1 00:00:00,390 --> 00:00:01,189 (snap) 2 00:00:01,289 --> 00:00:02,022 - Valco 3 00:00:02,122 --> 00:00:02,982 - Serves you right. 4 00:00:03,082 --> 00:00:04,894 - I'm quite nervous. - You won't beat our prices. 5 00:00:04,994 --> 00:00:05,727 (laughing) 6 00:00:05,827 --> 00:00:09,237 - Can she stop that now? (gun popping noise) Boom. 7 00:00:09,337 --> 00:00:10,370 - Red hot deals. 8 00:00:10,470 --> 00:00:12,609 - We've got offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 9 00:00:12,609 --> 00:00:13,950 - Load of two for ones. 10 00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:15,962 (laughing) 11 00:00:16,062 --> 00:00:17,878 - We've got fresh produce. - Delivered daily. 12 00:00:17,878 --> 00:00:20,226 - Am I getting paid for this? - Don't forget the Valco tick. 13 00:00:20,226 --> 00:00:20,959 - Valco tick. 14 00:00:21,059 --> 00:00:21,792 - That way. 15 00:00:21,892 --> 00:00:22,923 - Serves you right. 16 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,823 - Valco serves you right. 17 00:00:24,923 --> 00:00:27,270 - Valco serves you right. 18 00:00:27,370 --> 00:00:29,370 (music) 19 00:00:31,216 --> 00:00:32,390 - Morning Katie. 20 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:33,807 - You're in a good mood. 21 00:00:33,907 --> 00:00:35,592 - Ah, had a date with Sarah last night. 22 00:00:35,692 --> 00:00:37,163 Best meal ever. 23 00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:38,324 - Oh, where did you go? 24 00:00:38,424 --> 00:00:39,710 - Go? Oh, no we didn't go anywhere. 25 00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:41,197 No, total waste of money, there. 26 00:00:41,297 --> 00:00:42,746 No we just stayed in and cooked. 27 00:00:42,846 --> 00:00:44,893 She did the starter and the pudding, I did the main. 28 00:00:44,893 --> 00:00:46,065 - That doesn't sound very special.- 29 00:00:46,065 --> 00:00:47,937 - Ah, well I haven't told you the clever bit yet. 30 00:00:47,937 --> 00:00:50,598 After we each cooked a course we hid it. 31 00:00:50,698 --> 00:00:52,276 - Aye, what for? 32 00:00:52,376 --> 00:00:53,933 - Don't knock it til you've tried it. 33 00:00:54,033 --> 00:00:56,195 - And she was okay with this? - It was her idea. 34 00:00:56,295 --> 00:00:59,304 First two courses were easy, I mean, we know each other too well really. 35 00:00:59,404 --> 00:01:00,759 I found her stuffed mushrooms in the washing 36 00:01:00,759 --> 00:01:02,130 machine like that. 37 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,775 - Obviously first place I'd look. Come on then, don't keep me waiting. 38 00:01:04,775 --> 00:01:05,793 Pudding. 39 00:01:05,893 --> 00:01:08,237 - Ah, that was class. I found the tiramisu in a Tupperware box 40 00:01:08,237 --> 00:01:10,500 floating in the water tank. 41 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,183 That's a woman you can respect. 42 00:01:17,629 --> 00:01:18,776 - Fire in the hole. 43 00:01:18,876 --> 00:01:19,609 (click) 44 00:01:19,709 --> 00:01:20,981 (whoosh) 45 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,236 (boom) 46 00:01:22,336 --> 00:01:23,496 - Good grief. 47 00:01:23,596 --> 00:01:25,780 - I'm Valco, what am I doing? 48 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,152 - Oh, being confusing. 49 00:01:27,252 --> 00:01:28,703 - Say what you see. 50 00:01:28,803 --> 00:01:29,772 - Standing still. 51 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:32,502 - Gooood, but in retail, if you think 52 00:01:32,602 --> 00:01:36,769 you're standing still you're actually moving backwards. 53 00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:42,922 And if you think you're going forwards... 54 00:01:43,022 --> 00:01:44,438 shamow 55 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,163 you're actually standing still. 56 00:01:46,263 --> 00:01:47,829 How do we go forwards? - Phone a taxi? 57 00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:48,662 - We leap. 58 00:01:48,762 --> 00:01:49,495 (laughing) 59 00:01:49,595 --> 00:01:50,328 - Snakes alive. 60 00:01:50,428 --> 00:01:54,595 Valco better is the big leap forward that this store needs. 61 00:01:55,469 --> 00:01:58,042 Yeah, sure, we're gonna hit some bumps along the way. 62 00:01:58,142 --> 00:02:00,153 That's why I got ya this. 63 00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:02,181 (cackling) 64 00:02:02,281 --> 00:02:03,859 It's a squeezy hen, Gav. 65 00:02:03,959 --> 00:02:06,083 If it all gets to much just... (squeaks) 66 00:02:06,183 --> 00:02:08,227 Take it out on the bird. 67 00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:10,059 - Stanley balls. 68 00:02:10,159 --> 00:02:13,826 - Right. Crack on with the suggestion slips. 69 00:02:17,516 --> 00:02:18,349 - All lady members of staff should work on the tills 70 00:02:18,349 --> 00:02:20,599 with their T blank T S out? 71 00:02:23,691 --> 00:02:27,044 - (buzzer noise) Valco is a gender respectful employer. 72 00:02:27,144 --> 00:02:27,977 Next up. 73 00:02:28,836 --> 00:02:30,650 (giggles and claps) 74 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,298 - Tits. It's tits isn't it? 75 00:02:32,398 --> 00:02:33,231 It's tits. 76 00:02:34,464 --> 00:02:37,602 - Make a fast lane with all custom essentials 77 00:02:37,702 --> 00:02:38,785 in one place. 78 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,948 Wow. 79 00:02:42,048 --> 00:02:44,267 Now we're cooking with gas. 80 00:02:44,367 --> 00:02:46,450 (squeak) 81 00:02:48,162 --> 00:02:51,267 - I worry that all we're doing is just throwing 82 00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:53,139 our ideas at the shop. 83 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,709 - Absolutely and seeing what sticks. 84 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,702 That's what Valco better is all about. 85 00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,340 Dedicated isle for essential goods. 86 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,773 Dedicated till for the isle. 87 00:03:03,623 --> 00:03:05,636 Who's been on the tills longest? 88 00:03:05,736 --> 00:03:07,135 - Lisa I think. 89 00:03:07,235 --> 00:03:08,974 - Now that might be a little over ambitious. 90 00:03:08,974 --> 00:03:11,277 There's reasons why she's not progressed from the tills. 91 00:03:11,277 --> 00:03:12,678 - Okay, so Lisa it is, right. 92 00:03:12,778 --> 00:03:14,689 I shall start this off with a few of the obvious 93 00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:16,052 essentials. 94 00:03:16,152 --> 00:03:17,521 Bread, milk, olives... 95 00:03:17,621 --> 00:03:18,354 - Olives? 96 00:03:18,454 --> 00:03:19,919 - A key part of the fast lane is 97 00:03:20,019 --> 00:03:23,852 that most items will be chosen by Valco staff. 98 00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:27,866 - I don't think it's a good idea making decisions by committee. 99 00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:30,234 I mean have you seen junction seven on the M six? 100 00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:31,411 - Leighton? 101 00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:33,595 - Yes Dad? Umm, Mr. France. 102 00:03:33,695 --> 00:03:36,317 - Once you've finished here can you take around voting forms? 103 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,507 - After you have done the trolley run. 104 00:03:38,607 --> 00:03:40,857 - Yeah, after... or before. 105 00:03:45,211 --> 00:03:46,461 - I ... ummm... 106 00:03:49,264 --> 00:03:52,213 - No, just do the forms later now. 107 00:03:52,313 --> 00:03:55,646 We all have to embrace the Valco better. 108 00:03:56,961 --> 00:03:59,029 (air kisses) 109 00:03:59,129 --> 00:04:00,462 - Baby I'm here. 110 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,569 Our first day working together. 111 00:04:03,669 --> 00:04:04,971 - Great Caesar's ghost. 112 00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:07,238 (kissing) 113 00:04:10,281 --> 00:04:12,155 - Morning Margaret. 114 00:04:12,255 --> 00:04:15,867 - Oh, Andy, you nearly scared me clean out me shoes. 115 00:04:15,967 --> 00:04:18,691 - Sorry about that Margaret. I'm happy this morning. 116 00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:20,150 Really happy. 117 00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:21,338 - Oh, that's nice. 118 00:04:21,438 --> 00:04:23,486 Have you seen these new tubs they've given me? 119 00:04:23,586 --> 00:04:26,166 You need to be on stilts to get these open. 120 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,334 - You what? 121 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,685 - No, no not stilts ... steroids. 122 00:04:29,785 --> 00:04:32,142 Oh, maybe I should be them on me list. 123 00:04:32,242 --> 00:04:35,369 - Essential items a pushin rubber tea towel holder? 124 00:04:35,469 --> 00:04:36,585 - Oh, ours fell apart. 125 00:04:36,685 --> 00:04:40,246 My Allen used to shove things into it just for fun. 126 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:44,571 - As far as I'm concerned the only essential is a spoon. 127 00:04:44,671 --> 00:04:46,144 It'll do anything you want it to. 128 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,827 Scrape, measure, carry, hammer. 129 00:04:49,765 --> 00:04:52,599 If you wanted to you could build a house with a spoon. 130 00:04:52,699 --> 00:04:56,913 - Oh, Andy you must have hands like steel claws. 131 00:04:57,013 --> 00:04:59,465 - Anything to make you happy Margaret. 132 00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:00,732 Happy like me. 133 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,604 Margaret, just ask me why I'm happy. 134 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,310 - Andy, why you're happy? 135 00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:07,875 - Because I am in love. 136 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,878 - Well, that's nice. 137 00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:11,433 Would you believe it? 138 00:05:11,533 --> 00:05:13,719 It won't go back on now. 139 00:05:13,819 --> 00:05:14,788 (grunts) 140 00:05:14,888 --> 00:05:18,194 - Ladies, you're forms that will make Valco better. 141 00:05:18,294 --> 00:05:19,692 Exciting. 142 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:21,210 - Well alright, what we got to do? 143 00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:25,005 - Um, so just write down your list of essential items here. 144 00:05:25,105 --> 00:05:27,982 I put down more forms, but I'm beginning to think 145 00:05:28,082 --> 00:05:30,164 that might not be right. 146 00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,065 So, careful now. 147 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,646 - Did you have a date last night? - Oh, waste of time. 148 00:05:34,746 --> 00:05:35,973 - Well, go on, tell us. 149 00:05:36,073 --> 00:05:37,172 - Well, he looked okay. 150 00:05:37,272 --> 00:05:40,351 Got a decent job, nice car I suppose. 151 00:05:40,451 --> 00:05:41,765 Went to that new italian. 152 00:05:41,865 --> 00:05:42,794 Oh, and he paid. 153 00:05:42,894 --> 00:05:44,735 - What the hell was wrong with him? 154 00:05:44,835 --> 00:05:46,499 - He wanted me to call him daddy. 155 00:05:46,599 --> 00:05:47,333 - He what? 156 00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:48,742 - And sit on his knee. 157 00:05:48,842 --> 00:05:49,863 Creepy. 158 00:05:49,963 --> 00:05:51,099 - You didn't did ya? 159 00:05:51,199 --> 00:05:53,888 - Once but it didn't feel right. 160 00:05:53,988 --> 00:05:54,821 - Lisa. 161 00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:58,477 This is supposed to be a fast lane, 162 00:05:58,577 --> 00:06:01,040 so could you go, you know, a little bit faster? 163 00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:01,973 - No. 164 00:06:03,690 --> 00:06:06,367 - Well, just for me could you pretend 165 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,281 you're gonna try to go a little bit faster? 166 00:06:08,381 --> 00:06:09,548 - Hmmm.... no. 167 00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:16,343 But you could pretend that I'm going to if you like. 168 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:17,240 (laughing) 169 00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:18,073 - Katie 170 00:06:18,173 --> 00:06:18,906 - Yeah 171 00:06:19,006 --> 00:06:20,515 - If ever Lisa's not available I could go on that till. 172 00:06:20,515 --> 00:06:23,056 I could do with the extra money. - There's no extra money, Neville. 173 00:06:23,056 --> 00:06:24,639 - Ah, it's just that my ex's chasing me 174 00:06:24,739 --> 00:06:25,540 for maintenance. 175 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,812 Apparently she and Mike want to go to Centerbox. 176 00:06:27,912 --> 00:06:29,093 That doesn't come cheap. 177 00:06:29,193 --> 00:06:30,815 - I'm sorry there's no extra shifts. 178 00:06:30,915 --> 00:06:34,303 - Ah, well, I supposed I could always sell my wedding ring. 179 00:06:34,403 --> 00:06:36,337 Yeah, I've been holding onto it. 180 00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:39,463 A little reminder that Venessa and I did have some happy times. 181 00:06:39,563 --> 00:06:40,782 Apparently she sold hers. 182 00:06:40,782 --> 00:06:43,224 Bought Mike an absolutely smashing set of golf clubs. 183 00:06:43,324 --> 00:06:44,057 - Ah. 184 00:06:44,157 --> 00:06:45,364 - Lucky fella. 185 00:06:45,464 --> 00:06:46,639 Oh well, never mind. 186 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:50,356 You know, this has been my lucky charm. 187 00:06:50,456 --> 00:06:51,289 - Oh. 188 00:06:55,135 --> 00:06:55,968 Right. 189 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,170 - Oh, um, form. 190 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,272 - Leighton, how's tricks? 191 00:07:05,944 --> 00:07:07,378 - I had a hamster called tricks, 192 00:07:07,478 --> 00:07:10,597 because it's like poor Daniel's, but it died. 193 00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:12,401 (laughing) 194 00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:13,801 - It's a good one. 195 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:17,651 So any new ideas from my number one employee? 196 00:07:19,949 --> 00:07:21,699 - Ah, yeah, yeah wow. 197 00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:25,212 I have got another idea, yeah. - Shoot dot com. 198 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,829 - Have you seen the documentary where some people 199 00:07:26,829 --> 00:07:29,164 follow the yellow brick road to find the wizard? 200 00:07:29,264 --> 00:07:31,681 - Hey, we paint the fast lane 201 00:07:32,575 --> 00:07:35,008 to mark it out as something special. 202 00:07:35,108 --> 00:07:36,608 That is brilliant. 203 00:07:39,466 --> 00:07:40,549 - Wow. Again. 204 00:07:41,415 --> 00:07:43,541 Oh, you see, usually when I tell Gavin 205 00:07:43,641 --> 00:07:45,887 about my ideas he says no. Every time, actually. 206 00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:46,864 - Empower yourself. 207 00:07:46,964 --> 00:07:48,959 Just get on and do it. 208 00:07:49,059 --> 00:07:51,392 Paint our yellow brick road. 209 00:07:53,048 --> 00:07:54,602 Right, I'm gonna bounce. 210 00:07:54,702 --> 00:07:58,919 If anyone needs me I shall be in Inspirationville. 211 00:07:59,019 --> 00:08:01,474 - I was going to say we should have an indoor wizard, 212 00:08:01,574 --> 00:08:03,907 but ... but that's good too. 213 00:08:06,465 --> 00:08:08,145 - It's pretty straight forward, really. 214 00:08:08,245 --> 00:08:11,650 You scan the items, press cash, and then take the payment. 215 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:13,917 - Look at me, I'm on till. 216 00:08:15,085 --> 00:08:17,548 - Right now you scan the items. 217 00:08:17,648 --> 00:08:19,217 - What is this, this stupid thing? 218 00:08:19,317 --> 00:08:20,996 - It's a cauliflower. (cackles) 219 00:08:21,096 --> 00:08:22,420 - Stupid ma'am. 220 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,103 It is not a flower. 221 00:08:27,325 --> 00:08:28,792 I call this one a cabin. 222 00:08:28,892 --> 00:08:30,857 If you get my meaning. 223 00:08:30,957 --> 00:08:32,471 And as you are one of my friend, 224 00:08:32,571 --> 00:08:34,860 you can have your shopping completely free. 225 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,598 - Oh, no, that's not how it works. 226 00:08:36,698 --> 00:08:38,407 - How about a little cash back. 227 00:08:38,507 --> 00:08:40,249 We don't have to tell anyone. 228 00:08:40,349 --> 00:08:42,630 - Are you sure you're cut out for retail? 229 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:43,730 - Of course. 230 00:08:46,227 --> 00:08:48,144 - There you go my love. 231 00:08:49,173 --> 00:08:52,020 - Lisa and that new fast till, what a combination. 232 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,384 - You know what you need... - I'm sure you're gonna tell me. 233 00:08:54,484 --> 00:08:55,661 - Love. You can't beat it. 234 00:08:55,761 --> 00:08:58,364 - He's as happy as a side bug, Katie. 235 00:08:58,464 --> 00:08:59,547 He's in love. 236 00:09:00,966 --> 00:09:02,133 - You? 237 00:09:02,233 --> 00:09:05,385 You're always telling Karen that men are better off by themselves. 238 00:09:05,485 --> 00:09:07,529 - Nonsense, everyone needs a soulmate. 239 00:09:07,629 --> 00:09:09,908 Hey, and the sex is great and all. 240 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:10,741 - Please don't. 241 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,512 - Oh, yes, we've done it all. 242 00:09:12,612 --> 00:09:15,533 The wheelbarrow, the dutch barge, prison guard, 243 00:09:15,633 --> 00:09:17,513 the letter T, you wouldn't think it 244 00:09:17,613 --> 00:09:20,166 but I'm surprisingly flexible for a big lad. 245 00:09:20,266 --> 00:09:21,025 - Oh God. 246 00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:23,391 - Yeah, I'll tell you what though, you wanna be careful. 247 00:09:23,491 --> 00:09:25,157 You're not getting any younger. - You are. 248 00:09:26,284 --> 00:09:29,550 - The best ones are all snapped up by 25. 249 00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,306 If a girl's still alone then, 250 00:09:31,406 --> 00:09:33,734 it's cause she's one of the seven dwarves of singledom. 251 00:09:33,734 --> 00:09:34,943 - Don't bother. 252 00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:38,204 - Needy, chubby, mardy, shouty, naggy, bitter... 253 00:09:38,304 --> 00:09:40,351 And the one everyone forgets ... 254 00:09:40,451 --> 00:09:41,291 Drunk - Drunk. 255 00:09:41,391 --> 00:09:42,887 - Unbelievable. 256 00:09:42,987 --> 00:09:44,649 - It only hurts cause it's true. 257 00:09:44,749 --> 00:09:47,433 Now why don't you let your uncle Andrew set you up. 258 00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:48,412 - Absolutely not. 259 00:09:48,512 --> 00:09:50,239 - I've got someone in mind. 260 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,728 Single Mike. 261 00:09:51,828 --> 00:09:54,300 - Oh, he sounds perfect Katie. - Yeah, no wonder he's called that. 262 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,440 Andy no way. 263 00:09:55,540 --> 00:09:56,308 - You like travel. 264 00:09:56,408 --> 00:09:58,584 He's just come back from six weeks bricklaying in Germany. 265 00:09:58,584 --> 00:09:59,979 - No way. 266 00:10:00,079 --> 00:10:01,996 - I'll text him anyway. 267 00:10:06,379 --> 00:10:08,414 - Honest that woman, Anna, unbelievable. 268 00:10:08,514 --> 00:10:09,727 - I like her. 269 00:10:09,827 --> 00:10:10,660 - What? 270 00:10:11,769 --> 00:10:12,917 You don't like anybody. 271 00:10:13,017 --> 00:10:16,835 - I like her, she's a laugh, and she's not stuck up. 272 00:10:16,935 --> 00:10:17,736 - Yes, alright Lisa. 273 00:10:17,836 --> 00:10:20,277 - You know I'm not a lesbian, right, 274 00:10:20,377 --> 00:10:24,127 but if I had to lez up to anyone it'd be her. 275 00:10:25,645 --> 00:10:28,220 (laughing) 276 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,222 - Oh, oh, oh, oh, fuck off. 277 00:10:31,322 --> 00:10:32,695 That is mental. 278 00:10:32,795 --> 00:10:35,262 - Well, no, it's so customers don't get lost. 279 00:10:35,362 --> 00:10:36,651 They can follow it from here 280 00:10:36,751 --> 00:10:39,534 all the way to the end of the isle to the fast lane till. 281 00:10:39,634 --> 00:10:41,860 - Jesus, the till that's just there? 282 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,183 At the end of the fast lane? 283 00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:46,423 - Ah, no, no, don't pretend you knew that already. 284 00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:47,777 (laughing) 285 00:10:47,877 --> 00:10:49,081 Oh, no wrong way madam. 286 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:52,053 Would you mind going to the end and then coming back round again. 287 00:10:52,153 --> 00:10:54,563 (stutters) 288 00:10:54,663 --> 00:10:55,941 (squeaks) 289 00:10:56,041 --> 00:10:58,159 (knocking on the door) 290 00:10:58,259 --> 00:11:02,100 - I'm just dropping off my essential items form. 291 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,867 - Thank you Neville. 292 00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:08,397 Um, plasters and insect repellent. 293 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,004 Well, I'm not sure they're strictly 294 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,305 essential are they Neville? - They are for me. 295 00:11:13,405 --> 00:11:16,265 I'm like the pied piper of wasps. 296 00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:18,590 (knock) 297 00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:21,197 - Well, thank you, thank you, Neville. 298 00:11:21,297 --> 00:11:24,415 Honestly it's just typical of Richard France. 299 00:11:24,515 --> 00:11:26,492 Just to leave us with this nonsense 300 00:11:26,592 --> 00:11:28,885 and swan off to who knows where. 301 00:11:28,985 --> 00:11:31,796 And some of the things people think are essential. 302 00:11:31,896 --> 00:11:33,724 - I have very few daily needs. 303 00:11:33,824 --> 00:11:36,897 I mean sometimes just a banana and a bottle of wine. 304 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,906 - Well, I'll add them to the list. 305 00:11:40,006 --> 00:11:42,572 - Let the lucky lady sit down. I've been talking to single Mike. 306 00:11:42,672 --> 00:11:43,937 - I'm not going on a date. 307 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,287 - Don't be so hasty, he's a very successful man. 308 00:11:46,387 --> 00:11:48,222 He has one of them radar keys 309 00:11:48,322 --> 00:11:50,344 that unlocks every disabled toilet. 310 00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:51,861 They're like gold dust, them. 311 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,378 - I am not going. 312 00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,196 - Typical, try an help someone 313 00:11:56,296 --> 00:11:57,905 and that's the thanks you get. 314 00:11:58,005 --> 00:12:01,205 - Don't supposed you have any lady friends who might be interested in a date? 315 00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:03,681 They would have to bring their own dinner, though, I'm afraid. 316 00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:04,781 - Short of a few quid? 317 00:12:04,881 --> 00:12:05,614 - I'll say. 318 00:12:05,714 --> 00:12:08,430 Did you know I've been reading about a fella in Japan 319 00:12:08,530 --> 00:12:10,887 who you can pay to punch. 320 00:12:10,987 --> 00:12:14,069 And I thought I might give that a go. Fiver a thump do you think? 321 00:12:14,169 --> 00:12:15,169 Worth a try. 322 00:12:25,927 --> 00:12:28,628 - Essential items isn't it. 323 00:12:28,728 --> 00:12:31,662 - Tissues, tissues, tissues. 324 00:12:31,762 --> 00:12:33,379 - Yeah, that's my morning routine isn't it. 325 00:12:33,379 --> 00:12:37,380 Bosh one out, have a shit, bosh another one out. 326 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,667 - It's like working in a safari park sometimes. 327 00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:43,434 Alice in wonderland. 328 00:12:45,078 --> 00:12:46,772 Are you responsible for this Lane? 329 00:12:46,872 --> 00:12:48,645 - Yeah, Mr. France asked me to do it. 330 00:12:48,745 --> 00:12:51,544 - Honestly that man's gonna realise that I'm still the manager of this shop. 331 00:12:51,544 --> 00:12:53,484 - You are the manager, but he's brilliant. 332 00:12:53,584 --> 00:12:56,298 - Well, I don't about that later, now you know, 333 00:12:56,398 --> 00:12:57,703 I don't like to bad mouth anyone but 334 00:12:57,703 --> 00:12:59,105 just remember not all that glitters is gold. 335 00:12:59,105 --> 00:13:00,360 - Right, what bout actual gold? 336 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:03,964 - Obviously actual gold it will be gold. 337 00:13:04,064 --> 00:13:07,487 But it's very hard to tell the difference which is why you have to be very careful. 338 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:10,038 - Like if someone offers you magic beans. 339 00:13:10,138 --> 00:13:12,805 - Yes, yes, very like that, yes. 340 00:13:14,068 --> 00:13:15,318 Richard France. 341 00:13:16,156 --> 00:13:18,627 - Anna, this shows you've sold a lot of chewing gum. 342 00:13:18,727 --> 00:13:21,278 - Is when I get something without bar code, 343 00:13:21,378 --> 00:13:23,687 I just scan the gum til I get about the right price. 344 00:13:23,787 --> 00:13:24,877 Blip, blip, blip. 345 00:13:24,977 --> 00:13:27,247 - You can't do that, that's not how it works. 346 00:13:27,347 --> 00:13:29,811 - It is, I can show you if you like. 347 00:13:29,911 --> 00:13:31,113 (register blipping) 348 00:13:31,213 --> 00:13:31,946 - Just stop it. 349 00:13:32,046 --> 00:13:34,296 (giggling) 350 00:13:37,709 --> 00:13:40,629 - Hi. Have you heard the rumours? 351 00:13:40,729 --> 00:13:41,576 - No. 352 00:13:41,676 --> 00:13:42,509 - No? 353 00:13:43,352 --> 00:13:46,935 Richard France thinks you're a genius mate. 354 00:13:47,989 --> 00:13:49,938 Like Rainman or some other. 355 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,589 - Oh really, he'd put me on the TV weather? 356 00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:56,399 - No, I reckin' you're in line for a promotion, mate. 357 00:13:56,499 --> 00:14:00,213 And, don't say anything, I think he wants to adopt you. 358 00:14:00,313 --> 00:14:02,420 - Wow, really, that's best thing ever. 359 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,078 Mom always said I'd have a real dad one day. 360 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,880 - I know, just shhh. 361 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,563 Between me and you. 362 00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:11,378 - Come on. 363 00:14:15,348 --> 00:14:17,265 - Excuse me, excuse me. 364 00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,325 Oh, sorry. 365 00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:23,801 I need to talk to you about Anna. 366 00:14:23,901 --> 00:14:25,635 I think she's struggling. 367 00:14:25,735 --> 00:14:27,450 - Julie, this isn't a good time. 368 00:14:27,550 --> 00:14:29,961 This fast lane is really tying me up in knots. 369 00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:32,969 - If you ask me there's too much change around here. 370 00:14:33,069 --> 00:14:34,121 Like bringing in Anna. 371 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,183 - No, I really think the problem is the fast lane. 372 00:14:36,183 --> 00:14:36,969 - Or Anna. 373 00:14:37,069 --> 00:14:39,189 - Except it is actually the fast lane. - Or Anna. 374 00:14:39,289 --> 00:14:41,956 - No really it is the fast lane. 375 00:14:45,132 --> 00:14:47,291 - There you go mate. 376 00:14:47,391 --> 00:14:49,119 Best of both worlds, really, living with my mum 377 00:14:49,119 --> 00:14:50,902 cause she does everything for me, 378 00:14:51,002 --> 00:14:52,219 but I've got my own room so 379 00:14:52,319 --> 00:14:54,306 it's sort like I've got my own place. 380 00:14:54,406 --> 00:14:56,991 Do you live with your parents? - No, they live somewhere else. 381 00:14:57,091 --> 00:14:59,258 But I used to, as a child. 382 00:15:00,398 --> 00:15:04,850 - So you're on your own then, or is there a special someone? 383 00:15:04,950 --> 00:15:06,198 - You mean like a doctor? 384 00:15:06,298 --> 00:15:08,249 - What? No like a girlfriend. 385 00:15:08,349 --> 00:15:10,473 - No I haven't got a girlfriend, 386 00:15:10,573 --> 00:15:13,014 there's these girls at school 387 00:15:13,114 --> 00:15:15,662 I used to talk to them sometimes. - Chat them up, that sort of thing. 388 00:15:15,662 --> 00:15:18,478 - Yeah, I used to say stuff like, Hi Lisa. 389 00:15:18,578 --> 00:15:20,078 That was for Lisa. 390 00:15:21,098 --> 00:15:22,079 I used to say Hi Ruth. 391 00:15:22,179 --> 00:15:23,167 - For Ruth. 392 00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,339 Yeah, what did they say? 393 00:15:25,439 --> 00:15:28,439 - Nothing. I never said it out loud. 394 00:15:36,832 --> 00:15:38,793 - So, has Sarah got her dressing gown 395 00:15:38,893 --> 00:15:40,945 on the back of your bedroom door? 396 00:15:41,045 --> 00:15:44,690 - Dressing gowns, a coat that's also a towel, do me a favour. 397 00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:46,419 Anyways, it's not worth it. 398 00:15:46,519 --> 00:15:49,240 She's going back to Scarborough next week. 399 00:15:49,340 --> 00:15:52,332 - Will you be having one of those long distance relationships then? 400 00:15:52,432 --> 00:15:54,203 - No, no way. 401 00:15:54,303 --> 00:15:55,639 If you're in Warrington and 402 00:15:55,739 --> 00:15:57,158 you want some sausages you're 403 00:15:57,258 --> 00:15:59,574 not going 129 miles for them are ya? 404 00:15:59,674 --> 00:16:01,044 - What are you gonna do? 405 00:16:01,144 --> 00:16:02,016 - I don't know. 406 00:16:02,116 --> 00:16:04,171 I supposed it'll be over. 407 00:16:04,271 --> 00:16:05,807 - What you talking about? 408 00:16:05,907 --> 00:16:09,183 - Andy Richmond never returns to a lit firework. 409 00:16:09,283 --> 00:16:11,118 - You can't break it off. 410 00:16:11,218 --> 00:16:13,602 - What else can we do? Our hands are tied. 411 00:16:13,702 --> 00:16:15,636 - But she's made you so happy. 412 00:16:15,736 --> 00:16:17,569 It seems a shame. 413 00:16:17,669 --> 00:16:18,402 - I'll be fine. 414 00:16:18,502 --> 00:16:22,238 I'm a very practical man, the Fred Dibner of love. 415 00:16:22,338 --> 00:16:23,326 - But Andy... 416 00:16:23,426 --> 00:16:26,759 - Really Margaret, I need to get on now. 417 00:16:32,515 --> 00:16:34,041 - Right, so let's pretend I'm a woman. 418 00:16:34,141 --> 00:16:35,740 - Okay, so what you wearing? 419 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:39,545 - Don't know... a dress, a lovely red dress 420 00:16:39,645 --> 00:16:41,728 and I'm really fit, yeah. 421 00:16:43,012 --> 00:16:45,429 Hello there, my name's Belle. 422 00:16:49,774 --> 00:16:52,840 - Hello Belle. You have a strange name. 423 00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:54,940 - It's short for Belles. 424 00:16:59,761 --> 00:17:02,052 Come on, keep the track going. 425 00:17:02,152 --> 00:17:03,508 - I really like your red dress. 426 00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:04,663 - Thank you. 427 00:17:04,763 --> 00:17:06,012 - Did you make it yourself? 428 00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,366 - Oh, what sort of question is that? 429 00:17:07,366 --> 00:17:09,286 - I told you I'm not very good at talking to women. 430 00:17:09,286 --> 00:17:11,096 - Just try to find something out about me. 431 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,683 - Yeah, okay, how long can you 432 00:17:12,783 --> 00:17:17,330 hold your head under water, Dave? - No, no, no, not about me, about Belle. 433 00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:19,763 About me, you silly sausage. 434 00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:23,348 - How much do you weigh? 435 00:17:23,448 --> 00:17:24,698 - How dare you? 436 00:17:27,917 --> 00:17:30,834 - Belle, don't be like that, Belle. 437 00:17:31,764 --> 00:17:33,181 Talk to me Belle. 438 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,003 - She's dead. 439 00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:40,896 - No. 440 00:17:40,996 --> 00:17:42,497 - She killed herself. 441 00:17:42,597 --> 00:17:46,292 She was really touchy about her weight. 442 00:17:46,392 --> 00:17:47,225 - Belle. 443 00:17:49,684 --> 00:17:51,101 What have I done? 444 00:18:00,132 --> 00:18:01,300 (hen squeaks) 445 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,133 - Gavin. 446 00:18:02,233 --> 00:18:03,566 Are you alright? 447 00:18:08,784 --> 00:18:11,191 - I need to sort this out. 448 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,624 I need to sort it right now. 449 00:18:14,637 --> 00:18:17,513 Right, everyone listen to me please. Lane, you can stop that. 450 00:18:17,613 --> 00:18:19,700 Coriander humus is no longer essential. 451 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,829 Neither are antibacterial wipes, three amp fuses, and 452 00:18:22,929 --> 00:18:25,612 butter enriched shortbread mini fingers. 453 00:18:25,712 --> 00:18:26,717 - Oh, Gavin. 454 00:18:26,817 --> 00:18:28,574 - Now, I'm sorry to come bursting in here, 455 00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:29,941 but we're trying to be something we're not. 456 00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:31,524 This is Warrington. 457 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,844 These are our essential items, bread, milk, eggs... 458 00:18:36,944 --> 00:18:38,408 - Excuse me where's pickle? 459 00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,969 - Just down there love. Sugar and toilet rolls. 460 00:18:41,069 --> 00:18:42,254 - How about small chunk. 461 00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:43,145 - Isle nine. 462 00:18:43,245 --> 00:18:45,801 Potatoes, butter and washing up liquid. 463 00:18:45,901 --> 00:18:47,121 - Medium chunk? 464 00:18:47,221 --> 00:18:48,707 - Listen, I don't think they make them, 465 00:18:48,707 --> 00:18:50,673 will you just follow the yellow brick road. 466 00:18:50,773 --> 00:18:53,690 Rice, baked beans, pepper and salt, 467 00:18:55,011 --> 00:18:58,740 and the rest you can stack up neatly in this trolley. 468 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,590 Now, anyone want to shoot morale. 469 00:19:07,703 --> 00:19:09,481 Back at the front Julie. 470 00:19:09,581 --> 00:19:10,314 (hen squeaks) 471 00:19:10,414 --> 00:19:11,914 Back at the front. 472 00:19:16,445 --> 00:19:17,991 (horn honks) 473 00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,377 - Oops, sorry, it's wrong way. 474 00:19:20,477 --> 00:19:21,268 (honks) 475 00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,273 It's wrong way. 476 00:19:23,373 --> 00:19:24,106 (honks) 477 00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:26,873 Sorry sir it's a one way system. 478 00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:29,904 (honks) 479 00:19:30,004 --> 00:19:32,254 Love it, Leighton, love it. 480 00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:36,813 - It's just in case people want us to help them. 481 00:19:36,913 --> 00:19:39,789 - Brilliant, nearest ally hears the horn, 482 00:19:39,889 --> 00:19:40,863 comes to help. 483 00:19:40,963 --> 00:19:42,121 - Yeah, could be for that too. 484 00:19:42,221 --> 00:19:44,756 - Hey, you keep up the good work like this, 485 00:19:44,856 --> 00:19:47,523 you could end up in head office. 486 00:19:51,651 --> 00:19:53,099 It's a winner Gav. 487 00:19:53,199 --> 00:19:54,249 - Well to be fair, it only 488 00:19:54,349 --> 00:19:57,386 started working after I rearranged... - But this is just the start. 489 00:19:57,486 --> 00:19:58,920 We've got to go bigger. 490 00:19:59,020 --> 00:20:00,676 Valco Better is only in first gear. 491 00:20:00,776 --> 00:20:03,612 We're going to put it in hundredth gear. 492 00:20:03,712 --> 00:20:07,607 - Well I think anything over six gears is still rather unusual. 493 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,693 So, um, when you went out for the day 494 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,151 did you pop into head office, or... 495 00:20:12,251 --> 00:20:13,925 - I spent the day at a theme park Gav. 496 00:20:14,025 --> 00:20:16,260 You know, riding the rides, looking for new ideas. 497 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:18,337 People love it there. 498 00:20:18,437 --> 00:20:22,187 We need to rub some of that love onto retail. 499 00:20:23,592 --> 00:20:27,177 - You don't suggest we get a rollercoaster are you? 500 00:20:27,277 --> 00:20:29,663 - It's a thought Gav. 501 00:20:29,763 --> 00:20:32,793 Whhheeee, ahhhh. The Valcoaster. 502 00:20:32,893 --> 00:20:33,726 Boom 503 00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:37,310 - Horse's rear. 504 00:20:39,811 --> 00:20:42,456 - Come on Andy, Chris starts in half an hour. 505 00:20:42,556 --> 00:20:44,688 - Hello, love, you're not trying to tell me 506 00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:47,046 he's allowed you onto his pub quiz team? 507 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,297 That's a graphic memory me. 508 00:20:48,397 --> 00:20:51,593 I'm telling ya when I close these eyes it's like clicking a camera shutter. 509 00:20:51,693 --> 00:20:53,008 Click, click. 510 00:20:53,108 --> 00:20:55,358 (laughing) 511 00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:57,532 You alright? 512 00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:59,993 - Course I am, yeah. 513 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:03,231 Come on then fall of Singapore. 514 00:21:03,331 --> 00:21:05,414 - Easy February 15, 1942. 515 00:21:06,673 --> 00:21:08,129 - Oh, 1943 I think. 516 00:21:08,229 --> 00:21:10,312 I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 517 00:21:12,576 --> 00:21:13,864 - Whoosh, woosh, woosh. 518 00:21:13,964 --> 00:21:15,800 - Alright, three pounds 50, but not in the face. 519 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,550 - Deal, car park, go. 520 00:21:19,139 --> 00:21:19,972 Bam, bam. 521 00:21:22,755 --> 00:21:24,755 (music) 522 00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:34,875 (register printing) 523 00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:58,293 (till ringing) 524 00:21:58,393 --> 00:22:01,143 (man grunts) 525 00:22:01,243 --> 00:22:03,243 (music)