1 00:00:13,670 --> 00:00:16,669 I know many of you are feeling pretty cheesed off 2 00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:19,669 about my speech last Saturday delaying strictly, 3 00:00:19,670 --> 00:00:23,509 but let me reassure you that this lockdown will be different. 4 00:00:23,510 --> 00:00:26,669 We learnt vital lessons last time. 5 00:00:26,670 --> 00:00:29,669 Ergo facto, from midnight tonight, 6 00:00:29,670 --> 00:00:33,669 posting online photos of your sourdough starter is banned. 7 00:00:33,670 --> 00:00:36,669 Zoom pub quizzes and comparisons with the Blitz 8 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:39,669 will result in immediate imprisonment. 9 00:00:39,670 --> 00:00:43,669 And finally, Joe Wicks is now punishable by death. 10 00:00:44,775 --> 00:00:47,566 So remember our three-word slogan, 11 00:00:47,623 --> 00:00:50,174 not my fault. 12 00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:54,669 New James Bond auditions, Harry Styles, take one. 13 00:00:54,670 --> 00:00:58,349 A martini, shaken not stirred. 14 00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,669 And non-alcoholic. 15 00:00:59,670 --> 00:01:01,669 I'm on a detox right now. 16 00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:04,670 - Thank you. - I have pretty hands. 17 00:01:08,690 --> 00:01:11,849 ♪ Hey, Fauci, you're so fired You're so fired and then re-hired ♪ 18 00:01:11,850 --> 00:01:13,489 ♪ Hey, Fauci. ♪ 19 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,489 Sir, the election results are coming in. 20 00:01:15,490 --> 00:01:18,489 - Shouldn't we be watching TV? - Antifa cut the cable. 21 00:01:18,490 --> 00:01:20,489 Or maybe we didn't pay the bill. 22 00:01:20,490 --> 00:01:23,489 Shouldn't you, at least, be getting some overhyped nonsense 23 00:01:23,490 --> 00:01:26,490 - from your Twitter feed? - Can't. I over-tweeted. 24 00:01:26,491 --> 00:01:30,136 Besides, I've got it in the bag, everybody's saying it. 25 00:01:30,171 --> 00:01:33,169 Look at Jared, he's not worried, he's cool as a cucumber. 26 00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:40,490 Plus, if there's any problem, I got a direct line to the Supreme Court. 27 00:01:41,490 --> 00:01:44,489 - I'm sorry, this number has been blocked. - Huh? 28 00:01:44,490 --> 00:01:46,090 That's been happening to me a lot lately. 29 00:01:46,114 --> 00:01:48,489 For the first time since becoming Vice President, 30 00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:50,489 I'm going to be honest. 31 00:01:50,490 --> 00:01:54,572 You've made a lot of mistakes and not everyone is voting for you. 32 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:59,489 Is that possible? Have I somehow gone wrong? 33 00:01:59,490 --> 00:02:04,169 John F Kennedy, did I connect with the American people like you? 34 00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:07,489 Did I make them understand how big, truly big, my penis is? 35 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:11,599 And you, Jim Washlington, we're so alike. 36 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,599 We both have great hair. 37 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:19,599 And you, Major Cheeseburger of Burger Town, 38 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,599 my true political hero, how did I do? 39 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:27,599 - Fantastic. You were the greatest. - I knew it! Thanks, Burgy. 40 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,639 - Are you real, by the way? - Pretty sure you're just insane. 41 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,599 One way to find out. 42 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:36,039 I was wrong, I am real! Argh! 43 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,599 It's gonna be a great election, the best election. 44 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,800 Win or lose, there's still time for me to get to Bolivia. 45 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,599 Michael, you said you'd take the bins out. 46 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,439 Good evening, Sarah. 47 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,599 Well, firstly, let me assure you 48 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,599 the bins remain very much my priority. 49 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,599 Well, it doesn't look like it. 50 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,599 If I may, they remain my priority. But what we shouldn't forget 51 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,599 is that this household has two brand-new bins from Argos, a record. 52 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,119 But the binmen come tomorrow morning. 53 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,599 Well, that's your opinion. I obviously have my own timeframe. 54 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,600 - But, Sarah, let me just... - Argh! 55 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,599 Hello, ambulance, please. I'm badly injured. 56 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:27,119 My address? Forgive me, I'm not going to answer that. 57 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,599 But what I will say is that, under the Tories, 58 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,599 emergency wait times have dropped considerably. 59 00:03:34,818 --> 00:03:37,709 New James Bond auditions, RuPaul, take one. 60 00:03:37,710 --> 00:03:40,709 Hi, Bondage queens. 61 00:03:40,710 --> 00:03:43,749 I am loving this look and working this look. 62 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:47,229 Double oh seven. Double oh, my God! 63 00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:50,710 - Cut! - Which way to Pussy Galore? 64 00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:11,709 Thanks for coming, everyone. 65 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,549 Mum, I'm just going to say it, 66 00:04:13,550 --> 00:04:15,749 we're concerned about the way the firm is being run. 67 00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:18,229 Fuck off. Where's my sherry? 68 00:04:18,230 --> 00:04:20,709 Damn it! We're haemorrhaging countries. 69 00:04:20,710 --> 00:04:22,709 Even Barbados wants out of the monarchy. 70 00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:24,709 And Scotland's talking about walking. 71 00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:28,209 Don't worry about Scotland. Leaving is their only bargaining 72 00:04:28,210 --> 00:04:29,709 chip now their oil's worth crap. 73 00:04:29,710 --> 00:04:33,709 We all think we need younger, fresher eyes in charge. 74 00:04:33,710 --> 00:04:36,928 - The younger the better. - Yah! Vroom, vroom! 75 00:04:37,016 --> 00:04:40,431 I think what we're saying is we need someone younger, 76 00:04:40,432 --> 00:04:42,709 but also older than the younger ones. 77 00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:43,813 That's not what I'm saying. 78 00:04:43,814 --> 00:04:46,709 You've got fresh ideas, Charles. 79 00:04:46,710 --> 00:04:49,709 - Lay them on me, then, genius. - Organic crackers. 80 00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:51,709 Oh, not that again! 81 00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:54,709 No, hear me out. This time, they'll be a lot less crumbly. 82 00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:57,709 Can I jump in? My family sells party supplies, right? 83 00:04:57,710 --> 00:05:00,749 Will and I are thinking synergy, royal balloons, 84 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:03,709 royal confetti, royal kiddie birthday parties. 85 00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:05,069 Erm... 86 00:05:05,070 --> 00:05:09,389 Fresh ideas. Where's my sherry? 87 00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:12,389 Now, listen, this is my fucking business 88 00:05:12,390 --> 00:05:13,709 and I run it my fucking way. 89 00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:16,709 We cut ribbons, we visit hospitals, 90 00:05:16,710 --> 00:05:18,709 we give knighthoods to Asians, understand? 91 00:05:20,390 --> 00:05:23,709 But, Gran, that's two glasses of sherry in one afternoon. 92 00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:29,488 She's in a sherry coma. 93 00:05:31,390 --> 00:05:33,709 Then I have to step up and run the firm. 94 00:05:33,710 --> 00:05:35,710 I'm in charge! 95 00:05:47,710 --> 00:05:50,709 Well, colonising Mars was not that great a challenge, 96 00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:53,709 not for three intrepid chums like us. 97 00:05:53,710 --> 00:05:57,709 We have excellent growing conditions here in the scro-dome. 98 00:05:57,710 --> 00:06:00,709 Yep, there's no fertiliser like human excrement. 99 00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:03,709 - Dinner is served. - Hey, we're past November 3rd. 100 00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:06,549 Wasn't something supposed to happen on Earth? 101 00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:09,209 Right. The mystery catastrophe 102 00:06:09,210 --> 00:06:10,709 that we came here to escape. 103 00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:12,709 I wonder what happened. 104 00:06:12,710 --> 00:06:14,870 Why don't you call that minxy little songbird of yours? 105 00:06:14,894 --> 00:06:18,709 Oh, right, Grimey. I love her so much. 106 00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:20,709 Probably should have called her once 107 00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:22,709 since we landed on a new planet. 108 00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:29,709 Mars to Grimey. Come in, Grimey. 109 00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:33,549 It's me, Elon, the father of your child. 110 00:06:34,710 --> 00:06:36,709 No answer. 111 00:06:36,710 --> 00:06:39,709 Something really bad must have happened on Earth. 112 00:06:39,710 --> 00:06:41,709 There's news coming in on my Kindle Fire, 113 00:06:41,710 --> 00:06:44,710 a revolution in communication starting at only £19.95. 114 00:06:45,710 --> 00:06:47,709 Hi, everyone in space. 115 00:06:47,710 --> 00:06:51,709 Great news, I won the election. Very hugely won it. 116 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,229 Some people might try to steal it back, though. 117 00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:58,229 So Space Force Army, get ready to shoot down lasers and missiles. 118 00:06:58,230 --> 00:06:59,709 President out. 119 00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:02,709 My God, Trump won. 120 00:07:02,710 --> 00:07:06,069 Civilisation will be set back a thousand years. 121 00:07:06,070 --> 00:07:08,709 To a time when Branson was actually cool. 122 00:07:08,710 --> 00:07:12,709 Yes, we'll need that cheery good humour to get us through this. 123 00:07:12,710 --> 00:07:15,709 This is why my future self warned me to get away. 124 00:07:15,710 --> 00:07:18,709 Which reminds me, I'll be back in a sec. 125 00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:22,709 And this time, bring the damn bicycle pump, dumb-ass! 126 00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,709 So this is it. 127 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,069 It really was a one-way trip. 128 00:07:27,070 --> 00:07:30,710 Then nothing left to do but sit back and enjoy the poo pot. 129 00:07:34,230 --> 00:07:35,710 Actually, there's no pot in that one. 130 00:07:42,410 --> 00:07:44,409 Dude, just want you to know that I'm, like, 131 00:07:44,410 --> 00:07:47,409 totally Team Charles, always was. 132 00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:50,409 Ah, thanks, man. I'm super ready for it. 133 00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:54,409 A lot of new stuff to learn, like writing this Christmas speech. 134 00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:57,409 - What have you got so far? - "Hi." 135 00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,409 Let the jerk-offs in publicity finish it. 136 00:07:59,410 --> 00:08:01,930 Grab your sword, let's make some knights. 137 00:08:03,410 --> 00:08:05,409 Why am I knighting you? 138 00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:09,409 I'm 100 years old and I raised £50 million for charity. 139 00:08:09,410 --> 00:08:11,249 Cool story. 140 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:15,410 I now pronounce you Sir Thomas of, er... 141 00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:21,249 - Oh, shit! - No big deal, first-time jitters. 142 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,409 We regroup, we go again. You the man. 143 00:08:23,410 --> 00:08:25,410 I the man. 144 00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:31,409 Enough fun meddling in election, time for business. 145 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,409 I am very impressed by you. 146 00:08:33,410 --> 00:08:37,409 You cause pain and suffering, crash world economies, 147 00:08:37,410 --> 00:08:41,409 destabilise governments and kill people with no mercy. 148 00:08:41,410 --> 00:08:43,409 You're like me, but cuter. 149 00:08:43,410 --> 00:08:48,409 Let's just say I've found the Russian people very welcoming. 150 00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:50,449 Comrade, let me cut to the chase. 151 00:08:50,450 --> 00:08:52,609 I want you to be Russian Prime Minister. 152 00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:54,409 I am President. 153 00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:56,409 Every five years, we switch jobs, 154 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:59,409 but I am always in charge. 155 00:08:59,410 --> 00:09:02,409 Interesting. What's in it for me? 156 00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:05,409 Oh, the best Russia has to offer, 157 00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:08,409 state-of-art Russian video recorder. 158 00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:11,410 It uses magnetic tape. Great breakthrough. 159 00:09:11,411 --> 00:09:16,409 Or latest Russian smartphone, stores up to two numbers. 160 00:09:16,410 --> 00:09:18,089 Game included. 161 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:21,409 Mr Putin, I thought you were a serious man. 162 00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:24,449 I am serious. This is serious negotiation. 163 00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:28,089 So, let's get started on vodka. 164 00:09:28,090 --> 00:09:32,409 Made in spiritual home of vodka, Colchester. 165 00:09:32,410 --> 00:09:34,409 Enough! 166 00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:36,769 I've already been offered a job and I'm gonna take it. 167 00:09:36,770 --> 00:09:40,409 - What job? - I'm replacing James Corden on his chat show. 168 00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,409 - Really? - Yes. 169 00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:44,769 They were looking for someone kinder, warmer, 170 00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:47,409 and fundamentally less appalling. 171 00:09:47,410 --> 00:09:50,409 Hmm. So horrible, evil, soulless James Corden 172 00:09:50,410 --> 00:09:57,409 - is out of work and available? Da? - Wow! Vladimir Putin, oh, my God! 173 00:09:57,410 --> 00:09:59,409 You're a legend, mate. 174 00:09:59,410 --> 00:10:03,409 How cool is this office? Oh, my God, a Betamax. 175 00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:08,111 A-mazing! Wow! Is that your umbrella? 176 00:10:08,610 --> 00:10:12,257 Wow! And it had a poison tip. 177 00:10:12,466 --> 00:10:14,521 Ha! Incredible. 178 00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:17,410 Oh, well, the search goes on. 179 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:21,409 Another successful night for Foxman. 180 00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:25,409 I resolved a potentially deadly dispute between two neighbours 181 00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:29,409 by helping them correctly interpret a Section 106 planning obligation. 182 00:10:29,410 --> 00:10:31,410 Someone appreciates your work, sir. 183 00:10:31,411 --> 00:10:33,410 You've received an anonymous gift. 184 00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:38,410 Rubbish, trash, half-eaten leftovers. 185 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,409 Someone knows how to spoil the Fox. 186 00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:45,409 Home-made jam, and it's got a lovely sheen. 187 00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:48,410 Wait, sir, it might be a trap. 188 00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:51,410 It's not jam! 189 00:10:51,411 --> 00:10:54,249 It's the one substance that can destroy Foxman... 190 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,340 Corbynite! 191 00:10:56,930 --> 00:11:00,409 Drifting too far left. Obsessing about Israel. 192 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:04,409 - Electability dying. - Sir, what should I do? 193 00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:06,409 Only one antidote to Corbynite... 194 00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:09,410 - Blairite! - To the Blair phone. 195 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:16,690 People forget how popular these were. 196 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,409 A new dawn has broken, has it not? 197 00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:23,409 Education, education and education. 198 00:11:23,410 --> 00:11:26,929 She was the people's princess. 199 00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:29,409 My fox powers have returned stronger than ever. 200 00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:34,018 - In fact, let's invade somewhere. - I'll prepare the dossier. 201 00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:38,409 New James Bond auditions, Oprah, take one. 202 00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:40,409 Why are you here, Mr Bond? 203 00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:43,409 To bring fresh garden vegetables and love. 204 00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:45,769 - Market day! - Cut! 205 00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:48,610 I say cut, dear. 206 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,249 Ah, the perfect crumble. 207 00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:54,929 Next we attack the tawny port and plum jam market. 208 00:11:54,930 --> 00:11:56,409 Yah. 209 00:11:57,411 --> 00:12:01,409 - I'll jam your plums! - She came out of her sherry coma. 210 00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:04,409 What the fuck have you done to my business? 211 00:12:04,410 --> 00:12:07,409 I've sold a damn sight more ginger chutney than you ever did. 212 00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:09,929 - I the man. - Well, I'm back in charge. 213 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,409 Wait, the dogs. 214 00:12:11,410 --> 00:12:13,409 - While I was out, did you walk them? - No. 215 00:12:13,410 --> 00:12:17,089 - But so what if they piss on the rug? - You idiot! 216 00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:20,410 They're royal corgis. They're trained never to pee indoors. 217 00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:28,249 Ah! 218 00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:30,409 Legal trouble got you down? 219 00:12:30,410 --> 00:12:32,409 I'm Kim Kardashian West, 220 00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:35,409 kriminal defence attorney, and I'm here for you. 221 00:12:35,410 --> 00:12:38,409 Whether you accidentally on purpose leaked your own sex tape... 222 00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:43,410 ..or had a disagreement with your sister on national TV... 223 00:12:45,410 --> 00:12:47,409 ..or maybe killed someone, I'm not here to judge. 224 00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:49,409 That's his job. 225 00:12:49,410 --> 00:12:51,409 All I care about is bringing you justice 226 00:12:51,410 --> 00:12:54,409 and making a super-awesome documentary about me doing it. 227 00:12:54,410 --> 00:12:56,409 Kim gave me excellent legal advice 228 00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:58,409 about signing this waiver of privacy. 229 00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,449 And now you're in the documentary. 230 00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:03,409 Kim explained I better not start any more fires 231 00:13:03,410 --> 00:13:06,409 - after she got me out of jail. - That would be terrible... 232 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:07,877 - for my brand. - Huh? 233 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,409 Kim refused to work for me 234 00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:12,089 because my facial hair looks guilty on camera. 235 00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:15,409 No-one feels sorry for sideburns, that's bad TV. 236 00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:17,769 I'm Kim and I'll take your case. 237 00:13:17,770 --> 00:13:19,609 Because I care... about me. 238 00:13:19,610 --> 00:13:21,409 Keeping up with the Kourtroom, baby! 239 00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:23,409 K&K out! 240 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,409 Why are there all these small explosions? 241 00:13:32,410 --> 00:13:35,609 Are they human larvae popping from their growth pods? 242 00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:39,409 No, it's Bonfire Night, people are sending up rockets. 243 00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:42,409 Ah, that is an inefficient use of rocket fuel. 244 00:13:42,410 --> 00:13:45,409 They should send one big rocket to Jupiter's moon, Lysithea, 245 00:13:45,410 --> 00:13:47,409 where the minerals are plentiful and sweet... 246 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,409 according to a podcast. 247 00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:51,409 Well, it's a bit of fun for the kids, really, 248 00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:54,409 and a celebration of the fact they caught Guy Fawkes. 249 00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:58,409 - What is a Guy Fawkes? - Oh, don't play dumb, Dom. 250 00:13:58,410 --> 00:13:59,909 He put a load of gunpowder under 251 00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:03,249 - Parliament and tried to blow it up. - Say that again. 252 00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:06,410 He didn't agree with Parliament so he tried to blow it up. 253 00:14:11,410 --> 00:14:13,409 No wonder he is celebrated so highly. 254 00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:16,449 Well, no, it's more the fact that he got disembowelled 255 00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:18,409 and ripped into pieces. 256 00:14:18,410 --> 00:14:21,409 So, hypothetically, if I were to blow up Parliament, 257 00:14:21,410 --> 00:14:23,409 would that happen to me? 258 00:14:23,410 --> 00:14:25,409 No, no, no, I wouldn't even sack you. 259 00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:28,083 Too right, you wouldn't. 260 00:14:32,410 --> 00:14:34,409 I'm sorry, Mother, but you leave me no choice. 261 00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:37,409 I've organised a hostile takeover 262 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,249 in partnership with a giant international consortium. 263 00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:43,409 I'm very excited to be part of this historic merger. 264 00:14:43,410 --> 00:14:46,409 Jesus, you're selling us out to China?! 265 00:14:46,410 --> 00:14:49,232 It's not that big a step. Check your crown. 266 00:14:49,610 --> 00:14:52,409 - Ah... - There's nothing you can do. 267 00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:53,890 I've the votes of the board behind me. 268 00:14:53,914 --> 00:14:56,449 We don't vote. I'm the Queen. 269 00:14:56,450 --> 00:15:01,409 Perhaps you forgot, this is a constitutional monarchy. 270 00:15:01,410 --> 00:15:04,409 You're a constitutional fuckwit. 271 00:15:04,410 --> 00:15:06,691 All those in favour of selling the thousand-year tradition 272 00:15:06,715 --> 00:15:09,715 of British monarchy to a Chinese despot, raise your hand. 273 00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:18,409 No, you don't. 'Fraid you lose, Charles. 274 00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:21,409 Damn it! Xi said I could be king of China. 275 00:15:21,410 --> 00:15:25,409 No, I said you could run the King Of China restaurant in Cleethorpes. 276 00:15:25,410 --> 00:15:26,410 The offer is still open. 277 00:15:26,411 --> 00:15:30,409 - Can it sell organic crackers? - The offer is now closed. 278 00:15:30,410 --> 00:15:32,409 - Oh! - OK, vote done, I'm Queen, 279 00:15:32,410 --> 00:15:34,195 everybody fuck off. 280 00:15:34,230 --> 00:15:36,241 I like your authoritarian style. 281 00:15:36,276 --> 00:15:37,929 I have another merger proposal. 282 00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:40,409 I have pangolins, you have corgis, 283 00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:46,409 - how about we cross-breed them? - Hmm, a pangolorgi? 284 00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:49,410 Well, at least it would be more intelligent that these shitheads. 285 00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:53,409 What are you up to now, Dom? 286 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:56,409 Collecting gunpowder to blow up Parliament? 287 00:15:56,410 --> 00:16:00,409 Don't be ridiculous, gunpowder is ancient technology. 288 00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:02,249 I am collecting lithium batteries. 289 00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:05,410 - May I borrow your mobile? - Will I get it back? 290 00:16:05,411 --> 00:16:09,410 - If not, what are the consequences? - None. 291 00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:14,769 James Bond is a spy. What a terrible guy. 292 00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:18,089 No, stupid, God! Why did I agree to write the theme 293 00:16:18,090 --> 00:16:19,769 song for the new James Bond movie? 294 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:23,409 I don't get him. I'm younger than 9/11. 295 00:16:23,410 --> 00:16:26,409 Don't worry, Billie, I'll 'elp ya! 296 00:16:26,410 --> 00:16:30,250 I went through exactly the same fucking thing with Skyfall. 297 00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:41,409 ♪ In the old days ♪ 298 00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,249 ♪ It was easy ♪ 299 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:47,409 ♪ Almost no emotion A scuba tank explosion ♪ 300 00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,409 ♪ A sexy cigarette ♪ 301 00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:51,409 ♪ Some boobs in silhouette ♪ 302 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:56,410 ♪ And then you sing The title three times ♪ 303 00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:04,409 ♪ Sing the title three times ♪ 304 00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:07,409 ♪ A sky enough to die ♪ 305 00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:08,769 ♪ Who knows what it means? ♪ 306 00:17:08,770 --> 00:17:13,029 ♪ Just sing it two more times ♪ 307 00:17:13,124 --> 00:17:19,656 ♪ A sky enough to die A sky enough to die ♪ 308 00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:27,378 ♪ But it's so much harder now ♪ 309 00:17:27,676 --> 00:17:30,409 ♪ How to make Bond seem progressive ♪ 310 00:17:30,410 --> 00:17:34,089 ♪ Not a creepy sex obsessive ♪ 311 00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:40,040 ♪ Cos there's nothing very pleasing ♪ 312 00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:45,609 ♪ About venereal diseasing ♪ 313 00:17:45,610 --> 00:17:51,409 ♪ It's a movie for dads ♪ 314 00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:56,929 ♪ But the theme must be sung By the trendy and the young ♪ 315 00:17:56,930 --> 00:18:02,880 ♪ So we will make it so sad ♪ 316 00:18:03,410 --> 00:18:06,409 ♪ Play the piano really slow ♪ 317 00:18:06,410 --> 00:18:09,409 ♪ And sing it soprano ♪ 318 00:18:09,410 --> 00:18:12,409 ♪ And imply his childhood traumas ♪ 319 00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:15,929 ♪ Now James Bond is so sad ♪ 320 00:18:17,410 --> 00:18:22,952 ♪ Apologies to your dad. ♪ 321 00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:26,769 It was better with Sean Connery. 322 00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:29,409 Still, glad they kept the boobs. 323 00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:34,318 Ah, Dom, 324 00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:37,409 how's the plan to blow up Parliament coming along? 325 00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:39,409 Exceedingly poorly. 326 00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,410 I need a drink. 327 00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:48,810 Ah...! 328 00:18:54,679 --> 00:18:58,409 Little Red Riding Hood was off to see her granny. 329 00:18:58,410 --> 00:19:02,409 But though her mummy had told her to stick to the main path, 330 00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:04,409 she decided to take a shortcut. 331 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:08,410 Hello, little girl. What's in your basket? 332 00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:12,319 A Glock nine-millimetre with modular optic slide 333 00:19:12,405 --> 00:19:15,409 - and reversible magazine. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, kid. 334 00:19:15,410 --> 00:19:17,249 Let's just keep it polite. 335 00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:19,409 You've taught me an important lesson. 336 00:19:19,410 --> 00:19:22,409 In fact, I'm going back to school and getting a job. 337 00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:24,409 The National Rifle Association, 338 00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:27,410 making everyone's life better. 339 00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:38,089 Mum? 340 00:19:38,090 --> 00:19:42,467 Mum! She's gone! 341 00:19:42,502 --> 00:19:44,409 Like fuck I am. 342 00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:46,769 I had myself uploaded to the cloud. 343 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:49,409 I'm going to run this business forever. 344 00:19:54,450 --> 00:19:56,710 Oh, stop crying! 345 00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:03,409 Kia ora! Another practically perfect day in New Zealand. 346 00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:06,929 Yes, Jacinda, except for this bit of arthritis in my knee. 347 00:20:06,930 --> 00:20:08,769 We can't have that. 348 00:20:08,770 --> 00:20:12,409 But thanks to recent legislation, we have a solution. 349 00:20:12,410 --> 00:20:14,409 ♪ With every joint That seems to ache ♪ 350 00:20:14,410 --> 00:20:16,449 ♪ There is an option you can take ♪ 351 00:20:16,450 --> 00:20:18,449 ♪ We passed, you see ♪ 352 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:21,769 ♪ A law for you and me ♪ 353 00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:27,409 ♪ A spot of euthanasia Helps the elderly go down ♪ 354 00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:31,089 ♪ The wobbly go down The knobbly go down ♪ 355 00:20:31,090 --> 00:20:35,409 ♪ A spot of euthanasia Keeps the health bill way down ♪ 356 00:20:35,410 --> 00:20:38,410 ♪ In a cost-effective way. ♪ 357 00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:42,410 - Actually, my knee's fine. - Best to be sure. 358 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:46,409 New James Bond auditions, James Corden, take one. 359 00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:50,929 Oh, my God! I'm auditioning for James Bond! 360 00:20:50,930 --> 00:20:53,409 The greatest! The coolest! 361 00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:55,409 The best spy in the world! 362 00:20:55,410 --> 00:20:57,409 The legend. Wow! 363 00:20:57,410 --> 00:21:00,410 Unbelievable! I... 364 00:21:05,325 --> 00:21:08,409 ♪ He'll be flipping up Some flap-joes when he comes ♪ 365 00:21:08,410 --> 00:21:10,409 ♪ Da-da-da... ♪ 366 00:21:10,410 --> 00:21:12,449 Joe, why aren't you at headquarters? 367 00:21:12,450 --> 00:21:16,249 Well, I am, right between the griddle and the fryer. 368 00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:18,409 Hey, can I get you started on a Lumber-Joe Special? 369 00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:21,409 It's like a Lumberjack Special except I make it. 370 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:23,409 He's been cooking all night. 371 00:21:23,410 --> 00:21:26,409 - Gotta catch up on these orders. - That's the phone book, Joe. 372 00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:29,409 Uh... did you tell him the election results? 373 00:21:29,410 --> 00:21:32,409 At his age, you've gotta break news like that gently. 374 00:21:32,410 --> 00:21:35,249 I only just told him the Dodgers won the World Series. 375 00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:39,929 - So great for Brooklyn. - Er, yeah, I'm going to tell him. 376 00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:42,409 What? Before he's finished making breakfast? 377 00:21:42,410 --> 00:21:46,409 - You are fucking mental. - Adele, what are you doing here? 378 00:21:46,410 --> 00:21:50,409 Lady Gaga said his eggs were... ♪ Whoa, whoa. ♪ 379 00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,409 I'll get some going for you. 380 00:21:54,410 --> 00:21:57,949 - Joe, you won. - Fantastic. 381 00:21:57,984 --> 00:22:00,409 Who's getting a super-scrambled Biden hash? 382 00:22:00,410 --> 00:22:03,409 Er, I guess the whole nation. 383 00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:06,410 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa! ♪ 384 00:22:10,090 --> 00:22:12,409 I lost! Mayor Cheeseburger lied! 385 00:22:12,410 --> 00:22:14,409 How could he lie when he's so delicious? 386 00:22:14,410 --> 00:22:16,902 Hey, where are you going, asshole? 387 00:22:16,937 --> 00:22:19,815 Hey, man, I got a job on Fox & Friends.