1
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:45,713
What do you make of this weather, Eric?
2
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,434
Aye, and the ground's all slippy and aw.
I nearly went on me arse there.
3
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:49,993
Oh, it's a pair of these you're wanting.
4
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:53,430
Permagrip soles. Timpsons, L19.99.
5
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,595
Is that right?
6
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:58,030
Aye, you've got to take care of yourself
at our age, you know.
7
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,553
The bastard.
8
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,391
Come here. Here, hold on...
9
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,838
Jesus. Youse all right?
10
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,919
Watch your feet, Jack. It's slippy.
11
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,951
It's a pair of these you're wanting.
12
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,833
Permagrip, L19.99. Got them out of...
13
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:17,994
(GROANS)
14
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,030
That boy at Timpsons is getting kicked
squarely in the nuts.
15
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,234
Form a queue.
16
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,270
(GRUNTING)
17
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,833
Up you get.
18
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,474
What a caper.
19
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,033
Here, hold that a minute.
20
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,115
Who's that for?
21
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,390
Oh, Willy Napier.
22
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,318
I feel bad, you know.
I promised I'd go up last Thursday.
23
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,357
He's not been keeping that well, either.
24
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,471
- I'll come with ye.
- Aye, right-o, aye.
25
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:48,909
Oh.
26
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,391
- Eric.
- Eric.
27
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,990
- There you are, Eric, son.
- Aye, come on. Gie us your hand.
28
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,918
- All right, mate.
- Right.
29
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,793
I'll have that one and that one.
30
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:08,949
Both of them?
31
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,634
That's what I said, yes. The both of them.
32
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,831
What do you want both of them for?
33
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,791
What age are ye? Where do ye live?
34
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,309
What shoe size are ye?
Where were you on the night of the 15th?
35
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:19,793
Just give me the fires, nosey.
36
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,158
(LIFT BELL RINGS)
37
00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:26,115
Oh, Jesus.
38
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,435
Come on. I'm too cold to listen to her pish today.
39
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,278
- Hold the door.
- Close, you bastard, close, you bastard!
40
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,628
Hold on.
41
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,319
That was lucky, Isa.
42
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,793
Three for 14.
43
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,354
- No, we're eight, today.
- Oh.
44
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:42,831
You're going to visit Willy Napier.
45
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:44,873
Yes, Isa, that's right.
46
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,274
Lovely man.
47
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,472
He's gone downhill awfully quick
since he lost his wife.
48
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,556
That's right, Isa, downhill.
49
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,240
Is that you taking him a wee brown loaf?
50
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,438
Certainly would appear so, Isa.
51
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,309
- Real crusty. Very nice.
- Isa, for fuck's...
52
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,510
That's us at number eight now.
53
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,153
Nosey old bastard.
54
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,319
Look at this. It's like a midden.
55
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,069
Aye, I know.
56
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:30,079
It's that lazy, dirty, smelly Frankie bastard
in there, aye.
57
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,831
I came down one day to see Willy and
there was an engine oot a Transit van lying there
58
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,394
pishing its shite all over the floor.
59
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:37,953
Bloody disgrace.
60
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,549
- He's no answering.
- He'll be lying deid.
61
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,272
Shut up, I'll try again.
62
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,873
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
63
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,590
Aye, he'll be lying deid.
64
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,678
Stiff and blue, eyes staring.
65
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:52,915
Pointing at ye.
66
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:56,191
"Jack. Where have you been, Jack?
67
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,073
"I've been deid since last Thursday.
68
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,992
"You killed me.
69
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,311
"Where's my brown loaf?"
70
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,635
Shut up, you're twisting my melon.
71
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,800
You away in and scout and I'll wait here.
72
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,076
Aye, watch me. Come on.
73
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,393
JACK: Oh, Jesus.
74
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:33,873
(BOTH SIGHING)
75
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,119
Willy.
76
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,514
JACK: Ye think he's deid?
77
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,633
Let's see, shall we?
78
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,395
(CLINKING)
79
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,639
I'm no Quincy, Jack,
80
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,228
but I'd say he was deid, aye.
81
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,396
Well, what would we do? Phone the fuzz?
82
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,189
No, phone his boy.
83
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,833
Oh, I don't like that.
84
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,918
That's bad news to gie anybody, that.
Eh, your father's deid.
85
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,679
- There'll be tears.
- What are you talking about?
86
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,439
He'll no bother his arse. Look at the nick of Willy.
87
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,676
When do you suppose the boy was last up, Jack?
88
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,518
JACK: Ah, right enough.
89
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,275
It's deid.
90
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:29,239
He must have died. Then they cut his phone off
because he didnae pay his bill.
91
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,397
Because he couldnae. Because he was deid.
92
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,875
Very good, Columbo. Let's go.
93
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:39,754
Where is it we're going?
94
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,509
We're going to ask Manky Frankie next door
if we can use his phone.
95
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,199
Poor old bastard, eh?
96
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,353
VICTOR: He didnae deserve this.
97
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,790
Another good man down.
98
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,394
There you are, Willy.
99
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,795
We'll see ourselves out.
100
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:10,954
(BELL RINGING)
101
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:18,548
What are youse wanting?
102
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,591
Eh, Willy's deid.
103
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,629
Who's Willy?
104
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,715
- Your...
- Your next-door neighbour.
105
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,475
And what?
106
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,309
Well, we were wondering
if we could use your phone
107
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,796
because his phone's no working
and we have to phone his boy.
108
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,315
Right.
109
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,229
Phone's there.
110
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,076
Are these fish and chip papers?
111
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,757
- Aye.
- Huh, jeez.
112
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,348
Must be 100 wrappers lying there.
113
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,073
- VICTOR: You must love your fish and chips.
- That's right.
114
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,434
Aye, good.
115
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,119
"Pay for your call. It keeps the bill small."
116
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,999
Aye. Well, we can read.
117
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:24,999
Just a...
118
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,269
- Have you got a...
- Oh...
119
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,074
Oh, there we are.
120
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,195
(MUSIC PLAYING)
121
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,354
That's a smashing thing, that.
122
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,152
Where would you get a thing like that?
123
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,191
Maryhill Shopping Centre.
124
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:56,873
Oh, aye. Smashing.
125
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,228
Aye, smashing.
126
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,718
Hello, Michael.
127
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,150
Yes, it's Jack, yes. Yes, your father's pal.
128
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,429
Eh?
129
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,438
I'm fine, yes. A wee bit of a cold last week.
130
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,754
Aye, not too bad. That was it.
131
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,474
A cold snap, right enough, aye.
132
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,919
Victor?
133
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,914
Victor's fine, aye. Aye, you know Victor, aye.
134
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,429
I'm across the landing from him now, aye.
135
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:24,959
Eh? Och, no.
136
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,231
No, I didnae bother going there in the end.
Was Willy telling you? Aye.
137
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,828
Aye. Willy. I thought Willy would have told you...
138
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,838
You dad's deid. You better come up.
139
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,392
- He's a cert.
- No.
140
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,635
JACK: He's heading right for it.
VICTOR: No, he's gonna miss it. 20p.
141
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,193
JACK: You're on.
142
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,519
(BOTH LAUGHING)
143
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,918
Right on his arse.
144
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,559
60 pence up.
145
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:00,709
Hot chocolate.
146
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,434
Oh, aye, aye. Bloody freezing in here.
147
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,471
I mean, the thing's ridiculous.
148
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,275
How're you supposed to get a heat in ye
with the bloody pension they gie ye?
149
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:19,595
I know. Millions the government spends on
advertising and pamphlets, telling you what, eh?
150
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,714
"Put on a cardigan."
151
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:22,909
(CHUCKLES)
152
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,271
That's it, what is it they say,
"Keep yourself warm this winter.
153
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,472
"Don't squander your money
on frivolous things like food."
154
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,235
- Or clothes.
- Aye, or medicine.
155
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:37,354
Scrimp and save every ha'penny you've got
and give it to the Electricity Board.
156
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,638
I mean, to hell with that, Victor, eh?
157
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:42,989
No.
158
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,392
You don't even know what I'm going to say.
159
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,670
Aye, I do. We're not putting the fire on.
160
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,916
Come on. One hour, three bars.
161
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,838
- No chance, Jack.
- Two bars?
162
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,949
Have you any idea at all,
eh, what that bastard burns?
163
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,395
Where's the point of having a good fire
if you've never got it on?
164
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,349
Put the bulb on, then. That suggests warmth.
165
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:10,509
No. That suggests
you're a tight-arsed old bastard.
166
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,634
Well, away into your ain house
and get a heat, then.
167
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,591
You know fine I've no got a fire.
168
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,950
Oh, aye. What is it you've got again?
169
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,231
An electric fan heater thing.
170
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:21,588
And it's never on.
171
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:22,755
Well, do you blame me?
172
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,394
It's a gutsy bastard. It's nothing but an ornament.
173
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,749
Oh, aye.
174
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,916
We're humped right enough, eh?
175
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,076
Of course, you know
what's going to happen to us, don't you?
176
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,235
What?
177
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,079
Well, we're gonna end up
in the same nick as old Willy.
178
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,875
Sitting here with these cups
welded to our hands with the frost.
179
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,549
Two mair statistics,
'cause you'll no burn that bloody fire.
180
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,474
(DOOR OPENS)
181
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,034
Oh, here they come. Abbott and Costello.
182
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:52,798
BOBBY: You're putting the beef on, Jack.
183
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,035
Oh, that's right.
184
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,311
Every time I shag your wife,
she makes me a sandwich.
185
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,239
There's Pete Tain.
186
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,434
- He was pally with Willy, you know?
- Oh, that's right.
187
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,278
I suppose we should tell him, eh?
188
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,197
- Right.
- Pete?
189
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:12,989
Aye.
190
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,671
Bit of bad news for you, fella.
191
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,349
What is it?
192
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,273
Willy's away. The cold got him.
193
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,273
Oh, Napier's gone.
194
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:26,955
Who had Napier?
195
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,640
Yes. 3-to-1, 60 quid.
196
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,671
Nice one, Bobby boy. Good call, now.
197
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,313
What's happening here?
198
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,034
Oh, it's the Hypothermia Sweepstake.
199
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,390
We're taking bets on who's going next.
200
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:39,589
What?
201
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,115
Have youse lost your minds?
202
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,913
Don't you get sanctimonious with us,
Victor McDade.
203
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,029
It comes to us all.
204
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:49,073
Aye, but at least we're not sitting
on a bloody ticket waiting on somebody to die.
205
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,156
Look at you sitting there, Eric.
206
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,352
How long did you work with Willy?
207
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,198
VICTOR: Thirty year!
JACK: Aye.
208
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:56,958
And you, you rat.
209
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,640
That money should be going
towards that man's funeral.
210
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,716
You should be bloody ashamed of yourself.
211
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,674
Call yourself a community here,
taking bets on the death derby.
212
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,989
And Scots across the country are preparing
for the coldest front since 1972,
213
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:24,228
with temperatures set to drop to as much as - 12
in many parts of the west of Scotland.
214
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:28,189
Social Services are advising
mothers with young children and the elderly
215
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,118
to remain indoors unless absolutely necessary.
216
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,754
Well, that's the odds slashed across the board.
217
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,279
Tenner on McDade for me, Tam.
218
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,437
We have a new favourite, old Eric, 2-to-1,
219
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,516
on account of they steel pins in his knee.
220
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:45,349
Aye, that'll be right. That's a wasted bet.
I've got double-glazing.
221
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,232
(SIGHING)
222
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,871
(BELL RINGING)
223
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,034
- Hey, ho.
- There ye are.
224
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,232
You heard about this morbid bloody sweepstake
that Tam's running over at the Clansman?
225
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,430
- That bastard.
- Aye, he's a bastard, aye.
226
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:28,949
He wouldnae give me any mair than 3-to-1
on Jeanie Shaw.
227
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,355
- No you and aw!
- Och, lighten up.
228
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,438
We're all headed that way,
as well we make it interesting.
229
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,479
- Jeez.
- Oh.
230
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,076
It's like the bloody Belgian Congo
in here, Winston.
231
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,235
It's magic, isn't it?
232
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,920
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get my coat off.
I'm bloody sweltering here.
233
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:46,519
Aye. Right, come away through.
234
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,119
- Oh, mind your legs, there.
- Oh, aye.
235
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,309
There you are.
236
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:03,519
What's the story?
237
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,039
What do you mean?
238
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,038
- You've got three in the bedroom.
- And three in the hall, there.
239
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,434
VICTOR: Six in here.
240
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:13,109
That's 12 bars of sweetness all blaring away.
241
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,434
What's going on?
242
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:15,709
No, no.
243
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,593
I've got three in the kitchen
and three in the cludgie as well.
244
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,154
That's 18 bars in total.
245
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,429
Spill it.
246
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,391
I cannae tell ye. I've sworn.
247
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,113
Get it telt, Winston.
248
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,037
Well, I could tell you
249
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,470
but I'd be incriminating myself
and, by association, yourselves.
250
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,195
Oh, for God's sake will you tell us
before we pass oot.
251
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,870
Right. Come with me.
252
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,354
Right. Do you notice anything odd
about that meter?
253
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,835
Eh, no. It's the same as mine.
254
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,632
Take a closer look.
255
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,519
Oh. The wheel isnae going round.
256
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,519
For I have intervened
and impeded the progress of said wheel.
257
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:03,755
Now observe.
258
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,235
Watch what happens when I do this.
259
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:11,874
Jesus.
260
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,237
Would you look at the speed of that, eh?
That would cut diamonds, that.
261
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,432
That's like a sawmill, Winston.
They could have your hand off.
262
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,312
I know. Terrifying, isn't it?
263
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,989
Now, if I was to let that run, I'd be potless
and in the gutter by Thursday.
264
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,348
Oh, aye. You would, aye.
265
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,233
However with this device, gentlemen,
266
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,592
I, Winston, am king of leccy.
267
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,396
Oh, yes, that's got to be a good thing, oh, yes.
268
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,113
It's all well and good, Winston,
but you know what it makes you?
269
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,355
What would that be?
270
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,835
A thief. A rat thief.
271
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,393
Oh, here we go.
272
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,476
Oh, here, now, Victor, that's not entirely fair.
273
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:48,635
No!
274
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:52,275
That's how come electricity's so expensive,
you see. With the likes of him stealing it,
275
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,469
you know what I mean?
276
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,034
I'll no be party to this. Come on, Jack.
277
00:15:58,800 --> 00:15:59,949
JACK: No.
278
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:01,669
Eh?
279
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,155
I'm sorry, Victor. I'm with Winston on this one.
280
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,157
I want a slice of this action.
281
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:07,994
Very well, Jack.
282
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,713
You're a grown man.
283
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,072
You've made your decision.
284
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,237
But consider this, eh?
285
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,159
You're warm now,
286
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,552
but how's it gonna be
in a wee stoney jail cell, aye?
287
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,318
With nothing to heat you up
288
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,000
but a hot bobby right up your arse?
289
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,437
Victor's right.
You're off your bloody head, Winston.
290
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,348
Ah, well. Away, you two,
back to your iceboxes with your principles intact.
291
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,112
And our arseholes.
292
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,351
Did you see him there? Whoo!
293
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,675
(CHATTERING AND LAUGHING)
294
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,870
Oh, Jesus, it would cut the face off you, eh?
295
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,069
Aye.
296
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,556
Smashing there at Winston's though, wasn't it?
297
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,356
Aye, but crime doesnae pay, Jack.
298
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,914
No, but it fair warms you up though, doesn't it?
299
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,548
Aye.
300
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,672
Oh, hello there, Derek.
301
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,553
Oh, how's your grandfather?
Is he still laid up in bed, is he?
302
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:09,874
Aye, he is.
303
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,638
Oh, that's a shame.
304
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,948
Yeah, but my mammy bought him
an electric blanket.
305
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,389
Doctor says he should be up and about
in a couple of days.
306
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,192
Oh, aye. Oh, that's good.
307
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,193
Two ounce of Drum, if you please, Navid.
308
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,470
- How're you keeping, Navid?
- Och, no bad.
309
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,272
- Awful warm in here, Navid.
- Aye.
310
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:38,469
Aye?
311
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:42,399
Scratch card?
312
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,909
Aye, two Lucky Donkeys, as per.
313
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:48,435
Two Donkeys.
314
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,588
Think he was at it?
315
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,756
Aye. Got that look in his eye, didn't he?
316
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,472
Aye. That sort of look to say,
317
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,309
"I'm getting free leccy and youse are
a couple of wankers for paying oot for it."
318
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,872
I wanna chuck the Lucky Donkeys.
319
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:17,989
- Are ye?
- Aye.
320
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,395
- What else would you do?
- Gie the Pig in a Pokes a try.
321
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,555
Oh, aye.
322
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,148
Close the door, you're letting the cold in.
323
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,315
Aye, sorry.
324
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,798
- Jackie.
- Frank.
325
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,518
- Tony.
- Willy.
326
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:34,755
MAN: Hello.
327
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,279
Tommy.
328
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,273
3:30 at Chepstow, Captain Howdy.
329
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,149
- Each way.
- Each way, aye.
330
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,271
It's awful warm in here, Tracy.
331
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,515
You think so?
332
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,679
- Stevie.
- Aye?
333
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,870
Do you feel it warm in here?
334
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,559
Not overly, no.
335
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,869
Come on, I'm getting the fear.
336
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,918
Aye, well, I'm keeping out of that bookies.
337
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,031
- That was well creepy.
- Aye.
338
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,913
It was like Invasion of the Body Snatchers,
wasn't it?
339
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:09,678
Oh, there's Tam's there.
340
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,870
- Oh, hi, Tam.
- Hello, Jack, Victor.
341
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,355
- Mind if we join you, Tam?
- Aye, sit down.
342
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,429
- Well, where have you been?
- Bookies.
343
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:20,633
You been in the bookies today, Tam?
344
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,432
Aye, this morning, how?
345
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,349
- Did you notice anything strange about it?
- No.
346
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,789
- How?
- The heat.
347
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,715
- You didnae notice the heat?
- No.
348
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,838
You couldnae have failed to notice the heat.
It was smashing.
349
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,474
Eh, it was too warm.
It was too warm in the bookies.
350
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,749
Was it?
351
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,752
What's in the bag, Tam?
352
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,438
An electric fan heater.
353
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,677
I've got one of them.
They burn a fortune, they things.
354
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,194
Do they?
355
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,473
Here, they're aw at it. They're all stealing leccy.
356
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,875
That doesnae make it right, but, Jack.
357
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,275
- Right, that's you. Get the heating on.
- Thanks.
358
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,868
Winston? What the hell are you doing here?
359
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,592
Serving the community.
360
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,797
Mair thieving, you dafty.
361
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,076
Hey, hey. You're the dafties here.
362
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,997
- How?
- I'll tell you how.
363
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,873
We work all our days, right? And for what?
364
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,558
To sit freezing, eh?
365
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,830
Wondering if the phone's gonna ring.
366
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:38,271
Not allowed to burn the bar in your fire.
Waiting for the reaper.
367
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,277
A ball hair away from eating dog food.
368
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,469
Och, it's no that bad.
369
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,113
It is that bad.
370
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,070
The government want us to die.
They expect us to die.
371
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,556
Tony Blair's like that,
"Come here you, my wee government lackey.
372
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,559
"How many old bastards died last night?"
"1,500."
373
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,229
"Oh, smashing.
That'll free up some housing stock."
374
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,715
You know what us pensioners are? We're lepers.
375
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,354
We take, take, take and we gie nothing back.
376
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,277
And they hate us for it.
377
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,958
They cannae wait to bury us.
378
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,593
Aye, that's right. He's right, he's right.
379
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,836
You know, you're a pair of silly bastards.
380
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,349
You know, you're even money
in the Hypothermia Sweepstake.
381
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:16,549
Oh, yeah?
382
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,070
That's right. 'Cause you'll no take free leccy.
Even money.
383
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,430
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
384
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,790
- You know who else is even money?
- Who?
385
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,355
Old Pete.
386
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,910
- The jakey?
- That's right.
387
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,152
Drank his house, wife, weans, dog, the lot.
388
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:33,998
Lives outside. Even money.
389
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:37,032
I'm no having my odds
the same as that smelly bastard.
390
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,516
That's a brass neck. All right, I'm in.
391
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,039
What the hell are you saying?
392
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,993
I'm in, I gie up. I want free leccy.
393
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,838
Hook me up, Winston.
394
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,671
How long is this gonna take to get me kitted oot?
395
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,870
- Half an hour, it'll take. That'll be you done, aye.
- Aye?
396
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,232
Jack! You think about this.
Think about what you're doing!
397
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:02,588
I have thought about it.
398
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,395
I don't know about you, Victor, but I quite fancy
the mad notion of surviving the winter.
399
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:07,873
- Aye, get him telt, Jack.
- Aye.
400
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,831
You shut your hole, you footpad.
401
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,190
You're only bringing him down to your ain level.
402
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,790
He's not bringing me down anywhere.
I've made my mind up, Victor.
403
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,308
See you later.
404
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:18,794
You'll not see me later.
405
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,832
I don't hang about with the underworld.
406
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,195
Arsehole.
407
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:24,475
Prick.
408
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,632
What a way to end up.
409
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,519
An ice lolly.
410
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:46,679
Silly old bastard.
411
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,675
Show him a bit of bloody respect, will ye?
412
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,877
You no budging up, no?
413
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,192
(SIGHING)
414
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,511
Look at you two, eh?
415
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,870
Thick as thieves.
416
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:07,829
What're you up to?
417
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,394
You planning your next heist, are ye? Eh?
418
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,397
What is it, the church silver?
419
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,073
How are things in Frosty Towers? Adequate?
420
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,676
Ample, yes, thank you.
421
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,716
Feeling it warm, are you, Victor?
422
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,353
I am, aye.
423
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,112
You might be interested to know
424
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,516
that Father Graham
has availed himself of my services.
425
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,997
WINSTON: It would appear
that the good Lord himself likes it toasty.
426
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:48,669
Victor.
427
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:50,429
Victor.
428
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:53,913
Victor.
429
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,268
Hey, Jack?
430
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,548
- What time is it?
- Time you got a bloody heat in ye.
431
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,477
Come on. Feel your face, you're freezing.
432
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,160
- Och, I'm all right.
- Come on, you, get up.
433
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,430
Up you get. That's it.
434
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,392
(SIGHING)
435
00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,712
Hook me up.
436
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:15,434
That's a boy.
437
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,113
You know you're doing the right thing, eh?
438
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,639
I know, I know.
439
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,478
I'm a daft old bugger.
440
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,678
- I wasnae gonna mention this, but...
- What?
441
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,716
I had a dream about old Willy last night.
442
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,034
What happened?
443
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:52,032
Well, he was wearing a shroud and his face
was all that blue colour, you know?
444
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:55,072
It was like iced water, you know,
and his eyes were all yellow.
445
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,594
Aye, he always did have yellow eyes.
Didn't he, old Willy?
446
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,109
Aye, it's all the booze he drank, sure.
447
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:05,635
Anyway, he comes to me in this dream
and he takes me by the hand, you see.
448
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,352
His hands were freezing.
449
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:11,149
And he starts leading me up
this beautiful staircase,
450
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:12,554
goes on for miles.
451
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,432
Nae banister. No.
452
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,596
And I'm looking frae side to side
453
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,712
and there doesn't seem to be an end to the stairs,
you see?
454
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:25,752
Well, eventually we get to the top and the thing is
I'm not puffed out, I feel fine, you know.
455
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,432
That's when he points.
456
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,833
Exactly the same way he was pointing
when we found him in the flat, you see.
457
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,555
And he's pointing to a coffin.
458
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,279
I'm looking at it.
459
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:38,873
It's an old coffin, you know,
460
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,833
it's aw gone musty
while the lid's down, you know?
461
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,315
But it looked as if it'd just been dug up.
462
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,715
Aye, aye, exhumed.
463
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,193
Aye, exhumed.
464
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,991
I'm feart, you know, but he tightens his grip
465
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:55,795
and he's pulling me closer,
he's pulling me forward, you know?
466
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,480
And he's bending down. Of course, the lid's shut.
467
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,036
But no anymair,
because he's starting to open the lid, you see?
468
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,913
And I look down,
and I'm in a right mess, you know, and...
469
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:09,795
Then I see it, you know.
There it is, staring right back at me.
470
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,956
A body of...
471
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,237
(SCREAMS)
472
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,870
That's all right. That happens sometimes.
473
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,717
I just about shat myself there.
474
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:25,835
Jesus!
475
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,190
What the hell are you doing?
Get a move on, Winston.
476
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:29,833
Just give me a minute.
477
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,159
There you are now. Welcome to the FEC.
478
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,316
The Free Electricity Club.
479
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,716
Gather round for the ceremonial
switching on of the fire.
480
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,077
How does it feel? Feels pretty good, eh?
481
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,236
Oh, aye, aye. Feels good, aye.
482
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,078
Well, switch it on.
483
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:51,269
Eh, right.
484
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,549
One bar?
485
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,319
One bar's plenty.
486
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:01,319
Victor, it's gratis. Get the three bloody bars on.
487
00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:08,397
VICTOR: Ah, there we are. Oh, that's rare.
488
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,114
I cannae mind
the last time I had the three bars on.
489
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,470
Aye, you can smell the stour burning.
490
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,195
JACK: Hey. I'm gonna put the free kettle on.
491
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:18,355
Aye.
492
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,313
Free hot water. Free tea. Ho, ho!
493
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,477
VICTOR: (LAUGHING) What else can we turn on?
494
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,512
WINSTON: Aye, you're getting the hang of it now.
The telly.
495
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,632
VICTOR: I suppose that's the beauty of it, eh?
496
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,514
They're so many people in this scheme
that they'll never know who's stealing it.
497
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,155
(SIGHING)
498
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,635
It's nice to get that cold air round about you, eh?
499
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,955
Gies us a break from that oven of a flat.
500
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:02,115
Aye.
501
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,599
There's Mary Wilson.
502
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:06,549
Aye, old wiggy.
503
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,750
You're aye saying that. It's not a bloody wig.
504
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,952
She's baldy. Course it's a wig. It's like a hat.
505
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:13,274
It's no a wig.
506
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,238
It's a wig, right enough, eh?
507
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:26,315
Here, you never told me
who was lying in the coffin.
508
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,154
- Eh?
- That dream you had with Willy.
509
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:30,759
Oh, aye, aye, aye.
510
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:37,190
Aye, well, the coffin lid opened and there it was,
the body of Jack Lord.
511
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,039
Funny that, innit?
512
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,479
Who's Jack Lord?
513
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,239
- Cop. Hawaii Five-O.
- Oh, aye.
514
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:44,953
Is he deid?
515
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,109
I don't know.