1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000
HE LAUGHS Aye! "So it's the tenth round
and I'm going in for the kill. Eh?

2
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,000
Are you telling us who it is? Naw.

3
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,000
You'll see in a minute.

4
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,000
It'll be a naebody.
It's always a naebody.

5
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,000
Who did we get last year?

6
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,000
It was that tit out of Big Brother.

7
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,189
Big Arthur set about him
cos he smashed the bottle

8
00:00:54,214 --> 00:00:56,000
and naebody knew who he was.
That's right.

9
00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:00,000
Then we had to apologise
cause he was "The Celebrity".

10
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,819
Celebrity my hole. He was
papped out of Big Brother

11
00:01:02,844 --> 00:01:05,000
after a week for being
a creepy bastard.

12
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,000
What field of celebrity
is this person fae?

13
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,000
Sport.

14
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:13,000
It's either Jocky Wilson or that
ugly bastard, what do ye call him?

15
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,000
Duncan Goodhew? Naw. No baldy.

16
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,000
Useless, stupid face, man.

17
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,000
Fatima Whitbread. Close. Skier!

18
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,000
Eddie the Eagle. Aye, that's him.
Get it up ye. I'm ootae here.

19
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,000
No, no. It's better than that.

20
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,000
We're talking world class here.

21
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,000
Michael Schumacher?
Aye, that's right.

22
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:41,000
He took the slip road fae Monte Carlo
into Craiglang. Right, last clue. Boxer.

23
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,000
Boxer?

24
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,000
You better hope it's
no Mike Tyson, Shug!

25
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:50,000
With them bloody ears, he'll
think Boabby's laid on a buffet!

26
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,000
No, not Mike Tyson.

27
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,000
Jim Watt.

28
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,000
Well done, Winston.
How'd you get that?

29
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,000
He's outside parkin' his motor.

30
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,000
Ladies and Gentlemen...

31
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:09,000
Please welcome, light weight
world champion, Mr Jim Watt!

32
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

33
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:17,000
Hello, Jim. Nice to meet ye. We
thought ye'd be an arsehole. You what?

34
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,000
Boabby always gets an arsehole for
charity things, but you're not one.

35
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:25,000
Thanks very much. A few of you look
like you could lose a few pounds!

36
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,000
THEY LAUGH

37
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,000
These are passes for my gym
over at Shawbank.

38
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,000
It's never too late
to start looking after yourselves!

39
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,000
ALL MUTTER AGREEMENT

40
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,000
So, where's this bottle?

41
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,000
Any chance of a quick photo?

42
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,000
Aye, nae bother. Alec...

43
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,000
Sorry, Michelle, love.
I left a message on yer machine.

44
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:59,000
I got Jim Watt. Right. Nae bother.
SHE SIGHS

45
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,000
Aye, nice fella.

46
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,000
Aye, he wasnae in
a hurry to rush off either.

47
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,000
Stayed for a couple of drinks.
Never bought a round but.

48
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,000
Miserable bastard.
Aye, he's a miserable bastard.

49
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,000
"Ooh, I'm the great Jim Watt,
I've to get a drink for nothing!"

50
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:19,000
HE LAUGHS Aye! "So it's the tenth round
and I'm going in for the kill. Eh?

51
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:23,000
Aye, Large Vodka and Coke, smashing.
THEY LAUGH

52
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,000
What's that? I don't know.

53
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,000
Isa?

54
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,000
Hello, boys. What's happening here?

55
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,000
It's gonnae be a pizza shop.
Int it lovely?

56
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,000
A pizza shop? In Craiglang? Aye.
They've got one in the High Street.

57
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,000
Their pizzas are smashin'.

58
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,000
I remember, one night...
That's plenty.

59
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,000
That's quite encouraging.
What do you make of that?

60
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:47,000
I thought we'd seen the last of the
takeaways when the Chinese fella left.

61
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,000
HE LAUGHS
He never left, Jack.

62
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,000
He pumped Chaz Taylor's wife and got
ran out of town. That's right!

63
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:56,000
She was ordering Chinese food every night
for aboot six months before he tippled.

64
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,000
The weans were aw
blew up like balloons!

65
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,000
Ye ever had pizza?

66
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,000
Naw, only that deep fried shite out
the chippy with grease runnin' out.

67
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,000
Aye, he's a shit monger.

68
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:11,000
Deep fried haggis, black pudding and
wee ratty bits of fish covered in batter.

69
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:16,000
Aye. Black chips... Ah well,
this'll put the wind up him.

70
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,000
He's been getting away wi' murder
for years.

71
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,000
That's what you want,
quality Italian food.

72
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,000
Any pizza on the go, son?
No, not till tomorrow.

73
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,000
Chippy? Aye, chippy.

74
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,000
Go, Spacehopper, go. Feel it!

75
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,000
TV: Spacehopper and Velvet Spark
neck and neck as they go towards

76
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,000
the finish and it's Velvet Spark by
a head from Spacehopper in second...

77
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,000
Dear God.
What have I got to do to get a win?

78
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,000
Oooh, Spacehopper let you down?

79
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,612
Ach, well. Ye'll just have to
bounce over to the post office,

80
00:04:54,637 --> 00:04:57,024
bounce back here and
back another loser!

81
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,000
Ye b...

82
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,000
Here, Winston!
Be sure and come back mind!

83
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,000
There's a horse called
Fat Twat running at 3:15!

84
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,000
HE LAUGHS

85
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,000
SHE LAUGHS

86
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,000
Hi.

87
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,000
There you go. Thanks.

88
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,000
Hello! Boabby...

89
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,000
What? I'm Boabby.

90
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,000
Right. I'm Stacey.

91
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,000
Nice to meet you.

92
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:53,000
I'm Boabby. You're, er... Stacey.

93
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,000
I'm Boabby.

94
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,000
This is new... Yep.

95
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,000
Right.

96
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,000
I'll take a pizza.
What size would you like?

97
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:10,000
Your biggest one.
18 inches? Yes. Excellent.

98
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,000
That's a pretty big pizza.

99
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,000
Not for me. I love pizza.

100
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,000
I probably eat it...
I dunno, once a week.

101
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,000
What do you want on it?

102
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,000
When it comes to pizza,
I like it all...

103
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,000
Except onions...

104
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,000
Or mushrooms...

105
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,000
Or the bits of sausage you see.

106
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:38,000
I'm not mad for tomatoes.
No a lot of cheese. Goes for me.

107
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:42,000
So what you're sayin' is,
you don't like pizza?

108
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,000
No, no really.

109
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,000
I don't bother with them either.
You've got to watch your weight.

110
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,000
I'm into that, too.

111
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,000
I go to the gym and work out.

112
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:56,000
Big time. Oh, aye. Yeah.
Never out of the old, erm...Shaw...

113
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:02,000
...Bank gym. That's the one I go to.

114
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,000
I haven't seen you there.

115
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:08,000
I actually tore a ligament
a couple of weeks back there.

116
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,000
It's better now.

117
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,000
I'm gonna go back, eh...

118
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,000
When are you next...?

119
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,000
SHE LAUGHS
Tomorrow night.

120
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:25,000
Yeah? That's when I'm going back.
Tomorrow night. I'll see you there.

121
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,000
Listen...

122
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:31,000
I've got the pub round the corner so
if you're ever in for a drink...

123
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,000
I might do that.

124
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,845
Yes, sir? Now, don't
tell me they're keeping

125
00:07:36,870 --> 00:07:40,000
a beauty like you in here
morning, noon and night.

126
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,000
No, I'm just days.

127
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,000
Roberto works at night.

128
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:51,000
What can I get you? Lemme have the
thin crust Romano Quattro Formaggio

129
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,000
with the tomato sliced extra thin,
please,

130
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:59,000
and give the whole thing
a light dusting of Parmesan.

131
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,000
There's a fella who
knows what he wants.

132
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,000
HE LAUGHS

133
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,000
A Hawaiian. What's on a Hawaiian?

134
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:13,000
# She lives on just coconuts
and fish from the sea... #

135
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,000
Is it fish and coconuts? No.

136
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:22,000
Hawaii 5-0. 50 toppings? You
wouldn't be able to lift that, Jack.

137
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,000
Yer way out. Ham and pineapple.

138
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,000
Eurgh. Pineapple?

139
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:31,000
On a pizza? That's no right.
Gies another one. Margarita.

140
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:36,000
Is that not a drink?
Boabby, what's in a Margherita?

141
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:40,000
Erm...Tequila and lime.

142
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,000
Oh, no.

143
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,000
A pizza that gets ye pished? No.

144
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,000
Cheese and tomato. That's all it is.

145
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:50,000
I wonder if they sell it by the
slice - save ye buyin' a whole yin.

146
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:54,000
Here we go. "Why not build your
own?" Choose any topping you want.

147
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,860
Boabby, what would
you have on a pizza?

148
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:58,000
I'd have the lassie
that's in the shop on it.

149
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,000
Nae cheese, nae tomato. Just tits.

150
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:05,000
Very nice(!) Very David Niven.

151
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,000
She's a cracker though.
A faint heart never won fair maiden.

152
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,000
I'm gonnie make a move.

153
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:14,000
Dressed like that? Who are you
supposed to be? Rocky Arseano?!

154
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:19,000
No. Sugar Ray Loner.
THEY LAUGH

155
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,000
Wank Bruno. Oh!
APPLAUSE

156
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:28,000
Get it up yis.
Eric, you're in charge.

157
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,000
I'll see yis later.

158
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,000
Hi, Stacey.
Hi, Boabby. You just starting?

159
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,000
Just warming up, aye.

160
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,000
Dunno where to start.

161
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:57,000
Legs, arms. Stomach, maybe.

162
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,000
Just gonnie...ease myself
back into it.

163
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,000
Who's looking after the pub?

164
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,000
One of my minions.
You've got to delegate.

165
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,000
Come on, guys! I'm supposed to be
in charge here!

166
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,000
You don't want to do too much when
you've been out with an injury.

167
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:22,000
You see, I believe...
Arrrrrghhhh!

168
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000
Wow. That was some lift.

169
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,000
Aah, well.

170
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,000
Light work out.

171
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,000
Listen, are you hungry?
Starving.

172
00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:38,000
I'm gonnie catch a bite to eat.
You wanna join me?

173
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,000
That sounds great.
I'm just about done here.

174
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,000
See you later.

175
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,000
Feel the burn, Boabby!

176
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000
Feel the burn!

177
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,000
So you've made your move,

178
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:59,000
and you've let that
wee shite nip in front of you.

179
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:07,000
I've no let him do anything.
He just...beat me to it.

180
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,000
Yer a wanker, Boabby.

181
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,000
How am I a wanker?

182
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,000
You should have had
a word wi' Stevie.

183
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,000
When we were your age
and you had your eye on a lassie

184
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:20,000
as often as not, you wouldn't
be the only one eying her up. So?

185
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,000
You've got to
eliminate the opposition.

186
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,256
That clears the field and
gets the respect of the lady.

187
00:11:26,261 --> 00:11:27,980
I don't get what your sayin'.

188
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:34,000
Take Stevie to one side
and set aboot him. What?!

189
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,000
Aye, he took my pension off
me yesterday, left me pratted.

190
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,381
Let me do it for you, Boabby.

191
00:11:39,386 --> 00:11:41,980
I dreamt aboot gettin' that
bastard a scheme bootin'.

192
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000
That's a great world
youse live in, intit?

193
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:49,000
Why don't I get a white horse, gallop
past the pizza shop, snatch her up

194
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,000
and ride into the sunset,
shooting likely suitors as I go?

195
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,000
Right guys. Finish up.

196
00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:00,000
Boabby, Stevie is a witless bastard.

197
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:04,000
He's as funny as a fire
in an orphanage.

198
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:08,000
If you want this lassie's
attention, make her laugh.

199
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,000
It's a well known fact that
you can laugh a lassie into bed.

200
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:15,000
Aye. Show her your tadger.
She'll piss herself.

201
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,000
Jack, please.
I'm trying to help the boy.

202
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,000
Winston's got a good point, Jack. Charlie
Chaplin he was NEVER without a woman.

203
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,414
What do you call the
guy with the cigars?

204
00:12:25,419 --> 00:12:27,980
George Burns. George
Burns, he was the same.

205
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,000
Jesus, even that ugly bastard,
Bruce Forsyth,

206
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,000
bagged himself
a Miss World for God's sake.

207
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,000
I'm telling you,
funny gets the fanny.

208
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,000
What can I get you?
You still serving?

209
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,000
Aye, aye. Lager for me.

210
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:52,000
What will you have, Stacey, darling?
Hi, Boabby. Gin and tonic, please.

211
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,000
Excuse me a second, Stacey.

212
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,000
TOM CLEARS HIS THROAT

213
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,000
HE LAUGHS

214
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,000
Here's another one. Another what?

215
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,000
Another one of my jokes.

216
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:16,000
Oh, aye. You'll like this, hen.
Boabby. What a laugh he is.

217
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,267
We were just saying, if you
ever give up the pub game,

218
00:13:19,292 --> 00:13:22,000
you could be a stand up
comedian, nae bother.

219
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000
He's that good... On ye go.

220
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,000
Right.

221
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:32,000
This horse walks into a pub and
the barman says, "Ho-ho".

222
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:36,000
He looks at the horse and says,

223
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000
"What's with the face?"

224
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,000
Long face.

225
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,000
What? Long face.

226
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,000
He looks at the horse and he says,
"Long Face."

227
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,000
"Your face is long." Oh, dear Christ.

228
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,000
SHE LAUGHS

229
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,000
SHE CONTINUES LAUGHING

230
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,000
So, you and Stevie, eh?
Me and Stevie?! Noo.

231
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,000
Well, you've been out together...
He asked me.

232
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,000
It was hardly a date.

233
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000
Right.

234
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,000
Well, so it's no...

235
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,000
You're still...

236
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,000
Technically...

237
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,000
What is it you want
to ask me, Boabby?

238
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,000
Eh...

239
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,000
Do you want to go out...

240
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,000
with... wi' me?

241
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:37,000
Sure. Brilliant!

242
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,000
That's that, then.

243
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,000
Right.

244
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:47,000
Two nuns in a bath... Woah, Boabby!

245
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:55,000
This is magic.
Aye. It's dead exciting.

246
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,000
How long's that now?

247
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,000
25 minutes.

248
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,000
I cannae wait. Can you?
No. I cannae wait, no.

249
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,000
DOORBELL CHIMES

250
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,000
Oh!
THEY LAUGH

251
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:17,000
Hello. ?8.95. Winston! What's this?

252
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,000
Pizza. You ordered it.

253
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,000
No, I mean what are you doin'?

254
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:26,000
Shuddup. It's a cushy wee number.
Cash in hand at the end of the night.

255
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,000
You're ma first delivery.
I laughed when I seen the address.

256
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,000
That's a cracker, intit? A pizza
delivery boy with a wooden leg.

257
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:37,000
THEY LAUGH You get a scooter.
Right Winston. ?8.95, you say.

258
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,000
There's nine. Keep the change.

259
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,000
That's very good of you. I'll jump
into Navid's and get a Caramel.

260
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,000
Winston, c'mere.

261
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:50,000
Is there no an opportunity
arisen here? Eh?

262
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000
Can you not get us free pizza?

263
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,000
What? Pizzas must disappear
all the time.

264
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,000
Why don't you make one
disappear up here now and again?

265
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:03,000
Aye. We're mates. That's smashing
that, you want me to steal for you?

266
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,000
Well, not steal exactly.
They must get cancellations.

267
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:11,000
There's me in my new job, for good people.
They've put me in a position of trust.

268
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,000
And I am trying to do that
to the best of my ability.

269
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,000
Just because we're mates you
think you can take advantage?

270
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:21,000
Can we not at least talk about it?
No! The conversation's closed.

271
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:26,000
Winston!
Here, have a slice of pizza.

272
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,000
I'm not hungry.

273
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,000
Bloody jobs worth! Arsehole!

274
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,000
You dirty greedy fat bastard!

275
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,000
Stevie.

276
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,000
Don't see you in here much.

277
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:50,000
Nah. Just killing time, really,
till Stacey knocks off.

278
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,000
Then we go on our hot date.

279
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,000
You think you're a smart ass?

280
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,000
Smart ass?

281
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,000
How am I a smart ass?

282
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,000
That wee stunt you
pulled in the pub.

283
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,000
I think you'll find
Stacey's a free agent.

284
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,000
Aye, well I'm no beat.

285
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,000
You've crossed the line, son.

286
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,000
OK, bookie boy.

287
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,000
Let's have a bet then, shall we?

288
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:18,000
Me and Stacey
go bowling at half seven.

289
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,000
A few drinks and dinner at nine.

290
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,000
Back to mine at 11.

291
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:28,000
Sooo I'll have 50 quid on, "I'll
shag her," 11:30!

292
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,000
Don't kid yourself, Boabby.

293
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:34,000
I've got my own business!
A Mercedes!

294
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,000
You work in a pub
that doesn't even belong to you.

295
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,000
You work for the man.

296
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000
You're a deadbeat. It's nae contest.

297
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,000
If anybody's gonna shag her,
it's me.

298
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,000
We'll see, will we?

299
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,000
Feel the burn, Stevie.

300
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,000
Feel the burn!

301
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:04,000
What's on it?
Spicy sausage, hot pepperoni

302
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,000
and jalapenos.

303
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,000
What are jalapenos?

304
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,000
I don't know. Wait a minute.

305
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,000
What's jalapenos?

306
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,000
Oh, no.
They'll burn the hole off us.

307
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,000
Just mushroom and onion, thanks.

308
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,000
Jarvis, Floor 14.

309
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,000
It's Osprey Heights.

310
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,000
All right. Thanks, bye.

311
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:35,000
That's a curious thing, that. Have you
read the bottom of this? No. How?

312
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,000
"Our pizza pledge.

313
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,907
"If you're pizza is not
with you in 30 minutes,

314
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:43,980
you will receive it
absolutely free!"

315
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,000
Well, how long did he take to
deliver it last time? 25 minutes.

316
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,000
Well, we're humped then, aren't we?
Are we?

317
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,000
If he'll not give it us for free,
we'll have to take it.

318
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:08,000
Oh, Winston. Isa. Oh, my God.

319
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,000
Did you hear what happened? No.

320
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:15,000
Terrible. Navid's is burnt to the
ground. Eh? Is everyone all right?

321
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:20,000
Aye. But the shop's gone.
Totally gone. When did this happen?

322
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,000
This afternoon. Meena left a
pot on and went out. It went on fire.

323
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,000
Jesus! Then the fire brigade came.

324
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,267
They said, it was the worst fire
caused by a pot being left on,

325
00:19:31,292 --> 00:19:33,024
that they'd ever been at.

326
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:40,000
The worst of it is, that Navid
lost his entire livelihood,

327
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,000
I'm out a job and Meena's lost...
a good pot.

328
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,000
I cannae believe the shop's gone.

329
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:51,000
Well, you'll probably
not notice any difference.

330
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,917
Navid said he'll probably
have it all tidied up

331
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,024
and back to normal
in the morning.

332
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,000
Back to normal after burning
it to the ground? Absolutely.

333
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,000
You'll never know it happened.

334
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,000
I'll probably only be
out a job till tomorrow.

335
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,000
Isa, what time is it?
Three minutes to go.

336
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,000
Did Jack and Victor send
you down to delay me?

337
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,000
They said if you were late the
pizza's free. What's in it for you?

338
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,000
Two slices. Out ma way.

339
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,000
Nice try, arseholes.

340
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,000
Enjoy yer pizza.

341
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,000
HE BREATHES OUT HEAVILY

342
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:58,000
You weren't in ma bookies
today collecting your fifty quid

343
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,000
so I'm assuming nothing happened.
HE ROARS

344
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,000
That's right...nothing happened!

345
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,000
Good.

346
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,000
So here's what's gonnie happen.

347
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,000
I'm gonnie be taking her out
and I'm gonnie shag her.

348
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,000
That's what's happening.
Understood?!

349
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,000
Aww!

350
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:23,000
Right, ya couple of wankers,
break it up!

351
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:29,000
I'm gonnie kill you! Come ahead!

352
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,136
Look, if youse two guys
have got a problem,

353
00:21:31,161 --> 00:21:34,024
don't be rolling about in my
gym like a couple of lassies.

354
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,000
Let's settle your
differences like men.

355
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,000
Come on.

356
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,000
In here.

357
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,000
When? Friday. I'll be there.

358
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,000
I'll be there an' all. So will I...
Good! Good!

359
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,000
Good. Now piss off!

360
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,000
Friday.

361
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,000
30 seconds, Jack,
then it's free pizza!

362
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,000
I cannae wait to see his face!

363
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,000
Ya couple of pricks.
Ye cannae beat me.

364
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,000
Ye won't beat me.

365
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,000
I'm the pizza man!

366
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,000
Thank you!

367
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,000
Enjoy yer pizza!

368
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,000
Gin and tonic, please.

369
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,000
Is Boabby not here?
No. He's up at the gym.

370
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,000
Him and Stevie are having a boxing
match over some lassie.

371
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:44,000
What?! Aye. Everybody's doon
there and I'm stuck in here.

372
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,784
I'm gutted cause I'd
have paid money to see

373
00:22:46,809 --> 00:22:50,024
they two arseholes knocking
lumps ootae each other!

374
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,000
It's strange, innit? What's that?

375
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,000
Not knowing who to cheer for.

376
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,000
HE LAUGHS
Aye. Cos they're both pricks.

377
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,000
I'm gonna go for Boabby. Boabby!

378
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,000
Boabby's a wanker.

379
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:26,000
Aye, but he's our wanker. Aye, well.

380
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,000
Boys, I've got a wee book goin'.

381
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,000
Who have you got as favourite?
Stevie. By a long shot.

382
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,000
Tenner each on on Stevie.
Stevie it is.

383
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:42,000
Come on, Boabby, son,
eye of the tiger!

384
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,000
BELL RINGS

385
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,000
Right, quiet everybody.

386
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:53,000
Now, these two...fighters
are gonnie battle it out

387
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,828
over three rounds to
settle an argument

388
00:23:55,833 --> 00:23:58,980
to find out who gets to
take out some lassie.

389
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,000
They're not professionals,
as you'll soon realise,

390
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,000
and I tell you she must be some
bit of stuff,

391
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:09,000
if these two fellas are willing to go toe
to toe for her. She's got great tits!

392
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,000
THEY LAUGH

393
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,000
And after this fight they're
gonna be my tits!

394
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,000
CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

395
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,000
Are you boys sure
you want to do this?

396
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:25,000
Listen, Jim, if you'd seen this bit of
gear you'd pull the gloves on an' all.

397
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,000
Don't take our word for it, Jim.

398
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,000
There she's there. Look.

399
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Would you not walk over broken
glass for a half hour with that?

400
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,000
Stacey?! Hello, Dad.

401
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,000
My Stacey!

402
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,000
THEY GROAN

403
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,000
GROANING AND LAUGHTER

404
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:08,000
Everything's in place. Make the call.

405
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,000
He's taken the bait, Jack.
Excellent.

406
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,000
VAN SCREECHES TO A STOP

407
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,000
Now!

408
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,000
AIR GUSHES OUT OF THE TYRE

409
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:31,000
Bastards! You all right there,
Winston?

410
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,000
This is ridiculous!

411
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,000
I'll be back to get ye
in five minutes, Joe!

412
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,000
He's mobile again, Jack.

413
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,000
HE LAUGHS

414
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,000
Come on.

415
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,000
Come on!

416
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,000
Nearly there, Jack.
THEY LAUGH

417
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,701
Did you stop him?
Oh, I stopped him.

418
00:27:11,726 --> 00:27:14,024
You should have seen his
face, that's him humped.

419
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,000
Free pizza,
twice as tasty as paid for pizza.

420
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,000
Seconds, Jack, Seconds!

421
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,000
THEY ROAR

422
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,000
?9.95!

423
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,000
HE RINGS THE DOORBELL

424
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,000
Right, that's it.

425
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,000
Oh here, Michelle, now. You've done
really well losin' all the weight.

426
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,000
Don't fold now...

427
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:22,000
Shut it! I've just split
up with my boyfriend. Gies them!

428
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,000
Wait a...

429
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,000
'Ere! What about the money?

430
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,000
Piss off! You were late!