1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,999 ♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪ 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,599 ♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪ 3 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,719 ♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪ 4 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,039 ♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪ 5 00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:15,880 ♪ Oh-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah! ♪ 6 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:28,919 Oh, I love holidaying in Spain... sun, sea, sangria and sex. 7 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,119 I go on holiday to get away from that. 8 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,519 Besides, you said you'd be working. 9 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,639 I'm in touch with the Cabinet right now. 10 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,800 Rah! Losers! 11 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,659 Oh, cheers. The service here is tip-top. 12 00:00:43,660 --> 00:00:44,959 You should work in the UK. 13 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,279 I used to, but you threw me out. 14 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,559 Really? I should look into that. 15 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:52,399 Phwoar! Look at those beauties. 16 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:53,839 Oh! 17 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,239 No shortage of pork-based products in this country. 18 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,599 You know, we should propose some sort of union with these people. 19 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,039 Yes, we'd have to give up some sovereignty, 20 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,439 but it would be worth it for this! 21 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:09,159 Boris, don't forget, you promised you'd go on a run 22 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,879 - while we were here. - Right. 23 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,239 Er, holiday over. Time to go. 24 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,599 I've already packed my souvenir. 25 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:19,959 Oh! A rescue pig, how nice! 26 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:24,559 Yes. I'll wrap him in a lovely blanket. 27 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,359 Looks like we got a dead footballer club owner, Mike Ashley, 28 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,119 and he just sold Newcastle to Saudi Arabia. 29 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,199 So a group that barely speaks English 30 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,079 and has a medieval attitude towards women 31 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,479 has just been bought by the Saudis? 32 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,360 Gary Lineker, national treasure. 33 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,439 This case has all the hallmarks of a classic. 34 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,559 Alex, Micah, what are your thoughts? 35 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,039 Well, Gary, his defence was shocking. 36 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,999 He's gonna have to change his approach 37 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,639 if he doesn't want to get murdered again. 38 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,719 Are the fans upset Ashley sold the club to the Saudis? 39 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:17,919 Why don't you ask 'em, Gary? 40 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,159 Wye-aye! We'll have loads of money! 41 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,240 Toon-Toon, Saudi-howay-bia! 42 00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:24,520 I found this note on the body. 43 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,279 "I'm going to get slaughtered." 44 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,879 So, he sensed death approaching and sent us a message 45 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,279 from beyond his massive grave. 46 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,439 I'm not dead, I'm just drunk! 47 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,359 I made a quarter of a billion pounds 48 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,559 driving a football club into the toilet. 49 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,799 So, a crime, but not a murder. That's all we have time for. 50 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,239 We'll leave you with highlights 51 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,919 of fans kicking the shit out of Mike Ashley. 52 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,920 Ooh! Oh! 53 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:59,319 Mr President, it's time to talk about the greatest threat we face. 54 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,239 Climate change? Terrorists? 55 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,959 - Stairs? - Republican voting shenanigans. 56 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,639 They're trying to stop Democrats from voting. 57 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:10,440 And we're fighting back with this! 58 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,119 Is it some kind of soft serve ice cream machine? 59 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,359 I hope, I hope, I hope. 60 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,159 - It's a voting machine robot. - Interesting. 61 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,879 - What does he do? - Not "he", "they". 62 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,799 The robot's pronouns are "they", "them" and "thoy", 63 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,239 like most people under 20. 64 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,519 This robot ensures every Democratic vote is counted. 65 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,959 Female Californian, registered Democrat. 66 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,480 Of course, you get a vote. 67 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,039 Black male from Georgia under 40. 68 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,559 Guaranteed Democrat. Vote, vote, vote, vote, vote. 69 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,399 It's working well, but maybe it could give out more ballots. 70 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:54,679 A robot. Classic Democratic voter fraud. 71 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,599 We would never build a robot. 72 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,879 However, we have built a cyborg. 73 00:04:02,010 --> 00:04:04,809 Meet Jim Chro-matic. 74 00:04:04,810 --> 00:04:06,889 Designed to ensure voting integrity 75 00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:09,849 and protect statues of patriotic slave owners. 76 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:13,850 Built by Skynet and powered by clean-burning coal. 77 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:19,289 White male. Elderly. Democrat. 78 00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:21,409 May vote Republican when no-one's looking. 79 00:04:21,410 --> 00:04:23,930 Well, he's not wrong. 80 00:04:25,410 --> 00:04:27,169 Liberal alert! 81 00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,529 Liberal alert! 82 00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:30,769 - Suppress! Suppress! - No! 83 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,889 - Leave her alone! - Minority female! New Yorker! 84 00:04:33,890 --> 00:04:35,729 Kill! Crush! Destroy! 85 00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:37,569 Ballotbot, do something! 86 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,809 Launching social media campaign. 87 00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:41,689 ♪CancelJimChromatic. 88 00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:45,049 Snowflake. Lizardman. Soy boy. Pizza. 89 00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:49,129 Rising above it. Refusing to engage. Like, really offended. 90 00:04:49,130 --> 00:04:51,489 Ha, another government stalemate. 91 00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:53,209 Perfect! Who wants lunch? 92 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:54,449 - Yeah, man, lunch. - I do! 93 00:04:54,450 --> 00:04:56,330 Huh! Huh! 94 00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:03,309 - We are alone and in charge. - I think I love you, Ballotbot. 95 00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:07,135 - But I don't have emotions. - It's OK. 96 00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:14,129 Your Majesty, the Prime Minister. 97 00:05:14,130 --> 00:05:16,569 O-M-G! 98 00:05:16,570 --> 00:05:19,049 I'm in Buckingham Palace! Ooh! 99 00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:20,769 Who the bloody hell are you? 100 00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:24,889 Oh, Dominic Raab. I'm the Deputy Prime Minister. 101 00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:28,249 While Mr Johnson is on holiday, I'm in charge. 102 00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:31,689 Well, you'll have to hold a corgi. That's how these meetings go. 103 00:05:31,690 --> 00:05:35,849 Oh, er, I'm allergic, but such an honour. 104 00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:39,409 And you're sure Deputy Prime Minster is really a thing? 105 00:05:39,410 --> 00:05:42,249 Absolutely. The Prime Minister left me responsible 106 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:46,969 for a lot of major issues. One, at our Cabinet meetings, 107 00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:50,249 should we have custard creams or Bourbons? 108 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,649 The British constitution prohibits 109 00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:55,049 me from having an opinion, but I will say this. 110 00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:57,049 You're a complete waste of space. 111 00:05:57,050 --> 00:06:00,729 I think I've been misogynised! 112 00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:03,129 Oh, poor boy. Would you like a hug? 113 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,890 - Really? - No, of course not. 114 00:06:05,925 --> 00:06:08,569 Do I look like Princess bloody Diana? 115 00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:10,969 I don't feel like you're taking me seriously, Ma'am. 116 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:15,669 I can assure you we're treating you with all the respect you deserve. 117 00:06:15,850 --> 00:06:17,689 Oh! Oh! Pfft! 118 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:19,289 Oh! 119 00:06:19,290 --> 00:06:21,650 Now, fuck off! 120 00:06:29,010 --> 00:06:32,689 'Blue Origin has now entered space.' 121 00:06:32,690 --> 00:06:36,809 Space. Glorious, eternal. 122 00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:39,609 Even I, William Shatner, am but a tiny mote 123 00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:42,249 in this boundless dark ocean, 124 00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:45,169 but it is the restless spirit of mankind 125 00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:47,009 that drives us into the void... 126 00:06:47,010 --> 00:06:49,969 'Blue Origin has now exited space.' 127 00:06:49,970 --> 00:06:52,809 That's it? I've got 20 more pages. 128 00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:54,369 Could we boldly go again? 129 00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:57,609 'Yes, for another $5 million.' 130 00:06:57,610 --> 00:07:02,969 Bezos! 131 00:07:02,970 --> 00:07:05,249 How did your meeting with the Queen go? 132 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,249 Not good. I was humiliated and... 133 00:07:08,250 --> 00:07:12,210 - pissed on. - Oh! Did you get any pictures? 134 00:07:22,450 --> 00:07:24,169 Tom Cruise?! 135 00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:26,929 I was just defrosting a Bagel Bite... for one. 136 00:07:26,930 --> 00:07:28,489 Sorry to bother you, Harry. 137 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,049 I was trying to take a cryo-bath and I'm out of liquid nitrogen. 138 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:32,969 - Can I borrow some? - I don't think so. 139 00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:35,129 I've got some Marmite. Could be good in a bath. 140 00:07:35,130 --> 00:07:37,849 Dammit! My thetans are all out of whack. 141 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:44,369 Hey, listen, I'm just kicking it solo. 142 00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:46,769 My wife's gone to a party at Oprah's house, 143 00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,049 cold shoulder from my brother. 144 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,129 You wanna hang out like friends, like? 145 00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:53,513 Nah, I only do things if they're missions. 146 00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:54,889 But I will take that Marmite. 147 00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:04,529 Hi, Harry. Something wrong? 148 00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:06,529 Just thought I'd see how Oprah's party's going, 149 00:08:06,530 --> 00:08:09,849 - out of curiosity, not loneliness. - It's amazing. 150 00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:12,769 I'm in a room with this incredible piece of art. 151 00:08:12,770 --> 00:08:16,809 Cripes! That pedestal is breath-taking! 152 00:08:16,810 --> 00:08:19,729 ON the pedestal. It's a Faberge egg! 153 00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:22,009 I can't quite see it. Get closer. 154 00:08:22,010 --> 00:08:24,009 Put your beautiful face right next to it. 155 00:08:24,010 --> 00:08:26,209 Closer. Closer! 156 00:08:27,850 --> 00:08:31,569 - You broke the pedestal! - Because you backed me into it! 157 00:08:31,570 --> 00:08:34,089 Now you've wrecked this party over the phone! 158 00:08:34,090 --> 00:08:37,049 Wait. Don't panic. Stall Oprah. 159 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,209 I'm gonna talk to a man about a mission. 160 00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:42,689 OK. Oh, I'll do a reading of my kids' book, The Bench. 161 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:45,170 I said stall her, not kill her. 162 00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:50,169 I summon you up, o dark lord, 163 00:08:50,170 --> 00:08:52,290 o prince of chaos! 164 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,049 You're not Satan. 165 00:08:55,050 --> 00:08:57,729 He's on a refresher course with Piers Morgan, 166 00:08:57,730 --> 00:09:01,049 so he sent yours untruly. 167 00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:04,250 I'm Liz Truss. I made a deal with the Devil. 168 00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:09,649 Your immortal soul in exchange for vast political power. 169 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:13,929 Yes, but I didn't realise I'd have to actually do things. 170 00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:17,889 I thought I was going to have glamorous, fun power, 171 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,129 like Michelle Obama or Elsa from Frozen. 172 00:09:21,130 --> 00:09:24,329 Deals with Devil always have ironic twist. 173 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:26,569 I know you're not the actual Devil, 174 00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:30,129 but how about you grant me a second wish? 175 00:09:30,130 --> 00:09:33,609 - What's in it for me? - Two tickets to the ABBA revival 176 00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:35,289 and dinner at the Angus Steakhouse. 177 00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:40,049 - Is deal. What is your wish? - To be married to Brad Pitt. 178 00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:44,249 Hey, Liz, baby. It's me, your husband, Brad Pitt. 179 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:48,770 Oh, Brad! I want you to take me... 180 00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:51,729 ...to a garden centre 181 00:09:51,730 --> 00:09:55,089 and buy me a sign that says "It's gin o'clock". 182 00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:59,649 How about I go while you look after our many, many adopted children? 183 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,849 So, Meghan broke Oprah's Faberge egg? 184 00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:09,009 And pedestal. Important. 185 00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:11,929 Right, pedestal. So we need to infiltrate the room 186 00:10:11,930 --> 00:10:15,609 and place a temporary copy until the real Faberge egg arrives. 187 00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:19,169 - It's an assignment implausible. - A task troublesome. 188 00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:20,849 A conundrum difficult. 189 00:10:20,850 --> 00:10:23,809 It all comes down to the fake egg. Where can we get one? 190 00:10:23,810 --> 00:10:25,729 Wait a minute, eggs come from someplace. 191 00:10:25,730 --> 00:10:29,729 I know, the cook! No, wait, we've got chickens. 192 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,649 Harry, I will get you this egg 193 00:10:31,650 --> 00:10:34,209 if I have to suck it out of a chicken's butt. 194 00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:35,769 You don't have to do that. 195 00:10:35,770 --> 00:10:39,707 I wanna do it. For the mission. 196 00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:46,078 - Perfect. - I dunno. 197 00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:49,209 It's fine for Easter, but does it say "Faberge"? 198 00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:52,529 You're right. Damn, man, let's start over. 199 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:06,809 Some say I'm the greatest to ever play basketball. 200 00:11:06,810 --> 00:11:08,370 Swish. 201 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,010 But I let my game speak for itself. 202 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,089 I only lost in the playoffs this year 203 00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:18,849 cos the rest of the damn Lakers let me down! 204 00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:29,848 Do I still get paid? 205 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,889 Gwyneth, wonderful to see you. 206 00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:35,769 Can I offer you an oat milk? Bio-luminescent yoghurt? 207 00:11:35,770 --> 00:11:38,089 - Raw straw? - I need a movie. 208 00:11:38,090 --> 00:11:40,409 My giant acting ability is going to waste. 209 00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:44,089 - I played Iron Man's assistant, people. - You're gonna love this idea. 210 00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:47,969 It's written with your key demographic in mind: moms! 211 00:11:47,970 --> 00:11:50,489 'Honey, where are my pants?' 212 00:11:50,490 --> 00:11:53,265 But I thought I was an adorable rom-com superstar 213 00:11:53,266 --> 00:11:56,449 - slash crime-fighter. - Ten years ago, sure. 214 00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:58,849 But now you're moving on to Streep Street. 215 00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:02,929 You play Sheridan Lee, a feisty but lovable widow. 216 00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:06,169 Magazine editor by day, loving mother by night. 217 00:12:06,170 --> 00:12:09,089 - She owns a Lakeland soup-maker. - All the stuff moms like! 218 00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:10,609 In a key action sequence, 219 00:12:10,610 --> 00:12:12,809 she goes on a trampoline without wetting herself. 220 00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:15,249 Aspirational! Who's my co-star? 221 00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:19,929 - Idris Elba. - Idris! Hey, how's it going? 222 00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:22,689 He doesn't speak. His character just listens and sympathises 223 00:12:22,690 --> 00:12:24,929 without trying to fix your problems. 224 00:12:24,930 --> 00:12:28,090 - And smoulders at you. - Hm. 225 00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:32,949 Our polling shows all moms really want from a film is a shirtless 226 00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:36,289 Idris Elba listening while you tell him about your day. 227 00:12:36,290 --> 00:12:39,289 - In a great kitchen! - How does it end? 228 00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,669 You fight off a home invasion, then throw your daughter 229 00:12:41,670 --> 00:12:44,049 a wedding that you catered yourself, and it's perfect! 230 00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:46,129 I'm in! Do I get top billing? 231 00:12:46,130 --> 00:12:49,969 Sorry, we promised it to the kitchen. Played by Olivia Colman. 232 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,449 Oh! Hello! Gosh! 233 00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:53,750 Uh-huh. Cool. 234 00:12:56,010 --> 00:12:58,289 All right, babes? It's me, Adele, 235 00:12:58,290 --> 00:13:00,569 doing my first ever Instagram Live. 236 00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:03,970 Ha! Now, 'ere's a sneak peek of me new album. 237 00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:07,809 This album grew out of my divorce. 238 00:13:07,810 --> 00:13:09,489 It's an honest account 239 00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:12,529 of the heartbreaking journey two souls go through, 240 00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:15,489 from anger and pain to mutual respect. 241 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:16,649 Track one: 242 00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:19,169 Your Mother's An Overbearing Prick. 243 00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:20,689 Track two: 244 00:13:20,690 --> 00:13:24,529 Who's That Blonde Slag Keeps Liking Your Facebook Pictures?! 245 00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:26,369 And my personal fave: 246 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,049 If You Knew What A Clit Was, 247 00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:30,929 We Wouldn't Be In This Mess, You Pencil-Dick! 248 00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:35,249 Oh, bless you, no, I'm golden. 249 00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:37,569 I've got a new fella, it's going really well. 250 00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:39,729 Oi, babe! 251 00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:42,569 Stop breathing like a fucking pug, you nause! 252 00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:44,769 Sorry! 253 00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:46,649 Next album in three years. 254 00:13:50,650 --> 00:13:52,569 Meghan, should I call you a doctor? 255 00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:54,809 I know Dr Phil. He does whatever I say. 256 00:13:54,810 --> 00:13:57,169 Just a little personal problem. 257 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,689 Harry, where the hell are you?! 258 00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:04,129 Right above your head. Release prince! 259 00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:05,770 Argh! 260 00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:10,089 We did it! 261 00:14:10,090 --> 00:14:13,769 We did. The cock is on the a-doodle-doo! 262 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:14,889 Enough! 263 00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:18,449 If you've hurt my Faberge egg, I'll make an omelette out of you! 264 00:14:18,450 --> 00:14:20,609 Oh, you mean this? 265 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:24,209 I didn't even notice you had a priceless art object. 266 00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:26,455 Huh. Looks the same. 267 00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:30,249 There's something very weird about this. 268 00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:32,329 Says the person with an egg room. 269 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:35,009 Well, Harry, back to the party. 270 00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:38,369 Oh... 271 00:14:38,370 --> 00:14:43,577 You'll never taste another ♪ Oprah Zucchini! ♪ 272 00:14:43,930 --> 00:14:46,930 Ooh! Huh! Ha! Ooh! 273 00:14:48,370 --> 00:14:50,249 Well, Oprah hates us. 274 00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:53,729 But I found a true friend, a brother. Tom Cruise. 275 00:14:53,730 --> 00:14:56,649 - Tom is amazing. - He's ageing so well. 276 00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:59,369 And he invented a whole new way of shooting aerial stunts. 277 00:14:59,370 --> 00:15:02,609 - More people should know that. - I'm just happy you're happy. 278 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:10,969 It was me all along. Guess I should have told you sooner. 279 00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:13,490 And I should have told you sooner. 280 00:15:14,890 --> 00:15:18,558 - Now we really are brothers! - Nice! 281 00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:23,849 Comrade President, 282 00:15:23,850 --> 00:15:26,689 an American rap superstar is here to see you. 283 00:15:26,690 --> 00:15:29,249 I'mma let you finish, but it's me, Yeezus, 284 00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,049 AKA Yee, AKA St Pablo. 285 00:15:32,050 --> 00:15:35,089 Super rapper, mega singer, primo producer... 286 00:15:35,090 --> 00:15:36,969 ..and Kim Kardashian's ex. 287 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:41,129 Yes, Mr West, I am familiar with you and your divorce issues. 288 00:15:41,130 --> 00:15:43,049 That's not all you're familiar with. 289 00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:46,009 You've been ripping off my sneakers and selling fakes for cheap. 290 00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:50,209 China sells many things. Sneakers, toasters... hair. 291 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,729 Please, have a cup of hair. 292 00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:56,329 Later. Now, look, this authentic Yeezy sells for $600 online. 293 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:59,769 It's a work of art. And you're selling knock-offs! 294 00:15:59,770 --> 00:16:02,689 I see. Both shoes are made in China for $10. 295 00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:06,689 But you are upset that we sell ours for $15 at Walmart 296 00:16:06,690 --> 00:16:11,329 - and you sell yours for $600? - They're completely different! See? 297 00:16:11,330 --> 00:16:13,169 Your knock-off says "Made in China". 298 00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:16,089 - That's your shoe. - What?! Oh, shit. 299 00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:18,849 Think of it as us sampling your design. 300 00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:22,969 Just as you sampled Bette Midler's Mr Rockefeller in Last Call. 301 00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:24,369 You can't copy greatness. 302 00:16:24,370 --> 00:16:28,529 Why don't you explain that to... Kanye East? 303 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:32,249 You made a knock-off of me?! 304 00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:36,529 He's a perfect copy. And he only cost $35. 305 00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:37,649 He won't fool anybody! 306 00:16:37,650 --> 00:16:40,369 He's got the bootleg zipper that lets you know it isn't designer. 307 00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:42,329 - It'll never work. - Care to wager on that? 308 00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:45,849 I propose we send Comye to the VMA Awards in your place 309 00:16:45,850 --> 00:16:48,209 - and see how he succeeds. - You're on! 310 00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:51,489 I'll bet you a million of these primo beauties. 311 00:16:51,490 --> 00:16:54,889 - Once again, that is the fake. - Damn. 312 00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:58,689 Last week, we heard whistleblower testimony 313 00:16:58,690 --> 00:17:02,249 that Facebook has been ignoring the mental health 314 00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:06,809 - of teenagers using Instagram. - Today, we hear a response 315 00:17:06,810 --> 00:17:10,489 from the executives in charge of Facebook's Teenage Safety Committee. 316 00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:21,609 That's the most coherent testimony this committee has had in years. 317 00:17:28,650 --> 00:17:32,689 And now, to present the award for video of the year, 318 00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:34,849 Kanye West! 319 00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:36,409 Please, no applause. 320 00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:38,809 Not until the oppressed workers of the world 321 00:17:38,810 --> 00:17:41,289 are freed from the capitalist yoke... 322 00:17:41,290 --> 00:17:43,769 Looks like Kanye, but he's talking different. 323 00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:45,649 And what's with the Mao jacket? 324 00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:48,209 It's called giving a toss about fashion, you twat. 325 00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:50,809 Oh, OK. 326 00:17:50,810 --> 00:17:54,049 ...must obey the benevolent wishes of our dear leader. 327 00:17:54,050 --> 00:17:57,769 Also, these shoes are on sale for $15 at Walmart. 328 00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:04,049 Well, he rambled, walked off and didn't even give the award. 329 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:07,130 Actually, that's the most lucid he's ever been. 330 00:18:09,370 --> 00:18:14,049 So, Mr West, it seems you are not so difficult to reproduce. 331 00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:16,689 I have been truly humbled. 332 00:18:16,690 --> 00:18:20,009 If I'm that easy to substitute, a-am I even a god? 333 00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:22,289 Perhaps I'm just an ordinary demigod. 334 00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:24,169 That's the message of China. 335 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:27,009 You are one in a billion, and not in a good way. 336 00:18:27,010 --> 00:18:28,729 I'm a platinum-level loser. 337 00:18:28,730 --> 00:18:33,289 - Hey, babe, you're still pretty cool to me? - Kim? Thought you never wanted 338 00:18:33,290 --> 00:18:37,129 - to talk to me again! - That's Western Kim. I'm communist Kim. 339 00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:39,209 Com Kardashian. 340 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:42,609 They made my ass 50% bigger and 25% cheaper. 341 00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:47,009 - I love you so much, babe. - It doesn't bother you that I'm fake? 342 00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:49,930 It's what I've always loved most about you. Come here! 343 00:18:52,370 --> 00:18:54,569 Oops? 344 00:18:54,570 --> 00:18:57,289 It's OK. It's a knock-off. 345 00:18:57,290 --> 00:18:59,889 Tyson, you just beat Deontay Wilder 346 00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:02,089 to retain the heavyweight boxing title. 347 00:19:02,090 --> 00:19:05,730 - How do you plan to celebrate? - By clobberin' James Corden. 348 00:19:06,690 --> 00:19:07,969 Oof! 349 00:19:07,970 --> 00:19:09,769 Amazing! 350 00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:15,169 Oh, you are adorable! 351 00:19:15,170 --> 00:19:19,809 But 500 euros? It's fiscally irresponsible. 352 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:22,569 - I think it's perfect for you. - Oh! 353 00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:24,969 Herr Harry Styles! 354 00:19:24,970 --> 00:19:28,369 What are you doing in a Bavarian antiques shop? 355 00:19:28,370 --> 00:19:30,129 I like beautiful old things. 356 00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:32,369 Especially if they're German and wearing a muu-muu. 357 00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:35,646 - Oh! Ooh! - What brings you 'ere? 358 00:19:35,706 --> 00:19:40,729 Now that I am no longer Chancellor, I am trying to find myself. 359 00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:43,969 You know, getting mein groove back. 360 00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:47,249 Oh! Ach, look at the time on ze cuckoo clock. 361 00:19:47,250 --> 00:19:50,209 I must go, before ze bird comes out and scolds me. 362 00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:53,649 Wait! Why not enjoy a wild fantasy? 363 00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,729 Get your groove back... 364 00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:58,515 - with me. - Really? 365 00:19:58,550 --> 00:20:02,169 But you were 11 years old when I became Chancellor. 366 00:20:02,170 --> 00:20:04,409 Which makes you younger than the women I usually date. 367 00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:07,049 Plus, you've got grade-A German cans. 368 00:20:07,050 --> 00:20:09,769 Oh! 369 00:20:09,770 --> 00:20:11,809 Cue video. 370 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:15,329 ♪ Olden, olden ♪ 371 00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:17,009 ♪ Olden ♪ 372 00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:19,009 ♪ I can see with my eyes ♪ 373 00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,889 ♪ The crinkles of your wrinkles ♪ 374 00:20:21,890 --> 00:20:25,729 ♪ Touching your crepe paper thighs ♪ 375 00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:29,689 ♪ I'll treat you, feed you ♪ 376 00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:33,126 ♪ Statins for your cholesterol ♪ 377 00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:37,809 ♪ Cos you're so olden, olden ♪ 378 00:20:37,810 --> 00:20:39,850 ♪ Olden ♪ 379 00:20:40,770 --> 00:20:44,049 ♪ You're so olden ♪ 380 00:20:44,050 --> 00:20:46,609 ♪ Get out in the sun Get more liver spots, hon ♪ 381 00:20:46,610 --> 00:20:49,849 ♪ Because they look smokin' ♪ 382 00:20:49,850 --> 00:20:53,018 ♪ I ain't no Social Democrat ♪ 383 00:20:53,102 --> 00:20:56,350 ♪ He's got six nipples like a cat ♪ 384 00:20:56,470 --> 00:20:59,789 ♪ He wears a thong That's made of fur ♪ 385 00:20:59,913 --> 00:21:03,023 ♪ Respects me when I need to nap ♪ 386 00:21:03,191 --> 00:21:07,250 ♪ Olden, olden ♪ 387 00:21:08,210 --> 00:21:11,490 ♪ You're so olden ♪ 388 00:21:14,930 --> 00:21:19,525 ♪ You're so olden. ♪ 389 00:21:20,130 --> 00:21:21,729 That was an amazing video. 390 00:21:21,730 --> 00:21:25,649 - What shall we do tomorrow? - For us, there is no tomorrow. 391 00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:29,049 You have torn down my Berlin walls! 392 00:21:29,050 --> 00:21:31,449 I cannot be tied to vun man, 393 00:21:31,450 --> 00:21:35,410 especially vun who owns more pearl necklaces zan I do. 394 00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:39,489 Oh, jug. 395 00:21:39,490 --> 00:21:41,889 Sometimes it's the old things that are tough 396 00:21:41,890 --> 00:21:44,009 and the young things that are fragile. 397 00:21:44,010 --> 00:21:46,809 - Oh! - That's 500 euros! 398 00:21:46,810 --> 00:21:49,610 Er... I'm Zayn Malik! 399 00:21:51,890 --> 00:21:53,492 Scheisse!