1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,239 ♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪ 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:06,599 ♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪ 3 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,279 ♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪ 4 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,119 ♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪ 5 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:15,880 ♪ Oh-ah ah-ah-ah-ah! ♪ 6 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:24,119 The climate crisis is existential. 7 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:27,759 We must put aside all national differences. 8 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,039 - Oh, Monsieur Mash Potato! - No! 9 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,679 You will not distract me from saving the planet. 10 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,919 I have impounded your little scallop boat. 11 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:36,959 Do something! 12 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,839 He's stealing British fish and covering us in beurre blanc. 13 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,119 Poor scallops ain't seen ketchup for days. 14 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,279 What?! Come on, Macron, you madeleine-muncher! 15 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,800 Bring it, you Bond-loving booby! 16 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,039 Welcome to Scallop Game! 17 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,639 Your dispute will be resolved in a manner that befits it, 18 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,079 by playing children's games! 19 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,039 Sweet! Boris will smash this! 20 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,399 Rock, paper, scissors. Begin! 21 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,399 - One, two... - Un, deux... 22 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,840 Ha! I win! 23 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,439 Next, Honeycomb Challenge! 24 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,639 Using a pin, you must carefully carve out the shape. 25 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,439 He's eaten mine too! 26 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,559 Look, we're just going round and round. 27 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,559 Shouldn't someone at least get killed? 28 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,199 This is well dodgy. It's like this muppet wants 29 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,799 this tear-up to go on forever. 30 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,759 An endless war about fish?! 31 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,560 What kind of monster would want that? 32 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,279 Captain Birds Thigh! 33 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,519 Yar! 'Tis I. 34 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,959 All I care about is keeping fish in the news. 35 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:50,799 So I be afraid ye'll be warring here forever! Ha-ha! 36 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:55,039 - Oh, come... - Well, this is a dystopian nightmare. 37 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:59,719 Still, it beats a seminar at COP26. Be lucky! 38 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,439 Harry Kane, your manager sacked by Spurs. 39 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,479 - A good decision? - Yeah. Well, it's a shame it didn't work out. 40 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,279 I wish all the best to Nuno Espirito Santo 41 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,119 and his assistants, Rui Barbosa and Antonio Dias. 42 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,799 But the thing about all those guys, 43 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,199 and by guys, I mean Nuno Espirito Santo, 44 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,919 Rui Barbosa and Antonio Dias, is that they were all outstanding. 45 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,159 Are they up there with Salvador Santiago San Sebastian from Seville? 46 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,959 Now you're just taking the piss, mate. 47 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,639 Oh! 48 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,759 It's the worst time of year, Aneurin. 49 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,919 Not a general election already, Sir Keir? 50 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,959 OK, the second worst time of year... Bonfire Night. 51 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,639 Fireworks are entertaining, flashy, and the public loves them. 52 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,919 Yes. Everything I stand against as leader of the Labour Party. 53 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:45,119 I'm sure it's just some silly boys. Shall I chase them off? 54 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:48,439 No, there may well be unregulated incendiaries out there. 55 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:53,079 I can't ask you to take such a risk. This is a job for Foxman! 56 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,960 This one next. 57 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,319 Hello, young people of Britain! 58 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,319 Eurgh! What is that weird smell? 59 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,359 It's mink oil, adds flair to the tail. 60 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,479 Now, let's have a look in that box. 61 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,119 Sparklers, Catherine wheels, Roman candles! 62 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,959 It's an Aladdin's cave of unregulated seasonal fun. 63 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,719 Were these purchased from a licensed firework retailer 64 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,119 between the 15th of October and the 10th of November, 65 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,599 - or three days before Diwali? - What if they weren't? 66 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,839 Then you'll be sat in front of a royal commission 67 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,999 at some point in the next five-to-seven years... 68 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,799 Oh, back off, sweatsocks! 69 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,639 Viral! You've decided to join forces 70 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,799 to end the tyranny of light-touch regulation! 71 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,359 I fucking haven't. I've come here to party. 72 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,799 Fun with regular people, 73 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,679 that's the way to be a Labour Party superhero. 74 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,799 Gordon Brown's glass eye, I wish they wouldn't do that! 75 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,399 What, this? 76 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,879 Please stop that! 77 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,519 OK, now it's time for the Foxman to seek his traditional sanctuary. 78 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,399 Hiding in a bin from the threat of conflict. 79 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,879 In no way a metaphor for the Labour Party. 80 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,719 Greetings, fellow humans. 81 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,999 We are changing our company name to Meta. 82 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,119 We're so excited about this new name, 83 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,639 and so eager to make you forget the old one, 84 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,319 that all of our users will now get a powerful electric shock 85 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,599 if you say "Facebook". 86 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,639 Wow! I can't feel my face. 87 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,839 OK, it's a little buggy. 88 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,759 OK, it's very buggy. 89 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,639 In addition, I'm also renaming myself. 90 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,879 That way, I don't have to accept 91 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,119 congressional subpoenas or search warrants. 92 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,359 My new name was picked by an algorithm 93 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,439 and I'm seeing it for the first time. 94 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,399 Stinky Pee Pee Pants. 95 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,159 Well, you've gotta trust the algorithm. 96 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,319 Finally, to make sure no-one comes after me 97 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,759 using my old name, I have a trained lion. 98 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,319 He will attack anyone who says "Mark Zuckerberg". 99 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,759 Please! Not my face! 100 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,479 I appreciate this private audience, Your Holiness. 101 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,439 The bishops back home are a little steamed at me 102 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,039 because I'm pro-choice. 103 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,919 President Joe, I know you are a good Catholic. 104 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,359 Well, thanks. And thanks for the souvenir hat. 105 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,199 - Now, if I could just get your blessing. - Sure. 106 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:25,119 - Nice one, Joe! - Er, I don't think that counts. 107 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,479 Hm? OK. How about this? 108 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:31,759 - That's the Macarena. - Fine! Fine! 109 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,719 Nuno Espirito Santos! 110 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,919 Great, man. God love ya. 111 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,759 Cross the fingers, it doesn't count anyway! 112 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,519 You're going to burn in Hell. 113 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:43,319 Back to business. Bad Cardinal Marcello! 114 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:44,479 Hyah! 115 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,719 Hyah! 116 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,279 Yah! 117 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:52,639 First Minister, COP26 was meant to showcase Glasgow, 118 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,359 but all anyone's talking about are the giant rats. 119 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,399 How many times have I told you? 120 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,959 There are no rats in Glasgow! 121 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,559 That's not a rat, it's a Glasgow bonnet. 122 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,919 They're breeding in the rubbish on the streets 123 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,359 because the binmen are on strike! 124 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,319 You've got to meet with the union. 125 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,759 Never use the "U" word in here! 126 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,399 - I'll solve your rat problem. - Alex Salmond! 127 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,039 Trying to worm your way back into Scottish politics. 128 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,479 Still, I guess it's a green solution. 129 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,079 - Have at it! - Right, come here, you wee bastard! 130 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:31,879 Wait! Wait! 131 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,679 - We should be on the same side. - We should? 132 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,719 Aye. We're both disruptors who lead street-based movements. 133 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,159 And we both have fleas. 134 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,559 Can an ogre and a rat really work together? 135 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,339 You've seen my Russia Today show, 136 00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:48,719 - I'll get in the sewer with anybody. - Then we have an alliance. 137 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:53,719 Alec, are you done? 138 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,760 Aye. That's politics! 139 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,839 Look at my little orange babies. 140 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,959 Fattening up beautifully for... 141 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:14,519 - ♪ Thanksgiving! ♪ - Yes, they're gorgeous. 142 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,519 So carvable. I'd cut it here and here. 143 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,679 Don't touch Lars, he's a rescue pumpkin. 144 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,959 Oprah, I really admire you. 145 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,279 You're adored, influential, 146 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,279 the kind of American icon I'd love to be. 147 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,919 - If only you weren't in the way. - What?! 148 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,399 Oh, vegetables, their lives are so short. 149 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,279 If only you had more precious time for them, 150 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,639 instead of doing that big interview with Kamala Harris! 151 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:43,639 Let me help you. Give me the Kamala interview. 152 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,239 You know I can do it. 153 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:50,239 Oh, honey, there can only be one Oprah. 154 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,199 Still, what do gardeners say? 155 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:56,639 Cut off the old rot to make way for fresh growth! 156 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,159 Argh! 157 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,759 - I'm covered in zucchini juice! - Ping you later! 158 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,559 And so, we're delighted to induct the Foo Fighters 159 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,719 into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. 160 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,199 - Right, Sir Paul? - Oh, yeah, they're a great little band. 161 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,079 Dave Grohl... he sings, he drums. 162 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,119 Actually, me and John came up with that idea 163 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,719 on the bus to the Cavern Club. 164 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,799 "Let's have a singing Ringo," I said, and John said, "Cool." 165 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,239 OK. Our next inductee is Jay-Z. 166 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,928 Not a lot of people know, 167 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,719 but I invented rap in Hamburg. 168 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,839 The power went out, so we couldn't play. 169 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,759 John wanted to get high, but I said, 170 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,559 "Hey, let's just read the lyrics." 171 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:40,039 - Brian Epstein said, "Cool." - Great story. 172 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,039 But maybe we should get off the stage 173 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,279 and let the inductees have their moment. 174 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,279 You know, I invented staying on the stage too long. 175 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,159 Have you heard Hey Jude? 176 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,479 ♪ Na, na-na na-na-na-na. ♪ 177 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,199 They told me I might need this. 178 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,599 You know, I invented the cut to black. 179 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,879 - Hello, Emma. - Piers Morgan. 180 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,199 If I'd known this was your show, I would never have come. 181 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,679 Wait! I know you think of me as the man who says... 182 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,559 "Stop moaning, you snowflake!" 183 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,279 But that's not the real me. No-one can be that horrendous. 184 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,879 - But you called me a pathetic loser. - That was just a front, 185 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,519 to hide the fact that I'm actually the head of a secret service 186 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,359 called The Queensman. 187 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,879 Jurgen Klopp, Adele, Joe Wicks, 188 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,319 elite agents using their special skills and positive mental energy 189 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,479 - to protect this nation. - And you need a tennis player? 190 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,679 There's a terrorist plot at Wimbledon and you're our only hope. 191 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,679 - Do you think I can handle it? - Don't worry, 192 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,559 in The Queensman, job two is protecting the people. 193 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,613 Job one is protecting your mental health. 194 00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:41,519 - I'll do it! - Great! Now, I have to go back undercover. 195 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,239 "You lazy snowflake!" 196 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,479 So I told Phil, a PhD does not make you 197 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:51,359 a licensed medical doctor. Stop prescribing doctor pills! 198 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,119 Oprah! Oprah! 199 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,439 The pumpkins! They're gone! 200 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:03,919 And some kind of child wrote a ransom note. 201 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,679 Wait a minute. 202 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,359 Pumpkin babies, hold on! Mama's comin'. 203 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,479 Run along, old Oprah. 204 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,960 New Oprah's got an interview to do. 205 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,279 I'm beautiful! 206 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,639 'Emma, have you found the terrorist yet?' 207 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,080 Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! 208 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,599 That's the last of them, Piers. 209 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,959 Well done, Emma. How are you feeling? 210 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,479 Positive and self-approving? 211 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,039 Yeah, but there's a bomb in that sports bag. 212 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:41,479 Careful, that's enough explosive to destroy South West London! 213 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,879 - Ha-ha! - And the stress of disarming it 214 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,399 could harm your positive mental outlook. 215 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,359 Which wire do I cut, the red or the blue? 216 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,079 Are you feeling anxious, Emma? 217 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,319 Well, obviously a little. 218 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,159 That does it, I'm scrubbing the mission. 219 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,239 Your mental health is the only thing that matters. 220 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,399 I'm remotely activating your super air-spring tennis shoes. 221 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,679 Whoa! 222 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,359 Right, back undercover. 223 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,919 Wimbledon, totally obliterated. 224 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,839 And all because some bloody snowflake 225 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,279 couldn't handle the pressure! 226 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,199 What's the matter with young people today? 227 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:19,399 I did it for our country's mental health. You bloody fuckwit! 228 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,879 Hey, everyone, it's me, The Rock. 229 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,419 Whether I'm deciding which Disney ride I'll make 230 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:26,959 a movie out of next, or contemplating a run for President, 231 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:32,060 nothing helps me relax like a glass of my delicious Whatamana tequila. 232 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,519 Don't forget me, Lil Nas X. 233 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,159 I like it too. It's flamboyant like me! 234 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:40,759 I like your style, Lil Nas X! 235 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,879 Hey, what's he doing in my pocket? 236 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,679 Now, Kevin, you're still my buddy, 237 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,719 but it's good for my image to branch out, 238 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,799 do movies with other kinds of lil guys. 239 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,319 Movies with other guys?! Get out of there! 240 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,399 Hey, hey, hey, stop! 241 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,399 You don't have a problem with me because I'm flamboyant, do you? 242 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,639 No, no... Don't read my old tweets. 243 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,279 Hey. You know what would be fun? 244 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,199 If you were both trapped together under a big glass jar. 245 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,399 No, no, no, don't you jar me! 246 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,639 Yeah. I like it! Let's dance! 247 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,359 I love a captive audience. 248 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:19,199 Kamala, as the first female Vice President of colour, 249 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,439 how did my treatment by the royals make you feel? 250 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,799 I still don't understand why Oprah's not here. 251 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,399 Was it my terrible Vogue cover? 252 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,679 I told you, Oprah slipped on a bar of soap. 253 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,559 You said she was bitten by a raccoon. 254 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,199 She showers with raccoons! 255 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,439 Markle, step away from the interviewee! 256 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,379 Sorry, Megs, I just couldn't be cruel to those orange pumpkins. 257 00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:42,319 I can't commit ginger-on-ginger crime! 258 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:47,359 - But this is my authentic purpose! - I'm getting impatient! 259 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,239 Stay back, or I'll shoot! 260 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,599 Keep talking. I'm empathising. 261 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:58,439 - This thing's not even on. - Let's just go home, Megs. 262 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:02,199 Gardening is dumb. I'm so tired. 263 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:06,919 Want me to prosecute? I lo-o-o-ove to prosecute. 264 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,559 I think she got it out of her system. 265 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,040 It's gonna be OK. 266 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,679 My little ones, all safe again. 267 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,279 Wait... where's Baby Darryl? 268 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:23,599 Look, Harry, we have a new baby. 269 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,239 Tim Davie, it's been a year 270 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,479 since I got you appointed Director General of the BBC, 271 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,079 and I'm bloody glad I did. 272 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,679 You're completely independent, completely impartial. 273 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,159 I love you, Boris! 274 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,440 Good boy, good Timmy. Have a Timmy treat. 275 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:47,879 What a year you've had! 276 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,199 Who got rid of that awful lefty Mash Report for Daddy? 277 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,639 Timmy did! Timmy did! 278 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,319 And who's going to make sure Daddy gets re-elected 279 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,359 - in three years' time? - Timmy will! Timmy will! 280 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,239 But who's still employing that woke 281 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,119 big-eared foghorn, Gary Lineker? 282 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:03,479 Timmy is. 283 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,879 Bad Timmy! 284 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,319 Oh, I can't stay angry with you for long. 285 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,439 Now, who's going to show Daddy how to lick his own balls? 286 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:12,959 Me, me, me! 287 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,759 Good Timmy! 288 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,919 Great job on the campaign poster, Mitch. 289 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,359 Our voters will appreciate the subtlety. 290 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,959 If they can see it through their cataracts, Mike. 291 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,719 Let's face it, for some reason, 292 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,879 young people don't wanna join the Grand Old Party. 293 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,319 Could be the name. 294 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,119 What if we call it the Groovy Old Party? 295 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:36,359 Or the Gay Old Party? You know, the happy kind of gay. 296 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,439 No. I brought in a consultant. 297 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,400 Someone with his finger on the pulse of Gen-Z. 298 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:47,239 - What's up, my dawgs? - Whoa! Slow down, hep cat. 299 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,159 What we need is an influencer "hype house". 300 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:54,479 We put our rising Republican stars together in one crazy compound, 301 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,119 to crank out "hot fire soash meeds" on TikTok and Instagram. 302 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,600 Check it out. 303 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:04,239 Hey, Hype House hoes! Was that offensive? 304 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,039 Sorry, snowflakes. 305 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,400 We're comin' to you with the freshest GOP content. 306 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,759 And having the one thing Demo-craps can't cancel... 307 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:14,839 fun! Right? 308 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,680 Uh-oh. Someone's been partying too hard. 309 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,999 Wake up and stop the steal! 310 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,919 'And then this happened...' 311 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,839 I'm Hillary Clinton! I did Benghazi! 312 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,159 I eat babies in a pizzeria! 313 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,000 'And then this happened...' 314 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:38,239 - Hey, that's my milk! - Gun rights! 315 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,799 'Bang. Bang-Bang.' 316 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,079 No! 317 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,079 We already have eight views! 318 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,079 Although half of them are us. 319 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:50,119 Oh, God. Are those idiots really the future of the Republican party? 320 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,199 Hyah! 321 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,240 - You got a problem with that? - No. 322 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,919 Oi, hurry up! We'll miss the first speaker. 323 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,039 Why'd you wanna come to a climate change conference? 324 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,399 - It's so depressing. - Yeah, it's great! 325 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,239 My new fella's so perfect, I need something tragic 326 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,039 to get me next album started! Check it out. 327 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:15,439 ♪ Polar bears are gonna die... ♪ 328 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,095 Bit bleak, love. How about 329 00:16:20,096 --> 00:16:21,919 I just get your boyfriend to cheat on you? 330 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,839 Oh! Yeah, nice! Prosecco? Ha! 331 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,480 What am I like?! 332 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,079 "Searching for a wet wipe, 333 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,919 "wondering who else had just given a hand job in a confessional, 334 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,120 "Indiana Jones was having quite the day." 335 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,639 The key to writing a blockbuster adventure movie 336 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,440 is to Fleabag the fuck out of it. 337 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,439 Deploy the unexpected. 338 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,279 Like a premature ejaculation, or Olivia Colman. 339 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,119 Oh. I'm here now, am I? 340 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:57,080 Actually, not Olivia Colman, because she's in everything. 341 00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,399 Ooh, gosh! 342 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,599 I'm Phoebe Waller-Bridge, and this is my masterclass. 343 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:06,760 "Now," said Indiana Jones, "who wants to shag me up the arse?" 344 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:13,599 Mr President, the new British ambassador to Moscow... 345 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,359 - Tom Daley. - Hiya! 346 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:19,159 Oh, if it isn't Mr Boing-Boing-Splash. 347 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,919 We need to talk... about men who knit. 348 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,261 - We do? - Yes! You're not respecting 349 00:17:24,296 --> 00:17:26,479 the rights of male knitters like myself. 350 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,839 In fact, you're repressing the entire KCNQ community. 351 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,679 KCNQ...? 352 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,919 Knitting, crochet, needlepoint, and quilting. 353 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,239 Look, we are not saying men cannot knit. 354 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,359 We are saying Russia is different from decadent West. 355 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,599 We have our own craft traditions. Like nesting dolls. 356 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,479 You mean, little men going inside big men? 357 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,039 Never thought of it that way. 358 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,719 No more nesting dolls either! 359 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,639 But what's wrong with knitting? You're wearing a pullover. 360 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,759 - It really suits you. - You think? 361 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,599 Brings out the colour of your eyes. Makes you look strong. 362 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,999 You think it makes me look manly? 363 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:08,160 - Absolutely. - Manliness is very important. 364 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,359 OK, from now on, we allow male knitting! 365 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,480 To seal the deal, let's wrestle naked 366 00:18:14,577 --> 00:18:17,039 in front of a roaring log fire! 367 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,839 Erm... actually, I've got a diving competition to get to. 368 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:24,959 Also, maybe the President of Russia wrestling naked with Tom Daley 369 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,899 in front of a roaring log fire 370 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:31,199 - would send out confusing message? - Bah! I like naked wrestling! 371 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,479 OK, steady on. Hands to yourself. 372 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,120 Stop it! Vlad! 373 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,879 Hurry up, Hot Flash! 374 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,679 Professor Doom is crossing the trans-dimensional rift! 375 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,079 I hope they widened it, 376 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,280 because he's really put on some pounds. 377 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,999 We can't hold off Professor Doom much longer. 378 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,679 Mom? What's going on? 379 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,079 Melody? But you and Ryan eloped to Belize. 380 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,199 I was wrong. 381 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,999 I wanna get married in the most beautiful place on earth. 382 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,440 This kitchen. 383 00:19:12,301 --> 00:19:17,280 Oh. Well, let's not get "ahead" of ourselves! 384 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,679 As usual, your timing is appalling, Professor Doom. 385 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,439 I had to tell Melody... I am her father. 386 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,519 - Mom?! - I was a free spirit. 387 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:33,319 And now, Hot Flash, will you marry me?! 388 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,159 - Well, we've got enough hors d'oeuvres. - Oh! 389 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,559 'Take A Chance On Me' 390 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:41,240 ♪ I'm gonna marry Doom In my favourite room... ♪ 391 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,639 Hello, TikTok! 392 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,519 You may have heard that famous British public schools 393 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,399 have been making deals to get money from China. 394 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,959 But don't worry, there is no catch. 395 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,199 Good news! 396 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,799 One school now has four Communist Party members on the board! 397 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,319 - Not now, Qian! - Oh! 398 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,799 Anyway, kids, here's a fun dance called Schoolhouse-Tok 399 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,919 to help you fit into your new school. 400 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,159 ♪ Welcome to our school Now do a disco move ♪ 401 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,159 ♪ You won't learn anything That isn't Xi Jinping-approved ♪ 402 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,719 ♪ Xi Jinping-approved ♪ 403 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,959 ♪ The classes are so fun The canteen will make you grin ♪ 404 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,719 ♪ Have a wet market lunch Of bat and pangolin ♪ 405 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,879 ♪ Pangolin ♪ 406 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,999 ♪ Take out your phone And wave it in the air ♪ 407 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,439 ♪ So we can fill it up With surveillance software ♪ 408 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,439 ♪ Google is forbidden Obedience is great ♪ 409 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,559 ♪ Everybody point left And denounce your schoolmate ♪ 410 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,679 ♪ Schoolhouse-Tok is fun But if you can't relate ♪ 411 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,840 ♪ We have a special campus Where you can... concentrate ♪ 412 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,399 ♪ Concentra-a-ate. ♪ 413 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,239 I hope you liked our Schoolhouse-Tok. 414 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,599 And don't worry if you're not in our school district. 415 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,520 You will be. 416 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,439 Who's ready for a rocket? 417 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,439 But, Dad, isn't setting off fireworks 418 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,199 a signal that drugs are for sale? 419 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,599 Don't be daft, love! That's just an urban myth. 420 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,519 I got your message. I'll take whatever you've got. 421 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,959 Beans, Charlie, bit of dinky-do to "level me up". 422 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,879 - What's in the box? - It's a Roman candle. 423 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,959 - Is that slang for cocaine? - Get lost. 424 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,519 Ooh! Unh-unh! They might have ket.