1 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:35,600 Thanks, Tam. 2 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,280 It's only half full, Tam! 3 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,040 Well, I only bought the one and split it between two cups. 4 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,520 Is his plane late? No, he's landed. 5 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,120 Sure he'll just be coming through Customs. 6 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,280 Here, do you know, 7 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:53,320 it'll be 50 year next year since he left Craiglang. 8 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,160 Whereabouts in America was he? 9 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,720 Los Angeles. 10 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,080 Hollywood! 11 00:00:58,080 --> 00:00:59,920 Hollywood, eh? Aye. 12 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,880 Oh, here he's coming the noo. 13 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,440 Callum! 14 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,720 Ohhh! 15 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,600 Oh, no! 16 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,880 What was it he did in Hollywood? 17 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,360 He was a stuntman. 18 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:18,840 SHE LAUGHS EXCITEDLY 19 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,760 Hello! 20 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,720 Oh, it's good to see you! 21 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:26,640 Thank you. 22 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,320 Why have you dragged me here? 23 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:30,360 Cos you've got a full licence. 24 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,480 Oh! And you havnae? 25 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,720 And you need an adult with you? Huh! 26 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:40,080 A responsible named person to look after the inexperienced daftie. 27 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,360 What you want a car for anyway? 28 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:43,560 Freedom. 29 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,000 To go wherever the wind takes you. 30 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,120 Y'know, you're heading towards 50. 31 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,320 Gie it another ten years, you'll have a set of wings to do all that. 32 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,040 Shut up! Are you gonnae help me or no'? 33 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,360 Right, get in. 34 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,880 Bloody late now. 35 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,000 Ach, 15 minutes. 36 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,480 We're no' high-powered businessmen going to a meeting. 37 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,000 It's only a daft pint. 38 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,640 There's no such thing as a daft pint. 39 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:10,920 Jack, Victor! 40 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,720 Hello, Mick. What are you saying? 41 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,160 I'm doing a mad online course. 42 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,960 Either of you two possess a computer? 43 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,440 Oh, aye, aye, aye, all the time we're using it, aye. 44 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,240 We use it for stocks and shares, y'know? 45 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,760 Keeping an eye on world affairs etc. 46 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,640 Oh, we're all about the Wi-Fi and the internet. 47 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:28,120 In fact, Victor here's got a cupboard full of hubs. 48 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:29,480 Oh, aye, my hub cupboard. 49 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:30,600 Of course we havnae! 50 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,160 Ah, using sarcasm to mask your Luddism 51 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,240 on account of your advanced years. 52 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:37,960 I-I think... Is that cheek? 53 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,280 No. I respect that. 54 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,920 The all-pervasive, insidious creeping 55 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,920 of technology into every aspect of our lives 56 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,760 has been quite the bugbear. 57 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,440 Isa's got one. Chin her. 58 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:50,600 Will do. 59 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,080 What course is it you're taking? 60 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,240 I'm going to walk up past Navid's, then up the hill to the Osprey 61 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,720 and arrive at her door. 62 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,640 No, no, no, what I meant was... Leave it, Jack. OK. 63 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,520 ERRATIC DRIVING 64 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,320 How did I dae? 65 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,000 Oh, you're...obviously still learning, son. 66 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,120 I'm-I'm just nervous. 67 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,560 Let me check if both your brake lights are working. 68 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,240 HE WHISTLES NONCHALANTLY 69 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,880 Whit walloper's parked there? 70 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,000 Huh! How many wallopers do you know? 71 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,160 One. Boabby. 72 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:40,280 Correct. 73 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,080 HE CHUCKLES 74 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,200 What you laughing at? 75 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,000 Bloody Boabby behind the wheel of a motor! 76 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,440 Fair enough! 77 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,720 It's torture enough having him behind the bar. 78 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,200 Have you, er, seen the new car? 79 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,520 New car? 80 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,920 Ootside! 81 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,960 NV52 OML. 82 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,600 Oh, aye? 83 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,880 Was PR1 CK no' available? 84 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,080 W4 NKER no' there either, no? 85 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,920 Here, could you no' have got CUN... 86 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,120 JACK: That's plenty. 87 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,920 Two pints, James Hunt. 88 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,840 LAUGHTER 89 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,640 What's a' the commotion over there? 90 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,280 Isa's got a pal in toon. 91 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,920 Oh, aye? 92 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,760 ..and Clint Eastwood goes intae his wallet, 93 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,360 takes out a $100 bill, 94 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:41,480 puts it in ma hand and says, 95 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,880 "A bet's a bet." Ohhh! 96 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,720 Callum Coburn! 97 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,520 Oh, aye! 98 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,640 It's Jack and Victor, Callum. 99 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,080 Of course it is! 100 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,240 Welcome home! 101 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,720 Thanks. Nice to be home. 102 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:57,240 How long's that you've been away now? Nearly 50 years. 103 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,120 Do you think the place has changed much, then? 104 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,240 No. 105 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,000 Come on, noo, you've got the new bingo hall. 106 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,520 Ah, it's shut noo. Shopping centre. 107 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,120 No, the weans set fire to that, sure. 108 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,640 I suppose it hasnae changed much, when you think about it, aye. 109 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,160 Isa, did Mick get you? Aye. 110 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:13,000 He's up in my hoose the noo with ma computer. Some online course. 111 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,160 You left him in there himself? Is that wise? 112 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,720 Oh, what's he gonnae dae? 113 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,680 Steal all my Take A Break magazines? 114 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,240 Well, fair do's, aye. 115 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,880 So, Callum, how's America treating you? 116 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,000 Yeah... 117 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,600 Retired now. 118 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,640 Just home to see if I can, er, connect with some old friends. 119 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,080 THEY CHUCKLE 120 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,800 Here ya go, Callum Coburn. 121 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:35,800 Mmm! 122 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,640 Nae drink for me, Edith, no? 123 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,440 No. 124 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:46,080 Here, d'you no' think he looks a million dollars? 125 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,120 Aye, aye, you look great, aye. Aye, eh... 126 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,240 I mean, you must be ages with us. 127 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,200 That's California for you. 128 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,000 Keeps you young, you know, 129 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,360 sun, sea, sensational ladies... 130 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,920 WARM CHUCKLES 131 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:03,240 EDITH GROWLS LUSTFULLY 132 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,520 It's good to see you, Isa. 133 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,200 You havnae changed a bit. 134 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,840 Oh, thanks! 135 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,920 There hasnae a day gone by in the States 136 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,400 I didnae think about you - 137 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,320 the walks we used to go on, 138 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,280 the dance hall, 139 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,720 that dress you used to wear with the roses on it. 140 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,160 Anyway... 141 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,960 what I wanted to ask you was, 142 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,120 if you don't think I'm being too forward... 143 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,720 SHE LAUGHS 144 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,880 D'you no' think it's time you were getting up the road, Mick? 145 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:37,880 Right. 146 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,880 You, too, Edith. 147 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,320 Up the road. 148 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,760 I think maybe you should go up the road, Isa. 149 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,280 I cannae. Why? 150 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:48,600 I live here! 151 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,760 Oh, aye. 152 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,640 You've took the battle 153 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,520 but no' the war, hen. 154 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,560 GROANS LUSTILY 155 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,560 Actually, Isa, would it be all right just to crash on your couch, 156 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,920 and, er, I could get cracking with the next module in the morning? 157 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:06,320 No! 158 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,600 Bye, Edith. 159 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,520 C'mon, son, we'll go and see him... 160 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,600 Edith! 161 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:15,520 ISA SIGHS 162 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,840 Lift! 163 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,000 Hmmm... Lift! 164 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,320 Ha! 165 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,200 Uh-huh? Victor, could you put Mick up for the night? 166 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,680 He's got one of his tests 167 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,600 on my computer first thing in the morning, 168 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,000 and I don't want him going away back to the bridge. 169 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,240 It's too far. I'm sorry, Mick, 170 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,640 I'm not in at the moment. However, Jack's in. 171 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,520 LIFT BELL PINGS 172 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,520 Right. 173 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:50,360 I'll no' tell you again, you wee gravelly gooseberry bastard. 174 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:52,720 Hmmm... 175 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,080 KNOCKS ON DOOR 176 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:58,680 DOOR OPENS 177 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,920 Evenin'. 178 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,360 VICTOR CHUCKLES 179 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,280 ALARM CLOCK RINGS 180 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,560 HE SIGHS 181 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,160 HE GROANS 182 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,280 Ohhh... 183 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,440 Argh! 184 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,960 Morning. I forgot you were here. 185 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,480 D'you want a cup o' tea? 186 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,000 A cup of tea, aye. Cannae. 187 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,360 You're out of milk. 188 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:39,160 Listen, son, this is nae use, er, a young boy with knickers, an' that. 189 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:43,200 Eh? Well, if anybody was to come to the door and see an old pensioner 190 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,280 and a young chap there in his scants, you know, 191 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:46,960 it's Yewtree pish, that, y'know? 192 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,080 Right. I'm heading to Isa's, so I'll get my gear. 193 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,280 Aye. Listen, what is that course you're doing? 194 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,520 I'd tell you, but you'd just rip the piss out of me. 195 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,840 Well, before you go, 196 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,640 get something hot inside you. 197 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,680 Is that that Yewtree part again? 198 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,240 Aye. Er, no! 199 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,320 Erm, I'm saying have a roll and sausage. I did. 200 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,400 You're out of sausages, an' all. Ha! 201 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,880 Are you hungry, hen? 202 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,160 I could eat a wee sandwich, aye. 203 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,760 Where's handy? Er... 204 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,560 Oh, there's a new Italian place that's opened up. 205 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,480 Here, they dae wine by the glass! 206 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,320 A wee glass of wine in the afternoon? 207 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,600 You trying to get me drunk? 208 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,840 Aye! 209 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,600 CAR ENGINE ROARS 210 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,200 Oh, I'm alive. 211 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,200 Thank Christ I'm alive! 212 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,840 You're a rubbish driving instructor. 213 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:50,080 Well, if that means I don't need to dae this again, I'll accept. 214 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,400 Poor driver, is he? Oh, I don't know. 215 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,520 I didnae see much. I had my hauns over my eyes. 216 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,720 I'm out. Oh, for God's sake. 217 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,440 What am I gonnae dae noo? Well, I'll take you. 218 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,040 I'm qualified to instruct. 219 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,840 The amount of people I've taught to drive in the States! 220 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,160 Really? That's a lovely thing to dae! 221 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,040 When do you want to do that? 222 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,640 Well, we'll sort something out as soon as I've stopped your car 223 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,360 from rolling doon this hill. 224 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:18,600 What?! 225 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,360 BRAKES SCREECH 226 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,560 Oh-ho-ho! 227 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,640 Boabby, two pints of lager. 228 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,440 What's the script here? 229 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:31,680 This bastard. 230 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,200 Oot in his motor... 231 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,760 up at the Galbraith pass. You know, by the drop? 232 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,480 There's this cyclist, 233 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,480 pedalling like buggery, trying to get away fae us. 234 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,280 I can still see his eyes. 235 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,400 Boof! Right down the escarpment. 236 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,280 A hunner miles an hour, he went! 237 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,280 I just momentarily forgot which pedal was which. 238 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,240 That was Grace Kelly's last words. 239 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,240 THEY LAUGH 240 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,400 How are you getting on with your lodger, Jack? 241 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,000 Oh, Mick? Do you know what he had for his breakfast this morning? 242 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,320 Two sausages, which were mine, and a... 243 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,600 a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle. 244 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,080 THEY LAUGH 245 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,480 I don't know what you're laughing at. Aye, you're next tonight. 246 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,160 You're too hard on that boy, Jack. 247 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,840 He can knock himself oot with the noodles 248 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,800 as long as he stays away from the needles. 249 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,520 Why are yous doing that? 250 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,440 He's using Isa's computer for some course. 251 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,680 He's there day and night. We're helping him oot. 252 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,360 How's Isa getting on with big Callum? 253 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,120 Here, d'you think he's pumping her? 254 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,480 ALL GROAN AND COMPLAIN 255 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,040 Here, Victor, did you ever wonder what your life would be like 256 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,120 if you'd've went to America, like Callum did? 257 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,440 What, Jack, and leave this paradise behind? 258 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,520 Have you taken leave of your senses? 259 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,600 Well, you only need to take one look at him - 260 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,560 how fit he is, the condition he's in, y'know? 261 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,920 It must do you a power of good 262 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,880 being under the sun like that over there. 263 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,320 Aye, Jack's right. 264 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,080 Living here's a death sentence. 265 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,760 The wind and the rain and the snow, 266 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,520 it just pummels you into the ground, freezing. 267 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:52,600 The only good heat you get's the last one, at the crematorium. 268 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,000 Oh, I don't know about that. 269 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,640 You get a good heat off the jobbie you've just done in your drawers 270 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,760 when you're sitting in Boabby's passenger seat. 271 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,040 THEY LAUGH 272 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,560 BOABBY: Oi. 273 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,520 Money for the treble whisky. 274 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,600 That'll be bastardin' right. This is medicine. 275 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,280 Prescriptions are free in Scotland. 276 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,720 THEY LAUGH 277 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,560 Don't get me wrong, I met the odd famous person, 278 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,000 but mostly what I did was crappy telly stuff. 279 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,520 Oh, I used to like that Six Million Dollar Man. 280 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,960 Lee Majors? Aye. 281 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,200 Did you ever meet him? 282 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,120 Wanker. Oh! 283 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,720 What about Burt Reynolds? 284 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:27,760 Wanker. 285 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:28,880 Columbo? 286 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,840 Oh, Peter, he was a gentleman, he was. 287 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,120 Oh, that's nice. 288 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,400 What was the most dangerous stunt you ever did? 289 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,520 That's easy. 290 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:38,920 Hanging aff an aeroplane. 291 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,440 Magnum, PI. 292 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,280 The pilot was drunk, we were 3,000 feet in the air. 293 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,160 It was terrifying, really scary. 294 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,160 Oh, I had a similar experience myself. 295 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,360 Really?! 296 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,720 Aye. 297 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,400 Me and Harry were going to Majorca and we slept in. 298 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,000 We had to run like buggery all through the airport 299 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,480 and all the way to the desk! 300 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,560 Oh, we nearly missed the flight! 301 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,560 It was really scary! 302 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,480 HE CHUCKLES 303 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:09,000 Y'know, Callum, you really are a very handsome man. 304 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,600 For your age, like. 305 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,560 I think you done the right thing, going to America. 306 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,960 You've had a very glamorous life. 307 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,840 It wasnae that glamorous, Isa. 308 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,080 I had a partner, just like you. 309 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,400 She was a big part of my life. 310 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,480 Left me. 311 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,400 Laid me pretty low. 312 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,400 Went aff the rails there for a wee while. 313 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,640 Ach, never mind that. I tell you what's scarier 314 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,560 than hanging aff that aeroplane. 315 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,200 Oh, what's that? 316 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,520 What I'm about to say to you now. 317 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:46,480 I always wondered what it'd've been like if you and I had hooked up. 318 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,840 "Hooked up"? 319 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,000 SHE CHUCKLES 320 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,000 Oh, that's very American. 321 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,400 We came pretty close. 322 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,800 I just wonder what our lives would've been like if 323 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,320 you hadnae met Harry. 324 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,560 Aye, well... 325 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,400 SHE CHUCKLES 326 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,040 I guess we'll never know. 327 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,440 Won't we? 328 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,520 That's what I'm saying! 329 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,680 There's still time. 330 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,000 Time for what? 331 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,920 For what's really important at our age. 332 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:12,680 Intimacy. 333 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:13,720 Intimacy? 334 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:14,960 Aye. 335 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,240 You talking about... 336 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:19,800 ..dippy-dunky? 337 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,680 Aye! 338 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,200 It's a very Scottish way of saying it, but, aye, 339 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,680 that's exactly what I'm talking about. 340 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:29,840 Ohhh... 341 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:32,920 TV PLAYS 342 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,480 £250,000. 343 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,240 That's only a semidetached, y'know. 344 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,040 And there's legal fees. That's got to mount up. Aye. 345 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:42,960 CHANGES CHANNEL 346 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,040 What's happening here? 347 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,640 This is quality. We were watching that. 348 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:46,960 You'll love this. 349 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,560 ON TV: I was all set to rip her knickers off, but it gans tits up! 350 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,160 Next thing, she's screaming. I punches her straight in the eye. 351 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,320 Then she said I was hung like a wasp! 352 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,600 "Hung like a wasp!" 353 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,440 Wee wasp walloper, eh? 354 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,600 Ha-ha! 355 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,280 SLURPS NOISILY 356 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,640 TV OFF 357 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,760 SLURPING CONTINUES 358 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,360 Look... 359 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,080 ..Mick, we've been trying to help you, 360 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,040 but do you no' think it's time you were going? 361 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,440 What the hell's so important about this course? 362 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,560 Aye, what is it? 363 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:18,120 You'll take the piss. Granted, that's a risk. 364 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,160 Get it revealed. 365 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,560 Day skipper course. 366 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,720 If I pass, it means I can take charge of a vessel 367 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,160 up to the size of 40 feet! 368 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,800 Why the hell do you need to command a vessel that's 40 feet? 369 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,960 You live under a bloody bridge! Right. 370 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,240 I'm looking after my mate's boat for a couple of days. 371 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,600 It's on the canal. It's his hoose. 372 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,360 So I'm going to be there so nobody breaks intae it. 373 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,240 So you're a sea captain on Craiglang Canal. 374 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,840 It's a bit overqualified, is it no'? 375 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,440 I mean, that's like Stephen Hawking working in McDonald's. 376 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,360 Well, I wanted to dae it right. 377 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,360 When I was a boy, I was walking along the canal with my da. 378 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,640 It was a Sunday morning. He was still pished fae the night before. 379 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,360 Anyway, he starts clowning around at the edge of the water, 380 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:55,920 and he fell in. 381 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,280 I was only aboot eight. 382 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,320 Couldnae do anything about it. 383 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,240 So I don't like to mess about when it comes to the water. 384 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,960 Er, so, when's your last test? 385 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,720 In about two hours. Eh? 386 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,320 Right, well, grab your books and start cramming. 387 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,480 We'll gie you peace. A piece sounds magic. 388 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,520 Gie us a piece and... 389 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,400 Monster Munch. 390 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,120 HE SLURPS 391 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,600 Well, that's the thing, Navid. 392 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,840 I still feel married to Harry. 393 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,240 He stole from you! He treated you like shit. 394 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,880 You divorced him. 395 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,800 Rightly so. He died. 396 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,360 I don't know what to dae. 397 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:38,160 You have a chance, however fleeting, at some happiness. 398 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,760 You have to snatch it. 399 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,160 Nae pun intended. 400 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:45,160 Navid, what would you dae if, God forbid, 401 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,600 but if something happened to Meena and you were single again? 402 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,200 Meena? 403 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,960 Quick bit of mourning, Marks & Spencer's for a complete new outfit, 404 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,320 then oot and aboot chasing poon-poon. 405 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,040 Navid! 406 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,760 Look, if my beloved were to die, 407 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,840 is my dicky to die as well? 408 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,120 Hm? 409 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,480 Am I to take a knife, dismember myself 410 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,160 and throw my dicky in the coffin? 411 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,440 No! 412 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,560 My heart might be crushed, but my dicky lives on! 413 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,640 MEENA: 414 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:18,680 I don't think I'll take it any further. 415 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,080 Take what further? 416 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,520 Take what further? 417 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,280 Her... 418 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,280 mopping career? 419 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,200 I have waited many years to say these words, Winston. 420 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,680 Mind your ain business! 421 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:39,960 SPITS 422 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:39,960 Done! 423 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,800 Take what further? I need to know. 424 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,880 Well, Winston, the shoe - 425 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,080 and I mean one single shoe, 426 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:50,280 your shoe... 427 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,920 is on the other foot. 428 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,880 See, normally it's me asking... 429 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:57,000 She doesnae know whether to pump American Callum or not. 430 00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,600 Ach, Navid, could you no' have let me enjoy that 431 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,400 just for one minute? 432 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,000 Well, why wouldn't you pump him? 433 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,480 All the guys like him, 434 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:09,280 he's funny, buys a round, interesting. 435 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,200 And, Jeez, he's good-looking. 436 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,040 I mean, if you don't pump him, I'll probably pump him! 437 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,560 Oh, I don't know... 438 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,360 I mean... 439 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:20,360 Well... 440 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,400 Ach, no! 441 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,240 Look, here's what to dae. 442 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:29,000 Go and catch Father Doonan at Confession, ask him what he thinks. 443 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,440 If he gies you the green light, scrang! Aff with the tights! 444 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,720 That's three hours now. 445 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,360 Cannae be much longer, surely. 446 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,760 It cannae be, it cannae be! Whoa-ho-ho-ho! 447 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,560 Right, how did you get on, son? 448 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,560 "Son", is it? 449 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,040 Salute your captain when you address him! 450 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,760 Ha-ha-ha! 451 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,320 Permission to go to the Clansman for a celebratory drink. 452 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,320 But no alcohol for you, because you are a recovering junkie, sir! 453 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,960 Permission granted. 454 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960 THEY CHUCKLE 455 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,880 ORGAN PLAYS 456 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,680 Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. 457 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,440 It has been one year since my last Confession. 458 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:10,360 I've come to you today tae ask for some advice. 459 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:15,560 Y'see, well, I-I've been a widow for quite some years now, and... 460 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:21,200 ..a gentleman has recently come into my life 461 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,960 who would like to take the relationship a little further. 462 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,840 Well, a lot further. 463 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,240 IRISH ACCENT: Are you talking about the sexual intercourse? 464 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,240 Yes. 465 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:41,520 Well, it's not the first time I've come across this situation. 466 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,520 Y'see, ordinarily, 467 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:47,680 the Church's position on any kind of sexual messing around 468 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,400 or the roly-polying or whatever, 469 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,880 it should all be done within wedlock. 470 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,160 But...we live in modern times, 471 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,360 and I personally, 472 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,920 I'm very broad-minded on such matters. 473 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,600 Y'see, I think Callum should... 474 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,440 Callum? Father, how did you know his name? 475 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,360 Er, it was a guess. 476 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:13,200 Oh, yes, I-I'm a great guesser. 477 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,720 Erm, Father Confessor the Guesser, they call me. 478 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,080 Right... 479 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,080 Look, I'll give you my advice here. 480 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:24,000 You're no spring chicken, and unless you want to be 481 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,360 the last turkey in the shop, you'd better get in amongst it! 482 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:33,000 Well, that wasnae the advice I was expecting, Father. 483 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,560 The both of you, get yourselves sorted out with the old nookie, 484 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,360 and do it with my blessing. 485 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:41,560 Eight Hail Marys to get your confidence up, and if you're still 486 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:45,760 feeling reluctant, er, is there a public house around? 487 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,880 Aye, why, there is, the Clansman. 488 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:52,160 Get yourself in there and get a nice, big, stiff one. 489 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,680 And buy everybody else a drink, as well, to mark the... 490 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,680 rumpy-pumpy union. 491 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,360 And if there's any disabled people in there, you know, 492 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,080 minus a leg or whatever, 493 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,520 er, make sure you buy them a double. 494 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,720 Why, I will do, Father. 495 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:19,560 CALLUM: It's years since I had a steak pie. It was magic. 496 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:20,800 Thanks. 497 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,960 Glad you liked it, Callum. 498 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,760 Callum... 499 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,560 I've been daeing some thinking aboot... 500 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,320 Isa... 501 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:31,680 so have I. 502 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:36,480 The last thing I want is for you tae be put under any pressure. 503 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:37,640 Oh, Callum, 504 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:42,640 I quite fancy being put under that...pressure. 505 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,600 I'm no' wanting tae rush you. 506 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,520 After thinking aboot it, I... 507 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:51,960 ..I realised it wasnae me being married that was... 508 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,560 Well, it was that he was a wrong 'un, y'know? 509 00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,400 What I really need... 510 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,120 ..is somebody I can trust. 511 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,400 Somebody that's honest. Nae secrets. 512 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:07,880 I understand. 513 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,600 I'll get the plates. 514 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,480 Leave them. 515 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,240 Oh, hey... 516 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,880 W-why don't you go and freshen up and I'll... 517 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,280 ..I'll meet you through there. 518 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,040 SHE SIGHS 519 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:52,320 No... 520 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:55,800 Honest. 521 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,080 Nae secrets. 522 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:04,280 Oh, here... 523 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,480 Away doon... 524 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,840 HE GROANS 525 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,160 Are you ready for me? 526 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,720 Oh! 527 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:27,880 Are you all right? 528 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,360 I'm fine, 529 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:30,920 C-Callum... 530 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,520 Aye? 531 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,160 Where's your willy? 532 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,600 I've but half. 533 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,520 A baddie dog in one of the pictures I worked on. 534 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:41,800 Lassie. 535 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,880 Lassie bit your willy aff? 536 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,040 No, Lassie the movie! 537 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,000 I had to wrestle with a baddie dog, and woof, 538 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,480 that was it away. 539 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:52,480 Oh! 540 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,280 Oh... 541 00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,520 I'd better go. 542 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,520 Oh... 543 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,840 Gollum? 544 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,400 Callum?! 545 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,280 What? 546 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,880 Were we no' meant to be having a driving lesson? 547 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,200 What? 548 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,280 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I didnae forget. Jump in. 549 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,360 We'll go to the B&Q car park. 550 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:27,960 I'll put you through your paces. 551 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,640 CALLUM LAUGHS 552 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,160 How d'you think Isa and Callum are getting on? 553 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:35,520 Ach, they'll be fine. 554 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:38,400 It's nice for her. She deserves a bit of happiness, y'know? 555 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:39,600 Anyway, he's a good fella. 556 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,320 Aye, seems like a great fella. 557 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,160 No faults, no' miserable. 558 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,280 No' after anything. 559 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,200 Aye, but that stuntman thing... What? 560 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,480 Well, I'd imagine you'd have to have a slate missing to do that kind of job, y'know? 561 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,640 Callum? 562 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,600 BOTH: Nah. 563 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,640 CALLUM: We were having a nice meal, 564 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,840 everything was going hunky dory... 565 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,720 Anyway, it was too much for her. 566 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,080 Too much! A shock. 567 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,600 You OK, mate? 568 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,320 We've passed the car park. 569 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,360 ENGINE ROARS 570 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:13,280 Callum? Callum! 571 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,680 Slow doon! Vanity. 572 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,760 She loved me when I was all done up, but the real me? 573 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:19,920 Scrapheap! 574 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:21,240 Dumped! 575 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:22,600 What you doing, mate? 576 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,240 Life's no' worth living! 577 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:25,920 I've no' got a cock! 578 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,440 THEY BOTH WAIL 579 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:28,520 Oh, no! 580 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:36,240 BOABBY: Oh, no! No, no! 581 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,240 BOABBY WAILS 582 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,760 Oh! Oh! 583 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:46,880 BOABBY WAILS 584 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,120 BOTH: Ohhh! 585 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:49,920 BOABBY WAILS 586 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,240 We're going to have to get help. No, no, no, 587 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:54,760 there's nae time for that, Jack. 588 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,640 Oh, well, it's Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid all over again. 589 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,160 I think we should've took our jackets off. 590 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:13,640 Ohhh! 591 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,360 THEY SPLUTTER 592 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,480 You're a mental case! 593 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:21,840 I'm sorry! 594 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,000 This is it, Jack. We're done for. 595 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,520 Goodbye, old chum. 596 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,080 BOAT'S HOOTER BLARES 597 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:33,160 Ahoy there! 598 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,880 Are you in distress? 599 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,960 Of course we're in distress, you gormless bastard, ye! 600 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,320 Approach from the lure side 601 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,200 and bring the distressed parties aboard. 602 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,440 Keep the heid. 603 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,600 Are you sure you don't want to go to hospital? 604 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,920 Nah, we're just a bit wet, hen. We're fine. 605 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,760 All right. That's the end of my shift, then. 606 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,400 I'm going to go up the road, get a cup of tea, watch Emmerdale. 607 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,280 Recorded it last night. There's a big disaster in it. 608 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,560 Don't you be telling me what happened if you watched it. 609 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,240 We don't watch that, hen. 610 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,880 It doesnae happen in real life. A load of made-up shite. 611 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,760 THEY CHUCKLE 612 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,440 So, you lost control of the vehicle. He did. 613 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,640 It was, er...just an accident. 614 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,120 Aye, you made a stunt of that, didn't you? 615 00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:31,720 THEY LAUGH 616 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:05,800 Callum, I'm sorry things didnae work oot between us. 617 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,280 Oh, it's me should be apologising to you. 618 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,320 I'm sorry I wasnae... 619 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,040 what I seemed. 620 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,080 Will you keep in touch? 621 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:16,600 Of course! 622 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:17,600 Aye. 623 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,600 Is Boabby giving you a lift to the airport? 624 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,880 No. His car's full of water. 625 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:28,440 THEY SNIGGER 626 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,320 I'm getting a taxi. Aye. 627 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,520 CAR APPROACHES 628 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:37,920 BRAKES SCREECH 629 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,440 ALL: Oh! 630 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:44,840 I'm fine. 631 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:46,880 THEY LAUGH AND APPLAUD 632 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,520 Subtitles by Red Bee Media