1 00:00:01,879 --> 00:00:03,545 - Could she stop that now? - If you can get it anywhere cheaper, 2 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:05,950 I'll come round and cook it myself. - Red dot sales. 3 00:00:06,050 --> 00:00:08,372 - Offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 4 00:00:08,472 --> 00:00:09,563 - Loads of two for ones. 5 00:00:09,663 --> 00:00:10,779 - Service with a smile. 6 00:00:10,879 --> 00:00:12,310 (laughing) 7 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,142 - We have fresh veggies. - Delivered daily. 8 00:00:14,142 --> 00:00:16,140 - Don't forget the Valco tick. - That way. 9 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:17,073 - Am I getting paid for this? 10 00:00:17,073 --> 00:00:18,121 - Valco. - I wasn't ready. 11 00:00:18,221 --> 00:00:18,954 (laughing) 12 00:00:19,054 --> 00:00:20,805 - Valco serves you right. 13 00:00:20,905 --> 00:00:23,303 - [Everyone] Valco serves you right. 14 00:00:23,403 --> 00:00:25,986 (upbeat music) 15 00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:28,357 - 26, 27, 28, 29. 16 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:30,971 Oh! 17 00:00:31,071 --> 00:00:33,571 62, 63, 64. - What's she doing? 18 00:00:35,194 --> 00:00:36,944 - 73, 74, 75, 76, 77. 19 00:00:39,059 --> 00:00:40,501 - Oh, I do apologise, Margaret. 20 00:00:40,601 --> 00:00:43,089 - Oh, don't worry about it, Gavin, it's quilt all right. 21 00:00:43,189 --> 00:00:44,106 86, 87, 88. 22 00:00:45,384 --> 00:00:47,188 - I think we're the only normal one's here. 23 00:00:47,288 --> 00:00:49,354 - What are you on about? You're a proper weirdo. 24 00:00:49,454 --> 00:00:51,112 - You're the weird one. - You are. 25 00:00:51,212 --> 00:00:54,423 - I'm serious, make sure you go at lunch, it's important. 26 00:00:54,523 --> 00:00:56,381 - I know, spuffing two hundred grand on the house 27 00:00:56,381 --> 00:00:57,816 is important. 28 00:00:57,916 --> 00:00:59,691 - Why are you being like that? - Like what? 29 00:00:59,791 --> 00:01:01,639 - Do you know, it is like talking to a child. 30 00:01:01,739 --> 00:01:02,745 Just make sure you go. 31 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:05,095 Make sure he goes, will ya? 32 00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:10,000 - Go where, to the vet, finally get you spayed? 33 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:11,763 - Emma's got me going to the mortgage advisor. 34 00:01:11,763 --> 00:01:12,800 She's seen a house. 35 00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,305 - We'll you gotta live somewhere. 36 00:01:14,305 --> 00:01:17,140 Look at me, 200 pound a month, mortgaged up to the eyeballs. 37 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,741 - Try a grand a month for 25 years. 38 00:01:19,841 --> 00:01:22,415 - Shit in a bed, who can afford that? 39 00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:23,877 You wanna build your own. 40 00:01:23,977 --> 00:01:24,785 - Really? 41 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,190 - Yeah, a bit of common land, dead of night, 42 00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:30,476 hod on your back, premixed cement, shit load of bricks, 43 00:01:30,576 --> 00:01:32,409 whop, you got a house. 44 00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:43,700 - What's up with you? - Nothing, what's up with you? 45 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,325 - Nothing. 46 00:01:45,425 --> 00:01:46,799 - Sure you're not missing me? 47 00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:48,516 - What's to miss? 48 00:01:48,616 --> 00:01:51,321 (zipping) 49 00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:53,710 - I'd say there's a lot to miss. 50 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:56,643 I'm gonna say a lot, I mean a lot. 51 00:01:58,226 --> 00:01:59,431 - Seen bigger. 52 00:01:59,531 --> 00:02:00,264 - Oh yeah? 53 00:02:00,364 --> 00:02:01,097 - Mm-hm. 54 00:02:01,197 --> 00:02:02,614 - Where, Aintree? 55 00:02:04,142 --> 00:02:06,309 (zipping) 56 00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:11,693 - I need to amend these wage sheets, Gavin. 57 00:02:11,793 --> 00:02:13,400 I mean Dawn Lees is still on here, 58 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,062 and she moved to Whitstable three years ago. 59 00:02:16,162 --> 00:02:17,294 Is everything alright, Gavin? 60 00:02:17,294 --> 00:02:21,307 - I'm at sixes and sevens, and I dare say eights, Julie. 61 00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,302 - Whatever's wrong? 62 00:02:22,302 --> 00:02:26,609 - I can't find a stapler anywhere in this blasted office. 63 00:02:26,709 --> 00:02:28,574 Oh, and Chester died last night. 64 00:02:28,674 --> 00:02:30,757 - Oh Gavin, I'm so sorry. 65 00:02:31,699 --> 00:02:32,933 How old was he? 66 00:02:33,033 --> 00:02:33,907 - 42. 67 00:02:34,007 --> 00:02:35,545 I mean, dog years obviously. 68 00:02:35,645 --> 00:02:37,238 If it had been human, it'd be a middle aged man 69 00:02:37,238 --> 00:02:38,375 in the prime of his life. 70 00:02:38,475 --> 00:02:39,370 - Like you, Gavin? 71 00:02:39,470 --> 00:02:41,265 - He always wanted to get out. 72 00:02:41,365 --> 00:02:45,521 Every time I went to the door, he'd just nibble, playfully, 73 00:02:45,621 --> 00:02:46,398 at the ankles. 74 00:02:46,498 --> 00:02:48,241 - Oh Gavin, that needs a butterfly stitch, 75 00:02:48,341 --> 00:02:49,316 at the very least. 76 00:02:49,416 --> 00:02:52,264 - So I answered the door, and off he shot, 77 00:02:52,364 --> 00:02:54,663 straight under the allied wheels of a Subaru Impreza. 78 00:02:54,663 --> 00:02:56,226 - Oh Gavin. 79 00:02:56,326 --> 00:02:58,551 - I'm inclined to think that he was suicidal, 80 00:02:58,651 --> 00:03:01,234 so definitive were his actions. 81 00:03:02,196 --> 00:03:05,326 They wouldn't let me see the body. - Is it a body when it's an animal? 82 00:03:05,426 --> 00:03:07,676 I thought it was a carcass. 83 00:03:12,376 --> 00:03:13,109 Leighton? 84 00:03:13,209 --> 00:03:14,424 - I wasn't asleep. 85 00:03:14,524 --> 00:03:16,863 - Been burning the candle at both ends, have we? 86 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:19,363 - No, no, the fire brigade said we're not allowed candles 87 00:03:19,463 --> 00:03:20,472 at our house anymore. 88 00:03:20,572 --> 00:03:22,430 - I meant, are you sleeping properly? 89 00:03:22,530 --> 00:03:23,763 - I think I am. 90 00:03:23,863 --> 00:03:25,389 It's hard to tell when you're asleep 91 00:03:25,389 --> 00:03:28,726 if you're doing it properly, because it's so dark. 92 00:03:28,826 --> 00:03:31,856 - Anyway, can you tidy this lot up? It looks like a pig's lunchbox. 93 00:03:31,956 --> 00:03:34,312 This one's from 2010. 94 00:03:34,412 --> 00:03:36,371 We're not a museum, you know. 95 00:03:36,471 --> 00:03:38,128 - No, we're a supermarket, Julie. 96 00:03:38,228 --> 00:03:40,070 - Just get it tidied up. 97 00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:41,253 Sorry, madam. 98 00:03:42,666 --> 00:03:43,524 - It was incredible. 99 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:47,967 You know, I really couldn't tell she was a man. 100 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:49,690 - Sounds like a near miss, Neville. 101 00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:50,916 - Yes, it was Katie. 102 00:03:51,016 --> 00:03:52,551 She's still got my wallet though, 103 00:03:52,651 --> 00:03:54,642 and I have to get myself a new mobile phone. 104 00:03:54,742 --> 00:03:55,767 Hey ho. 105 00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:57,920 - Neville, can I have a word? 106 00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:58,991 - Why certainly, Julie. 107 00:03:59,091 --> 00:04:01,792 As long as that word is dinner. 108 00:04:01,892 --> 00:04:03,549 - I need you to go on the tills today. 109 00:04:03,649 --> 00:04:05,818 We're a bit short staffed. - Tills, wow, I'd love to. 110 00:04:05,918 --> 00:04:06,844 Thanks, Julie. 111 00:04:06,944 --> 00:04:07,677 - Great. 112 00:04:07,777 --> 00:04:09,960 Well, if you want to follow me, I'll show you the ropes. 113 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:10,693 - Wish me luck. 114 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:11,526 - Good luck. 115 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:12,654 I'll miss ya. 116 00:04:12,754 --> 00:04:14,870 Promise me you'll write. 117 00:04:14,970 --> 00:04:15,803 - No. 118 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,894 - What are you up to tonight? - Tonight? 119 00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:25,019 I'm shaving me balls. (laughs) 120 00:04:25,119 --> 00:04:26,443 - What's that look for? 121 00:04:26,543 --> 00:04:28,293 - For your wank bank. 122 00:04:36,414 --> 00:04:38,409 - And don't forget, you can get six cans 123 00:04:38,509 --> 00:04:42,003 of No Nonsense tuna rounds for the price of four. 124 00:04:42,103 --> 00:04:43,326 Ow, oh. (laughs) 125 00:04:43,426 --> 00:04:45,440 - Whoa, what are you doing? - The baby just booted me. 126 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:46,313 - Oh, let me feel. 127 00:04:46,413 --> 00:04:47,422 Come on, kick. 128 00:04:47,522 --> 00:04:49,005 It's your Auntie Linda. 129 00:04:49,105 --> 00:04:50,935 - Give up, you'll frighten it. Oh. 130 00:04:51,035 --> 00:04:52,953 - It didn't, I don't believe it. 131 00:04:53,053 --> 00:04:55,915 - I don't think he likes you. (laughing) 132 00:04:56,015 --> 00:04:57,053 - You alright there, Nev? 133 00:04:57,153 --> 00:04:59,492 - I'm positively raring to go. 134 00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:01,675 I feel like Captain Kirk. 135 00:05:03,633 --> 00:05:04,854 - Want some till tips? 136 00:05:04,954 --> 00:05:06,353 - Oh, insider secrets? 137 00:05:06,453 --> 00:05:07,695 I very much do. 138 00:05:07,795 --> 00:05:10,247 - Right, keep your phone between your legs, 139 00:05:10,347 --> 00:05:12,244 then you can text whenever you want. 140 00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:16,604 Whiffs a bit by the end of the day like, but oh, smell that. 141 00:05:16,704 --> 00:05:18,061 - No, no, I'm all right. 142 00:05:18,161 --> 00:05:21,070 Thing is I don't actually have anyone to text at present. 143 00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:22,839 I could text you couldn't I? 144 00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:24,205 (beeping noises with mouth) 145 00:05:24,305 --> 00:05:25,747 Hi, Lisa. 146 00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:26,843 - Hiya. 147 00:05:26,943 --> 00:05:29,776 - Hello. (laughs) 148 00:05:35,611 --> 00:05:37,747 - Do you need the toilet, Margaret? 149 00:05:37,847 --> 00:05:38,580 - No. 150 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,879 I've already been twice, thank you. - No I mean, what's with all the marching? 151 00:05:41,979 --> 00:05:44,491 - Oh, I'm using my new pedometer. 152 00:05:44,591 --> 00:05:45,743 - Pedometer. 153 00:05:45,843 --> 00:05:48,492 - It's a present from my niece, and she's coming over soon, 154 00:05:48,592 --> 00:05:50,511 and I need to look like I've used it. 155 00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,378 A year and a half in three weeks. 156 00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:54,373 Oh, I'll be puffed out. 157 00:05:54,473 --> 00:05:56,557 - Oh Gavin, your snouts. 158 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,633 There you go mate, get old Chester's laughing gear 159 00:05:58,633 --> 00:06:01,354 round these little beggars. Fresh off the pigs' faces. 160 00:06:01,454 --> 00:06:02,187 - Thank you, Andy. 161 00:06:02,287 --> 00:06:04,932 They might be man's best friend, but give a dog a bag of snouts, 162 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,535 he'll rip your arm off for 'em. - Not for the first time. 163 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:10,167 - You all right, mate? You look like a used johnnie. 164 00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:11,565 - Chester's dead. 165 00:06:11,665 --> 00:06:13,099 - Oh, oh right. 166 00:06:13,199 --> 00:06:16,214 - I came down, and there was no one there mauling the sofa. 167 00:06:16,314 --> 00:06:18,384 No one eating my Shreddies when my back was turned. 168 00:06:18,384 --> 00:06:20,109 No one barking at BBC Breakfast. 169 00:06:20,209 --> 00:06:21,988 - They're like soul mates, aren't they, dogs. 170 00:06:21,988 --> 00:06:23,627 Look at Greyfriars Bobby. 171 00:06:23,727 --> 00:06:26,184 You know why he sat on his owner's grave for all those years? 172 00:06:26,184 --> 00:06:26,917 - No. 173 00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:30,523 - He'd been buried holding the lead. (laughs) 174 00:06:34,699 --> 00:06:35,532 Too soon? 175 00:06:36,648 --> 00:06:41,137 - Might have to bear with me, bit of a dodgy conveyor belt I'm afraid. 176 00:06:43,940 --> 00:06:46,357 Bean anywhere nice this year? 177 00:06:48,994 --> 00:06:51,282 Oh, do you always have fish on a Friday? 178 00:06:51,382 --> 00:06:55,549 No, I'm having it for the halibut. (laughs) 179 00:06:58,454 --> 00:07:01,202 - Ah, I don't wish to criticise your board work 180 00:07:01,302 --> 00:07:03,386 there Leighton, but you might want to spread 181 00:07:03,486 --> 00:07:05,355 them out a bit more. 182 00:07:05,455 --> 00:07:06,188 Like this. 183 00:07:06,288 --> 00:07:07,705 Just, hold these. 184 00:07:09,035 --> 00:07:13,248 It's a lot easier to register when you spread them out, 185 00:07:13,348 --> 00:07:17,515 you see, and it puts a lot less strain on the drawing pins. 186 00:07:18,585 --> 00:07:19,679 See? 187 00:07:19,779 --> 00:07:22,470 - Can humans fall asleep standing up Gavin? 188 00:07:22,570 --> 00:07:23,803 - Like giraffes? 189 00:07:23,903 --> 00:07:25,081 Well I'm not entirely... 190 00:07:25,181 --> 00:07:26,500 Why do you ask? 191 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,111 - It's just, every time I blink I have a little dream. 192 00:07:29,211 --> 00:07:32,072 I just dreamt about being a giraffe because you said giraffe. 193 00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:33,146 - Are you all right, Leighton? 194 00:07:33,146 --> 00:07:37,247 - Yeah, yeah I'm just so very tired, Gavin. 195 00:07:37,347 --> 00:07:38,701 - Right. 196 00:07:38,801 --> 00:07:42,551 Well, it's nice to have had this little chat. 197 00:07:43,883 --> 00:07:44,883 As you were. 198 00:07:46,168 --> 00:07:49,178 - Shouldn't be too much longer. 199 00:07:49,278 --> 00:07:50,528 Oh, back spasm. 200 00:07:52,651 --> 00:07:54,720 Don't worry, it'll soon pass. 201 00:07:54,820 --> 00:07:56,070 Any minute now. 202 00:07:57,039 --> 00:07:57,872 Ow. 203 00:08:05,172 --> 00:08:07,839 (loud snorting) 204 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,212 (laughs) 205 00:08:14,312 --> 00:08:15,395 - Move, move. 206 00:08:18,476 --> 00:08:19,563 - Alright, skids? 207 00:08:19,663 --> 00:08:20,943 - I am, but Billy No Nuts here 208 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:22,820 might be living on the street soon. 209 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:23,864 - Here we go again. 210 00:08:23,964 --> 00:08:25,546 - What's he giving you grief for now? 211 00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:27,375 - Because I've got to go see a mortgage advisor. 212 00:08:27,375 --> 00:08:28,211 - How exciting. 213 00:08:28,311 --> 00:08:29,236 Have you found somewhere? 214 00:08:29,236 --> 00:08:31,496 - Emma's found a three bedroom house with a garden. 215 00:08:31,596 --> 00:08:34,182 And I think two hundred grand is a bit of a stretch. 216 00:08:34,282 --> 00:08:35,015 - Bloody hell. 217 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,674 - Yeah, bloody hell. - Does it have to be a three bedroom? 218 00:08:37,774 --> 00:08:40,584 - Emma wants us to start trying for... 219 00:08:40,684 --> 00:08:41,684 - Oh, right. 220 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:44,255 - [Margaret] 28, 29, 30. 221 00:08:44,355 --> 00:08:47,338 - Well, you'll definitely need some balls for that then, eh! 222 00:08:47,438 --> 00:08:49,267 - Sod it, I'm not going. 223 00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:50,100 - Not going? 224 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,724 Oh, she'll go mad. 225 00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:54,377 - It needs properly thinking about. I'm not popping off for my lunch 226 00:08:54,377 --> 00:08:56,019 and coming back 200 grand in debt. 227 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,889 - Oh, mark this day in your diaries everyone. 228 00:08:58,989 --> 00:09:00,654 For today is the day that Kieran 229 00:09:00,754 --> 00:09:02,461 finally grew a pair of nuts. 230 00:09:02,561 --> 00:09:03,380 - Right. 231 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,404 Thought I'd you'd let you all know there's 232 00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:07,129 a sheet on the notice board. 233 00:09:07,229 --> 00:09:09,037 Everyone's wages on 'em. 234 00:09:09,137 --> 00:09:10,130 - What are they doing that for? 235 00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:12,906 - I have no idea, but Julie's gonna do a nut, man. 236 00:09:13,006 --> 00:09:17,442 Ladies, gents, prepare yourself for the shit storm. 237 00:09:17,542 --> 00:09:19,101 - That needs to come down. 238 00:09:19,201 --> 00:09:22,368 I mean, I don't want everybody knowing how much more than them I earn. 239 00:09:22,468 --> 00:09:25,390 Jealousy can do terrible things to a man. 240 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:27,657 Terrible, Terrible things. 241 00:09:29,476 --> 00:09:30,209 - You finished? 242 00:09:30,309 --> 00:09:31,042 - Yeah. 243 00:09:31,142 --> 00:09:31,975 - Yeah. 244 00:09:33,057 --> 00:09:35,190 - Come on, Margaret. 245 00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:37,045 - 29, 30, 31, 32. 246 00:09:37,145 --> 00:09:38,223 - Whoa, easy now. 247 00:09:38,323 --> 00:09:40,879 This is how all that bother in Egypt got started. 248 00:09:40,979 --> 00:09:41,712 - Is that it? 249 00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:43,370 Everyone's just on the same shit pay, aren't they? 250 00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:44,623 - Julie's on 9.20 an hour. 251 00:09:44,723 --> 00:09:46,941 - Management though, wouldn't want all that shit, would you? 252 00:09:46,941 --> 00:09:48,884 - Yeah, having to be a massive tit to everyone 253 00:09:48,984 --> 00:09:50,559 eight hours a day. 254 00:09:50,659 --> 00:09:52,468 - How are you on seven pound 37? 255 00:09:52,568 --> 00:09:54,234 - Skilled labour, isn't it? - Skilled at what? 256 00:09:54,234 --> 00:09:55,397 - Just generally skilled. 257 00:09:55,497 --> 00:09:57,366 - I'm sorry you had to see this everybody. 258 00:09:57,466 --> 00:09:59,834 I didn't want everybody knowing that I'm on a wedge more than them, 259 00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:01,351 but I've been here years, so. 260 00:10:01,451 --> 00:10:02,791 - Oh, would you look at that, Andy Richmond, 261 00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:04,075 seven pound and 37 an hour. 262 00:10:04,175 --> 00:10:05,480 Same as me. 263 00:10:05,580 --> 00:10:08,001 Did they miss a zero off or something? 264 00:10:08,101 --> 00:10:09,351 - Unbelievable. 265 00:10:10,373 --> 00:10:12,623 (laughing) 266 00:10:13,550 --> 00:10:15,807 - If I find hard core pornography on that board, 267 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:17,607 I will not be accountable for my action. 268 00:10:17,707 --> 00:10:19,373 - You took your time. Been buying a yacht? 269 00:10:19,373 --> 00:10:20,610 - What are you talking about? 270 00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:23,136 - Or is most of your money tied up in property? 271 00:10:23,236 --> 00:10:23,969 - Who's seen this? 272 00:10:24,069 --> 00:10:25,229 - Pretty much everyone. 273 00:10:25,329 --> 00:10:28,272 I'm thinking it might be a good idea to take it down. 274 00:10:28,372 --> 00:10:30,090 - This is a classified document. 275 00:10:30,190 --> 00:10:32,433 - Oh, I've got security clearance for everything classified, 276 00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:33,657 right up to the very top. 277 00:10:33,757 --> 00:10:36,595 - In the time it took you to say that, she's just earned a thousand quid. 278 00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:38,156 - Oh shut up Sharon! 279 00:10:38,256 --> 00:10:38,989 - Two thousand. 280 00:10:39,089 --> 00:10:40,515 - Just get back to work, all of you! 281 00:10:40,615 --> 00:10:44,313 - See, money don't buy you happiness. 282 00:10:44,413 --> 00:10:46,400 - How are you on 3p more than me? 283 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,039 - I'm more mature than you. 284 00:10:48,139 --> 00:10:49,985 - Two decades more mature. 285 00:10:50,085 --> 00:10:51,309 (laughing) 286 00:10:51,409 --> 00:10:52,535 I missed it again! 287 00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:53,944 I don't believe it. 288 00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:55,225 - Hey, get off, you. 289 00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:56,183 Get off it right. 290 00:10:56,283 --> 00:10:57,016 (laughing) 291 00:10:57,116 --> 00:10:58,804 That's mine and the baby's. You're depriving me. 292 00:10:58,804 --> 00:11:00,144 Oh come on. - Be careful, you're pregnant. 293 00:11:00,144 --> 00:11:02,675 - Gavin, this was on the notice board. 294 00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:08,065 It could have started World War Four. - Jumping Josephs, that's where it got to. 295 00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:09,411 Please tell me nobody saw this. 296 00:11:09,411 --> 00:11:10,868 - I'm sorry, but I don't think there's a member of staff 297 00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:12,344 who hasn't seen it. 298 00:11:12,444 --> 00:11:13,277 - But I had it in my hand 299 00:11:13,277 --> 00:11:16,463 and oh lord, I must have given it to Leighton. 300 00:11:16,563 --> 00:11:18,546 I'm a bloody idiot! 301 00:11:18,646 --> 00:11:19,379 - Gavin! 302 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,610 - I'm sorry you had to hear that Julie, 303 00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:24,623 but I'm just a ball of rage at the moment, I really am. 304 00:11:24,723 --> 00:11:26,838 - Gavin I've never seen you like this. 305 00:11:26,938 --> 00:11:28,240 You're like a wild animal. 306 00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:30,577 - I might as well just hand the head office a big whip 307 00:11:30,577 --> 00:11:32,430 and just bend over for them. 308 00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:35,338 - Oh, you shouldn't have to deal with this today. 309 00:11:35,438 --> 00:11:36,580 You're grieving. 310 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:37,682 - I'm not, Julie. 311 00:11:37,782 --> 00:11:38,665 Chester was a dog. 312 00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:41,289 It wasn't even my dog, it was Barbara's dog. 313 00:11:41,389 --> 00:11:43,500 Had nothing but contempt for me. 314 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,087 Where is that blasted stapler? 315 00:11:45,187 --> 00:11:46,986 - Why don't you go out with the boys tonight? 316 00:11:47,086 --> 00:11:47,940 - What boys? 317 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,381 - I thought all men had friends they called, the boys. 318 00:11:50,481 --> 00:11:51,214 - Well, I don't. 319 00:11:51,314 --> 00:11:54,151 - Well, not even through cycling? - It's a solitary pursuit. 320 00:11:54,251 --> 00:11:56,549 - Maybe I could take you out, cheer you up. 321 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,219 I've heard of this lovely Italian. 322 00:11:58,319 --> 00:12:02,165 - I can't even get satisfactory purchase on this drawer. 323 00:12:02,265 --> 00:12:03,098 - Oh! 324 00:12:04,179 --> 00:12:06,179 Oh, Gavin, I'm so sorry. 325 00:12:08,299 --> 00:12:10,510 - The Valco family's just in tatters, 326 00:12:10,610 --> 00:12:13,223 and it's all my fault, Julie? 327 00:12:13,323 --> 00:12:16,318 - You'll think of something, Gavin. 328 00:12:16,418 --> 00:12:18,995 You know what they say about a tiger, 329 00:12:19,095 --> 00:12:22,536 he's at his most dangerous when he's wounded. 330 00:12:22,636 --> 00:12:24,752 - But I mean, just look at that. 331 00:12:24,852 --> 00:12:27,602 That is shatter proof, allegedly. 332 00:12:29,798 --> 00:12:33,088 - Excuse me, can you tell me where the batteries are please. 333 00:12:33,188 --> 00:12:34,669 - Right, aisle nine. 334 00:12:34,769 --> 00:12:36,269 - Okay, thank you. 335 00:12:37,630 --> 00:12:39,446 (crash) 336 00:12:39,546 --> 00:12:41,606 - I can't remember who's the boss out of you two. 337 00:12:41,706 --> 00:12:43,351 It must be the one who earns more. 338 00:12:43,451 --> 00:12:44,357 Who's that again? 339 00:12:44,457 --> 00:12:46,471 - Oh yeah, that's right, go on have a good laugh. 340 00:12:46,571 --> 00:12:48,081 I tell you, you haven't heard the last of this. 341 00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:48,848 No one has. 342 00:12:48,948 --> 00:12:51,156 - Mate, how long have you worked here? - Yeah? 343 00:12:51,256 --> 00:12:52,988 - Long enough to know when I've been royally shafted. 344 00:12:52,988 --> 00:12:53,721 In the ass. 345 00:12:53,821 --> 00:12:54,652 (laughing) 346 00:12:54,752 --> 00:12:56,335 Bloody shit houses. 347 00:12:57,419 --> 00:12:59,925 - That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 348 00:13:00,025 --> 00:13:01,635 - Oh god, he'll be in a mood all week now. 349 00:13:01,735 --> 00:13:03,849 It's bad enough at home. 350 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,275 - I know it's none of my business, 351 00:13:06,375 --> 00:13:08,484 but you and Emma are really good together. 352 00:13:08,584 --> 00:13:10,061 Just cook her a meal tonight. 353 00:13:10,161 --> 00:13:13,055 And tell her what's worrying you. And she'll respect you for that. 354 00:13:13,155 --> 00:13:13,888 - Cook? 355 00:13:13,988 --> 00:13:14,721 - Yeah. 356 00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:15,554 - That's an idea. 357 00:13:15,654 --> 00:13:16,387 Thanks. 358 00:13:16,487 --> 00:13:17,644 - No problem. 359 00:13:17,744 --> 00:13:20,421 Just buy us a pint with the 42 pounds 80 a week 360 00:13:20,521 --> 00:13:22,059 you earn more than me. 361 00:13:22,159 --> 00:13:25,075 - You worked it out? (laughs) 362 00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:29,579 - And you're sure this will help me keep me awake? 363 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:32,512 - Well, it'll keep your eyes open. 364 00:13:37,479 --> 00:13:39,766 - Was it really that bad? 365 00:13:39,866 --> 00:13:42,231 - Julie, I received a bonafide chewing out. 366 00:13:42,331 --> 00:13:44,611 Head office will be printing wanted posters 367 00:13:44,711 --> 00:13:46,101 with my face on it. 368 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,840 - But did they agree to pay rises? 369 00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:49,355 - Well let's just gather the troops together, 370 00:13:49,355 --> 00:13:51,886 deliver the news in one fell swoop. 371 00:13:51,986 --> 00:13:53,746 - Ah, my eyebrow! 372 00:13:53,846 --> 00:13:58,478 - (laughs) Hello everyone, gather round, gather round. 373 00:13:58,578 --> 00:14:00,633 - Come on everyone, listen to Gavin please. 374 00:14:00,733 --> 00:14:01,591 Come on. 375 00:14:01,691 --> 00:14:03,643 - Now, I know you all saw something today 376 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,751 that you weren't supposed to. - Yeah, we're all on boggle money. 377 00:14:06,851 --> 00:14:08,565 Present company excepted, Julie. 378 00:14:08,665 --> 00:14:11,095 - Now, it is entirely my fault that you saw 379 00:14:11,195 --> 00:14:12,897 that classified information. 380 00:14:12,997 --> 00:14:14,994 - In that case you can backdate my pay. 381 00:14:15,094 --> 00:14:18,156 I want 10 pound an hour, going back to September 1998. 382 00:14:18,256 --> 00:14:19,594 - Please, Andrew. 383 00:14:19,694 --> 00:14:21,831 I won't be backdating anyone's pay. 384 00:14:21,931 --> 00:14:23,284 - No, he certainly won't. 385 00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,295 - But I shall be going one better than that. 386 00:14:25,395 --> 00:14:27,351 Head office have kindly offered every member 387 00:14:27,351 --> 00:14:31,518 of Valco Warrington 1,000 points on their loyalty cards! 388 00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:36,770 - That's equivalent to 10 pounds! 389 00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:39,117 - I do a third more work than numb-nuts here 390 00:14:39,217 --> 00:14:42,188 for the same pay and you're palming me off with make believe money? 391 00:14:42,288 --> 00:14:45,095 - Please, now can't we just put all this behind us? 392 00:14:45,195 --> 00:14:47,912 Just think what your points could go towards. 393 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,192 - I don't know what an ombudsman does, 394 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,432 but I'm going to find out and speak to one about this. 395 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:54,797 - So, if you could all go back to work, now that would be marvellous! 396 00:14:56,018 --> 00:14:57,674 - Get it through your big, fat head, 397 00:14:57,774 --> 00:15:01,124 you and Kieran do the same job and are accordingly rewarded. 398 00:15:01,224 --> 00:15:01,957 - Rewards? 399 00:15:02,057 --> 00:15:04,026 Oh yeah, we know who gets rewards around here. 400 00:15:04,026 --> 00:15:07,693 Go on, go back to your piles of cash, Oprah. 401 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:11,908 (crash) 402 00:15:17,632 --> 00:15:19,799 (beeping) 403 00:15:21,042 --> 00:15:23,016 - 132.37, please. 404 00:15:23,116 --> 00:15:25,184 - You keep doing that, you'll put your back out. 405 00:15:25,284 --> 00:15:27,142 - Oh don't worry, it's nothing a tube of Deep Heat 406 00:15:27,142 --> 00:15:29,541 and a long, warm shower won't sort out. 407 00:15:29,641 --> 00:15:32,659 You know, I do sometimes miss having a bath. 408 00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:35,336 - You should've just flicked this. 409 00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:36,169 Eh? 410 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,754 It'll fly down like shit off a shovel now, Nev. 411 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:41,395 - Lisa, you are a beautiful angel! 412 00:15:41,495 --> 00:15:43,208 - I know, I know. 413 00:15:43,308 --> 00:15:44,041 - Ow! 414 00:15:44,141 --> 00:15:45,707 - Oh, you all right? - Oh no. 415 00:15:45,807 --> 00:15:46,540 - You all right? 416 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:47,373 - No. 417 00:15:47,473 --> 00:15:50,851 - Will you give us that magazine? - Yeah. (grunts) 418 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,784 - Thank you very much. 419 00:15:53,929 --> 00:15:56,349 - Andy, you've got a face like lightning. 420 00:15:56,449 --> 00:16:00,237 - Yeah so would you, Margaret, if your whole life was a lie. 421 00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:01,153 - It is. 422 00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:02,396 I don't really take a six. 423 00:16:02,496 --> 00:16:03,811 I really take a five. 424 00:16:03,911 --> 00:16:06,277 I just like roomy shoes. 425 00:16:06,377 --> 00:16:07,579 - Your life isn't a lie. 426 00:16:07,679 --> 00:16:09,334 You just earn the same amount as I do. 427 00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:10,527 Get over it. 428 00:16:10,627 --> 00:16:13,422 - Earn the same as you but do 33% more work. 429 00:16:13,522 --> 00:16:14,741 - How do you work that one out? 430 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:18,108 - In my 1/3 more superior than yours brain. 431 00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:20,804 I do all the heavy lifting, all the mopping, 432 00:16:20,904 --> 00:16:22,769 most of the carrier bag replenishing. 433 00:16:22,869 --> 00:16:24,560 - You make me do all that stuff! 434 00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:27,220 - A third more work than you, and I'm on the same money. 435 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,942 That means I'm entitled to a third of everything that's yours. 436 00:16:30,042 --> 00:16:31,391 - Oh, this is makes perfect sense, yeah. 437 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,915 - On top of my own, I'll eat a third of whatever you eat. 438 00:16:34,015 --> 00:16:34,748 How's that? 439 00:16:34,848 --> 00:16:36,514 - Well, you look like you do anyway. - And a third of Emma. 440 00:16:36,514 --> 00:16:39,165 She can be my wife for two and a third days a week. 441 00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,454 Thursday, Friday, Saturday morning. - Normal. 442 00:16:41,554 --> 00:16:43,724 - Be the best third of a week of her life. Full on romantic. 443 00:16:43,724 --> 00:16:45,454 - Yeah, I'm pretty sure she'll be well into this idea, yeah. 444 00:16:45,454 --> 00:16:47,229 - And that three bedroom semi, I'll move in. 445 00:16:47,229 --> 00:16:48,838 Get on the mortgage. - By all means. 446 00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:50,571 At least then we'll be broke together. 447 00:16:50,671 --> 00:16:52,780 - Have you really not got a house, Kieran? 448 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,446 You could sleep in Alan's shed. 449 00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:56,229 - Thanks, Margaret. I'll ask Emma, see what she thinks. 450 00:16:56,229 --> 00:16:57,355 - Yeah, don't ask her Thursday. 451 00:16:57,355 --> 00:16:59,456 I've got a table booked at The Spice Lounge. 452 00:16:59,556 --> 00:17:00,825 Candles, curry and cuddles. 453 00:17:00,925 --> 00:17:02,428 After that, who knows? 454 00:17:02,528 --> 00:17:03,361 - 455. 455 00:17:05,089 --> 00:17:06,853 Oh, is that all? 456 00:17:06,953 --> 00:17:08,305 - That's the time Margaret. 457 00:17:08,405 --> 00:17:09,213 It's a watch. 458 00:17:09,313 --> 00:17:11,120 - But it hasn't got any fingers. 459 00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:13,220 - It's a digital watch. 460 00:17:15,181 --> 00:17:19,348 - Oh, that's right, (laughs) my present was the watch. 461 00:17:21,396 --> 00:17:24,597 They bought Alan the pedometer. 462 00:17:24,697 --> 00:17:25,648 Oh what are you to do. 463 00:17:25,748 --> 00:17:28,748 - I do not get paid enough for this. 464 00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:43,263 - Leighton. 465 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,124 - Ah, don't hurt me, I've been a good girl! 466 00:17:45,224 --> 00:17:48,404 - Oh, it's all right, I think you were dreaming. 467 00:17:48,504 --> 00:17:53,045 Listen, you know you can't just fall asleep at work. 468 00:17:53,145 --> 00:17:54,326 It's not the done thing. 469 00:17:54,426 --> 00:17:55,382 - I didn't mean to, Gavin. 470 00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:57,732 I just couldn't keep awake. 471 00:17:58,604 --> 00:18:01,631 I've never had to work so long before. 472 00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:03,148 - I don't follow. 473 00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:05,599 - What's that for? 474 00:18:05,699 --> 00:18:06,432 - You. 475 00:18:06,532 --> 00:18:07,265 - Me? 476 00:18:07,365 --> 00:18:08,176 I can't drink wine. 477 00:18:08,276 --> 00:18:10,996 Do you not remember last time? I copped off with a guy wearing slip-ons. 478 00:18:10,996 --> 00:18:12,191 (laughs) 479 00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:13,558 Anyway, what you buying me wine for? 480 00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:17,683 35 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, what I earn more than you. 481 00:18:17,783 --> 00:18:18,861 Split the difference. 482 00:18:18,961 --> 00:18:23,259 - Aw, come here you mad head. (laughing) 483 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:24,904 Ah, I felt it! 484 00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:25,737 Yeah. 485 00:18:25,837 --> 00:18:27,469 Aw, it's your Auntie Linda! 486 00:18:27,569 --> 00:18:29,993 - Oh, you've definitely woken it up now. 487 00:18:30,093 --> 00:18:34,114 - Leighton, Monday day, Monday night, Tuesday day, 488 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:35,697 Tuesday night, Wednesday day. 489 00:18:35,797 --> 00:18:38,458 Have you been here for three days and nights?! 490 00:18:38,558 --> 00:18:39,291 - I don't know. 491 00:18:39,391 --> 00:18:41,541 I did notice it got light and dark outside a few times. 492 00:18:41,541 --> 00:18:44,047 Does that usually happen? - You can be certified clinically insane 493 00:18:44,047 --> 00:18:46,664 after three days with no sleep. 494 00:18:46,764 --> 00:18:48,987 Didn't it even occur to you that you don't even work nights? 495 00:18:48,987 --> 00:18:51,606 - Well it was the rota, and Julie said when I started here, 496 00:18:51,706 --> 00:18:54,447 that whatever the rota said, was when I had to work. 497 00:18:54,547 --> 00:18:56,297 - Clearly there's been a misprint, Leighton. 498 00:18:56,297 --> 00:18:58,374 And no, we don't just do what the rotas tell us. 499 00:18:58,474 --> 00:19:01,698 We've got to be in charge of our own destiny. 500 00:19:01,798 --> 00:19:05,112 - Charge of our own density. - Right, just go home, Leighton. 501 00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,760 Off you go, go get some sleep. 502 00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:08,227 - Thanks boss. 503 00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:09,490 Night night. 504 00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,257 - Yeah, sleep tight. 505 00:19:16,558 --> 00:19:17,391 - Ah, hey! 506 00:19:30,410 --> 00:19:31,672 - Look, truce. 507 00:19:31,772 --> 00:19:33,557 How about we get a drink? My shout. 508 00:19:33,657 --> 00:19:35,692 - You'll have to buy three for every two that I buy. 509 00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:37,106 - I'll buy all of them, how's that? 510 00:19:37,206 --> 00:19:39,309 - Oh yeah, don't try and buy me off just 511 00:19:39,409 --> 00:19:41,009 'cause I got dibs on your Emma. 512 00:19:41,109 --> 00:19:42,026 - Oh, Emma. 513 00:19:43,322 --> 00:19:44,491 Oh actually mate, we're going to have to put 514 00:19:44,491 --> 00:19:46,485 that drink on ice. I've got some explaining to do. 515 00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:49,682 - Ah, looks like a rung's come off your property ladder, eh? 516 00:19:49,782 --> 00:19:50,925 - She is not gonna be happy. 517 00:19:51,025 --> 00:19:55,513 - Tell you what, you have her this week. I'll have my go once the dust settles. 518 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,063 - Julie! 519 00:19:59,890 --> 00:20:01,280 I just wanted to say thank you. 520 00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:02,845 - Oh what for, Gavin? 521 00:20:02,945 --> 00:20:05,576 - Well, you know, the stapler. 522 00:20:05,676 --> 00:20:06,729 You found it, didn't you? 523 00:20:06,829 --> 00:20:08,016 - I may have. 524 00:20:08,116 --> 00:20:09,973 My lips are sealed. 525 00:20:10,073 --> 00:20:13,156 Well, unless you'd care to open them. 526 00:20:14,206 --> 00:20:18,103 - You know, you never notice the amount of steel 527 00:20:18,203 --> 00:20:22,080 used in the construction of a supermarket, 'till you look at the roof. 528 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,877 - Any plans this evening? 529 00:20:23,977 --> 00:20:25,970 - Well as it happens, yes. 530 00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:28,812 You are looking at the newest member 531 00:20:28,912 --> 00:20:30,630 of the Warrington Cycling Club. 532 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,777 - Oh, really Gavin? 533 00:20:32,877 --> 00:20:34,092 That is fantastic. 534 00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,703 - Yeah, nothing else to go home for. 535 00:20:35,803 --> 00:20:38,759 But you know, might as well go out on the open road. 536 00:20:38,859 --> 00:20:41,134 Three abreast with my fellow cyclists. 537 00:20:41,234 --> 00:20:43,901 - Bottom bobbing on your saddle. 538 00:20:45,639 --> 00:20:46,480 - Yes, cycling club. 539 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,964 You know, I don't know why I haven't thought of it before. 540 00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:49,797 - Hey up. 541 00:20:49,897 --> 00:20:50,630 - Hi. 542 00:20:50,730 --> 00:20:51,687 - Wine, not plonk. 543 00:20:51,787 --> 00:20:53,622 Food to actually cook, not microwave. 544 00:20:53,722 --> 00:20:55,156 - Good lad, she'll love you for it. 545 00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:55,989 - Hiya. 546 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,023 - Oh, hi. 547 00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,808 Have a good night tonight you two. 548 00:20:58,908 --> 00:20:59,641 - You all right? 549 00:20:59,741 --> 00:21:00,849 - Yep. 550 00:21:00,949 --> 00:21:02,814 So, how did you get on? 551 00:21:02,914 --> 00:21:03,940 - Hear me out. 552 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:04,836 I didn't go. 553 00:21:04,936 --> 00:21:06,293 - Oh Kieran, you promised! 554 00:21:06,393 --> 00:21:10,093 - Don't forget, next Thursday. Already made a reservation. 555 00:21:10,193 --> 00:21:12,805 - I just think it's something we need to properly talk about. 556 00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,608 - Jesus, talk about it? 557 00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:16,357 Kieran I asked you to do one thing. 558 00:21:16,457 --> 00:21:17,290 One thing! 559 00:21:23,941 --> 00:21:24,784 - Hey, spare. 560 00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:25,617 - What? 561 00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:26,550 - Come on. 562 00:21:34,872 --> 00:21:37,495 - [Machine] Unexpected item in bagging area. 563 00:21:37,595 --> 00:21:40,158 Unexpected item in bagging area. 564 00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,841 (upbeat music)