1
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:58,880
Haud the lift! >
Shite! Come on, you bastard - shut!

2
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,560
That was lucky, eh?

3
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:11,720
BOTH: Aye, lucky. You'll be
wondering why I've no coat. No.

4
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:16,005
I'm not goin' oot o' the building,
just doon to No 2, to Kathy Reid.

5
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:18,220
She's gonnae gie
me her old cooker.

6
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,040
Is that a fact?
Where are yous goin'?

7
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:27,080
See that? Yes, I did, actually. Got a wee
keek o' your modus operandi there, Isa.

8
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,008
You telling us where
you're going - and we're

9
00:01:30,033 --> 00:01:33,560
no' interested - in order to
find out where WE'RE going!

10
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,080
We're off to the Clansman.
Nae juicy gossip there.

11
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,956
Nothing newsworthy.
Nothing worth passing on.

12
00:01:39,981 --> 00:01:43,520
"Guess what! Jack and Victor
have gone to the Clansman!"

13
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,720
"Drinking beer!" Cheeky bastards!

14
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,120
Never seen that there yesterday.

15
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,760
Och, it will be thae wee neds.

16
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:59,200
"CYT"?!
What does that mean, anyway?

17
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,640
Dunno. Craiglang Youth Theatre?

18
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:14,840
YOUTH GIGGLES
What are you laughing at?

19
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,600
Know how all the questions?

20
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:22,480
"Know how all the questions?" Yes.
See where it says "sex"? Uh-huh.

21
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:28,360
I've put, "Yes, please."! Aye, well done,
son. That'll score you a lot of points(!)

22
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:34,160
Mr Ingram? Oh! Right you are, son.

23
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:41,080
Please, sit down. Oh, thanks
very much, Mr, um... Robin -

24
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,640
there's no Misters here.
Thanks, Robin. I'm Winston.

25
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:48,013
Winston? Good name - noble.
Thanks very much.

26
00:02:48,038 --> 00:02:50,800
Yours is a smashing name too
- Robin.

27
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:54,200
Like a wee bird. Well, let's see...

28
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,600
You live in Craiglang.
That's our catchment. That's great.

29
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,720
You worked at Yarrow's.
All my days, Robin. Excellent!

30
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:06,520
Ships, building,
welding, grafters...

31
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:10,840
Winston, that's great. That's
what Food Fare is all about -

32
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:16,120
committed people with the same goal,
forging ahead, working together for...

33
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:20,200
For wages. No, the customer.
The customer!

34
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,821
When I started here,
it was a small company

35
00:03:22,846 --> 00:03:26,200
but I knew that it was going places.
That's why I joined.

36
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:30,240
Why do YOU want to work
for Food Fare? Uh, well...

37
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:34,280
I have been a customer of Food Fare
for a number of years,

38
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:39,520
and I have watched with pleasure
it growing from hee-haw to huge,

39
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,560
with branches all over the shop,
including...er...

40
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,840
the one next to the motorway there.

41
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:50,880
I've also admired
the courteousness of the staff

42
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,960
and the convenient layout
of the shop floor.

43
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,400
I feel also, Robin, that
you have a team here

44
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,380
that I would be proud
to be a part of...

45
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,840
It... Er...

46
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,040
I'm skint! Sorry?

47
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,943
Listen, son, naebody wants
to be working at my age.

48
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:11,100
But I'm doon a hole.
I need the money.

49
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:15,560
I cannae survive on the pension. I'm
too fond of the pub and the bookies.

50
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:18,804
So what do you say you and I
forge ahead and work together

51
00:04:18,829 --> 00:04:21,400
and see if we cannae get
me a couple of shifts?

52
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,200
...Can you start the day?

53
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,240
Lovely that, isn't it(?)

54
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:35,000
I'm gonnae say something.
Leave it, Jack. No!

55
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,760
Here, you!

56
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:40,000
What is it you think you're doing?
Painting.

57
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:44,480
Painting. You must work for the
council. I don't see a boiler suit.

58
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:48,480
So you're part of this
"Craiglang Young Team"?

59
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,960
Aye, I'm the leader!

60
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:56,360
So is all this because
you've got nothing to do?

61
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:59,972
When we were growing up,
there was nothing to do either,

62
00:04:59,977 --> 00:05:02,740
but we didnae resort
to vandalising things!

63
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:07,800
Aye, we would get a ball, kick it about
all night, right up till lighting-up time!

64
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,280
Aye, or go to the park
and fish for baggy minnies!

65
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:14,836
We'd get sticks, make them
into boats, race them.

66
00:05:14,841 --> 00:05:18,300
We FOUND things to do.
You've got to find things

67
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,804
to amuse yersel! I mean, that's
got to be better than this.

68
00:05:21,809 --> 00:05:23,700
This isnae getting you naewhere!

69
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,360
Shut it! Now, you listen to me...

70
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,000
Right, you!
Right, beat it, you old bastard!

71
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,440
Look who it is! If it isnae...
Jesus Christ, are thae tits?

72
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,960
Yes, Boabby. They are.

73
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,800
Tits!

74
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,360
No, I'm no' so sure

75
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,880
that I'm keen on your tits, Victor.

76
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,520
Bit droopy.

77
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,120
I love the round ones! Two pints!

78
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,360
So what the hell happened?

79
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,880
We dug up a couple of neds
for spray-painting.

80
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:03,160
Ye didnae do something about it?
We're pensioners, for Christ's sake!

81
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,560
I reckon yous got off light. How?

82
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,934
Old John McKenna got
two bags of messages

83
00:06:07,939 --> 00:06:11,060
took off him - and a boot in
the stones for his trouble.

84
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,204
There's a new Young
Team coming up.

85
00:06:13,209 --> 00:06:16,900
A lot of faces down at the
off-licence that I don't recognise.

86
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:21,880
Well, if things get any worse,
I'm bailing out, selling up. ...£3.60.

87
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:26,120
There's a fiver. Keep the change -
give us the title deeds!

88
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:30,560
This widnae be going on
if Big Innes was still here. Jesus!

89
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,240
Innes, eh? There's a flashback!

90
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:37,080
Aye. Aye, he never took ANY shite,
did he?

91
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:41,720
No, you widnae mess wi' Innes.
He must be away over 15 years now.

92
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:46,320
What happened to him? Deid? No,
he was doon last year for a funeral.

93
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,440
Stays up in Elgin.
Has a croft there. A croft? Aye.

94
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:54,280
- Can I use your phone?
- Aye, over there, mate.

95
00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:00,040
A croft, you say?

96
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,520
Would a croft
have such a thing as a phone?

97
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:06,720
PHONE RINGS

98
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,080
Hello?

99
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:15,400
Jack Jarvis? Jack Jarvis
from the Craiglang!

100
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:19,640
Well, I'm blessed!
How the devil are you?

101
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,080
Uh-huh.

102
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,920
And are you still in Craiglang?

103
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:28,560
Aw! Och, that disnae sound
very good.

104
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:32,600
Innes? Oh, he's fine. Fighting fit!

105
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,880
Oh, I see. I...I don't...

106
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,920
Well...I'd have to ask him.

107
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,160
Right.

108
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,000
Right. Well, I'll ask him.

109
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:52,040
Now, listen,
if he says aye and comes doon,

110
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,480
you've to promise me one thing.
Don't gie him...

111
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,560
Midori. Yes, I know.
I remember, aye.

112
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,600
Aye, that's right - Midori.

113
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,680
He'll ask for it,
but he's no' to get it, Jack!

114
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:11,360
No, don't worry about that.
Haud on, I'll get him for you.

115
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,760
Innes! It's the phone for you.

116
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:23,360
Download a patch fae the Microsoft
site. What's actually happening?

117
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:27,360
It just keeps rebooting,
an' my icons are a' ower the place.

118
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:32,640
Aye, sounds like Dogtooth. You've
got a virus. Ye'll get a wee patch.

119
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,680
All gibberish to you, auld yin?

120
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:40,560
No! All right, then. What were
we talkin' aboot? Wee patch...

121
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,800
Dogtooth...

122
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:47,880
Em...is it a wee dug...
called Patch...that's got a cold?

123
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,960
Aye! It's a wee dug ca'd Patch!

124
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,080
C'mere, Patch!

125
00:08:55,080 --> 00:09:00,280
Watch and no' blow yer brains oot
wi' that pricing gun, auld yin!

126
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,840
DING-DONG!
Aha! Ooh!

127
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,200
What the hell are ye daein'? What
d'you think, gents? About what?

128
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,520
DING-DONG!

129
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,960
DING-DONG!

130
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:29,120
It means if I'm in the back of the
shop, I know if somebody's come in.

131
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,216
Did you no' used to have
one that went "Brr!"?

132
00:09:32,241 --> 00:09:35,840
Aye, but "Brr!" is shite.
"Ding-dong!" is mair modern.

133
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:40,200
What is it you call them again?
It's the, um...

134
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,840
Haud on, I know this.
It's the, er... Victor?

135
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,080
It's the...the...

136
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,960
the door buzzer...noise. Bell.

137
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:53,720
Aye. The door noise buzzer bell,
somebody's-coming-in doofer.

138
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,560
MEENA:

139
00:09:56,560 --> 00:10:00,000
Aye, Meena doesnae know either.

140
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,120
I had some bother wi' neds comin' in
and liftin' stuff bloody oot.

141
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:10,400
This'll be my eyes an' ears. Good.
You'll probably no' need it, though.

142
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,960
Why? Because help is on its way.

143
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,440
You'll no' remember him,

144
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:19,394
but a big pal o' ours is comin' doon
to sort these wee bastards out.

145
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,400
Oh, aye? Big fella,
name of Innes.

146
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,067
Him and his wife used
to live on the scheme.

147
00:10:24,092 --> 00:10:27,920
There was nae carry-on when he was aboot!
Ye didnae cross Innes!

148
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:32,480
I'll get him from the railway
station later on. That'll be great!

149
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:37,240
Like a sheriff, comin' to round up
all the wee pricks! A hard nut?

150
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,920
Aye. So have you any Midori?
A poofy hard nut?!

151
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,838
No, you see, the thing
is, Innes loves Midori,

152
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:46,860
but he cannae drink it,
cos he's allergic to it.

153
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:51,240
So we cannae have any about. This
is a great day. For years and years,

154
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:55,520
I've only ever had the one bottle.
It sits there, laughing at me.

155
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:59,240
And now I finally get to shift it.
That's great.

156
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:05,640
I'm gonnae stick it under my bed.
Gentlemen, I give you...the stoory Midori!

157
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,240
That's nice o' ye - "I give you!"

158
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,640
£12. £10.

159
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,040
13. 12.

160
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,880
Meena, dust down that bottle of
Advocaat - I think we're on a roll!

161
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,440
Steady!

162
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,080
Let me take that for you, madam.

163
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,600
Hey!

164
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,200
Oh! Sorry about that, darlin'.

165
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,320
Right!

166
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,080
Oh, come on!

167
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,760
Problem wi' yer trolleys, auld yin?

168
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:53,360
Nope! How's an old duffer like you
workin' here? What do you mean?

169
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:58,160
It's a young man's game - stackin'
shelves, pricin', trolley recovery.

170
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,800
Nonsense. I'm perfectly capable of
puttin' in a day's shift. That right?

171
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:07,720
Aye, that's right. You've only got
six trolleys, and you're sweatin',

172
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:13,000
strugglin' to control them...
cos you're old! Cos I'm new! Naw!

173
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,560
See from day one, I could do 40.
You'll never do 40, Grandda!

174
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,488
What is it wi' you and that patter?
I'm 24.

175
00:12:20,493 --> 00:12:24,260
I'm gonnae be daein' this job
six months, a year, maybe.

176
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:29,400
I'll no' be daein' this job
at your age. That's boggin!

177
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:34,440
See when I'm your age? I'll be lyin'
on a beach wi' a drink and a cigar!

178
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,987
Oh, you bloody think so?
Well... Gotta go.

179
00:12:36,992 --> 00:12:40,580
By the way, you've broke the
first rule in trolley recovery.

180
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:44,960
What would that be? You've got
a DRT heading for an RPB.

181
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,800
Dangerous Rogue Trolley,
Really Pricey Brief.

182
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,680
Oh, Jesus!

183
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,760
Oh, Jesus!

184
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,880
Allergic?! To this wee drap?

185
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:03,640
Right, well, give him it! Then see
what you've let yourself in for!

186
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,760
Right!

187
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,280
So how big is this guy?

188
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:12,480
I'll tell you how big he is. He
drinks lager two pints at a time.

189
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:17,160
In fact, you'd better make
that four. He'll be thirsty.

190
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:21,320
Four pints? Pish! Who drinks four
pints? What I'm about to show you

191
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:26,400
is a picture of me, Jack and Innes
in Saltcoats, 1964.

192
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,400
Is that him?!

193
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,320
You'd better get them poured.

194
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,040
Mind your head on that.

195
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:50,160
Innes! Hello!
All right, Victor? Eric!

196
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,880
How are you keepin'? Aye, fine!

197
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:56,960
You'll be ready for a beer, eh?
Any Midori?

198
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,640
Naw. Come on get a seat,
take the weight aff.

199
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,680
It's smashin' you're here, Innes.

200
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:18,840
Nae bother, Victor. It was
good o' you to come doon, but.

201
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:23,880
I tell ye what - I'll get settled in
at Jack's and look round tomorrow -

202
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,520
sort those wee bastards oot.

203
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:31,960
I fixed up the spare room for ye',
Innes. That's good o' ye, Jack.

204
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,080
Oh! Where are you goin'?
For a pish.

205
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,080
No' in here. Ye're no' a customer.
Get it up ye!

206
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,040
Excuse me, lads.

207
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,000
UNZIPS

208
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:58,480
I think the barman said
the toilet's only for customers.

209
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,680
Is 'at right? Barman's a walloper!

210
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:13,647
How's it going, Jack? All right, except
he's eatin' me out o' house and hame.

211
00:15:13,652 --> 00:15:15,180
What are ye talkin' aboot?

212
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,957
He only landed last night. Aye.

213
00:15:16,962 --> 00:15:21,300
Half a loaf o' sandwiches last night,
the other half this morning, toasted.

214
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:26,240
He's done in eight eggs! Eats them
like bloody Smarties! See this.

215
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,440
Is that a soup pot?!

216
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:35,360
Aye! I offered him an ordinary bowl.
He just laughed at me.

217
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,480
There's two pints of milk in that,
and a full box o' Cornflakes!

218
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:44,200
Thae wee bastards don't know what's
coming! Any mair toast there, Jack?

219
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,160
Yes, Innes, coming.

220
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:53,400
Want me to cut that up for ye, auld
yin? Save you wrestlin' wi' it?

221
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,640
Mash up his egg, Susie - make it
nice an' soft for the auld yin!

222
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:04,480
Winston, is it? Aye, that's right.
Ssh! Andy Collier, Warehouse.

223
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:09,680
Pleased to meet you, Andy. See you've
been singled out for attention.

224
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:14,360
How do ye mean? Gettin' it from
Kevin. Oh, is that his name? Aye.

225
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,200
Doesnae like the auld yins.
He doesnae seem to hassle you.

226
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,250
He accidentally switched
off a fridge once,

227
00:16:21,255 --> 00:16:25,180
ruined a pile o' milk, butters,
yoghurts, creme fraiche.

228
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,200
I took the fall for
him - said it was me.

229
00:16:28,225 --> 00:16:32,200
He's left me alane ever since.
Try and get in wi' him -

230
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,800
it'll make life a whole lot easier.
But he's an arsehole!

231
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:40,360
There's only one other road left
open to ye - he's the daddy...

232
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,802
the tallest stalk in here.
You have to cut him doon,

233
00:16:43,827 --> 00:16:46,920
send out the right message
on the jungle drums.

234
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,480
What are you on about?

235
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:54,240
I'm sayin' ye have to take him doon.
Take him doon tae Chinatoon!

236
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:59,840
Listen, you - this is Food Fare in
Craiglang. Ye're no' in Sing Sing!

237
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,440
Winston!

238
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,320
You'll need these.

239
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,360
Hello, ye wee fanny!

240
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:18,520
Whit are you on?

241
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:23,080
Remember us? Aye. Ah dae.
Are ye back for another coat, like?

242
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,920
I'm gonnae dae you in!

243
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,880
Hello, there, Stevie.

244
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,960
Oh! Davina - is this Davina?

245
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,720
Oh, look at you! Look at you!
You're absolutely lovely.

246
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,360
Well done, hen, eh?

247
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,560
Cheery-bye!

248
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:08,760
I'm getting too old for that!
Nonsense! You're young yet, Navid!

249
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,760
DING-DONG!

250
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:17,000
How's it going, Navid?
Very well, gents, very well,

251
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,166
largely thanks to the big
fella cleaning the town out!

252
00:19:20,191 --> 00:19:23,160
Everyone this morning has
been wearing a big smile.

253
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,760
I look out the windae - nae neds.
Aye, I know. Good, isn't it?

254
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,800
You needin' bread? Aye, two loaves.
I'll take a dozen eggs an' all.

255
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,915
Have you any big jars o' jam?
Nae bother.

256
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:37,380
Oh, Wagon Wheels! He
enjoys a wee Wagon Wheel.

257
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,400
There we go.

258
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,720
Jesus! Aye, I know!
It's like keepin' a bloody bear!

259
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:48,360
The big man was in earlier.
Innes? What was he wantin'?

260
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:52,080
He was after that Midori stuff.
But you havenae got any.

261
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,600
That's what I telt him. Good.

262
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,680
I said you took the last bottle and
were hiding it under your bed. What?!

263
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:02,760
Come on, Jack.
He's pullin' your pisser. Hee-hee!

264
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,680
Damn thing!

265
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,840
I'll get that for ye, hen. Oh!

266
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,440
Thanks very much!

267
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:23,680
Ye'll be wantin' it in here.
Aye, in there. That's lovely.

268
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:29,640
You're like a big body builder!
Can I dae ye a sandwich? Aye!

269
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,280
Is this gettin' flung oot? Aye.

270
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,760
I'll need to sort that oot. I've
to call the council to uplift it.

271
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,280
Even then, it'll be four days.

272
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,360
Are ye wantin' a cup o' tea
wi' that?

273
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:54,360
Or maybe somethin' a wee bit
stronger? Have ye any Midori?

274
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,280
It's nae use. It's this stupid gun!
Aw, it's the gun?

275
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,000
The gun's auld. Tell ye what -

276
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,800
take ma gun. I'll kick yer arse
using your own gun, eh?

277
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,320
Right.

278
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,240
Ha!

279
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,320
How d'you like that, eh?
That's you beat.

280
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,560
Beat, and beat good.

281
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,960
Done, done, done.

282
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,560
Aye, you WOULD be done

283
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,880
if you'd paid £9.99
for a wee tin of sweetcorn.

284
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,080
Done, good an' proper.

285
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,600
These'll need DONE again.

286
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,760
I see Kevin's still ragging you.
It's comin' tae a heid.

287
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,000
You see what he's doing, don't ye?

288
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,920
He's making you his bitch.
Ach, away you tae f...!

289
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,200
Where are you wantin' this?
Oh, oot o' here.

290
00:22:16,225 --> 00:22:18,800
Take it to yours, oot
the road of him.

291
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,440
Right you are. Oh, that smells rare.
What is that?

292
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:26,760
Big juicy steak. It's the least
we could do after all he's done.

293
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:31,240
Jesus! Look at the size of that!
That's no' a steak, Jack.

294
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,560
That's a coo
with the horns snapped aff!

295
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:39,080
How much did three of them set you
back? Oh, I didnae buy three, naw.

296
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,880
These are ours.

297
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:46,280
Right. I'll go and plank this
before he appears.

298
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,040
Oh, Victor!

299
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:50,680
Victor!

300
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:55,040
Don't barge out. Look through the
peephole, check the coast's clear.

301
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,080
Oh, aye.

302
00:22:58,360 --> 00:22:59,760
Shite!

303
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,480
He's coming oot of Isa's. Isa's?

304
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,520
Hold on. He's waiting on the lift.

305
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,120
Oh, aye.

306
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:13,320
Oh, what's she slabberin' on about?
BELL RINGS

307
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:17,080
Oh, there's the lift there.
He's away into the lift.

308
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,560
Now she's away back into her flat.

309
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,800
Right, that's the coast clear.

310
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,280
What d'you think Big Innes
was doing in at Isa's?

311
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,320
ISA SCREAMS
Come here! What is it, Isa?

312
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,960
It's in there, it's in there!
Calm doon, Isa.

313
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,120
Look! What am I supposed to be
loo...?

314
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,640
Is that Big Innes that done that?

315
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,400
Ooh, the dirty big bastard.

316
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:54,760
He must've had tae stand up tae get
himself aff o' that. What am I gonnae dae?

317
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,960
Batter it with a loo brush?
Break it into bits?

318
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:02,040
Will Harpic or Domestos
BURN it to death? Domestos!

319
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:06,360
What was he doing over here anyway?
He was coming to me for his dinner.

320
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:09,680
I fed him.
He lifted in a cooker for me.

321
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,720
Where's he away tae noo? Food Fare.

322
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:16,760
He's away to get himsel'
a bottle of Damuri or Madiri...

323
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,160
TOGETHER: Midori.

324
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,330
Aye, that's it. He says he
couldnae get it anywhere,

325
00:24:22,355 --> 00:24:25,344
and I says he'd probably
get it at the Food Fare.

326
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,680
D'you think we beat him here?

327
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,280
Aye, by a ba' hair. Look.

328
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,880
Jesus! Get in, get in!

329
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,280
Wait, wait! Hands aff.

330
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,080
Aff!

331
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:06,400
You've only got two things.
Carry them up to the coonter.

332
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:12,200
This is SOFT drinks, you clown!
How was I supposed to know?

333
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,360
It said "drinks"! Jack. Victor.

334
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:17,920
Winston, where's the Midori?
You don't drink Midori.

335
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,280
No, we don't, but Big Innes...
Ssh! MIDORI!

336
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,520
Aisle 12, aisle 12. 12. C'mon.

337
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:30,680
Ohh!

338
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,360
Ah, Midori. Get it! Be careful.

339
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,600
He's comin'! ...Sorry, sir.

340
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:46,120
You'll have to use the other aisle.
This floor's wet.

341
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,760
Carry on!

342
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,920
Who's gonnae pay for this?
I don't know.

343
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,480
Have you got money? Naw.
Quickly now.

344
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,680
Oh, Jesus!

345
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,480
Come on!

346
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:11,920
Hey!

347
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,000
He's away. Ohh!

348
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:40,120
Winston, what is it you're doin'
workin' in here? Jesus!

349
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,560
Noo there's THREE auld bastards!

350
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,960
I don't work here.

351
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,240
Break it!

352
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,680
Any sign of Jack and Victor, Boabby?
Naw, hen. How?

353
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:03,360
Ach, it disnae matter.
I'll see them mysel'.

354
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:06,666
Oh, Innes, I was lookin'
for Jack and Victor there.

355
00:27:06,691 --> 00:27:09,424
Victor left this sittin'
on his landin'...

356
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:26,880
Nice?

357
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,920
Not a bit of bother for days.

358
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,680
Aye, all down to the good man Innes.

359
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,920
SNORING

360
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,280
Midori?

361
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:54,840
Midori.

362
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,440
Off to Elgin for a wee holiday?

363
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,720
Naw, I'm going hame.
I've been doon visitin' some pals.

364
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:46,720
Sounds lovely. Actually...I might've
outstayed my welcome a wee bit.

365
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,920
Refreshments.
You wantin' anythin', big man?

366
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,320
What've you got? Vodka, gin...

367
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,600
whisky, Midori...