1
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,960
After a number of missteps
with our track and trace efforts,

2
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,640
we've finally come up with
a world-beating system

3
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,960
to monitor infected individuals.

4
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,960
Mrs Jones from Number 42.

5
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,960
I can see the whole street
from my window.

6
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,960
Are you saying your new
track and trace system

7
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,960
is a middle-aged woman
standing behind a net curtain?

8
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,800
That's exactly what I'm saying.

9
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,640
Her across the road is always in
and out with her gentlemen friends.

10
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:39,960
Who's looking after the kiddies?

11
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,480
We've been testing her
for a number of weeks

12
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,960
and we've been very encouraged
by the results.

13
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:49,960
And I've seen your online profile,
Mr HardBrex-x-xit45.

14
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,960
No more questions. This way.

15
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,960
Man, I'm so bored, I signed every
blank piece of paper there is.

16
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,960
I even wrote myself
a great get well card.

17
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,000
The best get well card.

18
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,960
I'm not a big fan of this place,
either.

19
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,960
I'm a people person.

20
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,640
I like crowds,
Rose Garden ceremonies.

21
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,960
Me too, and the food in here sucks.

22
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,960
Look, this hot dog is green.

23
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:16,960
But I guess we're stuck here.

24
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:20,960
I mean, what can the President
of the United States do?

25
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,960
Yeah, that Obama, what a loser.
Hey, wait a minute, I'm President.

26
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,960
It's so ridiculous,
even I keep forgetting it.

27
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,960
Corony, it's time
for a little road trip.

28
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,960
[THEY CHUCKLE]

29
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:35,480
[FIESTA MUSIC PLAYS]

30
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,480
Look at all those fans out there.

31
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:38,960
They love me.
Who wouldn't?

32
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:42,960
Why don't you roll down the window
so I can get to know them better?

33
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,960
You're sneaky, Corony.

34
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,800
But I'm smart. Also,
these are child-proof windows.

35
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,960
Damn it.
No problem, I'll get someone.

36
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,960
Maybe you're a little more trouble
than I thought.

37
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,960
No, I'm a pushover.

38
00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,960
You're big and strong.
I bet you can totally beat me up.

39
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:01,960
You bet I could.

40
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,480
[THEY GRUNT]

41
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,960
Oh, you almost got me that time
with those big hands.

42
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,960
See, you're much tougher than me.

43
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,960
You're right, Corony,
you're a great virus.

44
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,960
A lot of people are saying that,
by the way.

45
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,960
They say you're better
than genital warts

46
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,960
and I think they're right.
What say we go back to my place?

47
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,960
Hey, everyone, I'm doing tremendous

48
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,960
and so is my pal, Corony, here.

49
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,960
Actually, I don't feel so good.

50
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:31,960
I think I may have caught
a case of you.

51
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,960
[HE MOANS]
Turning orange.

52
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,960
Vocabulary shrinking.

53
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,960
Caps lock on. SAD!

54
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:39,960
China.

55
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,960
Heh-heh! You got a lethal dose
of POTUS-45.

56
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,960
How long will it last?

57
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,960
Four more beautiful years, baby.

58
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,640
Jurgen, you are not sleepy?
Wow,

59
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,960
I'm thinking about all the positives

60
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,960
from our unprecedented 7-2 loss
to Aston Villa.

61
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:58,960
Wow, amazing.

62
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:03,320
Do you know how many injuries
we are having from the game? Zero!

63
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,960
I am so really, really proud
of the boys. Aye.

64
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,960
So many beautiful goals.

65
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,960
Ha-ha!

66
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:11,960
[KNOCKING]

67
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,960
Mr Vice President, Speaker Pelosi
is waiting outside.

68
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:15,960
Shall I send her in?

69
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,960
Only if you stay.

70
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,960
I can't be alone with a woman
other than my wife.

71
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,960
It's a Biblical injunction.

72
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:23,960
Sorry, I have to see my doctor.

73
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,000
He wouldn't give me the test results
over the phone.

74
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,960
All he said was, "Hoo, boy",
so probably good news.

75
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,960
Pence, can we talk about
your idiot boss, Trump?

76
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,960
Vice President Pence is not here.

77
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,640
Please return when you are a man.
Beep.

78
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:40,960
Oh, for fuck's sake.

79
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,960
Ooh, I'm a scary female.

80
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,320
I have boobs.

81
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,960
I am a desk and I'm going home now.

82
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,800
OK, I'm all alone.

83
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,960
Just got to find a way out
that avoids all ladies' rooms,

84
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,960
secretary pools,
and paintings of Abigail Adams.

85
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,960
FEMALE VOICE ON PHONE: Finding
shortest path to your office.

86
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,960
Woman in my pocket!

87
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,960
[HE SCREAMS]

88
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,960
Jurgen, here is a parcel for you.

89
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,960
It says it is from Manchester.
Wow. Ha!

90
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,960
For me, this is unbelievable.

91
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,960
I mean, so many nice things have
become sent to us since I've...

92
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,960
[FLIES BUZZ, SHE GAGS]
My God, it is stinking.

93
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,960
What is it?
It's a box of poo!

94
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:25,960
Amazing!

95
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:26,960
Wow. Ha-ha!

96
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:31,960
"With love from Man United.
Liverpool will always be shit."

97
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,960
Ha-ha! I love the sense of humour.

98
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,480
Unbelievable. Wow.

99
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,960
Are you crazy? It's human faeces.

100
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,960
Another message
from the Everton fans.

101
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,960
"Fuck you, Red scum." So clever!

102
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,960
Fantastic. Mind blown.

103
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,000
You should be phoning the police.

104
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,800
I am thinking we have bricks
and free manure.

105
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,960
We can build a rose box
next to the house.

106
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,480
Great! Unbelievable!

107
00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,960
Ha!
I've had it.

108
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,960
I'm leaving.
She will come to understand,

109
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,480
the fans have big feelings.
It is good that they unbottle them.

110
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,480
It's for you.

111
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,960
[TICKING]
Oh, wow!

112
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,640
Look at this engineering. Amazing.

113
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,480
With a clock for the counting down.

114
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,000
And I've got one whole second left.

115
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,960
It's a little hard
to feel good about this.

116
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,960
Wait, what a piece of luck,

117
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,800
my head has landed in the sink.

118
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,480
Wow, now I won't make a mess
on the furniture.

119
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,960
Fantastic! Unbelievable...

120
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,960
Right, bad news first.

121
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,960
Terrible recession,
trade fallen off a cliff,

122
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,960
Brexit an utter cock-up,

123
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,960
and pandemic number two
is on the way.

124
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,160
What's the good news?
Well, um...

125
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,960
My wine club delivery just came.

126
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,960
What is this wine
of which you speak?

127
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,960
You must have had
a glass of wine before, Dom?

128
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,960
Oh, yes, during social encounters
with other humans.

129
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,640
I am a human.

130
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,960
[BORIS SLURPS]
There, I'm good and buzzed.

131
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,960
Now, let's solve the economy.

132
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,960
The answer is simple,
we enslave the unemployed

133
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,960
and force them to work
deep underground

134
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,960
where they will devolve
into blind cave worms.

135
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,960
Devolve? Like Scotland and Wales?

136
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,000
Precisely.

137
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,160
Fresh idea. Unexpected.

138
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,960
How will it play with
our new Northern voters?

139
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,640
Very badly.

140
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,960
It's a terrible idea.

141
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,960
It is an excellent idea.

142
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,640
I am the smartest creature
within ten parsecs.

143
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,960
If you will not heed my words,
then you must obey my mind rays!

144
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,960
[EERIE SOUNDS]

145
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,960
Tastes like strawberry jam.

146
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:37,960
It's no good, Dom.

147
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,480
You can't be affected by mind rays

148
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,000
unless you start with some kind
of intelligence. Cheers!

149
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,960
Yes, cheers.

150
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,960
[GURGLING]

151
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,960
Let's see. My cyber truck is a top
seller with dads who like Mad Max,

152
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,960
my rap label scored a huge artist -
me,

153
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,960
got my wind-powered
suppository inserter.

154
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,480
Oof!
Huh!

155
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,960
What other genius products
am I slapping my name on?

156
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,960
There's the hyperloop,
transport pod of the future.

157
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,960
The hyperloop? I thought
I told you to chuck that?

158
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,960
No, you told us to spend
a billion dollars on it.

159
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,960
I hate transportation pods.

160
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,960
They're fucking dead weight.
We need to move people, not pods.

161
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,960
We anticipated your objection,

162
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,960
so we also have a podless system
in development.

163
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:25,960
Fantastic.

164
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,960
First I'll announce it to the world
in an awkward livestream event,

165
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,640
then we'll see if it actually works.

166
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,960
Another terrific job by me.

167
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,960
How soon will it do
whatever it does?

168
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,960
Well, we have to run some
safety checks with a test pilot.

169
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,000
I'll do the testing.

170
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,960
I can't afford pilots.

171
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,960
This company is haemorrhaging cash
and I can't figure out why.

172
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:48,960
"Musk stock way overpriced,
also I love pot."

173
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,960
Welcome to Salt Lake City
and the Vice Presidential Debate.

174
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:56,960
Because of Covid,

175
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,960
the candidates have been separated
by a plexiglass barrier.

176
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,960
Vice President Pence,
is everything OK?

177
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,960
Tell her to stop trying to
get so close to me.

178
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,960
Senator Harris,
you're harassing that man

179
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,960
because of his religious beliefs.

180
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,960
I'm a Democrat, that's what we do.

181
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,960
Please sit down.

182
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,960
Mr Pence, can we get started?
Just one more thing.

183
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,320
Now I'm ready.
[FLY BUZZING]

184
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,960
Tell them the miracle drug I took
has no side effects.

185
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,960
Hey! Whoa! Look out!

186
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,480
Watch it!

187
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,960
And we're out of time.

188
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,960
Hello, fellow foodies.

189
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,960
I'm David Attenborough,

190
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,000
sharing with you
this delicious meal,

191
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,960
a celebration of Earth's bounty

192
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,320
from a wonderful restaurant
near the...

193
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,480
You take the picture
before you eat the food, David.

194
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,000
Fucking social media!

195
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,960
[CLATTERING]

196
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,960
This week,
the Prime Minister proposed

197
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,960
a new clean energy plan for Britain.

198
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,640
This speech has inspired us
to develop

199
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,960
a prototype clean energy device

200
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,960
which the Prime Minister himself
will now demonstrate.

201
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,960
Yes.
[HE MUMBLES]

202
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,960
The wind comes out here,

203
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:13,960
is converted into electricity here,

204
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,960
transformed here,
powering the lamp here.

205
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,800
If you'd like to begin your speech,
Prime Minister.

206
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:25,960
This is a fantastic way
to harness our natural resources

207
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,960
so that together we can build

208
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,960
a new Jerusalem
and bask in the sunlit...

209
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,960
He's giving it too much power.

210
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,960
..sceptred isle.

211
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,960
It's going critical.
Distract the generator.

212
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,960
..the nations of the world.

213
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,960
Ah! The humble burger.
Too late.

214
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,960
Has anyone got a match?

215
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,960
I don't think we actually
make them any more.

216
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,960
OK, Joe, to win it all
for the Democrats, spell Kamala.

217
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,960
Woo!

218
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,960
Can you use it in a sentence?

219
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,960
Speaker Pelosi.

220
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,960
The representatives from the
African American Voters Coalition.

221
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:10,960
Wonderful! I want you
and the entire Black community

222
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,960
to know that I stand with you.

223
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,960
We're hoping to go over our action
plan with Black Lives Matter and...

224
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,800
I'm sorry, were you wearing
that scarf when we came in?

225
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,960
Oh, the Kente cloth?

226
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,960
It's my signature accessory.

227
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,960
And let me assure you,

228
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,960
that I empathise with your struggle
and share in your pain.

229
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,960
Habari gani.

230
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,960
That's Swahili for,
"What is the news?"

231
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,960
Anyway, in light of recent events...
Wait.

232
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,000
When did you put on that dashiki?

233
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:45,480
The important thing is that we move
our cause forward together.

234
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:46,960
Ai-i-ight?

235
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,960
OK, you're at optimal thrust
position within the cylinder.

236
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:52,960
That's what she said.

237
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,000
[HE CHUCKLES]

238
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,960
Noted, sir.
Elevate to launch angle.

239
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,960
You'll pass through the
ejection port at hypersonic speed,

240
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,800
cruise high above
the Gulf of Mexico,

241
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,960
then descend for max G-force capture

242
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,160
aboard our drone ship Titanic Ego.

243
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,960
Don't lecture me,
I went to Stanford for two days.

244
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,960
Just shoot me out the hole.

245
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,960
Initiate launch sequence.

246
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,960
Up, up and a-Musk!

247
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,160
Elon.

248
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,320
Elon!

249
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,320
Where am I? Who's talking?

250
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,960
I'm you from the future.

251
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,960
I bring an urgent warning.

252
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,960
Something terrible is coming.

253
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:46,960
Is it that outfit you're wearing?

254
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,960
Hey, this was your future bad idea.

255
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,960
Asshole.
Pedo.

256
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,960
OK, I'm convinced, you're me.

257
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,320
So, what's the big warning?

258
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,000
You must leave Earth
by November 3rd.

259
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,480
Get yourself to Mars.

260
00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,960
What happens on November 3rd?

261
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,800
I can't go into details,

262
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,960
it would destroy
space-time causality.

263
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,160
Plus, it would ruin the surprise.

264
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,960
I love surprises.
Me too!

265
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:08,960
But I can't just abandon Earth,

266
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,960
I've got tunnels to dig,
stuff to electrify, weed to smoke.

267
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:13,960
Don't be a fool, you idiot.

268
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,960
Earth has served its purpose,
it created you.

269
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,960
Wait, Future Me,
I have so many questions.

270
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,960
Go to Mars!
Oh, and bring a bicycle pump.

271
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,960
Don't forget
the fucking bicycle pump!

272
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,640
Ouch! I'm awake.

273
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,640
I know.
Ow! Ow! Ow!

274
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,960
Speaker Pelosi,

275
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,960
the representatives from
the Gay And Lesbian Alliance.

276
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:39,960
Wonderful.

277
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,960
I want you and the entire
LGBTQ community

278
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,960
to know that I stand with you.

279
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,320
Thank you, Madam Speaker,
because we have many pressing...

280
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,960
Wait... I didn't notice your vest
when we came in.

281
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,960
Oh, this?

282
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,960
You can't keep something like this
in the closet.

283
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,960
Funny, Madam Speaker, but...

284
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,960
OK.

285
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,960
You definitely weren't wearing that
when we came in.

286
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:07,480
Just know that I empathise
with your struggle

287
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,960
and share in your pain.

288
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,960
Ya-a-as queen!

289
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,640
Well, I...

290
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,960
[THEY MOAN IN PLEASURE]

291
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,800
Ah, Western leaders,
so nice to see you.

292
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,960
Please, try our famous
wet market buffet.

293
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,960
Are you sure there's nothing
infectious, no bat or pangolin?

294
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,960
No, no, try the pate.

295
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,960
It's pango-licious.

296
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:36,000
Now, Xi, as you know, relations have
been strained between our nations.

297
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,960
Strained like the milk
in a fine Tilsit cheese,

298
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,960
which we want to sell you
eine giganticker tonne of.

299
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:46,320
I love old women.
Let me lick your wrinkles.

300
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,960
Oh! Later.

301
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:49,960
In the sauna.

302
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,480
We'd love to get our trade
relationship back to normal.

303
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:54,960
It's not as if we can build our own

304
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,960
power stations and railways
any more.

305
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,960
And I would like to resume the flow

306
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,960
of undergraduate
and postgraduate spies

307
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,960
to your technical universities.

308
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,960
You said "spies" there.
I think you mean "students".

309
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:09,960
Oh, yes, a simple error.

310
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,960
Spy and student are very similar
words in Chinese.

311
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,960
[HE LICKS AND SLURPS]
Ooh!

312
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,960
Poopchen!

313
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:23,960
So, the only problem is these new
laws you brought in in Hong Kong.

314
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,960
They were a touch repressive.
Not at all.

315
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,960
The death penalty is only for
the most extreme cases

316
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,000
when protestors use umbrellas.

317
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,960
There is also the difficulty with
the Uighurs' re-education camps.

318
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,960
Similar to your vocational
training colleges...

319
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,960
without sanitation or running water.

320
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,960
Well, jolly good then. Everyone?

321
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,000
Wunderbar.
Parfait.

322
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,320
However, there is one more question.

323
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,960
Yes?
Are you gonna eat that bat?

324
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:51,960
[BAT SQUEAKS]

325
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,960
Madam Speaker, Rabbi Horowitz
from the Jewish Alliance.

326
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,960
Rabbi, Rabbi, come in.

327
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,960
Mazel tov.

328
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,640
Is this some kind of joke?

329
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,960
That's mishigas! I stand with you,

330
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,960
I feel your pain.

331
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,000
This is an insult.

332
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,960
A schande is what it is!

333
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,960
Perhaps you should come back later,
Rabbi.

334
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,960
Speaker Pelosi is not feeling well.

335
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,960
What's that on your button?

336
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,960
Meow.

337
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,960
Hello?

338
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,960
It's for you, Kier, someone from
the donkey sanctuary.

339
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,960
I've told you before,

340
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,960
they're called the Shadow Cabinet.

341
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,960
Hello, Ed.
[DONKEY BRAYS]

342
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,960
Lee, you are not ready.

343
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,960
You said you would come to the
climate change conference with me.

344
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,960
Oh, yeah. I'd love to,

345
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,960
but West Ham are playing at home
so I thought we could go to that.

346
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,960
But what about the environment?

347
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,960
There's an environment there,
it's just quite an aggressive one.

348
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,960
But this is our last chance
to save the Earth.

349
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,960
And it's our last chance to see
West Ham at home for a fortnight.

350
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,160
Come on.

351
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:03,960
I suppose.

352
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,960
Great, I'll get the car.

353
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:06,960
Is it electric?

354
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,640
Well, the lights are.

355
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,960
This is so much better than
a climate change conference,

356
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,960
the graceful players,

357
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,960
the smack of the ball off the foot.

358
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,480
Yeah, trying to watch the game,
Greta.

359
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,960
Why does he pass the ball back?

360
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,960
He should pass it forwards.

361
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,960
Why has he failed us?
I don't know.

362
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,960
Hey, you know you've still got time
to get to that conference?

363
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,960
The goalie should kick the ball
to the other end

364
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,960
and then Declan Rice bonks it in
with his head.

365
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,960
That is the right plan.

366
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,960
Yeah.
I'm going to come every week.

367
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,960
That's football, Greta.

368
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,960
1-0 up, 2-1 down.

369
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:52,960
The referee has stolen my childhood
with his erratic decision making.

370
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:53,960
It happens.

371
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,960
And the manager has lied to us
with his empty promises

372
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,000
of a top-half finish.

373
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,960
So, I suppose that means
you won't be coming next week?

374
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:01,960
Oh, no.

375
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,960
I must save West Ham.

376
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,960
And you are coming with me now
to picket the manager's house.

377
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,960
Come on, Greta, cool down.

378
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,960
I can't! I'm hot!

379
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:20,480
I'm afraid that the Speaker has come
down with a bad case of panderitis,

380
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,000
an irresistible compulsion to pander
for votes from every identity group.

381
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,960
It's entirely involuntary
at this point.

382
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,960
Is it serious?
Very serious.

383
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:34,960
I share in the pain doctors face
when they get the yips playing golf.

384
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,960
It's becoming so blatant that
no-one will ever believe her again.

385
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,960
There is one cure,
but it's highly experimental.

386
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,960
In fact, this is
the first experiment.

387
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,960
We make her look at herself
in the mirror.

388
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:46,960
With no-one to mimic,

389
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,960
she'll be forced to return
to her original identity.

390
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,960
Or she'll have a nervous breakdown.
Either way...

391
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,960
She's been locked in there
for a week without food or water.

392
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,160
Let's see what happened.

393
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,960
Oh... my... God.

394
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,960
Oh.

395
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,960
I became what I really am,

396
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:16,960
a creature that lives only to
absorb any and all voting blocs.

397
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,960
I am not in the big tent,
I am the tent.

398
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,320
I am the Blo-o-ob!

399
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,960
Gruesome, horrifying!

400
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,960
Let's see how this plays.

401
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,000
It's not looking good.

402
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,960
The Bloob is making in-roads
in all the key battleground states.

403
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,160
Unleash the Roob.

404
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,960
[GULPING, BELCHES]

405
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,000
That's our guy.

406
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,960
Thanks for coming in, Quentin, we
want to talk to you about a project.

407
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,960
Shut up, David.

408
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,960
You know how you're always making
films where you change history,

409
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,480
like you did that one
where Hitler got murdered,

410
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,960
and that other one where Sharon Tate
didn't get murdered.

411
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,960
Yeah.

412
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,000
I was wondering
if you could make a film

413
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:05,160
where Watford win the 1984
FA Cup Final against Everton.

414
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:09,960
I guess. But wouldn't you prefer me
to remake last year's FA Cup Final

415
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,960
when Watford lost
to Manchester City?

416
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,960
Oh, no, it was 6-0, I don't
think the public would buy it.

417
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaking as a film producer
in my own right... Shut up, David!

418
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,960
A message from the future.

419
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,960
Go to Mars. Can I really do it?

420
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,960
♪ Shot from my cannon ♪

421
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,960
♪ But I hit the wall ♪
♪ Oh-oh ♪

422
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:33,960
♪ Fired everyone ♪

423
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,960
♪ At ground control ♪

424
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,960
♪ Got a message from some future asshole ♪

425
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,960
♪ Go to Mars, he said ♪

426
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,960
♪ But I'm a car man ♪

427
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,000
♪ Earth is my garage ♪

428
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,960
♪ Ain't gonna risk my stardom ♪

429
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,960
♪ For what might be a mirage ♪

430
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,480
♪ I'm a car man ♪

431
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,960
♪ Or maybe I'm a god ♪

432
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,800
♪ Zooming round the planets ♪

433
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,000
♪ In my hyperlooping pod ♪

434
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,960
♪ Joe Rogan told me ♪
♪ Keep your rocket smoking ♪

435
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,320
♪ Don't ever stop your toking ♪

436
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:14,640
♪ Your autopilot's broken ♪

437
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,960
♪ Go to Mars ♪

438
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,960
♪ And the future's yours ♪

439
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:25,960
♪ A new race of humans ♪
♪ From a bag of spores ♪

440
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,960
♪ In 50 years ♪
♪ You'll be able to go outdoors ♪

441
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,960
♪ Lotta terraforming ♪

442
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,960
♪ Ruling Mars man ♪

443
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,960
♪ High up on a throne ♪

444
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,960
♪ I'll be the hottest dude there ♪

445
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,960
♪ Cos I'll be there all alone ♪

446
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,960
♪ He told me ♪
♪ Go to Mars, you genius ♪

447
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,960
♪ Stop playing with your penius ♪

448
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,960
♪ A king without a queenius ♪

449
00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:01,960
♪ On Mars! ♪

450
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,960
Change of plans.

451
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,960
We need to launch the Mars rocket
by November 3rd.

452
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,960
I want every designer we've got
on this. For the engines?

453
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,960
What are you, stupid?
For my space boots.

454
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,160
I'm not gonna be the guy that
shows up on Mars wearing lame boots.

455
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,640
Let's move! Let's move!

456
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,960
Your new track and trace system
is already a shambles.

457
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,960
16,000 positive results missed.
What's going on?

458
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,960
Yeah, sorry, everyone.

459
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:35,960
I had one too many quarantinis
at book group this afternoon!

460
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,960
But I'll be right back on it
tonight after a nice sleep.

461
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,960
[SHE LAUGHS THEN VOMITS]

462
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,960
I recognise there has been a glitch,

463
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,960
but we all need to get behind
Mrs Jones.

464
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,160
But, Boris,
you already spent £5 billion

465
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,960
on a British satellite
navigation system.

466
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,960
Why do you want to chuck it

467
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,960
and rejoin the European Union
satnav project?

468
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,960
Well, the British satnav system
has had mixed success.

469
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,960
BORIS'S VOICE ON SATNAV: 'Right. No,
next right. I mean left. This left.

470
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,960
'Oh, bugger, it was that left.'
What?

471
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,960
'Turn around.
Or indeed, don't turn around.

472
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,960
'Just carry on. Yes, onwards.'

473
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,960
[THEY SCREAM]

474
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,160
'You have arrived
at your destination.'