1
00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:03,637
(PHONE RINGS)

2
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:05,795
Hello?

3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,159
Hello, Rob. Steve Coogan...

4
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,679
- What's this?
- Steve Coogan.

5
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,039
Hey, how are you?

6
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,559
Great. How are you?

7
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:12,715
Yeah, good. Where are you?

8
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,911
I'm in London - just got back from filming
in New York. I play a chef.

9
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,552
It's called Medium Rare.

10
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,433
Er, anyway, they want me to do publicity
for the launch of the series.

11
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:21,674
(CHILD WAILS)

12
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,517
They want me to do a series of
restaurant reviews.

13
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,438
This time, a trip to Spain.

14
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,316
(APPLAUSE)

15
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,520
ANNOUNCER:
And the winner is Steve...

16
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,073
- STEVE: Oh, my God, I've won it!
-...McQueen.

17
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,792
- I've... I've won it!
- WOMAN: Sit down.

18
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,512
- Sit down, Steve.
- (LAUGHTER)

19
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,790
What? Why?

20
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,229
- I'm Steve Coogan.
- It's Steve McQueen!

21
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,679
- Oh, my God.
- What?

22
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,278
Sorry. Sorry!

23
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,073
(HE SIGHS)

24
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,633
Hey, Greg, it's Steve.

25
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,638
- Hi, Steve, how are you?
- Good, good.

26
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:11,874
Good, good.

27
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,354
You're still in New York?
I hear very good things about the series.

28
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,470
- No, I'm in Spain with Rob.
- Right. OK.

29
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:21,514
Er, look, Greg, did you know
that Matt had left the US agency?

30
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,312
Yes. Yes, I did, um...

31
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,715
Yes, I did know that.
I was going to call you, actually.

32
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:27,751
Did you know about this
before I did?

33
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,074
No. No, not at all, no.

34
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,155
Right, and do you know

35
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,237
that his assistant, Jonathan,
is taking over his client list?

36
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,589
Yes, you see,
Jonathan, I think, is very good.

37
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,029
I think he's very bright. So, er...

38
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,878
What's happening
with Matt's other clients?

39
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:44,037
Er... well, I know that Ricky's...

40
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,832
Ricky's gone with him.

41
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,758
And... um, er, Will Ferrell.

42
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,711
And did he ask Ricky to go with him?

43
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:53,115
- Yes. Yeah, he did.
- He didn't ask me.

44
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,752
Yeah, but you see,

45
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,758
I think you're seen more...
more as a writer, Steve.

46
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,473
I mean, so you wouldn't... wouldn't really,
sort of, need a manager

47
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,112
as well as an agent, so...

48
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,436
So, which clients are staying
with the new assistant?

49
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:09,268
Er, Kevin Kline. I can't really see him
going anywhere else.

50
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:10,435
Um...

51
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:11,754
(HE SIGHS)

52
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,678
Look, er, Greg,
will you do me a favour, please?

53
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:20,716
Can you find out why the script for
Missing hasn't been green-lit yet?

54
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:21,749
That hasn't happened?

55
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,030
I mean, that... absolutely, I know,
that should have happened.

56
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,991
I'll get on to that, I'll get on to that,
straightaway.

57
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,234
Thank you.

58
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,236
So, you're out in Spain
with Rob Brydon?

59
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,918
Yes, I'm with Rob Brydon.

60
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:31,995
That must be fun.

61
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,759
Yes, it's a lot of fun.
Thank you very much, goodbye.

62
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,313
OK. Bye.

63
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,355
We started here, in Santander,

64
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,753
and now we're in Hondarribia.

65
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,392
- Yes.
- Then we're going to go to Pamplona,

66
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,793
and after that, we're going on to Sos.

67
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,594
- Where's the bottom?
- The bottom is here.

68
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,517
Bloody hell.

69
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,357
Pamplona is where they do the bull run.

70
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,551
The bull run, of course.
As featured in...?

71
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,388
In, well, as featured in, er,
Ernest Hemingway's, er,

72
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,032
The Sun Also Rises.

73
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,355
And City Slickers with Billy Crystal.

74
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,038
- Don't know, I haven't...
- Daniel Stern...

75
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,594
- Haven't seen that film.
- Bruno Kirby. You've not seen it?

76
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,995
- No.
- Have you not seen City Slickers?

77
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,075
(STEVE SIGHS)

78
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,155
Ernest Hemingway wrote

79
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:20,591
The Sun Also Rises
about his trips from Paris,

80
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,677
where he used to hang out with
all his American intellectual expats,

81
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:27,349
and they'd go on little jollies
to Pamplona to watch the bull run,

82
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:28,515
and just hang out.

83
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,357
- I thought that's what he'd write about.
- Yeah.

84
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,197
He wrote about getting drunk
with his friends?

85
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,789
Yeah, writing about a load of
drunk blokes, you know,

86
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,717
arguing and drinking.

87
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,512
Is that what we're going to do?

88
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,949
It's essentially what we do -
well, in your case, just arguing.

89
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,956
- Not drinking.
- Yeah, yeah.

90
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,639
The crazy thing is,
Hemingway, Laurie Lee,

91
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:51,708
George Orwell all volunteered for...
to fight in the Spanish Civil War.

92
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,911
No-one would go off and fight
in someone else's war these days.

93
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,075
It happens with Isis.

94
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,031
But it happens with the baddies,
that's the difference.

95
00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,469
It's happening for...
It's working for the baddies.

96
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,351
Yes, I suppose - well, that's the way
it's caricatured.

97
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:03,879
It's true, isn't it? It's true!

98
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,956
- Yes.
- People are going to Syria.

99
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,592
Yeah.

100
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,119
That's because they believe in the cause.

101
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,912
- I know.
- It's just they're not on our side.

102
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:14,077
And don't castigate me for characterising
them as baddies and goodies,

103
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,712
cos that's how I see it.

104
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,672
If a... a drone dropped a bomb
on your house and killed your family...

105
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,199
- (PHONE RINGS)
-...I think you might consider

106
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,275
the Americans are the baddies.

107
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,072
I mean, who are the goodies... to you?

108
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,350
Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden
and, er...

109
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,992
- BOTH: Bill Oddie.
- Yeah, OK. Well, we can agree on that.

110
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:28,439
- Yeah.
- Hello.

111
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,392
Steve. Hi, it's Emma,
how's it going?

112
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,591
Oh, great. Well... yeah,
I lost my bloody sunglasses.

113
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,599
Oh, no. Did you check your bags?
I actually packed you some spares.

114
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,756
Listen, the Medium Rare PR team
have called,

115
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,552
and they want you to go
to a posh restaurant

116
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,079
while you're in the Basque region.

117
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,997
They want one with a Michelin star.

118
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,838
Well, we were going to go to Pamplona
today, so...

119
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,031
No, I know, I know,
but they're pretty determined.

120
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,071
So I found you one down by Bilbao.

121
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,270
- How far is it?
- It's called Etxebarri.

122
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:57,753
It's only about an hour or so away.

123
00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,553
And all the reviews say
it's absolutely delicious.

124
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,831
- Um, OK, all right, just... All right.
- Yeah?

125
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,313
OK, we'll go there, yeah.

126
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,510
All right, have a nice lunch. Bye!

127
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,353
ROB: Very nice just to sit like this.

128
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,391
Well, I tell you what I like about
this place is the fact that

129
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,194
they've incorporated the ruin
into the hotel beautifully.

130
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,468
It's very nicely done.

131
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,431
The spirituality of imperfection.

132
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,677
- That's what that is.
- That's all I've got to hold on to.

133
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,034
Well, I'm not talking physically,

134
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,834
I'm talking about emotionally
and temperamentally.

135
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,791
You know, the British are sort of
obsessed with, like,

136
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,512
preserving things,
"Don't touch it, don't touch it."

137
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,630
The National Trust,
or the National Front, as I call them.

138
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,830
- Yeah.
- So Nazi-like about their, kind of,

139
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,270
"Don't touch that", you know,
"Don't lean on that thing."

140
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,390
Sally and I are members
of the National Trust.

141
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,193
Yeah, well, I mean, look,
they're important, don't get me wrong.

142
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,152
The feeling when you drive into
one of their car parks with the sticker

143
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,318
- down front left, is... hard to beat.
- Yeah.

144
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,512
ROB: Right, this is what Jay Rayner says.

145
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:58,515
"Victor..."

146
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,120
(AS VICTOR MELDREW) Victor Meldrew.
"I don't believe it."

147
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,593
Can you do him?

148
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,552
- Um...
- (AS STEVE) I choose not to.

149
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,956
"Victor... Arguinzoniz
uses a cooking method

150
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,913
"so basic
even cavemen would recognise it

151
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,837
"and yet has become
a point of pilgrimage

152
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,474
"for food nerds
from around the world.

153
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:23,149
"Perhaps you regard yourself
as something of a barbecue king -

154
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,351
"compared to Victor,
you are a lightweight,

155
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,391
"little better than the caveman

156
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,512
"who first cracked the flints together
to get a spark

157
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,030
"because he found raw mammoth
a bit tough on the teeth."

158
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,868
So, it's essentially a barbecue.

159
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,319
(STEVE HUMS)

160
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,759
- Where do we go?
- In here.

161
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,117
ROB: Can you read that?
That is tiny, look at that.

162
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,036
Yeah.

163
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,469
Seriously? You can read that
at that distance?

164
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,953
Yeah.

165
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,560
- Really, you can't read that?
- No, I've got to go there.

166
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,238
Can you read that?

167
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,919
(HE READS IN SPANISH)

168
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,110
Tell me, which line can you read,
Mr. Coogan?

169
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,958
- Can you read the top line?
- Ah... yes.

170
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,673
What's the lowest line you can see,
Mr. Coogan?

171
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,711
Um... the bottom line's not legible.

172
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:19,988
All right.

173
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,554
And is this better or worse?

174
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:23,715
Er, that's better.

175
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:24,909
- Better?
- No, worse.

176
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,110
Or worse? Wait until I've asked you.

177
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,149
Is it better...?

178
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,270
- No.
- No, wait until I've offered you.

179
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,551
Is it better or worse?

180
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,749
Better.

181
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:35,869
Better?

182
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,876
- Or worse?
- Better.

183
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,629
Well, don't raise your hands.
It could be that you are... long-sighted,

184
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,033
in which case that would be worse.

185
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,115
Yeah.

186
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,718
- So don't patronise the optician.
- OK.

187
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,479
Yeah, I don't...
I'm a bit lost with all these words.

188
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,078
- Lots of Xs and...
- That's Basque.

189
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,873
- Basque.
- I know it's Basque, Rob.

190
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,353
They just make it
unnecessarily complex.

191
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:58,837
It's a device used by
nationalist movements

192
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,839
to try and disenfranchise
the more imperialist country.

193
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,155
It's like Gaelic, isn't it?
And, er, Welsh.

194
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,918
Do you know what the Welsh word
for carrot is?

195
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,313
No.

196
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,634
Moron.

197
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,592
(CHATTER)

198
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,633
- Oh...
- The fresh cheese.

199
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,319
- Thank you.
- And the goat butter.

200
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:23,395
- Ah.
- Thank you.

201
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,714
They are home made.

202
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,638
We have buffaloes
in our farmhouse,

203
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,309
and every day to milk
and Victor makes the fresh cheese.

204
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,759
Enjoy.

205
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:33,915
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

206
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,270
What she was saying was that
they have their own buffaloes.

207
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,276
She was saying it in English.

208
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,197
Yeah, but... your hearing...

209
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,993
I've noticed your hearing
is not what it was.

210
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,553
Do you mind me saying that?

211
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,670
Listen, stop distracting you and me

212
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,029
from the fact that
your Spanish is appalling.

213
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,753
I think what you were trying to do
before was...

214
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,233
(HE EMITS BUZZING NOISE)

215
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,551
(BUZZING STOPS)

216
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:02,715
Sorry, my-my...

217
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:06,230
- (BUZZING STARTS)
- Bloody... bloody batteries.

218
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,713
(BUZZING)

219
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,838
Wait, wait. I can't, it's playing up.

220
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,279
Hang on, hang on.

221
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,594
Right, try it again.

222
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,154
- (BUZZING)
- Oh! Shit.

223
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,792
Steve, wait, wait,
I can't hear a word, mate.

224
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,319
It's the batteries. Steve!

225
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,555
Steve, I can't hear anything.

226
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,990
Ssh! Steve, Steve, stop.
Wait, I've got to...

227
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,156
Very good.

228
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,838
OK, is that better now?

229
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,189
(AS MAN IN BOX) You still can't do this,
can you? No matter how hard you try,

230
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,992
you'll never be able to do
the small man in a box.

231
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,589
Whereas I think that your man...
small man in a box is brilliant,

232
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,074
it is also the apotheosis
of your career.

233
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,432
ROB: Mmm.

234
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,198
- Incredible.
- Mmm.

235
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,878
Sum it up for me.

236
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,753
The butter is life-affirming butter.

237
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,473
Life-affirming butter. L-A-B.

238
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,319
The buffalo?

239
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,031
- Wow.
- Wow.

240
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,435
That is just... bliss.

241
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,311
(CHATTER)

242
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,115
This one is the home-made chorizo.

243
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,436
We buy Iberian pork meat
from Salamanca,

244
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:27,677
and Victor makes the chorizo
like his grandmother.

245
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,269
- Wow.
- It's the same chorizo, just cooked

246
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,833
or cured.

247
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,438
Cooked or cured.

248
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,517
And one corn croquette.

249
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,154
Muchas gracias. Encantado.

250
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:44,990
When she said,
"He makes chorizo like his grandmother,"

251
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,553
is that what she looked like?

252
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,036
No, Rob, he means the way
his grandmother used to make it.

253
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,038
- Well, I think she should be more clear.
- Mmm.

254
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,548
Because I'm picturing
a grizzled old woman

255
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,750
with the external appearance
of chorizo.

256
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,519
Well you're the only person who is, mate.

257
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,675
Yeah.

258
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,392
Mmm.

259
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,915
- Fantastic.
- Mmm.

260
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,154
- Wow.
- Hang on...

261
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,794
If his grandmother tasted like this,

262
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,513
I'd have a nibble.

263
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,278
(STEVE SNIGGERS)

264
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,834
Come, come, Mr. Coogan, come, come.

265
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,668
You're beginning to thaw, sir,
beginning to thaw.

266
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,075
No, I will laugh at stuff if it's good.

267
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,070
Oh... my shoulder.

268
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,235
What have you done to it?

269
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,033
Just getting out of bed in the morning,
just pulled it.

270
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,672
You can't rush out of bed.
You've got to...

271
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:37,994
You know what I've been told to do?

272
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,712
Stretch while lying down.

273
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,990
- Before you're upright.
- You rotate it.

274
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,270
You look like a tentative Nazi.

275
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,595
(HE CHUCKLES)

276
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,313
(CARTOONISH GERMAN ACCENT)
Ah... I think what we're doing,

277
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:54,148
you know, is so wrong on so many levels,
but I just can't stop.

278
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,555
Why are your Nazis so camp?

279
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,875
(IN CAMP VOICE) Oh, I'm a Nazi. Oh!

280
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,196
- You tell me... Führer.
- Heil Hitler.

281
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,309
Was he furious?

282
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,476
He will be.

283
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,029
It's the tomato salad.

284
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,311
We have one green vegetables garden,

285
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,238
and all the vegetables
in the tasting menu,

286
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,396
they are from this garden.

287
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,793
- Ah, thank you.
- Muchas gracias.

288
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,196
- Again, delicious.
- Yeah?

289
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,549
Mmm, mmm.

290
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,752
There are few things worse in this life
than a tomato with no flavour.

291
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,950
- This is the antithesis of that.
- Well...

292
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,117
Dunno - bombing in Syria,
that might pip it at the post.

293
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,196
- Really?
- Yeah.

294
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,598
OK. We continue.

295
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,312
Grilled mussels.

296
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,475
Ah!

297
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,919
With carrot juice.

298
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,269
- Carrot juice?
- Yes.

299
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:55,719
Bueno.

300
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,914
"Moron juice" in Welsh.

301
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:06,433
Oh, no, no, Steve.

302
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:07,549
- Look, look.
- I know.

303
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,114
- But what do we do?
- We... We just take one.

304
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,275
All right.

305
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,393
Mmm.

306
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,670
- Wow.
- Well, here it is, Mr. Coogan.

307
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,153
We managed to get it out.

308
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:23,159
Um, I mean, the good news is,
it's benign.

309
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,829
The bad news is,
we found seven more of them.

310
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,269
Some of them
have gone into the lymph nodes.

311
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,709
Now, you've got a year,

312
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,671
a good year left.

313
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,188
(HE CHOKES LAUGHING)

314
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:37,958
Well, I'm glad you find it funny,
Mr. Coogan.

315
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,560
I advise you put your affairs in order,

316
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,955
say goodbye to family, friends,
loved ones -

317
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,788
have a chat with that Brydon fellow,
he does make me laugh.

318
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,870
Are you going to read that book
while we eat lunch?

319
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,433
Or have you just brought it

320
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,630
- as a sort of badge?
- No, I brought it because I'm...

321
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,156
I'm emulating his journey.

322
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,350
"As I walked out
one summer morning."

323
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,960
What would your version be?
"As I drove out one summer morning

324
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,592
"in my V8 Land Rover."

325
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,712
- Range Rover.
- Range Rover. Sorry, sorry.

326
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,352
- That's a terrible mistake.
- Yeah.

327
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,516
How much of it have you read?

328
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,755
Um, about a quarter.

329
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,119
- But he's good.
- Well, it's a big book.

330
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,232
Good Lord, another one.

331
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,113
- One Sauvignon Blanc.
- Ah, yes.

332
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:36,075
- To link with the grilled scallops.
- Ah.

333
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,348
- The caviar is from Iran.
- Oh!

334
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,675
- Enjoy.
- Estupendo.

335
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,073
Iranian caviar.

336
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,190
Please. Go first.

337
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,629
No, no, no. Please. You go first.

338
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,194
(AS SEAN CONNERY) Well, before I do,
Scaramanga,

339
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,913
why don't I turn them that way?

340
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,349
In which case, should you have

341
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,470
- interfered with my...
- In my country,

342
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,080
it is always traditional
that the nearest scallop

343
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,395
is served to the guest.

344
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,750
Where I come from, it is... a custom

345
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:08,510
to... proffer the larger scallop
to the guest.

346
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,835
In my country,
when such an offer is made,

347
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,077
it is traditional to turn the plate
round twice

348
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,111
and replace it on the table.

349
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,271
Come, come, Mr. Bond,

350
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,993
you enjoy the scallop
just as much as I do.

351
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,314
Please, eat.

352
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,278
Bottoms up.

353
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,078
Goodbye, Mr. Bond.

354
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,118
Mr. Bond?

355
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,593
Goodbye.

356
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,114
You should pay more attention
to your chef.

357
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,151
He's working for Her Majesty's
government.

358
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,760
(ROB CHOKES)

359
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,909
Prawns of Palamós.

360
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,111
Palamós is Girona, next to Barcelona.

361
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,275
Thank you.

362
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,878
- Wow.
- You're welcome.

363
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,388
- Enjoy.
- Gracias.

364
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,351
Um...

365
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,755
Ssh, he's sleeping.

366
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,314
Can I just... take this, sir?

367
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,635
(HE GROWLS)

368
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,069
Let him get some rest. Ssh!

369
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,476
- What is this, a giant...?
- So, break the head off the organisation.

370
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,875
Oh, good Lord, has it not been gutted?

371
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,399
Do you know,
I had a friend of a friend

372
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:44,998
who used to work
at a slaughterhouse,

373
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:50,717
and his job was to scoop the shit out
of the intestine - seriously -

374
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,910
so they could use the intestine
to make sausages.

375
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:06,755
(AS STEPHEN HAWKING)
The food at this restaurant

376
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,233
is very good.

377
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,352
(AS SMALL STEPHEN HAWKING IN A BOX)
It certainly is.

378
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,918
Wow.

379
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,633
- Baby squid.
- Squid, thank you.

380
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,394
Squid, then leek.

381
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:26,228
And one white wine, Viognier,

382
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:27,315
from Toledo.

383
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:30,432
- Toledo? Mmm!
- I've been there.

384
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,516
- That's lovely.
- Also, a song by

385
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,676
Burt Bacharach and Elvis Costello.

386
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,349
(AS COSTELLO) # Do the people
living in Toledo

387
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,834
# Know that the name

388
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,713
♪ Doesn't travel
very well-eh-eh-ell... ♪

389
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,752
# Oliver's army are on their way

390
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:50,349
# Oliver's army are here to stay

391
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,312
# And I would rather be
anywhere else

392
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,148
♪ Than here today. ♪

393
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,679
That's... that's Elvis Costello.

394
00:17:58,720 --> 00:17:59,948
- You all right?
- Mmm.

395
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,230
- Oh, golly.
- The last one. The beef chop.

396
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,397
- With salad.
- They call me The Carnivore.

397
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,919
Welcome.

398
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,110
And the wine
is from Canary Island.

399
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,593
I don't care, it looks great.

400
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,949
- Thank you.
- You prefer the meat.

401
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,479
- Fantastic. Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

402
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,999
- Look at that.
- Eh?

403
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,314
Come on.

404
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,396
- Taste it, taste it.
- Wait a minute.

405
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,634
Taste it.

406
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,989
I'm sawing through it first.

407
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,476
Yeah? That's pretty lovely, isn't it?

408
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,034
That's amazingly flavourful.

409
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,640
That is... that is really nice.

410
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:51,556
You know why
I could never be a vegetarian?

411
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,591
(STEVE SIGHS)

412
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,712
What?

413
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,159
I'm waiting for you to tell me.

414
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,633
Because I love meat.

415
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,272
OK.

416
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,559
Oh!

417
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,750
- Smoked-milk ice cream...
- Wow.

418
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,075
-...with beetroot juice.
- Smoked milk?

419
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:14,429
Yes, the cow's milk,

420
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,835
- first boiled on the grill...
- Yes?

421
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,917
...and smoked
before make the ice cream.

422
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:24,351
And the dessert wine
from the Spanish Pyrenees.

423
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,799
I was hoping there'd be more wine.

424
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,193
- Thank you!
- Thank you.

425
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,434
Muchas gracias.

426
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,038
So it's been boiled, the milk?

427
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,559
Mmm.

428
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,596
- This is wonderful.
- Mmm.

429
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,234
I've been reading more of
Don Quixote.

430
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,713
- Slowly making my way through.
- Mmm!

431
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,992
It's essentially
the beginnings of the classic double act

432
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:50,431
that went on - Morecambe and Wise,
Abbott and Costello, Little and Large.

433
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,074
- Laurel and Hardy came before them.
- Laurel and Hardy.

434
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:55,475
When he picks up the phone in the bedroom,

435
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,794
and he just picks it up and he says...

436
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,796
"It certainly is."

437
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,319
Well, what did he say?

438
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,794
He said "It's a long distance
from California."

439
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,070
D'oh!

440
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,872
Mmm.

441
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,037
That is very, very nice.

442
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,318
I didn't want to eat anything else,
but that is fantastic.

443
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,269
The worst thing, the menu.

444
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,517
Don't worry, leave it to me.
Leave it to me. Thank you very much.

445
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,754
Muchas gracias.

446
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,798
(AS HENRY KELLY) Can I first say,
how wonderful to be back.

447
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,159
Thank you for all your letters.

448
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,555
It's time to play Guess The Bill
one more time, and our contestant,

449
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,556
a returning champion
from series one,

450
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,716
is young Stephen Coogan
from Pedantry.

451
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,113
Steve, welcome to you.

452
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,754
It's been a wonderful meal,
it's been a taster menu,

453
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,472
everybody's had a good time,
but Steve...

454
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:50,999
Rob, just before you go on,

455
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,871
what part of Ireland are you from,
exactly?

456
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,990
Because it seems to lack
specificity.

457
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:59,079
- I'm from the mainland, so I am.
- The mainland, ah, that'll explain it.

458
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,473
My mother had a bike.

459
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,910
Stephen, is the bill...?
And remember now,

460
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,157
no helping at home and none of you
texting in with your SMS messages.

461
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,998
I can't keep up with the new-fangled
technology, so I can't!

462
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,828
Steve, is the total
for this eight-course taster menu,

463
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,553
is it 343 euro 75?

464
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,558
Is it 400 euro and 60?

465
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,319
Or is it 296 euro?

466
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,794
And Steve, I must take
your first answer.

467
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,752
Oh, the pained look on his face.

468
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,518
I'm just waiting for him, I know.

469
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:33,709
Um...

470
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,399
I don't want to rush him.
We can edit it later.

471
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,396
Come on, would you like me
to go through it again for you?

472
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,873
- 400.
- What?

473
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,114
- It's the 400.
- Oh,

474
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,277
I'm sorry, Steve, it's not,
it was 343.75.

475
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,197
Could you give a wave
to everybody at home?

476
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,515
Do join us again next week
at the same time for Guess The Bill.

477
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,232
Which charity are you playing for tonight?

478
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:51,349
- Er...

479
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,233
You don't know cos you don't care,
selfish bugger. Just wave.

480
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:55,508
- For people with...
- Just wave.

481
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,233
Just wave, Stephen, just wave -
it's too late, they can't hear us now,

482
00:21:58,280 --> 00:21:59,269
the credits are rolling.

483
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,595
A charity for people
with learning difficulties.

484
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,870
Oh, well, it begins at home.

485
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:06,076
BOTH: # Where are those happy days

486
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,236
♪ They seem so hard to find... ♪

487
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:09,599
ROB: Good.

488
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,596
# I try to reach for you

489
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,437
♪ But you have closed your mind... ♪

490
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,118
ROB: That's better.

491
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,436
# Whatever happened to our love

492
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,392
# I wish I understood

493
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,715
# It used to be so nice

494
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,955
♪ It used to be so good... ♪

495
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:26,989
Come on now.

496
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,270
BOTH: (AS JIMMY SAVILE)
# So when you're near me, darling

497
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,788
# Can't you hear me, SOS

498
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:37,073
♪ The look you gave me
Nothing else can save me, SOS. ♪

499
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:38,997
STEVE: Did I tell you
his Range Rover was for sale?

500
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,156
ROB: Yes, you were going to bid for it,
weren't you?

501
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,033
Before it all came out.
Good God, imagine if you had.

502
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,196
It was interesting,
because it had curtains in it.

503
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,276
I bet it did, bloody hell!

504
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,390
ROB: Now then, starter for ten,

505
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,238
what is the Camino de Santiago?

506
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,759
Um...

507
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,360
"The pilgrims' route to

508
00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,073
"Santiago de Compostela,
where St James

509
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,678
- "is supposed to be buried..."
- Yeah.

510
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,917
"...became the most important
destination for Christians

511
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,474
"after Rome and Jerusalem."

512
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,636
I went to the ultimate pilgrimage
to see the Pope.

513
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,468
I went there with Philomena -
I introduced Philomena to the Pope.

514
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,795
And we welcome Philomena
back into the conversation -

515
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,434
it's been a good five to six minutes
since he last brought it up.

516
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,879
But no, no, go on,
always nice to hear.

517
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,876
- Well, I mean...
- So you were there for, so what...?

518
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,354
I can't pretend it's not been
a significant part of my life,

519
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,435
but there you go.

520
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,914
I can't pretend it's not been
a significant part of this bloody journey.

521
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,999
Ah...

522
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,635
- This is nice, isn't it?
- Wonderful.

523
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,079
- Lovely.
- You look like...

524
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,998
- What?
-..the man who'd follow James Bond,

525
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,157
at a distance,
in one of the Sean Connery films.

526
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,838
- One of the early films.
- But would never say anything.

527
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:01,915
Never speak.

528
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,439
Just be mysterious.
A sinister figure.

529
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,471
A sinister figure following him.

530
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:09,911
"Sos del Rey Católico."
Now, what does that mean?

531
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,350
Er, "del Rey" is "the reign",
er, Catholic reign,

532
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:14,799
so it's "the Sos of the Catholic King".

533
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,717
Because that's where...

534
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,990
- King Ferdinand was born here.
- Right here.

535
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,395
Right here - well, not here,
but, you know, round here.

536
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,032
He introduced
the Spanish Inquisition?

537
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,354
- Yes, indeed.
- Are you sure about that?

538
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,675
He was a Catholitic converter,
in a way.

539
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,392
- Very good. You're on fire.
- Cheers.

540
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:35,000
You would actually make
a very good inquisitor, I think,

541
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,189
for the Spanish Inquisition.

542
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:37,355
- Don't take this the wrong way.
- No.

543
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,470
- You have an inquisitive nature.
- Inquisitive mind, yeah.

544
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,795
And you have a cruel side.
You do have a cruel side.

545
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:46,356
Well, it's only a short leap,
isn't it, from curiosity to, er,

546
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,277
murderous intent.

547
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,914
I mean, er, it's quite a large leap.

548
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,439
- It's a very large leap.
- It's a big leap.

549
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,675
If I was questioning you
and you were on the rack,

550
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,598
I'd start out with some simple questions.
Like, I'd just say,

551
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,791
"OK, just warm meself up -
just give me your name, address.

552
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,796
- Tell me what you had for breakfast.
- Rob Brydon.

553
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:03,875
- Yeah.
- London.

554
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,558
Yeah, and what did you have for breakfast?

555
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,750
- Scrambled eggs.
- Lovely stuff, OK.

556
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,119
Is that it, can I go now?

557
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,720
No, no, I'm going to ask you a few
more questions. Just take it easy.

558
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,955
- Oh, my God, it's really hurting.
- Uh...

559
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,036
What is your favourite kind of music?

560
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,559
Bruce Springsteen.

561
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:18,715
OK, all right, OK.

562
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,716
- Is that it?
- No, no, no. No, no.

563
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,228
How many BAFTAs have you won?

564
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,952
- What?
- How many BAFTAs have you won?

565
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,718
I can't hear you.

566
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,432
OK, OK. Just give it another notch,
guys.

567
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:29,959
- (ROB GROANS)
- How many BAFTAs?

568
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,070
- I've got a Welsh one!
- Well, one Welsh BAFTA.

569
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,270
Thank you. You see how easy that was?

570
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,880
See how easy it was
to answer the question?

571
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,638
OK. Now...

572
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,716
I've been nominated seven times
for the normal ones.

573
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,113
I didn't ask you that.

574
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:43,434
- Give it another notch.
- (ROB YELLS)

575
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:44,879
How tall is he?

576
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:46,638
Five eight and a half.

577
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,671
- Ooh! Really?
- Yeah, yeah.

578
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:49,835
Oh!

579
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,108
That's not bad, eh?

580
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,436
OK, one more question
that you won't want to answer -

581
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,517
cos I'm trying to get you up to 5' 9".
I'm on your side here. OK?

582
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,154
Do you want to quit
at 5' 8" and a half?

583
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,838
- Or do you want to go for the 5' 9"?
- 5' 9"!

584
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,472
He's going to go for the 5' 9"!

585
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,238
OK, one more question.

586
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:06,633
- Rob.
- Yep?

587
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,636
Do you believe

588
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,750
in the Lord God Almighty?

589
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,234
- I'd rather not say.
- Give it another couple of notches.

590
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,111
- And we are at 5' 9".
- Oh, thanks!

591
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:16,479
Rob Brydon - let him go!

592
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,910
You leave here as a 5' 9" man.
Congratulations.

593
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,598
Thank you, Steve.
Oh, I've hit my head.

594
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,915
There you go! That's going to be a problem
you have to contend with now.

595
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,077
You'll have to let your trousers down,
too - ladies and gentlemen, Rob Brydon.

596
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:33,155
WOMAN: Hello?

597
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,714
- Hello, good evening...
- Hello!

598
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:36,954
...and welcome.

599
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,151
(LAUGHING) How nice to hear your voice.

600
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,350
Is the house quiet and calm?

601
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,152
Well, it is now.

602
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,758
For the time being.

603
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,870
Charlie keeps waking up.

604
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,751
I think he's missing you.

605
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,153
Are you missing me?

606
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,078
- Yeah, of course.
- (GERMAN ACCENT) Answer the question -

607
00:26:54,120 --> 00:26:55,519
are you missing me?

608
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,279
- Terribly!
- Yeah, good, OK.

609
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,390
I'm pining for you.

610
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,749
Ah, speaking of pine,

611
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,916
what's the latest on the...?

612
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,599
On the... With the wood situation?

613
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:08,959
Yes.

614
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,470
They need to know, is it oak

615
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,876
or ash or walnut that we want?

616
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:21,438
As you know,
you are in sole charge of all wood.

617
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,436
It is your responsibility.

618
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,710
- It's my department?
- It is your...!

619
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:31,835
You are under full instructions
to take any wood matters in hand,

620
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:35,156
and see them through
to their logical conclusion.

621
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,317
- As I do on a regular basis, yes.
- Indeed, yes.

622
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:42,956
It's definitely
my area of responsibility.

623
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,468
I'm missing you.

624
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,476
(AS HUGH GRANT) Are you missing Hugh?

625
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,636
- (SHE CHUCKLES)
- Ah, gosh.

626
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,910
Because I think Hugh would have
something to say

627
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,837
about the choice of wood.

628
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:59,352
I'd be happy if the wood
was oak, ash, pine,

629
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,197
or MDF, that common people use.

630
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,037
I really wouldn't mind at all.

631
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,593
How's Steve?

632
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,234
- He's being good.
- Yeah?

633
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,316
I didn't know he was in that film
with Judi Dench,

634
00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:10,634
the one about the Irish woman.

635
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:15,117
It's incredible how he can relate
anything to Philomena.

636
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,673
"What did you have for breakfast?"

637
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,597
(AS STEVE) "I had some great breakfast
on Philomena, actually.

638
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,200
"Yeah, cos Judi,
Judi has a light breakfast."

639
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,117
(LAUGHS HEARTILY)