1 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,160 So you're now a delivery point? 2 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,520 Congratulations! I'm very happy for you. 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:14,640 Just one thing... 4 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,320 what does it mean? 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,600 This should not be taken as any evidence that I am dim. 6 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,200 Are you sure? 7 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,080 I was top in school in geography. 8 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:27,680 I was the only one who knew where Calcutta was. 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:33,320 As long as you're sure that you can absorb new information. 10 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,560 Oh, I can handle any amount of information. 11 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,080 I'm a sponge, me. 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,400 Where is Calcutta anyway? 13 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,720 The best way is down the A19 as far as York. 14 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,280 Oh. 15 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,200 Supposing you buy something from the internet, 16 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:57,000 they can have their stuff delivered here at the delivery point 17 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,640 and then they can pick it up whenever they want. 18 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,440 Pick up what? 19 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,120 HORN TOOTS 20 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,600 I'm late back. 21 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,000 And why am I late back? 22 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,240 I got caught by Mr Mottram. 23 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:13,400 Not with Mrs Mottram, I hope. 24 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,800 Do you mind? She's less feminine than Mr Mottram. 25 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,840 It's only because she won't shave. 26 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:24,280 Mr Mottram can talk forever about steam railways. 27 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,160 I bet he doesn't know where Calcutta is. 28 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:47,680 HE GROANS 29 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,440 All right, come here. 30 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,120 Come on, you're going to have to learn some time. 31 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,800 Off you go. 32 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,800 TILL RINGS 33 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,760 CLATTERING 34 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,040 TILL RINGS 35 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,240 CLATTERING 36 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,080 Ah! 37 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,440 I'm getting very worried about this counter space. 38 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,720 - Don't speak to me, I'm not here. - Well, where are you, then? 39 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,880 Asleep, in bed, where any sane person ought to be. 40 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,320 You young people, you don't know you're born. 41 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:23,680 When I were your age, we had to get up before we even went to bed. 42 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,960 Yes, I'm worried about this counter space. 43 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,720 That's another thing. 44 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,800 Who in their right mind would be worrying about counter space? 45 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,360 Because... 46 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,520 You know, 47 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,440 when the world is full of beauty and magnificence, 48 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,960 and Georgina Middleford? 49 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,880 We're going to have to cut you down on your carbohydrates, you. 50 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,280 She looked at me and I could hear music. 51 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,680 Although, fair enough, we were in a disco. 52 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,000 I saw him last night with his tart. 53 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,800 Tart?! That were prime real estate, mate! 54 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,600 If she was a building, she'd be Grade I listed. 55 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,880 She looked like something Mother used to warn me against. 56 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,240 And I was stupid enough to listen. 57 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,880 I suppose it's too late now. 58 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:26,400 No, no, it's never too late. Remember, there's Madge out there. 59 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:30,640 Don't you think she lacks personality? 60 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,560 She's got tonnes of personality. 61 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,760 It's nasty, but it's there. 62 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,400 You're not a great judge of women, Gastric. 63 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,640 The wife said that, in her very last letter. 64 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,680 Oh, sorry! I didn't realise she was dead. 65 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,640 She's not dead. She's living with a bloke in Luton. 66 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,000 Well, that's close enough. 67 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,520 I came home, found this note, 68 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:01,400 "I'm leaving you. Your dinner's in the oven." 69 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,000 Macaroni cheese. 70 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:08,080 I could forgive her the bloke in Luton, but I mean, macaroni cheese! 71 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,520 Oh, dear! Gastric! 72 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:17,280 Isn't it strange how fate moves in mysterious ways? 73 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,720 Because Madge hates macaroni cheese! 74 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,360 But is that enough for a relationship? 75 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,520 Oh, yes, I mean, it's got legs, 76 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:30,400 it's much better than any physical attraction. 77 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,360 I don't wish to believe that. 78 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,760 Just a minute, you, Grade I listed, 79 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,440 you do realise you need planning permission 80 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,600 before you tamper with anything? 81 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,440 Should've gone to Australia when we had the chance. 82 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,440 I'm not going to Australia! 83 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,800 It's full of spiders! 84 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,480 Well, Auntie Jesse's daughter's doing all right. 85 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,360 She speaks the language. 86 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,400 At least they've got sunlight there. 87 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,000 It's been dark here all week. 88 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,520 Their noses go white. 89 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,880 It's a sun cream. 90 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,840 I don't suppose anything else is white. 91 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,920 I'm still not going. 92 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,960 Don't you ever get bored with the way things are? 93 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,040 You're just like Dolly. 94 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,840 Oh, Dolly was nice. 95 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,680 And now she's dead. Fat lot of good it did her. 96 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,880 Are you saying nice is fatal? 97 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,040 You think nasty lives longer? 98 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,120 Doesn't it? And certainly often better. 99 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,880 And it's going to be different in Australia? 100 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:43,840 I'm just fed up with looking at people's heads. 101 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:45,560 Could be worse. 102 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,240 You could be a prostate surgeon. 103 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,800 SHE CHUCKLES 104 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,760 Right, Leroy, here, come on, come in here a minute. 105 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:59,360 - I want to show you something. - Oh, you drag me from me washing... 106 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,840 Look, MY friends would be humbled at the range of my activities. 107 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,600 Yes, well, don't worry about that. Come in there, into the shop, 108 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,720 where the customer stands, go on. 109 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,200 Is this an exam, hm? 110 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,320 Will there be a written paper? 111 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,680 See, we've been wasting this space, doing nothing with it. 112 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:34,920 There's no room behind there as it is. 113 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:38,400 This is prime advertising space here. 114 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,840 Right in front of the customer's face, that. 115 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,680 - Look. - May I say one word? 116 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,440 - You may. - Balloons. 117 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,480 Oh, keep still! 118 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,440 Hey, it's a haircut, not an execution! 119 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:03,680 She's in one of those moods best described as "bad". 120 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,840 I am this week, I admit. 121 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,560 You don't do so bad most weeks. 122 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,840 I've always held you up as the perfect example of feminine malice. 123 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,640 We don't just come here for the hairstyles, you know - 124 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,600 we come here for the lessons in nasty. 125 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,160 Let's be honest, there's none of us need any lessons. 126 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,960 What's it all about this week? 127 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,280 I don't know, I just hate everything. 128 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,600 Sounds reasonable to me. 129 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,360 We all get times like that. 130 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,160 Wednesdays. 131 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,760 Why Wednesdays? 132 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,080 There's something about Eric on Wednesdays. 133 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,400 Six out of seven's not bad. 134 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,320 I know what she means. 135 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,120 My third husband was a nuisance on Fridays. 136 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,040 It was his day off. 137 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,320 He seemed to be under the impression that it was playtime. 138 00:08:55,640 --> 00:09:00,880 I wake up in the morning thinking, "Shouldn't there be something more?" 139 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,680 That was him on Fridays. 140 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,000 I think she needs a man. 141 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,480 At least it would give her a focus to be miserable about. 142 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,840 Nobody NEEDS a man. 143 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,120 They're just sort of inevitable. 144 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,280 If you keep them below room temperature, 145 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,040 you'd hardly know they were there. 146 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,760 I don't fancy one full-time in the house, 147 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,680 but it would be nice to have one for special occasions. 148 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,600 They say married men make the best lovers... 149 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,360 but I suspect that's when they're playing away. 150 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,520 They say that woman in Hardwick Street 151 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,800 was lifted completely out of her depression 152 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,920 by him that came to fix her boiler. 153 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,520 Well, I don't want anybody fixing MY boiler. 154 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,600 You could use a bit of companionship. 155 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,720 Get a cat! 156 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:55,520 Oh, dear, married bliss taking a bit of a dip? 157 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,880 Do you know what I found in Eric's pocket? 158 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,520 A lady's stocking. 159 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,800 THEY GASP 160 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,920 You go through his pockets? 161 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:32,520 SHE SCREAMS 162 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,480 I believe this is yours, madam? 163 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:38,800 HE CHUCKLES 164 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:13,160 Go on. Tell Leroy, he'll have some ideas. 165 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,200 He's always covered in totty. 166 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,680 - Wouldn't say always. - Tell him. 167 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:23,920 - Get some help. - I'm beyond all human aid. 168 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:28,480 His wife found a woman's stocking in his pocket. 169 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,920 He's right, he's beyond all human aid. 170 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,920 I think we ought to give him a bit of support. 171 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,760 Support?! 172 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,520 I'm already wearing more than cricketers wear! 173 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,960 She's got a brutal elbow when you're not expecting it! 174 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,680 Listen, I've been listening to you lot in there. 175 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,840 Now, come on, you ought to lighten up, right? 176 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,000 There. 177 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,600 HE CHUCKLES 178 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,920 - Is this a delivery point? - Yes, it is. 179 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,960 - I've got an item for you. - All right, bring it in. 180 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,880 Sign here. 181 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,160 We're going to need a bigger cat. 182 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,760 SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO 183 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,800 KNOCK AT DOOR 184 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,560 How long are you planning on staying sulking up here? 185 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,200 Forever. 186 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,880 Oh, well, as long as you've got some goal in mind. 187 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,840 I should probably go on hunger strike. 188 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:01,360 - No lunch, then? - I thought maybe after lunch. 189 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,880 Why are you always so placid? 190 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,320 Oh, I was happy to find I'm placid. 191 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,200 For years, I thought I was stupid. 192 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:16,040 Don't you ever get totally, absolutely, 193 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,600 mind-bogglingly fed up with things? 194 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,120 You know I'm no good at decisions. 195 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:29,480 So, she finds one stocking in your pocket 196 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,640 and now she thinks you're being unfaithful? 197 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,080 That's right. 198 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,320 Unfaithful with somebody with one leg? 199 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,040 They nail you for one leg as viciously as two. 200 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,160 Well, that's how they are. 201 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,840 No sense of proportion. 202 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,000 It seems to me not unreasonable that they might wonder 203 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,560 how this stocking came to be in your pocket. 204 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,160 I thought it were a scarf. 205 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:02,360 Hang about, just a minute, when you were removing this stocking, 206 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,800 didn't you think, 207 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,920 "Well, it's a bit, you know, like, some way from the neck?" 208 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:11,160 I've heard of poor sense of direction, but that's pushing it. 209 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,760 I didn't take it off! 210 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,800 It came to me empty. 211 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,160 What, with no leg in it? 212 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,720 Well, of course no leg in it! 213 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,280 What would I be doing with a leg in me pocket?! 214 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,320 Whose stocking is it? 215 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,480 I've no idea. 216 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,360 What, you told that to Kath?! 217 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,000 No wonder she doesn't believe you. 218 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,640 WE don't believe you. 219 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,040 Even if it is true, 220 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,960 on occasions like this, you're better off with a lie. 221 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,840 Kath can spot a lie at 50 paces. 222 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:50,400 There is no reasonable lie that can explain 223 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,880 a lady's stocking in your pocket. 224 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,400 Can we stop talking about lies?! 225 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,640 I was stood in the pub, 226 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,640 this fella brushed up against me, he said, 227 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,200 "Here, take this. I don't want the wife to catch me with it," 228 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,280 and then he rushed off out. 229 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,760 - I - thought it were a scarf, 230 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,960 so I put it in my pocket and waited for him to come back! 231 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,800 I stand corrected. 232 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,680 Thank you. 233 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,640 - That's a damn good lie. - Yeah. 234 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,120 He's looking better, I think, since I got him on antacids. 235 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,800 Does he suffer from excess acid? 236 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,600 No more than the next chap. 237 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,040 He used to sound like the bath emptying. 238 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,600 Sounds like a nervous stomach to me. 239 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,720 Eric's got one, and it's going to get worse. 240 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,560 It's you. 241 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,520 You fly straight to my stomach. 242 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:53,000 You're in the first flush of a new romance, man. 243 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,720 That's not where you're supposed to get excited. 244 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,280 I'm new at this. 245 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,000 Yes, and we'll both be old if you don't stir yourself. 246 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,360 It's fear, that's what it is. 247 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,600 You overwhelm me. 248 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,920 Oh, surely not, after our magical picnic for two. 249 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:13,520 - When? - Possibly very shortly, if you stop this bolshiness. 250 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,240 HE HUMS TO HIMSELF 251 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,800 Ah, you're just in time. 252 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,320 For what? 253 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,720 To catch the bus to paradise... 254 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,000 from my bedroom. I've shifted the baked beans. 255 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,800 But I've got Madge, who's taken to her bed. 256 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,640 It's a bad time for buses to paradise. 257 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,840 Oh, I've got a feeling the wheel's coming off already. 258 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,120 She's on one of her two-day sulks. 259 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,400 She goes to her bedroom and she practises being nasty. 260 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,040 She has to practise being nasty?! 261 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,040 Listen, I've got an idea. 262 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:19,080 Why don't we send Gastric over to release some of his passion 263 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:23,880 to show her that she's still wanted? 264 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,800 She's off men. She'll be nasty to him. 265 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,200 No, no, no! He's immune to nasty. 266 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,560 He used to work for an energy company. 267 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,920 Ay up, I think I'm having a brainwave. 268 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,720 What if I told the wife that YOU put the stocking there as a gag? 269 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,400 Look at me. It's me. 270 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,240 I'm not a kamikaze pilot. 271 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,480 Don't you think my missus would want to know 272 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,000 how come I had a lady's stocking? 273 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,960 Besides, you didn't help me when she found what looked like lipstick. 274 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,920 Do you know why it looked like lipstick? 275 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,000 - Because that's what it was! - You still could have helped. 276 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,720 - What was - I - supposed to do? 277 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:08,080 You could've said you saw me stumble against some lipstick by accident. 278 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,880 Be honest, you thought it were funny, me being caught. 279 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,120 - Rubbish! - Just like I think it's funny you being caught 280 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,200 with a stocking in your pocket. 281 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,200 But you know I'm innocent! 282 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,880 That's why it's hilarious. 283 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:32,800 I hear on the jungle telegraph that 284 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,520 Eric was caught with an unidentified female stocking. 285 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,040 Mm-hm. Thrust upon him by a stranger. 286 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,880 - As they do. - Do you believe that? 287 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:44,440 I'm intrigued by it only being a single stocking. 288 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:45,880 Oh, you're right! 289 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,720 It's been my experience that, if you're going to lose one, 290 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,360 you're probably going to lose two. 291 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:56,520 - Oh, yeah. - Might one ask if that has been your experience? 292 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,920 I don't have your depth of experience. 293 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,480 Oh, don't give up hope. 294 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,360 There are solutions available. 295 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:14,000 You know, Mr Newbold plays bowls and he's a very tall person. 296 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,960 Well, I fear for his back. 297 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:20,040 Well, under your regime, his front's not looking too happy. 298 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,840 No, it's just the ugly caterpillar stage 299 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,480 before you turn them into a butterfly. 300 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,360 Stick insect, more like. 301 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,880 Is the proprietor not on the premises, Leroy? 302 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,760 Er, back shortly, Mrs Featherstone. 303 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,440 Well, I think we'll wait. 304 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,240 Why should we wait? 305 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,320 Leroy's perfectly capable. 306 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,080 I often think that. 307 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,600 And how are you, dear? 308 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,440 Still mastering the skills of single parenthood? 309 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,720 Nearly grown up now, Mrs Featherstone. 310 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:57,280 Oh, well, I'm glad for you and how is your daughter? 311 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,400 Pay no attention, Mrs Hussein. 312 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,040 Mrs Featherstone is having early training problems 313 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,560 with her potential fourth husband. 314 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,560 Just teething troubles. 315 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,320 Fourth time? 316 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,560 You should be grateful he's got any teeth. 317 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,760 SHE SIGHS 318 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,840 This way. That's it. 319 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,400 Hold him there. No, no! 320 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,040 My way. To me. To me. 321 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,760 Oh! 322 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,400 BOTH: Agh! 323 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,400 CRACK! 324 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:08,000 Oh! 325 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,280 Now look what you've done! 326 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,400 Looks like it's always been there. 327 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,160 Yeah. 328 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,720 I ought to charge him for improvements. 329 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,760 Gastric's only trying to cheer you up. 330 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,320 I'm supposed to encourage Gastric 331 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,080 because he'd be handy round the house? 332 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,080 You're prepared to pimp me to fix your boiler? 333 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,320 You will be a bitter, lonely, old woman. 334 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,000 I'll give it a good try. 335 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,320 Right, go on. Up you go. 336 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:09,880 Quietly, and then, we'll raise the mouse. 337 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,560 And when you get up there, put your arm around him 338 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:16,040 and lean in, cheek to cheek, and smile. 339 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,400 That is bound to melt the stoniest of hearts. 340 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,040 - Do I say anything? - Like what? 341 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,760 If you were to say anything, what would you say? 342 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,240 Oh, stop being such a misery, Madge. 343 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,320 From me and this mouse. 344 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:34,640 HE CHUCKLES 345 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,480 Oh! Just smile, will you? 346 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,840 Now, go on, up you go. 347 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,840 LADDER CLATTERS Sh! Be quiet. 348 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,800 Go on. Remember, quietly. Give us a hand with this mouse. 349 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,360 Here we go. 350 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,440 Ups-a-daisy. 351 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,800 And don't forget, put your arm around it. 352 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,440 Lean in, cheek to cheek. 353 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,120 Yeah. 354 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,600 Argh! 355 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,400 Oh! 356 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,080 Don't worry, I'm all right. 357 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,560 It broke me fall. 358 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,920 Look what you've done to this mouse. 359 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,600 Oh, I'm sorry you're so upset about me(!) 360 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,840 Somebody's going to be coming to collect this! 361 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,520 - Thank you. - Oh! 362 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:44,960 Ooh! 363 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,640 HE COUGHS 364 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,120 It's wet through. 365 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,200 Of course it's wet through! 366 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,480 Your lady friend poured a bucket of water over it. 367 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:06,160 My lady friend? I like the sound of that. 368 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,040 I could get used to that. 369 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,680 Right then, sir, what are we doing for you? 370 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,960 - Backcombed, or just a blow-dry? - Come on, Leroy! 371 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,800 Just get it dry before the owner comes. 372 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:25,720 Oh, forget it. Forget it. We'll never get it dry like this. 373 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,400 We're going to have to try and dry it naturally, 374 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,040 you know, in the open air. 375 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,920 Right, come on. Follow me. 376 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,640 Push it down. 377 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,000 Watch its head. Watch its head. 378 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,360 Now what? 379 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:52,480 Well, we've got to keep the air moving around it. 380 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,160 Right. 381 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,560 To you. To me. 382 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,240 To you. 383 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,920 You'll put a window out. You'll put a window out. 384 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,800 - Right. - It won't work. In my opinion, no chance. 385 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,560 Come on, Mr Muscle. 386 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,120 Right, get it spinning. 387 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,200 Hey, hey, hey! 388 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,720 Not dragging it across the floor. 389 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,160 - Who's doing this? - You. Badly! Now, come on. 390 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,960 - Get it up into the air. - Right. 391 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,840 - That's it. - That's it. 392 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,560 Faster. Get it higher. 393 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,680 Now, let out more rope, so it gets more breeze. 394 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,840 That's it. More rope. 395 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,280 Oh, dear! Oh, dear! 396 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,680 Don't worry, don't worry. I'm all right. 397 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,360 Is it all right? 398 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:58,400 Oh, it's still soaking. 399 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,000 It's never going to work like this. 400 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,600 We need more air round it. 401 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,280 We need a vehicle. 402 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,120 I know, Gastric's Mini. 403 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:10,800 - Ha! - Oh, yes. - That's it. 404 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,560 Come on. Lift your end. Come on. 405 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,840 Right, Gastric, ready when you are. 406 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,480 Well, she's getting some breeze now. 407 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:55,600 TYRES SCREECH 408 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,800 Oh, 'eck! 409 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,240 That is a dead mouse. 410 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,240 Right. Come on, give us a hand here. 411 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,160 'Looks like I've bought me a mouse. 412 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,560 'You wouldn't have liked living with him anyway. 413 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:32,080 'It's a good job I got a reduction on account of your condition.' 414 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,760 Madge has got a dripping tap. 415 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,480 Note who she turns to in an emergency? 416 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,120 THEY LAUGH 417 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,400 Go on. Say it. 418 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:55,960 Hello, Granville. 419 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,560 Oh! 420 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,560 Gets me every time. 421 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,400 It's like music. 422 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:05,080 - Fish and chips? - Mm-hm! - Madge is busy with a dripping tap. 423 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:06,800 Oh! 424 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,920 - Can you help me get the mouse inside? - Mm-hm. 425 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,880 How come she's suddenly got a dripping tap? 426 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,800 It wasn't as hard as I thought.