1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:01,500
Calm doon, wummin.

2
00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:32,500
TV: Any regrets about
relocating to Rimini?

3
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,500
Well, Italian's not the easiest...

4
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,500
At first you struggle
with the language.

5
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:40,500
But the locals are
very patient with you

6
00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:43,500
and there's a lot of Scots and Brits
out here, so you don't get lonely.

7
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,500
That's good. I'm that happy for ye.

8
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,500
Is there anything you miss?

9
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:53,500
Occasionally you'll miss odd things
like tea bags or a tin of Baxter's soup.

10
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,500
But we've long since sorted that.

11
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,948
Oor son Robin comes oot
at least once a month

12
00:00:57,953 --> 00:01:00,480
and brings us all those
provisions that we miss.

13
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:03,144
Thank God for Big Stupid
Robin runnin' aboot

14
00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:05,480
like a daft lassie for
his maw and da(!)

15
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,500
The restaurants are that cheap
that you can eat out.

16
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:11,500
We never use the cooker now!
SHE LAUGHS

17
00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:14,500
The cooker's never on!
Aye, I'm the same!

18
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,500
I just cook everything in the microwave
like a bastardin' astronaut!

19
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:20,919
I don't mean to sound smug,
but when November comes,

20
00:01:20,944 --> 00:01:23,500
we really don't miss
the Scottish rain.

21
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,206
With all due respect to
the people back home,

22
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,480
they do not know what
they're missing.

23
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:31,500
With all due respect, sweetheart,
stick it up yer arse.

24
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:36,500
I've got my wee bit
of Italy right here.

25
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:38,500
PING!

26
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:48,500
Bon appetit.

27
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,500
That changes yer view, right enough.

28
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:57,500
I remember when they built that
towerblock and now they're pullin' it doon.

29
00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,500
Shower of arseholes.

30
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,500
Who? Architects.

31
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:05,500
Who needs a balcony 24 up?
A balcony, by Christ!

32
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,500
Ye can see the church noo.

33
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:08,500
Can ye? Let me see.

34
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,500
I cannae see...

35
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,500
These are garbage. Haud on.

36
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,500
I've another set in here.

37
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,500
WAAAAAAAAAAH!

38
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,500
Eh? What?
What ye sayin'? Nuthin.

39
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:22,500
I thought ye said something.

40
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,500
How's that?

41
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,500
Aye, that's me noo.

42
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:32,500
That's something. I can see
Navid pointing up at oor building.

43
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,500
Gie him a wave.

44
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:37,500
He'll no wave back. He'll no see us.
He's no got binoculars.

45
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:44,500
D'ye mind they pulled doon that
row of hooses behind Winston's?

46
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:48,500
They'd only been standing 11 year.
Behind Winston's.

47
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:54,500
I was offered one of them. A Swiss guy
or a Swedish guy had designed them.

48
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,500
Flat roofs.

49
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,500
All right for Algeria
but no for here.

50
00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:01,500
Aye. Bunch of wankers.

51
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:02,500
Where is it you live?

52
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:05,500
A freezing cauld wet
and windy country?

53
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:08,500
There's a hoose made oot
o' papier-mache.

54
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:11,500
And we'll put all yer
windaes in wi' Plasticine.

55
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:12,500
TELEPHONE RINGS

56
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,500
Hello?

57
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:17,500
It's Isa.

58
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,500
Calm doon, wummin.

59
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:24,500
Jesus!

60
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:41,500
Right, Tam. What's this?
It's a kitty for Hughie's widow.

61
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:44,500
No, Victor. No me.
Come on. Get yer haun in yer pocket.

62
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:45,500
No. And I'll tell ye why.

63
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:49,500
Cos yer a dirty miserable shite,
that's why. No.

64
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,651
If that man had died
of a heart attack,

65
00:03:51,656 --> 00:03:54,480
ran over wi' a bus or shot,
even, I'd've chipped in.

66
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,500
But divin' out a building?

67
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:59,500
I know it's harsh, but suicide
doesn't merit a kitty.

68
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:03,500
Tam, whatever happened to, "I left
ma wallet in ma other troosers,"

69
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,500
or "I don't draw ma
pension till Thursday"?

70
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,500
"Suicide doesnae merit a kitty"?

71
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:10,640
It's no aboot him any mair.
It's aboot his poor wife.

72
00:04:10,645 --> 00:04:12,480
She's left tae deal wi' it awe.

73
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:13,500
What's she called again?

74
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,500
Ella.

75
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:17,500
Oh, Ella. That's right.

76
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,500
Sherry please, Boabby.

77
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,500
Gies a pie and beans,
Boabby...and a whisky.

78
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,500
Have ye heard? Whit?

79
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,500
Aboot Hughie Casey? Aye.

80
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:28,500
Terrible business, i'n't it?

81
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:32,500
Ye think? I think he's done
himself a favour, if you ask me.

82
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,500
Come on noo, Winston.
You cannae say that.

83
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,500
Ach, gies peace, Isa.

84
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:40,500
His worries are over. I would do it
masel if I didnae only live one up.

85
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,500
I see we've caught you
on a guid day.

86
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,500
Look, Hughie Casey was a nice fella.

87
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,500
But it's this place, innit?

88
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,500
The Clansman?
Aye, it does get to ye.

89
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:52,500
Naw, Craiglang.

90
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:55,500
He's took one look at this place
and he's went, "Nah!"

91
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:58,500
If he was a Red Indian, naebody
would be botherin' their arse.

92
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,500
The long walk, they call it.

93
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,500
And it's no a big deal tae them.

94
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,500
Nae shame in it at aw.

95
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:05,500
To Hughie.

96
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:12,500
Here is your pie and beans, Dances
Wi' One Leg. Stick it up yer arse.

97
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:17,500
Jesus. What's eatin' him? I don't
think Winston's far off the mark.

98
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,500
I knew Hughie well.
He didnae want tae retire.

99
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,500
He was all about the job.

100
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,500
Chauffeuring for 40 year.

101
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,500
People relying on him to be there.

102
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:30,500
Then...no longer required. That's
a lot for some folk tae to take.

103
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:35,500
He said to me before, "I don't know
what I'll dae when this is all done."

104
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,500
Sittin' in aw day, every day
wi' Ella? Hey, hey!

105
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,500
C'mon, Jack. She's nae oil paintin'.

106
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,500
Jesus Christ, that's terrible.

107
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:45,500
She's the double of Ken Dodd.
Aye, Tam. That's enough. Isa?

108
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,000
Aye. She does have a look
of Ken Dodd aboot her.

109
00:05:48,025 --> 00:05:50,500
The two boys got called
the Diddy Men at school.

110
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:55,500
Whoa! Where you goin'
wi' that pie, Kemosabe?

111
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,500
Winston's pie?
Back into the fridge, Tam,

112
00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:01,500
until such time's as a customer
wants to pay for one.

113
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:04,500
That's been heated. You cannae
reheat that. That's Health and Safety.

114
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,500
?1.50.

115
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,500
50.

116
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,500
A pound.

117
00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:13,500
Deal.

118
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,500
Ring the bell. Ach, Isa!

119
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:38,500
We've never even met this woman.
Can YOU no just gie her the money?

120
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,500
And we'll see ye
in the pub later? Look...

121
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,902
ye've done a nice thing
here havin' a whip roon.

122
00:06:42,907 --> 00:06:45,480
The least ye can dae is hand
the money in yerselves.

123
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:50,500
Anyway, it's good for her to know
she's got neighbours round aboot her.

124
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,500
Oh...Isa.

125
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,500
Hello, hen.

126
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:06,500
I was just daein' a bit of
dusting to take ma mind aff things.

127
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,500
Aye. This is Jack and Victor.

128
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:13,500
They knew Hughie.
Would youse like to come in?

129
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:21,500
Eh...we were sorry to hear
that Hughie was Dodd, eh, dead.

130
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,500
That's good of you, Jack.

131
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,500
He often mentioned youse.

132
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:28,500
Diddy?

133
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:31,500
Um, did HE?

134
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:36,500
The boys have aw put together,
and eh...

135
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,500
It's no much but...

136
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,500
there ye go.

137
00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:45,500
It's a lovely gesture.
Much appreciate it.

138
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:49,500
Must have been an awful shock.
It was just the way it happened.

139
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:52,500
So quick.

140
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:54,500
He parked his car.

141
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:55,500
He came up the stairs.

142
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:59,500
I went in the kitchen
to get him a cuppa.

143
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:00,500
When I came oot...

144
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,500
...he'd done it.

145
00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:08,500
MOBILE PHONE RINGS

146
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,500
Oh, that phone!

147
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:15,500
I wish I could get peace from it.
Why don't you just turn it off?

148
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:16,500
It's his chauffeur phone.

149
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:18,500
That'll be his boss.

150
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:21,500
I don't know what to say to him.

151
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,500
Now listen to me, sweetheart.
Calm doon.

152
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:26,500
Don't concern yersel' wi' this
any more.

153
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:31,500
The next time this phone goes,
we'll get it and we'll explain

154
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:35,500
to him what's happened to Hughie
and everything's gonnae be fine.

155
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,500
MOBILE PHONE RINGS AGAIN

156
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:52,500
Hughie Casey's phone. Jack Jarvis
Esquire speaking for Hughie Casey.

157
00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:56,500
I'm afraid he's not available
at the moment.

158
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:58,500
I'll be able to explain that...

159
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,500
If I could... If I could just...

160
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:04,500
Here, listen, I'd rather you
didn't take that tone with me.

161
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,500
Aye, well, you'd have
a bloody job wringing his neck.

162
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,500
He's in a million bits.

163
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,500
ELLA CRIES

164
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,621
If you want tae rummage
through the mush

165
00:09:12,646 --> 00:09:15,524
tae find his neck tae wring,
you're welcome to try, sir.

166
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:19,500
Excuse me, sir. Sorry about that.

167
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:22,500
That is an idiot boy
that works for Hughie.

168
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:23,500
Just so you understand,

169
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:29,500
Hughie Casey took his own life by ejecting
himself from his ain living room windae.

170
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:33,500
That's a very considerate question,
sir. Yes, the car is fine.

171
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,500
He didn't jump on top of it.

172
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:37,500
Righto. Hold on.

173
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,500
...They want the car back.

174
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,500
Is that the keys there, hen? Aye.

175
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:47,500
If you can come to Osprey
Heights on Saturday, 2.30?

176
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,500
We'll make sure the car's there.

177
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,500
Right you are. OK.

178
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:57,500
The fella was a wee bit concerned because
Hughie had two weddings this weekend.

179
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,500
That's that oot the windae, eh?

180
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,500
What about Deanhill? Deanhill?

181
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,500
Do I look as if I enjoy crack?
Sorry?

182
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:14,500
Do I look like a junkie?
A dragon chaser? Och, no.

183
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:17,500
No. Well, I'm gonnae look
oot o' place in Deanhill, amn't I?

184
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:20,500
Whit about Cravenwood?

185
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:23,500
Cravenwood! Yer offering me
a flat in Cravenwood?!

186
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:27,500
Do I get a free shotgun with that, son?
Cos I'm gonnae need it in Cravenwood.

187
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,500
That's Comanche country!
Ach, ye know what, son?

188
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,500
Just forget it.

189
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:37,500
Sorry. Mr Ingram!
I completely forgot...

190
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,500
What? Your leg.

191
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,500
You're on invalidity, aren't you?

192
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:45,500
I am. Aye
Well, if your interested...

193
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,500
you would qualify for a new
council housing initiative.

194
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,500
Keep talkin', son.

195
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:53,500
Well, it is in Finport, though.
Finport?

196
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:56,500
I used to go there
when I was a wean.

197
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,500
Here we are. Lovely big motor, eh?!

198
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,500
Aye, kept it nice, didn't he?

199
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,500
Automatic.

200
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:18,500
Easy to drive yer automatic.

201
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:23,500
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

202
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:28,500
That's you a chauffeur noo, Jack.
What the bloody hell are you doing?!

203
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:29,500
Oh!

204
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,500
Left here, Jack.

205
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:34,500
For God's sake!

206
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,500
VICTOR TUTS

207
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,500
What are you tutting at?

208
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:42,500
Ye never checked yer mirror
tae see if anyone was behind ye.

209
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,500
That's because there isnae anybody
behind us.

210
00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,500
Aye, 20/20 hindsight, aye!

211
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:50,500
You see, your job as the driver...

212
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:55,000
Chauffeur. Chauffeur, aye, is to convey
your passenger effortlessly from A to B

213
00:11:55,025 --> 00:11:59,655
without them being overly concerned with
being battered up the arse by another car

214
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,500
because you never
checked yer mirror.

215
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:04,500
Nobody will be getting
battered up the arse on ma shift.

216
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,500
Anyway, if I'm the chauffeur,
what does that make you?

217
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:09,500
Aye, well, I've thought about that.

218
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,500
I'll be dealing with
the customer, you know, front line.

219
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:14,500
Opening doors, the smiling face.

220
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,500
You're mair...
boiler-room staff really.

221
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:21,500
I know what your position is.
You're the spare prick at a weddin'.

222
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,500
Oh, dear, Jack.

223
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,500
Navvy chat.
Ye've showed yerself tae be uncouth.

224
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,500
Unfit to be dealing
wi' the general public.

225
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,500
Shut up, ya bastard.

226
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:32,500
Just drive, ye clown.
Don't call me a clown.

227
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,500
Oh!

228
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:37,500
PEDESTRIAN CROSSING BEEPS

229
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,500
Fergie, ya bloody halfwit!

230
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,968
What ye daein' in the middle
of the road on the crossing

231
00:12:41,993 --> 00:12:43,500
when the...when the
wee man's at...

232
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,500
green? Sorry!

233
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:49,500
It's aw right. Just takin' this beer up
ma ma's. Oh, aye. Bit of a party, is it?

234
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:53,500
It's fur ma reception. Are ye marryin'
that wee lassie? Congratulations.

235
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,500
Is that Mr Casey's motor?
It is, aye.

236
00:12:55,500 --> 00:13:00,500
I was gonnae ask him how much he
charges cos that would have been nice.

237
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:02,500
Pick her up in a big motor.
She'd love that.

238
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:06,500
But he's thrown hissel oot a windae,
i'n't he? Aye, he did.

239
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,500
Ach, probably too dear anyway.

240
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,500
So where
are you havin' yer reception?

241
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,500
Naewhere. In ma ma's.

242
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,500
Best of luck
to the two of ye, Fergie.

243
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:29,500
Fergie?

244
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,500
Where is it yer girlfriend lives?

245
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,500
Aah, Mr Finport! Eh?

246
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,500
How...?

247
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,500
I know Jackie in the housing office.

248
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,500
Aye, Finport. It's gotta
be better than this cesspit.

249
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,500
Good for you, Winston.

250
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:06,500
Very brave to make that
kind of decision at your age.

251
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:09,500
A life beside the ocean.

252
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,500
Getting to see your horizons,
rather than just imagining them.

253
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,500
Nicely put, Navid.

254
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:17,500
My father-in-law
lived inland all his days.

255
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:21,500
Then as soon as he unloaded Meena
onto me, he took his chance

256
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:24,500
and started up his own business
in the coastal town of Puri.

257
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,500
Building pedaloes. Sounds lovely.

258
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,500
Mmm.

259
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,500
So, is he still there?

260
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,500
No. He was eaten by a tiger shark.

261
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:36,500
There was a reason there weren't
any pedaloes in Puri. Silly bastard.

262
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:40,500
I'll don't think there
are any sharks in Finport.

263
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,500
Jelly fish maybe, but nae sharks.

264
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:44,500
Finport?

265
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,500
Who's off to Finport?

266
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,500
I am. Saturday. Oh, nice.

267
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,500
How long for?

268
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:51,500
Eh...

269
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:54,500
...for good.

270
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:59,500
For good! Finport, by Christ.

271
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,796
What ye laughin' at?
That's what I'm daein'.

272
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,480
I'm leaving Craiglang and
I'm setting up in Finport.

273
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:07,718
If you want a break from Craiglang,
do what everybody else does.

274
00:15:07,723 --> 00:15:09,480
Take a couple of
days in Blackpool.

275
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,267
That's right, but no, you've
got to go a wee bit better.

276
00:15:12,272 --> 00:15:14,480
You've got to go the extra mile.
Finport, eh?

277
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,500
That's you all over! Impulsive!
Madcap!

278
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,500
Another hair-brained scheme
from Winnie Ingram!

279
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:23,500
Well, I'm glad my plan amuses you.

280
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,500
Navid, cheery-bye.

281
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,500
What's the matter with him?

282
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:38,500
Where we out of line there? Well,
I dunno. He's your pal, gentlemen.

283
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:39,500
You've known each other
all your days.

284
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:43,500
But if you feel confident enough
to stand there and rubbish him

285
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:46,500
in front of the man who sells
him his bog roll, then fine!

286
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,500
Jeezo. Yer far on wi' this.

287
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,500
I telt ye I wasnae messin' aboot.

288
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,137
And, listen, if you've
come here for round two

289
00:16:15,162 --> 00:16:17,500
of takin' the piss, ye
kin sling yer hook.

290
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:20,500
Actually, we're here to apologise.

291
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:24,500
Aye. We were out of order. We just
didnae think you were serious.

292
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,538
We don't want ye
to make a mistake.

293
00:16:26,543 --> 00:16:30,480
I tell ye what would be making a
mistake, stayin' here and festerin'.

294
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,500
You know me.
Once I've made ma mind up...

295
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,500
But the coast, Winston,
it looks dandy on paper.

296
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:38,500
A lot of people oor age
think that's the answer.

297
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,500
It doesnae pan oot that way but.

298
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,500
Apart fae that, yer breakin' up
the old team, ye know.

299
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,500
Christ's sake, Jack. What team?

300
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:49,500
Most of the team are deid.

301
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:52,500
Youse two are more than welcome to
stay here in Craiglang marking time.

302
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:55,500
But see this place? It depresses me.

303
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,500
It brings me doon.

304
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,500
I'm sick of the same old faces.

305
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:02,500
Thanks very much, Winston.

306
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,500
Look, you know I didn't mean that.

307
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,500
Youse two are awright.
You do your ain thing.

308
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,500
But me, I'm out.

309
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:14,500
I'll tell you another thing. They're
doin' a lot of good things down there.

310
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,500
They've just put new
railings right along the front.

311
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:18,500
Ooh, new railings!

312
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:20,500
Sorry.

313
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:23,500
And a new tea room tae.
That'll be good.

314
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:28,500
It's just been done up. It'll be
hoachin wi' widows in the summer.

315
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:33,500
That's what I'll be - the sly auld
fox in amongst the chickens, eh?

316
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,500
Look, lads...

317
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:41,500
I'm no askin' for yer permission,
but I want you to be happy for me.

318
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,904
Eric's organised a wee drink on
Saturday night in the Clansman.

319
00:17:44,929 --> 00:17:46,500
A wee sort of cheerio affair.

320
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,500
Will ye come? Eric's organised it,
has he?

321
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,500
Aye, we'll come.
Of course we'll come.

322
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,500
To the fanny in Finport.

323
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,500
And the other one who'll
be joining them shortly.

324
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,500
Oh.

325
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,086
Oh, aye, here, lads!
This is Jack and Victor!

326
00:18:14,111 --> 00:18:15,500
They're gonnae pick
Sinead up the morra!

327
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:19,500
How youse doin'?
C'mon, we'll buy ye a drink!

328
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:22,500
No, no. Yer awright, son.
We're a wee bit past stag parties.

329
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:25,500
Garbage.
We're going up tae Reflections.

330
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,500
Gonnae get full o' it. C'mon.

331
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:31,500
Reflections? No.
Enjoy yersel', Fergie.

332
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,500
I'll see ye the morra.

333
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:39,500
I've to let you know about Winston's
drink. In here tomorrow night.

334
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:42,500
You're all the heroes
we know all about it.

335
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,500
See ye then.

336
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,500
4pm.

337
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:55,500
Ye'll have heard aboot this, eh?
Winston off to the coast. Aye.

338
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,500
It's a mistake.

339
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:58,500
Jealous?

340
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,500
Excuse me? You two. Jealous.

341
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,500
Winston! Don't go!

342
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:08,500
Don't leave us! Yer makin' a mistake!
Holding on tae his wooden leg! Sta-ay!

343
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:11,500
What is it you're on aboot? You two.

344
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,500
You don't like change.

345
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:17,500
As much as I think he's an arsehole,
at least Winston's got balls.

346
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:20,500
The balls to get up and go.
Make changes.

347
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,500
And youse cannae stand it.

348
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:26,500
Pish. It's not pish.

349
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:30,500
Winston's a bull and he wants into the
next field. Nothing's gonnae stop him.

350
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,500
Whereas you two are sheep.

351
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:35,500
And Craiglang is yer wee pen.

352
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:38,500
Right, if that's us,
what does that make you?

353
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,500
I know what I am.

354
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,500
A brainless bastard.

355
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,313
The highlight of my day is
eating one of ma ain pies

356
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,481
and throwing a few
quid intae that puggy.

357
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:51,500
I know I'll no get oot a here
but I've made peace with it.

358
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,500
Craiglang is Death Row

359
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,500
and I'm...I'm on it.

360
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:04,500
Dead man walking.

361
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,500
Don't rise to that, Victor.
He's just pullin' yer chain.

362
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:12,500
There's plenty of life
left in Craiglang yet.

363
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:19,500
Oh, aye? Where are you two rock stars
up tae the night, when you leave here?

364
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:22,500
Close the curtains. Be-e-e-e-ed.

365
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:26,500
No, we're going to Reflections.

366
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:29,500
Aye! Are we?

367
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,500
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

368
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:42,500
Jesus, that boy's got his haun right up
that lassie's skirt! Is that allowed?

369
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:44,500
Evidently.

370
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,500
When was the last time
you done that?

371
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:50,500
I don't know, but Pat Boone was
singing while I was daein' it.

372
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,500
This is murder.
Let's get oot o' here.

373
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:59,500
No, you're all right, Fergie. C'mon!
Get it doon ye! It's best o' gear.

374
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:02,500
We're no very big on the
blue drinks, Fergie. What are they?

375
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:06,500
Electroid -
vodka, Red Bull and Blue Bols.

376
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,500
That's all we're needin' at oor age.

377
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,500
Blue Bols. We're away!

378
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:13,500
C'mon. It's ma stag night, man!

379
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,500
For God's sake. Jesus, Jack!

380
00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:28,500
What am I daein'
in your bloody hoose?

381
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,500
I'll tell ye
what yer doin' in ma hoose.

382
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:34,500
You and I are a couple
of party animals.

383
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:35,500
HE LAUGHS

384
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:37,500
Sheep, by Christ!

385
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:45,500
Ooh...this is the bollocks
right enough.

386
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,500
Very strange, though.

387
00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,889
What's that? Well,
generally if I've been

388
00:21:49,894 --> 00:21:52,480
on a night on the skite,
I couldnae face that.

389
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,500
But I feel great.

390
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,500
Aye, me an' awe.

391
00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:00,920
I'll tell ye why that is. See
yer boozy coloured drinks,

392
00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:03,500
they're full of vitamin
C and fruit juice.

393
00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:05,500
That'll be why the kiddies
drink it, aye.

394
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:09,500
So they can get up nice and early
in the morning and go to school.

395
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:22,500
What a day! I remember Sinead
when she was a wee lassie!

396
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,500
Is that right, aye? Prick.
Couldnae remember his address.

397
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:27,850
Are you the drivers?
That's right, sweetheart.

398
00:22:27,875 --> 00:22:29,500
Who are you? The blushing bride?

399
00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:33,500
Ooh-hoo!
ALEC, that's the drivers here!

400
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,500
'SINEAD!'

401
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:39,500
"Who are you? The blushing bride!" Shut
up. You no wantin' a tip? Fae this mob?

402
00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:47,500
Oh, er, nearly ready then, eh? Just
getting a button put on ma troosers.

403
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:51,500
Bastard pinged aff this morning when
I was tryin' them on. It's the cider.

404
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,500
It's a bastard. Ye's wantin' a can?

405
00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,500
Oh, no, no.

406
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,500
Here she comes, the bride noo!

407
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:04,500
Look at her skin! She's been Tangoed!
That's no skin, that's rind!

408
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:06,500
This way, darlin'. What a day!

409
00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:08,500
I remember when Sinead...

410
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,500
Aye, a wee lassie! Aye.

411
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:11,500
In ye get, darlin'.

412
00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:15,500
Beautiful motor. Classy.

413
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:17,500
Where's the other motors?

414
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:22,500
Other motors?
Will we all get in this?

415
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:25,500
I've been a bit
selfish with the driving.

416
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:28,500
Would you like to drive, Victor?
And I'll sit with...

417
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:30,500
No, I'm fine, Jack. Fine.

418
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:33,500
Haud the bus, driver!
I need tae dae the scramble.

419
00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:36,500
Scramble!

420
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,500
Fur God's sake, Da.
How much did you throw oot?

421
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:43,500
Three pound and a power card.

422
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:08,500
Thanks, fellas! That was smash...

423
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:12,500
You're welcome. Get back in the car.

424
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:15,500
Eh? Get back in the car.

425
00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:16,500
Oh!

426
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:29,500
Hello there!
There's your keys there.

427
00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:31,500
Ah, now...

428
00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:35,500
the reason the car's...
warm is we, um...

429
00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:36,500
That's because we started it up.

430
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:39,500
We did, aye. Because...

431
00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:42,500
...because we didn't want you
gettin'...a flat battery. Battery.

432
00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:45,500
That's right. Thanks.

433
00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:00,500
Winston's drinks! Oh, Jesus.

434
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:06,500
Stop! Ye couldnae drap us
at the Clansman, could ye?

435
00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:09,500
Well.

436
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:14,500
Better be off. My taxi comes soon
tae take me tae the bus depot.

437
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:16,500
Hold on for Jack and Victor, Winston.

438
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:19,500
They'll no want to miss ye. Och, no.

439
00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:21,500
They're obviously busy
daein' something else.

440
00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:30,500
Right.

441
00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:33,500
Oh, I'll miss ye, Winston.

442
00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:36,500
Come on, you. Nae tears.

443
00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:38,500
Remember, I'm only
away doon the coast.

444
00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:42,500
Listen, hen, thanks very much
for that jumper, by the way.

445
00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:44,500
Boabby, thanks for the malt.

446
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:48,500
Eric, thanks for that
smashin' set of darts.

447
00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:52,428
Tam, thanks for...sitting there

448
00:25:52,433 --> 00:25:55,480
and watching me getting
gifts off everybody else.

449
00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:59,500
No problem, Winston. Oh, Winston,
thank God you're still here.

450
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:01,500
Oh, ye finally made it.

451
00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:04,500
Eh, we got you something.

452
00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:05,500
Oh, aye. That's right.

453
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:08,500
We just wanted to wish ye luck.

454
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:10,500
Well, you've been a great pal.

455
00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:12,500
It's very nice, that.

456
00:26:12,500 --> 00:26:15,500
If you ever need
to find yer way back...

457
00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:17,500
There's a compass on the front.

458
00:26:17,500 --> 00:26:19,500
Oh, full, tae.

459
00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:22,500
Oh, it's full o' lemonade.

460
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:26,500
It was just to gie ye an idea what weight
it would be... when it's full o' whisky.

461
00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:28,500
Very nice of ye, fellas.

462
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:40,500
Right.

463
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:42,500
Well, I guess that's me then.

464
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:46,117
Right, where is he? I'm gonnae rip
that little bastard's lungs oot!

465
00:26:46,142 --> 00:26:47,500
What the hell's happened?

466
00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:50,257
Fergie! He stood ma Sinead up!
Wait a minute, where is he?

467
00:26:50,282 --> 00:26:52,500
Youse were the last to see him.
No, we werenae.

468
00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:55,500
Youse were. You took him hame!

469
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:57,500
Did we?

470
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:00,500
DRUNKEN SINGING

471
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,500
Jack!

472
00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:18,500
Victor!

473
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:22,500
Ya couple of basta-a-ards!

474
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:27,500
SCREAMING AND SHOUTING

475
00:28:17,500 --> 00:28:19,500
Finport?

476
00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:21,500
Finport, aye.

477
00:28:21,500 --> 00:28:23,500
To live.

478
00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:25,500
Really? Me too.

479
00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:27,500
Is that right?

480
00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:28,500
Aye.

481
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:31,500
Well, my husband
died last year so, um...

482
00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:33,500
Sorry to hear that.

483
00:28:33,500 --> 00:28:36,500
Oh, no. He left me a fortune.

484
00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:39,500
So I'm off to Finport to
spend the lot. Oh, aye?

485
00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:43,500
And I'm looking for a man to
spend it with. But most of all...

486
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:46,500
I'm looking for somebody
to attend to these puppies.

487
00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:50,500
They've been so-o neglected.

488
00:28:51,500 --> 00:28:53,500
FINPORT!

489
00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:55,500
Feet aff!