1
00:00:03,191 --> 00:00:07,910
Hello. Steve? It's Rob.
Oh, hey, hey.

2
00:00:07,911 --> 00:00:11,550
How's the show going? Just finished,
just started the hiatus.

3
00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:13,150
Yeah, I know, I spoke to your agent.

4
00:00:13,151 --> 00:00:15,470
Listen, The Observer wants us
to do more restaurant reviews,

5
00:00:15,471 --> 00:00:16,926
another six lunches. Really?

6
00:00:16,928 --> 00:00:22,326
But this time in Italy. La bella
Italia, yeah? What do you think?

7
00:00:22,328 --> 00:00:24,560
Well...
They'll fly you to Europe.

8
00:00:24,562 --> 00:00:27,682
First class?
No, they're offering business.

9
00:00:32,202 --> 00:00:35,681
Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?

10
00:00:35,682 --> 00:00:40,281
Thou art more beautiful
and more temperate.

11
00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:42,961
Rough winds do shake
the darling buds of May

12
00:00:42,962 --> 00:00:47,121
and summer's lease
has all too short a date.

13
00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:48,761
Aren't those lines
of Mr Shakespeare?

14
00:00:48,762 --> 00:00:52,242
Yes, I don't like
to quote my own work.

15
00:00:54,002 --> 00:00:55,602
Aha!

16
00:01:19,002 --> 00:01:21,962
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

17
00:01:28,282 --> 00:01:31,562
You OK?
Yes, fine.

18
00:01:33,162 --> 00:01:36,081
How was last night?
Fine.

19
00:01:36,082 --> 00:01:37,841
Can you elaborate?

20
00:01:37,842 --> 00:01:41,801
I don't want to talk about it and
that's not the cue for an ABBA song.

21
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:45,681
Well, I think when most people say
they don't want to talk about it,

22
00:01:45,682 --> 00:01:48,121
it means it didn't go very well,
but with you,

23
00:01:48,122 --> 00:01:51,601
I'd infer that it went pretty well.

24
00:01:51,602 --> 00:01:53,202
Yeah, too well.

25
00:01:57,322 --> 00:01:59,001
Very green, isn't it?

26
00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:00,121
It is.

27
00:02:00,122 --> 00:02:01,521
Molta verde.

28
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:06,361
Giuseppe Verdi sounds
very fancy, Joe Green.

29
00:02:06,362 --> 00:02:07,641
Joe Green.

30
00:02:07,642 --> 00:02:11,081
Roberto Brydone. Sounds classier
than Rob Brydon, doesn't it?

31
00:02:11,082 --> 00:02:12,961
Yeah.
Stefano Coggani.

32
00:02:12,962 --> 00:02:15,961
Yeah, I prefer my name
in Spanish, Esteban. What is it?

33
00:02:15,962 --> 00:02:17,281
SPANISH ACCENT: Esteban.

34
00:02:17,282 --> 00:02:19,281
You sound like a bull fighter.

35
00:02:19,282 --> 00:02:22,281
The bull is...
muy morte.

36
00:02:22,282 --> 00:02:25,801
No, no morte el toro! You bring
home the bull, we milk the bull.

37
00:02:25,802 --> 00:02:28,361
Don't milk... We don't milk
the bull, we milk the cow.

38
00:02:28,362 --> 00:02:30,201
Yeah, we don't want to milk
a bull, Rob,

39
00:02:30,202 --> 00:02:33,441
not after what happened last time.
That was a misunderstanding.

40
00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:37,521
You know that was a simple
misunderstanding, I was just...
happened to be on the farm.

41
00:02:37,522 --> 00:02:39,842
I've always been an animal lover,
you know that.

42
00:02:47,002 --> 00:02:48,682
Right, just a quick one.

43
00:02:50,762 --> 00:02:55,561
Look at that hair. George Michael
in the Careless Whisper video.

44
00:02:55,562 --> 00:02:57,442
Why do we have to do this?

45
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,402
A picture is worth a thousand words.

46
00:03:04,962 --> 00:03:06,921
It's not how I imagined it would be.

47
00:03:06,922 --> 00:03:09,401
I've never seen so many deck chairs.

48
00:03:09,402 --> 00:03:11,121
Really reminiscent of Rhyl.

49
00:03:11,122 --> 00:03:13,202
Ever played the Sun Centre in Rhyl?

50
00:03:15,202 --> 00:03:17,642
No. No, that's on my to do list.

51
00:03:20,322 --> 00:03:23,081
See, you've got Shelley there
on his funeral pyre.

52
00:03:23,082 --> 00:03:25,481
Byron staring wistfully into space,
that's Trelawney,

53
00:03:25,482 --> 00:03:27,561
he's the guy that commissioned
the boat so...

54
00:03:27,562 --> 00:03:29,161
Oh, that's a bit awkward.

55
00:03:29,162 --> 00:03:30,681
Hence he's staring at his feet.

56
00:03:30,682 --> 00:03:33,521
They wouldn't sue in those days,
not like they do now.

57
00:03:33,522 --> 00:03:36,401
Have you been injured at work
while composing romantic poetry

58
00:03:36,402 --> 00:03:42,801
on a boat, call now. 0800 471 471,
you could win up to £5,000.

59
00:03:42,802 --> 00:03:44,521
Like Mr Shelley.

60
00:03:44,522 --> 00:03:46,041
Guineas, yes.

61
00:03:46,042 --> 00:03:50,601
You could win up to 5,000 guineas,
like Mr Shelley from the UK.

62
00:03:50,602 --> 00:03:52,721
They wouldn't call it the UK.

63
00:03:52,722 --> 00:03:55,481
Like Mr Shelley from Great Britain.

64
00:03:55,482 --> 00:03:58,241
But this is a very idealised
version of everything,

65
00:03:58,242 --> 00:04:01,001
I mean he wouldn't have
looked like that, he'd been

66
00:04:01,002 --> 00:04:04,921
bobbing around for two weeks so he'd
have been bloated beyond belief.

67
00:04:04,922 --> 00:04:08,041
Yeah, everything looks better
in a painting, doesn't it?

68
00:04:08,042 --> 00:04:12,841
I sometimes think that one day I
will be, and so will you, on a slab.

69
00:04:12,842 --> 00:04:15,721
Yep. You'll have a little tag round
your toe

70
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:18,721
and somebody will be there
embalming you.

71
00:04:18,722 --> 00:04:21,721
Yeah. Do you ever think that?
Because it is going to happen.

72
00:04:21,722 --> 00:04:24,841
Unless you're lost at sea and
we can't find you, which is unlikely.

73
00:04:24,842 --> 00:04:29,961
You will one day lie on a slab.
You will, you will!

74
00:04:29,962 --> 00:04:33,321
It's better to accept it,
you're going to be on a slab.

75
00:04:33,322 --> 00:04:37,201
And then, and you'll be naked,
then somebody else will dress you.

76
00:04:37,202 --> 00:04:40,121
Yeah well, I... I would imagine with
you that will happen sometime

77
00:04:40,122 --> 00:04:42,561
before you actually die,
somebody else dressing you.

78
00:04:42,562 --> 00:04:46,161
I see you in your later years,
having to be dressed.

79
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:49,081
I will, and I'll be dressed
by a very attractive young nurse.

80
00:04:49,082 --> 00:04:51,161
Yeah, but you'll be able to do
nothing with her,

81
00:04:51,162 --> 00:04:53,281
absolutely nothing with her,
because your mind,

82
00:04:53,282 --> 00:04:55,961
you'll be like The Diving Bell and
the Butterfly, and your mind

83
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,921
will still be as active as it is now.
I'll still be able to sort of clasp
her hand as she walks away.

84
00:04:59,922 --> 00:05:03,881
No, you won't. There'll be no groping
at all and that will absolutely
kill you from the inside,

85
00:05:03,882 --> 00:05:07,161
because she'll lean over you knowing,
and she'll taunt you with her breasts

86
00:05:07,162 --> 00:05:09,921
and there'll be nothing you can do
and I'd love to be there.

87
00:05:09,922 --> 00:05:12,881
I would love to be there.
I don't know what films
you've been watching.

88
00:05:12,882 --> 00:05:14,601
Do you know what I do?
I read for Steve.

89
00:05:14,602 --> 00:05:16,681
Have you heard what Rob Brydon
does for Steve?

90
00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:19,601
Steve is more or less a vegetable,
but Rob goes every day and reads,

91
00:05:19,602 --> 00:05:22,201
and the only reason I do it is to be
there watching you unable

92
00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:26,242
to reach out to your Filipino nurse.
Knowing how much it's hurting you.

93
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,681
Now Trelawney is worried,

94
00:05:30,682 --> 00:05:35,321
because he's concerned that Byron
is going to take Shelley's skull

95
00:05:35,322 --> 00:05:38,241
because he already had a skull
which he used to drink from.

96
00:05:38,242 --> 00:05:40,201
Yeah, you see, that lets Byron down,

97
00:05:40,202 --> 00:05:42,881
because all that sort of great
passionate poetry

98
00:05:42,882 --> 00:05:45,961
and then you find out he's drinking
from a novelty mug.

99
00:05:45,962 --> 00:05:48,681
I would use your skull,
not as a novelty mug.

100
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:52,801
I would saw off the top, like you do
when you eat from a monkey.

101
00:05:52,802 --> 00:05:55,481
And I would mount it
on the dashboard of my car.

102
00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:57,161
Keep the top as a lid.

103
00:05:57,162 --> 00:05:59,841
Yes, and use it as a cup holder

104
00:05:59,842 --> 00:06:03,161
and put on the best of Partridge
on the MP3 player.

105
00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:07,121
I'd laugh my head off while looking
at your head, literally off,

106
00:06:07,122 --> 00:06:11,841
pop the latte into your head, and if
I was entertaining someone I'd say...

107
00:06:11,842 --> 00:06:14,201
They'd sit there, I mean your work
is great, they'd say,

108
00:06:14,202 --> 00:06:17,121
"Isn't he funny?" I'd say, "Not just
funny, he's holding my coffee."

109
00:06:17,122 --> 00:06:19,841
Did you know there's another bloke
who died on the boat with him?

110
00:06:19,842 --> 00:06:22,561
Yes, and they buried him,
they burned him the day before.

111
00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:25,001
Yeah.
The warm-up man.

112
00:06:25,002 --> 00:06:26,841
Forgotten. A footnote in history.

113
00:06:26,842 --> 00:06:29,441
If you die with somebody
more famous than you...

114
00:06:29,442 --> 00:06:31,641
It is terrible, like Diana...
Mother Teresa.

115
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,922
Mother Teresa.
Nobody mentions Mother Teresa.

116
00:06:35,202 --> 00:06:38,041
Right, I shall drive
as per our agreement.

117
00:06:38,042 --> 00:06:42,441
You can have the new experience
of being a passenger.

118
00:06:42,442 --> 00:06:46,041
You sure? It's not new. I've been
chauffeur driven many times before.

119
00:06:46,042 --> 00:06:51,881
We are going to Palazzo Lanfranchi
in Pisa, where Byron lived,

120
00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:57,121
and it is on the
Lungarno Galileo Galilei.

121
00:06:57,122 --> 00:07:01,241
I'm now in fourth gear, OK?
Is that all right?

122
00:07:01,242 --> 00:07:04,241
All I said was reverse
is next to first,

123
00:07:04,242 --> 00:07:06,761
it's very easy to select it
unwittingly.

124
00:07:06,762 --> 00:07:10,362
I'm not slagging you off, I'm
alerting you to what might happen.

125
00:07:11,642 --> 00:07:13,401
Crossing the Rubicon here.

126
00:07:13,402 --> 00:07:15,801
No, this is the Arno.

127
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:19,962
Look, we're in Pisa. Can we go
and see the Leaning Tower?

128
00:07:21,242 --> 00:07:25,761
Galileo used the tower of Pisa
to illustrate gravity.

129
00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:28,441
In all seriousness,
Galileo was a great, great man.

130
00:07:28,442 --> 00:07:30,321
Can't go left there,
there are bollards.

131
00:07:30,322 --> 00:07:32,121
Vilified by the church, persecuted.

132
00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:33,641
Why can you not turn left?

133
00:07:33,642 --> 00:07:36,441
As was Marconi, because the church
always persecutes people

134
00:07:36,442 --> 00:07:38,241
who come up
with scientific solutions.

135
00:07:38,242 --> 00:07:40,961
Not even a proper road,
there are umbrellas in there.

136
00:07:40,962 --> 00:07:43,961
And then years later, of course,
completely vindicated.

137
00:07:43,962 --> 00:07:46,561
That's telling me to go there,
that's telling me I can't.

138
00:07:46,562 --> 00:07:49,602
Oh, hang on. In right here.
Go there, go there, go there.

139
00:07:54,882 --> 00:07:56,601
Why do backs sweat so much?

140
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:59,521
Because you get hot in the car and
you're pressed up against leather,

141
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,441
so you're bound to sweat, aren't you?

142
00:08:01,442 --> 00:08:03,721
Yeah, but that's this fashion
for leather seats,

143
00:08:03,722 --> 00:08:05,881
never happened with velour.

144
00:08:05,882 --> 00:08:11,041
Jaguar blow cold air through the
seats to make your back cool

145
00:08:11,042 --> 00:08:13,321
and I used to think that was
an indulgence,

146
00:08:13,322 --> 00:08:15,162
but I might get one now, get a Jag.

147
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,401
Palazzo Lanfranchi.
Byron lived here.

148
00:08:20,402 --> 00:08:22,961
Palazzo... Anne Franki?

149
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:24,361
Lanfranchi.

150
00:08:24,362 --> 00:08:27,041
I thought that was in Amsterdami.
Are you sure it's Byron's?

151
00:08:27,042 --> 00:08:28,561
There's no plaque.

152
00:08:28,562 --> 00:08:29,961
Please take a photograph.

153
00:08:29,962 --> 00:08:31,881
I'm just asking why
there's no plaque.

154
00:08:31,882 --> 00:08:35,521
I don't know why there's no plaque
but please take the photograph.

155
00:08:35,522 --> 00:08:37,641
Ask this lady.

156
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,761
Oh, scusi, sorry. Palazzo Lanfranchi?

157
00:08:39,762 --> 00:08:42,241
Si, yes.
Did Byron live here?

158
00:08:42,242 --> 00:08:45,441
No, Byron lived on the other,
in the other Palazzo Lanfranchi,

159
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,241
they had so many palaces.

160
00:08:47,242 --> 00:08:48,961
Right, and Shelley, where was...?

161
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,401
Shelley lived over there,
where you see the ruins?

162
00:08:51,402 --> 00:08:53,201
There's no palaces any more.

163
00:08:53,202 --> 00:08:55,681
Si. Si, grazie. Arrivederci.

164
00:08:55,682 --> 00:08:58,241
Grazie mille.

165
00:08:58,242 --> 00:09:00,162
Aw, she ignored you.

166
00:09:02,882 --> 00:09:04,201
Where are we going now?

167
00:09:04,202 --> 00:09:08,842
It's in the dossier, the sexed-up
dossier in the rear of the car.

168
00:09:13,482 --> 00:09:15,042
OK.

169
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:19,321
"Set in a wooded hill overlooking
the valley below

170
00:09:19,322 --> 00:09:21,481
"in the heart of Tuscany,
La Suvera in Pievescola

171
00:09:21,482 --> 00:09:24,561
"is an historic villa full
of precious antiques and heirlooms.

172
00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:27,561
Do James Mason.

173
00:09:27,562 --> 00:09:30,041
AS JAMES MASON:
"In the heart of Tuscany,

174
00:09:30,042 --> 00:09:33,201
"La Suvera in Pievescola is an
historic villa

175
00:09:33,202 --> 00:09:36,161
"full of precious
antiques and heirlooms."

176
00:09:36,162 --> 00:09:39,161
Could we now please have
Mr Neil Kinnock?

177
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,961
AS NEIL KINNOCK: Oh, all right.
"Once a medieval fortress

178
00:09:41,962 --> 00:09:44,161
"and later a papal palace."

179
00:09:44,162 --> 00:09:46,241
That's the best thing you do.
That is the best...

180
00:09:46,242 --> 00:09:48,362
The best thing I do?
That's the best thing you do.

181
00:09:52,402 --> 00:09:54,081
The sign says go the other way.

182
00:09:54,082 --> 00:09:56,281
Yeah, but the Sat Nav
said go this way.

183
00:09:56,282 --> 00:09:59,401
No, I think the signs were right
and I'm the navigator.

184
00:09:59,402 --> 00:10:02,041
It would help if
we got over 40 miles an hour.

185
00:10:02,042 --> 00:10:05,841
All right. See I changed down then.

186
00:10:05,842 --> 00:10:09,482
Yeah, I loved the crunch sound that
you made when you did it as well.

187
00:10:10,682 --> 00:10:13,882
I'm hungry, so let's just stop
at the first place we come to.

188
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:21,721
Oh! Oh, come on, somewhere, please.

189
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,881
You can see things,
you can see villages or towns

190
00:10:24,882 --> 00:10:26,321
but you never actually get to them.

191
00:10:26,322 --> 00:10:29,282
Eventually, eventually we'll...
I'll sniff one out.

192
00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:35,002
Trattoria Albana.

193
00:10:40,322 --> 00:10:42,562
Thank God for that, food.

194
00:10:45,202 --> 00:10:46,882
Care to explain this?

195
00:10:48,242 --> 00:10:50,681
IN PETE AND DUD VOICE:
'Ere, what are you doing

196
00:10:50,682 --> 00:10:53,961
with the Casanova's autobiography
in your sandwich box?

197
00:10:53,962 --> 00:10:55,561
It's just research, that's all.

198
00:10:55,562 --> 00:11:00,361
Just going to plump up the articles
with a bit of culture, you know.

199
00:11:00,362 --> 00:11:03,881
This is just extracts.
The full thing is 800 pages.

200
00:11:03,882 --> 00:11:06,961
How long was your book?
Your autobiography?

201
00:11:06,962 --> 00:11:09,841
I can't remember.
300, 200 and something? 300?

202
00:11:09,842 --> 00:11:11,801
200 of that's got to have
been padding.

203
00:11:11,802 --> 00:11:13,961
There's not much padding.
I'll be honest with you.

204
00:11:13,962 --> 00:11:15,801
Have you read it?
No, of course not, no.

205
00:11:15,802 --> 00:11:19,041
I mean I've skimmed the index in
WH Smith's, saved myself the £1.99.

206
00:11:19,042 --> 00:11:22,401
And seeing your name, you weren't
tempted to dip in and have a look?

207
00:11:22,402 --> 00:11:24,681
No, I saw it. I just wanted
to make sure I got a mention.

208
00:11:24,682 --> 00:11:26,361
Yeah, I speak very highly of you,
yes.

209
00:11:26,362 --> 00:11:29,321
I'm sure you do, didn't doubt it,
that's why I didn't need to check.

210
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,442
Prego. Grazie.

211
00:11:32,802 --> 00:11:35,441
Ideally he'd open it,
but there we are, it's a start.

212
00:11:35,442 --> 00:11:37,641
Yeah, well, you got to pay
extra for that.

213
00:11:37,642 --> 00:11:40,881
No, it's good.
It's about 300 pages long,

214
00:11:40,882 --> 00:11:45,401
I only go up to winning
the British Comedy Award.

215
00:11:45,402 --> 00:11:47,681
For the first time.

216
00:11:47,682 --> 00:11:49,681
Well, how many have you won?

217
00:11:49,682 --> 00:11:50,921
Three.

218
00:11:50,922 --> 00:11:52,161
Really?

219
00:11:52,162 --> 00:11:53,601
You cheeky bugger.
Wow.

220
00:11:53,602 --> 00:11:56,761
Look at that genuine shock.
Genuine shock, you bastard.

221
00:11:56,762 --> 00:11:58,601
I'm genuinely shocked - three?

222
00:11:58,602 --> 00:12:01,001
Can you mask your genuine shock?
There's an idea.

223
00:12:01,002 --> 00:12:02,202
Grazie.

224
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:10,401
Seven. That's how many.

225
00:12:10,402 --> 00:12:13,321
I thought I'd answer the silent
question that was hovering.

226
00:12:13,322 --> 00:12:15,242
Which is... Buono, buono, bene.

227
00:12:20,402 --> 00:12:23,401
What could you possibly write
about that could fill,

228
00:12:23,402 --> 00:12:25,481
what was it, 100 pages?

229
00:12:25,482 --> 00:12:28,321
300. 300 pages, I mean,
I don't know what you...?

230
00:12:28,322 --> 00:12:30,761
Well, since you asked.

231
00:12:30,762 --> 00:12:35,841
I was born 3rd May, 1965,
South Wales, Swansea.

232
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,241
Are these the highlights?

233
00:12:38,242 --> 00:12:41,761
In a little nursing home called,
ironically enough, The Bryn,

234
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:45,321
given the great accolades
I would enjoy later in my life

235
00:12:45,322 --> 00:12:47,841
playing a character
of that same name.

236
00:12:47,842 --> 00:12:51,321
"Bryn" means "hill" in Welsh,
and I've often wondered how different

237
00:12:51,322 --> 00:12:54,521
my life would have been if my mother
had chosen instead

238
00:12:54,522 --> 00:12:57,281
the nearby James Bond Home for
Expectant Mothers,

239
00:12:57,282 --> 00:12:58,601
so I start with a gag.

240
00:12:58,602 --> 00:13:00,841
And this made the final edition?

241
00:13:00,842 --> 00:13:04,441
My parents were young when they had
me, my father a car salesman.

242
00:13:04,442 --> 00:13:07,441
We lived in Baglan,
near Port Talbot.

243
00:13:07,442 --> 00:13:09,761
I'm a bit worried there's been
crossed wires here

244
00:13:09,762 --> 00:13:12,361
because you seem to have started
telling me your life story.

245
00:13:12,362 --> 00:13:13,801
I'm reciting the book.

246
00:13:13,802 --> 00:13:16,002
We're still on page one
so settle in.

247
00:13:20,242 --> 00:13:21,881
Have you written yours then?

248
00:13:21,882 --> 00:13:23,601
No. No, I haven't.

249
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:25,761
I've written the Partridge
autobiography -

250
00:13:25,762 --> 00:13:27,881
I, Partridge,
We Need to Talk About Alan.

251
00:13:27,882 --> 00:13:31,522
Do we?
Yeah. Very successful. I mean very.

252
00:13:33,722 --> 00:13:39,522
Five stars. I don't know
if I've seen more five-star reviews.

253
00:13:43,842 --> 00:13:47,561
Ah. Ravioli, pasta.

254
00:13:47,562 --> 00:13:51,681
Remind me at some point to tell
you about the time I co-piloted

255
00:13:51,682 --> 00:13:55,081
a fighter jet from RAF Norfolk.
Not now but another time.

256
00:13:55,082 --> 00:13:58,521
No, you've already told me that
story, on more than one occasion.

257
00:13:58,522 --> 00:14:00,921
No, I probably gave you
the bullet points.

258
00:14:00,922 --> 00:14:03,481
No, it was quite extensive.
We've got time here so...

259
00:14:03,482 --> 00:14:05,921
No, we haven't. We really haven't.

260
00:14:05,922 --> 00:14:08,681
This is good. You know we're not that
far from the hotel,

261
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,641
you know that, don't you?
About ten miles.

262
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,681
I know. Because I checked a thing
called a map.

263
00:14:12,682 --> 00:14:14,881
That's what they used to use
in the olden days, Rob.

264
00:14:14,882 --> 00:14:17,761
Fine, so when we get to the hotel,
we'll enjoy the hotel.

265
00:14:17,762 --> 00:14:19,761
Yeah, we could have been
eating there now.

266
00:14:19,762 --> 00:14:21,401
This is good,
what's wrong with this?

267
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,602
Nothing wrong with this.
This is good ravioli.

268
00:14:27,002 --> 00:14:31,521
"He possessed two of the most
important ingredients of greatness,

269
00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:34,921
"total self-confidence
and super-abundant energy.

270
00:14:34,922 --> 00:14:39,481
"He feared nobody, he was equally
at home in a palace or a tavern."

271
00:14:39,482 --> 00:14:42,241
Tick, tick, tick.
"A church or a brothel." Tick.

272
00:14:42,242 --> 00:14:45,481
"He was totally devoid of a sense of
morality, love for him..."

273
00:14:45,482 --> 00:14:49,321
Well that's not me. "..had no
connection with evil,
it meant pleasure pure and simple."

274
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,481
That's not me
I've got a moral compass.

275
00:14:51,482 --> 00:14:54,561
Oh, yes, you have a moral compass,
it's just you don't know where it is.

276
00:14:54,562 --> 00:14:57,121
I do have a moral compass
and if you gave me three days,

277
00:14:57,122 --> 00:14:59,241
I could find it in the attic.

278
00:14:59,242 --> 00:15:01,921
When was the last time
you found yourself wondering,

279
00:15:01,922 --> 00:15:04,321
"Oh, I wonder
where my moral compass is?

280
00:15:04,322 --> 00:15:05,521
"I could do with it now."

281
00:15:05,522 --> 00:15:07,921
When I've needed it,
I've managed to root it out.

282
00:15:07,922 --> 00:15:10,241
But when? What sort of occasions
would they have been?

283
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,681
This is what I'm curious to know.

284
00:15:11,682 --> 00:15:14,481
OK, when I appeared before
the Leveson Inquiry,

285
00:15:14,482 --> 00:15:17,121
I think I probably laid my hands
on my moral compass then.

286
00:15:17,122 --> 00:15:21,121
Cost me £450,000 in legal fees when
I tried to sue News International

287
00:15:21,122 --> 00:15:23,841
and it doesn't make you very
popular with certain people.

288
00:15:23,842 --> 00:15:25,641
But you know it's the right thing
to do,

289
00:15:25,642 --> 00:15:28,282
so that's why I'm different
from Casanova.

290
00:15:35,562 --> 00:15:39,041
Byron had a... 17-year-old mistress.

291
00:15:39,042 --> 00:15:42,761
She was married to a 60-year-old
nobleman and they all lived together,

292
00:15:42,762 --> 00:15:45,641
everybody knew about it,
and of course, they were then exiled

293
00:15:45,642 --> 00:15:48,961
to Pisa because they were
fighting for the Carbonari.

294
00:15:48,962 --> 00:15:50,481
Really? Yeah.

295
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,401
I mean I like Carbonara
but you know...

296
00:15:52,402 --> 00:15:54,481
Would you fight for one?
No. No?

297
00:15:54,482 --> 00:15:56,681
No, I mean Italian food's nice
but it's not that good.

298
00:15:56,682 --> 00:15:58,921
Do you know what I'd fight for?
I'd fight for a curry.

299
00:15:58,922 --> 00:16:01,561
I might fight after a curry.
I'd fight for a seafood linguine,

300
00:16:01,562 --> 00:16:03,041
I think, that would get my gander.

301
00:16:03,042 --> 00:16:05,761
Yeah, a good spag bol, I wouldn't
fight but you know, I'd...

302
00:16:05,762 --> 00:16:06,762
Stamp your feet?

303
00:16:06,763 --> 00:16:09,881
No, I'd flick someone on the side
of their ear, quite painfully.

304
00:16:09,882 --> 00:16:11,401
Flick someone like at school.

305
00:16:11,402 --> 00:16:13,361
Like that, like that.
"Ah, fuck off."

306
00:16:13,362 --> 00:16:16,121
Boys at school used to do that,
didn't they? I used to hate that.

307
00:16:16,122 --> 00:16:18,761
Were you a flicker or were you...?
I was a flicker and a flickee.

308
00:16:18,762 --> 00:16:20,961
I was neither, but I watched
at the side

309
00:16:20,962 --> 00:16:22,881
and I saw the flickers and I felt...

310
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:26,561
I felt what they were doing was wrong
and I felt sympathy for the flicked.

311
00:16:26,562 --> 00:16:27,961
And the afflicted?

312
00:16:27,962 --> 00:16:29,481
For the afflicted, yes.

313
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:31,921
No, I got in there, you know,
and I was, you know.

314
00:16:31,922 --> 00:16:35,961
Oh, yeah, you saw injustice
and you went in to sort it out.

315
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:38,521
I did, you know. All right.

316
00:16:38,522 --> 00:16:41,321
Did you front a campaign
called Flicked Off?

317
00:16:41,322 --> 00:16:43,882
Protecting the victims of flicking.

318
00:16:51,682 --> 00:16:53,202
Grazie.
Prego.

319
00:16:54,962 --> 00:16:56,081
Hello.

320
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,881
Hey, how's it going?

321
00:16:57,882 --> 00:17:01,041
Great, great, we're a bit... Well,
it's all right, we're a bit lost.

322
00:17:01,042 --> 00:17:03,321
Oh, dear, well,
I'm sorry to hear that.

323
00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:06,521
I'm just calling to remind you
that I'm coming out tomorrow.

324
00:17:06,522 --> 00:17:08,321
Oh, great, that's good.

325
00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:10,321
With Yolanda, the photographer.

326
00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:12,681
What, the same photographer
as last time?

327
00:17:12,682 --> 00:17:15,841
Yeah, yeah. Is that OK?

328
00:17:15,842 --> 00:17:17,641
Well, who booked her?

329
00:17:17,642 --> 00:17:19,881
I don't know, I think it was
the Observer.

330
00:17:19,882 --> 00:17:23,041
Is that a problem? Because I can
always try to change it.

331
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,881
No, no, that would be rude.

332
00:17:24,882 --> 00:17:26,761
I'm sure it'll be fine.

333
00:17:26,762 --> 00:17:28,961
All right, great... for you.

334
00:17:28,962 --> 00:17:32,321
All right, well, listen,
I'll see you tomorrow.

335
00:17:32,322 --> 00:17:35,082
Can't wait.
All right, lovey. Take care, ta-ra.

336
00:17:40,202 --> 00:17:43,041
So our photographer
who's coming tomorrow

337
00:17:43,042 --> 00:17:46,041
is the same one we had last time.

338
00:17:46,042 --> 00:17:48,521
Really?
Yeah. Yolanda.

339
00:17:48,522 --> 00:17:50,281
The one you slept with?

340
00:17:50,282 --> 00:17:51,681
Yeah.

341
00:17:51,682 --> 00:17:53,801
Is that going to be awkward?

342
00:17:53,802 --> 00:17:55,401
Be interesting.

343
00:17:55,402 --> 00:17:57,042
How do you do it?

344
00:17:58,762 --> 00:18:00,881
Just take your trousers off...

345
00:18:00,882 --> 00:18:03,721
Serious question.
And your underpants, socks optional.

346
00:18:03,722 --> 00:18:06,481
I'm seriously asking you,
how do you do it?

347
00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:09,401
It's reputation.
You're famous?

348
00:18:09,402 --> 00:18:13,881
No, although I don't see any reason
to not use everything

349
00:18:13,882 --> 00:18:15,401
you've got in your arsenal.

350
00:18:15,402 --> 00:18:18,161
People say, "Oh, she only slept
with you because you're famous."

351
00:18:18,162 --> 00:18:21,681
And you say, "They only slept with
you because you're good looking
and young."

352
00:18:21,682 --> 00:18:24,841
They sleep with me because of
my semi-justified reputation

353
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,401
for being something of a Lothario.

354
00:18:26,402 --> 00:18:30,561
But it was the same with
Byron and Shelley, Casanova.

355
00:18:30,562 --> 00:18:34,241
Byron said he felt like he was 60
because he'd had so many affairs,

356
00:18:34,242 --> 00:18:37,161
36 when he died.
Yeah, well, he's still...

357
00:18:37,162 --> 00:18:39,241
Ten years younger than us, and a bit.

358
00:18:39,242 --> 00:18:43,641
So we are more than ten years
older than him now

359
00:18:43,642 --> 00:18:47,801
when he was complaining
about how old he felt.

360
00:18:47,802 --> 00:18:49,841
We're ten years ahead of that.

361
00:18:49,842 --> 00:18:52,001
His girlfriend was still
half his age.

362
00:18:52,002 --> 00:18:56,241
When he was in pieces, Shelley
fell in love with a 17-year-old.

363
00:18:56,242 --> 00:18:58,322
She was only 17.

364
00:18:59,762 --> 00:19:03,041
AS MICHAEL CAINE: She was only,
she was only 16 years old.

365
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:06,081
AS MICHAEL CAINE: No, she was
only 17 years old.

366
00:19:06,082 --> 00:19:07,601
Sounds good.

367
00:19:07,602 --> 00:19:09,081
Do you miss Misha?

368
00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:11,681
Misha was in her mid-20s,
you know that, don't you?

369
00:19:11,682 --> 00:19:13,121
Yeah, I'm saying she's younger.

370
00:19:13,122 --> 00:19:15,401
But it's not like a connection
with the 17-year-old.

371
00:19:15,402 --> 00:19:17,681
No, I was trying to ask you
a serious question

372
00:19:17,682 --> 00:19:20,042
in a sensitive way.
Do you miss her?

373
00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:23,922
Yes.

374
00:19:25,402 --> 00:19:28,761
She's the last chance I had
to have a real, you know...

375
00:19:28,762 --> 00:19:32,681
We came together through
our mutual enthusiasm

376
00:19:32,682 --> 00:19:37,841
for sexual intercourse,
and that could easily have evolved

377
00:19:37,842 --> 00:19:42,121
into a family and children and
growing old but...

378
00:19:42,122 --> 00:19:44,202
it was not to be.

379
00:19:45,562 --> 00:19:49,242
I try not to think about it really,
otherwise I get depressed.

380
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:53,321
What's the optimum age for a woman,
for a man's partner?

381
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:57,681
We'll age.
Most men, mid-20s. 26, maybe?

382
00:19:57,682 --> 00:20:01,961
You know, old enough to be a woman
and have a rounded view of life,

383
00:20:01,962 --> 00:20:05,401
but young enough not to have
acquired baggage

384
00:20:05,402 --> 00:20:08,241
that they then off load onto you.

385
00:20:08,242 --> 00:20:11,681
As I grow older, I've looked
at a photo album the other day,

386
00:20:11,682 --> 00:20:15,481
as I get older in the pictures,
my girlfriend stays the same age.

387
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:18,442
They're like Doctor Whos,
they just keep changing.

388
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,601
Would you like to drive,
because I've had a lot to drink.

389
00:20:24,602 --> 00:20:26,321
I will drive because I...

390
00:20:26,322 --> 00:20:28,761
But would you drive in an orderly
manner, not as if

391
00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:31,841
you're Emerson Fittipaldi taking
part in the Paris-Dakar Rally

392
00:20:31,842 --> 00:20:35,881
and not instructing me on how
you change down before a corner.

393
00:20:35,882 --> 00:20:38,681
I will neither drive like
Emerson Fittipaldi,

394
00:20:38,682 --> 00:20:41,561
neither will I drive
like a district nurse.

395
00:20:41,562 --> 00:20:43,722
I will drive briskly but safely.

396
00:20:45,162 --> 00:20:46,961
How do you rate the wild boar?

397
00:20:46,962 --> 00:20:48,681
Very nice, quite aggressive.

398
00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:50,801
An aggressive meat.

399
00:20:50,802 --> 00:20:52,721
They come at you.
Yeah.

400
00:20:52,722 --> 00:20:55,401
Once they're on the plate,
you're safe, I think, as a rule.

401
00:20:55,402 --> 00:20:56,921
Grazie.

402
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:59,162
I'll get this, Steve, please.

403
00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:03,601
It's time to play, Guess The Amount.

404
00:21:03,602 --> 00:21:05,401
Contestant today is Steve Coogan.

405
00:21:05,402 --> 00:21:07,401
The Observer's picking
up the tab.

406
00:21:07,402 --> 00:21:08,561
Yeah, all right.

407
00:21:08,562 --> 00:21:11,321
Steve comes from the town of Pedantry
in the North of England.

408
00:21:11,322 --> 00:21:15,881
Steve, is the amount,
A - 76.50 euro,

409
00:21:15,882 --> 00:21:18,281
B - 350 euro,

410
00:21:18,282 --> 00:21:22,241
or C - 2,475,000 euro.

411
00:21:22,242 --> 00:21:25,041
Remember, Steve I can only take
your first answer.

412
00:21:25,042 --> 00:21:26,681
A.

413
00:21:26,682 --> 00:21:29,561
Is the right answer, you're going
home richer, well done.

414
00:21:29,562 --> 00:21:30,881
Good night, everybody.

415
00:21:30,882 --> 00:21:34,481
That's good. That's the wine
as well, everything in there.

416
00:21:34,482 --> 00:21:37,641
But it is in the middle of nowhere,
you know what I mean? Yes, I know.

417
00:21:37,642 --> 00:21:40,481
Factor in taxi fares,
it would be 300 euro.

418
00:21:40,482 --> 00:21:43,081
("You Oughta Know"
by Alanis Morissette plays)

419
00:21:43,082 --> 00:21:45,281
ROB SINGING ALONG:
# Is she perverted like me?

420
00:21:45,282 --> 00:21:48,641
♪ Would she go down on you
in a theatre? ♪

421
00:21:48,642 --> 00:21:51,961
You're stretching all the vowel
sounds out. It's very staccato.

422
00:21:51,962 --> 00:21:53,881
"Du, du, du, du, du, du,"

423
00:21:53,882 --> 00:21:56,201
you're doing,
"da, da, de da, de da."

424
00:21:56,202 --> 00:21:57,921
Oh, I'm sorry!

425
00:21:57,922 --> 00:22:00,561
"La, la, la." Her whole thing
is anger.

426
00:22:00,562 --> 00:22:03,841
Anger comes out like a machine gun,
a rapid "da, da, da, da."

427
00:22:03,842 --> 00:22:06,561
Our new coach on the voice,
Steve Coogan.

428
00:22:06,562 --> 00:22:10,961
If you've never been angry because
a man has dumped you, because...

429
00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:14,921
Well, of course I have.
How can you be so insensitive?

430
00:22:14,922 --> 00:22:18,201
Of course I have,
and I think you know who he was.

431
00:22:18,202 --> 00:22:19,521
Well, channel it. Channel it.

432
00:22:19,522 --> 00:22:22,441
I think you know only too well
which incident I'm referring to.

433
00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:24,361
Look me in the eye
and tell me you don't.

434
00:22:24,362 --> 00:22:28,241
# It's not fair to deny me

435
00:22:28,242 --> 00:22:32,801
STEVE AS ROGER MOORE:
# And I'm here to remind you

436
00:22:32,802 --> 00:22:37,001
# Of the mess you left
when you went away

437
00:22:37,002 --> 00:22:40,801
♪ It's not fair to remind you... ♪

438
00:22:40,802 --> 00:22:44,161
Roger Moore sings the very best
of Alanis Morissette,

439
00:22:44,162 --> 00:22:46,401
including You Oughta Know.

440
00:22:46,402 --> 00:22:50,241
# You seem very calm

441
00:22:50,242 --> 00:22:54,001
♪ Things seem peaceful now... ♪

442
00:22:54,002 --> 00:22:56,802
Oh, like being at home.

443
00:22:58,242 --> 00:22:59,722
Like all your fans.

444
00:23:01,802 --> 00:23:04,841
ROB SINGS: # Cos the love that you
gave that we made wasn't able

445
00:23:04,842 --> 00:23:08,121
# To make it enough for you
to be open wide

446
00:23:08,122 --> 00:23:10,161
♪ Open wide! ♪

447
00:23:10,162 --> 00:23:12,961
She doesn't say open wide
again like that, ever.

448
00:23:12,962 --> 00:23:14,281
♪ Open wide. ♪

449
00:23:14,282 --> 00:23:16,801
Could we sing it
without you correcting me?

450
00:23:16,802 --> 00:23:19,281
# But you're still alive

451
00:23:19,282 --> 00:23:21,801
# And I'm here

452
00:23:21,802 --> 00:23:23,721
# To remind you

453
00:23:23,722 --> 00:23:28,001
# of the mess you left
when you went away

454
00:23:28,002 --> 00:23:30,441
# It's not fair

455
00:23:30,442 --> 00:23:32,521
# To deny me

456
00:23:32,522 --> 00:23:35,041
♪ Of the cross I bear... ♪

457
00:23:35,042 --> 00:23:37,361
Wow, look at that.
Isn't that beautiful?

458
00:23:37,362 --> 00:23:39,962
Yeah.

459
00:23:41,322 --> 00:23:45,721
So you have reserved the Duke
of Genoa suite and Napoleon suite.

460
00:23:45,722 --> 00:23:47,121
Which is bigger?

461
00:23:47,122 --> 00:23:48,641
Oh, both are very nice.

462
00:23:48,642 --> 00:23:51,761
Yeah.
I think I should have the Napoleon.

463
00:23:51,762 --> 00:23:54,802
If it's based on height.
Or complex.

464
00:23:56,562 --> 00:23:58,001
This is your sitting room.

465
00:23:58,002 --> 00:23:59,242
Right.

466
00:24:00,362 --> 00:24:02,002
And this is your bedroom.

467
00:24:04,482 --> 00:24:07,001
You have a beautiful view.

468
00:24:07,002 --> 00:24:11,601
Wow, that is... stunning.

469
00:24:11,602 --> 00:24:14,801
I'm going to show
your friend his room.

470
00:24:14,802 --> 00:24:17,601
OK, of course, yeah.

471
00:24:17,602 --> 00:24:20,641
I like your uniform.
You look like an air stewardess.

472
00:24:20,642 --> 00:24:24,002
That's, that's... in a good way.

473
00:24:29,242 --> 00:24:30,722
And this is your room.

474
00:24:31,882 --> 00:24:33,041
Amazing.

475
00:24:33,042 --> 00:24:34,841
Yes, it's my favourite room.

476
00:24:34,842 --> 00:24:35,802
Yeah, I'll bet.

477
00:24:52,522 --> 00:24:54,561
Hi, Rob, it's Donna.

478
00:24:54,562 --> 00:24:58,521
I'm just calling to check you got
my e-mail with the script pages?

479
00:24:58,522 --> 00:25:01,881
No, I haven't. What is it?
What's the part?

480
00:25:01,882 --> 00:25:04,721
It's a really good part.
It's a supporting role,

481
00:25:04,722 --> 00:25:07,601
but you're going to be great in it
because it's very sympathetic

482
00:25:07,602 --> 00:25:10,161
and people will love you in it,
really.

483
00:25:10,162 --> 00:25:12,481
You'll be playing
an accountant for the Mob.

484
00:25:12,482 --> 00:25:14,761
Oh, brilliant, all right. Comedy?

485
00:25:14,762 --> 00:25:17,281
No, it's a thriller.

486
00:25:17,282 --> 00:25:19,201
Really, why me?

487
00:25:19,202 --> 00:25:23,201
You're perfect for the part.
You look like an accountant,

488
00:25:23,202 --> 00:25:26,961
and also you're totally unknown
in America, which is what they want.

489
00:25:26,962 --> 00:25:29,001
Yes, very good.

490
00:25:29,002 --> 00:25:31,601
Yes, you've got to put yourself
on tape and e-mail me.

491
00:25:31,602 --> 00:25:34,801
Yeah, I can do that.
I can have it with you by tomorrow.

492
00:25:34,802 --> 00:25:37,121
Oh, this is good news,
this is exciting.

493
00:25:37,122 --> 00:25:40,041
It is. It is exciting, yeah.
How's Steve?

494
00:25:40,042 --> 00:25:42,961
He's fine, he's fine.
He's a bit pissed off

495
00:25:42,962 --> 00:25:47,042
about the show ending, but other than
that, you know, same as ever.

496
00:26:00,922 --> 00:26:02,481
Che bella palazzo.

497
00:26:02,482 --> 00:26:06,722
It's the sort of place
that Byron would have rented.

498
00:26:09,322 --> 00:26:11,881
Ciao, buonasera.

499
00:26:11,882 --> 00:26:13,361
Buonasera. Buonasera.

500
00:26:13,362 --> 00:26:15,601
She's got a lovely gait.

501
00:26:15,602 --> 00:26:17,602
Probably padlocked.

502
00:26:19,642 --> 00:26:20,801
Oh, yes.

503
00:26:20,802 --> 00:26:25,641
There's very little separating
Byron from Brydon.

504
00:26:25,642 --> 00:26:27,962
Yeah.
Just a D. That's all there is.

505
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:33,201
Yeah, but the almost anagram
of your names

506
00:26:33,202 --> 00:26:36,561
is the only thing that you would
have shared, isn't it,

507
00:26:36,562 --> 00:26:40,641
because what Byron represented
is probably the antithesis of you,

508
00:26:40,642 --> 00:26:44,241
because he was shaking the tree
from the word go,

509
00:26:44,242 --> 00:26:48,481
until when he popped his clogs,
and that ain't you, mate. And...

510
00:26:48,482 --> 00:26:52,401
I'm not a risk taker. I'll admit
that, although I have played Risk.

511
00:26:52,402 --> 00:26:54,361
And he's a good swimmer.

512
00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:55,921
Again, yeah, yeah.

513
00:26:55,922 --> 00:26:59,201
He struggled with his weight
when he was in Italy,

514
00:26:59,202 --> 00:27:01,441
not many people know that about him,
he was a bloater.

515
00:27:01,442 --> 00:27:04,561
OK, so maybe now, Rob, we're finding
something more solid.

516
00:27:04,562 --> 00:27:07,841
Like him,
I am fighting the Carbonara.

517
00:27:07,842 --> 00:27:09,001
Oh, this is lovely.

518
00:27:09,002 --> 00:27:12,282
You could sit here for a good seven
or eight minutes more.

519
00:27:14,362 --> 00:27:19,402
("Go No More A-Roving"
by Leonard Cohen plays)

520
00:27:25,402 --> 00:27:28,361
AS AL PACINO: You know when
I imagined where we'd be,

521
00:27:28,362 --> 00:27:30,601
ten years ago, this is it.

522
00:27:30,602 --> 00:27:36,121
When I imagined where we'd be,
ten years ago,

523
00:27:36,122 --> 00:27:39,441
this is what I wanted.

524
00:27:39,442 --> 00:27:42,841
AS DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I love you.
I love this city, I love this house.

525
00:27:42,842 --> 00:27:46,681
AS MARLON BRANDO: Now when I imagined
where we'd be, ten years ago,

526
00:27:46,682 --> 00:27:48,961
this is what I wanted.

527
00:27:48,962 --> 00:27:51,401
You know. You know.

528
00:27:51,402 --> 00:27:57,842
IN VARIOUS VOICES: You know.
You know. You know.

529
00:28:04,962 --> 00:28:08,121
AS WOODY ALLEN: There's too much
going on, I can't just close the door

530
00:28:08,122 --> 00:28:12,362
and leave it behind, you know.
My head has to be out there.

531
00:28:17,202 --> 00:28:20,521
IN SIGMUND FREUD VOICE: I think it is
very unlikely you'll get this part

532
00:28:20,522 --> 00:28:23,601
and you have to come to terms with
it I'm afraid, it's very unlikely.

533
00:28:23,602 --> 00:28:24,761
I know.

534
00:28:24,762 --> 00:28:26,601
Well, why you bother then?

535
00:28:26,602 --> 00:28:28,361
Oh, you know, give it a go.

536
00:28:28,362 --> 00:28:30,281
But I think it's very unlikely.

537
00:28:30,282 --> 00:28:31,761
I know.

538
00:28:31,762 --> 00:28:34,001
Then why are you doing it?

539
00:28:34,002 --> 00:28:36,402
AS SEAN CONNERY: Why are you
doing it, you fucking idiot?

540
00:28:38,482 --> 00:28:40,281
Because I think I might get it.

541
00:28:40,282 --> 00:28:42,601
I think it's very unlikely
that you'll get it.

542
00:28:42,602 --> 00:28:44,241
Why?

543
00:28:44,242 --> 00:28:47,241
Because you are an inferior talent.

544
00:28:47,242 --> 00:28:49,001
Really? You think so.

545
00:28:49,002 --> 00:28:50,801
Yes, I do.

546
00:28:50,802 --> 00:28:52,681
Well, I can hardly hear you.

547
00:28:52,682 --> 00:28:54,201
Why is that?

548
00:28:54,202 --> 00:28:57,441
Because your head is up
your fucking arse.

549
00:28:57,442 --> 00:29:02,241
# The night was made for loving

550
00:29:02,242 --> 00:29:08,761
# And the day returns too soon

551
00:29:08,762 --> 00:29:14,921
# Yet we'll go no more a-roving

552
00:29:14,922 --> 00:29:20,481
# by the light of the moon

553
00:29:20,482 --> 00:29:24,242
♪ We'll go no more a-roving... ♪