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00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,320
Good day, I'm Prince Andrew.

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00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,960
The producers of Spitting Image
have very kindly

3
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,480
offered me a chance to speak
directly to you, the public.

4
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:25,960
"Come down," they said.

5
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,960
"Sit right there in that chair,"
they said,

6
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,320
"and hold you head just like this."
So, I...

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Urgh!

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00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,960
Melania, wake up.

9
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,960
I need help with this tweet.

10
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,960
Urgh, for the last time!

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There's only two Fs in covfefe.

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00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,000
Now, put that away and go to sleep.

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I can't. I have to retweet
five fake stories,

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00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:46,960
deny one real one,

15
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and call Meghan Markle an idiot.

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Can't someone else do it?
But who?

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00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:54,800
Who could really capture my style
and swagger?

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Got it!

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Oh, no...

20
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,800
..not that asshole.

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Good boy.

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I say this,
it spells better than you.

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Doesn't that asshole ever sleep?

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My family or yours?

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Dom, I've been looking at the speech
that you've written.

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Rather harsh, you know,
a bit of a sledgehammer.

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I'm not sure about starting,

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"Attention, you the underclass."

29
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Yes, we should cut the niceties
and get straight to,

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"Sacrifice yourself
for the good of the hive."

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And by "hive", you mean...?

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I mean, future of the hive...
I mean, country.

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Are you dissatisfied with me?
Perhaps you would like to fire me.

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I don't think
that will be necessary.

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00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,960
I thought not.

36
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So, this is what you call a baby?

37
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,960
Ah, yes.
It looks delicious.

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May I eat it?

39
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:07,960
Ha-ha, jolly good.

40
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'Fraid not,
Carrie would be furious.

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Then I shall not do that.

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00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,960
Instead, I shall eat
some of your Earth snacks.

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00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:21,960
Ah, good-oh.

44
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,160
Now, you write,
"Composting the drones

45
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,960
"will ensure the survival
of the elite."

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Is there a problem?

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Well, it's more of a Cameron/Osborne
type of policy.

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It is not Liberal or Conservative,
it is basic hive maintenance.

49
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,960
Yeah, I just want it
a bit more sunlit uplands,

50
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Pimm's in deckchairs,

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00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,960
and a bit less vaporising strikers
with death rays.

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00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,960
I didn't come all the way
from Epsilon 5,

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I mean Durham, to write a speech
with no death rays.

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00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,960
Perhaps you would like to fire me?

55
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,960
Oh, I don't think
that will be necessary.

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I thought not.

57
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,960
I have consumed my snack.

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00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,960
Are you sure I can't eat the baby?

59
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,960
Yes,
I'm sure you can't eat the baby.

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00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,960
If I did, would you fire me?

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00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,960
Er, you know,
I don't think that's necessary.

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00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,960
And now the weather forecast
with Greta Thunberg.

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HOT!

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That was the weather
with Greta Thunberg.

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Welcome to Case Western
Health Center,

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00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,960
the finest venue in America
for this debate,

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00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:36,960
since it's a geriatric clinic.

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00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,960
Here are the candidates,
President Donald Trump.

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Boo, you're a loser.

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OK, the debate rules
specifically said,

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you wouldn't throw shoes at me.

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Meh!

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And former Vice President Joe Biden.

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00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,960
Huh? Malarkey!

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00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,960
First question, Mr President,
about your taxes.

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00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,960
There's been a lot of fake news
about that.

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00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,960
So fake I had to invent a new word,

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00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,960
phoney-looby-dooby-ding-dang.

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00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,960
So it's not true
you only paid $750 in taxes?

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00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,960
I want to apologise to America
for that.

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00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,960
I'm a smart businessman.

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00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:08,960
I should have paid nothing.

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00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,960
My accountant didn't tell me
you could deduct gravy funnels.

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00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:17,960
Rebuttal, Mr Biden?

85
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,960
Folks, I want to level with you.

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00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,960
Camera's over here.
Thanks.

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00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,960
I mean, let's get the country going
in the right direction.

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Next on the agenda,
two minutes of interruptions.

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00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,160
Here's the deal...
Not smart at all...

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00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:31,960
Nothing done...
Shut up, man...

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00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,960
Phoney-looby-dooby-ding-dang.

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00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:34,960
That actually went as planned.

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00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,160
For the next question,

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00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,960
we will fact check your answers
in real time.

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00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,960
Vice President Biden, where do
you stand on Medicare for all?

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00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,960
Hey, folks, I've always stood
exactly where I am right now,

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00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,960
which, I believe,
is my Aunt Ellie's front parlour.

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00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,800
Fact checker?
Partially true.

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00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,960
It does look like
Aunt Ellie's parlour.

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00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,960
My turn! I've been the best
President ever on healthcare.

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00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,960
Better than that loser Washington.

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00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,960
He had zero ventilators
at Pearl Harbor.

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00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,960
I did an excellent job
on this answer.

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00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,960
I'm strong, too.
I can lift a couch.

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00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,800
Buy Trump steaks.

106
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:07,960
Fact checker?

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00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,960
That's the kind of violence you can
expect in Joe Biden's Americ-antifa.

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00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:14,960
Oh, guys.

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00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,640
I am not taking the bait
from this clown.

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00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,960
Not kindly Uncle Joe
from Scranton, Pennsylvania.

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00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,960
Oh, you mean Skankton, Crapsylvania?

112
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I'll beat you like a drum.

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Liar boy!

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00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,960
That's the end of this debate.
Buy steaks!

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00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,000
It actually was more dignified
than expected.

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00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:36,960
Fill her up, mate.

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00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,960
I'm Lewis Hamilton,
Formula 1 driver,

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00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,960
crusader against injustice,
and VAT dodger.

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00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,960
It's time to call out

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00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,960
the big oil and gas polluters
messing up our planet,

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00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,960
apart from my sponsors
Petronas Oil and Gas,

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00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,800
who do a bloody good job
and will not be beaten on price.

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00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,960
Fill her up again, please, mate.

124
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:00,960
What up, Dom Heads?

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00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,960
It's the Raabocop,

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00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,960
Foreign Secretary
and martial arts madman!

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00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,960
Ha! Ha! Hi-yah!

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00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,160
Today, I'm going to show you
some of my personal,

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00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,160
ultimate fighting master moves.

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00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,960
It's not karate, it's...

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00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,960
Move one - someone's coming in hard
with a tough question.

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00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:24,960
What do you do?

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00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:27,960
Use that anywhere.

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00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,160
On radio, Newsnight,
talking to black people.

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Put your foot in your mouth.

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00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,960
Move two -
the country's going to shit,

137
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,960
you're supposed to do something,
you have no idea what.

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00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,320
Try this...

139
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:42,960
Hi-yah!

140
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,960
Don't see no problems in here!

141
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,960
Move three -
you've got things under control,

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00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,960
the press is leaving you alone,
but you need press, man.

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00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:52,960
How do you get it?

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00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,960
Oh, Raab-arama!

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00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,960
I do this every day.

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00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,960
Zoom right to page one.

147
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,800
That's got to hurt.

148
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:04,960
Hurts so good.

149
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,960
Ka-Raab-te!

150
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,960
Don't forget to ring the bell
and subscribe.

151
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,960
Our company has to take a stand.

152
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,960
Consumers need to feel like
we care about social justice.

153
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We need to show our product line
opposes systemic racism.

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It's 2020, people.

155
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,960
Unlike 2019, it's time for us

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to acknowledge the suffering
of black people in America.

157
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,000
But also merchandising.

158
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,960
I got the answer right here.

159
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,960
Black baby Yoda.

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00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,960
Hey!
Matter black lives too.

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00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,160
My gosh, we're woke.

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00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,960
So you're back, you disgusting worm.

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00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,960
Just remember, no photographs,

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00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,960
no touching, no mentioning Ben
& Jerry's ice cream. No, mistress.

165
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,640
So, what repulsive kink
do you want today?

166
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:00,960
Well, I'd like...

167
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,960
Oh, it's so nasty.

168
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,960
I'd like
unpopular Conservative opinions

169
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,800
only you can get away with.

170
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,960
Ask, you shall receive, Tory boy.

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00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,960
Mm.
We must limit all immigration.

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Except for Israelis.

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00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,000
Ooh, you can say it
because you're Asian.

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00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,960
If single mothers
can't afford babies,

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00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:20,960
they should have abortions.

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If they want abortions,
they shouldn't have had sex.

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00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,320
Yes.

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00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,960
You can say it
because you're a woman.

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00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,160
Although it would be nice
if it made sense.

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00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,960
People should only qualify
for universal credit

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00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,960
if they don't need universal credit.

182
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,960
Why do young people love rocket?

183
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,960
It's just smelly leaves.

184
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,960
Black Panther is a terrible movie.

185
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,960
Yes, we think it, you say it.

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00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,960
Oh, I'm close.
Are you pleasuring yourself, filth?

187
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,960
No, I'm close to figuring out
how to chop up he NHS

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00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,960
and sell it in little pieces,

189
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,960
and therefore also close to orgasm.

190
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,960
Sell poppers in corner shops.

191
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:54,960
Trans women are ducks.

192
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,960
Eggs are delicious on pizza.
That's not Conservative.

193
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,000
Enact mandatory morris dancing.

194
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,800
That's too Conservative.
Stop, stop!

195
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,960
Had enough, slime?
Yes.

196
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,960
Right, now you do me.

197
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,960
Year on year, fiscal returns
have outpaced projections

198
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,960
by an annual adjusted rate of 4%.

199
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,960
God, I love dull men!

200
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,960
God, I could use a drink.

201
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,320
I can't believe
they figured out our scheme

202
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,480
to reclassify the parliamentary pub
as a canteen

203
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,320
so that it could stay open past ten.

204
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:28,960
Don't worry, sir,
I reclassified the chapel as Ibiza.

205
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,960
Foam party!

206
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:33,960
God, I love a loophole.

207
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,960
I'm David Attenborough.

208
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,320
Although I'm 94 years old,

209
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,960
I've learned how to use Instagram.

210
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,960
Because our planet is in great...

211
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,960
You look at the phone, David.

212
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:48,960
Oh, fucking Instagram!

213
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,960
All right, I've finished my clippy.

214
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,960
Where it says signature,
do I put the royal seal?

215
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,960
That's not necessary, Mr...

216
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,960
..Of Wales.

217
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,960
I see here that your previous career
was in realty.

218
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,000
Royalty.
But it wasn't a career.

219
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,800
My wife's got a Netflix empire.
Who doesn't?

220
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,960
But I want a real job,
honest work,

221
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,960
roll up my sleeves,
put jammy on my own scones.

222
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,960
Please read the sign.

223
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,960
Oh, that's a lot to read.

224
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:21,960
Do you have it on audiobook?

225
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,960
Tell me about
your marketable skills.

226
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,320
I can fly an Apache
tank-killing helicopter.

227
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,960
And have you killed many tanks?

228
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,960
None that I was supposed to.

229
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,960
Hm. Anything else?

230
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,960
I'm good at collecting cheques
from the government.

231
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,960
Do you have that here?
Oh, that's called unemployment.

232
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,960
To get it, you have to have
an actual job first.

233
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,000
Right, right.

234
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,960
Oh, I could cut ribbons
to open hospitals.

235
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,960
I've got my own scissors.

236
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,960
Don't worry, they're safety.

237
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,160
Oh, it's OK.

238
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,960
The same thing happened
at the children's hospital.

239
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,960
Ho-ho, the kids loved it!

240
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,960
Mr and Vice President,

241
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,000
welcome to the CDC labs.

242
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,000
Sir, it's a sterile space.
You don't need to wear a mask.

243
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,960
It's not a mask, it's a feed bag.

244
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,160
Now, listen, I'm tired of waiting
for you scientists

245
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,960
to do something about this virus.

246
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,960
It's hanging around
like Eric's aftershave,

247
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,320
Sir, the vaccine is already in

248
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,960
phase three safety
and efficacy line trials.

249
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:22,960
Uh-huh.

250
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,960
Mansplain that to me, VP.

251
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Sticking people with needles,
seeing what happens.

252
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,960
Not good enough.
I need things to happen now!

253
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,960
Give me something to work with,
lady.

254
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,320
You're smart.
I mean, look at you.

255
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,320
Out on the street you're a five,
but in here with these nerds?

256
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,640
Num-num-num-num-num-num!

257
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:42,960
As a woman in science,

258
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,960
that's still the most respectful
thing anyone's ever said to me.

259
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,800
So, where is this virus?
In this little beer nut tray?

260
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,480
Petri dish.
It's growing in a nutrient bath.

261
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,960
Living in its own food, eh?

262
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,960
Let's get Jared working on that
for me.

263
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,960
You scientists gotta treat
this virus like a businessman.

264
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:03,960
Make a deal, bang his wife,
declare bankruptcy, skip town.

265
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,960
Er, what are you proposing?

266
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,960
Get me across the table
with this virus dude.

267
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,960
I'll negotiate us a great deal,

268
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,160
people are saying the best deal.

269
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,640
Huh. Well, this is kind of
out of the blue, but, er...

270
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:16,960
..we do have a shrink ray.

271
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,960
Less yappin', more zappin'.

272
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,960
Coroney, you got New York style.

273
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,960
I think you and I can make a deal.

274
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,000
There's an art to it, according to
the guy who wrote my book.

275
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,960
Why should I make a deal?
Things are going great for me.

276
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,480
I can make things easier.

277
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,960
You leave the rest of us alone
and you can have all the old people.

278
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,960
We're talking men over 90,
women over 27.

279
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:50,960
Throw in fat people.

280
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,960
Fat women?
And men.

281
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,960
No deal.

282
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,960
I'm already letting you have
all the poor and ethnic types.

283
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,960
We never asked for them.

284
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,960
Well, they're yours.
No take backs.

285
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,960
Mr Trump, you are wasting my time.

286
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,960
This negotiation is over.

287
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,960
I'm not leaving without a win.

288
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,480
What is that?
A squirt gun.

289
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:11,960
Filled with
the longest word I know -

290
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,160
Hydro-cloxy-woxy-loxy-quoxy-
chlorocline.

291
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,960
Mm, good stuff.
Can I get some more?

292
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,960
You know, Coroney?
You're everything I like.

293
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,960
You're tough, you're sneaky,
you're a threat to humanity.

294
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,960
I want you in my organisation.

295
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,960
Interesting.
What did you have in mind?

296
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,960
I'll explain it on the way up.

297
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,960
Hey, Lady Lab Coat, big me.

298
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,960
Oh, my God, sir!
You brought it back with you!

299
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,960
Pence...

300
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:48,960
..you're fired.

301
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,480
I knew the hydroxy
would kill something annoying.

302
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,960
Say hello
to your new Vice President.

303
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,960
I'm gonna bring a lot of new ideas

304
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,480
now that I'm in charge of
the Anti-Virus Task Force.

305
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,480
It's great to have a guy like this

306
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,960
just a heartbeat away
from the presidency.

307
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,960
Hey, it's the husband
formerly known as Prince.

308
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:18,960
Any luck getting a job?

309
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:23,960
They had me driving for Uber Eats,
but there were too many damn rules!

310
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,960
"Don't touch the food, don't taste
the food, drive on the road."

311
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,960
I'm sorry, Rowdy Reddy.

312
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,960
But then, I was driving
down the sidewalk in Hollywood

313
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,800
and I saw something amazing!

314
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,480
People dress up in costumes,

315
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,960
like Spider-Man or Jack Sparrow,
and pose with tourists,

316
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:41,960
a dollar a photo!

317
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,960
That's perfect!

318
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,960
You love people, you're good
at getting your photo taken.

319
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,960
And I've already got a costume!

320
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,960
All right,
who's ready for a photo with Hitler?

321
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:53,960
Anybody?

322
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,960
How about Hitler and Pikachu?

323
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,960
Who wouldn't want a picture
with Hitler and Pikachu?

324
00:14:58,960 --> 00:14:59,960
Pikachu!

325
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,960
Agh!

326
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,000
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

327
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,000
Mm-mm.

328
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,960
Real brainteaser, that.
It's all edge!

329
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,960
Now, what's this I hear about
a problem with the college students?

330
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,960
Because of the rise
in campus infection rates,

331
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,960
we had to impose
some mild restrictions.

332
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,960
Love it. What have we done?
We've locked them up.

333
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:20,960
I see no problem.

334
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,960
The larvae flourish when confined
to their hexagonal pods.

335
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,320
D-d-doesn't that make
the universities rather...

336
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,960
..prisony?
Shut up, Hancock.

337
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960
Sorry, fair point.
I'll stand behind the plant.

338
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,960
This quadruples the prison
population at a stroke.

339
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,000
Hashtag vote winner!

340
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,960
The students are complaining
that they're stuck in their rooms,

341
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,960
they have to attend lectures online

342
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,960
and they can't go home
for the holidays.

343
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:45,960
Let me get this straight.

344
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,960
These kids lie around all day
in their jim-jams,

345
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,960
spaffing on the internet,
non-stop rummage in the scrummage,

346
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,960
and there's absolutely no way

347
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,960
they'll see their family
at Christmas?

348
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,960
Yes, Prime Minister.
Hey, what's that?

349
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,640
So, fellow students,

350
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,960
who fancies two pints of vodka
and a game of human Jenga?

351
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:07,960
Who are you again?

352
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,000
I'm the new boy, Johnson B,
The Bozemeister.

353
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,960
Reading Classics,
like I give a damn, right?

354
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:15,960
Erm, boundaries?

355
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,960
As in let's cross them, eh?

356
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:21,960
Well, break out the green,
I brought the parliamentary bong.

357
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,960
Smoking marijuana
is cultural appropriation.

358
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,960
Crikey, statue topplers, eh?

359
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,960
What do you do for kicks
around here?

360
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:30,960
I'm teaching myself coding.

361
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,960
I'm curating a web page
for vegan profiteroles.

362
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,960
Sounds rather serious.

363
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:36,960
University is serious.

364
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,960
We're here to study,
not to waste time.

365
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,960
Not at £9,000 a year.

366
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,640
How much?!
9,000.

367
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:44,960
What's that?

368
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,320
What a bunch of idiots.

369
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,960
Well, the costume thing went OK,
but not great.

370
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,960
Somebody gave me $20.

371
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,960
For a single picture?

372
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,640
Yeah, to stay out of
a single picture.

373
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,960
I don't know, Megs.
I've tried every career there is -

374
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,960
Prince, Hitler...

375
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,960
Maybe I'm just not qualified
for anything.

376
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,480
That's not true!

377
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,960
You're a great husband,
a good-hearted man,

378
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,960
you've got big, muscular teeth.

379
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:16,960
Thanks, Meg.

380
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,960
And I guess now
I'm qualified for this!

381
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:20,960
Unemployment!

382
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,960
Now I'm a regular Yankee geezer!

383
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,960
Hi. It's me again.

384
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,960
Lewis Hamilton, Formula 1 star,

385
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,160
enviro-campaigner
and offshore tax haven lover.

386
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:39,640
Human rights abuses
have got to stop now. End of.

387
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,960
Apart from in China, Russia and
Bahrain - I do have to race there.

388
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,640
But apart from them, sort it out!

389
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,160
I used to date a Pussycat Doll!

390
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:56,160
Kier, loving your whole radical
shake-up of the Labour Party.

391
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,960
Love. In'. It.

392
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,960
Thanks very much, Sir Elton.

393
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,960
Please, just Elton.

394
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,960
Anyway, bit of advice -

395
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,960
I think you could
zhoosh this up a bit.

396
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,960
I don't know. I don't want to
distract from my message.

397
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,960
The look IS the message.

398
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,960
You're going up against Boris

399
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,320
Fluffs-His-Hair-For-The-Camera
Johnson.

400
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,960
'Ere, let's try something.

401
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,960
You see, that's better already,
love.

402
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,960
Now, pretend
I'm the House of Commons.

403
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:23,960
All right...

404
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,960
Under proposed changes
to Universal Credit...

405
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,160
No!

406
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,960
Stop. Stop!

407
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,960
There's still something missing.

408
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:31,960
Hang on.

409
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,960
I think we've cracked it.

410
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,960
You do know we're the Labour Party?

411
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,960
Shut it!
Now, give it some zazz.

412
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,000
Year on year, GDP has fallen 12%.

413
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,960
No. I'm sorry,
it's still not quite working.

414
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,960
There's only one option.
But, Elton...

415
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,960
SIR Elton!

416
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,960
We call for another urgent review...

417
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,960
Buhh! I tell you
what the problem with you is,

418
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,960
I'm not on drugs.

419
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,960
Seven of you?

420
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,960
Gathered together?
No, no, no.

421
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,000
This is dangerous and i-illegal.

422
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,960
You know how to make
an o-o-outdoor gathering safe.

423
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,960
Hunt grouse, stay healthy.

424
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,960
Happy Sunday, everybody.

425
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,960
We're only a few weeks away
from the election,

426
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,960
arguably the most important day
in our country's history

427
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,960
Welcome To The Jungle!

428
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,960
Now, I've never endorsed
a presidential candidate,

429
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,960
although I have endorsed
pretty much everything else,

430
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,960
including The Rock's
delicious Tequila!

431
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,960
Great before, during
or after your workout.

432
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,960
You guys know me.
If I go, I go big.

433
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,960
That's why I'm taking the bold step

434
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,960
of bravely endorsing the odds-on
favourite presidential candidate -

435
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:55,960
Joe Biden.

436
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,960
Aren't you forgetting
something, you giant goose?

437
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,320
It's my little pocket pal,
Kevin Hart!

438
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,960
Don't forget to plug our new movie!

439
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,960
That's not what this is about,
Kevin.

440
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,800
Don't miss Jumanji
This Time It's Contractual.

441
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,320
Oh, and Kamala Harris.

442
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,960
Can I have a Kevin snack?

443
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,960
Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom!

444
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,960
What a fantastic day in New Zealand.

445
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,960
Meat pies, ginger crunch

446
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,160
and a positive balance of trade
with China.

447
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,960
I know, but sometimes I think...

448
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,960
..couldn't things here
be MORE fantastic?

449
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,960
Where there's a wish, there's a way!

450
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,480
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern!

451
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,960
Kia ora, children.
What healthful weather we're having.

452
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,160
Not a spit-spot of virus to be seen.

453
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,960
Why, Jacinda Ardern,
are you boasting?

454
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,960
Practically perfect people
never boast,

455
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,800
they just get re-elected forever.

456
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,000
♪ In a world of strongmen ♪
♪ A nice lady came along ♪

457
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,960
♪ I'm kind and smart and young and ♪
♪ Kind and good and kind and young ♪

458
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,960
♪ When I became New Zealand's boss ♪
♪ I knew just what to do ♪

459
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,480
♪ Initiate a nanny state ♪
♪ And turn our grey skies blue! ♪

460
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,800
♪ Super-Kiwi-socialistic-  ♪
♪ Extra-nice Jacinda ♪

461
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:08,960
♪ Never mean and always green ♪
♪ And such a lovely grin-na ♪

462
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,960
♪ If a virus comes around ♪
♪ She'll stop it going in ya ♪

463
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,960
♪ Super-Kiwi-socialistic- ♪
♪ Extra-nice Jacinda! ♪

464
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,960
♪ Yum dumble dumble, dumble meat pie ♪
♪ Yum munchie munch, yum ginger crunch ♪

465
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,960
♪ I banned all assault weapons ♪
♪ And enforced a living wage ♪

466
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,640
♪ I gave birth to a child ♪
♪ At an advanced maternal age ♪

467
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,960
♪ I put us into lockdown ♪
♪ Faster than the Yanks and Brits ♪

468
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,960
♪ And now NZ is virus-free ♪
♪ We've kicked it in the tits! Oh! ♪

469
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,960
♪ Super-quick Jacinda ♪
♪ Taking action straight away ♪

470
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,960
♪ That virus had no chance against ♪
♪ Our badass Kiwi bae ♪

471
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,960
♪ With her gentle touch ♪
♪ And iron fist ♪

472
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:40,960
♪ Cleared COVID off the scene ♪

473
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,960
♪ Super-Kiwi-socialistic- ♪
♪ Extra-nice Jacinda! ♪

474
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,960
Young man,

475
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,960
do you have the impertinence
to be ill in New Zealand?

476
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,640
I was just clearing my throat.
I'm probably fine.

477
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,960
Do you know how hard it is
to quarantine two small islands

478
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,960
with low population
and a wealth of natural resources

479
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,960
that renders us
completely self-sufficient?!

480
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,960
Not...that...hard?

481
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,960
That's quite enough of that. I can
see there's only one thing to do.

482
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,960
I am delighted to announce
no new cases of coronavirus!

483
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,960
♪ Super-Kiwi-socialistic- ♪
♪ Extra-nice Jacinda! ♪

484
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:22,960
The ignorant and lazy adults that
have robbed me off my future,

485
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,960
by which I mean network executives,

486
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,960
have told me to bring
a lighter touch

487
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,960
and also to cover
afternoon drive time.

488
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,960
So, today, a mix of sun and clouds.

489
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,960
Chance of sprinkles,
don't forget your brellie.

490
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,960
All clear by your evening commute.

491
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,960
Tomorrow
and for the rest of eternity -

492
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,960
HOT!