1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,330 Good evening. 2 00:00:01,355 --> 00:00:03,520 In this season of peace and goodwill, 3 00:00:03,555 --> 00:00:06,320 the producers of Spitting Image have extended an olive branch 4 00:00:06,355 --> 00:00:08,640 and invited me to turn on the holiday lights 5 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,320 at the Spitting Image studio. 6 00:00:10,355 --> 00:00:12,800 Right, let's look at the instructions. 7 00:00:12,835 --> 00:00:14,560 "Stand at the switch box... 8 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,440 "...put your foot in the bucket of water, 9 00:00:18,475 --> 00:00:21,360 "and pull on the bare copper electrode." 10 00:00:29,915 --> 00:00:32,434 Are they pretty? 11 00:00:32,890 --> 00:00:36,310 ♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪ 12 00:00:36,445 --> 00:00:39,550 ♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪ 13 00:00:39,685 --> 00:00:42,030 ♪ Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪ 14 00:00:42,165 --> 00:00:45,450 ♪ Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah ♪ 15 00:00:45,485 --> 00:00:49,610 ♪ Oh-ah ah-ah-ah-ah! ♪ 16 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:02,120 Whoa! Something heart-warming and whimsical's about to happen. 17 00:01:02,155 --> 00:01:04,120 Thank goodness I've got my John Lewis rucksack. 18 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,400 All right? 19 00:01:11,435 --> 00:01:13,160 Can we be friends? 20 00:01:15,355 --> 00:01:17,760 Teach me about Christmas. 21 00:01:17,795 --> 00:01:20,040 It's about family, togetherness, 22 00:01:20,075 --> 00:01:23,000 and great deals on non-stick saucepans. 23 00:01:23,035 --> 00:01:25,800 Can the people of Earth get quality at low prices? 24 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:27,234 Absolutely. 25 00:01:27,235 --> 00:01:29,000 Now do you see what Christmas is all about? 26 00:01:29,035 --> 00:01:32,600 Yes. A slow-cured chestnut gammon from Waitrose. 27 00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:36,680 - Did... someone... order a gammon? - William Shatner?! 28 00:01:36,715 --> 00:01:39,330 I... saw the starship arrive, and I knew 29 00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:43,200 I must save this alien from your manipulative marketing. 30 00:01:43,235 --> 00:01:46,400 Christmas is not about shopping in stores, 31 00:01:46,435 --> 00:01:48,200 or standing in line, 32 00:01:48,235 --> 00:01:50,840 or the deafening ringing of cash tills in your ears. 33 00:01:50,875 --> 00:01:53,320 Then what is it, William Shatner? 34 00:01:53,355 --> 00:01:56,000 It's about finding great deals on Amazon Prime 35 00:01:56,035 --> 00:01:58,160 from the comfort of your own sofa, 36 00:01:58,195 --> 00:02:00,560 which, by the way, you could have delivered next day. 37 00:02:00,595 --> 00:02:03,520 Wait. So this is an advert for Amazon Prime? 38 00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:07,200 Indeed. And... is that your mother? 39 00:02:09,035 --> 00:02:13,600 Yes. William Shatner, what is... love? 40 00:02:13,635 --> 00:02:16,360 I'll... show you. 41 00:02:17,995 --> 00:02:19,640 Mum! Gross! 42 00:02:19,675 --> 00:02:22,560 I don't know what Christmas is, but it's not this. 43 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,680 And for the top of the tree, 44 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:31,120 the Scottish angel, William Wallace. 45 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:35,160 He teaches us the true meaning of Christmas. 46 00:02:35,195 --> 00:02:37,120 That's right, Holiday Haggis. 47 00:02:37,155 --> 00:02:39,640 Hating the bloody English! 48 00:02:39,675 --> 00:02:42,179 Speaking of self-defeating Scottish legends... 49 00:02:42,264 --> 00:02:44,960 Ugh! Alex Salmond? What do you want? 50 00:02:44,995 --> 00:02:46,880 A smooch under the mistletoe. 51 00:02:46,915 --> 00:02:50,520 After all, I helped make the case for Scottish independence. 52 00:02:50,555 --> 00:02:53,400 Och, well... I suppose so. 53 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,480 - Glasgow kiss! - Oh! 54 00:02:57,515 --> 00:02:59,440 Why not visit Scotland for a holidays? 55 00:02:59,475 --> 00:03:01,800 It's cold, dark, and everyone's pished. 56 00:03:01,835 --> 00:03:04,925 Happy Hogma... Ow! 57 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,320 He looks so real. I wonder what could bring him to life. 58 00:03:12,355 --> 00:03:14,520 A good nip of your dad's brandy. 59 00:03:14,555 --> 00:03:16,005 Oh, OK. 60 00:03:22,075 --> 00:03:24,240 Boozius Maximus! 61 00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:25,554 You're real! 62 00:03:25,555 --> 00:03:28,480 Yes, and I'm going to take you on a magical flight 63 00:03:28,515 --> 00:03:31,520 to see Britain under my leadership. Everything levelled up. 64 00:03:31,555 --> 00:03:33,400 Well-paid jobs for the young, 65 00:03:33,435 --> 00:03:36,440 and the old looked after in decent care homes. 66 00:03:36,475 --> 00:03:40,520 - I've "built back better". - I can't wait to see that! 67 00:03:40,555 --> 00:03:44,080 And you will. But first, I need more fuel. 68 00:03:52,355 --> 00:03:54,160 You know what's great? 69 00:03:54,195 --> 00:03:56,914 - Pornography. - What about my magical flight? 70 00:03:56,915 --> 00:04:00,160 Just keep voting Tory. And bring me some sausages! 71 00:04:00,195 --> 00:04:02,280 Snowmen love sausages. 72 00:04:06,915 --> 00:04:09,920 Oh, bloody hell. I'm getting the meat sweats. 73 00:04:09,955 --> 00:04:12,674 - What's going on here? - Uh-oh. 74 00:04:12,675 --> 00:04:15,680 Dad, this snowman's been promising me things he can't deliver 75 00:04:15,715 --> 00:04:17,880 and helping himself to everything we've got. 76 00:04:17,915 --> 00:04:20,720 Just ignore him. He'll melt away before long. 77 00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:24,600 - He's melting already. - No, I'm just having a piss. 78 00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:27,434 - Merry Christmas! - Ugh! 79 00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:31,320 ♪ I'm pissing on this hedge ♪ 80 00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:35,880 ♪ I'm pissing On this family's hedge. ♪ 81 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,360 Hey! Amazing! 82 00:04:40,395 --> 00:04:44,280 James Corden here with a message for... Michael. 83 00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:47,400 Michael, you broke up with your girlfriend, 84 00:04:47,435 --> 00:04:49,480 and your mates say there's only one thing 85 00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:51,000 that will cheer you up. 86 00:04:51,035 --> 00:04:53,457 Me singing you a song from Cats 87 00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:55,880 right next to the monkey enclosure. 88 00:04:55,915 --> 00:04:58,160 Crazy! Here we go. 89 00:04:58,195 --> 00:05:01,040 ♪ Bustopher Jones Wears white spats... ♪ 90 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,160 Monkeys! Amazing! 91 00:05:11,195 --> 00:05:13,760 Did I cheer you up? 92 00:05:18,030 --> 00:05:21,187 Ms Waller-Bridge, I'm so happy you're helping 93 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,870 write this year's Christmas speech. 94 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,550 It needed a good zhoosh. 95 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:27,230 Thank you, ma'am. Plus, I'm even posher than you are. 96 00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:30,110 Now, then, I like the start. 97 00:05:30,145 --> 00:05:32,710 A trying year, importance of family, 98 00:05:32,745 --> 00:05:34,350 a bit about the Commonwealth. 99 00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:36,630 But where's all the naughty Fleabag bits? 100 00:05:36,665 --> 00:05:39,150 You wanted all the filthy stuff? 101 00:05:39,185 --> 00:05:41,550 Oh, one was rather looking forward to that. 102 00:05:41,585 --> 00:05:44,910 I wanted to do a saucy bit about a hot priest. 103 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,150 One's butler had even acquired a vibrator. 104 00:05:47,185 --> 00:05:48,990 Look, ma'am, I'm a serious writer. 105 00:05:49,025 --> 00:05:51,590 I'm not just a lot of gimmicks and naughty words. 106 00:05:51,625 --> 00:05:54,030 Come off it, love. We've all seen Fleabag. 107 00:05:54,065 --> 00:05:57,350 "Look at me, talking about sex all the time, 108 00:05:57,385 --> 00:05:58,835 "breaking the fourth wall." 109 00:05:58,865 --> 00:06:02,430 Your Majesty, you've got completely the wrong idea about my work. 110 00:06:02,465 --> 00:06:05,870 I'm sorry, but I quit. I'm off to write a serious play... 111 00:06:05,905 --> 00:06:08,030 with this up my arse! 112 00:06:11,265 --> 00:06:14,950 Great idea, coming together for a friendly Christmas kickabout. 113 00:06:14,985 --> 00:06:16,990 Yeah, setting aside our differences. 114 00:06:17,025 --> 00:06:19,590 Like the Christmas Day truce in the trenches on the Somme. 115 00:06:19,625 --> 00:06:21,075 You know what else would be nice? 116 00:06:21,105 --> 00:06:24,190 A truce from being such positive role models. 117 00:06:24,225 --> 00:06:26,790 Yeah. Being a shining example of non-toxic masculinity 118 00:06:26,825 --> 00:06:29,950 - does my nut in. - Well, let's do it. 119 00:06:29,985 --> 00:06:33,510 Merry Christmas, Kane, you stupid wanker. 120 00:06:34,665 --> 00:06:36,550 Back at you, you big-nosed twat! 121 00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,990 Wow! My football heroes. Can I get a selfie? 122 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:43,150 No, but you can have a bottle of piss. 123 00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:44,384 Argh! 124 00:06:44,385 --> 00:06:46,510 Bollocks to the fans! 125 00:06:51,225 --> 00:06:53,790 Oh, don't you just love the holiday season? 126 00:06:53,825 --> 00:06:56,510 No! My feather boa hasn't arrived. 127 00:06:56,545 --> 00:06:59,390 I won't have anything to wear on Christmas Day. 128 00:06:59,425 --> 00:07:01,710 But we've got a whole separate house just full of clothes. 129 00:07:01,745 --> 00:07:03,430 I don't care! 130 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:06,850 I've had enough disappointment. I'm ending it all. 131 00:07:08,190 --> 00:07:09,750 Don't you try and stop me! 132 00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:18,230 No-one loves me. I wish I'd never been born. 133 00:07:18,265 --> 00:07:21,150 Sod it! I'm gonna jump. 134 00:07:21,185 --> 00:07:23,510 Don't do it. 135 00:07:23,545 --> 00:07:25,670 Brad Pitt? Fuck a duck! 136 00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:27,155 I'm your guardian angel. 137 00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:30,150 We always appear as the person you most fancy. 138 00:07:30,185 --> 00:07:32,704 I like it. So, what happens now? 139 00:07:32,705 --> 00:07:34,990 I'm gonna show you what the world would have been like 140 00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:37,190 if you'd never lived. 141 00:07:38,950 --> 00:07:42,710 Oh, blimey! We're in the White House. 142 00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:44,144 And that's Bernie Taupin! 143 00:07:44,145 --> 00:07:46,110 - He's the President. - What?! 144 00:07:46,145 --> 00:07:48,870 He didn't have to spend his life keeping you on the rails. 145 00:07:48,905 --> 00:07:50,144 He went into politics 146 00:07:50,145 --> 00:07:53,110 and got the Democrats and Republicans working together. 147 00:07:53,145 --> 00:07:57,310 - To gun control. - To zero taxes. 148 00:07:57,345 --> 00:08:00,310 But what about all those songs we wrote? Bernie! 149 00:08:00,345 --> 00:08:03,584 - What about Crocodile Rock? - He can't hear you. 150 00:08:03,585 --> 00:08:05,710 Sure, you didn't write any songs, 151 00:08:05,745 --> 00:08:08,150 but everyone's seemed really happy with that. 152 00:08:08,185 --> 00:08:09,424 Well, I don't like this at all. 153 00:08:09,425 --> 00:08:11,670 Where's my husband? I want to see David! 154 00:08:11,705 --> 00:08:13,155 No problem. 155 00:08:15,470 --> 00:08:18,230 David has spent his life trying to make movies 156 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,190 that aren't about Elton John. 157 00:08:20,225 --> 00:08:21,750 Because you never lived. 158 00:08:21,785 --> 00:08:24,430 He can't have gone far doing that! 159 00:08:24,465 --> 00:08:25,915 Well... 160 00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:31,104 What about his personal life? 161 00:08:31,105 --> 00:08:33,910 He can't possibly be happy without me! 162 00:08:35,105 --> 00:08:36,870 More wine, babycakes? 163 00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:40,680 - Tom Cruise?! But he's not gay. - And we're not suggesting he is. 164 00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:43,230 Tom Cruise is definitely heterosexual. 165 00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:47,230 - But somehow they make it work. - I hate this world! 166 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:50,270 There's no me in it, and everyone's happier. 167 00:08:50,305 --> 00:08:52,510 Oh, take me back. 168 00:08:52,545 --> 00:08:55,230 I want to see David... the real David! 169 00:08:55,265 --> 00:08:57,230 Not the one who lives with Tom Cruise, 170 00:08:57,265 --> 00:09:00,064 who is definitely heterosexual. 171 00:09:04,185 --> 00:09:06,150 Elton, there you are! 172 00:09:06,185 --> 00:09:09,910 Thank God! Brad Pitt showed me a world 173 00:09:09,945 --> 00:09:12,467 where Bernie Taupin was President 174 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:16,064 - and you lived with Tom Cruise! - Have you taken drugs? 175 00:09:16,065 --> 00:09:17,750 Ha! It's true. 176 00:09:17,785 --> 00:09:19,670 Oh! Where's Brad Pitt? 177 00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:25,510 - Your feather boa. - Fabulous! You're an angel. 178 00:09:25,545 --> 00:09:27,950 Christmas can begin! 179 00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:30,190 Ho-ho-ho! 180 00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:34,430 Oh, Aneurin, this could be a terrible Christmas. 181 00:09:34,465 --> 00:09:37,950 Some people can't get their turkeys, and I'm powerless to help. 182 00:09:37,985 --> 00:09:40,630 You're a politician. No-one expects you to do anything. 183 00:09:40,665 --> 00:09:42,024 By day, yes. 184 00:09:42,025 --> 00:09:45,070 But by night, I am Foxman, 185 00:09:45,105 --> 00:09:47,230 the masked avenger who brings justice... 186 00:09:47,265 --> 00:09:50,350 wherever permitted by the legal and regulatory framework. 187 00:09:50,385 --> 00:09:52,110 And there's one thing the Fox is good at: 188 00:09:52,145 --> 00:09:54,030 catching poultry. 189 00:09:56,385 --> 00:09:59,790 You're working class! Stop running away from Labour! 190 00:09:59,825 --> 00:10:01,275 Oh! 191 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,390 Oh! Ow, ow! Stop! 192 00:10:04,425 --> 00:10:06,910 - Please, ow! - There's a fox stealing our turkey. 193 00:10:06,945 --> 00:10:10,350 Not stealing! Redistributing foodstuffs, 194 00:10:10,385 --> 00:10:12,150 for which you will be fully compensated 195 00:10:12,185 --> 00:10:13,950 according to a schedule of fees determined 196 00:10:13,985 --> 00:10:15,870 by a duly appointed commission... 197 00:10:15,905 --> 00:10:17,510 Ow! 198 00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:20,670 Well, it was the only meat the butcher had. 199 00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:23,670 - It's even blander than turkey. - Finally, I'm useful! 200 00:10:23,705 --> 00:10:25,670 Shut up, dinner! 201 00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:32,750 Well, it's been quite a year for the Queensmen, 202 00:10:32,785 --> 00:10:34,310 the elite secret service team 203 00:10:34,345 --> 00:10:36,470 where good mental health always comes first. 204 00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:37,584 How are we all feeling? 205 00:10:37,585 --> 00:10:39,310 - Positive! Not bad. - Fantastic. 206 00:10:39,345 --> 00:10:42,027 Good. But if you have any anxiety issues, 207 00:10:42,028 --> 00:10:45,750 use the emergency comfort blanket. OK, situation update. 208 00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:49,190 Joe Wicks dealt with a plot to destroy the UK nuclear sub base 209 00:10:49,225 --> 00:10:52,550 at Faslane, but had to pull out because he was feeling insecure. 210 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:55,190 - Jurgen. - The Clyde site was destroyed, 211 00:10:55,225 --> 00:10:57,710 but Joe's feelings improved after doing burpees. 212 00:10:57,745 --> 00:11:00,487 Always works! Burpees, burpees, burpees! 213 00:11:00,488 --> 00:11:02,190 Positive, positive, positive! 214 00:11:02,225 --> 00:11:04,030 Excellent. Our other operation was in Paris, 215 00:11:04,065 --> 00:11:06,350 with our new recruit Emma Raducanu. 216 00:11:06,385 --> 00:11:08,310 I stopped the Eiffel Tower from being blown up. 217 00:11:08,345 --> 00:11:11,150 Yeah, but I was your back-up, and it was really stressful. 218 00:11:11,185 --> 00:11:13,190 You should have aborted the mission, Emma. 219 00:11:13,225 --> 00:11:15,350 You forgot what the Queensmen are all about. 220 00:11:15,385 --> 00:11:18,527 - But I saved the lives of thousands. - That's not the point. 221 00:11:18,528 --> 00:11:21,630 I should ask for your badge, but I'll put it down to inexperience. 222 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,160 It's the end of the road, Queensmen! 223 00:11:25,195 --> 00:11:27,960 Barnes Lothario. I thought we killed you in Geneva. 224 00:11:27,995 --> 00:11:31,120 Nearly. But Adele let me go after asking if I needed a cuddle. 225 00:11:31,155 --> 00:11:32,960 - Well done, Adele. - Cheers, babe. 226 00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:36,280 I booby-trapped this building. You have one minute left to live, 227 00:11:36,315 --> 00:11:38,440 while I escape by parachuting out the window. 228 00:11:38,475 --> 00:11:41,560 - Feeling anxious. - Und panicky! 229 00:11:41,595 --> 00:11:45,320 - Maybe we could do some burpees. - I know! 230 00:11:45,355 --> 00:11:48,080 Well done, Emma. The comfort blanket! 231 00:11:50,115 --> 00:11:52,440 - Tell me where the bomb is, you! - Ow! 232 00:11:52,475 --> 00:11:56,480 Emma, we are in an emotional crisis, this is no time for action! 233 00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,160 Oh, bollocks to the Queensmen. 234 00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:01,805 - Ah! - Sort the bomb out for yourselves. 235 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,280 Stay positive! Argh! 236 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:11,040 Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, 237 00:12:11,075 --> 00:12:14,680 your companies affect the lives of everyone on the planet, 238 00:12:14,715 --> 00:12:17,360 yet you billionaires do whatever you like. 239 00:12:17,395 --> 00:12:19,560 Why shouldn't we rein you in? 240 00:12:21,555 --> 00:12:25,260 ♪ Three billionaires, so cool are we Running the world's economy ♪ 241 00:12:25,295 --> 00:12:27,500 ♪ Giving our time so generously ♪ 242 00:12:27,535 --> 00:12:30,340 ♪ Three billionaires so cool ♪ 243 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,940 ♪ Maybe you'd rather use snail mail ♪ 244 00:12:32,975 --> 00:12:34,980 ♪ Go to the store and buy retail ♪ 245 00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,420 ♪ Travel to Mars by Amtrak Rail ♪ 246 00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,700 ♪ Three billionaires extraordinary ♪ 247 00:12:43,735 --> 00:12:45,700 ♪ Make modern life so very merry ♪ 248 00:12:45,735 --> 00:12:49,060 ♪ So here's the answer to your query ♪ 249 00:12:49,095 --> 00:12:51,100 ♪ We billionaires are cool ♪ 250 00:12:51,135 --> 00:12:55,500 ♪ Three billionaires are cool. ♪ 251 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,600 Ah, you know what? I'm not convinced. 252 00:12:58,635 --> 00:13:00,200 Release the lion. 253 00:13:11,585 --> 00:13:14,310 Hey, Paul McCartney here. Whoo! 254 00:13:14,345 --> 00:13:17,550 Doing a Christmas post on Instagram Live, 255 00:13:17,585 --> 00:13:20,350 like the normal, everyday guy I am. 256 00:13:20,385 --> 00:13:22,150 Hey, how about a tune? 257 00:13:24,233 --> 00:13:27,550 ♪ A normal bloke In a massive house ♪ 258 00:13:27,585 --> 00:13:29,870 ♪ A chirpy smile ♪ 259 00:13:29,905 --> 00:13:32,070 ♪ And a hint of Scouse ♪ 260 00:13:32,105 --> 00:13:36,670 ♪ Paul McCartney's Regular Christmas time ♪ 261 00:13:36,705 --> 00:13:41,830 ♪ Discount veg and £2.99 wine ♪ 262 00:13:41,865 --> 00:13:46,630 ♪ It's true, I have done LSD... ♪ 263 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:53,230 ♪ But I prefer a cup of tea ♪ 264 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:57,790 ♪ And though My daughter's famous too ♪ 265 00:13:57,825 --> 00:14:03,775 ♪ I sent her to the local school ♪ 266 00:14:04,225 --> 00:14:08,790 ♪ Paul McCartney's Regular Christmas time ♪ 267 00:14:08,825 --> 00:14:13,030 ♪ Nothing fancy, regular ♪ 268 00:14:13,065 --> 00:14:15,850 ♪ Is just fine. ♪ 269 00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:20,870 Hey, Macca, here's a five million quid royalty check. 270 00:14:20,905 --> 00:14:23,190 Cheers, postie, but I won't tip you. 271 00:14:23,225 --> 00:14:25,670 Wouldn't be right, us being regular blokes. 272 00:14:25,705 --> 00:14:29,150 Oh, fuck off, Paul McCartney, you tight bastard. 273 00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:37,070 Do I tax and spend, or cut and save? 274 00:14:37,105 --> 00:14:39,270 Either way, someone will be upset with me. 275 00:14:39,305 --> 00:14:43,230 - Oi! That's my dorsal fin, you berk! - Ah! A rude fish? 276 00:14:43,265 --> 00:14:45,590 I'm the Ghost of Failed British Fishing Policy. 277 00:14:45,625 --> 00:14:48,390 Strap yourself in, you're about to get haunted. 278 00:14:50,705 --> 00:14:55,270 The lady is for returning. 279 00:14:55,305 --> 00:14:57,710 Argh! Margaret Thatcher?! 280 00:14:57,745 --> 00:15:01,470 Yes, I'm the Ghost of Tory Glory Past. 281 00:15:01,505 --> 00:15:04,430 Record unemployment, industries destroyed... 282 00:15:04,465 --> 00:15:06,350 we got things done. 283 00:15:06,385 --> 00:15:08,670 Can we really go back to the 1980s? 284 00:15:08,705 --> 00:15:10,970 Of course we can. Boom! 285 00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:13,470 Now, cut some essential services. 286 00:15:19,265 --> 00:15:22,470 You all right, Rishi? I'm the Ghost of the Compassionate Present, 287 00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:27,645 and I'm gonna show you what happens when you don't spend. 288 00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:31,437 Get ready to see something pathetic. 289 00:15:31,670 --> 00:15:33,550 Talk about fun... 290 00:15:33,585 --> 00:15:37,510 two recently single guys with a couple of juicy birds. 291 00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:40,230 Yeah, and after dinner, we hit the nightclubs 292 00:15:40,265 --> 00:15:42,350 like only middle-aged men can. 293 00:15:43,665 --> 00:15:45,990 You're twisting my melon, man. 294 00:15:47,625 --> 00:15:50,024 Ooh-ooh-ooh! On-on, ee-ee-ee-ee! 295 00:15:50,025 --> 00:15:53,390 - Have you ever seen anything sadder? - No. 296 00:15:53,425 --> 00:15:55,510 But I'm not sure that's the fault of fiscal policy. 297 00:15:55,545 --> 00:15:57,870 Fair enough. But you still stopped poor schoolkids 298 00:15:57,905 --> 00:15:59,064 eating in the holidays. 299 00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:06,710 You must be the Ghost of Fiscal Future. 300 00:16:06,745 --> 00:16:08,067 Are you here to show me what happens 301 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,278 if I make the wrong choice? 302 00:16:11,110 --> 00:16:12,950 My bank balance? 303 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:17,230 Of course! In the end, it doesn't matter what I do, 304 00:16:17,265 --> 00:16:20,070 because I'm incredibly rich! 305 00:16:21,665 --> 00:16:25,150 And so the moral of the story is, be a billionaire. 306 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:29,630 - Merry Christmas! - And God help us, every one! 307 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,920 Never stop learning. 308 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,040 Never stop apologising. 309 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,560 Never stop making it all about you. 310 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,440 Incessant. 311 00:16:45,475 --> 00:16:47,560 By Jameela Jamil. 312 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,960 Grogu, you're not a baby any more. 313 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,640 You have to stop slacking off at school. 314 00:17:03,675 --> 00:17:05,960 Stupid Jedi Academy is. 315 00:17:05,995 --> 00:17:08,800 About history of Force, who cares? 316 00:17:08,835 --> 00:17:12,325 - What matters is that you try. - Then let me get my nose pierced. 317 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,880 Something to get you in the mood, honey. 318 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,354 Don't take drugs, you tell me. 319 00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:25,080 Big hypocrite, you are. 320 00:17:25,115 --> 00:17:29,600 Grogu, do not use the Force to disapprove of me. 321 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:36,400 Uh... Dad? My piercing got infected. 322 00:17:36,435 --> 00:17:38,400 Told you not to pierce your nose. 323 00:17:38,435 --> 00:17:42,560 - Not my nose. - You got your junk pierced?! 324 00:17:53,380 --> 00:17:58,540 ♪ It's that special time of year ♪ 325 00:17:58,575 --> 00:18:03,780 ♪ When celebrities from far and near ♪ 326 00:18:03,815 --> 00:18:09,765 ♪ Come together to remind you That we care ♪ 327 00:18:10,135 --> 00:18:14,340 ♪ Yes, we care, care, care ♪ 328 00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:19,780 ♪ All about issues And important stuff ♪ 329 00:18:19,815 --> 00:18:22,260 ♪ Like, um... ♪ Er, what's this song about? 330 00:18:22,295 --> 00:18:25,420 - Climate change, dear. - Oh, right. 331 00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:31,740 ♪ Chestnuts roasting In a forest fire ♪ 332 00:18:31,775 --> 00:18:35,340 ♪ Melted snow-caps lap your toes ♪ 333 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:38,620 ♪ There's a tear in our eye Cos it's hot as July ♪ 334 00:18:38,655 --> 00:18:41,900 ♪ And my skin's turned Red as Rudolph's nose ♪ 335 00:18:41,935 --> 00:18:45,500 ♪ Unless we stop refusing ♪ 336 00:18:45,535 --> 00:18:48,860 ♪ To quit fossil fuelling ♪ 337 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:53,340 ♪ Then we'll all drown In penguin tears ♪ 338 00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:58,220 - ♪ A shower of penguin tears! ♪ - Who's that? 339 00:18:58,255 --> 00:19:00,820 ♪ Put the pedal to the metal, We're the Carbon Crew ♪ 340 00:19:00,855 --> 00:19:03,820 ♪ And we're here to lay out Some of the facts for you... ♪ 341 00:19:03,855 --> 00:19:06,534 - Xi Jinping! - Mitch McConnell! 342 00:19:06,535 --> 00:19:09,337 - Scott Morrison! - Prime Minister of Australia, 343 00:19:09,338 --> 00:19:11,100 - we sell a lot of coal. - Oh. 344 00:19:11,135 --> 00:19:13,860 ♪ So you don't like fossil fuels Well, boo-hoo-hoo ♪ 345 00:19:13,895 --> 00:19:16,500 ♪ It runs your fridges and hospitals And private jets too ♪ 346 00:19:16,535 --> 00:19:19,300 ♪ You say it's gonna warm If we don't do something drastic ♪ 347 00:19:19,335 --> 00:19:22,300 ♪ Then you've got to say goodbye To everything plastic. ♪ 348 00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:23,785 My glasses! 349 00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:26,780 My boobs! 350 00:19:26,815 --> 00:19:28,740 ♪ Climate change Could be mighty fine ♪ 351 00:19:28,775 --> 00:19:30,054 ♪ Getting tanned in November ♪ 352 00:19:30,055 --> 00:19:31,505 ♪ Drinking British wine ♪ 353 00:19:31,535 --> 00:19:33,820 ♪ Solar power goes poof When the sun goes down ♪ 354 00:19:33,855 --> 00:19:37,580 ♪ When turbines kill birds Oh, frown, frown, frown... ♪ 355 00:19:37,615 --> 00:19:39,660 Unless you'd like to try nuclear power? 356 00:19:39,695 --> 00:19:41,297 - No! - What they're saying is 357 00:19:41,298 --> 00:19:45,020 you can't solve climate change without making some hard choices. 358 00:19:45,055 --> 00:19:47,780 So our song is just a pointless feel-good exercise? 359 00:19:47,815 --> 00:19:51,260 No, Harry. You're wrong. 360 00:19:51,295 --> 00:19:56,180 ♪ With the power of celebrity ♪ 361 00:19:56,215 --> 00:19:59,380 ♪ There is nothing we can't do ♪ 362 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:02,660 ♪ By doing lots of singing And much hand-wringing ♪ 363 00:20:02,695 --> 00:20:06,860 ♪ We can make anything come true. ♪ 364 00:20:06,895 --> 00:20:08,500 We care! 365 00:20:08,535 --> 00:20:10,340 We care! 366 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,860 We care, care, care. 367 00:20:12,895 --> 00:20:15,900 - We do? - Hm. Ha! 368 00:20:15,935 --> 00:20:17,740 We did it! Climate change is solved. 369 00:20:17,775 --> 00:20:19,620 That was just a lighting change. 370 00:20:19,655 --> 00:20:22,220 We said it's solved! 371 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,700 'Buy the Celebrities Solve Climate Change tote bag 372 00:20:24,735 --> 00:20:26,660 'and do your part to fight global warming 373 00:20:26,695 --> 00:20:29,060 'when you stick it in the cupboard with your 400 other bags, 374 00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,580 'only 29.99. Made in, and shipped from, China.' 375 00:20:31,615 --> 00:20:33,500 Thanks, world. 376 00:20:36,580 --> 00:20:38,820 Binky Elf, Gemma Elf. 377 00:20:38,855 --> 00:20:42,820 While I was sleeping, Jack Frost came and nipped my nose. 378 00:20:42,855 --> 00:20:47,300 Now it's swelled up so big, I can't seem to drive the sleigh tonight. 379 00:20:47,335 --> 00:20:49,660 But how will the children get their presents? 380 00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:53,420 I'll drive your damn sleigh for you. 381 00:20:53,455 --> 00:20:55,380 Tom Cruise? You're a movie star, 382 00:20:55,415 --> 00:20:56,900 why would you want to drive a sleigh? 383 00:20:56,935 --> 00:20:58,580 Because when I was in high school, 384 00:20:58,615 --> 00:21:00,780 I drove my dad's Porsche into a lake. 385 00:21:00,815 --> 00:21:03,660 I screwed up, and if I deliver your presents for you, 386 00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:07,900 - I can get redemption. - Isn't that the plot of Risky Business? 387 00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:09,900 Do you want your presents delivered or not?! 388 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:13,879 - Santa, do you trust me? - I do, Tom. 389 00:21:13,914 --> 00:21:17,100 Because you're a Scientologist, like me. 390 00:21:17,135 --> 00:21:20,161 But I'm sending Binky Elf along to help. 391 00:21:20,460 --> 00:21:23,060 Left rein! Haul traces! 392 00:21:23,095 --> 00:21:25,220 - Easy, Prancer. - That's Dancer. 393 00:21:25,255 --> 00:21:26,940 - Whatever! - You're doing it wrong. 394 00:21:26,975 --> 00:21:29,454 - I'm fine. - Like this! 395 00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,580 Let go! 396 00:21:31,615 --> 00:21:33,014 Arghhh! 397 00:21:33,015 --> 00:21:36,460 Binky! No-o-o-o! 398 00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:40,900 I'm sorry I crashed your Porsche, Dad! 399 00:21:42,895 --> 00:21:46,660 Hm. Maybe Scientology doesn't make sense after all. 400 00:21:46,695 --> 00:21:48,052 Ho-ho-ho!