1
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,640
Is that you?

2
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,880
Aye, that's me.

3
00:00:55,760 --> 00:01:00,920
Is that you? Eh?
Give me one more minute, Jack.

4
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,720
Right, darling.
I'll call John, see how he is.

5
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:09,800
I meant to say - me and Jack are
away to see about a motor today.

6
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,200
I know!

7
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:16,800
Can you believe that? I might be
getting back on the road!

8
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:21,840
Anyway... Be up to see you again
the first of next month.

9
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,320
Eh?

10
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,640
I love you too.

11
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,080
You're a creepy bastard!

12
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,000
How?

13
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:39,480
Talking to Betty like that
as if she was still alive.

14
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:44,880
What's wrang with that? You're
the creepy bastard! How's that?

15
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:49,920
Standing there, silent...
"Oh, look at me mourning!"

16
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,807
Better than talking
to the bloody deid!

17
00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:56,900
Leaving a gap like she'll
answer, like she's still here!

18
00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,640
She is still here - in my heart.
Birthday card pish!

19
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:04,560
Ignore him, my sweet!
We'll soon be together. Jesus!

20
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,920
What's that? Well put!

21
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,720
Yes, he is an arsehole! Shut up!

22
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,840
What's wrong with you?
This is how it's gonnae be!

23
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,400
Me and my beloved
lying out together.

24
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:22,540
Aye, two old skeletons hauding
their bony hands together,

25
00:02:22,545 --> 00:02:25,660
wedding rings hanging
aff scraggy knuckles!

26
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,160
Comes tae us all!

27
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,920
Have a lie-down! Enjoy the view!
What view?

28
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:38,400
You'll be deid! You'll see hee-haw!
Your eye sockets'll be full of beasties!

29
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,920
I'm only winding you up. Well...

30
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:46,480
Come on.
Cheeribye, Betty, my darling.

31
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,240
Don't call me an arsehole, Betty!

32
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:07,160
Whit floor is it?
9 - same as Manky Frankie. Right.

33
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,200
What will you offer for the car?

34
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,360
She says £250...

35
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,400
so...£100.
Eh? Ach, away ye go, ya tightwad!

36
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:22,280
£100's a lot of money to a widow!
Aye, in 1940, maybe!

37
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,900
It's an insult! Insult, nothing!
Her man's been deid a fortnight.

38
00:03:26,925 --> 00:03:29,560
Her heid'll be up her arse!
Aye? Aye.

39
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,520
"Oh, oh, oh, my man's away!

40
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:39,120
"£100? Aye, I'll take it, cos I'm a widow
and I've gone stupid! Thank you!"

41
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,760
She's no' in. Do you know
when she'll be back? No.

42
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:51,352
There was a note in Navid's saying
she was selling her man's car.

43
00:03:51,377 --> 00:03:53,640
That's a good motor, that!

44
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:59,400
- I might buy that off her myself.
- That's a rare idea, Frankie.

45
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:04,600
Then you could take it apart and
leave all the wee bits lying about,

46
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,440
ya manky bastard!

47
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,120
- What was that?
- Nothing!

48
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,480
Whit ye daeing, spitting at me?
Shut up!

49
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,960
Here, you! Did I get grogger on ye?
Aye, ye did!

50
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,680
Sorry.

51
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,680
This is murder!

52
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,200
20 minutes!

53
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,720
Do you want to get a taxi? No.

54
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,160
Too dear!

55
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,720
It's freezing, eh, Ma?

56
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:43,680
Oh, aye, Martin.
Cannae wait to get up the road.

57
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:47,600
Neither can I, Martin.
Have some soup, eh?

58
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,280
Cuppa tea and some snowballs.

59
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:53,960
I didnae get snowballs, Martin.
Nae snowballs?

60
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,040
Nuh.

61
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,320
Ya stupid old cow!

62
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:04,680
You've got an Empire biscuit! I don't want
an Empire biscuit! I want a snowball!

63
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,320
Taxi!

64
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:19,400
Maybe if you have a jobby, Martin,
yer maw can wipe your arse, Martin!

65
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,666
Bobby! Her man died
and left her the car,

66
00:05:28,691 --> 00:05:32,080
but it's nae good to her
- she cannae drive.

67
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,000
Can't let a bargain like that pass.

68
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:40,360
Tam, what are you staring
at that fruit machine for?

69
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,748
70p in the pound it's got to pay out.
And what?

70
00:05:43,773 --> 00:05:47,560
Bluto here's put in £30 and
it's no' farted a nugget!

71
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:52,200
You're like a vulture
waiting on that paying out! Yes!

72
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,320
Some man!
Unbelievable!

73
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,400
There you are, Winston.

74
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:02,440
Thanks, Bobby. Am I no' getting
a pint? No, get yer ain pint!

75
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:07,120
When did you last buy me a pint?
When did you last buy a pint?!

76
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,520
I bought a pint...before.

77
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,200
Well, let's see you repeat the feat!

78
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,040
A pint of lager, Bobby!

79
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:20,840
Bastarding machine! That's my cue!
Get Winston a pint, Eric.

80
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:23,160
Bobby...

81
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,880
Well? Oh, aye, aye, it's minted.

82
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:10,800
I'll tell you this an' all -
it's only done 30,000 miles.

83
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:14,440
I'm getting in here, Jack!
Oh-oh... Incoming.

84
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:19,400
Hello there, sweetheart. We're
very sorry to hear about Danny.

85
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:23,240
Aye, well, he had a good innings.
He did, aye. Aye.

86
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:28,720
Danny's motor. What do you need
for it? I'll gie you £100, hen.

87
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,480
I was thinking more £250.

88
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,120
Point taken. £105.

89
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,400
£150!

90
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:39,040
£150? Well,
I suppose it's better than £105!

91
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:46,320
What'll I bid, Jack? Calm your jets!
This is what's known as middling.

92
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,040
£175. Oh! £175!

93
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:50,920
Slow down!

94
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,360
Is that the best offer? £175?

95
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,480
Oh, well, then... £200!

96
00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:01,200
£225! Jesus, Jack!
I'm no' gonna get this!

97
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,920
Relax! I am now going
to nobble the opposition!

98
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:13,240
You don't want to sell to him.
How no'?

99
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:18,840
Well, Danny looked after that car.
Aye. He'll no' look after it.

100
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:23,720
He'll strip it down
and be hawking off the spare parts!

101
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:27,309
Victor, on the other hand,
will look after it.

102
00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:31,280
That's what Danny would have wanted.
Listen, son...

103
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,840
it disnae matter what Danny wants.

104
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:38,280
Danny's deid and I want new carpets!
Any advance on £225?

105
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,480
£230. £250!
Now we're cooking wi' gas!

106
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,720
£275. £280. £285.

107
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,440
£290!

108
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,520
Whit are ye daeing?
I want that car, Jack!

109
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,328
I'm no' letting thae
arseholes get it!

110
00:08:56,353 --> 00:09:00,000
You're going in too heavy!
I know what I'm daeing!

111
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,360
£300's my top end - £300.

112
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:06,840
If it gets that high, I'll
bail out. It'll no' come to that!

113
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,800
£290, then?

114
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,880
£300! £305! £310!

115
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,920
£315! £320! £325!

116
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,760
£330! £340! £350!

117
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,800
£360! £375! £395!

118
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,000
Bastard! I'm done!

119
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,320
£395 - and a refillable lighter!

120
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,640
£400!

121
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,160
Done!

122
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,040
That was smashing!

123
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:41,080
Get it right up ye!
And you an' all!

124
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,480
Skinny bastard! I wanted that!

125
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:48,080
Can I get my money!
Course you can, my love!

126
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,440
Jack...

127
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:55,360
did you see the bidding frenzy
there? Aye, ya silly bastard!

128
00:09:55,360 --> 00:10:00,000
Heat of the moment, romance
of the auction, the bidding...

129
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,320
You've no' got £400? No.
How much have you got? £300.

130
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:09,960
Tam! Frankie... Jack!
Victor, I am not lending you £100.

131
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,560
I've got two words for you, boy -
bus stop.

132
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:19,600
Eh? Standing in the pishing rain
with all the trailer-trash rubbish,

133
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:24,160
waiting and waiting...oh,
but wi' a motor, Jack, a motor...

134
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,840
In you get, nice and warm...

135
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,960
comfy seat, tranny on, Radio 2!

136
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,960
# Sing something simple... #

137
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,760
Right. Come on! Let's get a pint!

138
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,440
Is that you? Aye, that's me.

139
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,160
DOORBELL
Oh...

140
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,000
Ho-ho!

141
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,080
My carriage awaits! Yes, indeedy!

142
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:03,080
Oh, dear! Having trouble
with your transport, Frankie?

143
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,640
Shut yer hole, you,
or I'll shut it for ye!

144
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:12,280
Should've got yourself a car!
You know I wanted that motor!

145
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:19,240
You were outbid and outclassed! It's a
heap of shit, anyway! Is that right, aye?

146
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:23,520
This sound like a piece of shit?
VROOM-VROOM!

147
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,720
You tit!

148
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,800
Ya bastards!

149
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:42,960
This is lovely.
There's a zebra crossing.

150
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,480
So there is, aye.

151
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,520
TOOT!

152
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,360
Whit are ye daeing, ya maddie?

153
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,840
You trying to blow us up?

154
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,600
What the matter wi' ye?

155
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,160
Here, Jack, is that no' a heron?

156
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,640
Oh, aye.
You don't see many of them.

157
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,880
I used to fish out here.

158
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,520
Lovely, lovely area.

159
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,800
TOOTING

160
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:39,120
I cannae remember the last time
I'd day out like that. It was rare!

161
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:44,400
And I know just how to round off
a perfect day like today!

162
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:49,880
Ho-ho! Manky Frankie
and a big dirty bastarding puddle!

163
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,720
Ah, ya bastards!

164
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,080
Barbers. Not at all!

165
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:14,080
Eh? But you use wee Freddie,
the same as me. He's smashing.

166
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:18,360
You never tip him? He's been cutting
your hair 30-odd years.

167
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,600
Same old pish for 30 years!

168
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,480
"Day off?
Are you planning any holidays?"

169
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,840
He should be tipping me, arsehole!

170
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,240
Right, what about taxi drivers?

171
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:35,360
No! A shower of robbing bastards,
your taxi drivers!

172
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:40,280
Never a short cut,
distracting you with garbage chat!

173
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:45,080
Wouldn't catch me in a taxi unless
some other bastard was paying.

174
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,400
- Isa?
- Aye?

175
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,080
- Do you tip taxi drivers?
- Aye.

176
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,120
There you are!

177
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:57,040
If I'm going to the bingo
and the weather's bad, I'll get one.

178
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:02,560
It's always £2.80, only one road.
I generally gie him the £3.

179
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,080
See?

180
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:09,560
But if the traffic's slow,
and the fare's £3.10,

181
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,720
I'll gie him £4 and take 50p back.

182
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,600
Right...
Then again...

183
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,160
Shut up or I'll phone you a taxi!

184
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,280
All right!

185
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,120
Come on!
TOOT!

186
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,560
Jack?

187
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,960
I'll see you later.

188
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:43,880
Nice wee car, that. Like it?
We got it a couple of days ago.

189
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,760
What are you playing at?

190
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,080
Quarter of an hour I've waited!

191
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:56,280
I was talking to Eric. Quarter of an hour?
I'm choking! Take me to the Clansman!

192
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,040
Right...

193
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,880
What did you say there?

194
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,240
Er...take us to the Clansman.

195
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:07,520
No, you said take ME
to the Clansman. Did I?

196
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,960
Aye. I meant
take us to the Clansman. No...

197
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:15,800
I took you to the library
to take your books back,

198
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,240
then to Navid's for your tobacco,

199
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:23,080
then to the dry-cleaners... Now
it's, "Take ME to the Clansman."

200
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:27,600
You think I'm here to drive you
about! Wait a minute...

201
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:32,200
You wait! What was all that pish
with Eric? "We got it"?

202
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:37,640
We did! This is my motor!
Our car - I put £100 towards it!

203
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:42,480
You lent me £100! I'll pay it back!
I don't want it back, Victor.

204
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:48,480
I own 25% of this car. I'm a major
shareholder to be lifted and laid.

205
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,640
A major sh...?! I'll lay you oot!
Get in!

206
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,880
What the hell are you daeing?
Mair legroom in the back.

207
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,120
Are we going to the Clansman?

208
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,720
No! Cos I cannae drink!

209
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:16,130
I'll be buggered if I'm sitting
there, nursing a tomato juice

210
00:17:16,155 --> 00:17:18,720
while you get pished!
No' going? No!

211
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,440
Fine! Take ME to the Clansman!

212
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,880
You listen... Clansman, driver!

213
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,080
BARKING

214
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:33,200
This week, we'll be test-driving
the Ferrari Testarossa, 0-60 in...

215
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,440
Lot of shite!

216
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,040
You don't want to miss this review!
TV OFF

217
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:49,800
KNOCKING I know you're in there!
I saw the car!

218
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:54,360
I've just walked about three mile
in the pishing rain...

219
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:57,760
Jesus! Cos I've nae car cos of you!

220
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:02,200
Aye, and you soaked me yesterday!

221
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:06,080
Anyway, I've sorted you!

222
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,800
You're sorted!

223
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,400
PHONE RINGS
Oh!

224
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,480
Victor? Victor? I'm steaming...

225
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,320
Jack, good for you! What is it?

226
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:31,960
I'm in the pub. Uh-huh? I'm steaming.
Yes, you told me that! What is it?

227
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:36,480
I wanted to say sorry.
I apologise for being a prick.

228
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,800
Forget it. Is that it? Er...

229
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,680
no! Victor, you're my best pal.

230
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:45,720
Lovely. Good night now. Victor?
Yes, Jack?

231
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:50,520
I'm gonnae come up the road.
I've not got money for a taxi.

232
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,760
And? You've to come and get me.

233
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,880
Get lost! What if I get murdered
and mugged an' all?

234
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,640
Tough! Come on! I'm steaming.

235
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,080
You're no' my chauffeur -
you're my pal!

236
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:07,560
Come on, gissa lift.
It's raining...

237
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,600
and I'm steaming... Right.

238
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,680
Jesus!
What a time of night to be out!

239
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,440
Frankie!

240
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,120
Waking me up...
getting me oot my bed...

241
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,280
Aw! My pal's come to get me!

242
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:57,040
Where have you been? Get in!
I'm no' in the mood for pish!

243
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,440
We've to get in!

244
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:13,200
Wait a bloody minute! We're going
to the same place, driver...Victor!

245
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:19,480
DRUNKEN LAUGHTER
Sit at peace!

246
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,320
This is a lovely car, Jack!

247
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,920
Thanks for the lift.
Don't mention it!

248
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,800
It's a good motor. Good car, aye.

249
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,080
I should have a seat belt on!

250
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:35,440
Ya dirty bugger! Get your hand
out there! It's no' my hand!

251
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,840
Sorry about that!

252
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,720
What the bloody hell's that smell?

253
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,440
Fish supper. Gissa chip.
Want a bit?

254
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:48,440
Don't open that in this car!
Here, take a chip!

255
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,840
Oh! You!

256
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,080
Dropped my fish. Pick it up, Tam!

257
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:57,000
Watch!
I've got it...

258
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,000
No, it's all broke up. Christ!

259
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,160
Keep the bloody noise down!

260
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:10,080
Victor came and got us! You're taking a
liberty, stinking out his car! God's sake!

261
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,040
No! Jesus!

262
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,440
CRASH!

263
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,920
Have we hit a deer or something?

264
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,320
Ya clown!

265
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,200
God's sake!

266
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,800
Is it a dug?

267
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,800
Aw, shit!

268
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,600
# Hurdy-gurdy-gurdy
In the window box... #

269
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,080
Jesus!

270
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:51,880
Victor... Jack! Morning.
Look at the state of you.

271
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:55,795
I'm bloody dying. I'm too
old for the bevvying.

272
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,140
I'm too old for the driving.

273
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:02,000
Cos of last night?
I've come to say sorry...

274
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,960
Forget last night.
I've got to get rid of this motor.

275
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,898
How? We'd a smashing time.
I know, but look.

276
00:22:09,903 --> 00:22:14,341
The tax disc is up. That's
£75, insurance is £300!

277
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:18,239
Nearly what you paid for it!
And £32 a tank of juice!

278
00:22:18,264 --> 00:22:21,400
All that before I've
bought a pint of milk!

279
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,600
Aye, it's humped.

280
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,680
You want a hand?

281
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,040
No...

282
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,520
Aye!

283
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,320
- You OK?
- I'm fine, Navid. How?

284
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:48,640
- You look like a badger's arse.
- Night on the tiles, Navid.

285
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,720
Feel a bit worse for wear.

286
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,440
Why don't I do you
a nice big breakfast?

287
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,560
Big wobbly egg, nice and runny,

288
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:03,840
greasy mushrooms, half-cooked Lorne
with fried toast and beans,

289
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,720
mash it all up
and drink it like a milk shake?

290
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,680
Stop it!

291
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,000
Hack it up outside!

292
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,600
Milk... Paracetamol an' all.

293
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,240
Were you out on the piss an' all?

294
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,200
The two of you?

295
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:25,600
Aye...it was some night...
Eric threw up in Victor's new car.

296
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,640
The Skoda?
That's no' much of a fanny magnet!

297
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,560
Paracetamol. Oh, you've got some.

298
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,120
£105. My final offer.

299
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:53,720
You think this is Christmas?
Piss aff!

300
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:58,800
Ya bastard! Less that a week ago,
you offered £395 and a lighter!

301
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:04,400
That was before you dented
the bumper. Partly your fault!

302
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,200
What do you need for the car?

303
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,400
What do we need for it?

304
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,865
Never mind we. You put £100 in.

305
00:24:11,870 --> 00:24:15,820
I've had £100 fun out of it.
Get your £300 back.

306
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,120
£300! No' a ha'penny less!

307
00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:22,760
Right, Tam, you heard him - £300.
Ya...!

308
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,880
I've got him over a barrel!
I'm the only bidder!

309
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:31,520
I'll say £150. You miserable
bastard! Listen to me!

310
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:36,520
This is your chance to do the right
thing. The car's worth £300!

311
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,960
Gie Victor his money!

312
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:50,840
£300.

313
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,920
Thanking you.

314
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,240
CACKLING

315
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:15,480
Car trouble, Victor? It's him
you want to speak to, Frankie!

316
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,360
You want to see Tam's car!

317
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:06,240
It's an absolute cracker.
£300 was all he paid for it.

318
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:11,040
Two previous owners, 30,000 miles
and a full service history.

319
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,920
Oh, aye,
and a free fridge-freezer with it!

320
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,880
Shut up! Brassick!

321
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,560
Anybody going to buy me a pint? No.

322
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:26,040
Got what you deserved,
you tight-arsed old tit!

323
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:31,080
Why don't you try this? Ask Bobby
for a pint, he gies you the pint,

324
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,480
you go into your pocket
for...money!

325
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,920
Bit of a madcap whacky notion.
Think it would work, Tam?

326
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,320
Pint of lager, please, Bobby.

327
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,760
Terrible weather. It certainly is.

328
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:54,080
Still, they say it should clear up for
the weekend. Do they? Yes, they do.

329
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,720
£1.80, please. There you are.

330
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,080
Thanking you.

331
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,320
Going on holiday this year, barman?

332
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:11,600
No, I'll no' get a chance to get
away. I was in Spain last year.

333
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,920
Done away with the peseta.
The Euro now, ain't it?

334
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,560
That right.
Never even seen one. No? No.

335
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,920
Look in your till -
I just gied you two!