1 00:00:01,094 --> 00:00:01,992 (laugh) 2 00:00:02,092 --> 00:00:04,073 - You can stop that now. - If you can get it anywhere cheaper, 3 00:00:04,073 --> 00:00:06,136 I'll come round and cook it myself. - Red hot deals. 4 00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:08,266 - Offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 5 00:00:08,366 --> 00:00:09,498 - Loads of two-for-ones. 6 00:00:09,598 --> 00:00:10,736 - Service with a smile. (laughs) 7 00:00:10,736 --> 00:00:13,056 (laughs) - We have fresh produce. 8 00:00:13,156 --> 00:00:14,254 - Delivered daily. 9 00:00:14,354 --> 00:00:16,383 - Don't forget the Valco tick. - That way. 10 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:17,316 - Am I getting paid for this? 11 00:00:17,316 --> 00:00:18,149 - Valco! - I wasn't ready. 12 00:00:18,149 --> 00:00:19,291 - Why weren't you ready? (laughs) 13 00:00:19,291 --> 00:00:20,510 - Valco serves you right! 14 00:00:20,610 --> 00:00:23,360 - [Group] Valco serves you right! 15 00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:27,572 - [Martin On Speaker] So you're sure you're on 16 00:00:27,572 --> 00:00:28,749 top of everything, Gavin? 17 00:00:28,749 --> 00:00:30,764 - [Gavin] Yes, yes, no problem at all, Martin. 18 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,390 - [Martin On Speaker] And covering for Lorraine and July 19 00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:34,355 isn't going to affect your area manager role? 20 00:00:34,355 --> 00:00:36,692 - No, no, not at all, my balls might be up in the air 21 00:00:36,792 --> 00:00:38,413 but I'm a very proficient juggler. 22 00:00:38,513 --> 00:00:40,616 - [Martin On Speaker] When are you going to find a replacement for Lorraine? 23 00:00:40,616 --> 00:00:41,596 (Gavin yelps) 24 00:00:41,696 --> 00:00:42,597 Gavin? 25 00:00:42,697 --> 00:00:44,912 - Not yet, sorry, sorry, sorry Martin, yes. 26 00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:46,783 Well, the Warrington regiment is 27 00:00:46,883 --> 00:00:50,010 somewhat in disarray but nothing but 28 00:00:50,110 --> 00:00:52,543 a bit of spit and polish can't sort out, 29 00:00:52,643 --> 00:00:55,120 and then when the trops are back to combat readiness, 30 00:00:55,220 --> 00:00:56,805 and I shall load up the cannon 31 00:00:56,905 --> 00:00:58,405 and I'll, I'll ... 32 00:00:59,312 --> 00:01:01,586 I'll advertise the position both internally and externally 33 00:01:01,586 --> 00:01:03,265 as per Valco policy. 34 00:01:03,365 --> 00:01:05,025 - [Martin On Speaker] Right, well if you're sure. 35 00:01:05,025 --> 00:01:06,407 Keep me in the loop, let me know 36 00:01:06,407 --> 00:01:07,449 if you need anything. - Well actually, 37 00:01:07,449 --> 00:01:09,270 Martin, could you just do me a favour, 38 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,310 I've bought one of these mobile headset thingies, 39 00:01:11,310 --> 00:01:13,365 and if you just-- (dial tone) 40 00:01:13,465 --> 00:01:15,786 Yeah, okay, bye now, yeah, love to Catherine! 41 00:01:15,886 --> 00:01:19,559 (check out machines beep) 42 00:01:19,659 --> 00:01:20,513 - Morning. 43 00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:21,346 - Morning, Nev. 44 00:01:21,446 --> 00:01:23,136 Jesus, what's happened? 45 00:01:23,236 --> 00:01:24,756 - That's a funny story actually. 46 00:01:24,856 --> 00:01:26,859 One of my neighbours punched me. 47 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,097 - That doesn't sound very funny. 48 00:01:29,197 --> 00:01:30,404 - Yes, well I suppose you had to be there, 49 00:01:30,404 --> 00:01:33,712 and it was more the way he did it, you see. 50 00:01:33,812 --> 00:01:35,936 - Did you ask him to turn the music down again? 51 00:01:36,036 --> 00:01:37,374 - No, no, it wasn't that this time. 52 00:01:37,474 --> 00:01:39,156 Not sure what it was about to be honest. 53 00:01:39,256 --> 00:01:43,614 No, his English isn't very good and I didn't want to be accused of being ... 54 00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:46,557 - Just be careful, eh, Nev? 55 00:01:46,657 --> 00:01:48,443 - Oh Katie, you are sweet to worry about me. 56 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:51,498 Do you know, you remind me a lot of my ex-wife in that way. 57 00:01:51,598 --> 00:01:53,023 Told you about her, haven't I? 58 00:01:53,123 --> 00:01:55,024 - Yes Nev, a lot. 59 00:01:55,124 --> 00:01:57,177 - I still remember the first time we met. 60 00:01:57,277 --> 00:01:58,527 It's, quite ... 61 00:02:00,015 --> 00:02:01,364 (screen beeps) 62 00:02:01,464 --> 00:02:02,558 - Excuse me, love. 63 00:02:02,658 --> 00:02:04,074 I don't mean to be a bother but 64 00:02:04,174 --> 00:02:06,228 do you sell shoe polish? - Hold on a sec. 65 00:02:06,328 --> 00:02:07,239 Well, how was it? 66 00:02:07,339 --> 00:02:08,371 Come on, boy or girl? 67 00:02:08,471 --> 00:02:10,833 I've been so excited all morning, I keep having to go for a piss. 68 00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:13,113 - It's a boy, it's another bloody boy. 69 00:02:13,213 --> 00:02:14,938 - Oh, it's still nice though. 70 00:02:15,038 --> 00:02:17,423 And he'll have three big brothers to look after him. 71 00:02:17,523 --> 00:02:20,073 - I wanted a girl, someone I could go shopping with, 72 00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:21,967 someone I could get rat-arsed with. 73 00:02:22,067 --> 00:02:23,789 - Well, boys don't cry as much do they? 74 00:02:23,889 --> 00:02:26,457 And boys definitely aren't as bitchy. And boys-- 75 00:02:26,557 --> 00:02:27,602 - Piss all over the toilet seat, 76 00:02:27,602 --> 00:02:29,748 walk mud on the carpet, and when they're teenagers, 77 00:02:29,748 --> 00:02:33,915 their sheets stick together 'cause they wank all the time. 78 00:02:36,538 --> 00:02:39,859 - Aisle six, top shelf, by the odor-eaters. 79 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,709 (ladies snigger) 80 00:02:46,453 --> 00:02:47,689 - You all right there, Madam? 81 00:02:47,789 --> 00:02:49,038 Would you like me to get you a chair? 82 00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:50,093 - (sighs) I've gotta read this by tomorrow, 83 00:02:50,093 --> 00:02:51,940 but people keep interrupting. 84 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,136 - Ah, bloody customers, eh, what are they like? 85 00:02:54,236 --> 00:02:55,450 - It's Neville. 86 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,652 He's a lovely bloke but he's doing my head in. 87 00:02:57,752 --> 00:03:01,055 - (scoffs) Freud, The Interpretation of Dreams? 88 00:03:01,155 --> 00:03:02,130 - Yeah. - Did that come through 89 00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:04,953 with Nuts Magazine? Come on then Sigmund, give us a dream. 90 00:03:05,053 --> 00:03:05,911 - Piss off. 91 00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:08,382 - Actually I have this recurring dream where this friend of mind goes off to uni, 92 00:03:08,382 --> 00:03:10,807 becomes really moody and loses all her sense of humour, 93 00:03:10,807 --> 00:03:13,341 what'd you think that means? - Oh yeah, no, I know the answer to this. 94 00:03:13,341 --> 00:03:16,841 It means you're a complete knob-end when it comes to understanding women! 95 00:03:16,941 --> 00:03:18,132 - Hey, I understand women. 96 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,651 You're pretending you want me to go away, when in actual fact-- 97 00:03:20,651 --> 00:03:22,763 - I do want you to go away. - Yes okay, Janet! 98 00:03:22,863 --> 00:03:24,937 Yeah, will do, okay, yeah. 99 00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:26,204 Yeah, bye now. 100 00:03:27,466 --> 00:03:29,159 - You gonna give us a dance routine, Gavin? 101 00:03:29,159 --> 00:03:29,892 - What? 102 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:30,725 - The ... 103 00:03:30,825 --> 00:03:31,558 Madonna. 104 00:03:31,658 --> 00:03:34,514 - Oh, oh I see, yes, oh very good. No, this is just to help me take 105 00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:38,307 my area manager related calls whilst also performing my store manager/deputy 106 00:03:38,407 --> 00:03:39,975 store manager duties. 107 00:03:40,075 --> 00:03:40,808 - Really? 108 00:03:40,908 --> 00:03:43,282 - Tell you what, Keiran, been a revelation. 109 00:03:43,382 --> 00:03:44,284 - Mmm, has it? 110 00:03:44,384 --> 00:03:45,658 - Oh no, now, now, don't forget, 111 00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:50,205 it's the fire wardens meeting, my office at 10:30. 112 00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:51,138 No. 113 00:03:52,539 --> 00:03:53,904 No. 114 00:03:54,004 --> 00:03:58,308 No, Wigan's, no Wigan's fire drill wast last Monday, Janet. 115 00:03:58,408 --> 00:04:00,264 Oh, well sorry, no. 116 00:04:00,364 --> 00:04:03,447 I thought I'd turned it off, hold on. 117 00:04:07,304 --> 00:04:08,957 - So you're a fire warden. 118 00:04:09,057 --> 00:04:10,987 - Hey, Valco's been good to me. 119 00:04:11,087 --> 00:04:13,230 I thought it was about time I give something back. 120 00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,083 Plus Andy said they'd give you an extra 50 quid. 121 00:04:15,083 --> 00:04:15,816 - Oh yeah? 122 00:04:15,916 --> 00:04:18,916 - Oi! (Katie laughs) 123 00:04:21,672 --> 00:04:23,114 - I love fire drills. 124 00:04:23,214 --> 00:04:26,248 I think it's my favourite day of the year, apart from Halloween of course. 125 00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:27,526 But, I remember one year, 126 00:04:27,626 --> 00:04:30,148 I dressed up a fire safety officer for Halloween. 127 00:04:30,248 --> 00:04:32,891 (chuckles) "Put those pumpkins out!" (laughs) 128 00:04:32,991 --> 00:04:35,888 I laughed so much I snorted Fanta out of my nose 129 00:04:35,988 --> 00:04:37,844 and ruined my costume, so my mum 130 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,402 said I couldn't do it again. 131 00:04:40,502 --> 00:04:42,293 - I feel like someone's ripped my guts out. 132 00:04:42,293 --> 00:04:43,710 And shat on them. 133 00:04:44,553 --> 00:04:46,075 - Ah, this is really hard for you, isn't it? 134 00:04:46,075 --> 00:04:47,216 - Yeah (sighs). 135 00:04:47,316 --> 00:04:51,043 - If you want, I can ask Gavin if you can be a fire warden too. 136 00:04:52,783 --> 00:04:54,259 - Bloody Posh Spice. 137 00:04:54,359 --> 00:04:56,254 She has three boys, then a girl. 138 00:04:56,354 --> 00:04:57,686 How does she do that? 139 00:04:57,786 --> 00:04:59,715 - Me Nan says, a girl's sperm 140 00:04:59,815 --> 00:05:04,300 come from the left bollock, and boy's sperm from the right bollock. 141 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:05,767 At least you won't have to buy any clothes for him. 142 00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:08,647 - I've chucked everything out, I was hoping that was it. 143 00:05:08,747 --> 00:05:11,895 Aisle six, top shelf by the oder-eaters! 144 00:05:11,995 --> 00:05:12,995 Bloody hell! 145 00:05:13,918 --> 00:05:16,501 (girls laughs) 146 00:05:17,598 --> 00:05:18,541 (phone rings) 147 00:05:18,641 --> 00:05:23,205 - Sorry to keep you waiting everyone, it's just complete mayhem on soft produce. 148 00:05:23,305 --> 00:05:25,040 I mean, how Julie managed with just two hands, 149 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,790 I really don't know. 150 00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:31,752 Anyway, today is one of the key dates in the Valco calendar: 151 00:05:31,852 --> 00:05:33,183 the fire drill. 152 00:05:33,283 --> 00:05:34,686 And if ... 153 00:05:34,786 --> 00:05:36,478 Sorry, Leighton, what are you wearing? 154 00:05:36,578 --> 00:05:37,911 - My bike stuff. 155 00:05:39,343 --> 00:05:41,615 Just in case we have a real fire before the fire drill 156 00:05:41,715 --> 00:05:44,149 and you don't have time to give us our proper fire warden places. 157 00:05:44,149 --> 00:05:46,227 - Okay, moving on. 158 00:05:46,327 --> 00:05:47,762 Uh, now, I know things have been 159 00:05:47,862 --> 00:05:49,679 a little bit off-kilter, what with Julie being off 160 00:05:49,679 --> 00:05:51,963 and Lorraine's rather sudden departure, 161 00:05:52,063 --> 00:05:54,251 but I'm sure if we all pull together as a team 162 00:05:54,351 --> 00:05:56,456 we can make this the best, the most efficient 163 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,853 fire drill that this branch of Valco has ever seen. 164 00:05:59,953 --> 00:06:00,853 - Come on! 165 00:06:00,953 --> 00:06:02,812 - Hey, Gavin, can I just ask you a quick question? 166 00:06:02,812 --> 00:06:04,620 - I know what you're gonna ask there Kieran, 167 00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:06,592 and the answer's yes, yes, 168 00:06:06,692 --> 00:06:08,916 I do think we can beat the 2008 evacuation time 169 00:06:09,016 --> 00:06:10,642 of three minutes and 15 seconds. 170 00:06:10,742 --> 00:06:12,943 - I was actually just gonna ask when we get the extra money. 171 00:06:12,943 --> 00:06:14,698 - (chuckles) There's no money in this, Kieran. 172 00:06:14,698 --> 00:06:16,436 Who told you that? 173 00:06:16,536 --> 00:06:17,430 - No-one. 174 00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:20,447 - So the fire drill starts at 12:30 175 00:06:21,554 --> 00:06:23,534 So you've got a little bit of time to familiarise 176 00:06:23,534 --> 00:06:25,850 yourselves with the equipment. 177 00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:29,274 Now it's the holy trinity of the whistle, 178 00:06:29,374 --> 00:06:30,541 and the torch. 179 00:06:32,371 --> 00:06:35,087 And the high-vis tabbard. 180 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,492 Oh, I tell you boys, (chuckles) 181 00:06:37,592 --> 00:06:39,977 the fun I've had with these torches. 182 00:06:40,077 --> 00:06:40,963 (headset beeps) 183 00:06:41,063 --> 00:06:42,032 Oh, ah, yes? 184 00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:43,215 Gavin Strong. 185 00:06:45,555 --> 00:06:48,117 Oh, well not really, I'm holding fort at Warrington. 186 00:06:48,217 --> 00:06:49,377 (blows whistle) 187 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:50,742 Shut up! 188 00:06:50,842 --> 00:06:52,675 No sorry, not you, no. 189 00:07:00,345 --> 00:07:01,913 - Yeah, it's a good thing you took that 190 00:07:02,013 --> 00:07:03,823 fire warden job, with the extra money, 191 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,178 you'd be able to buy Emma a, 192 00:07:06,278 --> 00:07:07,221 oh, nothing. 193 00:07:07,321 --> 00:07:08,054 (Katie laughs) 194 00:07:08,154 --> 00:07:09,720 - Yeah, thanks for that. - Oh, put it on. 195 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:10,628 - No. 196 00:07:10,728 --> 00:07:12,777 - Oh, is it like Superman? Do you have to go into a phone booth? 197 00:07:12,777 --> 00:07:13,714 (Katie laughs) - Yeah, 198 00:07:13,814 --> 00:07:14,760 it's exactly like that. 199 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,610 - Margaret, did you know we have a hero in our midst? 200 00:07:17,710 --> 00:07:19,620 - Oh, is it, what's his name? 201 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:20,816 The, John Bishop? 202 00:07:20,916 --> 00:07:22,133 - What? 203 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,113 No. 204 00:07:23,213 --> 00:07:24,100 - Good. 205 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,570 - Oh, can I have a blow of your whistle? - I haven't got a whistle. 206 00:07:27,670 --> 00:07:29,410 (laughs) 207 00:07:29,510 --> 00:07:32,621 All right, I have got a whistle. Don't mean I have to use it. 208 00:07:32,721 --> 00:07:35,592 - Quite right, with great power comes great responsibility. 209 00:07:35,692 --> 00:07:37,548 - Kieran, could you just do me a favour 210 00:07:37,648 --> 00:07:40,014 and just check on all the other fire extinguishers? 211 00:07:40,114 --> 00:07:42,793 Why we went with the Sans 35X I'll never know, 212 00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:44,599 it's not fit for purpose. 213 00:07:44,699 --> 00:07:47,295 - God bless you, Kieran. (Katie laughs) 214 00:07:47,395 --> 00:07:48,753 - Uh yeah, Katie? 215 00:07:48,853 --> 00:07:51,522 Back to work, please, thank you. 216 00:07:51,622 --> 00:07:52,998 - Uh, we've got a problem, Gav. 217 00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,437 - (sighs) Can it wait, Sharon? I'm having a devil of a day. 218 00:07:55,537 --> 00:07:57,297 - I can't bake, that oven's knackered. 219 00:07:57,397 --> 00:07:59,332 - Sounding a little bit fruity there, Sharon, 220 00:07:59,332 --> 00:08:00,800 you know, there are customers around. 221 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,113 - Knackered's not swearing, it's not like I said-- 222 00:08:02,113 --> 00:08:03,516 - Woah there! 223 00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:05,578 Yes, all right, well point taken. 224 00:08:05,678 --> 00:08:07,864 Well there'd be your own maintenance about the oven? 225 00:08:07,864 --> 00:08:09,548 - Uh-huh, they can't come 'til five. 226 00:08:09,648 --> 00:08:10,910 - Ugh, heavens to Betsy. 227 00:08:11,010 --> 00:08:12,692 Well I suppose we'll just have to do 228 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,270 without fresh bread for today. 229 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,656 - Well should I sling me hook, then? - Uh. 230 00:08:17,756 --> 00:08:19,122 Actually, uh, no. 231 00:08:19,222 --> 00:08:22,749 No, Kieran will be just fulfilling his fire warden's duties so, 232 00:08:22,849 --> 00:08:24,581 we're a man down on the meat counter. 233 00:08:24,681 --> 00:08:26,268 Would you just pop on and help Andy? 234 00:08:26,368 --> 00:08:28,201 - Over my dead body. 235 00:08:28,301 --> 00:08:30,014 Putting her on the meat counter is an insult 236 00:08:30,014 --> 00:08:33,869 to the animals that gave their lives for Valco. 237 00:08:33,969 --> 00:08:35,350 - Don't listen to big chops, Gav, 238 00:08:35,450 --> 00:08:38,446 he's just mardy 'cause it's his time of the month. 239 00:08:38,546 --> 00:08:41,289 I'd be delighted to pop on the meat counter, Gav. 240 00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:42,755 - That's the spirit. 241 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:43,739 Thank you, Sharon. 242 00:08:43,839 --> 00:08:44,734 - Welcome. 243 00:08:44,834 --> 00:08:46,621 - Just don't touch anything, all right? 244 00:08:46,721 --> 00:08:48,804 - Whatever you say, boss. 245 00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:55,610 (fire extinguisher fires) 246 00:09:00,638 --> 00:09:03,305 (Sharon laughs) 247 00:09:05,366 --> 00:09:06,417 - Oh, pay out is it? 248 00:09:06,517 --> 00:09:07,422 - Yeah, 100 quid. 249 00:09:07,522 --> 00:09:08,579 - Ooh. 250 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:09,855 (screen beeps) 251 00:09:09,955 --> 00:09:11,083 Good Lord, it's not 100. 252 00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,534 It's 1000. 253 00:09:12,634 --> 00:09:14,193 - What, a grand, you joking me? 254 00:09:14,293 --> 00:09:16,143 (laughs) 255 00:09:16,243 --> 00:09:17,259 - Ooh, what's happened? 256 00:09:17,359 --> 00:09:18,257 - The lady's won £1000. 257 00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:19,285 - Oh great! 258 00:09:19,385 --> 00:09:20,479 - Now, you'll have to take it to a post office 259 00:09:20,479 --> 00:09:22,564 to cash it, I'm afraid, we can't do it here. 260 00:09:22,664 --> 00:09:24,007 - Oh, don't apologise. 261 00:09:24,107 --> 00:09:25,781 Do you know, I'm gonna come back and give you 100 quid. 262 00:09:25,781 --> 00:09:26,938 - Well, I was just doing my job. 263 00:09:26,938 --> 00:09:28,717 - No, because if it wasn't for you, Neville, 264 00:09:28,817 --> 00:09:31,439 I don't think I'd have noticed, so, ooh, you stay here! 265 00:09:31,539 --> 00:09:33,147 (kisses) 266 00:09:33,247 --> 00:09:33,980 - Woo! 267 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,994 (Nev laughs nervously) 268 00:09:36,094 --> 00:09:38,238 - Ooh, must be my lucky day! (chuckles) 269 00:09:38,338 --> 00:09:41,954 - [Katie] You're bleeding again, Neville. - Oh right, oh yes, ooh. 270 00:09:47,481 --> 00:09:49,133 (alarm rings) 271 00:09:49,233 --> 00:09:50,398 - [Checkout Woman] The fire alarm has sounded, 272 00:09:50,398 --> 00:09:52,627 will all customers please leave the store immediately. 273 00:09:52,627 --> 00:09:56,794 Will all customers please leave the store immediately. 274 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,514 - Sorry for the inconvenience sir, madam! 275 00:10:00,614 --> 00:10:02,127 Children (chuckles). 276 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,692 This is just a drill, but we do have to behave 277 00:10:04,792 --> 00:10:06,792 as if it is a real fire. 278 00:10:19,539 --> 00:10:20,970 - I'm fine here reading my book. 279 00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:23,160 - The official assembly point is in the car park, 280 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,055 now come on. 281 00:10:24,155 --> 00:10:25,612 - Look, if I die in the fire, 282 00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,667 that means I won't have to pay my student loan off. 283 00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:30,572 - Are you refusing to obey an official Valco fire safety instruction? 284 00:10:30,572 --> 00:10:32,032 - Yes, I am. 285 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,602 - Then you leave me no choice. (blows whistle) 286 00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,163 - No, what are you doing!? 287 00:10:37,263 --> 00:10:39,532 - Bloody hell, I didn't think students could afford food! 288 00:10:39,532 --> 00:10:41,374 - (laughs) You cheeky git! 289 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,474 Put me down! 290 00:10:44,224 --> 00:10:46,671 (laughs) 291 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,834 - Thank you for your co-operation, 292 00:10:48,934 --> 00:10:51,433 but thank you shopping at Valco. 293 00:10:51,533 --> 00:10:54,289 Come along Kieran, quick as you can. 294 00:10:54,389 --> 00:10:55,222 And ... 295 00:10:57,769 --> 00:10:59,019 Stop the clock! 296 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,316 (hums) 297 00:11:02,416 --> 00:11:03,666 - Hello, hello? 298 00:11:07,087 --> 00:11:08,170 Andy, Kieran? 299 00:11:15,485 --> 00:11:16,339 - Margaret! 300 00:11:16,439 --> 00:11:18,910 - Gavin, am I glad to see you. 301 00:11:19,010 --> 00:11:21,021 I didn't know where everybody was. 302 00:11:21,121 --> 00:11:22,545 I thought me watch was wrong and 303 00:11:22,645 --> 00:11:24,050 they'd all gone home early! 304 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,533 - Didn't you hear the alarm? 305 00:11:25,633 --> 00:11:26,554 - Oh that. 306 00:11:26,654 --> 00:11:29,651 Oh, I thought that was one of them funny mobile phone rings. 307 00:11:29,751 --> 00:11:31,131 - It was a simulated evacuation replicating 308 00:11:31,131 --> 00:11:33,676 the exact conditions of a real fire. 309 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:37,193 My God, Margaret, you've burned to death! 310 00:11:38,113 --> 00:11:38,946 - Have I? 311 00:11:43,925 --> 00:11:45,286 - That's my basket. 312 00:11:45,386 --> 00:11:47,592 - That's my basket. 313 00:11:47,692 --> 00:11:49,022 - Well, as always there are positive and negatives 314 00:11:49,022 --> 00:11:51,122 to be taken from today's exercise. 315 00:11:51,222 --> 00:11:52,807 Now, on the positive side, 316 00:11:52,907 --> 00:11:54,663 we were well within the Valco time limit 317 00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:56,990 for store evacuation, and on the negative side, 318 00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:58,841 we'd have probably killed Margaret, 319 00:11:58,941 --> 00:12:00,663 but if I can ask you just to 320 00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,756 put that out of your minds for a second 321 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:06,659 and just concentrate on just clearing up all the abandoned trolleys and baskets, 322 00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:09,821 then that'd be, ooh sorry, hold on a sec. 323 00:12:09,921 --> 00:12:11,504 Yeah, Gavin Strong? 324 00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:15,804 Yes, no, no, yes, what's the problem? 325 00:12:17,243 --> 00:12:18,076 Cats? 326 00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:27,091 - So what, we just gonna stand here all day? 327 00:12:27,191 --> 00:12:30,441 Aren't you gonna train me up or summat? 328 00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:33,626 You haven't had a stroke, have you? 329 00:12:33,726 --> 00:12:35,744 - It takes years to become a butcher, 330 00:12:35,844 --> 00:12:37,744 I'm not training you, you're not ready. 331 00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:39,902 - All right, Yoda, it's only meat. 332 00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:41,606 - Only meat? 333 00:12:41,706 --> 00:12:45,208 Do you have any idea how many different kinds of marbling there is in a rib eye? 334 00:12:45,308 --> 00:12:46,283 - Is it seven, Andy? 335 00:12:46,383 --> 00:12:47,599 - Don't help her. 336 00:12:47,699 --> 00:12:49,171 - [Katie] Margaret to the manager's office please. 337 00:12:49,171 --> 00:12:51,043 Margaret to the manager's office. 338 00:12:51,143 --> 00:12:52,745 - Oh, me and my big mouth. 339 00:12:52,845 --> 00:12:56,400 - I'm bored of winding you up, show me summat. 340 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,120 - I'll show you the door if you like. 341 00:12:58,220 --> 00:12:59,720 - Is that sirloin? 342 00:13:01,306 --> 00:13:02,361 - Tenderloin. 343 00:13:02,461 --> 00:13:03,705 - How about that? 344 00:13:03,805 --> 00:13:04,845 - Rump steak. 345 00:13:04,945 --> 00:13:06,445 - I've got it, ta. 346 00:13:07,376 --> 00:13:11,806 And does it come flat like that, or do you have to beat the meat? 347 00:13:11,906 --> 00:13:13,569 - Oh, very funny. 348 00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:15,485 - Does Kieran ever beat the meat for ya? 349 00:13:15,585 --> 00:13:19,298 - All right, that's it, just zip it and keep out of my way. 350 00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:21,731 - Have you got pork balls? 351 00:13:21,831 --> 00:13:23,914 (laughs) 352 00:13:28,044 --> 00:13:30,171 - (sighs) I'm bored. 353 00:13:30,271 --> 00:13:31,489 - You can help me unload this. 354 00:13:31,589 --> 00:13:32,474 - Oh, can I? 355 00:13:32,574 --> 00:13:33,539 Thanks. 356 00:13:33,639 --> 00:13:35,601 - What happened to Sigmund? You haven't finished already, 357 00:13:35,601 --> 00:13:36,836 please don't tell me what happens at the end. 358 00:13:36,836 --> 00:13:39,973 - Nah, I'll finish it tonight, can't wait. What are you doing? 359 00:13:40,073 --> 00:13:42,277 - Emma's at yoga so beans on toast, 360 00:13:42,377 --> 00:13:43,835 internet porn and in bed by nine. 361 00:13:43,935 --> 00:13:44,840 - Ugh. 362 00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:47,796 - I'm joking about the porn. - Yeah, course you were. 363 00:13:47,896 --> 00:13:50,609 You do know you can take that off now. 364 00:13:50,709 --> 00:13:53,647 - I quite like it actually. 365 00:13:53,747 --> 00:13:55,558 You fancy a quick drink after work? 366 00:13:55,658 --> 00:13:57,220 - Yeah, go on then. 367 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,339 Anyway, I better get back, 368 00:13:58,339 --> 00:14:01,322 make sure Neville hasn't spontaneously combusted. 369 00:14:01,422 --> 00:14:03,255 - Your chariot awaits. 370 00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:05,493 Go on, heaveo. 371 00:14:05,593 --> 00:14:07,512 (Katie laughs) 372 00:14:07,612 --> 00:14:10,727 (Kieran makes car noises) 373 00:14:10,827 --> 00:14:14,994 (tills beep) (customers murmur) 374 00:14:17,237 --> 00:14:19,404 (sneezes) 375 00:14:33,813 --> 00:14:35,753 - I just wanted to call you in and apologise 376 00:14:35,853 --> 00:14:38,415 once again about what happened in the fire. 377 00:14:38,515 --> 00:14:40,764 - Oh, don't worry about it, Gavin, love. 378 00:14:40,864 --> 00:14:43,925 It were quite funny really wasn't it? (chuckles) 379 00:14:44,025 --> 00:14:45,333 - Well, not really, no. 380 00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:48,958 I can't believe we just left you there to burn. 381 00:14:49,058 --> 00:14:52,743 Anyway, just to be clear, if the fire alarm 382 00:14:52,843 --> 00:14:56,716 does go off again, you do know what to do, don't you? 383 00:14:56,816 --> 00:14:58,177 - Uh, stop what I'm doing, 384 00:14:58,277 --> 00:15:00,643 and then follow you to the door. 385 00:15:00,743 --> 00:15:01,643 - That's right. 386 00:15:01,743 --> 00:15:05,406 - And if I can't find you, I follow Lorraine. 387 00:15:05,506 --> 00:15:06,614 - No, Margaret. 388 00:15:06,714 --> 00:15:09,006 Well first of all, you don't have to follow anyone, 389 00:15:09,106 --> 00:15:11,549 and second of all, Lorraine has left. 390 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,546 - Because of the fire? 391 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,518 - I want her gone, and I want her gone now! 392 00:15:16,618 --> 00:15:18,440 - Andy, this really isn't the best of times. 393 00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:20,834 - I'll tell the Butcher's Guild! There'd be uproar if they knew a 394 00:15:20,834 --> 00:15:22,950 non-qualified butcher was serving on that counter, 395 00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:24,845 you'd have walkouts all across the country! 396 00:15:24,845 --> 00:15:25,944 - It's just for today, Andy! 397 00:15:26,044 --> 00:15:28,137 - Don't annoy the Butcher's Guild, Gavin! 398 00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:29,904 You'll have meat thrown at you in the street, 399 00:15:29,904 --> 00:15:31,931 is that what you want? - Gavin! 400 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,858 I think I've lost my torch. 401 00:15:33,958 --> 00:15:34,691 - I ... 402 00:15:34,791 --> 00:15:35,524 (phone rings) 403 00:15:35,624 --> 00:15:37,474 Oh, Janet, I ... 404 00:15:37,574 --> 00:15:38,574 Barnsley ... 405 00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:41,053 Can you pick ... 406 00:15:41,153 --> 00:15:43,052 - Any sign of your lottery woman? 407 00:15:43,152 --> 00:15:46,057 - Not yet, no, but I'm sure she'll come in soon. 408 00:15:46,157 --> 00:15:47,610 I hope so anyway. 409 00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:52,350 £100 and a pretty face, she's a keeper (laughs). 410 00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:53,994 - You know, Neville, I don't wanna be mean but 411 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,501 you can't always trust what people say, you know. 412 00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:58,063 - (sighs) you sound like my ex, 413 00:15:58,163 --> 00:15:59,817 yeah, "Don't be so naive, Neville", she'd say, 414 00:15:59,817 --> 00:16:02,023 well shout, really. 415 00:16:02,123 --> 00:16:04,275 No, I'm sure she'll turn up. 416 00:16:04,375 --> 00:16:07,042 It's just a matter of time, hmm. 417 00:16:08,219 --> 00:16:09,052 Hmm. 418 00:16:13,024 --> 00:16:13,910 - What's that one? 419 00:16:14,010 --> 00:16:15,675 - Ah, just leave me alone. 420 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,919 - Go on, what is it? 421 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,841 - Lean back, and don't do the joke. 422 00:16:19,941 --> 00:16:21,654 (Sharon laughs) 423 00:16:21,754 --> 00:16:23,723 - You're a right character, isn't she, Andy? 424 00:16:23,823 --> 00:16:25,048 - I'm back. 425 00:16:25,148 --> 00:16:27,095 - Guess I'll be off then, eh? 426 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,638 Shame. 427 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,738 I really enjoyed myself. 428 00:16:32,602 --> 00:16:34,205 No kiss goodbye? 429 00:16:34,305 --> 00:16:36,388 'Til next time big chops. 430 00:16:38,322 --> 00:16:39,220 - You all right? 431 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:42,487 - Don't ever leave me on my own again. 432 00:16:47,078 --> 00:16:48,538 - You okay, Gavin? 433 00:16:48,638 --> 00:16:49,560 - Huh? 434 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:50,548 Oh, oh, sorry. 435 00:16:50,648 --> 00:16:52,666 I was miles away. 436 00:16:52,766 --> 00:16:54,839 I was just thinking about if that fire had been real 437 00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:56,793 I'd be ringing Margaret's Alan now and 438 00:16:56,893 --> 00:16:58,738 telling him that his beloved wife 439 00:16:58,838 --> 00:17:00,904 has perished in a fire. 440 00:17:01,004 --> 00:17:02,659 - Shall I ring him for you? 441 00:17:02,759 --> 00:17:06,164 - That's very kind of you, Leighton, but it wasn't a real fire, was it? 442 00:17:06,264 --> 00:17:08,023 - But I thought you said we should act like it was. 443 00:17:08,023 --> 00:17:11,122 - I think that, telling Alan that his wife's 444 00:17:11,222 --> 00:17:14,972 dead when she isn't is a little over zealous. 445 00:17:16,581 --> 00:17:19,666 That's no good, I can't get it out of my head. 446 00:17:19,766 --> 00:17:23,433 I've let Margaret down, I've let Valco down. 447 00:17:25,591 --> 00:17:27,424 I know what I must do. 448 00:17:45,693 --> 00:17:47,261 - What you doing? 449 00:17:47,361 --> 00:17:48,516 - Just smell them. 450 00:17:48,616 --> 00:17:51,612 - Oh, I've got a cold, I couldn't smell shit on a blanket today. 451 00:17:51,712 --> 00:17:53,098 Why, what's up with them? 452 00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:55,326 - Nothing, just for you. 453 00:17:55,426 --> 00:17:56,643 - Flowers, for me? 454 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,808 - Yeah. 455 00:17:57,908 --> 00:18:00,224 (scoffs) What kind of a girl do you think I am? 456 00:18:00,324 --> 00:18:01,668 - Stop shagging other people! 457 00:18:01,768 --> 00:18:02,666 - [Linda] What? 458 00:18:02,766 --> 00:18:04,212 - Just shag me. 459 00:18:04,312 --> 00:18:05,569 No-one else. 460 00:18:05,669 --> 00:18:06,502 - Why? 461 00:18:07,988 --> 00:18:09,809 Is this a wind up? 462 00:18:09,909 --> 00:18:11,384 It's a wind up, innit? 463 00:18:11,484 --> 00:18:13,633 (laughs) You bastard! 464 00:18:13,733 --> 00:18:17,148 You had me going then! (laughs) 465 00:18:17,248 --> 00:18:18,173 - I love you. 466 00:18:18,273 --> 00:18:20,465 - [Linda] You what? (laughs) - I said I love you. 467 00:18:20,565 --> 00:18:22,104 (laughs) 468 00:18:22,204 --> 00:18:24,204 (sighs) 469 00:18:25,431 --> 00:18:26,431 - Oh my God. 470 00:18:38,796 --> 00:18:41,083 - Never mind, Neville, she might turn up tomorrow. 471 00:18:41,183 --> 00:18:42,567 - Yes, you never know. 472 00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:44,875 Tomorrow is another day. 473 00:18:44,975 --> 00:18:47,904 All right, go on, you get yourself off, I'll close up here. 474 00:18:48,776 --> 00:18:51,359 (screen beeps) 475 00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:58,541 - Margaret dying was the last straw. 476 00:18:58,641 --> 00:19:00,687 It's shown me that I can't do it alone. 477 00:19:00,787 --> 00:19:03,574 I've tried, Lord knows I've tried. 478 00:19:03,674 --> 00:19:04,713 I'm overstretched. 479 00:19:04,813 --> 00:19:06,495 I know my limitations. 480 00:19:06,595 --> 00:19:08,095 See, the thing is, 481 00:19:10,478 --> 00:19:12,228 Valco needs you back. 482 00:19:15,111 --> 00:19:17,028 I need you back, Julie. 483 00:19:19,012 --> 00:19:22,634 - [Julie] Okay Gavin, I'll come back. 484 00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:25,234 - Thank you, Julie, thank you. 485 00:19:34,078 --> 00:19:36,746 (headset beeps) 486 00:19:36,846 --> 00:19:38,846 (sighs) 487 00:19:41,925 --> 00:19:43,092 - Hmm, hey ho. 488 00:19:45,057 --> 00:19:48,070 - So we're going for this drink, then? - Yeah all right, Hog's Head? 489 00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:50,045 - Might be a bit tricky, it burned down. 490 00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:53,283 - Yeah, I forgot about that. If only they'd had a fire warden, eh? 491 00:19:53,383 --> 00:19:55,024 - Not much you coulda done. 492 00:19:55,124 --> 00:19:57,210 I were there that night, took three fire engines. 493 00:19:57,310 --> 00:19:58,464 - Maybe, amazing what a fully trained Valco 494 00:19:58,464 --> 00:19:59,707 fire warden can do. 495 00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:00,698 (Katie chuckles) 496 00:20:00,798 --> 00:20:01,715 Hang on. 497 00:20:01,815 --> 00:20:03,932 That pub burned down a few days before my wedding. 498 00:20:04,032 --> 00:20:04,858 - Did it? 499 00:20:04,958 --> 00:20:06,972 - Yeah, my brother was gonna take me there for a pint. 500 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:07,943 - Oh. 501 00:20:08,043 --> 00:20:10,407 - So were you back in the country then? 502 00:20:10,507 --> 00:20:12,073 - Well, 503 00:20:12,173 --> 00:20:12,906 yeah. 504 00:20:13,006 --> 00:20:14,926 - So you could've come to my wedding. 505 00:20:15,026 --> 00:20:16,776 Well, why didn't you? 506 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:18,917 - Can we just leave it? 507 00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,225 (emotional guitar music) - Well I don't understand. 508 00:20:20,225 --> 00:20:22,795 - But I said just leave it. - Katie. 509 00:20:22,895 --> 00:20:24,547 - Think, Kieran. 510 00:20:24,647 --> 00:20:28,230 Why would I not wanna come to your wedding? 511 00:20:29,746 --> 00:20:33,532 Actually, I'm a bit knackered. I'll see you in the morning. 512 00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:34,882 - Yeah, me too. 513 00:20:38,896 --> 00:20:41,096 - Ooh, excuse me, do you know where Neville is? 514 00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:43,131 It's just I want to give him his winnings. 515 00:20:43,231 --> 00:20:44,207 - Winnings? 516 00:20:44,307 --> 00:20:45,587 - Yeah, 100 quid, he helped me with the lottery. 517 00:20:45,587 --> 00:20:46,420 - Um. 518 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:50,377 I'll give it him, if you want. 519 00:20:50,477 --> 00:20:51,868 - Would you? - Mmm. 520 00:20:51,968 --> 00:20:53,586 - Thank you, that's kind. 521 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,519 - Yeah, that's all right. - Cheers. 522 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:00,805 - Look, I'm waddling. - Aw! 523 00:21:00,905 --> 00:21:02,343 Lovely. 524 00:21:02,443 --> 00:21:03,360 - Aw! 525 00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:04,555 - (laughs) A proper bump! 526 00:21:04,655 --> 00:21:06,569 - Night, night lovey. 527 00:21:06,669 --> 00:21:09,169 (phone beeps) 528 00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:12,833 Oh no, oh not again. 529 00:21:13,941 --> 00:21:15,392 Gavin! 530 00:21:15,492 --> 00:21:16,325 Gavin! 531 00:21:48,171 --> 00:21:50,275 (man grunts) 532 00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:53,042 (guitar jingle)