1 00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:02,896 - Valco. - Serves you right. 2 00:00:02,996 --> 00:00:05,537 - I'm quite nervous. - You won't beat our prices. 3 00:00:05,637 --> 00:00:08,643 - Can she stop that now? - Fish and ticks. 4 00:00:08,743 --> 00:00:09,591 - Red-hot deals. 5 00:00:09,691 --> 00:00:12,089 - We've got offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 6 00:00:12,089 --> 00:00:14,089 - Loads of two-for-ones. 7 00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:16,040 - Boom. 8 00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:17,601 - Fresh produce. - Delivered daily. 9 00:00:17,701 --> 00:00:19,928 - Am I getting paid for this? - Don't forget the Valco tick. 10 00:00:19,928 --> 00:00:21,651 - Oh, Valco tick. - That way. 11 00:00:21,751 --> 00:00:24,829 - Serves you right. - Valco, serves you right. 12 00:00:24,929 --> 00:00:27,596 - [All] Valco, serves you right. 13 00:00:30,374 --> 00:00:31,579 - Poundstretcher? 14 00:00:31,679 --> 00:00:35,030 - I can't imagine Gavin working at Poundstretcher, 15 00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:37,237 not after he's been a Valco manager. 16 00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:38,628 - He wasn't working. 17 00:00:38,728 --> 00:00:42,437 Apparently he was sitting outside it playing UB hits on a harmonica. 18 00:00:42,537 --> 00:00:43,463 - Morning, troops. 19 00:00:43,563 --> 00:00:45,061 - Oh, great, more people. 20 00:00:45,161 --> 00:00:47,109 - So, Dave, big day for you today. 21 00:00:47,209 --> 00:00:50,222 You should be in the canteen at 10:00 and I'll collect the test at 11:00. 22 00:00:50,322 --> 00:00:51,757 - Isn't Gavin supposed to mark it? 23 00:00:51,757 --> 00:00:54,032 - Yes, well, as acting manager, I'll be doing that. 24 00:00:54,132 --> 00:00:55,545 - So have you got Gavin's job 25 00:00:55,645 --> 00:00:57,636 cos Richard France prefers you? 26 00:00:57,736 --> 00:00:58,469 - No! 27 00:00:58,569 --> 00:01:00,962 - Oh, Julie, isn't it just a tragedy? 28 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:04,322 Our Gavin, busking for his keep. 29 00:01:04,422 --> 00:01:07,556 - Gavin's on holiday, Margaret, he's not busking. 30 00:01:07,656 --> 00:01:09,233 Although if he was busking, 31 00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:11,934 he'd earn a fortune with that beautiful tenor voice. 32 00:01:12,034 --> 00:01:13,775 - Until you take his busking job. 33 00:01:13,875 --> 00:01:15,907 - I haven't taken anything. 34 00:01:16,007 --> 00:01:17,731 Anyway, what are you even doing here, Lisa? 35 00:01:17,731 --> 00:01:19,481 Get back on the till. 36 00:01:25,521 --> 00:01:27,586 - [Colin] Hey, Leighton, look at that. - [Leighton] Wow, impressive. 37 00:01:27,586 --> 00:01:29,295 - Yeah, check that out. - Hey, you're pretty good at that. 38 00:01:29,295 --> 00:01:31,576 - Get back to work! 39 00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:33,623 Oh, shit, court appearance? 40 00:01:33,723 --> 00:01:34,456 - What? 41 00:01:34,556 --> 00:01:35,514 - Look at your suit. 42 00:01:35,614 --> 00:01:38,707 - Oh, no, Katie, are you getting taken into care? 43 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,628 - I'm 22, Leighton. 44 00:01:40,728 --> 00:01:43,660 No, I've just got to do this "temporary deputy manager", 45 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,629 whatever, bollocks while Gavin's away. 46 00:01:45,729 --> 00:01:48,502 - So you're like our boss now? 47 00:01:48,602 --> 00:01:49,759 Oh, congratulations! 48 00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:52,219 - Well, well, well, well, well, well. 49 00:01:52,319 --> 00:01:54,895 I always knew it was just a matter of time before you turned scab. 50 00:01:54,895 --> 00:01:56,723 - I'm not a scab, I'm still the same person. 51 00:01:56,823 --> 00:01:57,556 - Yeah? 52 00:01:57,656 --> 00:01:59,581 Then you won't mind if I do this then, will you? 53 00:01:59,581 --> 00:02:01,019 - Nah, doesn't bother me. - Does it not? 54 00:02:01,019 --> 00:02:03,739 - Well, it should bother you, Katie, you're management now. 55 00:02:03,839 --> 00:02:05,254 - Yeah, scab. 56 00:02:05,354 --> 00:02:06,952 - And I don't know what you think you're playing at, 57 00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,740 but that'll come out of your pay. 58 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,173 Now clean it up. 59 00:02:14,294 --> 00:02:18,333 I suppose I see Valco Warrington as a sort of ship. 60 00:02:18,433 --> 00:02:19,889 - Loveit.co.uk! 61 00:02:19,989 --> 00:02:21,728 - Where the staff is the crew. 62 00:02:21,828 --> 00:02:23,340 - And you're the captain, brilliant. 63 00:02:23,340 --> 00:02:27,002 - Oh, no, Gavin's the captain, I'm just the first mate, 64 00:02:27,102 --> 00:02:30,030 which is why the crew don't respect me like they did him. 65 00:02:30,130 --> 00:02:32,857 They probably know I'll just sail us into an iceberg. 66 00:02:32,957 --> 00:02:35,207 - No, Gavin is the iceberg. 67 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:37,854 Because he's in your way. 68 00:02:37,954 --> 00:02:38,687 Do you see? 69 00:02:38,787 --> 00:02:40,270 - Oh, God, you're right. 70 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:42,114 I'm just about to sail us into Gavin! 71 00:02:42,214 --> 00:02:43,958 - No, no, no, you won't because you've got me, 72 00:02:44,058 --> 00:02:46,050 your favourable wind conditions. 73 00:02:46,150 --> 00:02:48,057 And, as of this morning, you've got Katie, 74 00:02:48,157 --> 00:02:50,025 your new first mate. 75 00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:51,291 - But is Katie ready? 76 00:02:51,391 --> 00:02:53,215 How much does she know about the sea? 77 00:02:53,315 --> 00:02:56,412 - Oh, she can navigate the tides. 78 00:02:56,512 --> 00:02:57,245 - How? 79 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,723 - Right, enough of the sea thing, it's shit. 80 00:02:58,723 --> 00:03:01,687 - But, I mean, Katie as interim deputy manager, 81 00:03:01,787 --> 00:03:03,539 it's a big responsibility. 82 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,891 You can't just put on a suit and wander about. 83 00:03:06,991 --> 00:03:10,756 That's only one tiny bit of what it takes. 84 00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:15,101 - Look, you and I are exploding the retail world. 85 00:03:15,201 --> 00:03:18,951 We're the ones with the HD vision, the magic. 86 00:03:23,108 --> 00:03:27,379 - Are you all right, Anna? - I'm OK but my Gavin, he is destroyed. 87 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,486 That Julie Cook has stabbed him in the back 88 00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,574 with her knife of lies. 89 00:03:33,674 --> 00:03:36,191 - Oh, yes, the old knife of lies. 90 00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:37,584 Yeah, I had a bit of that 91 00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:41,020 when my best friend ran away with my wife. 92 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,480 Although, to be fair, it was less a run-away, 93 00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:45,427 more a series of relaxing mini-breaks. 94 00:03:45,527 --> 00:03:47,533 - People like them and Julie Cook 95 00:03:47,633 --> 00:03:49,788 should be shot in the face. 96 00:03:49,888 --> 00:03:52,055 - Oh, yes, absodoodley-do. 97 00:03:53,068 --> 00:03:55,782 But d'you know, life has a funny way of working out. 98 00:03:55,882 --> 00:03:57,854 I've got my daughter, Sophie, living with me now. 99 00:03:57,954 --> 00:04:00,367 We're happy as two peas in a studio bedsit. 100 00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:03,088 - Yes, it's nice, to have family around. 101 00:04:03,188 --> 00:04:04,736 - Well, I say two peas. 102 00:04:04,836 --> 00:04:06,800 With her boyfriend, MC Poison, and his crew, 103 00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:08,459 we're a rather cramped nine. 104 00:04:08,559 --> 00:04:09,698 D'you know, it's a bit like 105 00:04:09,798 --> 00:04:12,410 living in the toilet of a nightclub? - Oh, Neville. 106 00:04:14,091 --> 00:04:17,910 - What qualities does a deputy manager need? 107 00:04:18,010 --> 00:04:19,433 Butter fingers! 108 00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:22,318 You dropped the ball, Katie. 109 00:04:22,418 --> 00:04:24,168 How about initiative? 110 00:04:27,742 --> 00:04:28,575 What else? 111 00:04:29,481 --> 00:04:30,907 - Are you all right, Julie? 112 00:04:31,007 --> 00:04:31,858 - Fun. 113 00:04:31,958 --> 00:04:35,116 A deputy manager needs to have a sense of fun. 114 00:04:35,216 --> 00:04:36,934 - Why? - Why? 115 00:04:37,034 --> 00:04:38,566 Because that's what working in a supermarket 116 00:04:38,566 --> 00:04:39,953 is all about it, isn't it? 117 00:04:40,053 --> 00:04:41,937 - Is it? - OK, Katie. 118 00:04:42,037 --> 00:04:44,287 Let me hear you say, "Yay!" 119 00:04:47,048 --> 00:04:47,906 - Yay. 120 00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:50,175 - Now let me hear you say, "Yo!" 121 00:04:50,275 --> 00:04:51,275 - Seriously? 122 00:04:52,469 --> 00:04:53,560 Yo. 123 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,493 - Katie's in da house! 124 00:04:57,008 --> 00:04:59,843 Now I want you to throw all that enthusiasm 125 00:04:59,943 --> 00:05:01,949 into the staff rota spreadsheets. 126 00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:03,132 Go, homegirl! 127 00:05:05,398 --> 00:05:07,526 - Excuse me, where's the pasta? 128 00:05:07,626 --> 00:05:08,849 It used to be there. 129 00:05:08,949 --> 00:05:11,155 - Oh, I'm not sure. 130 00:05:11,255 --> 00:05:12,519 Everything's moved. 131 00:05:12,619 --> 00:05:14,712 See, back when Valco was Valco normal, 132 00:05:14,812 --> 00:05:16,296 I used to be able to find anything in the store 133 00:05:16,296 --> 00:05:19,587 in 45 seconds or 40 seconds if I had my wheelie-shoes on. 134 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,855 But then one of the wheels broke. 135 00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:26,557 I'm thinking we should try the aisle formerly known as five. 136 00:05:26,657 --> 00:05:27,490 Five. 137 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,556 - Oh, my God! 138 00:05:47,370 --> 00:05:48,633 - Here you go! 139 00:05:48,733 --> 00:05:50,421 - Why are there no aisle numbers anywhere? 140 00:05:50,421 --> 00:05:53,230 - Oh, they took them away, I think they were bad. 141 00:05:53,330 --> 00:05:57,180 - The numbers were bad? - Yes, no numbers is better than numbers. 142 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,086 It's Valco Better. 143 00:05:58,186 --> 00:05:59,936 - It's Valco Bonkers. 144 00:06:01,266 --> 00:06:02,408 - Valco Bonkers! 145 00:06:02,508 --> 00:06:03,366 Hey, can I use that? 146 00:06:03,466 --> 00:06:05,832 I'm collecting jokes for a speech, I'm a wedding planner. 147 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,526 - Oi, Leighton, you knob-end. 148 00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,209 - That's the bride. 149 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:11,112 Bye. 150 00:06:12,799 --> 00:06:15,670 - My sister says we can get people to give us wedding gifts. 151 00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:17,653 You know, plates and shit. 152 00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:18,931 We'll give you a list. 153 00:06:19,031 --> 00:06:19,764 - [Leighton] OK. 154 00:06:19,864 --> 00:06:21,560 - I can tell you straight off I'll definitely want 155 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,355 a 46-inch 3D plasma with Blu-ray. 156 00:06:24,455 --> 00:06:25,676 - That's what, that's a-- 157 00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:26,509 - A television. 158 00:06:26,609 --> 00:06:28,403 - I was going to say television, I was, 159 00:06:28,503 --> 00:06:31,368 but then I thought, could be a bird. 160 00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:32,801 - Shitting hell. 161 00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:37,516 - Urgh, what is that smell? 162 00:06:37,616 --> 00:06:39,421 - It's the smell of some smokin' offers 163 00:06:39,521 --> 00:06:41,771 at Valco Better today, Sue! 164 00:06:42,791 --> 00:06:43,524 Little tip. 165 00:06:43,624 --> 00:06:46,301 I think you're overplaying it with the "Urgh". 166 00:06:46,401 --> 00:06:48,448 The Valco offers need to have a good smell. 167 00:06:48,548 --> 00:06:50,273 You sound like you're smelling something awful. 168 00:06:50,273 --> 00:06:52,944 - I am, I'm standing next to you. 169 00:06:53,044 --> 00:06:53,777 Oh, hello, Katie. 170 00:06:53,877 --> 00:06:55,168 - Oh, my God, oh, my God! 171 00:06:55,268 --> 00:06:57,978 I have got to show you something but you can't tell anyone. 172 00:06:58,078 --> 00:06:59,011 Promise? 173 00:06:59,111 --> 00:07:00,002 - [Both] Yeah. 174 00:07:00,102 --> 00:07:03,343 - Julie has written an erotic novel set in a supermarket! 175 00:07:03,443 --> 00:07:04,276 - No! 176 00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:09,128 "As Gareth brought the celery down with a sharp thwack 177 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:10,528 "on her bare behind, 178 00:07:10,628 --> 00:07:12,797 "Jenny realised that the two-for-one deal 179 00:07:12,897 --> 00:07:15,160 "was a whole lot more than she'd bargained for." 180 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,810 Oh, my God, Julie wrote a porno. 181 00:07:16,910 --> 00:07:19,383 - It's like 50 Shades Of Valco! 182 00:07:19,483 --> 00:07:21,608 - Hey, I didn't say I didn't want to read it. 183 00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,597 I might be in it. 184 00:07:22,697 --> 00:07:24,211 - Really, what as? 185 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,099 Grumpy, lactating woman on the Tannoy? 186 00:07:27,199 --> 00:07:29,449 (laughing) 187 00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,872 - Sophie, what a lovely surprise. 188 00:07:34,972 --> 00:07:37,142 Anna, this is my daughter, Sophie. 189 00:07:37,242 --> 00:07:40,545 Well I say daughter, we're more just pals really, aren't we? 190 00:07:40,645 --> 00:07:41,378 - No. 191 00:07:41,478 --> 00:07:44,760 - For a family to spend time together is very special. 192 00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:47,159 - Special needs, more like. 193 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,269 Oh, you do have Wi-Fi here, don't you? 194 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:52,858 Cos yours has packed up again and it's just not good enough, Neville. 195 00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:55,244 - Ah, yes, I'm sorry about that. 196 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:58,491 I think your hair straighteners may have drained the electricity metre. 197 00:07:58,591 --> 00:08:00,350 Did you try putting some money in? 198 00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:02,381 - Piss off, Neville, it's your metre! 199 00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:04,447 - No, fair point. 200 00:08:04,547 --> 00:08:07,260 I shall feed the old guzzler when I get home this evening. 201 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,617 Can I just say again how very chuffed I am-- 202 00:08:09,717 --> 00:08:11,658 - Can you shut up, Neville, I'm trying to read a text. 203 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,002 - Oh, course, apols. 204 00:08:14,102 --> 00:08:14,935 Carry on. 205 00:08:15,924 --> 00:08:17,142 - Get stuffed, Sue! 206 00:08:17,242 --> 00:08:21,060 With our two-for-one deal on selected fresh veg? 207 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,084 - We don't have a two-for-one on veg. 208 00:08:23,184 --> 00:08:25,103 - Oh, right, sorry. 209 00:08:25,203 --> 00:08:26,880 Must've been a slip of the tongue. 210 00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:29,096 - What are you doing with that celery? 211 00:08:29,196 --> 00:08:31,209 - It's looking a bit bruised. 212 00:08:31,309 --> 00:08:33,485 - Oh, all right, I see what's going on. 213 00:08:33,585 --> 00:08:37,741 Gavin's away, which means I now have a large hole to fill. 214 00:08:37,841 --> 00:08:41,586 And I know you'll want to test me but it's not my fault. 215 00:08:41,686 --> 00:08:45,019 And I will not be anyone's whipping boy. 216 00:08:46,104 --> 00:08:47,104 Oh, grow up! 217 00:08:49,368 --> 00:08:50,201 - How was the test? 218 00:08:50,201 --> 00:08:52,051 - I remembered everything you've taught me. 219 00:08:52,051 --> 00:08:56,532 Like best storage for fish, 75.9 degrees centigrade. 220 00:08:56,632 --> 00:08:57,465 - I never said that. 221 00:08:57,465 --> 00:08:59,230 That would be like storing fish in a Jacuzzi. 222 00:08:59,230 --> 00:09:01,243 - Ah, and you can't do that? - No. 223 00:09:01,343 --> 00:09:04,546 - But they'd love it, everyone loves a Jacuzzi. 224 00:09:04,646 --> 00:09:07,186 Come on, Ray, even you do. 225 00:09:07,286 --> 00:09:08,019 Ah, see! 226 00:09:08,119 --> 00:09:10,369 It's the bubbles, isn't it? 227 00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:13,334 - They tickle. 228 00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:17,760 - Is that haddock? 229 00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:20,639 - Can I get Julie's book back? - Oh, Margaret's got it. 230 00:09:20,639 --> 00:09:22,464 - What, I said don't let anyone see! 231 00:09:22,564 --> 00:09:24,157 - Well, we told her it was top secret. 232 00:09:24,257 --> 00:09:27,257 - Brilliant, you should work for MI. 233 00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,834 - Right, that's it. - No, not me. 234 00:09:32,065 --> 00:09:34,151 - Excuse me, do you work here? - Yes? 235 00:09:34,251 --> 00:09:35,117 - Where's the tuna? 236 00:09:35,217 --> 00:09:38,592 It's not where it used to be and he's clueless. 237 00:09:38,692 --> 00:09:40,953 - Oh, tuna's been relocated to aisle three. 238 00:09:41,053 --> 00:09:43,020 Oh, sorry, the "foods of the world" aisle. 239 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,919 - Aisle three, king of the aisles. 240 00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,912 Who'd have thought tuna would make it to the top? 241 00:09:46,912 --> 00:09:48,549 - Yeah, show her, Leighton. 242 00:09:48,649 --> 00:09:51,526 Oh, Katie, can you update the store maps and get them circulated? 243 00:09:51,626 --> 00:09:53,379 It's chaos, no-one can find anything. 244 00:09:53,479 --> 00:09:55,028 - Yep, no problem, I'll do that. 245 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,222 - Oh, Anna. - I'm having a lunch break. 246 00:09:57,322 --> 00:10:00,238 - Of course, it's just I noticed some rowdy teenagers 247 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:01,560 in the break-out zone. 248 00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:03,584 I wondered if you needed me to help out? 249 00:10:03,684 --> 00:10:06,853 - Talk to the hand with your "help". 250 00:10:06,953 --> 00:10:09,212 - "I must have you again, breathed Gareth, 251 00:10:09,312 --> 00:10:11,113 "as he lent across the chiller unit, 252 00:10:11,213 --> 00:10:13,052 "where Jenny was checking the expiry date 253 00:10:13,152 --> 00:10:14,620 "of some mini-Kievs." 254 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:15,525 Goodness. 255 00:10:15,625 --> 00:10:17,755 - Oh, that would get my Alan drooling. 256 00:10:17,855 --> 00:10:18,588 - Really? 257 00:10:18,688 --> 00:10:19,700 - Oh, yeah. 258 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,339 And if I'm honest, it would me a bit, too. 259 00:10:22,439 --> 00:10:23,871 - Gosh, Margaret. 260 00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:27,391 I had no idea you were into that. 261 00:10:27,491 --> 00:10:30,618 My husband and I watched a film once, 262 00:10:30,718 --> 00:10:33,265 but I actually found it a bit embarrassing. 263 00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:37,032 - What, you watched a film about mini-Kievs? 264 00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:40,080 You should be embarrassed. 265 00:10:43,153 --> 00:10:44,082 - Hello, all. 266 00:10:44,182 --> 00:10:45,485 I'll just leave that there. 267 00:10:45,585 --> 00:10:48,920 - Nev, you be taxin' us for the cash-money early, G. 268 00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:50,999 - G? Gangster, yeah? 269 00:10:51,099 --> 00:10:53,703 You did say, true dat. Sorry, G. 270 00:10:53,803 --> 00:10:54,536 - All right, man. 271 00:10:54,636 --> 00:10:56,687 And not disrespecting you, 272 00:10:56,787 --> 00:10:58,682 but you left the lid off the toothpaste again. 273 00:10:58,682 --> 00:10:59,906 - Ah, my bad. 274 00:11:00,006 --> 00:11:02,173 No disrespect taken, MC P. 275 00:11:03,018 --> 00:11:05,810 Soph, any chance of the Benjamins at all? 276 00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:09,077 - Do I look like a cashpoint, Neville? 277 00:11:10,009 --> 00:11:11,400 - [Anna] But, Richard, what is it? 278 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,718 - I've been thinking. 279 00:11:12,818 --> 00:11:15,318 What is retail if not theatre? 280 00:11:16,538 --> 00:11:18,121 So. - A fog machine! 281 00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:23,540 - They say magic begins with dreams. 282 00:11:28,974 --> 00:11:30,641 Welcome to my dream. 283 00:11:34,019 --> 00:11:36,184 - Hey, what if they make a movie out of Julie's book? 284 00:11:36,284 --> 00:11:37,295 We could be in it! 285 00:11:37,395 --> 00:11:39,598 - No way, I'd never do a blue movie. 286 00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,330 I'm very private about my body. 287 00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:43,271 - Not even for a million quid? 288 00:11:43,371 --> 00:11:44,721 - Yeah, course, a million. 289 00:11:44,821 --> 00:11:47,314 - A thousand? - Er, yeah. 290 00:11:47,414 --> 00:11:49,419 - Hundred? - Probably. 291 00:11:49,519 --> 00:11:50,495 - Tenner? 292 00:11:50,595 --> 00:11:52,029 - Oh, my God, Sue, I'm not a slapper. 293 00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:53,129 - OK, sorry. 294 00:11:54,033 --> 00:11:54,950 20? - Yeah. 295 00:11:59,698 --> 00:12:00,811 - Sorry, I got your list 296 00:12:00,911 --> 00:12:02,842 but I can't understand your handwriting. 297 00:12:02,942 --> 00:12:04,159 What does that say? 298 00:12:04,259 --> 00:12:05,935 - It says boat, Leighton. 299 00:12:06,035 --> 00:12:08,115 - What do you want a boat for? You can't sail. 300 00:12:08,215 --> 00:12:09,728 - I don't want to fucking sail it. 301 00:12:09,828 --> 00:12:12,815 I want to put it in a driveway so people can see it. 302 00:12:12,915 --> 00:12:14,508 - But your nan doesn't have a driveway. 303 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,202 - Look at number 15. 304 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,935 - Oh, yeah, it says "driveway". 305 00:12:18,035 --> 00:12:20,254 - All right, put me down for a boat, too. 306 00:12:20,354 --> 00:12:22,294 And get us some more crisps, would you, Leighton? 307 00:12:22,294 --> 00:12:23,461 - No problemo. 308 00:12:26,218 --> 00:12:28,274 - It's like we can get him to do whatever we want. 309 00:12:28,374 --> 00:12:29,624 - Yeah, I know. 310 00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:32,970 - What can we get him to do? 311 00:12:33,070 --> 00:12:35,095 - Margaret, I've been looking everywhere for you. 312 00:12:35,095 --> 00:12:37,595 You know that manuscript that Sue and Linda gave to you? 313 00:12:37,695 --> 00:12:39,322 - Oh, you mean Julie's novel? 314 00:12:39,422 --> 00:12:42,500 - Yeah, please don't tell her that you've seen it. 315 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,346 - Oh, no, love, I wouldn't know what to say. 316 00:12:45,446 --> 00:12:46,179 - I know! 317 00:12:46,279 --> 00:12:48,605 - Such terrible spelling! 318 00:12:48,705 --> 00:12:51,167 Poor thing, she must be really lonely. 319 00:12:51,267 --> 00:12:53,683 Every night, writing that rubbish. 320 00:12:53,783 --> 00:12:55,087 - Yeah, I guess so. 321 00:12:55,187 --> 00:12:56,442 So where is it? 322 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,043 - Oh, well, I passed it on to someone. 323 00:12:59,143 --> 00:13:03,137 Oh, I've got a memory like a lavatory brush, me. 324 00:13:03,237 --> 00:13:04,320 - Never mind. 325 00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:10,527 - Here, I got you something. 326 00:13:10,627 --> 00:13:11,360 - What is it? 327 00:13:11,460 --> 00:13:12,293 - Open it. 328 00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:18,485 - What's this? - It's us. 329 00:13:18,585 --> 00:13:20,585 Two mates out on the town together. 330 00:13:20,685 --> 00:13:22,300 - We've never been out on the town together. 331 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:25,690 - Yeah, but this is what it would be like if we had. 332 00:13:25,790 --> 00:13:27,719 - It looks like we might have been in the pub. 333 00:13:27,819 --> 00:13:28,652 - Yeah! 334 00:13:29,879 --> 00:13:30,928 - What happened in the pub? 335 00:13:30,928 --> 00:13:35,238 - Well, we talked, drank, chatted up birds. 336 00:13:35,338 --> 00:13:37,670 - This leather jacket I'm wearing, it seems good quality. 337 00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:38,987 Soft but structured. 338 00:13:39,087 --> 00:13:39,820 - Yeah, yeah. 339 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,694 That's actually a photograph of David Hasselhoff 340 00:13:41,694 --> 00:13:43,286 with your head on it. 341 00:13:43,386 --> 00:13:45,516 - It works. - I know, uncanny. 342 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:48,858 - After the pub, would we have gone to Baskin and Robbins? 343 00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,382 - Yeah, yeah, could have done. - I would have had two scoops. 344 00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:53,904 Very berry and rum and raisin. 345 00:13:54,004 --> 00:13:56,031 - [Lisa] Would Dave please go the manager's office? 346 00:13:56,031 --> 00:13:58,080 That's Dave to the manager's office. 347 00:13:58,180 --> 00:14:00,263 - Mate, mate, this is it! 348 00:14:01,399 --> 00:14:02,644 Wish me luck. 349 00:14:02,744 --> 00:14:03,744 - Please go. 350 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,030 - Hey, there you are. 351 00:14:14,337 --> 00:14:15,774 We've been having a little think. 352 00:14:15,874 --> 00:14:20,041 We would love you to be our wedding planner for life. 353 00:14:22,243 --> 00:14:22,976 - Oh, wow! 354 00:14:23,076 --> 00:14:24,782 Oh, that's such an honour! 355 00:14:24,882 --> 00:14:25,715 What does it mean? 356 00:14:25,715 --> 00:14:28,207 - It means you have to look after us all the time. 357 00:14:28,307 --> 00:14:29,566 - Right, wow! 358 00:14:29,666 --> 00:14:31,840 Wow, I mean, I was hoping it was going well but this is-- 359 00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:33,792 - Yeah, so going to need you at mine after work. 360 00:14:33,792 --> 00:14:35,420 Got some laundry building up. 361 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,538 - Yeah, then come to my nan's. Cos the bog's flooding. 362 00:14:37,538 --> 00:14:39,842 So just bring some sort of stick or something to get it. 363 00:14:39,842 --> 00:14:41,065 - Shall we get some pizza? 364 00:14:41,165 --> 00:14:43,090 We'll text you our order. 365 00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:45,441 - Pizza, stick, laundry. 366 00:14:45,541 --> 00:14:48,667 Will you be needing me to wear some kind of hat? 367 00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:49,634 - Yeah, definitely. 368 00:14:49,634 --> 00:14:50,884 - Yeah? - Yeah. 369 00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:55,962 - That's the lowest test result ever recorded in Valco history. 370 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,278 - Really, the lowest ever? 371 00:14:58,378 --> 00:15:00,790 So I've actually broken some sort of Valco record? 372 00:15:00,890 --> 00:15:02,057 - Yes. - Sweet! 373 00:15:02,957 --> 00:15:04,760 - It's not something to be proud of. 374 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,746 It means you can't work here any more. 375 00:15:06,846 --> 00:15:07,846 - Yeah. Shit. 376 00:15:09,898 --> 00:15:13,524 This is the first job I've actually enjoyed. 377 00:15:13,624 --> 00:15:16,541 Anyway, thanks for the opportunity. 378 00:15:19,208 --> 00:15:21,460 Sorry, just to check, that's the lowest score at a Valco 379 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,449 across the whole UK, right? 380 00:15:23,549 --> 00:15:24,382 - Yes. 381 00:15:28,215 --> 00:15:32,734 - "Gareth lowered her into the shopping trolley. 382 00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:33,973 "As her hee." 383 00:15:34,073 --> 00:15:34,806 - Head. 384 00:15:34,906 --> 00:15:39,068 - "Head bounced rhythmically off the wire frame, 385 00:15:39,168 --> 00:15:42,666 "she felt one of the wheels go and she reee". 386 00:15:42,766 --> 00:15:44,075 - Realised. 387 00:15:44,175 --> 00:15:45,896 - "They'd have to invoice heee". 388 00:15:45,996 --> 00:15:46,729 - Head. 389 00:15:46,829 --> 00:15:48,502 - "Office for a replacement." 390 00:15:48,602 --> 00:15:50,531 What is this shite? 391 00:15:50,631 --> 00:15:52,554 - I can't believe we've never thought of that! 392 00:15:52,654 --> 00:15:53,387 Come on. 393 00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:54,570 - Oh, no, no. 394 00:15:57,858 --> 00:15:58,858 Bloody hell. 395 00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:02,059 - I'm really sorry, Ray. 396 00:16:02,159 --> 00:16:03,340 I failed the test. 397 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:04,204 The dream's over. 398 00:16:04,304 --> 00:16:05,737 - What? 399 00:16:05,837 --> 00:16:10,004 - But, can I just say, it's been an honour working with you? 400 00:16:11,578 --> 00:16:13,709 You've been more than just a mentor to me, 401 00:16:13,809 --> 00:16:15,443 you've been like a best mate. 402 00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:16,710 - A best mate? 403 00:16:17,859 --> 00:16:19,535 I've never been a best mate before. 404 00:16:19,635 --> 00:16:22,635 - I'm going to miss all the fun we've had together. 405 00:16:22,735 --> 00:16:26,902 De-scaling, weighing, seeing which fish float in the bog. 406 00:16:28,063 --> 00:16:31,480 Actually, that one was just me on my own. 407 00:16:34,706 --> 00:16:36,706 Are you all right, mate? 408 00:16:41,122 --> 00:16:43,233 - Anna, could I possibly borrow £14.80? 409 00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,837 It's just I gave my two pounds to Sophie 410 00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:47,802 and I was going to use that for a sandwich, so I'm a-- 411 00:16:47,802 --> 00:16:50,406 - Wait, you are telling me that these kids took your lunch money? 412 00:16:50,406 --> 00:16:52,244 - Yes, but very much as a loan. 413 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,479 - What are you going to give them next, Neville? 414 00:16:54,579 --> 00:16:56,299 Your trainers, your bike? 415 00:16:56,399 --> 00:16:58,265 - Well, they took that a couple of weeks ago, so. 416 00:16:58,265 --> 00:17:00,684 - OK, this is enough. 417 00:17:00,784 --> 00:17:03,129 Neville, take those cups to the kitchen. - Certainly, yes. 418 00:17:03,229 --> 00:17:03,962 What are you? 419 00:17:04,062 --> 00:17:05,560 - Now! - Right-o. 420 00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:07,794 - She chose one of you as well. 421 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:08,977 - Eh, Sophie. 422 00:17:09,999 --> 00:17:12,786 In Sevilla, when children do not show respect, 423 00:17:12,886 --> 00:17:13,619 we say to them, 424 00:17:13,719 --> 00:17:18,144 "Either you can do this the hard way or the easy way." 425 00:17:18,244 --> 00:17:18,977 - What? 426 00:17:19,077 --> 00:17:23,101 - This is for disrespecting your father. 427 00:17:23,201 --> 00:17:24,550 - Oh, my God! 428 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:25,416 - You are lucky. 429 00:17:25,516 --> 00:17:28,981 I wanted to do it the hard way but for this I need a plastic sheet, 430 00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:31,248 goggles and a car battery. 431 00:17:34,905 --> 00:17:35,957 - Who's Fellatio? 432 00:17:36,057 --> 00:17:39,057 - He was the king of Italy, shut up! 433 00:17:40,063 --> 00:17:41,946 - I have something to say to you! 434 00:17:42,046 --> 00:17:43,307 - Hello. 435 00:17:43,407 --> 00:17:47,324 - You have to let Dave re-sit his test because, 436 00:17:48,813 --> 00:17:52,225 because this could destroy everything. We were going to go to Baskin and Robbins. 437 00:17:52,325 --> 00:17:53,058 - What? 438 00:17:53,158 --> 00:17:54,827 - And I was going to order rum and raisin. 439 00:17:54,927 --> 00:17:57,012 And I was going to wear a leather jacket. 440 00:17:57,112 --> 00:17:59,036 Let him re-sit his test. 441 00:17:59,136 --> 00:18:01,511 I will train him and he will pass. 442 00:18:01,611 --> 00:18:02,666 - All right. 443 00:18:02,766 --> 00:18:05,968 Well, I won't submit his test to head office yet. 444 00:18:06,068 --> 00:18:07,634 But you'll need to get him up to speed quickly. 445 00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:08,467 - Yes, OK. 446 00:18:09,819 --> 00:18:10,652 Thank you. 447 00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:17,227 Those are nice window blinds. 448 00:18:17,327 --> 00:18:18,244 Reversible? 449 00:18:19,438 --> 00:18:20,688 - I believe so. 450 00:18:22,944 --> 00:18:25,074 - Hey, Anna, have you read this? 451 00:18:25,174 --> 00:18:27,177 It's frickin' hilarious! 452 00:18:27,277 --> 00:18:28,329 Right, look at this bit. 453 00:18:28,429 --> 00:18:29,762 - Oh, thank God. 454 00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:33,088 Look, don't take the piss, it's not fair. - Why, what is it? 455 00:18:33,188 --> 00:18:37,141 - It's just some research on consumer habits. 456 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:40,078 - Oh, God, Katie, you're such a scab now. 457 00:18:40,178 --> 00:18:42,270 - I'm not, it's just that if that-- 458 00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:44,003 Here, just take some maps. 459 00:18:44,103 --> 00:18:44,936 - Boring. 460 00:18:48,402 --> 00:18:49,420 - There she is! 461 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,560 How'd you find it today, Katester? You look a bit exhausted! 462 00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:56,854 You're getting vertigo there at the top, huh? 463 00:18:56,954 --> 00:18:59,704 - Yes, we've made a great team today. 464 00:18:59,804 --> 00:19:01,485 Julie and Katie. 465 00:19:01,585 --> 00:19:02,418 Jutie. 466 00:19:03,734 --> 00:19:06,693 Although I couldn't find the staff rotas, Katie. 467 00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:08,293 - Oh, right, yeah. 468 00:19:09,284 --> 00:19:12,524 That's because I wondered if maybe 469 00:19:12,624 --> 00:19:16,979 we could get the staff to do their own rotas. 470 00:19:17,079 --> 00:19:17,887 - Why? 471 00:19:17,987 --> 00:19:19,626 - Because who knows their schedules 472 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,143 better than the staff, right? 473 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:31,238 - That is a stand-out example of operation analysing. 474 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,687 Let's sniff-test it. 475 00:19:32,787 --> 00:19:34,462 - Yes, well done, Katie. 476 00:19:34,562 --> 00:19:36,029 We will give that a sniff. 477 00:19:36,129 --> 00:19:40,532 - I've got to say, ladies, this store is iMac-ing its way to fabdom. 478 00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:51,779 - What's that you're shredding? 479 00:19:51,879 --> 00:19:54,296 - Oh, just last week's rotas. 480 00:19:56,311 --> 00:19:57,950 - Oh, my God, Katie. 481 00:19:58,050 --> 00:19:59,436 One of my personal documents 482 00:19:59,536 --> 00:20:02,369 appears to be open on the desktop. 483 00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,383 Have you been reading it? 484 00:20:07,221 --> 00:20:08,638 - Yeah, I saw it. 485 00:20:09,748 --> 00:20:11,993 - Oh, God, this is awful! 486 00:20:12,093 --> 00:20:13,856 Has anybody else seen it? - Oh, no, no, no, no. 487 00:20:13,956 --> 00:20:17,452 Don't worry, no-one's seen it, honest. - Oh, thank God for that. 488 00:20:18,922 --> 00:20:20,839 So, what did you think? 489 00:20:24,562 --> 00:20:26,562 - You know, it was very. 490 00:20:27,869 --> 00:20:30,333 - Yes, well, I was in a different place when I wrote it. 491 00:20:30,433 --> 00:20:31,653 Things were. 492 00:20:31,753 --> 00:20:33,722 But I'm much happier now. 493 00:20:33,822 --> 00:20:36,525 Valco Better keeps me really, really busy. 494 00:20:36,625 --> 00:20:37,458 - Good. 495 00:20:38,483 --> 00:20:42,650 But the bits that I did see, were really, really, really. 496 00:20:45,506 --> 00:20:47,173 - Oh, thanks, Katie. 497 00:20:48,646 --> 00:20:52,018 You know, I've actually had a go at some crime fiction, 498 00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:54,535 if you'd care to take a look? 499 00:20:55,436 --> 00:20:57,668 - Here's the last of it. 500 00:20:57,768 --> 00:21:00,274 I'll go wipe the tables down. 501 00:21:00,374 --> 00:21:03,911 - You know, she has been a real peach helping to tidy up. 502 00:21:04,011 --> 00:21:05,789 I really feel I've really turned a corner with her. 503 00:21:05,789 --> 00:21:07,339 - Neville, are you crying? 504 00:21:07,439 --> 00:21:08,172 - No, no, no. 505 00:21:08,272 --> 00:21:12,249 It's just the last of the smoke working its way out of my retina. 506 00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:14,778 - Martin, it's Rich. 507 00:21:14,878 --> 00:21:17,383 Just thought I'd give you the granular from Warrington. 508 00:21:17,483 --> 00:21:19,442 Yeah, yeah, Julie Cook. 509 00:21:19,542 --> 00:21:21,464 She's high level, Shelly. 510 00:21:21,564 --> 00:21:24,811 Just keeps whacking it out of the park, you know. 511 00:21:24,911 --> 00:21:27,031 Which is why Gavin's got to go. 512 00:21:27,131 --> 00:21:29,298 Seriously, he's dead wood. 513 00:21:30,892 --> 00:21:32,978 Time to cut him out and burn him. 514 00:21:33,078 --> 00:21:35,375 - Well done today, Katie. 515 00:21:35,475 --> 00:21:36,642 Go team Jutie! 516 00:21:38,613 --> 00:21:39,873 - Bye, Julie. 517 00:21:39,973 --> 00:21:42,640 Loved your book, you filthy cow! 518 00:21:45,261 --> 00:21:46,094 - Night. 519 00:21:48,523 --> 00:21:51,106 (upbeat music)