1 00:00:01,817 --> 00:00:03,691 - We have 17 varieties of papadom. 2 00:00:03,791 --> 00:00:06,098 - Offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 3 00:00:06,198 --> 00:00:07,284 - Loads of two-for-ones. 4 00:00:07,384 --> 00:00:08,395 - Service with a smile. 5 00:00:08,495 --> 00:00:09,846 (both laughing) 6 00:00:09,946 --> 00:00:11,659 - We have fresh produce. - Delivered daily. 7 00:00:11,759 --> 00:00:13,524 - Don't forget the Valco tick. - That way. 8 00:00:13,624 --> 00:00:14,457 - Valco! - I wasn't ready. 9 00:00:14,457 --> 00:00:16,023 - Oh, weren't you ready? (both laughing) 10 00:00:16,123 --> 00:00:17,806 - Valco serves you right! 11 00:00:17,906 --> 00:00:20,489 - [All] Valco serves you right! 12 00:00:23,443 --> 00:00:25,155 (checkout register beeping) 13 00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:25,988 - Kieran? 14 00:00:26,088 --> 00:00:27,300 - [Kieran] Oh, I'm late, sorry. 15 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,621 - What you got your scarf on for? It's boiling outside. 16 00:00:29,621 --> 00:00:32,490 - [Kieran] I can't hear you. 17 00:00:32,590 --> 00:00:34,881 - Oh, it's a pity these haven't taken off. 18 00:00:34,981 --> 00:00:37,186 - People don't like being told what to eat. 19 00:00:37,286 --> 00:00:38,877 That's why so many of them are fat. 20 00:00:38,977 --> 00:00:40,204 - Still, it would have been nice to have 21 00:00:40,204 --> 00:00:42,755 had a success story for the new area manager. 22 00:00:42,855 --> 00:00:45,143 - Oh, don't worry, he's a pussycat. 23 00:00:45,243 --> 00:00:47,118 I should know. 24 00:00:47,218 --> 00:00:49,530 Did I mention that Craig's a close personal friend? 25 00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:51,064 - Quite a few times, actually. 26 00:00:51,164 --> 00:00:53,081 - Yeah, we go way back. 27 00:00:53,978 --> 00:00:56,060 - One, two, three, four, five 28 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,163 a day in a bag, it's a super idea. 29 00:00:59,263 --> 00:01:01,102 - Gavin, you just have to face it. 30 00:01:01,202 --> 00:01:03,457 Warrington simply isn't ready for five a day. 31 00:01:03,557 --> 00:01:06,873 The sooner everyone accepts that, the sooner we can all move on. 32 00:01:06,973 --> 00:01:08,640 We're not Milan yet. 33 00:01:12,134 --> 00:01:15,465 - Well, well, well, if it isn't Late Middleton. 34 00:01:15,565 --> 00:01:16,298 - [Kieran] Sorry. 35 00:01:16,398 --> 00:01:19,920 Hey, has somebody tidied up back here? - Yeah, Eva Braun's orders. 36 00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:22,645 We've got a new area manager coming in, apparently. 37 00:01:22,745 --> 00:01:25,414 She even made me tidy up my display. 38 00:01:25,514 --> 00:01:26,732 Don't like it too neat. 39 00:01:26,832 --> 00:01:28,103 People don't want to feel they're buying their meat 40 00:01:28,103 --> 00:01:29,436 off of Rain Man. 41 00:01:35,583 --> 00:01:36,965 - Good weekend? 42 00:01:37,065 --> 00:01:37,898 - Not bad. 43 00:01:38,926 --> 00:01:40,187 You? 44 00:01:40,287 --> 00:01:41,120 - Yep. 45 00:01:42,187 --> 00:01:44,372 - Spend most of it glueing pubes to your chops, did ya? 46 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,304 - I'm growing a beard. 47 00:01:45,404 --> 00:01:46,706 - Oh yeah, hey, you might want to tell that 48 00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:47,882 to the rest of your face. 49 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,666 - It just grows a bit quicker on my top lip, yeah? 50 00:01:49,666 --> 00:01:50,737 The rest will catch up. 51 00:01:50,737 --> 00:01:53,998 - All right, all right, yeah, whatever you say. 52 00:01:54,098 --> 00:01:55,907 - Ooh, are you growing a beard, Kieran? 53 00:01:56,007 --> 00:01:58,768 - He's a bit sensitive about it. - I'm not sensitive! 54 00:02:00,279 --> 00:02:01,506 I'm not sensitive. 55 00:02:01,606 --> 00:02:04,023 - Oh, I do like a nice beard. 56 00:02:05,274 --> 00:02:07,107 Oh, not yours, though. 57 00:02:09,855 --> 00:02:10,688 - Don't. 58 00:02:14,979 --> 00:02:18,508 - Wow, I didn't know Cheryl Cole works at Valco. 59 00:02:18,608 --> 00:02:22,179 - I didn't know David Dixon shopped here, nice tan. 60 00:02:22,279 --> 00:02:25,519 - Well, Wonkhead, I'm not shoppin' here. 61 00:02:25,619 --> 00:02:27,307 I'm Craig Falcon. 62 00:02:27,407 --> 00:02:30,241 You might have heard of me, Area Manager. 63 00:02:30,341 --> 00:02:31,769 - Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 64 00:02:31,869 --> 00:02:32,602 I didn't-- 65 00:02:32,702 --> 00:02:34,795 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't worry, baby doll. 66 00:02:34,895 --> 00:02:37,765 Just 'cause I'm management doesn't mean I can't take a joke. 67 00:02:37,865 --> 00:02:39,789 So, what're you listening to at the minute? 68 00:02:39,889 --> 00:02:40,622 - What? 69 00:02:40,722 --> 00:02:44,787 - Music, tunes, tracks, what beats you listenin' to? 70 00:02:44,887 --> 00:02:47,287 - Do you want to stop bothering my staff, Casanova? 71 00:02:47,387 --> 00:02:49,579 - Oh, bugger me, Corky! 72 00:02:49,679 --> 00:02:52,346 (both laughing) 73 00:02:54,027 --> 00:02:55,954 - Welcome to Warrington, Mr. Falcon. 74 00:02:56,054 --> 00:02:58,011 Nice to finally meet you outside of an email. 75 00:02:58,111 --> 00:02:58,844 (giggling) 76 00:02:58,944 --> 00:03:00,944 - You must be Gavin, eh? 77 00:03:03,282 --> 00:03:06,329 - I've got the five-in-a-bag results in my office so we should probably go-- 78 00:03:06,429 --> 00:03:10,098 - Yeah, we'll go through them later. So, Deputy Manager, eh? 79 00:03:10,198 --> 00:03:12,299 Did you have to shag him to get the gig? 80 00:03:12,399 --> 00:03:13,890 - I can assure you-- 81 00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,687 - Oh, give over, you big wally. 82 00:03:15,787 --> 00:03:18,108 Covering Leanne Baxter's maternity. 83 00:03:18,208 --> 00:03:18,941 - Right. 84 00:03:19,041 --> 00:03:22,041 - I always knew she had it in her to climb the ladder, even back in St. Helen's. 85 00:03:22,141 --> 00:03:22,935 - Shut up. 86 00:03:23,035 --> 00:03:24,177 You'll make me blush. 87 00:03:24,277 --> 00:03:26,383 - Of course, Julie used to be your assistant! 88 00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:27,970 Well, what a turn out for the books. 89 00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:31,003 - Yeah, so, interim deputy manager, 90 00:03:31,103 --> 00:03:33,486 are you gonna give me a little tour of your store? 91 00:03:33,586 --> 00:03:34,462 - Oh, go on then. 92 00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:36,825 I can't leave you wandering around on your own. 93 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,898 God knows what might happen. 94 00:03:39,998 --> 00:03:41,867 - Shall we just start at the meat counter? 95 00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:43,290 - Nah, don't worry about it, G-man. 96 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,468 We'll be fine. 97 00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:45,651 Come on, you! 98 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,850 - So Gavin? 99 00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:49,195 - Yes, Katie. 100 00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:50,708 - Is that the new area manager? 101 00:03:50,808 --> 00:03:54,391 - Yes, that's Craig The Falcon, um, Falcon. 102 00:03:55,585 --> 00:03:56,709 - He creeps me out. 103 00:03:56,809 --> 00:04:00,091 - He's not at all how he comes across in the newsletters. 104 00:04:00,191 --> 00:04:03,474 (carts clanging) 105 00:04:03,574 --> 00:04:05,205 - Hi, you going somewhere nice, Margaret? 106 00:04:05,205 --> 00:04:07,530 - Me and my Alan are looking at booking a holiday. 107 00:04:07,630 --> 00:04:09,310 15 years we've been going to the same 108 00:04:09,410 --> 00:04:12,576 caravan park in Anglesey, but not again, 109 00:04:12,676 --> 00:04:14,123 not after last summer. 110 00:04:14,223 --> 00:04:15,161 - What happened last summer? 111 00:04:15,161 --> 00:04:19,297 - The on-site entertainment wasn't my idea of entertaining. 112 00:04:19,397 --> 00:04:20,520 - They never are, Margaret. 113 00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:22,629 - Normally, they have on this wonderful duet, 114 00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:24,018 Lipstick and Lace. 115 00:04:24,118 --> 00:04:25,875 But last year, they replaced them with this 116 00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:27,607 awful blue magician. 117 00:04:27,707 --> 00:04:29,202 He were a right mucky beggar. 118 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,954 - What did he do? 119 00:04:31,054 --> 00:04:33,445 - Lots of tricks with his you-know-what. 120 00:04:33,545 --> 00:04:35,117 - Mate of mine always does the elephant when he's had 121 00:04:35,117 --> 00:04:36,079 a few too many. 122 00:04:36,179 --> 00:04:38,863 You know Pockets inside out, open your flies-- 123 00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:40,207 - Andy stop it. 124 00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:42,140 You're making me sick. 125 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,949 - I know, yeah, same old, same old. 126 00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:50,185 It's a load of old shit, really. 127 00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:52,662 Anyway, I've got to go. 128 00:04:52,762 --> 00:04:55,101 I'll ring you later when I get back. 129 00:04:55,201 --> 00:04:57,215 Alright, I'll see you later then. 130 00:04:57,315 --> 00:04:59,331 See you later, bye. 131 00:04:59,431 --> 00:05:01,014 Bye, bye, bye, bye. 132 00:05:03,597 --> 00:05:05,526 - About bloody time. 133 00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:07,814 - [Leighton] 3.49. 134 00:05:07,914 --> 00:05:09,164 - Thanks, love. 135 00:05:11,861 --> 00:05:12,694 - Alright. 136 00:05:13,696 --> 00:05:16,634 - Nah, they're all propaganda, these, anyway. 137 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,188 - Where do you book your holidays? 138 00:05:18,288 --> 00:05:20,322 - Ceefax. - What's Ceefax? 139 00:05:20,422 --> 00:05:21,910 - You never heard of Ceefax? 140 00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:22,856 - No. 141 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,301 - What are you, five? 142 00:05:24,401 --> 00:05:26,930 Are you seriously telling me you've never heard of Ceefax? 143 00:05:26,930 --> 00:05:27,663 - Yes. 144 00:05:27,763 --> 00:05:29,395 - Unbelievable. 145 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:32,449 - Gentlemen, this is Craig Falcon. 146 00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:36,289 New area manager, and a close personal friend of mine. 147 00:05:36,389 --> 00:05:37,224 - Alright, chief? 148 00:05:37,324 --> 00:05:39,879 - Yeah, Craig and I go way back. 149 00:05:39,979 --> 00:05:41,075 Where's Margaret? 150 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,081 - Oh, she's on a break. 151 00:05:43,181 --> 00:05:44,950 - This deli looks like a bomb's hit it. 152 00:05:45,050 --> 00:05:46,812 - You've a good meat counter here. 153 00:05:46,912 --> 00:05:49,737 One of the best I've seen. 154 00:05:49,837 --> 00:05:52,378 - Thanks, that, er, means a lot. 155 00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:54,041 - You'll appreciate this, Andy. 156 00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:56,836 Last week, Stockport branch, I goes in to check out 157 00:05:56,936 --> 00:05:59,284 the meat counter. You will not believe what the butcher 158 00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:00,689 has got next to braising steak. 159 00:06:00,789 --> 00:06:03,331 - Er, Stockport, God alone knows. 160 00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:04,164 - Fillets. 161 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,408 - Oh! 162 00:06:05,508 --> 00:06:06,518 In with the braising? 163 00:06:06,618 --> 00:06:07,658 - Fillets! 164 00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:10,174 - Jesus, just when you think you've heard it all. 165 00:06:10,274 --> 00:06:13,094 Hope you marched him out there and then. - Golly, I have half a mind to march him 166 00:06:13,094 --> 00:06:15,757 and show him how a real butcher does it. 167 00:06:15,857 --> 00:06:17,107 - Oh, that's... 168 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:21,230 I don't want to sound... 169 00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:22,169 I mean, 170 00:06:22,269 --> 00:06:26,068 do you want to come for a drink with me? 171 00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:27,001 - Wow. 172 00:06:28,863 --> 00:06:29,696 - Yeah! 173 00:06:30,984 --> 00:06:31,906 Come on, Jules. 174 00:06:32,006 --> 00:06:33,868 Let's look at some fresh fish. 175 00:06:33,968 --> 00:06:36,300 - And tell Margaret to sort this out when she gets back. 176 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:39,800 I've seen nicer-looking peppers in a skip. 177 00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:46,264 - I'm not sure but I think you just asked him out on 178 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,363 a date and he said no. 179 00:06:47,463 --> 00:06:48,589 - Shut up. 180 00:06:48,689 --> 00:06:50,549 I just asked him if he fancied a beer. 181 00:06:50,649 --> 00:06:52,336 Anyway, he said yes. 182 00:06:52,436 --> 00:06:54,436 - He just walked off. - He said yes. 183 00:07:04,996 --> 00:07:05,915 - Oi! 184 00:07:06,015 --> 00:07:09,501 You've not come to my till once today. Don't you know how bored I've been? 185 00:07:09,601 --> 00:07:11,213 It's not acceptable, Kieran. 186 00:07:11,313 --> 00:07:13,867 - Yeah sorry, I've been really busy. 187 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,222 - You've got something on your... 188 00:07:16,322 --> 00:07:18,509 Let's have a look. 189 00:07:18,609 --> 00:07:19,933 (giggling) 190 00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:21,487 What is that? 191 00:07:21,587 --> 00:07:22,564 - I'm growing a beard. 192 00:07:22,664 --> 00:07:24,174 - You do know it's supposed to grow on your chin 193 00:07:24,174 --> 00:07:25,460 and your face. 194 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:26,849 - Don't you start with that, I've had Andy on 195 00:07:26,849 --> 00:07:27,689 at me all morning. 196 00:07:27,789 --> 00:07:29,576 - Oh, come on, you can't come to work like that 197 00:07:29,676 --> 00:07:32,592 and expect me not to take the piss. 198 00:07:32,692 --> 00:07:33,900 (giggling) 199 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,285 It's growing in clumps, it looks like you've got alopecia 200 00:07:36,285 --> 00:07:37,045 of the face! 201 00:07:37,145 --> 00:07:38,867 - It just grows quicker on my top lip, yeah. 202 00:07:38,967 --> 00:07:40,273 The rest will catch up. 203 00:07:40,373 --> 00:07:41,505 - Ooh! 204 00:07:41,605 --> 00:07:43,423 Seriously, you need to shave that off. 205 00:07:43,523 --> 00:07:46,480 - I can't, it's Emma's idea. 206 00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:48,297 She reckons it makes me look dead Kings of Leon. 207 00:07:48,297 --> 00:07:51,063 - But they don't have beards any more. - That's what I said. 208 00:07:51,163 --> 00:07:53,098 - Alright, you've given it a go, it looks shite. 209 00:07:53,198 --> 00:07:54,241 Shave it off. 210 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,843 - Yeah but she'll be well annoyed. 211 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,865 - I think you need to grow a pair of balls. 212 00:07:58,965 --> 00:08:01,512 - Cheer up, Magnum, might never happen. 213 00:08:01,612 --> 00:08:02,749 A bit like your beard. 214 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,585 (both giggling) 215 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:05,852 - Ha ha ha ha! 216 00:08:08,038 --> 00:08:09,895 - [Katie] Oh, it just got funnier! 217 00:08:09,995 --> 00:08:11,737 - Hiya. - Hiya. 218 00:08:11,837 --> 00:08:13,912 Oh, going abroad, are you, Margaret? 219 00:08:14,012 --> 00:08:15,584 - We're thinking about it. 220 00:08:15,684 --> 00:08:18,443 - Eh, you want to go, Magaluf. 221 00:08:18,543 --> 00:08:20,236 - It sounds very exotic. 222 00:08:20,336 --> 00:08:23,153 - Everyone's from Britain, that's the beauty of it. 223 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:25,192 And you can sunbathe topless. 224 00:08:25,292 --> 00:08:27,548 I had the boys out for two weeks solid. 225 00:08:27,648 --> 00:08:29,269 - I didn't know you had children. 226 00:08:29,369 --> 00:08:30,619 - No, the boys. 227 00:08:31,582 --> 00:08:34,183 Had to put factor 50 on me nips, mind. 228 00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:36,394 Didn't want them burning up and dropping off. 229 00:08:36,494 --> 00:08:38,148 - No, I suppose not. 230 00:08:38,248 --> 00:08:39,498 - [Lisa] Right. 231 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:44,025 - Venus creates a harmonious mood at work. 232 00:08:44,125 --> 00:08:47,291 Today is a great day to open up and speak your mind. 233 00:08:47,391 --> 00:08:51,124 Constructive criticism could lead to stronger friendship. 234 00:08:51,224 --> 00:08:52,361 What does that mean? 235 00:08:52,461 --> 00:08:53,852 - You know exactly what it means. 236 00:08:53,852 --> 00:08:55,720 Don't take this the wrong way, Sue, but you need to get 237 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:56,598 your roots done. 238 00:08:56,698 --> 00:08:59,332 Your hair has been looking like shit lately. 239 00:08:59,432 --> 00:09:01,333 Supervisor to produce aisle. 240 00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:04,350 That's Supervisor to produce aisle. 241 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:09,289 Don't look at me like that, Sue. The paper said it, not me! 242 00:09:12,709 --> 00:09:15,579 - Sorry, Gavin, balls on the table. 243 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:16,932 You run a good store here. 244 00:09:17,032 --> 00:09:19,425 I can see why head office holds you in high regard. 245 00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:21,581 - Well thank you, I'm just doing my job, really. 246 00:09:21,681 --> 00:09:22,884 - Margaret? 247 00:09:22,984 --> 00:09:26,021 We could be talking about very important managerial issues. 248 00:09:26,121 --> 00:09:27,666 Do really think you should be sitting here? 249 00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:28,749 - Oh I'm sorry, I-- 250 00:09:28,849 --> 00:09:30,544 - Oh come on, she's alright, yeah? 251 00:09:30,644 --> 00:09:32,294 - This is Margaret, she part of our 252 00:09:32,394 --> 00:09:34,502 Getting Seniors Back to Work scheme. 253 00:09:34,602 --> 00:09:36,589 - Oh, I didn't realise you let 20-year-olds on that. 254 00:09:36,589 --> 00:09:38,000 (chuckling) 255 00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,009 Hey, does your mum know you work here, young lady? 256 00:09:40,009 --> 00:09:41,006 - Oh, give over. 257 00:09:41,106 --> 00:09:42,522 - I'm serious! 258 00:09:42,622 --> 00:09:43,705 - She's dead. 259 00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,050 - You alright? 260 00:09:54,208 --> 00:09:55,900 Oh, don't be like this. 261 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,082 - I'm fine. 262 00:09:57,182 --> 00:10:00,964 - You're just being petty. - Shit roots and petty, nice. 263 00:10:01,064 --> 00:10:02,814 Anything else to add? 264 00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:07,794 - [Gavin] You booking a holiday there, Margaret? 265 00:10:07,894 --> 00:10:10,852 - I'm trying, Gavin, but it's so hard to choose. 266 00:10:10,952 --> 00:10:15,065 - Barbara and I used to go to Ireland, every year. 267 00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:19,189 We did a motorbike tour of the entire island of Ireland. 268 00:10:19,289 --> 00:10:22,170 Nothing like seeing the country from a sidecar. 269 00:10:22,270 --> 00:10:24,692 - I'm surprised you didn't see Julie running around there. 270 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:25,784 - [Gavin] How do you mean? 271 00:10:25,884 --> 00:10:27,291 - Well, you know Julie. 272 00:10:27,391 --> 00:10:28,517 Ireland, the whole-- 273 00:10:28,617 --> 00:10:31,634 - I don't think anyone wants to know about my holidays, do they? 274 00:10:31,734 --> 00:10:33,533 And anyway, I think you'd better be getting back. 275 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,732 Can't spend the whole day yakking in here. 276 00:10:36,832 --> 00:10:37,991 Come on. - I'm sorry, I thought-- 277 00:10:37,991 --> 00:10:39,155 - What's he like, eh? 278 00:10:39,255 --> 00:10:41,922 Natter, natter, natter, come on. 279 00:10:42,932 --> 00:10:45,150 - Riverdance is Irish, isn't it? 280 00:10:45,250 --> 00:10:46,005 - Yes, Margaret. 281 00:10:46,105 --> 00:10:47,857 - Yeah well, we'll not be going there then. 282 00:10:47,957 --> 00:10:51,540 How can you relax with all that hullabaloo? 283 00:10:53,294 --> 00:10:54,800 - [Craig] Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak 284 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,091 out of turn. 285 00:10:56,191 --> 00:11:00,553 - It's just nobody here knows about the whole Ireland thing. 286 00:11:00,653 --> 00:11:02,081 I'd rather it stayed that way. 287 00:11:02,181 --> 00:11:04,077 - Of course, no worries. 288 00:11:04,177 --> 00:11:06,872 Actually, while you're here I was hoping to have a word 289 00:11:06,972 --> 00:11:09,893 in your shell-like. - Oh, go on, I'm all ears. 290 00:11:09,993 --> 00:11:11,994 - This mate of mine at head office rang me last week. 291 00:11:11,994 --> 00:11:15,160 Apparently I'm being investigated over me expenses. 292 00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:17,054 You know what they're like, go over every detail. 293 00:11:17,054 --> 00:11:19,470 - Political correctness gone mental. - Exactly. 294 00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:21,643 Anyway, remember when you used to set up weekly meetings 295 00:11:21,643 --> 00:11:23,868 with Mark Michaels? 296 00:11:23,968 --> 00:11:25,172 - From the Wigan branch. 297 00:11:25,272 --> 00:11:26,721 Yes, Wigan Wednesdays! 298 00:11:26,821 --> 00:11:29,415 - Yes, well they can't find any record of him. 299 00:11:29,515 --> 00:11:30,757 Some glitch apparently. 300 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:34,002 So I've got all these expenses for a bloke they think don't exist. 301 00:11:34,102 --> 00:11:36,782 - Typical, that's why I don't trust computers. 302 00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:40,488 I downloaded an album once, still can't find it on there. 303 00:11:40,588 --> 00:11:42,254 - [Customer] Can you show me where the cat litter is, please? 304 00:11:42,254 --> 00:11:43,504 - Oh, yes, sir. 305 00:11:45,277 --> 00:11:47,586 - Excuse me, have you got this one in the organic? 306 00:11:47,686 --> 00:11:49,049 - No, sorry. 307 00:11:49,149 --> 00:11:50,313 - It's not in the stockroom? 308 00:11:50,413 --> 00:11:52,580 - No, It's, it's on order. 309 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,162 - Nevermind. 310 00:11:55,262 --> 00:11:57,521 Thanks anyway. - That's alright. 311 00:11:57,621 --> 00:11:59,231 - Are we out of stock? 312 00:11:59,331 --> 00:12:00,292 - I don't know, mate. 313 00:12:00,392 --> 00:12:03,961 - Shall we go and check in the back? - We could do mate, yeah. 314 00:12:04,061 --> 00:12:05,934 - [Leighton] I'm sure I've seen them somewhere. 315 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,339 I think to the left. 316 00:12:07,439 --> 00:12:08,844 (chuckling) 317 00:12:08,944 --> 00:12:10,468 - Anyway, I'm get a bit worried, 318 00:12:10,568 --> 00:12:13,412 because he's moved abroad, but then, boom, 319 00:12:13,512 --> 00:12:16,029 I realised I'm in the same place as the woman 320 00:12:16,129 --> 00:12:17,619 who can put them right. 321 00:12:17,719 --> 00:12:19,033 - Me? - Yeah! 322 00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:21,500 You can set up the meeting so you can set them straight. 323 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,500 - I get you. 324 00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:26,280 But I don't think I ever actually met Mark Michaels. 325 00:12:26,380 --> 00:12:27,424 Or spoke to him. 326 00:12:27,524 --> 00:12:30,044 - I'm a bit old for imaginary friends, Jules. 327 00:12:30,144 --> 00:12:31,549 - I know that. 328 00:12:31,649 --> 00:12:34,075 Sorry, what exactly are you asking me to do? 329 00:12:34,175 --> 00:12:36,032 - Just tell head office. 330 00:12:36,132 --> 00:12:37,255 - That I haven't met him? 331 00:12:37,355 --> 00:12:39,027 - [Craig] No, that you have. 332 00:12:39,127 --> 00:12:41,177 - But I haven't, have I? 333 00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:43,031 - No, but they don't know that. 334 00:12:43,131 --> 00:12:46,635 Look, you'll get the buggers off my back. - I can't go lying to head office, Craig. 335 00:12:46,735 --> 00:12:48,277 I'll be out on my ear. 336 00:12:48,377 --> 00:12:50,181 I'll be lucky to end up at Lidl after that. 337 00:12:50,281 --> 00:12:52,064 - You'll be alright! - No, I can't do it, Craig. 338 00:12:52,164 --> 00:12:53,262 I'm sorry, I just can't! 339 00:12:53,362 --> 00:12:56,018 - Shh, calm down, calm down. 340 00:12:56,118 --> 00:12:57,258 - I'm sorry. 341 00:12:57,358 --> 00:12:58,742 - It was wrong of me to ask. 342 00:12:58,842 --> 00:13:00,963 - It's just the thought of Lidl. 343 00:13:01,063 --> 00:13:03,313 You know, I couldn't do it. 344 00:13:07,734 --> 00:13:10,484 - That's 61 pence change, cheers. 345 00:13:14,732 --> 00:13:15,634 - Where have you been with that? 346 00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:17,159 - For a shit. - Ugh! 347 00:13:17,259 --> 00:13:17,992 - [Colin] What? 348 00:13:18,092 --> 00:13:18,825 - Nothing. 349 00:13:18,925 --> 00:13:21,101 - Look, I was reading it, I wasn't wiping my arse with it. 350 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,284 - Disgusting. 351 00:13:27,659 --> 00:13:29,664 - What about somewhere in Europe? 352 00:13:29,764 --> 00:13:31,308 I mean, you could have a city break. 353 00:13:31,408 --> 00:13:34,980 Somewhere like Barcelona. - A city break, on holiday? 354 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,294 Oh, your generation. 355 00:13:37,394 --> 00:13:40,004 - I'd love to go to Barcelona, see the Nu Camp. 356 00:13:40,104 --> 00:13:41,168 - Oh fat chance. 357 00:13:41,268 --> 00:13:43,509 Yeah, like Emma would let you go to a football stadium 358 00:13:43,509 --> 00:13:44,395 on a holiday. 359 00:13:44,495 --> 00:13:45,722 - She doesn't wear the trousers. 360 00:13:45,722 --> 00:13:48,104 - How come she won't let you shave that mess off, then? 361 00:13:48,204 --> 00:13:50,588 - Did you, sorry, it slipped out. 362 00:13:50,688 --> 00:13:52,764 - I thought I was working alongside a man. 363 00:13:52,864 --> 00:13:54,849 A man with a bit of backbone and spunk. 364 00:13:54,949 --> 00:13:56,555 - Sounds like our burgers. - Ugh. 365 00:13:56,655 --> 00:13:58,977 - Well, I like to put a little of myself into my burgers. 366 00:13:59,077 --> 00:14:00,518 - Don't be disgusting. 367 00:14:00,618 --> 00:14:01,518 - Too far, mate. 368 00:14:01,618 --> 00:14:03,058 - At least I've got a spine. 369 00:14:03,158 --> 00:14:05,244 - I promised Emma I'd give it a go, yeah? 370 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,613 Relationships are about give and take. You'd know that if you'd ever had one. 371 00:14:08,713 --> 00:14:11,698 - There's no woman out there I'd hand over my face to. 372 00:14:11,798 --> 00:14:13,510 She could have ten tits and a speedboat, 373 00:14:13,610 --> 00:14:14,617 it wouldn't matter. 374 00:14:14,717 --> 00:14:15,800 Yes, my love? 375 00:14:17,048 --> 00:14:19,845 - What would you do with ten tits? - And a speedboat. 376 00:14:19,945 --> 00:14:20,778 You idiot. 377 00:14:22,038 --> 00:14:24,351 - I hope this doesn't spell the end of the health push. 378 00:14:24,451 --> 00:14:26,617 The smoothie figures aren't exactly lighting up 379 00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:27,557 the sky either. 380 00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:30,158 - Sometimes people don't want what's best for them. 381 00:14:30,258 --> 00:14:31,616 Look at Jamie Oliver. 382 00:14:31,716 --> 00:14:34,851 He tries, but all he gets his grief off dinner ladies. 383 00:14:34,951 --> 00:14:37,542 - Right, is that the last of it? - Yes, that's it. 384 00:14:37,642 --> 00:14:39,428 - Great, go and chuck it in the Beamer. 385 00:14:39,528 --> 00:14:42,668 I've got to say, I'm very impressed today with both of you. 386 00:14:42,768 --> 00:14:45,543 It's a far cry from the Warrington branch of the 90s. 387 00:14:45,643 --> 00:14:47,582 Oh, what a shithole that was. 388 00:14:47,682 --> 00:14:49,990 - Thank you. - What a lovely thing to say. 389 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,562 - I don't know what done Gavin, but you've really 390 00:14:51,562 --> 00:14:53,074 straightened out our Julie here. 391 00:14:53,174 --> 00:14:55,068 Especially after that old Ireland saga. 392 00:14:55,168 --> 00:14:55,901 - Craig! 393 00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:57,109 - Ireland saga? 394 00:14:57,209 --> 00:14:59,408 - Ooh, I've said too much. 395 00:14:59,508 --> 00:15:02,591 I'm sorry, I forgot you didn't want anyone to know about that. 396 00:15:02,691 --> 00:15:05,016 Oh don't worry, she's fine now. 397 00:15:05,116 --> 00:15:06,033 Touch wood. 398 00:15:22,445 --> 00:15:23,731 - It's a good book that. 399 00:15:23,831 --> 00:15:25,241 - Really? - Mm. 400 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,605 It turns out it's the first victim's husband 401 00:15:27,705 --> 00:15:29,110 who's the killer. 402 00:15:29,210 --> 00:15:30,793 Not the mental kid. 403 00:15:32,094 --> 00:15:32,927 Enjoy. 404 00:15:36,741 --> 00:15:38,961 - Bit of Keane when I'm on the open road. 405 00:15:39,061 --> 00:15:40,672 The Killers, you into them? 406 00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:41,505 - No. 407 00:15:41,605 --> 00:15:44,543 - Great tracks, there's these new lads as well. 408 00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:45,971 Mumford and Sons. 409 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,337 Tell you what, you should give them a listen. 410 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:50,908 They have changed the way I look at this crazy world. 411 00:15:51,008 --> 00:15:52,827 - Craig, can I have a word please? 412 00:15:52,927 --> 00:15:53,762 - Yeah. 413 00:15:53,862 --> 00:15:55,029 - In private. 414 00:15:55,129 --> 00:15:56,423 - Can't we do it here? 415 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:59,385 - Not if you want to do it without an iPod up your arse, no. 416 00:16:00,664 --> 00:16:01,590 - Best be off then. 417 00:16:01,690 --> 00:16:02,523 - Yeah. 418 00:16:07,222 --> 00:16:08,169 - Three pound 50. 419 00:16:08,269 --> 00:16:10,205 - [Customer] A little less, please. 420 00:16:10,305 --> 00:16:14,571 - Hey, gringo, one false move and I kill your mother. 421 00:16:14,671 --> 00:16:15,630 - 2.68 422 00:16:15,730 --> 00:16:18,229 - [Customer] That'll be lovely, thank you. 423 00:16:18,329 --> 00:16:22,062 - I'm offering to help you, I can make sure nobody finds out 424 00:16:22,162 --> 00:16:24,141 about what happened. - It was years ago. 425 00:16:24,241 --> 00:16:27,244 - Still, shaving your head and disappearing to Ireland 426 00:16:27,344 --> 00:16:30,523 just because someone dumped you hardly screams 427 00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,600 dependable manager material, does it? 428 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,171 You help me with my problem, I help you with yours. 429 00:16:35,271 --> 00:16:36,555 - You'll be alright. 430 00:16:36,655 --> 00:16:39,005 Someone in Valco must remember this Mark Michaels. 431 00:16:39,105 --> 00:16:41,738 - There is no Mark Michaels! 432 00:16:41,838 --> 00:16:45,157 All those meetings were with ladies. 433 00:16:45,257 --> 00:16:46,335 - When you say ladies. 434 00:16:46,435 --> 00:16:47,765 - I can't help it. 435 00:16:47,865 --> 00:16:49,358 I love women too much. 436 00:16:49,458 --> 00:16:53,023 So much so that sometimes I have to pay them for it. 437 00:16:53,123 --> 00:16:54,326 - You mean Wigan Wednesdays? 438 00:16:54,426 --> 00:16:58,259 - Yes, Julie, they were Prostitute Wednesdays! 439 00:17:00,915 --> 00:17:03,102 - [Intercom] A final reminder to our customers. 440 00:17:03,202 --> 00:17:06,065 last chance to take advantage of our three-for-two deals 441 00:17:06,165 --> 00:17:09,635 on all Valco home-baked meat pies. 442 00:17:09,735 --> 00:17:10,985 Four today only 443 00:17:12,390 --> 00:17:14,369 - They're bound to find out the truth. 444 00:17:14,469 --> 00:17:16,364 (laughing) 445 00:17:16,464 --> 00:17:19,671 - And you think, you actually think, I'll be the only one 446 00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:21,836 going down if they do? 447 00:17:21,936 --> 00:17:24,285 You were there, you set up all the meetings. 448 00:17:24,385 --> 00:17:26,569 You signed off all the receipts. 449 00:17:26,669 --> 00:17:28,043 I'm not using the word pimp, but-- 450 00:17:28,043 --> 00:17:30,041 - I wasn't the one running around with cheap hookers! 451 00:17:30,041 --> 00:17:32,110 - They were not cheap. 452 00:17:32,210 --> 00:17:34,391 Most of them were middle to top end. 453 00:17:34,491 --> 00:17:35,325 For Wigan. 454 00:17:35,425 --> 00:17:37,092 - You absolute shit! 455 00:17:38,004 --> 00:17:40,228 - My job is on the fucking line here. 456 00:17:40,328 --> 00:17:41,946 We could both lose our jobs. 457 00:17:42,046 --> 00:17:44,757 I have got a wife and child to support. 458 00:17:44,857 --> 00:17:47,657 You can help them with one little phone call to head office. 459 00:17:47,757 --> 00:17:48,839 - You're pathetic. 460 00:17:48,939 --> 00:17:49,672 - Yeah? 461 00:17:49,772 --> 00:17:51,197 Well I'm also the man who could have you transferred 462 00:17:51,197 --> 00:17:52,766 out of here. 463 00:17:52,866 --> 00:17:53,703 - You wouldn't. 464 00:17:53,803 --> 00:17:56,136 - Hopefully I won't have to. 465 00:17:57,850 --> 00:17:59,054 Lidl. 466 00:17:59,154 --> 00:18:00,737 - Fine, I'll do it. 467 00:18:02,286 --> 00:18:03,119 - OK. 468 00:18:04,353 --> 00:18:06,129 Thanks, mate. 469 00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:10,146 I've got to get off to the Berwick branch now. 470 00:18:13,321 --> 00:18:15,162 - Sorry for the wait, madam. 471 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,801 I've checked the system and they're seven pounds, 19, 472 00:18:17,901 --> 00:18:22,045 and you're not the customer who asked about these, are you? 473 00:18:22,145 --> 00:18:23,562 Sorry, I'm sorry. 474 00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:30,110 - Any luck with the holiday, Margaret? 475 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,151 - Do you know what, I'm really grateful 476 00:18:32,251 --> 00:18:36,145 for everybody's help, but I think we'll stick with Anglesey. 477 00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:37,974 - What about the blue magician? 478 00:18:38,074 --> 00:18:39,612 - Just have to focus on his face. 479 00:18:39,712 --> 00:18:41,220 - Amazing, We've been all round the world 480 00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:43,125 and the only place you want to go is Anglesey. 481 00:18:43,225 --> 00:18:45,474 - We have been going there 15 years and we do know 482 00:18:45,574 --> 00:18:46,741 all the roads. 483 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,447 - I'm sorry about earlier. 484 00:18:56,943 --> 00:18:59,958 - It's alright, your heart was in the right place. 485 00:19:00,058 --> 00:19:01,877 - It's your favourite. 486 00:19:01,977 --> 00:19:04,000 - Aw, thanks for this. 487 00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:05,915 - Let's never do horoscopes again. 488 00:19:06,015 --> 00:19:06,848 - Deal. 489 00:19:11,186 --> 00:19:12,816 - Can I have a bit of your chocolate, I'm starving? 490 00:19:12,816 --> 00:19:14,972 - Bloody hell, do what you like. 491 00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:15,905 - Thanks. 492 00:19:22,659 --> 00:19:24,440 - Everything alright, Julie? 493 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,113 You're very quiet this afternoon. 494 00:19:26,213 --> 00:19:27,580 - Yeah, fine. 495 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:28,886 - Nothing to do with what Craig was talking 496 00:19:28,886 --> 00:19:30,912 about earlier, was it? The Ireland thing. 497 00:19:31,012 --> 00:19:31,845 - No! 498 00:19:36,587 --> 00:19:37,420 Gavin, 499 00:19:38,276 --> 00:19:40,620 have you ever lied to Valco? 500 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:41,924 - Oh Lord, no! 501 00:19:42,024 --> 00:19:44,857 - Not even a little white lie, ever? 502 00:19:44,957 --> 00:19:47,501 - Well, I did tell a bit of a porkie on my 503 00:19:47,601 --> 00:19:49,175 initial application form. 504 00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:50,688 I said I could play the piano. 505 00:19:50,788 --> 00:19:52,273 - Did you put them straight on it? 506 00:19:52,373 --> 00:19:54,164 - Oh no, Barbara decided it would be a lot easier 507 00:19:54,164 --> 00:19:56,554 if I just learn to play the piano before the interview. 508 00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,673 - So it wasn't really a lie then. 509 00:19:58,773 --> 00:20:00,992 - No, I suppose not. 510 00:20:01,092 --> 00:20:03,032 I don't think I'd ever lie to Valco. 511 00:20:03,132 --> 00:20:07,106 I mean in some ways it'd be like lying to a family member. 512 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,882 Sounds a bit silly, I know. 513 00:20:09,982 --> 00:20:12,326 - No, it doesn't, Gavin. 514 00:20:12,426 --> 00:20:13,509 You're right. 515 00:20:15,366 --> 00:20:18,616 I'm sorry, I just need to do something. 516 00:20:21,204 --> 00:20:25,595 - Yes, mate, what can I get you? - [Customer] Three pork chops, please. 517 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:27,513 - What? 518 00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:31,610 Three pork chops, mate? 519 00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:34,486 - I know it's my word against his but I can't sit by 520 00:20:34,586 --> 00:20:36,889 and let an area manager get away with it. 521 00:20:36,989 --> 00:20:41,156 I realise I may have to go to prison, but sometimes... 522 00:20:43,513 --> 00:20:45,263 Oh, you already know? 523 00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:51,461 Well, make sure you throw the book at him. 524 00:20:51,561 --> 00:20:53,228 OK, I love you, bye. 525 00:20:54,123 --> 00:20:56,290 Sorry, I didn't mean that. 526 00:20:57,971 --> 00:20:58,804 Yes, yes! 527 00:21:06,276 --> 00:21:07,856 - [Kieran] Ready then? 528 00:21:07,956 --> 00:21:09,968 - Whoa, the normal Kieran is back. 529 00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:11,642 - Yeah, I shaved it off. 530 00:21:11,742 --> 00:21:14,741 I thought the bullying from certain people was getting a bit too much. 531 00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:16,938 Plus it looked shit. 532 00:21:17,038 --> 00:21:18,219 - Mind you, you're never gonna get that job 533 00:21:18,219 --> 00:21:21,034 on the waltzers now. - Another dream over. 534 00:21:21,134 --> 00:21:23,033 - What do you think Emma will say? 535 00:21:23,133 --> 00:21:23,866 - Bothered? 536 00:21:23,966 --> 00:21:25,726 - You're so grounded! 537 00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,649 Just tell her it didn't suit me and that 538 00:21:27,749 --> 00:21:29,723 I wear the trousers in our relationship. 539 00:21:29,823 --> 00:21:31,411 - Oh yeah, what are you really gonna say? 540 00:21:31,411 --> 00:21:32,617 - I'll tell her a few of the lads at the warehouse 541 00:21:32,617 --> 00:21:36,333 pinned me down and shaved it off. (giggling) 542 00:21:42,641 --> 00:21:45,224 (upbeat music)