, why don't you fuck off?
402
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,319
The traffic light system
for travel in Europe is over.
403
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:22,119
Britons are free once more
to explore France, Spain and Crete,
404
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,519
where I saved Afghanistan
and went snorkelling.
405
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:25,759
Deputy Prime Minister,
406
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,479
the leaders of Greece,
Spain and France to see you.
407
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,079
Ah, Mr Raab, uh, we beg you.
408
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:35,320
- Put us back on your red travel list.
- Really? But why?
409
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:42,359
♪ Mr Raab, we beg you
Put us back on your red travel list ♪
410
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,599
♪ And stop the British tourists
Coming over who are always pissed ♪
411
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,679
♪ To vomit in our fountains
After eating egg and chips for tea ♪
412
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,440
♪ Shag on beaches unprotected
Spreading all their STDs ♪
413
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,239
♪ They point at menu
Wave their arms ♪
414
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:56,919
♪ And say our food
Gives them the shits ♪
415
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,199
♪ That is why we beg you ♪
416
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,319
♪ Put us back
On your red travel list ♪
417
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,159
♪ They urinate in streets and alleys
Making all our cities smell ♪
418
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,640
♪ Wearing T-shirts printed
With a penis saying, "Fucking hell" ♪
419
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,839
♪ We've had enough
Of British drunkards ♪
420
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,319
♪ Falling off our balconies ♪
421
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:14,399
♪ Of getting into nasty fights
And clogging up our A&Es ♪
422
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,679
♪ The hen-night women
Roam the streets in scary packs ♪
423
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:17,759
♪ And flash their tits ♪
424
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,960
♪ Mr Raab, we beg you, put us back
On your red travel list ♪
425
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,599
♪ I hear you all, I hear you moan
But here's the harsh reality ♪
426
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,839
♪ You need the British tourists
To prop up your flat economies ♪
427
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,180
♪ So here's your choices ♪
428
00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:32,999
♪ Drunken yobs or unemployment
Get my gist? ♪
429
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:37,379
♪ Sadly, we agree that we must
Stay off your red travel list. ♪
430
00:21:37,414 --> 00:21:38,974
Oi, oi!
431
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,919
Oh, this is a lovely place to fish.
432
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:48,279
The Somerset Levels to our right,
the Glastonbury Tor to our left.
433
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:49,759
Oh...
434
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,440
Ooh! 'Ey up, Susie...
I've got a bite!
435
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,239
Oh, thank God! You saved me!
436
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,479
Aaah! A talking fish!
Throw it back!
437
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,879
No, please!
The river's full of drugs
438
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,519
from all them Glastonbury ravers
pissing in it.
439
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,359
I'm off me fucking nut on MDMA.
440
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,599
Fry me, eat me...
just don't throw me back!
441
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,999
Oh, my God. Now I've got one.
442
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,039
Throw me back!
443
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,079
The party's just getting started!
444
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,839
Hook me, hook me!
445
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,839
Well, we've got to eat one of
them, and... I'm allergic to fish.