- Can she just stop that now?
- Ah, he keeps on moving it.
- From booze to biscuits.
- Red hot deals.
- Loads of two for ones.
- Don't forget the Valco tick.
- Everyone always gets it wrong, it's definitely that way.
- Tick.
- And I'm not doing that tick thing either.
- Am I getting paid for this?
(laughs)
- Serves you right.
- [All] Valco.
Serves you right.
(upbeat music)
- And I'd put the decimal point in the wrong place
so instead of ordering (laughs) 4000,
I was actually ordering (laughs)
400!
Anyway.
Final item, there's been a spate of forged banknotes
in the area recently so, keep your eyes peeled,
and your ears listening,
over to you there Daniel.
- Thank you.
Okay I just wanna go over quickly what to do
if a customer gives you a fake note.
- No point, waste of time.
Eh, what's next Gavin?
- I hadn't finished Rose.
- But you can't fool me, I'm not an idiot.
- Well I'll come to you then Rose
because you can fool me quite a lot of the time.
- Don't go to Rose.
If someone gives you a note, and you think it's a fake.
- Never going to happen.
When it comes to criminals, I've got a sixth sense.
- If a customer gives you a note and you think it's a fake.
- What the customer or the note?
- The note, you can't tell whether a customer's a fake.
- I can, every time!
- I think we're getting a little sidetracked here,
so just to confirm, if you get a note then ring your bell
and confiscate it, right.
Thank you everyone.
- [Rose] Well everybody knows that, we didn't need to be told.
- Mine are all okay. - Just push me.
- Here you are love,
thank you. - Thank you.
- Unbelievable!
Absolutely unbelievable!
- Are you all right Doctor Brian?
You look ever so red.
- Cancel my appointments for today Marge.
This is an A1 priority.
- Right.
Where do you keep your appointments again?
- In my diary, Margaret.
- Eh--
- Oh it's here, here, here.
Right, so what is scheduled for today?
- Eh, Jewish New Year.
- No, no that's not an appointment, that's just a date they put in the diary.
What else is there?
- Well there's no appointments today.
- Uh-huh.
- Or tomorrow. - Yep.
- Or at all.
- Well that's good actually because this can't wait.
Someone, and you won't believe this when I tell you.
Someone has parked their car in my space.
- Oh Doctor Brian.
- Yeah. - Ooh.
I didn't know you had a space.
- Well not officially, no, but if they had any respect
for what I do, they'd give me one.
I mean this pharmacy is the front line in the battle between
life and death.
- Do you sell verruca cream?
- Eh, it'll be somewhere over there love.
- Is that your car parked out front?
- No, I came on the bus.
- Are you all right to look after Charlie today,
I've got a hundred and two things to do.
- I'll do my best, she's a bit of a handful that girl.
- Yes well her father does own the company and
he's got a bit of a temper.
They say that if your sales are down
he takes you into the car park and makes you wrestle
for your job.
- Right.
- But don't worry, I'm sure we can keep him happy
and turn Charlie into a competent employee.
- [Charlie] Daniel!
- Yeah look, she's thriving already. - What do you call this?
- It's a trolley cage.
- Ah okay, I have got my hand stuck in a trolley cage.
- What do you mean it's fake, what's fake about it?
- It's technical.
- [Customer] Well show us then. - Yeah definitely fake.
I've got to keep it, Valco policy.
- There's nothing wrong with that.
- Fake note, fake note!
(bell ringing loudly) Customer's given us a fake note!
- Keep your voice down.
- This is illegal.
It's immoral.
How do you sleep at night? - Oh you know what, forget it.
- Thank you for shopping at Valco.
- There we are.
Vanessa.
Everything all right?
- I want you Neville.
I want you right now.
- You want me?
Oh I see.
That's a relief.
I thought you were angry.
You see your sexy face is quite like your angry face.
- Now Neville.
- Well I would but, to be honest, I feel bad for Mike.
You know I've known him for years, I hate going behind his back.
- He and I were constantly going behind your back,
even on our wedding day.
- Well, to be fair to Mike, he was under a lot of pressure.
You know, being best man is very stressful.
- I've got a few errands to run and then I'll be back later.
Now we're going to make love and I won't take no
for an answer.
- I'm pretty sure that's illegal actually.
- What did you get, what did you get?
- I'll tell you when I.
French, oh what!
Do I have to?
- You can eat the dodgy forfeit you'll get instead.
- Fine.
Good morning customers.
Zis is an announcement to remind you all
that Valco Treat Yourself Meals are on two for one.
Sank you.
- What was that, what was--
- It was better than your German yesterday.
- How dare you say zat!
(laughing)
- Do you have any hobbies Daniel? - If we could just focus on the task.
- Oh right, I can see why you're assistant manager.
Your parents must be very proud, are they? - Yeah well they are.
- 'Cause you're so young.
- I've been working at Valco since I was 16 so--
- 16, no way!
- Right put the eggs,
on the shelf.
- Mm hmm.
- Free range.
Here.
And our value range.
You can put here.
- Are you even legally allowed to work that young?
- Yes.
- Did you not go to university?
No I didn't, if we could--
- I went to university for a little bit. Well actually, I didn't get in at first.
Then my father bought this new wing at Bristol
and so I went there for a term but then there was this fire
which actually had nothing to do with me, but in the end I just went skiing.
- Just put the eggs on the shelf. - Woo, woo.
Okay.
Oh Daniel, quick question.
What are eggs?
(laughs)
I'm joking.
I'm not a complete durr brain Daniel.
Daniel.
- Yep very funny.
- No seriously, just.
- Oh, what you doing for lunch?
- You. - Nice.
What's on the menu?
- Well for starters--
- [Rose] He's always loved a sandwich, haven't you Colin.
- Yeah.
- Cheese and pickle with a can of fizzy pop.
- Mm, talk about it later yeah.
- Oh now then.
Now what's this, what's this then!
- Oh God--
- Is that Colin?
- Just out the bath, standing to attention
like a little nudie soldier.
- Where's his--
- Little winkie?
(laughs)
Everyone always asks that.
No one ever spots your little winkie, do they Colin?
- No Nana.
(laughs)
- We didn't know whether he was a boy or a girl
till he was three.
(laughing)
So what you doing for lunch?
- Oh me and Colin usually go out the back and he takes me up--
- [Colin] Chip shop.
Up the chip shop for a pie.
- No, let's just go to the canteen.
Lovely, can't wait.
Yes darling?
- Is that your car?
Is that your car?
- Brian.
What on earth are you doing?
- Some irresponsible moron has parked in my space.
Is that your car?
- How many more times, it is not your parking space.
- Oh really?
Take a look at that then.
- It's a photo of a car.
- Not a car, my car.
And where's it parked, the same spot. Same spot, same spot.
Don't make me show you all 56.
- Don't tell me you've taken 56 photos of your car.
- I knew this day would come.
- Brian, no one gets a reserved parking space.
- The disabled do.
- That is completely different.
- There are six disabled parking spots out there.
You have a look round the store, how many people in a wheelchair, none.
How many pharmacists?
- Brian, just get back to work.
- And the disabled get their own toilet, what about me?
Heaven forfend someone should die while I'm queuing for the bog.
- You are not having a toilet for the pharmacy counter.
- Hope you're pleased with yourself.
- The thing with our Colin is he compares every woman he meets to me.
So they're always gonna be, you know.
- Taller.
- I mean, how many other women have wiped his bum,
cleaned his teeth,
and washed his little chappie in the sink?
Next please.
- Just this please darling.
- Oh been a while since I've been called darling!
Especially by a handsome young fella like yourself.
Mind you, my lad Colin, his friends always tell me
how young I look.
That's uh, 199.99.
- There you go. - Thank you.
- I'll just get some batteries for the remote.
- Right.
- Hey Rose, them notes look dodgy.
- Do they?
- I thought you were an expert.
Who does he think he is trying to get that by you?
- He must think I'm some dumb floozy,
only got the job because of how I look.
You cheeky beggar, what's this?
- What?
There's nothing wrong with it. I just got them from the bank.
- I may be an attractive woman
but I have got a brain in my head.
I'm keeping these and I'm calling my manager.
(bell ringing)
- No you're not, give them back.
- Tell it to the police you drug addict!
- You're not right in the head.
- Don't take that tone with me.
- Don't be such a silly cow then.
(loud slapping)
(laughs)
- Well, these all seem real to me.
Once again, I am sorry for the misunderstanding Mr Rogers,
and for the inappropriate physical contact.
- It was a slap, and I want an apology.
- It was self-defense.
He had that look in his eyes.
Pure lust it was.
Like a randy stag.
- What?!
- Look, he's doing it now.
- All I said was, you're not right in the head.
- You--
- No Rose, please, just just stop it!
Now perhaps if you can just apologise to Mr Rogers
then maybe we can move on with our day.
- I can't believe you're taking his side over mine.
And me a widow!
- It's not about sides.
- Do you hate me Gavin, is that it?
- Of course not.
- If I've led you on in anyway,
if you feel hurt and jilted, angry--
- Good God no!
I don't feel that way about you at all.
- I want an apology.
- On behalf of Valco and it's affiliate companies
I apologise--
- From her!
- Well perhaps she can just write you a letter.
- Right, I'm suing you, I'm suing her
and I'm suing your poxy little supermarket.
- I'm not sure if this is real.
I can't see that hologram thingy.
- No Margaret, that's not how you spot a fake coin.
You have to bite it to taste the zinc alloy.
That's real.
- I'm gonna show that to my Alan.
He gets very angry about forgeries.
Ever since he bought that fake spoon.
Oh is your space free yet?
- No.
Honestly, the lack of respect for pharmacists
in this country is a disgrace.
Oh, they're leaving, they're leaving! My space, it's free.
Get the keys quickly, before someone else gets it.
- [Marge] Well where are they? - In my coat!
Come on, come on, come on.
No the other pocket.
Quickly Margaret, please.
Don't touch those, never touch those ones!
Oh forget it.
Leave that space, do not park there.
Unbelievable!
- Okay, let's try and find something that might suit you a bit better.
What kind of things are you good at?
- Horse riding.
That's wrong?
- I've got a migraine.
- Oh hey, do you know what I am good at?
- What?
- Baking!
(alarms ringing loudly)
Sorry bad, I'm bad at baking Daniel.
- Oh, my head.
- [Gavin] Rose!
Rose!
- Oh sorry.
I didn't answer.
Lost my voice from crying.
- Rose, I wondered if we could have another chat about
this slapping incident.
- Gavin, I'm as much to blame as you are.
- Well, I wouldn't say that I am to blame actually.
- Well it's not about right and wrong.
- Well it is actually.
It is wrong to hit a customer.
Rose, what you did was very serious,
so I would like you to take some time off whilst I work out what to do about it.
- You want me to stay at home?
- Mm hmm.
- On my own?
With the lights out.
Naked.
- No!
- Gavin, we're very attractive people,
but this is our place of work.
- Rose, just please, just go home.
And stay there till I call you.
- Fine.
If that's what you want.
(Rose sobs)
But, I just hope I don't become one of those people
that lose their job and then dies the next week.
But don't worry, if I do die it won't be your fault.
Not entirely.
- Tess of the D'Urbervilles!
- You leave me no choice Gavin, I'm parking here.
- No absolutely not, get out!
- [Brian] Well there's tonnes of room. - This is a storage area.
- There's yellow lines on the floor for parking.
- They're for the emergency services.
- Pharmacists are the third emergency service.
Nobody bothers with the fire brigade anymore.
- Out, now!
- Right, come on then.
- But I'm a little busy at the moment darling.
- Neville, now!
- Message received and understood, my jewel.
Where are we actually going to go?
- Mike's car, I've parked it round the back.
- Ah, my old Volvo.
Yes, I used to love that car.
Although the seats did give me crippling back spasms.
- Neville, I'm on a double yellow.
- Right you are.
I shall write a note.
Counter closed.
Back in five minutes.
Back in 10 minutes?
- We're not doing it twice.
- No, right.
- It's well out of order Nan.
You know, you're just this harmless old lady.
You know, you've never hurt anyone.
- Apart from the bloke she hit.
- You all right Lise?
- And the pigeon she drowned.
- Just won't let that drop will you?
- You're a good lad Cauliflower, help me on with this.
- Come on. - Yeah.
Right, well I must go and say goodbye
to the girls on the tills, they'll be devastated.
I'm too upset to walk.
You'll have to carry me.
- Okay okay,
come on. - Yeah that's it.
- I've got you.
- Oh! - Oh!
Come on.
- Oh careful. - Help me!
Oh, just give me your arm Nan.
- It's been lovely here.
Seeing you every day.
I'll just have to come round more in the evenings.
- You can't sack Rose.
- Well she's not been sacked, she's been suspended
pending a review.
- Whoa, she fought in the war man.
- Yeah, I'm not sure that she did.
- She's dying Gavin.
- She's not dying.
- Well it's not like she hit someone. - That's exactly what she did.
- What, really?
God, that's terrible. - [Gavin] Yes I know.
What do you think we've been talking about?
- Well to be honest I just came in to check my emails.
- Rose is like well-popular Gavin.
If you sack her you'll have a riot on your hands.
- Gavin--
- Neville, my hands were tied, she hit a customer.
- Right, I'm not sure what you mean.
Can I trouble you for the first aid box?
I need some heat rub. - What, why,
it's on the wall there.
Listen, I appreciate your concern for Rose
and perhaps I've been a bit, you know--
- Of a monster. - Hasty.
But she's put me in a very difficult position.
- Oh, that stings.
- Look I know Rose can be well annoying,
and I know she bangs on about Colin being her little soldier
and how they still have baths together. - We don't have baths.
- And let's face it, we've all thought about killing her.
- [Colin] All right Lise. - But this job is all she's got Gavin.
You can't take that away from her.
- Ah, I've got it in my eyes.
- So what was it we painted again,
it looked ever so familiar.
- A pharmaceutical cross, Margaret.
A universally acknowledged symbol of peace and hope.
- Have you seen Rose?
Brian!
Please tell me it isn't you who's vandalised the car park.
- Vandalised!
I've painted a pharmaceutical cross.
I've probably tripled the value of that car park.
- There's paint all over the cars!
And the trolley wheels.
- [Brian] Collateral damage.
- Brian, will you please just get the paint off
your parking space.
- My parking space?
- The parking space.
- You said my parking space.
- It was a slip of the tongue.
- Freudian slip, because you know that morally
that space is mine.
- Fine.
Will you please remove the paint from your parking space?
But will you also agree that even though it is your space,
other people may use it whenever they want.
- That's all you had to say.
- Oh my God I'm so excited.
What am I gonna be called? - Whatever you want.
It's kind of like a new job.
- Oh, can I be the head of something? Can I, can I, can I?
- Sure, hey, you know what.
As your dad owns the whole store
it's kind of like your store.
- Mm hmm.
- So you can welcome people.
- Like at a party?
- Exactly.
- Mm.
- But remember what we said.
- Oh, no touching the products or the customers,
or the trolleys or the tills.
- Yes.
So, how about--
- Hostess!
- Or head of greeting.
- I love it!
(speaking foreign language)
My, what an awful lot of deodorant you have.
Hello sir.
Oh. - Oh.
- Now that was close!
Yeah. - Yeah.
- You don't have to go. I am retracting your suspension.
- You're apologising finally.
That takes a real man to admit when he's wrong.
I respect that Gavin.
- Yeah again, just to stress, I'm not wrong.
You did hit a customer.
I just had a bit of a rethink that's all.
- You're giving me a telly!
No I can't possibly accept Gavin.
- No no, this is for Mr Rogers.
I phoned him and he said he was more than happy to accept it
in return for dropping the charges.
It's more than fair.
- You're giving him a telly?
After what he said to me.
- Don't cry.
- Hold me.
I need to be held!
- Hello sir, enjoy your fish.
Hello, great to see young people in.
And old.
Welcome.
(speaking in foreign language) (gentle music)
(upbeat music)