1 00:00:01,163 --> 00:00:01,896 (laughter) 2 00:00:01,996 --> 00:00:03,677 - Can she stop that now? - If you can get it anywhere cheaper, 3 00:00:03,677 --> 00:00:05,172 I'll come 'round and cook it me self. 4 00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:06,240 - Red hot deals. 5 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,451 - Offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 6 00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:09,907 - Loads of two for ones. 7 00:00:10,007 --> 00:00:11,037 - Service with a smile. 8 00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,209 (laughter) 9 00:00:12,309 --> 00:00:13,325 - We have fresh produce. 10 00:00:13,425 --> 00:00:14,226 - Grown locally. 11 00:00:14,326 --> 00:00:16,252 - Don't forget the Valco tick. - That way. 12 00:00:16,352 --> 00:00:17,918 - Am I getting paid for this? - Valco. 13 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:18,751 - I wasn't ready. 14 00:00:18,851 --> 00:00:19,584 (laughter) 15 00:00:19,684 --> 00:00:21,023 - Valco serves you right. 16 00:00:21,123 --> 00:00:23,365 - [Group] Valco serves you right. 17 00:00:23,465 --> 00:00:26,048 (upbeat music) 18 00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:29,373 - Hello. 19 00:00:29,473 --> 00:00:30,206 Yep, it's me. 20 00:00:30,306 --> 00:00:31,243 Back again. 21 00:00:31,343 --> 00:00:32,181 Hello. 22 00:00:32,281 --> 00:00:33,114 Hi. 23 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:37,173 - Hold it really tightly by the legs, 24 00:00:37,273 --> 00:00:40,029 cause even though it's just a rabbit, it can still kick your teeth out. 25 00:00:40,029 --> 00:00:43,078 - I'm only camping for the weekend, I was just gonna pack some sandwiches. 26 00:00:43,078 --> 00:00:45,565 - And don't forget to use both hands to pull the gizzards out, 27 00:00:45,665 --> 00:00:48,138 they'll slosh everywhere, you know. - Cheers, mate. 28 00:00:48,238 --> 00:00:50,106 - Your money back if you can find it cheaper 29 00:00:50,206 --> 00:00:51,784 anywhere else online. 30 00:00:51,884 --> 00:00:53,212 For one day only. 31 00:00:53,312 --> 00:00:54,436 Thank you. 32 00:00:54,536 --> 00:00:56,047 Even me feet feel pregnant. 33 00:00:56,147 --> 00:00:57,854 That's it, my shoes are coming off. 34 00:00:57,954 --> 00:01:00,236 - What are you doing? 35 00:01:00,336 --> 00:01:02,683 Oh, my god, that is rank. Get 'em back on, will you? 36 00:01:02,783 --> 00:01:04,463 - I can't, it's because I'm on me feet all day. 37 00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:05,986 Anyway, what's it to you? 38 00:01:06,086 --> 00:01:06,961 No one can see 'em. 39 00:01:07,061 --> 00:01:08,105 - I can see 'em. 40 00:01:08,205 --> 00:01:10,238 Look like a pair of party balloons. - Oh, charming. 41 00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,213 And whose feet have you got, Jessie J's? 42 00:01:12,313 --> 00:01:15,178 - Sue, just because you're pregnant, don't mean you can do whatever you want. 43 00:01:15,178 --> 00:01:16,808 - I've only taken me shoes off. 44 00:01:16,908 --> 00:01:18,004 - Yeah, and what's next? 45 00:01:18,104 --> 00:01:18,837 Your bra? 46 00:01:18,937 --> 00:01:19,759 - Don't be daft. 47 00:01:19,859 --> 00:01:21,226 I've already taken that off. 48 00:01:21,326 --> 00:01:23,576 (laughter) 49 00:01:25,163 --> 00:01:26,637 (knocking) 50 00:01:26,737 --> 00:01:28,287 - For goodness sake, Julie. 51 00:01:28,387 --> 00:01:29,999 - I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were busy. 52 00:01:29,999 --> 00:01:32,631 - I'm not busy, I'm eating a sausage roll. 53 00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:35,893 Do you honestly think that being busy is eating a sausage roll? 54 00:01:35,993 --> 00:01:37,676 - I just thought that ... 55 00:01:37,776 --> 00:01:38,815 - Here's a list of things of things I want you 56 00:01:38,815 --> 00:01:40,369 to be on top of today. 57 00:01:40,469 --> 00:01:42,955 Nothing much, basic stuff. 58 00:01:43,055 --> 00:01:44,633 - This whole list by today? 59 00:01:44,733 --> 00:01:46,126 (laughter) 60 00:01:46,226 --> 00:01:48,140 - Don't be daft. 61 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,597 Not just that. 62 00:01:49,697 --> 00:01:52,720 When you're done, I want you to change the casters on the trolleys. 63 00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:55,865 We've been sent a set of plastic hubs to try. 64 00:01:55,965 --> 00:01:57,616 - Surely that's a job for ... 65 00:01:57,716 --> 00:01:59,595 - For you, Julie. 66 00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:01,528 This is a job for you. 67 00:02:06,116 --> 00:02:07,689 (tills beeping) 68 00:02:07,789 --> 00:02:09,053 (chatter) 69 00:02:09,153 --> 00:02:11,859 - Who's your friend, Margaret? 70 00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:14,537 - This is no friend of mine, Kieran love, oh no. 71 00:02:14,637 --> 00:02:17,267 It's going back to shop at dinner time. It's faulty. 72 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:19,089 - Can a plant be faulty? 73 00:02:19,189 --> 00:02:21,116 - It's not had a single flower since I bought it 74 00:02:21,116 --> 00:02:22,719 four years ago. 75 00:02:22,819 --> 00:02:23,773 Four years. 76 00:02:23,873 --> 00:02:24,682 - Morning. 77 00:02:24,782 --> 00:02:26,775 - Oh, Andy, do you know about plants? 78 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:28,193 This one never flowers. 79 00:02:28,293 --> 00:02:29,545 I think it does it on purpose. 80 00:02:29,645 --> 00:02:30,828 - You want pig's manure. 81 00:02:30,928 --> 00:02:32,294 I'll ask my mate, Leggy Frank, if you want. 82 00:02:32,294 --> 00:02:33,730 He's got sacks of the stuff. 83 00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:35,865 - Oh, that'll cause a right pong. 84 00:02:35,965 --> 00:02:37,452 No, I'll return it. 85 00:02:37,552 --> 00:02:39,793 - Can you actually take a plant back after four years? 86 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:40,868 - Well, they'll have to. 87 00:02:40,968 --> 00:02:45,321 And if they don't I'll tell them I work for Watchdog. 88 00:02:45,421 --> 00:02:47,800 - Right, the Valco uniform might be a bit of a giveaway. 89 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:49,956 - Oh, I never thought about that. 90 00:02:50,056 --> 00:02:51,970 - Oh, here he is. 91 00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:53,610 The comeback kid. 92 00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:55,947 Like a phoenix risen from the ashes. 93 00:02:56,047 --> 00:02:57,302 - Hello, hello, hi. 94 00:02:57,402 --> 00:02:59,870 - Good to have you back, Leighton. - It's good to be back to be honest. 95 00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:02,330 I'd started to wonder if Valco had all been just like 96 00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:04,074 a really brilliant dream I'd had. 97 00:03:04,174 --> 00:03:06,298 But it's not it's real alright. 98 00:03:06,398 --> 00:03:07,565 It's all real. 99 00:03:15,588 --> 00:03:17,201 (yawning) 100 00:03:17,301 --> 00:03:18,590 - Oh, are you tired, Neville? 101 00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:21,459 - Yeah, I didn't get much sleep last night. 102 00:03:21,559 --> 00:03:23,569 Neighbor's Afghan is on heat. 103 00:03:23,669 --> 00:03:24,625 Again. 104 00:03:24,725 --> 00:03:26,188 Bloody dog. 105 00:03:26,288 --> 00:03:27,195 - That's annoying. 106 00:03:27,295 --> 00:03:28,668 - Yes, it is. 107 00:03:28,768 --> 00:03:30,686 That's why they keep him in my garden really. 108 00:03:30,686 --> 00:03:33,008 They both got work so, you know. 109 00:03:33,108 --> 00:03:34,698 - They keep him in your garden? 110 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,480 - Yes, a bit cruel. 111 00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:38,866 Seemed much happier when he came in the house. 112 00:03:38,966 --> 00:03:40,709 Didn't stop the howling, mind you. 113 00:03:40,809 --> 00:03:42,400 Or the rutting. 114 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,330 Not sure I'll be able to save that sofa. 115 00:03:45,430 --> 00:03:47,886 Stuff gets in the fabric, I can tell you. 116 00:03:47,986 --> 00:03:49,746 - Didn't think you were in today. 117 00:03:49,846 --> 00:03:52,316 - Oh, I'm doing cover, need the money so 118 00:03:52,416 --> 00:03:53,432 - Ah. 119 00:03:53,532 --> 00:03:55,244 Whose dodgy motor was that dropped you off this morning? 120 00:03:55,244 --> 00:03:56,665 - Stu's. 121 00:03:56,765 --> 00:03:57,810 - Oh right. 122 00:03:57,910 --> 00:04:00,646 Is he, is he your boyfriend now then? 123 00:04:00,746 --> 00:04:02,644 - Not my boyfriend. 124 00:04:02,744 --> 00:04:03,477 Not like that. 125 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,649 I'm just, you know seeing 'em. 126 00:04:06,749 --> 00:04:08,473 - Oh, good on you, he seemed like a good bloke. 127 00:04:08,473 --> 00:04:09,394 - Yeah he is. 128 00:04:09,494 --> 00:04:11,744 - Cool, I'd best get going. 129 00:04:12,789 --> 00:04:14,392 - Yeah, see you. 130 00:04:14,492 --> 00:04:17,215 - Does this smell of Febreze to you or something else 131 00:04:17,315 --> 00:04:18,765 Something saltier? 132 00:04:18,865 --> 00:04:19,698 - Ah. 133 00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:22,065 - Hmm. 134 00:04:22,165 --> 00:04:22,898 - Hi can I have? 135 00:04:22,998 --> 00:04:23,954 (landing noise) 136 00:04:24,054 --> 00:04:25,768 - Good morning Vic, the usual? 137 00:04:25,868 --> 00:04:27,688 - If you please. 138 00:04:27,788 --> 00:04:29,882 - How's that company car working out for you then? 139 00:04:29,882 --> 00:04:32,820 - Well normally she'd be fit for a full five circuits of 140 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,478 Valco but Ian's got his phone plugged into the top-up point, 141 00:04:36,578 --> 00:04:38,259 so I'm keeping it brief today. 142 00:04:38,359 --> 00:04:39,516 (laughter) 143 00:04:39,616 --> 00:04:42,088 I'd be tempted to drive her home the quick way 144 00:04:42,188 --> 00:04:44,538 but I don't much fancy my chances on the A57. 145 00:04:44,638 --> 00:04:45,422 - Indeed. 146 00:04:45,522 --> 00:04:46,720 Well you take care anyway. 147 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:47,553 Yes, my love? 148 00:04:47,653 --> 00:04:50,132 - Mind you I've had worse journeys home. 149 00:04:50,232 --> 00:04:51,399 October, 1943. 150 00:05:01,394 --> 00:05:04,051 (clanking) 151 00:05:04,151 --> 00:05:05,643 (yelling) 152 00:05:05,743 --> 00:05:06,965 - Hello. 153 00:05:07,065 --> 00:05:08,594 - Oh, Leighton. 154 00:05:08,694 --> 00:05:11,987 I saw you were on the rota today. 155 00:05:12,087 --> 00:05:14,265 It's good to have you back. 156 00:05:14,365 --> 00:05:15,723 - Yeah, yeah. 157 00:05:15,823 --> 00:05:17,476 Julie I just wanted to say 158 00:05:17,576 --> 00:05:19,427 I know it wasn't your fault sacking me. 159 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,605 I know it wasn't you. 160 00:05:20,705 --> 00:05:22,002 - Right, thanks. 161 00:05:22,102 --> 00:05:23,627 - She's really horrible, isn't she? 162 00:05:23,727 --> 00:05:26,247 - It would be highly unprofessional of me to call another 163 00:05:26,347 --> 00:05:27,781 member of the management team 164 00:05:27,881 --> 00:05:31,889 a nasty, mean-spirited, controlling old bitch. 165 00:05:31,989 --> 00:05:33,890 So I'm afraid I couldn't possibly comment. 166 00:05:33,990 --> 00:05:35,068 - Alright. 167 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,052 Loud and clear. 168 00:05:37,152 --> 00:05:40,069 I couldn't possibly comment either. 169 00:05:41,411 --> 00:05:43,761 - Anyway best make yourself useful and pack some bags 170 00:05:43,861 --> 00:05:45,684 before the ice queen catches you. 171 00:05:45,784 --> 00:05:49,534 - Okay, I'm all over it like a pair of shoes. 172 00:05:54,075 --> 00:05:56,742 (motor revving) 173 00:05:58,262 --> 00:05:59,345 - Oh, bugger. 174 00:06:03,611 --> 00:06:05,317 (squealing) 175 00:06:05,417 --> 00:06:06,454 - Oh. 176 00:06:06,554 --> 00:06:08,268 (screaming) 177 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,860 (crashing) 178 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,136 Bloody casters. 179 00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:13,786 - Everything alright, Julie? - Oh, you know, one of those days. 180 00:06:13,886 --> 00:06:16,266 (screaming) 181 00:06:16,366 --> 00:06:17,862 I can do it. 182 00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:20,142 - It's alright to ask for help you know, Julie. 183 00:06:20,242 --> 00:06:22,525 I'd have never got to where I am today without 184 00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:24,338 asking for a little help. 185 00:06:24,438 --> 00:06:26,105 - Yes, you're right. 186 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:30,539 - Admittedly I might not be divorced either. 187 00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:32,445 Oh, the wife hated it when I asked for help. 188 00:06:32,545 --> 00:06:36,090 Especially when we were making love. Drove her bananas. 189 00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:38,149 Still, what can you do? 190 00:06:38,249 --> 00:06:39,749 - Thanks, Neville. 191 00:06:41,316 --> 00:06:42,747 - Hello? 192 00:06:42,847 --> 00:06:43,680 Hello 193 00:06:44,618 --> 00:06:45,451 Anyone? 194 00:06:53,779 --> 00:06:56,074 - You wanna watch out having a proper-named boyfriend. 195 00:06:56,074 --> 00:06:58,764 - He's not me boyfriend. 196 00:06:58,864 --> 00:07:00,765 Did you have to tell her? 197 00:07:00,865 --> 00:07:02,823 - Have you shagged him yet? 198 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,134 - Can you stop talking now please? 199 00:07:05,234 --> 00:07:06,189 - You haven't, have you? 200 00:07:06,289 --> 00:07:07,669 And he's still sniffing about? 201 00:07:07,669 --> 00:07:10,264 Oh, he's in it for the long game, I know his sort. 202 00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:11,645 - Oh and you'd know, would you? 203 00:07:11,745 --> 00:07:13,050 - Oh yeah. 204 00:07:13,150 --> 00:07:15,022 Yeah starts out all romantic. 205 00:07:15,122 --> 00:07:17,688 He's buying you Lambert and Butlers without asking. 206 00:07:17,788 --> 00:07:19,331 Next thing you know, you're being investigated 207 00:07:19,331 --> 00:07:22,376 for benefit fraud and he's moved in with your aunty. 208 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,444 - Wow. 209 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,302 'Cause we've all been there, right? 210 00:07:25,402 --> 00:07:28,569 - Just telling it like it is, alright? 211 00:07:32,469 --> 00:07:34,507 - I tried doing this in my mum's kitchen 212 00:07:34,607 --> 00:07:37,855 but I just didn't get the same buzz. She doesn't stock enough cornflakes. 213 00:07:37,955 --> 00:07:39,082 In fact she doesn't stock any because 214 00:07:39,082 --> 00:07:41,140 me and my brother aren't allowed high glycemics. 215 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,234 - You know I could just knock one out just thinking about her, man. 216 00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:45,133 - My mum? 217 00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:46,776 - No. 218 00:07:46,876 --> 00:07:47,709 No. 219 00:07:50,613 --> 00:07:51,767 - Lorraine. 220 00:07:51,867 --> 00:07:52,700 Lorraine? 221 00:07:54,130 --> 00:07:56,374 Look, I've got to be straight with you. 222 00:07:56,474 --> 00:08:01,147 There's simply no way I can get all this done in one shift. 223 00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:06,058 - Well, gosh Julie, maybe I have given you too much to do. 224 00:08:06,158 --> 00:08:07,592 - Oh, perhaps a little bit, yes. 225 00:08:07,692 --> 00:08:12,009 - Maybe, maybe you're just not cut out for management. 226 00:08:12,109 --> 00:08:13,192 - Management? 227 00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:15,135 Of course ... 228 00:08:15,235 --> 00:08:18,502 - Maybe you were better suited to the tills. 229 00:08:18,602 --> 00:08:21,077 Shall we send you back there and see? 230 00:08:21,177 --> 00:08:23,292 Come on Lisa, shift yourself. 231 00:08:23,392 --> 00:08:25,086 - Are you being serious? 232 00:08:25,186 --> 00:08:26,450 - Deadly. 233 00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,620 Well, go on, Julie, what you waiting for? 234 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,129 - Oh, just forget I said anything. 235 00:08:31,229 --> 00:08:32,812 I'm fine, honestly. 236 00:08:34,343 --> 00:08:37,483 - Tills too much for you too, are they? 237 00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:38,364 Hmmm? 238 00:08:38,464 --> 00:08:39,839 Well? 239 00:08:39,939 --> 00:08:42,504 - I just wanted some chips 'cause Alan says we've run out. 240 00:08:42,604 --> 00:08:44,832 And I said, "Well we're only having cold tonight." 241 00:08:44,932 --> 00:08:47,402 And he says, "well you can't have cold without chips." 242 00:08:47,502 --> 00:08:50,960 But I mean, I could come back later. 243 00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:52,893 - You're alright love. 244 00:08:54,417 --> 00:08:56,584 (beeping) 245 00:08:57,949 --> 00:09:00,199 (printing) 246 00:09:07,482 --> 00:09:08,852 Well go on, say it. 247 00:09:08,952 --> 00:09:10,535 You know the drill. 248 00:09:11,666 --> 00:09:13,380 - Thank you for shopping at Valco. 249 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,885 (laughter) 250 00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:15,985 - Brilliant. 251 00:09:18,473 --> 00:09:20,386 I was only joking, kid. 252 00:09:20,486 --> 00:09:22,945 Don't tell me you can't take a joke either? 253 00:09:23,045 --> 00:09:25,462 - All I wanted to say was ... 254 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,198 (laughter) 255 00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:29,215 - Fabulous. 256 00:09:30,186 --> 00:09:32,820 Did you see that, Lisa? 257 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,233 She's like a well-trained, little puppy. 258 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,738 Aren't you, Julie? 259 00:09:36,838 --> 00:09:39,122 You are, aren't you? 260 00:09:39,222 --> 00:09:40,349 Aren't you? 261 00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:41,532 Yes, you are. 262 00:09:43,827 --> 00:09:44,947 Come on. 263 00:09:45,047 --> 00:09:48,420 Bark for us, little doggy, bark. 264 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,937 Go on, give us a little woof. 265 00:09:51,978 --> 00:09:52,895 Go on then. 266 00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,042 - Woof. 267 00:09:59,142 --> 00:10:00,543 - Oh. 268 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:03,060 Louder, please, little doggy. 269 00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:05,906 - Woof, Woof. 270 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:06,739 - Louder. 271 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:07,971 - Woof. 272 00:10:08,071 --> 00:10:11,009 (evil laughter) 273 00:10:11,109 --> 00:10:13,022 Oh, that's made my day. 274 00:10:13,122 --> 00:10:14,835 Come on everyone, back to work. 275 00:10:14,935 --> 00:10:18,012 I don't pay you to stand around sniffing each others' asses. 276 00:10:18,112 --> 00:10:20,163 (laughter) 277 00:10:20,263 --> 00:10:21,763 No offence, Julie. 278 00:10:25,846 --> 00:10:26,787 - You alright? 279 00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:27,804 - I'm fine. 280 00:10:43,888 --> 00:10:44,663 - Eh, snap. 281 00:10:44,763 --> 00:10:45,948 (laughter) 282 00:10:46,048 --> 00:10:47,994 I love a pie and a Yop. 283 00:10:48,094 --> 00:10:49,329 It's like having your dinner and your pudding 284 00:10:49,329 --> 00:10:51,587 at the same time. - You're not wrong about that. 285 00:10:51,687 --> 00:10:54,203 You're not wrong about this either. It's bloody brilliant. 286 00:10:54,303 --> 00:10:56,807 - You're powering through it then? - I can speed read. 287 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:59,424 Take one look at a page and bosh, it's in there. 288 00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:00,883 - Ah, that's amazing. 289 00:11:00,983 --> 00:11:03,328 - Comes in useful when I'm building my model boats. 290 00:11:03,428 --> 00:11:06,293 I take one look at the manual and I know exactly what to do. 291 00:11:06,393 --> 00:11:10,056 - Don't tell me you're into maritime miniature reconstruction. 292 00:11:10,156 --> 00:11:10,895 - Me too. 293 00:11:10,995 --> 00:11:11,792 - What scale? 294 00:11:11,892 --> 00:11:12,784 - On to 600. 295 00:11:12,884 --> 00:11:13,617 Of course. 296 00:11:13,717 --> 00:11:14,613 - But of course. 297 00:11:14,713 --> 00:11:15,446 (laughter) 298 00:11:15,546 --> 00:11:17,435 I've literally taken up the whole loft with it. 299 00:11:17,435 --> 00:11:18,995 My husband calls it the docks. 300 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,707 Drives him mental. - Yeah, I bet. 301 00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,443 - Well, best be getting back to it. 302 00:11:23,543 --> 00:11:26,014 Anyone fancy a pint after work? 303 00:11:26,114 --> 00:11:27,243 - Depends on if I'll be listening to two blokes 304 00:11:27,243 --> 00:11:28,664 banging on about toy boats. 305 00:11:28,764 --> 00:11:29,578 - You're on. 306 00:11:29,678 --> 00:11:31,669 Eh, I'll bring some photos of my Orca patrol. 307 00:11:31,769 --> 00:11:32,750 A thing of beauty. 308 00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:33,683 Ha ha. 309 00:11:35,142 --> 00:11:36,563 Aah, top bloke. 310 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:39,134 What a sense of humour. 311 00:11:39,234 --> 00:11:41,259 What was all that stuff about husband? 312 00:11:41,359 --> 00:11:42,745 - Yeah, he's married. 313 00:11:42,845 --> 00:11:45,041 - Why didn't he say wife? 314 00:11:45,141 --> 00:11:46,641 Why did he say ... 315 00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:50,533 Ian's 316 00:11:51,542 --> 00:11:52,620 gay? 317 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,699 - And he got there. 318 00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:55,532 - Ian? 319 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:56,465 Gay? 320 00:11:58,412 --> 00:11:59,329 Ian is gay? 321 00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:01,660 Ian? 322 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,210 - Yeah, everyone knows. 323 00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:05,516 - Yeah, but we've got so much in common. 324 00:12:05,616 --> 00:12:10,385 I mean not that that matters, but, you know, it's just well. 325 00:12:10,485 --> 00:12:12,838 - Maybe you've got more in common with him than you think. 326 00:12:12,838 --> 00:12:15,603 - Yeah, maybe it's not just toy boats that you both take a fancy to. 327 00:12:15,703 --> 00:12:18,036 - Give over, you silly sods. 328 00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:21,717 - [Intercom Announcer] Julie Cook to the manager's office 329 00:12:21,717 --> 00:12:23,630 please, Julie Cook to the manager's office. 330 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:24,563 Thank you. 331 00:12:27,016 --> 00:12:28,962 (chatter) 332 00:12:29,062 --> 00:12:29,795 (tills beeping) 333 00:12:29,895 --> 00:12:32,062 (farting) 334 00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:42,875 - Yeah, I know. 335 00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:46,547 Well that's what happens when you promote from within, 336 00:12:46,647 --> 00:12:47,522 you see. 337 00:12:47,622 --> 00:12:50,080 Yeah, it's a closed gene pool, isn't it? 338 00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:52,635 (laughter) 339 00:12:52,735 --> 00:12:55,485 Would you hold on a moment Keith. 340 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,033 Yes, Julie, what is it now? 341 00:12:58,133 --> 00:13:00,074 - The Tannoy, you called. 342 00:13:00,174 --> 00:13:02,385 - That was ages ago. I did it myself. 343 00:13:02,485 --> 00:13:05,309 - Is, is that Keith from HR? 344 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,560 - It might be, it might not be. 345 00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:11,186 Now if you will excuse me, I am on a call. 346 00:13:11,286 --> 00:13:13,286 Sorry about that, Keith. 347 00:13:19,562 --> 00:13:21,254 - You're confusing him with someone else. 348 00:13:21,254 --> 00:13:24,530 You're thinking of Bartek, tall, Polish lad, works nights. 349 00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:25,494 - I'm not. 350 00:13:25,594 --> 00:13:27,415 I think you need to fix your gay-dar. 351 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,302 Might come in useful, one day. - Just because I share interests with men, 352 00:13:30,302 --> 00:13:32,204 don't mean I want to share a bed with them. 353 00:13:32,304 --> 00:13:34,465 - Oh I've been on a right goose chase. 354 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:35,317 - How do you mean? 355 00:13:35,417 --> 00:13:36,709 - Well, the plant shop. 356 00:13:36,809 --> 00:13:37,542 It's gone. 357 00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:39,376 It's been replaced by a BetFred. 358 00:13:39,476 --> 00:13:40,262 - Shocking. 359 00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,110 - Well, what am I suppose to do with this now? 360 00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,152 - Never mind, it might come out in flower one day. 361 00:13:44,252 --> 00:13:46,140 - Yeah it's not the only thing that might come out is it? 362 00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:47,473 - Shut your gob. 363 00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:51,168 - You're thinking about her again, aren't you? 364 00:13:51,268 --> 00:13:52,768 - There is no her. 365 00:13:53,644 --> 00:13:55,031 You're talking shit mate. 366 00:13:55,131 --> 00:13:57,850 - Looks like you're in need of Leighton's love formula. 367 00:13:57,950 --> 00:14:00,938 - Like a bullet in the bollocks. 368 00:14:01,038 --> 00:14:02,469 - Yeah, um, so try to imagine you're both travelling 369 00:14:02,469 --> 00:14:03,688 at the speed of light. 370 00:14:03,788 --> 00:14:06,012 Where you going? - Got my own technique, ain't I. 371 00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,516 It's tried and tested, mate. 372 00:14:07,616 --> 00:14:09,067 Just like that. 373 00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:11,500 (swooshing) 374 00:14:14,701 --> 00:14:17,995 - Alright, let's say for the sake of argument, I am gay. 375 00:14:18,095 --> 00:14:19,297 There'd be benefits. 376 00:14:19,397 --> 00:14:20,526 Less clutter in the bathroom. 377 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,394 One bottle of shower gel would do you both. 378 00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,985 - No more dinner parties with neighbours you hate. 379 00:14:25,085 --> 00:14:26,779 - Course, there's the delicate matter of 380 00:14:26,879 --> 00:14:30,020 getting serviced once in a while. But from what I hear, once you're married, 381 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,550 all that stops anyway. 382 00:14:31,650 --> 00:14:33,740 - Ah, not in my experience. 383 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:34,622 - Oh, please no. 384 00:14:34,722 --> 00:14:37,444 - My Alan is always very thorough in that department. 385 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,892 He prides himself on it. 386 00:14:39,992 --> 00:14:41,069 - Now steady on, Margaret. 387 00:14:41,169 --> 00:14:44,107 - Once a year, as regular as clockwork, 388 00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:47,636 that Volvo goes in to Mike at MJ Motors. 389 00:14:47,736 --> 00:14:49,795 And he gets the manual stamped to prove it. 390 00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:52,614 - Oh, thank God for that. 391 00:14:52,714 --> 00:14:55,239 - Hygiene check in bay two. 392 00:14:55,339 --> 00:14:58,417 Air filter monitor on bakery draught excluder. 393 00:14:58,517 --> 00:14:59,513 I'll never do it. 394 00:14:59,613 --> 00:15:01,501 I'll never do it. 395 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,509 - Excuse me, do you know where the dog food is? 396 00:15:04,609 --> 00:15:05,978 - Why are you asking me? 397 00:15:06,078 --> 00:15:08,396 Do I look like a dog to you? 398 00:15:08,496 --> 00:15:09,329 - Right. 399 00:15:14,654 --> 00:15:16,612 - Takeaways every night. 400 00:15:16,712 --> 00:15:19,142 Fridge permanently stocked with beer. 401 00:15:19,242 --> 00:15:21,205 History Channel on 24 seven. 402 00:15:21,305 --> 00:15:23,434 - Andy, you're not gay. 403 00:15:23,534 --> 00:15:25,641 You've just met someone who likes the same things as you 404 00:15:25,641 --> 00:15:27,631 and you wanna to hang out with him. End of. 405 00:15:27,731 --> 00:15:29,369 - Well, that's his loss, not mine. 406 00:15:29,469 --> 00:15:30,997 - Rest in peace, plant. 407 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,626 - You sure you want to do that? 408 00:15:32,726 --> 00:15:34,391 - Well, it's only got itself to blame. 409 00:15:34,491 --> 00:15:36,796 - What's Julie doing? 410 00:15:36,896 --> 00:15:38,979 - Do you think we should call Gavin? 411 00:15:39,079 --> 00:15:40,329 - Oh, heads up. 412 00:15:42,195 --> 00:15:43,862 - Anyone seen Julie? 413 00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:48,594 Come on people, Julie. 414 00:15:48,594 --> 00:15:52,371 You know the one, 'bout ye high, blonde dormouse 415 00:15:52,471 --> 00:15:54,524 in a nylon pencil skirt. 416 00:15:54,624 --> 00:15:56,446 - Who's it you looking for, Julie? 417 00:15:56,546 --> 00:15:57,781 Try the freezer aisle. 418 00:15:57,881 --> 00:15:59,854 I saw her helping a customer to the oven chips. 419 00:15:59,954 --> 00:16:00,955 - Freezers? 420 00:16:01,055 --> 00:16:02,222 Right you are. 421 00:16:06,916 --> 00:16:08,507 - You alright, Julie love? 422 00:16:08,607 --> 00:16:10,875 Shall we pop to the canteen for a nice cuppa tea, 423 00:16:10,975 --> 00:16:13,727 'cause you look a bit, er tired. 424 00:16:13,827 --> 00:16:14,744 - I woofed. 425 00:16:16,213 --> 00:16:17,630 She made me woof. 426 00:16:19,362 --> 00:16:20,225 - She did woof. 427 00:16:20,325 --> 00:16:21,635 I heard her. 428 00:16:21,735 --> 00:16:23,635 - But it weren't of your own accord, 429 00:16:23,735 --> 00:16:25,380 love, and that counts for something. 430 00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:27,247 - She's having another one of her episodes. 431 00:16:27,347 --> 00:16:29,451 - What kind of idiot woofs? 432 00:16:29,551 --> 00:16:32,129 Idiot, idiot, idiot woman. 433 00:16:32,229 --> 00:16:35,592 - Come on Julie, let's get you up, shall we. 434 00:16:35,692 --> 00:16:37,855 Alright, hold on tight, we're going to go for a 435 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,372 nice little ride. 436 00:16:40,762 --> 00:16:41,845 There we are. 437 00:16:47,582 --> 00:16:48,415 - Oi. 438 00:16:49,471 --> 00:16:51,326 I couldn't, I couldn't even get a semi. 439 00:16:51,426 --> 00:16:52,161 - No way. 440 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:55,154 - There must be something went wrong with me. 441 00:16:55,254 --> 00:16:56,820 - You're like Wall-E. - What? 442 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,574 - You know the robot that tidies stuff up, and falls in love with another robot? 443 00:16:59,574 --> 00:17:00,307 - No. 444 00:17:00,407 --> 00:17:01,396 I haven't seen it, mate. 445 00:17:01,496 --> 00:17:02,232 - Oh, it's amazing. 446 00:17:02,332 --> 00:17:03,065 - Yeah. 447 00:17:03,165 --> 00:17:04,911 - Yeah, it made me want to be a robot for a while, 448 00:17:04,911 --> 00:17:06,217 but then I realised robots don't watch films, 449 00:17:06,217 --> 00:17:07,857 so if I was a robot, then I wouldn't be able 450 00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:08,701 to watch Wall-E. 451 00:17:08,801 --> 00:17:09,646 - Hmm. 452 00:17:09,746 --> 00:17:11,860 - Er, how slow are you two? 453 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,519 It's like watching a couple of monkeys trying to unpack a suitcase. 454 00:17:14,519 --> 00:17:15,427 - Oh, ha ha. 455 00:17:15,527 --> 00:17:17,388 - Well, usually we'd be done by now, but Colin's in ... 456 00:17:17,388 --> 00:17:18,555 - Ah ha ha ha. 457 00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:22,012 Oh, he's a fucking wind-up merchant, this one. 458 00:17:22,112 --> 00:17:24,112 - Couple of dog's dicks. 459 00:17:26,806 --> 00:17:28,599 - Oh my god, I've just realised. 460 00:17:28,699 --> 00:17:30,414 - I swear, you say one word ... 461 00:17:30,514 --> 00:17:32,486 - Wall-E did watch films, 462 00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:34,613 so I could still be a robot if I wanted. 463 00:17:34,713 --> 00:17:35,546 - Yes. 464 00:17:36,983 --> 00:17:37,976 Such a freak. 465 00:17:38,076 --> 00:17:40,401 - Oh, and erm, don't worry, I won't tell anybody 466 00:17:40,501 --> 00:17:42,245 you're in love with Lisa. 467 00:17:42,345 --> 00:17:43,178 - You. 468 00:17:51,796 --> 00:17:53,385 - Where is she? 469 00:17:53,485 --> 00:17:54,766 - She's here. 470 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:55,599 - She won't budge. 471 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:57,851 Seriously, we've tried everything. - Julie. 472 00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,128 Julie, look who's here. 473 00:18:00,228 --> 00:18:01,552 - Hello, Julie. 474 00:18:01,652 --> 00:18:02,569 It's Gavin. 475 00:18:07,972 --> 00:18:10,755 (grunting) 476 00:18:10,855 --> 00:18:13,097 I'm going to need some help here. 477 00:18:13,197 --> 00:18:15,447 (grunting) 478 00:18:19,282 --> 00:18:20,991 - Thank you Margaret. Okay. 479 00:18:22,937 --> 00:18:25,187 (trotting) 480 00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:30,792 - It'll be Lorraine that's done it. 481 00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:32,574 Tipped her over the edge. 482 00:18:32,674 --> 00:18:34,372 - Good job we rescued her. 483 00:18:34,472 --> 00:18:38,062 - Well, you can't just abandon people, can you. 484 00:18:38,162 --> 00:18:39,393 - What you doing? 485 00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,410 - Same goes for plants. 486 00:18:42,439 --> 00:18:43,951 - Looking better already. 487 00:18:44,051 --> 00:18:45,500 - My Alan won't believe his eyes 488 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,546 when he sees us two walking through the door. 489 00:18:47,646 --> 00:18:49,729 Come on then you, cheeky. 490 00:18:50,623 --> 00:18:51,855 Home time. 491 00:18:51,955 --> 00:18:53,160 Night night, love. 492 00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:54,093 - Night. 493 00:18:55,136 --> 00:18:57,200 - I've got you something. 494 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,492 Ta-da. 495 00:18:58,592 --> 00:18:59,873 To keep your fat legs raised. 496 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,733 - Aah, thanks. 497 00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:03,343 What do you mean, fat legs? 498 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,623 - Oh my God, it was just a slip of the tongue. 499 00:19:05,723 --> 00:19:08,845 Do you want the chair or not? - Ah, I do, actually. 500 00:19:08,945 --> 00:19:10,191 - Right then. 501 00:19:10,291 --> 00:19:12,541 (laughter) 502 00:19:15,796 --> 00:19:16,843 (knocking) 503 00:19:16,943 --> 00:19:17,776 - Yes. 504 00:19:18,912 --> 00:19:20,236 - Hello. 505 00:19:20,336 --> 00:19:21,834 Only me. 506 00:19:21,934 --> 00:19:22,667 - Gavin. 507 00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:23,636 What a surprise. 508 00:19:23,736 --> 00:19:26,629 I wasn't expecting you 'til, next Thursday, isn't it? 509 00:19:26,729 --> 00:19:28,766 - Yep, yep that's right. 510 00:19:28,866 --> 00:19:30,714 Much looking forward to it. 511 00:19:30,814 --> 00:19:33,632 - No, I'm ah, here about Julie. 512 00:19:33,732 --> 00:19:34,672 - Julie. 513 00:19:34,772 --> 00:19:35,619 Ugh. 514 00:19:35,719 --> 00:19:36,640 What's she done now? 515 00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,810 - I'm afraid I've had to send her home. 516 00:19:38,910 --> 00:19:41,476 She seemed a little under the weather. 517 00:19:41,576 --> 00:19:44,072 Anything happened to her lately that you think might have 518 00:19:44,072 --> 00:19:45,815 unsettled her? 519 00:19:45,915 --> 00:19:49,223 - Not that I can think of, but then you know Julie. 520 00:19:49,323 --> 00:19:52,991 - Well, I think I might stick around a bit, lend a hand. 521 00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:54,202 - There's no need. 522 00:19:54,302 --> 00:19:56,219 - Oh, I think there is. 523 00:20:06,653 --> 00:20:08,519 - So was she still woofing when you found her? 524 00:20:08,619 --> 00:20:10,165 - I'll tell you everything in the pub. 525 00:20:10,265 --> 00:20:11,604 - Oh, I can't. 526 00:20:11,704 --> 00:20:12,521 - Why not? 527 00:20:12,621 --> 00:20:13,653 Come on, you've got to. 528 00:20:13,753 --> 00:20:17,001 Watch Andy have his big date with Ian. - I can't, I'm meeting 'em. 529 00:20:17,101 --> 00:20:18,364 - Your boyfriend. 530 00:20:18,464 --> 00:20:19,713 - He's not my boyfriend. 531 00:20:19,813 --> 00:20:20,981 He's my friend. 532 00:20:21,081 --> 00:20:22,414 - Yeah, me and Emma used to be friends. 533 00:20:22,414 --> 00:20:24,152 You'll be walking down the aisle before you know it. 534 00:20:24,152 --> 00:20:26,145 - Bloody hope not, I've got a bit more living to do first, 535 00:20:26,145 --> 00:20:26,978 thanks. 536 00:20:27,992 --> 00:20:32,369 Not that I mean marriage isn't living, I just mean, 537 00:20:32,469 --> 00:20:33,844 it's not what I'm after, 538 00:20:33,944 --> 00:20:37,451 although for some people it's great. Like for you and Emma, for example. 539 00:20:37,551 --> 00:20:38,417 - Cheers. 540 00:20:38,517 --> 00:20:40,372 See you tomorrow then. - See you. 541 00:20:41,910 --> 00:20:44,307 - You ready for that pint then? - Absolutely. 542 00:20:44,407 --> 00:20:48,647 Hey, before we go, you do know I'm not gay, don't you? 543 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,111 - Yeah. 544 00:20:50,211 --> 00:20:51,831 I'm happily married. 545 00:20:51,931 --> 00:20:53,927 - No, I was just thinking, if I was gay, 546 00:20:54,027 --> 00:20:57,474 which I'm not, you'd be just the sort of bloke I'd go for. 547 00:20:57,574 --> 00:20:58,307 - Thanks, pal. 548 00:20:58,407 --> 00:20:59,502 I appreciate it. 549 00:20:59,602 --> 00:21:01,937 - We'd make a right couple, wouldn't we? Well. 550 00:21:02,037 --> 00:21:03,069 - What? 551 00:21:03,169 --> 00:21:05,053 What does well mean? 552 00:21:05,153 --> 00:21:06,959 - You're not really my type. 553 00:21:07,059 --> 00:21:07,972 - Yeah, I am. 554 00:21:08,072 --> 00:21:09,164 - No you're not. 555 00:21:09,264 --> 00:21:11,248 Look, just to be clear, you do know this isn't a date, 556 00:21:11,248 --> 00:21:12,388 don't you? 557 00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:14,693 - Of course, obviously. 558 00:21:14,793 --> 00:21:16,790 But if it was, it would be a really good one. 559 00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:19,625 The best date you've ever been on. I'm just saying. 560 00:21:19,725 --> 00:21:22,808 (lighthearted music) 561 00:21:25,087 --> 00:21:26,389 I'm telling you, after tonight, 562 00:21:26,389 --> 00:21:29,575 this will definitely be in your top ten, top five even. 563 00:21:29,675 --> 00:21:30,705 - It's not a date. 564 00:21:30,805 --> 00:21:31,538 - Yeah, I know. 565 00:21:31,638 --> 00:21:33,031 But I'm saying if it was top five. 566 00:21:33,131 --> 00:21:34,631 You mark my words. 567 00:21:39,207 --> 00:21:41,790 (upbeat music) 568 00:21:45,531 --> 00:21:48,448 (receipt printing) 569 00:22:11,588 --> 00:22:12,952 (chopping) 570 00:22:13,052 --> 00:22:13,885 - Uh. 571 00:22:15,075 --> 00:22:17,825 (dramatic music)