1 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,760 Ah, you're looking very tidy this day, ladies. 2 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,640 As opposed to looking like soiled bedding usually - is that it? 3 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,520 Ignore her. She's ageing badly. 4 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:26,920 Only on the outside. 5 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:40,440 Ooh, she's got her sights on you! 6 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,400 You're the only one who gets a smile. 7 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,280 That's not a smile. 8 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,480 That's stage one of a fatal bite. 9 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,560 What have you got for assassinating the man in your life? 10 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,520 What size? 11 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:03,200 Did you see that? It's learning new behaviour - and all of it is bad. 12 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,360 HE IMITATES CHALK SQUEAKING 13 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,120 Tell him we're just good friends! Tell h... 14 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:31,800 - Ooh, you! - Control to Leroy, welcome to the planet Earth. 15 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,520 At this hour, you're welcome to it. 16 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,480 When I was your age, 17 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,320 by this time I'd been up so long it was nearly tomorrow. 18 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:49,160 I don't suppose you happen to stock Sanderson's little kidney pills? 19 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,880 Sanderson's? No, they went out in 1900. 20 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,960 Oh, my granny used to swear by them - 21 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,480 and could she swear! 22 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:02,400 Never had a granny. Although there's one aged about 35 in Cooper Street 23 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,680 I'd be happy to adopt. 24 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,200 You keep away from grannies. 25 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,920 They go off in this hot weather. 26 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,960 - What hot weather? - Excuse me. 27 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,000 There's me and my kidney still waiting here. 28 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,480 Gastric, you don't need Sanderson's little kidney pills. 29 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,400 Are you sure you've even got a little kidney? 30 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,480 No, you see, I think we can do better. 31 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,080 What, better than Sanderson's? 32 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:32,360 Oh, yes. Now, then, in a recent survey, 33 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:39,240 four out of five people, when asked, said, "Sanderson's who?" 34 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,800 The fifth was a Bulgarian, but he thought he was in the Post Office. 35 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,400 I would have liked a granny. 36 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,960 They keep better hours. 37 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,160 Will you be quiet, when I am trying to lie? 38 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,000 Er, sell! When I am selling! 39 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,440 This is a liquid. 40 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,040 No fooling you, is there, eh? 41 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:03,880 Yes, but that is not a liquid, that is THE liquid. 42 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,200 "Doctor Proctor's - for coughs and sneezes." 43 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,680 I'm not seeing any mention of kidneys. 44 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,600 No, because we daren't mention kidneys. 45 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,320 We daren't mention livers or oesophagus 46 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:19,000 or pituitary glands cos that is discrimination. 47 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,960 It's a legal minefield. 48 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:23,760 I'd like a granny. 49 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:29,200 They knit you things, they remember birthdays and Christmas. 50 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,240 I'd come home from a hard day's delivering and you'd say, 51 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,400 "Oh, look what your granny sent you!" 52 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,280 I just thought I'd mention it. 53 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,960 So how does anybody know that this stuff is good for kidneys? 54 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,000 Well, it was voted Kidney Product Of The Year 55 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,960 by the Orpington Chamber of Commerce. 56 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:02,640 Not wishing to probe, Gastric, but has your kidney moved? 57 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,400 Where would it move to? 58 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,720 I'll tell you what, put your hand on your kidney. 59 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,120 Go on. 60 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:17,440 Yes. Right, I want you to take a deep breath and give me a big cough. 61 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,440 HE WHEEZES 62 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,440 That's a terrible cough, that is, isn't it? 63 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,880 Take two teaspoonfuls of that twice a day. 64 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,560 £5.75. 65 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,520 LOUD SQUEAK 66 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,640 I wasn't asleep. I was wondering 67 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:10,920 - how the Chinese economy will affect our pickled walnut sales. - Yeah. 68 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:15,320 Anyway, Mrs Willshaw has just gone back to her lonely existence 69 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:20,880 with some cod roe and half a dozen dusty cupcakes. 70 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,320 Why lonely? I know he's not Hollywood material, 71 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,240 but she's got Mr Willshaw. 72 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,120 Yes, but Che says he lives in their shed. 73 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,520 He's building a robot. 74 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,520 Anyway, I don't know why you sold Gastric the cough medicine. 75 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,280 Because we had no Sanderson's little kidney pills. 76 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,920 I know, but what we do have in the warehouse 77 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,080 is those mints that we can't sell. 78 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,160 Now, you just said some naughty words. 79 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,280 - I hate that. - Mints? 80 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,080 - "Can't sell"! - We didn't sell the mints 81 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,360 because of their unfortunate side-effects. 82 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,440 They're still in there. 83 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,960 Maybe we ought to give them another chance, then. 84 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,120 At what price? 85 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,000 You had to reduce them. 86 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,440 They'll have forgotten about the reduction. 87 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,320 We'll try them again at full price. 88 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,720 So now they're nature mints? 89 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:26,160 Yes. Well, they didn't sell under the old name so now we're going 90 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,120 with the trend, aren't we? We're going green. 91 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,880 All this time you've been a flower person. 92 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,200 Can I ask, 93 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,040 what the heck is a wambo? 94 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,920 Ah, well, you would know it when you found it. 95 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:49,400 It's one of those deep-down rare mystical moments 96 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,600 when you realise that 97 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,920 you are the sparkle in a dew drop. 98 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,240 The fragment of a bird's song. 99 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:03,440 The love behind the wagging of a dog's tail. 100 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,560 Well, if I'm part of a dog's tail, I hope it's the far end. 101 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:15,920 How are you today, Mrs Featherstone? 102 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,080 Did you sleep well, Granville? 103 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,400 It's not something I would ask of a casual acquaintance, 104 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,480 but we've had our special moments. 105 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,080 We have? 106 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,920 Or am I wrong? 107 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,880 Are they still to come? 108 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,000 I slept well, Mrs Featherstone. 109 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,320 Alone, like me. 110 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,160 I know the feeling. 111 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,800 That empty side of your bed, and mine. 112 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,800 Acres of space to roll around in, if you're so inclined. 113 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,680 How are you on inclined, Granville? 114 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,800 Devoutly single bed. 115 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,440 - Cosy. - Hardly room to turn over. 116 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,680 That's the best kind. Romance can thrive on the tight turnover. 117 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,160 How is Mr Newbold? 118 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,720 Oh, I don't think of Mr Newbold in terms of bed space. 119 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:13,760 Not yet. 120 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,600 The position is still open. 121 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,600 I've got some nice broccoli. 122 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,040 Well, if we're going into advertising, 123 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,520 I've got several flimsy nighties with very little wear and tear. 124 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,040 Despite the attention of three husbands. 125 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,920 They couldn't have been paying very much attention. 126 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,240 It wasn't encouraged. 127 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:43,600 I'm sorry to say that none of them knew how to - 128 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,280 how shall I put this? - 129 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,240 ignite the sacred flame. 130 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,200 How much is your broccoli? 131 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,080 The broccoli? Oh, yes. 132 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,040 Broccoli. I've got plenty of nighties, yes. Er, broccoli. 133 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,280 - Broccoli. - Am I disturbing you, Granville? - Hm. 134 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,880 - Good. I'll take half a pound. - Half a pound, right. 135 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,840 We're in kilos now. 136 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,920 Oh, you continentals, you know how to arouse the interest of a girl. 137 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,200 Nature mints? 138 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,960 You can keep your nature mints. 139 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,320 Come in, Cyril. 140 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,800 Bring your complaint with you. 141 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,120 Complaint? 142 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,400 I should think so. 143 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,680 Good. That's good. Now you're on the path. 144 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,400 I'm going green. 145 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,480 Only your tongue, but that's good. 146 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,120 A green tongue is good? 147 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,600 The missus won't allow me in the bedroom. She thinks I'm radioactive. 148 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,840 Don't worry, it'll fade and it will disappear. 149 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,280 What, the whole tongue?! 150 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,200 No, no, not the whole tongue. 151 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,440 Anyway, you should welcome the green. 152 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,760 You think I'm in a hurry to be green? 153 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,360 It's a light-green coating and it's one of South America's most magical 154 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:21,640 herbal remedies. 155 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,760 It comes from the Amazon. 156 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,080 It's the secret of a lost tribe. 157 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,760 Lost in their own jungle? 158 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,320 Is that a recommendation? 159 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:40,360 If the tongue goes green, you are on the brink of finding your wambo. 160 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,600 And then what? What am I to do with it? 161 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,200 Is it something that's going to impress the wife? 162 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,600 How can she resist? 163 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,400 She has ways. 164 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,600 Stand still. Don't make a sound. 165 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,880 I thought I could sense something. 166 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,960 Just cup your hands behind your ears like that. 167 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,080 Listen hard. 168 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:09,000 Sometimes enlightenment starts with just a small squeak. 169 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,000 DOG TOY SQUEAKS 170 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:17,840 I heard that. 171 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,480 - What? - A definite squeak. 172 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,120 - You didn't hear it? - No. 173 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:25,840 No. Only you can hear your own wambo. 174 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:32,560 It's a very personal and - dare we say - almost magical thing. 175 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,480 - OK. One more question. - Mm-hm. 176 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,600 Will the squeak come again? 177 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,360 It is only to the chosen. 178 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:46,480 To those on the brink of finding their wambo. 179 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,520 I'm ready. 180 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,360 I'm on the path. 181 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,720 SQUEAK! 182 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,880 So he left her, just like that. 183 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,520 Went to Cleethorpes in search of adventure. 184 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,680 Well, a man has to do what a man has to do. 185 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,440 - Did he find it? - She doesn't know. 186 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,800 He never came back. 187 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:26,280 There's a rumour that Mr Ellis's tongue has gone green. 188 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,360 Oh, it wears off. Look. 189 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,120 How does a tongue wear its green off? 190 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,960 Just...normal wear and tear. 191 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,720 Well, if yours ever goes green and you need any help... 192 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,080 So I'm talking things over with Cyril and Mr Newbold, 193 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,000 and it's uncanny, really. 194 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,440 We find we all have the same secret desire. 195 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:10,760 I know. 196 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:16,000 All this time we've been trying to fight off the need for adventure. 197 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,320 Trying to ignore the urge to test ourselves. 198 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,760 Just in case you might be worried about us. 199 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,800 But it's too big to ignore. 200 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,240 We're looking for that place where man and his challenge 201 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,520 become one almost spiritual identity. 202 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,720 Once we've sucked up the pain. 203 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,200 I'm talking flat-out dangerous here. 204 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,320 Mm. 205 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,240 It's a man thing. 206 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,320 I always knew it was for me, 207 00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:00,440 but it's nice how keen Cyril and Mr Newbold are to follow me. 208 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,120 To put their lives in my hands. 209 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,480 I'll see they're OK. 210 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:12,440 But one thing we're all agreed on. 211 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,880 There's absolutely no way we're letting our womenfolk 212 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,560 talk us out of this. Cos we are there. 213 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,160 We are in the zone! 214 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:30,360 - Eric... - Mm? 215 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,640 You are so full of doo-doo. 216 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,920 She said that to Christopher Columbus. 217 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,560 Who? 218 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,680 Mrs Columbus! 219 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,840 Yes, that's very good, Mr Lomax. 220 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,320 Yes, that's green. 221 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:55,760 - Very good, yes. - Good? 222 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,240 You're finding your wambo stage one. 223 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,440 Yes. 224 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,080 You're going to be a natural. 225 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,000 HE MUMBLES 226 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,920 No, put it back in and try again. 227 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,400 Will it wear off? 228 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,160 Yes, of course, no problem. 229 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,640 No problem for YOU. 230 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,000 I've had a green tongue since this morning. 231 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,840 The wife daren't look. 232 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,320 Oh, dear. My advice to you is, 233 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:21,000 don't go around sticking your tongue out at your wife. 234 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,720 Ah, excuse me just a moment. 235 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,800 They're turning people green again. 236 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,640 Quick, stick your tongue out. 237 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,160 No, not like that. 238 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,560 Put it right out. 239 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,160 It won't go right out. 240 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,520 It's nervous. 241 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,760 It's wondering what you're up to. 242 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,840 Just a moment, Mr Lomax, come and look at this. 243 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,160 I'm sorry about that, he's got a shy tongue. 244 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,760 Look, there you can see. 245 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,000 His tongue an hour ago was green, but look at it now. 246 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,520 - What are we looking for? - Oh, bring your friends, why don't you? 247 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:07,880 Relax! Quiet. Now... We're looking for traces of green. 248 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:09,480 Well, if you want green... 249 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:14,840 You too? 250 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,400 Nature mints? 251 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:17,760 Nature mints. 252 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:23,840 It'll pass, it'll wear off. Look, look. An hour ago his tongue 253 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,880 was green, and so was mine, 254 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,880 but look at them now. Look at his, look at mine. 255 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:46,120 Now look what you've done. You've lost me... Oh. 256 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,360 You've lost me a customer. 257 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,400 Oh, heck. 258 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,160 Ah, Mrs Featherstone. 259 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,120 All right, I'll get you for that. 260 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,720 I'm glad somebody can put the wind up you. 261 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,240 I can handle Mrs Featherstone. 262 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,600 Well, she keeps giving you the opportunity. 263 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,560 She scares you witless. 264 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,320 No, she does not. 265 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,840 In public, I have to be civil to her. 266 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:29,000 But if I get her alone, I'd soon sort her out. 267 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,480 That I'd like to see! 268 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,800 - Ah... - Eh? - Yes? - Hm. 269 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,520 They think we're a bunch of wusses. 270 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,880 It's time we put a boot through that image. 271 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,360 Earn some respect. 272 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:45,200 Let them see us at danger's edge. 273 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,640 I just feel so damned uncomfortable. 274 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,360 We have to eat the pain. 275 00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,200 Wear it like a badge. 276 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,320 We've got to be awesome. We're bonding here, I can feel it. 277 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:01,840 Three guys about to tackle serious white-water in a flimsy boat. 278 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,520 Sorry, but I have to ask, how is that helping me 279 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,520 with Mrs Featherstone? 280 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,360 Image. 281 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:15,440 Aura. It's, "Goodbye, Pussy, hello, 007." 282 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,800 They're going to look at us with eyes like the most devoted 283 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:19,960 golden retriever. 284 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:25,400 You say jump, and Mrs Featherstone will jump. 285 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,520 On days, when you're feeling good... 286 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,600 ..you'll throw her a bone. 287 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,880 Where do I get a bone? 288 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,560 She's got me on salads. 289 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,240 Every full moon, we grocers gather in a meadow 290 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,120 to celebrate the lunar festivities, 291 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:48,880 and to which we are allowed to invite one maiden. 292 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,920 Would they let me in anyway? 293 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,600 Are you prepared to be sacrificed? 294 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,920 - Does it hurt? - Only when you laugh. 295 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,640 Are you coming? 296 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,880 Are you going to be here all day? 297 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,840 Have you got what you came for? 298 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:09,000 I've forgotten what it was now, with you coming in all gobby. 299 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,960 It's him. He distracts you and then he sells you any old rubbish. 300 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,840 He's never diddled me yet. 301 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,320 It remains an ambition. 302 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:28,560 - Who is this old lady? Do we know this person? - I know YOU. 303 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,640 You're turning people green. 304 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:34,440 I should need double mints for the length of some people's tongues. 305 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,200 Oh, look who's talking! 306 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,160 You've got more rattle than Gastric's Mini. 307 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,360 Get a move on, you. I'll be outside. 308 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:44,760 SHE HISSES 309 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,480 - I'll have to go. - All right. 310 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:50,880 Fish and chips later? 311 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,360 Don't bring vinegar. 312 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,360 Leave her at home. 313 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,520 Oh... I just passed Madge. 314 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,040 I went, "Hello, Madge." 315 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,520 And she went, "Urgh." 316 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:14,400 - Did you smile? - Of course I smiled. I gave her my big one. 317 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,920 Wrong move. They like misery. 318 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,560 Tell her a sad story. 319 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,040 Gets them every time. 320 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:27,480 Your lady friend is waiting for you round the corner in Gastric's Mini. 321 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,800 Be gentle with her. 322 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,040 She's on her last legs. 323 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,440 Who, Mavis? 324 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:33,680 No, the car. 325 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:36,960 Who's looking after the shop? 326 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,360 I'll mind the shop. 327 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:47,520 Nobody quite says, "Hello, Granville," like Mavis. 328 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,640 Hello, Granville. 329 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,160 Mrs Featherstone? 330 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,840 - We need to talk, Granville. - We do. 331 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,320 - About our future. - Our future? 332 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,200 You wouldn't want to tie yourself, would you, 333 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,160 to someone who is clearly fading? 334 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,880 - I've buried three, Granville - what's a fourth? - Fourth? Fourth? 335 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:23,360 Come along. I want to take you and show you my favourite spot. 336 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,480 I thought you were going to show me your favourite spot. 337 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,720 It's here, look, right before your eyes. 338 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,640 Mrs Featherstone! 339 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,240 You've got a flat. 340 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,120 Oh! They're not bad for my age. 341 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,760 No, the tyre! 342 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,840 I can hear the air escaping. 343 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,920 I have to get back to give Leroy his overcharging lessons. 344 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,040 He's failed basic avarice twice. 345 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,400 I sometimes wonder if he's going to make it all the way. 346 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,000 Well, YOU'VE just had every opportunity. 347 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,800 Good grief, is that the time? 348 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:53,640 Do we really need to be checking for leaks? 349 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,360 Since we're not actually going near any water. 350 00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,960 We don't have to go near any water, 351 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,720 we just have to look as if we're going. 352 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,520 Act professional. We don't want to look like a bunch of wannabes. 353 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,920 To tell you the truth, I'm fairly comfortable with wannabe. 354 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,720 But we have to get the word out, and this is the place. 355 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:18,640 This is not just a shop, this is News Central. 356 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,160 This is where the word gets spread. 357 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,840 It all happens here. 358 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,560 No more ordinary days. 359 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,240 We are Team Hazard now. 360 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,160 What is it you keep listening for? 361 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,920 Just listening. 362 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,720 Oh, good day to you, Mr Willshaw. 363 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,800 She told you, didn't she? 364 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,600 - About my robot. - Well, 365 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,880 Mrs Willshaw did say that you were working on one. 366 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,440 I bet you laughed. They all laugh. 367 00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:00,920 "Old Willshaw's building a robot. Ha-ha-ha. He-he." 368 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,600 Yes, well, we'll see who laughs. 369 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,320 It comes around corners on command. 370 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,520 What's it doing round there? 371 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,480 I hope you haven't programmed it to shoplift, have you? 372 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,320 No, no, no. I'm not saying I couldn't, 373 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,640 but, relax, Elvis is honest. 374 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,880 - Elvis? - I've called it Elvis. 375 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:32,360 Now, watch this. I've trained Elvis to respond to voice commands. 376 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:34,000 Oh, good. 377 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,560 Elvis! Come. 378 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,000 BUZZING AND WHIRRING 379 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:41,960 WHIRRING STOPS 380 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,760 You have to get the voice just right. 381 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,760 Ah, right. 382 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,480 Elvis! Come. 383 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,400 WHIRRING 384 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,480 You said you weren't going to do this. 385 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,120 Just needs a tweak. 386 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,160 Oh, right, of course. Yeah. 387 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:16,600 Excuse me. Hang about. 388 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,120 What's this, the fleet's in? 389 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,560 This is an adventure craft. 390 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,360 It's part of our new image. 391 00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:27,360 We're putting our lives on the line in this. 392 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,400 Hence the silly costumes. 393 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:38,160 Now, where are you going with it anyway? 394 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,640 To the limit. 395 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,240 And to the zone. 396 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,160 We've trained for this. 397 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,920 We're at the peak. 398 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,080 Hello, sailor. 399 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,600 I can't stop. Danger calls. 400 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,920 Where do you think you're going dressed like that? 401 00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,720 - To the limit. - Not with me, you're not. 402 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,840 Not till we've completed the paperwork. 403 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,440 Now, lift, come on, get this thing out of here! 404 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:05,920 Take all this... 405 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,840 HISSING 406 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,600 - It's alive! - Help! - Help! 407 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,160 Mind your head! 408 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,160 THEY SHOUT AND YELL 409 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,920 HISSING 410 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,200 'Oh, that Mrs Featherstone really knows 411 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,040 'how to deflate the men around here. 412 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,320 'The Black Widow in a Mini. 413 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,040 'Ugh. 414 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,080 'I'll never get rid of that image. 415 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,440 'Oh, I tell a lie. 416 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,240 'It's fading already.' 417 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:08,760 I thought we might go somewhere and see if we can find OUR wambo. 418 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:12,000 Well, if you just wait until I can get rid of this stuff, 419 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,000 I think I can remember exactly where we left it.