1
00:00:03,841 --> 00:00:06,701
- Huh, ah, he keeps on moving it, huh!

2
00:00:06,801 --> 00:00:08,196
- From booze to biscuits.

3
00:00:08,296 --> 00:00:09,408
- Red hot deals.

4
00:00:09,508 --> 00:00:10,479
- Loads of two-for-ones.

5
00:00:10,579 --> 00:00:12,071
- Don't forget the Valco tick.

6
00:00:12,171 --> 00:00:14,254
- Everyone always gets it
wrong, its definitely that way.

7
00:00:14,254 --> 00:00:15,429
- Tick.

8
00:00:15,529 --> 00:00:16,262
- Tick.

9
00:00:16,362 --> 00:00:18,091
- And I'm not doing
that tick thing either.

10
00:00:18,091 --> 00:00:19,403
- Am I getting paid for this?

11
00:00:19,503 --> 00:00:20,395
(woman laughing)

12
00:00:20,495 --> 00:00:21,588
- Serves you right.

13
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:24,327
- [Workers] Valco: serves you right!

14
00:00:24,427 --> 00:00:27,010
(upbeat music)

15
00:00:29,641 --> 00:00:33,237
- I feel ridiculous, a serious medical man

16
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,531
forced to dress like a pill.

17
00:00:35,631 --> 00:00:38,023
- Oh, is that what you are?
Oh, I thought you were a sausage!

18
00:00:38,123 --> 00:00:39,256
- I look like a wally.

19
00:00:39,356 --> 00:00:41,689
- I'd say you look more like a willy.

20
00:00:41,789 --> 00:00:43,412
- [Margaret] Well, you didn't
have to wear a costume...

21
00:00:43,412 --> 00:00:46,660
- Wow, don't you all look a picture?

22
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,475
Some of the costumes are, sorry,

23
00:00:49,575 --> 00:00:51,071
Margaret, what are you dressed as?

24
00:00:51,171 --> 00:00:52,257
- Sherlock Holmes.

25
00:00:52,357 --> 00:00:53,929
- Yes, and why?

26
00:00:54,029 --> 00:00:55,478
- Because you said.

27
00:00:55,578 --> 00:00:57,557
- I don't think I did, I think it was
pretty clear from the start that

28
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,309
the dress code was supermarket produce.

29
00:00:59,409 --> 00:01:02,345
There's nothing about Sherlock Holmes.

30
00:01:02,445 --> 00:01:04,552
- I wrote it down.

31
00:01:04,652 --> 00:01:06,600
- Anyway, I'm sure that we're gonna smash

32
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,700
last year's charity total of £2,400!

33
00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:15,458
There's some cracking
fundraising events planned.

34
00:01:15,558 --> 00:01:19,222
Now, you've probably all noticed the car.

35
00:01:19,322 --> 00:01:20,925
- Oh, I thought there
was something different,

36
00:01:20,925 --> 00:01:23,198
Gavin, it's the car!

37
00:01:23,298 --> 00:01:24,942
Well, that's not normally here.

38
00:01:25,042 --> 00:01:27,035
- Another mystery solved, Holmes.

39
00:01:27,135 --> 00:01:29,168
- It's a nice car, Gav, tasty wheels.

40
00:01:29,268 --> 00:01:30,749
I'll give you £200 for it.

41
00:01:30,849 --> 00:01:32,213
- The car is a prize, Collin.

42
00:01:32,313 --> 00:01:34,022
Raffle tickets are £3 each

43
00:01:34,122 --> 00:01:36,661
and it's even open to staff.

44
00:01:36,761 --> 00:01:39,716
(staff clapping)

45
00:01:39,816 --> 00:01:42,591
Now, I shall be getting
in on the charity fun too.

46
00:01:42,691 --> 00:01:45,665
You've all been adding to the
manager's forfeit suggestion box.

47
00:01:45,765 --> 00:01:49,560
Now, some of the suggestions
were genuinely terrifying,

48
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:51,660
but we've chosen one, so this afternoon,

49
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,681
I shall be having my legs waxed

50
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,507
in front of the whole store.

51
00:01:55,607 --> 00:01:57,618
(staff clapping)
- Woah, woah, woah.

52
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,203
What, are you not going
to go with my suggestion?

53
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,940
- No, Colin, we won't be
going for "bury Gavin alive".

54
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,673
- But it's for charity, mate!

55
00:02:03,773 --> 00:02:06,571
- Um, before we all go,
I'm sure you're aware

56
00:02:06,671 --> 00:02:09,171
today is Charlotte's last day.

57
00:02:12,252 --> 00:02:15,764
Charlotte will be leaving us
to run the entire company.

58
00:02:15,864 --> 00:02:20,103
- But don't worry, I will
double everyone's pay!

59
00:02:20,203 --> 00:02:23,519
(staff cheering and clapping)

60
00:02:23,619 --> 00:02:24,988
I can do that, can't I, Gavin?

61
00:02:25,088 --> 00:02:26,927
- Oh dear, that really is rather worrying.

62
00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:30,463
So let's just get out
there and raise some money!

63
00:02:30,563 --> 00:02:33,067
(staff cheering and clapping)

64
00:02:33,167 --> 00:02:35,917
- [Rose] Gavin, gavin, come here!

65
00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:40,873
- Rose, what are you doing in there?
Where's your fancy dress?

66
00:02:40,973 --> 00:02:43,639
- Oh, I'm not wearing that rubbish.
Get in the car.

67
00:02:45,758 --> 00:02:48,456
Now shut up, Gavin, listen.

68
00:02:48,556 --> 00:02:51,900
I love going round to my
little cauliflower's house

69
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,840
at the weekend, but I
have to catch the bus!

70
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:59,107
Buses are not safe, Gavin,
they're full of sex perverts.

71
00:03:00,022 --> 00:03:02,294
But if I had a shiny, new car--

72
00:03:02,394 --> 00:03:05,520
- If you want the car, you have to
enter the raffle like everyone else.

73
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:09,381
- I can't afford to spend all
my wages on raffle tickets!

74
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:12,064
Just give me the car, you fool!

75
00:03:16,277 --> 00:03:18,944
(Colin humming)

76
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,198
- Oh, hey, Colin!

77
00:03:26,298 --> 00:03:27,887
- Ah, hello you, how are you?

78
00:03:27,987 --> 00:03:29,775
- I'm just doing the card
collection for Charlie.

79
00:03:29,775 --> 00:03:31,215
Have you got a fiver?

80
00:03:31,315 --> 00:03:33,569
- Ah, my wallet is in my locker.

81
00:03:33,669 --> 00:03:35,478
But I'll get it to you
at lunchtime, promise!

82
00:03:35,578 --> 00:03:38,164
What are you getting her?
- I don't know, a Next voucher?

83
00:03:38,264 --> 00:03:40,179
- Ooh, yeah, I'm sure she'll love that.

84
00:03:40,279 --> 00:03:41,345
Oh no, hang on a minute,

85
00:03:41,445 --> 00:03:43,812
she's a millionaire, crap idea!

86
00:03:43,912 --> 00:03:45,255
Why haven't you signed it?

87
00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:48,960
- I will, it's just I find it difficult.

88
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:53,618
- It's easy.
(scribbles rapidly)

89
00:03:53,718 --> 00:03:57,215
- Alright, don't make
an effort or anything.

90
00:03:57,315 --> 00:04:00,315
Oh, my god, that's beautiful!
- Yeah.

91
00:04:01,243 --> 00:04:05,939
- It's like you've summed up a whole soul.
- Well, like I said, it's easy innit?

92
00:04:09,633 --> 00:04:11,245
- Yeah, it's for charity,

93
00:04:11,345 --> 00:04:13,652
every time I swear I've
got to put a quid in.

94
00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:15,237
- You swear at work?

95
00:04:15,337 --> 00:04:18,296
Honestly, you don't get this at Waitrose.

96
00:04:18,396 --> 00:04:19,229
- What?

97
00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:23,129
Hang on, right, I'm not having that.

98
00:04:26,856 --> 00:04:31,023
You are a snooty, (beep) (beep).

99
00:04:35,737 --> 00:04:37,904
- Alright, Nev, chop chop.

100
00:04:38,918 --> 00:04:40,334
- I'm running a bit late.

101
00:04:40,434 --> 00:04:43,159
My costume attracted rather a few dogs.

102
00:04:43,259 --> 00:04:45,019
- Are you still not talking to him?

103
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,297
- Would you be if he announced to everyone
that you were sleeping with him?

104
00:04:47,297 --> 00:04:48,630
- I suppose not.

105
00:04:50,553 --> 00:04:51,552
How far have you got?

106
00:04:51,652 --> 00:04:53,480
- I'm on the A5046, how about you?

107
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:54,870
- I've just left the carpark!

108
00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:56,465
(women laughing)

109
00:04:56,565 --> 00:04:59,185
- I know this isn't the best time to ask,

110
00:04:59,285 --> 00:05:01,578
but now that she's over you,

111
00:05:01,678 --> 00:05:03,940
do you mind if I have a crack at Linda?

112
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,259
I've held off until now, out of respect,

113
00:05:07,359 --> 00:05:11,526
but come on, Nev, we're both
men here, I've got needs.

114
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:22,497
- Your hair is (beep) (beep).

115
00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:26,300
- You know, it's amazing,
what they can do these days.

116
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,886
Do you think they put the
peanut inside the chocolate

117
00:05:28,986 --> 00:05:30,745
or the chocolate around the peanut?

118
00:05:30,845 --> 00:05:31,879
- Who knows, Margaret?

119
00:05:31,979 --> 00:05:33,755
It's like the chicken and the egg.

120
00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:37,056
- So, we'll do the presentation
here this afternoon.

121
00:05:37,156 --> 00:05:40,079
- Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

122
00:05:40,179 --> 00:05:42,489
- Brian, I hoped I'd run into you.

123
00:05:42,589 --> 00:05:44,758
- Phillip!
- Do you two know each other?

124
00:05:44,858 --> 00:05:46,164
- Phillip's my brother.

125
00:05:46,264 --> 00:05:49,600
- Oh, he's the doctor?
- Yes, the doctor!

126
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:52,915
- Would you like a chocolate
peanut, Doctor Phillip?

127
00:05:53,015 --> 00:05:55,331
It's like the chicken and the egg.

128
00:05:55,431 --> 00:05:57,092
- I shall resist, thank you.

129
00:05:57,192 --> 00:06:00,266
You're looking well,
Brian, I love the costume.

130
00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:02,651
- So what are you doing
here, Brian's brother?

131
00:06:02,751 --> 00:06:05,501
- I'm here for the fundraiser,
representing the hospital,

132
00:06:05,601 --> 00:06:08,200
and you guys are doing
such an amazing job here.

133
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:11,767
- You said we were raising money
for the kiddies, not the hospital.

134
00:06:11,867 --> 00:06:14,123
- Well, yes, it's the children's ward.
- Paediatrics?

135
00:06:14,223 --> 00:06:15,962
Oh, how very worthy, Gavin.

136
00:06:16,062 --> 00:06:17,868
You may a well chuck
the money down a well,

137
00:06:17,868 --> 00:06:20,614
more chance of healing anyone
than the quacks over there.

138
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,563
(Phillip and Margaret laughing)

139
00:06:22,663 --> 00:06:26,663
- Well, there's certainly
a few quacks up there.

140
00:06:27,746 --> 00:06:29,798
- Ooh, I'm Phillip, look at me everyone.

141
00:06:29,898 --> 00:06:32,877
I think I'm the best at everything.
You know I beat him in the 100 metres

142
00:06:32,877 --> 00:06:36,263
when I was 11 and he was 13,
bet he didn't tell you that!

143
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,722
- Uh, no, it didn't crop up.

144
00:06:37,822 --> 00:06:39,628
- Destroyed him!

145
00:06:39,728 --> 00:06:42,384
- Not got time, really,
to stop and chat, Brian.

146
00:06:42,484 --> 00:06:44,191
We've got lots to arrange.

147
00:06:44,291 --> 00:06:45,325
- It's good to see you, Bri.

148
00:06:45,325 --> 00:06:47,079
You guys should come over
for dinner on Saturday.

149
00:06:47,079 --> 00:06:49,089
- Ah, yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

150
00:06:49,189 --> 00:06:50,912
- I would love it, the
kids are always asking

151
00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:53,737
why they don't see their cousins more.
- I bet they are!

152
00:06:53,837 --> 00:06:56,754
- I'll see if me and Alan are free.

153
00:06:59,215 --> 00:07:01,154
- And another thing, right?

154
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:07,089
What the (bleep) (bleep) are you wearing?
You look like (bleep) (bleep).

155
00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:12,841
- Gavin, you're wearing shorts?

156
00:07:12,941 --> 00:07:14,816
- Yeah, for the waxing.

157
00:07:14,916 --> 00:07:17,087
- They are very short shorts.

158
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,649
- Yeah, I'm a bit worried
about this waxing.

159
00:07:19,749 --> 00:07:21,245
I didn't have leg hair til I was 32,

160
00:07:21,345 --> 00:07:22,673
what if it doesn't grow back?

161
00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:24,233
- I'm sure you... 32?

162
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:25,927
- Maybe I should just pull out.

163
00:07:26,027 --> 00:07:29,603
Perhaps a sponsored haircut instead?

164
00:07:29,703 --> 00:07:30,536
Daniel?

165
00:07:32,083 --> 00:07:34,511
- Oh, sorry, I'm stuck on
Charlie's leaving card.

166
00:07:34,611 --> 00:07:36,465
It's so hard, it just seems like

167
00:07:36,565 --> 00:07:38,960
"goodbye and all the
best" just isn't enough.

168
00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:41,178
- Maybe we'll miss her
more than we thought.

169
00:07:41,278 --> 00:07:42,525
- Yeah...

170
00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:45,875
- I suppose I should sign this as well.

171
00:07:48,962 --> 00:07:51,295
Oh, what a touching message!

172
00:07:52,313 --> 00:07:53,777
- Off Colin, yeah!

173
00:07:53,877 --> 00:07:57,627
- Every leaving card,
such beautiful imagery.

174
00:08:01,752 --> 00:08:06,185
Now I'm gonna have to need a minute,
that's just knocked me for six, that has.

175
00:08:08,869 --> 00:08:11,449
- I've bought as many as I can afford.

176
00:08:11,549 --> 00:08:14,178
Still, I can manage without a car.

177
00:08:14,278 --> 00:08:16,478
I can walk everywhere.

178
00:08:16,578 --> 00:08:19,273
- Right, nan, I don't get paid
til next week, you know that.

179
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:21,140
- But if I don't have a car,

180
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,820
I can't visit my little cauliflower.

181
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,572
I'll be stuck all alone in my
stinking, tiny, little bedsit.

182
00:08:27,672 --> 00:08:28,618
- Stinking, little?

183
00:08:28,718 --> 00:08:30,840
Nan, you live in a four-bed cottage.

184
00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:33,252
- Right, I'm sorry it's come to this.

185
00:08:33,352 --> 00:08:34,676
Give me your dinner money!

186
00:08:34,776 --> 00:08:36,659
- Oh, nan, are you bullying me?

187
00:08:36,759 --> 00:08:39,484
- Yes, I'm not gonna let anyone
just walk away with my car.

188
00:08:39,584 --> 00:08:41,417
Now give me the money.

189
00:08:43,512 --> 00:08:45,012
- Boo, camouflage!

190
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:47,734
- Fair enough.

191
00:08:48,853 --> 00:08:51,460
- I really think this might be a bad idea.

192
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,410
- Come on, Gavin, do we all
want to see him wax his legs?

193
00:08:54,510 --> 00:08:55,760
- [Crowd] Yeah!

194
00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,256
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, or, ready?

195
00:08:59,356 --> 00:09:02,155
We could bury him alive, ooh!

196
00:09:02,255 --> 00:09:03,667
- Phil's an idiot!

197
00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:04,791
Yeah, I agree!

198
00:09:04,891 --> 00:09:07,645
- Alright, it won't hurt too much, Gavin.
There's hardly any hair there, anyway.

199
00:09:07,645 --> 00:09:10,107
- My legs were late to develop!

200
00:09:10,207 --> 00:09:11,692
- Right, come on, ladies and gents,

201
00:09:11,792 --> 00:09:14,529
he's being very brave and
it's all for a great cause.

202
00:09:14,629 --> 00:09:16,575
Thanks to all of you here today,

203
00:09:16,675 --> 00:09:18,496
we're able to put more beds on the ward

204
00:09:18,596 --> 00:09:20,680
and make a real difference.

205
00:09:20,780 --> 00:09:22,663
If you could see some of the kids,

206
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,191
I mean, they are so special,

207
00:09:25,291 --> 00:09:29,240
and I know that they'd
be very... (chokes up)

208
00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:32,723
Sorry, I get emotional when
I'm talking about them.

209
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,231
- Look, everyone, Phil's
crying, what a baby!

210
00:09:36,331 --> 00:09:38,831
Where's your nappy, baby Phil?

211
00:09:45,596 --> 00:09:48,142
- Right, come on, let's wax some legs!

212
00:09:48,242 --> 00:09:49,630
- Yeah!
- Wax!

213
00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:52,980
- [Crowd] Wax, wax, wax, wax, wax, wax!

214
00:09:57,016 --> 00:10:01,183
- For goodness sake, if you
want a job doing do it yourself.

215
00:10:02,145 --> 00:10:04,728
(crowd groans)

216
00:10:13,608 --> 00:10:16,579
- Neville, why don't you come and join us
and have some cake?

217
00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,096
- Sorry, yes, thank you, Sue.

218
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,246
Ah, is that coffee or walnut?

219
00:10:24,346 --> 00:10:25,079
- Yep.

220
00:10:25,179 --> 00:10:27,363
- Better not, I'm allergic to nuts.

221
00:10:27,463 --> 00:10:28,730
- You're allergic to nuts?

222
00:10:28,830 --> 00:10:30,849
- Yes, afraid so, and coffee.

223
00:10:30,949 --> 00:10:32,901
- What about almonds?
- Yes.

224
00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:34,601
- Brazil nuts?
- Yes.

225
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,714
As I say, allergic to all nuts.

226
00:10:36,814 --> 00:10:37,672
- Coconuts?

227
00:10:37,772 --> 00:10:39,906
- Yes, I'm allergic to them, too.

228
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:43,155
Actually I think that plate might be
setting off some of my allergies.

229
00:10:43,255 --> 00:10:47,088
It's probably best if
you get it away from me.

230
00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:50,350
- Oh, this is beautiful!

231
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:55,591
Makes me really believe in myself.

232
00:10:55,691 --> 00:10:56,941
Colin.
- I know.

233
00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:02,433
- Oh, "I'll really miss
you, love, Daniel".

234
00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:07,639
(laughs) I'll miss you, too.

235
00:11:12,343 --> 00:11:14,794
- Your brother's amazing.

236
00:11:14,894 --> 00:11:17,378
- Did you know he even put £250

237
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:19,561
of his own money into that charity?

238
00:11:19,661 --> 00:11:23,078
- I donated a signed photo
but I don't bang on about it.

239
00:11:23,178 --> 00:11:25,641
Honestly, why's everyone
obsessed with Phil?

240
00:11:25,741 --> 00:11:30,440
- I think it's because he's like
a much, much, much better version of you.

241
00:11:30,540 --> 00:11:33,021
- I'm the fun, smart one!

242
00:11:33,121 --> 00:11:35,415
- But he's a doctor; money, success.

243
00:11:35,515 --> 00:11:37,431
- Yeah, you see it a lot with brothers.

244
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,539
One successful, the other
living in his shadow.

245
00:11:40,639 --> 00:11:42,558
Noel and Liam.
- The Chuckle Brothers.

246
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:43,744
- Gary and Phil Neville.

247
00:11:43,844 --> 00:11:45,399
- I am not Phil Neville!

248
00:11:45,499 --> 00:11:47,577
- You know, its a scientific
fact that with twins,

249
00:11:47,577 --> 00:11:49,654
when they're in the womb,
one of them literally

250
00:11:49,754 --> 00:11:51,460
eats the success out of the other one.

251
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:52,866
- We're not twins!

252
00:11:52,966 --> 00:11:54,870
Look, I'm better than my brother.

253
00:11:54,970 --> 00:11:57,972
- Yeah, but he doesn't have to come
to work dressed as a giant willy.

254
00:11:58,072 --> 00:11:59,155
- I'm a pill.

255
00:12:00,393 --> 00:12:02,193
I'm not going to engage in this.

256
00:12:02,293 --> 00:12:04,126
I've got more dignity.

257
00:12:08,732 --> 00:12:10,750
- Let's go and find Phil.

258
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:13,428
- Those poor little kids, so ill!

259
00:12:13,528 --> 00:12:15,812
One of them doesn't even have a face!

260
00:12:15,912 --> 00:12:18,143
All he wants in money for a pen

261
00:12:18,243 --> 00:12:19,762
to draw a smile on his little head

262
00:12:19,862 --> 00:12:21,935
so everyone can see how happy he is.

263
00:12:22,035 --> 00:12:23,535
- Here, take this.

264
00:12:26,414 --> 00:12:29,414
- Give me 10 raffle tickets, please!

265
00:12:32,493 --> 00:12:33,369
- I know he's a bit of a wally

266
00:12:33,369 --> 00:12:35,189
but look at the divs you've
been out with before.

267
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:37,246
- Less talking and more pedalling, please.

268
00:12:37,346 --> 00:12:39,588
I'm already at Garston, you've
not even left Warrington yet.

269
00:12:39,588 --> 00:12:42,357
- Neville will never cheat on you
because no one else would have him.

270
00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:45,993
He'll always take care of you
because he's got nothing else!

271
00:12:46,093 --> 00:12:47,817
You can make him into the man you want

272
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:50,493
because he's totally
spineless, he's perfect!

273
00:12:50,593 --> 00:12:53,265
- He had his chance
and he blew it, end of.

274
00:12:53,365 --> 00:12:55,177
- What's Neville like in bed?

275
00:12:55,277 --> 00:12:56,777
- Quick, and loud.

276
00:12:59,263 --> 00:13:00,715
- Alright?
- Yeah.

277
00:13:00,815 --> 00:13:02,642
- Look, how do you fancy,

278
00:13:02,742 --> 00:13:06,008
I've got a spare five
minutes; me, you, loading bay,

279
00:13:06,108 --> 00:13:08,206
and you can play with my sack.

280
00:13:08,306 --> 00:13:10,180
- Yeah, I'm well up for that.

281
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:14,030
Bring your chequebook,
I'm feeling well dirty.

282
00:13:15,913 --> 00:13:18,487
- Brian?
- I'm up here, Margaret.

283
00:13:18,587 --> 00:13:21,254
- Oh, oh, don't jump!
- Why not?

284
00:13:22,553 --> 00:13:24,324
Not as if anyone here would care.

285
00:13:24,424 --> 00:13:27,202
They're all too busy
worshipping Mr. Perfect.

286
00:13:27,302 --> 00:13:28,608
- Who's Mr. Perfect?

287
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,861
- My brother.
- Oh!

288
00:13:30,961 --> 00:13:32,920
Are you Brian Perfect?

289
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,229
What a funny name.
- No.

290
00:13:35,329 --> 00:13:37,998
- Why don't you come back to the pharmacy?

291
00:13:38,098 --> 00:13:41,328
- I used to think that that pharmacy
would bring me respect round here,

292
00:13:41,428 --> 00:13:45,490
but as soon as a proper doctor
turn up they all respect him.

293
00:13:45,590 --> 00:13:47,358
- Okey-dokey.

294
00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:50,172
- Let me tell you a story, Margaret.

295
00:13:50,272 --> 00:13:53,772
A story about two boys, Brian and Phillip.

296
00:13:55,744 --> 00:14:00,392
One Christmas Day, Phillip gets
a brand new doctor playset.

297
00:14:00,492 --> 00:14:02,659
Little Brian gets nothing.

298
00:14:03,862 --> 00:14:07,082
- Well, thank you so much
for giving so generously.

299
00:14:07,182 --> 00:14:09,025
I am now happy to be able to hand over

300
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:10,708
a check for £2,150.

301
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:14,545
- Thank you, Gavin.
- Thank you, thank you.

302
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,258
(crowd clapping)

303
00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:20,530
Sadly, we didn't quite make
last year's total, but--

304
00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:24,154
- There you are, swear jar, 260 quid.

305
00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:27,776
- Hold that, we have now just
beaten last year's total,

306
00:14:27,876 --> 00:14:30,495
so well done, team Valco!

307
00:14:30,595 --> 00:14:33,519
(crowd cheering and clapping)

308
00:14:33,619 --> 00:14:35,387
And especially you there, Lisa.

309
00:14:35,487 --> 00:14:37,621
Who would have thought
that foul mouth of yours

310
00:14:37,721 --> 00:14:40,905
could be used for something so rewarding.

311
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:45,005
But now, the moment you've
all been waiting for.

312
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,550
In this bowl are over 500 raffle tickets,

313
00:14:49,650 --> 00:14:51,705
and one of you could
become the lucky winner

314
00:14:51,805 --> 00:14:53,449
of a brand new car!

315
00:14:53,549 --> 00:14:56,157
(crowd exclaiming excitedly)

316
00:14:56,257 --> 00:14:57,444
Fingers crossed.

317
00:14:57,544 --> 00:14:59,754
It's like the FA Cup draw, isn't it.

318
00:14:59,854 --> 00:15:02,347
32, Wolverhampton Wanderers will play--

319
00:15:02,447 --> 00:15:04,179
- Oh, for goodness sake, get on with it!

320
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,446
- Yeah, sorry.

321
00:15:06,368 --> 00:15:08,035
And the winner is...

322
00:15:11,294 --> 00:15:14,294
You'll be in heaven; it's green 107.

323
00:15:15,611 --> 00:15:20,334
(people sighing in disappointment)

324
00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:22,981
- Oh, can I just check that, sonny?

325
00:15:23,081 --> 00:15:25,772
Oh, never mind, not a winner.

326
00:15:25,872 --> 00:15:26,857
- Anybody?

327
00:15:26,957 --> 00:15:29,695
- I think I've got it, what a surprise!

328
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,167
- We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen!

329
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:35,017
(crowd cheering)

330
00:15:40,029 --> 00:15:41,166
- Where have you been?

331
00:15:41,266 --> 00:15:43,445
- Oh, I was just sorting my time sheet,

332
00:15:43,545 --> 00:15:45,660
making sure I'm down for Monday.

333
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,760
- You're not in on Monday.

334
00:15:47,860 --> 00:15:50,254
- Yeah, I am, I've decided to stay!

335
00:15:50,354 --> 00:15:51,087
- What?

336
00:15:51,187 --> 00:15:52,299
- Yeah, I just got off
the phone with my dad.

337
00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:54,359
I was like, dad, I don't
want to run the company.

338
00:15:54,459 --> 00:15:57,249
I want to stay in Warrington,
and then I was like,

339
00:15:57,349 --> 00:16:00,575
dad, I've also lost my moped,
I don't know where it is.

340
00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:02,003
- How did he take it?

341
00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:04,200
- Badly, mopeds aren't expensive,

342
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,799
Daniel, but they're not cheap.

343
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:08,426
Yeah, but he was mainly angry with Gavin.

344
00:16:08,526 --> 00:16:09,354
- That's brilliant!

345
00:16:09,454 --> 00:16:12,204
- Yeah, I know, yay, I'm staying!

346
00:16:14,137 --> 00:16:15,525
(briefly kissing)

347
00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:17,708
- Oh, I'm sorry, that was

348
00:16:18,856 --> 00:16:20,195
unprofessional
- Nice.

349
00:16:20,295 --> 00:16:21,028
Oh, no, I mean--

350
00:16:21,128 --> 00:16:23,352
- But nice, really nice.

351
00:16:23,452 --> 00:16:25,039
- Whatever.

352
00:16:25,139 --> 00:16:26,741
- I should go.

353
00:16:26,841 --> 00:16:30,424
- Do you, oh, you need
to get back to work.

354
00:16:32,969 --> 00:16:33,981
- Where's Brian?

355
00:16:34,081 --> 00:16:35,988
- Oh, he's in a terrible sulk.

356
00:16:36,088 --> 00:16:37,942
He's got a bee in his bonnet,

357
00:16:38,042 --> 00:16:41,050
he thinks nobody here respects
him as a proper doctor.

358
00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:43,002
- Well, he's not a proper doctor, is he?

359
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:46,776
- No, but that's not really the point.

360
00:16:46,876 --> 00:16:51,184
If only there was some way
he could prove himself.

361
00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:54,499
- I don't suppose you've got anything
for a broken heart back there?

362
00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:56,066
- Got some Fisherman's Friends.

363
00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:59,166
- Nah, I don't think that'll cut it.

364
00:17:00,989 --> 00:17:05,125
- Um, I know what would
cheer you up, Neville.

365
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,392
A chocolate!
- Oh, thank you, Margaret.

366
00:17:11,723 --> 00:17:12,556
Peanuts?

367
00:17:16,107 --> 00:17:17,987
(choking)

368
00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:20,546
- Oh no, Neville is
hurt, who will save him?

369
00:17:20,646 --> 00:17:21,563
Helo, help!

370
00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:26,326
- What's happened?

371
00:17:26,426 --> 00:17:30,836
- I don't know, one minute he were fine,
the next he went all funny.

372
00:17:30,936 --> 00:17:32,436
- [Linda] Neville?

373
00:17:34,223 --> 00:17:35,116
Neville!

374
00:17:35,216 --> 00:17:37,194
Gavin, do something!

375
00:17:37,294 --> 00:17:40,312
- Ow, my legs are still very tender.

376
00:17:40,412 --> 00:17:41,818
- Brian will know what to do;

377
00:17:41,918 --> 00:17:43,823
where are you, Doctor Brian?

378
00:17:43,923 --> 00:17:46,175
- Did somebody call for me?

379
00:17:46,275 --> 00:17:48,454
- Brian, help, Neville's gone all twitchy.

380
00:17:48,554 --> 00:17:51,721
(Neville spluttering)

381
00:17:52,755 --> 00:17:54,148
- I heard there was an emergency.

382
00:17:54,248 --> 00:17:55,461
- Oh, thank goodness.

383
00:17:55,561 --> 00:17:57,928
- Right, looks like anaphylactic shock.

384
00:17:58,028 --> 00:17:58,861
He's going to need--

385
00:17:58,861 --> 00:18:02,779
- An EpiPen, I know, and
I know where they're kept.

386
00:18:02,879 --> 00:18:04,649
Do you know why, Phillip?

387
00:18:04,749 --> 00:18:07,332
Because I am a pharmacist, yes,

388
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:12,407
I may not be a fancy doctor,
I may not work in a hospital,

389
00:18:13,532 --> 00:18:17,115
but I'm a man, a man--
- He's dying, Brian.

390
00:18:18,407 --> 00:18:19,324
- Oh, yeah.

391
00:18:20,896 --> 00:18:23,896
(spluttering stops)

392
00:18:25,513 --> 00:18:27,536
He's gonna be alright.

393
00:18:27,636 --> 00:18:31,031
(people clapping)

394
00:18:31,131 --> 00:18:33,945
- I love you, Neville, I
don't care who knows it.

395
00:18:34,045 --> 00:18:35,613
I love Neville!

396
00:18:35,713 --> 00:18:37,546
I do, Sue, I love him.

397
00:18:41,552 --> 00:18:42,802
(car horn honking)

398
00:18:42,902 --> 00:18:44,638
- Gavin, look!

399
00:18:44,738 --> 00:18:48,732
I love my new car, thank
you for fixing the raffle.

400
00:18:48,832 --> 00:18:49,733
- I didn't!

401
00:18:49,833 --> 00:18:51,563
- I'm still not gonna
sleep with you, though,

402
00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:54,992
so you can get all those mucky thoughts
right out of your head.

403
00:19:09,217 --> 00:19:11,304
- That was amazing!

404
00:19:11,404 --> 00:19:15,322
- Yeah, you were like an actual superhero.

405
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:18,255
- Just doing my job, saving lives.

406
00:19:20,944 --> 00:19:22,944
- I love it, Colin, yes!

407
00:19:24,316 --> 00:19:27,611
- Oh, nan, you do know you obviously
need a licence to drive this.

408
00:19:27,711 --> 00:19:31,046
- Nonsense! (imitating car engine revving)

409
00:19:31,146 --> 00:19:33,542
- So maybe we'll see you
guys on Saturday night?

410
00:19:33,642 --> 00:19:35,989
- I don't know, if I do come round

411
00:19:36,089 --> 00:19:39,139
I don't want you to go to
pieces like you did earlier.

412
00:19:39,239 --> 00:19:41,168
- Not sure that's quite what happened.

413
00:19:41,268 --> 00:19:45,295
- Don't beat yourself
up about it, bye Phil.

414
00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:46,812
- Goodbye, Brian.

415
00:19:51,592 --> 00:19:53,514
(imitating car engine)

416
00:19:53,614 --> 00:19:54,786
- Okay, okay, okay, nan.

417
00:19:54,886 --> 00:19:57,398
Now that's enough, it's been fun.
Come on, let's get home.

418
00:19:57,498 --> 00:19:58,841
- Well, hang on!
- No.

419
00:19:58,941 --> 00:20:00,197
- Just another minute!

420
00:20:00,297 --> 00:20:01,515
- Nana, home!

421
00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:05,272
- Oh, you were so heroic, Doctor Brian.

422
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,790
- Oh, please, it was nothing.

423
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:09,890
But yeah, I was amazing.

424
00:20:10,982 --> 00:20:14,127
I still don't know how
it happened, though.

425
00:20:14,227 --> 00:20:17,832
Surely Neville must have known
that he couldn't eat nuts.

426
00:20:17,932 --> 00:20:21,182
- Let's just say he had a helping hand.

427
00:20:22,727 --> 00:20:24,351
- Margaret, you could have killed him!

428
00:20:24,451 --> 00:20:27,834
- Oh, don't be daft, you can't
die from a little peanut.

429
00:20:27,934 --> 00:20:31,504
- Seriously, a lot of
people do every year.

430
00:20:31,604 --> 00:20:34,396
- Oh, you are a one, Brian.

431
00:20:34,496 --> 00:20:37,663
- And it was like it was beckoning me,

432
00:20:38,635 --> 00:20:41,075
and I, oh, thank you.

433
00:20:41,175 --> 00:20:43,197
And I said no, I'm not going.

434
00:20:43,297 --> 00:20:45,845
- Do you know what, I take
back what I said earlier.

435
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:49,121
Who cares about doctors, I'm a pharmacist

436
00:20:49,221 --> 00:20:52,859
with a trusty assistant and
the respect of my colleagues.

437
00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:55,998
I've got everything I need right here.

438
00:20:56,098 --> 00:20:59,098
(car engine starts)

439
00:21:00,057 --> 00:21:02,974
(people screaming)

440
00:21:04,575 --> 00:21:05,825
- Oh, oh Brian!

441
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:11,502
(Rose laughing)

442
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,303
(upbeat music)