1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:06,080
Hurry up. That's good. That's it, right.

2
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,920
Put it down here, look, in the centre, there.

3
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,680
There.

4
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,880
And we need an eight-foot plastic sunflower because...?

5
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:21,720
Think visual impact. "What's this?" they'll wonder.

6
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,000
"What is he up to now?"

7
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,880
And, "How long has he been going barmy?"

8
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:31,400
No, no, no, no, not once they know it's got mystical powers,

9
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,880
that it comes from an ancient temple deep in the jungle,

10
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,880
where people used to bring their babies,

11
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,040
looking for success in life,

12
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,000
and a cure for wind.

13
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,280
You lie faster every day.

14
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,920
Oh, well, thank you, Leroy.

15
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,960
Yes. No, I thought it would bring

16
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,320
a bit of sunshine into the street, especially today as it's

17
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,960
Kevin's wedding day, I thought, you know, how appropriate.

18
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,960
Oh, that's if he makes it this time, he's chickened out twice.

19
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,480
Well, if he chickens out again, I want my cuff links back.

20
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,800
HE YAWNS

21
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,600
Oh!

22
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,520
Oh, you gave me a fright, Mr Newbold.

23
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:38,520
I felt everything shrink. And I'm supposed to be going to a wedding.

24
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,840
Fright? You don't know what fright is, boy,

25
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,360
until you've been in the sights of Mrs Featherstone.

26
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:49,440
Good morning. Mr Newbold, are you still calling her Mrs Featherstone?

27
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,600
I thought she'd be Delphine to you by now.

28
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,280
I've more than I can handle with Mrs Featherstone,

29
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,400
I'm nowhere near ready for Delphine.

30
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,200
Just a moment, sir, I'll be with you.

31
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,680
Ummm...

32
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,280
TILL RINGS

33
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,960
Eh-eh-eh!

34
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,600
I suppose you and, er, Mrs Featherstone will be going to

35
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,160
- Kevin's wedding? 
- So I'm told.

36
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:22,800
You need to find your inner monster, Mr Newbold, mm, put your foot down.

37
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,840
Er, would you excuse us, please, Mr Newbold?

38
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,240
What? Ah.

39
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,520
Come with me.

40
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,000
What do you think you're doing, inciting rebellion?

41
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,760
- I feel sorry for him. 
- Feel sorry?

42
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,640
You ought to feel sorry for me! Well, and for you,

43
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:44,360
because when she hasn't got her eye on him, she's got her eye on me.

44
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,360
Do you want the stepmother from hell?

45
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,440
Oh, well, if he's got to go, he's got to go.

46
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,840
Yeah, that's it.

47
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,400
Well, Mr Newbold, what can we treat you to today?

48
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,280
Apart from Mrs Featherstone, that is.

49
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,200
Got some nice streaky bacon.

50
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:15,000
It's been banned, she's got me on yoghurt and fibre.

51
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,520
Oh, see what it's like, Leroy, to be in the hands of a caring woman?

52
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,280
In the hands of? Feels more like an armlock.

53
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,080
- You don't live with her, Mr Newbold. 
- And I'm trying to keep it that way.

54
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,920
No, what I mean is, you know, you've got your own house,

55
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:32,000
can't you sneak your streaky when she's not there?

56
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,000
You can't cook bacon sneakily.

57
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,480
She's got a nose like a bloodhound that thinks it's a Dyson.

58
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,840
Mr Newbold, it is

59
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:47,440
well-known that, um, each of Mrs Featherstone's

60
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:53,920
husbands are reported to have died from an excess of pure pleasure.

61
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:57,800
I must keep moving.

62
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,160
Thank you.

63
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,960
I've been up half the night wondering what to

64
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,960
wear for this wedding, since somebody shrunk my best suit.

65
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,880
Oh, I wonder who that could be?

66
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:16,800
Anyway, it's not a problem for an upscale emporium, Gastric,

67
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,440
we can hire you a suit.

68
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,080
- Eh?
- We can?

69
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:29,080
We can hire his suit. It's upstairs in the wardrobe doing nothing.

70
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,760
He'd probably be delighted that it was earning a few bob.

71
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,480
You're going to charge Gastric?

72
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:39,040
- Why don't you just lend it to him? 
- Any old scruff can borrow a suit.

73
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:42,840
It takes a better class of person, entirely, to hire a suit.

74
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:46,000
The aristocracy always hire a suit.

75
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,960
I mean, you don't think all that flash at Royal Ascot

76
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,680
is their own, do ya?

77
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,480
I bet it is their own.

78
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,400
- No, rubbish. 
- What?

79
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,520
No, you can't move at Moss Bros in the morning, for peers

80
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,400
of the realm, you know.

81
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,400
Reclaiming their deposits.

82
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,480
- You're an old tight wad. 
- Thank you, Leroy.

83
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:11,800
I hope he heard that, he'd be, er, s-smiling.

84
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:18,120
C'mon. Right... Chop, chop, over there.

85
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,400
That's it.

86
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,480
There you are.

87
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,040
C'mon, let's take it back.

88
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,880
Right, steady.

89
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,280
Oh!

90
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,040
Whoops, that's a bad omen for a wedding.

91
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,120
Mm, a man in pain - always lifts the heart a little.

92
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,880
Oh, look at him making a meal of it,

93
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,360
anyone would think he was having twins.

94
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,920
At least his bruises won't show and I bet he's recovered by mealtime.

95
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,920
Good job it wasn't Kevin,

96
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,080
you're nervous enough on your wedding night.

97
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,880
Oh, you should have them trained by then.

98
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,280
There comes a point

99
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:16,200
when they learn to look on twin beds with a sense of relief.

100
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,800
Oh. You must have a softer side somewhere, Delphine.

101
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,560
Oh, I can get quite girlish over a handsome bank account.

102
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,240
I could never marry for money, in case they took you back

103
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,840
if you didn't fit.

104
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,040
And look what you did marry!

105
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:33,880
And that's another thing, you're expected to get it right first time.

106
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,760
Well, let's hope it's third time lucky for the bride.

107
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,040
How was she when you did her hair this morning?

108
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,240
Twitchy. She was chewing her beads.

109
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,800
Well, that gormless twit Kevin's called it off

110
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,560
twice at the last minute.

111
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,360
No wonder she's insecure.

112
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,080
I used to be insecure,

113
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,040
until I realised I was insecure and then it got worse.

114
00:06:55,640 --> 00:07:00,000
Men, they need a firm hand... everywhere but where they'd like it.

115
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:06,720
Well, I like weddings, I think there's still a place for romance.

116
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,520
One less since they pulled down that bus shelter.

117
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:17,960
They see Kevin's light on at all hours,

118
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,560
they see him pacing backwards and forwards.

119
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,480
I would think Kevin's better at backwards.

120
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:28,160
He was so confused when he came in the shop yesterday, it took

121
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,040
all my willpower not to overcharge him.

122
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,040
I saw him yesterday, staring at a wall.

123
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,680
He'll get on well with the brother-in-law, then.

124
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,480
I passed him in the street, I said, "Good morning, Kevin,"

125
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,920
and he said, "20 to nine."

126
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,000
Oh, eh-up, here he comes now.

127
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,880
Hello, Kevin, we were just talking about you.

128
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,520
Huh, I know, everybody's taking about me -

129
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:56,400
"Will he or won't he?" Puts a person under pressure.

130
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,400
You know, er, Kevin, I've always found the best way to relieve

131
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,840
pressure is to treat yourself, you know, buy something.

132
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,640
You want to know pressure?

133
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:10,720
Wait till she catches ya fancying some other woman.

134
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,040
I don't fancy other women.

135
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,920
Well, they're better than walls, Kevin.

136
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,680
It's no good never looking at other women,

137
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,080
your wife won't believe you, anyway.

138
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:24,880
Oh, don't listen to 'em, Kevin, they're only pulling your leg.

139
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,920
Anyway, what are you doing here?

140
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,640
Hey, you should be going to get ready for your wedding.

141
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:33,200
I'm having a last look round as a single person.

142
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,600
KEVIN SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT

143
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,280
I'm going to miss places like this, where once you were free.

144
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,280
You'll get nothing free in here.

145
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:55,320
I always think if everybody's overcharged equally,

146
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,640
it's my contribution to fair-trade.

147
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,880
There we are, sir. Oh, £5.00, just about right, thank you.

148
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,360
Hey, you'll miss more than places, Kevin, I don't know where I'd be

149
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,120
if she didn't like Walnut Whips.

150
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,920
It's all right for you, mine's on a diet.

151
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,680
I've always admired the way you've stayed single,

152
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,840
you're my role model, Granville.

153
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:25,840
I never have time for a roll, that's WHY I'm still single.

154
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,920
Ah, Kevin.

155
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,400
Oh, d'you know, I've buried three husbands

156
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,000
and they looked better at the end than you do at the beginning.

157
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,000
Where we going?

158
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,760
To get you smartened up and then married.

159
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,760
It's taken you long enough - what were you doing?

160
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:49,800
You're allowed to wed, you know! Even if nobody's pregnant.

161
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,280
Now, Granville, Granville, I know that Mr Newbold is pursuing me,

162
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,000
but there's still time for someone with a back pocket

163
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,520
as full as yours, to slip a wedge between us.

164
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,360
Hey, you should maybe think about that, Granville.

165
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,680
I think he'd make a lovely wedge.

166
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,680
Just bog off, you two, will ya?

167
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,840
THEY CHUCKLE

168
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,800
Oh, I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it,

169
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,240
but, er, I'm running late - I'm going to a wedding.

170
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,320
So am I, in about three months.

171
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,000
Right, I'll be back as soon as I can.

172
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,240
Oh, er, the old lady here, she usually keeps me talking...

173
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,360
HE CHUCKLES

174
00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:58,840
You know what they're like.

175
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,440
I'll start being good in three months.

176
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,040
Good day to you, Madge.

177
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,240
It looks a better day for you.

178
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,760
I was just showing him my wedding shoes.

179
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,040
Is that why your lipstick's smeared?

180
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,000
Oh, it got smudged when we shared a fig biscuit.

181
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,640
Yes, just a small free sample.

182
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,680
Well, you needn't be looking at me like that,

183
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:49,440
I'm old enough to accept a fig biscuit.

184
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:58,160
Oh, Kevin, you do look smart.

185
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,760
Except about the face - look at that expression, I think

186
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,200
I've seen it on a punctured inner tube.

187
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,080
You'd best keep him till it's time.

188
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,760
Where am I going to keep him?

189
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,960
Same place you keep your fig biscuits.

190
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,240
Well, I'd stay and keep him on his mark if I had time,

191
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,120
but I must go and assist Mr Newbold into a wedding mood.

192
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,800
Now, Kevin, behave, or I'll be back...

193
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,520
with a blunt needle.

194
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:34,240
You'll be fine, Kevin - just because I had a bad marriage

195
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,240
and she had worse, doesn't mean they're all bad.

196
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,360
You're really not helping.

197
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,360
Kevin, there are many happy married couples around here.

198
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:49,280
I mean, you take that Mrs Harris over there, for example,

199
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,720
she's never been happier since they had that lodger move in.

200
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,720
I'm only joking. There...

201
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,280
HE CHUCKLES

202
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,080
No, no, it's all right, leave him, he can't go far,

203
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:09,160
he can only get as far as the yard, and the gates are locked.

204
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,160
He'll enjoy a bit of sunflower therapy.

205
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,960
C'mon, Mavis, you need to redo your lipstick.

206
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,440
Hey, that was a good line of yours about the fig biscuit.

207
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:29,240
Oh, heck, perhaps I'm going to be a natural at misbehaviour.

208
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,560
Oh!

209
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,120
I think I could live with that.

210
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:39,680
HE SIGHS

211
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,680
Right...

212
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,160
A-ha, yes...

213
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,760
TYRES SQUEAL

214
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,040
Apply your handbrake, Mr Newbold.

215
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,160
An urge to travel. This is a new you, Mr Newbold.

216
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,720
Have you forgotten you're taking me to a wedding?

217
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:13,960
I hate weddings.

218
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,520
Oh, don't say that, it could soon be your own.

219
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,840
Now, show me a nice three-point turn.

220
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,320
Er, but I'm overdue for visiting this friend.

221
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,440
Oh, but you've got a new friend now, Mr Newbold - and I'm sure we'll

222
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,840
be very happy together, once we understand certain rules.

223
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,280
"You must come," he said, "I'll be expecting you."

224
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,080
Find reverse, Mr Newbold, it's a knack you'll need

225
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,240
if we're to prosper.

226
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,080
How ancient would you say she was?

227
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:52,040
- Oh, oh, lost in the mist of time. 
- She's plastic.

228
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,920
Oh, er, yes, it's magic, isn't it, hey?

229
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:02,160
They were using plastic when we still had wooden plates.

230
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,240
Well, if she's that old, how would you find her?

231
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,840
I like to think that, um, she-she found me.

232
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:16,160
Can you feel the mojo, Kevin? Mm?

233
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,240
Talk to her... Listen.

234
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,880
She talks?

235
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,920
Oh, yes, to those fortunate enough to listen.

236
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:29,520
She's on your side, Kevin, yours and Eileen's.

237
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:33,120
Now...don't... don't let her down, will you?

238
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,160
She's a plastic sunflower...

239
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,120
Hey, what's this?

240
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,600
You're now locked on to her ancient wisdom.

241
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,960
Don't worry, I'll be back to undo you for the wedding.

242
00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,720
Hiring a suit turned out to be a bit more expensive than I'd imagined.

243
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,800
That's because you have no imagination, Gastric.

244
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,680
I tell you what he has got. A pretty powerful pong.

245
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,520
How can you say that? I'm awash with deodorant and aftershave.

246
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,760
No, no, it's not you, it's, er... I think

247
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,760
we've overdone it with the mothballs.

248
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,760
- Oh, is that what it was? 
- Mm.

249
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,840
I thought they were Mint Imperials.

250
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,120
Tell me you didn't eat 'em.

251
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,520
I'm not stupid!

252
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,400
One was enough.

253
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:38,360
I tell you what, though, Gastric, huh, those moths have got some balls.

254
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,960
HORN TOOTS

255
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,400
Oh, why am I going to a wedding?

256
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,640
I hate weddings.

257
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,640
Oh, stop fighting it, Newbold.

258
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,920
You're helpless in the slipstream of a determined woman.

259
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,800
Go on, then. Do it.

260
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,440
Still can't believe you're closing the shop.

261
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,880
I can do it. I can, I can do it.

262
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,840
I can close the shop!

263
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,080
No, no, it's all right, just... We'll do it in a minute,

264
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:51,160
there's no need to close before we have to, is there?

265
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,760
- It's nearly time. 
- Mm? I know what time it is.

266
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,040
- How long? 
- Mm? How long what?

267
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,240
How long are you going to close the shop for?

268
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:03,240
Oh, er, well, you know... It's Eileen's wedding, isn't it?

269
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:07,200
And she's waited a long time, you know, and if she could

270
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:11,400
wait for two years, we can close the shop for a couple of hours, can't we?

271
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,720
A couple of hours?

272
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,160
Minutes, minutes, couple of minutes, minutes I meant,

273
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,520
that's what I meant.

274
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,960
I mean, I tell you what, what we'll do is, you see,

275
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:23,360
we'll go to the service and then, and then we'll come back here and then

276
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:27,280
you can stay here and then I can go to the reception, then I'll come

277
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:31,400
back here and then you can stay here and I can go back to the reception.

278
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,920
Sounds like fun.

279
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:41,160
Is that your best tie? Could you not find a better tie?

280
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:45,400
Well, it's too late now, you'll just have to keep stroking your chin.

281
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,400
Did you bring a clean hanky?

282
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,400
Yes, oh!

283
00:18:58,320 --> 00:18:59,960
Well, hello.

284
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,000
Is there a photoshoot going on in the street?

285
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,480
Hello, Mavis.

286
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,080
Hello, Granville.

287
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,560
You're looking very grocer-friendly.

288
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,960
And what does that make me?

289
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:20,120
Oh, yes, I was coming to you, yes... Well, I think you're getting,

290
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:24,120
er, very close to borderline attractive.

291
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,640
You both look great.

292
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,880
Well, thank you, Leroy, I'm glad one of you's got manners.

293
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,960
I'd like some tissues - I always cry at weddings.

294
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:38,120
Well, the marriage you had - enough to make anybody cry.

295
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,840
Well, yours was no pleasure trip.

296
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,800
I know, let's hope Eileen does better.

297
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,320
Where's the slippery Kevin?

298
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,680
Ah, well, he's, er, safe within the embrace of his spiritual advisor.

299
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,280
Aftershave? That's very adventurous.

300
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,480
Do you have a secret side that I should know about?

301
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,720
I've had it for years, it's an old Christmas gift.

302
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,880
Oh, they must've thought you were the kind to use aftershave.

303
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,080
Never struck me as Hugo Boss material.

304
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,280
Well, what are we waiting for?

305
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,960
Well, instructions - where am I going?

306
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,440
Well, we're going past the shop to pick up Nurse Gladys.

307
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,200
Well... How do I look?

308
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,240
You look...unsinkable.

309
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,120
Unsinkable?

310
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:45,400
I meant... Nice.

311
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,840
And don't slouch, keep your shoulders back. I do.

312
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,800
You keep everything back.

313
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:02,240
And just remember - there's a help-yourself buffet.

314
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,720
That does NOT include the bridesmaids.

315
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,240
As if.

316
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:12,920
You'd only tell your mother - you know I live in fear of your mother.

317
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,880
Oh, there's no need...!

318
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,080
Just live in fear of me!

319
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:29,440
Ah. Ha, right. Here we are, all looking delicious. Even Cyril.

320
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,400
So it's time to undo the groom.

321
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:37,320
Leroy, go and undo him and don't let him get away.

322
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:39,560
Where's the key?

323
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:40,800
Erm...

324
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,360
I dunno, I thought you had it.

325
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,840
Surely he's not still fighting marriage?!

326
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,960
Well, you have to admire him.

327
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,280
Not if you want a peaceful day.

328
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,680
I don't care if he is fighting, he's still going down.

329
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,400
It's sad, really, we used to hold him up as an example.

330
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:04,960
Yeah.

331
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,080
Before we discovered the delights of matrimony.

332
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,480
- Give us a kiss. 
- Get lost.

333
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,800
- You see what I mean? 
- Mm.

334
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,680
Maybe YOU dropped it in the yard?

335
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,720
What if he's found it? Quick!

336
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,760
Mind the suit! Mind one of the world's most expensive suits!

337
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,880
Hey! This is private property back here. Oh, heck.

338
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,200
Oh...

339
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,040
What's the problem?

340
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,160
He is.

341
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,200
That's going to be inconvenient when they retire for the night.

342
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:56,920
Well, it's no big deal,

343
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,880
just cut the flower away from that big tub of concrete.

344
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:05,160
No way, I paid good money for this ancient sacred item,

345
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:10,000
it comes all the way from the jungles of Patagonia.

346
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,520
He means Leeds.

347
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:19,560
C'mon, c'mon, to me, to me, that's it, right, that's it.

348
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,200
Gastric, get...get the door, will you?

349
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,000
Hold it, hold it, hold it.

350
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,880
Right, now down your end, down, down - right, push, lads.

351
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,480
It'll go, it'll go. Don't worry.

352
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,760
Get it back the other way. Put the pot in first, it's obvious, isn't it?

353
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,040
- Stand there, Gastric. 
- One, two, three!

354
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,400
Right, your end down now.

355
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,440
Right, in you go, that's it, it'll...it'll work this time.

356
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:48,640
You dozy beggar, fancy chaining him up!

357
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,960
That's another wedding he's going to miss.

358
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,600
No, he won't, we'll get him there one way or another.

359
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,440
Right, think of something else, c'mon.

360
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,080
It's all right.

361
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,120
Oh, ah, oh, no, ah!

362
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,880
- Oh-oh-oh. 
- Eh, up.

363
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,560
Stop! Ah-oh, help! Oh! No!

364
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,160
HE WAILS

365
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,480
Why can't he wear a buttonhole, like anyone else?

366
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,240
SHE MOUTHS

367
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,640
THEY MUTTER

368
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,680
Hello, erm, good afternoon.

369
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:43,480
We're gathered here today to celebrate the union

370
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:46,720
of Eileen and Kevin.

371
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:51,320
Marriage is a desire by two people to share their lives together,

372
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:55,440
and a willingness to accept each other for who they are.

373
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,520
SHE SNIFFLES

374
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,120
It is a commitment to friendship...

375
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:11,600
mutual respect... and calls for patience...

376
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:25,920
..courage and, of course, humour...

377
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,000
GASTRIC BURPS

378
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,240
SHE COUGHS

379
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:45,240
And now a solemn moment has arrived for these,

380
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:51,160
Eileen and Kevin, to contract their marriage before you.

381
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,000
CAMERA CLICKS

382
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,440
'They'll all be raving now at the disco.

383
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:18,520
'I hope Gastric's not over-exercising that suit.

384
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,680
'You do realise you're now married to Eileen?

385
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,080
'Not to mention Kevin.'

386
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:42,040
Hey, you not going the disco?

387
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,040
At my time of life, Leroy,

388
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,680
I'd be much happier curled up with a good book.

389
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,280
Good evening, Leroy.

390
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,080
And if Madge asks, I'm still at the disco.

391
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:58,040
Oh, enjoy your book.

392
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,160
I hope I can remember my place.