1
00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:39,690
No' even 10am and we're ringin'.
My drawers are soaking.

2
00:00:39,690 --> 00:00:45,130
Ye shoulda went before ye came out.
Very funny, Jack.

3
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:48,890
That's Craiglang for ye.
It's eternally winter here.

4
00:00:48,890 --> 00:00:50,970
A bloody vortex.

5
00:00:52,450 --> 00:00:56,650
That's it. I've made my mind up.
I'm gonnae kill myself.

6
00:00:56,650 --> 00:00:59,770
That's if ye dinnae drown first.
THUNDER

7
00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:04,050
Have ye never fancied
going on holiday, Victor?

8
00:01:04,050 --> 00:01:08,170
What, Spain? No, Hong Kong.
America. A big adventure holiday.

9
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:13,210
Naw. It's a big enough adventure
getting across to the bloody shops.

10
00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:19,530
I've always fancied it, you know.
Africa. Doon the Nile.

11
00:01:19,530 --> 00:01:23,570
Up the Congo. The Taj Mahal.
Getting there's the problem.

12
00:01:23,570 --> 00:01:27,730
14 hours on a flight at oor age.
That would drive ye doolally.

13
00:01:27,730 --> 00:01:30,130
Aye. The flight would kill ye.

14
00:01:30,130 --> 00:01:34,730
Knees under the chin, waitin'
on yer luggage at the other side.

15
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:40,090
Blood clot. Thrombosis. Then
they have to fly your corpse home.

16
00:01:40,090 --> 00:01:44,370
And yer down with the bananas and
spiders. Deid. Some holiday, that!

17
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:45,770
Aye.

18
00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:51,410
Oh! That's good. That was quick.

19
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:53,770
Gonnae pick that up for me?

20
00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:58,210
What's this, then?
It's a tape fae my Fiona.

21
00:01:58,210 --> 00:02:03,770
Oh, aye? Aye. I got it a couple of
days ago, but they don't play here,

22
00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:07,930
so I'd to take it over to Shug
and he transferred it.

23
00:02:07,930 --> 00:02:13,490
How don't they play? Cos they're
Canadian. The tape's different.

24
00:02:13,490 --> 00:02:16,490
How is it different?

25
00:02:16,490 --> 00:02:21,930
Because when you... You know
how you've got the tape...?

26
00:02:21,930 --> 00:02:24,130
The wheel goes...

27
00:02:24,130 --> 00:02:29,450
The tape goes across from...
It's very technical. Technical, eh?

28
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,970
Thank you, Christopher Hawkings.

29
00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:36,330
Eh? Christopher Hawkings.
Thanking you.

30
00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,730
Who is Christopher Hawkings?

31
00:02:38,730 --> 00:02:42,490
The brainy bastard.
In the wheelchair. With the voice.

32
00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:46,530
No, Stephen Hawkings. Aye. What did
I say? Christopher Hawkings.

33
00:02:46,530 --> 00:02:49,970
Did I? Aye. What about him, anyway?

34
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:54,650
Nothing. De ye want a cup of tea?
Aye. I'll put this tape on.

35
00:02:54,650 --> 00:02:57,370
Look at that, Navid.

36
00:02:57,370 --> 00:03:00,010
It's lashing down. Here, Isa.

37
00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:03,370
Did you see Stars In Their Eyes?
Naw, naw.

38
00:03:03,370 --> 00:03:07,450
Me and Meena never miss it.
...Isn't that right, Meena?

39
00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:10,290
...Thanks for joining in, ya boot.

40
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:15,330
You should've seen the wee prick
who won it. Frank Sinatra. Garbage!

41
00:03:15,330 --> 00:03:20,530
He was five feet! He must have
sounded like Sinatra if he won it.

42
00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:24,210
Did he, buggery!
Nobody sounds like Sinatra.

43
00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:27,250
This guy was more like
a gay Sinatra.

44
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:31,370
A tottie, wee, midget, gay Sinatra.
Prick.

45
00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:36,290
It's no' like me to miss it.
I'd love to be on that.

46
00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:40,490
De ye know who I'd like to be?
Mama Cass? Naw. Who?

47
00:03:40,490 --> 00:03:42,930
Patsy Cline. Patsy Cline? Aye.

48
00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:47,850
You'd be a good Patsy Cline.
Gie's a blast. Naw!

49
00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:50,890
Come on! The shop is empty.

50
00:03:50,890 --> 00:03:53,410
CLEARS HER THROAT

51
00:03:55,650 --> 00:03:59,250
# Craaz-eee...

52
00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:03,450
# Im crazy for feeling...

53
00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:05,530
# So lonelee-ee...

54
00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:11,610
# ...eee-eeee-eeee-eee...#

55
00:04:11,610 --> 00:04:15,650
Tonight, Matthew, I will be a bag
of kittens drowning in the canal.

56
00:04:15,650 --> 00:04:19,050
I think yer being a bit harsh there,
Navid.

57
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:23,010
I always thought you had
a beautiful voice, sweetheart.

58
00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:28,130
No, Harry. I'm not even wanting to
speak to ye. Darling, hear me oot!

59
00:04:28,130 --> 00:04:32,290
Naw, naw. I'm not interested
in what ye've got to say!

60
00:04:32,290 --> 00:04:35,290
'Hello, Dad!' Hello!

61
00:04:35,290 --> 00:04:37,930
She looks smashing, doesn't she?

62
00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:44,450
'Hi, Grandpa!'
Listen to their accents.

63
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,690
- Hi, Jack!
- That's Tony, boy.

64
00:04:47,690 --> 00:04:51,890
'What's going on over here? ...Jack
and Stephen are cooking burgers!

65
00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:55,610
'How many burgers are you cooking?
Five. Why five?

66
00:04:55,610 --> 00:04:59,890
'Cos we're cooking one for you,
Grandad! Can you smell that?

67
00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:01,930
'Take a bite!'

68
00:05:04,010 --> 00:05:06,050
Looks smashing.

69
00:05:06,050 --> 00:05:09,050
They've done you a burger, Jack.

70
00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:26,450
What's the matter, Jack?

71
00:05:27,730 --> 00:05:29,810
Ach, nothing.

72
00:05:29,810 --> 00:05:33,650
That tape caught me off guard there,
that's all.

73
00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:37,650
Seeing the size
of the grand-weans, and that.

74
00:05:38,970 --> 00:05:44,330
Always the same. Every time
she sends me one of these tapes

75
00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:49,170
I sit doon, all excited,
and then it just depresses me.

76
00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:51,930
What does?

77
00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:54,570
Missing them and that, you know.

78
00:05:56,130 --> 00:06:00,530
I should have bloody emigrated
with them, when they asked me.

79
00:06:00,530 --> 00:06:02,090
Aye.

80
00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:06,730
I sometimes wish I'd done that
with my John in Johannesburg...

81
00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:11,490
but...ach...ye cannae, can ye?

82
00:06:13,730 --> 00:06:16,290
Suppose they end up moving again?

83
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:19,450
That's YOU to move again.

84
00:06:19,450 --> 00:06:23,210
And yer just following them roon
like a pup.

85
00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:27,450
That's not life.

86
00:06:28,490 --> 00:06:30,530
Naw, it isnae.

87
00:06:32,730 --> 00:06:35,570
Oor life's here.

88
00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:38,210
Aye. Pish, eh?

89
00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:40,770
Aye, it's pish.

90
00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:43,450
Come on, we'll get a pint.

91
00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:48,650
"Matthew."

92
00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:51,490
No, it doesnae look like a Matthew.

93
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:57,170
How many did you take? Three.
Patch...Fido and Rex. Fly bastard.

94
00:06:57,170 --> 00:07:01,690
Ye've swiped all the good dug names
and left us wi' all the shite.

95
00:07:01,690 --> 00:07:05,890
What can I say?
I'm the landlord. It's my caird.

96
00:07:05,890 --> 00:07:09,330
"Richard..." Richard the dog?

97
00:07:09,330 --> 00:07:14,490
Chris... Chris. I'll take
Christopher. Chris the dug.

98
00:07:14,490 --> 00:07:18,090
Oh, look who it is.
Batman and Robin!

99
00:07:18,090 --> 00:07:22,010
Aye. We'll accept that,
if you go Catwoman, ya pussy.

100
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:27,970
Jack, Victor. Harry's back.
Aw, no, yer joking?

101
00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:30,890
Name the dug. I've two left.

102
00:07:30,890 --> 00:07:34,490
We're no wantin' a dug.
It's an electric dug.

103
00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:37,250
A dug wi' a plug?
It runs on batteries.

104
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:39,770
Naw! Bloody daft, electric dug.

105
00:07:39,770 --> 00:07:43,130
It's for charity. How much?
50p a name.

106
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,210
I'll take the last two.

107
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:48,090
Right, Matthew or Richard?

108
00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:50,450
Matthew. Matt the dug.

109
00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:53,130
And I'll take Richard.

110
00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:57,250
Dick the dug.
Ye can get done for that.

111
00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:02,290
Isa! Isa, sweetheart! Please!

112
00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:06,690
Stay away fae me, Harry. I've telt
ye already. I know, darling.

113
00:08:06,690 --> 00:08:11,090
The last thing I want is to be
hassling ye. But I'm down a hole.

114
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,570
I've got nowhere to go! Harry,

115
00:08:15,130 --> 00:08:19,250
all my life, ye've cheated on me,
lied to me, even stole from me.

116
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:23,610
And I've taken ye back
time and time again and for what?

117
00:08:23,610 --> 00:08:28,650
Only for you to leave me. I'll not
be made a laughing stock any more!

118
00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:33,050
So ye'd leave me standin' here?
Homeless?

119
00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:37,050
Like a dug in the street?
Without the price of a pint?

120
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,570
Here.

121
00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:42,610
This isnae a loan, Harry.

122
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:46,330
It's a gift. And it's the last gift
ye'll ever get from me!

123
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:52,210
Isa, I don't need to remind you...
my name's on that door.

124
00:08:53,490 --> 00:08:56,330
I'll buy a new name plate, then!

125
00:08:56,330 --> 00:09:00,370
Let's stop playing games, Isa!
I love you!

126
00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:04,610
Well, I don't love YOU!
I've met someone else.

127
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:09,490
What? Who? None of your business!
Now, leave me alone!

128
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:17,370
Sherry, Bobby.

129
00:09:17,370 --> 00:09:22,090
All right, Isa?
Naw. Harry's back. Aye, we know.

130
00:09:22,090 --> 00:09:26,970
And that's not all! I've telt him
I've got a fella! Eh? Your sherry.

131
00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:31,250
Lager, please, Bobby.
Allow me, sweetheart.

132
00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:36,970
I'm paying for Isa's, Harry.
You're the new fella?

133
00:09:36,970 --> 00:09:39,010
That's right.

134
00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:42,810
Cracking woman. Bit of a gabshite,
but generally lovely.

135
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:47,650
Er... Bobby, who's won the dug?

136
00:09:47,650 --> 00:09:50,970
Looks like I have. Eh? Nothing.
Scrape it aff.

137
00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:54,690
Attention, everybody! >

138
00:09:54,690 --> 00:10:00,410
The winner of the Name-the-dog
competition is...

139
00:10:01,490 --> 00:10:03,530
Matthew.

140
00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:05,770
Smashing.

141
00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:08,410
Gies my dug.

142
00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:11,090
Come here, Matthew.

143
00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:18,450
ELECTRONIC YAPPING
Is that it?

144
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:23,050
Ye've got to give it commands.
Train it and that.

145
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,930
Matthew...bite his baws!

146
00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:32,810
What time is it there?

147
00:10:32,810 --> 00:10:36,970
It's half past eight here.
...Aye, I got it.

148
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:41,050
I'm just after watching it.
It was absolutely fantastic.

149
00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:44,770
Jack and Stephen look
a right handful.

150
00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:47,050
Aye, oh, aye.

151
00:10:47,050 --> 00:10:49,450
Have you lost weight?

152
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:53,810
You're not as broad in the arse
as ye used to be!

153
00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:56,530
I'm only winding ye up, God's sake!

154
00:10:56,530 --> 00:11:00,090
Aye, I'm fine.
Aye, I've never been rosier.

155
00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:03,290
Victor? Aye, he's fine and all.

156
00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:05,370
He's got a dug now.

157
00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:10,250
Eh? No, not a real dug.
No, it's a gold dug.

158
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,290
Eh?

159
00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:13,610
Och, never mind.

160
00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:16,410
It's just a gold...a gold...

161
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,970
Awf, I don't know about that.

162
00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:24,050
When were you thinking?

163
00:11:25,130 --> 00:11:27,690
Oh, well, that's a bit soon.

164
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:31,250
Can I think aboot it?

165
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:34,850
Oh, right.

166
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:39,690
I don't know. The morra?
...I'll phone you the morra.

167
00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:42,850
Right.

168
00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:44,530
Eh?

169
00:11:44,530 --> 00:11:48,410
Oh, no, that's fine, then.
No, that's fine.

170
00:11:48,410 --> 00:11:52,370
I'll speak to you the morra.
All right? See you then.

171
00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:01,570
Canada...

172
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,610
BUZZ!

173
00:12:06,610 --> 00:12:09,730
Oh-ho. Here we go. Morning, Navid.

174
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:13,130
Morning, Harry.
20 Benson and Hedges.

175
00:12:14,330 --> 00:12:19,090
I hear my Isa's, er...
hooked up with Winston.

176
00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:24,970
How do you mean, hooked up?
Going out...together.

177
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:32,810
Winston and Isa? That's a belter,
right enough! Winston hates Isa.

178
00:12:32,810 --> 00:12:37,410
Naw, Harry. Check your Y-fronts.
Someone's pulling your pisser.

179
00:12:37,410 --> 00:12:39,690
20 Benson and Hedges.

180
00:12:39,690 --> 00:12:45,010
Ye couldnae possibly let me have
them on the...? No, no, no, no, no.

181
00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:48,690
Sorry did I say no there?
I meant to say NO!

182
00:12:48,690 --> 00:12:52,570
C'mon, Navid.
Isa'll gie ye the money back.

183
00:12:52,570 --> 00:12:56,890
Jesus. Tapping Isa in her absence.
Unbelievable.

184
00:12:56,890 --> 00:13:02,530
It's only 20 fags, Navid. Do you see
buttons, a zipper, Velcro,

185
00:13:02,530 --> 00:13:05,090
or any other fastening device? No!

186
00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:08,170
Sling yer hook,
ye panhandling bastard.

187
00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:13,970
How long have I to walk aboot with
ye? I'm choking for a pint. Lager?

188
00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:17,768
At this time of day? We've only
been going oot two minutes

189
00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:20,490
and yer nagging already!
I want a divorce!

190
00:13:20,490 --> 00:13:24,530
It's just for a couple of days,
Winston... Hello. Hello.

191
00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:27,130
...till Harry gets the message.

192
00:13:27,130 --> 00:13:31,490
It's the message everybody else
is getting I'm worried about.

193
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:33,170
Oh, God!

194
00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:38,210
Give us yer arm. Nae touching. That
is not part of the deal. Please!

195
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,290
Right.

196
00:13:45,810 --> 00:13:50,210
Harry. Isa... Winston.

197
00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:55,130
Harry. Thanks for walking me
to my work...

198
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:57,730
Pumpkin. Pumpkin?

199
00:13:57,730 --> 00:14:02,650
Oh, nae problem, pumpkin.
Now, away and get yersel' a pint.

200
00:14:02,650 --> 00:14:05,370
A pint? Oh, that's a rare idea.

201
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:10,010
It's not many girlfriends that let
you go for a pint. ...Is it, Harry?

202
00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:12,650
No, it is not!

203
00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:17,690
Don't make anything for tonight's
tea. I'll bring in yer favourite.

204
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:21,970
Ohh, my favourite! Which is
a sausage supper. I know that!

205
00:14:21,970 --> 00:14:24,130
I know you know that.

206
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,290
Well, then...

207
00:14:26,290 --> 00:14:28,970
goodbye, Winston.

208
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:31,490
Jesus!

209
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:33,370
Eh...

210
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,730
That was smashing! Yum-yum!

211
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:40,330
Wag yer wee tail.

212
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:41,490
Naw?

213
00:14:41,490 --> 00:14:43,490
Bark!

214
00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:47,210
Nothing. Are ye hungry?

215
00:14:49,290 --> 00:14:52,890
Listen, are ye hungry?

216
00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:57,530
"Clap your hands
and the dug will flip."

217
00:15:00,330 --> 00:15:03,050
Flip! Flip!

218
00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:06,290
Hey-ho.

219
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:08,490
Hello, Jack.

220
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:12,610
How are ye getting on
with the wee dug?

221
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:16,730
Och, not so well.
I think he's depressed.

222
00:15:17,890 --> 00:15:21,450
Depressed?
Your plastic dug's depressed?

223
00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:28,130
Look, it says here, if ye dinnae
tend to it, it gets depressed.

224
00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:31,250
A boy skated by here
five minutes ago

225
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:36,330
and wee Matthew here wandered out
in front of him. He's suicidal!

226
00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:42,970
You can help do it in. Aye. Take
his wee batteries out. Euthanasia.

227
00:15:42,970 --> 00:15:46,730
Very funny.
Where have ye been, anyway? Eh?

228
00:15:46,730 --> 00:15:52,170
Thomsons, the travel agents.
I'm going to visit my Fiona.

229
00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:54,530
I'm going to Canada.

230
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:58,530
Yer no'! For a wee holiday?
Aye. A fortnight.

231
00:15:58,530 --> 00:16:03,570
That's smashin'. Good for you.
When are ye going? Next Friday.

232
00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:05,650
Jesus! That's quick.

233
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:11,250
I was gonnae say, why don't you go
and see your John in Jo'burg?

234
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:15,290
That'll save you sitting about
on yer arse while I'm away. Eh?

235
00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:20,090
I cannae drop that on them.
Pish! Gie them a phone.

236
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:24,050
Never you mind about me.
I'll be fine.

237
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:30,290
Why don't ye come wi' me, then?
Jack, give it a rest!

238
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:34,930
I'm no' daft. I'll no' go to rack
and ruin in the fortnight yer away!

239
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:40,050
Fiona's always asking after ye.
They'd be glad to see ye. Naw, Jack.

240
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:43,610
Promise me you'll phone your John?
Aye, all right.

241
00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:47,810
Canada, eh? Must be chuffed.

242
00:16:49,570 --> 00:16:52,570
Aye.
Jack Jarvis Esquire. Canada bound!

243
00:16:58,530 --> 00:17:02,130
It flipped because I clapped.
It says here!

244
00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:05,170
Rubbish.
I clapped and it did hee-haw.

245
00:17:05,170 --> 00:17:09,850
He's low. He's no' coming out
of himself. He's no' happy.

246
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,130
You know why that is? How?

247
00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:16,850
It's cos he's not got a cock.

248
00:17:16,850 --> 00:17:19,850
Shut up! I'm telling ye.

249
00:17:19,850 --> 00:17:23,930
That's why Action Man's face
is always tripping him.

250
00:17:25,370 --> 00:17:27,970
Don't listen to him, Matthew. So?

251
00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:33,410
So what? Are you phoning your John?
Eh? Oh...naw.

252
00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:38,010
Come on, get him phoned. Tell him
you want to come out next week.

253
00:17:38,010 --> 00:17:41,010
I know what he'll say. What? "Naw."

254
00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:45,970
Ye don't know that for sure. Aye,
I dae. He's always letting me doon.

255
00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:50,450
He's no' like your Fiona. He'll say
naw. Right, I'll put the kettle on.

256
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:56,250
Why don't you just phone him and
tell him yer wanting a wee holiday?

257
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:15,690
Hello. John? Aye, it's your da.

258
00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:18,250
How's it going, son?

259
00:18:18,250 --> 00:18:22,170
Aye, good, good.
...No, no, nothing, nothing.

260
00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:24,730
I was just gonnae say...

261
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:29,530
Jack's going to Canada.
...Aye. And I was thinking...

262
00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:34,690
No, no... No, I was gonnae come
and see youse, you know,

263
00:18:34,690 --> 00:18:39,690
rather than sit on my arse
for a fortnight while Jack's away.

264
00:18:39,690 --> 00:18:41,970
End of next week.

265
00:18:41,970 --> 00:18:44,810
Aye, I know it's soon, aye.

266
00:18:44,810 --> 00:18:48,090
Wee bit last minute, eh?

267
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:52,130
Well, what aboot
the following week, then?

268
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,410
Are ye?

269
00:18:54,410 --> 00:18:57,170
Ach, well.

270
00:18:57,170 --> 00:19:00,650
Not at all.
I thought it might be tight...

271
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:04,890
Well, when would be best?

272
00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:06,930
To come over?

273
00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:11,490
Right, I'll phone ye.

274
00:19:12,530 --> 00:19:16,810
Naw, naw, I've gotta go.
There's somebody at the door.

275
00:19:16,810 --> 00:19:19,970
Eh? I know. No, I know.

276
00:19:19,970 --> 00:19:24,650
Gie my best to the boy, eh?
...Right. I'll see ye now.

277
00:19:26,650 --> 00:19:29,930
How did that go? How did that go?

278
00:19:29,930 --> 00:19:35,010
Lousy. That's how it went, stupid
bastard. How am I a stupid bastard?

279
00:19:35,010 --> 00:19:39,610
I told you he'd say no but you're
at me - "Phone him, phone him!"

280
00:19:39,610 --> 00:19:44,410
Happy now? I've phoned him and he's
chased me. Maybe he's busy, Victor.

281
00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:49,730
Aye, I could hear the wheels turning,
trying to think up a reason.

282
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:54,170
What was the reason? A convention
in Cape Town. Lot of shite.

283
00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:58,210
Well, that's that, then. Just
come with me. My Fiona says...

284
00:19:58,210 --> 00:20:02,810
Your Fiona. Your Fiona. That's
right, your Fiona's an angel, eh?

285
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:07,490
"Come over, Dad, and bring as many
of your sad old pals as ye want."

286
00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:11,530
Wait a minute! No, YOU wait
a minute! I'm not a charity case!

287
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:16,290
I was doing fine till you brought
all this up! Now, look, Victor...

288
00:20:16,290 --> 00:20:19,890
I know fine how much my boy
isnae interested in me.

289
00:20:19,890 --> 00:20:23,450
But YOU railroaded me
into being reminded of the fact!

290
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:27,490
I thought you needed a holiday! I'll
be getting a holiday - from YOU!

291
00:20:27,490 --> 00:20:29,650
Fine! Good!

292
00:20:29,650 --> 00:20:32,090
DOOR SLAMS >

293
00:20:32,090 --> 00:20:34,890
...Oh, Matthew!

294
00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:46,450
# She may be the face I can't forget

295
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:50,850
# A trace of pleasure or regret

296
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:56,530
# May be my treasure
or the price I have to pay

297
00:20:57,930 --> 00:21:02,290
# She may be the song
that summer sings

298
00:21:02,290 --> 00:21:06,130
# May be the chill
that autumn brings

299
00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:09,450
# May be a hundred tearful things

300
00:21:09,450 --> 00:21:13,490
# Within the measure of a day

301
00:21:15,570 --> 00:21:20,530
# She may be the beauty
or the beast

302
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:24,290
# May be the famine or the feast

303
00:21:24,290 --> 00:21:29,570
# May turn each day into heaven
or hell

304
00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:35,050
# She may be... #
SONG FADES

305
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:50,690
Goldie, Bobby.

306
00:21:50,690 --> 00:21:56,450
You obviously didnae get that in
here. That looks edible. Don't ask.

307
00:21:56,450 --> 00:22:00,890
Is Harry still hangin' aboot?
Aye. Like a shadow.

308
00:22:00,890 --> 00:22:05,450
He's playing pool the noo.
He's waiting for us to slip up.

309
00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:07,650
How long's that been?

310
00:22:07,650 --> 00:22:12,570
A week noo. It's not that.
Every night I've tae walk her hame,

311
00:22:12,570 --> 00:22:16,850
and sit for an hour to make sure
creepy-breeks isn't hanging about.

312
00:22:18,890 --> 00:22:23,090
How's things wi' you and Victor?
Still no' talking?

313
00:22:23,090 --> 00:22:27,730
Naw. And I'm no' wanting it to drag
on cos I'm away in the morning.

314
00:22:29,170 --> 00:22:31,330
Pint of lager, please, Bobby.

315
00:22:31,970 --> 00:22:34,330
I'll get that.

316
00:22:34,330 --> 00:22:36,930
Thanks, Jack.

317
00:22:37,930 --> 00:22:40,930
So, er...away in the morning, eh?

318
00:22:40,930 --> 00:22:45,170
Aye. It would have been good
if you could have came with us.

319
00:22:45,170 --> 00:22:47,810
Aye, well, maybe next time, eh?

320
00:22:50,290 --> 00:22:54,970
Listen, I didnae mean to force ye
into phoning your John, you know.

321
00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:58,530
Jack...my son cannae be arsed,

322
00:22:58,530 --> 00:23:02,570
and I shouldnae be taking that
out on you.

323
00:23:04,130 --> 00:23:09,250
How's wee Matthew? That arsehole?!
Two hours I lost him for yesterday.

324
00:23:09,250 --> 00:23:13,810
Where did I find him? In the oven!
Tried to gas himself? Aye.

325
00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:18,330
Are you no' taking a pint?
Naw. I've packing to dae.

326
00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:23,530
Och, take a wee pint. Just to see
you off. Aye, all right.

327
00:23:24,890 --> 00:23:29,010
Am I not to get one? Naw. Too many
pints affects yer performance!

328
00:23:29,010 --> 00:23:34,690
Right enough, Bobby! ...C'mon, you!
You're nae use to me all floppy!

329
00:23:40,850 --> 00:23:43,890
Floppy?!
Where the hell did that come fae?

330
00:23:43,890 --> 00:23:47,130
I'm sorry, Winston!
It was oot before I realised!

331
00:23:47,130 --> 00:23:50,130
Harry was was making me all jumpy.

332
00:23:50,130 --> 00:23:53,450
He must have the message by now.
So I'm off the hook,

333
00:23:53,450 --> 00:23:56,050
we can get back to wur ain thing.

334
00:23:56,050 --> 00:23:58,770
It's not been that bad, has it?

335
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:04,050
I've always got a drink in, and
ye enjoy my sandwiches and cakes!

336
00:24:04,050 --> 00:24:06,810
And we've had a good laugh tae!

337
00:24:06,810 --> 00:24:08,450
When?

338
00:24:08,450 --> 00:24:12,890
The other night, we were watching
the news, and Jackie Bird came on

339
00:24:12,890 --> 00:24:17,899
and I said, "Do you think when her
and her man are starting to make love,

340
00:24:17,924 --> 00:24:19,954
she shouts, 'This just in!' "

341
00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:26,530
DOORBELL
Oh, God!

342
00:24:26,530 --> 00:24:28,570
Who's that?

343
00:24:28,570 --> 00:24:33,370
It might be Harry! Calm doon.
...C'mon.

344
00:24:39,530 --> 00:24:41,610
It's him, right enough.

345
00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:45,570
What'll we dae?
Just ignore it. He'll go away!

346
00:24:45,570 --> 00:24:49,290
KEYS RATTLE IN LOCK
He's still got his keys!

347
00:24:49,290 --> 00:24:51,290
(Jesus!)

348
00:24:55,850 --> 00:24:57,530
Isa?

349
00:24:59,570 --> 00:25:01,730
Isa!

350
00:25:03,490 --> 00:25:05,810
Isa, sweetheart!

351
00:25:25,130 --> 00:25:28,610
There's nothing floppy here!

352
00:25:39,610 --> 00:25:42,170
I knew fae the beginning.

353
00:25:42,170 --> 00:25:46,810
Nae offence, Winston,
but you're hardly a match.

354
00:25:46,810 --> 00:25:49,970
The lengths I've went to
to get the message across.

355
00:25:49,970 --> 00:25:54,810
I know, darlin'. It's finished.
Can ye no' just accept it?

356
00:26:04,370 --> 00:26:06,690
I'll see myself out.

357
00:26:08,730 --> 00:26:11,090
Goodbye, Isa.

358
00:26:11,090 --> 00:26:13,850
Goodbye, Harry.

359
00:26:26,330 --> 00:26:31,170
How are ye? Aye, good.
Looking forward to the flight?

360
00:26:31,170 --> 00:26:34,730
I'll wait and see
who's sitting here first.

361
00:26:34,730 --> 00:26:39,010
You generally get an arsehole
on a long-haul flight.

362
00:26:39,010 --> 00:26:43,530
Oh, naw! The windae seat!
I've got a weak bladder, an' all!

363
00:26:43,530 --> 00:26:47,370
I'll be up and doon
like a bloody yo-yo!

364
00:26:49,890 --> 00:26:51,930
New York, eh? Eh?

365
00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:55,490
Only kidding, son!

366
00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:57,170
Toronto!

367
00:26:57,170 --> 00:27:01,570
Yer not supposed to drink yer ain,
but I'm not waiting an hour

368
00:27:01,570 --> 00:27:06,450
for that bevvy trolley to come up!
A wee dram? No, yer all right.

369
00:27:12,770 --> 00:27:16,610
Is there a film? But I'll no'
be paying for headphones.

370
00:27:16,610 --> 00:27:19,130
I said I'll no' pay for headphones!

371
00:27:19,130 --> 00:27:23,130
# Come fly with me!
Float down to Peru! #

372
00:27:25,090 --> 00:27:28,530
Look at these people,
they look like ants!

373
00:27:28,530 --> 00:27:32,570
Oh, they ARE ants!
We've not taken off yet!

374
00:27:35,850 --> 00:27:39,050
14A? come on. Victor!
All right, Jack?

375
00:27:45,050 --> 00:27:47,890
You're a fly bastard!

376
00:27:47,890 --> 00:27:49,970
I booked it yesterday.

377
00:27:49,970 --> 00:27:54,010
I'm no' sittin' on my arse for two
weeks while you have a guid time!

378
00:27:56,770 --> 00:28:00,848
Oh, not the windae seat!
I've got a weak bladder, an all.

379
00:28:00,853 --> 00:28:03,710
I'll be up and doon
like a bloody yo-yo!

380
00:28:03,730 --> 00:28:06,450
New York, eh?

381
00:28:07,970 --> 00:28:10,330
Toronto...

382
00:28:10,330 --> 00:28:12,410
Aye, Toronto.

383
00:28:12,410 --> 00:28:14,530
Jeezo.

384
00:28:49,610 --> 00:28:52,530
WOOF!

385
00:28:52,530 --> 00:28:55,010
Oh! Woof!

386
00:28:56,930 --> 00:28:58,450
Oh!

387
00:28:58,450 --> 00:29:01,690
Happy wee thing, eh? Aye!