1 00:00:00,571 --> 00:00:03,490 I'll come round and cook it meself. - We have 17 varieties of papadom. 2 00:00:03,590 --> 00:00:06,140 - Offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 3 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,311 - Loads of 2-for-1s. 4 00:00:07,411 --> 00:00:08,769 - Service with a smile. 5 00:00:08,869 --> 00:00:09,921 (laughing) 6 00:00:10,021 --> 00:00:11,755 - We have fresh produce. - Delivered daily. 7 00:00:11,755 --> 00:00:13,546 - Don't forget the Valco tick! - That way. 8 00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,760 - Valco! - Valco, I wasn't ready. 9 00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:17,685 - Valco serves you right! 10 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,164 - [All] Valco serves you right! 11 00:00:20,264 --> 00:00:22,903 (upbeat music) 12 00:00:23,003 --> 00:00:23,736 - Hi! 13 00:00:23,836 --> 00:00:26,458 - Six sausages, that'll be £4.98. 14 00:00:26,558 --> 00:00:28,052 Here you go. 15 00:00:28,152 --> 00:00:28,985 - £4.98? 16 00:00:29,961 --> 00:00:31,191 That's daylight robbery! 17 00:00:31,291 --> 00:00:32,711 - They're from an organic farm. 18 00:00:32,811 --> 00:00:34,821 You're paying to improve animal welfare. 19 00:00:34,921 --> 00:00:36,000 Happy pigs. 20 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:39,107 - Well I wouldn't be very happy finishing up a sausage. 21 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:39,940 - Fair point. 22 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:44,379 - I'd rather eat the unhappy ones. At least nobody's been fibbing to 'em. 23 00:00:52,668 --> 00:00:53,751 - Ooh, heads. 24 00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:57,339 - Hmm, looks a bit slapdash. 25 00:00:57,439 --> 00:00:59,287 - I was about to say exactly the same thing. 26 00:00:59,287 --> 00:01:00,051 Weird that. 27 00:01:00,151 --> 00:01:02,288 - Just get it tidied up a bit, eh? 28 00:01:02,388 --> 00:01:03,390 And take that down too. 29 00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:05,787 - Oh, come on, that's for charity. Have a heart. 30 00:01:05,887 --> 00:01:08,550 - I think you'll find I'm a very charitable woman, Andy. 31 00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:10,233 Just ask the blind. 32 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,186 - I'm not shifting it. 33 00:01:14,286 --> 00:01:15,815 - As your superior, if I give you 34 00:01:15,915 --> 00:01:18,246 an order, I expect you to follow it. 35 00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:21,337 - Well you're only filling in for Leanne. It's not like you're a proper boss. 36 00:01:21,437 --> 00:01:22,455 - What? 37 00:01:22,555 --> 00:01:23,560 - Well, it's like, you know 38 00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:24,900 when you go on holiday 39 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,375 and you get somebody to go into your house. 40 00:01:26,375 --> 00:01:28,184 Water the plants, turn the lights on and off, 41 00:01:28,184 --> 00:01:30,093 stop you gettin' burgled. 42 00:01:30,193 --> 00:01:32,043 You're more like that. 43 00:01:32,143 --> 00:01:33,393 - Take it down! 44 00:01:34,441 --> 00:01:36,876 - Alright, alright, you're the boss. 45 00:01:36,976 --> 00:01:37,809 For now. 46 00:01:39,113 --> 00:01:40,094 - Right. 47 00:01:40,194 --> 00:01:43,722 Sausages for fingers or burgers for feet? 48 00:01:43,822 --> 00:01:45,077 - Burgers for feet, obviously. 49 00:01:45,177 --> 00:01:46,307 Sausages have no grip. 50 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,559 It's well documented. 51 00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:49,159 - Thought as much. 52 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:54,333 - Thanks. 53 00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:57,350 (scanners beeping) 54 00:02:00,979 --> 00:02:01,712 (knocking) 55 00:02:01,812 --> 00:02:03,517 - Can I have a word please? - Certainly. 56 00:02:03,617 --> 00:02:05,595 Honestly, those bakers, they get worse. 57 00:02:05,695 --> 00:02:07,401 I had to confiscate their calendar. 58 00:02:07,501 --> 00:02:08,986 I'd expected raunchy, but this 59 00:02:09,086 --> 00:02:11,066 it's gone beyond X-rated! 60 00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:12,948 Anyway, what can I do for you? 61 00:02:13,048 --> 00:02:14,638 - Is there any way I can fire Andy? 62 00:02:14,738 --> 00:02:15,556 (laughing) 63 00:02:15,656 --> 00:02:18,117 - We've spoken about this before, Julie. - Well can I hit him, then? 64 00:02:18,117 --> 00:02:19,447 I'll do it after hours. 65 00:02:19,547 --> 00:02:22,378 Doesn't even have to know it's me. - Well, what's he done now? 66 00:02:22,478 --> 00:02:23,879 - He just winds me up! 67 00:02:23,979 --> 00:02:25,504 He's not the only one either. 68 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:26,945 I mean half the idiots around here seem 69 00:02:26,945 --> 00:02:29,066 to take enormous pleasure in pushing my buttons. 70 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:29,799 - Julie, I-- 71 00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:31,656 - I'm a very tolerant woman, Gavin, 72 00:02:31,756 --> 00:02:34,827 but I'm having my authority undermined at every turn. 73 00:02:34,927 --> 00:02:37,246 - Well, would it help if I went round just, you know, reminded everyone 74 00:02:37,246 --> 00:02:39,005 that you are acting deputy manager? 75 00:02:39,105 --> 00:02:41,685 - No, it was embarrassing enough the first time. 76 00:02:41,785 --> 00:02:44,068 All I want is for them to do what I tell them. 77 00:02:44,168 --> 00:02:45,540 They did what Leanne told them. 78 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:46,910 - Yes, but you have to remember that Leanne's 79 00:02:46,910 --> 00:02:50,285 done the job for three years now. 80 00:02:50,385 --> 00:02:52,885 Maybe I should give you a copy 81 00:02:53,739 --> 00:02:58,442 of the Valco Managers Code of Practise Handbook. 82 00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:00,180 - Oh, Gavin. 83 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,814 Do you think I'm ready for this? - It's just a book of guidelines 84 00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:04,543 to help you manage more efficiently. 85 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:07,244 - I know, but the Valco Manager's Handbook. 86 00:03:07,344 --> 00:03:09,263 - Might as well play things by the book. 87 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:10,971 (giggling) 88 00:03:11,071 --> 00:03:13,404 - Oh, Gavin, you're so funny! 89 00:03:15,739 --> 00:03:17,572 You should do stand-up. 90 00:03:17,672 --> 00:03:18,549 You really should. 91 00:03:18,649 --> 00:03:19,583 - No, no. 92 00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:21,567 Really don't think I'd like that. 93 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:24,498 Well look, just stick to the rules a bit more, 94 00:03:24,598 --> 00:03:26,863 and people will soon see that you're in charge. 95 00:03:26,963 --> 00:03:28,300 - Yes, and anyone tries it on, 96 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,954 I can throw the book at them. 97 00:03:30,054 --> 00:03:31,395 - No, Lord, no! 98 00:03:31,495 --> 00:03:33,955 - I meant figuratively. 99 00:03:34,055 --> 00:03:35,967 - Oh, oh, yes, I see. 100 00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:37,352 (laughing) 101 00:03:37,452 --> 00:03:41,553 - We have a bloody laugh sometimes, don't we? 102 00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:44,105 - Well, I better let you get on. 103 00:03:44,205 --> 00:03:48,372 I've got an extremely pornographic calendar to dispose of. 104 00:03:50,141 --> 00:03:52,832 - It's just a real privilege, it really is. 105 00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:53,765 - What's that, mate? 106 00:03:53,765 --> 00:03:55,753 - Just the chance to see a true craftsman at work. 107 00:03:55,753 --> 00:03:58,230 I reckon it's ancient skills like yours that need to be preserved. 108 00:03:58,230 --> 00:04:00,465 Like stone masons, blacksmiths. 109 00:04:00,565 --> 00:04:03,229 - Just changed 100 watt, mate, I'm not shoeing a horse. 110 00:04:03,329 --> 00:04:04,358 Right, what's next? 111 00:04:04,458 --> 00:04:05,538 I wanna be away by 11:00. 112 00:04:05,638 --> 00:04:06,371 - Oh, what! 113 00:04:06,471 --> 00:04:08,548 We're working like a machine. It's like we know what each other's 114 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:12,856 thinking, like we're joined-up twins or somethin'. 115 00:04:12,956 --> 00:04:15,645 - You have to stay with me all day? - Yeah, yeah, they told me to. 116 00:04:15,745 --> 00:04:17,626 But don't worry, I won't hinder your progress. 117 00:04:17,726 --> 00:04:20,476 Just think of me as another tool. 118 00:04:21,447 --> 00:04:22,697 - I'll do that. 119 00:04:40,425 --> 00:04:42,101 - [Leighton] What's it like being your own boss? 120 00:04:42,101 --> 00:04:44,604 - I'm not my own boss, Mike's my boss. 121 00:04:44,704 --> 00:04:46,455 - Still, I envy you, chief. 122 00:04:46,555 --> 00:04:48,400 Out there on the open road. 123 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,846 Roaming from branch to branch. - You're like a cowboy. 124 00:04:50,946 --> 00:04:52,564 You should have a gun. 125 00:04:52,664 --> 00:04:54,077 - I've got one. 126 00:04:54,177 --> 00:04:55,010 - Really? 127 00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:00,434 - It's a glue gun. 128 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,784 (laughing) 129 00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:05,452 - Your own gun. 130 00:05:06,527 --> 00:05:07,360 Amazing. 131 00:05:09,987 --> 00:05:10,720 Amazing. 132 00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:13,029 Tell ya, Kieran, there's nothing like the feeling you get 133 00:05:13,029 --> 00:05:14,317 from giving something back. 134 00:05:14,417 --> 00:05:15,334 - Alright, Bono. 135 00:05:15,434 --> 00:05:17,186 - Oh yeah, real mature. 136 00:05:17,286 --> 00:05:19,946 A man goes the extra mile to help those who can't help themselves 137 00:05:19,946 --> 00:05:21,391 and you can do is take the piss. 138 00:05:21,491 --> 00:05:23,034 - Who are you raising money for? 139 00:05:23,134 --> 00:05:23,967 - Sharks. 140 00:05:25,097 --> 00:05:25,930 - Sharks? 141 00:05:26,764 --> 00:05:28,969 That's your good cause, sharks? - Well, they're in danger. 142 00:05:29,069 --> 00:05:30,462 Our fishing habits are wiping 'em out. 143 00:05:30,462 --> 00:05:32,595 - You could have picked the homeless or cancer. 144 00:05:32,695 --> 00:05:34,265 I don't know, something don't live in the sea. 145 00:05:34,265 --> 00:05:35,250 - I'll sponsor you, Andy. 146 00:05:35,350 --> 00:05:37,001 Put me down for 50p. 147 00:05:37,101 --> 00:05:38,459 - Per mile? 148 00:05:38,559 --> 00:05:41,027 - No, I'm not one of them secret millionaires. 149 00:05:41,127 --> 00:05:42,440 - Buy a bag of tricolore pasta 150 00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:44,111 and get a Valco pasta sauce free 151 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,977 in our Feed the Family offer. 152 00:05:46,077 --> 00:05:48,054 And why not add a Caesar salad for a pound. 153 00:05:48,154 --> 00:05:48,887 (laughing) 154 00:05:48,987 --> 00:05:51,749 - Look at the state of her. (laughing) 155 00:05:51,849 --> 00:05:54,123 - You can always tell when someone's had plastic surgery. 156 00:05:54,123 --> 00:05:55,761 And he's definitely had an ass lift. 157 00:05:55,861 --> 00:05:56,899 - Ass lift? 158 00:05:56,999 --> 00:05:58,368 Why would you have that done? 159 00:05:58,468 --> 00:05:59,974 - Cos he's gay as a shoe shop. 160 00:06:00,074 --> 00:06:00,868 - Who says that? 161 00:06:00,968 --> 00:06:02,504 Gay as a shoe shop? 162 00:06:02,604 --> 00:06:03,777 - Me. 163 00:06:03,877 --> 00:06:05,117 (laughing) 164 00:06:05,217 --> 00:06:05,950 What? 165 00:06:06,050 --> 00:06:06,883 - Shut up. 166 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:09,916 - Oh, yes, You will find that in our Mediterranean section 167 00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,102 which is just at the end of aisle four. 168 00:06:12,202 --> 00:06:14,619 It's opposite checkout three. 169 00:06:23,351 --> 00:06:25,195 You seriously think you're gonna run a marathon? 170 00:06:25,195 --> 00:06:25,928 It's 26 miles! 171 00:06:26,028 --> 00:06:29,997 I haven't seen you do any training. - I've done fun runs, remember? 172 00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:33,964 Is it really 26 miles? 173 00:06:34,064 --> 00:06:34,797 - Yeah. 174 00:06:34,897 --> 00:06:36,563 People die doing 'em. They have heart attacks. 175 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:37,556 - Oh, don't be so daft. 176 00:06:37,656 --> 00:06:40,371 I've seen people run marathons dressed as crocodiles. 177 00:06:40,471 --> 00:06:44,309 They wouldn't do that if it was dangerous. - Actually, Andy, make it a pound. 178 00:06:44,409 --> 00:06:45,862 I've just remembered that 50p 179 00:06:45,962 --> 00:06:48,379 Alan found in t'front garden. 180 00:06:53,999 --> 00:06:56,166 (sighing) 181 00:07:03,449 --> 00:07:05,023 - Get a move on, Colin. 182 00:07:05,123 --> 00:07:06,823 He looks borderline wino. 183 00:07:06,923 --> 00:07:08,496 Before you know it he'll be licking the floor. 184 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,482 - Yeah, well, get him a straw then. It saves me cleaning it up. 185 00:07:11,582 --> 00:07:13,359 - Is that the Valco way, Colin? 186 00:07:13,459 --> 00:07:15,113 - It's my way. 187 00:07:15,213 --> 00:07:16,012 - Can I be honest? 188 00:07:16,112 --> 00:07:16,845 - Yep. 189 00:07:16,945 --> 00:07:18,300 - I've noticed the F-word has been 190 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,108 creeping into your work here lately. 191 00:07:20,208 --> 00:07:20,941 - What? 192 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,072 You're kidding, aren't ya? 193 00:07:22,072 --> 00:07:24,503 The closest anyone gets is when Mickey rubs his knob 194 00:07:24,603 --> 00:07:26,682 up against the trolleys like that. - What? 195 00:07:26,782 --> 00:07:27,515 - Yeah, both ways. 196 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,264 - No, I mean facetiousness. 197 00:07:29,364 --> 00:07:30,097 - Ah. 198 00:07:30,197 --> 00:07:31,078 - I won't stand for it. 199 00:07:31,078 --> 00:07:33,311 Unless you want a verbal warning, get a move on. 200 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,144 - Alright. 201 00:07:34,244 --> 00:07:35,161 Watch that. 202 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:39,858 - Oh! 203 00:07:39,958 --> 00:07:40,691 Sorry. 204 00:07:40,791 --> 00:07:42,357 I'm really sorry. Don't touch it! 205 00:07:42,457 --> 00:07:43,359 - What is it? 206 00:07:43,459 --> 00:07:44,868 - It's a calendar. 207 00:07:44,968 --> 00:07:47,048 Had to confiscate it from the bakers. 208 00:07:47,148 --> 00:07:49,094 Just about to get at it with a pair of scissors. 209 00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:52,972 - Sounds like the best thing to do. - Yes, this one seems particularly... 210 00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:54,407 what's the word for it... 211 00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:55,633 It's very naughty. 212 00:07:55,733 --> 00:07:58,095 - Oh, I can't stand calendars full stop. 213 00:07:58,195 --> 00:08:02,215 All those pages of days, weeks, months, years. 214 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,664 I never know where I am with 'em. 215 00:08:04,764 --> 00:08:07,678 - Exactly, right, well, um, don't let me stop you. 216 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,987 - Oh, you're not keeping me. I'm just off to spend a penny. 217 00:08:09,987 --> 00:08:11,031 - Ah, right. 218 00:08:11,131 --> 00:08:12,379 - I'd better go. 219 00:08:12,479 --> 00:08:13,861 Don't want to leave a trail. 220 00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:14,878 Bye, Gavin. 221 00:08:20,272 --> 00:08:21,993 - That's £9.80 change, thank you. 222 00:08:22,093 --> 00:08:23,904 - [Customer] That's lovely, thank you. 223 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,941 - Aren't we forgetting something, Katie? 224 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:26,774 - What? 225 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,980 I asked if he wanted a bag. - Every transaction is to be followed by, 226 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:31,669 "Thank you for shopping at Valco." 227 00:08:31,769 --> 00:08:33,260 - Nobody says that, though. 228 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:34,909 - Just because previous deputy managers 229 00:08:34,909 --> 00:08:36,911 have let things slide, doesn't mean I will. 230 00:08:37,011 --> 00:08:38,999 This new broom sweeps clean. 231 00:08:39,099 --> 00:08:40,707 - Still got a witch on it. 232 00:08:40,807 --> 00:08:41,567 (snickering) 233 00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:43,080 - Something you'd like to share? 234 00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:44,385 - No. 235 00:08:44,485 --> 00:08:45,980 - It's easy to joke when you're an 236 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,665 insignificant cog in a giant machine. 237 00:08:48,765 --> 00:08:50,894 No offence, but you could die tomorrow 238 00:08:50,994 --> 00:08:53,222 and nobody at Valco would notice. 239 00:08:53,322 --> 00:08:56,318 Whereas if I died, it'd be chaos. 240 00:08:56,418 --> 00:08:59,835 And possibly a shrine of flowers outside. 241 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:03,461 It's Lisa, isn't it? 242 00:09:03,561 --> 00:09:04,294 - Yeah. 243 00:09:04,394 --> 00:09:05,998 - You see, I know that's your name, 244 00:09:06,098 --> 00:09:09,140 but if I was a customer, how would I know you work here? 245 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,441 - Cos I'm sat here in my uniform working. 246 00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:13,831 - Without a name badge. 247 00:09:13,931 --> 00:09:17,224 Leaving Valco unprotected on consumer rights issues. 248 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,157 - Eh? 249 00:09:19,445 --> 00:09:20,759 - Are you chewing, Lisa? 250 00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:22,930 - Yeah, cherry Airwaves. 251 00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,986 God, you're proper on one today, aren't ya? 252 00:09:26,086 --> 00:09:28,181 Is Leanne coming back soon? 253 00:09:28,281 --> 00:09:31,988 - As you know, Lisa, fairness is in my DNA. 254 00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:33,291 But you have pushed me 255 00:09:33,391 --> 00:09:36,224 over the limit with your attitude. 256 00:09:37,347 --> 00:09:40,513 Now shut that till up and report to the warehouse. 257 00:09:41,386 --> 00:09:42,876 That goes for you two as well. 258 00:09:42,976 --> 00:09:45,143 Go on! Shut your tills up. 259 00:09:47,835 --> 00:09:51,448 - Good morning and welcome to Valco. 260 00:09:51,548 --> 00:09:53,363 - I can see the headlines now. 261 00:09:53,463 --> 00:09:56,582 Fat butcher's head explodes as crocodile wins marathon. 262 00:09:56,682 --> 00:09:59,434 - I keep telling you Marathons aren't about fitness 263 00:09:59,534 --> 00:10:02,000 or endurance or running. 264 00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,920 It's all about diet. 265 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:07,214 - Drinking a glass of milk every now and then don't count as a diet. 266 00:10:07,314 --> 00:10:11,367 - That's just the start of it. The main staple of my diet is eggs. 267 00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:14,347 Did you know they say Usain Bolt 268 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,694 eats 50 eggs a week? 269 00:10:15,794 --> 00:10:17,858 That's 200 eggs a month. 270 00:10:17,958 --> 00:10:20,147 - Where are you finding your information? A wood? 271 00:10:20,247 --> 00:10:22,516 - Pay attention, you might learn something. 272 00:10:22,616 --> 00:10:25,216 Milk, full fat, for calcium. 273 00:10:25,316 --> 00:10:29,010 An egg, Bolt's favourite, for protein. 274 00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:31,277 And pork for testosterone. 275 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:44,392 Mmm. 276 00:10:45,639 --> 00:10:46,806 That's better. 277 00:10:49,475 --> 00:10:50,725 Going on lunch. 278 00:10:53,557 --> 00:10:55,603 Don't eat any of them Scotch eggs while I'm gone. 279 00:10:55,603 --> 00:10:58,034 They taste like arseholes. 280 00:10:58,134 --> 00:11:00,366 - Are you sure you should be eating that, Andy? 281 00:11:00,466 --> 00:11:01,875 It doesn't look very healthy. 282 00:11:01,975 --> 00:11:05,392 - Nothing that's good for you ever does. 283 00:11:15,172 --> 00:11:16,339 - You alright? 284 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,444 - Yeah, it's just the taste of the eggs. 285 00:11:22,925 --> 00:11:24,342 Are my eyes open? 286 00:11:28,405 --> 00:11:29,577 - Alright, me boy? 287 00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:30,410 - What you doing? 288 00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:31,759 You can't come back here. 289 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:32,781 This is a man's world. 290 00:11:32,881 --> 00:11:35,221 You wouldn't understand. - I wanna see the magic happens. 291 00:11:35,321 --> 00:11:36,823 What you being a dick for? 292 00:11:36,923 --> 00:11:38,127 - You'll put customers off. 293 00:11:38,227 --> 00:11:40,107 No one likes to see a pretty girl hackin' up meat. 294 00:11:40,107 --> 00:11:43,236 - Oh, but you think I'm a pretty girl? 295 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,033 - Pretty stupid. 296 00:11:45,133 --> 00:11:46,685 Don't touch anything, yeah? 297 00:11:46,785 --> 00:11:49,944 You know what Andy's like. He knows when someone's been behind here. 298 00:11:50,044 --> 00:11:50,777 (gasping) 299 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:51,614 - Maybe so. 300 00:11:51,714 --> 00:11:54,473 But can he tell if someone's put fake names on his sponsorship form? 301 00:11:54,473 --> 00:11:57,449 - Nope, I put Paul McCartney down for £20 earlier, 302 00:11:57,549 --> 00:11:59,849 thought he were the real one. He was gutted he missed him. 303 00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:02,099 (laughing) 304 00:12:03,911 --> 00:12:07,109 - These aren't even the Valco uniform trousers I was given. 305 00:12:07,209 --> 00:12:08,989 They're my old school trousers. 306 00:12:09,089 --> 00:12:10,054 - Great. 307 00:12:10,154 --> 00:12:11,435 - Cos the thing is, 308 00:12:11,535 --> 00:12:13,717 they're exactly the same as the Valco ones. 309 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,921 They're the same size, same colour and everything. 310 00:12:16,021 --> 00:12:17,377 So, nobody's noticed. 311 00:12:17,477 --> 00:12:21,740 I can't even tell the difference sometimes myself. 312 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,495 I guess I could wear the work ones, 313 00:12:23,595 --> 00:12:26,548 but there's something about these ones that I... 314 00:12:26,648 --> 00:12:27,381 (laughing) 315 00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:30,829 Wait a minute, these are my work ones! 316 00:12:30,929 --> 00:12:33,296 Look 'cause if you look on the inside, 317 00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:35,188 these aren't, these... 318 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,788 Are they the work ones or not? 319 00:12:53,426 --> 00:12:55,126 - Mate, nah. 320 00:12:55,226 --> 00:12:57,140 Sorry, I've been to the warehouse, checked everywhere. 321 00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:58,365 There's no stock. 322 00:12:58,465 --> 00:12:59,198 - Not to worry. 323 00:12:59,298 --> 00:13:00,031 Thanks so much. 324 00:13:00,131 --> 00:13:01,905 - Don't worry, that's why I'm here. 325 00:13:02,005 --> 00:13:03,172 Happy to help. 326 00:13:14,099 --> 00:13:15,751 - Ooh, Gavin, Gavin. 327 00:13:15,851 --> 00:13:16,584 - Yes, Margaret? 328 00:13:16,684 --> 00:13:18,512 - Have you got a minute? - Well, I'm a bit busy, actually. 329 00:13:18,512 --> 00:13:19,245 Can it wait? 330 00:13:19,345 --> 00:13:20,297 - No, it can't. 331 00:13:20,397 --> 00:13:21,829 - Well, what's the matter? 332 00:13:21,929 --> 00:13:24,566 - I don't like saying. I feel a bit embarrassed. 333 00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:25,499 - Oh. 334 00:13:28,017 --> 00:13:29,877 - Do you mind coming round back here? 335 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,727 - I suppose I can spare a minute. 336 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:37,181 - I feel daft asking you this, 337 00:13:37,281 --> 00:13:40,813 but it's been puzzling me since day one. 338 00:13:40,913 --> 00:13:44,246 How do they get the egg in the pork pie? 339 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:46,766 - I'm not sure I follow. 340 00:13:46,866 --> 00:13:47,956 - How do they do it? 341 00:13:48,056 --> 00:13:51,294 I mean, do they put the egg into the pork pie, 342 00:13:51,394 --> 00:13:55,061 or do they wrap the pork pie around the egg? 343 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:59,473 - You know what, I've never it given any thought. 344 00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:01,719 - It's like one of those bottles in a ship. 345 00:14:01,819 --> 00:14:02,660 - Ship in a... 346 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,768 Anyway, look, Margaret, I really must get going. 347 00:14:04,768 --> 00:14:08,935 I've got a to-do list as long as the Channel Tunnel. 348 00:14:12,323 --> 00:14:13,579 - If you could be an animal, 349 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:17,096 what kind of animal would you be and why? 350 00:14:19,462 --> 00:14:21,712 - Please, shut the fuck up! 351 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,090 - Are you sure nobody's been back here? 352 00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:27,946 - Yeah. 353 00:14:28,046 --> 00:14:29,634 - I told you to take that down. 354 00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:32,113 - I don't know how it got back up there. It must be the wind. 355 00:14:32,213 --> 00:14:33,832 - That's a punishable offence. 356 00:14:33,932 --> 00:14:35,533 Says so in the Valco Managers 357 00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:37,537 Code of Practise Handbook. 358 00:14:37,637 --> 00:14:38,745 - Where? 359 00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,476 - It's a new amendment. 360 00:14:40,576 --> 00:14:42,687 - You can't just make up your own rules, Julie. 361 00:14:42,787 --> 00:14:43,928 - You're not Alan Sugar. 362 00:14:44,028 --> 00:14:47,149 - If I was, I'd have to seriously think about having you two fired. 363 00:14:47,249 --> 00:14:49,327 - Anyway, you can't fire two at the same time. 364 00:14:49,427 --> 00:14:50,993 - Oh, no he did one time. - Did he? 365 00:14:51,093 --> 00:14:51,926 - Yeah, they'd come up with a dog cupboard. 366 00:14:51,926 --> 00:14:54,167 He went mental, chucked two of 'em off. 367 00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:55,000 - Dog cupboard? 368 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:56,679 - Just a box with bones in it. 369 00:14:56,779 --> 00:14:59,630 - That is really terrible. - Just take it down or I'll take this book 370 00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:02,045 and shove it up your arses. 371 00:15:02,145 --> 00:15:04,471 - I don't think that's in your rule book. 372 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,058 - It's like babysitting chimps. 373 00:15:06,158 --> 00:15:07,759 - Hey, shouldn't you be more worried about the tills? 374 00:15:07,759 --> 00:15:09,646 School's are out. There's only three staff on. 375 00:15:09,646 --> 00:15:11,825 - Don't tell me how to do my job! 376 00:15:11,925 --> 00:15:13,905 Thank you, Kieran. 377 00:15:14,005 --> 00:15:15,743 - Only trying to help. 378 00:15:15,843 --> 00:15:16,576 - Ohh. 379 00:15:16,676 --> 00:15:18,489 - Yeah, uptight or what. 380 00:15:18,589 --> 00:15:19,422 - I'll tell you what, 381 00:15:19,422 --> 00:15:21,486 those raw eggs don't waste any time, do they? 382 00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:23,503 - See you later, Usain! 383 00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:28,782 - This is mental. 384 00:15:28,882 --> 00:15:30,098 Why don't you open more tills? 385 00:15:30,098 --> 00:15:32,091 - I'm sorry, but we're a bit short staffed at the moment. 386 00:15:32,091 --> 00:15:33,681 - Katie, get a move on! 387 00:15:33,781 --> 00:15:35,279 Your queue's back to pasta. 388 00:15:35,379 --> 00:15:38,029 - I'm trying, but some of the tills got closed, remember? 389 00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:40,649 - Want something done, do it yourself. 390 00:15:40,749 --> 00:15:42,367 Next, please! 391 00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:44,232 Good afternoon, sir. Please accept my apologies-- 392 00:15:44,232 --> 00:15:46,902 - 15 minutes we've been waitin' here just to buy dog food. 393 00:15:47,002 --> 00:15:47,978 - Oh, I love dogs! 394 00:15:48,078 --> 00:15:49,577 What kind of dog have you got? 395 00:15:49,677 --> 00:15:51,577 - A bastard hungry one. 396 00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:54,465 - We're doing everything we can, sir. 397 00:15:54,565 --> 00:15:56,991 - This shop has turned to shit! 398 00:15:57,091 --> 00:15:58,468 - Up yours! 399 00:15:58,568 --> 00:16:00,318 And your stupid dogs! 400 00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:04,299 - Don't you mean, "Thank you for shopping at Valco"? 401 00:16:04,399 --> 00:16:05,319 - Julie! 402 00:16:05,419 --> 00:16:07,590 What are you doing on the till? 403 00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:09,107 - Not now, Gavin! 404 00:16:10,714 --> 00:16:13,214 - Shall we have a little chat? 405 00:16:21,416 --> 00:16:22,249 - Amazing. 406 00:16:23,497 --> 00:16:24,330 Good job. 407 00:16:26,506 --> 00:16:28,155 No, Andy, you can't use the toilets, they're out of order. 408 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,989 - I've got three raw eggs knocking on me back door 409 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,148 I don't know when it comes. 410 00:16:31,148 --> 00:16:34,480 - Wait, that one's working, but it's got a wobbly seat. 411 00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,830 (farting) 412 00:16:44,397 --> 00:16:46,067 - I hate to swear in front of a lady, Julie, 413 00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:49,037 but would you mind telling me what the blazes was going on out there? 414 00:16:49,137 --> 00:16:51,540 - We're short staffed! So I had to jump on the till. 415 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,696 - Well, no wonder we were short staffed, I believe you sent Courtney 416 00:16:53,696 --> 00:16:56,922 and Amy to the warehouse for laughing, and Lisa for laughing and chewing. 417 00:16:57,022 --> 00:16:59,175 - Please don't shout, Gavin. - I'm not shouting. 418 00:16:59,275 --> 00:17:01,064 - Your eyes are. 419 00:17:01,164 --> 00:17:04,657 I know I've let you down, but it spiralled out of control. 420 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,168 They all think I'm a joke. 421 00:17:06,268 --> 00:17:07,448 You might as well call Leanne 422 00:17:07,448 --> 00:17:09,350 and tell her to come back as quick as she can, 423 00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:12,760 because I'm useless and she's Miss Perfect! 424 00:17:12,860 --> 00:17:13,593 (sighing) 425 00:17:13,693 --> 00:17:14,587 - Come on. 426 00:17:14,687 --> 00:17:18,166 I'm sorry that I flew off the handle a touch. 427 00:17:18,266 --> 00:17:22,433 Sometimes I do let my temper get the better of me. 428 00:17:23,289 --> 00:17:24,655 - You're a hot-blooded man, Gavin, 429 00:17:24,755 --> 00:17:26,414 there's nothing to apologise for. 430 00:17:26,514 --> 00:17:28,880 - I'm just concerned, that's all. I mean, today aside, 431 00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:31,213 you've been doing a very good job filling in 432 00:17:31,313 --> 00:17:34,480 and I'm not the only person to say so. 433 00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:35,666 - Honestly? 434 00:17:35,766 --> 00:17:36,849 Who else has? 435 00:17:37,989 --> 00:17:42,382 - Well, that's not important right now. What I'm getting at is, by and large, 436 00:17:42,482 --> 00:17:44,915 you've been doing very well. 437 00:17:45,015 --> 00:17:48,262 You don't need to focus on the negative all the time. 438 00:17:48,362 --> 00:17:50,855 Management, is kind of a balancing act 439 00:17:50,955 --> 00:17:53,196 between the carrot and the stick. 440 00:17:53,296 --> 00:17:54,701 None of us are perfect at it. 441 00:17:54,801 --> 00:17:56,060 - Everyone thinks Leanne is. 442 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,254 - Well, wouldn't be too sure, she has faults of her own. 443 00:17:59,354 --> 00:18:00,150 - Really? 444 00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:00,983 Like what? 445 00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:02,558 - Well, punctuality, for one thing. 446 00:18:02,658 --> 00:18:05,696 Never on time, always early for everything. 447 00:18:05,796 --> 00:18:08,881 Sometimes she did struggle to assert her authority. 448 00:18:08,981 --> 00:18:10,690 - I did not know that. 449 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,607 - Most of the staff refused to believe 450 00:18:12,707 --> 00:18:15,277 she could be deputy manager at such a young age. 451 00:18:15,377 --> 00:18:17,794 - Yeah, I know how she feels. 452 00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:20,782 - Look, erm... 453 00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:23,879 What say you just draw a line under today? 454 00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,814 Start again tomorrow. 455 00:18:25,914 --> 00:18:27,775 - Thank you, Gavin. 456 00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:31,254 Talking to you makes everything feel like it's going to be OK. 457 00:18:31,354 --> 00:18:35,042 You've got such a gentle, soothing voice. 458 00:18:35,142 --> 00:18:37,975 - My wife Barbara used to say that. 459 00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,658 She said it made me sound weak. 460 00:18:42,009 --> 00:18:43,426 - It's OK to cry. 461 00:18:44,803 --> 00:18:46,978 - Oh, no, I'm quite alright. 462 00:18:47,078 --> 00:18:51,245 - No, but if you ever need to cry, my phone's always on. 463 00:18:54,224 --> 00:18:57,304 - Well, I'm glad we've had this little talk. 464 00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,645 I've got to give the bakers a rollicking. 465 00:18:59,745 --> 00:19:02,939 Another XXX calendar has appeared. 466 00:19:03,039 --> 00:19:05,602 You don't wanna see where Miss October's putting things. 467 00:19:05,702 --> 00:19:09,452 Life is just one long stag do for those boys. 468 00:19:21,149 --> 00:19:25,999 - Wouldn't pack your tools up yet, mate some bastard's made a right mess in there. 469 00:19:31,679 --> 00:19:33,346 - Yeah, that's Emma. 470 00:19:35,289 --> 00:19:38,048 - Oh, Kieran, she's gorgeous. 471 00:19:38,148 --> 00:19:39,625 - You know who she reminds me of? 472 00:19:39,725 --> 00:19:41,181 - Who? 473 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,196 - A supermodel. 474 00:19:43,296 --> 00:19:44,437 - Oh! 475 00:19:44,537 --> 00:19:46,679 You got a photo of your Alan I can see? 476 00:19:46,779 --> 00:19:47,700 - No. 477 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,777 I've got a great one at home, though. 478 00:19:49,877 --> 00:19:51,666 I'll bring it in tomorrow. 479 00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:52,499 - Great. 480 00:19:52,599 --> 00:19:53,432 - Frame's quite heavy, 481 00:19:53,432 --> 00:19:55,948 but it'll be alright in the car if I clear the boot. 482 00:19:56,048 --> 00:19:58,559 - You don't have to, I was only-- - No, my pleasure. 483 00:19:58,659 --> 00:20:01,827 I'll get my Alan to help me lift it off the wall tonight. 484 00:20:01,927 --> 00:20:02,927 - Brilliant. 485 00:20:04,288 --> 00:20:05,121 Uh-oh. 486 00:20:06,182 --> 00:20:07,260 (laughing) 487 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,093 - Oh, Andy. 488 00:20:08,193 --> 00:20:11,726 You look like you've been to hell and then back from hell. 489 00:20:11,826 --> 00:20:13,078 - Bollocks to sharks. 490 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:15,251 - This is a notice to all Valco customers. 491 00:20:15,351 --> 00:20:17,127 Hurry down to our fresh fruit and veg aisle, 492 00:20:17,127 --> 00:20:18,782 where you'll find brilliant bargains 493 00:20:18,882 --> 00:20:20,535 on all leafy greens. 494 00:20:20,635 --> 00:20:22,328 Cabbages at low, low prices. 495 00:20:22,428 --> 00:20:24,188 - Little surprise for you, Margaret. 496 00:20:24,288 --> 00:20:25,166 - What's all this? 497 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:26,133 - Well, I've been online 498 00:20:26,133 --> 00:20:28,601 and I found out how they put the egg inside the pork pie. 499 00:20:28,701 --> 00:20:29,906 - Oh, Gavin. 500 00:20:30,006 --> 00:20:31,300 (laughing) 501 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,233 Thank you! 502 00:20:33,778 --> 00:20:36,093 - It's really quite enlightening, actually. 503 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,466 I never thought it required so many people. 504 00:20:38,566 --> 00:20:39,299 What they do... 505 00:20:39,399 --> 00:20:40,793 Anyway, it's fascinating. 506 00:20:40,893 --> 00:20:42,476 Anyway, erm, enjoy. 507 00:20:45,249 --> 00:20:46,739 - Oh, thank you, Gavin. 508 00:20:46,839 --> 00:20:47,672 Night! 509 00:20:49,411 --> 00:20:50,244 Long eggs? 510 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,625 Oh, the poor hens. 511 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,317 - I've had some right arsey customers today. 512 00:20:55,317 --> 00:20:56,050 I've had it. 513 00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:57,651 Tomorrow I'm looking for a new job. 514 00:20:57,751 --> 00:20:58,748 - Here we go again. 515 00:20:58,848 --> 00:21:00,081 - No, I mean it this time. 516 00:21:00,181 --> 00:21:02,574 - That's what you said last time. - Yeah, but this time it's different. 517 00:21:02,574 --> 00:21:04,472 I'm gonna sign up with some temping agencies and that. 518 00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:07,705 - Ooh, the mysterious temping agencies. 519 00:21:07,805 --> 00:21:09,386 - I'm serious. 520 00:21:09,486 --> 00:21:10,728 And then I wanna see if I can get a job at-- 521 00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,538 - River Island. 522 00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:15,555 Told you, it's the same every time. 523 00:21:21,526 --> 00:21:23,776 (laughing) 524 00:21:29,815 --> 00:21:31,982 (sighing) 525 00:21:36,063 --> 00:21:38,020 - Do you think you'll make it to car? 526 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,393 - As long as I don't have to run. 527 00:21:40,493 --> 00:21:42,958 - Have you got a blanket to sit on? (groaning) 528 00:21:43,058 --> 00:21:43,891 - Ooh. 529 00:21:45,257 --> 00:21:46,340 It's alright.