- If you can get it anywhere cheaper, I'll come around and cook it myself.
- Red hot deals.
- Offers on everything from booze to biscuits.
- Loads of two for ones. - Service with a smile.
- [Woman] We have fresh produce. - Grown locally.
- Don't forget the Valco tick. - That way.
- Am I getting paid for this?
- Valco serves you right.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- Are you sure Collin and Lisa are the right people for this?
They're a little rough around the edges.
- They're no nonsense.
Who better to get people to try No Nonsense food?
- We haven't even been trained.
- I don't do standing up.
- Oh I couldn't if a monkey's cock.
Our No Nonsense figures are down.
That's all I'm worried about. - Hey, what happens if you say no?
Oh, what are you going to do?
Are you going to sack us like you did with Leighton?
- I didn't sack.
It wasn't my decision, okay.
- Would you like to try our new No Nonsense range, sir?
You bellend.
- You are such a dick.
- Shut up.
- And he says I thought you asked me to knock you
on the head.
- I don't get it.
- Neither do I.
I think I heard it wrong.
- Kieran, just the man.
Got a memo in from head office say you want
to work with your top off.
- I think I'd get a bit cold.
- Give us gals a chance to see those pecs, eh Margaret?
- Yeah, what's pecs?
- Actually Lorraine, while you're here,
is it alright if I knock off an hour early?
- Of course because you're a gorgeous bastard.
- Thanks Lorraine.
- Julie, before you go, I ran into Leighton the other day.
- Oh, how is he, is he okay?
- Yeah, he had a big knife sticking out from between his shoulder blades.
Asked if you wanted it back.
- I honestly didn't want to sack Leighton.
- Well I've been talking to the butcher's union.
They told me to think about striking.
- And by the butcher's union, do you mean you
and Asid from Morrison's?
- No, Kieran as well.
- How many times, I'm not joining.
- You get a free t-shirt.
- No, I've not got time for this. Get back to work.
- Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
Maybe I'll just down tools.
- Sue, what the hell are you doing?
- Baking a cake, what does it look like I'm doing?
- You can't go around lifting boxes in your condition.
- For god's sake, I can't do anything anymore
except sit here doing.
- You used to love doing that. - I can't drink, I can't smoke,
I can't go on roller coasters.
- Stop being such a drama queen.
What are you banged on?
You'd think you spent your life hammered up in sours.
- How come you're knocking off early anyway?
- I'm going to look at a house.
- Hey, the one next door to me's for sale.
You imagine it?
- Another neighbor's sold up.
What are you doing to them?
- It has nothing to do with me. It's the road, runs across lay lines.
Doesn't bother me though, Drewitz blood.
Yes, my love.
- What's on your mind, Julie? You've got a face like a broken ass.
- I was just thinking perhaps we may have been
a little hasty firing Leighton.
- Oh, are you still on about that, dear?
I already found his replacement.
A kid I used to have at Iceland.
- You've already interviewed for the position without me?
- Oh, you wait till you see him.
You'd think he were a Chippendale.
- Right.
I just think that the rest of the staff, Leighton sacking it, hit them quite hard.
- They may not be shitting rainbows, but they're working.
- They blame me for it.
- Oh that's what this is all about, is it?
Listen Julie, do you want to be liked or respected?
- Can I not be both?
- Nobody's both.
- Well what about Richard Branson?
- Can't stand that bastard.
- You know what I could go for right now?
A big lump of crab.
- Crab?
You know you can't have shellfish when you're pregnant, don't you?
- Great, another thing I can't do.
I tell ya, as soon as this baby's out, I'm eating crab.
- We'll let you take it on the roller coaster.
- Hi, you two, how's it going?
- Fine.
- I was just passing and I thought you might like a donut.
- No thanks.
- Sue.
- Try to give a pregnant lady a donut?
Do you know what that could do to her? - Oh I'm so sorry.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Of course.
- You can have donuts when you're pregnant?
- Can ya?
I'm sure it said in the pregnancy book you can't.
Or was that soft cheese?
- [Kieran] So how was that party the other night?
- Oh, someone brought bongos.
Bongos, seriously.
I went soon after that, went back to Stu's.
- Alright.
Do you fancy lunch?
- Yeah, it's a good idea.
- Here we go.
- Who fancies a donut?
Yes please, Julie.
- No thanks.
Knowing you, you'll probably sack us for eating on the job.
- Andy, that is mental.
Kieran, how's Emily?
- Do you mean Emma?
Yeah, she's fine.
- Great, that's great to hear.
Yeah, say hello to her from me.
- She don't know who you are.
That'd be a bit weird.
- Margaret, would you like a donut?
- Oh no, thank you, French milk.
- Who would like 10 pounds?
Anyone?
10 pounds.
- Jesus.
- I know, probably a bit strange.
Completely agree.
See you later guys.
- Typical management bribe.
Trying to stop a strike about Leeighton.
Exact same thing happened during the miner's strike.
- They gave them all donuts? - Don't be stupid.
Sausage rolls.
Now I know when someone's trying to butter me up
before they shaft me.
- Oh that's disgusting.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
- Just picture it.
Julie buttering him up before she shafts him.
- Could happen.
- I'm off.
- So why not check out our fish counter deals?
From pollock and cod to delicious crab.
Mm, crab, beautiful crab.
Plus there's buy one get one free on toilet roll till Wednesday.
- The tall guy told us they hadn't seen hornets
on the island for years.
I mean what are the odds.
- Alright, what are you doing here?
- I've come to apply for a job.
- What're you really doing here, smart ass?
- I was scouting off lunches and I thought I'd come in and say hello
and see if you maybe fancy lunch.
- Ooh, lunch.
- What's weird about lunch? - Nothing, it's just very formal, lunch.
- Oh, I wouldn't get your hopes up.
I was thinking Spoons, Peter Express if you're lucky.
- My daughters can't get enough of Peter Express apparently.
- I don't know.
I've sort of made plans though.
- Can you break them?
- Not really.
- Well I'll buy.
- Yeah, alright.
Well give me five minutes so I can go and put my face on.
- Now where was I?
Yes, hornets literally swarming all over my face, ow.
- Oh Vick, how are you?
- Oh not three bad, Julie.
Hey, where's Curly?
- Sorry.
- Lad with the curly hair, tall one.
Always helps me with the high shelves.
- Oh I'm afraid Leighton no longer works here.
- Curly's gone?
- Yes, it was a ceiling management decision.
I tell you what.
Why don't I reach up for you?
- No, no thank you, no, look at that, no.
- Can I return these, please?
- I don't do returns.
Wow, you couldn't even give them away.
They must really hate you.
- They all blame me for Leighton.
- Idiots, you did the right thing.
There's loads of people out sucking air.
Andy and Kieran, for starters.
And Matt, security bloke.
Fishmongers, all the knowing staff.
They are thick as pig.
What you want?
- It's disgusting, that.
- It's not my fault, is it?
- Tastes like pee.
- You know what I do if someone gets assy with me like him?
I'll just stick a security tag in their pocket.
Makes the alarm go off.
- That's well clever.
You got a bit going on up there, don't you,
as well as down there?
- Oh, is it the biggest you've been with?
- Top four, eh, probably.
- Hello Colin.
Are you doing the tasting stand?
- Yeah.
- Both of you?
They've put you two at the front of the store?
- I know, we're rubbish at the store.
- I do hate to speak ill of someone
when they're suited right in front of me, but yes.
Bewildering.
Don't let me stop you there.
Lorraine the Chain, we meet again.
- To what do I owe the pleasure this time?
- Well as I was in the area, I thought I'd pop in, you know.
Make sure everything was okey dokey.
And if you got my memo about the No Nonsense figures.
- Already dealing with it. Got a tasting station at the entrance.
- Obviously it's your ship.
I don't want to come in and start messing with your sales
and loosening your knots and things.
- Get to the point, Gavin. - Colin and Lisa?
You might be better to stick Leighton there.
He'd knock it out of the park.
- I'm afraid we had to let Leighton go.
I know you're fond of the lad, Gavin,
but he was a numpty.
- Let him go?
But Leighton's a key member of the Valco family.
- Well you mess up and you're not part of my family.
You ask my niece.
Not spoken to her in three years.
- Sacking Leighton?
I might need to sit down.
- I had no choice, Gavin.
- I'm having trouble taking this in.
- Julie let him down gently and I've already
found his replacement.
You should see the six pack on him.
- Julie did it?
Good lord.
I think I actually might need to lie down.
- Now don't smoke them all at once.
- Thanks.
- Oh hi, Neville.
Don't suppose you want a donut, do you?
Nobody else does.
- Julie, I would love a donut.
- At least someone wants one.
I was beginning to feel like a leper.
- What's that one?
- That's cinnamon.
- Oh dear, that's a nut, and the old allergies.
I'll go for this one instead as long as it's not apple.
- Oh no, that one is apple. - Oh damn.
I don't want my neck swelling up again, so.
- Neville, you like me, don't you?
- Actually would you mind leaving?
It's just the dust from the cinnamon could be quite deadly.
- Oh yes of course.
Oh I'm so sorry, Neville.
Oh.
- Have you seen Katie?
- A young gentleman picked her up for lunch.
I think he's one of her uni friends.
- Alright, I was about to go for lunch though.
Oh no worries.
- Oh well, not so glum.
I'll be free when she gets back.
We go for a boys lunch together,
and then maybe go for a beer.
Or three.
- Yeah, look.
I can't actually, I.
- Well not to worry.
If you change your mind, I should be out in the car.
- Right.
- Thanks buddy.
- Curly, Curly, my helper.
Where are you, my lad, when we need you?
Oh good.
- Gavin, it's so good to see a friendly face.
What are you doing here?
- I'll tell you what I'm doing here.
I am wondering what the flip has been going on.
Pardon the French.
- Gavin, what's happened?
You're like a man possessed.
- I have just heard that you and Lorraine have fired Leighton.
- Lorraine made me do it, and I couldn't say no
because she's a total.
- I don't want to hear any excuses, Julie.
You have dismissed one of the key members
of our Valco family.
- Oh please stop screaming, Gavin.
Everyone here hates me.
I can't take you hating me as well.
- I don't hate you, Julie.
I'm just very disappointed.
- Can you not make all this go away
and get him his job back?
- Interfere with a store manager's stuffing?
I don't want to go down as the next Peter Carly, no.
He had written warnings. My hands are tied.
- What am I going to do, Gavin?
I can't sit here all day hiding from staff eating donuts.
I've had five already.
- You've made this bed, Julie. I think you should eat it.
- Oh I love kipping at work.
- Yeah, you can't do when you stock the shelves, though.
- Yeah you can.
- No you can't.
- All you have to do is tell them you're going for a dump
then go sleep in the silos.
- That's amazing.
- Yeah, they never check. I did six hours in there last Monday.
I've got a travel pillow hid in the cistern.
- Wow.
- Yeah, your turn.
- Yeah?
- So I'll see you at uni on Thursday, then.
- Not unless I see you first.
- Sounds a bit stalker-y.
- Sorry.
- [Woman] It's alright.
- I was just meaning if you did want another fast lunch,
let me know.
- Yeah, no that would be nice. - Cool beans.
I'll see you soon, then.
- Yeah, see you soon.
Stalker.
- There you go, that's the one next to me. - I'm not moving next to you.
- You haven't thought it through, have you?
We could knock the walls through, make one big house.
Hey, we could have walkie talkies.
- Yeah thanks mate, but no thanks.
- My second house only had a single bedroom.
We had to have bunk beds.
Night children, now chill it down. Night, night Margaret.
- There she is.
Where were you at lunch? - Sorry, I had to go to the bank.
- Alright, you could have just said. - Yeah, sorry.
How are you getting on then, you big homeowner?
- Alright till Andy stuck his big fat in.
- Walkie talkies, Katie.
- What about that one? That one's nice.
- Wait, it's a rental.
It's perfect though.
- Think you better run that by your boss, first.
- You're going to ask Lorraine? - Anna's not me boss.
I'll arrange a view and see if we can look at it tonight.
- Ah well, maybe all this could do with a bit of a tidy up here.
You know who's very good at keeping things tidy?
Leighton.
- Laddy had one string on his plume.
- You seem to be a few moody faces now he's gone.
Again, upset your ship, obviously,
but you know the worst thing that can happen
on a ship is a mutiny.
You don't want to have to make him walk the plank.
- Not the freaking ships again.
Look at me, Gavin.
What do you see?
- Well I.
- You see a strong, successful, attractive woman,
that's what.
Do you really think I became that by not sticking to my guns?
- I'm not really sure that's one I should answer.
- Leighton is not coming back.
He is the past.
This is the future.
Diego.
Where's Tweedle Tits, Colin?
- He's helping a customer.
- Tell him to get back on here.
- Helping a customer?
You could have been a bit more believable?
- I was panicked.
- Hi hon.
- Hey.
- You going to introduce me?
- Oh, this is my wife Emma. - Enchante.
- Good to meet you.
We're going house hunting.
Very excited?
- Oh yeah, Kieran said have fun.
- I had a look at my lodge.
I think I found something that might be worth a see.
- Oh.
But Kieran, that's a rental. - Yeah, I know, but look at it.
We could rent somewhere really nice rather than rushing it.
- I rent now.
It really takes the pressure off.
You know, no more worrying about the bank taking everything.
- Rushing?
Kieran, we're married. - Yeah, I know, but.
Do we have to do it straightaway? - We'll talk about this in the car.
- Oops.
- And then when you said she'd given the written warnings,
I wasn't sure she had,
so I took a look through his file.
And guess what?
- Julie.
- It seems in the rush to get rid of him,
Lorraine neglected to issue Leighton any written warnings.
- Blot and sand.
Julie, you're telling me that you broke into a manager's office and sorted
through confidential files just so that we could reinstate a member of staff.
- Yes, but I thought.
- Wow, good work Julie.
Well I think I better have a little word with Lorraine.
- Just don't go in there like a bull in a china shop.
You know what you're like when the red mist descends.
- Listen.
I'm an area manager.
We do have to use the old hair dryer treatments
from time to time.
- Absolutely, Mike.
I don't mind saying.
- I wondered if I might.
Oh sorry, I didn't realise.
I'll just, sorry.
- Sorry, I was interrupted.
- Crab, don't tempt me, Nicky.
You know I can't have it. - It's No Nonsense crab.
Here, read the label.
There's more crabs in Colin's pants than there is in there.
Told ya, No Nonsense.
What a load of crap.
Well hello, what you waiting for?
- Tin opener.
- Oh for.
- Even I wouldn't eat this shit.
- You know while we're here, maybe we could.
- Oh, shift's almost finished.
I was going to go home. - Of course.
- We could do it at mine if you want.
I mean Ann's not here, so.
- And about?
- What?
We could shag out of work,
you know like in houses and stuff.
- Colin, don't get clingy.
Geez.
- Not if I see you first, you're no bet.
- Permission to board.
(whistles)
- What is it, Gavin?
- I'm just going now.
I thought I could drop off Leighton's file at HR for you.
I do like to think I'm a little more reliable
than Royal Mail.
Thank you.
Oh.
One more thing.
Best to check.
You do have Leighton's written warnings here, don't you?
- Written, no, they were verbal.
- Oh well that does put us in rather a tricky pickle.
We do require written warnings.
It's for Valco's protection more than anything.
- You're worrying about nothing. I bet the boy can't even spell tribunal.
- To be fair, Leighton's spelling has never been short of excellent.
- Let's stop pissing around the mulberry bush here,
shall we Gavin?
Are you telling me to rehire Leighton?
- Well I, see not in so many.
Yes.
- I though this was my ship. - Well it is, of course.
But it is part of a larger fleet
of which I could be considered an admiral, I mean.
- Enough about bastard boats.
Fine Gavin, you win.
I will rehire him.
- I like to think that we all win.
I mean a happy Valco family is a healthy Valco family.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- Oh Andy, Andy, did you hear the great news about Leighton?
- Oh Gavin got him reinstated, yeah.
At least someone's got our backs. - No, but it was me.
- It was more to do with me threatening to strike.
I mean they can't have their head butcher down tools,
can they?
- Julie, did you look at that list?
- Sorry, what?
- They put a sack after what we talked about before.
- But I'm on this list, Sharon.
- Yeah, you're tough.
- Oh Lorraine.
Is everything okay, I mean with Leighton? - Yeah.
- So you're alright then? - I'm alright, Julie.
It's you I'd be worried about, good night.
- Oh no, my keys.
I put my keys in the dog.
(upbeat instrumental music)