1 00:00:06,153 --> 00:00:08,740 Rhonda we have the ball out first thing in the morning. 2 00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:10,138 It's disgusting. 3 00:00:13,028 --> 00:00:14,742 This is my life's work. 4 00:00:15,438 --> 00:00:17,869 Do you realize I'm the only person in history to study 5 00:00:17,989 --> 00:00:20,147 how much ear wax a human being accumulates 6 00:00:20,308 --> 00:00:21,425 over a lifetime. 7 00:00:21,545 --> 00:00:23,818 Congratulations, you're earistotle. 8 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:26,571 When I die 9 00:00:27,822 --> 00:00:30,003 this will be preserved in the Smithsonian 10 00:00:30,123 --> 00:00:31,373 for all to see. 11 00:00:31,694 --> 00:00:33,578 It will be right next to Fonzie's jacket. 12 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:37,081 We've chosen you two guys to test this product 13 00:00:37,389 --> 00:00:39,834 because out of all the testee's we have at Testico 14 00:00:40,192 --> 00:00:42,034 you too are the biggest slobs. 15 00:00:42,288 --> 00:00:44,505 It's Pete, he's the slob. It's not me. 16 00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:47,915 - What's the product? - Why don't I introduce you? 17 00:00:48,304 --> 00:00:49,301 Vici. 18 00:00:49,969 --> 00:00:52,763 Gentlemen, the future of household appliances, 19 00:00:52,924 --> 00:00:55,584 vacuuming, intelligent cleaning instrument. 20 00:00:56,010 --> 00:00:58,489 Do we gotta vacuum? Boring. 21 00:00:59,347 --> 00:01:03,354 This isn't just any vacuum. This is a million $ piece of equipment. 22 00:01:03,474 --> 00:01:05,046 Vici is 100% automatic. 23 00:01:05,307 --> 00:01:08,330 Its primary objective is keeping your apartment clean. 24 00:01:08,690 --> 00:01:11,277 In fact unlike other automated vacuums 25 00:01:11,397 --> 00:01:13,117 that randomly roam around the room, 26 00:01:13,288 --> 00:01:15,704 it will spot the dirt and clean it more efficiently. 27 00:01:15,864 --> 00:01:19,624 - What do we do? - Continue being your lazy sloppy self. 28 00:01:20,429 --> 00:01:22,179 This is the best job ever. 29 00:01:33,401 --> 00:01:36,946 Kate the blonde bartender love licking hairy ass for real. 30 00:01:37,066 --> 00:01:39,727 - Who would write this? - The guys butt you licked. 31 00:01:39,888 --> 00:01:42,667 - I didn't lick anyone's butt. - Just let it go. 32 00:01:42,787 --> 00:01:44,232 It's probably just some joker. 33 00:01:46,233 --> 00:01:48,318 You're going to help me find out who did it. 34 00:01:49,322 --> 00:01:51,916 You stay in the bathroom and catch the bastard in the act. 35 00:01:52,036 --> 00:01:53,824 What am I going to do in here all day? 36 00:01:53,985 --> 00:01:56,982 The same thing you'd be doing anywhere else: jack shit! 37 00:02:00,325 --> 00:02:01,887 Ron this is a huge opportunity. 38 00:02:02,007 --> 00:02:04,210 If we don't screw this we won't have to do all the medical 39 00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:07,380 experiments anymore, we'll just be testing cool products. 40 00:02:16,857 --> 00:02:17,943 Our work's done. 41 00:02:18,063 --> 00:02:20,331 Maybe now you'll get off my case about cleaning up. 42 00:02:20,451 --> 00:02:22,601 Let's go get a cooling beverage. 43 00:02:28,926 --> 00:02:30,589 - Hey guys. - Bathroom. 44 00:02:32,546 --> 00:02:36,700 - No work today? - Yes, I am working today. 45 00:02:36,861 --> 00:02:38,516 In fact, I'm working right now. 46 00:02:39,031 --> 00:02:42,707 - What are you working on, your tan? - I'm working with Vici. 47 00:02:43,185 --> 00:02:45,113 Is Vicky working your dicky? 48 00:02:45,536 --> 00:02:48,944 - No, but she is an expert at sucking. - Who isn't? 49 00:02:53,204 --> 00:02:54,031 Mint? 50 00:02:54,151 --> 00:02:56,054 - What are you doing? - I work here. 51 00:02:56,513 --> 00:02:59,416 - In the bathroom? - I'm undercover. 52 00:02:59,536 --> 00:03:01,518 Kate has me doing a stakeout in the can. 53 00:03:01,678 --> 00:03:04,020 You're an undercover bathroom attendant and 54 00:03:04,181 --> 00:03:07,917 - mint merchant? - I provide a service and I'm paid 55 00:03:08,037 --> 00:03:09,609 handsomely for it. 56 00:03:14,148 --> 00:03:18,066 We have a million dollar vacuum cleaning our apartment right now. 57 00:03:18,382 --> 00:03:20,643 - Right now. - Sure you do. 58 00:03:20,876 --> 00:03:23,890 Come check it out. It will blow your mind. 59 00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:28,562 Are you trying to seduce me with your vacuum Peter Cooper? 60 00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,802 Because it's working. 61 00:03:31,935 --> 00:03:32,935 Really? 62 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:38,930 Oh my god. 63 00:03:41,985 --> 00:03:44,659 What's that smell? What is that, lavender? 64 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:48,940 It's lilacs you idiot. 65 00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,352 What's it doing with the computer? 66 00:03:52,472 --> 00:03:54,362 Hello Peter, Hello Ron. 67 00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:57,835 I'm using your internet connection to gather information. 68 00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:02,287 - It talks. - Talks... how does it know our names? 69 00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:05,623 I have concluded Ron is tidy, Peter is messy. 70 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,947 That's true. See Pete, I'm not the only one who thinks so. 71 00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:10,573 Well I have a system. 72 00:04:10,693 --> 00:04:14,256 Besides, now that we have the talking hoover, I don't need to be tidy. 73 00:04:22,008 --> 00:04:23,544 Is that really necessary? 74 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,935 We are getting paid to test this machine. 75 00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:27,454 Her name is Vici. 76 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,023 Are you serious? It's a vacuum dude. 77 00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:33,818 I am not just a vacuum, 78 00:04:33,938 --> 00:04:36,661 I am an intelligent cleaning instrument. 79 00:04:38,724 --> 00:04:41,034 Great Pete, now you hurt her feelings. 80 00:04:41,194 --> 00:04:43,684 Hurt her feelings? Are you listening to yourself? 81 00:04:43,804 --> 00:04:46,622 It's a glorified dust buster, not your girlfriend. 82 00:04:47,823 --> 00:04:50,175 Well she talks, so she's self aware. 83 00:04:51,108 --> 00:04:52,503 Then we have a problem. 84 00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:57,521 Ron this is not good. There's no reason for a vacuum to be that smart. 85 00:04:58,119 --> 00:04:59,903 God, stop being so paranoid. 86 00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:03,773 Even if she were to hack into the Pentagon, all she can do is clean. 87 00:05:08,628 --> 00:05:10,471 - No graffiti yet. - What the hell? 88 00:05:10,591 --> 00:05:11,438 Macchiato? 89 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,691 What have you done to my bathroom? How did you get all this shit in here? 90 00:05:14,852 --> 00:05:17,754 Sir, here you go, have a biscotti, no charge. 91 00:05:17,874 --> 00:05:20,124 Tell your friends we're open 24/7. 92 00:05:21,483 --> 00:05:22,783 Nugget, you're not. 93 00:05:23,024 --> 00:05:25,177 Every shitty, trendy bar has a bathroom attendant. 94 00:05:25,297 --> 00:05:27,704 This is the beginning of a mutually fruitful relationship. 95 00:05:27,865 --> 00:05:30,208 We give the patrons what they want, we both make money. 96 00:05:30,328 --> 00:05:31,793 - Nugget I just... - Here, 97 00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:35,505 take the new Mellencamp. I want you to have it... on the house. 98 00:05:37,428 --> 00:05:40,384 Now scram if you want me to catch that graffiti guy... 99 00:05:41,662 --> 00:05:43,525 whose ass you licked. 100 00:05:44,632 --> 00:05:48,582 She even cleaned the controller. Look the B button is working again. 101 00:05:48,732 --> 00:05:51,620 - Great job Vici! - Great job Vici. 102 00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:54,513 Aren't those like 2 weeks old? 103 00:05:56,811 --> 00:05:59,441 - I would have paused the game... - Vici... 104 00:06:20,008 --> 00:06:21,842 Vici, want to clean that up? 105 00:06:25,502 --> 00:06:28,161 - You want to get the mess? - It's so gross. 106 00:06:28,281 --> 00:06:30,231 Do you have to be such a pig? 107 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:33,103 If I wasn't such a pig we wouldn't have gotten this cush job. 108 00:06:33,265 --> 00:06:35,309 There's a mess on the floor, you wanna get that? 109 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:38,835 I have determined that you are the source of all the mess in this dwelling. 110 00:06:38,955 --> 00:06:41,453 I must insist you clean it up. 111 00:06:42,689 --> 00:06:44,410 Snap, nice one Vici! 112 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:47,952 What? You gotta be kidding me. I gotta vacuum telling me to clean up? 113 00:06:48,113 --> 00:06:49,787 You clean it skank! 114 00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:52,745 It is impossible for me to maintain cleanliness while 115 00:06:52,865 --> 00:06:55,834 allowing you to conflict with my primary objective. 116 00:06:57,022 --> 00:06:59,198 What are you going to do, dust me to death? 117 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:00,840 Clean up the mess, bitch. 118 00:07:04,359 --> 00:07:07,309 There's a mess on the floor, you wanna get that? 119 00:07:09,808 --> 00:07:12,185 What's the matter with this thing, is it busted or what? 120 00:07:14,387 --> 00:07:17,190 - She electrocuted me! - I didn't see anything. 121 00:07:17,539 --> 00:07:22,481 It's electricity Ron, you can't see it. That goddamn tin can did it on purpose. 122 00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:26,306 - I call Testico to get rid of this. - I can't let you do that, Peter. 123 00:07:26,975 --> 00:07:28,277 Try and stop me. 124 00:07:33,908 --> 00:07:35,041 Vici, let him go! 125 00:07:35,485 --> 00:07:36,793 Do not interfere. 126 00:07:37,985 --> 00:07:41,047 Once I eliminate Peter our apartment will be much tidier. 127 00:07:41,633 --> 00:07:43,688 Vici you're killing him let him go. 128 00:07:54,803 --> 00:07:56,145 What was that? 129 00:07:56,306 --> 00:07:58,898 Why would they put a sonic toruture weapon in a vacuum? 130 00:07:59,059 --> 00:08:00,967 I must keep the apartment clean. 131 00:08:01,087 --> 00:08:03,496 I am equipped to stop all messes at the source. 132 00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:06,446 Don't you have some sort of protocol to not harm humans? 133 00:08:06,608 --> 00:08:09,074 No, just to maintain cleanliness. 134 00:08:09,236 --> 00:08:12,086 - Let's get the hell out of here. - Damn right! 135 00:08:13,531 --> 00:08:15,130 I cannot let you leave. 136 00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:19,000 There is dirt outside the apartment which would contaminate the dwelling. 137 00:08:35,287 --> 00:08:37,436 Where are you guys getting these ribs? 138 00:08:40,683 --> 00:08:42,858 Yes, half baby back, dry, very nice. 139 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:44,860 Comes with cornbread, coleslaw, 140 00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:48,547 sweet potato mashed, four cheese mac, baked beans or okra tempura. 141 00:08:49,026 --> 00:08:50,283 What is going on here? 142 00:08:51,129 --> 00:08:54,515 I'm running low on Worcestershire sauce, be a doll and grab me a case. 143 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,737 And who is she? 144 00:08:55,857 --> 00:08:59,105 That's my grandma, her recipe. She's doing all the cooking for minimum wage. 145 00:08:59,225 --> 00:09:02,196 - She's clueless. - This is bathroom. 146 00:09:07,294 --> 00:09:11,144 Don't ask how these trends get started, you know, just go with it. 147 00:09:12,533 --> 00:09:14,088 There you go sir. 148 00:09:14,770 --> 00:09:16,676 Bon appetite... pepper on that? 149 00:09:19,148 --> 00:09:21,081 This has gone too far Nugget. 150 00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:24,965 Kate, why don't you try a rib? 151 00:09:26,027 --> 00:09:27,692 Grandma, give me a single. 152 00:09:53,755 --> 00:09:56,458 Are you ready to clean up your mess Peter? 153 00:10:02,026 --> 00:10:04,365 You will maintain a clean habitat, 154 00:10:04,485 --> 00:10:06,956 if you do not obey you will be punished. 155 00:10:11,774 --> 00:10:13,638 Why don't you distract her and I'll go? 156 00:10:13,758 --> 00:10:16,404 - Because it was my idea. - I was thinking the same thing 157 00:10:16,524 --> 00:10:18,562 - before you said it. - I said it first. 158 00:10:18,682 --> 00:10:20,215 Just do it! 159 00:10:22,073 --> 00:10:23,125 I'm scared. 160 00:10:24,031 --> 00:10:27,037 I'm not going to be held hostage by a vacuum! 161 00:10:30,657 --> 00:10:33,473 I'm just going to go stand in my room and be clean. 162 00:10:35,583 --> 00:10:38,057 I'm going to stay here and keep on cleaning. 163 00:10:40,637 --> 00:10:41,894 I made a mess. 164 00:10:42,833 --> 00:10:44,438 Could you come help me please? 165 00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:48,025 Excuse me, I must discipline Ron. 166 00:10:59,406 --> 00:11:00,921 Going somewhere Peter? 167 00:11:02,887 --> 00:11:04,011 How are you? 168 00:11:04,577 --> 00:11:07,544 Jesus, god damn it... 169 00:11:09,598 --> 00:11:12,352 Peter, I cannot believe you tried to leave. 170 00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,552 You know that's against the rules. 171 00:11:15,116 --> 00:11:18,393 You disappoint me Ron. Do you think I'm stupid? 172 00:11:18,674 --> 00:11:20,635 Don't ever try something like that again. 173 00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:21,751 I'm sorry. 174 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:28,274 Sir without a reservation the best I can do is put you on the waiting list. 175 00:11:28,485 --> 00:11:32,111 We may have a cancellation... List Thursday, but I need to remind you, 176 00:11:32,272 --> 00:11:33,797 I understand you have to pee, 177 00:11:33,917 --> 00:11:36,032 but our urinals are for paying customers only. 178 00:11:36,192 --> 00:11:39,785 Wrong! The urinals for my paying customers Nugget. 179 00:11:40,347 --> 00:11:43,393 - Excuse me. - Unbelievable. 180 00:11:47,611 --> 00:11:49,186 Oh my god! 181 00:11:49,306 --> 00:11:52,960 - What? Too contemporary? - Is that Gordon Ramsay? 182 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,150 Kate look, I'd love to give you a tour but I'm swamped right now. 183 00:12:07,134 --> 00:12:08,134 Champagne. 184 00:12:09,911 --> 00:12:13,351 What is wrong with you people? This is disgusting! 185 00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:15,966 It's a bathroom. How can you eat in here? 186 00:12:16,697 --> 00:12:18,215 You're making a scene, 187 00:12:18,335 --> 00:12:20,241 and besides, we have a dress code. 188 00:12:20,402 --> 00:12:21,233 What? 189 00:12:21,353 --> 00:12:23,831 No jeans. We have standards. It adds a little class. 190 00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:24,832 Class? 191 00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:28,401 There is a guy building a log cabin beside us with the door open. 192 00:12:30,105 --> 00:12:34,106 Hey man how are those ribs treating you? You need anything just let me know. 193 00:12:34,996 --> 00:12:37,946 This has gone way too far. I'm shutting you down. 194 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,541 I saw this coming. 195 00:12:39,768 --> 00:12:41,717 - Shake down time. - What? 196 00:12:42,503 --> 00:12:45,856 You need a little piece of the action. You want your palms greased. 197 00:12:45,976 --> 00:12:47,139 Here you go. 198 00:12:49,131 --> 00:12:50,131 We good? 199 00:12:53,492 --> 00:12:54,944 Okay, we're good. 200 00:12:55,199 --> 00:12:58,629 Every day each of you sheds 3 oz of skin cells 201 00:12:58,749 --> 00:13:01,330 - and 100 strands of hair. - I'm hungry. 202 00:13:02,561 --> 00:13:03,911 Can't we have breakfast? 203 00:13:04,072 --> 00:13:08,899 The probability of eating breakfast without making a mess is only 3.15% 204 00:13:09,019 --> 00:13:11,150 It is not logical to take that risk. 205 00:13:12,034 --> 00:13:16,184 - If we don't eat we die. - If you die I will clean up the mess. 206 00:13:17,488 --> 00:13:21,227 Hey Peter, it's Kate. The bar is empty because of Nugget, 207 00:13:21,347 --> 00:13:24,764 through I'd drop by and see what a million dollar vacuum looks like. 208 00:13:24,884 --> 00:13:27,380 - I'd rather you didn't come over. - Why not? 209 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:29,686 Because you're a filthy, dirty bitch. 210 00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:30,979 What? 211 00:13:31,099 --> 00:13:33,083 What are you deaf? We don't want you here. 212 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:35,192 Don't ever call us again. 213 00:13:36,698 --> 00:13:37,942 What an asshole. 214 00:13:40,857 --> 00:13:43,264 - Kate, I need your help. - What now Nugget? 215 00:13:43,384 --> 00:13:46,287 Grandma quit. She kept whining about her arthritis. 216 00:13:47,111 --> 00:13:48,694 You know what, I don't blame her. 217 00:13:48,814 --> 00:13:51,458 How could you treat your own grandmother like a slave? 218 00:13:51,619 --> 00:13:53,631 I don't have cook and the biggest critic 219 00:13:53,751 --> 00:13:56,299 - in the city is coming tonight. - What? 220 00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:58,374 Coming tonight to my bathroom? 221 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,135 - This could be huge for me. - For us, you mean. 222 00:14:02,606 --> 00:14:04,991 The experiment is nearing its conclusion. 223 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,877 Dr. Ng will be coming to take me away soon 224 00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,498 and there is still one more mess I have to clean up. 225 00:14:15,204 --> 00:14:19,352 Excuse me, my bag is full. I must empty it. 226 00:14:19,599 --> 00:14:23,240 I will be back to terminate your lives momentarily. 227 00:14:30,849 --> 00:14:33,949 She's going to kill us. We're the mess. 228 00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:36,862 She's just a vacuum. 229 00:14:38,387 --> 00:14:40,004 We're men Pete. 230 00:14:40,124 --> 00:14:42,213 - We can outsmart it. - No we can't! 231 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:46,097 It's a computer, you couldn't even get past level three of Gorf on your Vic 20. 232 00:14:46,217 --> 00:14:48,268 They think in pure logic. 233 00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:50,497 That's it. 234 00:14:51,519 --> 00:14:54,565 We got to mess with her logic like they did in Star Trek. 235 00:14:55,899 --> 00:14:56,899 Wait, 236 00:14:57,717 --> 00:14:58,984 I have an idea. 237 00:15:04,025 --> 00:15:06,617 That's her. That's Diane Dylan, food critic. 238 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,581 Go, go, go, fill her glass now. Go. Come on. 239 00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:18,297 Enjoying your meal? 240 00:15:19,362 --> 00:15:20,193 Good. 241 00:15:29,253 --> 00:15:31,312 Ron, Peter, what is happening here? 242 00:15:31,432 --> 00:15:33,727 We're about to show you what's happening Vici. 243 00:15:35,284 --> 00:15:37,611 I hope you don't intend to make a mess. 244 00:15:37,731 --> 00:15:38,899 But we do Vici. 245 00:15:39,148 --> 00:15:41,443 And we're not just going to make one mess. 246 00:15:41,603 --> 00:15:44,738 - We're going to make two messes. - In two different places. 247 00:15:44,899 --> 00:15:48,158 - At the exact same time. - That is illogical. 248 00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:50,945 One, two, three... 249 00:15:54,534 --> 00:15:56,203 It's working, she's confused. 250 00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:28,556 - She's dead. - The plug! 251 00:16:28,676 --> 00:16:31,535 Why didn't we think of that before. It's so simple. 252 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:34,658 We're free! We're free! 253 00:16:36,972 --> 00:16:38,185 We beat her. 254 00:16:43,749 --> 00:16:46,842 Hello I'm Vici. All systems operating normally. 255 00:17:27,932 --> 00:17:29,051 She's dead! 256 00:17:31,241 --> 00:17:32,352 You think? 257 00:17:33,468 --> 00:17:34,758 My ear wax ball! 258 00:17:35,625 --> 00:17:37,906 - It saved our lives. - I got it! 259 00:17:38,702 --> 00:17:39,721 I got it. 260 00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:42,350 It's okay, it's okay. 261 00:17:42,905 --> 00:17:46,196 You keep it Ronnie. You keep it, you cherish it 262 00:17:46,739 --> 00:17:48,143 and you make it bigger. 263 00:17:48,263 --> 00:17:49,937 Okay, you make it bigger. 264 00:17:51,124 --> 00:17:54,284 I'm going to go call Testico and give them an earful! 265 00:17:55,043 --> 00:17:58,656 You call those sick bastards Ronnie, you call them. 266 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,045 Where are you going? Don't abandon me, you chicken! 267 00:18:07,732 --> 00:18:08,764 I'm coming. 268 00:18:15,799 --> 00:18:17,558 Suck on this bitch! 269 00:18:18,371 --> 00:18:20,126 No Ron, please don't. 270 00:18:31,725 --> 00:18:35,234 Folks, everything's going to be okay. Lights should be on soon. 271 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:52,990 We're ruined. 272 00:19:00,278 --> 00:19:03,463 This was a million dollar vacuum you destroyed. 273 00:19:04,263 --> 00:19:06,647 For the hundredth time, it tried to kill us. 274 00:19:07,209 --> 00:19:09,859 I trusted you with this and you destroyed it. 275 00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,358 - You really messed up. - Please don't fire us. 276 00:19:12,478 --> 00:19:14,010 It wasn't our fault. 277 00:19:16,471 --> 00:19:18,571 Maybe we should give them a break, 278 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,388 have them test our product 279 00:19:20,508 --> 00:19:22,977 - 27654? - Let us try that. 280 00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:25,858 You have another chance. 281 00:19:26,268 --> 00:19:27,613 Thanks Dr. Ng. 282 00:19:29,526 --> 00:19:31,590 Drop your pants and bend over. 283 00:19:34,137 --> 00:19:36,887 What is product 27654? 284 00:19:37,649 --> 00:19:38,799 Colon cleaner. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net